Even if this is supposed to be a part of something larger, it should have its own arc. You know what's supposed to happen as the author, so maybe to you, it seems like its fine. But you need to look and craft these things from the perspective of the audience.

I'll use, say, Cowboy Bebop as an example. It's almost entirely a series of self-contained episodes, save for a few episodes that touch on this relationship between Spike and Vicious. But, the self-contained episodes are often iterating and riffing on some of the same overall themes that these connected episodes are built on. Or, when they aren't, they're carried on pure entertainment value. They feel good. They're flat out fun to watch. Or they revel in the absurd, which ties into the show thematically and also rides pure entertainment value.

Fallout: New Vegas does this as well. Side-quests seem self-contained, more or less, but they build on your understanding of the world and they often build on this theme of nostalgia for the Old World, or Old World Blues, as the game eventually puts it. All of the companion character side-quests riff on this theme of clinging to the past or moving forward, the factions all follow in this theme (whether its the major factions modeling their selves after Old World powers or the Brotherhood of Steel finding that they don't belong in the world anymore, so they either need to adapt or cling to the past and die). All of these side quests are self-contained, thus having their own arc and feel satisfying to complete, but also they build on the overarching theme of the game and give the player something to think about once everything is said and done.

You can do this with your own work. You can figure out what it is that you want it to be about and make build on those themes, even just from the start. If you have ideas and themes you want to explore, you can explore them from the start in whatever way you want, and tie it all into something more grand later if you're telling an overall story, or just keep riffing on them in different self-contained scenarios. The main, best thing to keep in mind though is that if this is intended for an audience, you need to write it with the audience experience in mind. Your ideas could be incredible, but the audience would never know it if you've written it to be impenetrable to them, or just so boring that it's unlikely they'll continue to read to get to the good parts.

As an example, I love the show Eureka Seven. Somewhere towards the middle of its run, it has a small arc with a couple of characters named Ray and Charles that culminates in some of the best TV I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. But, I can almost never recommend this show to anyone. The first ~10 to 15ish episodes are a chore. The show sort of acts like you should know who all the characters are already, or doesn't give you a whole lot to work with in terms of giving you something to come back for. For this reason, it took me from when it aired back in 2005 all the way until 2014 to finally finish the show from front to back. There was a ton of good there, but it was so, so difficult to get to it through the start of the show.

So, Entertainment value. Have you read Fiona Staples' and Brian K Vaughan's Saga? The very first panel of the very first page oozes entertainment value, while also giving some great banter to help establish the characters and introduce us to the world. This is a strong opening, and even if there is some lull to the comic afterwards (which there may or may not be depending on your tastes), its given you a taste of what it is and a promise of what its capable of delivering. This is a really great thing to have. If you're aware of Homestuck, it's the GameFAQs FAQ that serves as the end of the comic's first Act that suddenly shows you how the comic will format itself: Lots of nonsensical goofing around until hitting an emotional climax that re-contextualizes the events you had just seen. This isn't at the start of the comic, but entertainment value carries the comic until that point, assuming you're into programming jokes and goofball shenanigans. But, this scene comes so comparatively late that it's likely you've already dropped the comic before getting to the "good part" if these jokes didn't carry the comic for you.

Actual Advice and Critique

Comics are hard, because, unless you have a writer or have an artist to partner with, you're doing both jobs, and the quality of the thing depends both on being well-written and well drawn (or at least some balance between the two that makes it palatable to read). I think that if you think in an actual episodic way, you could improve your writing a ton. With this comic, the arc would be "how did Lasereye become Lasereye?" It's potentially a pretty good premise, right? You'll establish a character and have plenty of chances to create entertaining scenarios because... It's your story! Lasereye became Lasereye in whatever way you decide he did. Go crazy, tell us a story! How did some young, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed kid turn into some dude in a slum with one eye glowing brighter than ever and the other dim and jaded? Telling this in three pages would actually be a great exercise.

Your art is rough in that it looks like you could use learning some base fundamental things like human anatomy. Your palette and the food stand itself reminds me of Kill Six Billion Demons though, which is great. You've created a good atmosphere in panels 1, 2, and the last panel on the last page, despite the artwork itself being rough. That's great! You know how a thing should feel. That's a great thing to have down pat that will only continue to be a boon as your technical skill improves (and it will if you work at it!). I think that if you buckle down and grind through learning how to draw, you could make very great, visually appealing work.

There's a problem in page flow on Page 2. Here I've shown how your page directs the eye with red lines. The way the page is laid out, you end up reading the fifth panel before you read the fourth panel, which will cause a reader to have to double back to read things in order. You don't want that. You'll wanna keep an eye out for how your pages read in the future. Just give them a once-over and ask where the eye would naturally go following the lines on the page.

So, if you aren't currently, learning human anatomy would be a great place to start placing effort. If you have access, figure drawing classes and the such would be a great way to start working on that. It helps immensely to have others around who can help you if you aren't sure what you're doing at first. Books on comics in general would be a good place to go as well. Understanding Comics and Making Comics, both by by Scott McCloud, are good introductory texts. Graphic Storytelling and Visual Narrative by Will Eisner and Comics and Sequential Art: Principles and Practices from the Legendary Cartoonist also by Will Eisner would be good as well.

For writing, Dan Harmon's Channel 101 guides will be great tutorials as he's one of the best working writers today in episodic TV. I'm aware this isn't directly comics, but the best writing advice is rarely going to come from a comics-focused book. Will Eisner will tell you how to use visuals to your advantage in telling a story, but the nitty-gritty of actually writing will have to come from somewhere else. The Hero of a Thousand Faces by Joseph Cambell may help you understand structure further. This is what Dan Harmon is riffing on and working off of with his Story Circles, but adapted slightly for the sake of episodic television. Film Crit Hulk, an online movie critic/ the Incredible Hulk has a screenwriting book called Screenwriting 101. It's invaluable. I highly recommend it, even if it isn't directly about comic writing. You'll be able to adapt the advice as you work in your own medium.

>##Starting Strength: A Review Of Mark Rippetoe's Barbell Bible


>Starting Strength is a classic, one of the best barbell-based training books ever written. Now there's a new-and-improved edition that raises the bar even higher.


>People who want to get bigger, stronger, and more athletic frequently approach me for training advice and instruction. After all, most of us agree that "strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general." (A little Mark Rippetoe morsel for you.)

>I wish I had time to train each of these people. I'd love to pull them into a gym, put them under a bar, and guide them through the fundamentals of resistance training. Unfortunately, this approach isn't usually possible. For most of these "help-me-get-bigger" brothers, the best thing I can do is recommend a book. Time after time, I recommend the same one: Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe.

>###The Gym Bible

>Never heard of it? Extract yourself from the crazy claws of your favorite biceps curl machine and listen up. Starting Strength teaches you everything you need to know to properly program and perform full range of motion barbell exercises, which are the best functional expression of human skeletal and muscular anatomy under a load. Simply put, your favorite isolation exercise ain't squat compared to the squat. If you're not performing barbell compound exercises, you're not getting the most from your strength workouts.

>As Coach Rip says about the deadlift, it's more functional than almost any other exercise because "it's very hard to imagine a more useful application of strength than picking heavy up off the ground."

>The big problem with barbell training, however, is that the majority of people don't know how to do it correctly, even if they've been training for years. Because every aspect of bar movement is controlled by the lifter, barbell training requires an investment in time and education. Starting Strength addresses that issue. Luckily, readers have just been blessed with the recently released Third Edition, and it's fantastic.

>###Under The Book

>The Starting Strength program is one of the most popular programs in America, particularly in high school and college weight rooms. It also has an incredibly high rating on Amazon, having garnered 90% or more 5-star reviews.

>The only complaints with previous editions of Starting Strength were that it needed better pictures and editing. Welcome to the Third Edition. Without reinventing the wheel, it comes with a new look, new photos, excellent illustrations, and updates in the program based on the experiences of thousands of athletes in the four years since the last release.

>###Why Buy?

>If you're new to weight training, this program is one your best possible investments. Furthermore, if you have been using mainly machines or doing calisthenics, not having mastered squats, bench presses, deadlifts or cleans, then Starting Strength will set you straight. Rippetoe's instructions are simple enough for a novice to understand but detailed enough for a strength coach's arsenal.

>The program stresses the basics of effective compound exercises and weight progression with an emphasis on flawless technique. It is appropriate for anyone looking for a solid foundation in strength, muscle, and power. Starting Strength teaches you to train the body as a complete system, not a collection of parts.

>"Exercise is the stimulus that returns our bodies to the conditions for which they were designed. Humans are not physically normal in the absence of hard, physical effort. Exercise is not a thing we do to fix a problem-it is a thing we must do anyway, a thing without which there will always be problems. Exercise is substitute cave-man activity." (Rippetoe 1)

>###Precision Makes Perfect

>Starting Strength puts a very heavy emphasis on lifting correctly, with over 200 pages dedicated to mastering the five most important movements: the squat, press, bench press, clean, and deadlift. You may have thought you knew how to squat, but until Mark has taught you how bar position effects torso angle, lower body joint relationships, why your knees keep caving in, and why you shouldn't look up when squatting, you'll basically never know.

>While the squat, press, bench press, clean, and deadlift are the focus of the program, Mark does recommend ancillary exercises for certain situations. These are typically useful variations of the main lifts to emphasize weak points, as well as other movements that can be used for pre-hab or corrective exercise. Other included exercises - such as the glute ham raise, dip, and row - contribute to functional strength and movement.

>You won't see leg curls or extensions in Rip's pages, however. In the real world or on the athletic field, the hamstrings and quadriceps always function together when we move. The only place where we can purely isolate these muscles is on a machine, so why should we use this equipment? Just because someone made the machine?

>After teaching you everything you will need to know about technique for the bread-and-butter barbell movements, Rippetoe gives you the carrot with his actual program. These workouts are not long, drawn-out affairs, but are designed to stimulate a response of strength and hypertrophy as efficiently as possible. The novice would start with just the main lifts done with two training sessions, three times per week (Rippetoe 296):

>[Bilder und Ausführungen]

>Rippetoe thoroughly outlines the reasoning behind this basic program, with advice on how to warm up, selecting the work load, and how to make adjustments. He also instructs the reader how to advance the program to continue progress.

>Training begins with warm-ups. This includes the general warm-up to produce tissue warmth throughout the body, as well as exercise-specific warm-ups with an Olympic bar. The specific warm-up isn't only for dynamic stretching and tissue temperature, but is vital to mastering training technique. Skilled lifters treat their barbell movements the same way Arnold Palmer treats his golf swing - they use the submaximal weight to prime the movement pattern.

>Many beginners approach their specific warm-ups the wrong way, doing far too many reps and fatiguing themselves before the work sets take place. Starting with the bar, keep the repetitions below five and advance the weight evenly over four or five sets, decreasing the repetitions to two prior to your work sets. Using this method, your squat training would look like this:

>[Tabelle zu Wiederholungen etc.]

>###Rip Riffs On Fat

>Notable (but emphasized much less) is the infamous GOMAD nutrition program. If you're training to gain significant muscle and strength, Mark suggests that most people are far too concerned with their short-term physical appearance and thus won't eat enough. For certain populations, he recommends GOMAD, which is a "Gallon of Milk a Day" in addition to four whole-food meals (this applies to the skinny guys).

>"Make up your mind that, at least for the first year or two, you're not going to worry about body fat levels if you're already lean, because lean is easier to reacquire than strong is to build" (Rippetoe 310). Rip is also keen to note that "getting ripped" isn't as easy as it might seem: "You have seen pictures of big bodybuilders at 6% body fat in contest shape so often that you think it's normal, desirable, and always possible. " This isn't the case - getting anywhere takes work, and often takes longer than you'd first like. The iron game is one you play for life, not for a few months.

>###Sum Of Rip

>This program is so effective that we can say if your squat only goes up by fifty pounds in eight months, then you obviously weren't following the program correctly. Most people aren't trying to be the next world champion bodybuilder, but would like to have some more muscle and functional strength. Simply put, if you aren't a 3 time Mr. Olympia preparing to defend your title, you shouldn't be training like one. Starting Strength will form the basis of a successful lifting career and teach the fundamentals that will make you big, strong (scary), and keep you safe in the weight room.

>If you're getting serious about training and ready to build your best body ever, you don't need to start somewhere. You need to start here.

Well this seems like a good opportunity to post a few of the lessons I learned in my 20s.

To my former self:

If you're depressed, here's how to turn it around

• Stop drinking, this is the main cause.
  
  
• Lift weights. This alone could also stop depression. It's likely related to low testosterone levels
  
  
• Fapping too much makes the depression worse
  
  Fap less, and never to porn
  
  
• Ejaculating too often removed your motivation to take actions and start tasks. You can consider porn like a poison for the mind. Pleasurable but it desensitizes you to all other pleasures, making life seem bland and boring. Until the only thing you want is porn. It perpetuates itself.
  
  
  Gratitude
  
  
• Whatever you are grateful for will grow
  
  
• Gratitude is the only way to be happy. If you think about what happiness is, it's appreciating what you have. When you think of something that would make you happy, you are imagining yourself appreciating it when you get it.
  
  Wealth
  
  
• You can have anything you want, as long as you create enough value for others first.
  
  
• To be wealthy, don't try and do tomorrow's work today, just have a successful day each day. If you have more successful days than unsuccessful days, your wealth will grow. As you have successful and productive days, opportunities will be attracted to you.
  
  Theories
  
  
• The key to success in any area is having the right theory. A small amount of work, or a massive amount of work, with the wrong theory, won't lead to success.
  
  
• With the right theory, success will be relatively straight forward. When you do the thing, it will basically work every time. Anything that has been done many times before, can be done yourself with the correct theory
  
  
• When most people speak of the 'years of hard work' they put in before they 'cracked the game', usually means they were laboring under the wrong theory, and then one day they found the correct theory, and when they applied it, it worked. (excluding world class athletes, talking about common things like starting a business or growing muscles)
  
  
• Theories can be gathered by spending tens of thousands of dollars on seminars or tens of dollars on books. Both can contain theories that work and theories that don't work. Higher cost definitely does not mean they have the right theory
  
  
• Some theories can seem like they are guaranteed to work, but on testing, actually don't. When someone says they have the right theory, it will seem worth any price. Often they actually don't. Beware. If possible buy their book and test it for yourself, it's just as good in book form.
  
  
• This whole list is a list of theories, as you can see, they are usually quite simple and easy to understand. Complexity is usually a sign the person doesn't really know how things work
  
  
  Girls
  
  
• You cannot make a girl like you, you can however find a girl who likes you
  
  
• They key to getting girls is to get in excellent shape (lift weights), dress well, and talk to girls until you find one that likes you
  
  
• If a girl is unsure if she you likes you, won't go on a date with you, or doesn't let you touch her in anyway. She doesn't like you. Find one that wants all those things. Don't be fooled by girls who seem to REALLY like you but doesn't have time to meet, or won't let you touch her. They do not like you like that.
  
  
• Hot girls are just as likely to like you as not hot girls
  
  
• If you like a girl more than she likes you, and she doesn't want to meet up/hang out/have sex. Let her go and move on
  
  
  Career
  
  
• It's very easy to get ahead if you just try, most people don’t
  
  
• You career will naturally progress just through normal learning, don't worry about it
  
  
  Flow
  
  
• If you want things to happen without effort and struggle, live a life with gratitude and presence. Things will seem to happen easily and naturally.
  
  
  Meditation
  
  
• Mediation gives you the ability to be your best. Very handy for improving at anything, particularly gaming, as you see more and learn more. It gives you access to creativity in solving problems and improving your performance
  
  
• Mediation allows you to 'stop the mind'. Do this if you're stuck in over-analysis
  
  
• To meditate, set a time on your phone for 20 minutes, sit still and don't move a muscle, and focus on your breath as often as you can. Your mind will try to stray, just focus on your breath as much as able. This is how you quiet the mind
  
  *****
  Edit:
  
  To answer some requests, here's my list of resources.
  
  Wealth/Metaphysics
  
  
• http://www.audible.com.au/pd/Health-Personal-Development/The-Science-of-Getting-Rich-Audiobook/B00FMUQVSI
  This audiobook has the best summary I've found of how wealth works
  
  Lifting
  
  
• https://stronglifts.com/5x5/
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738
  
  
• http://startingstrength.com/
  
  
• http://www.leangains.com/2011/09/fuckarounditis.html
  
  How Procrastination works:
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html
  
  
• https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/11/how-to-beat-procrastination.html
  
  How Business works
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Personal-MBA-Master-Art-Business/dp/1591845572
  
  What innovation actually is and how to do it:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Innovation-Entrepreneurship-Peter-F-Drucker/dp/0060851139
  
  How economics works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/How-Economy-Grows-Why-Crashes/dp/047052670X
  
  How to get things done:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity/dp/0142000280
  
  Task Management tool:
  
  
• https://todoist.com/
  
  Spiritual Books
  
  
• Spiritual books won't make sense unless you've had an awakening, and you can't make this happen, it happens by chance/grace. If you have, anything by Eckhart Tolle will be amazing.
  
  How to be a man:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Blue-Truth-Spiritual-Guide-Death/dp/1591792592
  
  Audiobooks (most of these can be found on audiobook):
  
  
• Audible.com
  
  Frame Control (Anytime you feel like you're trying too hard or begging for something, you lost the frame)
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Pitch-Anything-Innovative-Presenting-Persuading/dp/1501211811
  
  This is my favourite book of all. They talk about the new type of conscousness which is really really interesting to me. May not apply to all people.
  If anyone find this book interesting I'd love to talk about it:
  
  How the world works:
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Spiral-Dynamics-Mastering-Values-Leadership/dp/1405133562
  
  
• https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Spiral-Dynamics-Integral-Audiobook/B00FO5660E
  
  

IM BLUE DA BA DEE It is called blue and the artwork is blue! what more could you want!!! its the bluest thing in the world! da ba dee da ba diiii

Summer Rae Her wwe ring name is Summer Rae, which is like summer rays which are what tan us whilst chilling in the summer. She is also hot like the summer!

Watermelon Slicer its like an apple slicer but freaking massive!!! not seen anyone ever use them but i need one in my life for the perfect melons

Elvis Searcher CD this would be for my dad, we havent always had the best of relationships but we are starting to really get along right now, would be nice to treat him with the newest album of his favourite artist that we both love, after all he has done for me recently

Karl Pilkington Book this series was one of the funniest tv shows i have ever seen and this book is just as funny, its a diary of the events and its just so stupid in places that it is sidesplitting!!!

Guitar Picks They are the best pick because they literally are picks ;)

Star Wars Doggo Costume! This is a costume for dogs and fits all sizes! You know it will be funny and cute to see the doggo walk around with a stormtrooper on him!!! ( or her)

Banana Armour I think this is useless because who puts bananas in positions where they are unarmed and need to be protected! i do need it tho

Mulan It is one of the greatest films in the world, it promotes feminism, there is romance, guilt, family honour and values, the moral of not judging a book by its cover as well as you being able to achieve anything you want, its soundtrack is a masterpiece and helped launch the career of Christina Aguilera AND it has Stevie Wonder and Donny Osmond, a panda, a cricket, batman references, a homosexual subplot, and a talking fucking dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy... what more do you want

DIY Enema kit it would be helpful because not only can it make sure your bowel movements are okay, it can be used for sexual pleasure, to help with drug or alcohol intake, it can be used for a punishment on someone who has wronged you and im 90% sure it can be used in some way to benefit the population and aid in childbirth

Nutribullet!!! to help me get healthier and lose weight before my university graduation and cousins wedding in india

Pesky Penguin Bottle Opener Its an add on and its something that Benedrillt Cumberpatch cannot say!

Tottenham Hotspur Scarf! THEY ARE THE BEST AND I LOVE THEM!!! im going to guess you are a fan of the spurs! because tottenham are also called spurs! get it?! sorry im bad at this stuff aha dont know any american teams really

Some rare pokemon haloween plush for this price i hope this is super rare and something that is signed by pikachu himself

Unicorn Poop This is special candy! real unicorn poop, trust me, its real... i promise... i think... i lied

Sweet Candies Yankee Candle this is my fav scent! its what i imagine the wonka factory smells like!!!

Pokedex!!! pokemon was my fav growing up and i used one of these bad boys to go round and try to hunt them down!

