> If this goes on for days, I progressively end up in a more depressed/helpless state. Making decisions gets difficult, even something as simple as picking an item off a menu. Confidence at work or with any other hobbies gets low enough that I stop doing or achieving much of anything.

This is a very classic "freeze" response, also known as dissociation. Basically, if you're pushed into fight/flight long enough or persistently enough, you'll start freezing up. That makes it difficult to concentrate, difficult to connect to other people, and even difficult to take concrete actions like picking something up. It's one end of trauma-related emotional disregulation, with the other being fight/flight/anxiety/anger. It's very common for unchecked verbal aggression to put people into a state like that. It's also decently likely that you have some form of trauma history that made you more vulnerable to freezing up like that, and that made it difficult for you to get angry enough to push back when she becomes verbally aggressive with you. I'd suggest reading In An Unspoken Voice to learn more about how we get stuck in these fight/flight/freeze responses.

> The only consistent recommendation I see, besides medication, is DBT. What does that mean, for someone without good access to medical care? Buy her a workbook and tell her to read it?

You could try to do that, but it doesn't sound like she has either a lot of insight into how her behavior is harmful or a strong motivation to change. Most likely the best thing that you can do is to focus on improving your own ability to advocate for yourself, to understand what's happening in this situation, and to get clarity about your own conscious and unconscious patterns of thinking and reacting that keep you stuck in this situation. This is unfortunately a "put your own oxygen mask on first" kind of situation.

On another note, DBT might actually be really helpful for you. One area it covers is emotional regulation, or learning to work on your emotional responses so that you can respond in a way that fits the situation. That includes learning about the different basic emotion types (Anger/Shame/Fear/Guilt/Envy/Happiness/Sadness/Love/Jealousy), learning when they fit the facts of a situation, and also learning to recognize when you're skipping past the appropriate emotional reaction and jumping to another one. For example, it sounds like when your wife gets angry at you over nothing, you skip right past anger and into fear/shame/sadness. If you can afford it or are covered, it might be worth finding a DBT therapist to help you work on that. If you can't, this is the workbook that my therapist used with me.

> What can a person like me do to be more resilient to verbal aggression/abuse?

Learning to set boundaries for yourself is probably the key skill to get started with. There's a lot of confusion about boundaries out there. Sometimes it sounds like it's something that other people are responsible for ("they should respect my boundaries"), or that they're responsible for enforcing them once we communicate them. Instead, a boundary is an action that we commit to take ourselves in order to maintain our self-respect and ability to function. It could be something like "If someone is yelling at me or calling me names, then I will leave the area." Frequently, it's helpful to have a series of planned boundary-maintaining actions so that you don't have to take drastic action off the bat -- so in that example, you could plan to first ask the person to stop yelling, then leave the room if they won't stop, then leave the house if they follow you and keep yelling, then stay somewhere overnight if they keep yelling when you come back, then move out temporarily if they won't stop when you come back, then end the relationship if you can't come back without being yelled at.

Other times when people talk about boundaries it sounds like we should just already know what our boundaries are, when in reality it's a really messy difficult heart-breaking process to discover first that something is unacceptable to you and then that you're willing to enforce a boundary to prevent it. There may be significant new emotions or memories of past situations that you have to become comfortable with in order to -- for example, you may be deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being alone or seeing someone else suffering when they claim that it's your fault, and it may be related to difficulties in your childhood or past that seem similar.

There's also a significant chance that you've internalized at some level that you're responsible for your wife's emotional reactions, or that you've done something wrong, or that this is normal. So there's a significant ongoing rediscovery aspect where you'll revisit past relationship conflicts and go "Wait, that's not my fault at all!"

The other thing you can do is to look into whether you might be exhibiting codependent behaviors or in a trauma bond. No More Mr Nice Guy is a decent guide to working on this, although it's a little bit much to handle if you're still in the thick of it emotionally. You can also read When I Say No I Feel Guilty.

> What's the healthy approach towards me getting some kind of support system/network?

Keep on posting here regularly, for one. You can also take a look at /r/Divorce (I've been assuming from the comments from your friends that you're married -- apologies if I'm getting that wrong). I assume you've seen /r/BPDlovedones/ , but it might be worth reading their recommended resources. Work on exercising regularly, see a therapist or couples therapist if you can, try talking to any friends you have that haven't been dismissive before. A light 10-20 minute/day meditation practice might be helpful with learning about your thoughts and emotions, but there can be complications with large amounts of meditation if you have a trauma history or are in a stressful situation (see this book and this guide if you want to pursue that route).

Also just spend time with friends and social groups even if they're not resources for talking about your relationship. It can be important to remember that social relationships can just be fun/light and to provide a counterbalance.

> So... is there any healthy middle ground between "suffer through it, don't talk about it, relationships take work" and "run away, AWALT, borderlines are crazy"?

The middle ground is to work on asserting your boundaries, understanding and accepting your emotions, building a healthy set of activities and friends, and getting clear on what's acceptable to you. If it turns out that you have a trauma history, then something like somatic experiencing or EMDR can help you start to heal from that and become more confident. As you become more confident and assertive, set more boundaries, and work for the kind of relationship that you want, then you'll see w

Do you have kids together? If you don't, the standard answer to just go ahead and leave is probably "right" -- there doesn't sound like there's much good happening for you here. But the problem with "just leave" is that it's all or nothing, and doesn't provide you with an incremental path to building the skills and self-knowledge that will allow you to actually leave.

If you do have kids together, then "just leave" is definitely a bit tougher. This sort of situation can be a kind of crucible that allows for immense personal growth, or can just beat you down.

A couple resources that may help with clarifying the stay/leave question are:

• Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay. This is a workbook with diagnostics for what relationships can be fixed vs should be ended. If you read it and your answers come out as overwhelmingly leave, then do your utmost to just leave, even if you have to move out while she's not there, text a breakup note, and ask your friends to help you.
  
  
• Wired For Love discusses attachment theory and adult relationship dynamics.
  
  
  Good luck and we'd love to keep on hearing how you're doing!

Oh man do I get you. I've been there/am there and there's great news for you. There's so much you need to hear that will help. I don't have a ton of time and a lot of this you will learn on your own with time so I'm just gonna run though the highlights.

1)You think you need to be somebody else. You're not that person, stop living up to expectations that don't define your reality. Be who you are, not who you think you are. Your thoughts and judgments about who you ought to be are real but they are not reality. In other words. focus on what is and not what you think it should be. That's a recipe for constant struggle throughout your life. I'm 33 and still struggle like you with many of the same issues. It's a good sign that you've caught it this early. Be patient with yourself. Don't love the person you want to be. Love who you are. Be a good friend to yourself and accept that you're not perfect.

Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g

2)Your parents love you. But you don't love them in the same way. It never will be. You can't comprehend the lives they lived before you came along and what it meant to them for you to be in their lives. It's an unequal relationship. It's a pay it forward system. You can appreciate them and show them how much it means to you, but you won't really understand until you have children. One day you will pass that kindness and guidance on to someone else, and they won't return it to you either at least until they are old enough to understand (which tends to be far into adulthood). Be grateful for them, but realize that you are not them. You are not what they want you to be, or even what you want you to be. You are you. Be you. Warts and all.

3)You are procrastinating because you realize subconsciously that you don't have the attention span or the desire to open that can of worms and sort it all out at that moment so you push it till later. It's normal, and lots of people do it because its easier to see the path than to walk the path. You see the route you need to take but you aren't doing anything about it because you are mistaking your intelligence for understanding. Always choose the harder path. Your ability to suffer through the things that you want to do despite them being difficult or uncomfortable will be the single greatest skill you ever learn. Hard work always beat talent when talent doesn't work hard. You are smart enough to see this problem, that most people never even notice. But you haven't learned self discipline yet. It takes years of study and practice. Sometimes it takes lifetimes. Settle in for the long haul. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Be patient with yourself. The only way out, is through. And the only way to make progress is one step at a time.

Read these The Most Important Question of your Life. https://markmanson.net/question

Procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

How to beat procrastination https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html

4)You need to be honest with yourself. You don't know anything about yourself. Like seriously. You know NOTHING compared to what you are going to learn in the next 20 years. How could you? You've only just started being self aware a few years ago. You are just starting your path and that is the most wonderful place to be because you get to make mistakes and learn. You try to fail you learn. The difference between the master and the novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has ever tried. You write as though you've been failing for years. Stop kidding yourself. You don't yet realize how far you are going to go on your journey. All that failure is learning. Be happy for failure. It teaches you WAY more than success ever will. All that failure is so good for you, but you push it away because it feels uncomfortable, because you don't LIKE it. What I'm saying here is you need perspective. You should realign how your looking at this problem. You are on the path little brother. You're already doing what you need to do, relax. Give it lots of time and fill your life with wondrous experiences and you will start to see that this problem you are having is just part of the journey. It's necessary. Learn to love the struggle. Learn to love the fight and not the victory. Your perspective will color your whole mindset about the problem. You seem so worried about fixing the problem, about being better, about acting how you think you SHOULD, but all of that is focusing on the FUTURE! None of that is going to help you get there, focus on what you are doing now and you will be able to get there. Just looking at your destination on the map doesn't help you get there. Take a step. Then another. Repeat. Keep your focus on the step you are taking. Chip away at it. You'll get there.

5) You should seriously consider going to therapy. It's super helpful. They aren't there to fix you. They are there to help you fix you. To be a mirror for you to bounce ideas off of and their job is to reflect what you are doing and saying and show it back to you so you can SEE yourself from the outside (a little bit). They aren't your friend or your parent. They are impartial. They don't care. And that lets them tell you the truth about you. It's seriously one of the best steps you can take for this kind of problem. But remember, they can't do it for you. You have to do the work. Going to therapy doesn't help if you don't take it seriously. It's an active step towards helping yourself.

6) Consider for a moment, that you might be wrong a bit about your depression. You might not be far into it but this struggle is really common for people with depression. In fact it's even more common in people with ADHD, which often leads to depression. Fuck what everyone on the internet and tv says about it. Read for yourself and decide for yourself if the dots line up. I was 27 before I realized I had ADD. It's crazy how you can go your whole life looking through life with tinted glassed and not realize you were wearing them the whole time. Depression is like that too. You don't even realize you've got it until you do some reading. Learning about it will help you deal with it, prevent it, manage it.

Watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o

Read the book Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell M.D. and John J. Ratey M.D..
https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152

It's the book that blew the doors open about the subject in the 90's and showed how prolific is really is. Both authors are doctors who have ADHD. This book changed my life. I had no idea how much I needed it. Even if you don't have ADD this book will help you understand tons of behaviors like procrastination and many of the feelings you described. It's cheap you can get a used copy for like 4 bucks. You may not think it's for you, but in my opinion, I see many of the same feelings and thoughts in your post that I had before I knew what my struggle was.



Final thoughts. You are alive. Enjoy it. Don't let this shit get to you. It's not important. You're only real responsibility in this world is to exist. You don't have to understand it. In the long run everybody's gonna die and eventually the whole planet will be swallowed by the sun. There isn't a great purpose or task of life. The purpose of life is to live. Like dancing. You don't pick a spot on the floor and say you're going to end up there. You just do it. You do it just to do it. Just wiggling because it feels good. Reveling in the fact that your alive. Celebrating for the shear joy of movement, vibrancy and life. There is no purpose. You are free. You are already holding the jewel in your hand. All you have to do is realize it. It's a choice. Happiness is a choice. Love is a choice. Love yourself. Be happy.

Peace


Edit:: If I took all this time to write this to you, then you should take the time to read the readings and videos I sent. Decide right now. I'm going to do these things. Do it now. If you can't do it now, then right now take out your calendar and schedule a time to examine these resources. That's the last thing I forgot to tell you. SCHEDULE YOUR LIFE!!!! IT HELPS SO MUCH! TIME MANAGEMENT IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!!

Time Management from a person with terminal cancer : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTugjssqOT0

So I think a natural progression to this topic is to ask "What makes human intelligence unique?"

Again, this is a very active area of research. By no means is there a single consensus. We are constantly learning new things about ourselves and animals.

Animals are complex beings, and scientists for the past few decades have come to understand that the divide between us and them is not black and white, but rather a continuum of shared abilities. Animals exhibit a lot of similar behaviours and can even do things that we can't do (even on a cognitive level). They have morals; they have emotions; they make and modify tools; they can solve multi-step problems; they have culture and traditions; they can lie and cheat; they know when they are being treated unfairly; they mourn the dead; they have complex communication systems; they feel empathy; and some recognized themselves in a mirror (e.g. mirror test) and are able to distinguish self from other. So these aspects of intelligence and cognition, and very likely many other aspects that we have not fully explored, are not unique to humans. Given the complexity of other animals, it is very likely were are not the only species to have consciousness, that is to say other animals also have theory of mind. It may be more akin to the consciousness of a 3-5 year old, but none the less, they still know themselves from others. So what does make us unique? What led to our unique kind of intelligence?

We know of some factors that contributed to our awareness and unique intelligence as compared to other living species. It is important to know that this is a very active area of study in many different disciplines (psychology, biology, animal behaviour, psychiatry, physiology, anthropology, neurology, linguistics, genetics, archeology...).

• Traits we inherited from our distant ancestors. Obviously all species are a cumulation of inherited traits. Who we are today is largely due to who "we" were in the distant past. We inherited a strong tendency to be a very social species from our mammalian ancestry. Mammals are social beings, humans included. We inherited opposable thumbs from our early primate ancestors. Humans are not the only species with opposable thumbs so it is not a trait that is unique to our species. However, the inheritance of thumbs enabled us and the other primates to develop fine motor skills like precision grip. This enables us to manipulate objects, and make/modify tools. Humans also inherited an upright bipedal posture from our early ancestors. Humans are not the only bipedal species (after all, all birds are bipedal!) but our upright posture has given us many advantages, namely that it frees our hands to do other tasks.
  
  
• Brain/body size ratio & exceptional brain gyrification is a somewhat useful indicator of how intelligence a species is. The correlation is decent among related mammal species, but it breaks down when applied to distantly related animals. It underestimates intelligence in heavy animals like horses and overestimates small animals like mice and birds. You also have to consider what the animal's brain has evolved for. Bird's typically have very large brains for their body but may not be exceptionally smart. A lot of that large bird brain is used for flight calculations and isn't available for higher level processing. Fruit flies have enormous brains compared to their mass, but that brain is simply too small to have any real thought processes. Humans are highly intelligent because they have an extremely large brain for their normal body mass and that brain has evolved specifically to perform complex thought. Size isn't the only factor, scientists also consider the degree of specialization, complexity of neural connections, and degree of brain gyrification. Humans score high on all these physical qualifiers associated with increased intelligence.
  
  
• Two cognitive traits thought to be unique to humans - shared intentionality and cumulative culture. Shared intentionality "sometimes called ‘we’ intentionality, refers to collaborative interactions in which participants share psychological states with one another". It goes one step beyond being able to solve problems as a group, it involves anticipating the needs of others and the situation in order to solve a common goal. This requires incredible foresight, flexibility, and excellent problem solving skills. It requires an almost hyper-social group structure. We couldn't stick 100 chimpanzees on a plane and expect it to land in one piece...but you can stick 100 human strangers and all, for the most part, get along just fine. This level of cooperation is rarely seen among other animals (save for the Eusocial insects, naked mole rats, and perhaps Callitrichid monkeys). Shared-intentionality enables us to achieve what other species cannot. Cumulative culture goes beyond the cultures exhibited by other animals. Other animals have culture where [non-essential] traditions are passed on from one generation to the next and are typically modified slowly over many generations. Humans also have traditions, but these are past on much more easily between individuals. Moreover, these traditions are quickly modified, almost unlimited times within a single generation. We are able to rapidly build upon the ideas of others and modify these ideas to suit new problems. Moreover, our adults, as compared to the adults of other species, are much better at learning and retaining new skills or traditions. Generally speaking, the age old adage "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" applies well to the non-human animal kingdom.
  
  These two traits, shared intentionality and cumulative culture, led to the development of other aspects of our being which are unique (e.g language). Everything else that we can do is just a happy by-product of these two traits: being able to go to the moon, or build a super dam, or create art, or think in the abstract, maths, industrial agriculture...Those things are by-products of our level of cognition. Our uniqueness is derived from shared intentionality and cumulative culture plus a couple of random physical traits that we were lucky enough to inherit from our distant ancestors - a big brain, bipedalism, and opposable thumbs. We are not the only species with a large brain-to-body ratio, we are not the only bipedal species, and we are certainly not the only species with opposable thumbs - these are physical characteristics that we inherited from our distant primate ancestors. These traits built the foundation for what was to come.
  
  Whatever the pressure around 40,000-50,000 years ago we notice a significant shift in the archeological record. All of a sudden humans are making cave art, our hunting tools are changing rapidly, we began to engage in long distant trade, we made jewellery and we even had symbolic figures - perhaps the seeds of language. This is known as the period of behavioural modernity. Not only did these humans look like us, they acted like us too. Its hypothesized that an infant from this time could be raised in a modern context with little to no intellectual deficit...we wouldn't be able to pick them out of a crowd. Humans haven't gotten more intelligent over time. It is hypothesized that a human from 50,000 years ago is anatomically and behaviourally modern.
  
  So, if we aren't any smarter - why do we have cell phones and galaxy print jeggings and people didn't way back then? Increasing complexity - we know more than people in the past because we've built upon what they've learned. Humans have always been smart, and our great benefit is that we build on other people's discoveries. Someone figured out how to domesticate plants, someone figured out how to sew cloth, someone figured out how to weave materials, someone figured out synthetic materials and dyes, someone put it all together in those jeggings. We just build on what other people have found out. This is cumulative culture in action. Humans today are not more intelligent than humans living 50,000 years ago - we both have the same potential. The difference between us and them is we have a wealth of shared knowledge to draw upon, and they did not. Humans 5000 years from now could be asking the very same question..."Why didn't they invent warp travel, its so easy!"...well we don't have the wealth of another 5000 years of experience and scientific study to draw upon. We only have what our ancestors gave us. As more and more knowledge is accumulated we should in theory progress faster and faster (without consideration to other limitations to progress).

I'm 31. I've always knew I was lazy, a terrible procrastinator, not able to focus on tasks for a long amount of time, etc. I just thought I was a "smart slacker". At 27 I definitely knew something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. I didn't know what ADHD was (I thought it was the super active 12 year old from my school days). About a year ago, I saw something on reddit that made me learn a bit about ADHD-Pi and I realised I had many of the symptoms.

I procrastinated maybe 3 months, then spent 3 months doing research. I read More Attention, Less Deficit which is a very easy and satisfying read, even for us ADHD'rs. I also read Dr. Brown's A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults. This is a very technical book but it allowed me to convince myself that there is scientific consensus about a) ADHD is a real disorder that can severely effect your life and b) that medication (ie, stimulants) really is a safe and effective treatment. I'd recommend the first book for anyone and the second book if you'd like to learn about the latest in ADHD science.

The next 3 months I spent finding and working with a psychologist. She was great. She gave me a diagnosis. It was a huge relief. I was finally able to know why I had certain behaviors I didn't like and she gave me motivation to work on them. Just discussing my problems, ie "talk therapy", actually really helped. She helped me find a great psychiatrist. It took me another 3 months to get in and I'm working with him now. He has me on a low dosage (5mg dextroaphetamine) and we're working on increasing it. I've already seen huge results. I procrastinate less, I'm able to focus, I'm less distracted, my mood has improved, my anxiety has gone done, I've become more social.

This was a long process. The system is set up to work against people with ADHD. You'll need to do research, book appointments, keep appointments, research insurance options, find doctors. This is not easy for an ADHD'r to navigate! However, even though its taken a year, I am so incredibly glad I've taken this journey. I've made huge gains already and I'm very optimistic for the future.

I think you could probably make huge improvements in your life if you worked on this. I'd recommend using a psychiatrist (over your GP) to make sure you really get a correct diagnosis, address any comorbidities and get a treatment plan that works for you. Although I'm happy to be improving at 31, I wish I had treatment at 27 (or you know, 12!).

Break it down into small steps:

• 1. January: Research ADHD. Order and read More Attention, Less Deficit.
     
• 2. February: (I assume you're American) Research your insurance options. Is a psychiatrist covered? are drugs covered? If drug cost is a barrier, tell your psychiatrist. [I'm currently on generic dextroamphetamine, which is $15 for a two week supply and my insurance overs 90% of that. Yes, that's right, $3/month for drugs]
     
• 3. February: Research Psychiatrists in your area. You mentioned you live in an expensive city, its very likely someone there specialises in adult ADHD. This would be your first choice for a doctor.
     
• 4. February/March: book your first appointment with your Psychiatrist. It will likely take multiple visits before you receive a diagnosis. Be prepared for this and focus on the future - you're almost there.
     
• 5. March/April: begin your treatment plan with your psychiatrist. He will likely start you on a low dosage and increase it over time (i.e. 5mg/week). Here's what a medication chart (PDF) looks like in Canada, I'm sure the US does something similar. You'll have to continue to be patient here as well. It can take time to find the right medication and dosage. This is a trial and error procedure that you'll work on with your psychiatrist.
     
• 6. May/June: Once you're on a medication plan that works for you, consider seeking out either ADHD therapy (psychologist) or coaching (ADHD coach). Again, make sure its a professional that specialises in adult ADHD.
     
     Is the above a lot of work? Yes absolutely. It may be costly too. You know what though, your quality of life will increase. You'll become a better employee and maybe get that big raise. You'll become better at relationships which lead to a happier life. And you could make serious gains by this summer. Think how fast summer is going to be here!
     
     My apologies for the wall of text. Hope this gives you some motivation and direction. /r/ADHD is rooting for you!
     
     

I haven't been diagnosed yet, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

With that said, I am 99.99% certain I have Asperger's. My wife agrees. The .01% would be taken care of by a diagnosis. Which I'm in the process of getting. I was diagnosed with other things in the past couple years but despite everything else getting better, something was still off. I came across a comment here about Asperger's in an unrelated sub, and when I started reading about it...everything made sense.

As far as I see, one of the main advantages of coming to terms with the fact that you have Asperger's is being able to recognize and eventually overcome a lifetime of negative feelings in response to knowing you're different, and others knowing you're different, but not being able to pin down why just leaves everyone frustrated. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, some people have led successful and fulfilling lives I'm sure even undiagnosed. It's possible that if I didn't have my other health issues, I'd be better off.

But it's allowed me to forgive myself for a lifetime of self-criticism and guilt. It also allowed me to understand so many things about myself and others. It's given me a roadmap to find a little direction in a confusing world. There are guides and tips on how to navigate a society that is seemingly hostile to people on the spectrum. Strategies on how to better engage people, finding and keeping jobs that work for you, on whether or not to reveal your diagnosis, how to do so, etc.

Also, if you go back to a doctor and get therapy not only will it help with the Asperger's but they may treat some other underlying or comorbid thing like ADHD or anxiety.

I'm not saying you'd be eligible, I don't know enough about you. But depending on what country you're in, there are safety nets. In the US, while the programs are forever at risk, you can apply for disability if you haven't been working for awhile due to your health. You would meet with a disability lawyer and if they determine you may have a case, they help you get everything together including medical records. They'll help you apply as well. Some may ask you to apply the first time by yourself, because the first attempt is usually denied. The appeal is usually when the lawyers come in, and it's usually still denied. Then your lawyer will appeal again and you'll eventuallyyyy get a court date assigned. If you win, you get a certain amount awarded each month. You also get back pay: so if you get a $1000 a month, and you initiated the disability process 10 months before, you would get $10,000 in back pay. Your lawyer would get a percentage of that back pay, about 1/3. These are hypotheticals and ball park numbers, but that's the general idea. Definitely look it up. There are also state programs like temporary disability assistance.

There's also food stamps and Medicaid, etc.

I wouldn't force the job thing if you're not healthy. Really evaluate it. If you get a job, lose it , get another, lost it, not work for awhile... And so on? Especially if it's within a short time. But even if it's not in short time, look it up. That's not sustained employment which is what social security looks at to determine if you're eligible. So you may have a case.

Two things I'd recommend. Read this list (it's supposed to be for girls, but hit home with me):
https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

And get this book, and read it:
https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698

Those are just springboards.

As far as being alone, once you get better or in the midst of it, you can join support groups and go to community events, join Facebook groups, etc. there are meetups and other groups that get together to allow people with Asperger's and Autism to meet with others in a nonthreatening setting.

Also, sorry about your parents. Stay strong !

Wish you the best! And good luck on your journey. If you have any other questions I'll try my best to respond and help.

I'm on mobile btw, so I apologize for spelling/grammar/formatting lol.

TL;DR Dieting and fasting changed the appearance of, but did not solve, my disordered eating, food addiction, or food obsessions. No matter what, make sure you are being gentle and kind to yourself!

