Reddit mentions: The best business negotiating books

> As I said, I had all jobs in the relationship. Looking good, having sex all the time

(in response to, “Besides sex, which includes looks ...”)

> earning money

Same relationship one has with a business partner. That’s not something most men want or care about. Unless that’s something this particular guy actually cared about and valued greatly, that’s not something that was done for him just because you want to feel like it was something you were doing for him. The value is not determined by the POV of the cost of the giver, but by the POV of the value in the hands of the receiver.

> organizing dates, paying for dates, taking care of the transportation, taking care of the romance

Again, not something men care about. We’ll do that for you, not for us. You being happy (the ends) is something we care about. But the dates and romance (the means), not so much. Again, not something that was done for him, even though, no doubt, you did in fact do much of it.

> supporting him emotionally, helping him when he needed help with stuff

So, like a therapist and handyman. Same points as making money above. Not really a bargained for benefit most men are looking for from women. Again, no doubt you actually did all these things and expended all this time and effort. But, “cost/benefit” and “efficiency” principles. You can’t be dumping 90% of your time and energy onto things that make less than a 5% difference for the person on the receiving end of all your time and energy ... and then feeling like, “But I do so much for you!”

That’s like a guy being like, “But I go to the gym 12+ hours a week, have 8-10% bf%, dress well for you, I’m on Cialis and Cypionate and am horny for you all the time and 100% ready and willing to have sex whenever you want and willing to initiate all the time.”

That’s nice. But what about planning for a wedding? Or a vacation? Or getting a nice house? Or the latest iPhone or MacBook? Or going out on a nice date somewhere? Or doing something for me (besides sex) that’s going to make me feel appreciated, loved and cared about ... (drumroll) ... as a woman? Or helping out with the work involved in taking care of a home? Or listening to me and being an emotional tampon like my girlfriends ... they care about my emotional needs as a woman, surely my man cares as much about the same as my girlfriends do? Or helping me with other things I need help with (acts of service)?

> The guy didn't do anything.

No criticism, judgment or anything negative from my end towards you. Just saying this from a place of wanting to help another human being:

https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Winning-Negotiating-Create-Disputes/dp/0674012313/ref=rtpb_of_7?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0674012313&pd_rd_r=5f232b8f-e768-4e93-bf5c-ac76858d8b16&pd_rd_w=qHdyN&pd_rd_wg=ndjWP&pf_rd_p=e63cdf88-70f7-45e9-a935-867bec475cac&pf_rd_r=AC8BNFZBAQS13CPVGJJY&psc=1&refRID=PP0YH424YPG54TTQD3H4

https://www.amazon.com/Bargaining-Advantage-Negotiation-Strategies-Reasonable/dp/0143036971/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3/134-7622501-1387826?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0143036971&pd_rd_r=8ca3a607-9c32-4911-937b-849a8761702d&pd_rd_w=b8Hxy&pd_rd_wg=ss7u6&pf_rd_p=3ecc74bd-d08f-44bd-96f3-d0c2b89f563a&pf_rd_r=AJPTASB84M6ENTSSZ69V&psc=1&refRID=AJPTASB84M6ENTSSZ69V

It’s irrelevant what the other person is getting in a relationship. It’s not a competition, although that’s always the default “woe to me” theme whenever anyone talks about these situations. The real issue is not that he got so much, or that he got so much more than you. The real issue is that you did not get the utility and value that you wanted from him, not just conventionally or generally, but specifically meaningful and valuable to you as a woman and as the individual you are. That was the issue, not all this other stuff.

> I was saying women can be in relationships where ... the guy offers nothing and we're still happy.

O.o

So, “nothing” makes you happy?

> It sounds like you just think highly of men and lowly of women

No. That’s what it sounds like ... to you ... or to women who read what I wrote and who also have some chip on their shoulder.

> so I want to hear what you think of a relationship where the woman does everything (all of her "jobs" and more) and the guy does nothing.

I’m wondering, what self-esteem issues does this woman have that makes her feel like she doesn’t deserve to want certain things for herself as a woman in this relationship, and has hypnotized herself and buried herself in mountains of rationalizations until she’s successfully convinced herself that she really is perfectly happy with “nothing” (which, in this context, is a fancy way of saying that the only emotional “pleasure” she derived from relationships is by playing the role of a martyr and relishing in self-pity or masturbating to a sense of self-sacrifice).

> Do you just refuse to acknowledge the existence of such relationships because they do not corroborate your worldview that men have systematically more to offer than women do?

Not at all. I handle divorces, and most of my divorce clients are women, and most of these cases are IDV and involve elements of domestic violence.

I’ve had domestic violence victims driven to court ... by their husband ... only to tell the judge that she wants to discontinue the action for divorce ... because her husband wants her to discontinue the action for divorce. Nothing the judge and I can do if the plaintiff doesn’t want to proceed with a divorce.

Respectfully, with zero anger or negative feelings towards you on this end, because I get your reaction all the time ... be mindful of your own assumptions about “men” and what you may be projecting onto what I wrote. Common theme on this subreddit. Women read something written by a man, and even the most intelligent and most jaded by life women give in to the automatic knee-jerk reflex to feel like, “Oh, great, another MGTOW / RP / all men are amazing and all women are evil asshole.”

Not at all the point or purpose of what I said.

It's tough to offer any kind of advice for your situation because you talk in a lot of generalities.

However, my wife and I have struggled quite a bit over the last few years and it sucks. I feel like things are getting better, but there are always mis-steps even on the up-swing.

If your wive really has checked out, there's not much you can do. It takes two to make a couple.

However. You can work on yourself. In so doing, you might find that it helps your relationship. Or it might not. But even if your relationship falls apart, you will be in a much better space to cope with that and move on -- as difficult as it seems right now.

So, here's my suggestions ... things that I have been doing and reading over the last couple of years that have really helped me.

1. Stop looking at all the things she is doing wrong. Focus on what she is doing right. This is tough and requires a huge shift in thinking and an even bigger thinking around letting go of your ego.
   
   
2. Every day do something to show some appreciation for someone in your life. One person every day. Say thank you and tell them what they mean to you. This will help you focus on more positive things overall. Include your wife in this, though she doesn't need to be the focus of this every day.
   
   
3. Be honest with yourself and her. Can you give her what she wants. There are some things that I just can't give my wife. And some things she can't give me. How important are these things? And are there other ways to get them?
   
