Reddit mentions: The best communication & social skills books

We found 523 Reddit comments discussing the best communication & social skills books. We ran sentiment analysis on each of these comments to determine how redditors feel about different products. We found 110 products and ranked them based on the amount of positive reactions they received. Here are the top 20.

1. Outliers: The Story of Success

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Outliers: The Story of Success
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2. Outliers: The Story of Success

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3. Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

Crown Business
Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time
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Weight1.33820593034 Pounds
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4. Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade

Pre Suasion A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade
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5. It's Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy, 10th Anniversary Edition

It s Your Ship Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy
It's Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy, 10th Anniversary Edition
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9. Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People

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10. Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To

Free Press
Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To
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14. Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

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15. How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide

How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide
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16. Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

AMACOM American Management Association
Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
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17. The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life

The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life
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🎓 Reddit experts on communication & social skills books

The comments and opinions expressed on this page are written exclusively by redditors. To provide you with the most relevant data, we sourced opinions from the most knowledgeable Reddit users based the total number of upvotes and downvotes received across comments on subreddits where communication & social skills books are discussed. For your reference and for the sake of transparency, here are the specialists whose opinions mattered the most in our ranking.
Total score: 41
Number of comments: 4
Relevant subreddits: 1
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Number of comments: 3
Relevant subreddits: 2
Total score: 3
Number of comments: 3
Relevant subreddits: 1

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Top Reddit comments about Communication & Social Skills:

u/Iamaleafinthewind · 3 pointsr/atheism

I don't know that police/local government in a deep south town is going to consider this child abuse at all. I suspect it would do little to help OP's situation.

OP - try to find out the name of the camp. Then go online and research it, see if you can find others who have attended, what you can expect on arrival.

It's a really unpleasant thing to have to discover at such a young age that your family cannot be relied upon to support you, especially in times like this when you are the center of negative attention from others. Try not to let it get you down. Remember that before this, you had a good relationship with your parents. You may be able to get back to that - especially because they want that, too.

What others have posted about enduring is probably the best strategy. It sounds like other than being bigots, your parents haven't been abusive, and hopefully won't go that direction if presented with a world that makes them happy.

I'm not saying lie, but you may be able to convince them you were just 'being confused'. Remember, they want to believe all this deconversion/de-gay stuff works. You only have a few more years of school before college, so try the following, all of which I consider to be good advice for anyone:

  • focus on academics and being able to get an academic scholarship wherever you want to go - that means you won't be dependent on their financing your college and will be able to get into a good school in a New England or West Coast college. Find one in a big city, some place you'd like to live afterward. College then becomes 4 years of learning the town, building a social network in it, and getting an idea where to work afterwards.
  • develop some friendships with girls, if you haven't already - you don't need to be dating in k-12 school anyway, as someone has pointed out. :) But seriously, the girls will appreciate a guy that isn't going to try to make a move on them, and your parents will see it as straighter behavior. It's a pure win-win situation.
  • work on discovering who you are in other areas of life and develop them. Your parents are making your life about being gay right now and really, you have so much more to you than who you find attractive - we all do. Develop interests, hobbies, pursuits that have nothing to do with relationships.
  • make plans for next summer - volunteering somewhere in town, working on a project of some kind, visiting family, something. It may help create scheduling conflicts.

    Put some time and effort into becoming a well-rounded person. Have a full life. If nothing else, it can lead to successes that your parents, if they care at all (and it sounds like they do) will have to consider when sending you off to de-gay-my-kid camp. "Well, we could send him to ex-gay camp again this summer, but won't that interfere with ____ ?" "Yes, you are right... we can try skipping the camp this summer; that __ will help him get into a good school."

    What I mean by that is, let's say you get into programming. You start doing websites for friends of the family, dad's employer, whatever. Maybe you and your dad attend a local meetup about some programming language, etc and you are able to talk with people working in the field. You do some hobby projects, maybe contribute to a volunteer group ... basically you find something (programming in my example) that you can be good at and kinda enjoy and you GO FOR IT. You put time and effort and get good.

    I use programming as an example because it is easy to get into, but there are lots of options. It depends on YOU and what you find interesting.

    Read books. Seriously. Not just fun books, but books like this :

  • Outliers: the Story of Success
  • Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

    There are a LOT of people studying and writing about how to be successful in life. Study. Read. Learn. It will give you an advantage over anyone in your age group that you are even aware of that. If you read something like Outliers and take it to heart, it will literally put you years ahead of someone who doesn't. I'm only listing a few, but there are lots of books out there. Amazon is your friend, most have kindle editions that can be read without a special device, just use the cloud reader. There is some useless stuff in the self-help/motivational section, so research the book, read professional reviews, etc etc as well as the Amazon user reviews. Develop skepticism and a mind capable of weighing evidence, and then form your own opinions.

    Overall, though, the idea is to show your parents a kid that is succeeding at life. Try to let the gay issue go away, and endure. Remember what someone else posted - your parents love you and the problem only arises because they have some really messed up ideas about gender, sexual orientation, etc. that they have gotten from the church. They think they are saving your from a Great Evil. Respect them for good intentions, if that makes sense. I've known people with parents who didn't care about their kids at all and were frankly horrible, terrible people that I would never trust with a child. As bad as things seem now, your parents do love you and that's a great foundation for the future. Just try to show them your best face, a successful child, and build confidence that they have done a good job raising you.

    College and adulthood hold the promise of freedom, independence, and the support of your peers. It's really quite a nice world out here.

    edit: added some to the 2nd from last paragraph
u/[deleted] · 2 pointsr/worldnews

>wizards

I don't know about that point, but maybe that's because I just happen to have a lot of knowledge in that particular domain. I don't see Gates, Zuckerberg and Jobs as geniuses as much as I see them as good businessmen, lucky nerds, and obsessive marketers (respectively).

>massive gap in intelligence

There are some high-profile social scientists who would sincerely disagree with you on that point. Since you are allegedly a successful business person I imagine you've read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell or perhaps some similar books? It's extraordinary the amount of sheer luck and opportunity that successful people like Gates have had in their lives. I am not saying that it doesn't take hard work to become successful (unless you're born with it, of course) but I vehemently object to the notion that luck has nothing to do with success.

As an aside, I accept that Gates and Zuckerberg are really smart dudes but I really do not think that Steve Jobs had any remarkably above-average intelligence. Wozniak et al were always the brains of the Apple operation. Jobs is, I think, the #1 most inaccurately cited "genius." But that's neither here nor there, and you shouldn't speak ill of the dead and whatnot.

>40 hr week

When you work 120+ hour weeks as a business owner, 100% of your efforts directly benefit you. If you are a salaried employee (as more and more full-time workers are becoming, whether it is appropriate or not) you make the same amount of money whether you work 40 hours or 60.

You're opening up an entirely different can of worms with this point about work hours. But I really hope that you, as an alleged business owner, don't expect the same amount of work out of your employees as you expect out of yourself unless you're completely willing to compensate them accordingly.

>common opinion

I don't know about that. My source for all of my opinions about rich people comes from growing up in an extremely affluent area. Most people would consider my family "rich." I had dozens of friends whose families owned multi-million-dollar vacation homes on the beach and in the mountains. I know lots and lots of rich people and almost all of them have this attitude that they are entitled to and deserve all of the money they have, and that they got to where they were precisely because they were smart and hard-working (edit: or because of divine intervention--that's always a painfully common one: "We're so blessed!") and that everybody else could be as rich and successful as them if they weren't such lazy dumbasses! I think very differently about wealth. I see how privileged I am for having what I have, or as I prefer to say I am lucky as fuck.

>source

Do you have a source that says otherwise? I recently finished reading a great book called Capital in the Twenty-First Century by Thomas Picketty. It could shed some light on this issue if you're interested. He also cites myriad sources that you could follow around if you're legitimately interested in the subject. Otherwise I would be very interested if you could provide some sources that support the opposite of what I said.

"Rich" is notoriously difficult to define, of course. In the context of this reddit thread I'm talking about the ultra-rich i.e. 1%ers and such.

u/cocolovesice · 2043 pointsr/IAmA

Not OP, but doing research on persuasion and white supremacy. I can share my hypotheses with with you based on my research. I would say the first and most important thing is to figure out is your dad's motivation.


  • Does he truly believe whites are superior?
  • Does he want segregation?
  • Does he feel like whites are getting shafted by laws and social policies, e.g. affirmative action?


    If it's either of the first two, your task will be trickier, but not impossible. I would suggest asking a series of "why" and "how" questions. "Did something happen that made you feel you were treated unfairly? Were other people also treated that way? Why do you think they treated you like that? Was it in response to something? Does it still happen? What did you do in response? Why did you do it? How effective do you think your reaction was?"


    Show genuine curiosity. Tell him you want to understand his philosophy better, that you want to get to know him better, or whatever you need to say to get him to open up. DO NOT tell him you are asking him these questions because you want to get him out of the Klan, or he is likely to shut down and get angry. Do not get emotional. If you feel yourself getting upset (which is TOTALLY FINE), excuse yourself, do something you enjoy, and sleep on it. Keep in mind that being effective is more important than being right, and that this process will be difficult, and you won't be effective if you don't take care of yourself first.


    Once you know his motivation, you can start presenting him with examples and evidence. Keep these principles in mind.

    1. The most effective persuasion happens when people don't know they are being persuaded.
    1. Talk about micro examples, not macro ideas. Don't talk about lynchings in general, talk about a specific example like this. Don't call it a lynching.
    1. Talk about concrete policies like Redlining. Don't send him the article. Do your own research and explain the policy to him.
    1. Present the evidence, and let him come to his own conclusions based on the evidence. For example, you don't need to say that Redlining created segregation. If you tell him how it worked, he will likely come to that conclusion on his own.
    1. Do not label him. Do not call him a racist because that will likely piss him off and paint you as the enemy. Do not call him a Klansman because that reinforces his identity as a group member, and will make it harder for him to leave.
    1. This may be obvious, but don't use anything that can be considered a liberal buzzword. For the love of god, don't mention white privilege.

      Maybe OP u/shamethrowaway77 can comment on the veracity of some of these techniques. I sincerely hope they work for you. Feel free to PM me if you want me to point you in the direction of other articles or books with more info.

      Also, Robert Cialdini has a great book called Pre-suasion, where he talks about setting the stage for effectively persuading people. It's written for a non-academic audience and is entertaining, and explains how to apply persuasive principles in real life.


      EDIT: Wow, my first reddit gold! Thank you, kind stranger, and thank you for the upvotes. Y'all are motivating me to put my best effort toward making a contribution to this field of research.
u/roland00 · 1 pointr/ENFP

Yoda is wise, but Yoda needs to practice what he preaches, yet to the INTP (that Yoda was), those things are the most scary, yet to other people the same forces would not be scary at all.

----

Relax, find your center, and realize that if its meant to be and often INTP and ENFP relationship can work, if the INTP wants to be happy with an ENFP and an ENFP wants to be happy with an INTP.

Well these relationships work for the ENFP and INTP often sees their "soulmate" ^(I do not believe in soulmate, but lets use that word anyway) their finance, their wife / their husband should take on the archetypal role of a Tribesman a person who share a sense of culture, but with different interests and abilities. Aka a playmate who does not mind that their playmate likes other things than they do, and in fact rejoices that their tribesman / playmate likes different things, and in the process some of the time they learn via the tribesman hey X is really fun, even though Y, Z, are boring, and Q, R, S, T, U, is definately not for me but I understand why my partner likes doing these things even if I do not like them, perhaps I hate them, I repulsed via them, or I am indifferent, but X is really fun but Y and Z are boring.

 

Now contrast this to when an INTJ and ENFP work out and they find each other soulmates. Instead of taking on the Tribesman Archetype, they take on the archetype of Pedadogue each is both the other's mentor and student: has a "parent to child" feel. Note this is not being deragtory when it says parent to child feel, but in some matters to the INTJ the ENFP seems so wise, so smart, almost godlike, like a parent sometimes seems to a child, but also not just parent, but also a mentor, or a wise master. And the INTJ feels like they can learn from the ENFP. And the same energy also works in other ways where the ENFP also sees the INTJ as their pedadogue but in other areas of daily life. And in the process of the marriage both of them feel reborned.

 

Now can you the INTP compare and contrast the difference between the INTP-ENFP Tribesman relationship with the INTJ-ENFP Pedadogue relationship? In both relationships when it works, there is a sense of continous rebirth, that grace happens, that a snake is like shedding his skin and is becomming younger when he does so, and thus he feels immortal. But how the process occurs is different. The ENFP finds the other energies the INTP does not possess, or the ENFP finds the other energies the INTJ does not possess via other people in their daily lives. Aka the friends, the family, and so on.

Maybe this link of a fictional ENFP I do not really like can help explain it.

https://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/04/a-ranking-of-who-carrie-bradshaw-should-have-ended-up-with-based-on-myers-briggs-psychology/

Some ENFPs are attracted to the INTP, some are attracted to that INTJ, and others are attracted to another INTJ, and so on. There is no right match for all ENFPs, but instead each individual ENFP needs to find the right match for them, and who that right match may be different than another ENFP would have chosen.

If you are not familiar with the show, this ENFP ends up with the INTP (Mr. Big) and still keeps her bestie (The INTJ red head woman) even though she is not sexually attracted, they compliment their soulmate with other friends and family to provide the energy they need in their lives.

Oh the author of that piece (and honestly that is one of the worse Heidi pieces, but it was a good illustration of my point) is the author of this book

https://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide-ebook/dp/B012DP87ZO

I would also highly recommend reading her free posts on that website. So go INTP and research.

Research and be smitten with your ENFP finance.

 

Be smitten and always asking Ne, aka Exploration, what could be while balancing it out with Ti why it is but do not forget that you need to learn more and incorporate more the 6 other functions in your daily life.

u/Ineverdrankcoffee · 7 pointsr/ENFP

Haha, I guess it was because all the girls were just jealous of me having longer hair than all of them (until last summer)...

On a serious note: percentually there are simply more female ENFP’s than male ENFP’s. The most prevalent male personalities are also S/T, and on average there seem to be more introverted men than extraverted men. So ENFP is almost the complete opposite of the male archetype.

Second question: I have a few female friends/acquinances that I get along with very well without wanting anything ‘more’ from them. Why do you think that is a typical ENFP thing by the way? I also have male friends who have female friends that they’re not into, and they’re not ENFP...

Third question: If I try to read between the lines of your post, you don’t really like the idea of the ‘classic male’, as I understand you apperently do/like things others would rather not see you doing/liking. That smells like inferior Si, aka “how everybody does things is exactly what I won’t be doing”. That would thus mean you’re more of an ENFP than an INFP. Another way to know is if you often do things without thinking them through first. That’s more of an ENFP thing, because we lead with a perceiving function instead of a judging function. Also remember that Ne is in many ways an ambiverted function. Your intuition is aimed ‘outwards’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be around people to do it. I can sit in complete silence and still think up crazy ideas and plans. That’s the reason ENFP’s are ‘the most introverted extraverts’. When I read through r/infp I can actually relate to a lot of their stuff too, so I think maybe ENFP and INFP might be a bit closer together than other types. If you’re still not sure, read this book.

So coming back to the feminine/manly and ENFP/INFP thing at the same time: it seems like you want to achieve things verbally but aren’t able too (e.g. convincing someone of something, making new friends, I don’t know?). I honestly didn’t have a great time in high school, and I felt a lot of anxiety just like you do.

First tip: start walking upright! Point your toes in-line with your knees, slant your hips forward, lift your sternum up, push your shoulders back, straighten your neck and keep your chin down. Boom! Instant self-confidence. Practice in front of a mirror and don’t ever walk like a hunchback EVER again.

Second tip: stop feeling embarassed for the stuff you love. Do you like crocheting? Own it! If people ask you about your hobbies, just tell them straight up what you like. show no fear. If somebody is calling you feminine, buy yourself a really girly phone cover or an agenda for pre-schoolers. Stick it in their face as if it were a big middle finger. Would you mess with a guy who tattooed disney princesses on his arms?

Third tip: use your Fi and ask yourself how you truly want other males to perceive you. For example, read through r/seduction and ask yourself whether or not you would be comfortable behaving yourself like the folks on there. Do you want to be the cool guy picking up ladies like they come out of a vending machine, or do you want to stay 100% true to yourself and keep your every bit of your ENFP discussion style (seeing everyone’s perspective, nicely asking everyone for their opinion before doing anything, etc.). If you’re anything like me, you’d want to be somewhere in the middle. It’s the same for other aspects of your life other than dating. At some point I realized that it’s simply quite annoying to people to be the guy who always wants to weigh in everyone’s thoughts and wants to be accepted by everyone. If you want others to respect you, sometimes you just have to say stuff like “I want to...”/“I’m going to...”/“Come on, let’s...”/“I have other plans” etc. In short: society’s cruel, and will be like that forever. ENFP’s are prone to being used by others because they’re always willing to help, and because they see mostly good in others. Stop wanting validation for everything. Start setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and the rest will fall into place.