Personally, I turned to keto as a solution for my binge eating issues - One can only eat so much straight butter before one really feels 'done' after all ;) - but I recently saw a post on one of the keto subreddits that may resonate with you. The post suggested that "solving" disordered eating via a restrictive diet wasn't really a "fix" for those disordered attitudes towards food. Instead it's like a floppy band-aid: it might work at first but you have to heal the underlying wound, band-aid or no. And I'll be damned if for me, that wasn't absolutely right. I have had to be honest with myself: For some of the 3 or so years that I've been eating keto, my disordered eating didn't disappear, it only looked different. Since I started keto, it has looked like obsessive thoughts about food with sprinkled instances of my previous disordered patterns. I thought perhaps this would resonate for you with what you mentioned about ending your fast with a candy binge.

For me, I'm now experiencing a tension between "I would prefer to reduce my carbs to keto levels because I legitimately do feel better physically and physiologically when I don't eat carbs on a regular basis" and "but demonizing carbs hasn't actually caused me to recover, and I still turn to food for things that really aren't about hunger or nourishment." It's a fine line: I found myself obsessing over keto just as much as I had ever obsessed about food while in the throes of my unhelpful eating patterns.

Since this realization, I've found a couple tools that I hope will be useful. One is that I have cultivated the habit of using a handful of mood and behavior tracker apps, which help me be honest and mindful about how I am feeling on a given day. Pacifica is popular, and I also use BoosterBuddy. Booster Buddy prompts you to do 3 self-care tasks each day. It sounds trivial, but for some reason it really does lead me to be mindful of ways I can nurture myself, and ultimately I find I nurture myself more often and more effectively. Trackers won't by themselves cause your food obsessions to go away, of course - but I've been finding that if I start my day with a couple gentle, low-investment nudges towards self-care, then other good things tend to follow.

Another tool I'm using is DBT (dialectal behavior therapy.) Basically, it is a behavior-based therapy that is rooted in mindfulness without judgment of self or others. It has a few core tenets, which include the idea that 1. all behaviors are caused and 2. everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have at any given time. You might be able to find DBT groups locally (and I really do recommend them in a group setting!) or you might be able to find a therapist for DBT one-on-one. I'm hopeful that an honest look at the role of my eating habits will enable me to find more effective solutions to the problems for which I have been using food. This is the specific tool that I used during my first experiences with DBT. It's meant to be used in a therapy setting, but I'm trying it out by myself. It includes worksheets to help you identify the specific patterns you are trying to change, as well as alternative strategies for situations that might trigger problem eating. DBT has been found to be effective for many folks with eating disorders.

Sorry for the wall - I really empathize with what you have written. For what it's worth, I believe in your ability to move through your eating disorder with compassion and in a way that feels good to you. :)

Girl, I am in exactly the same position as you. Actually created an account just to comment on this b/c it really struck a chord with me. I did get to a psychiatrist to officially diagnose me -- but couldn't afford to keep seeing him every 3 months to renew the prescription, so I am now medicine-free again :/

Here are some things that I've been working with over the past year:

1. Fish oil pills. My DR told me to start taking these ASAP when he diagnosed me. His advice was to find a pill with an Omega-3 balance of 700 mg EPA/300 mg DHA, and take two doses of that a day (so 2000 mg/day). Clinical studies show a big relief in ADHD symptoms after about 3 months if you maintain this; big relief in mood/anxiety (if that's a problem for you) after 2 weeks. I am inconsistent with this but feel a big relief when I take them regularly. Dr. warned me that there is significant variation in how effective these pills are, so it's important to get high-quality pills and check the labels for dosage information, or you won't see a benefit. Store 'em in the freezer if they give you fishy burps.
   
   
2. Exercise. Hard but SO helpful. Clinical studies show amazing benefits; benefits keep increasing the more you exercise, up to 1 hour of vigorous exercise/day. (Sorry no citation, this was also told to me by my DR.) I became SO much happier when following the couch to 5k program.
   
   
3. Coffee. Adderall for cheapos. I drink more than is healthy, but it helps me focus when I feel myself "drifting" and I personally think that's worth the health trade off. Your mileage may vary.
   
   
4. Sleep. 9 hours a night and I am a motherfucking HERO. That's hard to get but it truly, truly makes an impact for me personally. I try to turn off all screens/electronics an hour before bed, take a melatonin 30 min before turning off the lights, and turn off lights at least 8 hours before I need to get up, earlier when I can.
   
   
5. Self-educate. Off the top of my head, the book that's helped me the most is this one, almost certainly available fo' free at your local library. Check everyone on ADHD out of the library, who knows? Something might click for you.
   
   That is the sum total of my current low-cost ADHD self-care system! If I am consistently implementing all those things, and engaging supportive and helpful friends as coaches, I feel really good about my life. I am still a space cadet, but the important shit gets done and more importantly, I don't hate myself so much. Er, too real? No we're cool. Keeping on keeping on.
   
   Good luck!

Springtime and to a lesser extent fall are especially tricky times for people with Bipolar.
Has she signed releases so you can talk freely with her caregivers about your concerns? It helps to form an alliance with them and develop a crisis plan in advance. I would push her Doctors to discuss a broader range of options. If you doubt them, I would ask for a medication second opinion referral. In most regions there are Doctors who are known to be specialist in different illnesses. You might have to pay out of pocket for this but it may bring some peace of mind that you have educated yourself on all options.

Most of all I recommend joining local support groups for these two organizations.
[National Alliance for Mental Illness]
(http://www.nami.org/) for friends and family

For people with mood disorders I recommend:
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

I live in New England and both organizations are very helpful in providing emotional support and ideas for how to cope. Best of all they are free so your Insurance company can not limit access.

The best books I have read on management of Bipolar are: [The Bipolar Workbook]
(http://www.amazon.com/The-Bipolar-Workbook-Controlling-Swings/dp/1593851626/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333669671&sr=1-1) by Monica Ramirez Basco

and with more of a emphasis on relationships:[Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide] (http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333669671&sr=1-3) by David J. Miklowitz PhD

I would suggest using the library to make sure they are a good fit.

One last resource I recently ran across recently, is a hour plus lecture on relating and understanding someone with Bipolar. I have not read Dr. Jay Carter's books yet but I did find this video helpful to understand how sometimes very good, loving, solid people can act really irrational when manic, mixed or depressed. There is some dance elements that I found cheesy but hey, its free to view!
[Bipolar Insights with Dr. Jay]
(http://bipolarlight.com/index2.html)

Good Luck and take care of yourself!

I just wanted to add something that I felt would be fitting here. This is simply my perspective on the collective unconscious so take it as you will, but it seems relevant.

I see the collective unconscious as being a good basis for spiritual ideas, and I have my own beliefs based around it. The reason I see it as a good basis is 1.) much of it is empirically supported, and 2.) the idea of a collective unconscious itself to some extent implies a universal realm of existence.

First I would like to briefly cover relevant literature which substantiates the collective unconscious. The point of this is to show which aspects of this idea are supported enough to branch off of. The information I’m going to sum up is from the field of research called Affective Neuroscience, which was coined by Jakk Panksepp, who I believe is Jungian himself based on his reference to archetypes, and both Freud and Jung. I believe his book is a must read for all Jung enthusiasts and I’ll be linking it below. After this I’ll present my little theory of what this means from a spiritual perspective.

Summation of Relevant Literature

Affective Neuroscience is a field of study which combines three major disciplines of psychology: Cognitive, Behaviorial, and Neuroscience. What the study’s and experiments have generally shown is that there are distinct anatomical neural structures which illicit consistent patterns of behavior in animals when stimulated, and are shared to varying degrees by all species (the degree of variation becomes larger as species become farther apart on the phylogenetic tree, with the nervous system becoming more complex rostrally as it progresses through species). On top of this, due to the nature of the behavior patterns showing approach/avoidance tendencies, it’s reasonable to conclude that it is an emotional response which is evoked from stimulation that influences the corresponding pattern of behavior.

To simplify, this shows that organisms are preprogrammed with mechanisms to properly respond to environmental triggers. These systems were refined and passed down through millennia’s of adaptations. In a sense, these systems are an ancestral record or bank of knowledge, passed down through generations of offspring to better equip them for the obstacles presented by the physical world. These systems inspire organisms to hunt, forage, seek security, reproduce, as well as many other things.

To show an example of how it works in practice, one of these systems is responsible for dealing with danger; the fight or flight system (more broadly speaking, FEAR). This systems goal is to help organisms detect threats in the environment and react accordingly. Now imagine an archetypal situation: you are hiking through the woods when all of sudden you hear a suspicious crackle in the leaves not to far from you. Upon looking you notice your being stalked by a mountain lion. You freeze up and your heart beats faster as your body prepares to run or fight. What happened here? First, your perception was triggered by an environmental trigger, the mountain lion. Without you putting any effort, your body naturally prepares you to deal with this threat by altering your physiology to better facilitate active movement. On top of this, your phenomenologically struck by an overwhelming sense of fear, your body’s way of not letting you ignore the immediate threat your faced with; painting your perception with a relevant and meaningful narrative: the hunted.

The Parallels

I will now attempt to draw the connections between this information and Jung’s notion of the collective unconscious to show what aspects of it are empirically supported. First, you must understand the concept that brain and mind are intimately connected. Monism or dualism are not important here, just understand that when something occurs in the brain there is a reaction in the mind, and vice versa. Now for the connections:

1.) The neural systems detailed above are shared by all species to varying degrees. What this implies is that there is a template of mind, which is indeed true. All minds share these unconscious operating systems which interpret environmental events in a meaningful way, and evoke a proper response out of the organism. With these systems being homologous throughout species, we could reasonably conclude that these systems make up the neural/physical representation of the collective unconscious.

2.) These systems imbue our perception with meaning. The idea of meaning is almost indistinguishable from archetypes, with Jung describing how these unconscious contents are essentially the source of all meaning. And just as archetypes are all around us, the products of these neural systems are too. It seems these systems project archetypal narratives onto the world around us to allow us to move through the world in a meaningful way. This is seen in the mountain lion example, with the fight or flight system projecting the archetype of the beast onto the mountain lion. This could also be seen in the systems responsible for love projecting the archetype of the anima/animus onto the object of desire.

Spiritual Speculation (Creation Story)

Based on these parallels, the idea that the collective unconscious is universally shared and the source of all meaning is not at all unreasonable, and is empirically supported to a large degree. So we now have a base to branch off of: there exists and aspect of consciousness that is universal and home to all which is meaningful. On the other hand, we have physical reality which exists independent of this realm of consciousness.

From this we can form a sort of story. There exists two worlds: an objective reality, cold and void; and a subjective realm, deep and rich with meaning. Objective reality is finite and exists in certainty, while the subjective realm is amorphous and infinite, being simultaneously beautiful and horrid. Between this chasm of worlds exists a bridge: organisms. The organism is a part of the objective world existing as a sort of vessel for the subjective realm to inhabit. As the subjective realm inhabits this vessel it takes on all its finities by conforming to the structure of its biological limitations (for example, sensory organs). In doing so, the subjective realm takes on the form of an individual, in a sense becoming a soul. The soul walks its path through the objective world, experiencing it from the shoes of its vessel, in the process turning the once cold dead world into a place of meaning and potential, leaving behind it stories of good and bad. But in the end all vessels face the inevitable faith of reality: death. And all souls return to there source, the heavens and hells of the collective unconscious.

Link to Jakk Panksepps Affective Neuroscience:

https://www.amazon.com/Affective-Neuroscience-Foundations-Emotions-Science/dp/019517805X

First of all, sorry for responding so late. I saw your comment, but didn't have time to really sit down and give it the attention it warrants. Here is my reply:

This is an excellent and one of the most important points. Unfortunately, health care in America sucks in general and this is even worse for mental health due to a lack of understanding on the part of insurance companies about the nature of mental illness.

I do not have a great answer to your question because I've never really looked into it. There were some sites that seemed like good places to start that I found by Googling around:

NAMI HelpLine

SAMSHA

These are just other general thoughts/ideas:

-If you have insurance and are not really sure what's covered, call them and ask. You'll get a good idea of what's covered, what the copayment is likely to be etc. Even if the copay is more than you can afford, that is not necessarily the end. Many mental health practitioners operate on a sliding-scale which means they have some flexibility in terms of copayment.

-Look into universities or hospitals in your area. They often have clinical trainees or researchers who can see you for a reduced fee or even for free (e.g. in exchange for participation in a research study).

-I was going to say go to your local place of worship, but I am not sure how connected to mental health resources temples and masjids are.

-If you're a student with or without insurance, go to your campus counseling center and talk to them. They usually know practitioners they work with who have cheaper rates for students.

-If you don't have insurance and you aren't a student, there are hotlines or centers that might be able to help you get health insurance. I am not knowledgable of this process, but Google or asking on other subs could help.

-Depending on where you live, there can be support groups offered in the community. It isn't ideal, but you'll receive some form of support and it may help connect to other resources.

-Finally, sometimes seeing a therapist is just not an option. Whether it's due to just not being able to afford it, or maybe you live in an area that lacks mental health resources. In those cases, I could think of a few things.

You can find support groups on the internet. Not necessarily Reddit, but there are entire forums dedicated to people who experience depression, anxiety, substance abuse issues, etc. I'm sure there is a range of variance on the quality, but you should never discount the power of social support, even if it's not through a physical medium.

The other approach is self-education about mental health. Even though I put it as the last option, this is definitely one of the most powerful ones. There are a lot of great books and research papers out there on mental health, understanding specific disorders, and full clinical manuals. Some of these are not really accessible to people outside the field, but a lot of these are meant for the average consumer. You need to be careful because there is a lot of crap out there too. Check reviews, make sure the source is evidence and research based. This one is so critical. Through decades of research, we have a good understanding of many disorders, as well as the treatment approaches that are effective for them. It's important to consume content that is based on these scientific methods. If you need help deciding which books are good, again Google around or perhaps go to a psychology-focused forum and ask for opinions. One good approach is to read books written by the people who actually developed the therapies! Here are two good examples I like:

CBT for Depression

DBT

I fully realize that when you're struggling with a problem, you may feel that you don't have the physical or psychological resources to try to take this approach. But you should always know that this choice is available to you. It's something that you can try. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. But it will definitely not hurt you.

Don't give up on therapy. It can show you how to manage yourself so your kids don't have to. But most of all you deserve healing. If the person you saw wasn't helpful, pick another one. You can fire your next therapist after one session if they don't seem to be getting you or offering information that is practical and immediately helpful. But keep going. Pick another one. It's ok to shop around. It's ok to go through three or five or however many it takes.
Even if you don't like the sound of their voice you can say "thanks" and move on. Call and say it's just for one or two sessions to get some advice. But if you connect with them, schedule another and keep a weekly or monthly appointment for three to six months.

Unfortunately the truth is there can be a total lame duck therapist and an amazing healer working in the same building in offices right next to each other. That's the reality. So don't assume whether someone is good or not until you've spoken to them personally. But you are paying them for help. Every session they should be able to offer you a technique to practice for the next couple weeks until your next session, or an article or book to read, or you talked through something that happened and were able to work something out you had been stuck on by yourself. If those kinds of things aren't happening every session, it's time to move on.

You probably already know most of this but for an overall view of the therapy process you can preview books like Thriving with Social Anxiety. Your library might have a copy you can borrow for free. It does a good job of illustrating the different approaches a therapist could take. And there are books about healing both mind and body like The Body Keeps the Score. And specifically about anger from a woman's perspective like The Dance of Anger

If you're not already, keeping a journal helps. You can use any notebook and dedicate it to writing the date and what you're thinking about. What's problematic or persistent in your thoughts? When you get angry you can write it down too. Anything that comes up. You don't have to write every day. It's there when you need it. This really helps with sleep too. When you have too many thoughts to sleep, write them down. It lets you remember them because they're still right there. But they are on paper and out of your head. You deserve to sleep. You can deal with the next day better prepared with decent sleep and rest.

You can also take time later, when you've cooled down to reflect on what you've written. It's a way to see if you can find ways to intervene with yourself before you get super angry. Where in the process of what happened yesterday or this morning could I do something differently? When I'm talking with my kids, what could I do differently next time? What is it about the small things that causes me to blow up? This is a typical worksheet you can use to walk through this process for each "incident" that you really want to dig into and find a solution for. Just cross out ptsd at the top and write Anger or whatever applies. This technique works for any strong negative emotional events you've had. Print out and keep a stack of these ready to go. Even when you remember something that happened and want to dig into it just grab a pen and set to work.

You can take your questions to your self help books or Google and specifically look up answers and suggestions for them. Just treating them as a project. Its' a way to keep things practical and specific which is a million times more helpful than theoretical and trying to keep up on the latest research. Lately there have been articles on Inuit mothers and their kids to help with their anger and tantrums I found helpful even with adults.

You could take the journal with you as a memory aide and way to stay focused in your sessions too. Keep a specific to-do list on what you are working on and trying to achieve. And run down the list spending five minutes on each of the priority items and then the middle bulk of the time on what your most pressing concern is.

You experienced childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and you may have ptsd. I'm not a therapist, I just talk to people and deal with my own anger management issues from stress and difficult childhood. But I've learned that when we can't protect ourselves as kids we lash out as adults. I hope you see someone again. You can heal no matter how long you've waited. Find someone who can hand you the tools to feel you are in control of your situation. Take your power back. Hang in there!

Edit: I saw your comment about living in a small town and the difficulty finding a therapist. Better Help is an online option that is becoming popular these days. But I hear a lot of people saying they got paired with real duds. Do be extremely strict with who you choose. Check their credentials, types of patients they see and how long they've been in practice. Best to go with a professional therapist who uses sites like Better Help to reach a broader audience. If they talk about their dog the first half hour and treat you like an after thought let Better Help know you're not paying for that session. There are probably some bonafide therapists that offer sessions via Skype or other video chat platforms too. Just have to do some researching to see who takes insurance, etc.

And I almost forgot active listening. See the video half way down the page. This is listening to understand. Listening fully to what the other person is saying without interrupting them. Letting them finish and then asking a question or restating what they said to confirm you completely understood it. The important part is not just listening to the first few words and then interjecting with a snarky comeback. It helps reduce anger and misunderstanding by letting the speaker feel understood and the listener develops empathy by encouraging true conversation and less one-sidedness. Sorry for writing a book! Hope some of this helps.

In a sense, yes. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement, but could be helpful if that is really what is going on. It could also be a hindrance. Unfortunately, the situation in the mental health field nowadays is really complicated, particularly with the fact that so many practitioners have significant problems with pathological narcissism themselves. It is absolutely critical, if you are having a problem with pathological narcissism, that you do take the reigns in addressing the problem. In that regard, narcissistic psychopathology parallels addiction very significantly. Many practitioners even recommend 12 step programs. As you may already know, narcissistic psychopathology is very common among M.D.'s in the U.S. and elsewhere - particularly among surgeons (current estimates of NPD as high as 40%, and my guess is that is low).

Another route is to also consider how your childhood and familial experiences effected you. A good book to read is "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists". Another good one is "Why is It Always About You?" (ignore the preachy Christian parts). Trying to think deeply about the stories and lessons of these books and how they relate to you, your life, and your family and friends is critical. Almost everyone is surrounded by pathological narcissism in some way in the U.S., so there will be useful lessons, to some degree, on practically every page. In particular, if you start realizing that you are suffering/effected by narcissism in your life, heed the lessons pointed out in the Wizard of Oz book - they are extremely useful, but MUST be put into practice, not simply "understood". If you seek out treatment from mental health clinicians, pay very close attention to the sections of the book where she describes how to spot pathological narcissism in clinicians and put it into use. This is critically important regardless of what your condition turns out to be. A clinician with traits or full NPD can not only be unhelpful to your treatment, but even dangerous, and they are all too common. Avoid any religiously preachy clinicians like the plague, as a rule.

Have you considered doing some workbooks? That may be helpful because it removes the personal aspect of the intervention. A good one is:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

You might benefit from neurofeedback. Some is better than others, so don't be put off if it doesn't work well the first place you try.

It sounds like you'll want to really pay attention to the covert/introverted narcissism components. If you read about these topics and things start resonating (which can lead to intensely strong feelings, "good" or "bad"), then you are probably on the right track. The absolute key is to be extremely honest with yourself. Really, really extremely honest and non-morally-judgemental. You may also find a lot of value in a concept called "radical acceptance". You seem to be struggling significantly with not being able to be the "Great Savior" to your patients that you wanted to be. You'll probably nee to do a lot of reflection on that and think about how it figures into your life story. Developing a journaling habit, if you don't already, would probably be an excellent idea. Getting your life story out and thinking about why things happened is key. Reflect, integrate realizations into your life story. Rinse and repeat.

I went through a multi-decade ordeal in assisting a family member (also a doctor) who was in a nearly identical situation as you. There was NPD, but also comingled with addiction (substance), mood disorder, and bipolar. It was pretty difficult to sort out, but that person is doing much, much better now. Of course, this is all routed in childhood trauma, so it may be helpful to do some basic reading on that:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X

Learn what your triggers are, and mind them.

Finally, a really important concept is discussed by Ronningstam, which is often overlooked by even very good practitioners who understand narcissism quite well. It is the critical component of redirecting ego-drive into healthy behaviors; Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism vs. pathological narcissism. This is, IMO, the #1 reason why NPD, pathological traits thereof, and addiction treatment fail so often. She discusses this very well in other parts of her book.

Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's my opinion, for what it's worth. As I mentioned, if you start digging, stay honest, and it starts resonating (good or bad), you're probably on the right path.

Good luck.

Good news! You know what is pretty much THE defining characteristic of a narcissist? Being unwilling to admit that they might have problems or to seek treatment for them. With this post, you've made the first steps toward both.

Now, for the bad news: you probably do have problems. They're probably going to take a lot of time and effort to fix. There may come a point where you think you've fixed all your problems, only to realize you've been practicing another unhealthy attitude or behavior all along that you didn't even notice. It can take determination to keep working to improve yourself through potentially-demoralizing incidents like these.

More good news though - you don't have problems because you yourself are bad. We call them "fleas" here, from the saying "If you lie down with the dogs, you're going to get fleas." I like to use the analogy of a plant. If you have a plant that's growing nicely, and then you set a rock down on top of most of it, and put some walls around it, so that the only way to get any sunlight or nutrients is to grow in some twisted crazy way... that plant is going to do what it needs to do to survive. The reason you almost certainly have issues is only because you're a survivor who was trying his or her best to get physical, mental, and emotional needs met. Once you are "transplanted" into an easier situation, a lot of the ways you grew are now detrimental to you instead of helpful - but they were helpful at the time, and you can now retrain yourself to act and think in ways that are more helpful to you now.

Others on this sub can offer you advice on finding a good therapist. If you can find a good one, it can really speed your path to recovery. In the meantime, you may find this book helpful in recognizing where you have adapted to living with crazy people, and what a healthier way to live might be.

Best of luck! post as much as you want with any questions or needs for support. This is a very helpful and friendly community. We all want to help each other lead healthy and happy lives.

I have tried twice to reply, and reddit somehow vaporized the post both times. Hopefully this one will work.

Two things stand out in your comments. 1. You seem exceptionally comfortable in your assumptions, and 2. Your knowledge gaps are huge. I make these observations not condescendingly, but matter of factly.

As mentioned prior, you seem an individual who is comfortable believing what you want to believe -- as opposed to the type of individual willing to pursue truth at all costs, even at the cost of comfort or happiness.

Placing comfort over truth is not necessarily a disastrous life choice; because there is no higher arbiter, happiness is the paramount thing. Many people can (and do) live happily ever after while embracing basic falsehoods as truths. Wisdom is not a prerequisite for happiness; indeed, in some cases it may even be an impediment to it.

With that said, IF you are interested in truth -- and in filling in your knowledge gaps -- I would suggest the following books:

• Misquoting Jesus by Bart Ehrman
  
• On Human Nature by E.O. Wilson (everyone in the world should read this book)
  
• The True Believer by Eric Hoffer
  
  Also, on the subject of hell, you may find this article interesting: http://bible-truths.com/lake5.html
  
  It was written by a committed Xian (as you seem to be), and as I once was many years ago. The bible is like the sweater in Weezer's sweater song; if you yank on any of the loose threads with brutal honesty, and have the doggedness to keep yanking, it is only a matter of time before the sweater comes undone.
  
  As Morpheus offered Neo, one might say that truth is the red pill and comfort is the blue pill. Which you swallow, and where your life goes from here, is up to you. As mentioned, I was a deeply committed Xian myself at one time -- but many years ago I chose the red pill, and many years later I can say I did not regret it.
  
  Good luck on your journey...

Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.

The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.

Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.

Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.

Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:

• Reinventing your life: The breakthrough program to end negative behaviour and feel great again This was the first book a therapist had me read and told me that she thought exploring other therapies (the ones above) would be of better benefit to me at the time being. She was right - this book really helped me understand the 'lifetraps' I was caught in.
  
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma great for explaining all the different types of therapies out there that can better help you - especially in terms of CPTSD.
  
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
  
• F**k It Therapy really was a good read to say fuck it and that I am in control of my own happiness - nobody else. No matter what they do.
  