   
4. Adopt a meditation practice. Download the Headspace app. It has a nice introduction to meditation. It has helped me immensely.
   https://www.headspace.com/
   
   
5. If you don't exercise, start. Personally, I enjoy weight lifting. Try Strong Lifts if you can. It's a simple program that will show fast results.
   http://stronglifts.com/
   
   
6. If you don't eat healthy, start. There are so many diets out there. Even if you just start eating smaller portions and cut out snacking, you'll see some positive results. That's where I started. I eventually started doing the Alt Shift Diet. Yeah, you can call it a fad diet or whatever. I don't care. It works for me and that's the key -- find a diet that works for you.
   http://altshiftdiet.com/
   
   
7. Read How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. Great advice that applies even when you are talking to adults.
   https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474568476&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk+so+kids+will+listen+%26+listen+so+kids+will+talk
   
   
8. Read People Skills. This is a great book on active listening and conflict resolution. Helpful in so many situations.
   https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X
   
   
9. Read this post and some of the posts that follow it. Incredibly insightful
   https://np.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/538uat/mismatched_couples/d7r5hys
   
   
10. Read Never Split the Difference. Another great book that is geared more toward business negotiation, but has been a great help in my personal life. I can take the time to understand someone else's perspective without letting go of mine. Also great to help assert myself better in my relationship. His description of active listening was also helpful.
    https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1474568493&sr=1-1&keywords=chris+voss
    
    
11. Read Come as You Are. A great book on women's sexuality specifically, but it's really about sexuality in general. It's backed by a lot of research. Has a lot of insight into human sexuality. Great reading. Helped me understand myself and my wife better. (Goes beyond the typical High Libido and Low Libido stuff that I always found less than helpful.)
    http://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1436544375&sr=8-1&keywords=come+as+you+are
    
    
12. Do stuff on your own. Go out with friends. Go to the movies by yourself. Make sure both of you get breathing room away from each other.
    
    
13. Be honest. If you feel something tell her. You don't have to be mean. But do be honest. "You are making me angry right now, can we talk about it later when I have calmed down." "Your tone sounds rude and condescending. Please talk to me like I am an adult or we can wait and talk later." This one is tough and statements should be made from your perspective rather than made as statements of fact.
    
    Anyway, those are my suggestions and have helped me immensely. Take what you think will work for you. Ignore the rest.
    
    Best of luck!
    

I have a friend I worked with at a fortune 500 Investment firm (Multi billion dollars in assets), who was worried about asking for new monitors for his desk after he landed a new position at the company because they were $150 each. I reminded him that stuff like this is always budgeted for and they spend more than that on buying lunch for meetings sometimes and to also never feel bad for the gigantic bank.

Your company has a budget for retention/raises/bonuses they aren't going to fire the janitor to give you $10k. It's fine if you want to try to take the best interest of the place you work in mind, but its not good to be a doormat. That is how you get to a place of $15k wage disparity.

Wages aren't a race either, you want to be paid on your merit and skills, not because someone else gets paid more. You need to make a list of what you bring to the table but only as a reflection of yourself don't bring any of your colleagues into the mix by trying to compare output. just talk about you and all the work you do and show how it has ramped up for you in particular since you have started. This takes the conversation from "they have more" to "I am underpaid for the value I provide" Make a list of accomplishments, cost savings, late nights. Then have a nice conversation about how you feel you are underpaid and would like to have your wages adjusted. Start with the $15k and when they scoff just tell them its where you think you should be based on market/title/workload etc (glassdoor can be your friend at this point)

If they say yes then you are good, if they counter offer, with what you wanted, you are good, if they come back lower, lets say $5k, ask if it would be possible for you to get the pay you are looking for spread over 3 years instead of one, or start asking for non monetary things that you might like maybe an extra week of vacation, depending on what your company offers for benefits you may be able to get them extended. Companies tend to give those out easier because they don't come out of the payroll bucket.

If they still say no, well the job market is currently like 3.7% unemployment and there are tons of places hiring for hr.

Tl:dr your company can afford to pay you more don't take their shit, they will happily keep you at the same salary for years don't feel bad for them they don't feel bad when they do that shit to you.

Also try reading never split the difference it can help you get better with negotiation tactics.
https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

Some things never change.

I was in your shoes about 15 years ago as a wide eyed, broke new comer being told to invest in my business by experienced financial advisors with big books of business and money to burn. Fortunately for me I had a fantastic manager/mentor who helped me build a financially and professionally rewarding career. Here's what I learned to invest in early on:

1. Product knowledge - You should know your products inside out. Insurance/finance companies actually do a pretty good job of this as their wholesalers are constantly picking up lunch tabs to make sure advisors know their products well enough to push them. Take advantage of them. If there's something you don't know about a product then pick up the phone, call your wholesaler, and don't let him off the phone until you know it.
   
   
2. Sales kills - 15 years in business and I'm continuously amazed at how little time is actually spent developing sales skills. Learn how to sell. Three books I'd recommend today are: Never Split the Difference, Your 1st Year in Sales, and The 12 Week Year. OK, they're not all sales books but knowing how to organize your life is vital.
   
   
3. General insurance/financial knowledge - I know SO many advisors that don't know the first things about their industries. I read The Wall Street Journal every single day to keep abreast of what's going on in the industry. I have a handful of Google Alerts for different things regarding insurance, annuities, managed money, etc. I don't watch a lot of TV but most of what I watch is CNBC and Fox Business. I've also perused additional licenses and certifications. I have my Series 7 and CFP.
   
   
4. Your appearance - Looks matter in sales. I'm always dressed professionally and exercise daily to relieve stress and, well, look good. My suits are always pressed and I cut my hair once a week because any longer and I look like Cousin It from the Addams Family.
   
   
5. Relationships - I basically built my career off of friends and experienced agents who let me call their book of business for 50% of the commission. 50% of something is a lot better than 100% of nothing. Some of my biggest clients are friends who never knew they were on an appointment with me. Play your cards right and beers with the guy from high school you haven't seen in 15 years could result in him rolling over an old 401(k) to you and buying life insurance policies for him and his wife. Play your cards really right and he'll even spring for those beers.
   
   So at this point in your career investing in your business could look like going for a 3 mile run in the morning, running an iron over your shirt, and role playing your sales pitch with your manager when no one is answering their phones. As business comes you can invest further with a mailing campaign and some door knocking. When that turns to money look at things like seminars. Your wholesalers will be happy to cover the cost of food and do a presentation so long as you can fill a room with prospects for them. Etc.