Fourth tip: generously sprinkle some Si over your life. Don’t try to be ‘different’ just for the sake of being different. Wear some decent looking clothing during the day, you can still wear whatever you’d like to when you get home. Make yourself a schedule and stick to it. Sleep consistently, exercise consistently. If you feel like you need to put up a mask around some people to keep your life moving forward, just go for it. You’ll find enough people around whom you can be yourself along the way, just don’t bother so much with the rest.

Stay strong brother ;)

u/DamiensLust · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

I'll be watching this thread closely as it's a question I'm very, very interested in hearing the answer to as well. Personally, I have yet to read very many books that would fall into the remit of self help/self improvement, but I have a couple of suggestions.

First of all, Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell is an excellent book, and particularly ideal for someone in your situation. Using plenty of real-world examples and citing studies, statistics etc throughout the book to substantiate his claims, he shows how & why some people go on to become hugely successful in their field and why others don't, covering a wide range of factors but consistently challenging our preconceived notions about the role that actual talent & ability play in getting people to the top. A very inspiring and motivating book, and I think it would make a great start if you want to embark on a path of self-improvement, as it will leave you feeling very optimistic and boost your self-esteem and make your goals, no matter how crazy, seem attainable.

Secondly, I'd recommend A Manual for Living by Epictetus with this modern translation/interpretation. This is only a small handbook, and can easily be read in a weekend, but unlike a lot of self-help books around this subject, this cuts straight to the point with practical suggestions explaining how and where stoic philosophy can apply in your day-to-day life to make you more resilient, optimistic, happier & content. This book really packs a punch in its content, and I found myself absolutely absorbed by it, and I've read it several times since and have found that the principles truly do work when actively applying them to my life. This, imo, would be a great start to self-improvement, as it addresses the fundamental issue that everyone on the planet would want to improve on - how to be happy.

u/TheBeneGesseritWitch · 4 pointsr/navy

Aw! <3

Like, what books I'd recommend, or just....stuff to do underway that would be in the self-improvement area? The big two that jump out as underway activities are always "save money, and work out."

What platform are you floating on?

So the first thing I do with all my proteges is I hand them the grading sheet for Sailor of the Year/Quarter and a blank evaluation, and I ask them to grade themselves. Not everyone wants to be, or needs to be, Sailor of the Year or a 5.0 sailor, but if that's the standard the Navy has set as "the best," then at least we have a guideline of what we should be working toward, right?

One thing that was pretty big at my last command was the Military Outstanding Volunteer Service Medal. Instruction here. One thing that is a really easy way to gain community service hours while underway is to make blankets for the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society's "Budgeting For Baby" class. You can crochet (that's incredibly easy, I promise) or you can google one of the thousand DIY no-sew blanket tutorials. If you belong to a Bluejacket Association or Enlisted Association or whatever, you may be able to get them to fund the cost of buying the material...or even ask the FCPOA if they'll give $50 to the cause. You can head over to Jo-Ann's or Fabric.com and check out their discount sections too. NMCRS offers 30 hours per blanket. Taking an hour out of your Holiday Routine for the entire float.....most of the DIY no-sew blankets only take an hour or two to make, sooooo. Collect those hours. Add in a COMREL or two, and there's no reason you can't end a float with over a hundred hours of community service. This is particularly great if you have a friend or two to make blankets with you....snag one of the TVs on the messdecks and watch a movie while you crochet. You can also contact a local homeless shelter and see if they need hats and crochet hats for them. Obviously not a good suggestion if you're stuck underway on a submarine with no space, but if you're surface side--good to go.

Books I'd suggest, well, hm, this could get out of control pretty fast, but off the top of my head:

  • Personality Plus by Florence Littauer or her work specific version

  • Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

  • It's Your Ship by Capt Abrashoff

  • Starship Troopers

  • Ender's Game (Ender and Starship are obviously straight scifi but there are some really awesome leadership principles/concepts/ideas that are worth mulling over. They've both been on past CNO's recommended reading lists too....and they're just fun to read.)

  • For money, while, like, 99% of his stuff is "Duh!" I can't discount the practical steps he outlines, so Dave Ramsey's books, particularly Financial Peace is worth reading. His whole book is basically the wiki in r/personalfinance, but if you're wondering how to get your finances straight I recommend picking up this book. Just, in general. Good basic information and a starting point. Not saying you need it, but "saving money" just happens underway by virtue being trapped out on the ocean =)

  • Leaders Eat Last
u/meldroc · 3 pointsr/jobs

A lot of people have been recommending the book Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

I'll recommend that book. That book is about how to do social networking right.

It's not going to Business Networking Events (TM) and eating bad hotel food while engaging in a phoniness contest.

It's about just building relationships with people, and cultivating friends who'll help you out when you're in a spot. This, BTW involves being a Good Guy Greg who'll help others in a spot, and making yourself available for such things.

Some of Ferrazzi's tips:

  • Cultivate generosity. Not just being able to give in an act of generosity, but being able to graciously accept generosity. The second part is something I find really hard.
  • Develop your network ALL THE TIME. Not just when you're job hunting. When you begin the job hunt, you want a network already in place that will help you out.
  • Don't be phony. Really, networking is just being sociable. Look for the kinds of people you like hanging out with, and hang with them. If you fake it, it won't work.
  • Jerks get flushed out of social networks, so follow the Law of Wheaton.
  • Give, don't just ask. Like I said, Ferrazzi says the key to success is generosity. Doing volunteer work, say for charities, is a damned good way to jumpstart a social network. Also, if someone is doing something generous for you, accept graciously. Don't keep score on favors. Just pay it forward.
  • Follow-up. Don't be too obnoxious about it, but when you make contacts, keep in touch with them. I have a hard time with that part.
  • Share your passions. Don't just go to the Business Networking Phony Luncheon. Go to something you love, and are passionate about. Like sci-fi? Go to sci-fi conventions. Like sports? Go watch or play your sportsball game of choice, and find friends who do likewise.
u/123creed · 3 pointsr/intj

I have always focused my learning on hard skills. I thought this was really all that mattered. Good ideas can speak for themselves, right???

Only recently I realized how important soft skills are in life. Like you, I am also researching communication skills, confidence, persuasion/influence, body language, etc.

Here are some materials I have come across. Hope they are helpful in your journey.

This book was very insightful on building rapport: http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-All-About-Techniques-ebook/dp/B0060YIBLK

It was written by a guy in the FBI who's job it was to build relationships with all kinds of people. He outlines 10 steps you can use to build trust with strangers. Topics include using open body language, commenting on surroundings and/or personal accessories, asking open questions about them, etc. Many things covered might seem like "common sense", but if you are not consciously using them is it really "common sense"?

And another book that was helpful about body language: http://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-ebook/dp/B000SEH9QG/

This was fascinating and discussed all types of body language, what they mean, and theories on why we do it. There is a section on mating/courting body language, which was also quite eye opening. Again, you will not realize the potential until you bring this stuff into your conscious mind. Many of the things we do while communicating we do subconsciously. It is extremely interesting and sometimes quite funny seeing how people communicate with their body.

One other interesting point on this subject is that your mental state affects your body language, which then affects your mental state, etc. If you have unconfident body language, you will have unconfident thoughts. Watch the Amy Cuddy video on "Fake it until you make it". Have confident body language all the time. If you start slouching, lift up your chest and hold your head up high... even if you are hanging around! You will feel more confident as you turn this into a habit. Practice this stuff every day. You WILL get better. Small wins build confidence and you will create a positive feedback loop.

Regarding "how was your summer", maybe try complementing them instead. People love to feel good about themselves. Are they wearing a unique accessory (watch, necklace, hat) or clothing? Say, "Wow that is a really interesting hat!" See what they say. If they don't open up try a follow-up question. I tried this comment and they opened up about where they were from, how they moved here, etc. The hat was really a way for them to communicate their identity. Another approach is the sympathy card... "Hi, sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out". Talk about a situation you are in and ask for their feedback. Then branch out the convo based on their responses. Make sure your body language is open, yet confident - do not come on strong or closed.

u/cahutchins · 1 pointr/needadvice

Read Malcom Gladwell's book, Outliers: The Story of Success.

Basically, he argues that people who are truly, exceptionally great musicians, artists, athletes, scientists, businesspeople, get there through three factors:

  • Talent — Some people are just naturally predisposed toward intelligence, or creativity, or physical strength, or whatever. John Lennon and Paul McCartney were both extremely talented songwriters and musicians, and were likely born with innately creative minds.

  • Opportunity — Some people are just in the right place at the right time, or are given certain advantages in life, like being born into a wealthy family, or growing up in a city with access to certain facilities or equipment or populations, etc. Let's be honest, Ringo Starr isn't the best drummer or singer in the world, but he was in the right place at the right time when John, Paul, and George needed a replacement drummer after Pete Best got kicked out of the band.

  • Effort — Gladwell repeatedly references "The 10,000 rule," meaning most "experts" in a particular skill or field have put in at least ten thousand hours on the thing that they're good at. Before making it big, the Beatles spent 4 years performing small, live shows in Hamburg, Germany, over 1,200 times from 1960 to 1964, plus countless hours of practice between shows.

    All three factors are important, none of them exist in a vacuum, and none of them are guarantees of success. There were thousands of four-piece rock bands in the 60s, there were plenty of extremely talented singers and musicians, and plenty of bands played thousands of hours in garages and bars. Only a tiny handful of them ever became stars, and only one of them became the Beatles.

    *****

    But aside from the factors behind success, are you planning on playing guitar, or Street Fighter, or Magic the Gathering professionally? Or do you do those things because you enjoy them? If you're having fun doing things you love, what does it matter if you're the best at any one thing? There's something to be said for being well-rounded and having a variety of interests and skills.

    Not many people play games for a living, and not many musicians can pay the bills with their guitar. My advice? Find a profession you don't hate that pays well and isn't going to be automated out of existence in the next twenty years, get the education and training you need to succeed at that profession, and put in the time to make a career.

    Keep playing the guitar and fighting games and card games, and you'll naturally get better at those things. But don't base your happiness and self-worth on whether or not you're the best.
u/orbjuice · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I think a lot of people believe that your intelligence is whatever it is, and that you can't change it. I think those people are wrong and probably don't deserve whatever intellectual spark they were gifted with. That said, let's review what you want to learn.

Super fast with math
Amazing with:
spelling
grammar
and large words

Great at deciphering puzzles
winning board games like:
scrabble
chess

I'm going to go the boring route and cite a book I haven't read myself: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell (http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930). There's a much-used quote in it that says to become an expert at anything, do it for 10,000 hours. At least I think there is. To save both you and I the trouble of propagating bullshit we haven't read, we'll pull a quote from the study the book was based on off the internet:

"Our research shows that even the most gifted performers need a minimum of ten years (or 10,000 hours) of intense training before they win international competitions. In some fields the apprenticeship is longer: It now takes most elite musicians 15 to 25 years of steady practice, on average, before they succeed at the international level." (https://hbr.org/2007/07/the-making-of-an-expert)

So I think it's important that you understand that no one makes a 10,000 hour slog through anything without loving it first. So either find a reason to love the activities you mentioned above or move on to find others you will.

Now I'm going to get really anecdotal with you. I'm not a genius, but I love puzzles and puzzle games, I played chess as a child and used to be pretty good (it's been years now, however) but I generally love finding new puzzles and writing mental algorithms to solve them. This is very relaxing for me; when I am troubled or stressed, I often find myself doing minor arithmetic in my head because it calms me down and helps me feel like I'm imposing order on the world. Which sounds creepy now that I've typed it out.

There are plenty of videos on Youtube about fast calculation tricks (http://www.glad2teach.co.uk/fast_maths_calculation_tricks.htm). I've found that playing with numbers in your head (I frequently look at license plates and phone numbers and create math problems from them) makes you begin to understand the relationships between numbers. I think a lot about factoring numbers in to primes-- in fact, think about what you think about right now. If you want to do math quickly in your head, you're probably going to need to switch what you're thinking about to math.

Being good with grammar and spelling and words is actually easier, by comparison. Just read, all the time. The longer you read, the more you read, the more grammar will simply write itself on your neurons. You'll get used to seeing the words, and you'll recall them, and how they fit together. Again, love these things, or find a reason to love them.

Chess is its own deep well. Scrabble likely is, too, and probably well beyond just knowing big words. I spent many hours in a library as a kid trying to read and understand chess move notation but never being willing to read through it and trace the moves on the board so it would become natural in my head to imagine where pieces were being placed.

I think that's kind of the guts of the problem; if you want expertise or genius or whatever you call it, you have to start from a deep love of the thing you are pursuing. That love will drive you to read and learn and think about the things you love, which will in turn drive you deeper in to those things.

It's important that you approach this measuredly; if you hate what you're doing, you'll stop. If what you're reading is boring, you'll stop. Always try to find what's interesting about it to you, and stick to it. Day in and day out, just keep doing these things and loving them and you'll make it through.

u/tuckthefox · 3 pointsr/Teacher

> I LITERALLY can't get total silence/attention from the class for more than 5 seconds. I wish I was exaggerating.

Once you have a rapport with your class, all it often takes is standing in front of the class and observing with a certain stance them until everyone gets the hint that it's time to move on.

>Even if I walk right up to a student and ask them to stop shouting across the room to their friend while I'm giving instructions, I'm totally ignored.

This is reactionary behavior correction. The students know they have you on a leash. I do and she reacts. It's a total mind game. Ideally, you are moving around the classroom preventatively once an assignment has been instructed in order to be there for them. Many behavior issues stem from first not knowing what to do/how to do it, which moves into a place of frustration, which then needs to be relieved through some action other than doing the work.

> They give each other titty twisters right in front of me, constantly use the desks as drums, and run with scissors regularly. One kid started playing Nintendo Switch during book work, as if I wouldn't notice??

Scissors and titty twisters: Why are there scissors if they don't know how to use them? If I were the principal of your school, I would remove scissors from your classroom. That behavior could cause major injuries and you would be liable, not the students. Same goes for hands on each other. That student is touching another student inappropriately? He's out. Principal. If it's both of them, send them separately. As for the NS, confiscate if he/she won't put it away.

> My local coworkers have told me that in elementary school (8th grade is considered the first year of middle school) they basically have very few rules and very little structure, and most of the kids have probably had maids their entire life and don't get much structure at home, and that this behavior is typical and I just have to get used to it. Maybe because I'm American but I just can't??

Who are you local coworkers and do they have similar issues? My suggestion would be to seek advice from professionals in similar situations who seem to have it under control. Confirming your bias with inexperienced people may make your situation worse.

> It makes going to work very stressful and it's frustrating because a lot of these kids are really smart and could be leagues ahead of where they are now if they just listened to FIVE MINUTES OF INSTRUCTION PER DAY, THAT'S ALL I ASK.

Your standard is too low, and it's destroying your self-esteem. You do not get paid for 5 minutes of instruction every day. If you think that's all you're teaching, you're going to think you're not doing the best you can. You are instructing the entire time you are in the classroom, and outside of it. The work you do outside of the classroom, including this post for help, constitutes work. You are doing an excellent job, but much of the "magic" you see in other classrooms by experienced teachers is the result of years of practice and refinement or acquisition of those skills in previous jobs/experiences. You can't be too hard on yourself; you just have to learn!

> This lack of disciplinary foundation is making things very difficult. All the internet research I've done gives strategies that assume students basically know what constitutes misbehavior, and that they're not supposed to do it (give them a pointed look, walk over to their desk subtly while you're talking, don't interrupt class to address the misbehavior and take the student to the side later, etc),

This means you need to show them what behavior is correct. Brush up on your psychology, learn about positive and negative rewards, how punishment is a tool too often used, how kids are encouraged by challenge and by comradery. They answer well to interests in their interests and love to share stories about their lives. Your challenge is to listen and to use their interests and lives to leverage their learning. Some kids like some famous pop singer? Turn an assignment into a contest where the winner gets to choose what music they listen to during project time. Another kid loves Minecraft? Show them some interesting Minecraft creations that relate to the topic for the day.

Using this kind of positive reinforcement will also help you with that pesky

>legally required to get a second chance to redo any and all assignments/tests/quizzes (including finals) that they get below a 70% on

rule. Unfortunately, we as educators often get stuck in the number game and forget the real learning is in the process. How many times did your math teacher say "show the work or it's wrong." That's because there are so many ways to get the end result through disingenuous means. But when you show the work, it proves you have a deep understanding of the problem AND the solution and how they are intricately related. (P.S. if you don't get paid super well, try looking up intangible classroom rewards.

> Additionally, it's not just one or two students goofing off - it's the entire class, including the "quiet" kids, so not drawing attention/interrupting class is not really an option since class is in a constant state of disruption.

Final thoughts: is this your only class? Do you have other similar classes to compare this one to that don't have this kind of behavioral disruption? Terrible metaphor time: when cutting a tomato, if the slice isn't fine, you don't get a new tomato. You sharpen the knife.