The Hero with a thousand faces book this is a book that really shows the basic outline and plot for most films and characters that the world loves! it hellped my dad and his friend when they were writing a screenplay and i feel like its a great place to start and look at !

WWE Seth Freaking Rollins Funko Pop! this is a combination of 2! i love wwe and wrestling and Seth Rollins is my current favourite wrestler! i actually wanan try to become a wrestler! and also funko pops! i am a huge collector and obsessed with them!

Random Ass Bollywood Vinyl This is one of my fav bollywood films and has a banging sountrack, just is funny that it is on vinyl!

This was a lot of fun! thankyou for this!

EDIT: Sorry still getting used to this new reddit and didnt realise the linking has changed!

Welcome!

You could probably benefit from reading the wiki.

This is my "please make the decisions for me" guide for people who have standard fitness goals and are overwhelmed by all the information. It is not the only way to go about it but everything in it is frequently recommended by users on reddit and works:

• Try and get in the mind set that this is for the rest of your life no matter what level of motivation you're feeling at any one moment. Too many people expect long term results from short term goals. If you want to be fit you won't be doing exactly this forever but you should be doing something like it forever.
  
• Choose a good gym and start Stronglifts. The original Stronglifts document is also worth a read, as is Starting Strength.
  
• The pull/chin up & dip accessories in Stronglifts v1 are recommended if you want to accentuate your arms and back.
  
• If you can't get your own equipment or join a gym then read the /r/bodyweightfitness wiki and start one of the Begginer Routines.
  
• If you want to improve your cardio then add a low-medium exertion run/cycle after each strength workout. Couch to 5K is a frequently recommended program for gradually increasing your jogging ability.
  
• If you want to do more on rest days find a sport you love and do that. Or do yoga or something, for stretching and mild cardio.
  
• Basic stretching exercises. Do the deep squats, hamstring stretches and crucifix stretches 2-3 times per day. For more advanced stretching see Starting Stretching and Molding Mobility.
  
• If strength and aesthetics aren't your primary goals or you're an experienced lifter, use the newbie program picker to determine an optimal routine for you.
  
• Estimate your bodyfat then use the Katch-Mc-Cardle option and include your selected workouts to calculate your TDEE.
  
• Subtract between 500 kCal and 20% of your TDEE to lose weight. Add 300-500 kCal to gain weight & muscle. Use MyFitnessPal to ensure you hit that caloric goal each day. You must eat more than your TDEE if you intend to make any serious muscle gain.
  
• My personal advice is to create your own menus. If you follow a pre-existing diet plan you will not learn much about nutrition and learning about nutrition is key to long term success.
  
• Get a bare minimum of 0.8g of protein per day per pound of lean body mass (calculable from your current weight and body fat percentage). This is a minimum, more is recommended.
  
• You're better off eating fresh food as it gets you in better habits and is usually better for fibre and micro nutrients.
  
• DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) will likely be a problem for the first week or two, but your body will adapt quickly so long as you stick to the program.
  
• Consistency is the key. You do not need to be motivated, you just need to show up and do the workouts. Motivation is fleeting and cannot be relied upon. Convince yourself that the workouts are like going shopping or brushing your teeth - you don't really want to do it, you're not really motivated to do it, it's just something you have to do.
  
• If you're at the gym and really not feeling it focus on the fact that the best way to get out of there is to complete your workout as efficiently as possible. Better form and focus will get it done that much quicker.
  
• You will not get more ripped/muscled/bigger than you want to. That takes concentrated effort, time and intention. You will not wake up one day and be accidentally Arnold.
  
  Stronglifts is a beginners programs designed to maximise your strength gains in a relatively safe way and increase the chances you'll follow the program by being relatively easy to learn and follow. It isn't meant to be followed forever though. Failing, stalling and deloading are necessary for any linear program like Stronglifts. Follow the program properly and ignore anyone who says what your progress should be. Your body can do what it can do, trying to match an average or even macho idea of what you "should" be able to do instead of what you can will just get you injured and/or stalling.
  
  Progress guide to Stronglifts:
  
  
• If you successfully complete an exercises sets with good form add 2.5kg/5lb to that exercise on the next workout (5kg/10lb on deadlifts until you hit 100kg/225lb, then 2.5kg/5lb).
  
• If you can't complete your sets with good form repeat the same weight for that exercise next workout.
  
• If you try the same weight three times in a row and can't complete it on the third then deload 10% for the next workout and use the same progression as before.
  
• When you get to a second deload for that exercise switch to either 3x5 or 3x3 and use the same progression as before.
  
• When you get to a second deload at 3x5 switch to 3x3 or Madcow/Texas Method.
  
• When you get to a second deload at 3x3 switch to Madcow/Texas Method.
  
  I'll repeat this bit: ignore anyone who tells you when these things should happen. That doesn't matter. Just follow the program.
  
  If you want to properly track the changes in your body it's recommended measure your weight, shoulders, biceps, calves, chest, forearms, hips, neck, waist and thighs or whatever combination of those you care about.
  
  
• Record each measurement every day between one and three times. If you record multiple times create an average for each day and use that in future calculations.
  
• Create an average for each week by adding up each days weight/average and dividing by seven.
  
• Graph the weekly points and pay the most attention to 3 week intervals as weekly and even fortnightly differences can be deceiving.
  
  The last point is a very important one - people tend to get a bit excited about sudden drops and peaks which are deceptive and caused by things like water weight. Averaged out over a week and then analysed on a three weekly basis you'll get a much better idea of your real progress. The key is to learn to ignore the daily measurements - they will deceive you and send you on an emotional rollercoaster. Some people find this too difficult and shouldn't do it because they simply can't ignore the daily measurement and it negatively impacts their fitness regime. But try it and try yelling at yourself (in your head) that today's measurement doesn't matter. Then analyse the trend every three weeks. The trend tells you what's what.
  
  People often regret not taking enough photos of their progress. They're easy to delete if you don't want them but you can't regret them into existence so take photos regularly in consistent conditions (lighting, time of day, clothing, angles).
  
  Useful form/technique links:
  
  Bench Press
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (great for beginners)
  
• Jennifer Thompson's benching tips
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (great advice with a great beard)
  
• Crossfit guide
  
• Rippetoe's ramblings series
  
• So You Think You Can Bench Press series (comprehensive)
  
  Deadlift
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (great for beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (beardy=brainy)
  
• Rippetoe's series on deadlifting
  
• Candito on avoiding common injuries
  
• Candito on activating lats
  
• So You Think You Can Deadlift series (comprehensive)
  
  Squats (mostly low bar)
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (beginners)
  
• Omar's Friend Alastair explains the details (great clarifications for beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (this beard is your beard, this beard is my beard)
  
• Rippetoe's playlist
  
• Candito's low bar guide
  
• Candito's form fixes (high bar but applies to low bar)
  
• So You Think You Can Squat series (comprehensive)
  
  Pendlay/Barbell Rows
  
  
• FitnessDudes quick guide (beginners)
  
• Pendlay's explanation
  
  Overhead Press
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (you should consider having sex with a bearded man)
  
• Rippetoe's series on presses
  
• 70's Big common form fixes
  

Welcome!

You could probably benefit from reading the wiki.

This is my "please make the decisions for me" guide for people who have standard fitness goals and are overwhelmed by all the information. It is not the only way to go about it but everything in it is frequently recommended by users on reddit and works:

• Try and get in the mindset that this is for the rest of your life no matter what level of motivation you're feeling at any one moment. Too many people expect long term results from short term goals. If you want to be fit you won't be doing exactly this forever but you should be doing something like it forever.
  
• Choose a good gym and start Stronglifts. The original Stronglifts document is also worth a read, as is Starting Strength.
  
• The pull/chin up & dip accessories in Stronglifts v1 are recommended if you want to accentuate your arms and back.
  
• If you can't get your own equipment or join a gym then read the /r/bodyweightfitness wiki and start one of the Begginer Routines.
  
• If you want to improve your cardio then add a low-medium exertion run/cycle after each strength workout. Couch to 5K is a frequently recommended program for gradually increasing your jogging ability.
  
• If you want to do more on rest days find a sport you love and do that. Or do yoga or something, for stretching and mild cardio.
  
• Basic stretching exercises. Do the deep squats, hamstring stretches and crucifix stretches 2-3 times per day. For more advanced stretching see Starting Stretching and Molding Mobility.
  
• If strength and aesthetics aren't your primary goals or you're an experienced lifter, use the newbie program picker to determine an optimal routine for you.
  
• Estimate your bodyfat then use the Katch-Mc-Cardle option and include your selected workouts to calculate your TDEE.
  
• Subtract between 500 kCal and 20% of your TDEE to lose weight. Add 300-500 kCal to gain weight & muscle. Use MyFitnessPal to ensure you hit that caloric goal each day. You must eat more than your TDEE if you intend to make any serious muscle gain.
  
• My personal advice is to create your own menus. If you follow a pre-existing diet plan you will not learn much about nutrition and learning about nutrition is key to long term success.
  
• Get a bare minimum of 0.8g of protein per day per pound of lean body mass (calculable from your current weight and body fat percentage). This is a minimum, more is recommended.
  
• You're better off eating fresh food as it gets you in better habits and is usually better for fibre and micro nutrients.
  
• DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) will likely be a problem for the first week or two, but your body will adapt quickly so long as you stick to the program.
  
• Consistency is the key. You do not need to be motivated, you just need to show up and do the workouts. Motivation is fleeting and cannot be relied upon. Convince yourself that the workouts are like going shopping or brushing your teeth - you don't really want to do it, you're not really motivated to do it, it's just something you have to do.
  
• If you're at the gym and really not feeling it focus on the fact that the best way to get out of there is to complete your workout as efficiently as possible. Better form and focus will get it done that much quicker.
  
• You will not get more ripped/muscled/bigger than you want to. That takes concentrated effort, time and intention. You will not wake up one day and be accidentally Arnold.
  
  Stronglifts is a beginners programs designed to maximise your strength gains in a relatively safe way and increase the chances you'll follow the program by being relatively easy to learn and follow. It isn't meant to be followed forever though. Failing, stalling and deloading are necessary for any linear program like Stronglifts. Follow the program properly and ignore anyone who says what your progress should be. Your body can do what it can do, trying to match an average or even macho idea of what you "should" be able to do instead of what you can will just get you injured and/or stalling.
  
  Progress guide to Stronglifts:
  
  
• If you successfully complete an exercises sets with good form add 2.5kg/5lb to that exercise on the next workout (5kg/10lb on deadlifts until you hit 100kg/225lb, then 2.5kg/5lb).
  
• If you can't complete your sets with good form repeat the same weight for that exercise next workout.
  
• If you try the same weight three times in a row and can't complete it on the third then deload 10% for the next workout and use the same progression as before.
  
• When you get to a second deload for that exercise switch to either 3x5 or 3x3 and use the same progression as before.
  
• When you get to a second deload at 3x5 switch to 3x3 or Madcow/Texas Method.
  
• When you get to a second deload at 3x3 switch to Madcow/Texas Method.
  
  I'll repeat this bit: ignore anyone who tells you when these things should happen. That doesn't matter. Just follow the program.
  
  If you want to properly track the changes in your body it's recommended measure your weight, shoulders, biceps, calves, chest, forearms, hips, neck, waist and thighs or whatever combination of those you care about.
  
  
• Record each measurement every day between one and three times. If you record multiple times create an average for each day and use that in future calculations.
  
• Create an average for each week by adding up each days weight/average and dividing by seven.
  
• Graph the weekly points and pay the most attention to 3 week intervals as weekly and even fortnightly differences can be deceiving.
  
  The last point is a very important one - people tend to get a bit excited about sudden drops and peaks which are deceptive and caused by things like water weight. Averaged out over a week and then analysed on a three weekly basis you'll get a much better idea of your real progress. The key is to learn to ignore the daily measurements - they will deceive you and send you on an emotional rollercoaster. Some people find this too difficult and shouldn't do it because they simply can't ignore the daily measurement and it negatively impacts their fitness regime. But try it and try yelling at yourself (in your head) that today's measurement doesn't matter. Then analyse the trend every three weeks. The trend tells you what's what.
  
  People often regret not taking enough photos of their progress. They're easy to delete if you don't want them but you can't regret them into existence so take photos regularly in consistent conditions (lighting, time of day, clothing, angles).
  
  Useful form/technique links:
  
  Bench Press
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (great for beginners)
  
• Jennifer Thompson's benching tips
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (great advice with a great beard)
  
• Crossfit guide
  
• Rippetoe's ramblings series
  
• So You Think You Can Bench Press series (comprehensive)
  
  Deadlift
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (great for beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (beardy=brainy)
  
• Rippetoe's series on deadlifting
  
• Candito on avoiding common injuries
  
• Candito on activating lats
  
• So You Think You Can Deadlift series (comprehensive)
  
  Squats (mostly low bar)
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (beginners)
  
• Omar's Friend Alastair explains the details (great clarifications for beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (this beard is your beard, this beard is my beard)
  
• Rippetoe's playlist
  
• Candito's low bar guide
  
• Candito's form fixes (high bar but applies to low bar)
  
• So You Think You Can Squat series (comprehensive)
  
  Pendlay/Barbell Rows
  
  
• FitnessDudes quick guide (beginners)
  
• Pendlay's explanation
  
  Overhead Press
  
  
• Buff Dudes guide (beginners)
  
• Untamed Strength's guide (you should consider having sex with a bearded man)
  
• Rippetoe's series on presses
  
• 70's Big common form fixes
  

Ah damn, I triggered some people here really hard. Good. I'm going to rub more salt on the wound, because it will feel great to me in this instance.

>he is just as autistic as some of the TRPers and not particularly self-actualized.

Oh wow! Autistic! The ultimate insult when.. you have no clue how to respond. Perfect.

>You find this a lot with reddit posters.....the complete lack of ability to look outside their bubble to realize that not everyone is exactly LIKE them...I mean read his comments...it is all "every normal person knows this" and "everybody understands that you do that"....well fuck if those guys knew that shit and were fucking 2 or 3 women a month\year then you think that would be on the internet looking for why they are not successful with finding a mate?

I watch even chubby slobs get decent looking girlfriends.. Maybe that's some 4 year, private college, white priviledge thing going on. Who knows? I've been armchair diagnosed by a very angry forum whiner with autism.. I can't possibly know anything!

There is something VERY wrong with these "men" in the Manosphere, and it's often more internal than external.

>It is the same as why people like Labron James would likely suck as a basketball coach because his instruction would only work if you are a physical specimen who is 6-9 275lbs and can jump out of the gym. But that doesn't mean that you can never learn to play basketball quite well even if you are a 5-11 165lb with instruction and practice from a guy who understands the challenges of not being a natural.

Asking a Manospherian for attraction advice is like asking a man who was born blind to teach someone basketball. No, people who are good something may not be good teachers, but at least they don't suck (or didn't suck in the past) at that thing...

>The guy is one of the navel gazers..he has a small modicum of success, doesn't really understand why or how but feels superior so he goes around blasting people for not being normal and just "understanding" this or that....truth is that he couldn't help even if he wanted to help because he really doesn't know.

Now my favorite part. Oh boy. I'm going to brag like no tomorrow because... why not?

My "small" modicum of success with women goes back to grade school. First kiss around age 12-13. FWB-like relationship towards the end of high school. Play around with some girls in college and then junior year I meet a keeper - who I marry 5 years later and am still together with till today (going on 9+ years now). I've had no shortage of interest from women even ever since I was taken - I'm not blind to their attention at all. Now, how did I do it? Well I have a pretty good idea, even if not perfect. Here's the catch: they are either too dumb to replicate it, too lazy, too unlucky or too late.

My recipe for success: get lucky to experience living on 2 different continents between age 0-18, and then on a third one. But hey, that's not even necessary... that's just gravy. Observe what women around you find attractive. Figure out what interests them (and people in general). Take advice from SUCCESSFUL people. Here's the meat of it: work hard in school and get into a very good college (and possibly grad school) and get relevant certifications (I'm a CFA Charterholder), then get a very competitive, very well paid job (I'm 30. I work in investment management at a large firm in Boston ; I've made over 75K/year all my life ; over 100K last 2 years. My income upside is exponential. ). Meanwhile, get lucky to enjoy some hobbies which other people can relate to (esp women) such as "food & drink". Don't be a lazy idiot - want to look good? Exercise hard. Learn basics of nutrition. Want to build muscle? Don't do that half-ass 5x5 or whatever crap. Get a resource from a legend.. Then benefit from it. 1 year of baseline exercise in college + 4 now in my late 20's = me now.. In the process of doing MUCH of this (and that's more than what most men will achieve), you actually do something that everyone jerks off to here: you build a specific personality/character which is attractive on many levels to women (both sexually and for relationships). You also gain worldly knowledge and become an interesting, unique individual (I speak 2 languages fluently plus advanced with a 3rd one; I can speak intelligently about everything from microbiology, to the energy and retail industries, the global economy and financial markets (duh), anything related to food and drink (including nutrition), electronic music (I used to DJ clubs/lounges and radio when I was younger), among a smorgasbord of other things that I could list.)

So.. what advice am I supposed to offer? Here's the summary of problems:

Most Manospherian guys are..

Too dumb to (or it's too late for them): get into a great college and get yourself into a great career; figure out nutrition and how to effectively manage calories; figure out which hobbies to pursue to become an interesting conversationalist; too dumb to figure out how to buy attractive / stylish clothes without breaking the bank

Too lazy to: get in good shape with a program that actually works; too lazy to practice impeccable grooming/hygiene; too lazy to do the above (get into a great school and then get a great job - here it's laziness, not a lack of "smarts")

Too poor to: buy designer clothing and grooming/styling accessories to look great; too poor to finance interesting hobbies

And it is perhaps impossible to truly / effectively teach someone: assertiveness/confidence, passion, empathy (this might be based on genetic baseline intelligence), moral integrity (people with shitty morals repel people with generally good ones), conscientiousness/agreeableness, general "wit" ("how well you think and analyze" - again, this could well be 50% genetic), humor (again, most impromptu use is intelligence-based.. maybe humor books can help), worldly knowledge and a unique, well-rounded knowledge bank. < These traits in this last list are either things you are born with OR built over time. There are no shortcuts to many of these.

So yeah, I think I have a pretty decent idea of why I am successful. I just think it's impossible to teach much of this, or people aren't good enough to learn it / do it. I could certainly help with some of the basic things or parts of these, but why would I if most of the Manospherians are, based on their behavior, vile asshats in my eyes?

Pardon me.. were you saying something?

I'm not sure if this qualifies for what you're looking for, but I'll re-post my highlights from a few weeks ago in case it helps:

• Exercise. “In SPARK, John J. Ratey, M.D., embarks upon a fascinating and entertaining journey through the mind-body connection, presenting startling research to prove that exercise is truly our best defense against everything from depression to ADD to addiction to aggression to menopause to Alzheimer's. Filled with amazing case studies (such as the revolutionary fitness program in Naperville, Illinois, which has put this school district of 19,000 kids first in the world of science test scores), SPARK is the first book to explore comprehensively the connection between exercise and the brain. It will change forever the way you think about your morning run---or, for that matter, simply the way you think“. Source: https://www.amazon.com/Spark-Revolutionary-Science-Exercise-Brain/dp/0316113514/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1522973939&sr=1-1&keywords=Spark%2C+The+Revolutionary+New+Science+of+Exercise+and+the+Brain
  
• Eat a healthy diet and follow some of the practices taken from Blue Zones, which are populations that have an unusually high number of centenarians. Some key take-aways from studies blue zones (Source: https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/1426216556/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_cmps_btm?ie=UTF8&reviewerType=all_reviews):
  
  • Long-lived people live on a high-carb, low-fat, plant-based diet;
    
  • Long-lived people eat a lot of vegetables, including greens;
    
  • Whenever they can get it, long-lived populations eat a lot of fruit;
    
  • When animal products are consumed, it’s occasionally and in small amounts only;
    
  • Long-lived people had periods in their life when a lot less food was available and they had to survive on a very sparse, limited diet;
    
  • Long-lived people live in a sunny, warm climate;
    
  • Long-lived people consume beans in some form or another;
    
  • Nuts appear to be good for health;
    
  • The typical diet is very simple and many essentially eat the same simple foods every day
    
  • Quality food over variety is more important;
    
  • They had an active lifestyle and moved a lot
    
  • Many of them got 5 to 6 hours of moderate exercise per day;
    
  • Many of them loved to work and had a sense of purpose in life;
    
  • Many had large families;
    
  • None of them smoked or ate massive amounts of food.
    