As you realize becoming great at social skills is just like training any other skill. Realizing you can train it will allow you to build the skill stronger than others who stumble into it. So many will say you can't get better or amazing by reading in a chair. They're right. Read a little, apply a lot, take notes, then review what you did right and what you did wrong, repeat. Get a mentor or training buddy if you can, it accelerates learning, because we can't see ourselves the same as those outside us can. Make a regimen to go out, greet and meet people every day. Or at least three times a week minimum, make it a habit.

I can tell you that I've been in customer service and sales jobs, they taught me nothing because my skills were garbage and sub-par. So I didn't have a paddle for my raft in the world of social interaction. All I got was "people get irritated if I cold approach or try to sell them. Or worse I have to dump mountains of information to make them feel safe." So after studying for the better part of a decade, here's some points that got me to the basics and more advanced subjects. With the basics under your belt, then a job or daily practice will get you understanding and results.

First, learn how to steady yourself mentally, breathing exercise here. Breathing is important as we seem to be learning your heart rate and beat pattern determine more about our emotions than we'd like to admit.

Second, Accept and love yourself, (both those terms may be undefined or wishy-washy to you at the moment, defining them is part of the journey.) Because you can only accept and love others the way you apply it to yourself first.

Third, pick up and read the charisma myth. It has habits/meditations that will be a practice you use every day. I'd say a basic understanding will happen after applying them over three months. Never stop practicing these basics, they are your fundamentals. They determine your body language. The difference between a romantic gaze and a creepy stare is context of the meeting and body language, especially in the eyes.

Sales or cold approach networking will do the same for practice. If you do sales or meeting new people, it is a negotiation. You're trying to trade "value" (safety + an emotion). So if you figure out how to make yourself feel emotion, then inspire emotion in others, mutual agreements happen. Start with Why is a good reference. Here is a summary video. Chris Voss will help you find out that you don't tap into people rationally, you tap people emotionally, big think summary video. Or the full book treatment, Never Split the Difference. The supporting book for Chris Voss' position can be helped by reading Start With No

For training habits and understanding how we execute behaviors, Thinking, Fast and Slow

For dealing with hard arguments and heavy topics both Nonviolent Communication and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Learning what listening is, instead of "hearing" people. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone is a good book for that. This is touched on in Never Split the Difference and in the Charisma Myth because true listening, making the person you are speaking with feel "listened to and understood" is most of what makes a charismatic person work.

I replied to this when it was cross-posted in r/careerguidance, and it looks like it was helpful, so here is that same reply for r/jobs:

TL;DR: Structure an argument on values, not on blame, when stating why you are looking for a new job.

There is no way to 100% accurately describe an employer and have the interviewer "get it"... maybe in extreme situations. Like, "Why did you leave Heaven's Gate?" "They were a cult!" "Ah, right!"... but in most situations the company's internal reputation NEVER leaves the walls. This is especially true for people who patronize the business or are colleagues. The impression they get from colleagues at conferences, the impression they get as customers, etc., is never the same as the impression the people working inside the building get. Think ESPN- seems like a great place to work! Those commercials are fun! But for a while it was hell to work there.

As an interviewee you could NEVER accurately paint that picture without them possibly doubting you and thinking you are being sensitive, or worse, someone who "always has problems". You know? The person with their car always on the fritz and they are feuding with an uncle, and they never get the benefit of the doubt. Too many people are just damaged goods and it makes recruiters/hiring managers standoffish. Hearing blame makes them think "uh oh. someone with complaints!"

So, what is left to talk about? Focus on you. What are your professional goals? How do you work? Where were these things misaligned in your job? Some examples (and the subtitles)

>"I found I had very little metrics, which made it difficult for me to determine where to prioritize work. I like to plan my workflow with purpose and have goals in mind." (SUBTITLE: I never know what my manager wants until they come screaming in to my office).
"When I manage projects, I am best at [area 1, area 2]. However, I found myself needing to build the infrastructure within [area 3] to be successful and it was spreading me too thin. I want to find a job where I can excel in my areas of expertise by coordinating with other departments" (SUBTITLE: I had to do my job AND 9 other peoples jobs)

Obviously you'll word them according to the right situations, but basically, use "I" statements to focus on what you had control over and how you worked. Then, focus on why seeking a new position is the right solution. If you do it right, the interviewer draws the conclusion you wanted them to draw without you saying a word. I did this once and the exchange went like this:

>INTERVIEWER: "Sounds like management wasn't supportive of your efforts? That must have been frustrating"
ME: "Oh. Perhaps. I just know that I prefer to have clear objectives to measure progress on. Once I have that, I can run independently on a project with a team. But periodically, having a way to check in on progress keeps things moving in the right direction".

It is no longer an argument about blame. It is an argument about values. How do your values differ from your past employers? Make sure you state this truly... and not cloak blame inside value

>i.e., "Well, their values are they are a terrible place to work and don't know how to treat employees" vs. "I'm looking for a place where I know I can progress in my work, achieve great things and be able to share that with a team".

Reading between the lines, I can get the sense that your old employer did NOT give you that. If they press, "And did you not get that in your past job?" Then you can stay diplomatic with a wink, "It has certainly been a motivating factor in finding a new job".

ALSO: I replied to a comment in there breaking down argument tense a little more.

>politicians do this best because they know their rhetorical devices. arguments fall in to three tenses:
>
>(1) Forensic, past-tense, aka 'blame' - who's fault is it? let's review the history...
>
>(2) Demonstrative, present-tense, aka 'value' - this is a politicians world because it gathers a sense of community and tribe. Convince someone on a values-based argument and they will vote for you or hire you
>
>(3) Deliberative, future-tense, aka 'choice' - this is an argument about making a decision. it is something you'll utilize in the workplace as it weighs options against each other. in an interview, you can't do that very well because you don't know what you are weighing yourself against. So, choose an argument (argument meaning position) that centers on values
>
>Source | I highly recommend this book for people entering management or environments where critical thinking, decision making and "office politics" will have a big presence

​

I think you need to explore why you would want to get in to marketing a bit more. Others here may disagree with me, but as a seasoned Marketing Professional, I see the career path as a duality; You either enjoy working with numbers (Data Analysis / Market Research), or you enjoy strategic planning with an emphasis on Psychology and Human Profiling.

Being a marketing 'Manager' will come when you garner enough experience. You're not going to get a job out of college as a marketing manager; believe me - they'll want 6-10yrs experience with the majority of your time managing at least a small team of people underneath you.

