Reddit mentions: The best grief & bereavement books

Recent changes have only made it worse for everyone too. Trust me, you are not alone. It's hard to feel like you have community right now especially. But when you go to get coffee you are actually surrounded by plenty of people experiencing the same thing.

Normal life isn't for everyone. Reddit's van dwellers sub has plenty of well thought-out evidence for that.

I would just advise, don't make it harder on yourself than life has to be. There's roughing it and there's being a martyr. Don't be a martyr. You can enjoy traveling the world or just camping out in the same place. But pursue what makes you happy.

And you are allowed to be happy. In spite of what those negative thoughts in your (and our) heads try to tell us so often. We really have to figure out how to keep those negative thoughts in check. And we have to define what is happy for each of us. But happy definitely does not mean ecstatically jumping up and down every day. It means more of something like being content with what you have and having gratitude for what you have. If you only have one cast-iron pot, love that pot and treat it well. That's happiness. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

Thriving with Social Anxiety is a good book for the broad approach and has very practical advice for dealing with yourself when you have to deal with other people. And writing things out helps. You can keep a very simple journal of your thoughts using this bullet journal format (like bullet points, a fast journaling style) to work on your reactions to stress. Or you can also use a worksheet/grid format and have it ready for when you need a good way to evaluate negative experience. With a little practice you can handle it better. And just replace the words "anxiety" and "ptsd" in the linked sheets with anger, frustration, depression, whatever strong emotion is bothering you the most. All these emotions revolve around similar causes and the techniques are the same.

Having the information on your thoughts and techniques you are using in one place like in a journal is very helpful for staying focused on what you are working on. It's like an external memory system. And if you forget to do it for a while, it's still right there and you can pick up where you left off when you need it again. It's there for you. You can take it with you to therapy sessions as well to help keep track of what you really want to talk about.

The last thing I can offer is, we need more than just therapy. We need a way of embracing the world that lets us view it sometimes from a larger perspective (dialed out), and sometimes from a closer, nuts and bolts, day to day approach (dialed in). For that I've personally really grown to like reading about Stoicism. How to be a Stoic is a great introduction, written by a therapist. It's much more accessible than other books I've tried and it adds a layer on top of therapy that has helped me a lot.

Whatever road you take, don't be hard on yourself. You're working on it, you're trying to improve yourself. So cut yourself some slack, don't beat yourself up when you have an "anger episode". The more you work on it the fewer and farther between they will be. Don't get mad at yourself for getting mad, that only compounds the problem. Use the tools you gain to learn from each experience. And take a moment each day to appreciate where and who you are right now. Good luck!

Self Improvement:

1. Tell me about it. In my 20's, I ate everything under the sun and could barely maintain. Around 35, that shit ended. I did keto to lose it, but now eat a low-carb diet to keep it off. How are your cooking skills? What eating habits do you think are hindering your goals? Mine was beer and late-night carb snacking.
   
   
2. What stopped? I'm guessing a combination of stress, depression and too much fucking life! Something else, maybe?
   
   
3. Ooooh! What did you create before? Sounds interesting!
   
   
   Stuff for your daughter:
   
   
4. A walk before or after dinner. Every day. Teach her to observe. The birds and bugs. The spray paint markings on the street. See a plane in the sky? Ask her where she thinks it is going. Ask her why she thinks the leaves on the tree are changing color and falling off. It is a great chance to bond with her and help her learn (and for you to learn from here). It also helps with your first self-improvement item. During our walks, we end up playing tag, sumo wrestling (she wins a lot), a stripped-down fartlek (you might call them Indian runs), or her invention--running while holding hands. She loves these games and it gets my ass out of a chair. Again, the bonding time is unmatched.
   
   
5. Temper your expectations here. I say do it with gusto, but know that you will need tough skin if the PTA is mostly moms. They will see you as an intruder (as they do with most men in early education). I'm not one bit saying not to do it. Just know that you'll have to be extra tough and persistent. I would suggest also joining a dad's group. It's a good way for you to meet other motivated dads and learn additional dadcraft skills. PM me if you're having a hard time finding one in your area.
   
   
6. 4-5 books a night. This is the best damn thing you can do for your daughter. Your local library is awesome. Don't forget that they can order other books from other neighboring libraries. We have dealth with death (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, When Dinosaurs Die), potty training (Potty), divorce (Two Homes), science (Baby Loves Thermodynamics or Scientist Scientist), anatomy (Contemplating Your Belly Button), personal conduct (any of the Toddler Tools books from Free Spirit Publishing). I also throw one Dad book in each night like Kisses for Daddy, Grizzly Dad, Daddy Cuddles, Because I'm Your Dad and others. The DC Superheroes Character Education series is pretty nice. It also helps your bond with your daughter along with improving her reading skills.

> One mentioned something about the judgement and that the world wasn't going to be around forever, or something, which again really shocked me. I thought these people were trying to do good to the world, but apparently not. Just "saving souls" or whatever. Seems most of the answers I've received in this thread are along the same lines.

Ah interesting, yeah I mean we are trying to save people's souls, but for me it mostly means just sowing and sharing the Gospel. Because I have no idea how people will respond to it (I've heard stories of people replying hostile, but then later did really think about the message and even came to Church after!).

> I've always thought of heaven and hell as metaphorical conditions of life. I.e. if you do good and are good, your life has the highest chance of being good, which is like a heaven of sorts. On the contrary, if you do bad your life will become hell (imagine going to prison, or having to live with yourself after perpetrating grievous sins). TBH I'm quite surprised Christians don't really see it this way?

Aha, yeah I used to also think this way, but then I started wondering why do 'bad things happen to good people?'. Don't get me wrong, I used to think just like that and thought that if people were/are good, then good things will happen. But then I started seeing around me (and to myself), that bad things started happening, or bad things happening to people without any influence of their own. Now I don't consider myself a 'good person' anymore, but before I was Christian I did. I noticed how bad things can happen to everybody, regardless of how good or bad that person lived. I read this book and it totally changed my mind on it. A small spoiler, the guy in the book lives a completely 'good' life and then his daughter dies of a disease in her young years.. why does something so terrible happens to him, who always lived a good life?

And there are many more questions! Like; if we call ourselves good, by which standard? By our standard, or God's standard? Goodness and badness must have a certain standard, otherwise it's meaningless. If I use my own (subjective) standard (or yours), I can never actually call myself 'good', because it's based on a subjective standard, so then the question becomes; Am I good? And by which standard of goodness? And the same goes for 'bad', what qualifies as bad and by which standard?

See, if we take God's objective standard, then we are all not good, because God is perfect and we can use His objective Law (10 commandments) to measure our own 'goodness'. But when we do, we notice that we fall short of it, if we're honest with ourselves. This is why Christians (and myself as well of course) believe that no one is 'good enough' by God's standard. That's why we can only get to Heaven if we believe in Jesus Christ that he died and rose, then we are saved by faith in Him and not by our own 'good' works. We are then saved by God's grace, not by our own 'goodness'.

Oh and I when I speak of speak of something objective, I mean something that exists outside out our own opinions. So God's standard is an 'objective' standard, because God's standard is the same regardless of our own opinions.

Does any of this makes sense to you?

I am 15 months into my ongoing healing process from the greatest loss of my life, so I'd like to share some things I've learned:

Rushing into another relationship is unsound advice, and most likely to hurt you and the next person you prematurely involve yourself with.