• Be a super-ager – “Which activities, if any, will increase your chances of remaining mentally sharp into old age? We’re still studying this question, but our best answer at the moment is: work hard at something. Many labs have observed that these critical brain regions increase in activity when people perform difficult tasks, whether the effort is physical or mental. You can therefore help keep these regions thick and healthy through vigorous exercise and bouts of strenuous mental effort.” Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/31/opinion/sunday/how-to-become-a-superager.html
  
• Boost your microbiome by eating a diverse diet. “Diet is perhaps the biggest factor in shaping the composition of the microbiome,” he says. A study by University College Cork researchers published in Nature in 2012 followed 200 elderly people over the course of two years, as they transitioned into different environments such as nursing homes. The researchers found that their subjects’ health – frailty, cognition, and immune system – all correlated with their microbiome. From bacterial population alone, researchers could tell if a patient was a long-stay patient in a nursing home, or short-stay, or living in the general community. These changes were a direct reflection of their diet in these different environments. “A diverse diet gives you a diverse microbiome that gives you a better health outcome,” says Cryan. Source: http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20140221-can-gut-bugs-make-you-smarter
  
• Have a healthy mind-set – don't ever succumb to the stereotypical mind set that getting older = decline. “To Langer, this was evidence that the biomedical model of the day — that the mind and the body are on separate tracks — was wrongheaded. The belief was that “the only way to get sick is through the introduction of a pathogen, and the only way to get well is to get rid of it,” she said, when we met at her office in Cambridge in December. She came to think that what people needed to heal themselves was a psychological “prime” — something that triggered the body to take curative measures all by itself. Gathering the older men together in New Hampshire, for what she would later refer to as a counterclockwise study, would be a way to test this premise. The men in the experimental group were told not merely to reminisce about this earlier era, but to inhabit it — to “make a psychological attempt to be the person they were 22 years ago,” she told me. “We have good reason to believe that if you are successful at this,” Langer told the men, “you will feel as you did in 1959.” From the time they walked through the doors, they were treated as if they were younger. The men were told that they would have to take their belongings upstairs themselves, even if they had to do it one shirt at a time. At the end of their stay, the men were tested again. On several measures, they outperformed a control group that came earlier to the monastery but didn’t imagine themselves back into the skin of their younger selves, though they were encouraged to reminisce. They were suppler, showed greater manual dexterity and sat taller — just as Langer had guessed. Perhaps most improbable, their sight improved. Independent judges said they looked younger. The experimental subjects, Langer told me, had “put their mind in an earlier time,” and their bodies went along for the ride.” Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/26/magazine/what-if-age-is-nothing-but-a-mind-set.html
  
• Live a life that has meaning – or, in other words, have a personal mission statement in life. Strive to accomplish something or to help others. “It is the pursuit of meaning is what makes human beings uniquely human. By putting aside our selfish interests to serve someone or something larger than ourselves -- by devoting our lives to "giving" rather than "taking" -- we are not only expressing our fundamental humanity, but are also acknowledging that that there is more to the good life than the pursuit of simple happiness.” Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-than-being-happy/266805/
  
• Volunteer and help others. “Volunteering probably reduces mortality by a year and a half or possibly up to two years for people who are in their senior years,” says Stephen G. Post, a professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University School of Medicine and the author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping and Why Good Things Happen to Good People. “If you could put the benefits of helping others into a bottle and sell it, you could be a millionaire in a minute.” Source: https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Why+do+we+hesitate+to+help%3F-a0352848707
  
• Do strength training – there is an association between muscular strength and mortality in men (2008). Source: https://www.bmj.com/content/2/4225/927.4
  
• This is also a great book: 'How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease' by Michael Greger: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25663961-how-not-to-die . You can find a summary of it here: https://www.allencheng.com/how-not-to-die-by-michael-greger-summary/

Please do not interpret what i'm about to say as me being an asshole (although I often have been accused as such). I'm trying to help, rather than bullshit you with the equivalent of a participation trophy or a motherly pat on the back.

I'm stating this with love (although it is tough love): If I've ever seen someone that needs r/TheRedPill, its you my friend. I'm not saying that you should become an asshole or be disrespectful to women, but rather that you should focus on building yourself up in the same style. There is absolutely the capacity to be an alpha male within you. And that's what women will find attractive consistently. I'm not saying you should become a macho chump poser that demeans and disrespects women (that's not what a real alpha male does anyway), but rather that you should identify and adopt the characteristics of an alpha male that women find attractive and craft your own new persona. Root out the JW mindset and adopt a new one. Got me?

Its time to work on yourself rather than working on trying to get laid. Its time to grow a pair of balls. Now, rather than simply saying "grow a pair of balls", let me try to help and give some recommendations of how you might go about doing that.

Get a gym membership (maybe check and see if your university has one that you can use free), and try the Starting Strength program. See here: https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738/

Starting strength will make a man out of you. One tip: Don't use the smith machine. Use a real squat rack. Yes, its required. Yes, with barbells.

Read this book too, its a real eye opener for reading people (including women): https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723/

Read up on affirmations, how to make them and use them, and start using them DAILY, maybe even more often than once a day. You probably don't need a book to research this, a simple google search will do. Harness the power of positive self-talk.

The words you say to yourself in your head or mutter to yourself quietly when nobody else is listening have a huge effect on how you view yourself. And by extension, others (especially women) can sense how much value you perceive that you have, and often will treat you in accord with that value you project.

>My date was kind of rude as she actually took a phone call from her male friend within the first 10-20 minutes of the date, I think she was even flipping through Tinder as we were talking.

This should have been an early warning signal letting you know that she wasn't worth your time. She didn't value your time and presence (and that is likely because you didn't establish your own value to her).

>Of course my problems only make me feel worse as one of my roommates is like extremely fit black young Hugh Hefner. This guy fucks all the time, like weekly.

That is fucking hilarious lol, but I really sympathize with you. I'm sure its torture that he's getting laid every night and you have to listen to the fucking. Is this guy friendly towards you? Is he willing to help with your issues? You never know, he may take some pity on you and help you to work on yourself a bit. Even if he isn't, pay attention closely to his attitudes and interactions with women and with others wherever you can. Don't try to be an exact copy of him, but watch for attitudes, words, and actions that he manifests that feel right for you, and that you could adopt into your own new persona.

>I feel especially shitty as "technically" I'm not a virgin because I fucked who I thought was going to be a women through MeetMe, but it turned out to be a transgender dude, my fault I guess as further inspection of the photos made it more obvious. I was going to leave but I was persuaded by an offer of a blowjob. I figured this was the first time I was offered anything sexual and I was under a lot of family related stress at the time so I said fuck it and got a BJ, and had to reciprocate him in the backside.

This is some 4chan shit right here, so allow me to present the appropriate meme: http://www.lememe.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/55556666.png

Don't beat yourself up too bad. Its behind you, and you never have to do this again if this type of hook up is not your style.

>So apparently finding a dude that wants to fuck is incredibly easy, finding a women in my case is like hunting for the holy fucking grail.

Yes, that's the honest to god truth when you don't project enough value to others. The only people you attract are people who are as desperate as you are.

>Don't get me wrong that all I want is sex, yes sex would be awesome, but I'm not afraid to be in a relationship, but at the same time I'm not going to turn down a hookup.

This screams desperation. You need to drop this mindset immediately. (Again, affirmations will help with this)

>My philosophy is just honoring whatever dating arrangement I agree to with a person, I have no religious reasons.

Again, desperation, compliance, submission. These traits will not attract women - at least not desirable ones.

>I tried talking to some women at parties, asked one to dance and she said no, even though she was standing against the wall not doing anything...

Again, you projected a lack of value, she judged you on the surface because of the lack of value you projected, and shut you down.

>...asked another how she was doing and she said good and that was it, and I had a little more luck at my last party as I got to help a girl with her Microsoft Access homework, we high-fived and were both wasted. I asked her if she was single and she said yes, but that she was just visiting and was going back home in a couple of days, so I just shook her hand and said it was nice we met.

That didn't mean she wasn't DTF my friend. She may have just been waiting for you to move on her. Lots of times, women are waiting for a man to confidently take charge when it comes to initiating sex. I'm sure nobody ever told you that (hell, nobody told ME that!!), but it is often true :)

>I'm giving this college thing one more semester before I call it quits. I'm not going to get another degree if it requires me to be miserable and single for another 3 years. I mean I'm charting into 30 year old wizard territory at this point and it scares the shit out of me. My friends have been trying to get me to move to Florida and I just may take them up on the offer.

Changing your location without changing your mindset is not likely to make a significant change to your circumstances. Although, it could offer you the opportunity to a fresh start, which could be helpful :)

>Any advice would be appreciated, I just feel the cult has taken a huge chunk of my life away when I was supposed to learn valuable social skills. I feel like a fucking child or an alien learning how to be human, even though I have been out of the cult for quite some time now, but have really only been away from toxic family for four months.

Yes, that's probably what happened. And its up to you to change it. Nobody else is going to do it for you. So stop wallowing in your own misery and change it. (Respectfully, with tough love, man to man.)

>My plan for next semester is joining some clubs, going to bars, and going more parties, and trying to strike up more conversations with women in class getting a gym membership, working on your self esteem and your ability to project your value to the opposite sex, and learning how to interact with women in a way that makes you attractive.

>If nothing happens in the second semester I'm just going to say fuck it and move, I'm at a point in my life were I'm tired of going out to eat by myself, shopping by myself, watching movies by myself, and doing everything else by my fucking self. All I did this Thanksgiving was sleep and get drunk. I've read all those articles about "loving yourself first", this isn't a problem about loving myself, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just so fucking sick of being alone, I don't have a family, I have no one close to me.

I feel your pain man. Now is not the time to give up, but it is time to change your approach.

Regarding kettlebells- it's unlikely at your current fitness level that your doctor will be cool with a swing progression, but I think farmer's walks and turkish getups could be great for you. Think about your muscle-building efforts in terms of the five fundamental human movements: Push, Pull, Hinge, Squat, and Loaded Carry. Push is like a bench press, overhead press or pushup. Pull is like a row, or pullup. Hinge is a deadlift, kettlebell swing, or good morning. Squat is self explanatory, and Loaded Carry is like a farmer's walk. Ideally to make a balanced routine you'd get some work done in every category over the course of a week.

How much food: There are many TDEE calculators out there- I'd reccomend plugging your stats into a few to see what you get. Your TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) is how many calories you need to eat to stay the weight you currently are. (Note: your TDEE is not your BMR (Base Metabolic Rate). Your BMR is what you would need to consume to maintain weight if you were in a coma and absolutely not doing anything.) To stay the same weight, you track your calories to try to hit that number, and weigh yourself regularly (I reccomend early morning before breakfast- makes it easiest to catch when the normal couple pounds of variation starts to drift) and put it in to myfitnesspal so you can see it on a graph. Tracking your weight and your calories is the only way to know if your estimated numbers are the correct TDEE for you.

This last bit can be confusing. There's the obvious issue with correctly estimating your exercise when you put it into the calculator- what does 'three times a week' really mean? But there's also the tracking calories accurately issue: You know how you sometimes hear people say 'I only eat 1100 calories a day, but I just can't lose weight!' Welllllllll.... no. They are either not recording food they eat, or not recording it correctly. Food labels can be up to 25% off, and it's very easy if you're measuring in anything other than grams (looking at you, myfitnesspal listings for 'one chicken breast'. Not helpful) to be off by quite a bit. But what you can be is consistent. If your daily calorie count is consistently wrong by 300 calories, your weight probably won't move much. (500 calories one way or the other off of your TDEE is about the right amount to gain or lose weight.) So what you do is watch your weight to see what's actually happening. If you don't see any movement over the course of a couple weeks, then you change your calorie goal for the day with the knowledge that it's a bit like aiming for a target with a gun that pulls to the left. In order to hit the target, you're overcompensating by aiming 'too far' to the right.

Macros: Depends on the kind of exercise you are doing, but for now when you're setting up your myfitnesspal goals I'd suggest trying for an 50% carb, 25% protein 25% fat split. This is actually a pretty high carb ratio, but probably less than you are currently eating. When you adjust to it, try to increase your protein and fats. And do try to get your carbs from 'complex' sources. Get your sugar bundled with some fiber like it is in fruit and whole grains. (There's a whole deep and I think very interesting rabbit hole about grain and how we process it interacts with our bodies. Basically grain is pretty okay, but what we do with it to make it into modern bread is pretty terrible.)

Okay, that was probably super overwhelming, but I wanted to give you a good base of understanding.

TLDR: On a daily basis, it looks like this. You've calculated your TDEE, decided you want to gain weight so you're eating goal is 500 calories over that. Before breakfast, you weigh yourself and put that into myfitnesspal during breakfast computer-time, during which you can also enter breakfast (probably the same thing every day, or one of a couple of common things, so easy to enter) and lunch (which you precalculated when you made up the big batch of it on the weekend.) Then you have a pretty good idea of what macros you need to 'fill in' with, and can make educated decisions about snacking and dinner. Maybe once a week look at your weight and food graphs, and see if you are hitting your goals, and what you might want to adjust.

Fiber is actually pretty easy to get enough of if you eat fruits and veggies. But if you have yogurt for breakfast, soup and sandwich for lunch, and pasta for dinner, you can find yourself in trouble even if you're 'eating healthy' and at a good weight. If you're worried about it, there's nothing wrong with taking a fiber supplement. I actually buy psyllium husk and mix it into my morning yogurt- I rather like how it thickens up the texture. But you can also take it in pill form, both work.

While we're on the topic of supplements- there are only a couple that have any proven health benefits to a basically healthy person. Vitamin D has good data, as does fish oil. Unless your doctor tells you that you do, you don't need a multivitamin. I also suggest eating probiotics- the data coming out on the gut/brain connection is really quite compelling, and home-made saurkraut/kimchi/preserved lemons/kombucha is actually dead-easy to make if you're interested, and can be a nice 'Wow, you made that?!' confidence boost.

Books that helped me learn:

• Enter the Kettlebell by Pavel
  
  
• The Well Fed books you're already looking for
  
  
• The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
  
  
• Becoming a Supple Leopard by Dr. Kelly Starrett
  
  
• The Art of Fermentation by Sandor Katz

Thanks for the thoughtful comment! I'll try to address all your points.

> My problem here is that I find some aspects of Conservative culture contemptible, having been directly exposed to them. I expect I'm likely to get some nods from social conservatives - I know they feel the same way about me and I'm suprisingly ok with that. I know why they feel as they do. But the reasons are not interchangeable nor do I find the reasons equally compelling.

I was raised in a very conservative area myself so I know exactly what you mean. If you're like me, you've seen an environment openly hostile to gay people, racial minorities, and ceaselessly preoccuppied with others' reproductive rights. Trust me, I know what you mean and I do think that a big problem is that rural/conservative America has not been held accountable for the way it creates the necessity for people to agitate for their rights.

But the reason you do not find them equally compelling is because you have a differing moral palette from a social conservative. I don't share them, either, but reading Jonathan Haidt's book The Righteous Mind opened me up a lot to the possibility that there's more to it than just closed-mindedness.

This is not to say that I think homophobia and racism have value. More that I think if we are to adequately ensure the equal treatment of all people, those who do not prioritize that goal need to understand why others think the way they do.

Unfortunately there's nothing to say that social conservatives must understand the way others think. Is that fair to liberals? No. But it's work anyone must do if they want their ideas to be made material. But persuasion and slow change are incredibly important tools in a democracy.

> Since I do believe in individual liberty, I tend to respond to social conservatives saying that "liberals are trying to redefine male and female" for everybody with a derisive snort. I'm in fairly good touch with that sort of liberal - and it's all about being allowed to define your own self. That's a conclusion that is trivially established by asking a few people.

I wish I could agree with you that the goal is about personal liberty, but in a world where Obama's reinterpretation of Title IX materially changes the experience of women and children in bathrooms and locker rooms, it is regrettably not so. Trans people should of course be free of violence, harassment, employment, and housing discrimination. But redefining male/female to be subjective identities rather than material conditions impacts everybody in a huge way. It can take away the right of a woman to eject a male (regardless of gender identity) from her changing area simply because an internal gender identity cannot be proven or disproven. There are non-conservative reasons to rankle at this, that have a lot to do with liberty.

> My childhood brand of Conservatism meshes will with that. But then, it took Classical Liberalism as a given. Individual liberties are sacred and government exists to enforce them against those who would take them from us. Those who violate them are wrong. To the extent that any small trespass is needed in order to achieve some goal, compensation is due.
> It's not a violation of anyone's liberty to respect the needs of the transgendered. If anything, it's a universal increase of liberty.
> Attempts to force other people into a gender binary are being judged harshly. But then, IMHO, force is bad. I cite the Non-Aggression Principle. Nobody is being judged for being gender-conforming and heteronormative. Most people are, to the extent that it's silly to think that the exceptions could be any threat to the general rule.
> This is gay marrage redoux - the idea that gays getting married somehow "ruins" marriage, when all it does is allow another group of people to exercise their individual rights fully.

I understand the comparison between feeling threatened over "redefining marriage" and being skeptical of attempts to "redefine male/female." But marriage has been defined and redefined by the government with a bunch of laws before. There's precedence. Expanding the legal definition to include same-sex consenting adults doesn't change what marriage is (a contractual agreement between consenting adults).

Redefining male/female to be a subjective identity rather than a physical reality is much more complicated. On the grounds of individual liberty, adults should absolutely have the right to dress themselves however they want, and request that others address them how they desire. Absolutely.

But Obama's Title IX letter openly makes clear that sex protections are actually reflective of gender identity. That is redefining male/female in a way that is essentially reflective of a religious belief. And it's not one that everyone shares, or should have to share.

You are entitled to behave and dress and act and think however you want in terms of gendered presentation. That is the right of all people. Females should absolutely be able to be assertive, dress in trousers, and occupy positions of power. Males should absolutely be able to be delicate, wear frilly dresses, and do all the housework they please without being harassed or discriminated against.

You are entitled to all these things. But you are not entitled to your own facts, and there is no scientific proof that internal, innate subjective gender identity exists beyond people saying "I am male/female." Acknowledgment of this claim people have of themselves should not be legislated in the same way acknowledging God should not be legislated. As with religion, it would be absurd if people should be forced to cooperate. The saying goes, "your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins." Consider that there is a nose here you're not seeing-- a woman or girl's right to facilities free of penis isn't just uppity, bigoted Christians with an irrational fear. Women fought hard for sex-segregated public facilities. Before them, they were much less able to access the public sphere.

Bear in mind that passing trans people (or those with consent from their communities) have always been able to use the facilities of their identity. But to put into writing that subjective identity trumps all regardless of other factors is redefining male/female for everybody.

> But clearly, this is a clash of moral visions. And clearly, I feel that my consequentialist ethical foundation is far more defensible than a Deontological "Because God Said So."

> I support the right of individual self-determination and reject the notion that I can be expected to sacrifice my own best interest in the name of supporting a social vision I fundamentally object to. I also support those who feel that god says something quite different than what Pat Robertson says they say. I find it difficult to conceive of a god worth knowing that would give Pat Roberson the time of day.
> I should point out that with a few radical exceptions, liberals are not demanding the same thing. They are perfectly willing to accept Conservative self-descriptions. Speaking for myself, I may not believe them, but I'll accept them. It's no more difficult than accepting and tolerating those people who believe they are transpeciated.

I will, too. But not as their gender identity. I might on a case-by-case basis. But that is not the current stated political goal and it is not what the Title IX letter did.

You might accept, love, and want all human rights and housing/employment discrimination protections for a person who believes, with 100% conviction, that they are a dog. But if a great number of dog-folk start lobbying to change the legal definition of a dog to be a subjective state that has nothing to do with bodies? There are far-reaching implications. A lot of noses, so to speak.

> My response is a simple "if you say so." It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. Now, I don't have to think of them as strangely compelling either. Nobody is asking me to. If I do, that's my issue and since it is - it's not something I can blame on "liberals."

In many situations, what you're saying applies. I don't think people should be mean to transgender people. I just also do not think that legal definitions of male and female should be changed to reflect their beliefs.