So - that's for qualifications down the road. What qualities exemplify a great marketer? Like I said previously, it depends on which of the two areas you're looking to get in to. I recommend you take a business or general course in statistics with an emphasis on real world application. It should either fascinate you, or make your brain hurt; or maybe a combination of the two. Once you have that under your belt, I'd recommend taking a psychology course and reading a few books in your leisure time like 'The Science of Influence'. Yes, it's a sales book, but it underlines what sales and marketing both have in common; being able to read nuances, and predicting people's behavior.

Depending on which one of those two areas you enjoyed more (if you enjoyed either one of them at all), I would say then you could venture forward with finding a suitable school, taking on debt for a degree, etc. Hope this helps, PM me with any additional questions you have.

Once you're 18 you won't need their approval but you'd need a job to help pay for the transition and having good health insurance (in the US anyway) would be key. Just completely avoid people who judge you in any way. Stay away from bullies and people who don't understand and never will.

The purpose of keeping a journal is to become aware of and start to decode our own thought processes. What our assumptions are, how we're unnecessarily criticizing ourselves. How we can focus on our goals and values instead of getting trapped in wasteful emotional cycles. It can be done in the simplest way, just by jotting a few notes down each day of the strongest negative or positive thoughts we had and reviewing them to unpack their content. So we can drill in a little further to figure out what thoughts are driving us most of the time. To weed out what is self defeating and focus on our motivation. The instructions in the article link are deceptively simple and powerful.

Therapy is n't just for them to listen to you. They can offer you techniques and wisdom to apply to difficult life situations. They help you apply the knowledge that's in books like Calming the Family Storm and Bullies but much faster because you can share what's happening and they give you advice you can start applying immediately. It helps us drop what we're doing that's not working and apply better strategies to our life. So try not to write it off as just a way to "pass a test" so you can get treatment. You only see the therapist as long as you want and if you don't like the first one you see you can shop around. But there are therapists who are trained in multiple overlapping areas such as trans, anger, family counseling, etc. If you live in a larger city you should pretty easily be able to find a highly qualified one.

And remember people work in call centers because they want to help people. The pay is crap. They do it because they are trying to make a difference in the world. One person at a time. Many call centers are predominantly volunteer driven. They really want to help. It's less intimate maybe than a close friend. But your friend isn't trained in helping people in difficult situations. Help lines aren't just a shoulder to cry on. They are there to help connect you to the resources that might be available to you.

Living in your own place changes things dramatically. No one can judge you when you are independent and self sufficient. Hang in there!

My pleasure friend!

Best negotiations I ever had were from me standing my ground and saying "I appreciate the offer, that really is super generous of you, but unfortunately that doesn't work for me." then they end up trying to compromise but if it's enough you need to say something to that effect again. Sometimes you even have to say "no" more than once in a negotiation to get where you need to be.

If you want to get some handy tips for negotiations I highly recommend Never Split the Difference. It's written by a highly successful ex-FBI hostage negotiator and has a wealth of information. I've reread it three times now just to make sure it sticks.

Also a "Windows" DevOps guy.

I'd recommend this .NET Rocks podcast episode. It's a pretty healthy way of look at the meta.

1. Understand where this hype train came from -- i.e. Gene Kim's The Phoenix Project. It's a good read and illustrates all the prescriptive advise sold by consultants nowadays is just that--sold.
   
2. All labels are arbitrary, but sometimes you need the hype train to get stuff done inside organizations. This is a fact of life; I'm sorry.
   
3. Understand your goals and objectives. Are you there to reduce the feedback loop for the developers? Are you there to help unburden the release management operations in the SDLC? Are you there because they really wanted a systems engineer who can also handle the developer stuff?
   
4. While tools aren't what make the man, try to get a sense of what tools won't become vaporware. Some companies can go as far as to rewrite the kernel by hand if they need to. Is your Org one of those companies?
   
5. Understand where the process breaks down. Sometimes new tools won't do it better. All tools have an activation cost, some strange edge case, and tons of implementation pains. But sometimes--even if under the hood it works EXACTLY THE SAME--the transparency/ease-of-use are worth it to the organization.
   
6. This is the single best book I have ever read for my business career: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
   
7. If you're a Windows guy, learn to love Powershell. This is seriously the backbone of the direction MS is going. Even with the best orchestration/container/whatever tools on the market, you're gonna have to get down and dirty with it.

I started a freelance web design business about 5 years ago. Within a year or so I had doubled the income of my FT job.

Now I help people learn to do the same at https://selfmadewebdesigner.com

I agree with refractal. Sales is a muscle you’ve got to build. And pay your taxes 🤣

One way you can start is by reaching out to people you know that have businesses and could use your skills. Practice your pitch on them.

Since they have a relationship with you all ready it’s not as a big a deal if you flop the pitch.

I think a lot of people have a problem with sales because they feel like they’re trying to pull one over on something.

Like you’re a multi level marketer convincing someone to get on the ground floor of this amazing deal.

A sales conversation is all about building a relationship with someone and seeing if you can help them. Don’t hide your limits and don’t over promise.

If you walk into it just wanting to care for and do what’s best for the person you’re talking to then it’s tough to get it wrong.

A good book to read is called Never Split the Difference

So, almost everyone here says you should not renegotiate. I am going to disagree with that and say you never lose anything by negotiating, unless you do it very, very wrong.

Couple points:

• At this point, they sunk a lot of time and effort to find you, they won't rescind the offer, they will just say no to the raise
  
• Negotiating when you're working there is going to be more difficult than now. Plus there's nothing stopping you from doing both
  
• Salary negotiations will be forgotten by anyone about a month in. You're not setting yourself up to fail by asking for more
  
• If they say anything other than "That sounds like a lot" to your initial offer, you've low balled yourself. Especially if they respond with something along the lines of "Seems reasonable".
  
  On how to actually phrase this: I like your approach, and would say being honest is usually good policy. When you get the call with their offer, you can say something like: "Thanks for the offer. Based on the interview process and research I've done, I really think I'd enjoy working with the team, <more reasons why you like company >. I really appreciate your offer of X. However, upon doing further research on the salaries among my peers, it seems top companies in this area are paying between <your new range, low end ~+20% of their offer>". And then you shut up and wait for their response. Couple things can happen:
  
  
• they come back and say "sure", give you lower end of new range. Success!
  
• they come back and say "can't do that, <reasons>", and meet you half way or don't budge at all. This is your decision now. Either accept or push them further. Just note that pushing after a "no" might actually cost you the offer
  
  Couple points on how to do the negotiation:
  
  
• always give them a way to say no without loosing face. Don't say "Give me 60k, or I go to your competitor" or "Anything below 60k is unreasonable".
  