The best thing I can tell you is that healing from a loss is not like getting a cut on your flesh, where there is consistent and predictable healing. If healing from a physical wound is a straight line, then healing from an emotional loss is a jagged, swirling journey, where you sometimes take one step forward and 10 steps back. Don't get frustrated by these setbacks--just understand that the timetable for healing is not set, and trust in the heart's ability to heal:

"When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process as natural as the healing of a physical wound. Let the process happen. Trust the process. Surrender to it." --from "How to Survive the Loss of a Love"

Don't make any rash life-altering decisions, don't turn to drugs or alcohol (which only postpone or subvert healing), give to those who are less fortunate than you, and surround yourself with family and friends that love you unconditionally.

Here is a link to the book quoted above, which I wholeheartedly recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

And another I'm in the midst of reading, which, so far, is also exceptional:
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284

This is a beautiful recounting of the Buddha's journey to understanding suffering:
http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Buddhas-Teaching-Transforming-Liberation/dp/0767903692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411858603&sr=8-1&keywords=heart+of+a+buddha

And this is a pocket book available for free from the Amida Society:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2040437.Heart_of_A_Buddha?from_search=true

For me, feeling her "fade away" from my memory was so hurtful that I would hold on to the pain to keep the memories fresh. That is not conducive to healing. What helped me was creating a document (I used Google Docs so I could update from anywhere), and whenever a sweet memory surfaced of something she did, said, or was, I would write it down. It provided a catharsis--like a treasure chest of everything she was. I no longer compulsively read it, but it is comforting to know it's there, and has definitely helped my healing process.

For the first six months of my loss, I could barely leave the house. Since I love movies, I started trying to find ones that contained people being kind to one another (they are very rare). They helped me in reconnecting to and believing in kindness again, and I found myself watching some of my favorites just to get myself to sleep at night. I compiled a few into an IMDb list:
http://www.imdb.com/list/ls056580941/

Take care of yourself
--D

Source: Losing my dear wife--the sweetest, kindest person I've ever known.

With only my phone on me, I'm just going to list out some of the non-fiction I've enjoyed on my commute recently.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty Great reading for the morbidly inclined.

Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film - Patton Oswalt I would only recommend this book for true cinema fans. It's enjoyable if you get the references and are also a procrastinating creative.

God'll Cut You Down: The Tangled Tale of a White Supremacist, a Black Hustler, a Murder, and How I Lost a Year in Mississippi - John Safran sort of reminds me of Jon Ronson. Good true crime, fish out of water stuff.

Yes Please - Amy Poehler Great advice, hilarious. Get it on audiobook.

Carsick - John Waters John waters being John Waters.

Manson - Jeff Guinn A super fascinating breakdown of the 1960s, and the environment that held Manson is much is a biography. I'm really excited to read his new book his writing about Jim Jones and the 1970's.

Currently on Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon, very excited about it.

"When Dinosaurs Die" actually has some kind of problematic stuff in it, as well as some religious references; for younger kids, I would instead recommend I Miss You: A First Look at Death or The Goodbye Book, for older kids I would recommend Tear Soup or The Memory Box. Lifetimes and Always Remember are both beautiful books for all ages. For the death of a cat specifically, The Tenth Good Thing about Barney is lovely and includes exactly the sort of funeral you describe. The Day Tiger Rose Said Goodbye is also a good one but a bit more spiritual, in that the kitty's "spirit" is shown rising into the sky after she passes away peacefully, although there's no mention of heaven or the rainbow bridge or anything. I think The Forever Dog does a really great job addressing this (even though it's about a dog) by showing how pets continue to live on in our hearts after they are gone, without bringing in any supernatural/religious beliefs at all. Anyway hopefully something in there is helpful!

Okay. Something that worked well for me was doing cognitive behavioral therapy. It's similar to meditation in some ways, and works well with it. The best way would be able to find a therapist who works with CBT, but if that's not an option for you there are do-it-yourself books. With CBT you're working to identify and modify certain common thought patterns that reinforce depression. Depending on your situation that might be helpful.

Something else that comes to mind reading your post is a book that helped someone close to me, The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction. It's geared towards substance addiction, but I think there's some general carry-over to what you're talking about.

Moving more in the direction towards mindfulness practices, there's a two CD set with instruction and guided meditations called Break Through Difficult Emotions that could help. The guy who made that, Shinzen Young, also has a more broad array of mindfulness practices that do a good job of presenting techniques across the range of mindfulness stuff. That said, he's mostly about techniques and not much about teachings, and the talks he does give are mostly secular.

He has resources online like a manual [PDF], or relevant videos, and phone retreats. A positive here is that you'll at least be able to call or email a teacher of some kind to get some feedback or help in a crisis, even if the practice isn't explicitly Buddhist.

As for mindfulness practices that are centered around the breath specifically, Mindfulness in Plain English is available online or as a physical book. It presents a more narrow or focused system. There's also a follow up book with more advanced material called Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English.

I think the best thing of all would be to have contact with a teacher of some kind, even if it meant driving an hour or two only once a month, if there's anyone available further off.

I wouldn't rely too heavily on Cullen's book for 100% facts, he's discredited by most communities that have a common morbid interest into the shooting. I do recommend the following if you're still curious for more about the incident after reading his novel.

http://www.acolumbinesite.com/ - an extremely informative site that appeared the day after the shootings. It has the most information out of anywhere else I've seen about the event.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNyX90HKWTM&feature=youtu.be - Informative documentary about the shooting. Doesn't have everything, but it's definitely interesting.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007PS0Q3Q/ - Brooks Brown's autobiography with an emphasis on the shooting and the events that took place before and after. Highly recommend, it was a great read and it definitely helped me find answers.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1101902752 - Susan Klebold's novel; the mother of Dylan Klebold. Haven't gotten around to reading this one yet, but from what I've heard it's very informative and interesting.

Hope I helped you (or anyone else) learn more about the tragedy.

My uncle died when his kids were 7 and 4. It was sudden and he was still pretty young.

The older daughter had a really hard time sleeping at night because her father always put her to bed and had done so the night he had a stroke.

The 4 year old didn't understand but she wanted a picture of her and her father almost right away and would fall asleep with it.

My suggestion is that you be as open as you can be. If things should take a turn for the worse sit down with them and talk to them about what is going on. There is a great book that my cousins got from their teacher after their dad died called When Dinosaurs Die http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316119555

As far as what you can do I suggest taking a lot of photos together doing various things. Try to do special things with each child separately and of course together but really try to find something special to do with each of them. Maybe make beaded bracelets with the older girl or something. Something she will have to remind her of you.

You could also have pillows made with your favorite photo of you and that child so that way they have something to squeeze when they want to hug you.

If you always read bedtime stories or sing specific songs you should record them. I would personally love to hear my uncle's voice again.

But I think memories are the best. You could buy gifts for them to be given on their 16 or 18th birthdays if you so choose. Something a bit fancy with a hand written letter.

Watching my cousins grow up (they are now 14 and 17) these are the things I see they miss the most. There are photos all over the house of their father. The 17 year old misses him dearly. The 14 year old doesn't really remember him at all.

I read a lot of non-fiction, but only one book recently i took to heart: How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life.

​

I never though that from all things i'll fond a philosophy book. It's great! It's written in beautiful, modern language. It's make you think new things. It's connected me to the past as no history book ever could. And, as the title says - Stoicism is superbly relevant to our times.

Highly recommend it.

Long time listener first time caller.