Acknowledging someone's preferred subjective identity is easy and ideal in passing! But it's a bit different when there's an obvious male in your wife's gym's locker room, armed with legislation that prevents her from using common sense to deduce that this person is a man with a fetish. Or an obviously male teenager dominating your daughter's female athletics division.

These may seem like petty concerns, but things like these don't affect you until they do. I encourage you to think about having no recourse if you were in these situations. There's a big difference between being accepting of gender-non-conforming people and redefining male and female to be subjective identities, and that is exactly what the Title IX letter sought to do.

Again, none of this is to say trans people are bad and deserve any sort of harm. It's just to say there are perfectly valid reasons to find some of the recent specific legislation pertaining to gender identity to impinge upon their rights.

I haven't even read the guys but from what I understand they are (a) MRA and (b) Red Pill. My ideology is (a) anti-feminist but also anti-MRA and (b) against both Blue and Red Pill for the reasons explained in OP.

And practical solutions are in some of the sections I linked you just have to know how to read the thing. I don't dwell on those subjects because I am not successful in dating myself so why would I give other people advice? What I do instead is share my experiences with dating and refer to some of the resources that seem helpful and critique the ones that seem less helpful. I believe there is useful stuff in what I linked you to. For example in the tri-fold solution:

• learning how to lift with correct form and compound lifts (squats, deadlifts, etc.)
  
• learning good fashion
  
• learning how to cook, change tires, drive a car, know basic DIY
  
• learning how to be financially prudent
  
• learning how to be career oriented (i.e. have direction for the future) - and potential support with this (qualifications, references, etc.)
  
• learning how to hold conversations with friends/family acquaintances as well as being able to talk to strangers
  
  ​
  
  (as a basis which everyone knows anyway)
  
  And the platitudes I critique but can work I guess:
  
  
• online dating
  
• clubs and societies
  
• basic hygiene
  
• getting out of the house
  
• just being confident
  
• just being ourselves
  
• approaching women
  
• having purpose and ambition in our lives
  
• looking for self-actualisation in passions of ours that lie outside of dating women
  
• going to bars and night clubs
  
• hitting the gym
  
• consuming works of art, literature or filmography by feminist women with strong female protagonists
  
• seeing a therapist/psychiatrist/other related expert
  
• *insert meaningless tripe*
  
  ​
  
  (note: mentioned in the link I sent you: "Yes ... plenty of us have tried [those things] and for those of us ... who hadn't ... well it is all here for them now.")
  
  ​
  
  Also:
  
  
• Concrete Advice
  
  At [[](https://www.reddit.com/r/GoodMenGoodValues)*my community], we are open to concrete advice as opposed to nebulous inner-game concepts such as self-reflection and the other ones mentioned. For example, I the author of the GMGV Primer have read Mark Rippetoe's fantastic book "Starting Strength". Since some degree of muscularity is attractive to women, that is the way I workout now, but if you suggested that literature to me (without knowing that I had read the book), I would not have considered it platitude advice. Mark Manson's "Models" and Love System's "Magic Bullets" (guides to attracting women) are two relatively inexpensive books I have mixed feelings on (the content has pros and cons) but again, I would not consider that platitude advice. Lifestyle and dating tips that discuss the severely neglected verbal game element of approaching women are especially recommended because most existing "verbal game" is either just*
  
  

1. gimmicky canned material and stupid "routine stackers" that are simply dreadful
   
2. so-called "authentic" PUA that denies the legitimacy of verbal game because of number 1. but don't really consider alternatives because you should "just be confident" and let conversation flow freely or some bullshit
   
   Anything else that deals with propinquity (i.e. specific lifestyle choices that get you closer to women and not just "get a hobby, bro!" simplified bullshit) is considered concrete advice at GMGV. If you are reading this and you don't have any concrete suggestions (because not everyone does), that's fine. Just don't bother giving platitudes, or even advice really. Also, at this point most people normally say they have to know about you personally to give concrete suggestions but it's not true because the fundamentals for being attractive to a wide population of women are always the same click here.
   
   For that reason, you don't need to know the ins and outs of a person's life to give this advice. For example, Starting Strength is a sufficient foundation for the muscularity aspect (well the barbell training part, not so much for nutrition) - as an example. So far I have never encountered a sufficient foundation for verbal game. However there is a sufficient foundation for body language, which is SOFTEN (smile, open body language, forward lean, touch, eye contact but "nodding" not so much, I believe).
   
   But again, I really don't want to hear about nebulous inner game concepts unless it's to do with a specific discipline like positive psychology or stoic philosophy but with stronger empirical grounding. Because that stuff is interesting by itself anyway. If you have an academic interest in virtue ethics or Buddhist philosophy, Taoism or any related subjects I would love to learn from you.
   
   ​
   
   And finally:
   
   

   Here are some resources based on the central theme in the 'tutelage section' of the Primer.
   

   
   

• Learning how to lift with correct form and compound lifts (squats, deadlifts, etc.)
  
  "Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training", Mark Rippetoe [click here]
  
  
• General physicality: self-defence, strength and conditioning, etc.
  
  Beast Skills: Bodyweight Strength Training [click here]
  
  Official Then X: An Introduction to Calisthenics [click here]
  
  Official Bas Rutten: General Strength & Conditioning, Self-Defence and Mixed Martial Arts [click here]
  
  Street Smart Self Protection and Weapons: General Strength & Conditioning, Self-Defence and Mixed Martial Arts [click here]
  
  
• Learning Good Fashion
  
  Not covered
  
  
• Learning how to cook, change tires, drive a car, know basic DIY
  
  Not covered
  
  
• Learning how to be financially prudent
  
  Not covered
  
  
• Learning how to be career oriented (i.e. have direction for the future) - getting good qualifications, references, etc.
  
  Not covered
  
  
• Learning how to hold conversations with friends/family acquaintances as well as being able to talk to strangers
  
  Conversation Starters [click here]
  
  Confidence: What It Is, What It Isn't [click here]
  
  Social Confidence Builders [click here]ve to learn and read it. It is primarily an ideological manifesto, not a how-to handbook. But how-tos happen to be in there.

Lemme put the TL;DR at the top. You need to start training with weights. Specifically heavy compound barbell movements: squats, deadlifts, overhead press, and bench press.

Longer version:

You have described several problems:

1. Loneliness
   
2. Self-esteem issues
   
3. The need to see tangible results
   
4. Your lack of self-discipline
   
   Lifting weights addresses all of these issues and a bunch more. But I'm not recommending you go in there and hire a trainer (too expensive) or just pick a routine off of bodybuilding.com (you're not going to stick to it).
   
   Instead I want to introduce you to a concept called training. Of course you've heard the term before, but do you know what it means? Most people exercise when they go to the gym. Chances are, when you think of working out, you think of exercising. Exercising is essentially punching a clock on physical fitness. It's also, in my opinion, a waste of time (unless it's just something you like to do). What do you get from it? Hot, sweaty, out of breath, and you feel like you worked out hard. What you likely didn't do was get stronger.
   
   To get stronger, you have to train. Training is essentially sticking to a plan that will get you to your goals. All I'm asking for is three times a week doing 3 exercises for 3 sets of 5 reps a piece. That's it. No running. No abs work. Hell, you don't even have to stretch. (Or if you enjoy those things, do any or all of them.) But if you can learn to do 4 lifts - squats, bench press, overhead press, and deadlift - you can gain several hundred pounds on your lifts in a few months.
   
   Yes. You. It works for everybody who does it. And there are people in their 80s on this program deadlifting 315 lbs. This is a program that literally anybody can do. With that being said, you'll want to study up on good form.
   
   The program you want is called Starting Strength. There's a book. There's a website. There's an app. There's a YouTube channel. And there's a subreddit, with an active Starting Strength Coach as one of the moderators. And there's a guy at the top of it all, Mark Rippetoe, to guide you through the whole deal.
   
   As you can tell from the title, this is for beginners. If you have less than a year in the gym, that means you. "Beginner" refers to your potential for gains, not how long you've been doing it.
   
   Speaking of, the thing you're going to love is what's known as "noobie gains". Literally every time you go to the gym you're stronger. You can progress 5 lbs. per visit per lift for months before your noobie gains give out. That means if you start with the bar (45 lbs.), which is as good a place to start as anywhere, 8 weeks later you'll be lifting 165 lbs. Four weeks after that you'll be lifting 225 lbs. That's 2-45 lb. plates on each side. And you'll continue to go up from there. For squats and your deadlift, this is practically guaranteed.
   
   It's hard to feel like crap about yourself when you can't stop getting stronger. I swear, it will feel like magic.
   
   I could talk about the program all day, but I'll just say one more thing about it and that's to give you the program. There's a A day and a B day. You alternate days. So week one is A-B-A. Week two is B-A-B and so on.
   
   A Day - Squats (3x5), Overhead Press (3x5), Deadlift (1x5)
   
   B Day - Squats (3x5), Bench Press (3x5), Deadlift (1x5)
   
   The first few weeks you're in there will be so quick you'll be in and out in 30 minutes. But as it gets heavier, you'll take your time more. Starting light (bar weight for everything except deadlifts... 95 lbs for deads) gives your body plenty of time to get used to doing the movements and will slowly strengthen everything in your body so you don't feel like you're dying from the start.
   
   Besides getting strong, you'll make friends. Contrary to what you may think, the world's best thing to see in a gym (besides fitness chicks) is a new guy with a plan. We only hate that guy if he proves to be an idiot. Just re-rack your weights and be cool and everything will go great for you.
   
   If you need a spot for the bench, ask for one. You'll get asked to spot eventually. It's just good gym etiquette to do it for other guys in there. It's an easy way to make friends.
   
   And if you're thinking, "who would want to be friends with me?", that question is kind of irrelevant if I just need you to spot the weights and tell me that I crushed it when I get finished. Which is all you need to do to make friends at the gym.
   
   If you set a regular time to go, other people are doing the same thing. Show up 12 times in a row (4 weeks worth) and see if you don't start making a few friends. You'll impress people with your work ethic. You're doing the big boy lifts, so others are going to watch your form and so on. It's not a big deal. And if you really work on your form, hand to God, within 3 months you'll have a bro lifter who can bench more than you squat explain to you why they can't squat right. Knees, or back, or something other silly nonsense. That just means they're impressed with what you're doing.
   
   Anyway, I've already written a wall of text. But trust me. You need compound barbell movements in your life. They'll do more for you in two weeks than literally anything else you could do.
   
   From there, that will make you care about your diet (are you getting enough protein?), and your sleep. That fixes more issues and before you know it, you're feeling like the man.
   
   The weights won't lie to you. When you put that second plate on and squat it, or the third plate on and deadlift it, that's something you can either do, or you can't. The fact that you will prove to yourself every time you're in the gym that you can? Well, that's empowering as a motherfucker.
   
   I mean, you can get lucky and make a lot of money. But you can't get lucky and lift a lot of weight. There's only one way that happens. You work for it and you achieve it. Once you conquer your body, it proves to yourself that you can do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
   
   If you have more questions, post them or message me. I'm happy to talk more to you about it.
   
   Now, let Mark Rippetoe teach you how to squat.

It will help, but that for many is secondary to the discovery that they can actually enjoy shaving.

First, note that true lather (made with shaving brush from shaving soap or shaving cream) will make a big improvement all by itself. In terms of quality and enjoyment of the shave, it runs like this for most:

Worst: cartridge razor + canned foam
Better: DE razor + canned foam
Better yet: cartridge razor + true lather
Best: DE razor + true lather

Indeed, you can probably ease your current situation by getting a shaving brush and a shaving cream (easier to lather and not so affected by hard water as shaving soap) and starting to use good prep---that, and making sure you use a light touch and pay attention to the grain of your beard. Take a look at the the four most common mistakes cartridge shavers make when switching to a DE razor. From those you can get ideas for improving your cartridge shave.

The main surprise when switching to a DE razor are they blades: they are not what you probably expect. Get a sampler pack start with. Try 2-3 brands from your sampler pack and then use the best of those exclusively for a couple of months. (To stick to the same brand for two months, you will have to buy a couple of packs of that brand so that you can replace blades as they become dull in use.) By keeping the brand of blade constant, variation from shave to shave is (probably) due to prep and technique, so you can focus more on perfecting those by not changing the razor or brand of blade. Also, after two months, you'll really know what that brand of blade feels like so when you try a new brand the differences are highlighted.

Some good starter razors---that is, razors that perform well, are not prone to nick, and are not costly: one of the Maggard razors, the Parker 26C open-comb, one of the Edwin Jagger razors (they all have the same head, and prices vary by handle---take a look at the Kelvin model, for example).

Here are some options:

Boar: Any of the Omega brushes, and note especially the R&B commemorative brush at the bottom right of the page. It's $29 but a remarkably good brush. (Same brush is also available from Shaving.ie without the R&B imprint.) For half that, the 20102 is very serviceable and good and has a nifty wooden handle. Wet a boar brush under the hot-water tape before you shower and it will be ready when the shower's done. Boar brushes break in and improve over time with quite noticeable improvement in the first couple of weeks---which suggests that making practice lathers is a good idea. Use firm pressure and brisk brushing to load the brush, and brush the soap until the bubbles being formed are microscopic, and then continue brushing for about 10 seconds.

Horsehair: BullgooseShaving.net has some excellent horsehair brushes; the mother load is GiftsAndCare.com. Do the same soaking routine as for boar brushes. Horsehair brushes involve no animal cruelty: they are a by-product of routine grooming.

Synthetic: Synthetics have come a long way and Mühle leads the pack. The HJM black synthetic from ConnaughtShaving.com (Mühle black synthetics at top; scroll down for HJM synthetics) is made by Mühle and costs about $25 shipped to the US. (US residents don't pay VAT.)

Badger: Often a "pure" badger brush is unpleasantly prickly. WhippedDog.com makes an excellent silvertip badger brush, with your choice of handle, for around $30 shipped. I recommend the 22mm knot as the best all-round size. Neither badger nor synthetic require soaking, though some do like to soak badger brushes. I've tried soaking badger and not soaking it, and for me there's no noticeable difference. If anything, the unsoaked badger seems to make a slightly better lather.

J.M. Fraser shaving cream is an excellent shaving cream despite being inexpensive (a 1-lb tub for less than $14---should last many months).

You can take a look at the reader reviews of my introductory guide and decide from those whether the book is likely to be helpful to you. It's available from all Amazon sites in both Kindle and print formats.

Welcome.

edit: typos.

No problem on the stalking, haha.

Those are good questions about lifting. I've also done a lot of googling on the topic and come away frustrated. I started about 3.5 years ago, and I train mostly for strength. Overall, I think it's been a good thing for my scoliosis. It can be frustrating - lifting is harder when you don't have a straight spine supporting the weight. I've been able to get decently strong and continue to make progress, though (495x1 deadlift, 335x5 squat, and 210ish bench). All my lifts continue to go up each week, although I have had injuries and tweaks along the way. I can't say if it's due to my scoliosis or not, so I just deal with them and keep training.

I think the way scoliosis will impact lifting will be a little different for everyone since everyone's curves are unique. For the most part, I can perform the lifts with minimal modifications. Bench is hard for me because my right shoulder comes out at a weight angle due to my thoracic curve, but I'm still able to get stronger.

I think lifting has made my curves less noticeable, but it's really hard to say. Ultimately, a body with muscle on it is going to look better than one without, and being stronger is going to be better than being weaker. I do struggle with body image issues with the scoliosis from time to time, and lifting has been very helpful for that. I have a lot more confidence, both from having muscle and from knowing that I'm stronger than most other guys walking around on the street.

Are you familiar with the Starting Strength program? I would highly recommend that program. It's a basic barbell program, and it's the most effective way to get stronger. There's a large community on the starting strength forums, which is a great place to ask for advice and post form checks. There are a lot of things grouped under "Starting Strength": "the program" I just mentioned, the methods of executing the lifts, weekend seminars put on by Mark Rippetoe, a coaching certification, an app, an online coaching service, and a series of books. Sometimes starting strength gets flack from bros online, but I would ignore that. Just go to the forums and look at people's training logs - you'll see some big numbers achieved relatively quickly.

The 2 big things for success in the gym are proper form and adhering to a program without giving up or adding stuff to it. For form, the best thing you can do is find an "SSC" (Starting Strength Coach) near you and schedule a training session. They'll teach you how to perform the lifts safely in accordance with the SS model, along with any modifications you might need to make due to your scoliosis. For example, with a lumbar curve, you may have an effective leg length discrepancy and need to shim one of your shoes. They'll be able to tell you that. They'll also be able to help you get started on the novice program.

To find a coach, you can look here: http://startingstrength.org/index.php/site/coaches

Rippetoe himself also puts on seminars, which I mentioned, which you can find a list of here: http://startingstrength.com/coaching/seminars

I also mentioned the starting strength books. The first one to read is "Starting Strength: Basic Barbell Training" (abbreviated as SSBBT). You can get it on amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738. This book covers how to perform the lifts, and briefly talks about the novice program toward the end. The book is very dense, and I wouldn't recommend reading it cover to cover at first. I'd read the "how to" parts for each lift first, then go back and fill in the blanks.

The next book is "Practical Programming for Strength Training" (https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Programming-Strength-Training-Rippetoe/dp/0982522754). This covers how to structure a training program. It goes into more detail on the novice program, then lays out different types of intermediate and advanced programming. This one isn't as essential to order right away - you can find the general novice program here: https://www.t-nation.com/training/most-lifters-are-still-beginners (scroll down to "The Program").

I guess that was a long response. Hopefully this info is helpful for you or anyone in the future who might find this thread. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Depending on your location, I may be able to recommend a coach or gym. I wish I knew all of this when I was your age, so don't hesitate to get in touch.

No problem! Free weights are definitely going to be better than machines for building muscle and improving balance/posture/etc., lots of studies show this. Actually, one of the reasons I started lifting was because osteoporosis runs in my family, and a new study recently came out showing that machines are basically 100% useless in building bone density. There are some machines that can be handy as accessories, but for the most part you'll have better luck with dumbbells and barbells.

HOWEVER, that's kind of beside the point! It sounds like you have two problems.

1. You're intimidated by starting a program or trying new things with the free weights.
   
   
2. Maybe (not sure, but humor me) you don't know what your goals are?
   
   For either of these reasons, you're currently experiencing what we usually call "fuckarounditis," the period of time that you look back on a year or more from now and wish you hadn't wasted, and just gotten started on accomplishing your goals. You'll often see posts saying, "I've been lifting for 8 months, but only seriously for the last 3." Those first 5 months were fuckarounditis, the latter three were productive.
   
   If (1): Check out some of these threads. Read, be inspired, and realize you're brave! You can always practice the moves at home in front of a mirror, and work with dumbbells at first. Nobody's expecting you to go nuts on day one. If you want to try stuff with free weights, find a program, and then start small. You can always start with dumbbells, nobody will think twice about it.
   
   If (2): think about your goals. Not sure? Brainstorm some ideas. Since you're already playing around with the bar a little, and the leg press, I'm assuming you have some strength goals. There are some great strength programs out there, some are listed in the FAQ (read the rest of the faq too if you haven't already, it is aweosme). StrongCurves has a beginner program for aesthetics and strength, Starting Strength is more just strength. StrongLifts is very straightforward, and there's a free phone app you can do that helps you track workouts that's pretty sweet. A lot of people on reddit are doing Ice Cream Fitness (ICF), that is also very straightforward, and people seem to really like it (actually, it honestly looks easier to follow than Starting Strength).
   
   So yeah, take a couple days to read over some of those, and see if there's one that sounds interesting. If you do Strong Curves, buy the Amazon book, or for Starting Strength there's a book, or you can find coughtorrentcough the pdf online. For ICF, StrongLifts, and other programs, if there's any move you don't know how to do, just check a tutorial on youtube or on the bodybuilding.com exercise database, which is a great resource).
   
   Still feeling like you're not ready to take that step? Remember this. ;)

I get excited by this question, but I don't want to type a bunch out again since I feel like I just did :)

I posted this (re-edited a bit) as a comment to my own thread a bit ago, so read it then if you have any questions about my opinions on the topic, please let me know!


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For starters, I've been reading this absolutely amazing book, I've had a few revelations into how purposeful meditation can help lucid dreaming techniques. Firstly, the book emphasizes the idea that one of the main purposes of meditation is to cultivate two things: Mindfulness and Stable Attention.