  • Teach Like a Champion 2.0 by Doug Lemov - this book helped me tremendously in terms of sprinkling in techniques to make my life and the lives of my students easier, as well as gave me a better overall picture of what teaching should be.
  • Any Intro Psychology books or lessons will do you well too.
  • Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman - A book about the way the emotional and logical systems of the brain work. Includes lots of applicable information for teaching.
  • Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by Chris Voss, Michael Kramer, et al. - A book on negotiation and how meeting halfway is often a lose-lose situation. It describes various ways to get a win-win-win out of "negotiations" (another word for everyday interpersonal interactions).
  • https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/ - a fantastic site with resources, direct help, videos, and my all-time favorite teaching podcast. It has a variety of subjects, some you'd never even think of, where she talks to experts and professionals to get the real good good advice.

    I see teachers in your situation a lot, and you are one of the few who comes to ask for help instead of just grinning and bearing it. You are making an effort to improve the education and lives of your students. Keep it up!
u/FantasticSV · 2 pointsr/socialskills

Take a look at the other comment I posted. It covers what some people might be feeling, but there could be other reasons for their behavior.

Maybe it's because of the circumstances in which you're talking to people. It could be your entire city or country. Maybe you're at a place where people don't like to talk or meet others. Maybe there's something distressing that they can't stop thinking about. Even the most charismatic person wouldn't be able to reach most people in those situations. So even if you think that nobody wants to hear what you have to say, there are lots of times where people don't want to hear what anybody has to say.

Maybe instead it has something to do with you. Maybe the things you tend to bring up simply don't interest other people. Or maybe people look at you, and without you even saying a word they already decide that they don't want to get to know you. What could you do to improve how you look or make yourself more interesting? I know that's stupid and shallow, but many studies have shown a stupid amount of benefits of being attractive and beautiful. Hot girls don't always talk about interesting things, but unfortunately they aren't hard pressed to find an audience regardless of that.

I know this all probably sucks to read, but it's great that you're working to grow and improve. And it should be noted that if you keep striving to talk to more people, you will surely find people who will gladly listen to what you have to say. Maybe a few of those listeners will turn into friends. But don't get down on yourself if they don't, most of them won't no matter how interested they are in what you have to say.

I'll end this with a couple suggestions. The first suggestion, as you might gather from the last paragraph, is that you should search for more people to talk to. Like I said in my previous post, this is an unhealthy type of relationship for you. I recommend that you meet more people. I read a book called Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life, and while it's not a great book, there are a few gems in it. My biggest takeaway from it is that in order to confidently meet people you must believe in four assumptions:

  1. The world is a friendly place
  2. Everyone can be met
  3. Almost everyone you meet can enhance your life in some way
  4. You can enhance the life of everyone you meet
    I've found that believing in these assumptions really does motivate me to talk to strangers. The more you experiment with it, the better you get at it. Plus it will expose you to types of people that you might not otherwise interact with, which is beneficial in a lot of ways.

    I know this second suggestion will seem illogical considering the title of the post, but I can't recommend Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone enough. I fully credit it for every time I've met someone who seems to enjoy my company. In this post I've listed off a bunch of things that you might be doing wrong, but this book will explain to you how to do things right. It's made a huge difference in my interactions with people, and a lot of people I meet now think I'm charismatic. I fully credit that to this book. Now that I think about it, I'm going to start re-reading it tonight.

    Hope that helps.
u/organizedfellow · 2 pointsr/Entrepreneur

Here are all the books with amazon links, Alphabetical order :)

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u/Weed_O_Whirler · 17 pointsr/askscience

First things first: Do not necessarily discount something just because it appears to be silly. For instance, professional hockey players in Canada are 5x more likely to be born between Jan-March than Oct-Dec. Sounds stupid- why would birth month have anything to do with hockey skills? (We'll come back to this)

Second: This "correlation does not imply causation" phrase gets tossed around a lot, and it is def true, but let's look at it. First, correlation can be very useful even if causation is not present. For instance, talking on a cell phone while driving is correlated with dying in car accidents. But cell phone use does not cause dying in accidents (rapid deceleration causes death). So, if there truly was correlation between Mars being in a certain part of the sky and athletic ability, well, that would still be good information to have. Even if Mars didn't cause the athletic ability. However, so many things have happened throughout history at the same time as other things, that it is easy to find correlation between completely unrelated events. However, that correlation is easy to test- does it actually have predictive power? It is very possible that looking at the history of athletes that Mars was in a certain spot in the sky when they were born- but that is only impressive if it can predict that in the future more athletes will be born when the Mars is there.

Third: When linking these seemingly unrelated events you need a model of sorts. Sure, QM and psychology use statistics in their formulations, but then they develop models that explain the statistics. Looking back up to point 1, which is discussed in depth in this book is that skill in hockey and month born are not naturally related, but their is a model for the correlation. The age cut-off for when you are in a league is December 31st in Canada. So that means that someone born Jan 1 is an entire year older than someone on his same team born Dec 31st. And while a year difference by the time you're an adult doesn't really matter, it matters a lot when you are five and six years old. So, the older (born on January 1) kids are the best players on the team, so they get more playing time, and then they get selected to play on the travel team, so they get more playing time, better coaches, etc- and this advantage is built in through their whole childhood.

That's why the hockey birth month thing is believable. He found an odd coincidence with historical data, developed a model that explains why, and then uses his model to predict future results. What happens with things like the Mars effect is that an odd coincidence is noticed- no model is formed, and then every time someone happens to fit the coincidence it us used to reinforce that people born when Mars is somewhere in the sky they become athletes, and people who aren't are discarded. And that is exactly what happened according to the wikipedia article. An odd coincidence was found in historical data, but it offered no real predictive power. And instead, selection bias was used to show that it predicted future events.

This actually has a name, called poisson grouping, which is that randomly distributed data should have groups crop up. A time this happened was in WW2 when Germany was lobbing mortar shells at Britain. They looked at the data, and found groupings of shells, which made them think the Germans thought high valued targets were there. But really, the Germans were just shooting randomly, and by statistics, they happened to group up in places.

Sorry, I'm sure that was a much longer answer than you were expecting, but I hope it helps you understand these sort of scenarios.

u/abusuru · 13 pointsr/Incels

Here's some blunt truth for yall. You are part of a marginalized community. Society won't treat you fairly or change during your life. Like anyone in a marginalized community, if you want to have the same things privileged people have, you have to be exceptional. Even if you do become exceptional and escape the marginalization you will not be given credit for how much you've overcome, instead you will be an example of how everyone like you is at fault for their problems. You will have to learn to create your own self worth because all your accomplishments will be seen as the bare minimum in the eyes of privileged people that had none of your challenges.

On the upside, it's worth it. Happiness is worth it, I promise. You have to have faith in that yourself because your journey will be very difficult and you'll need faith in what you're doing to motivate you.

As for practical advice about what to do, I would suggest that maybe the biggest gap I see around here is not physical attractiveness, it's emotional intelligence. That's also something everyone can improve if they care and practice. I recommend you read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Just-Listen-Discover-Getting-Absolutely/dp/0814436471 There's no easier way to get people to appreciate you and to ultimatley get them to do what you want than to truly listen to them. This book is about how you do that. I know the cliche is that all you do is listen to women, but if you're in this forum, I promise you don't really have this skill.

The other tip would be poker. Play live poker. Poker is a game of skill with hugely important life lessons that don't seem to be well learned around here. First, you have to find a game unless you live somewhere with a casino. Finding a hook up is a social challenge and learning to do it is an important social skill. Once you get to the table the game is fundamentally about making decisions and acting with confidence even when you have little to no information to guide your actions and the stakes are high. You also need to learn to read people so you get more information and can make better decision. Those skills of learning to read people and learning how to display emotions confidently that you might not actually feel are super vital to dealing with women and life in general. Gambling is addictive so be careful. Also, you won't learn a thing unless you're gambling an amount of money that matters to you. It absolutely shouldn't endanger your ability to pay the bills but it shouldn't be $1 either.

Good luck and I really hope someone here takes the advice in this thread and does something even though it's hard and even though you're likely to fail.

u/tads · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Let me try to get you started

First off, let's start with some Seth Godin, dude's got some stuff figured out subscribe to his blog, but for right now pick up a copy of The Dip, or better yet read this summary or better yet read the whole thing.

That book is about finding something that you can be best in the world in, so do just that. The world needs you to do something, to be a part of something, that is better than everything else. There is too much mediocrity, too much good enough, you need to shoot for great. So yeah, start today.

When you have decided what you are going to be the best in the world at, get a copy of Do The Work. This book will basically walk you through your whatever it is (novel, event, business plan, etc.). The big thought here is that once you start you're going to hit a thing called resistance. Resistance is what is going to pull you back down to normalcy whenever you try to do something great. Expect it, respect it, but don't let it stop you.

If you want more stuff to read check out the Art of Non-Conformity and the Guide to World Domination. Outliers is good for understanding how much failure accompanies success.

u/DeadNazisEqualsGood · 3 pointsr/financialindependence

I'm a natural introvert, but every great opportunity I've encountered has been a result of expanding my social network, and these 2 books are what made that happen:

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Every successful businessperson on earth has read this book. It's incredibly useful for someone like me, who doesn't really like talking to people. This book made me good at it, even though I still don't like it.

Never Eat Alone - This one's a little different. I attended a talk by this author, and it completely changed my life. The book is geared more towards people who want to be CEOs (which is not me), but I applied the basic principles to just working in my organization and my local community, and it's paid off many thousands of times over. Sadly, the talk he gave based on the book was slightly more useful than the book itself (although I still highly recommend it - particularly the first half). So you might want to track down Keith Ferrazzi on YouTube or something.

If I'd read these in college I'd have retired a long time ago.

u/thekiyote · 2 pointsr/Throwers

God, this is something I've thought about a lot...

I lived in Japan when I was in college, and one of the biggest things I noticed was the huge difference the two cultures have on learning, what I ended up calling The Cult of Originality and The Cult of Mastery.

In The Cult of Mastery, the Japanese method, originality isn't valued as highly as the complete mastery of the fundamentals, followed by the mastery of an already existing style. After multiple styles are mastered, that's when the learner can start melding them together, to create something unique, and perhaps his own style, but this is an afterthought, not the goal.

The other side of the coin is the American Cult of Originality, in which the goal is to create new material from day one, and the fundamentals are only a stepping stone to that creation of your own new material.

To put this in return top terms, in Japan, a flawless execution of a routine in Jensen Kimmet's style will score higher in a competition than a flawed original execution. In America, the reverse is true, originality will always win.

My biggest takeaway from all of this, as an American, is to not give a shit if people think my style is derivative. I've only been taking throwing seriously for about nine months, which ain't a long time. I will keep drilling the fundamentals, and mimicking styles I like, all with the faith that originality will come at when those fundamentals are not enough.

If you like this line of thinking, I would really recommend the books The Art of Learning (by the guy who Searching for Bobby Fisher was based on, who became a world champion in martial arts later on in life), The Road to Excellence (which is expensive, but you can find pdfs of on the internet), Malcom Gladwell's Outliers, and The Book of Five Rings

u/palemint · 5 pointsr/politics

Like with everything, the reality lies somewhere in the middle.

I am voting for Trump but let me agree with you, he definitely had a tendency to ramble during his rallies. I attended one and it was a little disconcerting.

I don't hear war-mongering or bigotry, however. Maybe I'm privileged. I hear someone who desperately loves his country and has seen it fall prey to politicians that don't seem to understand the consequences of their actions. He's been railing against bad trade deals like NAFTA for decades.

Read his book, the Art of the Deal. Read some Cialdini while you're at it, just so you can better understand the tools Trump is using to win. It also wouldn't hurt to entertain Scott Adam's blog (he endorsed Clinton) as he's been pretty spot-on with his analysis thus far. While you may not appreciate Trump's policies, you can at least find something to respect in his technique. He's effectively exposed the establishment for the out-of-touch elitists that they are, and the OP subject of this thread is proof perfect of that.

u/kratomdescriber000 · 13 pointsr/intj

I had a similar experience in elementary school and high school, but I got lucky and found people like me in college.

Since college (that's 14 years ago now), I have found a few wonderful people who enrich my life in the way that you're wishing for.

Here's my advice. Two pieces.

  1. Train your social skills. Read books and then practice in real life. A couple of good ones to start with are Please Understand Me and Captivate. You have to be able to get to know people if you want to get to know great people. It didn't come naturally to me; I had to treat it as a set of skills like metalworking, but I get better every year.

  2. Less than 1% of the population is nice, interesting, intelligent idea-people. You've got to meet hundreds of people and talk to them enough to find out whether they're nice/jerks, interesting/boring, and ideas-people/people-people. You've got to meet lots and lots and lots of people to find a few suitable ones. So don't get your hopes up that there will be any in your fifteen work colleagues; that's not realistic. Too small of a sample. Plan on joining clubs, going to events, and trying out a lot of different places before you find some. They're out there, you just have to do something to find them.
u/TrendingCommenterBot · 1 pointr/TrendingReddits

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u/IAmMisterPositivity · 2 pointsr/financialindependence

Every great opportunity I've ever had has been a result of knowing someone. Nearly every great employee I've ever hired has been a result of getting a recommendation from a mutual friend.

What I wish I'd know when I was in school:

Your #1 job while you're in school is to grow a large and varied social network in your field (and related fields). Not a Facebook-type social network, but one based on real-life interactions and relationships. Volunteer, meet people, help people, become valuable to people.

I highly recommend the book Never Eat Alone. It's geared more towards executives, but with advice that applies to anyone.

Also How to Win Friends & Influence People. Every successful person on earth has read it. It's dated, but the concepts are fully relavant.

u/Matt2142 · 30 pointsr/soccer

Inverting the Pyramid - Jonathan Wilson
A pioneering book that chronicles the evolution of soccer tactics and the lives of the itinerant coaching geniuses who have spread their distinctive styles across the globe.

Teambuilding: the road to success - Rinus Michels
The late Rinus Michels, FIFA's Coach of the Century, offers his unique insight into the process of "teambuilding".

The Coaching Philosophies of Louis Van Gaal and the Ajax Coaches - Henny Kormelink and Tjeu Seeverens
Louis van Gaal, Frans Hoek, Co Adriaanse and fitness coach Bobby Haarms discuss their training methods and philosophies in this book full of creative ideas for soccer coaches at any level.

Dutch Soccer Secrets - Peter Hyballa & Hans-Dieter te Poel
This book is a first attempt to present expert knowledge of internationally proven useful and effective Dutch soccer coaching in theory and practice, based on qualitative data collection.

Attacking Soccer: a tactical analysis - Massimo Lucchesi
This book examines match strategies for creating goal scoring opportunities out of various systems of play.

Outliers: The Story of Success - Malcolm Gladwell
Gladwell takes us on an intellectual journey through the world of "outliers"--the best and the brightest, the most famous and the most successful. He asks the question: what makes high-achievers different?

The Numbers Game: Why Everything You Know About Soccer Is Wrong - Chris Anderson, David Sally
Innovation is coming to soccer, and at the centre of it all are the numbers—a way of thinking about the game that ignores the obvious in favour of how things actually are.

Football Against the Enemy - Simon Kuper
Kuper travelled to 22 countries from South Africa to Italy, from Russia to the USA, to examine the way football has shaped them.

u/ryantr0n · 1 pointr/photocritique

I don't think you can force a style upon yourself without blatantly copying someone else.

Based on the style you are currently shooting in, the fact that you have only 38 photos on flickr, and your approximate age (assuming you are the subject in the photos), you need to shoot a lot more.

Keep shooting the way you do maybe. Try to improve your technique both at the camera and at the computer in photoshop while thinking critically about what you like/don't like about your work. Your style will develop organically as you introduce or take away things that are either lacking or over pronounced in your work. Eventually you fill find a way of working that really flows well for you.

I think the best advice is to move slowly and try not to get too frustrated with yourself if you dislike your results.

There is a theory that it takes 10000 hours to master any craft: source. That's a lot of time, but think of any truly talented person you follow. People don't wake up one day with flawless photographic technique, much like someone that runs casually will not be taking any medals in the olympics.

Concepts may appear out of the blue, but the ability to translate it exactly as you wish into any artistic space is really the holy grail of any artform. And it takes a lot of practice.

Practice practice practice :D

Just try to be uncompromising while keeping yourself conscious of every artistic decision you make. Your style will flow out of you with little effort if you are practiced and confident.

And don't fake it - we'll know ;) :D :D

u/WRXScooby · 1 pointr/cigars

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. The book is a great because it breaks down success to bare bones numbers. It basically gives you exact reasons why certain people have succeeded and others have failed. Not because of lack of talent or money but several other things that shape you and how successful a person is.

It is a great way to make yourself feel better because Gladwell explains that there aren't 1 in a million shots... it takes work along with some luck to be successful.

u/redchris18 · 1 pointr/KotakuInAction

> You're telling me to accept it on faith again.

Not true at all. I cited sources and directly quoted them as pointing out the difference between the various professors and lecturers. I even pointed you directly to the fact that gaining promotion from Boghossian's current position is based on contributing original research.

And this is all on top of the fact that I have previously referred you to Boghossian's publication histosy. If he was required to meet mandatory publication criteria then he'd surely have been fired by now, because he's averaging well under a paper per year. He's producing some useful work, like presentations, letters, etc., but nothing that would be counted towards bringing in grant funding (which is what these scholarly targets are all about).

