EDIT: Sorry, this is really really long and I can't really give it a TL;DR, but there's a few points in bold to help you out!

1. Happiness isn't something you find, it's something you create.
   
   This is a concept that took me a while to understand. I could see all the people around me looking happy, people on social media posting about their amazing lives, and poor little me, comparing my sad shitty life to these amazing things.
   
   There's a few problems in there, though. One is comparison to others, another one is understanding what others' lives are really like, and a third one is ignoring the good thing. Let's start with the third point, because it ties back nicely to my first sentence.
   
   I firmly believe that you can change your mindset from negative to positive. I also firmly believe that it can be incredibly difficult to do, and it has taken me 3 months of therapy to work out how to do it. Sure, I could explain the theory, but having someone to report to every week is what really made a difference here.
   
   I believe that happiness is never too far away, but that you need to adjust your "happiness lens" to find it. If you've got a massive telephoto happiness lens, you'll spot others' happiness much more easily than the factors that could bring happiness to your life. Take a step back, get a smaller lens that won't do a great job of focusing on things too far from you and your life.
   
   I find gratitude immensely helpful in understand where I can find happiness. There's a few things in life that always make me happy: going to bed, eating a tasty dish, listening to a song I used to love. These are tiny, but if you look closer, your days can be made of those happy little moments. All it takes is becoming aware of them.
   
   Today, for example, I didn't wake up too early. Then I had a lovely warm shower, go to play the piano a little and enjoyed the sun on my way to the train station. I got a seat on the train, my book reached a really exciting point, I ate a very tasty croissant for breakfast. This was all before 10am. These are all pretty insignificant, in the grand scheme of things, right? But their magic is that they're happening all the time.
   
   Action point: start practicing gratitude by listing 3 things you're thankful for each day (it can be having drank less, having found a useful Reddit post, having watched a cool film).
   
   Now as I mentioned earlier, being aware of what can go on in people's lives is pretty important. In our era of social media, perfect people flooding Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. it can be difficult to put up with the awesomeness of these lives, their travels, dishes, outfits, fitness, etc. What's key to remember here, is that 1) we only see a tiny sliver of someone's life, 2) they usually only show you the really good stuff, because they care about being cool, 3) we have no idea what might actually be going on in their lives.
   
   Keeping up appearances is a behaviour that's incited by our self-policing society, where you must look a certain way, be at a certain stage in your life doing certain things, etc. People will go very far to pretend everything is fine when they're hiding a lot of misery behind a thin veneer of happiness. An example that comes to mind is disgruntled Instagrammers who spend most of their day trying to find the perfect angle for the perfect shot - they have 100 versions of the same picture, but you only see one. They'll be thinking of the time they wasted, how another Instagrammer is gonna look better anyway, the numbers of followers they lost, etc. That smile in that picture might be incredibly disingenuous for all we know.
   
   Action point: Try to think of the big picture. That perfect couple you see all the time on Facebook might be in a terrible relationship. Your favourite Instagrammer could be hiding a drug addiction, someone who's being quiet around you may actually be having big problems that they just haven't told you about.
   
   As for comparison with others, it's very easy to look at what people seem to have, compared to what you do/don't have. There's an image that stuck to my mind, though, which was that if you spent your time looking at your neighbour's green grass, it was no surprise yours was patchy and yellow. So find your watering can, and focus on you, and you only. It could be that you feel like you need a life overhaul, and that's fine. Pick one thing and focus on it. You want to do 10,000 things and you feel overwhelmed? Start with one thing. Add another one when you're ok with the first thing, then add a third one, etc. Nothing comes to mind? Think of something you'd like to have achieved in your life, and work back from that. It might take a while, and the path might not be so easy, but work will help.
   
   Learn to build discipline and habit so you have a safety net when things go awry. I really like /r/theXeffect for that, where you have a simple goal, a card with days on, and you cross out each da you've carried out the action on your card. One of mine was to brush my teeth after lunch, and now I do it automatically and don't even think about it anymore. Another one was meditating every day - this is still in progress, but I'm on a 30+-days streak.
   
   Action point: Find something that interests you and will help you be fulfilled - a habit, a hobby, a more general life goal, and develop a system to progress towards it. This will keep you occupied and you will develop a skill that you can later focus on honing.
   
   
2. Practice compassion and self-compassion
   
   It sounds like you have a lot of contempt for yourself and others. This ties back to having such a negative mindset that's probably very deeply entrenched in your own psyche, but being able to relate to the human condition as a whole makes it easier to appreciate others and yourself. Yes, a lot of people are dicks. What really matters here is that 1) they don't do it because they hate you, they do it because their lives have guided them to act that way ("People aren't against you, they're for themselves"), 2) we're only humans, we all make mistakes and this is something to be more accepting of.
   
   If someone finds pleasure in criticising or judging someone else on say, their clothes, or appearance, or anything, while there might be subjective truth to it (they don't look great in that jumper), the simple act of criticising/judging shows that that person is likely unhappy with some aspect of their life and are trying to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down. It's a sucky attitude, and it reflects more on the person's character than on the victim.
   
   A good solution for that is self-compassion. Self-compassion isn't about lovey-dovey statements about how you're perfect. Self-compassion is simply being kinder to yourself - understanding where you come from, what you've been through and accepting that even if this isn't the situation you wanted to be in, it's ok to be where you are. Failure is part and parcel of human life, and learning to see it as a way to growth will make life easier for you.
   
   Action point: Pick up something by Kristin Neff - her audiobook is a list of meditations to help you make peace with yourself and be more compassionate towards others as a result. Her book is good if you want the science behind it.
   
   Ultimately, what I mostly see is a lot of insecurity and lack of self-confidence that you take out on people. As a result of this negative mindset, you're finding it difficult to see the good in people, situations and life, and it's no wonder you feel so stuck. But that's ok. Sure, it's a crappy situation you're in at the moment, but you were smart enough to identify there was an issue, and brave enough to go to a doctor. Maybe your challenge could be to call that number your doctor give you and give it a chance? It might not be exactly what you feel you need, but it could also be a step in the right direction. If you're in a place where you feel you could help yourself, I recommend Mind Over Mood, which has exercises on re-training your brain to shift your mindset. I also recommend Carol Dweck's Mindset a lot, simply because it's a bit of a game changer on understanding how our brain works and how we're wired and can rewire ourselves. I've mentioned Kristin Neff above, and the last thing I would suggest you look at is Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, which has the explanation as to why we suffer from it, and some exercises to improve it.

No one is going to know the two of you better than the two of you. While it can be fun to swap techniques with other players, most "mentorship" relationships are unnecessary and often smoke-screen for toxic dynamics.

My favorite book in my library to loan to the recently-interested is "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns." It's certainly "classic" and legend has it that it was orginially laid out on a copy machine, but it remains one of the best survey-level resources out there for loving people doing this stuff because its fun in a non-commercial setting. Revolutionary for the time when most media was centered around Commercial Domination(tm.) A classic then, still excellent now.

I have so many "technique" books it's hard to narrow them down, but the first I would pick up is "Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook." Rope is useful, rope is cheap, rope is versatile, and with a few simple guidelines rope is remarkably safe. The biggest guideline being "don't do weight-bearing rope unless that's a specific fetish you're into and have spent a few years getting good at it." This book isn't about Japanese-style rope with an eye towards moving on to suspension, although I have books like that and I love them. This is about using Western style rope to keep things out of the way while having safe, sane, and consensual sexytimes. Simple techniques, creative applications, and a thrumming focus on safety make it a great start.

Comboing the two should give you a pretty good start on some neat ideas, save you some dosh by making it easier to put together a toybag that's not going to require a lot of cash outlay, and hopefully keep you away from handcuffs. I own a pair, I use them for capture play, but the can be prone to causing injuries both superficial and serious so you really don't want to be moving around while wearing them. Rope may not be 100% safe but it's certainly safe-er.

If you're interested in branching out a bit more, or you learn better from videos, or you would like to get your education and your porn fix at the same time, kink.com's Kink University has both a commercial site and a free sample feed of guest teachers that cover a wide, wide variety of activities with a focus on learning enough skills to have fun while getting an overview of what the kink/activity "is."

If you don't mind being marketed to a bit, Extreme Restraint's XR University and their Pornhub mirror, which is not verified so I won't link it here, are also excellent. Generally the two hosts bring in a guest star and speak to them about a certain kink for the first half of the vid, then do a hands on demonstration for the second half, interspersed with two-three commercials. The good news is that they go very in depth on the products used, make recommendations for ones they particularly like, and make it clear where they can be purchased. The maybe-bad news is that's because they sell them through their online store and are doing this to make money. Personally, I respect the hustle, love the videos, and think selling toys by teaching people to play with them is a great idea where everyone wins, but I don't judge the people who are bothered by the idea it's primarily an infomercial. Your mileage may vary.

In short, don't spend money on dominatrix time unless you just want to spend money on having that kind of experience. Do talk with each other and if you feel like it grab a few books and some pleasant-enough-feeling cheap rope and experiment. You can, and almost certainly will, buy more expensive and specialized stuff later, or just learn some techniques for safely manhandling each other that make rope unneeded if you get into that. Or all of the above. Mostly, just have fun and take care of each other and everything else will work out. Good luck and have fun.

(Disclaimer: links to commercial products and websites included for convenience only. I have no business relationship with anyone in this post other than happy customer and receive no compensation other than the warm fuzzy feeling of passing on recommendations that were given to me when I was starting. 1/4 inch nylon is fine and if you tie it in a pillowcase you can just chuck it straight into the washing machine and dryer. Fnord.)

Something that I think is unfortunately not discussed as much as it should be is how to find the RIGHT therapy and therapist for you and what to do before the first session. After working unsuccessfully with a few therapists, I was lucky enough to find one who speaks INTP. :) That obviously makes a HUGE difference. I think him being male helps too (I suspect a lot of other women would prefer to see someone of the same sex, but seeing a male worked well for me). I had worked on myself for years, but by finding the right therapist, I found myself making progress at the pace that I would have expected to given the amount of effort I put in (which was a LOT). Suddenly I went from feeling like I was spinning my wheels, putting in tons of effort for very little progress, to feeling the happiest I'd felt in years—DESPITE the fact that I was experiencing emotional trauma the whole while. Here are some things I wish someone had told me before I started looking for a therapist:

Understand what you do (and don't) want to accomplish, determine what you are and aren't willing to do, and communicate that to the therapist. I Googled what I should expect in an evaluation appointment. You may need to prepare nothing—I was merely told to show up. But being me, I printed some things out beforehand to hand to the therapist. I included present and past diagnoses and treatments (so the therapist had a starting place), my symptoms, my goals (alleviating the symptoms, but also essential for me is understanding and solving the root problem), and desired approach (analytical). The therapist read it and chuckled. He said, "Well, that answers everything I was going to ask you," and then we took a few minutes to clarify some points. He briefly explained his approach to me and what I could expect. I was out of there in well under an hour.

Understand what approach you want to take. Some people want emotional validation and are annoyed when the therapist offers advice. That approach may work for them, but it doesn't work me—I'm not there for emotional validation, I'm there because I need someone else's help to find an effective solution to a problem I can't solve on my own. If exploring my emotions is part of the process, then I will gladly do it, but that's not WHY I'm there.

Understand that a really great therapy/therapist for one person will be an abysmal therapy/therapist for another. I currently see a therapist who, when I cry, does nothing more than wait and listen. He doesn't frown or make soothing sounds/statements or do anything at all to make me FEEL better. That works great for me (he is the only person on the planet I actually don't mind crying in front of and it's BECAUSE he doesn't try to comfort me), but I completely understand why that would instantly turn others off. Likewise, his approach (CBT) worked great for me (I suspect it's easier to work with your thoughts when you're already hyper-aware of them), but it doesn't work for everyone.

Understand that your problems may take some time. Don't go in thinking you'll have two sessions and wham, bam, thank you ma'am, your problems will suddenly be no more. That likely isn't realistic. If you feel knowing the information would make you feel better in some way, ask how long/how many sessions they estimate it will take to effectively address your issues—and understand that it's just that, an estimate, and may change as they uncover more. They're unlikely to even be able to answer that until you've had at least a few sessions. So understand that there is a time factor involved. (One of the most helpful things the therapist has said to me about changing behavior is this: "We severely underestimate how entrenched we are in old behavioral patterns. And we severely underestimate how long it takes to establish new ones." It takes practice, practice, and more practice to override old, maladaptive behavior patterns. Did I mention practice? Basically a lot of what I had been doing in the past would have worked eventually, I just haven't given it enough practice yet.)

Understand when to walk away. If you've given it a fair chance and things aren't working for you, TALK to the therapist about it. They're trained professionals, but they're not mind-readers. ;) If after discussing it they do not change their approach and do not tell you why, tell them you need to know that or you'll walk. (On the other hand, understand when an approach is not working for you vs. when you merely dislike it.) If the therapist or therapy isn't working for after a reasonable amount of time, find someone else who is better for you. Finding someone/something that works for you is huge, so don't be afraid to go through a few therapists before you find what you need (I don't think this is discussed very often).

Understand that the therapist holds the map, but you're in the driver's seat. You select the destination, you choose whether to follow the route you're given, and you do the driving. The therapist can only show you the way there, you're the one who is responsible for taking yourself there. Be willing to do the work and commit to it. The therapist may give you assignments, and they may or may not be unpleasant. Be ready to follow through. Have a buddy help you if you think you need it. I set alarms to remind me.

Extra credit: be willing to do work on your own as well. When I learned my therapist used CBT (an approach that worked fantastically for me because I'm very in tune with my thoughts), I did some research on it and purchased the book The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns and worked through the book on my own even as I was working with the therapist. I think therapy was more effective and efficient because of it. I also found a daily mood log worksheet (oddly enough, through an article about Overwatch) which I found particularly useful here:http://jameslstolz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Dailymood.pdf

My therapist also pointed me to PsychologyTools.com:https://www.psychologytools.com/download-therapy-worksheets/

Meditation helped me quite a bit too. There are free apps, but I found the Waking Up app to be worth the price if you can afford it. And if you can't, check out "How much does the app cost" under FAQs for how to get a free subscription:https://wakingup.com/

Taking notes during sessions were useful to me because I remember them better to begin with, and have something to refer to when my brain can't retain it all. Taking notes outside the sessions helps me record my discoveries and allows me to remember any questions to ask in pending sessions. And taking notes as I was working through some outside materials was also useful. I know note-taking won't help everyone, but I've found them indispensable.

Metrics were also really useful to me. Periodically taking an inventory of my symptoms over time helped me see that I was improving much more rapidly than what it felt like. I was too close to my problems to be able to see it objectively, but numbers don't lie. And seeing the numbers fall in the recurrence and severity of my symptoms gave me hope (which was huge).

I wish you the best of luck. Don't wait a minute longer to get help than you have to, otherwise you may find yourself mourning the years of your life that feel like they were lost because you didn't take action when you could have (I lost two decades that might have been the best years of my life if I'd sought a therapist earlier). Your life can be so much better than it is. Make finding help to get there a top priority. :)

Well this seems like a good opportunity to post a few of the lessons I learned in my 20s.

To my former self:

If you're depressed, here's how to turn it around

• Stop drinking, this is the main cause.
  
  
• Lift weights. This alone could also stop depression. It's likely related to low testosterone levels
  
  
• Fapping too much makes the depression worse
  
  Fap less, and never to porn
  
  
• Ejaculating too often removed your motivation to take actions and start tasks. You can consider porn like a poison for the mind. Pleasurable but it desensitizes you to all other pleasures, making life seem bland and boring. Until the only thing you want is porn. It perpetuates itself.
  
  
  Gratitude
  
  
• Whatever you are grateful for will grow
  
  
• Gratitude is the only way to be happy. If you think about what happiness is, it's appreciating what you have. When you think of something that would make you happy, you are imagining yourself appreciating it when you get it.
  
  Wealth
  
  
• You can have anything you want, as long as you create enough value for others first.
  
  
• To be wealthy, don't try and do tomorrow's work today, just have a successful day each day. If you have more successful days than unsuccessful days, your wealth will grow. As you have successful and productive days, opportunities will be attracted to you.
  
  Theories
  
  
• The key to success in any area is having the right theory. A small amount of work, or a massive amount of work, with the wrong theory, won't lead to success.
  
  
• With the right theory, success will be relatively straight forward. When you do the thing, it will basically work every time. Anything that has been done many times before, can be done yourself with the correct theory
  
  
• When most people speak of the 'years of hard work' they put in before they 'cracked the game', usually means they were laboring under the wrong theory, and then one day they found the correct theory, and when they applied it, it worked. (excluding world class athletes, talking about common things like starting a business or growing muscles)
  
  
• Theories can be gathered by spending tens of thousands of dollars on seminars or tens of dollars on books. Both can contain theories that work and theories that don't work. Higher cost definitely does not mean they have the right theory
  
  
• Some theories can seem like they are guaranteed to work, but on testing, actually don't. When someone says they have the right theory, it will seem worth any price. Often they actually don't. Beware. If possible buy their book and test it for yourself, it's just as good in book form.
  
  
• This whole list is a list of theories, as you can see, they are usually quite simple and easy to understand. Complexity is usually a sign the person doesn't really know how things work
  
  
  Girls
  
  
• You cannot make a girl like you, you can however find a girl who likes you
  
  
• They key to getting girls is to get in excellent shape (lift weights), dress well, and talk to girls until you find one that likes you
  
  
• If a girl is unsure if she you likes you, won't go on a date with you, or doesn't let you touch her in anyway. She doesn't like you. Find one that wants all those things. Don't be fooled by girls who seem to REALLY like you but doesn't have time to meet, or won't let you touch her. They do not like you like that.
  
  
• Hot girls are just as likely to like you as not hot girls
  
  
• If you like a girl more than she likes you, and she doesn't want to meet up/hang out/have sex. Let her go and move on
  
  
  Career
  
  
• It's very easy to get ahead if you just try, most people don’t
  
  
• You career will naturally progress just through normal learning, don't worry about it
  
  
  Flow
  
  
• If you want things to happen without effort and struggle, live a life with gratitude and presence. Things will seem to happen easily and naturally.
  
  
  Meditation
  
  
• Mediation gives you the ability to be your best. Very handy for improving at anything, particularly gaming, as you see more and learn more. It gives you access to creativity in solving problems and improving your performance
  
  
• Mediation allows you to 'stop the mind'. Do this if you're stuck in over-analysis
  
  
• To meditate, set a time on your phone for 20 minutes, sit still and don't move a muscle, and focus on your breath as often as you can. Your mind will try to stray, just focus on your breath as much as able. This is how you quiet the mind
  
  *****
  Edit:
  
  To answer some requests, here's my list of resources.
  
  Wealth/Metaphysics
  
  
• http://www.audible.com.au/pd/Health-Personal-Development/The-Science-of-Getting-Rich-Audiobook/B00FMUQVSI
  This audiobook has the best summary I've found of how wealth works
  
  Lifting
  
  
• https://stronglifts.com/5x5/
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738
  
  
• http://startingstrength.com/
  
  
• http://www.leangains.com/2011/09/fuckarounditis.html
  
  How Procrastination works:
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html
  
  How Business works
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Personal-MBA-Master-Art-Business/dp/1591845572
  
  What innovation actually is and how to do it:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Innovation-Entrepreneurship-Peter-F-Drucker/dp/0060851139
  
  How economics works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/How-Economy-Grows-Why-Crashes/dp/047052670X
  
  How to get things done:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
  
  Task Management tool:
  
  
• https://todoist.com/
  
  Spiritual Books
  
  
• Spiritual books won't make sense unless you've had an awakening, and you can't make this happen, it happens by chance/grace. If you have, anything by Eckhart Tolle will be amazing.
  
  How to be a man:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Blue-Truth-Spiritual-Guide-Death/dp/1591792592
  
  Audiobooks (most of these can be found on audiobook):
  
  
• Audible.com
  
  Frame Control (Anytime you feel like you're trying too hard or begging for something, you lost the frame)
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Pitch-Anything-Innovative-Presenting-Persuading/dp/1501211811
  
  This is my favourite book of all. They talk about the new type of conscousness which is really really interesting to me. May not apply to all people.
  If anyone find this book interesting I'd love to talk about it:
  
  How the world works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Spiral-Dynamics-Mastering-Values-Leadership/dp/1405133562
  
  
• https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Spiral-Dynamics-Integral-Audiobook/B00FO5660E
  
  

This ended up much longer than I intended. Apologies for the wall of text. I know that was one of the points but I felt compelled to respond to each point.

If this post was a mirror, I would see my own reflection. Many of your points hit home for myself.

Here are some of the ways I try to combat these. I'm not always as successful as I would like in applying these consistently but I have found them helpful.

1. This is a tough one. If it is a personal interest item don't worry about it too much. If you really have a passion for the subject, it will come back around. If it is professional or academic try to remind yourself why you need to do them. To get paid, to support your family, to get a good grade, and if you can tie some kind of reward to making it through that can work. I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique (25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 5 minute break, 25 minutes, 15 minute break) or a similar variant. There are a lot of different apps for this but I really like http://www.marinaratimer.com/ since you can customize to fit your needs. Also play music (Spotfiy has a focus play list with good low key background music), a pod cast, or audio book when working. It gives me something else to occupy my interest and helps keep me on track.
   
   
2. Hyper focus can be a gift and a curse all at the same time. I think of this as my focus is an anchor getting stuck on whatever subject and I am unable to move on until its run its course. If it is a beneficial hyper focus session like working on a project, I don't worry about it too much. If it is just a non-stop research mode then the best thing is to talk to someone like your SO or roommate about it. Tell them that you need help breaking away and have them check in on you and get you to walk away to do something else, anything else. Just pulling away for a trip to the gym or walk the dog can be enough for me to break the cycle for at least awhile. The pomodoro can help sometimes but not often when I'm in this type of hyper focus mode.
   
   
3. Break things into their smallest possible parts. For example you want to graduate. So you have to take classes. Those classes have tests, homework, etc... Those have pre-test, reading, discussions, etc... The next important part of it is tracking your progress. Use a to do list or even a project management type of solution. I currently use Wunderlist https://www.wunderlist.com/ as a to do. This is one area, I'm always trying new tools to try and find the right one. Each have their strengths and weaknesses. If you live in Mac / iOS then OmniFocus https://www.omnigroup.com/omnifocus. Todoist https://todoist.com is good. Also like Trello https://trello.com/.
   
   
4. See point 3, I see these as really the same thing.
   
   
5. I just bought a higher end field audio recorder because it was an awesome sale of 50% off and saved about a $150. It was something I was planning on getting later this year but had not really budgeted for it yet. For a budget check out YNAB, http://www.youneedabudget.com/. For the compulsive shopping, most of mine is online shopping. Amazon wish lists are your best friend. They allow me to do the shopping and save them for later. I then review the list later and many times remove items that was just an impulse. As for unused items, don't keep them stored away. Out of sight, out of mind and you will not use them. Also keep them organized. You could also make a deal with yourself that if you don't use it after a set amount of time, you will sell the item. Clearing out the clutter can be a really good feeling. Also can help raise some funds.
   
   
6. This is a tough one as well. Finding the right job is key and not always easy. I really enjoyed my previous job but was offered another with much better pay and focused on one subject area. My last had many different aspects to it. Your description is what my last year has been. Now I'm looking for something more like my previous role. My ADHD was almost an asset before and now it is more of a burden.
   
   
7. Look into a standing or adjustable desk if that is an option. Lots of DIY options and price points out there. Try the Pomodoro technique, use the breaks to walk away to get a snack or coffee.
   
   
8. I've done this before as well. My turning point and drivers are data about it. I track as much as I can and automate the collection of it as much as possible. Seeing the data and trends is what helps me make changes. For weight I have a Withing WiFi scale. For budget, again YNAB. Mint is a good option as well. Two of the better tips that I could give for cutting back on eating out: Prepare meals in advance and freeze / reheat to make it easy to eat at home; Setup regular meals with friends / family. You can trade off cooking for each other and get to have some quality time to build your relationships. My wife's family comes over once a week for dinner, and we go to my mother's house once a week as well. Trading off who hosts once in awhile. This also makes eating out more of a treat.
   
   
9. This is one my larger struggle areas. My family and close friends know this about me and have learned to notice to be able to redirect me. Trust is key and they know I don't mean any disrespect by it. For the interruptions, if on the phone try muting your phone. You will have to unmute before responding which will make you stop to think about what you are going to say. I do this for work all the time. In person is harder.
   
   
10. I would welcome tips for this as well. I'm very tall and have larger stride than most so the walking slow is very annoying. Deep breaths maybe? I don't know. This one gets me every time.
    
    
11. Found it on this subreddit, http://www.beelinereader.com/. Also reading out loud can help.
    
    
12. YNAB for budgeting infrequent bills and birthday / holiday gifts. Google calendar with reminders. I also have bills setup as recurring items in my to do list.
    
    
13. Get some sun, go outside. Call a friend to for a quick chat. Setup a to do list with your chores. Just getting some laundry, dishes, or cleaning up a bit can be those easily obtainable goals. Then at least you can something tangible to point to that is complete. I find that having a list of next action items, to do list is the best for me. I like David Allen's Getting Things Done method http://amzn.com/0142000280.

This would be an excellent subject for a standalone post: Pragmatic dharma's take on child rearing.

I've found that Fred Rogers was the ultimate master in this regard. Although he was Christian, he didn't discuss religion or religious topics on his show. Instead, he focused on basic principles of morality -- loving oneself and one's neighbor, kindness, allowing one's feelings and being respectful of the feelings of others, and so on. (Daniel Tiger, the modern manifestation of Fred Rogers' excellent program is equally quality.)

We try and follow the Fred Rogers school in my house as best we can. Apart from that, here are some of the other things we have worked on:

• The importance of "ohana" or family; not just our immediate family, but a family that includes all creatures and all beings. (Lilo and Stitch is an excellent movie for teaching this principle.)
  
• An emphasis on work and service over pleasure seeking. Work and service are "healthy foods" in life; movies, shows, and games are "dessert" that we enjoy as rare treats only if we've gotten our work done. (This principle must be taught by example, obviously. If you're preaching about work but spend all day on Netflix or grinding ranks in League of Legends, it won't work -- children have a keen eye for hypocrisy).
  
• Dharma in the rough. Enjoying the song "Don't worry, be happy." I emphasize Buddha's parable of the two arrows in as many ways as possible. I love the beginning of this song, which goes something like: "Every life will have some trouble, but when we worry we make it double." Finding dharma in accessible pop culture that children enjoy is always like finding a diamond. I love sharing these things with the kid.
  
• Not shying away from religion. We tell stories about the ancient masters, whether that's Fred Rogers, the Buddha, or Jesus. Kids love these stories, and there's a reason why the world's ancient religions are the world's ancient religions, even if human ignorance has corrupted the teachings at times. Delve back into those teachings and share them in a way that comports with whatever wisdom you have developed. My kid is five years old, and here is what he knows about "God" based on what I have told him (and this is a delicate conversation because his mom and mom's husband are scientific-materialist atheists with a nihilistic bent):
  
  • God is like a loving papa, a warm, loving presence that never leaves him.
    
  • My idea of "God" (see above) is just an idea and cannot fully capture the essence of "God" that goes beyond words or ideas or our imagination.
    
  • The best way to know if somebody really knows God is to tell them that their idea of "God" is stupid and see how they react. If they laugh, there's a chance they know God. If they respond with kindness, there's a chance they know God. If they get angry, they do not know God (as I have defined him). (He then told me my idea of God was stupid, and I told him: "Well done.") (N.B.: This may be terrible advice, but somehow I was moved to share it...)
    
• Growth mindset. If you're not familiar with the concept of "growth mindset," I recommend Carol Dweck's book by this name. Carol is a Stanford researcher who has studied two mindset archetypes -- growth and fixed mindsets. Growth mindset is the belief that our qualities are not fixed, and we can grow through right effort and diligence. Fixed mindset is the belief that our qualities are fixed at birth, and we cannot change them. These mindsets fall along a spectrum, and one person may apply different mindsets to different areas of their life (intelligence, athletic ability, artistic ability). Research has consistently shown that fixed mindsets lead to negative outcomes, and growth mindsets lead to positive outcomes. Here is an example of the different mindsets expressed as statements. Preaching growth mindset is transformative. Failures and mistakes become a celebration for learning. "Being good" is de-emphasized: applying practice and effort toward a goal is cherished. It gives the household a chance to rally around the idea of constant growth, individually and as a family.
  
• Family dinners. A great ritual to emphasize the family values. We aim to always share our "rose and thorn" of the day, state one thing we're all grateful for, explain an act of kindness that we performed, and talk about a mistake we made and what we learned from it. Depending on the night, the kid might be more or less in the mood to share, but again, a great time to emphasize values.
  
  Anyhow, just some ideas for you based on my experience and practice with this bit of dharma. :)

This is gonna be tldr;
Moreover English is not my first language so I am sorry in advance for any mistakes.

As most religions have taught in their doctrines, God is already sending revelation or divine revelation to every human being in the world every time, every day, and every second. Every time you hear or feel a thought to do good things and give compassion and love to others, or every breakthrough to your problems, God is already talking to you.

The most and important requirement for people to be able to have dialogue with "The Ultimate Source" or feel "The Divine Presence" or for the simplicity sake "God" for directly while is that you have to let go off your control, ego, selfish and childish desire so in the end you have to submit and surrender yourself completely to God.

The real question here is not "Is God too busy to spend time talking to me?" but "Are you too busy to spend time talking to God?"

The quickest and easiest way to do that is that people have to die in real world first so they could be in hereafter and unite with God himself in nirvana if people are managed to avoid hell.

However since I believe that you still do not want to die yet and you do not want to resolute to this extreme way, I know you are actually seeking another ways that are more plausible to talk with God while you are still alive on Earth. What you want is to experience what Moses a.s, Buddha, and Muhammad s.a.w had experienced. They all have received enlightenment on earth.

So far in my opinion based on researches and also from my own experience there are several ways to experience "Divine Presence" or talking with "God" directly whiles you are still alive.

• Near Death Experience (NDE).
  In this case you are only 'dead' for a while. If you are dead long enough you may manage to actually enter heaven and feel the presence and talking with God. Some people only manage to have O.B.E, entering the void, or only see 'The Light" at the end of the tunnel though since they wake up to live again or being told "It's not your time" before reaching heaven. But otherwise any NDE experiences, good or bad, could have resulted in positive view in life. Even the most atheist person will end up to be really religious and spiritual after having NDE. But this is difficult since of course you cannot expect if this will actually happen in your life. And if you are not lucky you could end up being really dead. NDE only happens by chance and I don't think experiencing physical injury can be considered desirable for anyone, so I don't believe you or anyone wants to go through this route intentionally. If it's intentional it's called a suicide then.
  
  
• Extreme despair.
  In extreme despair, desperation, suffering or depression, certain people could experience Divine and Nirvana. Their body is not physically dead yet but spiritually the soul is almost dying and really desperate to get help from God so in this case they are experiencing NDE-like event whether it's by vision, dream, or astral travel. I personally experienced Divine in dream through this route. I got words, vision, and knowledge. In my opinion words are such inefficient way to communicate. Words are indeed still useful and necessary to emphasize something important or to make ‘dialogue’. Nevertheless what really valuable are vision, knowledge and thought. People said a picture can speak a thousand words, while in my opinion a drop of thought can speak millions of words. Buddha himself was experiencing such extreme suffering in real life to be able to get enlightenment. Buddha was witnessing such despair and sadness of people on earth. He's intentionally walking away from his own wealth of his own kingdom and to live in such poverty. His spiritual journey to achieve nirvana was very though.In Islam it was told that before Prophet Muhammad s.a.w was able to go to 7th heaven to talk with God directly, he was actually facing such a despair situation at that time. He's being cornered by enemies that wanted to kill him, he's having financial difficulty and at the same time, two of most beloved people by Muhammad s.a.w, his uncle and his wife were passed away.Those people are facing such a great despair moment in their life but in the end they are still not giving up hope on The Divine. So God is finally revealed Himself in front of them. Intentional suffering combined with extreme meditation is practiced in modern days by monks of Buddhism or Sufi of Islam by leaving all material world and pleasure. However still, getting enlightenment on Earth is difficult. People could still be monks and Sufi forever but they still cannot get the Supreme Enlightenment. Moreover this kind life by entering monastery is usually are discouraged by most modern people.
  
  
• Extreme meditation.
  By doing extreme meditation you probably could have vision of God. I do not know the technicality of this meditation, maybe you could try search your own on Google. It's something like yoga, meditation, kundalini and stuff and stuff idk practiced mainly by Hindu. By doing this maybe you could skip the part of leaving your material world and pleasure. If your mind is really clear and pure it's possible yet it's still incredibly hard. People are reporting that they could have O.B.E, astral travel, having Divine Presence when they are doing this extreme meditation.
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming.
  In lucid dream, you are aware that you are dreaming. If you can master yourself in the world of lucid dreaming, you could probably try to ask anything about the meaning of the universe or ask for the presence of God himself. However remember the secret recipe is that you have to let go of your ego and control and just trust God to reveal Himself in your lucid dream. Stephen LaBerge has written such extensive book on how to do lucid dreaming and he claimed that he even able to experience The Divine while lucid. If you have innate talent of lucid dreaming, this could be the easiest route to be with Divine. A bit of LaBerge’s statement about this:
  To go beyond the ego’s model of the world, the lucid dreamer must relinquish control of the dream (“surrender”) to something beyond the ego. The concept of surrender is illustrated by the dreams above. Each of us probably has a different conception of this “something beyond, “ the form of which depends on our upbringing, philosophy or exposure to mystical ideas. A common theme, expressed in religious terms, is “Surrender to the Will of God. “ However, if you don’t like or don’t understand religious terminology, you may wish to express your desire in a different manner. In the context of what we have been discussing here, the phrase could easily be “I surrender control to my true self. “ Whatever you assume about the nature of your true self, surrendering control from who you think you are to who you truly are will be an improvement. Because it includes everything you know, whether consciously or unconsciously, the true self is capable of making wiser decisions than your ego.
  LaBerge’s book: http://www.amazon.com/Exploring-World-Dreaming-Stephen-Laberge/dp/034537410X
  There is an entire chapter on that book on how to see The Divine in LD.
  
  
  
• Substance and Drugs.
  Well you know they are still mushroom and stuff or ayahuasca. But I personally don't encourage this. They are such extreme shortcut and you could potentially die when doing this. These ways are not 100% successful too. And if you are indeed successful, how many people would take you seriously if you claim getting into 'heaven' and talk to God by consuming the Shrooms? I could still believe in you but I don’t think others will feel the same way.
  
  
• Forget everything I'd told you in prior and just live your life to the fullest :)
  
  In conclusion there is no easy way to be able to have ‘dialogue’ with God directly. You either have to feel extreme physical or mental pain, extreme trauma and danger, severe despair and depression, living like a monk, or putting extreme effort in meditation or lucid dreaming. And even all of that doesn’t always be fruitful. If you are successful in achieving this then would you finally be able to believe in yourself that your experience is real? In the end what important is what you believe not what you experience. If you don’t believe than you will always be living in denial.
  
  The path to ‘talk’ to God 'directly' is sure not easy task and I know that you are complaining about that in your replies. If it’s easy there’s no point of human being were born on earth. If God is on plain sight, then you are living in what so called heaven or nirvana not on earth. Just remember not to have despair with love from God!
  
  Just remember that God has always been with you all along. You have always been taking dialogue with God all the times.
  
  I am just trying to deliver the news and not to argue, in the end it’s up to you to decide. I was in total despair before and I just really do not want you or anyone to experience everything I’d went through hence I went into so much trouble writing this. Before, just almost like you I was once very disappointed about this life and incapable of feeling love from God. I just did not understand the point of my life or why I had to suffer so much. I was once really lost. But here I am after having my own enlightenment in a dream I am talking about God’s love to you. Now, I am just trying to be a better person. What I really want you to be able to live happily in this life. Suffering/difficulty is not a curse; it’s the best tool to experience love. This may sound cheesy but yeah God bless you :D
  
  >Well, we know how much the Christian God prefers men over women, so maybe I've got a better chance, cause, ya know, testicles, or something.
  
  Btw I am a girl, so your testicles or something are actually not that important on the eyes of The Divine :P
  

I don't know that police/local government in a deep south town is going to consider this child abuse at all. I suspect it would do little to help OP's situation.

OP - try to find out the name of the camp. Then go online and research it, see if you can find others who have attended, what you can expect on arrival.

It's a really unpleasant thing to have to discover at such a young age that your family cannot be relied upon to support you, especially in times like this when you are the center of negative attention from others. Try not to let it get you down. Remember that before this, you had a good relationship with your parents. You may be able to get back to that - especially because they want that, too.

What others have posted about enduring is probably the best strategy. It sounds like other than being bigots, your parents haven't been abusive, and hopefully won't go that direction if presented with a world that makes them happy.

I'm not saying lie, but you may be able to convince them you were just 'being confused'. Remember, they want to believe all this deconversion/de-gay stuff works. You only have a few more years of school before college, so try the following, all of which I consider to be good advice for anyone:

• focus on academics and being able to get an academic scholarship wherever you want to go - that means you won't be dependent on their financing your college and will be able to get into a good school in a New England or West Coast college. Find one in a big city, some place you'd like to live afterward. College then becomes 4 years of learning the town, building a social network in it, and getting an idea where to work afterwards.
  
• develop some friendships with girls, if you haven't already - you don't need to be dating in k-12 school anyway, as someone has pointed out. :) But seriously, the girls will appreciate a guy that isn't going to try to make a move on them, and your parents will see it as straighter behavior. It's a pure win-win situation.
  
• work on discovering who you are in other areas of life and develop them. Your parents are making your life about being gay right now and really, you have so much more to you than who you find attractive - we all do. Develop interests, hobbies, pursuits that have nothing to do with relationships.
  
• make plans for next summer - volunteering somewhere in town, working on a project of some kind, visiting family, something. It may help create scheduling conflicts.
  
  Put some time and effort into becoming a well-rounded person. Have a full life. If nothing else, it can lead to successes that your parents, if they care at all (and it sounds like they do) will have to consider when sending you off to de-gay-my-kid camp. "Well, we could send him to ex-gay camp again this summer, but won't that interfere with ____ ?" "Yes, you are right... we can try skipping the camp this summer; that __ will help him get into a good school."
  
  What I mean by that is, let's say you get into programming. You start doing websites for friends of the family, dad's employer, whatever. Maybe you and your dad attend a local meetup about some programming language, etc and you are able to talk with people working in the field. You do some hobby projects, maybe contribute to a volunteer group ... basically you find something (programming in my example) that you can be good at and kinda enjoy and you GO FOR IT. You put time and effort and get good.
  
  I use programming as an example because it is easy to get into, but there are lots of options. It depends on YOU and what you find interesting.
  
  Read books. Seriously. Not just fun books, but books like this :
  
  
• Outliers: the Story of Success
  
• Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
  
  There are a LOT of people studying and writing about how to be successful in life. Study. Read. Learn. It will give you an advantage over anyone in your age group that you are even aware of that. If you read something like Outliers and take it to heart, it will literally put you years ahead of someone who doesn't. I'm only listing a few, but there are lots of books out there. Amazon is your friend, most have kindle editions that can be read without a special device, just use the cloud reader. There is some useless stuff in the self-help/motivational section, so research the book, read professional reviews, etc etc as well as the Amazon user reviews. Develop skepticism and a mind capable of weighing evidence, and then form your own opinions.
  
  Overall, though, the idea is to show your parents a kid that is succeeding at life. Try to let the gay issue go away, and endure. Remember what someone else posted - your parents love you and the problem only arises because they have some really messed up ideas about gender, sexual orientation, etc. that they have gotten from the church. They think they are saving your from a Great Evil. Respect them for good intentions, if that makes sense. I've known people with parents who didn't care about their kids at all and were frankly horrible, terrible people that I would never trust with a child. As bad as things seem now, your parents do love you and that's a great foundation for the future. Just try to show them your best face, a successful child, and build confidence that they have done a good job raising you.
  
  College and adulthood hold the promise of freedom, independence, and the support of your peers. It's really quite a nice world out here.
  
  edit: added some to the 2nd from last paragraph

1. I am relatively new to Reddit, only 2 months reddit old, so I have not been gifted and I dont have an intro.
   
   2.10 months ago my father got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and emphysema.. As a 20 year old, and even if I was way older, I couldn't handle this news. It was way too frightening. I decided to study everything about natural cures, and I did. I also skipped college for an entire year so I could be home giving him love, feeding him, spoiling him, and just hanging out. My mom and brother were always at work every day and my father would tell me go to school, go to school, dont worry about me. But I decided screw you dad, I am staying to be here with you, and for you, and I did for 10 months, everyday, I was taking care of him, making him feel like he is on vacation. That decision was the best decision of my life. 2 months ago, my father past away. It was the first day of the new semester, my dad forced me to take one class since it has been 10 months that I haven't been to school. ON THE FIRST DAY, I come back from school to find him past away, blood everywhere in the house, he choked on his blood. He went into cardiac arrest the paramedics say. I cried a lot, until today, and forever, I will cry, but I am happy to know I was there for him for 10 months, taking care of my dad, my hero, and now he is living in paradise. Ever since then, I got 4 of my friends to stop smoking, and the parents of one of my friends.
   
   
2. This is a thing
   
   
3. My father, while he was alive he would always throw me to the best direction. He went to the best programming/engineering school in the world, and he was the most intelligent man I have ever met. Even now when he is dead, he gives me so much power, so much guidance, and its hard to grasp since he is not physically giving me the guidance, but in a spiritual sense, I can feel it.
   
   
4. My dream is to become successful, and to acquire that American dream that my father was so close to achieving. My dad always had a great job, making 120k a year, until a few years back when he decided to try hitting that American dream, and start a company. Except the company never made it.
   
   
5. I did all of them because when I talk about my dad, I can keep talking forever.
   
   
6. There will always be people that annoy you, make you feel terrible, make you want to kill or hit them, make you feel worthless, but these are all choices you have. You have the choice to feel annoyed, you have the choice to feel the need to hit or kill them, you have the choice to feel worthless, catch my drift? It is always better to take the smarter, more humble approach, because letting it agrivate you, just harms you, and make your day feel bad, when in reality you could choose to smile upon their annoyance, and say to yourself, "Im choosing to be happy and not annoyed because that will just slow me down, and then they won". If you let them annoy you, they win, if you just choose to be happy, you win, and everyone likes to win.
   
   
7. I love you too, I can feel you have a beautiful soul.
   
   
8. Happy Easter, 4/20, Passover, Holidays :)
   
   
9. I completely understand, I did not do this post for the gift, I did this post to try and change a few peoples mentality, and also for my beautiful dad who I hope is having a Happy Passover up there in heaven. R.I.P.
   
