Reddit mentions: The best anger management books

Don't worry about who the therapist's other patients are. That's just imposing stereotypes about mental health on yourself. You're not hopeless. As we grow and mature we find areas we need help in. Reaching out is a positive and self enriching thing you can do to ensure you keep growing and maturing.

The stress we feel on a daily basis is a combination of immediate tasks we need to accomplish and are currently working on and the idea we have of where we should be versus where we are right now.

So there's the concrete chore list and right now I'm on 2 out of 5, so not bad but not great. But there is the ideal visualization that I want to have accomplished already but aren't anywhere near attaining. That gap or difference is also a great source of stress and frustration. Some jobs are literally never done, especially in programming, customer support, etc. Agile development means as soon as one cycle is done another one is started, often overlapping each other. So there's never a sense of completion and a celebration of what we have achieved. There's always the arrow pointing to the future of what we "could" be but aren't yet.

To alleviate this kind of stress you can literally practice disengagement from the overall vision and focus on being task oriented. Done - celebrate. Done - celebrate. Physically cross it off the list and go for a walk or to the gym. Call a friend or family to connect with another human. Take lunch with your friend in the office. (Everyone needs at least one good office buddy you share your life outside of work with.) But use those moments of celebration to leave everything where it is and do some self care and connecting with human beings on a personal level. Hope some of this helps.

Allow yourself to seek help. You'll be glad you did. If you really don't like the first therapist you meet, there are many more out there. So don't be afraid to shop around. See somebody one or two sessions and ask yourself if what they are offering is helpful to you. If for any reason it doesn't seem productive, try someone else. Keep them focused each session on what you need, whether it's anger management, communicating better with people at home and at work, dealing with internal negative thoughts, etc. You're paying them. So keep them on task.

Get a journal and dedicate it to keeping a notebook where you jot down things that come up that persist in bothering you. Anything of concern. You can use it as a memory aid in your therapy sessions too. You can also use it to write down their recommendations and use it as a tool to remember what your 'homework' is between sessions. That's where the real benefit happens anyway, after you've heard their advice and apply it to your real life between visits.

Keep your notebook simple, you don't have to write every day. You can come back to it whenever you need it. Don't beat yourself up if you don't write a lot. It will become obvious what is worth writing down. If you have any trouble sleeping, writing things down before you go to bed helps with that too. It just gets it out of your head and you don't have to worry about forgetting because its' still right there on paper waiting for you later when you need it. You can write down to-do lists or just a few sentences on how you feel or what happened that day that got your attention.

If you'd like a clean, quick method of journaling that you can use as a personal organization tool, the Bullet Journal is a great method. It's extremely flexible, almost too flexible. Just set up a daily log and write down today's date and a few thoughts. And maybe a to-do list and start with that. The official Bullet Journal is a little expensive but once you know the method you can use any old notebook and apply the techniques you pick up. One of the coolest things about it is they recommend you keep the first four pages blank and use it to build out a table of contents as you go so you can find things more easily. For example I have an April daily log, a couple different to-do lists, A full year calendar (that I don't really use other than for birthdays and holiday scheduling) and a "movies to watch" list for example. I think they sell them at Barnes & Noble too.

You're noticing anger. But make sure you give enough attention to the wider variety of emotions, thoughts and feelings you have on a daily basis. When things come up just write enough notes you get the gist of it and can reflect on it later. Writing things down when you even feel slightly agitated is a good idea. Later on when you've cooled off you can reflect on what you wrote to see if you can gain some insights into what is really making you angry. It takes some time but is an extremely valuable discovery process.

If you search "anger management" there are an overwhelming number of books. I like Rage because it covers the same set of techniques but gets right to the point. It doesn't waste a lot of time selling you on why you should read it and assumes you know why you grabbed it to begin with. Hope some of this helps. Hang in there!