In fact, if you recall, my original reason for directing you towards his publication history - which you are now trying to submit in its entirety without having to quote any part that backs up your claims - was to outline how little there is for someone whom you claim to be unduly affected by a temporary halt in sponsorship for such work. I count no more than five total publications since he joined PSU, and that includes maximum of two submissions that would qualify. One of them is literally less than a single page in length.

Like I said, scholarship evidently isn't his primary concern, which is why he likely appreciates a role in which it is not required.

>Your own source said they either contribute significantly with academic research and become professors or they're asked ot leave the position in 5-7 years.

So? In what way does that invalidate anything I said? He's only just reaching the lower bound of that range now, so are you trying to claim that he should have been fired early in order to fit that same data?

Incidentally, I suggest you look up the word "generally". Then I suggest you re-read those sources that you so disparaged while consipcuously failing to properly comprehend them.

>your sources do not say that it is the default position for assistant professors

One of them explicitly states that promotion to a tenured position requires that Assistant professors should demonstrate an aptitude for regular and/or noteworthy scholarly contributions. In other words, it clearly states that promotion is for those who show an ability to produce research that goes beyond the typical.

Note that not a single one of those sources states that such research is a mandatory aspect of that position, which has been your claim this entire time. You are trying to shift the burden of proof again.

>the default position isn't that Assistant professors do no research infact to reach the next level of the job

So you've noted - as I myself pointed out - that promotion to a tenured position requires some degree of scholarly contribution. And why is this relevant? For this to be valid you would first have to demonstrate that Boghossian wants a promotion and that he's actively working towards it.

>YOU have to prove that Boghossian either doesn't have research requirements to advance or that he wants to have his position terminated under that set of criteria.

Heh, no, I really don't. You have to demonstrate that he wants tenure, or that his department will fire him if he fails to do so. After all, it's not a legal requirement that they do so, nor that he should be aiming for promotion.

What a hilarious misapplication of logic, and you can bet your life that I'm archiving that little gem.

>under the UK criteria you have to prove Boghossian

He's at PSU. why would I have to prove anything related to the UK system. I only included that as a supplement to the US system, because they both work in the same way.

It is, however, highly useful as a demonstration of your innate dishonesty. You grab at a single word or number, twist it out of all context, apply it to whatever context you think you can use to fabricate a case, then switch it in for the original point. All of a sudden you go from a position which "generally" lasts for 5-7 years to a situation in which Boghossian must be fired or promoted right now, and - for some reason - you get to assume that he's working on the former rather than awaiting the latter, and without even considering the possibility that they'd simply retain him for longer than the typical period out of convenience for all.

Answer me this - assuming you're even capable of answering simple questions if you think they'll force you into a losing position: do you believe that Boghossian must either be promoted to tenured positions or fired between that 5-7 year period? If so, please cite the legally-binding document that decreess that it be so.

>Your own sources support that research being required is the default position in most cases.

Only if promotion is sought. You are now disingenuously attempting to insert yet another axiom: that Boghossian is actively seeking a tenured position.

Once again, you are trying to bullshit your way out of a lost dispute, and I'm not stupid enough to fall for it. This isn't a surprising tactic, but it's certainly interesting to note how carefully you quote around inconvenient words, like "generally". Pure cowardice.

>illusory superiority

Ah! Another new buzzword to stand in for a coherent thought process. I wonder how many times you'll trot this one out...

Three. All in close proximity. Fascinating...

>The Null hypothesis would be Boghossian not being different from other assistant professors

I agree, which means:

>he would be expected to produce research to be able to advance in his position and not be terminated

You have no evidence that this false dichotomy is correct. In fact, You have cherry-picked a quote around evidence that proves that it is untrue. Boghossian has no set time limit on his role by which he must either seek tenure or leave. That's how long that role "generally" lasts, but it is not a mandatory action.

Your entire reply seems to have been predicated upon this non-sequitur (note the correct use of that term). On top of that, it requires that he wants to seek a tenured position, and I previously outlined verifiable data that suggests that this is not the case. I'm going to bet that you won't even try to address any of that.

>research is one of the easier ones of the list

It really isn't.

>provide evidence of him having done the other methods to support your argument

You mean such as:

>> The mid-level position is usually awarded after a substantial record of scholarly accomplishment (such as the publication of one or more books ...)

...is that the kind of thing you mean? Then this will suffice. And, as I mentioned last time, he has another one out this year.

Done.

>you wish to use a very small sample size to represent it

Fine, then you can do so for everything he has published. Please read through all of his published works and cite examples of things he did to produce those papers that may have required sponsorship. Because, as established previously, I have no call to address anything in his papers until you can cite something within them that I need to check. You need to read it all, not me. I was trying to save you some work.

>I had at least 3

I'm not going to buy any of that nonsense from you, so don't bother trying.

Now, that aside, you continue to claim that Boghossian is directly impacted in his regular duties by being temporarily denied sponsorship. With that in mind, please present some evidence that Boghossian's work over the last five years actually requires some form of financial outlay in order to produce it. If not, he requires no sponsorship and any research he feels like doing remains unaffected. If you can provide no examples of this being a potential limiting factor then it is not a limiting factor.

In a similar vein, you have asserted that conducting research is a fundamental part of his job, despite the fact that his position is routinely understood to only rarely confer a mandatory research target. As such, please present evidence that Boghossian has a research quota to meet as part of his regular duties. Please do this with specific reference to the work he has produced within the past five years while at PSU. If you can find no such evidence then you have no basis for insisting that his position differs from everyone else who shares a similar role.

Oh, and have you found out why I'm finding one of your cited papers so funny yet? I was more than a little disappointed that you never tried to read it to see if he did anything that required sponsorship, but the fact that you still mistakenly think that it remains valid is almost as humorous. Do you need that hint?

u/shaggy1054 · 1 pointr/pics

>Luck may play a part, but talent and will is what made him a billionaire, and the fact that he was a successful CEO of multiple companies is proof of that

Here's an okay book on the subject: http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017922

Basically, you need hard work + genetic ability + luck to "succeed." Two of those factors are outside of anyone's control, and you can make an argument that the third (hard work) is outside of your control as well; you don't choose who your parents/peers/community are, and so you can't choose the values that you're socialized into having.

>The goal of religion is to gain members.

As a social "meme," maybe, but for the vast majority of religious adherents/clergy-people, the goal of participation in religion is to live a good life and benefit others. But yes, this particular point is a digression.

>Plus, I don't like the negative tone of the comments posted here. He was a businessmen man that few people knew personally, not Gaddafi.

That's cool, just know that shame as a social mechanism for normalizing behavior is something that's as old as human society itself. It's as vital a part of human society (as it's currently configured) as anything else.

u/MoonPoint · 5 pointsr/reddit.com

I'm wondering what this child will be doing 20 years from now. In Malcolm Gladwell's book "Outliers: The Story of Success, he posits the idea that while many people attribute success in art, mustic, science, sports, etc. to natural talent or genius, in reality it is usually due to an enormous amount of time devoted to a particular activity from an early age.

Gladwell says most people accrue about 10,000 hours of practice honing their talent before they reach the "superstar" level in their field. For example, before the Beatles received worldwide recognition, they spent two years in Germany playing long hours each day (8 hours a day, 7 days a week, for a good chunk of the year). Mozart started practicing many hours at a very young age.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, spent hours and hours programming (20 to 30 hours a week) as a yong boy, skipping athletics and even sneaking out at night to get in computer time.

So, I wonder what this boy's life will be like 20 years from now, if he continues to practice and better his abilities. I.e., if he maintains his love for music, what level will he be at after 10,000 hours of practice.

u/TheSocialUpgrader · 33 pointsr/socialskills

This is an awesome answer. I was told the SAME thing many years ago in high school - it still motivates me to this day (almost 20 years later). Since I've been researching social skills and developing myself since then, I'll add a few points:


  1. Growing yourself is the first step (do everything RodrLM outlined).

  2. Next is EXPRESSING those thoughts and feelings and opinions. You have to share what's inside you. Do you always get stuck with a sweater every Christmas? It's because no one knows what to get you... you don't reveal/self-disclose enough. Self-disclosure is critical to having a "personality."

  3. You may be doing steps 1 and 2 well, but if you lack good non-verbal skills, it may not matter. Non-verbal skills are more important than most people realize. The energy you put behind your words. Your movements. Your articulation and volume and inflection. All important - and luckily most non-verbal behaviors are relatively easy to improve!

    If you want more in-depth information about this topic, including exercises for improving, check out The Conversation Code. I know what you're going through, and I know exactly how to improve.
u/kingpatzer · 3 pointsr/startups

Before I do anything I read two books:

Never Eat Alone! and 20 Minute Networking. Because relationships and networking are pretty much the arbiters of success in business.

  1. I subscribe to and read the Harvard Business Review, the Economist, the Financial Times and either the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times. Because to be successful in business one must understand the business climate and how current events impact that climate. This advice is the same if you want to stay in the corporate world and succeed there. You have to be knowledgeable about the world.

  2. I subscribe to a local business journal from http://www.bizjournals.com/ because knowing the general business climate is great, but knowing what is happening locally is also important.

  3. I make sure I read a couple of basic books on accounting, finance, and general business in that time.

  4. I become an active member in local professional societies relevant to what I am interested in doing. I use these connections to begin to network heavily.

  5. I utilize Linkedin like a pro and network my ass off. I make sure that I'm having at least one networking meeting a day -- it can be coffee, lunch, whatever. But I network. I never waste an opportunity to develop and maintain business relationships -- the kind where people know my name and think of me when it comes to my area(s) of expertise.

  6. Which should be #1 -- I make sure that as long as I'm not in a non-compete, I start working on my idea TODAY. I also make sure that I am not in anyway covered by a non-compete, or that my company has no claims on my work outside of work hours because the worst thing in the world would be to become successful and have your current company sue you and win.
u/ASnugglyBear · 6 pointsr/summonerschool

The book "Thanks for the Feedback" is very helpful for league playing. It drops feedback into 3 categories: Evaluation, Coaching, Appreciation

First off, everyone likes appreciation. Thank people for good things they do for you and the team

Next of is evaluation: You don't know people well enough, nor have a good enough reason to offer an evaluation of people. Evaluation that isn't positive tends to make people play worse, embarrassed and steaming from it, if not downright defensive and distracted from the ensuing back and forth. So generally speaking, don't evaluate people in matches. It doesn't work quickly enough to make people change for the better, and the short term effects are almost all negative.

Lastly, 99% of people want NO coaching from someone they just met. Coaching is anything said to improve their play. Coaching about general things "Dragon Respawns at 32:33" is far more acceptable to them than "You would last hit better if you stood to the left of the minions". Coaching, when there has been no evaluation, comes off as evaluation (aka, you judging they're bad which is why you're telling them what to do). This means you can't coach unless you've been very appreciative, and the best way to coach is clear that it's not evaluation nor presented as 'the good way' to do something.

Don't say "There should be more wards", say, "Sona, can you ward Tribush in order to stop lee sin from ganking through that path". Yes, it's more words, but they are FAR more likely to work, as they offer no judgement, and even manage to come off as possibly not coaching.

If your support is too far out, say something like "I tend to farm when I'm in this circumstance. Feel free to poke of course, but it would be safer for you to be closer to my position in lane."

Link to the excellent book: http://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/0670014664

u/Baldheaded_Christ · 2 pointsr/Accounting

I really enjoyed the book Never Eat Alone which is a great guide to making meaningful and lasting connections.

Another one that really clicked with me is The Charisma Myth which argues that charisma isn't something you're either born with or not, it's something that can be practiced and focused in a way that is incredibly useful. Highly recommend this one.

And finally, I recommend The Like Switch which has some really useful guidance for communicating in a way that makes everyone involved in the conversation feel better, which makes people like you, which makes them more receptive to you.

I also have a 1 hour commute and don't have the attention span to follow along with fiction when I'm driving so I listen to a lot of non-fiction like this.

u/klukins · 1 pointr/RandomActsofMakeup

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell.

>In Outliers, Gladwell examines the factors that contribute to high levels of success. To support his thesis, he examines the causes of why the majority of Canadian ice hockey players are born in the first few months of the calendar year, how Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates achieved his extreme wealth, how The Beatles became one of the most successful musical acts in human history, how Joseph Flom built Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom into one of the most successful law firms in the world, how cultural differences play a large part in perceived intelligence and rational decision making, and how two people with exceptional intelligence, Christopher Langan and J. Robert Oppenheimer, end up with such vastly different fortunes. Throughout the publication, Gladwell repeatedly mentions the "10,000-Hour Rule", claiming that the key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours.

It was SUPER interesting to see what experiences/situations led to people becoming successful. It was an interesting read to see how IQ or money don't always mean success but that sometimes it takes being born during a certain year in a certain town.

u/AnOddOtter · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

I'm reading Elon Musk's biography right now and think it might be helpful if you're talking about career success. The dude seems like a jerk but has an incredible work ethic and drive to succeed.

You can say pretty much the same exact thing about Augustus' biography.

Outliers really helped me a lot, because it made me realize talent wasn't nearly important as skill/effort. You put in the time and effort and you will develop your skills.

If you're an introvert like me these books helped me "fake it till I make it" or just want to be more socially capable: Charisma Myth, anything by Leil Lowndes, Make People Like You in 90 Seconds. Not a book but the Ted Talk about body language by Amy Cuddy

A book on leadership I always hear good things about but haven't read yet is Start With Why.

u/veldurak · 2 pointsr/DebateaCommunist

You seem to ignore the fact that the capitalist literally does nothing. You act as though he runs the company - managers run the company, which he hires. All the capitalist does is risk money and hire workers. From the lowest grunt to the managers to the CEO, all of these are considered as workers. Have you ever seen the show Shark Tank? Those are capitalists. All they do is throw money at businesses and take a cut of 15%-40% of the company's profits.

>The anarcho-capitalist society would not fetish risk.

How? It's impossible for there to be capitalists without this.

>The average laborer cannot be asked to manage a powerplant.The average laborer cannot be asked to manage a powerplant.

Nor does the average capitalist.
>if the society 200 years ago had become completely communist, would it be as technologically advanced and as great living conditions

I believe capitalism is very good at what it claims to do - be efficient. But at what cost? Workers being treated better with a slower rate of technologic advancement is a worthy tradeoff. Remember though that socialism is only possible after capitalism has already created the productive capacities to provide for everyone. This was not the case 200 years ago. Do I feel like technology wouldn't advance under a socialist society? No. Why wouldn't it?

>where "poor" people often have access to TV and other recently extremely rare commodities?

You are making the assumption from a Western prospective, ignoring living conditions in the countries that have been imperialized. You could argue that the US as a whole has become a sort of global bourgeois through it's exploitation of the Third World. From a global prospective, the situation is bunk for the poor. That's besides the fact social services are what provides the quality of life the poor currently have. If conservatives had their way, that wouldn't exist at all.

>If the progress of the USSR and the US are any reason to compare, I'd say that there is almost no improvement in the living conditions of those in the communist society

The USSR was definitely not communist, and never really even socialism. It was state capitalism, which is were the state takes of the worker's surplus value in a similar way that the capitalist does today. I don't understand why AnCaps can understand state exploitation here, but can't understand it when a capitalist does it. A number of historical circumstances pushed the USSR into doing this. I could explain if you need me to.

>he/she might expect to get fired soon.

I'd agree people shouldn't rely solely on their partner. I was talking more about this - sometimes people get laid off without warning and aren't able to get another job. This isn't a matter of them not "working" hard enough, sometimes the economy is just shit. That's how the business cycle works. Whoever says equal opportunty is possible in a capitalist society is a joke. People are shaped by their circumstances, if you were born in Palestine you'd probably be finishing up noon prayer right now. Steve Jobs wouldn't of invented the iPhone if he was broken in a broken family in an inner-city neighborhood. Or if he was born 1000 years ago, for that matter. Have you read Outliers? It goes through the lives of several famous people and how they managed to succeed. The most common trend is that they all were in the right place, at the right time. Don't tell me anyone can become a millionarie if they work hard enough, or to pull myself up by my bootstraps.

> The machinery, maintenance, and other fixed/variable costs are necessary and therefore subtracted.

Did the capitalist build these things? Did the capitalist who owns the company who made these things produce them? If you go back to it, the raw materials were probably taken from a Third-World countries by capitalists who bought the land from a government okay with "free trade" (it doesn't particularly matter what type of government to the First World as long as they'll cooperate economically, dictators are pretty chill - but a socialist who might mess something up? Oh no you didn't!) I repeat - a capitalist does nothing besides have money and profit off the labor of others.

> If pay is determined by need, then only the worthless beggars are rewarded; the more worthless the better.

The principle "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need" will be implemented only in communism. There would be no money - I'm not sure what you mean by "paid". If you're a contributing member of society, you'll have access to what you require. Similarly, someone physically handicapped would have access to what they needed - sure, they might need a bit more (wheelchair, etc) but would you really want to be handicapped? Your example seems to be confusing socialism and communism together.