   11.
   http://www.amazon.com/Lucid-Dreaming-Gateway-Inner-Self/dp/193049114X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1397947647&sr=8-2&keywords=lucid+dream ($12.62)
   http://www.amazon.com/Earth-Solutions-V4-EF16-MBXN-Dreams-Inhaler/dp/B000RBC4CO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1397947647&sr=8-3&keywords=lucid+dream ($5.75)
   http://www.amazon.com/Exploring-World-Dreaming-Stephen-LaBerge/dp/034537410X/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1397947647&sr=8-4&keywords=lucid+dream ($4.83)
   
   I know these are three different things I have posted here, just in case you couldn't afford one of them, I gave a few cheap alternatives. :)
   
   
10. This is such a great edit. I will happily comment on others beautiful words.
    
    Thanks for this beautiful post, hope you were able to take in something from my words, and wish you the best of luck and health and hope you don't smoke cigarettes, and if you do, I hope you stop in the near future.
    
    Very Best
    
    Ecc10394

I hope I am not too late.

You can post this to /r/suicidewatch.

Here is my half-baked attempt at providing you with some answers.

First of all let's see, what is the problem? Money and women. This sounds rather stereotypical but it became a stereotype because a lot of people had this kind of problems. So if you are bad at money and at women, join the club, everybody sucks at this.

Now, there are a few strategies of coping with this. I can tell you what worked for me and perhaps that will help you too.

I guess if there is only one thing that I would change in your attitude that would improve anything is learning the fact that "there is more where that came from". This is really important in girl problems and in money problems.

When you are speaking with a girl, I noticed that early on, men tend to start being very submissive and immature in a way. They start to offer her all the decision power because they are afraid not to lose her. This is a somehow normal response but it affects the relationship negatively. She sees you as lacking power and confidence and she shall grow cold. So here lies the strange balance between good and bad: you have to be powerful but also warm and magnanimous. You can only do this by experimenting without fearing the results of your actions. Even if the worst comes to happen, and she breaks up with you .... you'll always get a better option. There are 3.5 billion ladies on the planet. The statistics are skewed in your favor.

Now for the money issue. Again, there is more where that came from. The money, are a relatively recent invention. Our society is built upon them but we survived for 3 million years without them. The thing you need to learn is that your survival isn't directly related to money. You can always get food, shelter and a lot of other stuff for free. You won't live the good life, but you won't die. So why the anxiety then?

Question: It seems to me you are talking out of your ass. How do I put into practice this in order to get a girlfriend?

Answer: Talk to people. Male and female. Make the following your goals:
Talk to 1 girl each day for one month.
Meet a few friends each 3 days.
Make a new friend each two weeks.
Post your romantic encounters in /r/seduction.
This activities will add up after some time and you will have enough social skill to attract a female. You will understand what your female friend is thinking. Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.

Question: The above doesn't give a lot of practical advice on getting money. I want more of that. How do I get it?

Answer: To give you money people need to care about you. People only care about you when you care about them. This is why you need to do the following:
Start solving hard problems.
Start helping people.
Problems aren't only school problems. They refer to anything: start learning a new difficult subject (for example start learning physics or start playing an instrument or start writing a novel). Take up a really difficult project that is just above the verge of what you think you are able to do. Helping people is something more difficult and personal. You can work for charity, help your family members around the house and other similar.

Question: I don't understand. I have problems and you are asking me to work for charity, donate money? How can giving money solve anything?

Answer: If you don't give, how can you receive? Helping others is instilling a sense of purpose in a very strange way. You become superior to others by helping them in a dispassionate way.

Question: I feel like I am going to cry, you are making fun of me!
Answer: Not entirely untrue. But this is not the problem. The problem is that you are taking yourself too serious. We all are, and I have similar problems. The true mark of a person of genius is to laugh at himself. Cultivate your sense of humor in any manner you can.

Question: What does it matter then if I choose to kill myself?

Answer: There is this really good anecdote about Thales of Miletus (search wiki). He was preaching that there is no difference between life and death. His friends asked him: If there is no difference, why don't you kill yourself. At this, he instantly answered: I don't kill myself because there is no difference.

Question: Even if I would like to change and do the things you want me to do, human nature is faulty. It is certain that I would have relapses. How do I snap out of it?

Answer: There are five habits that you should instill that will keep bad emotions away. Either of this habits has its own benefits and drawbacks:

1. Mental contemplation. This has various forms, but two are the best well know: prayer and meditation. At the beginning stage they are quite different, but later they begin to be the same. You will become aware that there are things greater than you are. This will take some of the pressure off of your shoulders.
   
2. Physical exercise. Build up your physical strength and you will build up your mental strength.
   
3. Meet with friends. If you don't have friends, find them.
   
4. Work. This wil give you a sense of purpose. Help somebody else. This is what I am doing here. We are all together on this journey. Even though we can't be nice with everyone, we need to at least do our best in this direction.
   
5. Entertainment. Read a book. Play a game. Watch a movie. Sometimes our brain needs a break. If not, it will take a break anyway and it will not be a pretty one. Without regular breaks, procrastination will occur.
   
   Question: Your post seems somewhat interesting but more in an intriguing kind of way. I would like to know more.
   
   Answer: There are a few good books on these subjects. I don't expect you to read all of them, but consider them at least.
   
   For general mental change over I recommend this:
   http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795853&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Generous-Man-Helping-Others-Sexiest/dp/1560257288
   
   For girl issues I recommend the following book. This will open up a whole bag of worms and you will have an entire literature to pick from. This is not going to be easy. Remember though, difficult is good for you.
   http://www.amazon.com/GAME-UNDERCOVER-SOCIETY-PICK-UP-ARTISTS/dp/1841957518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795664&sr=8-1 (lately it is popular to dish this book for a number of reasons. Read it and decide for yourself. There is a lot of truth in it)
   
   Regarding money problem, the first thing is to learn to solve problems. The following is the best in my opinion
   http://www.amazon.com/How-Solve-Mathematical-Princeton-Science/dp/069111966X
   The second thing about money is to understand why our culture seems wrong and you don't seem to have enough. This will make you a bit more comfortable when you don't have money.
   http://www.amazon.com/Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795746&sr=8-3 (this one has a prequel called Ishmael. which people usually like better. This one is more to my liking.)
   
   For mental contemplation there are two recommendations:
   http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html . This one is for meditation purposes.
   http://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0060630175 . This one is if you want to learn how to pray. I am an orthodox Christian and this is what worked for me. I cannot recommend things I didn't try.
   
   For exercising I found bodyweight exercising to be one of the best for me. I will recommend only from this area. Of course, you can take up weights or whatever.
   http://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/0938045768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795875&sr=8-1 (this is what I use and I am rather happy with it. A lot of people recommend this one instead: http://www.rosstraining.com/nevergymless.html )
   
   Regarding friends, the following is the best bang for your bucks:
   http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324796461&sr=8-1 (again, lots of criticism, but lots of praise too)
   
   The rest of the points are addressed in the above books. I haven't given any book on financial advices. Once you know how to solve problems and use google and try to help people money will start coming, don't worry.
   
   I hope this post helps you, even though it is a bit long and cynical.
   
   Merry Christmas!

Not sure if this will help, but a bit about my life:

I was a late bloomer, when I was in 8th grade I looked like I was in 5th and this trend continued until I was around age 21 when a job doing physical labor helped to spark some testosterone in me and build a few muscles (not many, but my bicep was no longer as thin as my wrist).

All through the last half of jr. High and high school I thought to myself, "I'm sort of a geek, I want the girls, cool guys get girls, what would a cool guy be doing?". Cool guys played guitar, so I started playing. Cool guys ride motorcycles, so I started riding. Cool guys throw knives, so I learned to throw knives. Cool guys can fight, I took up a variety of martial arts. By the time I was around 22-23 I had a bunch of skills that your generic action hero or movie protagonist might. I also took great pains to build skills in the social arts. Charm, like any other skill, can be learned (a great starter book on this is How to Win Friend's and Influence People). I feel like I achieved my cool guy status when I went to a party only knowing one person, and I left knowing every single person's name and at least a bit about them. The art of genuine conversation is probably the most important skill you can get. The trick is the 'genuine' part, people can spot fake interest a mile away.

Somewhere between my mid teens and my early 20's I became the cool guy I always wanted to be. The funny thing is I don't feel a whole lot different. Sure I have confidence, but confidence builds naturally through success, and the foundation of success is failure. If you can summon up the courage to put yourself out there I guarantee you will fail, but you will also succeed. Soon the failures will barely be a blip on the radar towards your successes. One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Emerson Fosdick who said,

"Happiness is not mostly pleasure; it is mostly victory."

I find that to be more true each day I live.

Now I'm in my mid 20's and being 'cool' or a 'man' means something else to me. To me a man is someone who sticks to his morals and ethics even when it is uncomfortable or even deadly. A man tries to improve himself as well as the souls around him, not only through example, but also through kindness and compassion. I can't say I'm the best at this, but I do make a conscience effort every day. Some books I would recommend on your journey (I used to be a self help nut!).

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824794&sr=1-1

The Hagakure - Yamamota Tsunetomo
http://www.amazon.com/Hagakure-Book-Samurai-Yamamoto-Tsunetomo/dp/4770029160/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824735&sr=8-2

The Emperor's Handbook / Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
http://www.amazon.com/Emperors-Handbook-New-Translation-Meditations/dp/0743233832/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824862&sr=1-1

Zen Mind, Beginners Mind - Shunryu Suzuki (this one doesn't really pertain to being a man, but I find meditation to be particularly helpful in being mindful and focused during daily life).
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Mind-Beginners-Shambhala-Library/dp/1590302672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824911&sr=1-1


I think the most important thing to remember is that becoming the person you want to be is a gradual process that takes time. Something almost as important to realize is that all those people you think have it all together (be they some popular jock or long dead philosophers), struggle with the same sort of things you do. We all want to live up to our potential, we all want to make as few mistakes as possible, we all worry about what others think of us to some degree. Keep living life and don't give up, you can be as awesome as you want to be, just takes a little thought and some active choices.

Cheers!

So this is a bit of an area of expertise for me. I'm actually a writing a book about communication and it is kind of a skills book, but not as you might traditionally think of one. I can tell you more if you like, but don't want to bore you.

​

Here's the thing with skills books when it comes to communication...most are ok, some are even good, but most are essentially the same...they put together some combination of "do these things" and "do not do these other things" and market you a book that ultimately isn't going to help you a whole lot...at least not to communicate better in the aggregate. (How to Win Friends and Influence People is an example of this.) I call these any "Do these 10 things to communicate better" books. There is no magic list of skills that if you just learn these things, you'll communicate better. Communication doesn't work like that.

​

That said, there are a few decent enough communication "skills" books out there that are worth your time. It really depends on the type of communication skills you're looking for...for example, there are books out there entirely dedicated to how to give a good presentation (say, at work). There are books on conflict resolution. There are books on persuasion. All of these, which I don't think is what you're looking for only give you part of a very big puzzle. As far as more general communication books there are a couple you might consider:

​

(A note that most of these are not likely to be at your local library, but if you as your local friendly librarian how to they could get you one of these books, they can probably easily help you. Ask! Librarians are awesome! Also, most of these should be available on Amazon for not much money.)

​

1. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
   Author: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
   A book with an overall good perspective. A little sappy and cloying at times, but in general the intentions are in the right place with this one. Could come off as a little bit squishily academic, but an ok read and a good perspective.
   
   
2. If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?
   Author: Alan Alda (From M*A*S*H, The West Wing, and much more)
   I'm actually reading this book right now and it is a funny take on Alda's life and work and he relates his stories through (and about communication). Alda is actually pretty smart about communication and comes at it differently than most anyone else on this list. Funny and witty, what you might expect from such a great actor and comedian. Definitely worth reading.
   
   
3. Simply Said: Communicating Better At Work and Beyond
   Author: Jay Sullivan
   More about work than other contexts but good advice overall. I only skimmed parts of this one so can't speak to every aspect, but appeared to be decent enough quality when I reviewed it.
   
   
4. The Art of Communicating
   Author: Thich Nhat Hanh
   Different from the others on the list, this one is written by a Buddhist monk who takes a more spiritual view of communication. It is a good philosophical approach. I found parts of this book enlightening. It is not scientific-ish enough for me and it makes no claims to be. It is a philosophy book on communication, but an easy, accessible read and worth your time.
   
   
5. Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
   Author: Kerry Patterson
   A good enough book if you're looking to navigate conflicts/difficult conversational things at work or in relationships. Deals more with the challenging aspects of communication, but for what it is, good enough advice.
   
   
6. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
   Author: Liel Lowndes
   Similar to the book above, but more about making conversation with people. As far as these types of books go, this one is ok enough and actually has some good advice on things to try when attempting to communicate with others.
   
   
   Books like Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, which comes up when you look for communication books should be avoided entirely. That book, and other books like it, are trash. You might as well get your advice from Cosmo.
   
   
   Sorry for the length here, but like I said, this is an area of expertise. I hope you found this helpful. I can answer questions about any of these books if you like.

Ok, that's better.

First, don't put too much weight on yourself. The fact that she cannot have an orgasm with you right now doesn't necessarily mean that you suck (ha !) at sex. That's what i feel from your post, so don't. Maybe she's not too sure about her fantasies, feel guilty of having those, or anything. From what i know of woman, if you put some guilt, self doubt, image issue whatever in the mix, and you can block the whole thing. So be supportive, listen to her, reassure her but you need to relax on her inability to orgasm yet. Most of the time, trust and comfort will help her relax and be more in sync with you. Maybe some woman could give you more insight on that point.

For the mental part. Think of BDSM like a play with characters. Imagine the man who symbolize for you the ideal dominant (mine is robert downey jr by example) and take that as a role model. What would he do, what would he say, his posture, his look etc ... BDSM is a lot about how you project things and how other perceive that. So first rule, if you doubt of your dominance, other will feel it. When a dom order his sub, he doesn't let her have any other choice but to obey. What can helps you with that (at least it helped me) is think one move ahead, you'll seem assertive because your order will feel like one small part of something bigger. Imagine a boss telling you to finish the report for Monday and put it on his desk first hour. There is no negotiation, and doesn't have any interest in the fact you have tennis that day, the only thing he cares about is if you understood correctly what he wants. Some wisdom from the joker "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying". Basically, if you seems to know what you do, people who trust you will follow. Be casual when you order your sub around, screaming sound like overcompensation when people don't listen to you. When I order my sub around, i talk slowly and calmly. I know that' she's listening, so i just explain to her what's going to happen.

Now for the expectation part. I was in the same place as you some years ago. My sub was very experienced (several years with a Master with decades of experience) and I was very inexperienced. First step, accept that you're inexperienced. You're not broken or whatever, you just don't know yet. It's ok. If you have a good communication, she already know that maybe you'll be awkward, clumsy, breaking character the first time, again it's ok. Don't worry about it. Things became awkward when you let them be awkward. One time i remember, i was pouring hot wax on her, all domy and stuff, I move her on the table to change position, and i put the candle on the table. The only thing that could have happened, happened. The candle fell on my foot, and you bet your ass I screamed and run like a little girl across the room... I was just surprised and honestly lots of anxiety didn't help. We stopped, had a good laugh, a good fuck and just went to sleep. Did that event hurt in any way our relationship ? Not at all, actually it's good and fun memories. So don't worry, screwing up isn't an option, what you can choose is how you decide to own your mistakes. Furthermore, you have to remember that we talk about sexual stuff here, sex is fun, if you don't have fun, you're doing something wrong.

i can guarantee you that a simple slap across the face (again discuss that before) or a simple over the knee spanking with the right attitude, look, voice and all will have ten times more effects than trying to act a very complex suspension scene you're not familiar with. So stay "in your league" and advance slowly, one step at the time. Going slow will also allow you to build a dominant character because it doesn't happen overnight. What makes all the BDSM plays possible can be reduced at how credible your character is. There are lots of dom archetypes, some are nice, some are mean, other have high protocol, other are more casual, some are more physical, other more mental and psychological. You need to find the one you want to be, and start to act (in play of course) like him. Your final dynamic is the mix of your wants and her needs and wants. There is no two person on earth who will enjoy an identical set of kinks. Just imagine, a checklist have hundred of entry each can be noted from 0 to 5 for how much you enjoy it and 0 to 5 for how difficult is that for you. That's an infinite amount of possible combinations. So every relationship need to negotiate all the time, to find a common ground. That's why we value communication so much and advice new comers to first establish an open, clear and non judgmental like of communication. Lots of people think they have an unbiased and perfect communication, but when you think that's the case, it's just the start really. Those level of communication need a very high level of trust in your partner.

To summarize :

• Talk to her, never assume
  
• Accept that you're learning
  
• Relax on her inability to cum with you. You'll see how that goes when you introduce new concept in your relationship with her.
  
• Spank that ass with your hand and your mind ! =)
  
  Now some homework !
  
  Read that. Maybe not especially for you but i give the link to all new dom, so ...
  
  BDSM checklist for her. Something that could help with shy people is make them write a fantasy. Writing can help express thing you cannot say out loud (for your con non-con suspicion)
  
  There are several books linked in the resource section of /r/bdsmfaq . Screw the roses, send me the thorns is one of my favorite.
  
  For the mental aspect, you can read the Control Book by Masters. Also the New topping (and bottoming) book. In terms of books about psychological aspect of BDSM you have a very wide range of available book because you can learn from dog traning book to old "Good wife guide" kind of book (for 50's household), field manual for prisoners interrogation (i'm into interrogation play). Magic tricks book (for mindfuck). It really depends on what play you're interested in.
  
  Take care, and have fun.

>wizards

I don't know about that point, but maybe that's because I just happen to have a lot of knowledge in that particular domain. I don't see Gates, Zuckerberg and Jobs as geniuses as much as I see them as good businessmen, lucky nerds, and obsessive marketers (respectively).

>massive gap in intelligence

There are some high-profile social scientists who would sincerely disagree with you on that point. Since you are allegedly a successful business person I imagine you've read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell or perhaps some similar books? It's extraordinary the amount of sheer luck and opportunity that successful people like Gates have had in their lives. I am not saying that it doesn't take hard work to become successful (unless you're born with it, of course) but I vehemently object to the notion that luck has nothing to do with success.

As an aside, I accept that Gates and Zuckerberg are really smart dudes but I really do not think that Steve Jobs had any remarkably above-average intelligence. Wozniak et al were always the brains of the Apple operation. Jobs is, I think, the #1 most inaccurately cited "genius." But that's neither here nor there, and you shouldn't speak ill of the dead and whatnot.

>40 hr week

When you work 120+ hour weeks as a business owner, 100% of your efforts directly benefit you. If you are a salaried employee (as more and more full-time workers are becoming, whether it is appropriate or not) you make the same amount of money whether you work 40 hours or 60.

You're opening up an entirely different can of worms with this point about work hours. But I really hope that you, as an alleged business owner, don't expect the same amount of work out of your employees as you expect out of yourself unless you're completely willing to compensate them accordingly.

>common opinion

I don't know about that. My source for all of my opinions about rich people comes from growing up in an extremely affluent area. Most people would consider my family "rich." I had dozens of friends whose families owned multi-million-dollar vacation homes on the beach and in the mountains. I know lots and lots of rich people and almost all of them have this attitude that they are entitled to and deserve all of the money they have, and that they got to where they were precisely because they were smart and hard-working (edit: or because of divine intervention--that's always a painfully common one: "We're so blessed!") and that everybody else could be as rich and successful as them if they weren't such lazy dumbasses! I think very differently about wealth. I see how privileged I am for having what I have, or as I prefer to say I am lucky as fuck.

>source

Do you have a source that says otherwise? I recently finished reading a great book called Capital in the Twenty-First Century by Thomas Picketty. It could shed some light on this issue if you're interested. He also cites myriad sources that you could follow around if you're legitimately interested in the subject. Otherwise I would be very interested if you could provide some sources that support the opposite of what I said.

"Rich" is notoriously difficult to define, of course. In the context of this reddit thread I'm talking about the ultra-rich i.e. 1%ers and such.

So unfortunately it seems most of the initial research I did into certain techniques on this subreddit was before I had made an account, so I don't have any of them saved. :(

A few links though, in case you haven't checked them out yet...
From the sidebar:

• Quickstart Guide
  
  
• FAQ
  
  Probably worth investigating all those other sidebar links, I haven't done so myself yet, but they look promising. :)
  
  GREAT Wikibooks article on LD induction techniques:
  
  
• LD on Wikibooks
  
  Awesome Book:
  
  
• Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming (8 bucks from Amazon, definitely worth the purchase. Good to have something to read about LDs when not at a computer.)
  
  There were several times in my two experiences where the dream began to fade. If I hadn't done these things the dreams would have ended far before they got really interesting:
  
  
• Dream starting to fade away? Look at your hands, rub them together, touch your face with them. When I looked at my hands in the tale above, there were a dozen little thumbprint-swirlies spinning on each palm. Helped stabilize the fading dream.
  
• Spinning also kept one of my dreams going. I've read you shouldn't spin frantically like a madman or anything, but a few twirls definitely kept my first LD going, somehow. :)
  
• Reality checks: since I wear a digital watch (technically an iPod Nano on a wristband, but it has a watch too), checking my wrist for the time is extremely natural. I check it many times a day while awake, and in most cases digital displays just don't work right in dreams (though I've heard of exceptions.) If the time is changing crazily every time you look at it, or has nonsensical times displayed as mentioned above, you're probably dreaming.
  
• If you wake up and remember you were having an awesome dream, don't open your eyes and don't move your body at all. Imagine with all your might that you're still there, wherever you were. Hold onto the image, don't think with words, and you may fall back into it. It helped me above, and has helped me get back into several non-lucid dreams I was enjoying in the past.
  
  General tips from personal experience:
  
  
• Avoid cannabis if you can. For me and many others, it inhibits dream recall. Having a LD is no good if you don't remember it. Vividly remembering dreams and the occasional epic LD is worth the tradeoff, IMO.
  
• DREAM JOURNAL. Most important thing ever. The entire second LD I posted up there would have been lost had I not suddenly remembered the dream while taking a piss this morning, and I quickly dashed into my room to grab it and write down all I could. Not only does merely having one next to your pillow with a pen ready seem to increase dream recall, but can help when you're retelling your adventures. My initial write-up for all this felt a little off, so I went back and read it and noticed I had omitted some important things I didn't remember, though I had written it all down mere hours before. Also, don't get lazy with the dream journal. There's been a few mornings where I woke up and remembered a dream, but I groggily thought "meh, I'll write it down later" before turning over to snooze for a bit. When I got up ten minutes later, all memory of the dream was gone.
  
• I have noticed that I remember dreams much more often if I've been reading about dreams/LDing the day/night before going to bed, and remembering more dreams means a higher chance of remembering the lucid ones.
  
• Wish I had the old reddit links, but alas. I'd say keep an eye on this subreddit, check every submission for more tips from folks more skilled this than I am. (Only 2 so far!) Read other people's stories and see what worked for them.
  
  It took me a couple months to have the experience after I REALLY started researching it, so I'm sure it's only a matter of time for you if you keep at it, friend. :) Dream on!

I know exactly where you are coming from man. I follow the same exact line of thinking, but I get laid plenty.

I see the logic: If you have nothing to say, it feels fake (disingenuous, insincere) to initiate a conversation with a stranger. If you aren't outgoing, it seems fake (artificial) to act outgoing. You feel like you shouldn't have to (or want to) act disingenuous, insincere, and artificial for the sake of getting laid. There is cognitive dissonance to this; /r/seduction says we have to self-realize and be genuine in order to create quality relationships, but at the same time it encourages us to better ourselves (in our case, be outgoing, have interesting things to say, and seemingly stick our noses in other people's business despite our resignation about it). It is literally impossible for a person to be who they are while simultaneously changing who they are.

...or so it seems.

Here are a few points:

• You sound depressed. Seriously explore this if you have not already.
  
• You are thinking too black and white (I know, that's the logical, literal thing to do). Try to understand that people, including yourself, are dynamic and there is lots of grey area to life. The grey area is EXACTLY where the successful player lives. Explore this.
  
• You have what's called a "set" mindset. The opposite of that is a "growth" mindset. You can change this. Check out this book
  
• You can improve yourself without changing who you are fundamentally. This is where people keep talking about social skills as being learnable skills. Like martial arts or something. You don't start out as a ninja, but after years of practice you eventually become one by definition. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to practice and it's uncomfortable.
  
• You truly can fake it if you want, but it's a lot harder that way. Matter of fact, what most people here fail to ever state is that most attempts at seduction are made strictly for the sake of getting laid, and are therefore completely disingenuous. Makes no sense, right? That goes against everything books like 'Models' stand for. But guess what? It still works! This, again, is where people keep talking about social skills as being learnable skills. Fake it 'til you make it.
  
  You can utilize that logical side of you to get ahead in your lovelife:
  
  
• Examine your priorities: What is TRULY important to you? If it's getting laid, and you are not getting laid, then clearly something MUST change for you to realize your endeavors. The same goes for anything you pursue in life. Want banana...don't have banana...must reach hand toward banana. If you would rather be lazy than reach your hand out then clearly we know where your priorities lie. Seduction is rarely a case where you can have your cake and eat it too.
  
• Think of social skills as something you can learn rather than something that is innate or static.
  
• You seem a bit self-centered. If you have no interest in people (genuine interest in who they are) then you literally cannot genuinely get to know them. You must change this and become interested in others. We cannot tell you how to do this. If you want a girlfriend then you must get to know her. In order to get to know her you must want to get to know her. If you don't want to get to know her, you will never have her.
  
• No one says you have to go for every hot girl. Some just may not pique your interest. There's no reason to go for them for a guy like you. But I guarantee there have been women in your life, even in passing, who you have had a true interest in getting to know. Perhaps they are few and far between, and that's okay. In fact, it's even better. It puts you in the role of the chooser. If 99 hot girls walk by and none pique your genuine interest then that's okay. But when that 100th girl walks by and you feel that feeling, then THAT is the moment you lock eye contact, smile, and approach. It will feel real. It will be real. You will have real questions to ask her. You will have real things to say to her. The more you do this, the more successful you will become at seduction and the more often your interest will be piqued.
  
• In regards to feeling like you have nothing to say, just talk anyway. It may feel awkward at first, but that's what growth is all about. Remember, other people see things from their own perspective. Most of people's brain power is being used up worrying about themselves anyway, so, the majority of the time, momentary awkwardness either doesn't get noticed at all or just floats away as fast as it appeared.
  
• Speaking of perspective, always remember that people are only interested in what you have to offer them. If you have nothing to offer then you are shit out of luck. This is why self-improvement is pushed so hard here. The first thing I think you should learn to offer women is how to have a genuine interest in them. People love it when others truly want to get to know them. The problem is, before you can have an interest in others you're going to have to focus inward and gain an interest in yourself.
  
  I hope you figure this stuff out. If it's going to happen then your mindset must change just like mine had to change. Get help if you have to. Cheers.

tldr: You have tremendous opportunities. There are tools to help you move forward more easily.

---

Just to be sure I'm understanding, how accurately does the following describe your situation?

• you've experienced lack of compassion, reliability, and accountability with family members;
  
• you continue to live with family for cultural, religious, and financial reasons;
  
• your family isn't emotionally healthy or emotionally supportive;
  
• you haven't found a role in society that you enjoy yet where society sufficiently supports to your lifestyle through compensation;
  
• you haven't gathered a reliable and consistent circle of friends yet;
  
• you believe you're not good enough or deserving enough to have your needs, desires, and dreams satisfied;
  
• you believe that your circumstances won't change, no matter what choices or actions you take, no matter what time, energy, money, and other resources you apply to change your situation;
  
• you believe that enduring suffering is the rational choice since influencing change is impossible;
  
• you experience depression plus loneliness in terms of companionship, friendship, and romance; plus,
  
• you dream of photography, writing, and travel.
  
  ---
  
  It sounds like your circumstances are difficult. At the same time, your current situation is a sign of your incredible wisdom and persistence; you've achieved a lot in a short period of time. You have tremendous potential to move beyond your current circumstances, onto a path where you can meet your needs, experience the things you desire, and pursue your dreams. Most notably, the following:
  
  
• you're in a sufficiently/minimally healthy and safe place with free housing and meals;
  
• you're aware of your struggles and exploring potential solutions;
  
• most people earn their bachelor's degree at 22; you have a Masters degree at 23;
  
• most people are in significant debt, not just college related, at age 23; you have $11k in savings; and, most importantly,
  
• your have incredible wisdom and persistence, very powerful foundations to make change;
  
  ---
  
  Do you have a life coach or mental health therapist? It sounds like you might experience learned helplessness.
  
  ---
  
  Have you explored meditation and mindfulness? It might be helpful to either read, listen to, or watch content related to meditation (to quiet the internal negative voices) and mindfulness (to embrace natural suffering of life while inspiring experimentation to use your experiences, talents, and other resources to improve the world around you as much as possible, not only for yourself, but also for others around you). Regardless of your religious and spiritual beliefs, meditation and mindfulness might offer many useful perspectives and habits that are compatible with most (if not all) religious and spiritual communities. Perhaps just start with listening to Acknowledging Suffering by Gil Fronsdal, which is part of The Twelve Steps to Freedom series while your mindlessly browsing the 'nets. Or, Suffering and the End of Suffering Series - Talk 1, Talk 2, Talk 3, and Talk 4. Note the concepts that resonate most with you, then explore those using a variety of mindfulness and meditation resources, perhaps including the following:
  
  
• Common Ground Meditation Center Audio Library
  
• Dharma Seed Audio Library
  
• Thich Nhat Hanh Dharma Talks Blog/Audio
  
• Amaravati Buddhist Monastery Audio Library
  
• Audio Dharma
  
• Shambhala Meditation Center Audio Library
  
• Awake in the World Podcast
  

• The Daily Meditation Podcast
  

  
  

  ---
  

  
  

  Have you read Tao of Pooh written by Benjamin Hoff? Imagine you are a block of wood. Would it be better – more compassionate, more wise, and more persistent — to shape yourself to fit into the world as it is, or find a place where you naturally fit in as you are, or a little bit of both?
  

  
  

  ---
  

  
  

  Have you read the book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom written by Don Miguel Ruiz? It suggests that simply doing 4 things will help to slowly improve your life and the world around you, perhaps not day-to-day or week-to-week or even month-to-month, but fairly noticeably from year-to-year, and certainly over an entire lifetime.
  

  
  

  ---
  

  
  

  Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? It may be helpful to better understand your personality type and natural tendencies. Granted, personality tests are not 100% accurate. But, even if they are only 80% accurate, having some awareness about your personality and tendencies may be helpful for discovering the best path available for your life's journey. Sufficiently valid and reliable (and most importantly, free) versions of the test can be found via 16Personalities, Truity, and Humanmetrics. Once you identify your personality type, you can learn more about that type on those and other websites. Note that characteristics that resonate most with you. Ignore the ones that don't.
  

  
  

  ---
  

  
  

  Have you identified strategies to make the most of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What opportunities and threats/challenges exist in the world around you? How might you apply your strengths to the world's opportunities as your unique empowerment strategies? How might you apply your strengths to the world's threats/challenges as your unique improvement strategies? How might you apply your weaknesses to the world's opportunities as your unique assistance strategies? How might you apply your weaknesses to the world's threats/challenges as your unique avoidance strategies? For example, in a table like this with 3 to 5 bullet points in each of the 8 main sections (i.e. not the upper left-hand corner box):
  

  
  

  External / Internal | Strengths to Maximize | Weaknesses to Minimize
  

  ---------------------|:------------------------:|---------------------------:
  Opportunities to Maximize | Empowerment Strategies | Improvement Strategies
  Threats / Challenges to Minimize | Assistance Strategies | Avoidance Strategies
  
  ---
  
  What are your core values? What do you believe is the purpose of life, in general, or better yet: the purpose of your life, specifically (especially if you've identified strategies to make the most of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you)?
  
  ---
  
  Have you explored how you might build a decently-paying job or career in light of your limited time, energy, talents, finances, and other resources with your unique circumstances given the world around you? Have you read Business Model You: A One-Page Method For Reinventing Your Career written by Tim Clark, Alexander Osterwalder, and Yves Pigneur? Or, explored ["how might I get started as a travel blogger or photographer?"](https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+get+started+as+a+travel+(blogger+OR+photographer)
  

How long did you really try ? It took me like 3 years. Because I didn't want force myself to lucid dream. It didn't try straight for 3 years. Maybe here a month and there a month. I am guessing you maybe do RCs here and there, sometimes question reality but not really trying it hard.

Also you are doing only 1 technique. There is FILD, WILD, SSILD, VILD, MILD, ...

I recommend the sidebar :

All about Lucid Dreams. How to, sǝɔuǝıɹǝdxǝ, etc.

Please take discussions of the paranormal such as astral projection someplace else. Binaural beats are also inappropriate. Let's keep this in the realm of science.

Welcome to r/LucidDreaming! Please check out the sidebar and Wiki before posting.

***

• Quickstart Guide for Beginners - Know this stuff before you post!
  
  
  
• Frequently Asked Questions
  
  
• An excellent Podcast by TheLucidSage
  
  ***
  
  

  Rules
  

  
  

• . Be nice to everyone!
  
  
• 1. All posts must be related to Lucid Dreaming!
  
  • 1a. No posts regarding just the paranormal. There's /r/astralprojection (among others) for that.
    
  • 1b. No posts just about dreams. There's /r/dreams and /r/thisdreamihad
    
    
• 2. No advertising!
  
  ***
  
  

  Related Subreddits
  

  
  

• The everything about dreaming multireddit!
  
  
• Teaching Kids to Lucid Dream
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Memes
  
  
• SleepParalysis
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Speculation
  
  
• Dreams
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Some good ןɐıɹoʇnʇ links
  

  
  

• Finger Induced Lucid Dreaming This appears to be the biggest improvement in lucid dreaming techniques in a long time. Be sure to give it a try.
  
  
• Dream Views A good fairly comprehensive guide. There's also a great message board and an online dream journal.
  
  
• LD4all A message board, it's got solid information and good community.
  
  
• Mastering the Art of Lucid Dreaming A nice straightforward, step-by-step tutorial.
  
  
• All Day Awareness is a great approach. Also check out [Lucid Living] (http://wedreamnow.info/?cat=7). They are both effort intensive, but pay back in lucid dreams and more awareness in life.
  
  
• This FAQ was produced by the Lucidity Institute. It's not pretty, but is based on solid science.
  
  

  For when you are ready to obsess
  

  
  

• Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming is THE book on Lucid Dreaming. "A Course in Lucid Dreaming" is the most thorough lucid dream training tutorial with lots of charts for you to keep track of your progress. (No link right now.)
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Lucid Dreaming Acronyms
  

  
  LD - Lucid Dreaming - Being aware that you are dreaming while in a dream.
  
  
  RC - Reality Check - A test to establish whether you are in a dream or waking life, actively done during the day in hopes that the habit will continue within dreams.
  
  
  DC - Dream Character - Any personality you encounter other than yourself...well, occasionally it can also be yourself.
  
  WBTB-Wake Back To Bed - Waking up for 20-30 minutes, then going back to bed increases the chances of lucid dreaming. Use that time to read about lucid dreaming or plan your dreams, and make your intention solid. Can be combined with other techniques.
  
  
  MILD - Mnemonically Induced Lucid Dream - In short, MILD is telling yourself as you are in bed ready to sleep that you are going to become lucid when you dream, then visualizing yourself in a dream becoming lucid. Repeat until you fall asleep.
  
  WILD - Wake-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique in which you maintain consciousness while your body falls asleep. Not for the squeamish.
  
  FILD - Finger-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique using subtle finger movements as you fall asleep.
  
  SSILD - Sense-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique where you use awareness of your various senses as you cycle through them while falling asleep.
  
  False Awakening - False Awakening is in essence just dreaming that you woke up, only to usually immediately after either actually wake or have another dream of waking up from the previous dreams. Those can often happen multiple times in sequence. It can be a bit jarring but also fun. If those happen often use it to do a reality check every time you wake up (or think you do).
  
  SP - Sleep Paralysis - A natural, safe part of the process of falling asleep which causes you to be unable to move your body. The paralysis process happens to you every time you go to sleep. When you WILD and experience SP, you are conscious while it happens. Sometimes you may be visited by the dream transition buddies--relax and enjoy the show until you can interact with your environment. Attempting to induce SP is NOT required to achieve lucidity.
  
  

  ---

Ahh one of the problems young men face in today's society, the absence of a rite of passage. That sounds similar to what you're looking for; this article touches on it a bit.


> At the heart of the modern crisis of manhood is the extension of adolescence, a boyhood which is stretching on for a longer and longer period of time. Once thought to end in a man’s 20s at the latest, men are extending their adolescence into their 30′s and in some especially sad cases, their 40′s.

>But in some ways it’s not their fault. It’s the fault of a culture in which rites of passage have all but disappeared, leaving men adrift and lost, never sure when and if they’ve become men. Today’s men lack a community of males to initiate them into manhood and to recognize their new status.

>Across time and place, cultures have inherently understood that without clear markers on the journey to manhood, males have a difficult time making the transition and can drift along indefinitely. Thus, rites of passage were clearly delineated in nearly every culture as one of the community’s most important rituals.

I'm not sure of a suitable challenge or hardship for you, that's something that only you can decide. There's a few simple tasks that if done daily can improve your life.

I'll start with the easy stuff:

Fitness:

1.) Start Weightlifting

You're 18 years old and in relatively good shape i'm assuming ("biked through some mountainous canadian villages,"). There's literally no reason for you not to weightlift or run.

Weightlifting:

• Because you're 18, you'll make strength gains pretty quickly.
  
• You only need to weightlift 3 days a week (45-60 mins per session. Most of the time you'll be sitting down resting in between sets).
  
• In 2 months (probably less) your results will be visible, you'll feel stronger, more confident, have more energy, etc.
  
• The endorphin's released after a workout are awesome.
  
  
  Here are few progress pics from /r/Fitness : [1] [2] [3]
  
  Please tell me you'll start weightlifting or at least running; time will pass whether or not you lift, best to make gains along the way :)
  
  Find a powerlifting gym in your area (they're generally cheaper than commercial gyms, allow you to grunt, use chalk, and actually lift heavy weight)
  
  Meditate:
  
  Start to meditate everyday.
  
  >Benefits to meditation
  >Like exercise, your benefits will depend on your efforts.
  
  >Greater mental abilities as the mind concentrates with greater ease and there is less restless thought happening.
  
  >Greater insights into your own behavior and that of others, so the ability to live with less regret happens.
  
  >Greater physical abilities as the awareness of the body is increased, as well as the ability to visualize--if that is your objective.
  
  >Greater emotional clarity as one learns to deal with and release difficult emotions.
  
  >A greater feeling of contentment and oneness with life as the obstructions in the mind recede.
  
  Philosophy:
  
  Begin to read and study philosophy.
  
  Good Introductory Books are:
  
  

1. The Problems of Philosophy - Bertrand Russell
   
2. Sophie's World -
   
   
   One really good lecture series on ethics:
   
   Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do? Episode 01 "THE MORAL SIDE OF MURDER"
   
   Social Skills:
   
   Go out and meet knew people, fool around with girls, talk to strangers, etc. Try to stay away from the computer as much as possible.
   
   
3. /r/seduction (Read all of the sidebar, even if you never want to pickup women it's just great life advice).
   
4. /r/socialskills
   
5. /r/SocialEngineering
   
   All have some damn good articles and posts on body language, self-confidence, etc... that'll make you a lot more confident in social situations if you go out and practice; talking to a human, whether it's a boss or a cute girl on the street, is a learn-able skill that can be improved.
   
   Read How to Make Friends & Influence People. The title is not the best but it's a classic book and insanely useful.
   
   Read:
   
   Delete your Reddit account, stop watching television, and read.
   
   Read Plato, Marcus Aurelius, Camus, Thoreau, and Orwell. Read Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Keats. Read old english, sci-fi, old fantasy novels, etc.
   
   A few lists:
   
   
6. Art of Manliness
   
   
7. Reddit threads: [1] [2] [3] [4]
   
   Reddit's Favorite Books
   
   Benefits of reading:
   
   

• It'll really open your mind to the vastness of the world
  
• You'll realize that anything you "have ever thought/felt has been thought/felt by men for ages before me and will be for ages after."
  
• You'll mature.
  
  Create something:
  
  Whether you write stories, music, or draw try to create something. Try to write 300 words everyday on any topic you want, a random dream you had, tasty food, etc.
  
  Travel:
  
  Work on a farm for a week or two while staying in the home of complete strangers. Helpx
  Miscellaneous things:
  
  Misc:
  
  /r/LucidDreaming
  
  
  tl;dr
  
  Make the most of your time and try to improve yourself as much as possible in the next 300 days; whether physically (weightlifting!), mentally, or spiritually.
  
  Decrease reddit/internet use and go outside, hit on random beautiful women, make new friends, etc.

Yes, I also have a minor case of Asperger's (now redefined as Autism on a severity scale). Sometimes I feel that there's nothing that can help Asperger's, but that's just if I'm letting myself be negative.

After 20 days or so, I definitely see a noticeable improvement in my openness with people, and my ability to express my true intentions when talking to people, even including complete strangers, to a degree. So keep at it.

However, one other major factor in my life right now is my practicing of mindfulness. Some people get into "meditation," and I quote it like that because I mean it as a formal meditation practice, where you physically sit down and do it, as compared to the meditation you can do in day to day life. I have done formal mediation sittings, and possibly I should make a point of getting back into those, but as long as you take time from your day and truly stop and do nothing, that can be considered the same thing.

Mindfulness, to me, is the process of taking a look at things from your heart instead of your mind. Letting things be and loving things exactly as they are (even if they are "bad"), so that you can then act out your life from your place of true intent, instead of from your reactive mind, which already confuses itself. I feel that being mindful of our actions and all things around us is one of the most useful ways of improving your happiness as an Aspie.

For example, if you are not where you "want to be" in your life, such as the conditions of no girlfriend, bad job situation, poor social life, etc., then the first step is to truly accept these conditions simply as they are! Whatever situation you are in, that is the exact place that you should start from since that is the only place that is reality. Just like if you wanted to travel to the other side of the world, at first it would seem like an daunting task, but if you lined up a car, plane ticket, hotel reservations, travel money, and a passport, then you could just take the steps one by one and go on your trip. The same is true with your life. You must start where you are, and with your life, "starting" from exactly where you are means accepting exactly where you are, deeply. From there you can take the next step openly and freely. If you don't accept where you are, your Autistic mind can easily get swept away in the "what-ifs" and the negativity. At least I know mine does if I'm not careful.

I know this isn't exactly what you asked, but it's what I can offer as advice as a fellow NoFapper/Aspie. I feel that mindfulness is extremely helpful with our condition. If you can do it right. There's no "right" way to be mindful, but I guess you can say there are wrong ways. At some point, if you can sift through the thoughts and sort out the ones that make you suffer from the ones that don't, then that is your answer. There are no right answers, there are only your answers.