One of the best ways to defuse an argument is to ask for a moment to think. Just a second or two, but intentionally stop talking, give yourself a second to breathe and collect your thoughts. This is doubly effective because mirror neurons will help get your partner into a better headspace as well.

When you start talking again, be sure to acknowledge their view. Echo it back to them as best you can, ask questions to clarify. Be curious about their side, and you may discover that you're not on different sides at all.

I very strongly recommend How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh. It's a tiny pocket book and a very easy read.

Oh, well in that case I think you made an excellent decision!

I've had to work with a nontechnical manager in a similar role and it was a major headache to have to constantly explain to them why x took priority over y, and why z took so long to do. Having someone who understands these things at a more direct level would have helped make it much more bearable.

If you want a leg up, have a look at time management techniques. Far too many shops act under what amounts to a cargo-cult mentality regarding how to run IT. They go through the motions, but don't understand why they do. These shops run some type of ticketing system... poorly. Their customers end up suffering.

Time management techniques, well executed triage, and an understanding of end-user expectations, is what separates the wheat from the chaff. For a good introduction on the idea, check out "Time Management for System Administrators":. Its a book, by a guy who now works at Google. He also has a great set of presentations online on his YouTube channel.

A bonus aspect of the job is that you sometimes have to deal with idiotic or frustrating customers (or aforementioned managers). The best thing I've found to deal with it is to work on reframing the situation. This basically amounts to putting yourself in their shoes and trying to be more empathetic to their position. A great mindset to take is something out of zen/meditation - being aware of your emotions in the moment can help defuse a lot of nasty situations. I'd recommend starting with this book.

Just to show you how non-religious I am, my first thought at your suggestion of an adult coloring book was something like this.

However, once my brain kicked into gear and I realized what you meant, I instantly thought that's a great idea. Her gift of the Bible to you was her way of sharing something personal that likely brings her peace and comfort. If there's not something equally personal to you that would interest her, an adult coloring book would hit all the right notes.

I'm thinking specifically of mandala coloring books. Those are (I'm told - I keep meaning to try it, but haven't gotten around to it yet) things that encourage clearing the mind and becoming tranquil. And while I can't speak for her, I know if someone gave me something with that hint of whimsy, I'd go nuts over it.

I think your idea is fabulous, so much so that I'm having trouble coming up with something that would be even half as good.

Your past is horrible. It is not something easily forgettable. This is not something that will ever go away. It is really good that you are going through therapy and starting the healing process from it, but alcohol is not a good way to cope with these traumas. Have you talked to your therapist about the alcohol? Have they tried giving you medicine for your anxiety? You are justified in how you are feeling. Let me say it again: You are JUSTIFIED in how you are feeling. You are justified in feeling 'crazy' because your Nmom has been abusive and a threatening force for all of that time period. Please don't go down the path of drinking alcohol to cope, it is not safe, and it doesn't help at all in the end. There are a bunch of coping mechanisms online to help stop panic/anxiety attacks that are safe.
Click on this and this for some coping mechanisms for when you have anxiety or panic attacks.

Another thing you can do (I currently do this, and it is really calming) is color. Get adult coloring books, some crayons or pencils, and just draw. It is the most relaxing thing ever, because you are focusing on one thing. I also play music, so i won't be distracted by outside noise or the thoughts in my head. You can get coloring books that have [curse words] (https://www.amazon.com/Art-Not-Giving-Fuck-Disregard/dp/1533360308/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1468414560&sr=8-10&keywords=adult+coloring+books+curse+words) in them, or some generic pretty ones and they are all pretty!

Hang in there, OP. It will get better soon.

David Sedaris books on cd will keep him entertained. Depending on how much you want to spend, you could do an advent calendar type gift, with a small thing to open every day- little lego sets, a movie you two liked as children, seeds to plant, playdough, chocolate, ridiculous underwear, fancy shaving cream, inappropriate coloring book, a book on how to crochet and funny patterns like this, or [this](https://www.etsy.com/listing/265656027/medieval-helmet-manly-man-beard-crochet?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=knitting pattern beard hat&ref=sr_gallery_18), or, of course, bagpipes.