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Mindfulness, many of you are very aware of. It includes both external observation (what's going on around you, sensations in your body, etc) and internal, metacognitive observation (awareness of emotion and thought). It means being peripherally aware of these things, without directing your primary attention towards them.

Many lucid dreaming techniques involve mindfullness, and ADA is the pinnacle. ADA is a technique that is not only geared towards dreaming - it is an end goal of many who are purely interested in the benefits it can bring to waking life as well.

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Stable attention, on the other hand, is not so heavily emphasized in this sub. Meditation is like weight training for your mind. If you lift chest and bis every day, neglecting your legs, you'll look like a chicken. If you cultivate mindfullness without regarding stable attention, the book outlines a few "symptoms" that could not only make lucid dreaming harder, but also could be detrimental to (desired) brain function.

The hardest part about advanced stages of meditation seems to be combining the two together, at the same time, so that both your awareness and focus are effortless and powerful. For a long time, I was meditating with the purpose of developing ADA and mindfulness only. I have gotten very good at doing reality checks, my awareness is pretty solid throughout the day, and I often realize I'm dreaming. However, my ability to focus has not made very much progress - in fact sometimes I feel like it's gotten worse. Even though I become lucid often, the dream does not always become super vivid, the length is often short, and I tend to get distracted SUPER easily.

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Since I started focusing on the two as a pair during meditation, I have seen many benefits that come from training the attention, both awake and asleep. In waking life my focus has gotten better. Attention wanders naturally for everyone, but my cycle of re-focusing it has become much shorter. The way you get distracted doing work is the same way you get distracted from your meditation object (finger wagging, the breath, yoga poses, etc). In the dream world, the vividity of my dreams has increased, they've been more stable, and I'm more able to focus on my dream intentions without "losing it".

Instead of trying to be aware of everything and focused on nothing (the silence that we talk about), it is sometimes good to be aware of everything and focus on nothing but a meditation object. Something specific is best, such as the sensations of the breath passing the tip of your nose. This allows you to essentially do a "zoom", where you notice subtler and subtler sensations of the breath (sensations it would normally be impossible to feel because there is so much else going on to steal away your attention.) I'm sure you can imagine the benefits such controlled concentration can bring to whatever world you're in.

tl;dr You can't pick and choose what you want to train. The meditation and lucid dreaming package includes both mindfulness and stable attention, and training one to the exclusion of the other has consequences - awake or asleep.

I'm 27, and this is the advice I would give my 17 year old band nerd self (bari sax player here. Yes, I marched bari sax, it was awesome):

It sounds like you go to a big high school. How many girls have you tried to date? As in, how many girls have you actually asked on a date? One? Five? How can you expect to get into relationships if you don't make your romantic intentions clear? My advice is to get used to getting turned down. It's a hard thing to do, but once you desensitize yourself to rejection, dating gets easier. I mean come on, you don't really expect every girl to want to go out with you, do you? Just some. Let me be more specific: Each week, ask at least one cute girl you see for her phone number (or however people message each other nowadays). Preferably a girl you don't already talk to or know well. Look in her eyes with a bright, warm smile, say hi, make small talk, and ask for her number, or to go on a date. Classmates, cashiers, colorguard members, cheerleaders (probably not gonna happen but see the part about getting used to rejection). If she says no, then just smile and say ok. Literally nothing has been lost. Then when you get a phone number, wait a few days, then CALL HER AND ASK HER ON A DATE. Take it from there.

As for the girl who you love. She told you no. Accept her boundaries, dude. Move on. You want something that she doesn't, and trying to persuade her into changing her mind just hurts your self worth. I would strongly advise you not try to contact her in any way again. Wait for her to talk to you... more than once, preferably, before you respond at all. I think you'll find that she won't try to contact you, and that shows what she really wants from you. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who actually likes you.

Finally, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you try to get into a relationship with someone by first hanging around them for a long while, being super kind and doing a bunch of favors for them, and only then bringing up what you've wanted all along. That's deceptive and underhanded because you've hidden your intentions. If you like a girl and want to go on a date with her, and that's the entire reason you're talking to her, a better thing to say would be "Hey, I like you. Want to go on a date?" For now, I advise keeping potential love interests and friends largely separate, when possible. The reason for this is girls are not machines in which you put kindness coins until they magically want to date you. Ask her on a date. If she says yes, great. If she says no, accept that you're probably never going to be in a relationship. Unless you'd really be satisfied with only EVER being friends, don't actively pursue the friendship, because that's not what you really want.

Edit: Other, semi-related advice I would give my 17 year old self: Buy this book, do it with a gym partner, and thank me in a year.

https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738 this should be a staple of every person starting the gym. If you're not much into reading, then check out author's YouTube channel.

Always start with a warm up, rowing machine is generally most efficient for the whole body.

5sets x5reps for strenght and slow size progression. If you want to focus mostly on building muscle fast, then go for classic 4x8 or 3x12 approx 3 times a week, day on, and day off, plus weekend off for stretching/foam rolling or anything else that can improve your recovery process, but that's a bonus.

Your goal is a linear progression, meaning you pick a weight that you can complete 1set of 12 repetitions that will challenge you, but not wreck you, because you still have 2 more sets to do. You want to make sure you fully complete every set, without cheating. If you can't do it, that means there is too much weight on the bar. Leave your ego at the door, and drop the weight.
If you can complete all your sets and all your reps with good form, next time you train, you slightly increase the weight, and that will keep you going. At the beginner stage you don't need any fancy techniques like drops sets, iso holds, rest pasues, etc. So don't worry about all that stuff for another year or even two.

For hypertrophy (muscle pump) you want to keep the rest periods between sets to 90 seconds max. Set the timer or just count your breathes.

You will quickly notice that everyone you ask, will give you a different sort of advice, and claim that their plan is the best.
Don't fall for a shiny object syndrome pick a plan and stick with it for 3 months. Track all your numbers, so you know what works and what doesnt.
Take a before picture so you can compare it to your results.

Read up on the diet, but basic premise is that you need to consume more calories that you burn every day in order to put on weight. Aim for 10-15% more kcal than you need. If after a week you see no difference on the scale increase your kcal intake by another 5%
Aim for 1gram of lean protein for every 1lbs of your body weight daily, and eat carbs mostly around the workout time. Clean bulk is always more efficient than eating a lot of crap and then wasting time to burn off the unwanted fat.
https://m.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1980881408682147&id=119776444792662&set=a.133423386761301 check out other pics in their gallery in terms of visuals of what to eat and not eat.

Make sure you get your 8h if sleep, because that's when the muscle actually grow. In the gym, very often less is more.

Building bigger muscles in oversimplified terms comes down to the time under tension and mechanical damage that muscle is exposed to, so you want to learn how to contract your muscles properly. Resistance bands are a safe and efficient way to do so. Essentially you want to feel the" burn" in the target muscle.

Additionally you can throw in some creatine (dirt cheap) and very efficient. If you're just starting you will notice gains really fast and you can train to the extreme, since your max won't be big enough to truly tax your central nervous system.

The most important thing is to gather some knowledge first, because you can waste a lot of time doing stuff that's doesn't work. If i had a chance to start again i would have found the best looking personal trainer at the gym, or someone who has clients with the desired results and paid him/her to teach me the basics to significantly accelerate my progress.

Remember that good technique builds the strength, but strength doesn't build good technique. And in this case technique refers to safety and efficiency of moving the load from point a to point b.

Get some good music on your playlist and while you keep your final destination in mind, learn to enjoy the process.

That should be enough to get you started.
If you would like to further deepen your knowledge check this https://www.t-nation.com/

Good luck and have fun plus don't forget to update us in your progress ;)

So, everyone telling you to do cardio is wrong. Objectively so, but they're not doing it out of spite or malice... they're doing it because they don't know any better either. They did what they did, and for a lot of them it was good enough, but the real question is... was it the best and most efficient thing to do? "Cardio," as it's commonly referred to, is really slow, steady-state aerobic training or exercise. It is absolutely not going to help you for two main reasons: 1) You are overweight and deconditioned and 2) you are going into a job where being able to run 10+ miles is NOT a significant factor. Being able to move quickly, hand-to-hand, load bearing equipment/duty load, carrying or moving heavy objects or people, movement to contact runs, getting into various positions, shooting, moving yourself through a three dimensional environment, etc. ARE all tasks you face.

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So what should you do about it? Well, to start off you should get strong. As strong as you can, and do so while eating enough to maintain your training (but NOT enough that you don't slowly lose a LITTLE body fat). Body composition, not body weight, is important. The BMI index is garbage past people who never do anything physical and use their diet to manage their body fat. They're the mopeds of the metabolic world. You don't want to be a moped... you want to be a fighter jet. Not only will the ability to produce force help you across damn near every single job task you have to do (including helping keep your back/joints from being beat to shit before you're 30), but it is the adaptation that takes the longest to attain with the most dedication of energy and resources (time, food, rest). Once you get strong, and as you approach your academy date (2-3 months out), start to titrate in your conditioning load to your strength training. You should focus most on HIIT for your conditioning, as this will be the most effective use of your time. The majority of adaptation for conditioning happens at the cellular level, so you will probably be in tremendously good condition for any law enforcement or military physical fitness test in 8-10 weeks. The strength you gained ahead of time will allow you to run faster, bear more load, subdue people more easily, control situations by physical presence and confidence and will also assist your conditioning work as an important component of endurance.

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I hope you take my recommendation seriously. If you would like explanations, examples, studies, etc. I can provide them, but know that while I do not have law enforcement experience I did spend a LOT of time in the Marine Corps working for a particular community. I know that strength works, and I know that HIIT conditioning works. Mostly because I did it every possible way you could think of, and in retrospect I would throw every other thing I ever did out the window and strength training with conditioning as a supplemental. Strength served me best, in every capacity, through multiple deployments to Afghanistan as a Marine and civilian contractor, on fitness tests, on the range/shoot house/MOUT town, etc. If you're ready to stop exercising, stop wasting your time and energy, and start training... I recommend you start here. I am also training to apply for FLEO, so if you would like an accountability partner let me know. I cannot mentor you with police stuff, but I do have friends in law enforcement who do everything from large SWAT teams to CSI to FBI Special Agent.

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Edit: I screwed up some words.

Personal trainers don't need to know what they are talking about.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_trainer#United_States
>A number of certifications are available in the U.S., although a number are not accredited. Most require a high school diploma, cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and automated external defibrillator (AED) certification, and some type of examination.[6]
A 2002 investigation evaluated a random sample of 115 personal trainers using the Fitness Instructors Knowledge Assessment (FIKA) (which measures knowledge in nutrition, health screening, testing protocols, exercise prescription, and special populations). The study described that:[14][15]
>
70% of those surveyed did not have a degree in any field related to exercise science.
Those who did not have a bachelor's degree in an exercise science-related field scored 31% less on average than those with a bachelor's degree or higher in the field.
Those holding one of two specific certifications (the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM) or the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA) certification) scored 83% of the questions correctly on average. Those holding any certification other than ACSM or NSCA answered only 38% of the questions correctly.
Years of experience was not found to be predictive of personal trainer knowledge.

With that said - if I were a personal trainer I would discourage people from doing barbell work, to at least emphasize they need some study. Probably some liability if someone hurts themselves, and some people are morons. At any rate take what trainers say with a lot of salt.

I gained about 15 pounds in a year doing a simple beginner program 3 times a week. This was not at all the center of my life - working and going to school for CS at the same time. I did spend quite a bit of time studying how to do the exercises correctly. With a beginner program, you will start with very low weight (which increases fast) in order to get to practice the exercises.

Focusing on learning how to do the exercises, and going regularly is probably the most important thing to build strength. Plan for the long-term, this is extremely extremely important. Your purpose at first is:

1) to go to learn how to do the exercises well,

2) to go religiously.


Doing these two things are what you reward yourself with the sense of "job well done" for. You will lose strength depressingly fast by not going regularly. 3 times a week for 30 min to an hour is not a big deal.

You can build significant strength without bulking/bodybuilding. Having a lot of strength will make bodybuilding/bulking easier. This is mostly to keep in mind for later, when it is time to shift to an intermediate program.


Stronglifts 5x5 is listed on here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/wiki/getting_started#wiki_adding_exercise

Stronglifts has been very successful for a lot of people, and gets a lot good credit. The program is extremely simple so you do not have to waste time thinking of what to do. The phone apps by the author are exceptional. Negative things about the program are generally complaints that it is a beginner program. There will come a point stronglifts will stop producing gains, and it is time to shift programs. When that time comes it will make quite a bit of sense in your body why. Stronglifts is a great beginner program.

I still do it, with some minor alteration, even though I know I need to shift, because it's good enough for now for me. Easy & meditative and the gains still come. Well lifting heavy weights is hard, but easy in the "flowing like water" sense.

Here's an easy to-do list for you which will work:


>1) Go to stronglifts.com, watch his vides on how to do the exercises, and how to do the program.
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2) Study the exercises!
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3) Download phone app
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4) Do your first session at the gym
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5) Begin reading Starting Strength. Ignore a lot of the dietary advice.
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6) Watch videos on youtube & continue improving your form.
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7) Continue going to workouts religiously.
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8) Start eating for muscle growth.


I have diet listed last here, because in one sense it is the least important. In order to gain weight, you will have to eat a lot. And a couple months into the program you will need to eat well to make noticeable strength gains. But do not worry about this at first. As you go regularly & get good at the lifts (because that is the goal that matters), after a period of time you will see how not eating/sleeping enough makes you weaker.

It will be quite visceral when you get to higher weights, and after months of (going religiously!) experiencing the difference of days when you eat/rest well vs. not, and the iron will grace you with a powerful visceral drive to change your diet. It's like free motivation at that point. When you have been going regularly for months, then the diet becomes extremely important. Don't worry about it much at first. You will make fast gains even with a crappy diet at the start. But damn sure go to the gym when you are feeling weak, that is what will push your understanding of what to eat.

And again - you can gain a lot strength without bulking much, and that strength will help you bulk. So even if you don't bulk for a few months, it is not a loss. Just keep going.


I will add, for a pre/post workout shake, I get pea protein from https://truenutrition.com/veganplant-proteins.aspx . Pea protein has had some studies place it competitively with whey. I mix it with water & juice, and I will add creatine. My perspective is that not eating animal products slows bulking, though that tends to be hearsay here. Who cares when it's the right thing to do though.

Hi, 31M, fighting depression, acute social anxiety disorder and suicidal tendencies. I am doing good now. Had a scare a few months ago when a close family member fell really ill, and I really started to put in the effort to turn my life around. It is a work in progress, but I am doing well. My advice:

1. Realize, first and foremost, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is okay. If you are an Introvert, that is perfectly fine, in fact that is a cause for celebration. You see the world runs on profit, on selling you shit you don't need and is actually harmful to you, and you being introvert is bad for business. Being calm, self-aware, introspective means no more impulse purchases, no more stress-eating, no more constant sugar rush, and most importantly no more addictions. Good for you, horrible for selling you supersaturated soda, processed junk food and drugs.
   
   
2. Realize that being shy and socially awkward is not the same as introversion. These often rise from our deep rooted emotions and conflicts, sometimes we are not aware of them. I'll give a simple example, I have lower back pain since childhood. I recently started exercising and found a fantastic fitness channel on YT. I realized that the cause of my pain was that my Glutes are terribly weak, and my Abs are weak too. My back hurts not because there's something wrong with it, but because it is overworked. My back has to put in 3 times the effort just to stabilize my core and help move my spine. Similarly, The real cause of all your emotional distress can be found, and healed, only when you start to exercise. Which means:
   
   
3. Meditate. Common sense, buddy, just as nobody but yourself can gift you with a healthy and athletic body, only you can find joy and happiness in yourself once you clean out all that fear and anxiety in your mind. Of course, a good teacher or a good book helps, just as with exercise. Simple breathing meditation. Sit comfortably. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Focus on the flow of breath. The mind will wander. Gently bring it back. Try it, start with what I did: try to perform just 3 perfect cycles. If you want to understand the scientific basis for why Meditation works, read: The Mind Illuminated | John Yates, Matthew Immergut, Jeremy Graves
   
   Some more reading: If you want to know how meditation helps the mind, read the best book on cognitive therapy:Feeling Good | David Burns.
   
   For instructions on breathing and mindfulness meditation, there are many great resources online. Also check out /r/Meditation.
   
   
4. The one thing, the one attribute that defines us and helps us most in time of need is Willpower. There is this reservoir of strength inside you, an untapped fountain of energy that will sweep away all the uncertainty, fear and pain once you tap into it. Read this: The Will power Instinct | Kelly McGonigal.
   
   
5. Develop some good habits. Wake up early. Keep tidy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat healthy. Read. Habits play a crucial role in forming us, and many of these habits are critical to our success or failure. Read this: The Power of Habit | Charles Duhigg.
   
   
6. Finally, find a goal in your life. A goal that fulfills you, gives you purpose, and makes you whole. We have a word in Sanskrit: 'Samriddhi'. It means physical, mental and spiritual fulfillment. An observation: your financial well-being is a key factor in your happiness, because it directly affects you and your ability to care for and help others. Understanding how money works and how to enjoy a steady and growing flow of income is a key skill that is often neglected. Yes it is a skill that can be learned and trained just like exercise, with just a bit of help from our old friend willpower.
   
   
7. Lastly remember you are not weak, fragile, pushover or any of these silly things. You are good. You are beautiful, strong and confident, and don't you dare think otherwise.
   
   I leave you with this song: Get up! Be good. PM me if you need anything.

Did you read my post with the two books i recommend? IF NOT THEN READ THIS POST.

Working directly with moving energy while stimulating yourself is not really effective if you don't sense energy deeply enough in the first place.If you do sense it deeply enough you can just stimulate yourself to a 9 then take the pleasure in your genitals and move it in the MCO until you feel in your genitals you're at around a 4 or 5..then begin stimulating yourself again to a 9 and move the pleasure again in the orbit.Don't waste you time with using kegels at PONR...even if you manage to get some orgasm it's weak and some ejaculate gets into your bladder...so it's not that effective to restrain from ejaculating if you're just going to have some of it go into the bladder.

You need to understand that energy orgasms are not about using kegels when you're close to ejaculating...it's about circulating enough arousal and building it up to a point that orgasms just appear as a side effect and you do that without kegeling . You can use mula bandha to shoot energy up your spine...but that presumes you have enough sensitivity to energy in the first place to be able to do it.Otherwise just doing mula bandha for hundreds of repetitions is just going to trigger at some point ejaculations. You use mula bandha not like you use kegels...you use it as a pump for energy....but again it's useless if t you don't feel it well enough to direct it thru your intention+mula bandha.

I just feel like most here try to use a broom without a handle or a handle without having attached the "brush"(I don't know what's it called,English is not my native tongue).

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AND THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL...FOCUS ONLY ON ENJOYING THE PLEASURE YOU FEEL MOMENT BY MOMENT(EVEN IF IT'S NOT MUCH)...IF YOU DO THAT HIGHER INTENSITY OF PLEASURE CAN APPEAR WITH PRACTICE...IF YOU FOCUS ON ORGASMING...OR WANTING TO ORGASM...YOU WILL SABOTAGE YOURSELF AND KEEP YOUR PLEASURE CAPACITY STRAINED AND INFERIOR.

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SECOND TIP...SMALL AND MORE SIGNIFICANT TRAUMAS DESENSITIZE YOUR BODY'S CAPACITY FOR PLEASURE...MEANING YOUR PLEASURE IS "BLOCKED"/"CAPPED" AT A SMALL "BANDWIDTH". THAT'S' WHY NEOTANTRA TEACHERS KEEP REPEATING TO JUST STAY WITH PAINFUL MEMORIES OR SENSATIONS AND RELAX INTO THEM,INITIALLY IT DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK BUT WITH TIME YOU CAN SEE PAINFUL EMOTIONS LOOSE THEIR UNPLEASANT CHARGE AND SOME TIMES IT CHANGES FROM UNPLEASANT TO PLEASANT AND CATHARTIC. YOU'LL GET THE MOST BANG FOR YOUR BUCK BY PRACTICING FEELING YOUR UNPLEASANT FEELINGS DEEPLY AND EMBRACING THEM...JUST AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE TO EMBRACE PLEASANT FEELINGS...BECAUSE THEY ARE PLEASURABLE TO FEEL. YOU CAN READ THIS BOOK TO GET STARTED WITH WORKING WITH EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL PAIN https://www.amazon.com/Break-Through-Pain-Step-Step/dp/B001CB6A0A

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~MEDITATION MASTERY~MEDITATION IS WHAT BUILDS YOUR AWARENESS AND ATTENTION SKILLS...THE BETTER THEY ARE THE BETTER YOU CAN FEEL PLEASURE.