Two books that have helped me on my journey are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which has been mentioned on NoFap before, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie (also mentioned before). The first is almost like one of the quintessential books on the topic, but can be a little more vague if you're not good at understanding "deep" stuff, although he does walk through some stuff in a pretty matter of fact way. The second is more practical look at things that utilizes a process known as "The Work" that helps you dissect negative thoughts and find out what is really true for you. And trust me, once you start acting out from a place of who you really are, and how you really feel, it's awesome!

It's not automatic. It's a work in progress. But it's great having another tool that goes with you. Whenever you have a "problem," you are in your mind, in your thoughts. Trust this. When something happens in the day, if you feel something's not right, you can apply some of the concepts, such as just coming back down to reality and feeling the energy in your body (Eckhart), or you can go through The Work and ask yourself, "Is that really true? Where would I be without that thought?" It's almost like you can be your own little Reddit, and answer questions for yourself! Lol.

tl;dr Mindfulness combined with NoFap can definitely help you see the improvements if you have Asperger's. It seems like mindfulness can help with NoFap, and vise versa. If you resist the urge, you are training yourself to be mindful, and if you can be mindful, you can resist the urge.

Here are links to those two books, if you are interested. If you'd like and can't afford, I'll buy them for you:

The Power of Now

Loving What Is

It's a good question - a lot of people just assume they can't ever be rich.

No you don't need to get a degree. You don't need to get a high-paying job. You don't need to be Elon Musk unless we're talking billionaire rich.

Making money is about delivering value at scale. Either deliver a little bit of value to a lot of people, or deliver a lot of value to a few people. Or do both to rake it in - but this is usually harder.

The most accessible way to deliver value at scale is by building a business.

You also need to figure out why you want to be rich and what kind of rich. Do you want to build a massive empire and make hundreds of millions or does making a couple of million a year and getting to travel whenever you want sound better?

The basic steps are pretty simple. You've got to start by reprogramming your brain a fair bit. Rich people - especially entrepreneurs, don't think about the world in the same way as most people do. More on how to do this later.

After that you'll want to start exploring the opportunities open to you at the moment. There are lots of business models you can replicate and do really well with - you don't need to start completely from scratch and build something the world has never seen before. You would not believe the ridiculously niched business models people make stupid money from. Example - I know a guy who built an online health and safety testing form for oil rig workers that was making $20,000 a month.

When you're starting out it's a good idea to keep things simple and use it as a way to build your skills. You don't want to be trying to build the next Facebook while trying to learn the basics of business. You're probably not as smart as Mark Zuckerberg.

The point is you have to keep learning and learning and learning. You know the business section of the book store you've probably never looked at? Pick the right books and you can pretty much learn anything.

You've been fed a lot of bullshit your whole life - so you need to read:

BOOKS FOR REPROGRAMMING YOUR HEAD

• The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
  It's pretty incredible how many successful people I've spoken to in the last few years have said something along the lines of "well it all started when I read the 4-Hour Work Week...". This is a great book that will give you a huge mindset adjustment and also a bunch of practical ideas and case studies of what you can do.
  
  
• The Millionaire Fastlane by MJ Demarco Yeah the book title sucks. But it's gold. MJ has quite a different approach to Tim Ferriss - so that's why I put it here. It's good to get multiple perspectives. The first hundred or so pages rip traditional thinking on wealth as well as guru advice to pieces - it's pretty funny.
  
  
• The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason This is a quick and easy read but it's got some great core lessons.
  
  Those will give you a good start. Once you've picked something to work on, you'll want to start reading up on learning sales, mindset, strategy, mindset, business management, mindset and some more mindset. If you jump in you'll quickly find the hardest thing about business is usually dealing with yourself.
  
  Hit me up if you take action on this and I'll be happy to recommend where to go next :)
  
  

That's awesome!

EDIT: i just re-read my post and it sounds very self help bookish. ...sorry about that.

I bet Tesla would be a great company to work for and a great environment to be in. I'm definitely a fan of theirs. They're pushing the definition of what a car is, and what it takes to be successful. Hopefully they'll help you push how you define yourself and your success.

Some things I'd like to mention... (feel free to ignore them, as I am not yet old and wise, but they are some lessons I've learned since graduating)

I'm glad you're going to follow up with them, very few people remember this crucial step. If they blow you off on your first call, remember who you talked to, and call them back in a few days asking for that person by name. Don't be pushy, but be excited. If they seem friendly, you could ask if they like their job or if they have any pointers for you.

Big companies like Boeing and Lockheed Martin have very good reputations... and have done big things... but considering your goal is an internship, I don't know how much you will learn in that environment. There are so many layers of protocol, people have very clear definitions of their jobs and defined responsibilities. It may prevent them from thinking outside of the box ...and could stifle your creativity. You'll also spend a lot of time learning "the rules" of working there ... and "the rules" don't always translate across job descriptions.

Don't get me wrong, you'll need to work hard for a loooong time to do great things, but don't fall into that trap where you're not learning anything and think you'll eventually get rewarded for "putting your time in."

Keep a journal. Write down what you're excited about, how you learned it, what you want to do with it, who you've met (you will cross paths with people again), who you want to meet. Don't hold anything back. This helps when writing future resumes, as well as giving you the opportunity to brainstorm and build a framework of what you eventually want to accomplish. Learn something every day. The journal will force you to be accountable to yourself and to your future. It will also serve you well when you're considering quitting a job 2-5-10 years from now and can see how you progressed from where you are today to not being satisfied.

Find a company that is setting the new standards. Look for innovative internship programs with lots of exposure to new ideas and motivated leadership. Make sure you're not sitting in a cube reading reddit all day. It's harder to have access to the real movers and shakers the bigger a company gets. The smaller they are, obviously the more access you'll have to those situations that will define your future.

Find a mentor at your internship ... and don't just let anyone be your mentor. Pick some of those people on the Tesla wikipedia page and do some research about them. Write to them. Tell them exactly why you want to be a part of their team and that you've applied for an internship. Keep it short. When you eventually get a position, ask people waaaay over your head if you can have lunch with them sometime to pick their brain. They'll be flattered and you will show your desire to learn.

Don't be arrogant. Try not to talk about yourself. You're there to learn. Ask lots of questions. When you get an interview, ask : what they like most about their job, the hardest part of their job, and what that dislike most about their job.


Some books that inspired me:

Think BIG and Kick Ass in Business and Life - Donald Trump

Granted, he can be a douchebag, but his advice in this book is solid, and he is successful. Read the reviews, they give you a better idea of how you'll react to the book.

The Four Hour Work Week - Tim Ferriss

Not that you're shooting for working four hours just yet, but his advice about focus and success can be applied in many ways.

Hey emyouth,

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must have been so very hard on you.

> How do I start seizing opportunities so I don't look back on my life with bitterness and regret?

So one path that I think could really work for you is called ACT. The principle is that a lot of the problems we experience come from fighting against ever feeling painful thoughts and memories causing behavioural avoidance. Things like withdrawing, staying in bed, eating etc. can be tactics to avoid pain.

The solution is counter-intuitive - its to become willing to feel pain so you no longer need avoidance and can start living a full life again. This book is full of exercises, its hard work but mind-blowing:

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259

This one is a bit easier going:

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

> I've gained about 40-50 pounds

I've been there, and this might sound odd to say, but it presents a great opportunity. It might not seem like something in your control, but it is. Lifestyle changes are great things to play with and simply any form of change can start making things look brighter.

So I know diet evangelism is pretty annoying... so apologies... but I suggest taking a look at r/keto. Look at how many amazing success stories there and how supportive the community is. One theme you will see is how easy people are finding it. You might find another way of eating that attracts you more.

Eating keto can be a hard step to take, but after a couple of days you adapt and it feels like its cheating because its so easy - you become free of junk cravings so it doesn't need willpower once over the initial hump. One reason I suggest keto is that when you start, you get a big drop in water weight. This doesn't mean much from a fat-loss perspective but it is HUGE to the spirit. You get a massive scale shift and look visually different almost immediately which really helps kick-start that positive spiral.

As you continue to see the scale go down and start to see visual changes, you begin fuelling a positive spiral that will grow your self-worth. What is fantastic is that its so measurable. Even if you can't see visual changes immediately you can see the scale go down. You can start going to bed a winner and waking up with the promise of some good news on the scale.

You probably know that exercise has a dramatic effect on well-being and will also fuel that positive spiral. But its also hard to start so suggesting can be unhelpful. The good news is that I often see that once people have started feeling the energy improvement from dropping a few pounds, exercise starts getting attractive again, and once you add that BOOM, you are now stoking a fire that helps you live the life you want.

Best of luck!

Hey there!

Glad to hear there is another potential animator/artist in the world :)
A lot of your question depends on your budget as tablets can get very expensive very quickly based on size and quality. For instance buying something that lets you draw directly on the screen is going to run you several hundred dollars for the lowest tier models (Wacom Cintiq's are currently considered the gold standard but their monitors and tablets start at over $1000 new so that is out of the question for most people and definitely not worth it for a beginner). So if she's just wanting to explore, a drawing app on a samsung galaxy tablet is a cheaper option that works great for beginners and allows them to work directly on screen. Plus is she loses interest you'll still have a tablet to use for other things.

However most people start with something like a Wacom Bamboo tablet. They are high quality, very responsive, and made by Wacom (the current industry leader) for a much more reasonable price. However you're drawing on a tablet placed on a desk while watching your work on a separate monitor and this can take some serious getting used to. Once you've got it figured out though they're great (they come in various sizes and are used by professionals throughout various industries)!

As for software consider these:
Art/Drawing - Sketchbook Pro

Animation - Anime Studio 10
keep in mind animation programs can be tough to learn so she'll definitely need to watch tutorials online. However this is an awesomely priced option with a lot of great features to make jumping-in easy



If she really catches the animation bug there are two books that are wonderful (although they are thick and may be better for when she is a little older? Up to you but they could make great future gifts):
Animator's Survival Kit by Richard Williams

and

The Illusion of Life by Ollie Johnson and Frank Thomas - Two of Disney's original master animators known as the Nine Old Men

Anyway that's a quick rundown of where equipment and resources stand. If I were you I'd probably go for the bamboo tablet and Sketchbook Pro to get started (for drawing) + Anime Studio 10 if animation is definitely something she wants to explore as all these items are an outstanding value for what they offer.

If things get super serious as she gets older prices begin to jump up very quickly (especially on the software side) but I believe the items listed above should suit her perfectly for at least through all her high school years. As she improves and explores you'll naturally learn what all the tools and options are on your own, as well as what her preferences are.

3D animation as a whole is a different beast that is very computer/technical heavy with a steeper learning curve. So if she wants to start trying that it becomes a whole different realm as you'll need a solid PC and a lot of time and patience when it comes to learning one of the various computer graphics programs out there.

Hope this helps at least a little! Good luck, and feel free to PM any time :)

Not all of these are "parenting" books, but they get at various aspects of what you might be looking for/need to help you prepare (in no particular order):

• Bringing up Bebe - Tells the parenting story of an American expat. living in Paris, and how she observed different parenting techniques between American and French families, and how that plays out in children's behavior. It is a fun "experience" story and I think it lends some interesting insights.
  
  
• Pregnancy, childbirth, and the newborn - I think this is the most informative, neutral, pregnancy book out there. It really tries to present all sides of any issues. I can't recommend this book enough. From here, you could explore the options that best fit your needs (e.g. natural birth, etc.)
  
  
• Taking Charge of Your Fertility - Look into this if you find you are having trouble conceiving, or if you want to conceive right away. Really great tips on monitoring the body to pinpoint the most fertile times and stay healthy before becoming pregnant.
  
  
• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - This is published by Le Leche League and really has everything you need to know about breastfeeding, pumping, etc. After baby is born, kellymom.com is a good resource for quickly referring to for breastfeeding questions later, but seriously don't skip this book - it is great!
  
  
• Dr. Spock's Baby and Childcare - Really comprehensive and probably the most widely read book about every aspect of child health and development (and also a lot of what to expect as parents.)
  
  
• NurtureShock - by far the most interesting book I've ever read in my life. Basically sums up research on child development to illuminate how many parents and educators ignore research based evidence on what works well for raising children. If you read nothing else in this book, at least read the sleep chapter!
  
  
• What's Going on in There? - This book was written by a neuroscientist after becoming a mom about brain development from pregnancy through about age 5. It has some of the same research as NurtureShock but goes way more in depth. I found it fascinating, but warning, I could see how it could scare some people with how much detail it goes into (like how many people feel that "What to Expect When Expecting" is scary.)
  
  
• Happiest Baby on the Block - There is a book, but really you can/should just watch the DVD. It has 5 very specific techniques for calming a fussy baby. Here are some recent reddit comments about it. Someday I will buy Dr. Karp a drink - love that man!
  
  
• The Wholesome Baby Food Guide - this book is based on a website which has some of the same information, but the book goes way more in depth about how to introduce food, with particular steps, to set baby up for a lifetime of good (non picky) eating habits.
  
  
• A variety of sleep books, so you can decide which method you might be comfortable with (I believe the Baby Whisperer and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child are pretty middle of the road, but you can look into bedsharing (The Dr. Sear's books) or the other end (Babywise) as discussed in other comments already here, etc. - these last two links I am letting my personal bias show - sorry, but I just think it is good to know all sides of an issue.)
  
  
• Huffington Post Parents section often has "experience" articles, and browsing subs like this can help with that too.
  
  
• A lot of people love the Bill Cosby Fatherhood book too, but my husband and I haven't read it, so I can't say for sure what is in it, but I imagine it is "experiences" based
  
  
• The Wonder Weeks - describes when and how babies reach developmental milestones, what to expect from those, and how to help your baby with them.
  
  Edit: I wanted to add brief descriptions and links (I was on my phone yesterday when I posted this.) I also added in the last book listed.
  
  I have literally read hundreds of parenting/child dev. books. I consider these to be the best of the best in terms of books that cover each of their respective topics in depth, from almost all perspectives, in as neutral of a way as possible, so that you can then make decisions about which more extreme (I don't mean that in a bad way) parenting styles might work for you and your family (e.g. attachment parenting, natural vs. medicated birth, etc.)
  

Bootstrapped 10 years ago, kept the team tiny until just about 3 years ago. So I know the feeling!

You don't need to do it all. You need to do enough.

You're already on to a good first step: you've got a list of the 'buckets' you're spending your time in. Researching gigs, prospecting leads, emailing with clients, website redesign, social media. Plus, you know, the actual work. (For you: videography; for me: software engineering and operations.)

One sanity check is to accept that you're not going to get everything done. This is not the same as giving up, or lowing the bar, or accepting less for yourself or your business. It's a legitimate forcing function that will help you get organized and working on the right things.

If you can't do it all, then what do you do? How do you decide on what it is the most important?

Start with your buckets. There may be an inherent order of priority to them. I might suggest you start with billing and accounting for work that's been done. You don't want to neglect that, otherwise you just invalidate your hard work. Then there's the actual doing of billable work, which everything else is meant to support. Last, the supporting activities, like marketing.

You have a fixed amount of time in the day. Give each of these buckets a fixed amount of time, and a position on your schedule, relative to their priority. You could spend the first hour sending invoices, receiving payments, doing general bookkeeping and planning. Then your project management, reviewing emails with clients, prioritizing tasks for the day. The rest of the morning, dive in to your billable work. If you don't have billable work at the moment, build a hobby project that you can use for marketing.

After lunch, spend an hour on promotion, then back into a couple hours of work. Closing out the day, another block of communication with clients, then research opportunities and prospect for leads, along with whatever other habit might help you unplug and unwind so you can get some rest and recovery.

So time management is important. You don't have to plan out your day in five-minute increments, but it's good to have some rhythms and rituals. The important part is that you apply some thought to the kinds of tasks you're doing, where they're coming from, and the relative value of those types of tasks and the tasks themselves. You can't control the volume of supporting tasks, so focus on controlling your blocks of time. Limit the unlimited, apply whatever sorting criteria you can, and focus on finishing what you start.

You may not be able to do it all, and you don't need to do it all in order to be successful. You need to do good valuable work for your clients, and enough supporting work to get paid for it, to keep more work coming, and to keep improving the business itself.

I'll wrap up with maybe slightly more prescriptive pieces of advice.

If you don't already have one, you definitely want a bookkeeper and an accountant. Clean books from day one is super valuable. You don't want tax season to be a major time sink. There are plenty of solo or small CPA shops in your area that work with small businesses on a retainer basis. I'd rather spend $500/mo on a bookkeeper+CPA combo than a virtual assistant.

Outsource to software tools as much as possible. This Twitter thread is probably overkill for what you need at your scale. But you may get some good ideas. Software scales really well, you can get a lot done with a $50/mo or (eventually) a $500/mo tool.

If you choose not to use software, and scale with people, make sure that everything is written down and inspected! You should be able to take someone's notes on how they're doing a task, and replicate it yourself. If I was doing one thing differently, this is something I'd do more of. Do a task the first time, document it the second, and by the 10th or 20th time you can think about delegating or designing a system.

Get really good at email. Gmail has a bunch of great tools, get to know them. Commit to inbox zero every day; multiple times a day. Snooze liberally. If it's in the inbox, it's an action item you're working on right now. If it's not actionable, get rid of it. You can skim quickly, but remember, you can't do it all.

If your email back and forth consists of scheduling calls or meetings, stop now and check out Calendly. You need it, or something like it, to take the guesswork out of scheduling.

Your personal productivity is important. Getting Things Done is worth studying, if you haven't already. Check out GTD in 15 minutes for an overview of the book's content.

And last but not least, remember to take time for yourself! You need time away from work to rest and recharge and be a person. That's the wellspring of your creativity and drive to be an entrepreneur and a creator. Nurture it. And have fun!

You're exactly the sort of person who will eventually stumble into the seduction community. You could do worse, but first, some warnings...

1. It's like any other group: A belief in self-superiority because of knowledge that the public at large does not have that they regard as valuable. That doesn't actually make them any better.
   
   
2. Do not start playing a character. Of all the advice, all the routines, all the lines, there is no substitute for having an actual personality. Yes, you can pretend to be someone you're not, but that means whenever you're around that person, you have to pretend to be someone you're not. How long can you keep that up for? You're not a secret agent. Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself.
   
   
3. Be prepared for the arms race. You are now in competition with many other men (dozens at a party, thousands to millions in your city, billions worldwide). You are going to win some and you are going to lose some. Be prepared for both. In your case, it's winning that's going to be harder to deal with: It's the unknown. Embrace the unknown.
   
   That said...
   
   > How do I overcome my inexperience?
   
   AndyNemmity said it: Practice.
   
   > Should I ever tell women that I'm inexperienced? (I tried this once and it might've put her off.)
   
   I would say, yes, you should; if nothing else, when asked, but I don't recommend bringing it up. This is really your call. Different people will react in different ways. It's going to take some time to learn what those ways will be.
   
   > What should I do about my emotions showing up like yesterday?
   I think my self-esteem problem comes from my inexperience, but is there anything I can do specifically for that problem?
   
   You are not going for 100%. You are going for 5%. Out of 20, 19 are practice. Act on your emotions as soon as you get an inkling of them. Regret lasts so much longer than rejection.
   
   > I'm starting to use dating sites. Do you have any ideas for my circumstances? (Maybe I should look for a short-term relationship, or more women in the 18-22 range, or older women?)
   
   Every word counts. Give people something to build on. Make sure your profile has lots of things to talk about. You are awesome. You make awesome into a verb. Be as positive as possible: Nothing has ever gone wrong in your life.
   
   When you reach out to someone, make sure that there's something obvious to respond to. Ask an open-ended question about their profile. "Hi, how's it going?" is good enough in real life, but sucks online.
   
   > Is it wrong for me to turn down interested women? (Like the "love" case above, but maybe I should just do it anyway. That doesn't seem fair to anyone.)
   
   It might be right for you. This is something only you can decide. Is a relationship with this woman an improvement in your life? Maybe, maybe not.
   
   > Should I learn/accomplish/do something to stand out of the crowd?
   I try to strike up a conversation before asking someone out to get some comfort in learning a little about them. Is this a bad approach? It probably limits my options.
   
   If you have everyone's attention, you are making an impression on anyone you might be interested in. This is a two-way street, so while it's powerful, be careful.
   
   You should have something interesting to talk about. Otherwise you're just one of the masses, and blending in isn't going to get anyone's attention.
   
   I'll also mention that you might consider getting one of your female friends to set you up. This is likely to be a lot less game-playing. Maybe you want to play games; games are fun, after all, and you probably don't want something too serious right now. You probably don't even know what it is you want. If you do know, tap into your social network.
   
   > If I'm the one keeping a conversation going (by asking questions, introducing topics, etc.), how likely is it that she's not interested?
   
   Very likely, but that isn't your fault. We live in a self-centered society. The best you can manage is pay attention to the things other people say (do not talk to just girls; talk to everyone), and tie back into it later. Someone who is actually paying attention will be genuinely surprising.
   
   On the downside, then you may well become the bored one.
   
   > Are there any books that could help me? Assume I've never read any on this topic.
   
   It sounds like the major issue you're having is picking up on signals. For that, I would recommend starting with The Definitive Book of Body Language; skip to chapter 15, but read the whole thing. I've also seen advertisements for You Say More Than You Think but haven't read it; that might be useful. Really there are any number of body language manuals out there. Read at least one, preferably more.
   
   Consider reading either some of the book by Leil Lowndes (in particular, I'd recommend How to Talk to Anyone), or The Rules of the Game; both will get you started just talking to people. I would favor Leil Lowndes' work just because she seems less sketchy (though she did co-write a paper with David DeAngelo).

Heres my take. The TL:DR is this... BUY AND READ THIS BOOK. It is the bible of lucid dreaming, simply written, and easily explained by a scientist, the pioneer of lucid dreaming, a Stanford professor, he is basically THE MAN! But for reddit, here you go:

1. Set a sleep schedule
   Go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time everynight, this is easy if you are employed or have kids etc, not so much for college students and partiers etc... Having a routine makes everything so much easier later, but is not a necessity...
   
   
2. Build Dream Recall
   Wake up and write down your dreams, every morning, no matter what. Keep a pen and notebook next to your bed. Writing them down forces you to remember them. If you wake up at 330 am from a dream, write it down at 330 am, you will not remember it as well at 8 when you wake up. This serves multiple purposes I'll get into later, but most importantly, you could have a lucid dream, but if you don't remember it, you fail.
   
   
3. Reality checks
   After you have a good amount of dreams written down (or voice recorded if thats your thing) Go back through them. Look for common occurances. For example, I often dream of my own home, but things are never right, there are extra rooms, things are arranged differently, you get it... Find things you often dream about, or things that keep occuring that should tip you off that your in a dream. Write these down and commit to doing a reality check every time they occur, for me, whenever I walk into my house, I check to make sure I'm dreaming. Usually just asking the question is enough to trigger lucidity, but not always. DO NOT BLOW THIS OFF. Don't ever answer a reality check with "of course I'm not dreaming" or you will in a dream state as well. I've made this mistake before, its pretty frustrating to wake up and recall that you said that while aboard a spaceship or something crazy... Google easy reality checks, like double checking digital clocks and rereading text (it changes in dreams, your brain is too busy to keep that stuff consistent)
   
   4)Setting yourself up for lucidity
   Now that you have a weeks or months of dreams journalized (results may vary) playing with your sleep schedule can be helpful, REM sleep (dream sleep) occurs in cycles of about 90 minutes. So 6 hours into your sleep you are entering a dream. Set your alarm for 6 hours or a bit after and get up, walk around, read about lucid dreaming, reread your dream journal, do some reality checks, focus your intentions on having a lucid dream, but in a positive, and not stressful way. Then go back to sleep half an hour or more later. You pick up in your sleep cycles and go straight into dreams, this makes it easy to become lucid, read up on WILD and MILD in Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming...
   
   
4. Congrats, you did it, but probably screwed up.
   Tons of people will tell you their first lucid dream ended immediately, they became lucid, it was exciting, they woke up... It happens... Research stabilization techniques, two popular ones are spinning, and looking at your hands. Spinning my change your dream setting, but really who cares, you can change it back or do whatever later... Keep trying, don't get frustrated here you are SO CLOSE!
   
   
5. Practice
   Not everyone can control dreams like a god their first few times, it takes practice. You have years and years of experience telling you people CANNOT fly, its hard to overcome. Do more reality checks in dreams, take it step by step... If you are lucid the hard part is done, just keep trying and you'll be a pro in no time!

I struggle immensely with self-hate. Mine came from past abuse, severe mental illnesses, and not getting proper care or addressing my trauma for many years until I was eventually hospitalized. The biggest thing I've done to work towards releasing the self-hate and moving towards self-love is the concept of self-compassion. Like, you probably wouldn't say the things you say to yourself ("You're not good enough" "Why did you fail at that task?" "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you more successful?") to a friend, a child, or even your younger self, right? We're incredibly unabashedly mean to ourselves. I think ISTJ's are prone to thinking this way, but really I think most people struggle with this to some degree. American culture is all about fend for yourself and your success are only measured by what others can see (how much money you make, your job, your education, etc). We don't live in a culture that fosters self-compassion or self-acceptance, so we have to work on it ourselves. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT has been immensely helpful to me, as well as working with therapists who use ACT. One of the primary features of this therapy is self-acceptance and self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Sometimes life is really hard and we just expect ourselves to be able to handle it, and when we can't or don't, the self-hate creeps in and we begin to wonder what's wrong with us and then no compliment or achievement can make us happy or feel worthwhile. It has to come from within. Start today by simply talking to yourself as a friend or as a child. Instead of saying "This project I completed isn't good enough" and falling into a self-hate and shame spiral, say "This project isn't where I'd like it to be, but I'm really tired and it's the best I could do for now." Just re-framing those thoughts into more self-compassionate ones helps a lot. Talk to yourself kindly, even if you don't think you deserve it. The best advice I can give if this practice is intolerable is to fake it until you make it. Fake that you feel okay, fake that you can accept less than perfection. It sucks, but overtime the less you engage in the self-hate thoughts and move towards self-compassion thoughts, the easier it'll be to really be self-compassionate and to end the cycle of self-hate.

I also ride the ISTJ/INTJ line and am very pessimistic and very hard on myself. It's been a major struggle in my life, and unfortunately I've had to seek professional and even hospital level help on many occasions in order to... uh... at a very basic level stay alive. When self-hate is so deeply embedded into your mind, it's easy to go to a place where you consider that your life may not be worth it. Not insinuating that you or anyone else here could be like that, but it's where the years of self-hate landed me. Learning about self-compassion and that IT'S OKAY to be be nice to yourself, to treat yourself kindly, to be gentle with yourself has changed so much in my life and led me to a place of great stability and health. Consider purchasing or borrowing the book I linked above, it's my go-to resource for ACT and is accessible even if you never see a therapist. On that note, I'd recommend you see a therapist, especially one who is trained in ACT. I believe every single human, even without a mental health diagnosis, could benefit from therapy at any point in their life. As an ISTJ I find therapy to be a really excellent tool to helping me understand myself and gain better self-awareness.

Best of luck to you and I hope you're able to find peace and self-acceptance somewhere in your life. It truly is possible, speaking as someone who almost died to her deep self-hatred on several occasions, but who has come out on the other side victorious and practicing self-compassion daily.

It's really hard to make the best decision when you're personally involved, and seeking advice from a diverse community like Reddit was a good idea (you can easily filter the trolls and idiots). Without reading all of either thread, I do hope someone with a strong pscyhology background and experience posted some advice. Your sister is not the first to have this problem, won't be the last, and I'm sure the field has dissected it enough to have some insight on the issue.

However, personally, I like a different tack for situations like this. Sometimes, when there's no way out of a problem, the only solution is to go further in. In this case, use a 'jiu-jitsu' or 'aikido' solution - don't oppose your adversary, redirect her.

The problem seems to be that she has both a strong libido and low self-esteem due to that rape (and perhaps just being a young girl in a world that seems specifically designed to twist and distort young women's sense of self worth). Hence she's seeking attention and validation from any old asshole on the Internet. The libido is natural, the low self-esteem is what needs to be solved. (PUtting her in a mental hospital already has one major strike against it in that respect, the very act of being committed is a self-esteem hit, so even if the place is really good, they're already starting at a deficit).

Before talking about the means to that end, lets identify the ideal end. I'm sure you've met women who have it together, smart, have a life, who are spontaneous, flirtatious, happy, and (for lack of an uncliched description) completely comfortable with their femininity and sexuality, and - most importantly - confidently in control. Regardless of their physical beauty, they have a strong sense of their emotional worth to the opposite sex, and no hangups. That's ideally where you'd want her to end up.

So how to get her there? You say she's attractive. In that case, instead of turning her in, it might have been better to sit her down and say something along the lines of 'look, you can do better than needy pervy Internet assholes. There are guys out there who are hot, rich, accomplished, socially skilled, discerning, and amazing in bed. You may not feel you're in their league, and right now you'd be correct. You've got the looks and the libido, but no skills at seduction. And you're certainly not going to learn any from these losers. Worse, you're going to learn bad habits from them, that all you need to do is flash your tits to have them eating out of your hand. But that only works on idiots. There's no challenge, or reward in that, and if you keep at it you'll spend your entire life chasing fulfillment from men from whom it will never come. They'll play mind games with you your entire life, treating you like garbage so you don't realize you can do better, and constantly come back to them for scraps of validation. Real seduction is emotional, psychological (the strongest erogenous zone is the mind). You can do better, but you have to learn how. Heres how'

Eg, speak to her on her own level, and guide her, don't rat her out. And from that point, show her the world of seduction artists, both men and women. All over the Internet now, easy to find. I say show her men's seduction communities b/c it's fascinating to see what the opposite sex is up to, and to understand the 'game' from their point of view. The Attraction Forums are probably the place to start, as is The Game and Mystery Method (although there is better, more natural, less canned/rote/routine stuff, those are good to start with since they've deconstructed the psychology of seduction very clearly, it's a fascinating read even if you never intend to learn and do it).

There are plenty of guides for women too, Mimi Tanner and Amy Waterman being the first two that come to mind (though Mimi is a little more old-fashioned, 'The Rules'-oriented), since I'm on both their email newsletter lists. The point being, all of this can be learned, it's not just some people who have it and some don't. Your sister's libido is never going away unless you med her up her whole life, which really isn't a solution. But if you can redirect her libido, and give it a healthier outlet that helps her feel like an attractive woman with high value to the opposite sex, and puts her in control of her sexuality, her wild emotions, and her relationships with men, I think that would be the best possible outcome for her.

This may have arrived too late, but hopefully it gives you something new to think about. If she hates you now, I'm not sure if you can help her in this way. But if she's still talking and listening to you, maybe you can try something like this. I assume she's got plenty of time to read books now in the hospital.

That's exactly perfect! I like to take the "3P Approach" to solving problems:

1. Premise
   
2. Parts
   
3. Procedures
   
   What typically happens is that we feel some anxiety & get motivated to change & then jump directly into the weeds (the step-by-step checklist procedures required for implementing change in our lives) & it's a big mess. This approach is better because you identify the problem, convert it from a big, monolithic issue into a bunch of smaller component parts, and then address each one as a project that you can work on bit by bit, which is a far easier approach for dealing with large, complicated things like overhauling your entire life!
   
   So your premise is that you're ready for a change in your life, you're ready for some improvements, you're ready for better, you're ready for more. The first-pass list of "parts" are:
   
   
4. Develop bulletproof self-esteem
   
5. Find a fulfilling career
   
6. Have great relationships
   
7. Improve your financial situation
   
8. Adopt better habits
   
   Yeah, so with the cookie-cutter analogy, you now have 5 shapes to work with - they're all different, but they're all going to lead to the outcomes you desire because you're controlling the shape of each one. So now that you've got a few separate, individual items to work on, you can start working on them. It's been said that there are only 2 problems in the world:
   
   
9. You don't know what you want
   
10. You don't know how to get what you want
    
    So now that we have that first-pass laundry list of things we want, we've solved the first problem, and can now work on addressing the second problem, which is figuring out how to implement real change to get better results than we're getting now. And the way we do that is by reading books, researching online, talking to people, thinking about stuff, walking through some checklists to define what we want & make decisions about the targets we want to hit, etc. Here are some starting points, just based on my experience: (based on your first 5 identified issues to work on, as listed above)
    
    Self-esteem:
    
    

• Book: (or audiobook) "Attitude is Everything" by Jeff Keller. For me, this really put into perspective two things: One, that my attitude determined the majority of my experience in any given situation, and two, that I had full control & ownership over my attitude. This book is an easy read.
  
• Book: (or audiobook) "Mindset" by Carol Dweck. This introduces the concept that there are 2 mindsets in any given situation: fixed ("this is why I can't") & growth ("how can I?"). This was a critical clarifying concept because it gave me an approach for whatever situation I found myself in: am I having a fixed (victim) or growth (victor) mindset about this situation? This book is a bit of a heavier read.
  
• CBT: (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) This is the basic idea that you can change your life by changing how you think. To quote Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". The way you think determines what actions you will take, so learning what kind of traps are out there (called "distortions") can help you overcome mental obstacles. One of my personal biggest ones was "all or nothing" thinking, basically fake perfectionism...I had to go big or go home, do it perfect according to my mental picture of success, or it wasn't worth doing, etc. This is a great starter article: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/
  
• Book: (or audiobook) "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown, This book is a bit more of a grazing approach to illustrate some common traps we fall into with self-esteem issues
  
• These are all just starting points...imo, the ultimate goal of self-esteem is to give you a rock-solid foundation on which you can rely on yourself instead of requiring the validation of others. We all have a certain amount of anxiety & a need for validation, which is totally fine, but it shouldn't dictate our lives or drive our actions to the point where we're not doing, living, and feeling the way we want to.
  
  Career:
  
  
• We'll cover the money question in the financial section below, but "how much do you want to make?" is the first question I always ask. Not because it's a shallow thing, but because your entire lifestyle will be limited by your financial picture - how much free time you have, how much stress you carry, if you can afford to live in a nice neighborhood or take time off or drive a reliable car, etc.
  
• Businesses will pay you what they think you're worth. You have to define how much you want to make & then get trained so that you're a valuable asset to your company. A lot of people are unhappy with their jobs & their pay scales, but are also unwilling to get further education or change jobs, and you can't have it both ways, because jobs will pay you what they think you are worth, that's the bottom line! You can game the system by doing research, making decisions, and getting training on your own time, in order to achieve your goals, which means that you need to know how much money you want to make, what you want to do, and what job opportunities you should pursue, which gives you a nice checklist to follow to create a path to go down, rather than just feeling stuck & unhappy & not knowing where to go!
  
• The point of college & other training systems is to get you a job. You get educated to learn how to work at something specific. A lot of people go into systems like say college with no clue what they want to do with their lives & then just kind of drift into a job & stay there. Statistics say that 84% of people are unhappy in their jobs (hate their jobs, even), which says that that approach blows chunks & that being proactive about what you want in your professional life is a waaaaay better option to go with, haha!
  
• There are 14,000 job types & 7 million job openings, right now, today. There is no shortage of opportunity. What we lack is clear direction - a specific goal coupled with a realistic plan to move forward on it, supported by a personal work ethic to do what it takes to get what you want, no matter how many roadblocks, setbacks, and barriers you run into. One of my favorite TED Talks is on "Grit" by Angela Duckworth, which talks about how success is primarily a factor of being persistent & simply not giving up until you get what you want, which is pretty obvious when written out, but is far from obvious in practice!
  
• Another question to ask yourself is whether or not you want to find fulfillment at work, or outside of work, or perhaps both. Some people simply don't care what they do & are happier finding fulfillment outside of work. For me, I go a little nuts when I have a crappy job or a bad boss, so I need a really good working environment, or else I tend to get a little stressed out, haha! But everyone is different, so you have to figure out what works for you & what your personal parameters are & then do some research to match up jobs vs. payscale vs. personal fulfillment requirements. I have lots of resources on this topic when you're ready!
  
  part 1/2

> my info: im a super nerd. like i follow the pro starcraft scene and love space, science math etc. in really tall and am fairly lanky.

That's not necessarily bad... but if you want to do well with women, you'd be well served to not look the part of a "super nerd." Dress fashionably, but with a unique edge that sets your style apart from others. If you need help figuring out how to do that, hit up some of your female friends for advice, peruse GQ or Esquire or Mens Vogue, whatever.

> I tend to only have crushes on best friends and my last crush was when i was 17 (different person). Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.

Guys get like that when they are scared to break rapport with women, and the only thing they can do is try to use pure "comfort game" to get close to the girls. Unfortunately, the result - as you may have noticed - is not usually favorable. Building comfort is important, but you have to do more... if you want girls, you have to project the vibe of a confident, mature, masculine, "in control", sexual man who "gets it." The "nerdy, insecure, shy, awkward teenage geek" vibe is a lot less effective.


> Ive been caled a sweet heart and get frustrated when guys are disrespectful.

You probably have both Nice Guy Syndrome and a touch of Disney Fantasy. I highly recommend you read the Dr. Robert Glover book No More Mr. Nice Guy, and the Neil Strauss book The Game. The former should help you understand more about asserting yourself, establishing boundaries, and being more authentic in your interactions with people. The latter will blow your mind in regards to understanding how men and women interact.

After that, it might not hurt to read Way of the Superior Man by Dave Deida.

Also, to disabuse yourself of the notion that women are all sweet and pure and innocent and virtuous and made of light (or sugar and spice and puppy dog tails, whatever) spend some time reading stuff like My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, or The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex by Barbara Keesling, or Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life.

Finally, read Sperm Wars by Robin Baker. That will make a great many things much clearer.

I'll be watching this thread closely as it's a question I'm very, very interested in hearing the answer to as well. Personally, I have yet to read very many books that would fall into the remit of self help/self improvement, but I have a couple of suggestions.

First of all, Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell is an excellent book, and particularly ideal for someone in your situation. Using plenty of real-world examples and citing studies, statistics etc throughout the book to substantiate his claims, he shows how & why some people go on to become hugely successful in their field and why others don't, covering a wide range of factors but consistently challenging our preconceived notions about the role that actual talent & ability play in getting people to the top. A very inspiring and motivating book, and I think it would make a great start if you want to embark on a path of self-improvement, as it will leave you feeling very optimistic and boost your self-esteem and make your goals, no matter how crazy, seem attainable.

Secondly, I'd recommend A Manual for Living by Epictetus with this modern translation/interpretation. This is only a small handbook, and can easily be read in a weekend, but unlike a lot of self-help books around this subject, this cuts straight to the point with practical suggestions explaining how and where stoic philosophy can apply in your day-to-day life to make you more resilient, optimistic, happier & content. This book really packs a punch in its content, and I found myself absolutely absorbed by it, and I've read it several times since and have found that the principles truly do work when actively applying them to my life. This, imo, would be a great start to self-improvement, as it addresses the fundamental issue that everyone on the planet would want to improve on - how to be happy.

Thanks, it really made my day, knowing that you got some value out of my comment :-)

I think that mindfulness meditation, first and foremost, is what will bring you the most peace. Mindfulness meditation gives you several major superpowers that you can use anytime. Their value cannot be overstated:

• The ability to be an "impartial observer" to your own mind, at all times. One of the big problems with the "loops" I described in my post above is that most people don't realize it's happening. They focus on the experience and the panic and trying to escape, but they don't see how. Mindfulness teaches you to see what's going on "under the hood". (This "mindful attitude" generally leaks into other areas of your life as well. You gain superpowers of observation.)
  
• The ability to terminate thoughts at will. For a skilled meditator, the answer to "I don't want to feel this way" is simply to stop. You gain control over which thoughts are allowed to run. You also learn to simply blank your mind completely. At first, a person can only do this for 30 seconds at a time or so. Over time, they can learn to do it indefinitely -- and just sink into the beauty of "now".
  
• The ability to concentrate fully on one specific thing. Hyper-focus. Since you can control which thoughts enter and exist in your mind, you will be able to accomplish more tasks with less stress.
  
  Over time these abilities shape you into a peaceful, calm, intelligent, compassionate, and successful person.
  
  My favourite book on meditation is Mindfulness in Plain English. I think this book is very good because it explains meditation + mindfulness + concentration + the relationship with Buddhism in a clear and non-religious way. Really lays it down logically why it's worth doing and why it works.
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_1/157-6380024-4325012
  
  P.S. with regards to trying some low doses -- I understand there are also "guided audio wellness meditations" aimed specifically for trips. This isn't really the same sort of thing as the mindfulness meditation that I advocated for above, but guided meditations are pretty enjoyable and useful. Anyway, I haven't tried 'em, but some friends report great results. I think that it might be nice, since the audio helps keep your trip "on the rails".

Ok Darlingnikki928 here is the conundrum you are faced with.

It sounds like your boyfriend is what we would call a "Vanilla" and you are in the BDSM spectrum (this varies based on your personal sexual preference) so hence you would be a kinkster (there are other names). So what you need to do is learn about yourself more with regards to your BDSM likings/desires/needs/etc. so then you can provide your "Vanilla" boyfriend ALL the information that HE NEEDS in order to provide you with what your sexual needs/desires are since eventually if he doesn't learn how to be a kinkster like yourself, the relationship will eventually fade into obscurity due to the fact that kinksters like us will ALWAYS need sex in the way WE NEED IT and without your help to educate him ( like my first serious girlfriend did soooo many years ago to me) he WILL FAIL at it time after time.

To give you an idea, in my case I was raised by my mother to NEVER EVER, EVER hit a woman, NOT EVEN with a rose and was also taught that doing so was VERY disrespectful to ANY WOMAN.

Imagine my surprise when in my late teens while being ridden HARD cowgirl style by my then girlfriend (we were dating about 3 months) all of a sudden she blurs out to me "Hit me!" To which I confusingly said "What?" and she said "HIT ME!". My brain started to go in all kinds of directions trying to understand what she meant and I must of had the most confused look on my face because she then grabbed my hand and slapped herself with it ( while she continued to ride me) at which point I thought "HOLY SHIT! She did ask me to hit her!".

My body wanted to hit her to give her the pleasure that she needed but my mind kept remembering my mother yelling at me as a child after I had hit my sister in a disagreement and she ferociously defended my sister with her "NEVER EVER, EVER hit a woman, NOT EVEN with a rose" line. The struggle I went through with those thoughts in my mind and my body fighting each other for dominance trying to decide whether I should or should not hit her as she had requested was just absolutely MIND BLOWING while at the same time exhilarating.

I just did not know what to do because my mind and body were at a stalemate at which point she repeated herself "HIT ME! It's OK".

I VERY RELUCTANTLY agreed and lightly slapped her face at which point She said to me, "NO, I mean REALLY HIT ME!! Just slap me!!".

As she forcefully told me to "JUST DO IT!" and that it was OK and that SHE really, REALLY LIKED IT , I then was able to remove my "social restraints" and let it rip.