A. Determine whether or not there is in fact a spirit or a past life memory or whether your spirit self is travelling to other planes/worlds/dimensions wtc.
B. If there is determine what they need. Then to the best of your ability do what needs to be done to do that.
C. Like any other ritual call your corners, cast your circle and ask for the Lady and Lord to join for the purpose of helping her spirit to cross.
*If you are psychic and have the ability to communicate with your guides/angels for help in directing you in what needs to be done ritually for this specific spirit and when directed say/do release said spirit through the veil.
**If you are not psychicay awakened do C. and then ask for either the Lady and Lord or archangel Michael to take the spirit through the veil and protect the spirit until it reaches the otherworld/summerlands etc.

I often use prayers that are suitable to the spirit's situation from The Pagan Book of Living and Dying. http://www.amazon.com/The-Pagan-Book-Living-Dying/dp/0062515160

Are you sure it's not covered? I only ask because I didn't think mine covered therapy but I did some digging and found out it does cover at 100%, so long as the appropriate approvals are gotten by the provider. Check your card for something like "behavior health" or "employee assistance" and if you can't find anything, call your HR department (assuming it's via work).

A few other thoughts:

• A lot of counselors will give self-pay patients a discount
  
• You might consider paying for just a few sessions and tell the counselor up front that you're here for X amount of sessions and you want to meet X goals (i.e., cover the basics of your situation and set you up with some resources / books / etc so you can take it from there yourself).
  
• If you can't make any therapy work, there are tons of books out there that can help. I really recommend at least reading some of the books below, even when you start to feel better, so you can be sure you properly and completely grieved, and avoid burying your feelings (they WILL haunt you later).
  
• There are also a bunch of great resources in the sidebar of this subreddit
  
  Books:
  
  
• How to Break Your Addiction to a Person - When, and Why, Love Doesn't Work
  
• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
  
• Grief Recovery Handbook

I’m sorry for your tragic loss. I also lost a parent suddenly five years ago. It’s a different kind of pain than losing a loved one after a long illness. The shock often makes it harder to make sense of, and there is less ability to feel a sense of closure because we aren’t prepared to part ways. The book I Wan’t Ready to Say Goodbye helped me a lot in that respect. It’s important to use every moment we are blessed with to love and care for one another.

I sometimes tear up, or cry during mass when the readings touch on something close to my heart, or to something I think my mother would have loved hearing, or practicing. It is nothing to feel shame about. On the contrary, your emotional reaction is a display of your intense understanding and connection to the messages of our faith. Remember that we all have two fathers, our birth father, and our spiritual father. Return to Church knowing that your birth father would want you to be comforted by the spiritual father through our church (he brought you there while he was with you). Pray, speak with a priest, and read the Bible, you are stronger than you think.

With my therapist, we worked through The Grief Recovery Handbook. It requires a LOT of introspection, and I had to do some pretty painful soul searching, but it was very much worth it. It MUST be done in order- don’t skip to the end since the last assignment won’t have as much weight. It actually reaches into every kind of loss in your life (loss of childhood, loss of relationships, ect.,) and I made some unexpected personal breakthroughs as buried memories came to light.

If you’re dedicated you don’t necessarily need a therapist, but they really, really stress having someone else to go through it with you in your personal life. There’s a lot of stuff you need to share out loud, and it makes a huge difference in your recovery. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing difficult emotions with IRL, a therapist would be a great choice. I know a lot of them use this, and it’s probably something you could call around and ask.

The book is very practical and matter-of-fact, which I needed. I’m not a fan of spiritual mushy-gushy stuff, if that makes sense!! It’s homework that really changes things.

I’m so sorry for your losses- that’s too much for anyone to bear. I hope this book can help bring you peace like it brought us.

He took a lot of nice photos of that service.

Edit: I would also encourage everyone who likes this to read the book Final Salute: A Story of Unfinished Lives. It follows the man who created the Remembering the Brave Ceremony as he performed his duties and became friends with the families. There is an amazing article that was written before the book. as well as more photos in the NY Times.

Here's a few skills which may help you(cause I've been there too...and it's a crappy place to be.) You know you best, there have been days where I've called it a win if I've gotten out of bed, eaten a decent meal and into clean clothing.

Exercise (cardio) helped me a lot with anxiety and feeling out of control. I started feeling better when I incorporated running/brisk walking before my therapy sessions

You say you're resistant to completing a task... think about why are you resistant? What's holding you back? For this I would suggest two skills.. specifically
Willing vs. Willful #1

Willing vs. Willful #2

and Opposite Action. (Or the Nike equivalent of 'Just Do it')

Opposite Action #2

If you like movies there are two movies that cover this in a humourous way, (at least I found them funny and relevant during a pretty dark time in my life. I am in no way suggesting these movies will fix anything... but comedy can be helpful in the face of misery and tragedy.) Yes Man with Jim Carey - Willing vs. Willful and What about Bob with Bill Murray - Opposite action / babysteps.

As for other skills, distress tolerance stuff when you feel like you're pushed over the edge and can't deal with it anymore. Emotion Regulation skills (eating right/exercising/sleeping/self care) helps things from getting worse/declining and Mindfulness skills help slow things down (so you don't go from zero to 100).

Other things that can factor into your wellness, (and are not limited to)

• Time and Practice. Sometimes you just need to keep trying and keep working what you've got the best you can. If you're already doing that.. just keep going. Be kind to yourself. Change takes time. :)
  
  
• medication (if you need a medication change, you've recently changed meds or are not taking your medication as directed) I recall trying DBT when I was doing a medication change / washout and.. it just did NOT work because I was too damn sick from the change of meds.
  
  
• Toxic or invalidating people / relationships (if you live with /work for someone who is invalidating you all the time, hateful family member, abusive partner) This does not help, you may want to change your relationship with said person. I left a job where my boss was a total asshole, and removed an aunt from my life who was a thief/liar.
  
  
• Tragic Life Circumstances - Sometimes, life is just shitty. And for that I suggest this books When Bad things happen to good people and The Tao of Pooh. There are bunches of others.. but generally be compassionate to yourself and take care of yourself if this is the case.
  
  Hang in there!
  

As someone who has had to ask for help many times in my life, I think you should look into counseling. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through. Hopefully your brother is seeing someone, but I think it would be best if you did, too.

Even though I am an alcoholic, surprisingly, when things are really down. Like I'm super depressed, something kicks in and I find some kind of strength deep down. Something ethereal kicks in and I know that life would get 10x shittier if I drank. This shit has to be processed. It's going to happen at some point in your life. Like that kid's song "Can't go under it, can't go over it, can't go around it. Guess I'm going to have to go through it."

You are strong. You are way stronger than you even know. We are a resilient species.

I don't know what you're going through. I'm lucky I guess that I drink myself silly when I'm lonely, suffering from anxiety, bored, happy, because I am sad. But when something traumatic happens, I guess it's something that I have to do. I have to feel it. That desire is there, but you have to fight it. You can fight it.

I don't know if this is helping you or not. I'm sending you my thoughts, prayers, and good vibes. Hopefully you'll find comfort in that, human to human.

Also, along with the counseling that you really need, I really recommend this book. It is a book that helps deal with grief. It's half psychologist/psychiatrists' advice/thoughts and half poetry. They have it at most libraries. How To Survive the Loss of a Love I promise it's not mumbo jumbo. My copy has helped me with being dumped, family dying, and even moving.

Also, make a list of all the people who have your back. Don't say no one. You don't mean that. You have people that love you. Instead of focusing on everything that's going wrong in your life (which is a lot) try to physically write everything that is going good in your life. Put those lists on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you'll see them everyday. Read them out loud. These are all the things that I've been telling myself while I struggle with my addiction. They don't help everyday. But they help shift my focus most days.