• express a lot of interest and excitement about the job. The goal is to convey you really like the company and role, and it's now just the money that stands in the way
  
• if they don't budge on salary at all, try asking what other things they can do. Maybe you can get a hiring bonus, extra vacation, whatever matters to you. Might be easier for them to provide and as valuable to you
  
  Good luck!
  
  Source: Analytics team manager, hired several people over the years and been in your position more than once. I never once lost the offer because of negotiation. I got paid much less than my peers at the same company because I didn't negotiate several times.
  
  Also, if you're curious about the topic, I'd recommend a book called Never split the difference. Explains a lot of negotiation dynamics in great detail, but gives very applicable tips

I'll give you two book tips:

1. Never split the difference by Chris Voss, an ex FBI hostage negotiator. This is about negotiation techniques that everybody can use. A better negotiator has more power. Negotiating is not about overpowering and bluff, it's about finding common ground and making a connection.
   
2. Simon Simek - Start with why. This book was for me really useful, but given your situation, your "why" may be very clear. Still it's a good book as your "why", your (underlying) motivation may not be entirely clear to yourself. Sometimes you do things without really knowing why. Don't expect this book to explain the whole complexity of your inner self - it doesn't, but well - if you have the time and energy, it might help.
   
   I don't know if you can order these books. Both are available as EPUB as well if you use a normal e-reader or laptop.

So you cant get a job in the local industry & you got dumped..
hm, it sucks.. It's a reality of life though and now you are a free man !

Ok, that does sound like a sob story to me. People survived the holocaust & after they got liberated they picked up on life as well. People in Rwanda got raped & their limbs got cut of by people with Machettes. Yet they moved on and carved out an existenc for themselves. You know why

They had no other option.
Here are some quotes: https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2782.Viktor_E_Frankl

Right now you feel like bad, the things you went through were shit and if you stay depressed they your whole life will be shit and that would be a waste of your life. A good place to start is to change the ideas that you have.

Watch stuff from Bob Proctor, go and see Bob Proctor he lives in Canada if im not mistaken ! See Tony Robbinson on Youtube, watch stuff from Brian tracey (in short get inspired)

Work on getting passionate about stuff again, watch motivational video's, investigate the things that previously made you feel passionate. Heraclitus (old greek philosopher) said that there is only one constant in the universe and that is change.
From personal experience i think that a psychologyst can not really help you in getting you there with questions that make you zoom in on your uncertainties. If you pay to attention to that then your uncertainty's will grow on the inside of your mind. In turn i sugest that you try to pay attention to what you want to manifest in your life.

You mentioned an ambition to get into IT, is that software developement ? If it's programming then you can self teach yourself by regulary taking time to study this topic. There are many good (and free) courses available online.

Here:
http://www.stanford.edu/
https://www.coursera.org/
https://www.khanacademy.org/
https://www.udemy.com/
http://courses.caveofprogramming.com/
https://www.codecademy.com/learn/php
https://www.udacity.com/

Sales is also a good job, also a field in which you have to educate yourself in order to get better at it.
I found this to be a good book: http://www.amazon.com/Never-Lose-Again-Negotiator-Questions/dp/0312643489

Other than that, you can watch videos that discuss the type of mentality that you need to propperly do sales on youtube. (google Zig ziglar & sales training etc) The "you need this sofa" arguments would be insulting to anyone with an IQ above roomtemprature. But what about :"In my opinion this sofa could be a good choice for you considering the space in your house and your budget" (thats of course after you asked questions at that customer in order to get an idea about what they need) Sales is about helping people to make a purchase decision (Zig Ziglar is quite religious about this) i think though that it can be a wonderfull job! And you can also go a long way if you really do it well & you dont need a degree for it.

(although getting a degree against a favorable loan would be a good investment) 8% study loan is not a favorable loan though and neither is 4 %. Education is getting really expensive on your side of the globe (although i dont know how this is aranged in Canada)

You fell from your horse, get back on it.

I hope that helps,

You are going to need to learn "office politics."

On another message board, I gave a list of books to help newbie programmers. The most relevant of them are the books on dealing with other people.

• To Be or Not to Be Intimidated.
  
• Looking out for number one.
  
• Million Dollar Habits. I feel that these 3 by Robert Ringer are very important. If you think his first book was about to intimidate others, you only read the press coverage. If you think his books are about real estate, then you only skimmed them. There are a lot of people in the world who will try to intimidate you into giving up what is yours, and he shows you what some of them are like, and what countermeasures you can use.
  
  
• Snakes in Suits. There are some evil people out there. You'll work for some of them.
  
  
• Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People. One book on office politics and dealing with some of the worse sort.
  
  
• The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work. Some folks are very good with verbal manipulation, this book and the others in the series, cover how to deal with such people.
  
  
• Winning with People. Most of the books this author writes are about managers and leadership. This book is more about people skills. It will be focused more at managers, but I think it is a good one.
  
  
• The 48 Laws of Power. They have it. You want some. Light read with anecdotes. I like his other books as well.
  
  http://programmers.stackexchange.com/q/86502/6591/#86540
  
  Start with the ones I've given Amazon links to.
  
  If "adam" approaches you when others are not around, leave.

It really depends on what the language of the non-compete is. Are they basically a local company? Do they limit the non-compete to a geographical area? Do they specialize in one type of marketing? Do they limit the non-compete to those types of marketing? As somebody who worked at a marketing firm, left, and started my own gig, I would say don't sign it. As others have stated, a non-solicit agreement makes more sense.

If they are serious about the non-compete, offer to sign it for a $10,000 bonus. Nothing is free. They don't get to dictate your actions for 2 years after you quit working for them without paying you something beyond your salary for it. At least, not in my eyes.

Don't think it's a yes/no question. Negotiate. If you don't feel like you have good negotiating skills, check out the book Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. But you have to be prepared to walk away and find a different job. It's a calculated risk and you know best whether it's worth it or not.

Amazon have the same issue you do, so I would have a look at how they deal with it. (I've done it for you :)) They are absolutely killing it in the eCommerce SEO world so their word should be considered gospel.

So how do Amazon solve this issue? Well, they create almost completely different pages. Take a look at this hardcover version versus the kindle version. It's the same book with the same reviews etc, but the pages are very different.

In addition to the original content, they've also placed a rel=canonical tag to the main landing page, to clarify the structure of the website to Google. (To check the canonical tag, check out the Open SEO stats chrome extension, or just view the source code)

This is the ideal scenario. If you dont have the resources or time to provide this kind of originality, try and find the sweet spot between originality and your resources.