I (as if instinctually) also grabbed her hair at the same time completely taking control over her. When she felt my REAL slap on her face and me grabbing her hair overpowering her, it was like I had RELEASED a wild animal IN HEAT and the harder I slapped her and pulled her hair, the HARDER she rode me. I was completely shocked and appalled at myself not only for the fact that there I was "technically" abusing this woman I loved and she was absolutely LOVING every minute of it.

The worst and BEST PART for me at the same time was that the feeling was absolutely INCOMPREHENSIBLE and AMAZING for me as well. It was like the more I fed her her needs (roughness with her) the more she fed me MY NEEDS (seeing her ABSOLUTELY CRAZY with pleasure as I controlled her) and we became two people feeding each other our sexual energy and needs that eventually ended in us BOTH feeling indescribable.

That day was the day that I discovered in me something that I had ABSOLUTELY NEVER thought I would enjoy doing with a woman in the bedroom and from that moment forward I opened my mind to ANY possibility and promised myself that I would ALWAYS try it first before saying whether I liked it or not.

So to finish it up I can tell you that he'll need more than just a "talk" since you yourself are still discovering your kinky side. He'll need you to show him the "POSSIBILITIES" of what he can feel by guiding him into YOUR WORLD.

I highly recomend the following to help you both and hopefully with this information he will understand what your needs are.

There is a great book called "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism" ( https://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008 ) that will give you a lot of great information not only for yourself but also for him. You can both read it together and learn more about each other which will in turn help you one way or another.

There is also a few BDSM sites out there that you can join to meet like minded people that you can learn from as well. My prefered site is "fetlife.com". It's like a Facebook for kinksters.

Lastly please do keep in mind that there is a slight possibility that this "lifestyle" will be too much for him to handle since some men are VERY intimidated by this so he might not understand it altogether and think that you are crazy/odd/etc. BUT know that you ARE NOT ALONE in your needs and desires, there are a lot more people out there nowadays that are open minded about this and are willing to explore.

If it turns out that he is scared off by it, you can use the OK-Cupid dating site to date people that are in the same spectrum as you are since OKC let's you put it as part of your dating profile. I don't think that there are other dating sites that do it but OKC does. This will help since it'll filter out the "Vanilla " guys and you'll at least know that the people you date on that site will also have similar needs and desires like you.

Hope this helps!!

Good luck and have lots of fun!!

Be prepared: long read ahead.

The exercises I do are based on the premise that thoughts affect emotions which in turn can affect our actions. This is the basis of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and a lot of other therapies that grew out of, or were developed after, CBT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy comes to mind). So if thoughts are the “root” it’s probably a good place to start.

Start writing down the thoughts you have, particularly the negative ones that trouble you. "I'm stupid", "I'm worthless", "No one cares about me" etc… Sometimes it helps to start with an event that troubles you and work backwards from there. An example:

• What was the troubling event? (e.g. my boss yelled at me)
  
• Why is that bad? (e.g. It probably means my work isn't good enough).
  
• And what's bad about that? (e.g. It means I'm not good at my job).
  
• And what does that say about you? (e.g. I'm worthless)
  
  Keep drilling down until you feel what I call a punch in the gut, an internal feeling or sensation that says "yep, this thought feels very real to me". 90% of the time the root thought is something about yourself and can be verbalized in the form of "I AM ___"
  
  Now start challenging each thought in turn. Is this really true? How do I know for sure? Is there some objective measure or have I used a subjective measure? Who said this is true and are they an expert? Is there any evidence that supports this thought? Am I over-looking other evidence that could lead to other conclusions? What other conclusions can I draw? Is this thought true everywhere and all the time?
  
  Look for cognitive distortions in your thoughts. Here’s a helpful PDF with some cognitive distortions.
  
  Here are some free worksheets that describe the process better (which they call ABCD Analysis):
  
  
• Thinking and Feeling
  
• Analysing your Thinking
  
• Changing your Thinking
  
  Here’s a link to a comment I made a while back where I give more links to CBT material. If you're interested.
  
  If you’re happy with the results, you can stop here. However just to add on, I’ve been doing some Mindfulness Meditation & Exercises lately and have also been reading up on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). For those interested in a practical introduction to ACT for the layman check out The Happiness Trap
  
  Anyway, I have personally found it helpful to bring Mindfulness & Acceptance into the ABCD Analysis. When doing the ABCD Analysis there is a strong human tendency to make certain thoughts & emotions "bad" while holding other thoughts & emotions as "good". The problem with using such polar opposite labels is that the natural human tendency is to run away from the "bad" thoughts and chase after the "good" ones. And we do all sorts of things to run from the bad and chase the good: get angry or frustrated when we have a "bad" thought, repeat positive affirmations ad-infinitum, pump ourselves up with motivation, "plow through" with positive thinking etc...
  
  I'm not saying any of this is wrong or ineffective, I'm just speaking from my personal experience: running from the "bad" and chasing the "good" is tiring!
  
  With Mindfulness & Acceptance, I'm seeing that my thoughts have no inherent power or meaning. A thought like "I am a failure" is a bunch of letters on the screen. Or a disembodied voice in my head. Or an image in my imagination. It is the same with any and all thoughts. They have no inherent meaning or power other than what I give them. This also means that I cannot label some as "bad" and others as "good"; only if thoughts had meaning can I do that.
  
  (On a sidenote, The Happiness Trap has some very good exercises to help separate the thought from the meaning we’ve given the thought)
  
  When I'm running from "bad" thoughts and chasing "good" thoughts, I'm doing so because of the inherent meaning I've given them: "bad" thoughts are "bad" while "good" thoughts are "good". Can you see that the meaning I myself gave these thoughts is what's really running my life? (no pun intended)
  
  If all thoughts are empty of power and empty of meaning, they are in a sense "equal". And there is a temptation to say "since they're all equal, it doesn't matter what thoughts I have so I'm going to choose the ones I like". In my opinion, this is still giving meaning to the thoughts because I will likely choose the thoughts I've labeled "good".
  
  So now what? Here is where I pull out my list of life projects that are meaningful to me. If you’ve never spent time thinking about what would make your life worth living I encourage you to start. And write stuff down. Call it your Life Project list, Dream List, Bucket List.... whatever. This is your personal list of goals, milestones, achievements and projects that will leave you fulfilled.
  
  Pick one of your projects, any one of them. Then ask "who do I need to be in order to progress towards this goal by the end of the day?" Then take action and write reminders for yourself if you need it.
  
  As an example, I did the ABCD Analysis this morning and here are the major thoughts:
  
  
• I am an embarrassment
  
  
• I am disgusting
  
  
• I am hated
  
  
• I am prey
  
  The ABCD analysis alone would've been sufficient but applying Mindfulness & Acceptance I chose that I wanted to experience Joy by the end of the day. A life without joy doesn’t sound like much fun to me :)
  
  I build websites for a living and work from home. So I wrote the following on a Post-It and stuck it to my screen where I'm likely to see it:
  
  "What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in ____?"
  
  The blank is for whatever activity I was doing when I saw the Post-It. So it could read:
  
  
• What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in building this website?
  
  
• What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in writing this documentation?
  
  
• What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in typing this Reddit post?
  
  So does all this help? Well, I’m pretty happy this evening. Is this all just a self-fulfilling prophecy or priming? Maybe, I don't really know. But living my life fulfilled is important to me that as long as I'm doing it in accordance with my value, and I'm not hurting anyone in the process, then I think it's a pretty sweet deal.

"Just stop giving a fuck" is something that gets parroted around here quite a bit. It's not bad advice, but it's a bit like telling someone who aspires to be a guitarist to just start learning guitar. It's not wrong, but it's not very useful advice on it's own.

In the context of seduction, not giving a fuck really boils down to not caring about the outcome of a given interaction, or overcoming the fear of rejection. If you think about it, if you didn't fear rejection, picking up women would be a walk in the park.

So yeah, it sounds great, but it's not something you can just decide to start doing on a whim. The fear of rejection is pretty deeply rooted in a lot of guy's minds, and the usual way to get over it is by doing. Going out there, hitting on women, getting rejected, and going through a lot of pain and discomfort.

Another option is to adopt a philosophy at a core level. That is, adopting the core belief that shit like picking up women is insignificant compared to some other big belief you have, be it spiritual or otherwise. For example, believing that your existence is a result of endless random things going perfectly right, and the very fact that you're alive is a god damn fucking miracle. You live your life in fucking AWE, thankful for every moment that you're able to breathe air and live a life. If you adopt this at a core, fundamental level in your mind, you open yourself up to endless joy, bliss, happiness, and you better believe that being rejected by a woman won't faze you in the slightest.

Obviously it takes time to get to that point, but that's essentially the philosophy of Stoicism for you. There are exercises (much like meditation, which in it's own right is extremely useful for not giving a fuck) that will help bring you to that point. If you're interested in the stoic philosophy, I would be happy to recommend some great books. This is seriously life-changing stuff, but it's not something that happens overnight.

Edit: Here are a couple great books to get started with:

• Stoicism And The Art of Happiness
  
  
• A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
  
  I recommend reading those in order (Art of happiness first). It is a fantastic introduction and high-level overview of stoicism and introduces you to some exercises to start adopting the philosophy. A guide to the good life is also a beautiful book, but gives you a lot more history on stoicism, which isn't necessarily required, but it's extremely interesting and gives you a lot more context to the subject material.

Here is some advice with a degree of seriousness.

• Buy a high quality laptop: I bought a budget device only to regret it all the while. The price you pay for a device which is going to be ubiquitous in your college experience is a small one, if you look at the entire cost of college.
  
  
• Really ponder about your major. I can't tell you what a small fraction of students actually know the fundamental nature of their major until well into their coursework. If you can visit campus, they have many many different books which draw up an outline of what exactly you are going to be studying. If you live nearby, try visiting the college and see for yourself the nature of the various departments. Switching majors early into college is easy.
  
  
• Read college advice books. some would disagree here, but I see no reason is repeating the same mistakes made by thousands of college students before them. There are a thousands things that I would change about my college experience, but I did the best I could as I went in completely blind. I would recommend some books to incoming freshmen.
  
  

1. The Freshman Survival Guide
   
   
2. Been There, Should've Done That
   
   
3. Procrastination was my biggest issue in college. It is only now (well after graduation) that I realize the importance of a proper system of productivity. The best book I can recommend is Getting Things Done - by David Allen. This isn't some cheesy, feel good self help book. This a solid methodology to address productivity in everyday life. If you implement the method even to a small degree, you will have an incredible amount of benefit in your college life.
   
   

• Get yourself in shape: The college experience has a lot to do with meeting and interacting with people. Your choice of major is definitely a handicap right from the start. But you can help yourself by keeping yourself in good physical condition. And mind you, fitness is a lot more than just vanity.
  
  
• Familiarize yourself with support systems. This applies when you get to the end of your summer. UIUC is literally filled with hundreds of departments, all of them there to help you. Be it health, academics, housing or anything else, there are people who give valuable advice. Because I went in blind, it took a while for me to find my bearing around all these support systems. The Counseling Center is an excellent resource that every freshman should make use of.
  
  
• Thank your High School teachers: If you are amongst the group of people who had a fulfilling high school experience, make sure to thank those who made it possible. Have lunch with your favourite teacher/coach. Tell them how you are thankful for their contributions. Believe me, my mom's a teacher. It'll mean a lot to them. I know it will be hard for you to understand this, but the predominant majority of your friends from high-school will become irrelevant in you life through college. So make sure you don't forget the people who really matter like family, teachers and community leaders.
  
  
• Learn something different: You'll have the entire 3-4 years to learn things in your major. So take time out to learn new skills, that have nothing to do with your major. Welding, dancing, painting, photography, etc. Exploring interests is something that you won't have time for later on in life. So make best use of it when you can.
  
  
• Finally, relax! College is going to be a blast. An experience you have no idea of at the moment. So there is little point in worrying about it. Don't get all up in your head and worry about the future. You are going to fall, over and over again. But you will also learn how to pick yourself up, and that is what is going to make a real individual out of you.So savour those things which you will soon start to miss. Explore your hometown, eat at your favourite local restaurant, go on a road trip with friends, spend time with family. Enjoy!

Sure, I’d be happy to share.

I’ve only selected courses for semesters 1 & 2 for now. If there’s interest, I can update my list later on.

To give some context, my intention is to specialize in International Trade at the level of small to medium sized business. So while these first couple semesters are pretty standard business fundamentals, in semester 4 you’ll notice I start to choose courses based on developing specific skill sets that are applicable to my objectives.

I’ve ignored several courses which would be important for someone looking to get a complete and well rounded business education, but don’t seem critical for my goals.

Some courses I’ve skipped: Ethics (lol), Information Systems, Project Management, Calculus, Econometrics, Corporate Finance, Political Economics, Cyber Security, Human Resources.

Okay, on to the curriculum...


---

Academic Foundations (Optional Prep Courses)

I am about to embark on a lengthy 1-2yr education so for me it makes sense to brush up on academics skills as force multipliers for my efforts later on. This section is totally optional though and not part of any business school curriculum.

Academic Foundations - Memory & Effective Learning

Courses:

• Learning How to Learn @ UC San Diego or…
  
  
• Mindshift @ McMaster University
  
  Books:
  
  
• The Memory Book - Harry Lorayne, Jerry Lucas
  
  
• The Four Hour Chef - Tim Ferriss
  
  
• How to Read a Book - Mortimer Adler
  
  Other Resources:
  
  
• Anki (spaced repetition software)
  
  

  Academic Foundations - Productivity
  

  
  Books
  
  

• Getting Things Done - David Allen
  
  Other Resources:
  
  
• Pomodoro Technique
  
• How To Read A Book In A Single Day (short article w/ actionable speed reading tips)
  
  

  Academic Foundations - Writing
  

  Book
  
  

• Elements Of Style - Strunk & White
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 1
  

  
  

  Business 101
  

• Business Foundations @ UBC
  
  

  Math - Algebra
  

• Kahn Academy Math Tutorials
  
• Maths Essentials for MBA Success @ Imperial College London
  
  

  Accounting
  

  
  

• Financial Accounting Made Fun @ Babson
  
• The prof has had a long and impressive career and he truly does make the subject more engaging through telling the story of a fictional business in little movies
  
  
• Alternative 1: Accounting: Principles of Financial Accounting @ IESE Business School
  
• The prof is engaging and likeable and also teaches through the story of a fictional business. I like this one too.
  
  
• Alternative 2: Introduction to Financial Accounting @ Wharton
  
• This seems to be the most comprehensive of the accounting courses but not as engaging. I figured a more comprehensive course is not going to benefit me if my enthusiasm and retention of information suffers so I skipped this one. If you are naturally smarter than me or have a longer attention span, this is probably the best introduction to accounting course for you.
  
  

  MicroEconomics
  

• [Principles of Microeconomics @ MIT] (https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/economics/14-01sc-principles-of-microeconomics-fall-2011/)
  
• This introductory microeconomics class is one of the most popular that MIT has made available, and is taught by Prof. Jonathan Gruber. He’s been teaching there for 20 years and is an extremely prominent economist who helped design Massachusetts’ groundbreaking health-care reform.
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 2
  

  
  

  Marketing
  

• An Introduction To Marketing @ Wharton
  
• Taught by three of Wharton's top faculty in the marketing department, consistently ranked as the #1 marketing department in the world, this course covers three core topics in customer loyalty: branding, customer centricity, and practical, go-to-market strategies.
  
  

  MacroEconomics
  

• Principles of Macroeconomics @ MIT
  
  

  Finance
  

• Finance for Everyone: Smart Tools for Decision-Making @ MIT
  
• Not sure this course is going to be sufficient for business school but I really wanted to learn from Prof. Gautam Kaul and since his Introduction To Finance course seems to have been discontinued at Coursera I am going to roll the dice on this one. Look for something else if you want to make sure you’re prepared with a solid finance background for business.
  
  

  Math - Statistics
  

• Analytics For Decision Making @ Babson
  
• I chose Statistics instead of Calculus after watching this TED talk and reading this article
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 3
  

  
  

  Operations Management
  

  
  

  Supply Chain Management
  

  
  

  International Business
  

  
  

  Game Theory
  

• Game Theory @ Yale
  
  

  Strategic Thinking/Decision Making
  

• Effective Problem-Solving and Decision-Making @ UC Irvine
  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 4
  

  E-commerce
  

  
  

  Product Design
  

  
  

  Opportunities in Developing Economies
  

  
  

  Management/Leadership
  

  
  ---
  
  

  Semester 5
  

  Negotiations
  

  
  

  Entrepreneurship
  

  
  

  Global Supply Chain Management
  

  
  

  Pricing
  

  
  

  International Business Law
  

  
  

Okay so check out www.trello.com - it's free and it's a great way to organize projects.

It utilizes the ideas behind the "kanban" system (which is basically a large board with columns and tasks in each column that is put up at an office so the entire place can see which things need to be done, which things are in progress, and which things have been completed). Kanban itself is great at limiting your amounts of works-in-progress so your brain isn't so scattered.

Trello takes that idea of a system, makes it more flexible, since you can have different "boards" which contain "stacks" of "cards." (Obviously all digital but based on the real life physical versions, with more power.)

You can open the card, add a description, add attachments, add checklists, label the card, give the cards due dates, assign cards to people (even your spouse if you're trying to move or plan a vacation), comment on things, and basically get EVERYONE on the same page of a project without a bunch of that back and forth between emails, phone calls, and not knowing who is doing what. Here's a blog post on how to manage a move with trello with your SO, as an example.

The cards can also be moved from stack to stack, so it can go from to do, doing, and then done - or you can name the stacks whatever you need based on the project. (Like if you want just a stack of some ideas to go through for a project before putting it on a "to-do" stack. But all stacks can be named and renamed, so you're never stuck.)

There are options that you can turn on if you need them, such as card aging (see how long a card has been on a project), or even voting on a card (like you have a list of vacation ideas for your family, you can have them vote on the place they'd like to go, or even vote on the places that everyone wants to see during the vacation for prioritizing.)

It's simple to use but it has SO many options for how to use it. It really depends on what you need! You can also sort boards into different organizations, so I've got one for my photography business, one for my blog, one for my hubby and I, one for a large creative project I'm working on that is it's own organization, one for my friend's business that I'm helping her with, one for all my websites and graphics work, and so on. Each organization has various boards, so for my websites and graphics work, I've got a different board for each website/project that needs to be worked on.

Heck even for personal stuff, I've got a board dedicated to reading more so I have a list of books I want to read, which one I'm currently reading, which one I'm completing. Or a board for GIFs - one stack for all the movies I want to make into gifs. From there I pick one, make a stack for the individual movie, and then keep track of the bits of gif I want to make.

Okay so for this project with my boss, I'm making a website for our company. It involves LOTS of content, and a big problem was messaging back and forth to figure out which pictures she had sent me and which things she needs to send me.

Originally, I'd have to individually go through it by my email and find all of them, and even then the pictures are all labels like abc1.jpg abc2.jpg for example, so not really well organized. This system, we have a card for each section that requires unique pictures, and so she uploads all those specific pictures to the card. If a picture is too small or there's something weird with it, I can comment on it. If there is something with the pictures group she wants changed, she'll add it to the card's checklist. This way, we both know what we have and what is needed without a bazillion back and forth emails/ims/phone calls as it is smack-dab-visual-in-your-face.

OKAY that is my epic speech about Trello. It's my homebase for projects. Since I'm using the "getting things done" system for emptying my brain out, my process is this - use Google now on my android and say "okay google, note to self - do such and such and such" - and I use toodledo for my uber-to-do-list for optimal brain emptying (GTD is about having a "mind like water" - the guy's motto is "your brain is for creating ideas, not storing them" and so you get EVERYTHING out of there that you're wanting to do, and I mean literally EVERYTHING so it's not eating up your mental ram).

The "note to self" function on google now is amazing because it makes my process even quicker now - the first time you use it, it allows you to pick an app that you want to place the idea at. So all of my ideas go into toodledo, then I do a weekly review to sort them into folders and etc. Then I pick a few things from each folder and put it on my "on dock" Trello board - which things I'd like to get done as part of my "daily seven" and then move one item at a time to "currently working on" - so I'm much more focused (even when I'm not, I can come back to focus on what I'm working on instead of OMG HERE ARE ALL FIVEHUNDREDBILLION THINGS I WANT TO DO WHICH ONE AHHHHH.) So... thems my productivity secrets. :D

PS: If you're the type who has lots of brain power and have lots you want to do/accomplish, I also highly recommend reading "getting things done" - it's like $10 and it's great. I think it's pretty adaptable to, based on who you are - a lot of business people do it, but I'm a creative and a business person, so I use it for my "stuff to get done" but I also use it to store ALL of my creative ideas for photo/graphics projects I might want to do, so if I come up with brilliance, I can just store it in toodledo for later. :D

Just by making this post you have already taken the first step. I wish I could have recognized everything you posted at your age. I was pretty much the same, playing halo 3 and cod 4 and never really studying for tests. I got a decent grade on my SAT and got into an okay state school. But if I had the habits I have now when I was a sophomore I honestly could have gotten into an ivy or a top tier school. It's no use looking to the past in regret, because if I didn't do so poorly early on, I might have never decided to change my life for the better.


So you have this desire to improve yourself but you have to make this a burning desire. You have to really, really want to be the best version of yourself. Otherwise you will dabble in changing your life for a week but end up going back to your old habits. Close your eyes and visualize yourself being ranked in the top ten of your class academically. Visualize your self getting into an ivy, reading the classics, and becoming a great programmer. Really feel how good this things will be. See your parents proud of you and your friends awestruck. It's important to do this as it makes you release those feel good endorphin's. These endorphin's will override your feelings of apathy and laziness.

So now moving on to practical things in no specific order:

• Watch these series of lectures: harvard positive psychology
  
  
• Get a journal and write down your specific goals. BY HAND. Don't type this up.
  
  
• Read up on mindfulness
  
  
• Workout
  
  
• Sleep 9 hours a night. Don't be up playing video games all night, don't use your tv, laptop, or cell phone 2 hours before bed. Take this time to read. When you regularly sleep 9 hours a night your mind becomes clear and your body fresh.
  
  
• For video games, limit the time you spend on them to no more than an hour a day. If it doesn't work then try cutting them out completely. It is often easier to remove a negative habit than attempt to moderate it. When you get the urge to play them do another pleasurable activity. Workout, talk to girls, read a book.. etc
  
  *I read this article: read to lead and have devoured books ever since. I usually read a 2:1 nonfiction to fiction ratio. Start with harry potter and work your way up lol.
  
  
• School wise nothing helped more than cal new ports book
  
  
• A lot of the things in the book may seem really obvious to a person who already has good habits. But I wasn't one of those guys. Once I applied his organizational strategies, my GPA went from a 2.9 to a 3.7 a semester later.
  
  
• For programming head over to r/learnprogramming and they'll help you out. It's important not to get paralyzed with all the information. Don't get caught up with all the different options. Just pick a language (i'd go python) and start learning it.
  
  Keep in mind that all the resources are out there waiting for you to use them. This is actually the easy part. The knowledge has always been out there. Applying this knowledge daily is what will change your life. View your mind as a muscle and every time you don't play videogames, you are strengthening it. Every time you finish and entire book you are strengthening it.

>when I move onto the next chunk either the next day or the next hour as I'm learning the new content the old fades away

It's important to apply different learning techniques to different types of material. You can't effectively study literature in the same way you study math. Figuring out which strategies work best for different topics, specifically for you, is a trial-and-error process. Others might be able to provide more specific insights, but I would also suggest trying to integrate new material into your existing knowledge. Rote memorization is sometimes necessary, but you'll never retain information learned through that method unless you find a way to add significance to it.

In some subjects, this process might occur almost effortlessly. When studying history, for example, learning new information that (perhaps subtly) changes the way you view the world allows you to apply your knowledge without much conscious effort. Other subjects, like math, may require more deliberate effort (i.e. consistent practice) before new knowledge is fully integrated into your existing understanding of the subject. You'll need to figure out what specific efforts you need to make in order to successfully apply and integrate new knowledge in different subjects.

You won't remember things that aren't significant to you, for the most part, so figuring out how to make information matter, at some level, is helpful. I don't mean that everything you learn has to be life-changing, but you should try to find a way to make new material seem at least mildly interesting (this often occurs naturally as you start to really understand the material). It's even better if you can make it useful in some way. Rote memorization might work for a test the next day, but you won't remember that material in the long run unless you're able to integrate it into your existing knowledge and apply it in some way.

>And on the topic of developing my comfort of less "immediately-rewarding tasks" how would I even do that?

As someone else mentioned, part of the challenge here may be (at least superficially) dopamine-related. I'm not diagnosing you with ADHD - what I'm referring to is our modern (technological) world of instant gratification. Video games, reddit, TV (news channels, commercials, short video clips in general), and even food (fast food + pre-made microwavable meals) help to condition us away from tasks that require sustained effort (like studying) without providing immediate and rewarding feedback.

To become more comfortable performing tasks like those, you have to both make the tasks easier (i.e. take regular breaks, use the most efficient methods for each specific task, etc.) and decrease your need for instant gratification. In regard to the latter recommendation, I would suggest limiting instantly-gratifying activity, in general, and confining it to specific places and times. You need to make instant gratification the exception, not the rule. You don't need to give up video games, but plan time for playing video games like you plan study sessions. A big part of doing that successfully lies in reducing temptation, examples of which could include not studying next to where you game or keeping your phone (and reddit) out of site while studying.

Hope that helps. There's a lot of information on learning strategies out there, but it can be hard to find and dissect. I've heard good things about Cal Newport's book on studying, so that's an additional resource you could check out if it interests you.

Unpaid internships are essentially slave labor, or at least indentured servitude. That's a terrible idea.

I'm not sure what you would describe as your dreams, so I'll give you a possible alternative track for a possible set of goals that may or may not coincide with yours.

Let's say your goal is to get a well paying job and have a reasonably deep understanding of physics. Perhaps you'd also like that job to be intellectually stimulating. Here's a rough outline of what you could do to accomplish that:

-------------------------------------------
Before college

You're in 7th grade. First step, use this collection of links on efficient study habits to destroy and master your school work (check out Anki, too). At minimum, treat school like a day job. (Hopefully you'll have great teachers that teach you a love of learning and a value for a well-rounded educational base that includes the sciences, arts, and humanities.) Do all the exercises from Khan Academy from the beginning to fill any gaps in your knowledge and use sites like PatrickJMT, Paul's Online Math Notes, BetterExplained, and MIT OCW Scholar to supplement school and KA. Also, read these two books.

Once you've got school under control and are getting the most of what's available to you through that avenue, use the Art of Problem Solving Books to get a vastly deeper understanding of precollege mathematics. I'd say it should be a higher priority than learning calculus early in terms of ROI, but you can learn it if you want to.

See if you can find a group near you to train for a Math Olympiad or similar competition (like the ones listed on AoPS). Aim for the gold, but realize that it's unlikely and the real prize is how the training will bring up your mathematical maturity so you can tackle evermore challenging problems, concepts, and subjects.

Also, use sites like Coursera, edx, and Udacity to teach yourself programming. Once you've got a reasonable handle on programming, check out a site like Topcoder and maybe try to compete in the Coding Olympiad. Also, mess around with a Raspberry Pi.

You could also check out any big research universities or even decent state schools in your area. They often have youth outreach like summer camps for kids who love math to come and learn things not usually taught in schools. You could also see if there are any researchers willing to take on a hard working and science-loving high school student for a research project (this is how most of the winners of Intel science competitions get their start).

------------------------------------------------------
College (Undergrad)

If you've done the first paragraph of the previous section alone, you should be able to get into any top 20 program in the country without any trouble. Chances are you'll be competitive for most Ivies and top 10 programs. Do any of the stuff beyond the first paragraph, and you'll be a shoe-in with a huge advantage over the overwhelming majority of college applicants in the country. The link about scholarships in my earlier comment will guarantee that you get a free ride. Also, read this book.

So now you want job security and financial security. Any sort of engineering would do, but I think you'd be more interested in computer science so let's say you do that and double major in physics.

Every summer you do paid internships for CS at various software firms for work experience. This will be the best way to make sure you are extremely hireable after graduation for lucrative positions with interesting work as a software engineer. That's Plan B.

For physics, you find a lab that does interesting work and start doing undergraduate research. You might change labs a few times to find a better fit. You might stick with the first one until graduation. Doesn't really matter as long as you gain real research experience.

You also study your ass of for the Physics GRE from your first semester. A few hours per week you do problems from old tests from subjects as you learn them. As in, do mechanics problems your first semester, do mechanics and E&M problems your second semester, do mechanics and E&M and thermo and optics problems your third semester, etc. (This may be different depending on how your school organizes its physics curriculum.)

You talk to your advisors and grad students and fellow students and professors about applying to grants and graduate school. They'll be able to give you actual advice tailored to your situation.

Either in the spring of your junior year or the fall of your senior year, you take the GREs and apply to graduate programs in areas that interest you and apply to grants to fund you and wait for the offers to return. Assuming you've followed my advice, at least some of them will contain acceptance letters with details of stipends. More than likely all the acceptance letters will include stipends you can live off of.

If you just get rejected, you'll at least have a BS-worth of physics knowledge and have experienced real research and can go off and enjoy your well-paid life solving interesting problems as a software engineer.

Or you can try and get a job at a national lab somewhere putting your physics background and programming chops to work and just apply again another year while saving up more money.

And all of this was debt free because you had the forsight in high school to apply to hundreds of scholarships.

------------------------------

Also, read this thread on what it takes to kick ass at MIT. The post and the ensuing discussion should drive home what you could train yourself to become. (I think the reply by the twin is particularly enlightening.)

You can either shoot for the stars and hit the moon, or you can read magazine articles about gravity on the moon.

I had kind of a hard time thinking about a response I felt good about. Below are resources roughly sequenced as "stages". All the resources are within or related to the Theravada tradition. I tried to keep everything free. When a preferred resource is not free, I include a free alternative. Buddhism is very much a practice, so when instructions are given put them into practice the best you can. There is also a need to understand why you are practicing, so there is a need to understand Buddhist theory. Some of these resources might not be seem immediately applicable to you, which is fine, just think of it as being similar to reviewing a map before going on the hike. This small collection of selected resources may seem overwhelming, but learning the dhamma is a long process, so there is no hurry to read or listen to everything. It is like walking through mist, you don't necessarily notice getting wet. I just want to reiterate that practicing is very important. Buddhism is about doing, and to lesser degree about acquiring book knowledge. One caution, I put several different meditation styles below; go a head and experiment with them, but figure out which one fits you best and stick with it for a while. If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer skillfully. Remember that persistence will bring rewards. Good luck.

Books:

"Stage 1"

With Each & Every Breath: A Guide to Meditation by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana [not free] (Free older version)

Noble Strategy by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

The Buddha’s Teachings: An Introduction by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

"Stage 2"

In the Buddha's Words: An Anthology of Discourses from the Pali Canon edited by Bhikkhu Bodhi [not free] (A free "clone" can be found at www.suttacentral.net. It has all of the introductions Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote, but uses free translations of the suttas)

The Dhammapada: A New Translation of the Buddhist Classic with Annotations translated by Gil Fronsdal [not free] (A free and reliable translation of the Dhammapada by Anandajoti Bhikkhu)

"Stage 3"

The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikaya translated by Bhikkhu Nanamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi [not free] (Free translations of all of the Majjhima Nikaya suttas can be found at www.suttacentral.net. Thanissaro Bhikkhu has translated a free anthology of the Majjhima Nikaya called Handful of Leaves, Volume II: an Anthology from the Majjhima Nikaya)

The Wings to Awakening: An Anthology from the Pali Canon by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Talks:

"Stage 1"

Introduction to Meditation is an audio course by Gil Fronsdal.

Basics is collection of talks by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

The Buddha's Teaching As It Is: An Introductory Course is a series of talks by Bhikkhu Bodhi

Eightfold Path Program is a series of talks by Gil Fronsdal.

Four Noble Truths is a series by Gil Fronsdal and Andrea Fella.

"Stage 2"

Don't eat your fingers. Seriously though, just listen to talks and get a better feel for the dharma.

"Stage 3"

Seven Factors of Awakening is a series of talks by Gil Fronsdal.

A Systematic Study of the Majjhima Nikaya by Bhikkhu Bodhi

Resources:(There are a huge number of great resource. Below are the ones I frequent or have frequented)

Texts: www.suttacentral.net, www.accesstoinsight.org, www.buddhanet.net, www.dhammatalks.org, www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net

Talks: www.dharmaseed.org (huge variety of teachers have talks here), www.dhammatalks.org (Thanissaro Bhikkhu has a huge catalog of talks. He has a straight forward style.), www.audiodharma.org (Gil Fronsdal has very accessible teaching style. He presents the dharma in an almost secular way, but doesn't doesn't diminish it in the process.)

Video: Buddhist Society of Western Australia (Ajahn Brahm is a much loved and accessible teacher), Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu (Yuttadhammo Bhikkhu has a very calm demeanor, and does live Q&A regularly, StudentofthePath (Bhikkhu Jayasara is a recently ordained monk and is an active redditor, u/Bhikkhu_Jayasara), Dhammanet (Bhikkhu Sujato has "loose" and friendly teaching style, but is a serious scholar.)

Tldr: stop comparing, create your own path and be your actualized self.

you need stop comparing. True humanity is being humane. Nothing more. All those things you just listed are things people do to get some satisfaction and in the process we have made them ideals and therefore unreachable standards. Just think about how much ads we see a day, how we are trying to impress the others to look above average. The classical ideals of fame and fortune are utopian.

The thing to realize is that 90% of all humans are average in every aspect, 5 % exceeds expectations and meets the actual standards, the other 5 % is below average and don't have that great odds to get a more humane live. I am talking about genetics here, not about external factors like culture and location. This is evolution.

Where others don't have adhd, the chances are pretty high that they lack in other areas, think handicaps or other health issues or anything that one can hinder in being his true self.

I believe we need be proud to be average this makes us humble and thankfull for that wich we do have. Even the smallest things like seeing or thinking.
It can be hard to strive to those standards we are always trying to reach, for if not those ideals what else has meaning in life?

A tree. A tree is a tree, and nothing more. A bird is a bird nothing more. A amoeba is a amoeba. That's how nature works. Humankind is the only species among with a few other primates that strives to change its self into something else, something more. Why? Why should we do that? No one ever got happy from it and only suffered and made others suffer. That's what's most sports and war is all about.

So I say let us practice the 'modern' stoic way. Don't say I am in it to win it. But internalize your goals. Make it. I am Going to try to do my best. And what is your best? That's being the truest form of your self. See the difference? When you are in it to win it your serenity depends on something you don't control. It's better to put it somewhere you do have control over, like your expectations. Your own personal standards.

Humanity is being human. And you are you. So stand in it. Practice your actual self. With your abilities and disabilities. As is. Accept that. Do not compare it against society. Think of it like you are the only one on earth. How would you feel about your actual self if this was the case?

This is not something I figured out my self but the ancient Greeks and Roman's already lived this way thousands of years under the movement of stoicism.

I mainly got these techniques and thoughts out of this book wich I really recommend, it's a bit though but if are interested in the history is a good read else you can skip to part 2 or 3 of the book the guide to the good life - the ancient art of stoic joy by William Irvine

An other more modern take on certain aspects of stoicism is the subtle art of not Giving a fuck - an counterintuitive approach of living a good life

Note: self help books only help if you are open to them and want to read them, not if you are urged by an external peer to read them

especially for people with adhd these really help and give some solid techniques on how to handle life. It made me so much more confident in my self. From being a shy r/niceguys pushover to an independent man who knows how to love himself and not get upset by daily life. All the while being actually happy, content and innerly calm and serene.

Don't worry I got a million answers.

First 3 months were spent with frustration for lack of results, and not doing it properly. The following 3 months were spent finding my groove, staying consistent, and staying consistent. I'm quoting myself from /r/ADHD months back, at the challenges I faced during my learning process but here is what I said basically:

Have you ever heard of Om Mani Padme Hum?

It can't be translated into a simple phrase or sentence because it varies in English. But the general phrase is:

>"Behold! The jewel in the lotus!"

When meditating, I repeat this mantra over and over again, but overtime I progressively slow down between each word till my brain completely goes quiet. It's a great technique to use if you have a lot of racing thoughts, distractions, especially in your case the eye movement. I'm just fascinated with the entire history of meditation and its origins which has led me to understanding and appreciating this mantra. I know it sounds like hippy bullshit and even I was skeptical of course, but you don't have to believe in the Buddhist philosophy behind the mantra to gain its benefits. In fact, it doesn't matter what the words in the mantra even are. You can recite the recipe for sushi if you want. It's the repetition:

rice fish wasabi rice fish wasabi.

All you're doing is repeating the same tone repeatedly and over time your brain gets tired to the point where you notice your thoughts begin to slow down. You follow up with this by pausing momentarily between the words, a few seconds and maybe up to a minute between the words. The ultimate goal of course is utter and complete silence in your brain, which may take years to accomplish And yes, this process is slow. I've been meditating for a little over a year and it's been a long and arduous process because naturally I'm not consistent with meditation and sticking with it, but I have definitely noticed insight and introspection within myself. I notice I'm patient with individuals and I'm significantly calmer. And dare I say, I'm even happy sometimes. All I'm doing is literally sitting fucking still for 10 minutes a day thinking about jack shit.

I can only speak from my experience, so take this anecdotally. But meditation is perhaps the best thing for my adhd brain. It calms my thoughts, gives me clarity, and most importantly it tackles of the other co-morbid issues that plague my life. But you have to remember, your brain is just like any other muscle, you don't go to the gym one week and expect to get muscular; it takes discipline, consistency, and time to accomplish. But don't take my word for it, studies are already showing how meditation:

• increases brain matter,
  
  
• treats anxiety and depression,
  
  
• And because I love creativity there's a great TED talk discussing how meditating actually improves that as well.
  
  
• Look up Eckhart Tolle - The Power of Now. It's even on audio book whch is what I used, and trust me the audio version is way better for ADHD'ers who hate reading. I might have to listen up on it again to refresh my memory, but I highly recommend that if you want to truly learn more.
  
  I highly encourage for you to learn as much as you can before you get started. I was extremely dismissive and cynical at meditation in the beginning, but it wasn't until after I exhausted every option I had left from therapy and medication, before I decided that I'd give it a shot. Cuz hey, what else did I have to lose.
  
  
  

It's just a dream tracker and a dream diary. I keep two different "collections" as bullet journal calls it. A collection (or page) starts as just an open two page spread in your journal. Start on the left side, add a title at the top and start writing. And the cool part is you reserve the first two to four pages of the journal as a topic page or table of contents. Then go and put a note on the T.O.C. page at the front of the journal so you can remember what page it's on. For your collection if you need more pages than that, you just go to the next blank open two pages and add those page numbers next to the topic on the index page. It's really easy and as an organizational system you can apply it to anything you're trying to keep track of.

You don't have to buy that specific journal BTW, admittedly it's kind of expensive ($24 US) but it's really nice quality plus it has the instructions/guide to how to use it in the back. But you can grab any old journal lying around the house and watch their YouTube videos to get the strategy.

So the first collection (page, spread, whatever you want to call it) is just titled "Dream Journal" at the top. Write today's date and quick notes on what the dream was about. I'm much more minimal than the fancy handwriting and elaboration example here. But I'm kind of OCD when it comes to lists and things. It helps me get it out of my head and relax but still be able to remember important details if I want to review them again later.

The second one to start is a "Lucid Dream Log" or tracker or whatever you want to call it. Start another two page spread. Make a straight list of the dates of the month down the left side of the page. It's also helpful to write the first letter of the day of the week just on the left or right side of the numbers. Sundays and Mondays I'm always thinking about work so it rarely happens then. Those kinds of things are helpful to notice so you don't get stressed out about it not happening "every day" possible. And I mark an X if I had one and next to it what reality checked worked. I have shorthand for my common ones, otherwise I write it out if something new happened and I that helps me remember it to see if that will work again. Usually it doesn't but hey. It helped me discover I can recognize a dream just by it being a strange scenario. For example looking at my hands never worked. But situations/context and the "this is so odd" feeling help me snap to.

If you've noticed other areas of your life or routine that either positively or negative affect your L.D. ability you can add a tracker for that. Kind of silly but say spicy food helps. You can start another two page spread, add the title to the T.O.C. and write another list of the days of the month down the left side, add the letter of the days of the week. Then add a column for "ate spicy food". Add any other columns that might also apply like gym, running, meditate, PMR, and put an x in that column when you do it. You can create an "avoid" tracker for positive reinforcement as well. Like heavy foods or alcohol are good to avoid in my opinion. They both inhibit remembering dreams and make falling right into a hard sleep a problem. So if you have a drink on Friday don't beat yourself up if you don't LD that night or even the next. Same thing if you eat a whole pizza (which I have done many times). Habit trackers are really easy and helpful in the BuJo (bullet journal, aka bullet points, aka fast journaling) system.

Even just doing the journaling and thinking about dreaming kind of makes it more accessible and vivid. If you haven't already read any books on the subject check out ones like Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming. Anything that is interesting and keeps your mind on it in an entertaining, fun, lighthearted way. Hope this helps! That was kind of a lot... :(

I think a lot of people believe that your intelligence is whatever it is, and that you can't change it. I think those people are wrong and probably don't deserve whatever intellectual spark they were gifted with. That said, let's review what you want to learn.

Super fast with math
Amazing with:
spelling
grammar
and large words

Great at deciphering puzzles
winning board games like:
scrabble
chess

I'm going to go the boring route and cite a book I haven't read myself: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell (http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930). There's a much-used quote in it that says to become an expert at anything, do it for 10,000 hours. At least I think there is. To save both you and I the trouble of propagating bullshit we haven't read, we'll pull a quote from the study the book was based on off the internet:

"Our research shows that even the most gifted performers need a minimum of ten years (or 10,000 hours) of intense training before they win international competitions. In some fields the apprenticeship is longer: It now takes most elite musicians 15 to 25 years of steady practice, on average, before they succeed at the international level." (https://hbr.org/2007/07/the-making-of-an-expert)

So I think it's important that you understand that no one makes a 10,000 hour slog through anything without loving it first. So either find a reason to love the activities you mentioned above or move on to find others you will.

Now I'm going to get really anecdotal with you. I'm not a genius, but I love puzzles and puzzle games, I played chess as a child and used to be pretty good (it's been years now, however) but I generally love finding new puzzles and writing mental algorithms to solve them. This is very relaxing for me; when I am troubled or stressed, I often find myself doing minor arithmetic in my head because it calms me down and helps me feel like I'm imposing order on the world. Which sounds creepy now that I've typed it out.

There are plenty of videos on Youtube about fast calculation tricks (http://www.glad2teach.co.uk/fast_maths_calculation_tricks.htm). I've found that playing with numbers in your head (I frequently look at license plates and phone numbers and create math problems from them) makes you begin to understand the relationships between numbers. I think a lot about factoring numbers in to primes-- in fact, think about what you think about right now. If you want to do math quickly in your head, you're probably going to need to switch what you're thinking about to math.