  Good luck!

I was diagnosed a few years ago (I'm 40 now) but my doc at the time was one to throw drugs at me and tell me good luck. One thing I've found (as I've been to a few doctors now) is that it's really helpful to find one that doesn't just treat you but educates you on what is and isn't affected by ADHD.

I recently picked up the book More Attention, Less Deficit and there are literally parts that almost make me tear up (extremely manly tears, of course) as it hits home so much and I can trace my ADHD back to childhood and see how it affected my life.

ADHD affects so many things that people don't realize, not just your ability to pay attention. I highly recommend you and your girlfriend looking at the book mentioned above, not only will it help her to identify and address the issues she's facing but might also help you to understand what's going on with her brain and how it affects her life and your relationship.

It really does take a book to fully describe ADHD and what it does. However I did read a great description recently where someone said it is like walking into Best Buy with that wall of TV's and every one of them is on a different channel. Now you have to focus on just one channel and comprehend what's going on, with 100 other channels playing at the same time. Imagine the channels as things like listening to a lecture, doing homework, doing chores, remember to pay bills on time. You may watch the "Pay Bills Now" channel very intently but it wears you out trying to focus on that and eventually you cave and that channel slips away.

I hope that makes sense somewhat. I think it's very cool that you care enough about your girlfriend to seek out info on ADHD. I was in a marriage for 10 years where my wife did not extend the same courtesy.. it will do both of you a lot of good.

Please feel free to message me if you have any other questions, I don't want to get 'too' long winded in your thread.

\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.

I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.


While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?

I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.

Wishing the best in your healing.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this pain. I have had dreams trigger flashbacks like this before. Everyone finds different things that help, but if you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out the information on flashbacks on r/CPTSD. Basically, flashbacks aren't always visual as in a dream or a hallucination, or auditory/taste, etc. They can also bring up the emotions we felt during the event or shortly after leading to feelings of fight/flight/freeze even when we are presently safe. I am not a therapist, but your dream reminds me of my own visual flashbacks and the feelings you've been dealing with since seem reminiscent of the emotional flashbacks. There's a reason it's so hard to shake those feelings-- your brain and body truly believe you are in danger again and are trying to protect you.

All of the behaviors you listed are normal trauma responses, but are also super, super hard to face alone. If you are able, please consider speaking with a trauma informed therapist. Many women's shelters even offer group therapy to the community for free. Or, Universities often have discounted rates if you are ok working with a PhD student who is nearing certification.

Another great resource is the book The Body Keeps the Score. It really dives into the effects of traumatic events on our bodies and how they manifest in different ways throughout life if not processed. It is written by an MD who pioneered research in PTSD for war veterans and then found that the effects on people who experienced other traumas (like rape) were very similar. I wouldn't start reading this now while you are currently triggered, but when you are ready to process things a bit more this could be very helpful. (It was a big turning point for me.) There are also some free audiobook versions on YouTube.

You are not disgusting or awful for your dream. We cannot control whether the pleasure centers of our brains are activated, especially while sleeping. I know it is very disconcerting when our brains still derive pleasure from experiences that are also rooted in such depraved violence and betrayal, but you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

As for things you could do tonight to feel better, I have had good results with the suggestions on this page https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit as well as https://www.joondalupcounselling.com.au/joondalup-counselling-blog/2016/2/11/28-popular-effective-grounding-techniques

Give yourself grace as you deal with this. I'm glad you got to go out for a bit and try to distract yourself. Be mindful of your stress levels and take steps back when needed. Sometimes staying busy is helpful, but sometimes we also need to take time to rest.

I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Please reach out whenever you need.

There's no late reply -- standard internet-strangers rules apply. No pressure to keep the conversation going.

My partner is seriously touch-averse, but overcomes it for me for things like a hug - I've written about this elsewhere, but it means all the more to me, because I know that the act of giving me a hug is a conscious choice backed by serious willpower to overcome her trauma-fueled withdrawal.

Human touch is very powerful thing, and definitely something you can use to battle depression, anxiety, and emotional withdrawal.

The reason I asked, though, is that if you are touch-averse, you and your partner might want to consider looking up Sensate Focus Touch. I've not read any of the following, but they are highly recommended in this area - (all links to amazon)

The Body Keeps the Score

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma

Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy

I also thought of this for you:

The Self-Esteem Workbook

> Sex is still this foreign thing I don't know if I belong in..

Here, here's a guest pass. You're welcome to stay as long as you like, and leave whenever you need to.

In all seriousness, sex is yours, to do with as you wish, from diving in and loving it to deciding it isn't for you and you'd rather not. You belong, and nobody gets to tell you otherwise.

> "your bf probably has a side chick if he's not getting it from you."

Falsehood.

Proof by counter-example #1: I spent 17 years with my stbx-wife with ever-decreasing frequency. I turned down more than one invitation from potential side chicks.

Proof by counter-example #2: You can find plenty of others here in DBs who are unwilling to consider "just cheat!" as a viable option.

Proof by counter-example #3: Despite my asexual partner telling me I could fuck whomever I wanted, and being on a two-year dry spell, I turned down a potential paramour recently. I wasn't certain that I wouldn't hurt my partner if I said yes. If we're going to come to an open relationship agreement, I want her to have terms and boundaries in place so that she feels safe and secure.

There are some reddit communities where you're more likely to strike supportive, loving gold than others, considering your history and feelings. I'd suggest subscribing to

/r/LowLibidoCommunity

/r/Asexuality

/r/CPTSD

as each will, I think, be solidly in your corner, for different reasons. You can decide, for each, whether or not you belong and/or want that community's help.

I think that's about all I can think of for resources ..

Other than my infinite supply of ((touch-aversion-resistant-virtual-hugs)) =D

Yes. Borderline Personality Disorder mother and a Narcissiric Personality Disorder (though this diagnosis is rarely given because narcissists rarely seek therapy unless they are forced to or suffer a flash of light live-changing usually traumatic experience where their narcissism no longer can protect their false dreamt-up reality using others as ‘narcissistic supply’)

My parents sandwiched me growing up with their V-spot BPD-NPD real-self dance when they inadvertently and advertenly activate each others’ false selfs and defense mechanism who are unable to procure true real romantic intimacy to support an authentic true-self loving household therefore inflicting role-reversal enmeshed narcissistic abuse onto their self-esteem identity/indivislity developing children.

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-romantic-bpd-relationships-425217

https://www.amazon.com/Malignant-Self-Love-Narcissism-Sam-Vaknin/dp/8023833847

https://openlibrary.org/books/OL7270096M/Search_For_The_Real_Self

Which is why hordes of internet schizoid-like Internet-type dudes are trying to resolve their fundamental core inability to expresss true genuine feelings of true intimacy with friends, relationships, others, etc. because of a ‘beta’ father and an ‘abusive’ mother in a dysfunctionla nuclesr family structure, if at all. And we live in an escapist dreamworld trying to live vicariously through Hollywood superheroes to imitate — or for the Asian community an idealized person to guide and relate to; the idealized Asian father figure to sooth and ameliorate our lack of identity, self-esteem development, and masculinity.

Luckily for me, my father was masculine so I have no problems standing on my own two feet with dudes of all backgrounds (hustlers, ex-cons, and blue-collar, nerds, etc.) but the romantic part is very difficult for me right now because of an emotionally toxic mother with no immediate female relatives to relate to as a child. This is why long-term insight-oriented psycho dynamic talk therapy is critical to address the identity issues and garner a stable self-image and develop healthy self-esteem building in a ‘safe-space’ private dedicated session with an if good objective psychoanalytic psychoanalyst/psychotherapist. But HMOs/insurance/self-pay don’t want to pay for this only to cheap out with superfiscal cognitive-behavioral “jussss change ur thoughts about the ordeal” approach, rather than bringing about unresolved unconscious intrapsychic conflicts from (early) childhoods that arrests our core identity development/self-esteem building (confidence) as individuals in this “I”-centered Westernsphere whereas conversely Confucianism culture of asserting direct confrontation of “I” or “you’re xyz” is vehemently disrespectful in the interpersonal culture of indirection.

...but Confucianism/Buddhism teaches us we must embrace suffering and self/sacrifice for a better successive generation tomorrow. Our immigrant parents bring this collectivism mindset but to navigate American life, we must assert ourselves as independent functioning individuals with self-stability and self-constancy of who we are. Simply said, the West values the individual irrespective of the family despite the aristocratic lineage rhetoric as Hollywood always admires a great rags-to-riches underdog movie. Whereas the Confucianism East desires to maintain peace, harmony, order and peaceful resistance of nonconfrontation.

However, the irony is that growing up in the Anglosphere we have to garner a dialetically diametrically opposed dualistic strategy of collectivist Confucianism at home and individualist identity in the non-Asian real-world. The village community doesn’t respect the individual because you’re deviating from the social norm and ingroup clique and their collectively shared self-esteem and group identity. Whereas the West cherishes the Johnny Appleseed wanderer, Lewis and Clark expeditions, the visionary dreamer for whatever xyz dreamt-up upotia. The East wants to maintain the Confucius scholar-beaurcrat hierarchy. Essentially, America’s narrative is to explore and find family and a sense of community as an individual leaving home, whereas the East wrt to China desires to maintain internal social stability our 5000 Han Chinese homogenous familial hierarchical family. And it is no mistake that the Asian-to-Asian connection is vehemently ingrained into our inner concious fabric through generations of solidarity until our ancestors lost out our internal familial peace where the Qing dynasty failed his people to the West/Japan with the Century of Humiliation.

Western religious history and narrative is one fraught with master-slave savior-savee god and his followers and competing interpretations of the biblical texts therefore causing seemingly intergenerationally perpetual Holy War conflicts, aggresive exploitation of religious enemies, and war to conquest others to occupy religious superiority and “englightrnment” to them through pillaging villages and indoctrinating the “superior” religion into others through newly erected religious institutions. ....Confucianism has none of that. Heck, Buddha respects his followers worshipping of other Gods. Though the other religions respect you for worshipping other Gods is of their own issue.

Additionally Confucianism culture teaches us to not seek for extraneous help for fear of looking weak (maintaining ‘perception amnagement’ just like we curate our happy social-media happy moment reel to manipulate a certain image in the shared 3rd digital/cyberspace dimensional realities) and keep family matters private as to not air-out dirty laundry in order to ‘save face’ and not being shame to the family name — as in defeat and loss of status. But the crux of the matter is that the family systems dynamic is vehemently unhealthy due to intergenerational trauma and familial tug-of-war narcissism, especially given that immigrant parents self-sacrifice to economically bust their butts but along cling onto their children for emotional security in this new foreign world as we try to forge our own narratives and identity. The more we grow to be American with individuality,the more it counteracts the intergenerational Confucianism familial planning in the name of maintaining the preservation the lineage successive dynastic ‘family name’. (Indians are in the extreme with arranged marriages) Luckily for me my parents despite their narcissism are open-minded cosmopolitan individuals and don’t mind me Americanizing and imposed any racial dating restrictions.

The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment https://www.amazon.com/dp/0787908703/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_rA1-AbZS1J063

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents https://www.amazon.com/dp/1626251703/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_dB1-AbVQXAZTN

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers https://www.amazon.com/dp/1439129436/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_NB1-AbN0P827E

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245611/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ND1-Ab94P47XX

Here are some of the resources I've read, and what I think about them:

• Transgender 101: A good introduction covering a lot of what you mention above. It's more focused on the transsexual experience, though. Non-binary identities and others under the "transgender" umbrella get their own chapter, but it's stuck at the back of the book. Chapter 6 has a really good section on whether transgender should be considered a mental disorder, and talks about the insurance issue.
  
  
• Whipping Girl: Although it's not too hard to get through, I'd consider this to be "advanced reading" for those who already have a grounding in basic trans thinking/terminology. I really enjoyed it and agree with many of Serano's arguments, but it's less textbook and more opinion piece (although Serano has also written a number of academic papers for respected journals). It's mainly focused on the MTF transsexual experience.
  
  
• True Selves: You might hear this one mentioned in lists of good trans books, but it's now 20 years old, is very heavily weighted toward a limited view of the transexual experience, and it defends the gatekeeper mentality. I'd honestly avoid it, unless you're interested in reading about how things used to be, in which case I'd highly recommend Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon (who knew that people used to be arrested just for crossdressing?). Don't show that one to your professor!
  
  
• WPATH Standards of Care v7: Presents a good overview of gender non-conformity and dysphoria with references to contemporary research. Written for a medical/academic audience but easy enough for a general audience to understand too. Focuses significantly on mental health aspects of transgender and medical transition options. The standards of care seem to have become more liberal with each new version, to the extent that they're now presented as guidelines rather than hard rules and are approaching the "informed consent" approach. Still, they're an example of the gatekeeping approach, which some people are dead against.
  
  
• National Geographic magazine gender special edition: Has some good stories covering the whole range of transgender people (i.e. talks about non-binary identities as well as the traditional transsexual experience). Also interesting is the wide discussion of gender issues in various world cultures, although this is of less relevance to what you're looking for.
  
  Obviously there's a lot more out there, and I'm sure others can add to this and/or argue with my take on the above list. This is just some of my admittedly limited reading - please don't take this in any way as an authoritative list of the best resources!
  
  I'd be careful relying on websites and blog posts for information. You need to be critical of the authors' credibility and biases, and there is a lot of poorly-researched, poorly-written stuff out there, some of which is downright wrong, made-up, nonsensical or hateful (I've read a lot on Blanchard's typology and the paraphillia/fetish view of transsexualism, and I'd advise you to avoid it at all costs!). On the other hand, I'd say don't stick entirely to books and academic papers, because there are a lot of interesting thoughts/perspectives from those in the community who don't write books or publish papers.

Oh for you and the original poster /u/turqandpurp he asked for sources for some of the other things he and other people responded to.

Since I understand alot of this stuff is medicine based and can be very technical let me provide some sources. I am actually limiting all the sources I can provide so I do not info dump you and overwhelm you. Instead giving you sources that are comprehensive of all the options but are also selfcontained. If you want more sources I can give you more.

Here is a Google Ebook Link to Massachusetts General Hospital Psychopharmacology and Neurotherapeutics. While the entire book is not free, the free preview I linked to should cover the entire chapter 10 which deals with the medicine treatments for ADHD focusing on the stimulants but also covering those 5 other classes of medicines we use for ADHD.

----

Some background feel free to skip to the next line.


That book I linked to is a treatment book for doctors that came out in 2015 on the latest on the best medicines and non medicine treatments for various psychiatric conditions such as ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.

The Massachusetts General Hospital and their treatment books are a big deal, here is why

• If you are not aware Massachusetts General Hospital is a teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. After you go to medical school and get your legal MD and can be called a doctor (since you went to medical school and then passed your medical training tests) many doctors then further specialize by doing an understudy at a teaching hospital or a specific doctor. Massachusetts General Hospital is a hospital and treatment facility but it is also one of the "teaching hospitals" where they specialize in further instructure with new doctors partnering with expert doctors and there the new doctors began a hands on apprenticeship called residency and then fellowship while the technically legal doctor becomes a further specialist in a field like Psychiatry, Surgeon, etc.
  
  
• Massachusets General Hospital is ranked the number #1 hospital system in the United States for several years now according to US News and World Report. Link
  
  
• Note this number 1 ranking in 2015-2016 is tied with another awesome hospital and organization you should pay attention to which is the Mayo Clinic Hospital System. The Mayo Clinic Hospital System started with a hospital in Minnesota and that is usually seen as the most prestigous of the Mayo Clinic Hospital System since it was the first. But since their founding a 150 years ago, they have since expanded and formed two other big locations equivalent to the Minnesota location, one in Florida, and one in Arizona, they also have smaller clinics and hospitals than those 3 main teaching hospitals with 70 other smaller satellite chains.
  
  ----
  
   
  
   
  
  Okay back to the subject after that explanation of who the source is for the people who did not follow medicine
  
  Ebook Link to Chapter 10
  
  You should be able to see the entire chapter about ADHD. If you are not a doctor I do not recommend buying that book for its meant for doctors, but if you want to read the rest of the chapters, I can show you in a private message on how to search that book get a preview chapter and read one of the other chapters about the other disorders such as depression, anxiety, etc.
  
  -----
  
   
  
   
  
  Another good comprehensive book about the treatment of ADHD with meds (and covers some of the non meds stuff as well) is Dr. Stephen Stahl's Illustrated ADHD. Amazon Link
  
  Dr. Stephen Stahl, a doctor in University of California San Diego, writes some of the most well respected books for doctors on explaining the various pros and cons of how psychiatric medication work (see Stahl's Prescribe Guide) and a book directed at doctors to explain the current understanding of how these medicines work (Stahl's essential psychopharmacology) these are so well respected and so helpful to doctors that many people consider of the various other books on this subject to be "the bible" and usually one of the first three books you recommend for explaining how medicines that affect the brain how they work (the science of this psychopharmacology, as in the brain and the pharamacology of drugs)
  
  Dr. Stephen Stahl also writes more basic books explaining various disorders and drugs called the Stahl Illustrated Series. Instead of being directed at doctors it is directed at a more basic explanation similar to a 1st level undergraduate college course. It is meant to help to explain to patients the various aspects of their disorder. There are 8 books in the illustrated series and one of them focuses in on ADHD.
  
  It is a little more than a 100 pages long, and while the book is not free I gave a review of the book here.
  
  

  Link to my review
  

  
  Inside that review I showed images of 10 of those pages of the book and the sample images help you get an idea of the book and help you decide before you buy. Each page has is almost all that image and the accompanying text and while it is still medical it is written at a level that if you read slowly and pay attention to the pictures it explains everything you need to know to get a basic understanding of how these medications work. You do not need to be a doctor, a med school, or even someone who took a college biology course, you just need to be patient and read the book, and it is freaking cool.
  
  Well each page is like each of those figures I gave above with each page having 1 such figure and description and then some other text to help it being a narrative type style. There are over a 100 such pages.
  
  ----
  
   
  
   
  
  Now I can link to other articles, most of them free, that go over the ADHD medicines but I find those two I linked above to be the most useful.

Hi there. I'd say that the symptoms you describe are a normal reaction to what should be an abnormal event; at the same time, it's no way to live. You shouldn't have to struggle with these thoughts and feelings every day.

It sounds like you are managing incredibly well, especially given how much your daily life is affected by what you've been through. Seriously, well done.

Personally, after I was hurt I poured even more energy into my work (it was my first 'real' job out of uni). I moved to a new neighbourhood, had terrible nightmares/flashbacks and constantly had the event on my mind, but at the same time I actually excelled in the work sphere. I was promoted several times and given raises etc... however, as you say, I was tired. Eventually, at about the three-year mark, I became so drained that I couldn't keep it up, and the situation began to reverse - my work suffered more and more and my personal life all but disintegrated. It was a profound exhaustion like I'd never known. By the time five years came, I was at the end of my rope. I had to take a full year off of work to focus on processing the trauma and rebuilding my life.

The reason I'm sharing this is to let you know that you're not alone, but also to warn you that if it is still affecting your day-to-day life this much, it's unlikely to go away on its own without some kind of intervention. Please do keep living your life and be very proud of everything you are accomplishing, but also be cautious of burnout. Even the strongest, most intelligent person has a limit to what they can endure.

Therapy can be really helpful if you have access to it, but as you mentioned it's not within everyone's budget. This is more of a long-term plan, but when you are looking for jobs, look closely at their benefits packages - many do include mental health funding/support services, at least where I am. In the meantime, it might be worth reaching out to your school and your local rape crisis centre to see what they might offer in terms of free counselling.

Outside of that, I'd recommend getting a few books to guide you through. Some that could be helpful are:

• Calming The Emotional Storm ...I think this one was written with bipolar people in mind, but I don't have that (I've been dx'd with ptsd, anxiety and depression) and I still found it very helpful
  
  
• The Rape Recovery Handbook ...haven't tried this one myself but have seen it oft-recommended
  
  
• The Body Keeps The Score ...a very well-known book/author dealing with trauma recovery
  
  
• The PTSD Workbook ...not saying you have ptsd, but this might still be helpful to guide yourself through trauma recovery
  
  
• The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook ...I've found this one helpful as well
  
  At least a couple of these are also available as audiobooks, if that interests you (I use Audible).
  
  Good luck with everything; it sounds like you are on a great path. You will get to a place when what happened to you feels more past than present... just be sure to address it and treat yourself with kindness and compassion along the way.
  
  It's totally normal and ok that this is tough for you, but it doesn't have to be this way forever. You're so much more than what happened to you. 💙

Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)

Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.

That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.

One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)

Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.

Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)

(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)

These are the resources that helped me:

After Psychotherapy -- Blog run by a psychotherapist. I particularly like his theory that the source of all mental illness is hiding shame. Find your shame and accept it. I haven't found an instance that debunks this theory.

Why do I do that? -- Book written by the same author as the blog above. Again, his insights are very helpful. I really enjoyed this book to help me understand other people so I wouldn't get angry at them. My issue is abandonment, so when someone does something to trigger it I A) know it's just a trigger, and B) know it has nothing to do with me personally because of whatever issue that person has. I haven't read any of his other books, but I would guess they would be helpful, too.

Attached -- Details of attachment theory. I personally don't like attachment theory too much, but my boyfriend thought this book was wonderful and that it helped him understand things better. My psychiatrist gave him this book after I brought him in for a group session. A lot of people believe in attachment theory, so I'd recommend reading it.

Jungian Psychotherapy -- I believe in jungian psychotherapy instead of CBT. How I view it, psychotherapy uncovers and heals your hidden shame, while CBT helps you to better cover it up. If you have serious problems, I just don't think CBT is going to work.

Now, the rest are more about borderline personality disorder, which I believe I have. If you have emotions that you feel just aren't regulated and keep bursting out, then you will likely benefit from looking at BPD resources.

Understanding the Borderline Mother -- This book changed my life. I got the book because of my mother, and after reading this realized I have BPD, too. I'm the hermit, based on her classification, and I'm even dating a huntsman! I had to keep putting it down as it blew my mind and made my world, my family, my past make so much more sense.

Putting the Pieces Together -- The author's account of working through recovery, what helped her along with details of BPD itself.

Books authored by Marsha M. Linehan -- She has BPD herself and is a psychiatrist, so she has intimate understanding in what the problems are and how to best fix them. She invented DBT.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook -- DBT is a type of therapy that focuses on emotion regulation skills. I actually haven't read this book -- I started doing so well, working on my mental health got lowered in priority. But, it's well recommended and could be very helpful.

I was in therapy on and off for 14 years. It wasn't until I started doing my own research into psychology and read all of the above that I finally started making huge strides in progress. I'm now pretty stable.

The body tries to protect itself by hiding things even from you. It make take awhile to widdle down those defenses so that you can self analyse thoroughly enough. Reread things and you may find you'll find "new" stuff.

It's a lot of work, but well worth it.

Number one, take a deep breathe and tell yourself that you are still you. You haven’t suddenly changed into someone else, you haven’t lost you’re identity. You aren’t bpd. You have bpd.

Number two, but these two books: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_Uk80Ab8EPAW4R
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for You... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1936268868/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_tl80AbV4W8531

They will be super useful for your dbt. And make sure you do dbt! It’s life changing and is honestly the biggest, best treatment.

Number Three: ask yours loved ones to do their research. There are tons of great books out there, if they can understand your disorder they can be a support for you.

I hope this helps. I just know those are things I wish I had known a lot sooner.

Here is a helpful resource I have bookmarked. Amazon's top selling books on ADHD http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/books/598622

I have read all of the books in the top 14 (except the ADHD effect on marriage) and they are all good.

My favorite is More Attention Less deficit: Success strategies for adults with ADHD.

Reasons:

• The book is organized perfectly. Broad chapters with short specific articles. Each article stands on its own and is no longer than a page usually.
  
  
• The corners of the pages are perforated. People with ADHD might not read a book cover to cover so tear off the pages you have read!
  
  
• Covers a bunch of topics and has clear explanations and helpful analogies
  
  Others I recommend are:
  
  Driven to Distraction: THE classic. Really jump-started adult ADHD awareness.
  
  The disorganized mind: While reading this and doing the life inventory I realized I wasn't passionate about computers and instead wanted to help people (I was in tech support). This led me to becoming an ADHD coach. Great book for self-coaching.
  
  You mean I'm not lazy stupid or crazy: Humorous at times and very enlightening. Helps educate ourselves on the various ways ADHD manifests in our lives.
  
  ***
  
  

  Websites to show others:
  

  
  TotallyADD.com - By the makers of the PBS show ADD and Lovin' it this offers a humorous look at ADHD with an excellent blog, forum community, and videos on Youtube.
  
  Youtube clips of Russell Barkley (playlist I created) - 13 videos all under 5 minutes each which are powerful and enlightening.
  
  ***
  
  I have access to nearly every book on ADHD due to my volunteer job and would be glad to start doing quick reviews on various books. I will also complete a Google Doc with my favorite books, fidget toys, and resources to put in the sidebar.
  