Another book you should read is "The Art of Woo". They have a High/Low people network and Other People / Selfish frame work; that's I found very useful in predicting how people will behave in corporate politics.

For Game Theory, I would watch Youtube videos first. More important that you comprehend and apply general concepts; than to know the 'math' of it. Concepts including:

Nash Equilibrium

Expected Payouts and using decision trees

*Maximin/MiniMax concepts
And if you find that it's not dry and boring; then I would suggest taking a course on Coursera.

And following up, on your original post on 'People who talk more or express themselves to directors...' Here's a good link on 'how to speak to CEOs'.

And remember "If you're not playing politics, the politics is playing you" (This is true, as you get into upper management levels).

Everything is negotiable. Always. It's just a matter of knowing how to do it right. Which is the tricky part of course!

If it were me in your shoes:

I wouldn't accept a pay cut.

I'd try really hard to not get re-evaluated.

I'd ask for, but wouldn't be very disappointed if it can't happen: some paid time to move, and some relocation expenses.

Good luck!

p.s. For some negotiating tips, this book wasn't too bad imo: https://www.amazon.ca/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

That's my next book project. =)

That aside, I'd recommend Thinking Strategically and The Logic of Life.

There is some hyperbole in each. The subtitle of Thinking Strategically makes me lol, and half of The Logic of Life is "academics were clueless for decades until an economist looked at the problem for a half hour and solved it." But I enjoyed both of them for what they are.

Edit: I guess my book on bargaining and my book on war are somewhat like that. But the big difference is that Thinking Strategically and The Logic of Life are very light on the actual formalization, whereas mine are not.

Good luck u/GameofCHAT selling a business is a lot of fun and will hopefully net you guys some cash while making you much better at building your next business.

​

If the buyer knows that you intend to wind the thing down, it puts you at a considerable bargaining disadvantage as he knows that you are basically working to minimize your losses. I think that the last bit of /u/drunkengolfer's post is the most salient. Your buyer will be looking at this transaction through the lens of what it would cost him to acquire that many customers. You can charge a premium for bundling them together, but that's likely the extent of it.

​

Curious to ask, has he made an offer? Has he acquired other cleaning service books of business in the past? If that's the case, you should have no problem getting him to put out the first few offers and negotiate with himself. "How do I know what's fair here? Help me understand," etc.

​

Also, read this book ASAP. Calibrated questions and mirroring (tactics from the book) are very much your friend if you're going into a situation where you have a disadvantage in terms of experience and sophistication.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

Fwiw, I sold a business on a similar scale (less than 100k) last year and have bought two others since.

Thanks! There's a great book on negotiating jobs and other important things I'd really suggest you read right now. It will give you a lot of tools for advocating for yourself. It was written by an FBI hostage negotiator who inspire the Denzel Washington movies proof of life and others. It's a great book and will help you not settle but get what you want out of any work transaction.

http://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

Strongly recommend you read Everything Is Negotiable by Gavin Kennedy.

Easy to read tips illustrated with stories, and I've used the methods before in professional negotiations with success.

Yep, sounds good. I read a number of books on the topic of negotiation and interpersonal communication. The main books which standout are Never Split the Difference and Crucial Conversations.

All these books have gems of information, at their core - they are really getting at two principles:

1. Communicate with a specific outcome in mind.
   
   
2. Be purposeful (conscious) in your communication.
   
   Outcome and purpose seem like the same thing, but they are actually different. The tools you mentioned seem to embody these principles.
   
   As far as how they would work in an online community - who knows. It could strengthen dialogue, or it could seem over-bearing. It would be an interesting experiment to try to enforce these communication styles.

I've been reading some books on negotiation/sales/persuasion. All these fields come to the same conclusion that the best/only way to persuade someone is to have them feel they led themself to your conclusion. If you don't do that you will only polarize further.

The best car salesman merely helps you discover on your own how much you want/need the car. This requires intense listening and understanding their position at a deep emotional level and showing empathy with their position.

An amazing book for this is Never Split The Difference. The author was the FBI's top negotiator and dealt with revolutionaries and criminals with the most polarized worldviews you can imagine and breaks down how he got them to turn. Changed the way I interact with almost everyone.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but I used to have a boss that was just straight-up mean. He was nearly always ripping me a new one. That was my first office job, so I was low on the food chain, and he let me know it all the time.

I finally hit a wall and got to the point where I'd respond to his mean comments by just looking at him with a blank face. It takes some self-control, but I'd just look at him for a beat too long, without saying anything, and then he'd fill in the uncomfortable silence by backpedaling to soften what he'd just said. It sounds like your boss is more reasonable than mine was, so it might work even better if you try it.

Another tactic is to "mirror" what he just said, which basically accomplishes the same thing. Mirroring is just repeating the last two or three words of whatever he just said, but in the form of a question. A lot of time it forces people to complete their thought, and then often they realize they shouldn't be blaming you. I learned this from Never Split the Difference, which is a book about negotiating, but really comes in handy when dealing with "difficult" personality types.

Ideally, you should have a mentor - an experienced broker - to help you on your first several, and to go to when something you haven't seen pops up after that.

You can learn some (though not as much) from a good book on the subject. Here's one that was recommended to me quite a few years ago. Negotiating Commercial Leases

You're dealing with an adrenaline dump and it's a completely normal physiological response. Stress inoculation is about the only way to get "used to it." You put yourself in the same or similar situations to illicit the fight or flight response until it's no longer that big of a deal. Box breathing (inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, repeat...) is a good technique to help regulate yourself in a stressful situation. Communication is key when trying to deesculate a situation. The FBI Behavioral Change Stairway Model is a good one and the book Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a good read to learn more about how to employ it. Turning it over to your manager was a good move.

Martial arts can help, especially the ones where you train against a resisting opponent, because you'll develop confidence in yourself and your abilities. Boxing, Muay Thai, wrestling and BJJ are ones I would recommend. From a self defense aspect awareness, avoidance and deesculation should be your primary "go to's" though.

I’m a pretty big inarticulate moron. If you’re actually interested, this book is really good and a very easy read: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

"Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It" by Chris Voss is excellent. I have used the techniques taught in this book in many aspects of my life. Negotiating is such a handy skill to have - saves you money, helps you navigate conflict, and helps you keep your calm. https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

The fact that those were old is totally irrelevant. Too much emphasis on that. They were sales people. And you can beat them in their weasel game. Read something like Never split the difference for a start.