FOR WORKING WITH SHINZEN'S THOROUGH MEDITATION SYSTEM HERE IS A MANUAL THAT'S QUITE CHALLENGING BUT ABSOLUTELY WORH IT. http://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/FiveWaystoKnowYourself_ver1.6.pdf

Currently, by far the best book for learning to meditate in the Vipassana/Mindfulness tradition is The Mind Illuminated, by Culadasa (John Yates). This massive tome takes you one step at a time through a system of 10 stages—based on your level of concentration.

This book also offers an entire brain-based theory of meditation—catnip for the neuroscience junkies among us (although it’s also problematic as theory) —as well as expert advice on deeper levels of meditation, many additional meditation techniques, and a method of analytical meditation. Furthermore, Culadasa has a whole appendix section that makes sense of the “jhana wars” (my term, not his) by adding a dimension of depth to the usual dimension of the jhana numbers. This is a huge step forward.

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BUILDING YOUR ATTENTION IN A PLEASURABLE WAY THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE STRAINING/TENSING YOU CAN FIND IN THE BOOK BELOW:

https://www.amazon.com/Path-Nibbana-Mindfulness-Loving-Kindness-Progresses-ebook/dp/B06WRPZZQF

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FOR WORKING WITH ENERGY YOU NEED THE PREREQUISITES(WHAT NEOTANTRA AND CHIA DOESN'T REALLY TEACH PROPERLY)-

https://www.amazon.com/Energy-Work-Secrets-Spiritual-Development-ebook/dp/B005EXYB4O

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THIRD TIP...USE VOWELS AND TONE THEM INTO YOUR CHAKRA LOCATIONS FOR 10 MINUTES/PER CHAKRA...UNTIL YOU FEEL THE TISSUE IN THE CHAKRA LOCATIONS VIBRATING,TINGLING. CHOOSE ONE VOWEL AND TONE IT 10 MINUTES AT EVERY CHAKRA LOCATION. THEN CHOOSE ANOTHER VOWEL AND USE IT IN THE SAME DAY OR THE NEXT DAY. A,E,I,O,U and HA( Key Sound Multiple Orgasm Trigger ) ETC. don't use actual sanskrit mantras because you're invoking those deities into you.Stick to just vowels alone or the HA sound as describe in it's modern form " Key Sound Multiple Orgasm Trigger ".

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FORTH TIP-

A) WHILE STIMULATING YOURSELF BREATH VERY SLOWLY INTO YOUR LOWER ABDOMEN...SUPER LONG INBREATHS AND SUPER LONG OUTBREATHS INTO YOUR LOWER BELLY.INBREATHS AND OUTBREATHS STAY EQUAL IN DURATION.

B) THIS IS MORE ADVANCED BUT YOU CAN IMAGINE YOUR BREATH IS YOUR LOVER THAT CARESSES YOUR BODY,YOUR ORGANS,YOUR EVERY CELL...YOU IMAGINE THIS NOT VISUALLY BUT IN A TACTILE WAY.AVOID TO USE YOUR VISUAL FACULTIES,USE ONLY YOUR TOUCH/TACTILE SENSE OF IMAGINING THE BREATH TOUCHING ON AN INTO YOUR BODY. IT ACTS JUST LIKE A FEATHER ACTS WHILE YOU GENTLY MOVE IT OVER YOUR SKIN.

Welcome! Several suggestions:

1. The Mind Illuminated. The main author Culadasa just went through a sex scandal, so don't expect it to make you a saint. But that said, it's an amazing manual for developing concentration ("shamatha"). And it is body based in that the main object of focus is the sensations on the breath. Many people have used this approach with great results. Once you build sufficient concentration on the breath at the nostrils, it becomes much easier to feel other body sensations. At the point you are at now, you lack sufficient "sensory clarity" to notice them.
   
2. Try a 10-Day Vipassana course. It's like meditation bootcamp, very hard core, but sometimes can be just what the doctor ordered. I was also a stuck in their head intellectual (philosophy major in undergrad). Vipassana courses start with meditation on the breath for 3 days, then it's all feeling the body head to toe for 7 days. Really helped me get into body sensations. Donation based, so you don't need to be rich to attend. Very painful if you don't have at least 1 hour a day sitting practice already though.
   
3. Autogenic training. Another great body based technique that induces deep relaxation. Needs about 2-3 months of daily practice to start kicking in. 15 minutes or so twice a day is best. More "self hypnosis" than "meditation" but really does work given enough time and (letting go of) effort.
   
4. Standing meditation aka zhan zhuang. This is probably the fastest way to get sensations of buzzing, tingling, etc. ("qi") in the body. Requires less time commitment too, only 20-30 minutes a day, but don't just stand there also relax deeply and feel into each part of the body one by one while keeping the form/structure. Can help to have a teacher, but not strictly required if you really work on having a long spine and relaxing into the posture.
   
5. Tense and release exercises. This is often found in "progressive muscle relaxation" but the best way to do it IMO is slowly. Try lying down and relaxing for a minute or two, then very slowly tense all the muscles in your right leg from your toes, foot, calf, shin, quadriceps, hamstring, inner thigh, and glute. Take 30-60 seconds to go from totally relaxed to 90% maximum tension, then hold for 10 seconds, then slowly release the tension taking 30-60 seconds to return to relaxation. Compare how your right leg feels versus your left leg for a minute. Then do this with your left leg. Repeat for right arm and left arm. Then whole body. Now do a body-based meditation, feeling into the muscles and relaxing them--it will be much easier. When you are tensing or relaxing, it should be continuous, not static, so it should be very slowly getting more tense or getting more relaxed. That will build incredible muscle control and mindfulness. Once you get the hang of arms and legs and whole body, you can do specific muscle groups too which can be quite interesting.
   
   Best of luck!

Hey BamBam! :-)

Usually, with my critiques, I tend to separate things that can be improved on and things that I like in different segments. But because there are so many things that I liked about it, but at the same time can be improved on, it's hard to split them.

1)
>The fire before him blazed high and bright, a beacon in the dark of night. Derek only hoped it attracted whom he wanted.

As interesting as this intro is, I'd feel it could be revised. For example: "The fire before him blazed high and bright, a beacon in the dark of night." doesn't show me any mood of the story. It just gives me a very... sterile image of a torch at night.

2)
Then goes on,
> A host of beings, man and beast, prowled the rolling hills...

I felt the entire first paragraph and even a good bit of the first page don't really convey any fear or doubts. Right now, he's in the middle of a beast nest with a torch. Is he wiping his clammy hands on his wolf pelt? Is he looking left and right? Is he having doubts about being there? I want to feel the story, BamBam.

3) I feel the dialogue at the beginning of page 2 could be a just a bit more lively. It's noted that Bruin is sarcastic, so it would be great to hear just a smidge bit more sarcasm and snappy come-backs. It would make a cute contrast between DEREK THE RUGGED RANGER and Bruin the pest. :P
But this opinion is purely personal.

4)
>“I think that’s what worries her. You a man, and one now womanless. She said a woman keeps a man from doing foolish things.”
Derek guffawed, nearly falling back with laughter.

Hehe. I just love me some good humor. :-) But one thing that seemed odd is how Derek reacted with humor when just a few paragraphs earlier, he was reflecting on fond memories with his wife and daughter.

At seeing him laugh when reminded of his dead wife, I felt a pang of annoyance and didn't like Derek as much. Perhaps... he could be laughing on the outside but on the inside he's sickened with painful memories. This outer and inner of Derek can give his character a lot of depth. But that's just a suggestion. :-)

5)
>“I should go.”
“Too late for that now, boy.

My heart lurched at this. Really, it did. In paragraph one, you talked of monsters, guys on horseback, being seen miles away, then of the town not being safe. You built up to this point beautifully, BamBam. I have a sickening feeling that Bruin might die.

6)
>“You’re about to find out. Keep your mouth shut. Speak only when spoken too.”

How does Bruin react to this? I was hoping for a snappy comeback from him.

7)
>They mean to surround us.

How does Derek emotionally react to this? Is Bruin going white with fear? Is Derek thinking about protecting himself or is he racking his brain, wondering how to keep Bruin safe? Is he doubting his choice coming out here?

8) I really like the way you portray the horsemen at page 3.
>we hill men are more interested in women.” A thunderous laugh rose from the clansmen.

Just in that bit of dialogue spoke volumes about the men and their lack of morality. Instead of saying: "they're rapists and bad people" you showed me it. Good job. :-)

9)
> Gon rushed him. “How do you know that name? Are you an ally of his?”
“Enemy,” Derek said.

Right around at this point, I'm wondering how Bruin is taking all this in. Is he shifting awkwardly from foot to foot? Is he still standing tall or is he shrinking away, intimidated by the information and the clansmen?

10)
>“Don’t worry, Bruin.” I’ll figure something out. “I thank my mother for sending you. The Lord works through her. Without you as a hostage I doubt I would be able to make this deal, now go. Karbok has honor. You will be safe.”

Seeing this Derek's insensitivity to Bruin's fear makes me not like him. Derek is willing to risk Bruin's life for a trade.

Maybe try this same sort of thing, but have it be different. Perhaps, one of the horsemen swoops in and grabs Bruin. When Derek tries to get him back, other horsemen come in.

11) I really liked the duel in the beginning of chapter 2. It gave insight to the culture of the tribe and introduced another tribe member. I also love Bruins' snappy comments about Oda's wife.

12) On page 9, the dialogue in Tarrik's tent is a bit lacking. Not so much in words but more in feeling. Is Tarrik glaring at Oda for suggesting war? Is Oda stepping back at Tarrik's annoyance? In that scene, I don't feel much tension between tribesman and tribes master.

13) I really like Oda's character. I get the sense that he's a traitor which makes the plot... just as juicy as the lamb he just ate. Well done!

Overall I felt it was very well-written. You did a good job of giving context only when it was relevant and not just random info-dumps. There are some descriptions that can be a bit more detailed, but that can be changed.
But there are two big things I didn't like about it. First is Derek's insensitivity. Sure, some insensitivity can be forgiven, but this... willing to risk Bruin's life is unforgiveable. I also feel there is a overall lack of emotion, mood, and tone in most of the story. But just zooming in a bit more on showing how the characters feel can help.

Another thing... as much as I liked this part of the story, I feel these two chapters could be the middle. Personally, I'd think the best beginning would be a nice bit of daily life before hell breaks lose. It would be cool to see Derek, his daughter, and his wife being chill, I start to like them, then... BOOM! They're dead. It would be amazing to see Derek's grief and growing thirst for vengeance.
But it's just a suggestion. :-)

I'd also highly recommend The Hero With A Thousand Faces to give a hand with story structure. :-)

But yeah, assuming from the up votes, you've been PMed other critiques. So I'm really curious to see how it's updated and goes on! Just wondering, how long have you been writing, BamBam?

Anyway, you did an amazing job building up tension. I like how you began with a strong conflict and made me ask wonder what's going to happen right off the bat. Sometimes, when I read unpublished work, I get bored quickly... but no, your writing kept me very interested. For every one thing that I felt could be improved on, there were many more tidbits that I loved about your work. You have some serious potential as a writer, BamBam! :D

Understand the reason why you procrastinate. It is not about self control. This article breaks open the one of the biggest underlying reasons why people procrastinate:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html

People procrastinate as a way of regulating their mood. Something about their condition or about the task they are procrastinating is causing them discomfort that they might not even be able to articulate, and procrastinating is a way of dealing with that discomfort in the moment.

One possible way to deal with this (not this specific thing you're procrastinating on, but the big picture) is that you may need counseling or to do other things to help your health to overcome depression or whatever hidden discomfort is causing you to procrastinate. I myself found that when I did not sleep well, I was chronically tired and depressed, but I didn't recognize it, because I masked it with caffeine. Caffeine doesn't give you the missing motivation back. It just keeps you wide awake and not wanting to do the things you need motivation to do. In a lot of cases, insufficient sleep is a major contributor to depression and anxiety.

I fixed my sleep problem to a large extent, using a weighted blanket, sensory deprivation (ear plugs and eye mask when I sleep), black-out curtains, blue-blocker glasses in the evenings, "dark room mode" of Flux (a screen dimming app for MacOS), and red LED light bulbs to light my room at night so I would actually get sleepy. (Now I just need to fix the schedule of my sleep; it's a work in progress.) That really helped.

Exercise also helps address depression, way more than I understood. See the book titled "Spark: the revolutionary new science of exercise and the brain".

When I reduced my depressive symptoms and improved my sleep, I felt a lot less prone to procrastinating.

Another great book on how to improve yourself and overcome things like procrastination is "Atomic Habits". This is a fantastic book. It explains that self transformation and improvement is not about revolutionary changes, but about establishing habits that get you a little bit of improvement but keeps you on a consistent trajectory of improvement. There's a lot of great stuff in there about procrastination.

If you can't seem to read books all the way through (a problem I had), try listening to the audio book while commuting. This has made a huge difference in my life. I actually finish books that I start now that I use audio books.

EDIT—

Of the various things that motivate people, fear only goes so far. After a while, concern over possibly ruining your life won't motivate you. I know this first hand, because I've procrastinated to the point of harming myself, and knowing that harm would come didn't motivate me to act. There is a much more potent set of motivators, and this won't be easy, but you need to find these and figure out how to view your work through these.

The most potent motivators are purpose, passion, and joy. In the grand scheme of your life, you need to find your purpose, develop a passion, and cultivate joy. There's an old parable about three men laying bricks who are asked what they are doing. The first one says "I'm laying bricks". The second says "I'm building a church". The third says "I'm building the house of God." Of these three, who do you think will do his best work and persist when the going gets tough?—The one who sees a grand, transcendant purpose in every brick he lays.

If you can't find a purpose in the task you are doing, step back. Some folks do boring work that is not rewarding in and of itself, but their "why" is their family. That is their purpose, and to provide for their family, they keep on keeping on. If you don't have a family, make a promise to your future self, and make bettering yourself your purpose. And if that won't do, seriously search for other work to do that you can get a sense of purpose from. I've heard of people who weren't responsible, but who got a dog or some other pet that then gave them a purpose, because that pet gave them joy, and they wanted a good life for this pet they loved so much. These are the stories where someone rescues a dog, but really, the dog rescued them just as much as they rescued it. Love makes all the difference here.

Think of something you take delight in, something that brings you joy, and if what you are doing can be thought of in terms of serving and pursuing this thing that brings you joy, the motivation from your delight may be able to help you overcome that heavy unspoken weight of apathy that causes you to procrastinate.

Ha! I was just about to do a very similar post.

Here's a list of things I've figured out over the years (I'm 43), in no particular order, natch. They're not all exactly steps or how to's, some are more things to regularly consider (actions eminate from thoughts).

1. Make lists: I still do paper lists, but using things like evernote, onenote, and keep, are invaluable for capturing ideas and staying organized. Sometimes I don't even need the lists I make, just the act of writing it down or capturing it helps me chill out and refreshes what I need to get done. Or get at the store (crap, forgot catfood again).
   
   
2. Calendar: Having a smartphone is such a huge help, put everything in there, appointments, birthdays, reminders. Practice remembering, and you won't always need it, but it's there if you do. I mean, garbage day is always friday for me, but why don't you guess how many times my phone has gone off Thursday night and I'm like, "oh yea".
   
   
3. Take it easy on yourself: Beating yourself up about forgetting things or spacing out is waste of time, damaging, and flat-out holding you back. I'm not saying be all laissez-faire about it, but don't make your situation worse with a bunch of negativity. I mean, if it worked there wouldn't be any issues, would there? I don't know how many times I've torn myself apart for forgetting something, yet again. It took me a long time to realize that that emotional nonsense was actually making it harder to accomplish what I was trying to do. Be nice to yourself.
   
   
4. Refocus: Every so often bring yourself back to the Here and Now, check the time, clear your mind, ask yourself "what am I thinking about" "what am I doing". This is one of the most useful things I've ever figured out how to do. Inner space is infinite and not always pleasant, if you'e got an active and vivid imagination it's not too hard to end up more than a couple dimensions over from reality. Developing the ability to slip out of the flow is a huge help for course corrections. It's not easy, but it's awesome. The benifits of mindfulness meditation are legion. Like while writing this post, I've snapped myself out of revery several times and gotten back to my paying job. See #3 above!
   
   
5. Double, Triple check: When you hear or read something, ask yourself, did that stick? It might feel like the info landed, but did it? Repeat your understanding back to the person your talking to, or ask yourself what it was you just read. I do this all the time at work, after a conversation or meeting I'll quickly go over my understanding to make sure it's clear (often with the aid of notes). "So RTM has slipped another 2 weeks which puts it behind the hotfix. We need to drop our current pass and spin up hotfix testing." Or "Wait a sec, before I go all the way to the lab, do I remember what rack that was in?"
   
   
6. Exercise: The benefits from 20 minutes of cardio every day are redonkulous. Check out Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain for the details, science, and some inspirational stories. It was written by phsychiatrist John J. Ratey, one of the authors of "Driven to Distraction'. Seriously, getting a run in for me is such good medicine, it clears the head, and destresses me. If I get off my ass and get a workout in first thing, I am on for the day.
   
   
7. Nutrition: We all know this one. What you put in your body affects your chemistry. Not just what, but when as well. There's a lot of ADHD management programs out there that focus on nutrition, avoiding certian foods, increasing others, taking supplements. Stack the deck in your favor. If I don't keep myself fed and get too hungry (anyone else forget to eat?), I get pretty useless and cranky until I gnosh.
   
   
8. Watch your manners: I don't know what else to say about this. "It's 11pm, should I really call my buddy?" "Oooh, I saw the movie they're talking about, should I go over what I thought of it?" "Why is this guy taking so long to get to his point, I get it. Should I tell him where he's going?" "I really really want to ask her a question, should I ask now?" Paying attention to manners can avoid and relive SOOO many issues. I've found asking and apologizing works very well. "Excuse me, sorry to bug you, but..." "I'm sorry to intrude, I had some questions, is this a good time?" "I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you just said." I've found that even if you are spacing out or barging in, if you own that fact and mention it, people really appreciate it. Like after I hear my name for the 3rd? time, "Yes! Sorry, I was really into that. Whats up?" Just imagine someone doing what you do, to you. Good god, it's worth it.
   
   
9. Organize, Routine, schedule, Habit (structure): It's much easier to find things if there's a known place for them, and it's much easier to go about the day if it's already more or less planned out. Study at a certian time, do laundry on a certian day, keep the tools in a toolbox in a certian place. (Shower, pills, breakfast, shower, pills, breakfast, shower pills, breakfast) Build up useful habits, if you make things a habit, you don't need to remember. Put your keys in the same place everytime (my wallet and keys never leave my pocket, my phones in only a couple places). It's a bitch to get started, but don't give up and it'll stick. My wife is always losing her keys, coat, purse, glasses, and I'm like, "just put them in the same place", and she's like, "I'm not like you!" ORLY? :P "Maybe your not as bad but it just works for everyone". Try something, anything, because if you don't, it WILL just be chaos.
   
   
10. Follow through: If you start something, finish it. If you say it, do it. Making myself follow through on projects I've started, but have lost interest in, has really tempered my tendancy to just jump in, and there's an extra sense of accomplishment when it's just done. I grew up in a very flakey family, my step-dad would leave me stranded for hours after basketball practice (this was in the late 80's noone had cell phones), or make grandiose, exciting plans only to completely flake or make excuses. So for me, being on time or meeting a commitment I made to someone comes pretty easily.

/r/fitness: newbie program picker -> Fat Loss -> More than 10kg/25lbs:

Use a calculator such as this one to get an estimation of how many calories you should be consuming daily. Increase the amount of vegetables you consume (potatoes don't count :) ) because fiber helps in giving a feeling of fullness. Increasing your protein intake (via either consuming more meat or simply drinking whey protein shakes ) will both boost muscle gain and provide a longer-lasting feeling of fullness than carbs will.

Take weekly photographs of yourself, preferably in underwear/shorts so that you can see your belly, thighs and arms. If you're gaining muscle while losing fat, the weight on the scale may change less than you expect, but the mirror doesn't lie. Recording everything you eat will also make you more conscious about your intake and definitely helps in weight loss.