Great job making your post easier to read!

Also, I suggest looking into this

Good luck

What you've described is word for word my life experience. You speaking about justice being the core of your anger resonates deeply with me. I have a friend who's mother recently said "evil is an excess of good", and since then I've been speaking about my anger as "excess righteousness". Me being so agitated when things aren't correct largely has to do with how deep my desire for correctness is.

I recently started listening to an audiobook called "The Anger Trap", and while I'm still towards the beginning of it, it's been great at acknowledging that our anger is often justified, but teaches us that we have other options for how to respond, and that our current responses actually undermine our ability to be heard.

I've also just started a book called "The Cow In The Parking Lot, a Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger", which takes a very different approach that is also helpful. This book focuses on not being so concerned about what is right. When we are so deeply concerned about what is right, what we are really doing is judging the world around us and making everything and everyone in it wrong. What if they aren't wrong? What if the problem is in our discriminating perception?

I think that approaching anger deserves these multiple approaches because it's a multifaceted issue. Hopefully by the end of the books I'll have made some progress, and maybe you can find them useful too. either way, I'm glad you're wanting to take action and not wait until the shit hits the fan harder and harder over time. People get divorces and lose jobs over this kind of thing, but we can heal it.

Glad you found it useful. :) The book is Comprehensive Anger Management by Gene Monterastelli and it encourages using tapping or EFT to help process emotions (I often use it for anxiety and fear). The author explains how being aware of other emotions and recognizing them can help someone feel things other than anger, and how subtle shifts along the scale are still victories. I've been surprised at how useful I've found the scale.

Thanks for your suggestions. Buddhist practices do seem like a good pursuit for me since I find them most relatable/compatible with my world view. I ordered some books to help me in the meantime.

-a Buddhist inspired book - Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
-a workbook The Anger Control Workbook
-and this one When Anger Hurts

Besides all the solid Buddhist advice in this thread, you can also work on anger issues in a therapeutic setting. Or even on your own with the aid of qualified professional guidance.

​

Dr. Les Carter has a really wonderful channel. He also has a very helpful book called The Anger Trap that may benefit you. I like to attack these things from all angles so in addition to deepening your meditation practice, working out and maintaining a good diet, you could look to add some therapy work in to the mix.

​

*Not affiliated in any way, I just found his work very helpful in my own life.

This wonderful book is a big help to me.

Pema Chodron's meditations are largely about going into difficult emotions, which can be highly effective if you've been resisting them.

this is a very helpful book. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572243449/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=K32WVMK4BJS1FD2R2ATP

also, i just want to mention that getting easily frustrated and angry is a sign of poor executive functioning skills and/or poor self regulation skills. which are frequently related to ADHD/ADD. there is a lot of neurodiversity in my family, and i can personally attest that improving these skills (takes time and practice) can greatly improve anger management.

the red flag, for me, would be the level of his willingness to seek out and receive help. of all the married men i have know who have struggled with these kinds of issues, there is only one who voluntarily sought help and actually changed significantly in the early years of being married. but there is help out there, if he can figure out what the appropriate help is for him.

Allow me to sincerely recommend a book to you.

https://www.amazon.com/Rage-Step-Step-Overcoming-Explosive/dp/1572244623

I'm not surprised you're angry. I'd be angry too! But when you allow your anger to get the better of you and hit other people, that's become a problem. Here's a really short, practical book that my therapist recommended to me when I was dealing with similar issues. Tbh I found it a bit patronizing, but very useful in spite of that. Controlling your temper better won't magically solve all your problems, but it should improve your personal relationships. Good luck! https://www.amazon.com/strong-enough-keep-your-temper-ebook/dp/B01JB7S6Z8/

I would suggest something like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). If it's difficult/expensive to do this where you live, the 'Overcoming' series of books are essentially DIY courses of CBT. They were recommended to me by my therapist and I've used a couple and found them extremely helpful.