>capitalists have been shown to be the largest givers to charity

Capitalists also have the most money, and past a certain point, wealth doesn't increase your quality of life. The difference between 20k and 100k a year is tremendous, but the difference between 1m and 5m is negligible. Why wouldn't they donate it?

u/Judson_Scott · 7 pointsr/financialindependence

I worked my way up by getting to know everyone, going to lunch with people outside of my department (particularly department heads and others above me), and offering to help wherever I could. I'm in IT, so I had the ability to help people often. I became the go-to guy for all web stuff, which irritated my own department head, but he was generally seen as a pain in the ass anyway.

So when he was gently removed from his position, I was the logical replacement.

I got started on this strategy by attending a talk by Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone, and applying his large-scale networking ideas to my organization. (Interestingly, my gf went to the same talk, applied his networking ideas to her own life, and landed her perfect job as a result.)

Summed up, the idea is this: Do favors for everyone you're in a position to help, and you'll gradually develop a portfolio of people who can potentially help you. Boiled down like that it sounds very manipulative. But so does How to Win Friends & Influence People, and you'll meet few successful people who haven't read that book.

No, I'm not paid by Ferrazzi, and have never spoken to the guy.

u/lkajsdflkajsdflkaj · 5 pointsr/todayilearned

Yes, LA is full of actors who've dedicated their life to the craft. Many manage to earn a comfortable living -- and very few of those dedicated actors will earn hundreds of millions of dollars.

This is a near universal dynamic across many career paths in which moderate success is common and outstanding success is rare and extremely lucrative.

Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book on this very subject: Outliers: The Story of Success. I suggest you read it.

u/Byeka · 11 pointsr/ENFP

I'm going to suggest reading this book. I just got it last week and have been going through it. Just read the chapter on ENFP dating and it was a tremendous insight into some of the problems I've encountered, which are similar to yours.

The gist is that we are excitable and that's a good thing. We just need to find someone who can appreciate it. The other thing is we have "the grass is always greener" symptom, where we're always on the lookout for the next best thing, which can make it hard to commit.

Our enthusiasm is one of our best assets and the right person will appreciate that. There is a difference between a "healthy" and "unhealthy" ENFP though, and how we focus our energy and enthusiasm.

u/marcusesses · 3 pointsr/Neuropsychology

Yes, I am most definitely down with that.

I'm also not sure how books would be discussed either. I usually have a hard time critiquing neuropsychology-type books since I am not really qualified to determine whether the results are based on sound methodology.

Perhaps if it was like a seminar, where we all pick a book to read, and start an open thread where people can post opinions and questions and we can all try to answer them or post relevant hard science (or other) related articles.

I'm not sure about the logistics, but maybe post an announcement for the book, then give people 2 weeks or whatever to read it, then start another thread for discussion? (Or, even better...write the current book-club selection in the side-bar)...and put a common title on all discussion threads so they are easily searchable.

Here are my suggestions for books (suggested mostly because I own them already):

How We Decide - Jonah Lehrer

The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle

Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell (not really neuropsych, but has some neuropsychy ideas)

Why Don't Students Like School - Daniel Willingham (you convinced me to buy this book a couple weeks ago, and I'd love to discuss it more. I might write a review over at the subreddit I moderate [/shameless plug]).

EDIT: Maybe you could cross-post it as a "course" at the University of Reddit for more exposure? "Introduction to Popular Psychology" or something...

u/DigitalSuture · 1 pointr/changemyview

This is true that there have been great strides in reducing public sponsored displays from a single religion especially in the majority. If a festival wants a Christian symbol, the state allows all faiths to be included, as not to hold one specific religion above another. It becomes an all or nothing. Some areas are still resistant. I am okay with a Valedictorian to pray during her/his speech, but the school should not validate it nor should it be a cue for mandating everyone to follow prayer.

You are correct in the origin. The tree comes from an origin of a belief system, even if it isn't Christian. I personally don't have an issue with it. Since it has Pagan origins and was integrated with Christianity at a later point, it has gained wider acceptance. I am not of a religion, and i wouldn't presume as to someone from another belief system would think about Christmas trees.

I understand the distinction. I understand the linguistic argument. What about this? Should this be accommodated for the minority? In a privately held company i would say no, and that is up to the business. Just like a halal market, kosher distributors, et cetera have a concentrated clientele. As for the public, religious beliefs are protected in the U.S.A. There is an extent as if it brings harm to the public at large. If it doesn't bring harm than it can be accomidated to respect that religion.

We accommodate much more than most people believe for all religions. Here is the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) on what the work place is able to do, there is only one that would support your point. Undue hardship for the business/government.

If you want to use the logic that we shouldn't segregate facilities than there should be one dressing room. Seriously, it is far more efficient to maintain, less initial overhead costs, accommodate a wide audience, parents wouldn't have to separate for facilities because their young children based on gender (specifically ages around 5-8), and probably more positive reasons. But we don't. I am not saying they are right on segregating, but you don't have to think to hard to know that events of unwanted advances happen. The premise is safety for the Muslim argument. Not debating right or wrong, i am pointing out it is about safety and religion is the supporting argument to achieve it. Accommodating is part of that process in a publicly funded building. There has to be certain level of accommodation for all religion/disabilities/and other specifications for a public building. I do not think it is excessive as long as it is not in peak hours.

We have veered off topic. This is how my brain works most days. I do think it is causation, by way of this, it includes many variables not just one (like education), and this (specifically when he talks about his family history) Thought experiment: A) What happens when you limit resources between two animals/countries/states/partners etc? Would a normally homeostatic environment become highly competitive and lead to aggression and mistrust? If you were to subvert a person/group/region/religion/etc... Would you start with levels of pay and education? Throughout history the lowest groups had their majority of people known to be illiterate, low paid, segregated from the middle and upper class, highly regulated and taxed comparable to income, and had a poor level of health care and probably family dynamics. If your going to hire a rocket scientist you don't hire a middle school drop out. You are creating an environment for failure, and it works too well. I am saying reduced levels of violence, not a 'fix'. One component among many that need to change. This happens outside the inner city enough also, especially in the bible belt and rural areas.

>If we don't discriminate against individual blacks, even though they have a higher violent crime rate as a group

This will sound extreme but this almost sounds like the equivalent to what was said... Are you violent because you are black, or are you black because you are violent. The statement from your post is labeling a color as equal to type of behavior, it is an oversimplification of a greater inefficiency with our system. If you jeer at something/someone, does it get mad? Are you getting the reaction you were expected by doing that? And does that mean that the jeering had nothing to do with the 'temperament' of a person and it is 'just the way they are'? Elevated levels of testosterone (a chemical) when coupled with a environment of the opposite sex (limited resources) will produce a statistical response (relevant enough to bring notice) towards the safety of its members. One way to relieve this is segregation (i don't agree), but i see the point of why a belief system would adopt this. Is it something a private business should do? That is up to them. Should a public building do this? As long as they do not do it during peak hours, it is limited, and they accommodate with minimal ability that it does not become a burden to the taxpayers (such as building on to the facilities when space can be provided as it currently is). We support kids swim, do we need to take that away because they aren't our age?

I do not believe you meant it the way i framed the violence correlated with African Americans comment. I just wanted to frame it to show the logic as being oversimplified for other factors that are well within our means to help alleviate. And is also a reason why we don't discriminate towards them or other races/religions.


aside: Really good talk on data visualization, and how it alters our perspectives- the FB part was hilarious

u/TootTootTootToot · 2 pointsr/ClassicalMusicians

Around your age (high school), people are very obsessed with talent. Some musicians at this age seem destined for greatness, while others don't.

It's a total load of crap. Now that I'm in my 30s, I have enough evidence to say this. Of the most "talented" musicians in my age group, almost all of them amounted to absolutely nothing. A few are moderately successful, but the majority completely flamed out. Meanwhile, many people my age who seemed "middle of the pack" turned into great musicians and have won positions in orchestras or universities.

Studies of child prodigies have shown that few transition to greatness in adulthood. For every Mozart there are a dozen dropouts. This doesn't mean talent is imaginary or unnecessary. Instead, some have argued that you just need "enough" talent to make it in a given field, and the rest is a mix of hard work, teachers and luck.

So, some advice: first of all, stop fearing and competing with your peers. They are an incredible resource for you to learn from and some might just become your friends for life. You are so lucky to be surrounded by capable musicians at this age. Second, stop worrying about something you can't change (your inherent talent) and focus on continually improving. If you can get just a little better every day, eventually you'll be incredible.

I think if you can change your perspective in these ways, you'll be a little more excited about being a musician and a little less intimidated by other musicians or things you can't control. Best of luck to you.

u/more_lemons · 1 pointr/Entrepreneur

Start With Why [Simon Sinek]

48 Laws of Power [Robert Greene] (33 Strategies of War, Art of Seduction)

The 50th Law [Curtis James Jackson]

Tipping Point:How Little Things Can Make a Difference and Outliers: The story of Succes [Malcolm Gladwell]

The Obstacle is the Way, Ego is the Enemy [Ryan Holiday] (stoicism)

[Tim Ferris] (actually haven't read any of his books, but seems to know a way to use social media, podcast, youtube)

Get an understanding to finance, economics, marketing, investing [Graham, Buffet], philosophy [Jordan Peterson]

I like to think us/you/business is about personal development, consciousness, observing recognizable patterns in human behavior and historical significance. It's an understanding of vast areas of subjects that connect and intertwine then returns back to the first book you’ve read (Start with Why) and learn what you've read past to present. Business is spectacular, so is golf.



To Add:

Irrationally Predictable:The Hidden Forces that Shape Our Decisions - [Dan Ariely] (marketing)

The Hard Things About Hard Things - [Ben Horowitz] (business management)

Black Privilege: Opportunity Comes to Those Who Create It - [Charlamagne Tha God] (motivation)

The Lean Startup: Use Continuous Innovation to Create Radically Successful Businesses - [Eric Ries]

Zero to One: Notes on Startups, How to Build the Future - [Peter Theil]

u/Pentacat · 17 pointsr/ENFP

Actually I have been feeling the same for a few months as well, probably even for half a year. I wasn't really sure what triggered it as well, I just became quite moody and frustrated. There are only very brief moments when I return to the "good days me" like you.

But I think I might have some idea why. What's happening is the inferior cognitive functions of the ENFP taking over (I recommend reading Heide's book on ENFP). This is a result of certain stress that forces us to shun away from our primary cognitive functions - the instrumental parts that make up ENFPs like you said.

I attribute my stresses to the accumulation of my anxiety of the uncertainty, of the worry I have about what the future holds for me. I'm just entering this adulting thing and it is a pretty rough entry. So maybe you could think if there are any worry or stresses you have with your current life. But I mean, stress is inevitable in our daily lives, so you (we) must try to find to work around it so we don't feel so stressed and still get shit done. Is there anything you are holding back? - The fear of certain failures, not meeting certain expectations, not giving yourself enough space and alone time.

I feel like I need a breather, a respite from all of what I have lived with for the past 21 years of my life. And that is why I decided to take a 50 day backpacking trip like a true ENFP and meet people and hear stories from other people about their lives and share mine. I am really hoping that would help me; even if it doesn't, at least I come back with great experiences and even more stories to tell.

I know this travelling to "find yourself" thing is getting very popular and losing its meaning, but I'm sure I can learn a lot more about myself compared to just staying here at home doing the same things I have been doing.

This is getting long, but I really have to thank you for allowing a place for me to finally write down how I feel about myself right now, seeing that there are other ENFPs out there feeling the same thing as me. I hope I have been of help and perhaps you can share some of your insights with me as well :)

u/IamABot_v01 · 1 pointr/AMAAggregator


Autogenerated.

IamA social skills expert who overcame the social struggles of Asperger's! Both of my books are free on Kindle today, and my newest TEDx talk was just published, so AMA!

Hi everyone! My name is Daniel Wendler, and I'm the author of ImproveYourSocialSkills.com, a comprehensive online guide to social skills. My TEDx talk, "What Being Autistic Taught Me About Being Human" was just released on Youtube, so I thought I would do an AMA to celebrate!

A few things you might be interested to know about me:

  • I've written two books on social skills: Improve Your Social Skills and Level Up Your Social Life. They're both free on Kindle today, so enjoy! (You don't need Kindle unlimited.)
  • This is my third time on IAMA. My first AMA and my second AMA got a great response, so I decided to come back and hang out with your wonderful people again!
  • I wrote my social skills guides out of my own experiences of overcoming social challenges. Growing up, I was the most awkward kid you could ever hope to meet. My social skills were limited to 1) Talking about Star Wars 2) Talking about video games 3) Talking about Star Wars video games. As a result, I was bullied, rejected -- all the stuff you'd expect. But things turned around in high school when I received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I learned that my social struggles were because of my lack of social skills, so I started working really hard to build my social skills. Over time, I got a lot better at social skills, and I started writing my social skills guides to share what I've learned with other people.
  • I have an older TEDx talk too called "My life with Asperger's" in case you want to see young Dan!
  • I'm the moderator of /r/socialskills, which is an awesome community that you should join.
  • Proof

    Thanks for reading! I'll be available for the next few hours, so feel free to ask me anything about social skills, Asperger's, giving a TEDx talk, or anything else!


    -----------------------------------------------------------

    IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
    Comment 1 of 1
    Updated at 2018-05-13 21:00:12.692756

    Next update in approximately 20 mins at 2018-05-13 21:20:12.692780
u/mitchrodee · 2 pointsr/depression

"...if I made the effort, but I never have."

I think I might have found your problem.

Seriously, everybody that has something has whatever they have because they worked for it. You've got to put the time and effort into working toward your goals. One thing that you're not mentioning is that pretty much everybody else faces the same or similar problems, and everybody has to put in the time and effort, too. You and I don't necessarily see and understand that because we're busy with our problems.

Larry Bird and Michael Johnson are two of basketball's best players ever. You can argue that they have some natural talent, but I bet you that they's argue it was all their hard work and effort that made the difference. They were the first to arrive for practice and the last to leave. Tiger Woods began playing golf when he was three or four years old. Have you read "The Outliers," by Malcolm Gladwell? His research has led him to believe that those that make it to the top end of the bell curve of their respective field get there by putting in about 10,000 hours of practice and performing. That's a lot of time and effort. (Sure, there are some examples of some young people that hit a home run or two very early in their career, but those are few and far between.)

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017922

As for what you can do to immediately turn yourself around, well, there's lots of info. that you can find easily simply by googling it. Among some things to do: exercise (really tire yourself out), eight hours of good sleep, a decent diet (don't overdo the sugar and caffeine), a few minutes of meditation and some way to vent (journaling, support group, peer support sessions, etc.). Professional talk therapy (includes learning some new mental coping skills and some homework) is gonna be expensive and will require some advance planning. Same with visiting a psychiatrist to explore the use of medication (which will take time to find the right one and the proper dosage). You can look up CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've found CBT a lot of work, and the results come slowly, but the effort has been worth it.

I recently came across this guy's site. It takes about an hour or so to go through his process, but I found it helpful. It helps you to put your thoughts and feelings into a new perspective. You might want to give it a shot.

http://www.recreateyourlife.com/free/good-enough.php

And here's a recent 3-part BBC documentary on depression that is worth watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUh76xjQPjQ

Last but not least, I saw a post by a Redditor that gave lots of great ideas that helped him manage his depression after a suicide attempt.

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/fs4de/iama_suicide_survivor_ama/

u/neat_stuff · 2 pointsr/Parenting

We followed a lot of the advice in this book called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. You can probably find it at the library to see what you think about it before buying but it is $8 well spent in my mind.

It talks a lot about ways to create the schedule patterns (Eat - Play - Sleep - You) that your kid will follow instead of constantly feeling like you are trying to figure out what the baby thinks it needs. They get used to the pattern quickly and buy into it. Those patterns lead to a better understanding of when they should be playing and when they are about to get put to bed.

It is only anecdotal but our twins slept through the night (10+ hours) between 10-11 weeks, as did their younger sister. So it definitely worked for us. A friend of mine was having trouble with her daughter and I gave her my copy of the book and it worked for her, too.

Another big tip for the middle of the night feedings (which is probably in the book), be the most boring person ever at night. I used to pray there was no poop or pee on the sheets, walk in, change diaper, feed bottle, swaddle, walk out and not say a word or make eye contact or turn on any lights. During the day was very different.

And remember, the sleep deprivation sucks but you are not alone in it. My wife and I each woke up for every night feeding of the twins. I handled all of the ones for the youngest. I was so tired on some days that I would cry in the shower because I was sure it would never end. Now, I just wish they had as much interest in learning math as solving levels of video games.

u/NiferVol · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Congratulations!!!!! I read Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives by Deepak Chopra. It's a good book on pregnancy and offers some good tips on relaxation, nutrition, etc. It's kind of a holistic, eastern meets western philosophy book. I really enjoyed this because it treats your pregnancy as a beautiful journey.