  

Someone mentioned CBT, which is similar to DBT, which is what I came here to recommend. DBT is an AMAZING resource, and you should be able to find a weekly group to get her in NOW, and it will be more affordable. I'm positive there are at least a couple DBT groups running here. All Souls might be able to direct you to one, or maybe even Mission knows who you should contact. Without insurance, it'll probably be around $100/week, but you could ask about a cash discount perhaps.

Also, order the DBT workbook and read some of it each night with her. It's a wonderful resource and the information is SO helpful, that I personally think the curriculum should be taught in schools to the general population.

Workbook

Editing to add: Doing a daily mindfulness exercise is very helpful, too. It calms the nervous system and really helps to reset things. Some meditations include tensing and relaxing your body in order from top to bottom or from bottom to top, watching the flame of a candle for a few minutes while letting thoughts leave your mind as quickly as they come in, doing a sound meditation where you close your eyes and hyper-focus on sounds around you, counting your breaths until you get to 10 then starting over again, and envisioning a warm disc of light glowing in your chest and warming you with calm light.

Also, for immediate "distress tolerance", taking a bath can help, walking a dog or snuggling with a cat, distracting her with TV or a movie, putting lotion on your arms or legs, writing your worries/thoughts in a journal, even screaming into a pillow.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts tonight, and PLEASE PM me if you need any more info or support.

Here is some basic info about DBT. It is such a wonderful approach.

Much love and light to both of you tonight.

It sounds like living with your dad might be the best of those 3 options. You'll still be in contact with the girl you like but you wont be challenged with as many changes. BPD is EXHAUSTING, I know. I find that the solution that is driven as equally as possible by both logic and emotion fits best. Suicide may seem like a good third option, but remember that there is always a possibility for even more options than you listed. I would sometimes confront that idea with "I''m pretty sure I've explored every option and angle and this is all I got", and I did....with the information I had at the time. Group therapy helped me with finding more options to help solve my problem from my peers and from the ppl running the group. I think it's important to be open to gathering up more information on what you can do and what support you can get. This forum is the perfect place!

Also, Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT) is extremely usefull in treating BPD. You can find a number of online resources and workbooks to help you. There are also DBT group therapies out there that take insurance or do sliding scale. I'll link the books below. Some of the worksheets inthese books can be found on forums or other websites for free, uploaded by wonderful ppl that just wanna give ppl access to something helpful.

Book 1: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_C12QybM6GZ5PF

Book 2 (my personal fav): The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_w22Qyb6Y42T7S

In my case when this has happened before it's because in previous trusting relationships (parents especially) when I overshared, it was used against me, to say that I couldn't trust my own opinions because I was too messed up. The fact that you're posting this here probably means that you know that quitting therapy isn't right for you, but you're really feeling the intensity of being vulnerable. That's normal, and it means that you're getting to the part that will be really healing if you can stick it out. Your future self deserves your current self's best efforts to sit with the intensity and stick it out. The fact that you're having this reaction means that you're strong enough to have survived some really tough stuff. You're strong enough for this too, and we've got your back.

I found this book to be helpful in collecting the tools for dealing with the intensity associated with processing this stuff. The short version is to take some time for self care, have a cup of hot tea, sit with the emotions you're feeling for a few minutes, and then pack them away for now. I know it'll sound silly writing it here, but in case it helps to have an example, my mental tool for packing away my emotions and overwhelming memories when I'm not working on them is a bookshelf in an orderly old fashioned study housed in suitcase like Newt Scamander's, that I store in a cave behind a waterfall guarded by a pet dragon. You get to pick your own tools that are useful for you, but that one helps me to feel like my traumatic past is safe while I'm going about my life but that I can access it and sort through the pieces and then pack them away when I'm not using them.

Good luck, and keep reaching out!

I have a mild case of ADD, so I can kinda empathize with you. I would reccomend books by Eric Hoffer. They are nonfiction, but still very fascinating. You can pretty much pick up his books and start on any sentence and enjoy his writing.

I would recommend you start with Reflections on the Human Condition or The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements, although Reflections on the Human condition is less structured and more ADD friendly.

The advantage to his books is you don't have to finish them. You read what you want and enjoy it. Daydreaming inspired by his books is something I would encourage.

I too had been diagnosed with DID and worked with a therapist who had never encountered it before. It definitely was a learning experience for both of us. Fortunately my T was willing to learn and stick with me as we work through a lot of my sh*t. It definitely was a rough ride at times, and my T didn't always make the best or most helpful decisions over the years, but what I ultimately learned was to trust my gut and to speak up when something in the therapy or in the relationship didn't feel right for me.

Have you asked your T how much experience that her supervisor has had in regards to working with DID clients? Do you feel comfortable that your T will be getting some good support and input from this super? I would encourage you to have that conversation with her if you are not feeling good about this.

Also, in regards to your fear of having to address your trauma, you don't have to necessarily do that at this time. I would hope your T is focusing on getting you and your system to be more connected and co-concious so that you and your alters/parts are learning to acknowledge and except each other and their particular roles so they can work together as a unified system. After this is achieved, you may feel more comfortable about facing your particular traumas. And who knows, the trauma may naturally come up and be worked through as you get to know each of your alters/parts better.

Also, don't be so quick to write off other modalities or alternative therapies just yet. Body centred therapies are quite helpful for addressing complex traumas. When I got stuck in a rut with doing talk therapy and wasn't improving, but in fact slipping backwards in progress and worsening in my trauma symptoms, I started doing neurofeedback therapy in conjunction to my talk therapy and it was incredibly beneficial. It helped to calm many of my trauma symptoms, including my overall anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and dissociation unlike anything else to where I could finally start doing my talk therapy without becoming severely dissociated or triggered. I started to make a lot of positive progress in therapy and my healing after I started neurofeedback. Neurofeedback also helped me internally to become more connected with my system.

Also, if you haven't read these books yet, I highly recommend you get copies of them. You may like to share them with your T:

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks/dp/0737303948

https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder+books&qid=1562834073&s=gateway&sprefix=Disociative+&sr=8-3

No it's fine, I wouldn't have responded if I wasn't ready for questions. It is extremely schedule-oriented, almost annoyingly so. And it might not be that way for everyone. I had to write down journals for weeks about what I did and when I did it and how often/long. That was tricky to stay on top of. I just had to grit my teeth so to speak and make a point to sit down and do it in a context where I wouldn't get anything else to distract me. I had to switch from digital journals to physical ones so I wouldn't end up wandering the internet for hours instead... If I had to guess this is where most people would find the most difficulty. But what we learned is that I am a creature of habit. Routine. My day has to start with me eating and then showering and getting dressed, and doing it out of order or oversleeping and being unable to do so because I might be running late for work really throws me off. I am trying to add physical exercise to the end of my morning routine but it is difficult in my current living situation. I have actually regressed significantly in my own opinion as my roommates are very... unorganized and constantly wish to wrap me into their impromptu plans and aren't really interested in my reasons as to why that doesn't work for me. It has gotten to the point where I am disrupting that neat and needed schedule to avoid them being able to further disrupt me. However, I am going to be living on my own soon and will be able to dictate my own schedule as needed and be the master of my domain. Or at least that is what I am wish to achieve for myself.

And I don't necessarily have to eat the same thing every day or anything like that, but the breakfast and meals need to be similar in the time the take to prepare at the time I elect best to do so. When I was at my peak progress a few months ago my hardest issue was keeping to a consistant sleep schedule and waking up around the same time as I sometimes just can't sleep. But I am actually quite proud of myself as only some nights I have trouble with that as opposed to most nights. I am hoping once I am set up at the new location I can try to allot some time for... meditating, something I have never been capable of. I hope to use the skill of 'clearing my mind' (whatever that means) to facilitate falling asleep more quickly. Sometimes I stay awake for hours because I am not done thing about whatever happens to enter my thoughts- so nothing in particular so much as the gears just don't wind down when I want them to.

But my biggest growth I have made is not giving myself the 3rd Degree if I slip up or something happens. I have always been worried about being lax with myself that I found I might be more critical of myself that what would be considered healthy.

I had go try a few therapists before I found one that worked for me and was interested in my desire to try a non-medicated approach. If you want to try it I have to say that the journals were honestly the hardest part, but once I could view my own habits as data, I made a lot more sense to myself. But for now it is a serious WIP. And know that life happens and you might find yourself in a situation where it is hard to impossible to provide yourself with the environment you need. But do not give up. Persistence is the name of the game.

Kinda ranted a bit but for once I am actually quite tired and I think I will be able to put my head on my pillow and get right to it. I will be happy to answer more questions.

And lastly, consider this book. It is a great tool for understating yourself and relating to others like yourself, without connecting to the internet and risking extreme distraction. But also make time for goofing around because that is healthy too.

I got back on adderall about 10 months ago, and think I've just about got the dosage right. When I decided to go back on medication I did some research on managing things better than the last couple times I've been on meds.
The most important thing I took away from the research was that medication won't do everything. You need to figure out some plan for managing your time/tasks, and the medication will make it easier to stick to it.

Paying attention for the whole lecture is a reasonable expectation, but working hours straight without a break is probably not. You should plan breaks, but limit the length of them. That way when you get distracted and find yourself on reddit or something, you can get yourself off after 10 minutes, and not beat yourself up about losing your focus.
I really got a lot out of The Now Habit, as far as techniques for getting things completed.

Wow, this is a lot longer than I expected.

There are plugins you can get for firefox and chrome that will limit the amount of time you can spend browsing: 10 minutes an hour, 30 minutes every 6 hours, whatever you want. Chrome Nanny is pretty versatile.

The best trick I've come up with to stay focused is to convince myself that I am genuinely interested in what I'm doing. Ask yourself questions about the paragraph you just read. Paraphrase what the professor just explained, look at a problem and think of what would happen if one part was different, and remind yourself regularly that you are doing something you like for your own good.
One of the aspects of ADD/ADHD is the reward centers in our brains work differently than other people, so we have to find our own ways to motivate ourselves.

I'm losing coherence, but I want to recommend you read Driven to Distraction, it will teach you a lot about how ADD/ADHD work. Also, if you think you'll have a hard time sitting a reading a bunch, you can find a lot of stuff on audiobook and listen to it while driving/walking/running/cleaning/whatever.

Hope this helps

I definitely had ADD when I went, I've had it my entire life, but because I lack the 'hyperactive' part, no one would believe me when I said I thought I had it. After reading a bunch of books on the topic, every little thing kept clicking - from my over active imagination, teachers comments on 'she's smart, she just doesn't apply herself,' my dabbling in drug in college...everything! I remember asking my mom in my sophomore year of high school to take me to get tested for ADD but she didn't think I needed to, I just 'needed to study.' I can't help but wonder these days had she listened and took me to the psychologist back then how much differently my life would've been and my career.

To determine if I had ADD, basically I went to the doctor and explained why I thought I had it, and she then recommended a therapist to talk to which I did for about 3 months before I was actually prescribed Vyvanse, and it was another 2 months before we got the dosage right. They made me take some little tests, but mostly it was reading books and telling them what I learned about myself.

I highly recommend you check out "Driven to Distraction" by Halowell - it was the book my therapist told me to check out and after I read it I think I had highlighed like, every line of the book. It was a great determining factor in getting the help I actually needed.

Like I said before, part of getting help is helping yourself and not letting your ADD rule you - which, trust me, I understand is much easier said than done. I have worse days than others where my ADD is almost unmanageable, but I don't let it define who I am or the quality of the work. I just understand it is something about myself that I don't necessarily have control over, and may never have control over, but as long as I accept that, I think I have found a little bit of happiness from it.

I literally read this passage this morning

>An important, and often overlooked part of both learning disabilities and ADD is the social consequence of having them. ADD can interfere with one's interpersonal life just as dramatically as it does with one's academic or job performance. To make friends, you have to be able to pay attention. To get along in a group, you have to be able to follow what is being said in the group. Social cues are often subtle: the narrowing of eyes, the raising of eyebrows, a slight change in tone of voice, a tilting of the head. Often the person with ADD doesn't pick up on these cues. This can lead to real social gaffes or a general sense of being out of it. Particularly in childhood, where social transactions happen so rapidly and the transgressor of norms is dealt with so pitilessly, a lapse in social awareness due to the distractibility or impulsivity of ADD can preclude acceptance by a group or deny understanding from a friend.^1

You're in high school right? high school is a difficult time to be introverted, because everyone demands you live your life a certain way and act a certain way, and anything else makes you an outcast. Get through it. It is difficult, but life isn't like high school. In the real world you won't be interacting only with people within 2 years of your age. you won't be interacting only with people who want to go do things or judge people all the time. There are lots of types of people out there and high school is not a good slice of them. Get through high school, and head to the rest of your life.

It took me a while to realize that being an introvert is fine. Mostly because my fiance is one too. We sat down one day and both said "It's annoying that everyone wants to do things with us, why can't we just be alone with ourselves?". we are both introverts, and we enjoy it this way. Other people may not understand it, but we have fun, we enjoy life, and we have friends. we just don't need to jump every time someone mentions a movie or thing. We just don't need people the way other people do. It is hard to accept, but we came to understand it and are happy with it. It is hard for other people to accept, but we don't really care about that anymore. WE are happy, and that's all that matters.


^1 Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, MD and John J Ratey MD^2: i'm only a chapter in and its a great book. find it and read it.^3

^2 The authors are psychologists and also live with ADD (at least one does, I haven't gotten very far). But they are considered the defining accessible sources on living with ADD.

^3 If you can't focus on a book like this very well, get Answers to Distraction this one is made in a FAQ format in smaller pieces.

Woah buddy you have a lot going on! First off, deep breath!!!! You have taken the biggest step - asking for help. If I were you (and I kinda was, at 25 (29 now) I was diagnosed as Bipolar II, Generalized anxiet, and BPD traits), I'd make sure I was seeing that psychologist as much as possible, I'd be looking at seeing a psychiatrist for medication, and on top of all else, looking for a strong DBT program.

I'd also talk to your gf, be fully honest with her. Let her know this is a process and the prognosis is good if you fight (which it seems like you want to) but you need her help and understanding. It may be best to consider taking a break to shield her until you work through some of this treatment - I know that option sounds shitty, but trust me, had I listened to that advice when I was 25, my life would have been drastically different.

If you can't get into a DBT group quickly, pick up a book such as this one - This was the book I used in group. It makes WAY more sense with a group, but reading it yourself may help. The author actually created the DBT model.

More than anything else, remember the single best part of being bipolar: you may be one mood now, but that mood always passes.

You can PM me if you want to chat too. I promise, it can get better.

There are lots of great resources out of there. For example, the book "Understanding the Borderline Mother" was a great help to me.

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319

Also, the website BPDCentral is a great resource:

http://bpdcentral.com/

And, Out of the Fog:

http://outofthefog.website/

But if you truly want to heal yourself and live your best life, you're going to need to find a therapist. Your BPD mother trained you all your life to deny that you were a person in your own right, so much so that you no longer understand your own wants and needs. You're going to need personal guidance to find your way out. You need to find those hooks that your mother put in you and remove them. It hurts, and its hard work, but its the only thing that will allow you to heal fully.

I think the difference between boys and girls being raised by borderlines (depending on your mother's own special brand of abuse) is basically just what society puts on either sex, plus bonus points for BPD. But a therapist will help guide you out of the woods for your needs specifically.

This is a great group also. Read and vent as necessary. We've all been through it. You're not crazy and you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck.

It really sucks that her past trauma is creeping up afterwards (I've been there and it's really rough) but I don't think you need to feel guilty about her emotional state. She is engaging in sex with you because she wants to.

Rather than saying sorry, ask her what you can do to make her feel safe right now. Hold her? Give her some space? Bring her some blankets to cuddle with or put on her favorite show and rub her back?

Acknowledge her struggling and be supportive - but don't be apologetic for giving her what she wanted. Just make sure to support her as she works through it. It might be worth suggesting that you two get a book to read through together (perhaps on PTSD or healing from trauma). This could help open up new ways of talking about your struggles and finding better coping strategies and support methods. I just ordered "The Body Keeps the Score" because it was highly recommended by a friend. i haven't read it yet but it gets excellent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=80GX99JJZFXSE8WDS76V

Part of the problem, I think, is that many successful T people lead pretty normal lives and our transgender status doesn't really affect our day to day lives.

It's easy to see an out and proud gay or lesbian person lead a normal, happy life, but chances are that even if you do know a successful trans woman or trans man, unless you know them pretty well, you don't know that part of their history.

If you're looking to get an impression of what transgender people go through, there are some decent resources online (although there's a lot of nonsense too).

The book I recommended to my mom when I came out was True Selves. It explains a lot of the basics, and the process many people go through.

>I'm frustrated that I still haven't developed any strong personal and intellectual relationships with trans people I respect, as I'm absolutely certain they're out there.

I think you're going to have a hard time finding a trans person who is both very successful and vocal about their background. I'm not saying they don't exist, but they're rare.

If there's anything more specific you want to ask about, feel free to PM. I'm a bit hesitant to get too personal on a public forum.

My father is a very devout Catholic and is good friends with the priest at his church. My father found it really helpful to get guidance from the priest after I came out. If his parents are close to a leader in their church you could try going to that leader first. Tell the leader what's up and that you would love it if he/she could help the parents deal with it and become supportive.


If the parents feel like someone of authority is supportive of the transition then the parents are going to be more likely to be supportive as well.


It's also a good idea to have information readily available. Bringing a book, or providing websites with information, or movies, etc. can help. Also, offering the parents a chance to talk to specialist and go to dr. visits can be helpful, so look up therapists in the area that deal with family counselling or are LGBT oriented.

Hope this helped a bit.

Do that, plus read Raising Cain. The books tl;dr is that boys have complex emotional lives, even if the don't often express that in obvious ways. It gave me huge amounts of insight during the 4 years I spent as a summer camp counselor.

My boy's only 2, but so far, the father protips I've learned are:

• When your baby's very small (like, the first three months), they'll likely hate sleeping alone and love cuddling. You can use this to your videogaming advantage. When baby's fussy late at night, tell your wife, "I've got this." Secure your baby on your chest in something like a Moby or Ergobaby, then go play the Xbox for for a few hours. Baby gets cuddles, your wife thinks you're some kind of superdad and you get to play videogames. It's a win win win situation, and the way I beat Fable II and Gears of War II.
  
• Don't feel bad if you're not deeply in love with your child the moment he exits the womb. When he was born, I loved my son in the "This is my son so I will love him" sort of way. But around the time he turned 1 and became less of a little crying thing and more of a mini-person, I feel deeply in love.
  
• You will never have a better excuse to buy photography or video equipment, so take advantage of this moment. In my experience, mothers are unable to resist the logic of, "I really need a better camera to make sure we have lasting memories or our baby's 1st year." It's like a license to kill. Only instead of killing, you get to go out and spend money on whatever DSLR you've been lusting after.
  
  Congratulations!
  
  
  

I have ADD too but mine has become almost unobtrusive. I can even take advantage of it now, like for example, obviating shit and details and focusing on the nitty gritty to get things done. I've used Aderall, it does help lots and if you can by all means use it; however, myself and other people I've met have ceased to need the meds as bad as we once needed to. It has to do with self management, something you will learn the bad way if you hit rock fucking bottom in everything like I did.

Please, don't wait until you hit rock bottom and life jolts you awake. You could be close to losing all your college opportunities, losing your friends and your fiancee. You have to toughen up by becoming responsible of yourself and your ADD.

It's good you already started. Keep going to counseling, get a prescription for the meds and read on ADD as much as you can. There are really helpful books on the subject such as this one. Here's a hint, the way to manage ADD is through establishing reliable systems that get things done for you, like for example, study three hours every day at the same time, attend all your classes, implement something that works for you so you won't forget things, like a GTD software, maintaining clean spaces, asking lots of questions in conversations to keep yourself engaged, keeping lists of things, storing boxes, detailed notes, that sort of things. Once you find systems that work for you, you stick and follow through them regardless of how you feel and things will get taken care of and surprisingly, you'll have more time available to do the things you want, be it sleep or whatever; otherwise, if left to whim, everything spirals out of control and becomes unmanageable and it drags you down with it. Good luck!

BP 2, here. Is your gf on any kind of medication? Honestly, it doesn't sound like it, or if she is, she needs a higher dose.

There is a TON of info about bipolar disorder, and a large amount of information for loved ones who have a family member with bp. You just gotta look a bit harder.

Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder
and
The Bipolar Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know.

These are both great books. I can attest for the latter, especially. It has helped my mother and sister understand me a bit more.

Also, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness is truly an amazing book. It was the first time I felt like there were other people who got it, who understood. I highly recommend it for both you and your girlfriend. I wish I could emphasize just how much I recommend that book. It is really wonderful.

Most of all, your girlfriend needs to take a bit of responsibility for what is going on with her. Medicine and therapy.

Bipolar disorder is not something that goes away. But it is manageable. It took me almost 10 years to get my meds right, and find a place where I am improving - but you know what? I AM improving. Every day is a fight. But it is a fight worth winning.

I wish you all the luck. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Edit: After re-reading your post, I question if maybe you aren't spending too much time with your friend. I get he needs support, but you can't be his crutch. I could definitely understand if you're girlfriend is feeling a bit of resentment.

You took the first step posting here. On behalf of your hubby...thank you.

They may not have told you this, but here's the facts: SSRIs, like Prozac, can and very often will induce mania in bipolar individuals if not balanced against a mood stabilizer like depakote, lithium, etc. This almost certainly contributed to your husband's mental state.

I very, very strongly recommend buying The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. This gave me so much footing to stay grounded on when I was diagnosed in November. It has information about bipolar, triggers to mood states, coping strategies, mood tracking/managing strategies, a section devoted to how to support your bipolar loved one as a family member or friend, seriously. Buy this book as soon as possible. The author has years of experience working with bipolar individuals and brings that in full force to the book.

Lastly, post here. Talk to us about what's happening, questions, frustrations. This subreddit isn't just for bipeeps, it's also for their loved ones. Have a seat at the table. You and your family have taken the first step towards stability and getting your husband the help he needs.

>What annoys the hell out of me is when people attribute higher, human-level emotional and conceptual functions to their pets, and to animals in general.

Well the fact is that many animals do exhibit higher cognitive functions and emotions, even more complex ones that you may think only humans possess. We see this advanced capability especially in great apes, crows, elephants, some monkeys and other birds, as well as some cetacean species like dolphins. The line that separates us and them is not black and white as we once thought, but rather shades of grey. You might be interested in reading more on Affective Neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions. It explores the principles that animals and man are not governed by different processes, but rather we share conserved underlying physiological mechanisms that govern processes like emotions. All this means is animals do feel emotions, even complex ones, much in the same way we do. It is not anthropomorphizing a dog to say he is happy, dogs can be happy, they have the same underlying mechanisms that govern feeling of happiness.

Some animals also possess theory of mind, that is they can tell self from other and have the capacity to understand their place amongst others. In essence they have a consciousness not so dissimilar from our own. This enables them to demonstrate a wide variety of behaviours that we thought were once only within the realm of human beings - concepts like shared traditions, teaching, and cumulative culture. Hell it once wasn't that long ago that we thought man was the only being to make, use, and modify tools! How wrong we were.

So for you to be so dogmatic in your understanding of animal cognition is to really do a disservice to the thousands of researchers across this planet working in human and animal behavioural cognition whose works have shown that animals are indeed very smart creatures whom we should not dismiss as being "lesser beings". We are really only beginning to scratch the surface here, and our understanding of animal behaviour and cognition is really only in its infancy.

How we treat animals is another topic all together, but so long as people aren't harming them then why bother with being so annoyed that they treat their pets like children? Its not a reflection on you, nor does it harm you! Its as silly as hating someone for liking oranges just because you dislike the taste of them.

I think what your therapist is recommending is that you read books and other resources about the two conditions to help you understand how to not enable her behavior and also to help you heal from her abuse.

And you are right, it isn't the same as a diagnosis. But ultimately, your response will be very similar with or without a diagnosis. My jusno's do not have any formal diagnoses that I know of. Originally, I thought that they might be this or that, and it felt like I needed to know. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I would never know, and furthermore my course of action wouldn't change even if I did know. Which means, for me, the precise condition is ultimately irrelevant. You will have to determine relevancy yourself. Your therapist has given you a generalized area to research that will hopefully help you to find the right path forward for you. I personally would also look at books on narcissism - not because I think your therapist is wrong, but rather because the conditions are similar enough that the books are helpful. Sometimes this is more about finding an author who speaks your language than it is about the precise condition.

Please take the time to understand the differences between Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality. My understanding is that they are pretty different in terms of their source, presentation and how to treat them. I have done way more research on personality disorders than Bi-polar.

Book options (based on your therapist suggestion) to help you on your way:

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=borderline&qid=1568749104&s=gateway&sr=8-5 - have read this one - it is good

https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=borderline&qid=1568748960&s=gateway&sr=8-2 - have heard good things about this one, no personal experience.