Also, I have to add that amazingly, there are exceptions. I know sales people who are actually after a profit/living like all of us but are still relaxed and pretty decent human beings with enough empathy to avoid being evil just to line their pockets - truly looking for win-win scenarios where they make some and you're well served.

Hey atticusmass,

I understand your frustration very well. And I think your designs are well considered. Sub par doesn't come to my mind here.

The thing is:

You'll get into these situations again with other clients as well. It's up to you to handle them differently. In general: If a client gives you negative feedback it's your job to make them look forward positively to your next one. Or rather: to you.

What would a craftsman, who didn't solve your household problem to your satisfaction have to tell you to make you want him to come again and give it a second shot?

How did you approach them to get feedback? How did you present your work?
What was your facial expression like? What exactly offended you about the feedback? Which questions did you ask? Avoid "yes/no" ones by any means. Use open ones instead.

Insist that you can't work without their constructive input. But always remember:
“If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” - Henry Ford.

As unfortunate as these situations are they offer an opportunity to learn something. Good luck!

Book recommendation: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

I like to read books that are not usually about business but see how the technicques and mindset applies. For example 'Never Split The Difference' is also a great book for learning negotiation skills (https://www.amazon.de/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2)

If you're happy bringing the WID stuff yourself, Thank You For Arguing, a mass-market paperback, has been a knock-out book ever since I adopted it. It's cheap, fun, really smart, and my students actually read the damn thing. You absolutely can't beat it for $12 MSRP.

While it's not directly CRE related, I like Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. It's a hostage negotiator's take on human behavior and how to capitalize on the innate tendencies of people under pressure. Kind of a cross between the Netflix series Mindhunter and a sales book. Definitely fun to read if you're in to criminal history, but also useful for the give-and-take of CRE deals.

Mirroring and labeling.

Basically most conflicts esculate because the other person feels like theyre not being heard. You can avoid or deesculate this by...just taking what they're saying and feeding it back to them.

So you identify their emotion and then say something like 'it sounds like you're...[angry]' 'it seems like youre upset because...[reason]' (use neutral observer language: it sounds like, it seems like, it looks like, etc, not 'I think youre angry' which is too personal and reads like a challenge)

This sounds patronising but when their emotions are up they aren't thinking straight enough to notice it, and they wont until they've calmed down, and they wont calm down until they've vented what is bothering them and had it acknowledged.

If this is successful there will be a tangible change in the energy, a slump as as they've 'got it out'. Then and only then is when you can start offering potential next steps.

Note that getting them to acknowledge whats bothering them isnt the same thing as agreeing that you will fix it. The trick is to get them agreeing that youve totally summarised their position and their emotions are totally valid while also making it clear you can/will make no promises to fix it.

Sources, (both talk about this concept)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00IWUSZ84/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

Right now I'm reading Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference. It has some amazing negotiating tips, and I've had some luck already. The downside is that a lot of those tips come down to "learn to control your emotions", which I struggle with.

Since you asked for fiction, my recent favorite is Yaa Gyasi's incredible Homegoing: A Novel.

What type of negotiation? Asking a kid to clean up, getting a job, buying a car, making love, making war? There are so many different things to negotiate about. I found this to be a nice book about negotiating bussiness deals: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Lose-Again-Negotiator-Questions/dp/0312643489/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483884030&sr=1-1&keywords=never+lose+again ( it used to be on kickass torrents)

You should check out Chris Voss. He was the head of hostage negotiations for the FBI. He has a book called Never Split the Difference. Really good information and he relates it to sales and business. He also has been on a few podcasts. Highly recommend!

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805/ref=nodl_

This is less of a UX market issue than it is about understanding how to negotiate salary. This may be a little late for this offer, but this book is amazing: "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It" https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2 (edit to add link)

Never Split the Difference was pretty good. The author, Chris Voss, was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator.

This book tends to be helpful:

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

It's a really good read on negotiation.

You are on an interesting pathway. Can I help?

http://www.amazon.com/Field-Guide-Understanding-Human-ebook/dp/B00BL0OZ0E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374854320&sr=8-1&keywords=field+guide+to+human+error

Read that first.

Then read this:

http://www.amazon.com/Drift-into-Failure-ebook/dp/B009KOKXKY/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1374854359&sr=1-1&keywords=drift+failure

Let me know what you think.

1. You can't go over
   
2. I'm not sure I'm answering your question because I was a little confused as to what you were asking but regardless of whether or not we sign anyone, if a a player was cut in 2017 you have that dead money hit on your books and it comes off in 2018
   
3. Draft signings and any other signing that would account for the top 51 salaries on a team are counted against the salary cap for the given year.
   
4. As far as a resource this is your best bet, I haven't bought it yet myself but I am an avid listener to his podcast and a constant viewer of his website.
   
   Crunching Numbers: An Inside Look At The Salary Cap And Negotiating Player Contracts https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692742239/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9xd5yb7NE1HP8
   
   Hope this all helps!

Practice. Lots of practice. If you go into a negotiation not willing to lose it all, you've already lost.

Interview for jobs. You should always be looking.

Making friend and influencing people is good.

Also: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062407805/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tWsWBbKWP1BB7

Great beginner book on negotiating and used for a couple of bucks.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Outnegotiate-Anyone-Even-Dealer/dp/1558502831

I'm not in sales, but I've heard good things about this book. Could really come in handy in a sales environment: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1518035077&sr=8-1&keywords=never+split+the+difference

Before you go and negotiate the salary read THIS book. Or do the audio book. There is a section on negotiating salary but the whole book is useful. Really changed the way I talk with people.

I highly recommend this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

It's really sharpened not only my negotiation skills, but many every day interactions I've had with people, particularly employers etc. Very much worth the read.

I don't know specifically about body language, but this is definitely something you should look for at your local library.

Getting to Yes - https://www.amazon.ca/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757/ref=sr_1_1?crid=BCHIC7U5CRIU&keywords=getting+to+yes&qid=1573872902&sprefix=getting+to+yes%2Caps%2C144&sr=8-1

Never Split the Difference: https://www.amazon.ca/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=negotiation&qid=1573872963&sr=8-1

​

But more importantly:

Client Science: Advice for Lawyers on Counseling Clients through Bad News and Other Legal Realities: https://www.amazon.ca/Client-Science-Lawyers-Counseling-Realities/dp/0199891907

Frame is a muddy concept that's able to be interpreted in multiple ways. It's hard to grasp because it means slightly different things to different people.

For me, frame is "the narrative a person has in their head about what's happening."

Different narratives can come into conflict; eventually, one will win out, when the other person starts to subtly accept the other person's narrative.