The thing that's really going to make or break your success is how well you focus and stick to your diet. Many people have successfully lost large amounts of fat by switching to a low carb diet. Keep in mind that this may not be the most suitable diet for everyone, but by far the majority of the population should see positive results.

For best results, you should combine this program with some form of exercise. The best form of exercise is the one that you enjoy doing. Whether it's weightlifting, running, swimming, mountain climbing, football, or throwing a frisbee around with friends, anything that gets your heart rate up for an hour or two will be beneficial.

Keep in mind that sustaining a caloric deficit can lead to loss of muscle mass as well, which is usually a Bad Thing. To avoid this, it is usually recommended to do some form of strength training atleast 2-3 times per week. Check out the muscle gain section of the Program Picker for more info regarding strength training programs.

Remember, the exercise will help, but the factor that will decide your fat loss is your diet. If you feel you're too heavy to do bodyweight exercises or anything inside a gym without hurting your joints, you can just go for a pleasant 30-45 minute walk daily while strictly controlling your diet, and you'll have to buy a new, smaller set of clothes soon. Once you reach a weight where you feel comfortable about doing some more strenuous exercise, check out the program picker again.

tl;dr: Eat vegies and protein at a caloric deficit. Take progress pics. Do a form of cardio you enjoy. Lift to maintain muscle, buy the Starting Strength book and get lifting. Become Swole.

Wow, you have done a fantastic job so far! Your progress is really inspiring and you have accomplished something that a lot of people never manage to do. Congrats and keep up the great work.

When you first begin strength training, you may be able to build a little muscle while you continue to cut (although it will taper and eventually stall as you continue to lose weight). You should also be able to gain a good amount of strength just by virtue of practicing big lifts, learning to use your body's leverages to your advantage, improved neural efficiency, etc. Getting stronger isn't just about getting big muscles: it's a skill.

My recommendation would be to try something like SS, SL, or Greyskull LP. Regardless of what you do, I also highly recommend going online and actually BUYING SS: http://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-3rd-Mark-Rippetoe/dp/0982522738. A lot of people just use the Wiki but, honestly, the Starting Strength book is a really easy to read and information-dense introduction to barbell training and it will explain most of what you need to know for your first several months of training and beyond (it covers technique, basic beginner programming/how strength adaptations work, accessories/how to use them and incorporate them into a routine, and much more). Also, if you do Greyskull, there is also a book for that program as well: http://www.amazon.com/Greyskull-LP-Second-John-Sheaffer/dp/0615635571/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407938754&sr=1-1&keywords=greyskull

Whatever you do, I cannot stress enough: GET THE BOOKS AND READ THEM. Knowledge is power and it will make you a lot more confident about what you are doing when you have something to reference. Reading Starting Strength was one of the most important early steps I ever took to jump start my strength training. I can't stress enough how helpful it was to getting me stronger and staying relatively injury free.

Good luck!

Also sober 3 years. I'm pretty sure 98% of recovering alcoholics are all or nothing people...we struggle with moderation in so many things.

I hate counting calories. Its just another goddamn thing to frustrate me. A few months ago I decided I'd focus on getting stronger rather than lighter. I spent the first month lifting weights 3 times a week but not eating healthy. Fuck it, pizza? Sounds good. Burgers? Yep!

I followed a plan called StrongLifts 5X5. You start off low weight and add 5lbs per workout. Before I knew it, I had some muscle under my flab. Then I started realizing I wanted to SEE those muscles. At that point I started taking my diet more seriously. I learned a lot about how to train and use my food to support that training. I'm not all the way there, but I like the results so far.

I have gotten numerous compliments from coworkers, women have started flirting with me a little, my girlfriend has been VERY happy with the changes AND I have a ton of energy to play with my kids. I also dropped 25lbs and got some definition in my arms and legs. For me, Lifting weights>losing weight

I also incorporate at least one hot yoga class into my routine. The yoga is great for mindfulness (which has been mentioned in other comments). You are stuck in a hot room, sweating your ass off, standing in strange positions and its hard for anything else to invade your thoughts. Even an hour of clear thought is super beneficial. My girlfriend does 2-3 a week, she loves it.

I know a lot of women think that weight training will make you bulky, but its all about choosing what you want. You can hit the weights and keep a slim female figure. I have read some really great things about [Strong Curves] (https://www.amazon.com/Strong-Curves-Womans-Building-Better/dp/1936608642) and Lift like a Man Look Like a Goddess ( Book Link).

If counting calories doesn't make you happy just try something new. Find a healthy thing that makes you feel good and do THAT thing, then do that and try add another healthy thing. See what sticks and focus on that.

You got this!

Sorry for the wall of text! Sobriety and exercise are 2 VERY important things in my life and I love talking about them.

For reading, there is a book by LeisureGuy. If reading a book doesn't suit you, and you're looking outside of the sub, there are lots of places, google will help with that. I would watch some Youtube videos.

If you're looking for something like a straight razor but cheaper, I would say grab a Parker Shavette. They take 1/2 of a double-edged razor blade, so you wont have to worry about the normal maintenance of an actual straight razor (also if you ever get a DE razor you only have to get one kind of blade). Its funny you mention your neckline, because I own a shavette and I got it specifically for my neckline. Much easier to see where Im cutting.

For creams and soaps...There are so many, its all personal taste. I personally lean toward hard soaps, but I own lots of soft soaps, and a couple creams. Ill throw some stuff out that I like. Barrister & Mann makes some of the best soap around. The owners also come on this sub, which is nice. Arko is cheap and awesome, some people dont like the scent, because it smells like soap. Mitchell's Wool Fat is excellent, and has a pretty big following. Also smells of soap, but a very soft scent. RazoRock is also an amazing soap. I specifically recommend the Moroccan Secret because the smell is divine. Here is the wiki link for the Artisan soap makers.

You'll need a brush. Im not comfortable recommending any specifically because the best brush I have is a relatively cheap badger brush, but I see people recommend Whipped Dog a lot, so he must do some fine work.

Im pretty low-tier when it comes to overall knowledge on this stuff, but Im sure you'll get someone in here who is very knowledgeable (most people on here seem to be) and will be able to help you more.

Skinny-fat is a term for people who are naturally thin so they don't really focus on working out. They aren't overweight, but they have no muscle tone and not much endurance. It's hard because skinny fat people have basically been giving a "pass" from having to watch what they eat or exercise all the time because they don't have physical looks as a motivator. While health and overall enjoyment of life can be a great motivator, they are more abstract and long term benefits rather than the tangible "I lost 5 pounds" goals, so it is difficult to get skinny fat people to start working out.

/u/bungsana, my only advice would be to start complimenting her when she works out, tell her how sexy she looks when she's all sweaty, when she puts on workout clothes tell her how hot she looks in them, etc. Just be positive and supportive and let her know how psyched you are that you guys get to share this together.

Maybe see if there is a female trainer she could go to for a bit. A lot of women can be intimidated by weightlifting, and in the intro to New Rules of Lifting for Women it talks about how women tend to be more focused on proper technique while men are willing to just jump into it. I know I am like that and don't feel comfortable trying a move until I feel like I know exactly how to. Getting her a trainer for a bit might get her comfortable. And sometimes its nice for that person to be a stranger and not your husband who is correcting you.

Find some physical activities that you both like, but also let her explore her own relationship to working out and getting physically fit. She may be more inclined towards classes and things that have a social nature. She may feel like weight lifting will get her "bulky". Start her off on other things and just work on her getting into the mindset that being active and exercising is a necessary part of her schedule. Once that habit is formed, then possibly focus on what type of exercise is best.


good luck! I am a skinny fat myself and it's hard. My increased health and energy definitely help me keep going, but sometimes it's hard when I know I could stop all exercise and still fit into all my clothes no problem.

There really are a lot of places to start, but since I'm not sure which one to suggest to you I'll just give you all of them. I've been meaning to type out a post that I can copy paste for those who want to get into meditation, so this is the perfect place.

As you go down the list it gets more in-depth:

• Headspace is an app that you can look up, it has several different kinds of meditation. I've never used it, but it seems to tailor it's stuff specifically to what you want out of meditation, so it might be perfect for this. You'd have to tell me if you try it because I've never used it, but it's very beginner friendly because it has a lot of guided meditations to walk you through it as you meditate.
  
  
• /r/meditation is a nice board. People there are generally very helpful if you are looking for a specific kind of practice or something.
  
  
• Actualized.org has a good meditation guide for beginners.
  
  
• If for some reason you really want to get into meditation seriously, check out The Mind Illuminated. It's based on buddhist practice, but it's written by a neurologist and based in science, so it's secular.
  
  
  
  And I'll actually just give you a very basic guide for meditation right here.
  
  
  
  People define meditation in lots of different ways, but I think the simplest way to explain it is concentration and awareness training. It might sound... intense? at first, but it's actually quite relaxing at times. The idea is to focus on the meditation object (the breath, most often) while staying aware of your surroundings.
  
  
  
  So, there are more steps to ease into this process, so if you try this and it's and you won't more help, that's normal and I would be happy to give you a more extended/complete guide. Keep in mind I am basically paraphrasing from The Mind Illuminated.
  
  START GUIDE
  
  Get into a comfortable sitting position and just become sort of attuned to the present moment. Even if your thoughts are in the future or the past, try and become aware that all of the sensations and thoughts you are having are happening in the present.
  
  
  Then, just focus on the breath (if you want to be more specific, try and focus on the feelings of the breath as it goes in and out of the nose). Anytime you find that you are not focusing on the breath, whether it be other sensations or thoughts, just bring your attention back to the breath gently. Don't be upset that you lose concentration, because that's just a part of the process. While focusing on the breath, if you can go a bit without getting distracted, try and open your awareness to your surroundings (sounds, sensations, thoughts) while still maintaining focus on the breath. This is akin to CSing or auto-attacking someone while still being aware of the mini-map or the rest of the fight. Try and do this for 5 minutes at first. I really wouldn't recommend much more at first, because most people get frustrated. If you are having trouble keeping focus on the breath, which is totally normal, see if you can make it to 10 breaths without losing focus, and if you mess up just start over again. No biggy.
  
  The purpose of this simple practice is to train awareness (basically perception of everything happening around you) while maintaining concentration (focus on the object of attention) to better improve your life, and especially activities requiring focus. If you think about it, all of life is basically just a sea of awareness (stuff happening) and us choosing to focus in on one thing at a time, so it's very practical to train these two skills.
  
  END GUIDE
  
  
  So that's basically what a practice would look like, and you would do something like that every day. There are a lot more steps and methods, and honestly it can be a bit tricky to find one that suits you, but I think the resources I listed are great starting points, and really there is no wrong way to do it, and it can't really be harmful. I find it quite relaxing a lot of the time, and my life is a lot better when I keep up my habit of meditating.
  
  
  
  I know I've kinda given you a ton of information here, but I wanted to cover all the bases so I could use this for future reference. Hope you found this helpful, and if you have any questions let me know! :)
  

Regardless of goals, and based on your comment below about being a fast reader, track down a copy of Mark Rippetoe's Starting Strength (link below). Sure if you dont want to spend the cash you can find a pdf somewhere, but you can get a kindle version for $10 and its valuable.

It will help you work out some basics and understanding of weigh training. As a beginner I wouldn't recommend anything like 5/3/1, there isnt enough progression. You need a program with workout to workout or week to week linear progression. Your adaptation cycle will still be so short, so make the most of your time in the gym.

https://www.amazon.com/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738

Starting Strength 3x5 workout, or StrongLifts 5x5 will be a great starting place. The routines look boring / few exercises, but trust them. They are all you need at the moment. You will get stronger and bigger, but as a beginner you need to build up a good foundation.


Supplements arent as critical as a good diet. They "Supplement it" (funny that eh?). You need to be eating a solid calorific excess, but dont go to town. Get an app like "My fitness Pal" and enter your body weight, target body weight, and it will help you to calculate your required calorific intake.

Supplements:
Protein powder. 1.7-2g pf protein / kg of body weight daily. always.
Creatine 5g / day every day. one of the best backed supplements.
Pre-workout - only if you need it. Something with stims is helpful if you work out in the morning or feel lethargic, but the benefit is marginal, mostly psychological.

Be careful on your assumptions on Roids. I know some guys on riods, and some natty guys are just as big. Genetics play a big part in it. Dont sweat it. If you go into the area, no one will look down on you. They werent born big. They started at some stage too. They know it, and to be honest, they will be more impressed by you going into the free weights and lifting, more than if you kept to the machines.

do you do anything besides sleep or have sex in your bed? if so, first step is to stop. if you only get in bed to fall asleep, eventually your brain will get the idea that bed=sleep, which will make it much easier.

also, try to avoid any blue light like from computer screens etc for an hour before you go to sleep (good time to read a book!). normally your brain produces melatonin to help you sleep when it's dark out and something something circadian rhythm, idk, but blue light tricks your brain into thinking it's daytime so you won't produce as much and consequently it'll take longer to fall asleep. as I understand it, supplemental melatonin totally works but you can build a tolerance, so a good long-term solution is to improve your natural levels by practicing sleep hygiene.

I believe research has suggested that replacing a habit is much easier than removing one, especially if you can get the same reward. It would probably be even easier if the reward you get from the new habit - slowing down your mind, in this case - is the same as the reward you got from the old. (this is based off what I remember from skimming this guy's book).

to calm the mind, meditation has been shown to have a lot of benefit. a lot of people speak highly of this book, and it's free which is nice. This one takes a more cut-and-dry step-by-step approach, and is much more detailed, both of which some might find helpful, but it's not free.

lastly, I've heard exercise a little while before bed will make it easier to fall asleep. also weed. if anyone knows more about this stuff than I do or I said something wrong, please correct me. OP, I hope you find this useful and best wishes in dealing with the drinking. You can do it. Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.

I understand what you mean when you say you feel like you're dieting when on keto. I was on keto for about four months and while it yielded great results very quickly, I was upset that I wasn't able to have oatmeal or apples or bananas, which are healthy themselves but not keto friendly.

A healthy diet is ultimately subjective to the person as everyone has different goals, but as a general idea, everyone can agree on a couple of different points. First off, having a large amount of vegetables and whole, unprocessed foods is healthy. This thread on this sub is a good starting point. It is up to you whether you believe dairy, meat, eggs are healthy and want to continue adding them into your diet.

I would also reccomend looking into How to Not Die by Dr. Michael Greger. In my opinion, he gives a scientfic and unbiased way of how to eat for your most optimal health. It is a thick book because he provides so many sources and different sides of the arugement.

Ulitamtely, a healthy diet is whatever makes you feel your best while maintaining some sanity. I eat health 95% of the time (healthy for me is lots of fruits, vegetables, oats, lentils, beans, etc.) while allowing myself to have "unhealthy foods" (sugar-filled processed foods, alcohol) 5% of the time when I'm out with friends because as compared to keto, being healthy and happy is a lifestyle, not a diet. Balance is key and your happiness has to be considered and heavily weighted. :) If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me!

Good luck on your journey and congrats on the 50 pound weightloss!

I can give some perspective as a long time cyclist and more recent lifter who then had an ACL injury (not weightlifting related). First off just because you were a strong runner (or in my case cyclist) won't make you automatically good at squats/deadlifts. It'll give you a bit of a head start since you'll have some leg muscles to work with but squats use some different muscles and it used them in a different manner. Lifting heavy causes different muscle adaptations and is a skill in its own right.

As to what strength progress you should be able to see… That's hard to say since you don't have pre-injury totals to look at. Leg press is a good quad exercise but doesn't have a lot of carryover to squats. Most people can leg press more than they can squat but there is no set percentage ratio since training in leg press is different than training in squats.

Personally I was able to get back to my pre-injury squat weight at 6 months. I feel I could have lifted more earlier but I was being extra careful. I'm currently at 10 months and lifting more than I was pre-injury. I'm not dropping my lifting stats as it's meaningless to compare mine to yours since you are new to lifting.

Basically with your inexperience, the only numbers I think you can use as reference are to untrained/novice lifters. That said you are not even a typical untrained lifter since you are recovering from a major injury. The Symmetric Strength Strength Standards can give you some insight but there is no gold standard. So take a look at those and use them as something to aim for, but also don't get upset that you aren't anywhere near novice yet.

With a good program, dedication, and enough protein and calories, you likely should be able to hit novice levels in a 2-3 months. Since you have an injury you are recovering from then it will likely take a little longer, depending on how much you are still limited by your injury. You should of course focus on good form and making sure you don't compensate. Also be make sure to include single leg work as your muscles are likely still imbalanced: Bulgarian split squats, lunges, single leg deadlifts, calf raises, etc..

In general, I think it's really good that you are adding in strength training. One of the best ways to protect that knee from further damage and osteoarthritis is to build up and maintain the muscles that support your leg. IMHO it is important to be stronger than you were before the surgery in order to support that knee.

BTW, if you don't have a program look into Starting Strength and/or Phrak's Greyskull LP. The r/fitness sub has a good overview of programs. They have a big bug up their ass against Starting Strength but honestly while Phrak's has some advantages, SS is a decent place to start and has worked for many lifters. The Starting Strength book is also in my opinion a must read for how well it explains how to execute the main lifts. The r/startingstrength subreddit is a good place to post form checks if you don't have someone to help spot your form. Rippitoe's nutrition advice in the book leaves much to be desired but that's a different topic.

In a sense, yes. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement, but could be helpful if that is really what is going on. It could also be a hindrance. Unfortunately, the situation in the mental health field nowadays is really complicated, particularly with the fact that so many practitioners have significant problems with pathological narcissism themselves. It is absolutely critical, if you are having a problem with pathological narcissism, that you do take the reigns in addressing the problem. In that regard, narcissistic psychopathology parallels addiction very significantly. Many practitioners even recommend 12 step programs. As you may already know, narcissistic psychopathology is very common among M.D.'s in the U.S. and elsewhere - particularly among surgeons (current estimates of NPD as high as 40%, and my guess is that is low).

Another route is to also consider how your childhood and familial experiences effected you. A good book to read is "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists". Another good one is "Why is It Always About You?" (ignore the preachy Christian parts). Trying to think deeply about the stories and lessons of these books and how they relate to you, your life, and your family and friends is critical. Almost everyone is surrounded by pathological narcissism in some way in the U.S., so there will be useful lessons, to some degree, on practically every page. In particular, if you start realizing that you are suffering/effected by narcissism in your life, heed the lessons pointed out in the Wizard of Oz book - they are extremely useful, but MUST be put into practice, not simply "understood". If you seek out treatment from mental health clinicians, pay very close attention to the sections of the book where she describes how to spot pathological narcissism in clinicians and put it into use. This is critically important regardless of what your condition turns out to be. A clinician with traits or full NPD can not only be unhelpful to your treatment, but even dangerous, and they are all too common. Avoid any religiously preachy clinicians like the plague, as a rule.

Have you considered doing some workbooks? That may be helpful because it removes the personal aspect of the intervention. A good one is:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

You might benefit from neurofeedback. Some is better than others, so don't be put off if it doesn't work well the first place you try.

It sounds like you'll want to really pay attention to the covert/introverted narcissism components. If you read about these topics and things start resonating (which can lead to intensely strong feelings, "good" or "bad"), then you are probably on the right track. The absolute key is to be extremely honest with yourself. Really, really extremely honest and non-morally-judgemental. You may also find a lot of value in a concept called "radical acceptance". You seem to be struggling significantly with not being able to be the "Great Savior" to your patients that you wanted to be. You'll probably nee to do a lot of reflection on that and think about how it figures into your life story. Developing a journaling habit, if you don't already, would probably be an excellent idea. Getting your life story out and thinking about why things happened is key. Reflect, integrate realizations into your life story. Rinse and repeat.

I went through a multi-decade ordeal in assisting a family member (also a doctor) who was in a nearly identical situation as you. There was NPD, but also comingled with addiction (substance), mood disorder, and bipolar. It was pretty difficult to sort out, but that person is doing much, much better now. Of course, this is all routed in childhood trauma, so it may be helpful to do some basic reading on that:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X

Learn what your triggers are, and mind them.