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=pd_sbs_14_19?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0765703319&pd_rd_r=1df02639-93bb-4407-a19e-09f71cb173bc&pd_rd_w=8tGI6&pd_rd_wg=FsKic&pf_rd_p=d66372fe-68a6-48a3-90ec-41d7f64212be&pf_rd_r=7J859K8ZGXEKBHVS3EW5&psc=1&refRID=7J859K8ZGXEKBHVS3EW5 - have also heard good things about this one.

I recommend reading "A General Theory of Love" https://www.amazon.com/General-Theory-Love-Thomas-Lewis/dp/0375709223

One way to try to stop dating men is to try to figure out the dynamic and learn how to ID it early, and avoid those types of situations. But that doesn't change the fact that your status quo is to crave those situations that are unhealthy, but what you are most used to.

Another approach is to learn healthier attachment, to the point that what you want has fundamentally changed, and that the unhealthy patterns just don't do it for you any more.

The book I recommended is really great for getting an overview sense of how attachment works.

Then, trying to apply it to create situations where safe attachment can take place, and the other person(s) have a healthier, calmer limbic system than you. Therapy, healing friendships, healthy social situations--whatever situations can help "bring you up" to a more connected approach to the world.

Congrats on the career switch! :) Methinks you'll find helping people with this topic to be quite fulfilling and honestly, you'll have a head start if you're already a teacher b/c there are a lot of overlapping skills.

In the interest of time I'm going to forego personal anecdotes in favor of something that will help 10x more.

When it comes to talking to people / motivating then around fitness, everything is super counterintuitive. Logic won't convince most people, acting like a "trainer" won't motivate most people, and explicitly telling a client that they screwed up will only make them want to rebel. (If you teach kids, you'll see where these parallels come in...)

So, the best advice I can give you is to spend $50 on the book below. It is worth every single penny and will put you ahead of 99% of nutrition/fitness/healthcare professionals in your field who don't realize that helping people is all about being able to interact with them and get past their defenses.

http://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1464203858&sr=8-1&keywords=motivational+interviewing

(note: In no way do I benefit monetarily from the link above ha.)

Interesting. You are the first person my age who has shared this, so thank you!

I did not remember much of my childhood until I started reading Dr. Tony Attwood's book. I recognized some traits and it got me to flash back to certain events. I think my brain suppressed most of my childhood and early teens because they were such negative years for me.

The book: https://www.amazon.ca/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/ref=pd_sbs_14_9?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1843106698&pd_rd_r=93f5b6d3-d069-4a74-b84a-32f47ac219f8&pd_rd_w=zoaC2&pd_rd_wg=94MbY&pf_rd_p=5a0f6968-18a5-43ab-a560-10f088b58e7e&pf_rd_r=VWWGB40M0WDQBHHZTGZ0&psc=1&refRID=VWWGB40M0WDQBHHZTGZ0

For some years I have not been interested in making any friends as I loose them all, just like my jobs. When I retired five years ago, I determined to isolate myself. We now live in the country in a small village by a lake and a mountain and it is Aspie Heaven!

My wife and I have told most of her inner circle that I have AS and everyone has been very accepting. Most have known us for over 30 years anyway and they have always accepted me as I am. I have cut myself off from my past and former colleagues and family. I am better off for it. Not having to work and being a pensioner has made a great difference. My mental and physical condition has actually improved since we moved here in May!

This is the closest I have ever come to happiness, and I hope you are happy too!

Interesting. No, but I was a philosophy major so I’m familiar and yeah, they would be relevant. Acceptance of reality, while trying to make small and realistic changes, is the core of the whole thing.

We used Linehan’s workbook, below, which I highly recommend. She definitely used Buddhism and mixed it with CBT to develop this. It’s got a little bit of everything, and can help everyone, given they want to help themselves. Thanks for the book and links, they look great.

DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7JKSDbC66H487

Certainly! CBT is really helpful too, and there's a bit of crossover between it and DBT.

DBT is a pretty intensive program, usually to do it the way Linehan sets it out requires individual therapy and group therapy but the literature has recently shown some benefits to just the skills portion (the work that's usually done in an individual setting) of the program.

This is what we used for ourselves and clients when I was learning about DBT DBT is pretty proprietary so a lot of the stuff is way more geared towards training therapists, but the skills manual is probably the easiest to grok as a client-recommendation.

Talk with your therapist too about incorporating DBT, they might have more ready access to the materials needed. ACT is a little more user friendly in regards to accessibility for clients and personal work and covers pretty similar ideas.

Oh and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulnesses Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (MCBT) also cover some of the same ground too, and are easier to work into a running CBT program. Those might be helpful to bring up too.

Ha, I'm the same with researching stuff as is my sister. I think it's one of the ways we dissociate. But let me be clear, that is really my only qualification on this topic.

The lack of emotion you are talking about having is very familiar to me. I don't think there is any one way to detach from emotions. I am familiar with the idea of people who can't feel anything. I'm also familiar with the other thing you are talking about where you are able to be happy despite being in the midst of severely traumatic events.

What probably happened was that you were helpless to do anything about the situations you were in with your mother. So you adapted by being unaffected by them. You may have developed this reflex to things going down with your mother of "this isn't happening." Obviously, you knew it was happening but you also didn't really experience it and that's how you protected yourself from it.

That was how you took care of yourself. It's not as though there were other, more palatable options.

I think you are absolutely right that people who talk about bottling up their emotions are doing it on purpose and that's really far from what happens with us. I think they mean that they feel the emotions, they know the emotions are there but they refuse to talk about them or give them any outlet. They try to ignore them. I think that's what bottling up means.

I have emotions in me that I don't know how old they are or what they are even about. I'm not bottling it up. It's buried inside me and I'm digging to get to it.

You may never know what the actual traumatic memories are or why Walgreens lights trigger you or if it even is Walgreens lights. It may be some other thing that happens alongside the lights.
There may have been a good deal of neglect in your childhood and that may have had a lot to do with you being disconnected from certain emotions and reactions. This video may interest you.

>Is there a way to figure out what these implicit memories are?

Not really. This is a big problem with developmental trauma, a lot of it probably happened when you were an age where you weren't creating many long term memories. Then, we are also capable of repressing memories. On top of that, the research points pretty strongly to it being the case that you can't actively recover repressed memories. Spontaneously recovered memories seem to be as reliable as continuous memories. Memories what were recovered in a clinical setting appear to be wildly unreliable. And we know its spectacularly easy to create pseudomemories.

But you have an arrow in your chest. It's probably of no value to calculate its initial trajectory. I don't think you need to do that to remove the arrow and close the wound. So, getting to that topic:

>Is there anything that can be done to access these emotions that seem to be so far bottled down they are completely inaccessible, but simultaneously guiding me every single day?

Yes Ma'am or Sir! That's the business. There are a lot of things you can do. I think that a huge key is body work. You talk about how your body is doing all the work. So you start there.

There is another amazing book called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van derKolk. In it, he talks a lot about how yoga is a huge help. That's because it's whole deal is getting you to pay close attention to your body. As you said, your body is holding all this trauma for you. Here's a video of him talking about it.

There isn't truly a difference between mind and body. You don't have a body. You are a body. But that's being pedantic. You start with your body is all I'm saying.

There are therapies that are body focused. Somatic experiencing, there's this thing called trauma release exercises.

Anyway, there's another novel. Let me know if I missed a question or you want me to clarify something.

You are clearly a “true believer” in your own system, because you are defending an abstract concept with passion and vigor. Not necessarily a bad thing, but own up to it, because that's what you're doing and that's what you advocate; a non-existent system; you know, like heaven or nirvana. With that said, let’s try to grapple with a couple chunks of your reasoning.

First off, it's not bullshit. You are advancing a theoretical model that has, by your own admission, never existed. So then, how is one supposed to critique this model in a way that you can't defend in some equally rhetorical way? One probably cannot, therefore it's on par with a religious ideology. However, I’m going to give it a try, because I like to think people have the ability to change positions when confronted with new arguments.

On the Roman bit, I’m not critiquing that you didn’t write a thesis, I’m saying you lack nuance because you clearly don't know what you're talking about, yet insist on debating me on the particulars of a system of which you lack a sufficient amount of knowledge; again much like a religious argument against something like evolution.

Patronage was the dominant societal glue that transcended the fall of the republic into the era of empire. That’s not just my position, that’s the position of almost every Roman scholar who has written on the topic. Further, the only scholars that I’ve read who disagree are also the ones who also believed in the genetic inferiority of the “barbarians.”

“Corruption” is like the devil/Satan of your way of thinking. It’s a throwaway term that can be used to vilify everything, but actually means nothing. On that note, monarchy is still the norm, and I'd bet you'd agree, but the problem is that you agree for the wrong reasons. A strong executive branch was central to the Roman Republic and it is central to our own system, because the framers were essentially obsessed with the Roman model. In fact, the attendees of the Constitutional Convention debated the merits of a triumvirate, when figuring out how the Executive branch would function. So, in saying it was outside the scope of the debate, I was attempting to allow you to politely bow out of a topic in which you are outclassed. It is well within the scope, but I just don’t suppose that the finer points can be debated meaningfully until you attain more knowledge on the topic. Rest assured “corruption” is not really the answer you think it is.

So, you see, your understanding of Roman history doesn't require a thesis, but guess what? Corruption is baked into the entire system. The Constitutional framers knew it, just as the Romans did. Corruption is part of the political process, and arguably is the political process itself.

Now, let’s move away from Rome, and talk about your proposition itself. Am I defending our democracy as it stands? Of course not; it has many problems. However, you’re seemingly more interested in rhetoric than logic, so let’s play the rhetorical game. Democracy is bullshit, because the people don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. Guess who ordered that Socrates be put to death? Guess who wanted to maintain segregation in the south? Guess who has stood in the way of LGBT rights? It wasn’t a monarch, the corporate system, or any other abstract evil; it was the people.

Now more rhetoric: What system has higher quality? I’d say your model is totally lacking in quality, because it would assure majority rule. You think of the people in highly vaunted terms, but you should not. The people are every bit as tyrannical and misguided as the leaders that they elect, and that’s the true problem with our current system. Our government is designed, in part, to safe guard the minority against the very system you advocate. Could the civil rights bill have been passed with your system? No. Nor could any of the other laws founded on progressivism. The majority doesn’t know shit about shit. PERIOD. Your majority rule concept is shallow, but that’s no matter, because you know in your heart of hearts that you’re right. You know; just like the religious.

“actually, yes it does. my approval +50% of people.” Okay, so do I really need to point out the flaw here? You say we don’t have a democracy, then say you plus 50% is required for approval. I struggle to articulate the silliness of this statement, so I guess I’ll merely say that you know exactly what I was saying. You advocate a non-existent system, yet democracy has and does still exist. Therefore, your definition is completely irrelevant. Also, what if me plus 50% agreed you’re totally wrong? Would you still be wrong, or would you suddenly advocate Gandhi’s position that “the truth is still the truth in a minority of one?” Hmmm…

So, have I come across as a condescending dick? Yes. Is there a purpose behind it? Yes. I believe a lot of the same things you do, but when you run around talking about invisible chains and the subverted will of the people, you make progressives look just as dogmatic as ultra conservatives, because you are advancing a belief, not a logical argument. Below is a list of books I’d suggest you read, if you really, REALLY want to know about the topics upon which you currently so freely expound, and the ones which have informed my viewpoint. Your dogmatic tone and the fact that I have little faith that your viewpoint is changeable makes me trust that you’ll need to have the last word on the topic, so I’ll give it to you. However, I do implore you to actually allow the holes in your way of thinking to bother you… at least some day.
Here’s the list
http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Roman-Republic-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140449345

http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915

http://www.amazon.com/Brilliant-Solution-Inventing-American-Constitution/dp/0156028727

http://www.amazon.com/The-Fall-Roman-Empire-Barbarians/dp/0195325419

I'm sorry that your provider didn't prepare you for the reality of a medication abortion - the pain and seeing the sac are both things that can be traumatic even if you do expect them. It's okay to have complex feelings about your abortion. Especially with all the news and the rhetoric, it's hard to not have internalized stigma. Maybe you would have rather saved the sac and buried it - you can always do that if you do need another abortion, and the only way to find out these things is going through them, unfortunately. Next time you want your boyfriend's support, you know to ask for it. You did your best with the information and the circumstances. Be kind to yourself. You are a strong, brave, beautiful person, learning as you go just like the rest of us.

This workbook on emotional and spiritual healing after an abortion might help: https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm. There is a section at the end for healing partners that you can give to your boyfriend and your therapist. Your therapist may also be able to work through the workbook with you if you would rather do it with them than alone.

Another book I'd recommend is Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown. There is a chapter on pleasure after sexual trauma that is incredible. The chapter is based on this piece that she wrote called "I Want You, But I'm Triggered". (She also talks about it a bit in these interviews, and more on sex after #metoo in this one.)

The body keeps the score (another good book!) and it makes sense that physical trauma would be resurfaced from such a physical experience as the abortion. Healing is possible and you deserve all the love and support in the world.

How old is your daughter? I know of a few books that might be able to help.

1. The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide.
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Disorder-Survival-Second-Edition/dp/1606235427/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=185VDHE67X9K5HTZHGCD
   
   
2. If Your Child Is Bipolar
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Your-Child-Bipolar-Parent-Parent/dp/1930085060
   
   
3. Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder (this one is geared towards romantic partners, but I've heard decent things about it... might be worth a shot)
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192
   
   
4. The Bipolar Teen
   
   http://www.amazon.com/The-Bipolar-Teen-Child-Family-ebook/dp/B005D5ASL8
   
   Have you considered counselling? Often, the people supporting the person with bipolar need support just as much as the person with bipolar does. There are also support groups that exist for family members and loved ones.
   
   Good luck!

Well done on getting your diagnosis, I hope it's at least some weight off your mind to know that some of your 'odd' perceptions/experiences are 'only to be expected' (if you see what I mean). I felt relieved when I got my AS diagnosis at 29 since I too was really struggling with anxiety/depression, and I found out how 'normal' it was for undiagnosed Aspies to feel the same.

1. With your first question I can only say "Stay relaxed. There is a 'right person' for you out there somewhere." I was in an on-again off again relationship for six years, and I found that one by getting chatting to a girl in a pub one day. If you're on dating sites and/or go to pubs/bars/coffee shops, then you're half of the way there already. It's a huge cliché but you can cut out a lot of pain/effort/anxiety by not pretending to be someone else in order to get a GF. "Be yourself", and talk to people you like. Oh, and if you're worried about people taking certain things the wrong way, try your best to communicate with them as much as possible. Explain that 'I really like you, and don't want you to feel [X, Y, or Z], so please can you let me know if you ever feel worried about this.'
   
   
2. (I posted this the other day):
   I'm happy I got an Aspergers diagnosis because (amongst other things) I was able to identify causal links between particular situations and personal responses/outcomes that had not occurred to me previously (e.g. - social events make me really tired really quickly, and interpersonal communication problems were causing me to drink more than I should).
   It also (crucially) gave me a 'solid reason' why I want to be on my own a lot of the time. This stuff was making me feel really guilty, because I was concerned that others would think I hated them. I was beating myself up, depressed and anxious. Since I got the diagnosis I can say "I'm sorry, I just need to take some time out here", or "I'm sorry, I'm going to take a rain check on that, but I'll message you later".
   TL;DR: It makes me feel less guilty to know there is a structural difference in my brain that makes me think/feel/need certain things.
   I would recommend starting out by reading Steve Silbermann's book 'Neurotribes'. If you're female, there are books like 'Aspergirls' by Rudy Simone which may be of particular interest. I'm a big fan of Prof Tony Attwood; he's got a huge book out called 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome', which is a great reference guide. I'd also recommend checking out some of his talks on YouTube, especially 'Could it be Aspergers?'.
   
   
   
3. Other than using online forums, I'd recommend having a look for local meets/support groups in your area. I can't be sure about the U.S./rest of the World, but here in the UK there are council initiatives/free workshops/discount services run in most places for people on the spectrum. Either pop into your local Citizen's Advice Bureau or check online on your council's website.
   
   If you want me to expand on any of this info, please let me know and I'll see what I can do. Good luck with everything; it sounds like we're in a very similar situation :)
   
   EDIT: I wrote some general stuff about coping with anxiety in this thread over on r/anxiety.
   
   
   

I had no idea that I had ADHD in college, just that I could not make my life work when I got there.

What made me succeed is that I ended up in a major where my professors were more like mentors: creative writing. If I hadn't found that I probably would have dropped out. In retrospect I always succeeded best when I had a mentor or good coach.

I'm an English professor today, so it stuck. (And no, I'm not judging anyone's grammar.)

Anyway, the book Delivered From Distraction http://amzn.com/0345442318 has a chapter on preparing for college with ADHD. Here's the quote about mentoring:

>Research done by Richard Light at Harvard shows that one of the key determinants of a successful undergraduate career at any college or university is the student’s finding a senior faculty member she can make a close, mentoring relationship with. Doing this requires luck or boldness or both. . . . Especially if a student has ADD, it is also important that someone at home—a parent, other relative, former coach, someone—remains closely involved, keeping tabs on what is going on at college day in and day out.

>Ratey Md, John J.; Hallowell, Edward M. Md (2005-12-27). Delivered from Distraction (Kindle Locations 3674-3679). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I was more on the "luck" side. I was good at writing, and the creative writing faculty created a strong community there. I stuck around for the an MFA as well.

The emergence of repressed emotion is actually a sign that the meditation is working. If repressed emotion isn’t allowed to emerge and release itself in this way, it will physically tire you and decrease the level of positive emotion you can experience, among other negative effects. Although the raw experience may be negative right now, it’s very, very good that you’re able to bring up these emotions through meditation. From a Buddhist perspective, this is a critical part of meditation that cannot be skipped.

The 10 points practice and other practices on that page will help you to heal these emotions and relax the body and mind regardless of what you’re feeling. For more meditation techniques that work with emotion as it’s stored and expressed through the body, Your Breathing Body is a great resource. I recommend these techniques for all Buddhist practitioners whose meditation lacks a body awareness component, and they may be especially useful in your case.

To supplement your meditation practice, I strongly recommend that you try one of the therapeutic modalities that work with emotion stuck in the body, like EMDR, Hakomi, or Somatic Experiencing. I personally found EMDR effective. A therapist can guide you in ways that you wouldn't be able to figure out yourself. Your quality of life will improve as the therapy heals these emotions and helps you create positive mental habits.

Never harm others in response to emotional pain. If you feel overwhelming anger, it’s very wise to exit the situation as you have done. If you can’t escape the situation for whatever reason, you can focus on relaxing your body or focus on the breath. To release anger in general, you can scream into a pillow if it’s possible to do this without disturbing others--this may provide significant relief.

If the emotions you feel are overwhelming, you can take a break. Seek professional help if you’re thinking about harming yourself or others. Safety is paramount.

If you want to better understand the relationship between trauma and the body, The Body Keeps the Score is a classic guide.

The amount of repressed emotion stored in the body is finite. Once it’s exhausted, life will still have its challenges, but you will experience positive emotions and a sense of freedom most of the time. You will also be better disposed to serve others.

you need to listen to the below comments , if you have this problem go see your doctor, is really important. But if you want to stop taking it then that is great but be sure to be controlled by your doctor. After that start working on yourself, you can cure this shit without any medical help, i would strongly recommend to you this book ''https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 '' where you can find out why this is happening and how to stop it naturally. For me it was morning ritual, meditation, yoga, kickboxing, pushing yourself to the limit, have you meaning in what is happening . As well great book to anchor your day is Miracle Morning.

it depend on you if you want to take the easy way ( prozac) or the hard way ( working on yourself ) that will create character and life without depression

Personal counseling is best, but there are a lot of other resources you can turn to.

I highly recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk.
He does a great job of explaining why trauma continues to affect us even when we have rationally come to understand and explain what happened.

An abusive childhood creates a number of issues that make it impossible to have a healthy relationship until they are resolved. The cycle you mention is a cycle of abuse. Good for you for recognizing it. You learned it in your childhood and will keep repeating it until you get some resolution. The work you've done has helped, but there is more to do.

Traumatic bonding is an important subject too.

I could go on but you get the idea. Youtube is a favorite of mine because there are a lot of personal stories from those who've been there and are doing much better now.

You may or may not save your marriage, as you've said, but this is worth it just for yourself. Trust me. You have lived with so much pain for so long you don't even recognize it anymore. Once you start to resolve some of these things you'll feel the burdens lifting. It's really wonderful!

Source: childhood with narcissistic father lead me to keep seeking out narcissists and eventually marry one (who was abused in her childhood). Destroyed me in many ways. Doing much better now!

It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.

This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.

The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.

And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:

The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.

And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.

As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.

The Poet X

Some of the resources I've found helpful in understanding my ADHD are

• Book: Delivered from Distraction
  
  
• Series of 30 videos by Dr Russel A Barkley
  (These videos hit so amazingly close to home in me relating to the content. Was great insight into my ADHD)
  
  
• Strangely enough Time Ferriss' 4 hour work week
  I found it really good for ideas about focusing, prioritising, itemising tasks, outsourcing and automating the things I'm bad at.
  
  
• /r/ADHD is also somewhere that's useful
  
  
  But for me probably the best thing has been to just understand how ADHD effects me and how I work with it.
  I'm on medication for it, but I also have discovered that's there's tasks and certain things I do that my ADHD is actually beneficial for, and some things that it's really shit for.
  Understanding what is what and what/how I can use strategies in my week areas and what areas I can let me be me has been very useful.
  
  
  Good luck. It's a hard slog but after trying so many different employment options starting and growing my own business has been the most enjoyable thing I've done.
  Fucking hard thou but I wouldn't be doing anything else now!
  
  Edit: Meditation!!!
  Learn to slow that brain down and learn to choose to respond to stimuli when YOU want to, NOT when the ADHD see's something shiny.
  Good starting point is the Headspace App

When you say drug and alcohol unit, what do you mean exactly? Are we talking medical detox only? Yikes. Or are we talking general rehab?

If you are literally doing nothing but medical detox and then the patient moves on to treatment elsewhere, then beware the burnout. ETOH and Opiate detox patients in the throes of detox are some of the most unpleasant people to be around I can think of (and I work in a maximum security prison!). This is generally offset by getting to work with them long-term and seeing the benefits of sobriety and clarity in the long run, so hopefully you'll get to see that aspect, too.

If we're talking just general rehab, then it won't be so bad. The experience you get will also depend on whether or not your clients are voluntary, and if so what level of volunteerism there is there (for example a "voluntary" methadone program can feel very involuntary to an opiate addict).

You will definitely get myriad opportunities to hone your motivational interviewing skills. It can be frustrating at first as you learn the meaning of success in working with this population. Sobriety is hard work and takes time. Sometimes seeing your client shoot up four times a day instead of six after a month's work is the best improvement you've seen in any client all month, and you have to learn to motivate yourself with these little steps.

Anywhoo . . . I used to work at a methadone clinic. Let me know if you have any specific questions.

Edit: Just saw that you've not yet been in an MSW program. If you can spare the cash, I recommend picking up Miller and Rollnick's book. It'll give you the foundation you need to start practicing and understanding motivational interviewing, and if the program you get into focuses at all on direct practice then you're probably going to end up needing it anyway.

Is this your first adolescent client? How did you get set up working with this client if you don't do family therapy...? kind of comes with the territory...Just a bit concerned, because these are typical issues that are to be expected working with this age group (the parent issues, need for family counseling sessions, the teen's response to you, not trusting you, etc.)

To start:

1. let go of using the words "resistant client". not helpful for anyone.
   
2. no where in this description did I hear anything about what the client might want. You have the referral info and plenty of information about mom. The client may sense that you are also preoccupied by mom, probably like they are quite used to. Focus on building trust and rapport with your client, even if mom isn't thrilled.
   
3. Motivational Interviewing IS KEY. I use it with substance use , juvenile justice , and court-mandated populations. Roll with the resistance don't fight it. Use the client's own language to clarify or amplify a statement. "I don't want to be here" "You would rather be anywhere else in the world but here" "Well know I didn't say that" "Oh, what did you mean?" Now you are talking to each other :D
   
4. You are the professional here. You can set the rules if its conducive the best care for the client - such as doing individual sessions without mom present, then building towards a family therapy session. Having mom in the room for a 14 year old coming out of a hospitalization is just not going to work.
   
5. Although it appears you client does not want to be there - make no mistake. Their history and suicide attempt is incredibly serious and this is a child that does want and need help - no one wants to suffer. The key is trust. Right now there is not trust. Establish confidentiality to be between you and the client, and clarify what the exceptions with be for you to tell mom.
   
6. seek supervision and consultation, if this is your first time working with this age group and doing family therapy. Brush up on adolescent development and counseling skills, along with family counseling. I think this sub has a good resource list for books. I learned mostly in the field but I liked this book. It's not too big, a quick read.
   
   Hope your next sessions feels a bit more progressive for everyone :) Good luck!