Being good with grammar and spelling and words is actually easier, by comparison. Just read, all the time. The longer you read, the more you read, the more grammar will simply write itself on your neurons. You'll get used to seeing the words, and you'll recall them, and how they fit together. Again, love these things, or find a reason to love them.

Chess is its own deep well. Scrabble likely is, too, and probably well beyond just knowing big words. I spent many hours in a library as a kid trying to read and understand chess move notation but never being willing to read through it and trace the moves on the board so it would become natural in my head to imagine where pieces were being placed.

I think that's kind of the guts of the problem; if you want expertise or genius or whatever you call it, you have to start from a deep love of the thing you are pursuing. That love will drive you to read and learn and think about the things you love, which will in turn drive you deeper in to those things.

It's important that you approach this measuredly; if you hate what you're doing, you'll stop. If what you're reading is boring, you'll stop. Always try to find what's interesting about it to you, and stick to it. Day in and day out, just keep doing these things and loving them and you'll make it through.

The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.

Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.

Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:

• Philosphize This! podcast. Start with episode 1 and just listen all the way through. It's great and he even mentions Mormonism a few times.
  
  
• The Power of Now by Tolle.
  
  
• The Happiness Trap by Harris.
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  
  
• Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  
  
• The Alchemist by Coelho.
  
  
• A New Earth by Tolle.
  
  
• A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  
  
• What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.
  
  If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:
  
  
• Start with this easy article for a nice overview. The rest of this blog can be helpful, too. For example, here's a great recent article.
  
  
• This book. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.
  
  
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The Audible version of this is really good, too, if you have a daily commute, etc.
  
   
  
  Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!

Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.

I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.

Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:

• Start with this easy article for a nice overview. Then continue to read other articles on the How to be a Stoic blog. It's a great resource.
  
  
• I'd recommend this book as well. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.
  
  
• Finally, you should also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I have an audio version from Audible that's excellent and I enjoyed listening to it much more than reading it, but there are free copies all over the place to download and read in Kindle if you just Google it.
  
  Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:
  
  
• The Power of Now by Tolle.
  
  
• The Happiness Trap by Harris.
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  
  
• Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  
  
• The Alchemist by Coelho.
  
  
• A New Earth by Tolle.
  
  
• A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  
  
• What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.
  
  All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!
  
  
  

Read Malcom Gladwell's book, Outliers: The Story of Success.

Basically, he argues that people who are truly, exceptionally great musicians, artists, athletes, scientists, businesspeople, get there through three factors:

• Talent — Some people are just naturally predisposed toward intelligence, or creativity, or physical strength, or whatever. John Lennon and Paul McCartney were both extremely talented songwriters and musicians, and were likely born with innately creative minds.
  
  
• Opportunity — Some people are just in the right place at the right time, or are given certain advantages in life, like being born into a wealthy family, or growing up in a city with access to certain facilities or equipment or populations, etc. Let's be honest, Ringo Starr isn't the best drummer or singer in the world, but he was in the right place at the right time when John, Paul, and George needed a replacement drummer after Pete Best got kicked out of the band.
  
  
• Effort — Gladwell repeatedly references "The 10,000 rule," meaning most "experts" in a particular skill or field have put in at least ten thousand hours on the thing that they're good at. Before making it big, the Beatles spent 4 years performing small, live shows in Hamburg, Germany, over 1,200 times from 1960 to 1964, plus countless hours of practice between shows.
  
  All three factors are important, none of them exist in a vacuum, and none of them are guarantees of success. There were thousands of four-piece rock bands in the 60s, there were plenty of extremely talented singers and musicians, and plenty of bands played thousands of hours in garages and bars. Only a tiny handful of them ever became stars, and only one of them became the Beatles.
  
  *****
  
  But aside from the factors behind success, are you planning on playing guitar, or Street Fighter, or Magic the Gathering professionally? Or do you do those things because you enjoy them? If you're having fun doing things you love, what does it matter if you're the best at any one thing? There's something to be said for being well-rounded and having a variety of interests and skills.
  
  Not many people play games for a living, and not many musicians can pay the bills with their guitar. My advice? Find a profession you don't hate that pays well and isn't going to be automated out of existence in the next twenty years, get the education and training you need to succeed at that profession, and put in the time to make a career.
  
  Keep playing the guitar and fighting games and card games, and you'll naturally get better at those things. But don't base your happiness and self-worth on whether or not you're the best.

The aspects of Buddhism that worked the most for me were about mindfulness and meditation. I am not a Buddhist, but do enjoy the philosophical aspects.

Mindfulness is simply about living in the moment and appreciating every moment. Do not worry or think too much on the past or the future. For example, if you're eating an apple. Concentrate on the apple. Its taste, texture, the crunch. Do not eat the apple and worry over the details at work or a relationship you're in. Simply, concentrate on the apple.

This is a simple approach to life with huge rewards. Life becomes more satisfying, the more you let go of worrying about the future or the past. All aspects of life become more enjoyable, assuming they are moments meant to be enjoyed. You become more present in whatever you're doing. At work, you pay better attention and have increased focus. At play, you will have more fun. It is easier to become content with life and stop worrying about what you do not have or have not achieved.

If interested, there are books you can read which will help develop mindfulness.

Buddha in Blue Jeans: An extremenly short simple Zen guide to sitting quietly and being Buddha by Tai Sheridan

This is the Kindle version and free of charge. Tai Sheridan advocates for people spending 5-10 minutes just pondering and relaxing / reflecting. The book is full of little sayings for us to reflect on to create more awareness of our own lives and appreciation of life.

Tai Sheridan is a Zen priest and poet. He has a series of books titled Budda In Blue Jeans which are about an appreciation of life. You do not need to be Buddhist to read or appreciate these books. I have looked at some and find them to be books that encourage introspection and self-reflection.

Another book that addresses mindfulness is:

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

The Power of Now can be somewhat inaccessible to people. I find the book very rewarding to read. However, the book becomes more understandable if you have experience with meditation or intend to begin meditating. Eckhart talks about quieting our minds and learning how to control the mental chatter which is constantly running through our minds. The more we learn how to control our minds (meditation helps here), the more mindful we can become, and live in the moment.

If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me.

Hi, first some background. I am currently in the hell process of getting my first industry job. Keep getting interviews/test but so far I haven’t gotten a job yet...though it’s only been two months since I finally started to apply haha. I originally applied for RISD MICA MCAD SVA Art Center and CalArts and I got accepted into all of them besides CalArts, which I got waitlisted for. Every school I got into offered me scholarships but once I factored in living/food I still couldn’t afford it. So I swallowed my pride and went to community college for a few years then besides reapplying to art schools I decided to make a hour and a half commute every few days to take classes at Concept Design Academy, Which I’m still currently doing. My original plan was to go to Calstate Long Beach or Cal State Fullerton, both have really good animation programs but I could live with my family while I went.


I’m so happy I didn’t go to a traditional art school. I was about to reapply when one of my friends who now works at Dreamworks told me to just do Concept Design instead. I trusted her opinion since she went to SVA and graduated and ended up not having the exact skills she needed for employment and she was super in debt.

I’d say it’s 50/50 with people I know that attended college and currently work in the industry, other half did what I am doing/didn’t get any higher education, some of my closest friends are currently attending SVA. I’m going to be honest most think it’s useless and wishes they went to a state school with a good art program rather than SVA or did what I ended up doing.

If you really want to work in TV/Movie animation look into Concept Design Academy in Pasadena CA or CGMA online or something similar. If you are dead set getting a degree I’d recommend looking into state schools. Art school isn’t worth the debt. If you have to take on all the loans yourself it’s not worth it it will destroy your credit forever and you won’t be able to move where the industry is.

This is about art center(where I originally got accepted and planned on going too) but all my SVA/MICA/RISD friends have similar experiences

http://ghostbri.tumblr.com/post/178516711920/dude-i-really-wanna-go-to-art-center-what#notes

This specific artist also has great resources for finding alternative education.


DONT RUIN YOUR LIFE BC YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WONT SUCCEED IN THE INDUSTRY WITH OUT ART SCHOOL. THERE IS OTHER WAYS.


If you live in/around LA area or are willing to transfer:
http://conceptdesignacad.com/

https://animationguild.org/about-the-guild/education/

https://laafa.edu/


Online recourses:

https://www.cgmasteracademy.com

https://www.schoolism.com

https://www.theanimcourse.com/courses/

Alternative book based educations:

The Animator's Survival Kit: A Manual of Methods, Principles and Formulas for Classical, Computer, Games, Stop Motion and Internet Animators https://www.amazon.com/dp/086547897X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_U7xwCbZNA4X74

Framed Ink: Drawing and Composition for Visual Storytellers https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933492953/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_m8xwCbE8TH4VS

FORCE: Dynamic Life Drawing: 10th Anniversary Edition (Force Drawing Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1138919578/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_U8xwCbTRGJHWJ
(This one is currently out of print because they are changing the cover it should be back in a few weeks and be around 15 bucks)

Also here is a few good YouTube channels:

https://www.youtube.com/user/ProkoTV

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS3ZMbzTOXdDuJlhAZuXgaw

https://youtu.be/uDqjIdI4bF4


If you(or anyone reading this) have any questions please feel free to DM me!! If I don’t have a direct answer I know one of my friends that work in the industry will and I could ask. Art School isn’t the only way to obtain a good quality art education and a ton of talented artist make it in the industry without it!

Also sorry this is so LA centric, I grew up in the great LA area and currently work exclusively in it so it’s all I know in-depth.


Quick Edit; I’m a purely 2D based artist. I work mostly in concept and I’m currently working on transitioning into Boarding/Revisions. I don’t work on the animation end of these but that’s Bc most outsource to other countries now.

/r/LucidDreaming

All about Lucid Dreams. How to, sǝɔuǝıɹǝdxǝ, etc.

Please take discussions of the paranormal such as astral projection someplace else. Binaural beats are also inappropriate. Let's keep this in the realm of science.

Welcome to r/LucidDreaming! Please check out the sidebar and Wiki before posting.

***

• Quickstart Guide for Beginners - Know this stuff before you post!
  
  
  
• Frequently Asked Questions
  
  
• An excellent Podcast by TheLucidSage
  
  ***
  
  

  Rules
  

  
  

• . Be nice to everyone!
  
  
• 1. All posts must be related to Lucid Dreaming!
  
  • 1a. No posts regarding just the paranormal. There's /r/astralprojection (among others) for that.
    
  • 1b. No posts just about dreams. There's /r/dreams and /r/thisdreamihad
    
    
• 2. No advertising!
  
  ***
  
  

  Related Subreddits
  

  
  

• The everything about dreaming multireddit!
  
  
• Teaching Kids to Lucid Dream
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Memes
  
  
• SleepParalysis
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Speculation
  
  
• Dreams
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Some good ןɐıɹoʇnʇ links
  

  
  

• Finger Induced Lucid Dreaming This appears to be the biggest improvement in lucid dreaming techniques in a long time. Be sure to give it a try.
  
  
• Dream Views A good fairly comprehensive guide. There's also a great message board and an online dream journal.
  
  
• LD4all A message board, it's got solid information and good community.
  
  
• Mastering the Art of Lucid Dreaming A nice straightforward, step-by-step tutorial.
  
  
• All Day Awareness is a great approach. it is effort intensive, but pay back in lucid dreams and more awareness in life.
  
  
• This FAQ was produced by the Lucidity Institute. It's not pretty, but is based on solid science.
  
  

  For when you are ready to obsess
  

  
  

• Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming is THE book on Lucid Dreaming. "A Course in Lucid Dreaming" is the most thorough lucid dream training tutorial with lots of charts for you to keep track of your progress. (No link right now.)
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Lucid Dreaming Acronyms
  

  
  LD - Lucid Dreaming - Being aware that you are dreaming while in a dream.
  
  
  RC - Reality Check - A test to establish whether you are in a dream or waking life, actively done during the day in hopes that the habit will continue within dreams.
  
  
  DC - Dream Character - Any personality you encounter other than yourself...well, occasionally it can also be yourself.
  
  WBTB-Wake Back To Bed - Waking up for 20-30 minutes, then going back to bed increases the chances of lucid dreaming. Use that time to read about lucid dreaming or plan your dreams, and make your intention solid. Can be combined with other techniques.
  
  
  MILD - Mnemonically Induced Lucid Dream - In short, MILD is telling yourself as you are in bed ready to sleep that you are going to become lucid when you dream, then visualizing yourself in a dream becoming lucid. Repeat until you fall asleep.
  
  WILD - Wake-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique in which you maintain consciousness while your body falls asleep. Not for the squeamish.
  
  FILD - Finger-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique using subtle finger movements as you fall asleep.
  
  SSILD - Sense-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique where you use awareness of your various senses as you cycle through them while falling asleep.
  
  False Awakening - False Awakening is in essence just dreaming that you woke up, only to usually immediately after either actually wake or have another dream of waking up from the previous dreams. Those can often happen multiple times in sequence. It can be a bit jarring but also fun. If those happen often use it to do a reality check every time you wake up (or think you do).
  
  SP - Sleep Paralysis - A natural, safe part of the process of falling asleep which causes you to be unable to move your body. The paralysis process happens to you every time you go to sleep. When you WILD and experience SP, you are conscious while it happens. Sometimes you may be visited by the dream transition buddies--relax and enjoy the show until you can interact with your environment. Attempting to induce SP is NOT required to achieve lucidity.
  
  *
  
  
  ***
  ^(Bot created by /u​ /el_loke - )^Feedback

I love it. I can't help you, but I love it.

I used to work on lucid dreaming intensively, about 6 months in after all my techniques & known lucid dream producing practices I was able to achieve a state of lucidity while asleep each night. I believe in you friend!

Do you have a dream journal? They can help you begin recognizing your dream patterns.

Other than that I also highly recommend using the hand/face method. In dreams you have more or less than 5 fingers. While in a dream if you look at your hand and notice you have more/less than 5 fingers you can sometimes bring yourself lucid but it takes practice to not wake up immediately from noticing/excitement. Another thing is we don't dream faces, our subconscious fills them from the personalities our brains are thinking of, try and look at the faces (or lack-thereof) of the people in your dreams to remind yourself you're dreaming.

I'm working I tried to make the tips coherent as possible, sorry for any errors there may be.

There are a few books on lucid dreaming I highly recommend, I'll get you the names once I'm home.

It's something you have to keep at every night, but it's so worth the time it takes to achieve. Thanks for this post, I'm going to start getting back into it. Once you can reach lucidity while dreaming you get to live two lives and it's so rewardingly beautiful & fun. If you have any questions feel free to ask :)

Edit: Book #1 & Book #2 / Book #3

Those three books are all great ones for lucid dreaming, I only used the first two (Stephen LaBerge, very smart guy) initially but I added the third book to my repertoire later on and I highly recommend it as well. They're all pretty cheap on Amazon!

Okay, first of all, there may be a cause/effect and there may not, but in either case, you want to be very careful if you talk about this with her, because you don't want to cause her to associate something enjoys with something that traumatized her.

So as for how to go about it, a few resources and a few suggestions. First, the resources:

If you want some good reading material about this, check out Screw the Roses and SM 101. These two books are among the most respected when it comes to this topic matter. You might also want to get yourself on Fetlife, a community you can use to look up more advice, perhaps even in specific areas.

Now, as for my own advice:

You two should start with something called Negotiation. This is a process where you decide what you'll be doing before you do anything. I know it seems sexy to be surprised, but you can cover a lot of ground so she won't necessarily be able to predict what you'll do, but know that whatever you do will be something you agree on.

Take some time to get a feel for different things you could do, and then find out from her what she's interested in, what she does not want to do, and what she isn't sure about. Maybe her idea of "violent" isn't the same as yours. You need to get a very clear idea of what she wants before you do anything.

One thing that it seems like just about every girl I've encountered seems to like is having their hair pulled, but it has to be done in a specific way - don't just grab a fistful and tug. Instead, put your hand flat against the back of her neck with your fingers pointed up and move your fingers up the neck and into the hair as close to the scalp as you can. When you're at the base of the scalp, grab a handful that's as close to the scalp as possible. Doing this feels better, isn't quite as painful, and gives you some good control over where to move the head. This way you can be more forceful without causing not-fun pain.

For any kind of new play, always start slow and as light as possible. You need to ease into it, both because she's still deciding what she does or doesn't like, and because even if someone likes something that doesn't mean they want to go from zero to sixty right off the bat.

Play using floggers, paddles, canes, or bare hands used to strike is referred to as "impact", and different people have different reactions to it depending on the location it is used on the body. Usually, the butt is a pretty safe bet for most kinds of impact, but there's also the boobs and inner thighs, and the genitals. Again, start light and gradually increase it to see what kind of response you get.

There's also light biting that you can do (again, gradually work your way up), and you can do nipple torture, tugging on them or flicking them - some girls like this, but some absolutely hate it, so be careful.

For face-slapping, you want to be careful with both your aim and how strong you hit. Again, start soft, and you need to be sure to get the cheek/side of the head. Be careful not to get the eyes, mouth, or jaw.

Finally, while you may be tempted to do some choking/breath play, be aware that this can be extremely dangerous, and you should read up on the risks associated with this before even considering it. I won't tell people outright not to do it, but be warned that it is not to be taken lightly.

Hopefully this is a good start for you. Good luck!

Reading is great. Yes, you do have to get out there to learn social skills, like some are saying here. However, you can also learn a lot from other people's experience, which is what a book is. Use books to supplement what you are learning from your actions. Some good ones:

• HTWF&IP, like everyone else mentioned. A classic for a reason. Not everyone will love it, but you need to find out for yourself if it suits you.
  
  
• Choice Theory by William Glasser also really opened my eyes, in terms of managing relationships. It really showed me how trying to change other people is really at the root of most relationship problems, especially romantic ones. It also helped me realize just how much we control our own minds, and how we can change more about ourselves than we normally think.
  
  
• The Game by Neil Strauss introduced me to the "seduction community". I had no idea social skills could be studied in such a methodical fashion. And despite the negative reputation, there is a lot of wisdom to be found in those circles, that can even help you in a relationship or in other aspects of your life.
  
  
• Various books on salesmanship, which is social skills put to a direct professional use. Nothing especially great jumps out in my mind, but a lot of these books are pretty short. Go to a used book store and pick up a few.
  
  
• One Phone Call Away by Jeffrey Meshel. It is about professional networking, but this applies to personal "networking" as well. What I learned most, is that networking is really about looking for opportunities to put two people you know together for their mutual benefit. In other words, to be a good networker, you need to go network to help out people you know. By doing that, your own network expands, and people are more likely to help you in return. Karma basically. This also helps in your personal life. Its like the old-timey tradition of hosting a dinner party and then introducing two friends of yours who don't know each other but you know will get along well.
  
  
• Various books on pop psychology. Understanding how people think (including yourself) can help you socially. I think this is especially important for relationships / friends / family, and it can also help you protect yourself emotionally from the wrong kind of people.
  
  
• Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. A lot of the problems people have on this reddit are really "emotional" ones. If you know you have to talk to girls to get a GF, and you want a GF, then why wouldn't you talk to girls? Your logic is sound, but your emotions (fear, low self-esteem, etc) are what prevent you from acting. Understand your emotions and they will be your second brain, making you twice as smart. Fail to understand them and you are a slave to them.
  
  Social skills is a really broad category and really involves a lifetime of study. What could be more rewarding than having quality relationships with family, friends, significant others, etc? Its worth putting the effort into continuous self improvement here.

I was in electrical/computer engineering, so I think I can relate. Just graduated 2 months ago.

• The workload seems intimidating, but it's really not that bad. Professors and other students alike will tell you that you guys "are in for a ride" and that you're "sacrificing for the future" - you do have more work than others but that doesn't mean it has to be your life. This kind of notion spreads because 1) it makes the program seem challenging from the outside and inside, and 2) it makes students feel like academic juggernauts. Realize that it's not that bad - tons of people do it every year.
  
  
• Parkinson's Law: "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." IE - don't feel bad about procrastinating. Accept it, and spend your time having fun instead of worrying. You'll quickly learn the "bare minimum time needed" to get shit done.
  
  
• Talk to girls. Lots of them. Go to the dining hall, sit down, and just chat. Freshman year is one of the best times to experiment with your social skills; everyone's re-integrating.
  
  
• Don't buy books. I didn't buy any books my last two years in college; chances are you can find an old edition of the text online or just borrow from a friend that has rich parents.
  
  
• Make friends in your classes and learn to help each other. If you realize that university is more of a business than an education, you won't feel so bad about cooperating so that you can spend your time developing as a person, and not as a slave.
  
  
• Exams test you on the basics of the material. I'm not saying you should do this, but I didn't go to many classes at all during my last two years and I did just fine. I talked to the TAs, went to the review sessions, did the homeworks, and studied with friends. Sitting down and listening to someone drone on while you scramble to record everything does nothing for your education; reading books, studying independently, and engaging in one-on-one review is way more effective, for me anyways.
  
  
• Start a business now. Something small and unrelated to your discipline is fine. My current employer didn't even look at my GPA - they saw that I started a business, was involved with extracurriculars, and started a photography club. Extra-academic initiative says way more than following the lockstep of a cookie-cutter curriculum. Worst-case scenario, you spend time developing tons of skills (well, I suppose you could always die). Best-case, you don't need a job.
  
  
  
• Get a motorcycle. It's incredibly fun, not only for you, but for the girls that you meet that have never been on one before. Getting someone else's adrenaline pumping is almost as exhilarating as getting your own pumping :). Of course, take the MSF course before you put anyone on the back.
  
  
• Don't worry about having a super high GPA. I graduated with a 3.0/4.0 yet I had multiple job offers; it's more about the personality and initiative. GPA's a re a convenient way to filter through thousands of online applications; a smile and a solid handshake will pull ahead of a GPA in any personal engagement, at least in my experience.
  
  
• Go to career fairs. Even as a freshman. I noticed that anyone who got an internship freshman year had internships every year, and job offers lined up before everyone else.
  
  
• Work out regularly. Endorphins are a hell of a drug.
  
  
• These books had a HUGE impact on me. Wish I'd read them freshman year:
  
  Don't let school get in the way of your education.
  
  Learn about human sexuality.
  
  Learn how to outsource, but be very skeptical about some of the philosophy in this book.
  
  Travel.
  
  
  
• and finally, don't do any hard drugs
  
  My 2cents. Have fun :)
  

Hello 90-dayers!

I think this is a great initiative. I was previously at /r/BTFC, which I found extremely useful to get focused on goals. As there will be many changes for me in the next months (taking a leave of absence), good to have a place, community to track my progress and focus on my goals. This is my first 90 day challenge, so I'm somewhat lost on procedure, I'll wing it!

++++ Stats ++++

• M/35/183cm
  
• Current Weight: 88kg
  
• Highest Weight (2012): 93kg
  
• Lowest (recent) Weight: Either current, or need to go back in time to when I was 17, as I've been putting fat on progressively (thus my username of becoming_dr_slump).
  
• Current Body Fat: 25%
  
• Diet: Mediterranean, with too many sugary snacks.
  
• Exercise: YAYOG (Currently 1st class, week 4) + occasional biking + some running + occasional Kettlebell
  
  ++++ GOALS FOR FITNESS & DIET ++++
  
  Diet: Clean eating. Quit sugary snacks. I eat more or less cleanly, except for chocolates on sugars. By October 22, I am extremely proud that I've eaten sugar free on 80 of the 90 days.
  
  
  Fitness - Sprint 1: July 15 - August 13: I am feeling strong as I'm on Week 7 of Yayog 1st class. Also, I feel the burn from doing Enter The Kettlebell 3 days a week.
  
  Fitness - Sprint 2: August 19 - September 17: I am walking tall and confident as I've finished 1st class. To celebrate, I ran my own sprint triathlon on rest week.
  
  Fitness - Sprint 3: September 23 - October 22: I am strong and generous as I'm in the next 10-week program, week5. I can complete a Turkish Get Up with my 16kg Kettlebell. And do a pistol on either leg without it.
  
  I have no goals on dropping weight, as long as it remains around current level or lower. But I'll be tremendously pleased if body fat goes down to 20%.
  
  ++++ GOALS FOR SPIRITUAL CARE ++++
  
  In the last six months, I've become aware of a lot of crap heritage I carry on my shoulders from growing in a narcissistic family. I need to do a lot of cleanup as I choose to (1) have a good life, (2) stop the cycle of narcissism so I don't become narcissistic myself and (3) build an alternative mindset for me and my family. The narcissistic circle finishes with me.
  
  
• By Oct 22nd, every single week, I've taken time to review my goals, the blueprint for the life I want to build, plan action and adjusted my plan. And taken time to care for my mindset and goals.
  
  
• In sprint 1, I feel liberated and full of energy, as I complete all the exercises on The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT: Russ Harris, Steven Hayes:
  
  
• In sprint 2, I'm a generous and happier recovering nice guy, as I've completed all l the exercises on No More Mr Nice Guy: Robert A. Glover. Plus another difficult book.
  
  
• In sprint 3, I've read 4 more difficult books and done exercises. Books to be determined based on needs I determine in the next month.
  
  ++++ GOALS FOR PROVIDER ++++
  
  By Oct 22nd, I'm confident on my future as I've built a local network of work contacts of 50 people, and identified 10 new positions I'm going to apply to for my next position.
  
  ++++ OTHER ++++
  
  I need to clean up a lot of my psychological heritage, as it's negatively affecting my relationships and life in general.
  
  I start a leave of absence this summer, to recharge batteries and reconsider next career moves.
  
  I will travel to my country for one month with my kids (source of fun and stress), which will allow me to better understand where I come from and how is my family working.
  
  
  ++++ Let's Be Friends ++++
  
  I'm on Fitocracy. I invite you to friend/follow me/message me!
  
  Also, if anyone else on Europe time, support PMs & checks are an option. PM to discuss (never done this one before, seems like a good idea).
  
  Good luck, everyone! We can do this!

Don't let it loom over you.

Unless you're going to blow all the money you inherit, it probably shouldn't change your life plans much.

I'd expect you're going to finish school and maybe go to uni. You've probably always expected to get a job and, in about 10 years time, think about buying a house.

Given the value of the estate, your third is enough to buy a flat or a house, but it's not enough for you to be able to quit working (well, if you do you'll run out of money in 10 or 20 years, at most).

This money gives you a little security and flexibility, but it doesn't fundamentally change your life plans, I don't think. If you leave it invested for the next 40 years, with compounded returns, then it'll probably ensure a comfortable retirement (but you should probably still top it up, anyway, to make sure and to cultivate good financial habits).

I think you should try to be as grown up as possible about managing the probate period - a solicitor, for example, would help you ensure that your uncle and grandfather are fairly assessing the value of his share of the business. For all you know he owns a 50% share of a £10,000,000 business - how do you know they're not fobbing you off with just a fraction of it? My solicitor was a godsend - very helpful and insightful and she filled me with confidence at a very difficult time; I encourage your mum to call her if you haven't yet decided upon one.

Having got that side of things out of the way, just chill about the money and don't let it worry you too much. You can't afford to blow it, so you'll need to stick it somewhere safe and leave it for a long time.

Subscribe to /r/UKPersonalFinance and try to read a post or two there every day - ask questions there about anything you don't understand. Buy a copy of Tim Hale's Smarter Investing and Vicki Robin's Your Money or Your Life. You don't need to read them all at once, but they're pretty easy reading and you can dip in to them from time to time.

I think you should be planning to learn more about finance over the next year or two, so that you know the best way to save (well, invest, really) this money.

There is a sticky post when you visit the sub

---

Also :

All about Lucid Dreams. How to, sǝɔuǝıɹǝdxǝ, etc.

Please take discussions of the paranormal such as astral projection someplace else. Binaural beats are also inappropriate. Let's keep this in the realm of science.

Welcome to r/LucidDreaming! Please check out the sidebar and Wiki before posting.

***

• Quickstart Guide for Beginners - Know this stuff before you post!
  
  
  
• Frequently Asked Questions
  
  
• An excellent Podcast by TheLucidSage
  
  ***
  
  

  Rules
  

  
  

• . Be nice to everyone!
  
  
• 1. All posts must be related to Lucid Dreaming!
  
  • 1a. No posts regarding just the paranormal. There's /r/astralprojection (among others) for that.
    
  • 1b. No posts just about dreams. There's /r/dreams and /r/thisdreamihad
    
    
• 2. No advertising!
  
  ***
  
  

  Related Subreddits
  

  
  

• The everything about dreaming multireddit!
  
  
• Teaching Kids to Lucid Dream
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Memes
  
  
• SleepParalysis
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Speculation
  
  
• Dreams
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Some good ןɐıɹoʇnʇ links
  

  
  

• Finger Induced Lucid Dreaming This appears to be the biggest improvement in lucid dreaming techniques in a long time. Be sure to give it a try.
  
  
• Dream Views A good fairly comprehensive guide. There's also a great message board and an online dream journal.
  
  
• LD4all A message board, it's got solid information and good community.
  
  
• All Day Awareness is a great approach. it is effort intensive, but pay back in lucid dreams and more awareness in life.
  
  
• This FAQ was produced by the Lucidity Institute. It's not pretty, but is based on solid science.
  
  

  For when you are ready to obsess
  

  
  

• Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming is THE book on Lucid Dreaming. "A Course in Lucid Dreaming" is the most thorough lucid dream training tutorial with lots of charts for you to keep track of your progress. (No link right now.)
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Lucid Dreaming Acronyms
  

  
  LD - Lucid Dreaming - Being aware that you are dreaming while in a dream.
  
  
  RC - Reality Check - A test to establish whether you are in a dream or waking life, actively done during the day in hopes that the habit will continue within dreams.
  
  
  DC - Dream Character - Any personality you encounter other than yourself...well, occasionally it can also be yourself.
  
  WBTB-Wake Back To Bed - Waking up for 20-30 minutes, then going back to bed increases the chances of lucid dreaming. Use that time to read about lucid dreaming or plan your dreams, and make your intention solid. Can be combined with other techniques.
  
  
  MILD - Mnemonically Induced Lucid Dream - In short, MILD is telling yourself as you are in bed ready to sleep that you are going to become lucid when you dream, then visualizing yourself in a dream becoming lucid. Repeat until you fall asleep.
  
  WILD - Wake-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique in which you maintain consciousness while your body falls asleep. Not for the squeamish.
  
  FILD - Finger-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique using subtle finger movements as you fall asleep.
  
  SSILD - Sense-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique where you use awareness of your various senses as you cycle through them while falling asleep.
  
  False Awakening - False Awakening is in essence just dreaming that you woke up, only to usually immediately after either actually wake or have another dream of waking up from the previous dreams. Those can often happen multiple times in sequence. It can be a bit jarring but also fun. If those happen often use it to do a reality check every time you wake up (or think you do).
  
  SP - Sleep Paralysis - A natural, safe part of the process of falling asleep which causes you to be unable to move your body. The paralysis process happens to you every time you go to sleep. When you WILD and experience SP, you are conscious while it happens. Sometimes you may be visited by the dream transition buddies--relax and enjoy the show until you can interact with your environment. Attempting to induce SP is NOT required to achieve lucidity.
  
  

  ---

All about Lucid Dreams. How to, sǝɔuǝıɹǝdxǝ, etc.

Please take discussions of the paranormal such as astral projection someplace else. Binaural beats are also inappropriate. Let's keep this in the realm of science.

Welcome to r/LucidDreaming! Please check out the sidebar and Wiki before posting.

***

• Quickstart Guide for Beginners - Know this stuff before you post!
  
  
  
• Frequently Asked Questions
  
  
• An excellent Podcast by TheLucidSage
  
  ***
  
  

  Rules
  

  
  

• . Be nice to everyone!
  
  
• 1. All posts must be related to Lucid Dreaming!
  
  • 1a. No posts regarding just the paranormal. There's /r/astralprojection (among others) for that.
    
  • 1b. No posts just about dreams. There's /r/dreams and /r/thisdreamihad
    
    
• 2. No advertising!
  
  ***
  
  

  Related Subreddits
  

  
  

• The everything about dreaming multireddit!
  
  
• Teaching Kids to Lucid Dream
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Memes
  
  
• SleepParalysis
  
  
• Lucid Dreaming Speculation
  
  
• Dreams
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Some good ןɐıɹoʇnʇ links
  

  
  

• Finger Induced Lucid Dreaming This appears to be the biggest improvement in lucid dreaming techniques in a long time. Be sure to give it a try.
  
  
• Dream Views A good fairly comprehensive guide. There's also a great message board and an online dream journal.
  
  
• LD4all A message board, it's got solid information and good community.
  
  
• All Day Awareness is a great approach. it is effort intensive, but pay back in lucid dreams and more awareness in life.
  
  
• This FAQ was produced by the Lucidity Institute. It's not pretty, but is based on solid science.
  
  

  For when you are ready to obsess
  

  
  

• Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming is THE book on Lucid Dreaming. "A Course in Lucid Dreaming" is the most thorough lucid dream training tutorial with lots of charts for you to keep track of your progress. (No link right now.)
  
  
  ***
  
  

  Lucid Dreaming Acronyms
  

  
  LD - Lucid Dreaming - Being aware that you are dreaming while in a dream.
  
  
  RC - Reality Check - A test to establish whether you are in a dream or waking life, actively done during the day in hopes that the habit will continue within dreams.
  
  
  DC - Dream Character - Any personality you encounter other than yourself...well, occasionally it can also be yourself.
  
  WBTB-Wake Back To Bed - Waking up for 20-30 minutes, then going back to bed increases the chances of lucid dreaming. Use that time to read about lucid dreaming or plan your dreams, and make your intention solid. Can be combined with other techniques.
  
  
  MILD - Mnemonically Induced Lucid Dream - In short, MILD is telling yourself as you are in bed ready to sleep that you are going to become lucid when you dream, then visualizing yourself in a dream becoming lucid. Repeat until you fall asleep.
  
  WILD - Wake-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique in which you maintain consciousness while your body falls asleep. Not for the squeamish.
  
  FILD - Finger-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique using subtle finger movements as you fall asleep.
  
  SSILD - Sense-Induced Lucid Dream - A technique where you use awareness of your various senses as you cycle through them while falling asleep.
  
  False Awakening - False Awakening is in essence just dreaming that you woke up, only to usually immediately after either actually wake or have another dream of waking up from the previous dreams. Those can often happen multiple times in sequence. It can be a bit jarring but also fun. If those happen often use it to do a reality check every time you wake up (or think you do).
  
  SP - Sleep Paralysis - A natural, safe part of the process of falling asleep which causes you to be unable to move your body. The paralysis process happens to you every time you go to sleep. When you WILD and experience SP, you are conscious while it happens. Sometimes you may be visited by the dream transition buddies--relax and enjoy the show until you can interact with your environment. Attempting to induce SP is NOT required to achieve lucidity.
  
  

  ---

I was not prepared for this, but I may have just read one of the best book reviews of my life about your captain's The Game:

"I know I'm taking a risk by even acknowledging its existence and my familiarity with its contents. It may not be interpreted kindly that an Orthodox rabbi (in training) reads *this* widely. But this book tells a story of ethical tension that is, hands down, the most powerful treatise on morals and group dynamics I have ever read. Period.


I found it at once the modern man's sefer mussar of choice, and the endgame of every single Reality TV show every made. But it is not for everyone.


You'll know if it's for you after reading the first 10 pages.


(The first 5 are here: [http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/00605...])


THE GREAT novelty in this book is simple: credibility. The author walks down roads, and perhaps comes to conclusions, that ultimately reflect an eerily familiar set of values. However, this presentation is backed up by his experience, and so we trust his authority.


And who is "we"?: non-authoritarian, ethical, sexually aware (not necessarily active) human beings who thoughtfully approach the question: What kind of relationship is a good one? Because before we even seek an Other, we must choose: wordless college hook-up, one-night stand, short term "friend", long term friend "to have fun with", companion, life partner, or spouse/best-friend to start a family with. This book may make you question your unconscious assumptions or conscious decisions in this area.


(I admit my assumption that female readers can also gain these things from a man's story.)


Authoritarians ask their authorities (clergy, philosophers, etc.) and skip the discovery process I describe. Unethical people should have little interest in the book, as ethical-tension is the book’s essential content, and they can get more direct material online. Finally, sexually -unaware or -sensitive folk (e.g., modest or religious individuals) won’t stomach the mildly graphic descriptions of what the protagonist lived through – ignorance is bliss, for them.


Understand:
A 'pickup artist' is an amateur social scientist who adopts a language of "technology" complete with acronyms and jargon in order to systematize interpersonal relations: in this specific instance, how to get girls into bed. With the internet as catalyst, they formed a community, granting the unprecedented ability to share knowledge and methods.


The author is an NYT and then Rolling Stone reporter who, born and raised a geek, discovered this community of pickup artists. To make a long story short, he mastered the "art". How did it change him? Does power corrupt? Esp. power over sexuality?


The book is selfish. I.e., it is about self-discovery, self-esteem, self-worth. It is about the connection sex has to the self, and reveals much about the modern cultural condition. It also tells a story, and effortlessly, such that rays of life’s truths stream though the filter of (every) author’s unavoidable sins of omission. You will learn what you want to from the book, and therein lies the "danger" in my recommendation.


Full disclosure: I vicariously got something out of my system, learned about the human being, and myself. It validated many concepts I have about friendship, group dynamics, and honesty. It also serves as a warning about the evils of backbiting and gossip, misogyny, and coveting. It has, in its way, said the same thing as such classic Jewish works as Mesilat Yesharim and Orhot Tzadikim (though they say much more as well), and modern day "classics" like Magic Touch and the entire Gila Manolson oeuvre. It complements Wendy Shalit's "Modesty" nicely. I am not a fan or groupie: I am engaged to a woman who has trebled the joy and light in my life, and opened up new worlds to me, my teacher, my student – so I am not a consumer of this. And the only habit I have adopted since reading the book is to smile whenever I walk into a room of people I don't know. Though perhaps, that is life-changing enough..."

Sure! If you have any questions for the filmmaker herself, I'll send them on. From the teacher's desk:

Theory:

• The principles of animation are more important than any medium or software; tools come and go, but the principles will always be relevant.
  
• Disney's 12 principles and Richard Williams' Animator's Survival Kit are great resources to check out.
  
  Software:
  
  
• Before I started going to school for it, the first animations I ever did were GIFs in Photoshop Elements. While it was fun to tinker with, that process wasn't the most user-friendly.
  
• Now there are a number of freeware options if you just want to test the waters. I haven't used them myself, but if I were just starting out, I'd probably try Pencil first.
  
• Amy made this film using mostly ToonBoom Harmony, and some AfterEffects for post-production. Those have more tools than beginners probably need, and some of their pricing options are expensive, but both offer free trials and month-to-month licenses if you want to test them out.
  
• Studio Ghibli's animation software Toonz was recently made free--it's another package I haven't tried yet, but I definitely want to look into it when I have time.
  
  Amateur vs. Professional:
  
  
• Those links under "Theory" above are crucial, and I tend to grade animation in terms of mechanics (how believable the motion is) and performance (how well the motion conveys emotion or story).
  
  
• Mechanics: most of the notes I give are encouraging arc motion, slow-in/slow-out, and believable balance and weight.
  
  
• Performance: this gets more advanced and subjective, but a lot of it comes down to emotive posing, and timing that shows the character thinking, feeling, and reacting.
  
  Hope that helps! Those points are just scratching the surface on a huge amount of material, but for starting out, it's great to just have fun experimenting. Feel free to ask more questions, and good luck!

Granted it was written from a Christian/spiritual perspective, this book was very helpful to me and has great insights into how having boundaries in your life can protect/build your emotional wellness.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498238099&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries

I still think that any person, regardless of their belief system, will be able to glean useful principles from what is written in it.

My thoughts and experiences

I discovered that I used to be overly compliant for fear of controlling unpleasant emotions in other people's lives (whether or not the emotion is directed at me or not). Although it appears charitable, being overly compliant is just as much a form of controlling people's emotions for things that they should be responsible for. A part of stopping the over-compliance is by being okay with seeing people suffer the consequences of their actions even though you are ideally able to alleviate their pain.

While having loose boundaries makes you effective at putting out short-term fires in other people's lives, what happens is that your emotional well-being smolders from being exposed to so many fires and you begin to get emotional "burns" over time. It is certain useful in the short-term, but damaging and unsustainable for an individual in the long-term.

As far as I know, this kind of behavior is difficult to troubleshoot for an INFP because their compliance is a natural emergent from the wonderful care an INFP can have for other human beings. It's basically learning to learn to turn off a part of you by realizing that standing up for yourself does not always spell the end of relationships, and it is necessary in the care of self. In fact, it works as a great filtering mechanism for keeping unwanted people out of your life because healthy people will still stick around and respect your differences and the manipulative people will leave when they realize they can't control you.

I think one of the most useful ways for an INFP to look at the conflicts that emerge from setting boundaries and limits on others is that conflict can be used as an opportunity for self-expression. It shows where one person ends and you begin, and an INFP should generally be excited for any opportunity for self-expression (lol!).

The personalityhacker podcast has recently had some interesting information on setting boundaries, an I'm sure most of the information I've shared has been from my experiences of considering the advice I've heard on that podcast and the book I linked before. I still have a lot more work to do, too.

This is the podcast:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0177-setting-healthy-boundaries-with-merja-sumiloff/

You seem to be an ENTJ who is doing a good job at being yourself—you understand the end-result of a behavior and that is a good enough reason for you to establish boundaries without a care otherwise. Your INFP friend, however, needs to have the reason for a change in their behavior build from the bottom-up, from an authentic place. It's not as effective of a process at yours is, but it'll bring a lot of health into other areas of their lives in processing it in the way an INFP needs to. So thank you for looking out for your friend and seeking out help on their behalf.

The purpose of frugality is to save money in some areas of your life so that you can live the life you want. What are your goals in life? If you want to travel, travel. If you want an iPhone, get an iPhone. If you want to learn to fly, learn to fly. If you want to buy a house in 5 years, save! I want to retire pretty early and build a house, so I am saving/investing a large portion of my income like you.

It sounds like you've got this Frugality thing down pretty well, so here are some Personal Finance basics:

1. Start an emergency fund in a new savings account with 3-12 months of expenses. Don't touch this unless there is an emergency (job loss, car repairs, etc.). This will keep you from acquiring any debt and allows you to be bold with your savings/investment and other life goals.
   
   
2. Take advantage of any/all tax-advantaged investment vehicles that Australia offers. (American equivalents would be 401Ks, Roth IRAs, etc.)
   
   
3. If you've made it this far, all you have left to do is live your life. You're making all the right decisions, so do what you want. Save for a house or a car, start a family, give to charity, take time off from work, travel, etc.
   