Hey, so sorry for your situation. I went through something similar in July. I wrote a LONG post as part of my healing. You may find it helpful. https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/comments/92k19h/sharing_my_peace_after_a_week_of_losses/Check the links at the bottom, too, there are some great resources. If you want a guide to help with grief, this is really good: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536347988&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook+20th+anniversary+expanded+edition. Also, I found it really comforting to post a memorial on "mydogjustdied.org" when I was ready, which was about a month after he passed. https://mydogjustdied.org/post/177317363990/mr-chango-the-sweetest-dog-ever-you-were-loved Hope this helps. Hugs.

The article is much smarter than the simplistic headline, which makes it sound like the author is suggesting that individuals tough it out when actually he's suggesting that the entire culture needs to change its attitude toward grief.

For anyone who comes to this issue as an individual trying to tough it out, a helpful tool is this book, which has helped many thousands of people. Reading it is like having a conversation with an exceptionally wise, accepting and compassionate friend.

I am going through a similar process and am still healing. Be gentle with yourself. Rest. Learn to forgive. Know that healing takes time and that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is an end. You are alive, you will survive.

Some active things to do to heal that I've found useful.

• Choose which of your friends to talk to and tell about this carefully. Talk to ones who don't silver-line the relationship and tell you to heal. Don't talk to toxic friends. There are no absolutes in healing.
  
• Read self-help books. How To Survive The Loss of a Love and The Velvet Rage both have helped me.
  
• Meditate. Use Headspace. Lie down and listen to meditation for healing after a breakup
  
• Journal for as long as you have feelings in your head. Get them down. Make sure to include both positive and negative thoughts. Stop journaling when it feels like you aren't writing down anything new.
  

I'm so sorry. Grief isn't usually linear and can come like waves. I love the book "miscarriages: women sharing from the heart" and highly recommend it as it normalizes a lot of the grief and feelings around loss. Counseling can also be helpful if that's an option for you.

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0471548340?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Death is tough to deal with no matter your beliefs. Get together with mutual friends and family members. Remember the times you spent together with each other. Be shoulders to cry on for each other. Grieve and mourn as you need to. Things will get better over time. Keep in mind that you still have your life to live, and count yourself fortunate in that respect. Your life will go on.

By the way, we bought this book for our three year old daughter to explain death. It's actually a beautiful book, and she's picked up on the concept that for every life, there's a beginning and an ending, and living in between. It's meant as a book for kids, but the message is pretty solid for everyone: life has a beginning and an ending for everyone, but in between, there's living. Enjoy the living part as best you can.

Autogenerated.

[#997|+1730|119] Over the past 30 years I’ve witnessed over 1,000 deaths. I’ve realized life’s precarious nature, and appreciate its preciousness. AMA! [/r/IAmA]




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underpopular :



>Hi reddit, my name is [Frank Ostaseski](https://fiveinvitations.com/about-

frank-ostaseski/). I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few

thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen

Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the

Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful

and compassionate approaches to end of life care. > >Some people that I

companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the

wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of

wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most

vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal

with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those

lessons and more in my book [The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can

Teach Us About Living Fully](https://www.amazon.com/Five-Invitations-

Discovering-Death-Living/dp/1250074657). You can read more about it here if

you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com > >If you want the tl;dr of the book, the

main points are: > >1. Don’t Wait >2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away >3.

Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience >4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle

of Things >5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind > >Happy to explore those in more

detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA! > >My Proof:

http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9 > >UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions.

This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!




-----------------------------------------------------------

IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
Comment 1 of 1
Updated at 2017-09-02 09:04:19.312254

This is the final update to this thread

If you like the idea of a final farewell or 'living funeral' you should read Tuesdays With Morrie it's a true story of an amazing man who celebrated his life like this with his closest friends

Wow, I'm going through something very similar. I found out yesterday from the D&C genetic testing that my "mass of cells" was a girl and it set my grief back to square one. I cried hysterically all night last night because knowing the gender makes it feel more "real" (100% agree with the other commenter) and that it was more of a baby than cells.

I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist told me about that has helped me a bit -- it's called Tear Soup and it kind of looks like a children's story book but it's actually pretty great. It offers a lot of tips for how to move through the pain (it also offers tips for how you and your SO can support each other).

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find some peace for yourself after the funeral.

You might find a prayer you like here. Alternatively there is a book called the pagan book of living and dying which has some good information in it.

Failing that sometimes the best prayers are just heartfelt words, so a eulogy from a child trying to honour their parent would I have no doubt make your mother proud.

The things I loved most in rehab were the little things that I took for granted outside. Gum, chocolate bars, soda, candy.

I bought this for myself for my birthday this year, and I've really been enjoying it so far.

If he's into 12-step recovery, something like this. Or if he's more into holistic/cognitive type recovery, maybe something like this.

a Buddhist teacher who works in hospice has something to say on the subject.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250074657

The two negative reviews (both 3-star) seemed to share good information. I didn't read the 5-star reviews.


>Frank Ostaseski is a Buddhist teacher and leader in contemplative end-of-life care. In 1987, he co-founded of the Zen Hospice Project and later created the Metta Institute to train professionals in compassionate, mindfulness-based care. He has lectured at Harvard Medical School, the Mayo Clinic, Wisdom.2.0 and teaches at major spiritual centers around the globe. His work has been featured on the Bill Moyers PBS series On Our Own Terms, The Oprah Winfrey Show, and in numerous print publications. In 2001, he was honored by the Dalai Lama for his compassionate service to the dying and their families. He is the author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. More info: http://www.fiveinvitations.com

Buy him this book:

How to Survive the Loss of a Love

This is a truly famous book... It's short....each page is basically a whole chapter...

It's very good and it helped me a great deal

There's a link to it on Amazon (below)

Read the reviews....The vast majority are incredibly favorable... But of course some are not.

I hope it helps him...and you !!

Link:

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

When counseling isn't an option, workbooks like this can be useful. If you're interested in that sort of thing, you could make another post asking folks for suggestions more specific to your situation. Good luck and stick with it!

As others have said, there's no set answer for everyone. Grief is different depending on the survivor's emotional makeup, how they were raised, and the particular relationship they had with the deceased.

One thing to remember is that even the hardest days end. Every day will present a different level of difficulty, but it's just for a day, then you start again tomorrow. Sleep will be invaluable; don't neglect it.

It's probably a bad idea to "just keep yourself busy" and hope that your grief will clear itself up. It's like leaving for work one day and hoping that your house will be clean when you get back. There are things you can do, and should do.

Face your grief head on when you can. Don't avoid the thoughts that pop into your head. Think about them. Turn them over and examine them. Ask yourself why you may feel a certain way. If you're in a situation where you can't give your grandfather the mental time you want to, file it away and deal with it later, preferably before the day ends. Emotions are energy and that energy has to go somewhere. Grief has a lot of energy and you don't want that flying around in your head with no direction.

Be realistic about any guilt that may come up. E.g. when my father died I had to fight not to feel guilty about our relationship, but I constantly reminded myself that the state of our relationship wasn't only decided by me. Remember the good things about the person you've lost, but don't idealize them. Try to have a sense of humor about their shortcomings. If ever there was a time to forgive someone (for your own sake) for their mistakes it's after they die; you can't confront them about it, so you're only holding on to bitterness.

Grieve with someone if you can. Share your grief with other family members if they're willing to be open about their feelings.

Don't be embarrassed about your feelings. You have every right to feel them, and you don't always have control over when they come up. If you need to cry, cry. It's not weakness. Having tender feelings for someone you love is a strength.