I would recommend Edward Hallowell's [Delivered from Distraction] (http://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331533794&sr=8-1). There isn't a named, comprehensive therapy that "treats" ADHD. ADHD has a structural basis and therefore you will never be "normal". What is so great about this book is that he focuses on identifying personal strengths and building your life around them, and owning your own weaknesses rather than trying desperately to make up for something that is written into your DNA. He brings in elements of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is useful for psychological issues especially but helps retrain your brain. He also mentions (although not by name) elements of dialectical behavior therapy, which was designed as a treatment for borderline personality disorder but focuses on concepts of present-mindedness and emotional regulation that are helpful for disregulated minds.

My experience with therapists has been that the majority of them have a surprisingly uneducated understanding of what ADHD is, and what goes on "under the surface" of the easily identifiable symptoms. They generally understand that your attention and organization are out of your control, but my experience has been that their suggestions for techniques to manage the symptoms come very much from the cultural mandate that you just "try a little harder" and things get better. I have never had a therapist who understood that there are some things that don't work and some idiosyncrasies with the therapeutic treatment plan for those with ADHD. That said, I think that the best thing you can do for yourself is research ADHD and form a solid understanding of what really works for you. With that knowledge you will open up the possibility of working with a therapist that you get along with, even if he or she doesn't specialize in ADHD. If you can take the lead establishing guidelines for treatment, then they can probably help you stick to it.

Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.

One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.

There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.

I have been diagnosed with BPD officially for a year now. Prior to that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2. Honestly my experience with medication hasn't been great. I totally hear you about feeling like a lab rat. Currently I am on Guanfacine, which is normally an ADD/Autism med meant to curb impulsivity. I have been on anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants all of which were minimally effective and had shitty side effects. However, I HAVE SEEN MARKED IMPROVEMENT since I have started a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program. DBT is similar but different than CBT, and was specifically designed for BPD. It is essentially Buddhism meets Western psych. I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. I went through an intensive CBT program before starting the DBT program and didn't see any results despite a lot of effort. The entire point of DBT is learning skills to manage your reactions to triggers. You can control your brain not the other way around. I linked to the wiki page about DBT in another comment, but here's kind of the run down. A PROPER DBT program will consist of two parts, group therapy and individual therapy. In group therapy you discuss and learn skills meant to help you regulate emotions, increase stress tolerance, decrease vulnerability to triggers, and improve interpersonal relationships. You use a textbook, current edition here: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=FY8PYY4YF8P0KGPYH603
and you work through the worksheets and diagrams as weekly "homework". Mindfulness exercises are also a part of group therapy, often in the form of a guided meditation. In individual therapy you work through problems you are facing in your life and see when/how to apply the skills you are learning in group. Focus is on how to deal with current issues and triggers rather than digging really deep into why you have BPD, so if you have co-morbid PTSD you should be ok ( although it does deal with how to apply skills to thoughts/feelings brought up by past trauma). Again, I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. Also, be careful of half-ass programs. Like I said a proper program with have both Group and Individual therapy. Often, there are Group programs floating around on their own, which are more support groups than skills training. Do your research on a the place providing the therapy before diving in to ensure it is the full skills training. I also recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X it was very inspiring.

Thank you for posting this... your explanation of how fibromyalgia works was very enlightening. You may find this book to be helpful: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

Do you do guided meditations or do you just sit quietly and breathe with no particular agenda? This is what pops into my head when I consider your situation: You are not your body; it's a physical manifestation which allows you to maneuver through this world/plane. I don't have fibromyalgia but I can relate because I'm a hypersensitive empath. Every sensation is magnified and can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to dispassionately separate yourself from the idea that you are the body... it is a barometer which draws your attention to areas that need to be healed. Get yourself a special little blank book in which to record your thoughts/feelings about this issue and meditate with the intention of having information revealed to you through your guides/higher self. In my experience, the epiphanies sent by my guides are rarely revealed in a direct fashion. They pop up later in unexpected ways and they catch my attention by repeated synchronicities (example: I kept seeing references to giraffes all over the place only to discover upon talking with a friend that she too had been seeing them. Turned out that she had the information I needed and the giraffe references brought us to common ground. Weird huh?).

You're viewing this as a problem which needs to be solved and you're searching for the perfect formulae... totally understandable. Try to take your mind to a state of neutrality in which the answers can be revealed to you. Leave a blank space inside yourself with the intention of allowing your guides to reach you. Pay attention to synchronicities and the people/situations which are nearby when they happen. They can act as a trail of breadcrumbs, leading you to unexpected places/answers.
Good vibes to you friend, I'll ask my guides to send help... know that you're never alone.

>I never asked you to personally LEAD ME down the path to development
Sounded like it, thank god it's not the case - I suck as a guru anyway.

I strongly disagree on Bhutan. I'd suggest this book to help you understand the rather unconventional idea that improving people's quality of life makes them LESS happy... which to me renders the whole happyness metric irrelevant.

A few quotes from the book are below (I did not have it handy, so I had to look on the web for them).

>The ideal of self-advancement which the civilizing West offers to the backward populations brings with it the plague of individual frustration. All the advantages brought by the West are ineffectual substitutes for the sheltering and soothing anonymity of a communal existence. Even when the Westernized native attains personal success--becomes rich, or masters a respected profession--he is not happy.


>Freedom aggravates as much as it alleviates frustration. Freedom of choice places the whole blame of failure on the shoulders of the individual. And as freedom encourages a multiplicity of attempts, it unavoidably muliplies failure and frustration...Unless a man has talents to make something of himself, freedom is an irksome burden...We join mass movements to escape individual responsibility...


>Discontent is likely to be highest when misery id bearable; when conditions have so improved that an ideal state seems almost within reach. A grievance is most poignant when almost redressed.

Welcome! I'm so glad you found us! And that book!kitten is sooo cute! 😽

I found Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson really, really helpful. And you might find Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger useful as well.

Welcome home!

hugs

I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.

After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.

The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.

I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.

I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.

Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this

First, you can start DBT by yourself right away by buying Marsha Linehan's workbook. The workbook is very powerful all by itself and if taken seriously and practiced diligently, it will help right away. You can find additional books by Linehan on Amazon.

I don't think there's a cure for BPD but there is a lot you can do to ensure that it interferes as little as possible with your life. I think Buddhism is the best practice because it is a see for yourself guide to happiness. Above all else, it helps by teaching mindfulness. Mindfulness will be your greatest ally throughout life. It will help to mitigate strong negative reactions to triggering events. Most importantly, it will make it possible for you to know yourself and to be compassionate towards yourself, greatly reducing self-hate.

My sister has been struggling with BPD most of her life. A couple days ago, we were talking about an incident that took place a while ago during which she attacked me viciously and kicked me out of her home. I told her how I remembered the incident and why I left and she told me she remembered it entirely differently claiming that I was the one who got angry and left of my own accord.

Now I'm left wondering if people with BPD occasionally have psychotic episodes during which they are not in touch with reality in any way. I have never suspected her of being psychotic but this would explain many terrible events in our past. My question is, do people with BPD experience psychosis under great stress so that they can have completely different memories of past events. [forgive me for asking a question instead of offering more help, but I really need input on this. I tried posting this question yesterday but my post wasn't made public for whatever reasons reddit has for doing this sort of thing.]

Huh. This is a pretty powerful episode. Even includes stories about PTSD.

Watching this as an adult was a bit strange. Wish I were a kid again. They all seem to have quite a bit of support and a safe community. I've gone through some trauma and there were a few parts of this episode that I related to quite a bit. [Spoiler](#s "When Arthur's dad tells the story about the trash can and paper. When Binky has a flashback... Trauma is pretty rough stuff.")

PBS is a pretty great resource. In honour of PBS being the topic... If anyone wants to learn more about trauma I'm reading a pretty great book at the suggestion of my therapist. It's called The Body Keeps the Score

I was diagnosed at age 32 myself. At first, I felt a combination of emotions. First, there was relief that there was a name for what I'd been dealing with. This was then followed by feeling like I was somehow defective. Another guy at church recommended a book to me, and I want to recommend it to you. Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception by Thom Hartmann!. It helped me see that I'm not defective but wired differently.

Another great book that I browsed was Driven to Distraction by Ed Hallowell!.

For me, meds just help turn down the static and are part of a wholistic approach to taking care of myself. I have noticed, as you shared, that I seem to get more done when I not only remember to take my meds but also am getting enough sleep, eating the right kinds of foods, and getting exercise.

Welcome to the world of Hunters! :)

I'm doing this on a throwaway account, but I just wanted to say I also have aspergers and it doesn't mean you can't be a productive member of society. I've graduated college, am certified to teach high school social studies, and worked as a substitute teacher for a semester before entering grad school. Other jobs I've had included temporary park ranger (summer position), target (doing carts, my first job), and data entry. I've never really been outgoing or had many friends, and had some problems in school, but this hasn't stopped me. There's no need to live a life of hell just because of aspergers syndrome. To the op: I'd suggest 2 things. 1 finding an online community, smaller than reddit related to your interests (don't tell people you have aspergers there) to post and interact with. 2, if you aren't already getting meaningful exercise in some way - start going to the gym - its amazing what increased fitness can do for self confidence.



Here's a couple books that might help, or let those interested learn more:
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302796022&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Pretending-Be-Normal-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1853027499/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1302796022&sr=8-12

best of luck

I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.

We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.

When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone

It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.

Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&qid=1536309996&sprefix=dissoci&sr=8-4&ref=mp_s_a_1_4

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1536311130&sr=8-1&ref=mp_s_a_1_1


Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.

Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too

There's a therapy called DBT. You can buy the book from Amazon (there's a manual and a workbook most people recemmend from Dr. Linehan). but here's a pdf that someone from this group linked up (can't recall who or I'd give them daps) that looks like a nice overview and it's free wooo lol. Learning about this therapy has given me soooo much hope. I hope it does the same for you!

There's a lot of literature available these days;

• An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redfield Jamison
  
  
  
• The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, Second Edition: What You and Your Family Need to Know by David J. Miklowitz
  
  
  
• Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me: A Graphic Memoir by Ellen Forney
  
  These three come to mind, the most frequently recommended ones. I've read the first one and it explains a lot of how someone who suffers from BP I (or manic-depressive illness) leads his or her life.
  
  Other than that, reading about other People's Experience that have lived and live with this illness may prove helpful as well. You can find a lot of very useful insight into what bipolar disorder really implies in this subrredit.
  
  Finally, above all, take your time to listen to her, truly do, and do your best to understand what is going through her mind. We experience very complicated feelings and emotions, incredibly extreme at times, so be aware of that. This doesn't mean we are crazy though, it only means we are more "sensitive", if you will, which means being understanding, compassionate, loving and caring play a huge role in a relationship.
  
  You'll catch the drift quickly enough, trust me, and then it'll be just like any other relationship, with the possible hiccup here and there.
  
  Few people care to understand this illness, glad you're doing so. An example to follow, if I may.
  
  

>I know I sound super desperate for help, sorry about that.

All good. Doesn't read like that to me, more someone encountering a difficult unprecedented situation in their experience and not knowing how to help or proceed :)

>is there any way for me to obtain a therapist's knowledge so I can even remotely help her?

Well you can probably gain some insight by reading and learning about how trauma influences and manifests psychologically and behaviourally, bringing that to the dynamic with your girlfriend, but short of training in psychotherapy, which is years long, it's not a straight forward process of gaining knowledge in this case. Read what you can (or watch vids if that is a preference. Though books on this subject will probably contain more information and details), really listen and be present to your girlfriend. If possible, cultivate patience and tolerance for the the more exasperating aspects of your gfs behaviour. Compassion helps; keep in mind there is pain somewhere even if your gf isn't consciously aware of it. Maybe take notes, make observations, build an operative framework to embed understanding in, specific tactics or methods etc. I dont know; those are suggestions, not prescriptive.

>study material

A couple of books come to mind: The Body Keeps the Score:Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, and another, more symbolic and depth psychological oriented in its approach
Trauma and the Soul: A psycho-spiritual approach to human development and its interruption. These may be helpful. There's a lot of research and books out there in this territory though, so well worth looking around online and seeing what you can find.

>standard operating procedure

Safety is paramount for those who live with trauma, safety in the environment and with others they're relating to, but more importantly, safety in relation to ones own feelings and embodied states.

Trauma takes up occupancy in ones body in an unconscious (emphasis on unconscious) energetic, emotive sense. It can seem like ones own feelings, thoughts, dreams and sensations are the enemy and attacking ones sense of self out of and through the very ground of that sense of self, acting out by themselves with little conscious control. A weird reversal of normalised associations with ones own experience can be present, as can various psychological defenses, such as dissociation and repression. Profound shame may be existent somewhere, exerting influence, alongside self-loathing and self-doubt. These qualities, as belief, as operative paradigms of psychological orientation, bind and entrap. Trauma and its psychology is complex, entangled.

It's perhaps significant to keep in mind that trauma of the kind your gf has experienced is a rupture in terms of a developing self; somewhere, somehow a break and splitting has taken place. Those split off parts of self still exist somewhere, and all of the original pain associated with them. The aim is integrating these extant parts towards a different kind of wholeness and integrity.

The process I've experienced through a therapeutic alliance has involved re-experiencing these 'splinter psyches' and the attendant affect qualities in a safe and trust based context. I've had to relearn how to be present to my own body and emotions in ways I wasn't familiar with. It was a very painful and confrontational process, long and slow, encountering and metabolising bits and pieces in small chunks, using dream, memory (or lack of), daily relational contexts as leverage, through questioning, into contact with feeling, image, re-embodiment. Learning how to just exist and be with myself in my body, learning acceptance. So lots of grounding and attention to breathing, posture, tension being held, etc.

Not sure if that's really all that helpful, and I'm not a professional.

Imo, trauma doesn't heal by itself and it never goes away until its worked with consciously.

Good luck! It's strenuous and problematic, what you're in.

Having sex you don't enjoy for someone else's pleasure is bound to become a chore, as you're experiencing.

> But I want it, I just want her to listen to me and do what I need her to do

Why is she unwilling to do what you need to orgasm and enjoy sex too?

I'd be hesitant to advise staying with someone who is unwilling to make sex fun for you too. It's selfish and that rarely works out well.


> I was sexually abused from the age 6-9 and it really stunted me sexually so I have very specific things that need to happen in order for me to let loose and be completely comfortable.

Have you seen a therapist to work through this? Recovery and healing is possible and can help you be more free and explorative.

What are the specific things you need and why is your partner unwilling to do them?



There are some great self-help books for people to work through sexual trauma, if you're open to going that route:

Many therapists recommend these books. Some of them have accompanying workbooks, as well:



The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

​

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

​

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

​

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

​

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

​

Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

>but I know that my underlying feelings about myself have not changed and I keep falling into the same bad ruts as a result


I know how you feel. I've been there. Here's my thoughts on what you described and how I got better :

1. Change doctors, change therapists, change medication, change approaches, anything, just get out of there. Two years of treatement with only minor benefits is a definitive red flag. Whatever those specialists are doing, no matter how good or well-intentioned it is, it's obviously not appropriate for your condition. Feeling improvement should not take two years. Also, the shema therapy is a very intellectual approach that's not for everyone. Maybe try a more patient-centered approach so your feelings are allowed to get out unfiltered. The schematic approach failed me consistently. The humanist approach saved me.
   
   
   
2. Stop trying to figure out how your family became who they are and why they treated you the way they did. The longer you do that, the more you play into the narcissistic game : you spend time and energy on other people instead of yourself. At one point, you have to give up on others and focus on figuring out yourself. When you're feeling unhappy or troubled, it's not your job to understand other people. It's your job to focus on yourself. Use what little energy reserves you have to heal yourself.
   
   
   
3. From what you describe, you totally fit into being the child of narcissist parents. Not trusting people, not trusting gifts, the impression of being "too broken" for anyone to love are things that come up often. These are normal feelings to have after being subject to so much abuse and having your feelings so neglected. Here's a book I recommend : http://www.amazon.ca/The-Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703
   
   
   
4. "I can't teach my brain to treat myself with love and respect because in my heart, I don't believe that I am deserving of love or respect." YES YOU CAN teach your brain that. It's difficult, but it's possible. The brain is a muscle. Just like every other muscle in your body, it was shaped through repetition. All your life you were probably told you were worthless, so your brain lifted that low self-esteem weight a million times. It's now a world champion in horrible weight-lifting. It's now all reflex actions. Others = bad. Others = pain. Me = unloveable. But it IS possible to calm that muscle down (medication) and teach it new gym routines (therapy). Such as others = good and gifts = love. It's a very long road, but it is possible.
   
   
   
5. "I am wary of letting anyone be "that person" in my life because other people are unpredictable and they will hurt me eventually" Of course, shutting yourself down prevents bad stuff to happen to you. But at the same time you prevent the good stuff from getting in. And you need that good stuff to heal.
   
   
   
6. Give yourself time. We ACoNs start with a huge life handicap. We started "late". We were held back against our will. We didn't have the same support growing up so it's normal that we struggle in adult life. Don't try to burn through lost time to "catch up". Go at your own pace. There is nothing in life that says you must have this career and have slept with that amount of people to finally be at the same level of success of other, non-abused people.

No problem, that's what this subreddit is all about. :)

What you described it exactly how I feel without medication. I was diagnosed 3 months ago, and started on 15mg of Adderall XR, which was quickly bumped up to 20mg. I still have good days and bad days, but I made HUGE progress right off the bat with the right medication.

From what I understand, chemically there are two general types of stimulant medication for ADHD: Adderall/Vyvanse and Ritalin/Concerta. If Vyvanse didn't work for you, consider talking to your doctor about moving to either Ritalin or Concerta. But again, everyone is different, so even the minor differences between Adderall and Vyvanse could impact treatment.

Also, to really get on top of this you should consider talk therapy, which has certainly helped me in conjunction with the medication. Also, look into reading up on the subject. I've only read Driven to Distraction but it helped me feel more confident in my diagnosis, understand what's going on neurologically, and learn some great coping strategies (putting every single thing on a to-do list seems to be the #1 coping strategy for adults with ADHD).

When I got treatment for ADHD as an adult, it was as simple as finding a psychiatrist (psychologist? The one more focused on medical treatment than talking about your childhood.) that took my insurance, talking about my issues, and then getting on Ritalin. I think you can even go to your GP for it, which I didn't know at the time. It wasn't a long term fix for me but definitely helped me get it under control to the point that I could manage it without medication and I've been off Ritalin now for almost a decade.

This book was also an enormous help to me. Highly recommended.

Best of luck to you. Getting my ADHD under control was a gigantic turning point in my life.

Obviously you know no one here can diagnose you for sure. Only doctors can. But to me at least it definitely sounds like you do have it.

Without medication it certainly is harder to treat your ADHD but you still can. First thing is, in order to be able to treat your ADHD, you have to first understand it. You should grab something like Ed Hallowell’s book Delivered From Distraction. There’s actually an in depth self assessment in there in one of the earlier chapters!

He’s got a lot of great advice on how many ADHDers successfully manage their symptoms!

But know: it can be hard work figuring out how to balance your life with ADHD even if you are medicated. It’s the trouble of actually acting on those wonderful plans you probably will make.

You could take a peer support class. This one is from NAMI,Peer Support Specialist and here's another, NAMI Basics. If you are not within the USA, just google peer support training + your area to find a training program near you.

Some DBT programs offer a Family type DBT curriculum that helps teach DBT skills to family members/spouses. The one program I was involved in offered something like this for family members.

You can also read books about DBT.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook,

DBT® Skills Training Manual, 2nd edition

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (this is the first edition and is cheaper. It also has some of the worksheets in it as well

Watch some youtube videos about DBT, or visit dbt websites.

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com

https://ilovedbt.com/

Remember to take care of yourself during this time as well. You can't help someone if you yourself are stressed or overburdened. Good boundaries are essential for both parties.

Take good care!

best DBT book according to my psychiatry friends: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/139-5353406-3502968?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1572307811&pd_rd_r=4fb2861d-38c1-4afc-be43-6fae090049ac&pd_rd_w=Xf2WI&pd_rd_wg=bBImX&pf_rd_p=52b7592c-2dc9-4ac6-84d4-4bda6360045e&pf_rd_r=DX6BXR3YASDREKBZ4EBE&psc=1&refRID=DX6BXR3YASDREKBZ4EBE

​

i'd recommend breaking up with him on fb, or even better, breaking up with facebook. life will be better that way.

i wish you way more than luck, be well!

There's a book I got for a friend who is expecting a baby boy soon. It's called "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys". Haven't read it myself yet but it comes well recommended. Maybe you can try and find a cheap copy of it and have a read? Anyway, good of you to try and be there for the kids. :)

PS You're barely out of childhood yourself. Do what you can to help, but first and foremost go out and enjoy life.

Sounds like me a few years ago! Not sure what country you’re in because it means different access levels. My GP in Canada sent me to a specialized adhd clinic for rigorous testing which cost me a cool $1000. My bf managed to find a psychiatrist who was covered by the provincial drug plan and cost nothing. So you could ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist, conversely you could try asking for a referral to a psychiatrist at a walk in clinic.

This will be a tough road and honestly it’s going to come with a lot of judgement because you’re still “school aged” and even when you’re not, because the medication is a controlled substance you’ll get judgy reactions from pharmacists, insurance companies etc etc because they’re jerks and they just think we’re trying to get high on a medications we rely on to get through the day. Obvs not all are like that. I’m only saying this so you can be prepared to stand your ground and remember it’s ok that you’re seeking treatment to better yourself.

So until you are able to secure a diagnosis (keep pushing because it’s so important for your success if you do have adhd!) there are a few resources that really helped me you can check out:

I always want to be where I’m not: https://www.amazon.ca/Always-Want-Where-Not-Successful-ebook/dp/B00K1LGMJG

Fast minds: how to thrive if you have adhd or think you might: https://www.amazon.ca/Fast-Minds-Thrive-Think-Might/dp/0425274063

Driven to distraction: https://www.amazon.ca/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152

I hope you find a bit of peace in a few of these things, and remember that you know yourself the best, keep pushing until you find someone that will listen to you.

> while you may have met only good, moral religious people

Where did you get that idea? :-)

I grew up in the Bible Belt, I went to a Southern Baptist church while growing up, and I have met a lot of religious people. I've met enough people who were religious and not particularly good or moral. If anything, growing up in a religious area allowed me to meet lots of hypocritical people, because in an area like that, you've got to at least give lip service to religion since it's so ingrained in the culture.

Still, I think that overall, religious people are sincere and are just following the values of their culture (that they were taught when they were young), or are seeking something meaningful for their lives, or both. A lot of times, the effects are positive. Not always, of course.

> you can't deny that religion has been used as justification for hideous and heinous acts of violence

Of course I can't deny that. But I'm not really convinced it means anything. "Making the world safe for democracy" has been used as justification for war. So has "liberating" countries. North Korea calls itself the "Democratic People's Republic of Korea", even though they're not a democracy (nor really for the people). But that doesn't faze me; it doesn't make me think democracy or liberation is a bad thing just because somebody found them to be a convenient way to justify what they wanted to do.

> Its' very easy to say all religions promote hate fear and violence, and just as easy to say all atheists promote the same. both are common bombs lobbed in these debates, and both couldn't be more wrong.

Yeah, I think we agree on that one.

> is a stronger bond than the connections between atheists

I mostly agree on that too. Religion is a strong bond. Atheism, with a few exceptions, is not an ideology. Still, reforming society to be secular and atheistic and move "beyond" religion, well, that can be an ideology and a movement. In fact, in various circles, including reddit, I would go so far as to say it is a movement. And that, of course, means it's subject to all the pitfalls of a mass movement. (For details, see one of my favorite books.)

I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.


Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)


My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.


You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)


Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.


What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.


I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.


I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)


This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)


https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748


Reading a lot helps too.


But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)


Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:

https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP


Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.




So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.


​

I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.


But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.



AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers


​

Yes--I can identify although I am sure there are differences. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have tried to find meaning and connection in relating to others. I run daily. I also try to eat healthily. I wish you the very best. I find alanon meetings helpful and addiction was a part of my family life history. Some friends swear by individual and group therapy as well as EMDR and/or EFT. Individual therapy helps me as do alanon/ACA or ACOA (Adult children of dysfunctional or alcoholic families) meetings

I had experienced a recent traumatic event that was associated with many difficult emotional flashbacks. I wish you the very best and please know you are not alone.

I have read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery, plus she discusses stages of recovery.

I find Peter Walker helpful.

Also The Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk has been insightful.

Meditation, yoga and breathing exercises are on my to do list--sonner rather than later.

Drugs will help with all those and it sounds like you know you need to take them.

Your parents are going to need to educate themselves. I always recommend Stephen Fry's BBC documentary on bipolar. His diagnosis process is filmed as part of it, so they can see what that's like - "they just ask a bunch of questions" - and why it can take only an hour. There's a section on childhood and adolescent bipolar that might be helpful. One caveat. Fry decides not to take his meds at the end of it, something he has changed his mind about after another suicide attempt. It's free on youtube. Part 1 and Part 2

Kaiser recommends The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide which would be good for you and them to read. Meds are essential to treating bipolar, but there's other stuff you should be doing as well - mood tracking, planning ahead to deal with episodes, CBT...