This one is available on Amazon.

I picked up this book as part of a big batch of Buddhist reading from the library and it seems to be very helpful:

http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1559391634

There also seems to be some free material related to it on the author's site:

http://www.thubtenchodron.org/DealingWithEmotions/working_with_anger.html

I second the Good and Angry book.

My Professor recommended that book to me, as well as:

Richard Baxter

http://www.bradhambrick.com/?s=overcoming+anger

Uprooting Anger

The Quest for Meekness

and

http://theblazingcenter.com/2014/07/6-critical-truths-to-understand-about-anger.html

https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154

This actually helped me. It gets a little overly Buddhist at points, but it's a good read and premise.

My heart goes out to you for all of the intense torment, shame, and despair you're experiencing. You might want to check out The Compassionate Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger by Russell Kolts (a buddhist and a professor of clinical psychology).

I got it on Amazon for like five bucks! Here you go

It's ultimately your choice on how you act. When you say things similar to "it was how I was raised" you give yourself an out. It comes off as an excuse to act however you want. We were all raised to feed exclusively off bottles, but we all progressed past that point. Your post reminds me of a younger me, and it took awhile for me to realize that I wasn't a "tell it like it is, no nonsense" guy. I was an insecure man who needed everyone to act the way I want, otherwise they didn't respect me. It's not anyone else's job to make you happy, just you. This helped me a lot. Take time to absorb its message. Hope this helps, good luck.

Hey, I am coming really late to this, but there is an excellent little book called Uprooting Anger by Robert D. Jones that I would super recommend. It really helped me to see what anger IS in Scripture and, based on that, some bold conclusions that evade excuses about what anger IS in our daily lives. It has really helped me learn to go from "I'm frustrated because of XYZ thing outside my control, not actually 'angry'" to recognizing, "oh, yeah, actually, I'm angry because of XYZ, and now how am I going to deal with that in a biblical, God-honoring way." It really is excellent, clear, concise theology about anger, and more helpful than anything I'd ever run across in my whole life before.

A good read on this: Overcoming Sinful Anger

I feel this way quite often, and it's a shame, really. I hear constantly from others that "I have everything going for me" or that "I have everything I want in life," but unfortunately that's just how it appears from an outsider's perspective.

The question of "is this really it?" is one that plagues me regularly. For me, applying principles of Buddhism has helped. It hasn't fully answered these questions or solved the underlying problem, but it has provided me with a different way of viewing the world around me and my place in it.

Even if you are not what would be considered an "angry" person, I would recommend picking up a copy of The Cow in the Parking Lot by Leonard Scheff and Susan Edmiston. It's a quick read and it may help you find out if Buddhism could help you too.

Throwing and hitting isn't normal. She sounds very emotionally reactive. I do think she's giving you hints about what is bothering her.

>"I don't feel like you're my husband" or "I regret this marriage so much"

Why does she feel like you're not her husband? What are her expectations for a husband? Try to talk about it when she's calm.

I recommend this book and starting with the last chapter on how to calm an angry person. https://www.amazon.ca/Anger-Gary-Chapman/dp/0802413145/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1542029239&sr=1-1&keywords=Anger+chapman

https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Control-Workbook-Matthew-McKay-ebook/dp/B0054M06L2

This has been helping me immensely.

I have found a book that may help. It really isn't healthy to be so angry.

How about Anger Management for Cows

http://www.amazon.com/The-Cow-Parking-Lot-Overcoming/dp/0761158154

Here's a start.

And you root for the Mets

For you!

For me!

Enjoy :)

Fiona Apple plus https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/2376190053/ref=ox_sc_act_image_2?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1

I have a lot of random nonsense, to the point where I had to make a whole list for it all=D I can never justify buying myself all the nerdy, weird, technically useless items that I'd really secretly enjoy having, but that's what wishlists are for! However, I did recently find out that obscenity coloring books are a thing, so they're probably the most random stuff on my list right now.