I'm very sorry that you can't be with your grandfather anymore. It sucks. It really really sucks. But admit to yourself that you can't be with him. At the proper time remember to say goodbye. It can be very hard when the time comes, but there is a great feeling of relief when you've reached the point when you say, "I love you, but you're not here anymore and I have to let you go."

I highly recommend reading The Grief Recovery Handbbook. It has a lot of very practical, very balanced advice. A friend recommended it when my dad died and I got three chapters in and bought copies for the rest of my family.

I wish you all the best in the days to come. They'll be difficult. But they'll get bright again. I promise.

My daughter is the same age and very sensitive emotionally, so we've started talking about death because, well, sometimes we step on a bug and it dies and that's sad. She's never encountered the death of a person or animal she has a strong attachment too, though.

There's a lovely book called Lifetimes that is non-scary and easy to understand. It talks about how all living things have a lifetime. Some have short lifetimes and some have long lifetimes. This is not good or bad, it just is. It goes into a lot more detail and talks about feelings when someone/something reaches the end of its lifetime, but really is a lovely book. I haven't read it yet to my daughter, but I use that language to explain death to her when she encounters it (however minor these experiences really are). She seems to accept it, and it has the benefit of not bringing illness or age into the equation.

So sorry for your loss. Having been through a few losses, what you're feeling seems normal--it completely sucks, but it's to be expected suddenly losing your best friend. Here's a very helpful guide to accept and work through it: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

I'm very sorry for your loss! It's not about losing a parent, specifically, but to answer your question, Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children is a very helpful book, even for younger kids. I hope you find some good resources!

A good book is How to Survive the Loss of a Love.

The whole thing is available for free online here.

It’s a cheesy book from the 70s, but it helps. xoxo

First, I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how tough it must be to lose your mom so suddenly.

In regards to your question, I strongly urge you to be open, honest, and empathetic with your son. Tiptoeing around the issue or using euphemisms is only going to confuse him further, and may even make it more upsetting for him.

A few months ago I had to explain to my (also very verbal) 2-year-old about her father's death. I was very anxious about how to handle it but I did my best to answer all of her questions completely without making it overcomplicated or offering unsolicited details. I also spoke with her daycare teacher so that she was prepared to handle the topic should it come up, and so she knew how I was framing the issue (e.g. please don't tell my kid that her dad is an angel watching over her or anything like that).

Death is a very abstract concept and it definitely took some time before the message got through to my daughter that death was permanent and that her dad was not coming back. For a couple weeks after our initial conversation, she kept springing intense, emotionally-loaded questions on me out of nowhere. Even though it was hard, I wanted her to feel comfortable asking me these types of questions so I made a point of keeping myself composed when I responded. I also occasionally checked in with her to assess how she was processing things, and to see if she had any additional questions (she usually did).

This book might also be helpful: Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children Several people have recommended it to me but I haven't gotten around to buying it yet.

It sounds like it helped. I'm glad.
I'm sorry that you've had some difficulty in your past. Take free advice for what its worth but try this book: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525806750&sr=8-1&keywords=the+grief+recovery+handbook&dpID=41kRq5y%252BFTL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

I'm using it to fully grieve my divorce but to also map out my relationship with my parents and other family. The book directs you to make timelines of relationships and give you a process to uncover what unresolved emotional issues you need to resolve. It's really helped me and I hope it helps you.

'Religion' is the answer for most people. But this didn't work for me because being scientific minded I rejected religion at a young age. Recently I've read more about Buddhism, and seen that it has a minimum of mythology and I think what mythology is attached to Buddhism can be rejected without losing the rest of the philosophy.

I think this book is a good, short, cheap intro to buddhism: http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Religion-No-Religion-Watts-Wisdom/dp/080483203X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296157180&sr=8-1

And this is a good book on mortality. It's ostensibly for kids, but I think it fits in well with Buddhist thoughts, and it helps calm me when I read it: http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Bryan-Mellonie/dp/0553344021/ref=cm_lmf_tit_8_rsrssi2

Finally, this book says it is for mothers, but I am not a mother and I found it a good introduction to the most practical aspects of buddhism: http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothers-Approach-Yourself-Children/dp/1741140102/ref=tmm_pap_title_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1296157315&sr=8-1

A book on loss - it's something she might not read right away, but it's something (I found at least) super helpful, and would be hard to buy yourself. I recommend this book

For many the first exposure to faith was presented by the Narc parent. This can color our faith - or eliminate it. As we grow we begin to see that that things are different. Good book on the topic:
When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Rabbi Kushner's book is a great resource for people trying to answer this question and one's similar.

Disclaimer - my background is Roman Catholic.

There is a really amazing book called Lifetimes that I love for this purpose. I’ve been reading it to my daughter since before she could talk. I think it will help her have an understanding of the concept of a lifetime and what being gone means.

I really liked this book for explaining her grandparents' death to my daughter:
https://smile.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/

Beyond reading it to her, I also found it comforting and calming for me when I read it to her.

If your family is religious there may be other texts that do a better job giving context and meaning to death, but as someone who doesn't follow any particular religious teachings, I really liked the way this book presented things.

Other than that, I would just try to be involved. There can be a lot to do with legal documents, property, burial, etc. Call and ask how they are doing and what has been keeping them busy, and then see how you can help with that?

Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom will always be my go to favorite book. I read that in high school first after my boyfriend gifted it to me....I've read it two more times since. Sooo many great life lessons! seriously, it always brings me back to reality when I'm frazzled and stressed or having a hard time. It's so lovely. I don't want to give anything away though ;) Even if you don't read it for book club, read it on your own, it's a short, easy read :)

“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” -Mitch Albom

Oh wow, my heart just swelled reading the lineup. I preordered Stephanie’s book the other day, I recommend y’all do the same. https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Horrible-Wonderful-Tragicomic-Memoir/dp/1492664103

First of all, this book has been my crutch.

I read from it when I'm stuck.

What it says about holidays:

>Sundays are the worst.

>No doubt about it.

>Holidays are the second-worst.

>Saturday nights aren't much fun either.

>The feelings of separation may feel greater three days, three weeks, 6 months and a year after the loss.

>Schedule particularly comforting activities into these periods of time.

Something else you may find useful from this book that I found useful:

> Be with the pain.

>If you're hurting, admit it.

>To feel pain after loss is:

• normal
  
  
• natural
  
  
• proof that you are alive
  
  
• a sign that you are able to respond to life's experiences
  
  > Although you may be frightened by it, be with your pain. Feel it. Lean into it. You will not find it bottomless.
  
  >It is an important part of the healing process that you be with the pain, experience the desolation, feel the hurt.
  
  >Don't deny it or cover it or run away from it. Be with it. Hurt for a while.
  
  >See the pain as not hurting, but as healing.
  
  
  ❤❤❤

It's terrible, I've been through it, as have many others. The silence is stifling not feeling a winged breeze against your cheek. Over time the house became the bird's, it will be the worst feeling--and, you're right, most people don't understand birds to begin with... don't be mad at them for not "getting" how deep your loss runs. They just don't have your perspective, it sucks, we've been through it.

And don't question it or blame yourself. I lost my best friend, a grey, a few years ago while he was under observation at our Avian Vet. He passed of hardening of the arteries--nothing could have be done. I tortured myself wondering "what if" and "should I have kept him here?" It was a total shock as we thought he had a skin issue (he was a naked plucker).