For babies, I have read [Secrets of the Baby Whisperer] (http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0345479092/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374606157&sr=1-2&keywords=baby+whisperer) and Happiest Baby on the Block. Both came highly recommended by other moms.

u/MarinerBlue21 · 1 pointr/books

Outliers: The Story of Success

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1375744973&sr=8-2&keywords=gladwell

Its not a self help book on success but tells a bunch of short stories on how the most successful people achieved their success. Great book, changed my outlook on life.

u/smekas · 3 pointsr/TrueReddit

This is my issue with Gladwell and Lehrer:

>In works of less than 500 pages, Gladwell and Lehrer attempt to enlighten the reader on How the World Works, What People are Really Like, and How Greatness Happens without getting into any of the technical details that would absolutely overwhelm the majority of the readers traipsing through airport book shop before grabbing their flight home.

They set out to achieve something that's nearly impossible and people are willing to suspend disbelief just because they don't want to expend the energy required to become truly informed on a given subject.

Also this:
>More than actionable insights, this kind of popular analysis gives the reader something far more immediately valuable – the feeling that they have a sophisticated view of the world.

I'm still reading the article, but I fell in love with the following sentence:
>America splits its valuable time between blowing an enormously obvious housing bubble, demanding Master’s degrees for entry-level positions, and badly managing the bloodbaths of Iraq and Afghanistan.

This is an excellent article. If I may suggest a couple of anti-dotes to the Gladwell/Lehrer pop-science oversimplification, two books with excellent science and research on how we think, decide and react to stress are Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow and Choke, by Sian Beilock.

u/yelnatz · 8 pointsr/business

Series of fortunate events for Bill Gates taken from outliers.

>Opportunity number one was that Gates got sent to
>Lakeside. How many high schools in the world had access to
>a time-sharing terminal in 1968?
>
>Opportunity number two was that the mothers of Lakeside had enough money to pay
>for the school's computer fees.
>
>Number three was that, when that money ran out, one of the parents happened to work
>at C-Cubed, which happened to need someone to check
>its code on the weekends, and which also happened not to
>care if weekends turned into weeknights.
>
>Number four was that Gates just happened to find out about ISI, and ISI just
>happened to need someone to work on its payroll software.
>
>Number five was that Gates happened to live within walk­
>ing distance of the University of Washington.
>
> Number six
>was that the university happened to have free computer time
>between three and six in the morning.
>
> Number seven was
>that TRW happened to call Bud Pembroke.
>
> Number eight
>was that the best programmers Pembroke knew for that par­
>ticular problem happened to be two high school kids.
>
>And
>number nine was that Lakeside was willing to let those kids
>spend their spring term miles away, writing code.
>And what did virtually all of those opportunities have
>in common? They gave Bill Gates extra time to practice.
>
>
>By the time Gates dropped out of Harvard after his soph­
>omore year to try his hand at his own software company,
>he'd been programming practically nonstop for seven con­
>secutive years. He was way past ten thousand hours.
>
>How
>many teenagers in the world had the kind of experience
>Gates had? "If there were fifty in the world, I'd be
>stunned," he says. "There was C-Cubed and the payroll
>stuff we did, then TRW—all those things came together.
>I had a better exposure to software development at a young
>age than I think anyone did in that period of time, and all
>because of an incredibly lucky series of events."

For the whole chapter on Bill... pastebin.

u/The_Biggest_Monkey · 8 pointsr/AskReddit

Hi! Psych major + bookworm over here. Some well written and accessible books that I've enjoyed reading are:

Thinking Fast and Slow from Kahneman http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375192703&sr=8-1&keywords=kahneman+thinking+fast+and+slow

Willpower: discovering the greatest human strength by Baumeister http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375192853&sr=1-1&keywords=willpower

And Outliers by Gladwell http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375192928&sr=1-2&keywords=10000+hours

Baumeister and Kahneman are the leading figures on the research done within their particalur fields and these books show a glimpse inside of the kitchen, so to speak. (Iḿ not 100% sure about Gladwell, Iḿ on my phone atm). The books are well written, accessible, entertaining and fascinating.

u/-melo- · 4 pointsr/sales
  1. Innis & Gunn Original
  2. "Sorry you're talking too slow, I don't have all day."
  3. Maybe next weekend.
  4. Nope.
  5. Bad weeks usually lead to more reading and learning, good weeks are a bit more easy-going.
  6. Doom.
  7. All of them.

    Fun fact: Not really fun, but Chris Voss did an AMA about his new book on negotiation recently, and it's absolutely fantastic and a really useful tool. Highly recommended and very applicable to our profession.

    Actual Fun Fact: One million seconds is slightly more than 11 days. One billion seconds is over 31 years.
u/28f272fe556a1363cc31 · 20 pointsr/AskMenOver30

You've been lied to your whole life. Natural talent accounts for very little. Anybody can be very good at anything if they practice enough.

Great writers, artists, athletes, scientists, chess players, etc have put thousands of hours of dedicated, focused time practicing.


10,000 Hours: You Become What You Practice

Outliers: The Story of Success

Find something you like, not something you think you should like, and start practicing. Take classes, read books, talk to experts in the field.

u/gospelwut · 1 pointr/geek

*When you have skill, insight, and/or tremendous help


As somebody who has done okay for myself, fuck this image.

Is it good to realize everything has an opportunity cost? Sure. Absolutely.

Is it good to emphasize that your mental health is a diminishing resource? Sure. Absolutely.

Just remember that 75%+ of SMBs go bust. Most successful endeavors--whether it be SV startup, book writer, restaurateur, etc--are generally backed by family or existing personal capital.

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell 2011

u/nx_2000 · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

It was pretty good... sunny three of the four days, and I went for a swim on the 4th day anyway. I've only started reading books for pleasure in the last year. I'm trying to work in fiction but even when I was little I was drawn to non-fiction books and that's still true. The last book I finished was Apollo: The Race to the Moon... excellent read, surprisingly compelling. Before that I read Pre-Suasion, a book about influencing people, Roger Ebert's memoir, and a book about Hillary's 2016 presidential campaign.

u/rocks95 · 6 pointsr/GetStudying

Yeah, it's really liberating to know that you can do anything you set your mind to... And that it's ok not to know your passion immediately!

My favorite books on this topic:

So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport
and
Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell


For online business, I love these peoples' sites:

u/Ledatru · 7 pointsr/TrueReddit

In Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, he explains that a high IQ often does not translate into worldly success because greatness is based on a lot of luck.

They did a study where they followed around a bunch of exceptionally intelligent people, people who had IQs high enough to be considered geniuses. They were, in fact, outliers in terms of IQ.

But what did they discover? They found that most of them led average to above-average lives. These geniuses weren't bums by any means, but they weren't great either. They probably led ordinary lives making around $80,000/year or something.

Why? Why were these people with exceptionally high IQs enjoying the same success as people with normal IQs?

It's because of luck. Things didn't luck out for them. There are so many factors you can't control.

u/DonLaFontainesGhost · 1 pointr/news

The CO is always ultimately responsible for his ship. He selected and approved the officers on watch, he (tacitly) approved training and certification of the other watchstanders. He approved of his bridge and CIC crew enough to leave the bridge and go to sleep.

This is accountability. It's the epitome of leadership, and absolutely necessary to make an organization run effectively.

I highly recommend this book if you can find it. (I'm biased - Professor Montor was my leadership instructor). Otherwise It's Your Ship is an exceptional book on leadership.

Maxwell's Leadership book is also an excellent read & resource

If you want to dig up books on your own, be careful to differentiate "leadership" from "management."

u/wolftone · 1 pointr/learnprogramming

You are spot on with "going to keep attempting projects that are outside of my ability". This and the concept of deliberate practice has shown to be key to effective learning. Popular books supporting this are:

u/Clarehc · 1 pointr/Parenting

PPD more generally shows up after 6 months or so. It can hugely vary. You’re under IMMENSE strain, it would be more odd if you weren’t batshit crazy! I was and I only had one. I called it The Dark Days and for good reason. Please go see your doctor and the new therapist. Think of it as self care. You cannot give from an empty cup.

I also suggest routine - I used Baby Whisperer (https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0345479092) and the EASY routine (roughly, you have to have some flex). I have 2 wonderful sleepers because I was like a rabid monster over their sleep routines 😂

Try to get out. Local play groups, mummy groups, baby classes (music, sign, baby yoga, anything). You need adult company and I guarantee other mums will automatically hold one baby while you feed the other. Mummies just mother all babies. I still can’t hear a newborn cry without getting anxious and my kids are 12 & 6.

I also agree with the poster who said the babies may be hungry. Are they teething? My daughter cut her first tooth at 14 weeks. My son had silent reflux that caused him to cry endlessly. There could be something going on or nothing going on but for sure you deserve some support and help. Reach out. You’re not alone.

u/Tyaedalis · 7 pointsr/reddit.com

The fact that the people starting these companies were able to flourish is because of the environment they lived in. They were presented with amazing opportunities in the places/time they lived. All the major Silicon Valley companies were started by people born around 1955, which was the perfect time since personal computers were coming out around the time all of those people were adults. Not to say they didn't also work very hard, but it would not have been possible if they were born sooner or later by a few years. There's a book called Outliers: the Story of Success that goes into great detail on why these people (and others) were able to do so amazingly well. A good read.

u/wrongontheinternet · 4 pointsr/socialskills

32 year old man with Autism here.

Social skills are just that, skills. That is, you can learn them just as you do any other skill: break it down into parts and put it to practice. Autistics are absolutely able to learn social skills but we start from a position of disadvantage. We're more likely to experience social rejection/isolation early on and fall into a negative cycle. Because we were rejected, we don't get to practice being social. Because we didn't practice as much, we don't get as good at it. Because we didn't get good at it, we're hesitant to approach people later in life and even when we do, we're more likely to be rejected. That's my theory, anyway.

From your post I can't really tell where you are in your development of social skills but, for instance, you might practice making eye contact with people (and returning any greeting/gesture you receive from those people). It's a small thing but it can help a lot. Once you feel comfortable, you can move on to something like making small talk with acquaintances (or strangers, depending on your confidence).

Some of the books listed in the sidebar here take this approach of building up competency a bit at a time. I particularly like the approach of Level Up Your Social Life: The Gamer's Guide To Social Success but I might be biased because I'm a gamer. =)

The most important thing is that you truly believe that you can do this. We come by our social skills in a different way than most people but we can acquire them if we take opportunities to study and learn and practice.

Sorry for not answering any of the specific questions in your post but I thought that by laying all of this out in a comment I might help spark your own journey to acquire social skills.

EDIT: Really it's more like we should be taking opportunities rather than waiting around for them to be given to us.

u/FoolsRun · 5 pointsr/politics

Check out "Outliers" when you have the time. There's also a very good audiobook version of it.

In one section of the book he discusses exactly what you've said about luck, explaining that, among other things, success is largely related to being in the right place at the right time, and being given an opportunity to work hard at something you love. Bill Gates and Paul Allen were given this opportunity at Lakeside prep school.

u/mwigmore · 6 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Just finished Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. It's about how some of the most successful people in the world got to be successful: through a combination sheer of timing, luck, and practice. I've been recommending it to everyone who mentions reading. FANTASTIC book.

u/Hyperdrunk · 17 pointsr/feminisms

According to The Science on Women in Science gender bias is apparent as early as 4th grade in our school system. At the university level, thousands of science scholarships specifically set aside for girls go unfulfilled because our high schools are simply not graduating enough girls who qualify for them.

This isn't just a professional, academic level of sexism. It's much more deep rooted than that.

In Outliers, the law of diminishing academics are demonstrated. Essentially a small difference in population at age 10 is a huge difference at age 20. If you do not fix a problem in academic trends early on, the problem only gets exacerbated as time progresses.

What the data says is that if you want to fix the gender bias in the sciences in the professional world, you can't simply address those gender biases in the professional world. That is akin to putting a bandaid on a broken leg; it's just not going to fix the problem. You must start younger, in elementary school, if you want to fix this problem. If 60% of those very interested in the sciences in the 4th grade are boys, and 40% are girls; then by the beginning of college the gap in those number will increase to 70-30, or even 75-25. And by grad school those numbers can be as high as 85-15 depending on the specific scientific field and region. The gap widens, over time, due to the diminishing academics which are returned.

Without a push to get girls interested in the hard sciences early on in elementary school, there will always be a gender gap in adulthood. And not the small gap that exists in 4th grade, but the exacerbated gap that results.

And as long as that exacerbated gap exists there will be a gender-stereotype that women are not qualified in the sciences. Even with many examples of brilliant female scientists, when only 18% (depending on source) of PhD's in the hard sciences are being earned by women, the negative stereotype against women will persists. Simply gaining acceptance for those 18% is not enough. You must also make the changes early on, so that girls in the 4th grade see science as a legitimate career field that is exciting and interesting; so that girls do not self-sort themselves out of the sciences and so that teachers do not condition girls to think that sciences are not for them.

tl;dr - If we want to end the gender-bias in sciences we need to start in elementary schools and work our way up; as well as in the professional world and work our way down.

u/RottenDeadite · 2 pointsr/WeAreTheMusicMakers

Read Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. Then put in your 10,000 hours.

In short, the answer you're looking for is: Self discipline. Directed, focused, voluntary obsession. Never stop networking, making contacts, being available. Protect your brand and your image. Above and beyond all these: understand that nothing worth doing is easy. Being a flash in the pan is luck. Being truly successful is incredibly hard.

Also Heaven forbid you maybe go to college?

u/Paradigmond · 6 pointsr/TheRedPill

I've been where you're at, thinking I was an absolute retard and ashamed of my parents. You are nowhere near your full potential. Anxiety diminishes your cognitive function like the other guy said. That's your EQ, and it's more important than your inherited intelligence. Life is all about momentum. I recommend picking up the book Outliers, as it clearly demonstrates this. Distraction short circuits the learning process. This is what your panic attacks do to your personal growth. You want to meditate and live life by your inner voice without inner conflict. You eventually get a flow going and you'll be surprised at much more intelligent you will feel within a deep meditative focus. You just try to ride the wave as long as you can, and you create the momentum to get over any hurdle.

I have both the horrible self-perception that rivals yours, and I have extreme love for all of my best characteristics. I'm currently working through it myself. PM me if you want to talk through this.

u/volkl47 · 4 pointsr/AskMen

I read a lot of non-fiction, largely science/sociology/psych/econ/math related things. I like learning more about what makes people tick and how the world behaves.

If that's of interest to you:

The easy to read starting points are the "pop-science" type of books. Freakonomics one example. Also things like Malcom Gladwell's books or Mary Roach's all fall into this category for me.

Assuming you're remotely interested in the topic, they're pretty engaging and have a narrative of sorts throughout. The downside is they're often a little lighter on the scientific details and sometimes (especially Gladwell) seem to have had an idea and then looked for evidence to support it rather than presenting a balanced perspective.

But with all this sort of writing, I view it as a stepping point to get me to think about things in a way I haven't thought about it before and consider their ideas, not necessarily to be taken as gospel that "their idea is 100% correct, this is how everything works".

--------

The mid-tier in terms of reading difficulty up from that if you find yourself liking it, are things like Dan Ariely's books (on human behavior, especially rationality + honesty) or Nate Silver's book (about the use of and issues with prediction and probability/statistics in the real world, he does the 538 site). The writing is still engaging, but there's much more of a focus on the experiments or experimental/mathematical evidence to support their ideas.

u/Marchosias · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Though, honestly, some people will do well their entire lives.

Actually, those born into upper middle class and wealthy families have a higher chance to continue being upper middle class and wealthy by a wide margin. The thing is, it's because their parents teach them to be entitled.

Reading Outliers would do a lot of people a lot of good.

u/zoomzoomz · 6 pointsr/business

Here is a book you might find interesting. Outliers

Read through some of the reviews and you get a pretty good sense of what the book is about.

I really enjoyed this book and it's definitely thought-provoking.

u/lilgreenrosetta · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Well there's the sequel of course: Superfreakonomics. And everything by Malcom Gladwell kind of falls into the same genre: The Tipping Point, Outliers, Blink... Then there's The Long Tail by Chris Anderson of Wired and Bad Science by The Guardian's Ben Goldacre....

A Short History of Nearly Everything is also absolutely brilliant 'popular science' but not as 'generation now' as the ones above.

That's just top of my head. All of these books are a few years old but still a great read. I'd say they're all typical Redditor reading if that makes sense.

u/WigginIII · 2 pointsr/politics

> My dad was a car guy, but he didn't teach me shit. I had to do it on my own. My first oil change was a mess, but I figured it out pretty quickly.

I think you are still missing the point.

You acknowledge your dad was a car guy, yet he didn't help you directly. But he didnt need to.

So you had someone who had an interest in cars? He just happened to be one of the most important persons in your life. He also probably worked on them from time to time, and you observed, either directly, or indirectly. You were exposed from the moment you were introduced into this world into a world of cars. You had access to a garage I presume? Access to tools? Jacks? Equipment? Pans, fluids, lubricants, filters, etc?

Imagine a kid, male or female, raised by a single mother in an apartment complex. The differences between his exposure to car service vs. yours will be mountains apart.