Haven't seen anything like this before. The closest you would probably come are the curse word coloring books like this.

Do you mind reading? I've used this book in the past. It helped me.

https://www.amazon.com/Cow-Parking-Lot-Approach-Overcoming/dp/0761158154/ref=zg_bs_3568218011_18?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=BDSQFJ8Z0RNHX933C9WG

You can buy the Kindle version and read it on the phone iPad or PC.

Anger is a fascinating emotion. There are also a lot of resources online. A lot of times I type my question in google and useful pages come back. 'anger management', hot to control my anger, and so on

For me what helped a lot is stop sugar, sodas, caffeine/coca cola/ coffee. And also try noto be hungry. Drink water all the time. Get some sleep. And exercise a few times a week if you can.

Good luck!

The Anger Trap is a fantastic book for learning to deal with anger in a way that is healthy and productive

I'd recommend joining some clubs once you get to college. Hell, rush some fraternities that seem to have guys you get along with. This is a chance to start fresh and reveal the kind of man you want to become.

> This pissed me off to no end on the latest PKA. Fucking Learn The Difference

This book might interest you.

I would suggest it's a perception problem. Anger is normal, AND you don't have to see things in the same way you have. Here's a book that helped immensely. If you see things from a pov of what you don't have/didn't get, you'll always be mired in anger. This book would help you see things a little differently and, hopefully, release some of this.

> I should have expected you'd be really well versed in fantasy.

I don't know what you are implying.

>was surprised you attempted to inflict insult using, what, 18th century(? 17th century?) fairytales?

I made a pun and you lost your shit. You are making a point or sense at all.

You do need to read a book

As far as your head injury, if you know where you got stitches, maybe contact that doctor and ask for a copy of records. Maybe that would help you understand if it was a big deal.

For changing your anger, a good place to start is reading a book about anger. https://www.amazon.com/Rage-Step-Step-Overcoming-Explosive/dp/1572244623/ref=nodl_
That one is written by a psychologist, and gives advice for different kinds of anger.

Good post. Spot on. About anger, this book changed my life:

When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within
http://www.amazon.com/When-Anger-Hurts-Quieting-Edition/dp/1572243449

I had struggled mightily to "control" my anger. Lotsa books, lotsa bad advice. Nothing worked.

This book explains that anger is the final step in a cascade, which starts with expectations.

1/2 of eliminating anger, for me, was changing my expectations (eg have none).

The other 1/2 of anger is habit.

I sorta accidentally discovered on my own that How You Talk Changes How You Think. Having tried everything else, I decided to pretend to be happy and calm. At first, it was sarcastic. But little by little, without me even noticing, I actually became more happy and calm. One day I actually woke up happy. Shocked the hell out of me. The transition took about 3 years. But I also worked really, really hard at it.

YMMV. Best wishes.

PS- Yes, I can still get angry. But most of the time I can step away before I blow up, short circuiting the process.

He says here:

>About anger, this book changed my life: When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within http://www.amazon.com/When-Anger-Hurts-Quieting-Edition/dp/1572243449

>I had struggled mightily to "control" my anger. Lotsa books, lotsa bad advice. Nothing worked.

>This book explains that anger is the final step in a cascade, which starts with expectations.

>1/2 of eliminating anger, for me, was changing my expectations (eg have none). The other 1/2 of anger is habit.

>I sorta accidentally discovered on my own that How You Talk Changes How You Think. Having tried everything else, I decided to pretend to be happy and calm. At first, it was sarcastic. But little by little, without me even noticing, I actually became more happy and calm. One day I actually woke up happy. Shocked the hell out of me. The transition took about 3 years. But I also worked really, really hard at it.

>YMMV. Best wishes.

>PS- Yes, I can still get angry. But most of the time I can step away before I blow up, short circuiting the process.