Life happens whether we get the results we want or not. This book helped a lot:

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482805924&sr=8-1&keywords=grief+recovery+handbook

One of the first things I did was I made a sizable donation to a parrot rescue in memoriam. It was surprising how good it felt to give to help other birds. It helped me a lot.

After a long while, almost a year, I had rescues and sanctuaries wanting to get me a bird. I've been active with local parrot communities and greys just "click" with me. I wasn't ready so I decided to force myself to go hold a bird... that was it.

We have a local long-standing family-owned pet store that had some greys. I went there just before closing to hold a bird. A CAG got onto my finger and wouldn't get off. He's my bird. I have a picture of that first night home with him asleep on my shoulder his head tucked under his wing.

Give yourself time, if and when you're ready to open your heart to another bird I hope you choose each other. So sorry for your loss--it's not that most won't understand, it's more that they just can't.

My mom is currently reading and really enjoying "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by Caitlin Doughty. Your mortician friend may already have it, so maybe have someone ask her? It's pretty new.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231

When it happened to me, my sister recommended a book that's like $3 from Amazon "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". Little gems, one per page. Some made me cry, some affirmed that I was getting through, some just confirmed I was normal. It's a process, so it takes time. This guidebook helps.

Resist the urge to virtually stalk. It will get better. 3 months out will be better than 1 month, 6 months better than that. It's been 4 years for me, and the anger just dissolved one day at about 2 years, though I was happy much sooner than that. You will be too.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1473266264&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+survive+the+loss+of+a+love

This is exactly what child and family therapists specialize in- helping kids and families work through emotional issues, break bad connections, and rebuild healthy patterns. Many families with such unhealthy habits vilify therapy (mine did), so it can feel so strange to take your kid (or sibling) in to work with a therapist. It can make such huge differences in their lives, though, and the earlier the better. This is also a huge transition in your life- parenting a child with average behaviors is stressful, so parenting a child with your borther's needs is going to be a long, tough road. You need support, and a therapist could likely help you break down some of the things from your own childhood that will make parenting harder.

If you want to lay the groundwork so he at least begins to understand death, from a 'death is natural for all living creatures' perspective, not a religious or philosophical one, the book Lifetimes does a beautiful job of that.

I really hope you are able to get the support you both need. Your brother is so very fortunate to have you, but there's just no way for him to understand that for a good long time. I appreciate what you are doing.

I used to suffer from death anxiety quite a bit, coupled with a mind that likes to go all existential and philosophical when I can't sleep.

I totally agree with what some others have said about trying counseling. It doesn't hurt to try.

What helped me the most, and it may sound weird at first, is to kind embrace death. I started out by getting into youtube videos from Caitlin Doughty Ask A Mortician on YT. Curiosity and love of her sense of humor led me to her book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. Another author I recommend is Mary Roach.

I started to see death as less of this ominous, negative presence waiting like the stoic reaper with his scythe, and more of just a part of the cycle of life. Its not as much something to be feared, as it is natural and more like a transition from this version of life to whatever may be next. What I find kind of funny about it is that now I'm more morbidly curious than afraid, and that can get some... interesting reactions during family discussions. Some of the things I have read and learned have even helped me cope through the recent loss of my mother.

Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you. Whether that's counseling, reading, learning, or even just sitting down with family and talking. Best of luck to you, and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.

I don't claim to be an expert on this but I can certainly identify with you. I am going through something extremely painful too and my feelings are very similar to yours.

One thing that strikes me about your situation is that, as far as i can tell, he basically stopped his relationship with you 3 months ago.
That really is not an inordinate amount of time to be in pain about a breakup....especially after being together for a year and a half.

It's just going to take some time and it sucks.

There are a few things that are standard ways to cope with this kind of pain.

Spend time with friends..... try to see other guys and give them a chance to win you over.... do things that you enjoy and try to take up interesting things that are new.

You could consider psychotherapy or antidepressant medication.

And there's a famous & classic book on this situation that might help you. It once really helped me.

The title is.... How to Survive the Loss of a Love

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

I really hope that you feel better soon....and I'm sorry that you are going through this

The best thing you can do is be there. Be present. Listen.

One of my favorite books is called “there is no good card for this” about how do interact and be there for people in your life who are dealing with grief, loss, etc. It’s really helped me learn how to help those around me. It’s a quick and really helpful read for expressing empathy.


https://www.amazon.com/There-No-Good-Card-This/dp/0062469991/ref=nodl_

>Hi reddit, my name is Frank Ostaseski. I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful and compassionate approaches to end of life care.
>
>Some people that I companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those lessons and more in my book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. You can read more about it here if you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com
>
>If you want the tl;dr of the book, the main points are:
>
>1. Don’t Wait
>2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away
>3. Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience
>4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle of Things
>5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind
>
>Happy to explore those in more detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA!
>
>My Proof: http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9
>
>UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions. This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!

Good therapy - it's good that you're seeing someone, good books ( I heard this one is good https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ )...

Also, perhaps be light on yourself, and tackle one thing at a time?

There are also some books about emotional eating, and figuring out different ways to deal with bad emotions.

I just got out of a very serious relationship and I'm completely broken beyond words can describe. I got a book last week called How to survive the loss of a love and read it anytime I feel helpless - I actually gave her my original one when we met for closure yesterday and bought another last night. It's really been helping. I love this girl with everything I've got and things just didn't work out. I feel your pain, things will be ok, the hard part will be over soon. If it was meant to be, it would have been. Pick your head up and be strong, most importantly, never let someone else control how you feel.

Edit: The book - http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

That would be Final Salue by Jim Sheeler. The story and the photo, shot by Todd Heisler, each won Pulitzers. It's an amazing story.

http://www.amazon.com/Final-Salute-Story-Unfinished-Lives/dp/0143115456/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347328695&sr=8-1&keywords=jim+sheeler

I love to read stuff like that too. My family always looks at me strange because I like reading about serial killers. The psychology behind what they do fascinates me.

Here is Sue Klebold's book. It's really well written:
https://smile.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy/dp/1101902752/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482350571&sr=8-1&keywords=sue+klebold

I will have to check out Brain on Fire. I haven't heard anything about that one.

Like you said, so many victims get overlooked because they're not the right race or socioeconomic status. Or their family isn't invested in them.

I can't choose one.

I have Best Of Silent Hill: Music From The Video Game Series

And

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory

Both would need to be used to fit under the $15 limit.

Since you are seeking creepy, this is a favorite song of mine. I always play it when I'm painting.

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers

DSM-5

Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need

Novels

[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)


The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

I had a similar situation with my ex a few years ago. If it comes to that, this book actually helped me keep perspective. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0931580439/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1367624883&sr=8-2&pi=SL75

Best of luck.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728 Kushner provides a masterclass on this one.

For Humans to have free will, they cant always just choose the good option. They must be able to freely choose evil. God is still 3O's because he did not create that evil but rather Humans did as they could always choose the good option but did not.

Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman probably saved my life a few years ago. I don't really remember if that's because it was such an amazing book or because it's just what I needed during a dark time in my life. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is another really good book, but I wouldn't describe it as self-help.

I just read a great book about cremation and funereal practices that might help you.
http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

I've heard good things about this book:

There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062469991/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_sQaTybGNCQPNT

Best of luck to you.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children is in my opinion the best book for this. Most libraries have it. It provides the simple, concrete explanations about lives having beginnings, middles, and ends. It is suitable for any (or no) religion, as it is compatible with spiritual explanations without contradicting any, and helps with clarifying the confusing parts.

http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021

Sorry for your loss!