You might want to see if there are any friends and family DBSA groups in your area they could go to. (Or a DBSA peer group for yourself) You can look that up here. Good luck.

I'm really glad you're interested in learning more! A good starting place would be to read the ISSTD's treatment guidelines: https://www.isst-d.org/downloads/GUIDELINES_REVISED2011.pdf. Even though it's meant for medical professionals, it's the best source for factual, evidence-based info. (As you already may have discovered via google, there's a lot of misinformation out there.)

I also strongly recommend checking out Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation: https://www.amazon.ca/Coping-Trauma-related-Dissociation-Training-Therapists/dp/039370646X. Unlike the academic language of the treatment guidelines, this book was written in consultation with people who experience dissociation and it gives the best picture out there of what it's really like and how someone who has it can move forward. (When I got my copy it was like finally being handed "your life: the users manual").

I recently had to deal with this too (34 and just found out that my dad was a toxic narcissist..) and honestly, finding a psychologist has been THE most helpful thing I've ever done. However, they can be expensive so I know it's not an option for everyone. I'm lucky because my benefits cover 5 sessions a year.

The next best thing I can recommend is to read the book called "The Narcissistic Family " https://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703. It's a bit pricey (for a book) because it's actually written for other psychologists. However, it's written in a way that anyone can understand and offers many tips and treatment options that you can actually apply yourself.

Sending lots of love and support to you... it's not an easy path but it is very rewarding and freeing.

​

I think that Brain Balance and Sylvan are completely different. Isn't Sylvan just a tutoring place? Idk. This Brain Balance center focuses on kids who have stronger left/right brain type of skills (I think) and then help then really integrate the two using strange repetitive activities (things including finger exercises and music, etc).

Like I said, the mom who I know was blown away by the difference it made in her kids life. I think they had to pay ~$6-8k for the sessions that spanned several weeks.

Although her son reads much much better, she says writing does continue to be more of a chore. His teachers don't mind if he types & they've considered letting him use dictation software for some of his more lengthy assignments, just so he can get his work done and not fall behind.

Kudos to you for recognizing that you've got "a pretty good kid." I hope you can find something to help him with his writing. The comic book suggestion sounds good for reading! Wouldn't it be great if he took an interest in that?

Oh - one last thing - have you read (or seen the documentary): Raising Cain, Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys? I just saw the documentary & they discuss quite a lot about the types of things that boys chose to read and write about (read: somewhat violent at times). It was so interesting to hear their perspective on this & it's relation to encouraging boys to read & write.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322086525&sr=8-1

Everyone experiences the things you are describing some of the time. However, it sounds like you experience all of these things a lot, and it also seems like these experiences are getting in your way at times. When your everyday experiences are interfering with your day-to-day life, it is a great idea to see a specialist. You can start with your regular doctor, or you can go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. If neuropsychological testing is indicated, your doctor or psychologist will refer you if needed.

It's not a good idea to speculate about diagnosis via the internet. But it is perhaps worth mentioning that you spontaneously self-described many of the symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. It may make sense to bring up this possibility with your doctor or psychologist.

If you are looking for more information, you might try:

• Children and Adults with ADHD, or CHADD
  
• Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell Barkley
  
• More Attention, Less Deficit by Ari Tuckman
  
  Good luck! If you need more books or websites, let me know and I'll do my best to direct you to good resources.

Dialectical behavior therapy, mentalization based therapy, transference focused therapy - all created for people like us. With the diagnosis you can now know that other people suffer in the same ways you do, it's not hopeless, and you're not doomed to a life of being alone. I was in therapy for 10 years before confirming the diagnosis and starting DBT - I've made more progress in the last year than I ever did in those 10 years. I think probably there's nowhere to go but up.

DBT workbooks:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_JBD3zb2DPCBBR

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_qnD3zb1J2N742

When I was waiting for therapy to start I soaked up as much info as I could in video form on youtube, which I actually found more helpful than DBT in terms of feeling real validation and emotional healing.

I found a torrent of From Chaos to Freedom which is basically Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT) teaching the skills herself. I like her, she’s pretty weird. Here’s a clip: https://youtu.be/Im3aLArs2nc “If it lasts forever and you think it’s a crisis... it’s your life, it’s not a crisis”

Tons of short videos of experts talking about borderline and DBT:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0RQwa3uLto4y2R8Eg1hKTg

This one is full of lectures (many by the same experts) on more specific topics that I really liked:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDSIYTQX_dk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfe3n2SGow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux8-7EniZBM

We're all a little nuts here :) I'm happy that you, too, are trying to work on it and improve your life, and I wish you the best of luck!

If you're interested, my husband started DBT a few months back with his therapist and has been using this workbook, which seems to be helping him. We also just discovered this series of posts, which helped him express some things to me and helped me to conceptualize what's going on in his head and what I can do.

Haha dude, I can tell you're taking stimulants. :P

I think you would really enjoy these two books if you don't already reference them:

• Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications
  
  
• Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Prescriber's Guide
  
  I love these. I have read Essential Psychopharmacology cover to cover and it's such a great introduction. I used to reference the prescriber's guide all the time, especially when I was taking an MAOI. I was feeling so bad when I saw you typed all that stuff because you could have left it at "neurotoxicity risks" and I would have gotten it, but you're clearly into it, and other people find it helpful.
  
  One thing though: 2-3 hours for Vyvanse to kick in? That's a joke, to me. I can't believe so many people accept that?

1984 is phenomenal, one of my very favorite books. Orwell was a genius of sociology. However, some of Orwell's best ideas are obscured by the fact that this is a novel.

If you want to have your mind truly blown, please, please, please get a copy of The True Believer.

A work of genius about the sociology of mass movements, short, written in extremely clear, unacademic language.

>Not everyone responds well to graphic images and videos, satirical, passive agressive criticism, or being called out and having their beliefs challenged.

So don't do any of those things. Unless the person is already open to the idea of veganism, those are recipes for disaster.

>How do you effectively change people or plant the seed in their minds

This is the book you want. And if you have somebody who is willing to have a conversation with you, something like this book might be pretty good (it's mostly for therapists helping people deal with addictions and stuff, but that's still relevant). One good video I saw recently, that clearly uses a lot of these tactics, is this vegan street interview.

You can probably do some googling for blogs and articles on the psychology of persuasion and behavior change.

EDIT: You can't expect to just show people the truth and have them immediately change their thinking. This is a quote from a book about climate change, but it's definitely relevant here:

>Ironically, one of the best proofs that information does not change people's attitudes is that science communicators continue to ignore the extensive research evidence that shows that information does not change people's attitudes.

So much to say...so much to say. I'll attempt brevity. I'll likely fail.

>I was strong willed growing up. I talked back a lot as a child and would cry anytime my mom left. I deffinitely had abandonment issues after us leaving my bio dad I guess and I was always afraid that the next time she left would be the last time I saw her. So I wasn't perfect. I'd complain about cleaning my room, or yell at her if I got upset about something.

Show me a kid that likes cleaning their room and I'll show you a FREAK. Show me a kid that didn't assert their independence/identity by yelling at their parent and I'll show you a FREAK. Not really but...you sound like a perfectly normal kid.

>Growing up I was a trigger for my mom I now see. Which is completely understandable given that my bio dad is her ex alcoholic, abusive, rapist, husband. So... I'm sure this played a part.

Maybe. But pwBPD lie like they breathe. She may or may not have been raped. Even if she was, you are not the trigger. Your existence is not the reason she behaves the way she does. She behaves the way she does because she is ill and rather than recognize that her behavior hurts others and seek treatment she blame-shifts, demonizes, and gaslights.

>If I stood and listened she would tell me how she could see the evil in my eyes, that I was so cold and heartless and that she had only seen that look on my bio father and I was going to be just like him, that I only cared about myself.

I think you have a BPD "witch" on your hands. I had a BPD "warlock" (my dad). Almost verbatim these words. This kind of situation. It really fucks with your head. Especially as a child. As you do your work when you get back to therapy try to recognize this shit as "tapes". Tapes can be over-written and replaced with better music. Sounds like at the end of your post some people have been giving you some new tapes. Listen to those new tapes often.

>Growing up she always let people have or borrow my things.

They have no respect for boundaries. What is yours is theirs. I could tell you stories...

>I once, stupidly, decided to nicely tell my mom in a conversation that I thought she might have BPD and that she should look into it.

Right? Because maybe the problem is that she doesn't know and now that she does she'll go fix it. You'd fix it? Why wouldn't she? Who doesn't want to solve a problem? She doesn't. She'd rather make her problem your problem. Most books you read on the subject will caution against ever doing this since, as you discovered, it doesn't really go the way you hope it will.

>She claims she doesn't remember the horrible things she has said to me growing up. She tells me she is worried for my son because she thinks that my mind is slipping and that there is something wrong with me.

There's a whole thread here about this. It really is best to "just not remember" for people that don't want to accept responsibility for their words and actions. More gaslighting. I would go ahead and trust your memory. It happened. Memory is weird, so maybe it didn't happen exactly the way you remember but it happened.

Example: I have this memory of my mother giving me a...well...horrible sweater. It was sleeveless, argyle print on the back, and it had an ice-skating bear on the front. I was like...24 going on 25 at the time...so completely inappropriate and I was never going to wear it. I couldn't accept it. I gave it back to her asking her what was going through her mind at the store when she thought her 24 year old daughter would actually want this. She needed to get her $$ back for it. This is one of my "funny" memories. Anyway...I remember the bear having a little flip up skirt. When cleaning her house this past thanksgiving (see post history if interested) we found that sweater. The sweater is pretty much how I remember it...just no flip up skirt.

So yeah...whatever you remember is probably the actual truth.

>My whole life I was her therapist. Not my other siblings, because I was the oldest so I could handle it.

I learned a new term here. Emotional incest. This whole paragraph resonates but especially that last bit "I was the oldest so I could handle it". I have said, felt, expressed those words VERBATIM. I even carried this in to my adult live where I figured anyone in psychic pain really should go ahead and give it to me cos I can handle it better than they can. I know what I'm doing and they are clearly in need. Yeah, I'm not a fucking therapist so I don't do that anymore. This is a boundaries thing. Absorbing the pain of others is not your responsibility. Accepting this and not automatically stepping in to assume the pain will take some practice, and your future therapist can help you with it.

So welcome member of the tribe. I'm sorry you've been separated from us for so long but you're here now with your family. We are big and we are strong. So get yourself something to eat. Read through this sub and anything you can get your hands on for as much as you need it over the next couple of months until you can get back to therapy.

People will recommend many books. My favorite was Understanding the Borderline Mother. A lot of us here have read it. It goes through the various manifestations of BPD from the witch to the waif. Waifs can have their witch moments just as witches can have their waif moments so while the book draws distinctions it is likely you'll see aspects of you mom in all the archetypes.

My comment is now almost as long as your post. I wish you well and perhaps we'll see you around here moving forward. BIG HUG!

To be honest, there's always that risk. It's also possible that, even if they do appear to reject you at first, they may come around later. It took my mother a while to come to terms with it, but then she became super-supportive. Her sister disowned me, though. Eventually, though, it gets to the point where being yourself is more important than being accepted by people who can't comprehend what you're going through.

I believe my mother found reading True Selves helpful, although I don't remember getting on with it myself, as although it's a bit inaccurate and not worded in the most respectful way at times if memory serves, it provided advice for a friend or relative of a transsexual, whereas most books seem to help transsexuals directly.

Hi there. I think you need to make this decision yourself while understanding the ramifications of being 15 years old and having to support yourself entirely.

As far as living with your dad, it might be worth trying family counseling.
As for your mom, borderline personality disorder is a rough disorder but with treatment and help things do get better.

My professor recommends this book to kids of mom's with borderline personality disorder. Hopefully it helps you.

Good luck!

I'm an engineer with the exact same experience. We might have ADHD. Some suggestions:

Evernote: phone, computer syncing note app. Keep all your action tasks on one note. You can have other notes/notebooks for projects etc.

Any.do: another to-do list app. Look at your to-do list as often as possible.

Recognizing you have a problem helps: More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD http://www.amazon.com/More-Attention-Less-Deficit-Strategies/dp/1886941742

Frequently update and log your time in your company time system or just a MS OneNote. The log helps you focus.

Listen to soft soothing music or sound effects via computer or phone to tune out other stuff: e.g. Elmnts for Chrome, your favorite Film Score (Lord of the Rings), etc.

Imagine you're a special agent in NCIS and always getting stuff done.

Talk to your boss and co-workers often to set deadlines, schedules, etc.

Make things a priority to get done quickly and well done.

Go for a walk at lunch.

Get to work early, leave early, get back to living your life.

We can harness our energy if we try a little. We can reward ourselves later when we're off the clock.

Break up your day with tiny breaks to read something interesting or pray. It can even be an e-book on your phone.

Talk to your doctor about ADHD (I've been putting this one off).

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0787908703/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1466551952&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=narcissistic+family+system

Have you read that book? It helped me a lot. It gives an objective take on the simple dynamics that arise in a "narcissistic family system". It's technically distinct from NPD because it looks at the family dynamics surrounding a narcissist rather than at the narcissists themselves. It held a lot of truth for me. This new situation for you will probably require you to explore the situation with your mother again as that stuff is one of the deepest layers to peel back to, so an objective re-exploration of yourself through that lens may be helpful.

And thanks! Most people commiserate not congratulate when I share that, so it's nice to hear from someone who knows what it's like. The way I explain it when people react by saying "I'm sorry, that's really terrible" is this: imagine having a 100lb weight tied to your ankle for your whole life. It's always been there, and you just assumed it was part of your body. Now imagine one day, you decide to take it off. Is that sad?" It's a vast oversimplification, but is more or less accurate.

In terms of the ugliness, I'll just say keep exploring yourself and keep searching for deeper truth. It seems like you're doing that already, and aren't questioning that path, I just wanted to affirm it. It's the right thing, and it will guide you to the answers you're looking for and to the happiness and clarity you're seeking. Trust that you'll get through the short term, because you will, and you will come out smarter than before.

The double life thing: basically when I was a kid I withdrew and experienced my real pleasures internally while putting on a mindless act for my parents in the physical world. As I grew and became more independent, I still maintained the act, but increasingly had places where my parents had no eyes or ears. My conversations with them had nothing to do with what I felt, even though I spoke with them often. I was split between the life I projected I was leading to them and the life I was leading for myself. It wasn't a clear line distinction because I would only dare stray so far from the projected life patterns in my "private" life, but the line was there nonetheless. I think this divide helps lead 9's to drugs, etc. in other cases, though I never got much into that kind of thing.

Do you know your mbti type btw?

ADHD/f, 35 years old here.

If you've asked her what is wrong and she told you nothing, then don't treat her like she's being dishonest about it. (Not saying you are! Just saying - don't keep asking.) Even if there is something wrong, she may not be ready to talk about it or she may not even know quite how to articulate it yet. Just let her know that you're there for her anytime she wants to talk or needs help, no matter how trivial her problems might seem to her, and leave it at that.

I've had boyfriends that thought the answer to this kind of situation was to shower more attention on me, which I then felt obligated to respond to when there was already an increased demand on my time and focus, which stressed me out even more!

So respect her personal space, both physical AND mental. If she needs some extra time to herself during stressful periods, then that's the best thing you can do for her. Try not to take it too personally, especially since you mentioned she's applying to med school. My best friend applied to law school this past spring and she was an absolute mess from the time she started narrowing down schools until she got accepted - we're talking months here - and she doesn't even have ADHD.

I think it's great that you're dedicated to keeping your relationship healthy. I would strongly recommend that you read Driven To Distraction by Edward Hallowell if you haven't already. It gives a generally useful overview of ADHD but also talks about relationships. I think it would give you some additional insight that might be helpful.

Good luck!

I would recommend two books, and highly recommend to look for a few more.

This book has changed my life and several friends, all with varying disorders. Saved my best friend from bulimia, helped my husband greatly with BDP, and my brother come out of meth addiction.
Man's Search for Meaning https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807014273/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RcS3CbEF3R10K

This is to work through BPD and I know it’ll help you define if that’s what’s going on:
Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/0898620341/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_pbS3Cb2EDVHH8

You should definitely seek out a therapist. Be empowered to call places locally. It’s so great to figure out what’s going on, especially early.

Then you can afford therapy, which was one of your concerns. Most therapists are willing to negotiate a lower fee if you are a college student, unemployed, or without insurance.

It is wise to be careful about which therapist to see. Finding a good therapist is hard. A big mistake that I kept making was going to the first therapist that was close to me and had an opening for an intake. Don't do this!! I wasted years doing this, because I ended up feeling guilty about leaving a therapist when things were not working out. My guilty response here was very codependent.

You want to research therapists online and find one that looks like a good match. You can google "codependency therapists" along with your local city to see which therapists are available. You can also use psychology today:

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?&city=New+York&state=NY&spec=503

Codependency is very common, and there are therapists that treat it in almost any major city. It might also be helpful to find a therapist who has treated BPD patients since you said your mom was BPD, like mine. These therapists would have a much better idea of what you have been through. Here is a book that helped me:

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319

Good luck!

Benzo's are some of the worst things to ween yourself off, even deadly in some cases, avoid them altogether as that it like putting out a fire with petrol, coming off one addiction to another.

I would suggest looking at and addressing the pain/trauma underneath your addiction. The Body Keeps The Score is an excellent intro into this https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

A break of some kind in rehab may be necessary just to clean your system out. Good diet removal of sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods. Juice fasting can be helpful too.

Support groups are valuable to air your challenges and past griefs.

Meditation/Mindfulness can be a helpful aid to rewire the brain and bring a underlying peace to your life.

Exercise is a powerful anti depressant, especially when quitting any substance.

Many people have benefited from using the African medicine Iboga https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabernanthe_iboga
It has a powerful ability to reset drug addictions within the brain an cure even the hardest addiction, but if the underlying trauma, peer groups and social circles etc are not addressed most people will fall back into their old patterns of addiction. There are people who run treatments in Australia if you look hard enough, there are some legal clinics in NZ I believe now, as they have big meth problems there. Stay away from the refined form of Iboga which is Ibogaine (unless under medical care) as a number of deaths have attributed to this. Look for some Iboga videos to see how powerful this can be.

Good luck :)

I can't speak for your side, medication issues, etc. but my husband has ADHD that was undiagnosed until about 8 months ago. So, I'll try to explain how your wife feels and what's worked for us.

When you're with someone with ADHD it can be extremely frustrating, which you seem to get. It's frustrating to have to pick up the little things that get left behind or act as a reminder system for someone who, without ADHD, wouldn't need the help. There's a fundamental difference in a non-ADHD brain and an ADHD brain and sometimes, the compassion for an ADHD brain gets lost. It's like constantly fighting to be heard over the other stimuli coming in and the distractions. Often, at least for me, it leads to me not feeling like I have emotional support or a partner in my marriage.

So, here's what worked for us:

-Marriage counseling with someone who understands ADHD: our counselor helps him realize what are his ADHD symptoms and gives him the tools to lessen the effect it has on our marriage. The counselor helps me realize that he is not ADHD, he has ADHD. She helps me take a step back and focus on myself while still being supportive of him making his own progress. She helps us communicate with one other and bridge the gap that exists between his brain and mine.

-Books: Personally, I recommend ADHD Effect on Marriage to help understand how it impacts your marriage and More Attention, Less Deficit as a guidebook for different methods to try to cope with the symptoms.

-Breaks: take a weekend apart, not a relationship break but go on separate vacations, go visit family, take a day-cation apart. After a while, dealing with the ADHD symptoms can get overwhelming. Taking a break helps both of us decompress and come back focused and ready to take on whatever else life can throw at us. We appreciate each other more, good and bad.

I know it's tough for both spouses in an ADHD marriage. It's frustrating and tense and stressful. But, it can work. Work as a team and be open with each other.

Seconding therapy, especially one who deals in childhood trauma. The book The Body Keeps the Score is a good introduction to how trauma stays with you (trigger warnings for that book, btw, but it's a fantastic book). Also, you may want to consider EMDR as an approach for resolving childhood trauma. A lot of people here have seen a benefit from using it.

Best of luck to you, OP.

There are several modern psychotherapists in the Jungian school that take this seriously. You probably won't find a whole lot outside of this discipline, apart from probably some Eastern or alternative medicine practices. The opinion of most modern psychotherapists don't matter much to me though compared to the Jungians, but that is just my opinion and experience. A few of the local Jungian Analysts in my Jungian Society that I've had the opportunity to attend seminars with use bodily therapy for some of their patients with apparently a high level of success, if the patient is open to that sort of treatment. A lot aren't. Personally, I had a swallowing condition earlier this year and this passage that you quoted really made me think when I was first read it, which just so happened to be around the time that the symptoms were occurring. Even if you want to be skeptical about the mind-body connection, which I honestly don't think the connection is much of a stretch, it is helpful to ask yourself such questions regarding your condition. "What is it that I cannot stand or cannot swallow or stomach, etc.?" It can only increase consciousness. If you think about it, if you can't walk, there are probably a whole lot of things that "you can't stand" and bringing those contents into consciousness can be very therapeutic. My swallowing condition was caused by adverse side effects of medication prescribed for an eye condition, so I then asked "what is it that I am not seeing?" Regardless if the causes if the conditions were psychological in origin or not, those are powerful questions to ask and there are always answers there what ever the question is.

I haven't read either of these two books, but they are on my list. They might be worth checking out if the subject interests you:

https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Disease-Perspective-Psychosomatic-Dermatology/dp/1853437484

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

If you're looking for a book to read, I would suggest this. I'm not sure whether or not it goes into the baby/toddler stages, but it's a really good wealth of information, and some of it may help you even if she's not diagnosed with Autism.

Honestly, the regression, and the inability to focus on sounds like Autism. For some of us, making eye contact is extremely overwhelming. Also, there can be a 2-3 second gap between when we hear something and when we "understand" or "translate" it (this is hard to describe, think of it like the message getting delayed between the ears/eyes/whatever to the brain because it has to be translated to what we can understand) which makes focusing when lots of people are talking difficult, which is why she might not be following. Regression is also a coping tactic that some people have, I myself included.

How does she react to sound? I don't mean a single loud sound, but like a constant, large amount of sound, like a crowd in a supermarket? It's quite easy to focus on the television, even for a toddler, but Autism makes it hard to block out things we don't want to hear which may result in meltdowns and shutdowns.

Meltdowns appear like temper tantrums, or covering the ears, crying, ect. while Shutdowns are when the person in question does unresponsive and non-verbal.

Another thing for you to look at would be her response to foods that have certain different type of textures. For me, having something slimy like sushi in my mouth makes me want to spit it out immediately.

Long post. ಠ_ರೃ I got too into it, sorry.

You have to order this book right now. It changed my life -- seriously. Before reading that book, I was convinced to my core that there was something deeply wrong with me that caused me to have anxiety, eating and extreme conflict-avoidance issues (seriously, I'd grill my best friends for hours about "what was wrong with me" and thought they were lying when they told me "nothing")...and that book made me realize that all of my psychoses were reactions to her behavior and my way of coping with them, rather than a sign that there was something wrong with me.Instead, there was something wrong with her. All of the issues I experienced were just my brain/body's unconscious way of finding a way to cope with the chaos and instability that her disorder caused. When I first realized she was borderline, I broke down in the shower crying because for the first time in my life I actually believed that there wasn't something deeply flawed about me.

Feel free to PM me off-board for support. It's a hard road ahead -- and I really, really don't suggest telling her she's BPD but instead maneuvering around it -- but it's probably a lot easier than what you've already been through.

EDIT: Forgot to add, there are different types of borderlines -- hence why your friend might be easier to deal with. And if she's medicated/treated, that's a huge step. (Plus, being a mother seems to bring out BPD tendencies much more dramatically than a friendship.)

EDIT 2: I also felt really guilty at first that I was "surviving" my relationship with my mother instead of having a "real" relationship with her. But then I realized that if she is unwilling/mentally unable to get treatment, this is the only way to have a relationship with her at all. Yes, it isn't genuine, but I like to think that the fact that I still interact with her even though it's somewhat staged actually shows a lot of effort on my part to make it work. And besides, a "genuine" relationship is what I tried to have with her growing up, and that only ended in fear and emotional trauma for me. I'm an adult now and have to protect my own emotional well being first (and that of my husband and my child now).

One of the hardest parts for me in reconciling her BPD is the fact that she isn't terrible all the time. I've come to realize that, deep down, she is a good person who means well and WANTS to be generous and kind but can be overtaken by a demon she has no capacity to realize is there. I try to bring that good person out and that requires navigating around her triggers -- admittedly rocky waters.

It might be hard to deal with the guilt of manipulating her and strategically maneuvering around her disorder, but you're doing the right thing by at least trying -- it's much easier to just walk away.