Yes, youtube is a great resource. And yes, I've used it for my own car care. But, some people will still be hesitant to try something themselves, for fear of causing irreparable damage. Others won't even know where to start. And if you haven't read it, I highly suggest Gladwell's Outliers.

u/choreally · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

You should check out the book the Family Crucible. It really is amazing how you are kind of born into a role and continue playing that role with friends. I think you are making a wise choice to cut off ties with certain people. It will piss them off for sure, but then again they aren't the ones that have to live with your choices. Good luck to you.

u/greg25 · 4 pointsr/finance

I'm guessing you have this down, but I'm posting it just in case, or in case any other readers find it of interest.

Handshaking (imho) is where many women can lose some ground. Make it strong and firm, maintain eye contact for the first few seconds. Don't let the other person "dominate" the handshake by turning your hand underneath theirs. This sounds like a silly point but it actually has proven mental (subconscious) effects.

For more, read This book and its tips on Body Language in the workplace.

u/selv · 2 pointsr/sysadmin

I can recommend books.

u/yes_me_too · 6 pointsr/migraine

You need to get to a doctor, so that they can properly diagnose you and get you better meds. Maybe talk to your school nurse and try to convince her to write you a note that will help convince you parents to take you to the doctor. Maybe read some books on persuasion, to help you get what you need out of others. I liked Influence and have heard good things about Presuasion. You unfortunately will have to start taking care or yourself now. That might mean earning money so that you can pay for a doctors appointment, or figuring out how to get on medicaid. Sorry for your suffering.

u/Sfawas · 10 pointsr/askscience

The core of what you're getting at here is the difference between procedural memory and the forms of memory we call declarative or explicit memory.

These forms of memory even have distinct physiological substrates. Famously, a patient that was unable to form new explicit memories (Henry Molaison, long-known as H.M.) was able to, with practice, improve at motor skills despite having no recollection of the practice itself. What this should tell you is that a) skill learning doesn't necessarily rely upon knowledge that we can explicitly state and b)

One way of thinking about this is that motor learning needed to throw a football occurs in a different language than mathematics. That is, one doesn't need declarative knowledge regarding abstract concepts such as number systems or gravity functions. Rather, your brain and body are constantly working together to make and refine sequences of movements that yield a desired result - and it turns out we are really good at this!

On a related note, these two systems can actually interfere with one another. In a really cool study involving golfers, researchers found that, in expert golfers, putting performance was hurt if you asked them to describe the motions involved in making a putt while they attempted to make the putt. The same effect was not noted in amateur golfers. The researchers' theory is that expert golfers, but not amateur golfers, have immense procedural memory with respect to putting and that forcing them to engage semantic memory detracts from their ability to utilize their skill and may contribute to the general phenomenon of "choking under pressure." One of the authors of the aforementioned study certainly believes so, and has written a book on the matter.

u/candidate_master · 5 pointsr/chess

> I'll be writing about the Turk machine, Deep Blue, the more recent AIs like stockfish.

Ugh, this sounds like a tedious historical rehash.

> I was wondering if chess has become too dependent on technology

Nope. I'd say that every industry depends on computers: legal, medical, manufacturing, whatever.

> and less about talent.

Talent together with hard work are essential for success, in every industry.

Outliers: The Story of Success: the famous theory of 10,000 hours.

Talent is Overrated: those 10,000 hours must well-focused, and environmental factors are key.

Can a normal person become a titled player, even a GM?: Talent x Work = Ability.

u/adfectio · 1 pointr/AskReddit

There's actually a whole book about this here

I haven't read it, but from what I gather, the author asserts that it's about the amount of time you spend at something moreso than actual ability.

If that's the case, than yeah, we can blame it on society. We love instant gratification, and can't stand things that we have to work for. If something doesn't come naturally to us, we tend to give up on it fairly quickly.

This is all generalized, of course.

u/Rakka-Ascelinda · 1 pointr/findapath

First get this book.

You know what functions you want your job to have, reading, research, and writing. First translate these into concrete functions that use your degree to demonstrate you have them. This will form the backbone of your resume.

If you want to do an MA without the debt, investigate scholarships. There may be one available that will let you do that.

If you have no connections, don't worry. We all got to start somewhere. And social media presence, in my opinion, is a bit over-hyped. It is a tool some people use well, but not necessary for all fields.

Instead, sit down and write a list of everyone you know. Family, friends, professors, etc. Put them on a piece of paper, and then consider who they may know. For example, many professors have industry contacts and may be willing to vouch for your to be considered for a position that hasn't been listed yet. If anything, just write them an e-mail saying hi, inquire on there well-fare, say a bit about yourself - just to reaffirm the connection.

Another way to create connections is volunteer work. Look for a few causes that you care about, and offer your services to an organization that advocates for that cause.

u/HighZenDurp · 3 pointsr/sales

100% This... I highly recommend a book called "It's Your Ship". This book has some great insight and stories that will help you begin your leadership journey. If you're like me and prefer audio books, it's also available on Audible.

Direct link to book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/145552302X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_kh.czbY7G1TNK

u/MSCantrell · 8 pointsr/intj

Some people do this stuff instinctively. Some of us have to treat it as a skill.

So I got a lot of value out of books on this stuff. I read about the techniques, I practiced them, and I do ok.

Here are two really good ones:

Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards

and

What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro

You can improve these skills; they're just skills!

u/political_scientists · 29 pointsr/science

JK: A brand-new book by psychologist Robert Cialdini (https://www.amazon.com/Pre-Suasion-Revolutionary-Way-Influence-Persuade-ebook/dp/B01C36E2YS) looks to general principles of persuasion - from business, psychology, politics, and other fields. Cialdini argues that effective persuasion is less about “altering a listener’s attitudes, beliefs, or experiences” than changing a listener’s “state of mind”.

There is certainly a lot of research in political science that demonstrates the effectiveness of emotional appeals. For example, see Ted Brader’s work (http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/C/bo3640346.html).

Enthusiasm, for example, tends to reinforce individuals’ pre-existing opinions while anxiety has somewhat of the opposite effect, moving individuals to reevaluate their options. In Samara’s work, she finds that threat can drive individuals to support policies that actually counteract their own party, when those preferences line up with the individual’s other identity groups (http://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/~jnd260/pub/Klar%202013.pdf).
Emotions can be an effective way to persuade.

u/Perseus_SS · 3 pointsr/infj

I use vague friendliness and disengage as soon as possible.

Not sure if this is a trait of an INFJ, but I noticed I get projected on from other people, like I'm a walking mirror. So I don't let their comments sink in, it's a glimpse into their psychology.

Sometimes I need more time alone when I'm not working to recharge.

I highly recommend you read "The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt."
https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/dp/1328695913

u/peaches-18 · 2 pointsr/leagueoflegends

Thanks QuaintTerror. Everyone has their own opinions/conclusions about League of Legends, but first and foremost I'm a data analyst so this is how I see the world.

I think a deep dive on PoE is super interesting too! When I saw the DPM-D post from League of Analytics, PoE jumped out to me right away and I remember messaging Timbolt about it.

Speaking of outliers, have you read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell?

u/jlaj62 · 3 pointsr/Entrepreneur

I hope this one isn’t too obvious, but In my own opinion, Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell is a must. This is the famous 10,000 hours theory of how if you put this much time towards actively learning something, you can become an expert at it. There is plenty of real world examples and references, like the Beatles, Wayne Gretzky, Bill Gates, Tiger Woods, and so on. Not only is it extremely interesting, but there were aspects of this book that I have been able to apply to other parts of my life besides work.

Outliers

u/nicktheviking27 · 3 pointsr/canucks

It's longer than you think though when it comes to youth hockey development.

Malcom Gladwell begins his book "Outliers" discussing a game between the Medicine Hat Tigers and Vancouver Giants and noticing a large number of the 'top' players are early birthdays (ie, JAN/FEB/MAR). Why? Likely the 'outlying' factor is that because of their age they've matured, physically, a little quicker and thus have the strength to dominate other players in their age class. Thus, they outperform the others, get on more select/varsity/elite clubs, get more advanced training, coaching, attention and thus have a higher likelihood of succeeding.

Does that mean they're more talented? Not necessarily. But Gladwell argues that at a young age the early birthday gives the kids a huge head-start on the others.

PLD is born in June, FWIW.

u/gte910h · 1 pointr/summonerschool

This book http://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/0670014664 will help deal with the trolls and the snarky comments from team mates and turn things around into winning, constructive play.

There is a lot of issues with the LOL community and unsolicited coaching, and dealing with it, and taking it as evaluation and taking it very personally.

u/euric · 1 pointr/books

Malcolm Gladwell or Bill Bryson spring to mind. Entertaining, engaging and light hearted, yet still packed with good content.

If you were looking for fiction recommendations, have you thought of short stories? Gabriel Garcia Marquez has quite a collection - I'd recommend Strange Pilgrims.

Edit: Added links.

u/jimbs · 5 pointsr/reddit.com

Also take a look at Outliers No one succeeds just because they are smart. You also need to have opportunity and the family or social support to persue those opportunities.

u/muskawo · 3 pointsr/australia

Have you read Outliers ? You should consider it. It makes the argument that IQ and "talent" are much less important than working hard once you reach a certain level (say a 120 I.Q). So while the men may be more "talented" the women are in end much more successful. I dont see how the hardest workers working their way to the top lowers standards. There are many super intelligent people in shitty jobs because they dont have the drive, and slightly less intelligent people who actually contribute to society.

edit: I love blatant sexism is allowed in this thread but I make a comment about how talent doesnt really exist and I'm voted down. makes sense.

u/srosorcxisto · 3 pointsr/satanism

Anything particular that you're looking for? Here are three of my favorites outside of the usual recommendations.

The Unique and Its Property (aka The Ego and His Own) by Max Stirner. Updated translation of the OG book on Egoism

The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan. Great read on the the scientific method, skepticism and developing a baloney detection kit.

Captivate by Vanessa van Edwards. The best guide for lesser magic out there.

Edit: fixed links. I was posting from my cell phone which caused a lot of issues.

u/colleenlawson · 1 pointr/Entrepreneur

Hands down that would be Pre-suasion by Robert Cialdini. I bought it on audio so I could listen while doing other things ... But that failed, cause I kept pausing it to take notes and bookmarks. NEVER have I taken so many notes on an audio book on my life!

Maybe it's cause I hate selling my own stuff, yet have a solid 20 year career background in how the subconscious mind works, and resonate best with understanding why something works ...whatever the reason, I was able to glean many MANY "aha! Moments" that made me feel i could comfortably employ/keep in mind pretty much every principle Cialdini covers.

And he covers them in step by step, sequential order, with each aha! leading to a pre-understanding of the next.

After all, u/ridge9 ... what is negotiation if not selling your viewpoint?

Love to know what you think in a future update, if you decide to give it a look!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1501109790/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521071657&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=pre-suasion&dpPl=1&dpID=51JkmF0D-PL&ref=plSrch

u/asgeorge · 1 pointr/motorcycles

10,000 Hours. :) If you haven't read Outliers I think you would enjoy it. I think you are well on your way, my friend.

u/professor-cthulhu · 2 pointsr/sales

Ugh, this should be higher up the list. Not sales specifically, but the skills translate frictionlessly and also useful in life. In this same category I would put

u/NPPraxis · 10 pointsr/todayilearned

It's hard to define "credit" in such scenarios.

For example: If I build an app from scratch and it takes off and I become a millionaire, I did that, myself, completely, right?

But...if I had the free time to do that because my parents gave me free housing and food, and they happened to live in Silicon Valley, giving me easy access to market it to higher-ups- didn't I technically have an advantage over someone else who might've been able to do the same thing?


But that doesn't take away from all the work I did.


The book Outliers is a fascinating take on this subject. The basic conclusion is that all (most?) ultra-successful people are a combination of luck (through birthright or location) and skill, but we as people want to believe it's primarily skill.

u/Danthony05 · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Made, definitely. In Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, he states that there is a 10,000 hour threshold to be considered an expert at something.

If you've never heard of it, I would recommend reading it. Very interesting and easy to read.

u/markevens · 1 pointr/computertechs

Read some books about management. Being good at tech work and being a good leader are completely different things.

This is a great starter book on it.

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Your-Ship-Management-Techniques/dp/145552302X

u/freeligious · 1 pointr/sales

If 10% of your leads are qualified, that doesn't sound too bad. But, you could also generate or purchase your own leads. Probably the most effective way to generate leads is through networking. Never Eat Alone is a good general book on networking though there are likely better resources for more advice specific to insurance sales.

If you think your prices are too high, find other ways to differentiate--such as the quality of service and attention you provide to your clients.

u/wakuu · 1 pointr/gaymers

I commend you for putting your foot down. This book is kinda amazing. This book is kinda funny. This book is kinda deep.

u/ChitChatChump · 0 pointsr/Libertarian

Here's a great podcast with a compelling counterargument:

How Scarcity Trap Affects Our Thinking, Behavior


TL;DL: we become irrational decision makers in times of economic or emotional scarcity.

Here's a great book that argues that there are many ingredients beyond aptitude which contribute to success:

Outliers

Take a look through the Amazon comments to see the books strengths and faults.

u/israellimon · 0 pointsr/funny

There are countless people who have defeated adversity and have gone on to lead successful lives (success by the way doesn't need to be defined as becoming wealthy).

We were all born with potential talents, skills and strengths, it's up to us to:



A.) find out what they are,

B) nurture and perfect them and

C) apply them with diligence and discipline

Most people don't suck at life, people that suck at life tend to project that onto everyone else to feel better about their own shortcomings.

u/MiaVisatan · 2 pointsr/languagelearning

Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else https://www.amazon.com/Talent-Overrated-Separates-World-Class-Performers/dp/1591842948

The Talent Code: Greatness Isn't Born. It's Grown. Here's How https://www.amazon.com/Talent-Code-Greatness-Born-Grown/dp/0099519852

Outliers: The Story of Success https://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/ISwearImCleverIRL · 2 pointsr/psychology

I'm someone going into school psychology and I've read a number of really good books that have had a huge impact on the way I view people and recognize a lot of both macro and micro-level issues that people, and especially children, deal with. That said, my favorites would be Outliers and Blink by Malcolm Gladwell and Ain't No Makin' It by Jay MacLeod.

u/FredFuzzypants · 5 pointsr/politics

You might enjoy the book Outliers by Malcolm Gadwell. In it, he talks about how we "pay too much attention to what successful people are like, and too little attention to where they are from - their culture, their family, their generation, and the idiosyncratic experiences of their upbringing."

u/bjlmag · 7 pointsr/TrueAtheism

r/StreetEpistemology and this book might help with your dialogue, but only as much as he's willing to entertain reason and reality. Obviously the statements above are ludicrous to any person thinking logically about them, so trying to reason with him likely won't work.

It may work better to address the method he uses to come to conclusions, and whether or not that method is leading to conclusions that are true.

u/Rfksemperfi · 14 pointsr/seduction

A few, in no particular order:

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
http://amzn.com/1591792576

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)
http://amzn.com/006124189X

Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way (A Quest Book)
http://amzn.com/0835605914

My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies
http://amzn.com/0671019872

Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
http://amzn.com/1573244988

What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
http://amzn.com/0061438294

The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature
http://amzn.com/0060556579

Outliers: The Story of Success
http://amzn.com/0316017930

Iron John: A Book About Men
http://amzn.com/0306813769

u/UncleOxidant · 37 pointsr/programming

> Smart people solve things right away when they get lucky. And the more nervous they are, the less likely this is.

And there is some evidence to suggest that the smarter you are, the more you can be tripped up in a situation like an interview. Smart people in a nervous state can spin up thought loops very quickly. "Oh, no, am I going to be able to answer this or am I going to look stupid?!" - looping continually at high speed. Check out: Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To http://www.amazon.com/Choke-Secrets-Brain-Reveal-Getting/dp/1416596186

u/IronShins · 1 pointr/videos

If you want to read a whole book about how 'haydiddy' is right here it is.

Its a damn good read, touches on other interesting topics like mastery that are very interesting.

u/event__horiz0n · 1 pointr/AskTrumpSupporters

The later would be safer for the preservation of life. The former just kicks the can down the road, I support CalEXIT for the former reason, but they're going to be in the same spot they're in now in another 30 years if independent.

People are genetically more pre-disposed to trust and be drawn to people they are physically similar to. Many social psychologist experiments have confirmed this. I listened to the audio book, so I cannot provide the root source, but they're referenced in this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Pre-Suasion-Revolutionary-Way-Influence-Persuade/dp/1501109790/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1468962502&sr=8-2&keywords=cialdini

u/yourapostasy · 6 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

> Can you elaborate on the personality shift?

Usually an influx of people generally described as jerks. They monetize the typical workplace trust relationships at the cost of every other factor, including their management chain and the company itself, excelling at deflecting scrutiny, then move onto their next victims.

Read The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt for starters.

u/iamtotalcrap · 1 pointr/atheism

> But if you were, say, the Kobe Bryant of whatever you love to do, could you not help but suspect divine intervention?

People don't just have gifts, they work their asses off for it... usually for about a decade. If I was Kobe, I would have spent my younger years doing nothing but playing basketball, and hence I would not know much science, would not have a degree in engineering, would live in a different part of the country... so of course my life would be different including my beliefs. You should read this book.