We decided to teach our kids about mortality early, using the excellent book Lifetimes as supporting material. We rarely get questions about where the dead go anymore, but we would answer them as “that was their lifetime” and then talk about all the impacts that person had and all the ways we can remember and honor them. If it’s family we talk about genetics and how the departed literally live on through us.

We’re completely atheist and I understand not everyone would choose to do it the same way, so just throwing it out there in case it’s helpful.

Again so sorry for your loss.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553344021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wGtUAb3S4PB0G

I'm glad to hear that you already have someone you're comfortable with. If I could, I'd like to suggest the following books that have helped me a lot in understanding the unique grief for very young widows:

https://smile.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers/dp/0882820958/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://smile.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Why Bad Things Happen To Good People is a wonderful written by a rabbi from Natick, Massachusetts. It was a very big seller years ago, but it holds true still.

He should know.
http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Wow. That's a tough thing to process - both the sudden nature of her death and the unresolved problems in your friendship.

I would recommend this book (http://www.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1402212216) to anyone struggling in the aftermath of a sudden death. Despite the cheesy title, it is super helpful. It addresses a lot of the issues surrounding unsaid things and unresolved matters (which are common when someone passes away very suddenly).

Hugs to you.

I didn't want to hear anything. Books I read with my mom (When Dinosaurs Die and Saying Goodbye to Daddy are both excellent) helped me a lot more than any religious counseling ever did. To hear that a God you have grown up loving and knowing that he is good, to hear that that God has killed your father and that you shouldn't be sad because he is in a better place, that is really awful.

https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

An older book, but really really good.

I love Catlin Doughty. She is amazing. I enjoy looking at her blog, YouTube, and most recently reading her book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.


Link to her blog.
http://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/


Link to her book.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0393240231?ie=UTF8&at=&force-full-site=1&ref_=aw_bottom_links


And lastly, link to her YouTube.
http://m.youtube.com/#/user/OrderoftheGoodDeath


You may already follow her, but for those that dont, I recommend it.

A great book for anyone who's ever asked that question (for both religious and non religious people as long as you're not an extremist in either direction):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1400034728?pc_redir=1414479233&robot_redir=1

[really great book:)] (http://www.amazon.com/Love-Is-Mix-Tape-Life/dp/1400083036/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1370624709&sr=8-2&keywords=rob+sheffield)

I read this book with my guys when they were 4, and we knew my grandfather's time was short. I imagine it may be helpful for your three year old. It's quite simple and straight forward. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

Not sure what you are moving past but this book was recommend to me when I was in a bad place after a break up by someone who used it after giving up alcohol (love can describe things beyond romantic relationships)

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439

OP, I'm sorry for what is happening to you. I don't have any financial advice, but I recently also went through the death of someone I loved and I found this book very helpful, maybe you will too: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

Harris is definitely my favorite comedian, so I want to take this time to plug the book his sister wrote “Everything is Horrible and Wonderful” https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Horrible-Wonderful-Tragicomic-Memoir/dp/1492664103

That's horrible, and I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this right now. I hope you can reach a new normal that you can live with sooner rather than later. I read this book over and over again when my brother died of an overdose. Super corny title, but they describe all kinds of amazing coping skills and it helped me process I was feeling. I felt like I was going crazy in the months after the funeral, and the text made me feel normal.

You reminded me of an excellent book I read years afo.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Marc Brown (who wrote the Arthur series) has a really good book called When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death that's really good for younger kids to learn about death, the grieving process, etc. Best of luck. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Edit: I just saw that /u/Brym suggested it as well.

I highly recommend this Book

I think This Video kind of summarizes the best way (imo) to think think about death and how it impacts our lives.

You can find the full Interview here

They’re both by Massimo Pagliuci...

I’m gonna guess it is this first link here
How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1541644530/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_lu20CbT2HRD2H


Here’s the other one
How To Be A Stoic: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/184604507X/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_iv20Cb2NSJT2N

I am so sorry for your loss. I was in your situation twice last year. It’s absolutely awful. And you’re so right- it’s horribly unfair. There’s no logic or reason to it. I still can’t listen to certain songs or watch certain scenes in tv/movies and I still think about my babies. What they would’ve been like, looked like, etc. But I promise you, you can get through this. The best advice I can give is to let yourself grieve. Don’t fight the feelings. It’s ok to be devastated for a while.


I read this book: book link It was really helpful for me- it’s written by two psychologists who had miscarriages and did a study interviewing women who had suffered MCs. It’s all about making people more aware of what it’s like and how women cope. It made me feel less alone. After my miscarriage I realized they’re so common! But people don’t really talk about it. I highly recommend the book.

Hang in there. Sending you lots of positivity and strength 💜

That is "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory", by Caitlin Doughty (of "Ask a Mortician" fame, I think).

It's definitely a printing (or, more accurately, a layout) error. If you go on Amazon and 'Look Inside' the book, the table of contents has numbers.

You should read Everything is Horrible and Wonderful; Harris Wittles was a writer and executive producer of PandR. It's an emotional read, but it's a very good one.

The question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people is one of the most difficult to answer in theology. The aptly named book When Bad Things Happen to Good People is by Rabbi Harold Kushner who was trying to find the answer to this himself after his 3 year old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. It's been a really long time since I've read it, but it's supposed to be a good start for how someone could find solace and comfort in a god who seemingly created the tragedy they are going through.

I am very, very sorry for your and your husband's losses. Please take the time you both need to grieve and to feel. You will live again.

"Although our love never dies, the pain of our loss can eventually dissolve."

-- Judy Tatelbaum, The Courage to Grieve

I also highly recommend Sue Klebold's memoir, though I found it so emotionally heavy I couldn't bear to finish it. Maybe I'll get back to it someday.

Your question has no easy answer, but it is still a question worth asking.

Here's an orthodox answer: God is omnipotent but, for reasons we don't understand--and perhaps some that we do (i.e., testing us, part of his plan for us, respect for our agency, etc.)--He does not always intervene when his children experience extreme suffering through no fault of their own. A proponent of this view might argue that our inability to understand the purpose of our suffering does not mean that there IS no purpose, in the same way that a baby getting vaccinated may not understand the purpose behind the painful shots it receives. Some things, including the suffering we experience as a part of (or by-product of) God's grand designs, are beyond human comprehension.

The alternative that you propose, which is fleshed out well in the Jewish rabbi Harold Kushner's When Bad Things Happen to Good People (which is an excellent, inspiring read, by the way)--that God does not always alleviate our suffering because doing so is not always in His control--is helpful in explaining God's seeming failure to intervene in the most painful parts of our existence, but it is problematic insofar as it fails to articulate the boundaries of God's influence. If we assume that God is unable to cure my 12-year-old's cancer because even God is subject to natural law, then what is the mechanism/natural law that allows him to (at least) provide emotional solace to my son and me? Allowing for a God that is bounded in power raises the thorny question of where those boundaries lie.

My personal view is somewhere in the middle. In some circumstances, we may suffer because it is part of God's plan that we do not understand, and in others, we may suffer because it is out of God's power to stop it. I've seen the former born out in my life, where painful circumstances have seemed, in retrospect, to be divine stepping stone to something better than I could or would have chosen for myself. The rational part of me realizes, however, that even God must have limits on his power. He cannot, for example, create a stone that is too heavy for even Him to lift, to cite one omnipotence paradox. Another boundary on God's power is raised in Alma 42, which, discussing justice and mercy, asks, "do ye suppose that mercy can rob justice? I say unto you, Nay; not one whit. If so, God would cease to be God" (verse 25). Assuming this scripture is true, we can conclude that God may be able to allow mercy to rob justice, but He cannot both (1) allow mercy to rob justice and (2) continue to be God. Even he cannot do that.