   
4. If you don't know what you want, continue to save, save, save so when you DO find out you can do what you want. If you can max your retirement accounts every year, you'll be well on your way to financial security. But those are your retirement savings, and you won't be able to utilize them for a while. So your best bet is to save and invest a large portion of your remaining income - this will ensure that you will not have to take on any additional debt and can save thousands if not hundreds of thousands along the way (think paying cash for a house vs. a 30 year mortgage)
   
   I would also start reading some about personal finance. It sounds like you might benefit by reading Your Money or Your Life - it's a good philosophical read for those that are thinking about a money/life balance. For a little motivation to keep up your frugality, try The Millionaire Next Door - It's pretty eye-opening and I recommend that to everyone regardless of their personal finance goals. For starters in investing, The Boglehead's Guide to Investing is great, and a lot of the information can be found free at the wiki.
   
   Good luck!

Alright, first thing you're gonna wanna do is chill out, it's gonna seem intimidating at first but once you really get into it it'll be second nature to ya.

First thing I'd recommend is finding a process that works for you, if you're not comfortable with Adobe then try out some other programs, I personally recommend Krita, it's a pretty simple program to operate not too advanced but provides the tools needed to make some good frame by frame animation, it's free too, which is always a plus. But there's also other alternatives like ToonBoom [good but pricey, so I've heard] and OpenToons [free] that are more advanced. Maybe take advantage of some free trials and see what you're most comfortable with.

You said you can't see the previous frame when moving to a new one, you have to enable onion skins which shows a silhouette of the previous drawing so you have something to reference.

Another thing you're probably gonna want to do is familiarize yourself with the process, check out a few videos on Youtube about animation, this one right here goes pretty well in depth on the twelve principles. I also recommend the Animator's Survival Kit, and so will most other animators [It's a really good book that goes way in depth on the whole process].

And the number one most important thing I can say is this, just keep animating. Practice as much as you can. I can sit here all day recommending books, videos, and software, but the thing you're gonna learn from the most is experience. So animate, find the methods you're most comfortable with, and make something with them, it doesn't necessarily even need to be good, it just needs to be a learning experience.

It's like exercising a muscle, the more you work at it the stronger it gets.

​

I hope this helps in some way.

I'm a serious introvert myself, so this is a topic of some considerable interest to me. :)

Introversion is not necessarily associated with anxiety, in that the traits are not that highly correlated and lots of introverts are not anxious. However, many people who are both introverted and anxious find that the two are intertwined. When that is the case, then getting better at coping with the anxiety can help you be more flexible in being introverted. There are a million self-help anxiety books, and most of them are pretty good because they are based on cognitive-behavioral principles. Personally, however, I am more intrigued by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, as described in books like Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, The Happiness Trap, and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety.

While we're on the topic of reading, if you haven't found it already, I'd suggest The Introvert Advantage -- a great book focusing on accepting, accommodating, and even feeling pretty good about your introversion.

Introversion appears to be very genetically-based and resistant to change, so accepting being an introvert will be an important first step. Introversion is not, in and of itself, healthy or unhealthy, although when you are surrounded by extroverts and a culture that values extroversion, it sure can feel like being introverted is unhealthy. IMHO, traits are only a problem when people are inflexible about applying them... that is, when they can only behave one way regardless of the situation. When people are interested in changing who they are, I often suggest, instead, trying to change how flexible they are about how they display the trait they are interested in changing.

To do that, you could think about the situations in which you are less introverted, and trying to figure out what it is about those situations that allow you to be less introverted. For me, I do better in situations that are structured, familiar, and relevant to my interests -- in those types of situations, you literally cannot shut me up. So, I can be more extroverted when I'm with a small group of good friends, or when I'm meeting a new therapy client for the first time (which is structured because I know exactly what I'm going to say), or when I'm commenting on reddit, or even when I'm teaching a large class or giving a talk to a huge audience. In contrast, in a small group of people I do not know well, when meeting a new person socially for the first time, or when doing something spontaneous that would cause a lot of people to pay attention to me (e.g., something terrible like karaoke), I am not able to be extroverted. But, if I wanted to be more extroverted, I could work to make those types of situations more structured, more familiar, or more relevant to my interests. Does that make sense?

Oh, and one more thing -- please join the Neuropsychology Book Club I am trying to start... I'm hoping it will be really interesting, especially for us voracious readers!!

I found Jordan Peterson's future authoring program helpful. It's nothing too complicated. It just helps you make a vision for what you want your future to be like and set about 8 specific goals for the next few years. It's $15 to use online which I think is a little more than its worth, but overall I think it's worth it. It will probably take about a few weeks to complete, but I think it's time well spent.

https://www.selfauthoring.com/future-authoring.html

Jordan Peterson is a psychologist that posts a lot of lectures and interviews on youtube. A lot of No Fappers find his perspective helpful. Here's his channels if you're interested.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCodkb-qBktJI5NrUsPYpf7g

https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos

Learning Acceptance and Commitment Therapy was helpful for me too. There are lots of therapists that use this method, but the book I read was, "The Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris.

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

It's a pretty simplified approach, that teaches you the thinking patterns and habits that allow you to live more in the present and future oriented towards action in the direction of your values, rather than stuck in habits of escapism and avoidance whenever you feel uncomfortable from things like boredom and loneliness.

I also think is very helpful to set habits that put your daily life into a healthy rhythm and balance. Simple things like waking up early and going on a walk in the sunrise can make a big difference. Circadian rhythm plays a huge role in balancing hormone and neurotransmitters, so the more time you can spend outside in the brightness of the day the better especially in the morning.

Making sure you have regular positive social activity is extremely important for satisfying the brain's need for oxytocin. If you don't get it through healthy social experiences, the brain can sometimes come up with some dysfunctional ways of obtaining oxytocin release like preoccupation with porn and fantasy. So whatever you can do to make your life social. Do it. It's really not optional for humans.

Dude, I created a reddit account just to write my first comment here and I really hope it helps. I have a lot to say and I hope I can express it in a understandable manner. Here I go :)

I was also depressed. And it is not entirely gone. I have good and bad days too but at least now I can somewhat control it. You have to realize that your mood is directly connected to your thoughts. i will not go into detail about it but If you sit by yourself thinking all the negative things that you can muster up it will bring you down, you will go into this dark tunnel of negative thoughts, that usually are illogical, but at that point seem true as fuck and it will be very hard to climb out of that dark hole. At least that's how it happened to me.

Of course it is easy to say that you have to realize this and that than to do actually it. I was unable to do it by myself, that why I looked for help from a professional psychologist. Only medication will not be as effective as an actual advise from a professional. I think the best thing is a combination of both. I know you said you have financial struggles, but I believe you can find organisations that provides such service for free or at least cheaply. And trust me, it helps. There is something about hearing things from a person who spent big part of their life studying your condition that gives a sense of hope, that this is an illness, just like any other and it can be cured with help of others, medication (if necessary) and personal effort.

Other thing that helped me massively was reading. Previous to that point of my life, I always thought that all these books that thought you how to be happy and such was a big pile of BS, and then my doctor advised me to read https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326 . Buying this book was the best decision I made during my recovery process. This book, together with my doctor, who based her practice on his theories helped me understand all my mistakes in thinking that eventually led to depression. This is called - cognitive theory - please google it when you have a spare moment. It is very practical and very detailed and I cannot stress enough how important it is to read to every person suffering any form of depression and/or anxiety!!! THIS IS A MUST. PLEASE BUY IT ASAP AND READ IT!!!!

Besides that, I see a lot of people suggesting taking up some activities and they could not be more right. Dota is a great way to escape negative thoughts, as you get immersed into the game and the only negative thing for another hour are the 9 other people :))) But when you take up an activity, it brings purpose and a sense of achievement. Let me give you an example. I worked at a big corporate firm, I was overtiming like crazy in order to show my superiors that I was worth promoting but everyone was busy with themselves and never noticed my efforts, over time it got so frustrating that one thing at work could determine my mood for a whole week. And then I started working out. Every evening after work I would go to the gym and work out, I also started eating healthy, I lost a bunch of weight and every night after my workout I would feel good (I wrote "great" at first, but good would be more fitting) even if before I felt like doing nothing and not going anywhere (just generally empty inside, I believe you are familiar with that feeling). Same goes with playing sax I guess. Even if the day sucked at work, after working out or playing an instrument for a while you fell like you did something for yourself, you improved, you were active, healthy and busy and this is great. Eventually I changed my job too and everything got better. I was very happy even though before I thought I would not find such a good spot money wise and I was afraid to leave. I found one even better in every aspect and my colleagues are great!! I would strongly suggest to start looking for another job while still working at current place. It can only get better. If your job sucks so much, it can not be any worse, right? Worst case scenario, you will end up at the place just as bad, but it will not be worse, so the chances are on your side. No need to be afraid, trust me (trust a random guy on the internet, yeah right :)).

In conclusion, every time you find yourself in a black hole of emptiness thinking all kinds of negative shit about yourself and how this is so bad and it will never end - remember - depression is causing it and DEPRESSION IS AN ILLNESS, it CAN be controlled, it CAN be cured and you CAN fight it! You will need help so don't be afraid of asking for it. Please see a psychologist and read that book (I promise I am not a sales guy :) that book helped me so fucking much and I sincerely believe it can help you too). Once you realize that your thoughts is the main reason causing the depression it will be much easier to fight it. If you have any additional questions let me know, I will try to do my best to help! I believe in you, we believe in you - stay strong and beat this shit!!!!

Hey,

I love to talk but it wasn't always this way. I would highly recommend just practicing. I have found the following books to be really useful aids in my learning to be a better conversationalist:

• How to talk to anyone
  
• Drop the pink elephant
  
• How to win friends and influence people
  
  Here are some really basic tips for getting people to talk.
  
  
• Ask 'How do you spend most of your time' rather than asking about work / hobbies. They will tell you what really interests them.
  
  
• If you're stuck how to follow up on an answer, just repeat the last bit. For example - Them: 'O, I love making songs in my spare time' - You : 'Songs?'. They will then tell you all the songs and you can follow this up in more detail.
  
  
• Don't go on a date without having read the news. Know whats happening in the world. No one likes to talk about the weather, so make sure you've got your fallback.
  
  
  As for you last point about 'I actually don't know what to bring up to even trigger a question about myself.'. There is a great quote :
  
  > “No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.”
  
  You should get away from this notion. I try to not talk too much about myself, you want to show interest in them rather than trying to impress them with yourself. They will naturally ask you questions when they think of them, try not to focus on steering the conversion to a interest of yours. Another big point is, if you find a common interest, don't let them know instantly with a 'ME TO!'. Keep quiet, ask them about it and at some point drop a few subtle hints that you know of the subject. They will be much more impressed that you share an interest but don't feel compelled to scream it instantly.
  
  I hope this helps a little :)

So...don't tell anybody, but I read a self-help/business book (all my friends were doing it) and have actually found it really helpful. Have you read Getting Things Done?

The main insight from this book that I found helpful is that the way I was making a to-do list was all but worthless because it contained quite a lot of vague things I felt like I should be doing something about. I (and apparently most people) just don't work that way. He suggests setting aside time to think very clearly, "What is the next concrete action for this, and when/where does it need to be done?" The "next actions" list is what you want to have in front of you to initiate activities. So, for example, if you want to send your Grandma a card and you write down "card to Grandma," but you don't have a card and you don't have an address and you haven't written the card, then you can't send a card to Grandma. Your next action is "Get card" - and preferably you'll have that in a place where you can easily combine it with any other errands. If you don't have an address, then another next action is, "Email (or call) Mom to get Grandma's address."

An almost therapeutic practice that this guy has clients do when they're overwhelmed with mental stuff is to get a stack of index cards or post-it notes, a designated "inbox" (can be a huge cardboard box or the middle of your room or your desk) 100 manila folders, and a filing box/cabinet, and just spend an entire day consolidating every single thing that's crowding up your mental space and putting it in a physical inbox. Every piece of junk in your room or car or whatever that you feel like you've been meaning to do something about goes in the inbox, either physically or on a slip of paper. Every last thing. Then you go through every last thing and decide what to do about it.

Are you supposed to do something with it? Is that action clearly defined? Does it take less than two minutes? Do it and get it out of the way.

Does it take longer? Is there a deadline? Is there a specific date it needs to happen on? Put that on your calendar - but only the day it really has to be done on. Don't crowd your calendar up with maybes or good intentions. Put the firm commitments on there so that you can trust it. If the rest of the system is in place, you'll easily be able to access the more flexible tasks when you're in a time and place to do them.

Is it a bigger, more complex project? Is it something you want to be working on now? What's the next action? Is it connecting with someone? Generating ideas? Only put that action on your "next actions" list. Keep the big idea in a "Projects" folder and revisit it as often as you need to keep generating concrete "next actions."
Is it not something you need/want to work on now, but you want to make sure you don't forget the idea? Put that in your "projects" folder.

Is it reference material (statements, book recommendations, etc.)? File it and label it clearly so that you can have it when you want it. (You'll want a lot of folders and a box/filing cabinet.)

The idea is that you're creating a physical and/or electronic system that consolidates all your mental baggage that you're unconsciously keeping track of all the time so that you can free up your brain a little and relax. And you're separating the abstract projects from the concrete next actions so that when you think, "I need to do something - but what?" you know you will find explicit instructions for a simple, achievable task. Even better: make a more granular "next actions" list that puts together actions that can be done in the same place with the same resources (i.e., "errands," "At computer," etc.)

If you like physical reminders, make what he calls a "tickler" file. You have 12 "month" folders and 31 "day" folders. If something is a month ahead, put it in next month's folder. When you get to that month, all the month folder contents get distributed to the appropriate "day" folders. Every day, get the day's folder out and see what's been assigned to the day. So, for example, I've been putting my bills in the folder of the day I need to make sure to pay them, and I've also got chores that I tend to neglect (mopping...ugh) on cards so that, when I do them, I can put them in a folder of the day I think I should do that thing again.

This sounds neurotic. Once you've sorted through everything and got it set up, it really takes very little energy to keep going. Whenever something new comes up that you don't really have time to deal with, throw it into your inbox. Take 10 minutes every day, or an hour once a week, to sift through and figure out what concrete action needs to be done and when. After that, you have a better sense that you're not letting things slip through the cracks, which really takes a weight off your mind. And when you're not functioning on a very high level, your smarter (and/or procrastinating-by-planning) self has already done the higher-order planning and your dumb tired self can follow instructions.

• Clean Code is a really good programming book. It's technical in that it gives you best practice, but you don't need a laptop or to code to follow along, you can just absorb the information and follow along with the simple samples (even if it's not your primary coding language).
  
  
• The Clean Coder is a great book about how to build software professionally. It focuses on a lot of the softer skills a programmer needs.
  
  
• Scrum: The Art of doing twice the work in half the time is a great introduction to scrum and why you want to use it. Agile (and scrum in particular) can have a major improvement on the productivity of development teams. I work for a large technology company and we've seen improvements in the range of 300% for some teams after adopting scrum. Now our entire company is scrumming.
  
  
• Getting Things Done has personally helped me work more efficiently by sorting work efficiently. Having a system is key.
  
  
• How to Win Friends and Influence People I often recommend devs on our team read this because it helps with interpersonal communication in the office.
  
  
• Notes to a Software Tech Lead is a great book so you can understand what a good lead is like and hopefully one day move up in your career and become one.
  
  

> Does it help to be straight forward (but not too straight forward) that you want sex with someone?

The goal is to want her to feel that you would like to have sex with her, but you dont need to have sex with her.

> How do you compliment a girls looks or physique in a seductive way without being creepy?

Stick with complimenting her style. Complimenting on the things she clearly put effort into doing is much more meaningful than complimenting her on something she was born with and can not control. The key to compliments is having reason why you like what you see, and letting her know that reason. "I like [this] about you because [reason]".

> What do women really think when a guy buys them a drink?

If she likes you, she probably thinks its a means to spend more time doing something together. If she doesn't like you, she probably just wants a free drink.

> Do they like it when you mention that you have a lot of sexual experience?

no.

> Is it easier to seduce women in a loud bumpin' club or a quiet cocktail lounge?

Yes.

> What shows confidence through looks?

If you confident in yourself, you believe everything about you matters. If everything about you matters, everything about how you look matters. If you matter most, how would you look?

> Should money be brought in the situation?

No

> Do girls always go for men with lots of money?

No

> It would be nice to also get some tips on things I haven't asked too.

Judging by these questions, you seem to be a little misguided. Don't fret, that's why this sub is here. Many people in the pickup community started down this road after they read (the now grossly outdated) Neil Strauss' "The game". My personal advice is to start with more foundational inner-game concepts about seduction, and then move on to the more applicable outter-game techniques later. Foundational concepts to pickup are rooted in evolutionary bio/psych. I would recommend reading Mark Manson's Models. Trust me, I wouldn't recommend Models if it wasn't worth the time and money. These concepts could change your entire prospective on how social interactions really work, and sometimes thats all you need.

"Correct", "Incorrect" these are just words we use. It is there. Now whether you decide it is nobler to overcome that and set your intent towards the betterment of other people is a judgment you can make. It seems you do feel that way, so take that as your first clue in the direction you wish to go in your life. You wish to better other people (at least as much) as you better yourself. How can you take the skills and talents you have and apply them to better others?

It would certainly be nice if a mystical figure would appear out of nowhere and show us the way when we are lost, but unfortunately life is not so! We must uncover the path for ourselves. And perhaps it is better this way, only then can we claim we have had freedom, and only then can we claim it as OUR story.

I'd recommend the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

In this book, he talks about how we create our internal world by the belief structures we create, these beliefs, he calls "agreements". For instance, perhaps you have an agreement with yourself that you'll never amount to something. Thus you believe it and live this agreement. Your actions mirror this belief, your motivation does as well. So much of our world is constructed by our perception and beliefs about it. If we are wise, we would do away with the toxic agreements we hold onto that keep us perpetually in the same misery and we'd create new agreements which better ourselves and those around us. The author outlines what he believes are the most noble four agreements we should keep.

If you wish to take control of your mind and your path in life, the first step is to create the beneficial belief systems that will guide you. What is meaningful to you? What 'ought to be'? What kind of person do you hope to grow into? These are the question which will determine your purpose.

For you first attempt at animation, I thing you did a great job! Definitely a good start.

The storytelling is a bit unclear, it took me a few views to understand exactly what was going on. The main reason it was unclear to me is because up until the end, I didn't really know where the characters were in relationship to one another. A couple ways you could fix this is to have a background in each shot to show where they are in the environment and have a few shot where you see both characters in frame at the same time to show how close/far they are from each other. I would also have an establishing shot at the beginning to show where the story is taking place. I think you are also missing a few key storytelling shots at the beginning that would help clarify that the characters are playing hide and seek. I think you need to show the beginning of the game, where the boy character would be counting and the girl character is starting to hide.

In terms of the animation, I think the constantly changing line color is distracting. I would try to keep it to one color throughout. You could have the boy and girl have different colors, but I wouldn't keep those colors consistent in each shot. I like the loose/rough quality of your drawings, but I think you need to pay more attention to the volume and form of your characters. Your timing and spacing in the animation is quite even as well. Meaning, it looks like everything is moving at the same speed and it is hard to distinguish between fast and slow movements. Timing and spacing are hard to get right, even for people who have been animating for a long time. The only way to improve these skills are to keep animating!

For your first animation, I think you did really well, the more you animate the more you will improve. I think you chose a really complex subject for this animation and suggest you start with some easier animation tests moving forward. I would start off with learning the 12 animation principles and animating some basic stuff like bouncing balls, pendulums, falling leaves, etc. I would recommend buying these books: Animator's Survival Kit and Eric Goldburg's Character Animation Crash Course. You also might want to look in to using software that is designed for animation. It will probably make it easier to see the animation as your working on it instead of exporting out images and putting them together in movie maker. You should check out PAP4, its a simple animation program that is free to download/use.

As far as applying to CalArts, I would really focus on creating a great portfolio with solid life drawing. CalArts wants to see that their prospective students already have solid drawing skills so that you can hit the ground running when you start classes. I would see about taking some local life drawing classes/workshops where you live so you can build up a solid portfolio. While they like to see students with previous experience animating, the portfolio is much more important to getting accepted there. You should check out AnimatedBuzz, its a social community for animators. There are a lot of prospective CalArts students on there who post their work on the forums to get feedback.

Hope this helps. Good luck to you and keep animating :)

i aint trying to give advice or anything but life is just a sucky scenario all around. and i'm not being cynical im being positive.

You've probably heard this before but you need to be happy with yourself before you attempt a relationship.

looks are what get you the date. they don't get you the lasting loving relationship. A relationship founded by looks or started on that notion is a cold as the bed you're currently sleeping in.

A loving relationship comes from within yourself.

you gotta get happy on your own by yourself with yourself.

maybe you don't even have to be happy maybe that's too strong of a word.

but you have to just be content in a lot of ways.


If anything the best advice I could give you is to try and reach some sort of internal peace. Life fucking sucks. people will die, you will watch life wither away. you'll watch your looks and weight fade. you'll find yourself wondering why the fuck anything is anything in the first place.

You're human, that's about all it is. you are cursed by being human. you're always going to be unhappy. and whatever happiness comes will surely fade away.

if you can become at peace with yourself somehow then you'll be able to weather those storms life throws at you. relationships are AWESOME they are loving and they are amazing. they can be lasting and meaningful and perfect and STILL SUCK.

Check out this book on Meditation. the first paragraph or so will likely ring very true to feelings you have or have had about your life.
http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1450109510&sr=8-5&keywords=mindfulness

I’m really sorry for what he’s put you through. You didn’t deserve to be lied to or disrespected. He definately left out A LOT of context by excluding his history of bad finacial choices.

I know this isn’t /r/ relationships but I’m going to give you the same advice that I’ve given to people over there: Date someone for who they are right now, not for who you hope they’ll turn into one day. Most people don’t make major changes in lifestyle, personality, or behavior. People only make big changes if they genuinly want to make a change for themsleves. They certainly don’t change just because someone else wants them to, not even a significant other. In other words: Don’t date a project!

If being more financially responsible and being honest was a priority for him than he would have taken steps to do those things by now. He hasn’t because they’re not priorities for him. And if he comes to you with promises of change now that you’ve broken up with him I can’t tell you wether or not they’re ones he’ll follow through on. You know him best. But don’t be surprised if you take him back and after a few weeks/months he gets comfortable and goes back to his previous behaviors.

> But I'm a total giver. ... I will buy them whatever they need. I love them. I help bc I don't want people to ever feel like I felt when I was a kid. This is a personality flaw. My ex owes me $1k, etc. I'm a sucker.

It sounds like you need to learn how to set and maintain boundaries with other people when it comes to money. Generosity is a virtue, but if you are being so generous that you are enabling other poor financial choices to the point thah its hurting your finances or mental/emotional wellbeing then it crosses the line into a problem. And yes, you were eneabling your BF, just like his mom does, by loaning him money whenever he runs out.

You need to learn how to say no to people- being a kind, generous person does not mean being a doormat. I’d encourage you to look into a few theraphy sessions to go over this issue (though I totally understand that not everyone can afford that). If that’s not an option the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life and it’s companion workbook are good reads (it has some religious undertones but the lessons on setting boundaries can apply to anyone).

Tynap- you sound like a kind, honest, hardworking, responsible woman who has her life together. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for a life partner who doesn’t live up to the standards you hold yourself to.

Here are all the books with amazon links, Alphabetical order :)

---

• Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make Competition Irrelevant by W. Chan Kim et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1591396190
  
• Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose by Tony Hsieh et al. Link: http://amzn.com/160941280X
  
• Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown Link: http://amzn.com/0804137382
  
• Founders at Work: Stories of Startups' Early Days by Jessica Livingston Link: http://amzn.com/1590597141
  
• How Google Works by Eric Schmidt et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1455582344
  
• Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World by Gary Vaynerchuk Link: http://amzn.com/006227306X
  
• Losing My Virginity: How I Survived, Had Fun, and Made a Fortune Doing Business My Way by Richard Branson Link: http://amzn.com/0307720748
  
• Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip Heath et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1400064287
  
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck Link: http://amzn.com/0345472322
  
• Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazzi et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0385346654
  
• Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable by Tim S. Grover et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1476714207
  
• Rework by Jason Fried et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0307463745
  
• Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else by Geoff Colvin Link: http://amzn.com/1591842948
  
• The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss Link: http://amzn.com/0307465357
  
• The Choose Yourself Guide To Wealth by James Altucher Link: http://amzn.com/150100994X
  
• The Difference Between God and Larry Ellison: *God Doesn't Think He's Larry Ellison by Mike Wilson Link: http://amzn.com/0060008768
  
• The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers by Ben Horowitz Link: http://amzn.com/0062273205
  
• The Innovator's Dilemma: The Revolutionary Book That Will Change the Way You Do Business by Clayton M. Christensen Link: http://amzn.com/0062060244
  
• The Lean Startup: How Today's Entrepreneurs Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses by Eric Ries Link: http://amzn.com/0307887898
  
• The Millionaire Fastlane: Crack the Code to Wealth and Live Rich for a Lifetime by MJ DeMarco Link: http://amzn.com/B004BDOUAI
  
• The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday Link: http://amzn.com/1591846358
  
• The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1885167776
  
• The Startup Owner's Manual: The Step-By-Step Guide for Building a Great Company by Steve Blank et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0984999302
  
• The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell Link: http://amzn.com/0316346624
  
• Traction: How Any Startup Can Achieve Explosive Customer Growth by Gabriel Weinberg et al. Link: http://amzn.com/1591848369
  
• Unlabel: Selling You Without Selling Out by Marc Ecko Link: http://amzn.com/1451685319
  
• Zero to One: Notes on Startups, or How to Build the Future by Peter Thiel et al. Link: http://amzn.com/0804139296

I would recommend that you read the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It (link to Amazon).



I read this book two years ago with not much belief in the knowledge shared here. I didn't fully believe or apply the principles, so it wasn't really helpful.



A few months ago, I came across this book again. Difference? I was desperate for change. I felt like my life was unravelling at the seams. I kind of had a similar background as you but with my father. He would literally laugh at my dreams and tell me I would "be overshined by my siblings," and told me I was "always lacking in everything." He is the reason I often fall into patterns of completely disregarding any achievement of mine. A few months ago, this was my typical day: I relived my worst memories once every few hours in attempt to "understand myself" (now I see it was a form of self-sabotage) and I kept telling myself I was strong for getting through these situations, but it didn't change the fact that I felt like a failure every day. I can't say I know exactly what you feel like now, but I can relate.


Okay, so back to the book. I read this with desperation. By then I was already aware of the importance of your mindset and what you tell yourself, but I didn't really know how to translate this knowledge into practice. And then came this book. Simply put, the idea is to tell yourself this one thing over and over again. "I love myself." It doesn't matter if you believe it or not right now. Just do it. Because you will get to a point where you actually value yourself through this seemingly stupid exercise. I have to say I feel better than ever about who I am. I'm just more secure about the person I am. My flaws, my interests, and all. I was socially awkward because I wanted people to like me so badly. Now, I'm not charming anyone by any extent of the word, but I don't feel that pressure to impress someone or make sure they like me anymore. (It's not completely gone, but eight to nine times out of ten, I don't think "what if they don't like me" anymore.) This is one the most effective CBT techniques I have experienced.



Also, a key idea here was to stop any negative thought process from unfolding by saying the words "not important" in your mind. This has been surprisingly helpful, and I don't go the on crazy negative tangents in my mind much anymore.

​

I also recommend you read the book Mindset. It became much easier to make progress and accept that I was making progress in different areas of my life with a growth mindset.

​

Best of luck! I hope you do well. I know you can get over this. I'm saying this as someone who has gone through clinical depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage over the past four years. I'm now thankfully completely recovered from depression and anxiety, and am working to get into university with a scholarship while freelancing. I get depressed and anxious, but it's not the magnitude of mental illness anymore.

​

Remember progress isn't instant. I don't know how negative your thought processes are, but the "instant change" I outline above is just to show you an example of where you might be. You might be mentally somewhere closer to me three years ago when it took a good year and a half to rid myself of my worst thought processes.

​

Good luck!

Ok /u/ACfireandiceDC, here goes:

I was diagnosed ADD a few years back after I read an account of someone describing their ADD symptoms on a Humans of New York post, of all things.

I read their life story and thought, shit, this sounds awfully relateable.

As soon as I was diagnosed, it became obvious I'd suffered since I was a child, and in-fact my Dad had, too - ADD is often genetic.

In being diagnosed, I was able to start better understanding why I acted in certain ways, and therefore able to start deploying strategies to navigate the challenges I faced.

This included starting on medication, initially Ritalin, but at this stage, I take Dextroamphetamine as I find it's much kinder to me later in the day during the 'crash' associated with amphetamine stimulant meds (note: the effects are entirely personal and vary greatly from person to person).

With hindsight, it's now obvious to me that ADD, and many other similar 'labels' are a general attempt to describe a group of symptoms that can range wildly from diagnosee to diagnosee - what I'm trying to say is that similar to Autism, I believe ADD and other similar disorders are sub-sets of a spectrum.

In my case, and by that I mean my individual 'genetic' traits which are associated with ADD, I suffer from the following things:

• Performance anxiety/perfectionism
  
• Extreme procrastination
  
• Difficulty focusing
  
• Problems with timings and organisation
  
  There are probably a few more I could squeeze in, but for the most part that's my slice of cake.
  
  Now, at this stage of the game, a few years into the diagnosis, I've spent much time and effort reading books, studies, anecdotes and so forth which have lead me to some interesting conclusions (that I have no doubt will continue to evolve):
  
  Overall, I think most of my symptoms are a manifestation of a type of anxiety, not dissimilar to what I imagine you experience with OCD.
  
  As a designer, if I can't get something 100% spot on within my own idea of 'perfect', I'll quickly end up grinding to a halt and giving up.
  
  Likewise, if I mess up a deadline early on, I'll lose all ability to continue, instead, becoming stuck in a bottomless pit of self-loathing and procrastination.
  
  My point is, I can trace most of my symptoms back to this type of 'anxiety'.
  
  I think, in many ways, this stems back to a conflict between my self-image and the reality of productivity requiring the suspension of 'perfection' in order to get things done.
  
  What I mean is: in my head, I want everything I do to be perfect because my ego constantly tells itself that it's special and unlike everyone else - when I look around, I see everyone elses work that seems mediocore and average, and I 'know' that I am capable of so much better, but then when I am working on something, as soon as I faulter and begin to struggle to get it 'just right', I am no longer capable of working and the procastination sets in - perhaps just a sub-conscious defense mechanism against the realisation that I, too, am mortal, and not as 'perfect' as my ego so desperately needs me to be - a form of cognitive disonance.
  
  As a side note, I've often wondered if this insecurity stemmed from my parents, or perhaps from bullying during my formative years - a question I fully intend on getting to the bottom of as soon as I can afford to see a professional.
  
  With this realisation under my belt, I've slowly but surely been able to make great strides in the last few months towards something that finally seems like an effective counter-attack.
  
  When starting a big project, I let myself spend hours, if not days, engrossing myself in the details and getting comfortable with the task set out before me. I find this helps silence many of the 'voices' (metaphorical) before they have a chance to bring me down and derail the train.
  
  The aim is to understand what I need to do, how I'm going to do it, and importantly, that I can do it, alongside a light but constant reminder that I need to focus on finishing something over lower quality rather than giving up on something nearer to perfection (in my industry, a common phrase is 'Just Fucking Ship It' (ship = launch) and 'Shipped is better than perfect').
  
  Alongside the effective medication, frequent cardio, no longer drinking alcohol, a good nights sleep, meditation and a quiet, healthy work environment, I'm starting to see real change.
  
  I'm no-where near the 'utopia' of productivity I have in my mind, and honestly, I likely never will be - that's okay.
  
  But as someone who has spent literally years hating myself for not being able to command myself into action, the slightest signs of a 'pulse' are incredibly exciting.
  
  It's taken a lot of effort and time to get here, but I firmly believe that if I can, anyone can.
  
  If you have any further questions or think I might be able to share some other useful information, please feel free to message me or simply reply here (this applies to OP and anyone else who might stumble across this reply, at any point in the future).
  
  As much as I hope you find this reply useful in some way on its own, I also want to leave you with some actionable steps:
  
  If you haven't already, take a look at the GTD 'Getting Things Done' methodology. Regardless of whether you implement it or not, learning the 'science' behind it will help you on your journey.
  
  Here's a good place to start: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOSFxKaqOm4
  
  Then here: https://blog.zenkit.com/a-beginners-guide-to-getting-things-done-3cc1a5123b98
  
  Some brilliant books I'd suggest are as follows - I'm not great at reading a book the whole way through these days, so I find Audiobooks to be a God-send (mainly Audible):
  
  Mindset by Carol Dweck
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322
  
  Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip & Dan Heath
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Switch-Change-Things-When-Hard/dp/0385528752
  
  Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Ego-Enemy-Ryan-Holiday/dp/1591847818
  
  Principles: Life and Work
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Principles-Life-Work-Ray-Dalio/dp/1501124021

The fact that it's mentally taxing and time-consuming means that it's likely working exactly as intended!

CBT saved and changed my life when I was at my darkest about six years ago. I've gone through some CBT here and there since then, but a lot of the lessons I learned the first time around have stuck with me and have helped over the years. To my understanding, CBT at its core is ultimately about learning to identify, catch, and fix your distorted thinking as it's occurring. This can be quite uncomfortable and exhausting at times, but it's 100% worth it in the end.

Also, if you aren't clicking with your therapist, find a new one! If you don't click with them, try another. That's not to say that you haven't found a great one already - just don't get discouraged if you don't feel like you mesh well. That's just part of the process, and therapists truly want clients they think are the best for each other.

Finally, I would really encourage you to stick with it for at least 8 sessions. It's tough but it's worth it if you really need it! (Although, I firmly believe that anybody could benefit from CBT - even perfectly healthy people who don't have any mood disorders.)

If you're looking to learn more about CBT and maybe try out some therapy in conjunction with what you're doing with your counselor, I would highly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook. This book is all about working through CBT on your own and provides a ton of extremely helpful exercises and overall informs you very well on the whole process. Keep in mind it's best used in conjunction with an actual therapist, especially if you're going through an episode of particularly bad depression or anxiety.

Welp, this ended up being a lot longer than I expected - I guess that's because CBT is very important to me, scientifically proven to work very very well, and I'm super excited for you to begin your journey with it. Keep at it, friend! In any case, good luck with your endeavors, and feel free to ask if you have any other questions. :)

Not a new faculty member -- I started out almost 20 years ago -- but I quit a tenured, almost-full-professor position back in 2011 to start over at a different university that was better suited for my goals, in no small part because of questions like these. I could give a very long answer on this because it's something I've thought about a lot, but I'll keep it short and maybe others can fill in their ideas.

Context: I work at a regional public university (26K students) and am pre-tenure but on the tenure track, up for tenure and promotion in 3 more years. I have a teaching schedule of 24 credits every year, which shakes out to three courses a semester (usually two preps) along with expectations for service and a modicum of research production (we're primarily a teaching-oriented institution). Also and importantly: I have a wife and three little kids and they are way more important to me than my career.

With that background, I usually am working on my stuff about 9 hours per day during the week, and maybe 2-3 hours on the weekends although I prefer not to work on the weekends at all. And it works for me, as I just had a successful halfway-point review for tenure and promotion and all signs are indicating that tenure shouldn't be a problem for me when I finally come up for it.

You asked a bunch of questions in that last paragraph that seem unrelated but actually I think they all hinge on one thing -- making sure that there is a space in your life for work and a space in your life for your life, and making sure that there is no unwanted invasion of one space by the other. What works for me is:

1. If you want to have a space for stuff in your life that isn't work, you have to set up hard boundaries around that space and defend it.
   
2. You have to know exactly what you should be doing at any given moment and also what you should not be doing at any given moment.
   
3. You have to choose projects and tasks strategically and manage them rigorously.
   
   To focus on #2 and #3, I practice the Getting Things Done or "GTD" system of task/time management promulgated by David Allen. It would be well worth your time to go read this book, maybe over the holiday break. I won't try to summarize it other than to say, the cornerstone of GTD is having a trusted system into which you put ALL your projects and tasks organized by context, priority, and energy available and focus ONLY on the next action for each project. This way of thinking will train you to distinguish what you should be doing right now from the many things that you could be doing, and also train you to let go, mentally, of anything other than the next available thing until it's time.
   
   So I highly recommend GTD. It's no exaggeration that when I discovered GTD a few years ago it changed my life. You asked about what I do to relax and feel peace -- the first thing I do is keep all my projects and tasks organized and under my control. Otherwise there is no peace!
   
   As for #1, I set aside evenings and weekends for family. That for me is an inviolable law. So, I shut down the computer and don't check email from 6pm to 6am. (I tell students this, and explain why, and they respect it.) I get up at 4:30am so that I can grade from 6-7am every day and not take time out of the weekend. Sometimes (like during finals week) I do have to bring work home. But I've found that I can get a lot done during business hours if I just remain ruthlessly efficient with managing my tasks (see GTD).
   
   So another aspect of having peace in my life comes from the fact that I never worry that I'm not doing enough to give time and attention to my wife, kids, church, or friends. Making hard boundaries around that personal space and fighting to maintain them makes it possible.
   
   TL;DR -- I've managed to maintain a good work-life balance and a productive career by practicing GTD and being deliberate about setting hard boundaries around work and family life.

Hey. I'm Canadian so I can't comment in depth on your SAT/ACT situation, I'm sorry. BUT. I do have some words of advice for you.

Have you heard about fixed vs growth mindsets? People with fixed mindsets believe in things like innate talent and giftedness. They say things like "I'm not a math person, and I never will be." If they fail at something, it's because they aren't good enough and they won't be - so it's time to pack up and go home. On the other hand, people with growth mindsets acknowledge the value of hard work. There is no such thing as innate talent or giftedness, and you can learn anything or become good at anything if you put in enough effort. "I don't have a solid foundation in math right now, but with enough practice I can eventually learn differential equations." Here is a link for you about changing your mindset.

Here is a link I found regarding the ACT/SAT thing. You might not go to Harvard right away, but it might be in your best interests to start at a community college and transfer to a big 4 year uni after a year or two. You'll save money and probably benefit from smaller class sizes, which will help your GPA. As far as I understand, once you have so many college credits under your belt, your high school isn't taken into account anymore. I think, anyways. Do some research on that.

Ok. Look. You are very young. Your life is not over or far from salvageable. You can fix this, and achieve the things you want, but it is going to take some discipline. Pick a date when you are going to write your exams, and create a study schedule going backwards. IE. You want to write in May, you have X amount of topics to cover, figure out how long you can spend on each topic if you start next week and leave time at the end for practice exams.

First, in order to do well, you need a really good foundation. Develop good sleep hygiene, eat well, exercise once in a while, drink enough water. Meditation can help with focus. There are lots of guided meditation videos or apps available.

Other things that really helped me study are Cal Newport's blog and his red book. You want to avoid "pseudo-working" (blankly reading over your notes for long periods of time) and instead focus really, really intensely on solving problems or mapping out concepts for a short amount of time. It's hard to do which is why a lot of students shy away from it. Cal talks about this everywhere, definitely worth a read.

You're gonna be fine! Best of luck!

Let's continue to refine it together. I need a few more weeks to finish a few things I'm focusing on but then we can really dive in and see how we can break it all down and make it easy to digest.

I definitely want to dive into the social community aspect more and the identity side, two components which I believe are very strong in why we play.

For Bali (or travel in general...) it's all about perspective. A villa in Bali is around $300-400/month and food is cheap (like a dollar for a bowl of Pho). It's completely realistic to live in Bali for $10/day. To live really well (like a King) it would be less than $1000/month.

So if you want to go and not work for six months all you need somewhere between $1800-$6000 + flights (one way from Vancouver to Bali is about $500).

Now the benefit I have is that I'm still able to work while I travel (I have a few streams of income:

• Coaching through Kingpin Lifestyle (been doing that for over six years)
  
• Freelance/Web design. I outsource projects I find through friends/family. I also write for addiction.com and get paid for it.
  
• I have a food blog with my mom called Wheat Free Mom. She does recipes I do everything else.
  
• A friend puts on an event called The Higher Purpose Project and I've helped him out with finding attendees for a referral fee.
  
  It all compounds. Thankfully I've been doing this for awhile so it comes more naturally now, but it's something you're definitely able to figure out if you dedicate time and effort towards it.
  
  The key is to develop different skills you can offer to people as a service. This is the difference between a friend of yours saying they need a website and you saying: "Ya... a website is something good to have." compared to you saying: "Oh ya? I could probably help you with that.." The next thing you know you've sold a website for $2000 and by outsourcing the project you end up with $1000 for sending a few emails and overseeing things. :)
  
  Here are a few good resources to start with if you're interested:
  
  
• The $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau.
  
• The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau
  
• The 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
  
• Tim Ferriss' Blog
  
• Chris Guillebeau's blog
  
• Sean Ogle's blog: Location 180
  
  

Hi and welcome! :)

You can find all the abbreviations on the right-hand sidebar, but here are some on FertilityFriend.

Some people start testing at 10DPO (days past ovulation), but many wait until their period is overdue so as not to have a ton of disappointment. I usually test at 12DPO because there's no way I can wait that long! Here is a really great website that lets you select how many DPO you are, then it gives you the odds of getting a positive that day.

I stay positive by talking to my husband about what's going on. I'm not going to lie, TTC has been one of the hardest things I have ever done because it can really yank you around emotionally. I wish I had known that before I started because I assumed I would get pregnant right away. Now, six cycles in, I try to find happiness and excitements in the little things. When you start using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits), you'll get excited over a positive test and get even more excited over a temp jump if you take your BBT (basal body temperature) every morning (which I HIGHLY recommend doing right away!). The TWW (two week wait, the two weeks between your ovulation and period) is still tricky for everyone. There's nothing that can give you a clear indication of if you conceived or not and it's just a huge waiting game. Try to stay off internet forums at least until you've gotten through the first week or you'll drive yourself mad! If you have any questions at all, please don't hesitate to ask me (or anyone!).

But for now, go get yourself a BBT thermometer (make sure it's specifically a basal thermometer), download FertilityFriend to your phone, and buy this combo set from Amazon. If you're finding that you have a lot of questions, this book is truly one of the best resources out there for trying to conceive. Hope I've helped! :)

What you gotta do is bottle up those laid back parts of yourself. Put those aspects of you that don’t fit into a little mental box and lock it up real right and bury it in your psyche. Then, you pretend to have this personality that your girlfriend and her parents demand. Practice it every day, all the time, unto you can’t remember being any other way. If you get depressed over changing yourself for other people, bottle that up too.

Personally I don’t think it’s wise to change who you are for other people, but that’s what you’re asking for. There’s this thing poly people call new relationship energy that non-poly people should be aware of imho. That exciting new relationship may seem like it’s perfect and right, and you may ignore red flags because “Love”. People who’ve been in long relationships will tell you that love is not enough to keep a relationship stable and content. You have to have the same general goals such as lifestyle and where you want to live and how many kids you want. You need to be somewhat sexually compatible. Finally and most important you need to accept yourself and the other person as they are, as they grow and change through life (because the both of you will evolve).