Useful books:

Frame Control
https://www.amazon.com/Frame-Control-Subconscious-Conversational-Dominance-ebook/dp/B014GMBQPK

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty-ebook/dp/B004IK8Q22/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1505766023&sr=1-1&keywords=when+i+say+no+i+feel+guilty

Never Split The Difference
https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1505766002&sr=1-1&keywords=never+split+the+difference

Just saw Never Split the Difference. Are you familiar with it? Like it?

These are the books I've read recently and liked a lot:

• CA$HVERTISING: How to Use More Than 100 Secrets of Ad-Agency Psychology to Make BIG MONEY Selling Anything to Anyone
  
• Write. Publish. Repeat. (The No-Luck-Required Guide to Self-Publishing Success)
  
• Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
  
• The Education of Millionaires: It's Not What You Think and It's Not Too Late
  
  These are not affiliate links.

Read this book. I read it a few years ago and it has probably saved me thousands by now.

ps: I'm not affiliated with the book and I won't make more if you buy it from that link

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0470225297/ref=mp_s_a_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475128478&sr=8-1-spell&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=trunp+style+negociation

Hopefully that works. Written by a Trump executive.

Your best bet would be to read Crunching Numbers by Jason Fitzgerald. It's a little dense but very informative.

You might get some value from Never Split The Difference

Pročitao Three Body Problem, sve tri knjige. Više ne gledam zvezdano nebo istim očima. Bez zezanja. ;)

Mimo toga kad stignem čitam Never Split The Difference, od noulajferske literature čitam neke dve Deep Learning knjige od kojih ću jednu da batalim i fokusiram se na drugu, kad stingem čitam Probably Aproximately Correct i LLVM Essentials. Od ove poslednje ću verovatno da odustanem za sada, troši dosta energije a ne osećam benefit na horizontu, kanim se da počnem Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow.

Hi, [a fellow MIT Professor wrote this book and I wanted to see if you have had a chance to read it and if you had any thoughts about it?] (http://www.amazon.com/Game-Changer-Theory-Transforming-Strategic-Situations/dp/0393239675)

As a contrarian note, Thank You for Arguing is a good book on persuasion that calls logical fallacies "tools of rhetoric." Appeal to tradition is a logical fallacy, but it's also a way for a cultural framework to maintain itself.

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2/ref=nodl_

It’s a semi-auto-biographical how to guide for dealing with irrational people written from the perspective of an FBI hostage negotiator. It’s useful for everything from buying a home, to counseling people, to parenting.

This actually illustrates the logic of 'getting to no' instead of yes:

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

​

Offer a range, have the bottom end of the range be what you actually want. "I believe I can be an advocate for you in the company, and you could provide me with mentorship." (Gets them on your side by making them believe you're on their side.)

Listen to/read the first few chapters of this book, should only take a few hours: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

I bought Chris Voss's book Never Split the Difference after his AMA. (On mobile, will add links later). He recommends a pricing strategy where you set your top price, start with a low bid and make diminishing increases to achieve it - 65% of top line, then 85%, 95%, then 100%. The final number should not be a nice round number, it should sound odd. So for example, if you want to pay $200 for something, offer $130, 170, 190, $197.26

Edit: Links added

Actually I just read a book by a former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI, and it turns out they often do negotiate small cash payments to kidnappers.

This may have a bit of what you're looking for: Women Don't Ask

https://www.amazon.com/Combating-Cult-Mind-Control-Best-selling/dp/0967068827

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

One of the reasons that men allegedly get paid more than women is that men aren't afraid to negotiate while women tend not to negotiate. Read this and it will answer who is correct: https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Style-Negotiation-Powerful-Strategies-Mastering/dp/0470225297

here you go: https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

Never Split the Difference, By Chris Voss
He is a retired Negotiator from the FBI.
https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

Try reading, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B014DUR7L2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_G1PBDb1VP55FH

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

LPT: Read this book instead - https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended-ebook/dp/B014DUR7L2

https://www.amazon.com/Principles-Money-Banking-Financial-Markets/dp/0321339193


https://www.amazon.com/Environment-Science-behind-Stories-Books/dp/0321927575

https://www.amazon.com/Organizational-Behavior-13th-Mary-Uhl-Bien-ebook/dp/B00I8XF7Y0

$5 each

I'm just getting started in this area, but I've found this book useful as a complete novice:
https://smile.amazon.com/Big-Data-Work-Revolution-Organizational/dp/1848725825?sa-no-redirect=1

Never split the difference
https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

Thinking fast and slow
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow

Hey Johnny, I have a friend who is a similar situation and he cheated on his spouse. WAIT, keep reading, I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING. This is literally the nicest, most devoted guy I know, but one drunken night he accidentally got into a compromising position and cheated. The worst thing you can do to avoid this behavior is to think your above it. It's like a car crash, nobody thinks it will be them till it is. So admit to yourself that it's a possibility (not an eventuality) and maybe avoid booze and compromising situations.

But your actual problem isn't too hard to solve.

Obviously the only way this is going to get better is through communication. Which neither of you seem great at. She seems to dismiss your feelings which is a massive red flag for a LTR. But I'd wager your also expressing your feelings ineffectively. You need more assertive with your feelings. They matter. They aren't going away. Make sure she knows that.

BUT

Just as importantly as what you say, is how you say it.

The standard advice you will get on the sub is to use 'I' statements (I feel like dismiss my feelings) instead of 'you' statements (You dismiss my feelings all the time).
But that's very basics.

Read this

It's a book on negotiation by a FBI hostage negotiator. The key to hostage negotiation? Empathy and understanding. And this book teaches you how to express that effectively.

Now the book says to 'Never compromise'. But he's talking about business deals and hostage negotiation, YOU can compromise. You have to. Remember your playing the long game, and sexual awakening is a gradual process.

Other than that, therapy is very appropriate here. Shes sounds very sexually repressed, and you are a good candidates for some counselling. Just make sure you get a good one, a bad therapist is worst than no therapist.

Front/backloading always refers to guarantees. P5 salaries mean jack shit if they aren't guaranteed.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692742239?ie=UTF8&camp=213733&creative=393185&creativeASIN=0692742239&linkCode=shr&tag=ovethecap-20&linkId=CIK2DVPBPAU55AAP&qid=1474372811&sr=8-4&keywords=%22crunching+numbers%22

Highly recommend this book

If tough negotiation and social combat is a common feature of your campaign, I'd recommend reading Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, you'll really learn to make your PC's work for their victories in social combat.