Check Amazon. They have quite a few titles. I'd definitely start witht this one:

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

Here are some others that I've read at least partway through. All have been useful to me in some measure.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger's Syndrome (Very academic look at ASD. I think it's actually a textbook based on the price. Includes lots of citations to published papers and some insight into what you should expect if you seek professional therapy)

I Think I Might Be Autistic (good starting point for the diagnosis process)

Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate (Just an autobiographical account of the author's experience with ASD, but still helpful to read IMO)

The Journal of Best Practices (for ASD/NT relationships)

Here are a couple more that I haven't read, but are on my "to-read" list, and seem to fit within the bounds of what you're looking for:

Look Me In the Eye

Be Different

This is strange, I've just watched a webinar on treating trauma that mentioned this exact question. The webinar is a series of modules that are designed to help practitioners better treat their clients when it comes to trauma. I'm not a practitioner but I find the information in the modules very enlightening and in addition to regularly seeing my therapist it's helped me understand trauma more, just in general.

One of the questions that was posed in today's module (which I believe is being broadcast again thursday, that link will take you to a page where you can do some maneuvering to find the times) was how to tell whether clients have ptsd or bpd. Many of the symptoms are the same, but one practitioner said that there's a tell. It has to do with sleep. Someone with BPD in a manic state has a lot of energy and won't need to sleep as much. They won't feel tired despite their lack of sleep (or just needing 2 hours of sleep). But someone suffering from trauma, who gets very little sleep or has disruptive sleep, doesn't feel rested. They feel more lethargic.

Like I said, I'm not a practitioner. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything. I'm simply parroting back what I saw in that webinar. If you think you might have ptsd, I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist recommended to me when I first started seeing her; The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Like the webinar, it's helped me understand the nature of trauma and it gives wonderful ideas to jump start the healing process.

I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your troubles. Know that you have support from an internet stranger <3

FenderJazzbass (OP, deleted), first, congrats on your sighting - but be careful not to jump to alien conclusions too soon, as there may just be a mundane explanation for your sighting. Always be on the lookout for confirmation bias in your thinking! There is a great book you might want to check out called The True Believer: Thoughts on the Nature of Mass Movements (http://www.amazon.com/The-True-Believer-Movements-Perennial/dp/0060505915)

I'm guessing you are fairly young and relatively new to the subject of UFOs, and your posting history certainly seems to indicate a "desire to believe". You're going to get called out again and again, if for no other reason than your commenting history seems fairly uncritical and leans heavily toward the true Believer end of the spectrum, and, more importantly, relies pretty regularly on ad hominem attacks and ad hoc retractions of posts. This is all very suspicious behavior, if you are really looking to take this subject seriously, and have others take you seriously.

This is not an attack on you. Please take it as constructive criticism and keep looking up!

That's a great book but you need to read Driven to Distraction.

If you do have ADD it's going to be like reading your life. If that's true then you need to see a Psychiatrists that practices in ADD.

They can find a drug that will work for you. They do work too. Even if you don't think they do. Try it for a month and then ask your family, co-workers, and friends if they noticed a difference in you. They will all say yes.

It does sound like you're dealing with severe dissociation. Whether it's DID, OSDD, or something else similar this book Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation is a really good place to start. The first few chapters will explain the basics and help you recognize the symptoms of DID/OSDD, which can help you figure out if these disorders might be what you are dealing with. The rest of the book is really focused on skills for coping with and living with severe dissociation. It's mainly written for people with DID/OSDD, but I think it would be helpful for anyone who is dissociated and has the experience of feeling like there are "parts" of themselves.

I have DID and CPTSD. If you want to talk or ask any questions or anything, I'd be happy to answer.

Glad to hear it, I hope that it's as helpful for you as it was for me!

Talking to a psychologist or mental health counselor is also extremely important: if medication is the tool, the counselor is the one to show you how to use it and make the most of it!

There's a great book called Delivered From Distraction that was also a phenomenal help.

Get in touch with the other adults supporting him (with the parents' permission, of course). You communicating with his teachers can help all of you work together to help him out.

Does he already have a planner or assignment book or something, but forgets to use it/uses it inefficiently? Or does he have nothing at all?

Kudos to you for working to support this kid. It might help him with the way he feels about himself if you share that you have ADD and have had trouble getting organized, too.

I recommend you read Driven to Distraction, which talks about both child and adult ADD. (Might even give you some insights into your own brain, too.) It's an accessible read and I found it really valuable.

Here is an article that gives a general overview of trauma-informed care. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry are essential reading. They are relatively cheap and well-known.

I know very little about EMDR, so I can't really speak for its efficacy. As far as trauma-certifications go, I would urge caution. There are a lot of certification programs out there that promise access to a lot of knowledge and skills, and they offer a shiny little certificate with your name on it upon completion. However, in my experience the knowledge and skills they impart are nothing that you couldn't learn yourself with a combination of dedicated self-study and careful oversight by a competent supervisor. Also, these certifications sound impressive, but they aren't always recognized as anything special by the field at large. So they won't help you get a job, get a promotion, get a raise, or anything else but an impressive-looking piece of paper.

My recommendation is to be more assertive in your interest with your supervisor about learning trauma-informed theory and practice. If they cannot offer you the supervision you feel you need, ask them if there is someone in your organization that can. Identify resources that you can study that will help you find concrete ways to implement trauma-informed strategies into your work, and discuss this during supervision.

Young and poor beats out old and rich every time.

Fortunately you are young.

If you have ADHD, dealing with it involves a lifelong strategy. And, it is important to focus on the fact that ADHD is not all bad, in fact, having ADHD is a huge advantage in certain life skills (such as creativity and entrepreneurial skills).

My advice is to learn as much about ADHD as you can. Go to the library and check out books and learn. This book gives a great overview of how to make your life better.

Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your struggle, it sounds like you're going through a lot of emotions related to her.

The go to treatment for people with bpd is dialectical behavioral therapy, or otherwise known as DBT. I very much recommend that you try to get your daughter into a DBT program. As for how to deal with her, I think the validation section of the dbt workbook would be incredibly helpful for you, and also interpersonal skills such as SET and DEAR MAN.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

lol. I'm an adult but I transitioned without telling my parents. I saw them all the time. We never discussed it although it was obvious. I go to dinner with them in a dress, makeup and a D cup and they still say HE to the waiter. Fuuuuuk! My therapist thought it was hilarious that we all ignored the elephant in the room. Eventually, I gave them two books to read.

Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals

They were more accepting after that although we never did discuss it. They bought me earrings & stuff which was nice. After my mother passed, my father went to visit his sister who is a retired wealthy doctor. When he came back he seemed more accepting. He also gave me a bunch of my mom's stuff he thought I could use. I suspect my dad and Aunt Wealthy Doctor talked about me and she explained things to him. One other thing, her kids all have mansions, yachts and shit. I don't know if I'm going to make rent this month. Boy was I born into the wrong side of the family. Life sucks then ya die. Time for bed. With my luck I'll wake up again.

Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.

As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.

The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.

I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.

If you have a good rapport with your current therapist, maybe she would be open to getting a workbook that the two of you could work through together. I've used this workbook. I haven't used this but that is a reputable publisher (New Harbinger) and looks good.


DBT is a very "manualized" treatment; meaning it's standardized and books and workbooks are used. There is a clear structure and process for DBT. All DBT includes the same basic principles. It's pretty standard stuff for a therapist.

DBT was originally conceived by Marcia Linehan as a group therapy model, but it's been adapted to individual therapy. There are specialized training courses in DBT, but as far as I know, any licensed therapist can use the basics of DBT as long as they've done some reading and understand it. You can read more about it on Dr. Linehan's website.


Even if you're not totally convinced of the BPD diagnosis, the skills in DBT are really excellent for emotion regulation, tolerating distress, and relating better to the other people around you.


I would talk to your current therapist and see what she says. She may be willing to do this with you, but she may not. Ultimately, you'll have to rely on her to be the judge of whether or not she feels comfortable working with DBT with you.

I think for most people some parts are obvious but it would be easier if we all knew it and used it as a playbook. If you’re interested you can find the workbook on Amazon: DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_nhcFDbDRAYEDQ

I went through it as part of treatment for an eating disorder, although less formally than usual. I think traditionally you do a lot of group meetings in a short, intensive period of time. But reading it at my own pace is helpful too.

Edited to add: the interpersonal skills section is essentially exactly like what my company pays good money for someone to come and teach us as “leadership training”

This was me, and I know exactly why in my case. I had undiagnosed ADD and the brain chemicals that are triggered by the stress of an impending deadline actually allowed my brain to focus.

While there are benefits
>Yeah, and it has worked out well for me recently. I did a ten page single-spaced paper in one eleven hour session the night before it was due and got an A. Also, I put off five weeks of reading until the night before a final and set the curve.

it can also be very troublesome.
>This was me in school, and this has been me in my few-decades-long software engineering career. It's really a problem on self-directed projects where I set the deadline. Things never get done.

As a teacher who was diagnosed with ADD during grad school, I have learned that while it is majorly over-diagnosed in some populations, it is woefully under-diagnosed in others. Extremely intelligent people without the hyperactivity component (which generally leads to diagnosis by driving teachers crazy) generally can do so well in school and work situations by utilizing the last minute focusing ability, that they never get diagnosed.

In some cases, undiagnosed people are perfectly happy to continue on enjoying their time between deadlines and then cramming. Many people, however, no matter what they have achieved, always feel this overwhelming sense that they are not living up to their potential, that they could have done better if only they could have focused themselves. This constant feeling of under-achievement can lead to depression.

I would suggest that anyone who identifies with this do some research about ADD and decide if maybe they should be evaluated -- it saved my life. An excellent book, which includes the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosis in adults is Driven to Distraction.

https://crazywisefilm.com/ - This isnt about PTSD specifically but more broadly about mental health. Very powerful and informative watch, only a dollar rent until January.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P_Gj6Z9_LM- Gabor Mate is a great person to look into. He has several talks and books that on trauma that have really helped things click for me.

madinamerica.com is a website that has a lot of great resources. It can seem "out there" but it offers unique lens to understand trauma and mental health.

Good books to look at is the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk (I would start there), Tribe by Sebastian Junger and the Body Never Lies by Alice Miller

maps is running trails for veterans for PTSD so maybe take a look over there if youre a veteran?

You're in luck! I have books for that!

Here's a good book on basic communication between men and women in relationships.

And if you're interested in the psychology and neurology behind how we develop our relationship to love in general, try this on for size.

Whether you have a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder or are just shy, this may help with some skill building. (In fact, just about any good book on social anxiety, as well as skill building for people on the autism spectrum, can be helpful even for people who are more psychologically middle of the road.)

And, not a book but a webpage, some good tips on dating in a more healthy manner. Note the first one especially in the context of our discussion on the seduction community.

No, I don’t know of any other online “cheat” sheets although I’m sure there are some out there. And I mean no offense to the noble efforts of the OP, but I think that a revision of the list would be kind-of pointless.

To be honest, it requires both a comprehensive understanding of the bible and a good understanding of the psychology of the fundamentalist mind in order to effectively crush their absurdist arguments. I’ve actually experienced the most success when I take one of their own absurd positions beyond the realm of the absurd and into the realm of pure insanity, where even they cannot deny it. (When you get them to the point that they are attacking their own beliefs, they usually get very upset and bolt for the nearest exit.)

Here’s a reddit I wrote up 4 months ago.

See what I mean? Stuff like that makes their heads go boom.

But, that being said, it would be a waste of time to study the bible in order to disprove it. I don’t need to read Peter Pan to disprove the existence of fairies.

One book that I highly recommend is “The True Believer” by Eric Hoffer. It explains the mindset of the fundamentalist with such insight and simplicity that it will leave you feeling stupid for not seeing it beforehand. It’s my favorite book of all time, written by a longshoreman in 1951. I’ve had the book for over ten years but I still pick it up and read it to this day (on my third copy). I guarantee that you will see the world differently after reading it - It's that good.

I found this book to be extremely helpful post diagnosis. I think one of the best things that you can do is to let your brother know that you [and family] are there to support him as best you can. Assure him that you might always know exactly what he's going through or how he feels, but you will do your best; that you are there if he needs someone to talk to and there if he needs advice (only give it if he asks for it).

Sometimes I just want someone to talk to so that I can vent about how I feel, how things are effecting me, etc. and I don't want advice on how to deal with it, fix it, or anything else unless I explicitly ask for it.

Good points /u/westlax34! Geriatric psychopharmacolgy/polypharmacy can be quite daunting indeed! (I found a nice supplementary reference text to echo your thoughts which I'll mention below).

/u/abutali, in addition to /u/tlbtc's suggestion of First Aid for Psychiatry being a notable companion, I personally found for diving real deep into psychopharmacology nuances (e.g. for presentations/curiosity), anything written by Dr. Stephen M. Stahl to be amazing! This is far from being a mandatory must and certainly not worth an out-of-pocket medical student expense whatsoever unless you're entering the field of Psychiatry at some future point (e.g. residency) - if interested, see if you can find/borrow a copy from your medical school library/etc:

---

Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications

https://www.amazon.com/Stahls-Essential-Psychopharmacology-Neuroscientific-Applications/dp/1107686466

If your mother has BPD, I'm very sorry for everything you have undoubtedly been through. This is one of those disorders that makes even the most experienced, educated and competent of shrinks absolutely dread the career they've chosen, so don't feel bad that you've been unable to manage. The way I've coped is to learn as much about the disorder as I can. It helps me feel less responsible for all of her madness (which is what the BPD mother instills in her children from birth). It has also helped me forgive her, understanding that she didn't choose to have this disorder and can't ever escape from it the way that we can. Some really good books that I've found to be very helpful in terms of learning about this disorder and how to cope with this are:

http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280355017&sr=1-4

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280355076&sr=1-1

Therapy has also been invaluably helpful. Best of luck to you, from one BPD kid to another.

I approach therapists the way I do online dating. Instead of looking for things I want, I look for red flags and stop the conversation there.

I think not wanting to be on meds shouldn't be something to focus on if your mind is set, and if they seem like they want to push on that, it's not going to be productive.

Does the therapist talk more then you do? For me, that's a deal breaker. I don't want to hear anecdotes or a long explanation of their credentials. I want to be guided, not lectured. Maybe personal preference.

Note how "challenging" the therapist is with you. Do you want someone who will push back against you/call you out (this is extremely helpful in many cases), or do you want someone with a more subtle approach? I'm personally sensitive to criticism so I need a lighter touch.

Does the therapist seem to have negative attitudes or limited experience regarding groups you belong to? LGBT, POC, bipolar patients (I once had one for couples therapy whose ex husband was bipolar; that didn't work out), age, gender, etc.

In your sessions, with a tight budget, you want to maximize efficiency. You need to target the most impacting areas of your life so you can get the most overall improvement from your time there.

They're going to want to know what your current most pressing issues are. Bring a little list of ways your bipolar has impacted your life.

Also see if you can identify the most important/relevant details from your life history so you can quickly give them background information. "I was raised in city, my family was generally supportive/dysfunctional/close/etc., I've had these experiences with therapy in the past, these three events changed the course of my life, I was diagnosed years ago, my worst manic/depressive episode was like this..."

If you want to get into DBT, read about the four major aspects about it and see if you can identify the part you want to focus on the most. I highly recommend getting the official manual. Using part of your budget on this will help you further your therapy along on your own between sessions, making therapy more targeted to your needs based on your own progress. (Sorry for formatting, I'm on my phone.)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572307811/ref=sxts_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501518111&sr=1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65

Good luck!

It's my favorite book on ADHD, written by a pair of doctors who themselves both have ADHD and specialize in the treatment of it, one of whom benefits from medication and one of whom does not.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0307743152/

EDIT: One person to whom I recommended it informed me that it's also available in audiobook form, in case that's of interest. And I suspect it would help your husband understand you better. If you do get him to read it, I'd be interested in knowing if I'm right about that.

>does the corporation produce those goods, or do the people who work for the corp produce them? I don't want to trade with the CEOs and the middle-managers; I want to trade with the people whose hands formed the product.

Who knew Karl Marx was so computer savvy, AND has an Atari?

The value is only created by the downtrodden worker, and the rest of the people in the company are but parasites :)

A couple more gems:

>But the fact is is that the economic value of lying and other unethical behavior so far outstrips the value of anything else it gives the liar/scumbag almost total control over ethical players in the market.

Only unethical players succeed in the free market - thus, all rich people are thiefs, thus we need to get our money back from them.

Added bonus - the market is stupid and cannot figure out who consistently lies as time goes by.

>You never truly have a "free" market - that would be a power vacuum, which nature abhors. It's either regulated by a government entity, or if is de facto "regulated" by the strongest player in the market.

I've never said that before on Reddit, but you, sir, are a true believer. I'd highly recommend reading this before you become cannon fodder for the revolution. It might just save your mental health and self-respect (and the conveniently provided amazon link saves you the need to leave the house and see all those scary people outside). Oh, and there is no associate code on the link - you do not have to be concerned about a worthless parasite siphoning off the fruits of your labor. After all, we all agree that information has NO value.

Man, been there, kind of am there but way better than I was. The symptoms of ADD and depression perpetuate each other and can make it feel almost impossible to claw my way out sometimes. Have you tried doing CBT? I can't recommend it enough. Just being mindful of your thoughts and impulses as they happen can have a huge impact on your ability to take the wheel. 3 years ago I was close to dropping out of college and toying with the idea of offing myself, now at 25 I'll be graduating with a 3.8 GPA. CBT (or whatever else you find works for you; exercise and diet play a huge role) and taking some time to Think About Shit can really do wonders. It's never too late.

We've never really interacted, but I've appreciated you from afar in my ~4 months here. All the best, buddy.

EDIT: Check out this book. It's what jumpstarted me into action, and I almost feel as if everybody should read it.

Not sure if this is the slant you’re looking for but it touches on many different aspects.....Ive found The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk very helpful.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists....
The Body Keeps Score

Of course I don't mind! I just finished Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem. I highly recommend that one. It has exercises throughout the book that I'm finding extremely helpful . I just started Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship. This one is pricey but it seems to be a favorite for a lot of people. I'm only at the beginning, but I think it's going to be really good.

I was in exactly your situation. Driven to Distraction and You mean, I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? both helped me.

Sleep a lot. Remove as much sugar as you can from your diet. Drink ALL the water. Have some loving support. Good luck.

I bought as many books as I could on DBT and ACT not all at once only when I could afford it.

I started by reading http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Treatment-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898621836/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-2&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

&

http://www.amazon.com/Doing-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Individualized/dp/1462502326/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057888&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=doing+dialectical+behavioural+therapy

to get a better understanding of BPD and DBT. and right now I am working with these workbooks:

http://www.amazon.com/Training-Treating-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/0898620341/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-3&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

and


http://www.amazon.com/Expanded-Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Training/dp/1936128128/ref=pd_sim_b_6?ie=UTF8&refRID=1H69WV6FGR18FCSQ5TSQ


and I have just ordered this one.

http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408057792&sr=8-1&keywords=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+for+bpd

the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy book I got is (I have yet to start this one):

http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Commitment-Therapy-Second-Practice/dp/1609189620/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408058093&sr=1-1&keywords=acceptance+and+commitment+therapy


I do what is on the workbooks and I also do further research on the skills online so I can understand it better and see what works and what doesn't for me and I test them out forcing myself to do exposure sessions ( or try to get used to using them in the moment they are needed or helpful) and I write down everything so I don't forget and kind of monitor myself and my progress.

Ooh, this is the post I've been waiting for! I've found bibliotherapy to be very helpful in my healing.

For understanding abuse: Understanding the Borderline Mother

This NPD website

For healing yourself: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Adult Children of Abusive Parents





And, what you were really asking for: Full Catastrophe Living

Complex PTSD



You wrote:
>Still, I can't maintain a positive or calm feeling state for more than a few minutes, I feel constant anxiety, I am easily provoked, I get easily upset or angry, and I stay upset for hours or days to come, despite all the work I've put in.

This sounds familiar. What I've learned is that it's hard to build new neural pathways when you're stuck in the old feelings of panic. Re-wiring the brain means practicing being in a state of calmness, and the more time you spend there, the easier it will be to get back. So anything that makes you feel calm, even momentarily, is something you should practice. It's ok if you can only feel it for a short time!

My therapist used to tell me, "Get yourself calm, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!" I think he was suggesting I get high. ;-) What worked for me was to a little meditation, yoga, and spiritual practice, and a lot of locking myself in my house alone with all the blinds drawn. It was the only way I could feel safe for a long time. I wonder if all the activities you've been doing are, paradoxically, stressing you out more? Maybe giving yourself permission to do less would help?

Hope my super long post is helpful! Good luck, OP.

The ADD could be a reality for you ... and one interesting thing to note is how caffeine effects you. Do you find yourself having more focus and concentration? Then a psycho-stimulant may be for you. Check out the book Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell. It could help you understand ADD a bit better. Also, you don't need to know your career path now. Keep being curious and try things. Do an internship in a field you might be interested in ... and then decide if it feels right. All the suggestions on this thread about talking to a guidance counselor or social worker is great advice. Take it. Don't be alone in this.

There's a great book about how boys are raised this way, to be "emotionally illiterate." It's marketed as a parenting book but has been SO interesting to me in analyzing the adult men in my life as well. Highly recommend for anyone who loves/lives with/interacts with men!

https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-Life/dp/0345434854

As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and dealt with it from kindergarten through college, I'll be the first to say that medication is, at best, a "band-aid." There are practical solutions and strategies one can implement to help live with ADHD that don't involve medicine. Depending on severity, this can take years of practice, but it's ultimately worth it.

First, of course, you need to make sure you're diagnosed correctly by a doctor who specializes in working with patients who have ADD or ADHD. ADD/ADHD can be confused with all sorts of different disorders (e.g. auditory processing disorder, etc.) If you're looking for a book, I'd recommend Dr. Edward M. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction. Personally, I worked through some of his books (among others) while seeing a psychotherapist who specializes in ADD/ADHD. Take your time finding a good one or get a recommendation from a friend if possible.

Hi, I am married to someone who experiences DID. I would talk this over with your wife as to the possibility of having DID. Most of the time with DID, they may have loss of time when these other parts come out. Sometimes counselors and psychiatrists are not open to the idea that DID exists. What has helped me personally through this odd occurrence is to realize that it's not my fault and it's her job to manage herself (including all parts). There is a book I highly recommend (and this subreddit recommends) called Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. It has been a fantastic resource for my situation. I feel it has helped us gain an equilibrium even with all these alters my wife experiences. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

Please read this book!! I know people on both sides of the medication fence and only you and your son and his doctors/teachers can make the right decision. I'm glad you are being proactive about this now, you sound like a caring and attentive parent.
Anyway, I'm a teacher and this book helped a lot with my understanding of people with attention issues, including myself! Driven to Distraction

I would either say A General Theory of Love or The Demon-Haunted World are books that I always recommend to people who want to expand themselves.

A General Theory of Love is the perfect message for those who think intelligence and self-mastery means an absence of emotions. For those of us who think being rational means not letting emotions into the decision making process, this book elucidates on why that is not healthy and also why you're probably lying to yourself if you think you are incapable of feeling emotions like "normal" people.

The Demon-Haunted World is a book for everybody. It is a philosophical book written by an astrophysicist using everyday language so nearly anybody can grasp its concepts. It brings the major philosophical question of why within the average person's conceptual grasp, without using any spiritual reasoning. I feel that when more people can contemplate that question, why, without immediately turning to the supernatural and shutting down the mundane, we will be a more level-headed species.

Eh, my two cents. ;-)

Could you be having sleep paralysis? If you're not sleeping well, maybe when you think you're awake you're actually drifting in and out and it's causing the hallucinations and paralysis.

I struggle with sleeping and feeling anxious at night, too. I got a dog and it really helped, and having white noise like a fan, table top water fountain, or something soothing like classical music on low works for me. If you're a person of faith, prayer can be really useful. If you were a kid, I'd suggest making Monster Spray.

Also, idk if you're in treatment but have you tried EMDR? It's great for traumas. Other things to try are TRE and Somatic Experiencing. Check out some of these vids- they might have some helpful insights/suggestions.

What should you expect from therapy

What makes a good therapist

5 signs you are seeing a bad therapist

Which type of therapy is right for me

Choosing your mental health professional

How to start and what to say

How do I stop being afraid to fall asleep?

How can I fight my bad thoughts at night?

How can I stop having nightmares?

How to get sleep

4 tips for better sleep

Sleep paralysis

Psychosis

BPD

anxiety playlist

depression playlist

trauma playlist

PTSD playlist

There's also a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk that extensively talks about trauma's effect on the body and how it can manifest (scientific, but very readable and relatable).

In any case, I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it. Hope you find an answer, take care!

Hey there. I'm glad things are finally making sense for you. Here is a workbook I've been going through. You might consider getting it. It talks about all the types of therapies available and even gives you a little taste of them. Best of luck to you on your journey. If you have any questions feel free to ask me or PM me.