You don’t give your age but you sound kinda young. You gotta ask if being the domineering person they expect is something you want to become or if it’s something you want to maintain for the unforeseeable future. Yes it’s possible with practice to modify behavior, but being that kind of person can stain other casual relationships and any future romantic ones. Being domineering doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Controlling people are rarely just controlling at home. Setting aside how you feel about this girl is this the style of relationship you really want? You get a say in this too ya know.

As far as you et question about BDSM, it may or may not be an outlet for feeling controlled. People into that kind of sex play don’t do it for any single trope reason. Only she can tell you why she’s into it. Btw, all that she’s asking you to do, to change for her and for her family, all of that is her topping you, taking control of you. She’s demanding you give up your agency of choice in being who you are to instead play a role, to appear to be the dominant man in public and her submissive in private. You aren’t coming to any of this with a choice, it sounds more like an ultimatum to me. ‘To be with me you must be what I demand’ is not a relationship that consists of equals. You may order her around in the public aspects of home and for her parents. But… yeah dude you’re totally the sub in this situation.

You say ‘don’t tell me go break up, I love her’. Ok… I’ll just say that relationships with these kinds of fundamental problems don’t magically heal themselves over time. What is want to see is some agency from her to accept you as you are, to her parents and to herself. You say you’re a laid back dude, why isn’t she ok with you as you are? The sex stuff is a separate issue, I would suggest reading a few books like Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns to learn about responsible kink play, and I’d suggest checking the kink subs, and she should too since she wants to top you and she need to understand what that means so nobody gets injured. Btw. In a top/bottom kink relationship/scene, it’s the bottom who sets the limits and controls the scene. Not the top. If she doesn’t get that, that’s a huge red flag.

If you haven’t you should talk to your RL friends about this, especially ones that know her too, and check in. Love makes us stupid. You may not feel this way now but it’s really a bad idea to engage in toxic behavior for a relationship. That shit will taint you with a stain that’s not easy to remove, even with therapy

Good luck.

I can relate to this since I pretty much stayed home for most of my summer at the moment but now i got a job and am starting to be more social. What will really help you out is if you start going to random places wheres their people and just start making small conversations with people. I know its going to be uncomfortable and you'll most likely have some awkward silence and run out of things to say, but the more you do it, the more you get use to it and soon enough your social skills should get better. You can even start small by simply saying hi to people as they pass by or try giving high fives to people. I also reccomend the book how to win friends and influence people by andrew carnegie I am sure you can find it somewhere online for free or just buy from Amazon. Anyways the only way you'll get better is if you go outside and step out your comfort zone. Learn to talk about anything, and be yourself meaning talk to people about the stuff you like and hobbies you do. This will help you find out if other people have the same interest as you or not, but chances are you'll definitely find people that have similar interests to you (If you don't what kind of person how will you share yourself with others. So start to learn about yourself and decide what kinda person you to be/become). Lastly I recommend howtonogiveafudge reddit as this will help you learn not to care about what people think about your action and stuff you do and it lets you be more selfish (in a good way so that you could do what you want without worrying about people judging you) and I reccomend this video by simplepickup basically telling you about what true confidence is. Hope this helps :)

So I literally just came back from a blind, first date with a girl. Knowing nothing about each other, we were able to talk for about three hours. A common bit of advice is to ask open-ended questions to them. People usually like to talk about themselves, and if you show interest in learning more about them, they'll typically respond positively to that.

Sometimes you run out of questions in the normal flow of conversation (Are you in school? What are you studying? Why do you like that subject?--maybe you're out of questions at this point). It's ok to let things pause for a moment. A moment of silence is ok. Sometimes I'll let my eyes wander to see if anything catches my eye as something to talk about. If not, it's ok to just start a new topic altogether after a few moments have passed. "What are your favorite TV shows?" Something like that's an easy question to start from.

Something else I've learned to do is speak up myself. Although it's nice (and helpful for us who are shy) to let somebody else talk, it can be tiring for one person to do all the talking. It's ok and usually welcome to interject with your own stories. It keeps things moving and lets them get to know you better too. "My favorite shows are New Girl and Parks & Rec." -- "No kidding? I haven't seen Parks & Rec, but I hear it's a lot like the Office, which is one of my favorites. I was just watching it over the weekend, and I realized that my coworker is just like Dwight". You're building off of what they're saying by sharing some stories of your own. This keeps the conversation flowing naturally, let's them get to know you too, and increases the chances of them being able to piggyback off what you say. Obviously, you don't want to be rude in interrupting them, but occasionally it's ok to interject. If you mention something that they don't respond to "Oh, I thought the Office was terrible. [silence]", then just go back to the previous subject. "Ha, yeah, the dry humor isn't for everyone. What do you like about Parks & Rec?"

Being a good conversationalist takes practice, and I'm sure others have lots of good advice to help with it. For me, the biggest thing is staying mentally present. Keeping aware of my surroundings, not zoning out, relaxing my mind, avoiding getting caught up thinking about other things...that's the key for me to stay focused and engaged.

There's a book called "The Power of Now" that has helped me, even in my mid-twenties, really improve. There's a bunch of New Age stuff in there that I don't care for, but if you look past that to the underlying ideas of staying mentally in-the-present, it's got some really helpful advice. If you find yourself getting nervous during conversations, it'd be worth picking up from the library.

Good luck, and don't panic!

Yes. Not just for this girl, but because you'll need to ask for what you want in life. Whether prom works out or not, you might as well start getting in the habit.

For this instance in particular, keep in mind -- prom is (ideally) about having fun. If you make it mean something more than that, she'll feel that pressure. The pressure of you wanting her to say yes, you wanting her to like you, you wanting her to be your girlfriend, etc.

Not that those are bad things to want, but they put pressure on the other person, and that can be uncomfortable if they're not yet ready to accept that.

On the other hand, if you invite her and she gets the feeling that it's going to be fun, she won't have to worry about breaking your heart if she says no, or that prom itself is going to be this huge, stressful situation (because so much is riding on it for you) it'll be much easier for her to say yes.

In that scenario, she only has to be responsible for herself -- she doesn't have to worry about you, and that's an attractive quality. Someone who's going to enjoy himself no matter what. No pressure.

Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. That advice that'll serve you well throughout your life.

Recommended reading:

• How to Win Friends and Influence People
  
• The Four Agreements
  
  Meditation is also good for getting in a good frame of mind and not freaking out. I recommend the Headspace app for that.
  
  Good luck!
  
  

First: Talent is Overrated

Whole book in short: If it were easy, everyone would've done it. Effort and deliberate going-outside-your-comfort-zone practice is what makes the difference. You make a choice: comfortable mediocrity or hard-won skill.

Second: Mindset

This one: You approach each situation with one of two mindsets. The first is the fixed mindset, where you try to prove how great you are. The second is the growth mindset, where you are learning and expanding knowledge, challenging yourself, and have nothing to prove. These ideas are less familiar, so I'll pull some quotes.

>[W]e realized that there were two meanings to ability, not one: a fixed ability that needs to be proven, and a changeable ability that can be developed through learning. That’s how the mindsets were born. I knew instantly which one I had. I realized why I’d always been so concerned about mistakes and failures. And I recognized for the first time that I had a choice. When you enter a mindset, you enter a new world. In one world—the world of fixed traits—success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other—the world of changing qualities—it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself. In one world, failure is about having a setback. Getting a bad grade. Losing a tournament. Getting fired. Getting rejected. It means you’re not smart or talented. In the other world, failure is about not growing. Not reaching for the things you value. It means you’re not fulfilling your potential. In one world, effort is a bad thing. It, like failure, means you’re not smart or talented. If you were, you wouldn’t need effort. In the other world, effort is what makes you smart or talented.

>I have studied thousands of people from preschoolers on, and it’s
breathtaking how many reject an opportunity to learn. We offered four-year-olds a choice: They could redo an easy jigsaw puzzle or they could try a harder one. Even at this tender age, children with the fixed mindset—the ones who believed in fixed traits—stuck with the safe one. Kids who are born smart “don’t do mistakes,” they told us. Children with the growth mindset—the ones who believed you could get smarter—thought it was a strange choice. Why are you asking me this, lady? Why would anyone want to keep doing the same puzzle over and over? They chose one hard one after another. “I’m dying to figure them out!” exclaimed one little girl. So children with the fixed mindset want to make sure they succeed. Smart people should always succeed. But for children with the growth mindset, success is about stretching themselves. It’s about becoming smarter. One seventh-grade girl summed it up. “I think intelligence is something you have to work for . . . it isn’t just given to you. . . . Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence.”

>We asked people, ranging from grade schoolers to young adults, “When do you feel smart?” The differences were striking. People with the fixed mindset said: “It’s when I don’t make any mistakes.” “When I finish something fast and it’s perfect.” “When something is easy for me, but other people can’t do it.” It’s about being perfect right now. But people with the growth mindset said: “When it’s really hard, and I try really hard, and I can do something I couldn’t do before.” Or “[When] I work on something a long time and I start to figure it out.” For them it’s not about immediate perfection. It’s about learning something over time: confronting a challenge and making progress.

>You can see how the belief that cherished qualities can be developed creates a passion for learning. Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.

Alright man, I realize that I was lucky in the genetic lottery to have a foundation to work with, but I am in the middle of the scale. I'm definitely not one of those guys who is just beautiful, I gain weight easily if I don't watch what I eat, and I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by the way I dressed. What I'd say, even if you're at the total end of the scale on the ugly side (which I doubt, everyone's their own harshest critic), but it's possible, is you still have things that are within your control. You can't control your face, but you can control your weight, how you carry yourself, how you conduct yourself, and how you present yourself.

For fitness check this out: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/wiki/getting_started
You don't need to join a gym or anything like that either, it can help motivate some people, but for me I wouldn't go because I'd procrastinate just getting there. Now I jump-rope at home and do a variety of pushups/pullups one day and dips/rows the other. I'm hitting my legs/cardio with the jump-rope and my entire upper body between the others, I rarely spend over 30 minutes a day, and I don't leave the house.

How to carry yourself: This is a great Ted Talk on the subject: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

Also, taking into consideration how to carry yourself and moving into how to conduct yourself, this book covers both subjects very well, I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X

And as far as presentation goes, you don't need to break the bank, just check out /r/malefashionadvice and get a primer on how to buy clothes that fit well. This is also a great look at how to have a wardrobe that seems varied on the surface, but is actually quite minimal and affordable: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/11/21/how-to-build-a-minimal-wardrobe-video/

Also, one thing you can't do on your own is getting a good haircut. Find a barber and spend the extra cash, it's amazing.


Side-note: If you have any physical disabilities or deformities, that's really beyond the challenges I've had to deal with. I'd imagine all my advice is still applicable, but that it would definitely make things much harder, so I'd suggest finding a forum with people who are more experienced when it comes to such things.

I think that you're going to have to try a bunch of things and see what you enjoy. It sounds like you haven't had the opportunity or drive to develop outside hobbies, and I'm going to venture a guess that during primary and secondary school you were raised in a culture that encouraged studying and very little else. So, now's the time to figure out what you like.

If you're somewhat into reading, I'd recommend The Girly Book Club. I'm a part of my local chapter, and it's a great way to meet fellow introverts and make some friends. Looks like there's a local chapter in Stuttgart: https://www.meetup.com/The-Stuttgart-Girly-Book-Club/.

Others have already mentioned using Meetup.com to find some groups you can join. Here is the link to the Leipzig, Germany meetup groups. Pick a few that sound interesting to try out.

Other ideas would be finding an organization on campus to get involved in--it could be related to an interest or career development. Volunteer somewhere for a cause that interests you, such as helping at an animal shelter since you love dogs. Take fitness classes or local cooking classes. Pick up photography. Learn to go hiking. Go geocaching. You can do a quick Google search for hobby ideas to get a list of things, and then try the ones that sound somewhat interesting to you. Also try a few things that you normally wouldn't--you never know what you might like!

As for the social skills, the good news is that they're skills and so you can learn and improve if you set your mind to it. There are videos, books and articles about things like body language, how to be a good conversationalist, how to connect with people more easily. Pick up a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic for a reason. How to Talk to Anyone is also a good read.

Cool. I read your other answer. I'm not sure I see a connection between teaching English abroad and interactive design. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do them both, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

If you just want to travel abroad and do it a lot, then I'd get into the job market right now. I learned far more by doing work than being in school and you will continue to learn a lot for the rest of your life in any knowledge worker job anyway.

Traveling, or doing whatever else you love, is really easy to do once you're a highly paid expert at whatever it is that you do. So, consider this as an alternative to teaching abroad if it's the travel part you're more interested in.

As someone in the IT industry, we barely care what your education is. When we hire people we want to know:

1. What have you done for other people?
   
   
2. What can you convince us you can do for us?
   
   So, if you just want a job in interactive design then I don't think it's worthwhile to do your masters either. If you just love being at Western and want to continue that, then that's understandable... definitely do the school thing as long as you can, it's an awesome lifestyle.
   
   Otherwise, your best chance at getting a job is by making your own job. Go to the CS department and see if you can study or improve some of their sites. Become familiar with applications that help you study/record/understand how users interact with programs/websites. Find some developers who are working on projects and offer to help them improve their design. These experiences are your resume, use them and you will get a job. If you try to get a job on education alone, I wouldn't hire you.
   
   Also, for a completely different idea of working and getting a job, I suggest reading this book.

Ha, do your thing man. I'm only a few years older, so I've not got the wisdom of the ages, but I can share a bit from our experience. I'm sorry he's been behaving as a jerk. My wife's folks have ranged from mildly supportive of our marriage at times, to generally negative mostly, to downright subversive at others. It sucks, but after 6 years I think we're sloooowly winning them over.

Told my wife about yall, here's a few points of advice that we think would really benefit you both if you choose to move forward with marriage:

• You're going to be starting a new family, and in the beginning it will have only two members. While you'll have strong connections to your former families, and you'll bring a great deal of the respective cultures of those families into your new one, you're not melding two larger families together into one (as others have suggested). The latter idea is a nice one, but is way beyond your capacity as a couple, and would be highly unlikely to succeed. How well your former families mesh is up to them, and the only thing you can really control is the boundaries you establish around your own new family - your ability to influence them is not assured.
  
• seek premarital counseling, make sure that among topics like finances, sex, children, careers, etc., your dynamic with your extended families is also explored. It's one that will likely affect you for the next 20 years or so.
  
• Read Boundaries in Marriage, by Henry Butt & John Townsend. Speaks directly to the kinds of issues you're having and will face. Additionally, the original Boundaries is likewise good, though more broadly applicable to life not just marriage.
  
• Knock your debt out within the first year of marriage. With two full time incomes, this should be a cakewalk - the only downside is you live modestly for a year, and that's not a bad thing at all. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps plan - its a simple road map for getting out of debt, saving for goals (home-buying, newer cars, etc.), and building a stable future that takes all of the worry and guesswork out of money. My wife and I DID NOT follow this when we started out, and instead got pregnant quickly and have been digging ourselves out slowly ever since.
  
• Seek a mentoring couple, older than you, whose marriage your really respect and admire. Look for folks who have the kind of dynamic, kids, achievements, etc. that you desire. As far as possible, emulate them.
  
  Exciting time in life to be at dude! Lots of adventure ahead!
  
  One further thought, this one a bit dark, apologies. How attached to her family is your girlfriend? Would she be able to make a clean break from them if that's what it took for the two of you to have a healthy marriage (not saying it is necessarily at all, but it is a possibility)? We've seen a few young marriages implode when fights got ugly and one spouse or the other ran home to mom&dad instead of working it out.

Secretary is a great start ... but yes, there's a lot more :)

• Kushiel's Legacy, by Jacqueline Carey is a solid fantasy series with a BDSM protagonist. I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet!
  
• I'll second the Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice (under the pen name A. N. Roquelaure). Very explicit and pretty extreme in terms of the level of sexuality and the degree of Master/slave dynamic presented.
  
• I haven't read Sunstone myself, but have heard great things about it.
  
• Smut Peddler and Smut Peddler II are great collections of erotic comics. Not all of the stories are BDSM-related (though many are), but the diversity of genders/sexes/dynamics/etc. presented is unparalleled, and the stories & art are excellent.
  
• Girls with Slingshots is a fun, sexy webcomic with a few kinky characters.
  
  If you're interested in non-fiction BDSM resources, I recommend starting with Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns or any number of titles from Greenery Press (especially those by Jay Wiseman).

Hi,

I think this is a good opportunity for you to go back to basics in your practice. You've done an excellent job in recognizing your patterns of craving/aversion. The clarity of your words in describing your situation really speaks highly of the time you've put in to your practice, regardless of whether it's regular or not at the moment. You deserve to feel good about the progress you've made, so pat yourself on the back!

Now we can get back to basics and some age-old wisdom that you're going to find helpful. The intense aversion that you're having towards your work situation, at its core, is really a form of craving. If the understanding that craving/aversion are the same phenomenon comes to you intuitively, great! If not, spend some time thinking about it and you'll have an 'a-ha' moment.

So, what do we know about craving? Well, thanks to the Buddha's teachings we can observe for ourselves that our suffering in life is caused by craving and through mindful living we can learn to relax craving and reduce our suffering. Time spent in meditation allows us to experience this process first-hand, and it gives us an opportunity to dedicate ourselves to powerful mindfulness with few distractions. However, the reality of life for most of us is that we don't spend most of our time each day on a meditation cushion. We have jobs, obligations, and relationships that require the majority of our time and attention. For this reason it's extremely beneficial to develop daily, moment-to-moment mindfulness.

In my opinion, the term mindfulness is often poorly understood. Really it's just the process of being aware of your moment-to-moment experience. Imagine for a moment the experience of watching a movie. You're sitting in a chair, or on your couch, with the television in front of you. As you settle in to the movie, you effortlessly become absorbed in the sights and sounds on the screen. As you become more engrossed in the film, your awareness of your physical sensations and immediate surroundings fade away. Only when we hear a noise, or perhaps like always happens to me when I go to the movies and I've gotten the extra large soda and get the sudden urge to pee, only then do the entirety of our surroundings and immediate experience come into view and we see the movie for what it is: images of light projected on a screen.

Just like a good movie can sweep our attention away, our own thoughts, emotions, and reactions can have just as strong of a pull on our attention. Mindfulness is the process of learning to continually pop back out of this dream-like state and simply observe our present moment experience.

The suffering you have described is partly because you are losing mindfulness throughout the day and being pulled into an illusory world of negative thoughts and emotions that, in that moment of being pulled away, you identify with and believe to be your own. These negative thoughts and emotions color your perception of reality and shape your experience. With mindfulness you can begin to break this pattern and see that those moments are just as fabricated as the images projected onto a movie screen. Seductive, of course, but when viewed objectively the magnetic-like pull vanishes.

There are a variety of methods you can use to help develop strong mindfulness off the cushion. You can use your breathing as an anchor to the present moment, this is a very good anchor. It brings you back to your physical senses and it's a process that's always there as long as you're alive. The breath becomes a constant reminder to come back to the present moment. Another method is to use self-inquiry to check-in from moment to moment with your experience: "What is this?" "How mindful am I right now?". By getting in the habit of checking-in, we become more aware of our moment-to-moment experience and we can more quickly recognize when we are pulled away.

You asked about a guide to help you with mindfulness in daily life and there are some great books. I'm going to just recommend one right now because it's short, affordable and focused exactly on what you're working on right now:

Mindfulness in Plain English
https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069

Last, I'd like to just take a moment to share a few thoughts on the bi-polar discussion in this thread. I'm not a mental health professional, so it would be irresponsible of me to try and diagnose you over the internet or give you mental health advice. If looking at your own situation as objectively as possible, you think it will benefit you to seek professional guidance I would encourage you to do so. There's really no downside to a professional opinion. I would avoid coming to any conclusions on the matter until you've done that though.

I wish you all the best!

First off, grade equivalent scores are crap and don't work the way most people think.

>GRADE-EQUIVALENT SCORES
>The Grade-Equivalent score compares your child’s performance on grade-level material against the average performance of students at other grade levels on that same material and is reported in terms of grade level and months. If your 5th-grade child obtains a grade-equivalent of 10.5 on a standardized math or reading test, it does not mean that your child is solving math problems or reading at the mid-10th grade level. It means that she or he can solve 5th grade math problems and read 5th grade material as well as the average 10th grade student can read and solve 5th grade math problems. Your child is performing much better than the average 5th grader but most likely would not perform as well if tested using 10th grade material as they have not yet been exposed to 10th grade material. Caution should always be used when interpreting grade equivalents, especially when attempting to use grade equivalents as the basis for a grade placement discussion.


So don't feel bad about where you are now versus where you thought you were back then.

What can you do to keep from falling behind?

1. Check to see if you might have a learning disability. Many people who are very intelligent are not diagnosed in their early school years because the work comes so easy to them. As they progress and are ask to do higher-level work, they hit a wall.
   https://childmind.org/article/twice-exceptional-kids-both-gifted-and-challenged/
   
   
2. Learn to study.
   https://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/topic/105297/entryType/2
   This site has some useful links; some of which are aimed at younger children, but if you have never learned to study there might still be useful information there.
   
   I also recommend ”How to Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less”
   https://www.amazon.com/dp/0767922719/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_I6bzDbZZXP07R
   
   A lot of studying comes down to being organized, efficient, knowing when and where to get help. Remember that forming new habits takes time and you have to remain persistent.
   
   If you have a friend, teacher, or parent who is willing to help, it can be useful to be accountable to another person. Have a once a week check-in on what you have done in the last week and what you need to do in the following week.
   
   
3. When you are having a problem with a concept, find online resources that can help you review. Khan Academy is a wonderful resource. Wolfram Alpha is a great way to check answers for specific Math problems.
   
   
4. Turn in all assignments! (And on time.) Zeros can quickly bring down your overall grade. A late paper that drops your score by a grade by 10 pts. each day can also hurt you.
   
   
5. Figure out why you are learning something. Sometimes its because you find the subject matter interesting. Other times, you are only doing it because it's a requirement for the next step in life. As you struggle through something, remember what the end goal is and that you are choosing to pursue it. Thinking about it as something you choose to do, instead of as something you are forced to do, can give you a sense of control in your life.
   
   
6. Remember, even if you are in the top 0.1% in intelligence, there are still approximately 327,000 people in the US who are as smart or smarter than you. If you go to a competitive college, you will most likely have to deal with becoming ”only average” in that environment.
   
   I'm sure people in this group could come up with a book full of thoughts on this topic, but hopefully, this gives you some things to think about.

As many of our INTP compatriots, we have wit on our side. I try to use this to my full advantage. Women like intelligence, and if you can tantalize their minds, their image of you becomes much bolder.

Of course, the thought of rejection causes stress and can cause cessation of any further action. This is a fundamental flaw. Every rejection is an opportunity to learn how the "system" of flirting works. The more you try with sincerity, the more comfortable you become, and more well versed you are.

I'd never consider myself a "ladies man", but if I catch even the slightest glimpse of interest from an attractive member of the opposite sex, I use that as my first bit of motivation; They have interest in you already. Foster the growth of that interest using your intellectual acuity, and dare to be bold. Something I've had to learn over the course of too many years is that women want a man who takes charge. Feign your confidence if you must in the beginning, but you'll soon learn that a confident wit is an invaluable asset.

Also, as outlandish as it may seem, this book helped me tremendously. It may seem primal and deceptive, but there are tips for confidence that allowed me to believe in myself when approaching a woman.

Have courage, embrace your wit, and always have the mentality of the no-lose situation mentioned above.

You're drowning in negative thoughts and self-hate, but there IS a book I've read that helped me with those same issues.

The GOOD book. Have you accepted Jesus Ch--nonono I'm just kidding.

There is a good book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that turned a lot of things around for me. Here's the link to it on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

You DO have it within you to become loveable, smart, successful, beautiful, and wanted. Definitely not all at once, and a lot of those aspects will need to begin inside of you. You need to love yourself before others will see how much there is to love you about you, too. You can do this. It takes work and commitment. Learning to love yourself when you've got a past as dark as yours, a past that didn't teach you HOW to love yourself, is a hard road to walk. I'm walking it still myself and I'm nowhere near the end, but I do know I'm better now than when I started, and tomorrow I'll be a little bit closer to the end of the road because I'm not done walking, I'm not giving up.

About the book: it's cheesy as fuck, and the author (if you see his picture) has a seriously disturbing abundance of forehead...but what he says about depression, and how it's primarily driven by our own negative thoughts, is just completely mind blowing. I understand the exercises may seem silly at first, but do them exactly as he says to do them and you may be surprised at how light you feel afterwards.

PM me if you feel you need any help with the book, or anything else. Hope things improve for you, stranger.

​

Old post, but I felt that this has to come to the surface.

Video games didn't hold you at gun point. It didn't force you to play. Yes, they are designed to abuse your reward systems in the brain, and yes at such a young age it can be difficult to recognize these patterns, but it is up to the user to take control. Clearly you have made a good decision early on, as many can go 20 years before they finally snap out of the daze.

What I'm about to share, is nothing new. You will have heard about it, maybe even tried it one or twice. For most people it doesn't stick, because it seem too challenging and demanding. The thing which is neglected, is how it will develop a keen way of getting profound insight into your own life, habits, thought and behaviour-patterns.

Keep with me for a moment, because what I'm trying to get to here is quite important. Meditation is, and should be, a tool taught to everyone, especially at a young age. It will give the person distance from emotions and immediate reactions, which in return will make it possible to have an objective view. It also clears away the endless chatter in the head, allowing you to have serious discussions with yourself, and also has the potential to give profound clarity in life. The kind of clarity where the world becomes brighter, you notice details in your life that weren't there before. Because you are always fully present, in the moment. Like a new born. vipassana is the style of meditation which is the easiest to begin with, with only one goal in mind. To build concentration and awareness, as they are essentially bound together, and one cannot exist without the other.

I highly suggest checking out this book, even if all you read is the first 20 pages... It might just change your life, allow you to play games as a reward, rather than as a clutch. https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069

It may seem boring, and really difficult, but once you do some research you will realize that most "successful" people in this world actually meditate, it becomes a silent clue that it has some real weight behind it. It hasn't been practiced for hundreds of centuries for no reason. It is the best way for (and probably the only way for the former) total enlightenment and liberation, of our desires, anger, our jealousy, greed and hate. (ps. Lifeflow 2 is a great tool to learn meditation )

Start working out. Get healthy, great foods into the body. It'll make ur weight stabilize. Get out of the house and do stuff. Go for walks. Read books. It really doesn't matter. Just get going and it will snowball once you see positive changes in your life.

Lastly, externalizing "I would be happy if x y z" factor is only a setup by your mind, your ego. It doesn't work like that. TRUE happiness comes from within. No amount of external stimuli can ever give you that. You have to CHOOSE to be happy. It'll come with age, if you pursue it, relentlessly. You can't predict how your life would be different, because it could have gone in any direction. The only important thing is what you decide to do now, then stop blaming the past, stop looking back, move forward, find mentors, find idols, find people to emulate, and give it your everything.

Best of luck.

• Rules for emails (both Outlook and GMail do this decently, presumably the rest do too by now). Some of the automated ones (e.g., build mails) I automatically mark as read because I don't need to see them as they come out but I may need to look back through the folder for recent builds occasionally.
  
  
• OneNote. Wikis have their place (and if you want one, set one up on your machine; there are plenty of free ones where that's easy, and other people may be able to use it too if you want them to), but OneNote is very slick and it's one of my sine qua non tools. (Disclosure: I worked at Microsoft. Not on OneNote, but in Office.)
  
  
• If you manage people, then you need to ensure that some of those emails (once you remove the unnecessary ones) go to people that work for you. Delegate.
  
  
• In terms of TODO list-type organization and prioritizing, I use David Allen's Getthing Things Done system; it's simple and clarifying. Find a copy at your library if you don't want to buy it. I've adapted the system for OneNote.
  
  
• If you can find or argue for time to step back, take a breath, and determine what tools or issues can be fixed by investing some development time (e.g., the not-authenticating one looks like low-hanging fruit), write up some brief proposals based on your experience (and by "proposal" I just mean: "this is what we have now, this is how much time it's costing us; here's a fix/alternative/better way, which I estimate will take X hours of time to build and test and Y hours to train people on, saving Z hours a week after it's in place"; the director doesn't want to read a novel any more than you want to write one).
  
  
• "My struggles" is nice, "my solutions to my problems—the company's problems—that I would like your help/feedback on" is better.
  
  A lot of it seems low-hanging (e.g., installing a version control system and committing versions and giving them tags based on that, and having apps report their version or revision, perhaps tracking it in a wiki page); it's just gotten so frenzied that people are too busy with the urgent to get to the important matters that could improve the system (someone wrote a great piece on this called "The tyranny of the urgent").
  
  Fixing a number of these low-hanging items would certainly look good (and if you're not a manager, something to point to at a review). You haven't mentioned whether management is aware of the problem or supportive of systemic fixes; how you proceed largely depends on that. Good luck.

Sorry, I'm not a cult survivor but I have some thoughts for you.

I grew up in a very very Catholic household and I was known as the weird religious and nice guy around campus. When I made the switch to Christianity after 18 years of Catholicism, I only did that for 2 years. What I've come to understand is that there are many faiths out there, each being similar but somewhat different from one another. For example, there are some churches that worship God, some worship Jesus, some worship both, some worship none, some put God higher than Jesus and some put Jesus higher than God. And that's around the same guy-entitly-lord-god the world just came to know. There are other people worshipping different Gods, thousands of them. And there are those that think they are their own God.

Overall, what I'm trying to say is that the answer to life is ambiguous. I wouldn't recommend going back to Christianity because (at least for me because I've had multiple pastors and priests jam different knowledge in my head) it's just one of many variables to a common religion. In fact, if I were you I would figure out life's mysterious by myself and see what truly makes sense to me from an objective point of view. Having personal, subjective point of view is good from time to time, but it's great to learn about the universe from a point where "Oh, no one can disprove this..." And just add knowledge one by one. And if it's been disproved later on in life regardless then of course just trash it. If there is knowledge were no answer is found that's okay. You don't need to know now.

Here are the people I recommend:

https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC48MclMZIY_EaOQwatzCpvw/featured

If you want a book, I personally recommend https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 . One section basically talks about 2 influential people like Jesus and the Buddha but it talks about them in an objective point of view. Overall, the book is about discovering something greater for you.

Again, the main point I want to stress is that you should learn life FOR YOU. You could even trash what I recommend completely. YOU have the power to do so. You should not feel forced to join a certain religion or way of thinking. Do it for yourself.

Your situation sounds incredibly similar to mine - except I'm a few years down the road from you.

I've now graduated from both college and from law school, and have been working as a lawyer for about 6 years. I still procrastinate far too often. (Right now is a good example).

Anyhow, about your question here's what I've done. Hopefully some of it is helpful to you.

Read up on procrastination - it's kind of fascinating. You know what you should be doing, but there's a disconnect between intention and action. Work isn't rewarding (short term). Not working is rewarding (short term). It'll be exactly the opposite down the road, but intellectual self can't convince emotional self to suffer the difficulty of work to experience the reward of having done something well and on time. And the reward of maybe playing some guilt-free video games or whatever else.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is also a very good idea, but I had difficulty finding a counselor and, once I found a good one, part of the difficulty in treating chronic procrastination is the fact that you're gonna want to procrastinate on the work you have to do to deal with the procrastination.

What's been very, very helpful to me is mindfulness meditation. 99% of the time I was just reacting without really being aware of the underlying difficulties that I was facing. Mindfulness can help start to untangle reactions and emotions and can help you start to see more clearly where the breakdown between intention and action is happening. You can find some good intro to mindfulness meditation lectures at audiodharma.

For CBT, in addition to finding a good counselor, the Feeling Good Handbook was recommended to me and is quite good. It has a terrible, cheesy title, and that's just life. The content is excellent.

Anyways, long story short, like someone else here said, willpower is a muscle, and you're going to have to exercise yours. Some of the tools I've listed above will make it easier to figure out what is at the root of your personal struggle and that, in turn, will make it easier to see when you're making that choice to procrastinate. But the simple answer is that there's nothing but hard work that will ultimately solve this for you, and I'm right there working hard with you.

If you like to read about stuff like this, try "How to talk to anyone" by Lyle Lowndes. The title and premise/self-help style may seem kind of cheesy, but it's really useful if only so that it helps point out the things you may have noticed but don't keep in mind during day-to-day conversations.

I'm not sure if you ever have moments where you can ramble away a perfectly cogent thought, but pay attention to those times when you stop 'thinking' and put those words together in a smooth, receptive manner that is very much in context with the current scenario. If you can do that all the time, or very frequently, then I think that will help you the most. Two things that may help you:

1. Best advice I've ever gotten from a lady-friend and this is her advice to all men everywhere: Take it down a notch. Just one. So however/whatever you were planning on doing/saying to that girl? Just take it down one notch (there are times such as big events one-time-scenarios where you can maintain normal notch capacity)
   
   
2. Sometimes the most important thing is not saying something, or stopping to formulate your thoughts for a moment. There are times I'll want to burst out into conversation with the immediate response that comes to mind...over time I've learned to sort of filter myself unless I'm a bit excited. Sometimes, it's classier to say nothing or to do something subtle rather than say the first thing that comes to mind. Sometimes it's good to store that thought for a later moment in time when it's better formulated or when it is even more prevalent in a conversation. This can make circular conversation far easier and it's always impressive to link the current topic with a previous one with said audience (it shows you pay attention, that the discussion is more relevant than they possibly realized, and that engages people).
   
   P.S. Engage.
   
   http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X
   
   Also, a current book I'm reading to sort of see the patterns people play out is "The Games People Play" by Eric Bernes (I think I got his name right). This book was sort of a breakthrough on psychology and the way we interact with each other. At the very least, these two books can give you ample information to communicate with people about human communication.
   

You have to block out all that noise man. What is a "normie"? Someone who's life experiences have turned out to be different from yours, and you perceive that to mean they can't understand you on a deeper more emotional level? Think about it for a second. Whether or not this guy is lying, what does he have to gain from it? Just to make himself feel better? Through all the sludge and toxicity that is Reddit, this fellow user went out of his way to help YOU. Well maybe not you specifically, but total strangers on the internet. He made a well intentioned thought out list, to MAYBE improve someone's life.

I'm not an "incel", but I've been through some dark times in my life and still struggle with it. But I've seen some pretty uplifting things that helped me to see the light and joy and beauty of the world and people in it. We're all human, we all have our faults and weaknesses, but don't let that discourage you from being the best you that you can be. Who the fuck cares about what other people think? People get this snowball mentality that they think they have less worth than they really do. We all have potential, I wholeheartedly believe that people who are subscribed to this sub can turn their life around and become happy people.

I encourage everyone to read Don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements.. I know it looks like some new age hippy shit, but this book has improved my life dramatically. Or even just read [this shit](http://www.toltecspirit.com/if you don't want to buy it) if you don't want to buy it. Honestly if someone wants to IM me for a personal chat, I'd be happy to talk. It seriously saddens me to see so many people stuck in their own self pity. Love yourself, allow the universe to love you. Good things will happen, I promise you.

Let me assure you, this self-hating issue you describe is common to human beings for a lot of reasons (and commonly for your reason) and YES, you can overcome it, absolutely. Therapy will help, but until you can afford it, you will have to work on it yourself.

Healing these sorts of things really is a process, and consistency (working on it every day, for a short time) will likely work best.

I am not a therapist, but I think it's pretty obvious when you are fed guilt and shame messages about being gay all of your life, there's a big buildup of emotional baggage that weighs you down. By 'weighs you down' I mean causes you to have automatically negative thoughts and feelings (e.g. guilt) to your own natural gay feelings and desires. Judgmental religious environments will, in a sense, train you to feel this way through explicit and non-explicit signals and messages they give you about homosexuality.

Your job is to recognize and challenge these automatic responses. Every time they happen, you should be prepared to slow down, pull the thoughts and feelings apart and have better, positive messages to replace them. At least, that's a start.

I would recommend The Feeling Good Handbook as a very good guide to this process and for other ways to combat your guilt and self-hate feelings. You are likely to find it in any decent library, so should cost you nothing to obtain, but if you can't find it, PM me and I will buy you a copy.

Don't limit yourself to this, though, find other reading recommendations and learn all you can about how to help yourself, if you are so inclined. Positive Psychology is one area to look into. In any case, don't hesitate to get a therapist once you are able to. I'm sure you can improve your mind on your own, but I think most research ties the best outcomes to having a caring therapist... and once you can, shop around for one - don't just take the first thing you can get!

Good luck!

Depends on how old you are.

• Middle school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but I don't think I can read those books now (29) without cringing a little bit. Especially, Getting Things Done because I already know how to make to do list, but I still flip through all 3 books occastionally.
  
  
• High school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but if you're a well adjusted human and responsible adult, then I don't think you'll find a lot of helpful advice from these 6 books so far because it'll be pretty basic information.
  
  
• College: I really enjoyed this, this, and started doing Malcolm Gladwell books. The checklist book helped me get more organized and So Good They Can't Ignore You was helpful starting my career path.
  
• Graduate School: I really enjoyed this, this, and this. I already stopped with most "self help" books and reading more about how to manage my money or books that looked interesting like Stiff.
  
  
• Currently: I'm working on this, this, and this. Now I'm reading mostly for fun, but all three of these books are way out of my league and I have no idea what their talking about, but they're areas of my interest. History and AI.

Hey guys!

I'm really sorry that I forgot to reply, but I just wanted to thank you all for your wonderful insight. I'm tagging everyone in the thread as a thank you. I was doing some reading in regards to believing in yourself and positive psychology. A lot of how we think really translates to our reality (I believe). I found an article that best summarizes what I've been reading lately https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201610/how-build-your-belief-in-yourself
I would also like to recommend a book if anyone has time to read it. It's called Growth Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck. https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322
My sister is starting a pre-med program at WSU and we are both reading this book together as a way to help our mindsets.
Although I wish I had a very indestructible mindset, sometimes it helps to hear from others though, and I'm grateful that this is a very supportive community.

/u/Khem_kid, /u/Pimms_and_Patellas, /u/samariam, /u/skleats, /u/fourcolortheorem, /u/FederalReserveNote, /u/chefsarecursed.

Also /u/prematurealzheimers and /u/knowuow, I was at the one at UCLA :). We might have crossed paths via that web broadcast thing haha

Personal research, mostly. I'm a big history nerd with a slant toward religion and other macabre subject matter. I'm actually not as well read as I'd like to be on these subjects, and I basically blend different sources into a knowledge smoothie and pour it out onto a page and see what works for me and what doesn't.

I'll list a few books I've read that I enjoyed. There are certainly more here and there, but these are the "big ones" I was citing when writing all the comments in this thread. I typically know more about Christianity than the other major faiths because of the culture around me.

Christianity: The First Three Thousand Years - Diarmaid MacCulloch

A History of God: The 4,000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Karen Armstrong

The next two balance each other out quite well. Hardline anti-theism contrasted with "You know, maybe we can make this work".

The Case for God - Karen Armstrong

The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins



Lately, I have been reading the Stoics, which like Buddhism, I find to be one of the more personally palatable philosophies of mind I have come across, although I find rational contemplation a bit more accessible to my Westernized nature.

Stoic Philosophy of Seneca: Essays and Letters - Translated by Moses Hadas

Discourses and Selected Writings (of Epictetus) - Translated by Robert Dobbin

The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius - Translated by George Long

I'm still waiting on Fed Ex to deliver this one:

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy - William B. Irvine

Also, if you're into history in general, a nice primer for what sorts of things to dive into when poking around history is this fun series on YouTube. I usually watch a video then spend a while reading more in depth about whatever subject is covered that week in order to fill the gaps. Plus, John and Hank are super awesome. The writing is superb and I think, most importantly, he presents an overall argument for why studying history is so important because of its relevance to current events.

Crash Course: World History - John Green

Rules of the Game - by Neil Strauss

http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302470632&sr=8-1

I can't believe noone has mentioned it yet. If you want to finally start having relationships with people, getting girls this is the way to go. It takes you through the steps required to interact meaningfully with people (the basis of relationships) and takes you through the basics involved from meeting someone to taking them on a date. (It's a well known idea that there are a number of stages involved in for lack of a better word the courting process, eg. first meeting someone and connecting on some level, building comfort- so that you are both comfortable around each other etc. - this book takes you through the basics)

And the best thing is its not written by some douche- this guy is genuine. The reason he wrote the book was to help guys like me and you who are trying to figure out how to start being social, dating girls and having alot of sex. He's the author of The Game

http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302471001&sr=1-1

a great adventure into the world of pickup, it's an absolute blast to read!!! (if you really want check it out quick without buying just yet, you can torrent it hint hint*) Anyway so he has some mad adventures, he went from this normal average guy to this guy thats irresistable to women, bedding many, MANY of them. Its hard to describe this without making him or me sound like a douche but he's awesome and genuine, he frikkin wrote a book to help guys out damnit!!!

Anyway the reason I'm saying all of this is well, I went through the exact same thing. I'm 22 now. About a year ago now I had enough of the bull$hit and decided to figure out how to get with girls and be social, figure all that shit out. Well, I succeeded. Life is better than ever, I have no problems talking to girls, dating them and fucking the hell out of them ^.^ Also figured out who (well still working on it) are the people in my life I can trust, who will help me and who want me to succeed and who are the fucking deadweights holding me back that I have to forget. Ain't being no douche but about a month ago I was seeing 3 girls every week regularly to fuck and I accidentally made one of them fall in love with me >.<, fuck I wasn't prepared for that considering I didn't lay down the groundwork for our relationship n' stuff.

In the end, I realized who I was (still on the journey) and this is the basis of social interaction. The ideal world should be inter-dependant, each person knows what they wants and interact with each other in that respect. Having a laugh with someone is fun, thats why we do it! But we should never give up who we are in order to do it.
Fuck lol, that's way too little words to explain that idea, but the idea comes from Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people (EPIC BOOK)- which lays the groundwork out on how to live life.

Anyway, PLEASE, PLEASE have a look into The Rules of the Game, I think this is exactly what you're looking for.

Send me a message- I'm here to help a fellow man who needs help out :)

yw.

Learn more about the subject and talk to her about your ideas, concerns, and so on, as well as learn from her what she is interested in. You should talk to her about scenes, get her consent, and have a safe word. The info you need is presented nicely in a few books and of course you can find much more online.