I’m sorry to hear that, OP. You’re going to have a lot of emotions as you process all of this, and it’s ok to let them come, feel them and then let them go. I read a book after a loss called The Grief Recovery Handbook, which was super helpful. If you like to read, I would suggest it for you.

The Grief Recovery Handbook

When you first lose a pet/when will it start getting better
https://wokesloth.com/old-man-advice-about-dealing-with-death-anthony-bourdain-kate-spade/noah/

Grief recovery book
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0061686077

Helping children with petloss
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/well/family/when-a-pet-dies-helping-children-through-the-worst-day-of-their-lives.html

Memorial ideas
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/interview-coleen-ellis-dealing-pet-loss-mourning/

Stages of Grief
https://www.thehonestkitchen.com/blog/pet-loss-the-5-stages-of-grief/

Petloss links (membership costs money, but they have good resources for non members)
https://www.aplb.org/

Petloss experience
http://drandyroark.com/5-lessons-learned-losing-pet/

Hard to tell without knowing their age. If young, then there are several books that can help, eg:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

When my wifes grandmother passed away about two or so years ago, we got this book for our kids to help them understand death.

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553344021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_kinWDb7KNCA05

It explained it pretty well and seemed to answer their questions at the time.

We lost our dog a year ago to cancer. Then, they wanted to know more, and the movie Coco helped us with that one. We explained that part of the movie was made up for the cartoon, but the part about people and pets in this case, live on in our memories seemed to help.

This is supposed to be good, but I've never read it: The Pagan Book of Living and Dying.

I struggled with this for many years growing up. One day I was visiting my grandmother and her friend, a Jewish woman, gave me this book entitled When Bad Things Happen to Good People. It changed my hermeneutic from then on.

I’m grateful for my girlfriend, family and friends who forgive my relapses so readily and so often. They truly want to see me beat this thing.

It’s been two weeks since I’ve used- maybe a day less- and am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning about the Vivitrol shot. Should’ve done this a long time ago.

Just finished reading Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Harris Wittels’ older sister. There is so much pain and devastation wreaked upon the family of an addict. I can’t even imagine the impact if I died- how that would affect others around me.

Not really something I thought about much as an addict.

These books helped when my mother passed unexpectedly:

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye
When Things Fall Apart
No Mud, No Lotus

It might be worth revisiting Columbine for yourself, because there was a lot of reactionary hate there as well, not just 'oh killing our bullies'.

Klebold's mom released a book earlier this year, and she's talked about making public the tapes she found of her son talking with Harris for prrrrrretty much exactly this reason.

[When Dinosaurs Die.] (http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555)

I'm a funeral director and I absolutely recommend this book above all others.

I liked this book for sudden/unexpected death - in our case, a loved one in a motorcycle accident. The main points are summarized and easily digestible which is helpful because it's hard to focus when one is grieving

This seems like a fitting place to plug the book his sister wrote about Harris, addiction and loss. Comes out February 26th and all proceeds go to The Harris Wittels Foundation which gives scholarships to seniors at Harris' former high school in Houston

http://www.amazon.com/Miss-You-First-Look-Death/dp/0764117645/ref=pd_sim_b_2

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555/ref=pd_sim_b_3

Tuesdays with Morrie

Read this https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330641753&sr=1-1 or this https://www.amazon.com/Heal-Broken-Heart-Days-Day-/dp/0767909089/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330641711&sr=1-1

Here are some links for the product in the above comment for different countries:

• UK: amazon.co.uk
  
• Spain: amazon.es
  
• France: amazon.fr
  
• Germany: amazon.de
  
• Japan: amazon.co.jp
  
• Canada: amazon.ca
  
• Italy: amazon.it
  
• China: amazon.cn
  
  
  This bot is currently in testing so let me know what you think by voting (or commenting).

Any book that talks about people in crappier situations than you...a pick-me-up: http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

It's nothing, new, really.

I have been seeing the proverbial light as of late, that aside read
book

edit: more description on the 'light'- Been watching a lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson -- nough said --

Tear Soup is a really lovely book for children and adults. It's a picture book, but I have bought it for kids and adults alike. The basic message is that it's okay to grieve in your own way, and it's okay to grieve for as long as you need to.

You might get a lot out of this book: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728

Read a bit about Stoicism. It may help you with these stressful moments in life.

Does anyone know if this Earwolf Amazon referral link still works? I tried to use it but when I get to the book page, the URL hasn't changed so I'm not sure if it works.

Lifetimes is quite a good book about death for children. https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021

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Description | My twitter: http://www.twitter.com/tweetsauce My Instagram: http://instagram.com/electricpants THE SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES book: http://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393240231 Everyone Loves A Good Train Wreck book: http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Loves-Good-Train-Wreck/dp/0374533709/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1412758187&sr=1-3&keywords=eric+g+wilson Google Glass + Vsauce PARODY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymebYkl2lA0 V1 and V2 and V3 eat gross jelly beans: https:...
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I say pick her up and let her say goodbye. I remember my parents would always put down my pets behind my back, I'd always get so upset that I didnt say bye. This is also a good book (non-religious too if that matters) explaining death using animals.

https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=childrens+books+about+death&qid=1572204329&s=books&sr=1-2

I am sorry for your loss, if you need any support PM me, I am here.

The best advice I can give you right now is let everyone know that the coven will go on and the cycle will continue as it always has. Next you need to deal with the emotional loss, (the pagan book of living and dying)[http://www.amazon.com/Pagan-Book-Living-Dying-Meditations/dp/0062515160] can give you ideas for a rit in the group but I suspect you've been in long enough you could write a rit standing on your head. Long term you need to look at who to start training as a high priestess, look for someone who felt the loss, let it hurt, then moved on and started taking a leadership role naturally, without trying to supplant you, she will most likely be your best bet.

Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss https://www.amazon.com/dp/0961519762/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_5jPNAbK53WTBT

My sister sent this book to my mother and I after we lost our father. While it made me cry, i also found it quite comforting. https://www.amazon.com/Tear-Soup-Recipe-Healing-After/dp/0961519762/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=tear+soup&qid=1565737952&s=gateway&sr=8-2

My father passed away five years ago, and it was a huge loss; it (combined with other things) left me with PTSD that I am currently dealing with. Even though I was 31 at the time, a friend gave me a copy of Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss...it has a children's age/reading range, but is so applicable for adults as well. It's such a sensitive yet honest book about grief and death that has a very accessible message.

This is the cover of the book.

He doesn't.

edit: try this if you actually want a real answer to what I think you are trying to get at through the lens or religious people. - Oops I originally linked to the wrong book of same name...

http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/1400034728/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Not gender specific, but How to Survive the Loss of a Love helped me (a female).

I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.

First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.

Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.

Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death

The Fall of Freddie The Leaf

Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.

As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).

I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

You may want to get her a book that explains death that she can look at on her own. One I had when I was young was called Lifetimes, I found the link for it here: http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021

It's okay if she gets upset about death. I remember that book made me sad, but that's okay. Kids need to learn to deal with emotions of all types.

You can also talk about what some people believe (heaven, reincarnation, becoming a star, etc) and what you believe.

When Dinosaurs Die?

https://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

I really, really like reading this book to my kids when we talk about death. https://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478733533&sr=8-1&keywords=lifetimes+death+children%27s+book Basically, it says dying is part of living. That all living things are born, have their lifetime, and die. It's sad, but that's the way it is.