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017922

u/BlackPrisim · 3 pointsr/sysadmin

Six digits in pay. No degree or certs.

Everyone around me is practically the same.

I was recently hired onto my current position and my manager told me that he interviewed over 30 others. Those others all came from HR with degrees and certs and he and his Sr Engineer could easily tell they were bullshitting. Then they came across me and essentially made me an offer the same day. "You're the one one who knew stuff, wasn't an entitled dick, and could take a joke". I negotiated +15k on their offer too btw.

Reading material.

How to Win Friends & Influence People

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

u/Scott_MacGregor · 2 pointsr/Economics

No it's not, IQ is an explainer of success only up to about 120, thereafter, the marginal benefit of additional IQ points is negligible. I highly recommend Malcom Gladwell's Outliers for more on this phenomenon, or if not at least check out the life of Christopher Langan.

u/FlyingMrChow · 6 pointsr/Entrepreneur

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Expanded-Updated/dp/0385346654

Kieth takes it further and explains a much nicer approach to the fundamentals you're looking for; really great read.

u/MadBroke · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

I applied for jobs like crazy over the last 2 months of my senior year. I mostly used my school's online job board. I read and watched a bunch of interview prep stuff and had multiple interviews which allowed me to practice. I got pretty damn good at interviewing, if I do say so myself.

I just ordered this book. Haven't gotten around to reading it yet though lol.

No significant plans coming up right now.

Grilled chicken, fresh mozzarella and roasted red peppers with a little balsamic vinegar... mmmmm

u/VZalinsky · 1 pointr/infp

I would suggest Influence and Pre-Suasion by Robert Cialdini. They both do an excellent job explaining how people make decisions in the heat of the moment. He includes lots of stories and examples so they are both a very interesting read.

u/osaka_nanmin · 1 pointr/LearnJapanese

It's hard to judge your progress because you didn't mention how many hours (in class study + outside study) you've done in 4+ years. With all due respect, "years of study" in my experience has very little meaning. "Hours of study" is a lot more realistic way to measure yourself. Malcolm Gladwell talks about it in his book Outliers, and I think it certainly applies to learning Japanese.

u/kaydub88 · 6 pointsr/gifs

Did you? His father was a big shot lawyer, his mother was on the board of many companies and had many connections. His mother's family is well connected in the Seattle area. This is well stated throughout some of his biographies (notably HardDrive and you should probably read up on Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell to get an idea on a big part of how Gates rose to success.

u/CasualPie · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

For me? Repetition.

Repetition repetition repetition repetition repetition repetition ad infinitum.

When I study I use insane repetition to beat the information into my head.

For instance, when I need to memorize a table or diagram, I draw it multiple times a day, every day, until I can draw it from memory without help. This is how I memorized the "crosswalk" for the project management professional exam (http://imgur.com/a/An7K7).

When I need to memorize a set of items, I turn it into a sentence. Please Do Not Take Stupid People Anywhere helps me remember the 7 layers of the OSI model in networking.

When I need to remember definitions and facts, I write them multiple times on paper and on notecards. LPTinaLPT: Cut notecards in half or thirds, punch a hole in them in the same place, and keep them together with a book ring. You now have a nifty keychain study guide that you can flip through whenever you have free time.

And, of course, if you're memorizing a formula of any sort, doing endless problem sets is the way to remember what comes out of it.

Also, go read "Outliers" (https://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930) it's what finally made studying, of all things, click for me. Just wish I'd read it before college!

u/AnalyzeAllTheLogs · 0 pointsr/AskNetsec

u/mhurron has a great point here. Similar outcome matrix to this book i listened to recently. I highly recommend it.

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/B01COR1GM2

u/YouKhanDoIt · 2 pointsr/socialskills

There's a new book The Conversation Code that addresses many of the issues you mentioned, namely the best ways to add to your "conversation storage tank" so you always have more to say. How to have quicker, wittier responses, etc. It gets a little into the psychology of things too. Not a light read, but could be very helpful to you.

u/joshvanderkroft · 1 pointr/AskReddit

hold it back. big developmental advantage. read this. Not a perfect book, but strongly outlines the reasons why kids who are older compared to their peers do better in life.

u/KingIllMusic · 3 pointsr/Showerthoughts

i read it in a book called outliers by malcolm gladwell. great book, def recommend.

https://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/jcrdy · 5 pointsr/hiphopheads

i listened to this book, its a great read. if you like this you should check out outliers by malcolm gladwell.

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/CassandraCubed · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

:) good share!

I like to think about Malcolm Gladwell's book "Outliers: The Story of Success" when I think about making a mistake.

The gist of the book for me is that it takes putting in 10,000 hours and making 2,000 different mistakes in order to truly master a given field. So making a mistake means I'm moving forward, if I can learn from the mistake. (Some days this is of more comfort than others, if you know what I mean. ;))

u/movingmyeye · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

I appreciate this but what about rarities such as Mozart.
Mozart wrote his first symphony when he was eight years old.
Isn't it true that some people just have a "knack" for it.

I often like hearing the stories of the rise of people like that.
While I haven't read this book, I have it in my list and is related: Outliers: The Story of Success

u/hooman017 · 1 pointr/humanresources

A couple I've read or are on my to-read list:

Peace at Work: The HR Manager's Guide to Workplace Mediation
https://www.amazon.com/Peace-Work-Managers-Workplace-Mediation/dp/150033135X/


101 Tough Conversations to Have with Employees
https://www.amazon.com/101-Tough-Conversations-Have-Employees/


Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People
https://www.amazon.com/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489/

Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Negotiating-Difficult-Situations/dp/0553371312/


Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
https://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Feedback-Science-Receiving-Well/dp/0143127136/

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 2 pointsr/Advice

Read Malcolm Gladwell's The Outliers. In it, he makes a strong case that people who are very good at things are not "smarter" or "naturally talented." They just spend a lot more time practicing those things. He uses the figure of 10,000 hours. It's a guideline, not a hard-and-fast rule though. Start putting in more time, and you will catch up.

u/Zifna · 1 pointr/Parenting

It sounds like your son needs to learn to self-soothe. We pretty much followed this book with our son. (Ignore the title, it's not all... frou frou like it sounds.) The biggest tip she gave was recommending against nursing to sleep most of the time. It's a super easy thing to do, but the problem with that is... then your kid only knows how to go to sleep when knocked out by breastmilk. Which means when he/she wakes up at night, he/she doesn't really understand how to calm back down and go to sleep - even if he or she isn't super hungry.

The book recommends starting each wake period with a feed, and rocking/swaddling etc. a kid to sleep... but not all the way. Put them in their crib when they are drowsy but not quite out. That way they can finish off falling asleep by themselves. Hopefully, then, when they wake up at night, they know what to do if they are still happy/comfy.

Something else you can do is, in the morning, try to stretch out the times between his feeds a little to get him to take more at a feed. It doesn't have to be a big stretch - say when he starts acting hungry, try distracting him for 10-15. Then, at night, cluster his feeds closer together to "tank him up" for the night. So if he usually eats every 2 hours, try to do every 2.5 in the morning, then maybe every 1-1.5 for the last 2 or three feeds of the night.

u/social-robot · 1 pointr/socialskills

> I second this book. It's amazing. The Conversation Code by Gregory Peart. More than 1000+ real life actionable examples. It is one of my favorite if not the top social skills book I have. There was nothing like it out on the market so he decided to write this book himself.

> https://www.amazon.com/Conversation-Code-Upgrade-Social-Skills/dp/0989890406/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1469425009&sr=8-2&keywords=conversation+code

u/DivergingApproach · 2 pointsr/Firefighting

It's Your Ship

Best book on leadership I ever read. Applies to any job field.

It was written by a US Navy captain who took command of demoralized destroyer crew and turned it into the top performing ship in the entire Navy. It's an easy and entertaining read as it's written about his experience about the problems he faced (such as female integration in combat ships beside aircraft carriers). It's not a text or lecture about how to do things. Excellent book. Everyone should read it, even if you're not in a leadership role.

u/RedditBlackMan · 2 pointsr/politics

Sounds like you've either read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell or you should, because you'd probably enjoy it.

u/ewiggle · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

Oh. In that case, you want to practice in scenarios that are as close to the real thing as possible. Practicing your shot with no one guarding you isn't as good as practicing your shot with a hand in your face. Maybe you could stick a bunch of cardboard cut outs, that are taller than you are, all over the court and practice taking shots right in front of them.

Also, might I refer you to this book called Choke

Oh ... I also wanted to mention that more practice of your shot will help your muscles remember your shot better so you don't have to think about it. Practice a looot. Practice 'er day.

u/lax13 · 1 pointr/AskReddit

You should read the book Outliers . It talks about talent being the product of hours of practice. What differentiates between people of different skill levels is their initial talent, and the amount of hours of practice they put into it.

u/11thUserName · 2 pointsr/financialindependence

Talk to instructors. Get to know people in your major and stay in touch with them after graduation. Do an internship. If there's a national organization in your field, join it and attend conferences (there's often some sort of student stipend, or at least cheaper registration).

Every great opportunity I've gotten was a result of knowing someone. The larger your (meaningful) social network, the more doors are open to you.

This book* was invaluable to me in learning to network, even though much of the information was geared towards someone who wanted to someday be a CEO. I applied some of the author's suggestions to my much more meager goals, and got my current job (of nearly 20 years) as well as several lucrative business investments as a result.

* I should add that the book is less than 20 years old, but that I got the position in a company I already worked for by using the book's advice.

u/kathalytic · 8 pointsr/engineering

Honestly: Thanks for the Feedback.

It helps with all kinds of relationships.

u/CeralEnt · 7 pointsr/newtothenavy

I highly recommend a book called It's Your Ship.

I was enlisted, and I wish that all my chiefs and officers had read and acted out the points in that book.

u/godhatesnormies · 3 pointsr/WatchandLearn

This is merely a short video condensing the information in the book “How To Have Impossible Conversations”. The guy in the video is Peter Boghossian, one of the writers in the book. If you want to know more or get a more in-depth analysis you should get the book, I’ve heard it’s great.

u/KristinBeck · 6 pointsr/IAmA

EVERYONE is who they are... your a tough guy in high school you will still be a tough guy.
your a jerk you will be a jerk.... SEALs doesn't change you.

BUT, when you are working with a small group that works so close and relays on each other so much you EXPECT and always get perfection... not many places that work like that.... when you get out of the SEALs and still require or expect that level of dedication and perfection it makes you a bit anxious and angry... maybe that is what you are noticing is our DEMAND for working with only the best and being very impatient with most people because most people don't care.

READ the book about Outliers...

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/TheRainbowConnection · 1 pointr/askscience

I read this in Outliers, so it may not be scientific, but: You need to practice 10,000 hours (20 hrs/week for 10 years). Anyone who does that can be really good.

u/BoxFortress · 8 pointsr/IWantToLearn

The Definitive Book Of Body Language was very helpful to me.

Liars are actually less likely to smile according to studies, which I found interesting. There's a bunch of tips and facts in the book; when I get home I could post a few for you, if you want?

u/m-o-n-t-a-n-a · 3 pointsr/sysadmin

By getting the heck out of there.

​

Your post does remind me of a something I saw in a bookstore yesterday:

[Amazon] The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt

u/OnlyAHappyMan · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

The best in depth explanation I've ever heard of this principle is in the book Never Split The Difference.

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01COR1GM2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_3mimDbPRASS92

u/ctarbet · 1 pointr/todayilearned

I argue that it's just plain immoral to crave that level of luxury while many people in the world don't even have running water. We could get all high-minded and call it "antisocial" or "unethical" if you want, but I like "douchebag".

Becoming a multi-multi-millionaire is not the result of hard work. It takes fortune and luck. It takes being in the right place at the right time.

u/Fattswindstorm · 11 pointsr/nononono

Outliers is a great book. everyone should read it.

u/Liface · 2 pointsr/slatestarcodex

Never Eat Alone is a great book about this.

u/brobIerone · 5 pointsr/TMBR

I believe good timing and luck are just as critical, if not moreso, as the other qualities. Outliers makes a good argument for this.

u/mrbroscience · 30 pointsr/PoliticalDiscussion

It certainly takes individual effort to not squander the opportunities that one receives. And certainly there are a lot of lazy good for nothings.

It's naive to think that opportunities aren't based a great deal on luck though. Some people wholly never get any opportunities to succeed through no fault of their own. And to call people in these situations lazy and looking for handouts is just wrong.

If you really want to sink your teeth into this topic, I suggest reading Outliers. It may change the way you view success.

u/SeinoMore · 1 pointr/seduction

For a start Frame, Anchoring, Congruence etc which are used freely in many PUA talks and videos all come from NLP terminology. It's worth studying the basics to know what people are talking about.

Robert Cialdini’s new book Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade is probably a more modern scientifc approach to the same end.

u/yerbie12 · 2 pointsr/psychotherapy

Excellent family therapy book on Carl Whitaker's experiential approach. Here's a link

u/wockyman · 2 pointsr/pics

>People attribute their greatness too much to their own success, not the world around them.

In case you haven't read it already, Outliers is entirely about this.

u/reddy97 · 18 pointsr/polandball

If anyone wants to read more about this and similar phenomena, read Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/slevin886 · 1 pointr/cscareerquestions

I had something similar happen... I ended up leaving the job (wasn't going to get my contract renewed anyways), but did pick up this fun book:

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/dp/1328695913

Will, at the very least, give you some comfort that you're not alone

u/Nice_Maths_Person · 2 pointsr/Fitness

https://www.amazon.com/Just-Listen-Discover-Getting-Absolutely/dp/0814436471


This book is very, very helpful if you want to manipulate people.

u/LauraK9 · 3 pointsr/AmISexy

That will come with time! I suggest reading some books that will help you on self-improvement:


The Tipping Point and The Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcom Gladwell


Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman


Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

u/kickstand · 1 pointr/photography

> Many people think of artistic ability as something intrinsic...you either have it or you don't. I personally don't believe this one bit. Just like anything else, it comes very naturally to some and others have work a lot harder at it.

Malcolm Gladwell wrote a whole book disputing that notion. It's called "Outliers: The Story of Success". He says that what we call "talent" comes from over 10,000 of work. Some dispute his thesis, but I think it has a lot of merit.

u/USMutantNinjaTurtles · 1 pointr/pics

Bill Gates is definitely an outlier. I am not saying I have that kind of potential. I wish I did sometimes.

By the way, have you read Outliers: The Story of Success?

u/AnimaSophia · 10 pointsr/psychotherapy

I think The Family Crucible gives a really good perspective on working with families.

u/KnowsTheLaw · 2 pointsr/Stoicism

There are lots of factors involved. What it boils down to for me is that abuse is bad, and if the abuser is trying to obtain something, then there is a better way of getting that.

I've read a few books on abuse, and this is probably the best one for most scenarios:

https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/dp/1328695913

Another reason to read more than the classics. :)

edit: support is a factor. If the person who is abusing you is giving you something, then you're more likely to stay in that relationships. I try to stay away from abusive people. They will make excuses, but if they're not going to change, then there's lots of people to hang out with who will treat you better.

u/maaark · 1 pointr/geek

Don't nerds read? In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell supplies plenty of evidence for the view that it takes about 10,000 hours to master almost anything that requires skill. Innate ability just needs to be adeqeuate, not world-beating. Then it's all about getting your sorry ass to work. Full time. Five years. You might not be Clapton when you're done, but you'll be better than 99.9% of all the so-called guitar players in the world.

u/LadyLuck95 · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

This would be nice.
You ALL still have Zoidberg!

u/Deinos_Mousike · 1 pointr/nottheonion

Actually, he would be Bill Gates if he had access to computers as a child and could challenge himself 24/7 by coding on a computer, and if he just happened to be born in the right era so he was able to do this and was presented with the right opportunities that others were not.

Source.

u/IAMPOUNDCAKE · 1 pointr/GGFreeForAll

When when this is infinitely better?

u/DatBuridansAss · 18 pointsr/videos

Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers popularized the idea.

u/Terytopsis · 1 pointr/edmproduction

Some other resources that personally helped me with networking and communication skills in general :

[Click by George Phraser] (https://www.amazon.com/Click-Building-Extraordinary-Relationships-Development/dp/007162712X)

[Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards] (https://www.amazon.com/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489) (Her [YouTube channel] (https://www.youtube.com/user/vvanpetten) is full of good stuff too)

[San Holo's manager also has a YouTube channel] (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnECCookVvqf9BejL-nTIXg) with very insightful advice for EDM producers

u/UrsusArctos9 · 4 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Asshole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt https://www.amazon.com/dp/1328695913/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dVJYCbYYK8GJZ

u/goofygrin · 1 pointr/ENFP

If you read https://www.amazon.com/Comprehensive-ENFP-Survival-Guide-ebook/dp/B012DP87ZO it discusses how people change and how many enfps emerge as they mature.

u/hookdump · 2 pointsr/todayilearned

I really recommend a book about this whole topic: Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930

u/alexthesock · 2 pointsr/LetsTalkMusic

The book Outliers explains instances like this really well.