This classic is a terrific read. It covers the basics of S&M, explains some of the psychology, teaches basic safety, offers tips, etc. It will help you understand kink better. Just get and read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

I also recommend this book on shibari bondage. It teaches basic knots and harnesses, has good instructions, and pictures, and is a good introduction to rope bondage in general. Start off by ignoring the complicated stuff and see how far you get. Whatever you do end up doing with rope, practice, practice, practice. Your gal needs to have faith that you know what you are doing. If it takes you 90min to truss her up, she'll get annoyed. http://www.amazon.com/Seductive-Art-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1890159387/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345560909&sr=1-1&keywords=midori+seductive+art

If you have a good S&M shop in your area, go visit it to learn about the various toys, browse some books, signup for a class, and maybe come home with something fun.

I've always looked at as a way of making sex more creative, more intense, and more playful. Stagecraft and ingenuity are a big part of the game. If you read through the books, you might find some inspiration.

As for slowing her down a bit, if you can get her to sub for you, you can demand service at other times while promising bigger scenes on the weekends. I am not kidding about that suggestion. Maybe there are people out there who can manage 3hr scenes more than 1x/2x week. I am not one of them.

The two items I would buy first: 1) leather cuffs for wrists and ankles--don't buy the cheapest, the won't work well, or for long. 2) a good leather flogger.

There are lots of places to shop for toys and materials. Hardware and pet stores come to mind. You can make some of the gear that you need.

Try to bottom for her or somebody else you trust one time. A few minutes should suffice. I think that's an essential experience for a top. You need to know what it feels like and use that to inform how you top. Once you have had an S&M experience, vanilla sex might feel rather dull. Pleasure, pain, sensory deprivation, and unpredictability put you into an altered state that can last for hours afterwards. It's unbelievably wild and that's one reason why people really get into it.

Don't do any of this stuff if you and/or her are drunk or high. It's too dangerous and will defocus you from the experience itself.

The good news is that you have a gal who will do things few others will. The bad news is that she expects you to deliver. Just make it fun.

Good luck to you.

the animation field is very very competitive. and little by little, jobs are being cut out from the field. if you go for animation, you better have passion. without it, you may as well have no chance...

i wanted to be an animator ever since i was a kid, i love cartoons. animation is a wonderful medium.

Do you know who Richard Williams is? I hope you do. In his book, The Animator's Survival Kit, He talks about his journey into the world of animation. please read that section which is located in the very first pages of the book.

i watched your video SidMonqay, and i will tell you to forget about animating right now. No, i don't mean lose the passion to animate. What i mean is forget about the technical part, which is animation. First, learn how to draw. No, i don't mean learn how to draw cartoons, i mean really REALLY learn how to draw. Study classical drawing and painting...trust me...if you focus on this you will be able to draw ANYTHING:cartoons, anime, illustration, comics, etc. because this is the HARDEST and most DIFFICULT art there is. (Jason Manley from ConceptArt.org https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh37Mtex67w) you don't have to 'master' it, but learn from it. once you know you are ready, you are ready for animation.


I am 22, and studying classical drawing at a studio in Chicago under a very great and talented artist who i call my mentor. he has connections to some of the biggest studios of animation out there, and knows A LOT of well known artists. He teaches classical drawing and painting but also works as a storyboard artists and is grateful to make a living as an artist. He told me he has plans to grow the studio into a small 'academy' where he and other artists will teach classical/digital/animation. I am so happy i found this place. it beats all the art colleges i have gone to.
I now go to the studio and study mechanical design technology at a community college(as a back up, if animation doesn't work out..)

I will introduce you to Bargue drawings(intro to classical training)
http://ricardopontes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/34_plate_I_7_the_foot_of_the_gladiator.jpg

This book my mentor suggested me to read, which i did "Lessons in Classical Drawing: Essential Techniques from Inside the Atelier"
http://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Classical-Drawing-Essential-Techniques/dp/082300659X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1409106710&sr=8-2&keywords=classical+atelier

This artist who has great drawing/painting demos DVDs which i learned a lot from (Robert Liberace)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyC4sxFrr9w

An animation news website
http://www.cartoonbrew.com/

Calarts which is the best school(they say) for character animation
http://calarts.edu/

(but listen, you DO NOT need a degree for animation. you DO need a kick ass portfolio. and i mean it. kick ass...you get the job and recognition from your portfolio and skills, not the piece of paper.
I myself am not getting a degree in art or animation.)

here is my tumblr. i post my art there.
http://cigaretteclub.tumblr.com/

if anything SidMonqay, try art at a community college. it's cheaper than larger institutions. be careful of for-profit institutions and people that just want your money. that is where i messed up, and i lost all hope, until i found this studio. I highly recommend you go and find a studio or atelier and study drawing and painting there. there are also art workshops every year for illustration/animation/drawing/painting you can find each year around the U.S! like this one http://www.artconnectionacademy.com/SaturdayLectures.aspx

but, choose your own path! any questions, feel free to ask

[edit] of course! Richard Williams book on animation! http://www.amazon.com/The-Animators-Survival-Kit-Principles/dp/086547897X

Don't use your phone to browse, especially while walking.

/u/teaandtalk Gave you good advice for how to behave on campus.

Classroom: Take notes by hand. Once, I started a conversation with someone because she had a gorgeous bujo (bullet journal). Good notes make you appear competent. Competence will encourage others to approach you and form study groups, which are easy ways to create a support network on campus. When you are unique (but not distracting) you stand out. Compliments are easy ice breakers in the classroom because they're quick but let you connect over a shared interest.

Transportation/Packing: This one is a big issue for me because my school has a behemoth of a campus. :) Always wear comfortable shoes. If you need to dress up, put heels in your bag for the meeting/event. Only carry the essentials. Invest in a tablet and download electronic copies of your books. Only bring your laptop when you need to use software that's not on a smaller device. Buy a good USB stick. Carry chapstick and water, and a travel-size deodorant and sunscreen. Baby wipes and bandaids are a good idea if you have space. I love JetPens because they have a lot of organizers and cases that are handy. You don't need more than 2 pens, 2 highlighters, a pencil, an eraser, and spare lead.

General: I don't know what year you are, but I recommend Cal Newport's book How To Become A Straight A Student no matter what point of your education you're at. Learn how to save time, because having leisure time means less stress which makes you appear more feminine to men and approachable in general. Practice good self-care and take care of your appearance. Never wear revealing/provocative, dirty, or weather-inappropriate clothes to school; they make you look unprofessional.

The following resources helped me immensely:

1) Finding someone in-person

Go to psychologytoday.com -> Find a Therapist -> Enter your location -> Scroll down on the side until you see "Types of Therapy" and expand to see all the options -> Select "Motivational Interviewing" or "Coaching"

2) YouTuber Dan O'Connor (he offers online courses but also has tons of free YouTube content)

3) Books:

How to Win Friends and Influence People (Classic and helpful/condensed versions are great too)

Communicating Effectively For Dummies (the "For Dummies" series is straight forward and inexpensive)

4) Myers-Briggs Personality Test:

This can help you gain a sense of self and why you communicate a certain way vs. other personalities. I LOVED learning about this. It is incredible and so so helpful.

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (free version)

https://www.mbtionline.com/TaketheMBTI (official version/costs $50)

5) Communication Courses at a local college

Look to see what your local college offers! Business Communication, Psychology courses, and Sociology are all fantastic ways to learn!

Lots of great recommendations in this thread; I've added a few to my reading list. Here are my suggestions (copied from a previous thread):

• How to Win Friends and Influence People - Everyone with a mother should practice this.
  
• Tao Te Ching (S. Mitchell translation)
  
• Basic Economics: A Common Sense Guide to the Economy - I never cared about economics until after I was done with school, and didn't remember anything from university class. This helped explain a lot of common fallacies many people make.
  
• Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets - As Taleb says in the beginning of the book, anyone from any profession could have written this book, but a financial background makes this much more interesting. Anyone interested in science and what we can learn from the world of past experience should read this. This led to the next book:
  
• How to Live: A Life of Montaigne - A biography of Montaigne, a great skeptic, always curious, interested in what it means to be human. I found I could relate a great deal with the man, as many others have in different ways. The dust-jacket description made it sound like a boring historical overview, but I think the book flowed pretty well and was always interesting.
  
• The Visual Display of Quantitative Information - Anyone that ever creates a slideshow, or attempts to represent data visually should read this book. More than once. I'd say it changed my life.
  
  And, the following two are a look into the lives of two great men that lived in the 20th century; both offer many points worth emulating.
  
  
• Genius: The Life and Science of Richard Feynman
  
• The Trials of J. Robert Oppenheimer (once available in full on PBS website, seems not to be the case now ...)

I've used a combination of withdrawal and natural family planning for over six years now without any pregnancies or pregnancy scares. I'm also in a monogamous marriage where I completely trust my partner and STDs aren't an issue. It's a solution that works for my particular situation, but it's not something I'd feel comfortable recommending to people in different circumstances. It's definitely something that requires a lot of research and diligence and not something to be taken lightly.

I strongly recommend that you read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Actually, I recommend this extremely informative book to all women who want to know more about their reproductive system, but it's especially pertinent to anyone interested in natural birth control. Even if you decide to get the device, having this knowledge is extremely beneficial and will help you stay pregnancy-free.

I really have to agree with the comments that the device you're looking at is an overpriced piece of crap. All you need is a basal thermometer and a calendar (there is a ton of information on how to use these in the book mentioned above). There are also websites and software out there that will help you track your cycle for far less than what these machines cost. Quite simply, you're being ripped off. Positive internet reviews about this device were probably paid for and planted by the company, and should be treated with a grain of salt (not talking out of my ass here; I'm into internet marketing and know how prevalent this is).

You say in another comment that you want something "idiot proof", but in terms of natural family planning, nothing is more idiot proof than knowing your fertility cycle intimately. Use a machine or software to supplement this knowledge, but don't completely rely on it. Machines and software run on algorithms and can never know your body as well you do. I strongly recommend going the old "basal thermometer and calendar" route for this reason alone.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. You'll run into a lot of "well-meaning" people telling you that you'll fail and that this is a horrible idea, but don't let it dissuade you. It's unfortunate that so many people believe that the only way to control fertility is through medication and devices.

I've been exactly where you are. ADHD was, and in many ways still is, a defining feature of my life. Here's what I wish I'd known when I was your age:

-If you're feeling overwhelmed, there's nothing wrong with slowing down for a while. Consider dropping any honors or AP classes and taking an easier course load. The very worst case scenario is that if you want to attend a four-year-college, you'll have to attend community college first. By the time you're an adult, not even the world's most colossal snobs will care where you spent your first two years of university.

-Become an organizational freak, and do it ASAP. Keep your room squeaky clean at all times. Be someone who has a conscious system for staying on track. One of the most beloved systems for this, which also helps people without ADHD, is laid out in Getting Things Done by David Allen

-Start thinking about what you want your life to be like as an adult. What kind of career do you want? How important is money to you now, and how important do you think it will be by the time you're closing in on 30? What kind of work can you do for an extended period of time without making yourself completely miserable? These things are important for everyone to think about, but I think people with ADHD are even more prone to ignoring these questions. One of the most well-received books for helping address these questions is Designing Your Life, which is based on a course at Princeton. (Disclaimer: I just started reading it, so I can't offer a full assessment. But it seems like a book that someone in your situation would greatly benefit from reading.)

-Get physically fit, whatever that means to you. If fitness means being able to run marathons or swim fast, learn to do that. If it means looking in the mirror and seeing a ripped physique, learn to lift weights properly. Fitness is one of the world's most reliable confidence boosters, and if you're someone who struggles with ADHD, anything that can make you feel better about yourself is something you'll want to consider doing.

-Read about successful people with ADHD. It turns out that a lot of people with ADHD tend to perform well in creative and entrepreneurial endeavors. Personally, I'm working on building my own business, and I wish I'd started doing that a long time ago.

-Medication is an option, but don't rely on it exclusively. A pill isn't going to fix your ADHD, but it might put you in a frame of mind that helps you manage it more easily. Personally I can't deal with the side effects of the ADHD meds I've tried, so I don't currently take them.

If you haven't already read Dar_Syn's Intro to BDSM.

A few great reads for new Doms/Dommes/Tops would be:

"The New Topping Book"

"Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns"

BDSM for Nice Guys this is a really good read to start.

I also have a bunch of links in my BDSM Resource Collection(more stuff on rope bondage), but the Check out /r/BDSMcommunity's FAQ has a bunch of resources as well.

Watching videos from Kink.com can be a good resource for examples of what you can (not how) do along with how to act* in certain situations.

I'd like to point out is that you really should get interested in your local scene, if you haven't already register for a Fetlife account and browse the Novices & Newbies group. There's nothing like learning directly from people that have been doing this kind of thing for years, so get yourself out there.

Now just as a side note. Saying things like "beginners shit" doesn't exactly encourage anyone to help you, try to be courteous and respectful when your asking for help. A great way to get people to actually read everything you write is to split it up into more manageable chucks rather then post the "wall" of text".

Cheers, and good luck with your journey.

Take a genuine interest in the people you are talking to. Remember, it is (in most cases) easier to get people to talk about themselves. So if you help guide by asking questions about them and taking a real interest in them it will start to come naturally.

While you talk to them, make sure you listen. When they are talking, you should not be thinking about the next thing you are going to say as that will surely lead to a dead conversation. If you are busy thinking about what to say next, you are not going to hear what they say and it will be obvious. So make sure you listen and comment back on the topic. It helps the conversation continue and shows that you are interested in what is being talked about. If you are constantly changing subjects people tend to think you are not that interested.

There is a good book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are many good tips and pointers in there.

Another good tip, work on remembering names. People like to hear their own name and using it is a powerful tool. This works great in sales and for guys, ladies simply love it. Especially when you meet them once briefly and the next time you see them you remember and use their name. It shows you are thoughtful and ladies like thoughtful men.

Waking up by Sam Harris is a very interesting read on this subject. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1451636016/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1451636016&linkCode=as2&tag=wireli08-20&linkId=CSLQO2UCBZ5KBF6U

For meditation, I recommend starting by reading this book and to take it from there. Meditation in essence is a technique to help you break through conditioning so don't expect miracles from the start. Master the technique and see from there. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0861719069/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0861719069&linkCode=as2&tag=wireli08-20&linkId=PCE4EPUARK5PAQPB

Other than the two resources mentioned above, I would recommend to practice love and compassion towards yourself whenever you're in need of guidance by thinking of the person you love the most. Use visualization to picture that person in your very situation and from there, think of how you would advise that person to act in their best interest. The next step would be to visualize yourself in their position and ask how you would advise yourself (being the person you love the most) to act in your own best interest.

The exercise might seem a bit awkward at first, but it's a way of channeling your deepest sensation of love and using it for your own benefit. Often it makes the right decisions because it keeps your strengths, weaknesses and preferences in mind like no other.

By using meditation to break through conditioning, and combining that with the practice of self love, you're well on your way to reach your true self without actually giving up on real life and join a monastry.

I'm definitely not there yet myself, but at the very least I can say I'm heading in the general direction, which on itself already feels deeply fulfilling. Never hesitate to look deeper!

Assertiveness might be more straightforward to address than an inner monster. There's more material available on it; it's better understood in the popular discourse as something that anyone who doesn't already have it needs to develop.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. I can vouch for this one personally. It's a pretty comprehensive treatment of how and why people don't develop or respect healthy boundaries and what you can do about it.

That book comes from a Christian tradition. Much of it is secular, but some of the motivating statements and theoretical framework is in terms of Christian theology. I'm agnostic leaning atheist, but I actually found that part of the book opened my eyes to the fact that there are some Christian people in the USA who use their beliefs as a basis to do some hard work on themselves. A useful experience on its own, for what that's worth.

Supporting skills:

• Mindfulness of bodily sensations. Peterson has spoken in a bunch of different videos, referencing Carl Rogers, about how you can feel it in your body when you're saying something that you know isn't quite right, something that misrepresents your interests or what you know to be the truth. Well, feelings can also be the first thing to tell you when you're giving away power that you shouldn't be. Learn to recognize that feeling more quickly and reliably by making a conscious effort to notice and pay attention to it as it comes and goes.
  
• Recognizing it is a separate step from acting on it. Pick something that comes up for you repeatedly, walk yourself through what you want to say, what happens when you don't, what it feels like to continue not getting what you want. Resolve yourself to say something about it the next time it comes up. Realize in advance that this could be terrifying. You will feel in the moment like what you had ready to say is no longer the right thing, like you're being rude, taking what isn't yours, bullying. Standing up for yourself when it's not something that you've done before is by definition outside of your sphere of normal experience, so it is very likely to present as the kind of paralyzing unknown that Peterson speaks so eloquently about. Realize that if you're serious about changing this piece of yourself that you can't let that stop you.
  
• Extend out. Once you've done it once, it might or might not get easier to do the same kind of thing in other situations. You'll probably have to try it a bunch of times across a bunch of different issues before asserting yourself respectfully starts to feel more like a natural part of your being.
  
  That is the obvious and straightforward path, the one that in my experience and opinion is most likely to get you to where you want to be. If the language of the Jungian shadow appeals to you, you can also try approaching it in terms of facing up to who exactly it is that you don't want to be - but think about trying that after you've given the straightforward approach a fair shake.

Yea, I just got home. I'm bored, mini rants incoming.

When I first heard of The Four Agreements, I was in detox back in 09 or something. And this tweaker chick kept going manic. She'd be happy/sad/angry/empty... just over and over. She was throwing chairs, and freaking out, but she kept telling me to read that book. So I had to, because she had excellent chair throwing skills. It was a great read, ... very very interesting take on spirituality but it is pretty applicable. It's a feel good philosophy warrior book thing.

The Power of Now. I had what AA would call a "spiritual awakening" and it really wasn't much like a burning bush, but A LOT like this guy talks about in this book. When I was about to kill myself with a teener of dope, I had this very very strange experience where I couldn't identify with myself anymore. .. "Who is this person that wants to die so badly?... Who am I?" It really changed things. The power of now was the most powerful thing I've read.

The New Earth is pretty interesting. I have to disagree with some points, because traditionally, you can't really get rid of the ego. The ego is necessary to survive. But it's interesting. It's worth a read, especially someone stuck in a facility with only their remorse and addiction to keep them company.

I personally LOVE Gabor Mate. This guy deals with the most tragic cases of addiction in Vancouver, and he's a neurologist and he has some pretty good insights on addiction. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. It's partly where I came up with my flair.

Rational Recovery was another I would suggest. It's a lot like those Allen Carr Easy Way to Quit Smoking. But the basic idea is disassociation from the "Addictive Voice". That it's not ME that wants to get high, but my addiction. That shit rocked my world when I learned it, and I immediately integrated it into my first step in Narcotics Anonymous.
EDIT, Rational Recovery, and Jack Trimpey are VERY AGAINST 12 step ideology. He HATES IT, and he hates the God idea. I get that, but I cannot and will not deny the therapeautic value of one addict helping another. Nothing compares. Even Bill W. in AA wrote about it in his memoirs and grapevines and the Big Book. "When all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic saved the day."

Tao de Ching really helped me. Although it may be missattributed, the whole "Living in the Past is living in depression, living in the future is living in anger and fear, living in the now is living in peace."

So, as you can see, I really like the "now" concept, but it's helped me stay clean and be happy about it. Non-fiction would probably be great too. But these are very spiritual new agey ideas.

This reminds me, I need to read The Spirituality of Imperfection.

THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS THOUGH:

I highly recommend the NA Basic Text, and I love the Step Working Guide.

"How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is a book that is decades old, but still useful. It's probably the most famous book of its type ("how to talk to people"). Literally over a dozen million copies have been sold. Check out some of the reviews on Amazon.

"How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships" by Leil Lowndes is also a great book. I have read part of this book before and it offers extremely useful tips. It's also easy to read as the author provides great anecdotes to explain the tips and to help you easily recall them. This one is more recent than Carnegie's book, which was published in 1936. I believe this book would be a better read because our society/culture is a little different from what it used to be back in 1936. Still, some claim that there are timeless pieces of advice in Carnegie's book, which is true but if you're only getting one, I'd get this second book instead.

Source: Current storyboard artist, former animator. I also used to teach animation to kids 5-15.

Here's what I would do if I were you. Buy a bunch of blank flipbooks, a 9x12" sketchbook, and this book, Animator's Survival Kit by Richard Williams: http://www.amazon.com/Animators-Survival-Kit-Principles-Classical/dp/086547897X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=&qid=

Every time it mentions an exercise (such as a bouncing ball), do the exercise. Make the bouncing ball a basketball, a character's head, whatever will make it fun for you.

Also, practice drawing a LOT. Go to life drawing classes. Draw buildings and trees. Draw objects and hands holding objects. Pay attention to form, but also light. Practice drawing your favorite animated characters, but after you've copied a few poses, make sure you're picturing them in 3D and paying attention to proportions. Try to draw them in a pose you've never seen them in.

I've noticed a lot of high schoolers in particular worried about drawing/animation style—which style is correct, which should they draw in, how do they develop their own style. Don't worry about this, your own drawing style will come out naturally as you draw more and more the way you like. It's not terrible to try to imitate Disney, Miyazaki, or anyone else, but it's also not terrible to just do things your way. Try everything. Your style will come out based on how you LIKE to draw.

After you're comfortable with flipbooks and what they call "straight-ahead animation," you'll be ready (and dying to) get an animation peg bar, hole punch, and a light table. Or you can skip this and go to the computer if you want. I think it's important not to start out on the computer, though, as it will make you think like a computer (solid shapes, motion in straight lines) and it will be tougher to learn to animate organically. You'll have put yourself on a path to being a great motion-graphics-designer, but a tough path for an animator.

Don't worry about sound yet. In a real studio you wouldn't be recording the sound anyway. Once you feel comfortable animating and ready to get into characters talking, take a few lines from a movie and animate different characters over it.

PM me if you want more details or have questions about any of it.

So in saying the BD versus the SM, I assume you mean Bondage and Discipline, and Sadism and Masochism. Fun note, the acronym is more complex than most would think, as the DS also stands for Dominance and Submission. So 6 initials in 4! Woo!

Alright, goofery aside, yes, you can be submissive without being masochistic. It really depends on the partners you're playing with, and what you consent to beforehand. It sounds like you're looking to explore. I'd advise you to look around, and meet people before jumping in. BDSM can be a little much if you just jump in feet first.

The advice given out 99% of the time, is to join fetlife, and look around in your area. If you live in a decent sized city (more than 2 stoplights) there's a chance there are groups around you. The easiest course would be to look, find a group that's not too scary, and attend a munch. It's a great way to meet people in the scene, and get comfortable. If it still sounds like something you wanna try, and a scene you want to get in to, you should be in a good position to advance from there.

There are also a handful of books that are worth reading, SM 101 (A little outdated, but has good info still), and Screw the Roses are good ones. I'm sure more people will add book suggestions.

If you want to engage in play at some point, and decide to set something up with someone locally, come back and tell us, and we'll prattle on about all the safety things you should do before your first meeting. But, SM 101 covers that well enough that you should know what to do. Side note: Part of the "outdated" has to do with that, because he talks about these new things called "cellular phones", and how they might be useful for check ins, if you regularly meet up with people. Good thing that newfangled technology never caught on!

Taking on the advice that everyone else here has shared like consolidating credit cards into a 0% one for 12 - 18 months and trying to negotiate a payment plan for your hospital bills is a good idea.

As others have mentioned, you need to have a budget and be able to stick to it. Have you taken the time to go through your last 3 months of bank statements and work out where your money is going? That's the only way to identify areas that you can cut back. I'd categories them as:

1. Must have: Without these, you really would be in a bad place... (e.g. rent, critical bills, groceries and basic clothes)
   
2. Should have: Without these, you lose some key comforts but you can get them elsewhere for free but more effort (e.g. broadband [you could go to a public library], running a car)
   
3. Nice to have: Without these, you'll sacrifice a nicer lifestyle (e.g. going out for lunch, nice clothes, new gadgets, gym membership, Spotify subscription)
   
   Then look really hard at each item in those categories, even the must-have (e.g. are you living in a bigger apartment than you need? Do you shop at a fancy grocery store as opposed to a more affordable one?) to see where you can make cutbacks. The only way to get out of debt is to spend less than you earn, use what remains to clear it.
   
   There are plenty of tools out there to help you, like Every Dollar and YNAB. Also worth checking out podcasts by the likes of The Minimalists and reading Your Money or Your Life, which offer very practical advice.
   
   In terms of tackling the debt, you have 2 options:
   
   

• The mathematically smart way: Start paying off as much as you can on the debt with the highest amount of interest
  
• The rewarding way: Pay off the smallest debt you have (e.g. your $1,000 credit card), then work on the next smallest, adding on your previous payments so they snowball into bigger ones. This is more rewarding, as you see debt disappear and you feel a sense of progress.
  
  All the best with your situation. You can do it, your debt is definitely not insurmountable, you just need to be disciplined and make some sacrifices to clear it.

I would personally start with the William Irvine book:

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195374614/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_YduuDbEW3T11Z

I don’t necessarily agree with him on everything in the book, but it gives a good view of stoicism. It’s easier to read since its in modern English.

I would also recommend “The Daily Stoic.”

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01HNJIJB2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_IguuDbHAQG82S

It is a good book that you can get into if you only have brief periods of time to read. Ryan Holiday books are all pretty good. He mostly uses stoicism in his books, but also a little from other philosophies.

The reason I would start with these books is because the language is a little easier to understand, unless you are used to reading older English. Though “Meditations” does have pretty good translations.

Nassim Taleb wrote a book called Antifragile that gives one possible perspective on your question.

By putting yourself in a "safe" place (not 100% dependent on a job to pay bills, spending all your income, etc) you're making a small contribution to the health of the whole.

A small thought experiment: If everyone in America started saving 40% of their income tomorrow, what would happen?

Plenty of jobs would disappear, but there would be more than enough reserved to fund those who lost their jobs until something else became available.

Right now I'm planning on making significant contributions for my in-laws when they can no longer work. I'm 26, and am positive that I'll be providing a lot of care for them in less than ten years. That means that the more I can save now, the more I can care for them later, and keep them healthy and happy, while preventing them from being a drain on "the system".

Last thought - there's not a fixed dollar cost per child's life saved. If it was that simple, some huge foundation (Gates, Zuckerburg) would kick all the money needed to eliminate all malaria-related deaths ever. They could afford it. The challenges are so much more nuanced than that. So you couldn't save 30 lives a year with your $100k, even if you tried.

Great question, though. I love thinking through all of these kinds of things.

PS have you read Your Money or Your Life? I think it might help answer some of these questions.

edit: spelling

Honestly, just focusing on the breathe, and noticing when the mind wanders and re-focusing on the breathe is really it. As you continue to meditate, over time, years even, your perception of how to do that will change. You will notice how to catch your mind wandering quicker. You will also see what causes your mind to wander. You just start to get a better idea of how your mind works, and that can be pretty eye opening. Basically, it sounds simple, however, it is anything but, as your practice is always evolving. You also have to deal with the different "distractions" your mind and body throw at you.

I suppose the point of meditation could be to calm the mind. I don't know, I don't really think of it in those terms. That said, if you "try to calm the mind", I doubt you will be able to. Your mind is always working, wandering, planning ect. Meditation gives you a bit more awareness of this, and at times, though meditation, you will be able to calm it quite a bit. Don't think of it in black and white, IMO. It'll probably never be calmer, but you may fine when meditating, or after, that your mind is calmer. I wouldn't make that a goal though. There's a lot of benefits from meditating, and there's a lot of ways of thinking about it, so just try to keep an open mind about what could happen.

In terms of how is any of this going to help, well, there are a few different trains of thought. The most convincing is that doing this actually does change your brain chemistry. I don't know the specifics off hand, but you can google this and find answers pretty easily. The other trains of thought are more meta-physical or spiritual. I've definitely had some of those, but that's something you just have to experience yourself, as it'll be different for everyone.

If you really want to get into the nitty gritty of how to do it, check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunaratana/dp/0861719069/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3LQX224INT59Q&keywords=mindfulness+in+plain+english+bhante+gunaratana&qid=1555219056&s=books&sprefix=mindfulness+in%2Cstripbooks%2C141&sr=1-1

I have it, didn't finish it, but it had a lot of good info.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding and welcome! Sounds like you're doing a good job planning way ahead to have your best chances of conceiving when you're ready! You're on the right track in trying to lose weight, that's the best you can do right now is get as fit as possible. Easier said than done!

First, get yourself a copy of this book, which teaches you about how your cycles works and how to track it.

I personally can't give much input on PCOS but I'm sure others can.

My doctor recommending going off BC at least 2-3 cycles before actually TTC. My husband and I are currently using condoms for the most part, but from a few days past ovulation to when my period starts we don't need the condoms because it's an infertile period. Anyway, yes it is get allow your body time to get back to normal but also to allow your uterine lining to build up better (so I've heard). It needs to be able to hold and nurture that egg!

As for prenatals, I use the CVS gummies, which are quite delicious. Not sure if they're veggie-friendly though.

Best of luck with all of your big plans!

Online courses are really hit or miss. Most college courses on "business" don't really teach how to start or run a small business. They either teach big business... how to work in a large corporation... or how to create a startup. Both of those are markedly different from starting and running a small business (even an online one).

There are some great books about starting and running a small business, though. Here are a few of my favorites:

Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs

This is an excellent book on business finances for the non-accounting types. I took accounting classes in college but never really got what all the financial reports really meant to my business' health. This will teach you what's important in the reports, what you should look out for, and how to read them. This is critically important for a small business owner to understand, even if you plan to hire a bookkeeper and accountant.

The E-myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

Awesome book about building systems in your business to really grow it to the point where it's not just a job for the owner. It's easy to read and probably one of the top 5 business books of all time.

Entreleadership by Dave Ramsey

This is a good book and covers several different aspects of entrepreneurship from hiring and managing employees to marketing, setting the vision, etc. It's hokey at times, but is a good read.

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People by Stephen Covey

Not necessarily a "small business" book, but easily my top #1 book recommendation of all time. It's hugely applicable to any professional, or anyone really. I re-read this book every couple of years and still get more out of it after almost 20 years.

Getting Things Done by David Allen

THE productivity book. Even if you only absorb and implement 25% of the strategies in this book it will make a huge difference in your level of productivity. It's really the game-changing productivity system. This is one of the biggest problems with small business owners - too much to do and no organization. Great read.

Thanks for posting these, I will be adding them to my reading list. To add.....

The Four Agreements A bit new-agey, a bit preachy, a bit hippy, but entirely relevant to those who are trying to improve themselves and bring happiness back into your life. It frees you of the constraints of personal relationships. My counselor recommended that I skip the first chapter because of the 'preachy' stuff, I recommend that you read it all, it does paint a picture, and it was quite profound for me. So much so, that I actually condensed the Four Agreements into a small graphic and put it on the lockscreen of my phone. I find myself constantly stating them to myself. I am amazed at how easily they have become a set of guideposts for my life.

The 48 Laws of Power Not so much required reading, and again, for someone looking for ways to improve themselves. Focuses on power in interpersonal relationships and how to recognize when it's being used and how and how not to use it. Tons of interesting historical examples makes it a fun read. Not really a relationship book, but rather knowing how these dynamics work might make it easier to sidestep when your partner tries to be manipulative.

sigh It really disappoints me that a solution that might actually help you is becoming unattractive to you because of the way these therapists are shoving it down your throat.

As someone who has studied and attempted meditation (with various degrees of success) for much of my life, I can say that you're not wrong to be frustrated with both meditation as a solution, and your therapists for not being helpful. Eastern meditation is becoming something of a fad in psychological circles, which I actually support, but it's fairly useless to just tell people to do it without any other useful guidance... Meditation can help with a variety of mental problems, but it requires continuous practice to really benefit, and a teacher or guide who really has experience with it is also really important.

Your own insight is actually something I'd recommend you do:

> If those things worked for me I could do them with youtube videos and books and I wouldn't need a real life therapist.

Well, why not look into YouTube videos and books? And yes, as much as I harp on people getting professional help for mental health issues, like any doctor, therapists can vary in quality.

I might recommend this book to you, it's a very good meditation guide for beginners:

Mindfulness in Plain English

Just remember that feeling frustrated with meditation and feeling like it isn't doing you any good is a common experience, you're not alone. You need to understand why meditation helps, and how to do it properly and with what attitude - a therapist simply insisting that you do it is not good enough.

Would you be a good piano player if someone just told you play the piano repeatedly? No. The same is true of meditation. It's an art, a skill that needs proper technique and regular practice to be effective.

Articles from reputable sources are a decent source of knowledge, but some quality business books will get you an infinitely better understanding of concepts. Here is my personal business book list if you want to get a "universal generalist" understanding of business:

• Business Creation - The Lean Start-up
  
• Value Creation - How to Make Millions With Your Ideas
  
• Marketing - Getting Everything You Can Out Of Everything You Got / All Marketers Are Liars
  
• Sales - Pitch Anything
  
• Value Delivery - Indispensable
  
• Accounting/Finances - Financial Intelligence / Accounting Made Simple
  
• Understanding the Human Mind - Making Sense of Behavior
  
• Productivity - Getting Things Done
  
• Problem Solving - The 80/20 Principle
  
• Decision Making - Smart Choices: A Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions
  
• Negotiation - 3-D Negotiation
  
• Management - Growing Great Employees
  
• Project Management - Making Things Happen
  
• Statistics - Marketing Metrics
  
• Corporate Knowledge - The Effective Executive
  
• Corporate Strategy - Purpose: The Starting Point of Great Companies
  
• Creativity - The Creative Habit
  
• Personal Finance - Your Money or Your Life
  
  I am graduating with a Bachelor of Commerce Honors degree in May and I can easily say that one of these books (average price ~25$) has significantly more content than most individual classes I have taken (~600$). However, keep in mind that business knowledge and business acumen are two entirely different things. Knowledge is easily obtainable through books like these, and acumen is the result of applied experience with decision making. In short, it is one thing to be book smart, but it is another to get out there and actually apply it. No one can give you that in the form of an article or book - you have to do that yourself.
  
  edit: added links to amazon

Like someone said, you are incredibly self aware and mature in many ways it seems.


I'm 32 and people my age and older are not as self aware as you are... they are the most difficult people to try to assist and also I think it will be a much tougher road to self-improvement for them. The road will be tougher because they can't even read their own minds, spirits, bodies... they can't read the signs that are coming from.. themselves... they're at a great disadvantage.


Feel confident that you care and have goals.



Feel confident that you are MANY steps ahead of others and are going places.



Keep getting your hands on self help books/podcasts in certain topics of your choice and continue on the road to self improvement.


Find people/friends/mentors in your life who appreciate YOU for YOU. Who are better than you, too, so you can grow. We literally become like the people we surround ourselves, in time. The pathways in our brain form similar paths to the people we are with. Find people who make you want to be better and who want to see you achieve.



I stopped caring about what people thought when I realized that I'm a bit more put together than many.



I stopped caring when I realized that I try my best and there is nothing more than that, that I can really do.


Learning about "Boundaries" has really helped me.


I can only control MY actions, I can't control other people's actions...


Example:If someone says something to me that rubs me wrong, the best way to manage that moment is to let it go/forgive them/carry it no-longer with me. Because, why would I? I was doing my best in the moment and that's all I can do. When I make a mistake, I can say I'm sorry, learn from it, and do better next time.


I hope this helps!

Here are some of my favorites, classics and modern:

The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson. We know we need to eat right, exercise, work hard, etc., but why don't we? The Slight Edge is a great look at the way we go about setting our habits, living in a hyper-paced world that expects/demands immediate results. It's quick, and powerful.

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. A classic, but well-deserving, and has stood the test of time. Become accepting of people by improving your self and your interpersonal interactions. True story, bro.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. From dependence, to independence, to interdependence!

True North, by Bill George. More a leadership development book, but good to look at in terms of the timeline of developing yourself in life before you're 50 and are disappointed at yourself. Very good, not as great as my first three recommendations, but I got some good lessons out of it.

Godspeed, autodidact.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with physical issues as well as these intense questions about what, if anything, we should believe about the supernatural. If you've been raised with these ideas and fears, it can be hard enough to grapple with them with a mind at rest, let alone when under stress and possibly in pain.

The way I like to picture this scenario is that I'm walking into a casino with a big handful of chips. Each chip is a day of my life, my attention. It's the only real currency I have.

I'm surrounded by tables with dealers. Each of them is yelling "come, play at my table! Sure win over here! Big penalty for not playing!"

It sounds like you've spent a lot of time at the Christian table, and you're starting to see that you're putting chips in and it hasn't paid off yet. And you're starting to think it never will.

The thing is, the casino is full of tables. Yeah, there's a risk from walking away from the one you're at, but there's a huge risk that you've been sitting at the wrong table all along. And, when you have the perspective of just how many tables there are, you might think being in the casino in the first place is a bad idea.

The other thing I think about is how you're playing the game. This Christian game is a tricky one. (Well, there's lots of Christian Games, in the one I used to play, they didn't even believe in hell.) In some versions of the game, if you ever played it, you'll win when you die. (Once Saved Always Saved!) In others, you've got to be a faith 1%-er to make the cut. (Many are called and few are chosen! Narrow is the way that leads to life eternal! When the Son of Man returns, shall he find any faithful?) Coming to the table out of a desire for self preservation might disqualify you, too. In some games the rule is you only get saved if you really love, and want to glorify God, more than yourself.

It's not just a matter of playing at all.

1. You've got to pick the right game, assuming any of them are true. (And that's a big-ass assumption.) And it's not just a choice amongst the biggies -- let alone Islam, Scientology, Jainism, Buddhism, etc -- there are 50,000 denominations of Christian, and most of them think the others aren't right with God.
   
2. You've got to play it the right way.
   
   Picture yourself being born in what's now called Iran, 500 years ago. What would you believe? What would you be afraid of? Probably not a Christian Hell. These fears you have are an accident of birth.
   
   As much as that rationality thing falls down in the face of fear, if you keep reading, thinking, learning, the fear will start to go. You might try and find some face-to-face people to meet with (meetup.com or other such sites.)
   
   Also, you might try finding another way of thinking about these issues that's positive, above and beyond just "not-god." I found A Guide To The Good Life, the Ancient Art of Stoic Joy tremendously helpful, and have since continued to find the modern reboot of stoicism (/r/stoicism has lots of good links and references) to help every day.
   
   I don't know if that will help at all, I hope it doesn't make it worse.

The Four-Hour Workweek seems to spark up a lot of controversy when mentioned, I was even skeptical when reading it, but it honestly changed my life. It inspired me to become an entrepreneur, it's packed with case studies that inspire you to escape 9 to 5, and has plenty of great resources for someone starting their first online business, or for anyone looking to improve their work efficiency and spend less time at the office.

I'm also currently reading:

• The Tipping Point
  
  
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
  
  
• How to Win Friends and Influence People
  
  
  May seem overly mentioned or cliche, but they're cliche for a reason!

No mentor

Never discussed dating or sex with my family. Did not do well with girls in high school and could not figure out why. Got even worse in 1st year uni when I realized I actually have no idea how to talk to or attract women.

Had many Chad friends who were hooking up with tonnes of girls and I was so jealous but was too proud to ask for how it's done. I'm certain they couldn't explain it all though.

Went to the internet and found "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Read the whole book in a night; could not believe what I read. Read it again the next night.

Found the Mystery Method and downloaded all the free content possible.

And to my surprise I started attracting girls, and found myself getting respect from my chad-esque friends who were now seeing me more on their level as far as dating goes. Truth be told all the PUA stuff I think did was give me confidence, the ability to recognize social cues of attraction and interest, and a general idea of what to say and when to say it.

When you learn martial arts, the instructor doesn't just tell you to go in and fight! He teaches you technique. Game is exactly the same, yes practice is great, but if you don't even know the basics, get your head in the books, get a coach, or however you wanna learn. Credit to Arash for the analogy.

Recommended reading

Women Ignition by 60YearsOfChallenge (intermediate-master) <--- This dude was my mentor and I am a beast for that, much love to ya 60!

Anything by RSD/Real Social Dynamics ( Beginner-Master)

Mystery Method (Beginner)

The Game (SUPER beginner)

The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game By Nick Savoy/Braddock (Looks cheesy but it really is a great book)

Recommended websites

mASF (general advice beginner-master)

Casanovacrew (L.A/Vegas lairs/meetings)

RSD (Great coaches/solid game beginner-master)

Recommended Puas to follow
Manwhore (sexual escalation/love this bro/he's not a douche, comes off that way.... nice guy)

Psych/Dj Fuji (VERY structured game)

Mystery/Neil Strauss/Matador (Mystery Method, the torch carriers of game)

Tyler Durden/Jeffy/Brad P (RSD, some of the biggest names, very good)

Bravo (online game/really great guy/highly recommend him)

Arash ( This dudes inner game is on point. I have one of his speeches saved, I'll upload if you want it Seddit) <--- Really nice dude, nothing like I thought he was gonna be

Hypnotica (Inner game master, talked to this dude once, I felt and still feel amazing)

Get to reading!
Edit:Updated shit.

Oh I typed all this for you my dude but these dastardly bullies caused you to delete it.

​

Hope it benefits you or another ENTP stoner:

​

What caught my eye was the Myers-Briggs test: I also (usually) test ENTP. Just wanted to say I think the Reddit subs seem to do it a serious disservice:

​

A) It is a management tool. It is not meant to enable some rando's life as a lovable eccentric. You should be shoring up the weaknesses it shows, not jerking off to how creative you think you are (not that you can stop yourself amirite? Ha!), and

B) It is not a tarot card reading of your soul. I get profiled regularly, by professionals, using whatever method is in vogue at that moment and while I absolutely see the value in the tests, it is limited, it is contextual and it will vary over time.

​

It is not so much "revealing" your personality as a prediction of how your behavior will manifest in a given context. MB being particularly general. For example, all my ENTP result tells me is that RIGHT NOW, I likely have too many projects going on and/or am managing my time poorly.

​

So based on your results, I would recommend you get out of your comfort zone and focus on active productivity exercises. Far from being something unsuited to you: they are likely just what you need. Anytime I dial this in tight, my life has a night and day improvement.

​

7 Habits is the granddaddy of course.



Unchained Man has a great time management system. Actually he refers back to Covey's 7 habits and explains why and how he updated the principle for a digital era. The rest isn't "bad" but its pretty standard 4HWW/TRP/Digital nomad type stuff. You could literally read Chapters 8-11 and get a great deal of benefit.

​

4HWW fuck I hate this book. And it's probably dangerous for lazy fucks. But Ferriss has nuggets of good advice on productivity and time management.

​

More conceptual reading:

Do the Work;

The War of Art;

The Power of Habit;

Rework;

On Form - some tips, although heavily weighted to glorify salaryman life;

One Minute Manager;

Extreme Ownership has helped a lot of dudes here. Personally I despise wading through the military waffle for two or three pages of content but the message of owning every aspect of your life and not accepting low standards from yourself or others is good (Hint: that means after you quit weed, (after a reasonable interval) you can and should expect your lazy wife to too).

​

Corporations have invested a great deal of time and money in training me but honestly most of the valuable things I implement are on that list.

​

Atomic Habits is on my current reading list. Check out this post (and comments) with some concepts from it.