Finally, a really important concept is discussed by Ronningstam, which is often overlooked by even very good practitioners who understand narcissism quite well. It is the critical component of redirecting ego-drive into healthy behaviors; Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism vs. pathological narcissism. This is, IMO, the #1 reason why NPD, pathological traits thereof, and addiction treatment fail so often. She discusses this very well in other parts of her book.

Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's my opinion, for what it's worth. As I mentioned, if you start digging, stay honest, and it starts resonating (good or bad), you're probably on the right path.

Good luck.

I can really recommend the book A Mind Illuminated if you need a sort of guide through the steps. It's really well-made and helpful on the path.

Here's an excerpt that seems relevant:

>“You’ve reached Stage Nine when there’s complete pacification of the senses and fully developed meditative joy. This means that almost every time you sit, you can enter a state of mental and physical pliancy, accompanied by the blisses of mental and physical pliancy. This is also called Grade V or pervading pīti, which you experience as circulating energy, physical comfort, pleasure, stability, and intense joy. Although you can regularly achieve this grade of pīti, each time you do, the growing intensity of the joy and energy of the experience inevitably disrupts it.
The goal of Stage Nine is for meditative joy to mature completely, and for pīti to subside in intensity. You accomplish this by repeatedly reaching Grade V pīti and sustaining it for as long as you can. Other than that, you just have to keep out of the way while continuing to practice. When you can stay with the pīti long enough, allowing unification to proceed and joy to mature, pīti eventually gives way to tranquility and equanimity. This is the essence of Stage Nine practice.”

>“For the intensity of pīti to calm, you need to be able to sustain it until the intensity peaks and starts to subside, giving way to tranquility and equanimity. At first, Grade V pīti can’t be sustained very long at all because physical pliancy is so novel, interesting, and enjoyable. And the highly energized, excited state of Grade V pīti makes potential distractions, such as altered body perception, illumination, and inner sound, even more potent. Competing intentions to attend to these phenomena repeatedly succeed in disrupting the consensus to attend exclusively to the breath.”

>“The excitement can also produce a powerful, restless urge to get up and share your experience with someone. It’s also common to mistake the intense joy, inner light, and transformed perception of the body for something more exalted. The ebullient satisfaction of meditative joy may make you think, “I’ve arrived. What more could I want? This is it!” Remember, joy affects not only how we feel in response to experiences, but also how we perceive and interpret them. Enjoy these positive qualities, but don’t be misled by them.
To deal with these distractions, urges, and misperceptions, recognize them for what they are, and just let them come, let them be, and let them go. Yes, you’ll likely give in a few times at first, but as soon as the euphoria subsides, return to the practice with a firm resolve to ignore whatever arises. On the positive side, these disruptions let you practice regaining pīti after you’ve lost it. An adept meditator at this Stage can usually overcome these problem “quickly and easily and stay with the pīti longer.”

• Culadasa John Yates. “The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science.”
  
  Either way, seems like you're doing tremendous work. Strive on.
  
  
  
  
  
  

Don't give up on therapy. It can show you how to manage yourself so your kids don't have to. But most of all you deserve healing. If the person you saw wasn't helpful, pick another one. You can fire your next therapist after one session if they don't seem to be getting you or offering information that is practical and immediately helpful. But keep going. Pick another one. It's ok to shop around. It's ok to go through three or five or however many it takes.
Even if you don't like the sound of their voice you can say "thanks" and move on. Call and say it's just for one or two sessions to get some advice. But if you connect with them, schedule another and keep a weekly or monthly appointment for three to six months.

Unfortunately the truth is there can be a total lame duck therapist and an amazing healer working in the same building in offices right next to each other. That's the reality. So don't assume whether someone is good or not until you've spoken to them personally. But you are paying them for help. Every session they should be able to offer you a technique to practice for the next couple weeks until your next session, or an article or book to read, or you talked through something that happened and were able to work something out you had been stuck on by yourself. If those kinds of things aren't happening every session, it's time to move on.

You probably already know most of this but for an overall view of the therapy process you can preview books like Thriving with Social Anxiety. Your library might have a copy you can borrow for free. It does a good job of illustrating the different approaches a therapist could take. And there are books about healing both mind and body like The Body Keeps the Score. And specifically about anger from a woman's perspective like The Dance of Anger

If you're not already, keeping a journal helps. You can use any notebook and dedicate it to writing the date and what you're thinking about. What's problematic or persistent in your thoughts? When you get angry you can write it down too. Anything that comes up. You don't have to write every day. It's there when you need it. This really helps with sleep too. When you have too many thoughts to sleep, write them down. It lets you remember them because they're still right there. But they are on paper and out of your head. You deserve to sleep. You can deal with the next day better prepared with decent sleep and rest.

You can also take time later, when you've cooled down to reflect on what you've written. It's a way to see if you can find ways to intervene with yourself before you get super angry. Where in the process of what happened yesterday or this morning could I do something differently? When I'm talking with my kids, what could I do differently next time? What is it about the small things that causes me to blow up? This is a typical worksheet you can use to walk through this process for each "incident" that you really want to dig into and find a solution for. Just cross out ptsd at the top and write Anger or whatever applies. This technique works for any strong negative emotional events you've had. Print out and keep a stack of these ready to go. Even when you remember something that happened and want to dig into it just grab a pen and set to work.

You can take your questions to your self help books or Google and specifically look up answers and suggestions for them. Just treating them as a project. Its' a way to keep things practical and specific which is a million times more helpful than theoretical and trying to keep up on the latest research. Lately there have been articles on Inuit mothers and their kids to help with their anger and tantrums I found helpful even with adults.

You could take the journal with you as a memory aide and way to stay focused in your sessions too. Keep a specific to-do list on what you are working on and trying to achieve. And run down the list spending five minutes on each of the priority items and then the middle bulk of the time on what your most pressing concern is.

You experienced childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and you may have ptsd. I'm not a therapist, I just talk to people and deal with my own anger management issues from stress and difficult childhood. But I've learned that when we can't protect ourselves as kids we lash out as adults. I hope you see someone again. You can heal no matter how long you've waited. Find someone who can hand you the tools to feel you are in control of your situation. Take your power back. Hang in there!

Edit: I saw your comment about living in a small town and the difficulty finding a therapist. Better Help is an online option that is becoming popular these days. But I hear a lot of people saying they got paired with real duds. Do be extremely strict with who you choose. Check their credentials, types of patients they see and how long they've been in practice. Best to go with a professional therapist who uses sites like Better Help to reach a broader audience. If they talk about their dog the first half hour and treat you like an after thought let Better Help know you're not paying for that session. There are probably some bonafide therapists that offer sessions via Skype or other video chat platforms too. Just have to do some researching to see who takes insurance, etc.

And I almost forgot active listening. See the video half way down the page. This is listening to understand. Listening fully to what the other person is saying without interrupting them. Letting them finish and then asking a question or restating what they said to confirm you completely understood it. The important part is not just listening to the first few words and then interjecting with a snarky comeback. It helps reduce anger and misunderstanding by letting the speaker feel understood and the listener develops empathy by encouraging true conversation and less one-sidedness. Sorry for writing a book! Hope some of this helps.

thank you and of course! i was a cardio bunny for years, often sinking an hour on the elliptical 5 or 6 days a week, and was really unsatisfied with my overall appearance. so i started strength training last fall, using dumbbells at home, and was both excited and encouraged by my results to get more serious about it!

more specifically, i've been on bret contreras r/strongcurves program for about 8 weeks. i highly recommend the book, which you can buy on amazon. the first 3 weeks i used the "best butt" at-home bodyweight program, then decided to switch to the "bootiful beginnings" program, which requires weights, once i felt i had a better understanding of movements, muscle activation, and incorporating more equipment. i am beyond thrilled with the results i'm seeing so far, which include growth in my glutes, hams, quads, and arms as well as an overall "tightening up" everywhere else, so i look much leaner.

i mentioned this in another comment, but something i didn't understand at the beginning of my health journey is that our overall body shape and appearance of fitness has so much more to do with body composition than weight. my figure was much more soft and round the first time i hit 132 pounds because i had no underlying muscle and was "skinny fat" with high body fat percentage, but low overall weight. even though my weight is the same on the scale today, i have more lean, muscle mass than squishy, fat mass. if you want to learn more, you can find a wealth of wonderful information about body composition and recompositioning here on reddit in r/fitness and r/xxfitness, but i'm happy to answer any other questions you have and share any additional anecdotal experience!

p.s. supergirl was totally my hero as a child, but as an adult i definitely identify with and aspire to more like catwoman: a powerful and empowered woman who is capable, confident, and content with herself just as she is! i honestly enjoyed wearing catwoman more because i feel like it really showcased my progress and physique and almost nothing beats the feeling you get when heads turn the instant you walk in a room!

So... you're a baby-puppy beginning on this journey, had a revelation of some kind, realized your parent's religion may not be for you, and started doing drugs. Now you're seeking spirituality like it's some kind of buzz or high.

Spirituality of any stripe is a journey, not a destination you land at. You must find and develop a practice and work at that practice.

You say you need to find a mentor... that's now how things work in the modern age. There are people who set themselves up as 'gurus and spiritual teachers' who use their position to take advantage of their students, financially, sexually, emotionally. There's lots of information out there, good and bad. So consider this a warning to not jump into something just because it feels good, and watch for snake oil salesmen (in books or in person) that promise you nirvana and shambhala and great power and wisdom.

What I would suggest is you start reading. Where to start will depend on what exactly you want to know. But I would suggest reading about meditation, ritual and magic. Lots of people start reading about Wicca because it's an easy structure to study, but most move on. I would also suggest you start reading about mythology, all of them not just greek... whatever captures your interest. For you I would especially suggest Joseph Campbell's Hero of a Thousand Faces as a place to start. Check the suggested books under this title as well.

You can also look at local groups, see if there are meditation groups or anything that has open rituals. Zen, Tao groups are good and usually let in all kinds of folk. Yoga practices often have meditations and teach a bit about energy work and may also help you.

You mention seeing a Native American in your spiritual realm. So, a way spirit can communicate with us is by using symbols we understand, this is why 'symbol translation books are generally bullshit. They're fine if you want to understand the cultural significance of something but to understand what something in a dream or vision means, you're better off meditating on it and figuring that out on your own. My dream and your dream may have a same symbol, but it can mean something completely different to each of us. The reason I'm pointing out that dude you saw is that NA spirituality has been romanticized in Western culture. Each First Nation has their own mythology, traditions, and culture, and unless you are a part of that tribe as a card carrying member that's not a rabbit hole that's for you. Again watch out for snake oil salesmen. When I was your age I got really into Tom Brown Jr, who is this white dude who claims when he and a friend were taught how to track and survive in the woods and spiritual lessons by this guy he calls 'Grandfather', Stalking Wolf who was Apache. I was really into his books, but found later that there's no evidence that Stalking Wolf ever existed, and the more books he produced the more outlandish they became in predicting the end of the world and all kinds of left field nonsense (here's a thread that discusses that). This is what I'm talking about when I say beware of snake oil. Don't be afraid to question your sources, and especially watch out for anyone who claims NA spirituality teachings, especially for money.

You can find what is now called shamanic traditions all over the world. I myself am am member of OBOD, which I like because they have an emphasis on philosophy vs dogma. So read read read. Some books you'll find are going to be crap but that's how it goes.

One more footnote, watch the drugs. Yeah they can seem to open pathways and ideas, but they aren't a cure-all, or a fast track to enlightenment. Using them without training and ritual is fine but it's just partying really. Doing them too much can burn you out. At 19 your brain isn't done developing yet, you're in the latter stages of puberty and that's something you should really respect. It's tempting when you first find psychedelics to want to do them often, but that's not healthy. Get yourself educated. A group that may have meetings near you is http://www.maps.org/ Start there

Enjoy falling down the rabbit hole Alice. Good Luck!

One thing you will learn quickly is that the Wet Shaving community is full of fantastic people. Dont hesitate to ask questions here and /r/Wet_Shavers. Also check out /r/shaveoftheday for product and photo ideas.

Here's some more info on the products I suggested...

TOBS Jermyn Street shaving cream is a modern fern scent, everyone tends to love and I still use it from time to time. It's very easy to lather and provides great performance. I quickly fell in love with it and purchased the matching aftershave (not cheap).

Clubman Pinaud might not be the perfect match for Jermyn street but it's the quintessential classic barbershop scent. I immediately was taken back to my childhood when I would go with my father to get a hair cut at the local barbershop. It's some damn good stuff, plus it's cheap as dirt. You can purchase it from your local Sally's Beautiful Supply store for about the same price, they also have the bigger bottle for just a couple bucks more.

Brushes can be a tricky subject. There are several grades of badger hairs, silvertip generally being the best. A good silvertip brush generally will cost you $60-100 and upwards (I once owned a $330 silvertip brush). Whipped Dog is doing gods work by offering you a no-fills best bang for the buck brush that will last you a very long time.

Other options are boar brushes, one of the more popular brushes which is my personally favorite boar is the Semogue 830, which is $24.

Synthetic brush are really gaining popularity these days, before they were mainly for the animal lovers but now they're really kicking ass as far as performance goes. I think the most popular is the L'Occitane Plisson brush. The prices on these were just slashed in half so it's a great buy for sure. The only downside is that eventually the knot will come apart from the handle but it's an easy fix. It's super duper soft and creates a love lather. I have two of these brushes but I also just got a Muhle 35K 256 (in the photo) and I'm seriously blown away by this brush.

/u/Leisureguy has a great book on wet shaving. I highly recommend it!

Well think of it like this: You are literally taking amphetamines every single day. Your brain is used to it so your brain on amphetamine has become your new default.

I am too lazy to find the research right now but I encourage you to do the research for yourself. Simply eating a more healthy diet, cutting out processed food and especially sugar while also making sure to get things such as vitamin D and omega-3 has been shown to in many cases completely eliminate ADHD.

Exercise has also been proven to be extremely effective since it helps your brain naturally produce more dopamine.

Meditation also has an almost laughably long list of health benefits and it seriously can't be understated how much it can help you. I recommend the book The mind illuminated which teaches you step by step how to get the most out of and develop your meditation practice.

Now I haven't officially been diagnosed with ADHD but I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and there is a huge overlap of people with schizophrenia who also has ADHD. On top of that I react very much like someone with ADHD reacts to stimulants. I have experimented with Methamphetamine and even on 30+mg with I still reacted by just being extremely calm instead of the usual manic energy rushes people normally experience.

What I am trying to say is that you can either tell yourself that you need the drugs (either microdosing or amphetamines) or you can start getting your life together and quit the drugs. I had done a lot of exercise, clean eating and meditation in the past but it wasn't until I actually started meditating and exercising for a total of 4+ hours every single day that I managed to get control of my mind. Now I can get away with only 30 mins a day to just maintain what I have already gained of control, but it does take some work to get to that point.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

So, I have major depressive disorder. I did the whole psychiatrist route. Didn't do shit for me. Hated how the meds made me feel. (I didn't know it then, but medication only has a 30% success rate for patients.)

I recommend the following; The Depression Cure; https://www.amazon.com/Depression-Cure-6-Step-Program-without/dp/0738213888 (This has good guidelines on supplementation, exercise, light therapy, etc...)

The Mind Illuminated; https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Illuminated-Meditation-Integrating-Mindfulness/dp/1501156985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522172217&sr=8-1&keywords=the+mind+illuminated

This is the most comprehensive meditation book I've read. Developing a meditation practice has been the single most helpful change for me. (The others are very important too.) Being able to meditate is like a super power. The vast majority of people today cannot sit alone in a room for more than 15 minutes without entertainment without totally freaking out. Plus it can lead to extremely joyful states called the Jannas. Also, Buddhism is an awesome philosophy and the neurological benefits of meditation are both real and being actively studied intensely right now by neuroscientists.

Finally, I'd recommend getting your diet right. I've tried alot of different diets. Quite a few people seem to do really well with Keto, but I didn't really enjoy it overall. My current setup is a "Whole Foods Plant Based Diet." Basically just fruits, vegetables, beans, starches, and nuts. It's easy to make meals, you can eat a large volume of food, (I enjoy eating, and the caloric density of vegetables is very low.) and it's extremely cheap.

Depression is a manageable issue. (It just makes itself very hard to manage because you don't feel like doing anything.) With some dedication you can get yourself functional.

P.S: There have been some recent studies on using Magic Mushrooms to treat depression that have had great success. I'm not sure if you'd be able to access that in your situation, but if you are able to certainly give them a shot. Start with 1.5-2g for your first trip and do some research ahead of time and make sure you have a babysitter and a good positive setting.

HP follows the path laid out for lots of great stories, as identified in Joseph Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces. As summarized in wikipedia, Campbell explores the idea that all the great myths which have survived share certain common tropes:

> Campbell describes a number of stages or steps along this journey. The hero starts in the ordinary world, and receives a call to enter an unusual world of strange powers and events (a call to adventure). If the hero accepts the call to enter this strange world, the hero must face tasks and trials (a road of trials), and may have to face these trials alone, or may have assistance. At its most intense, the hero must survive a severe challenge, often with help earned along the journey. If the hero survives, the hero may achieve a great gift (the goal or "boon"), which often results in the discovery of important self-knowledge. The hero must then decide whether to return with this boon (the return to the ordinary world), often facing challenges on the return journey. If the hero is successful in returning, the boon or gift may be used to improve the world (the application of the boon).

This formula is a proven winner used time and again, whether in Star Wars or in Frank Herbert's Dune or in numerous other stories.

There is a book https://www.amazon.com/Strong-Curves-Womans-Building-Better/dp/1936608642
It's $9.99 for the kindle version (the kindle app is free for smart phones). I've never read it but I've heard great things.


But there's also a whole subreddit ( https://m.reddit.com/r/StrongCurves )and lots of info online. Check this out here_are_the_correct_strong_curves_workouts_in


As far as diet, if you eat whatever you want you will still see results but it may hold you back a bit. Honestly, you're young and you can still get away with a relaxed diet...so I wouldn't sweat it too much until you're ready to. I played sports in college and ate whatever I wanted and looked great. I miss those days. But at 21 I really got into lifting, decided to clean up my diet, and I took my physique to a level I didn't know I was capable with. Maybe focus on eating meals with lean protein and fresh food for the most part if you want to fuel your body a little better but still live a little, especially while you've got the metabolism. Often times working out motivates you to want to eat better.

If you were ever interested in tracking your nutrition a little better you can download an app like My Fitness Pal (free) to see how much your eating as well as an estimation of how much you should be eating. You can plug in your stats and it'll give you an estimate.

So in short, you don't necessarily need to change your current diet but it will definitely help you with your goals. Proper nutrition will not only improve your physique, but also your performance, recovery, and overall health. As they often say "you can't outrun a bad diet".

Personally I feel it's like trying to still the rippling water in a pond. In the earlier stages your trying to focus, focus but the mind is like an annoying five your old kid constantly lobbing these big rocks in to the pond. "Maybe I'll have Pizza Later" or "I can't believe what that person said today," Once you get past those then it's often followed by little pebbles like, "Oh this is going well today," or "Wow I didn't think about anything there for about 30 seconds." Then you might get pulled away by those tiny reflections and its back to square one with "Wow this is the best session I've ever had maybe I'll quit my job and go on retreat for 6 months, where will I start?" ;-) You could think of them as 'schools of thought' as you say or just a more coarse level of thought that's progressing to a more subtle level. I'd see it as a sign your making progress though, it's a good thing that your recognising them for what they are..just more thoughts. After you get through those more talky discursive statements and fantasies you'll probably find more and more subtle levels of background 'processing' that you start to notice, less verbal but still active and fighting for your attention too.

In some of the traditions I've looked at this idea of checking up or the active monitoring of your session occasionally is fine but it's used more strategically and momentarally, sometimes it's called 'introspection' or monitoring the flow of mindfulness in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition I think. That's a whole area in itself though, too much to go into here. This is not the same as judging or reflecting leisurely on whether your having an overall good session though, it's more a kind of quick spot check of the body and mind ensuring the continued quality and vividness of your engagement with the object (the breath in your case). This is done wordlessly and after a while when you get better at it it's so fast (like an eyeblink) that it doesn't distract the attention. It can become a distraction if over used in later stages though.

There's a good book I found by recommendation on here that is more detailed on specifics of techniques in stilling the mind.

http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Illuminated-Complete-Meditation-Integrating/dp/0990847705/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451936629&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Mind+Illuminated

The author summarises some of the techniques and practices that are common to a few Buddhist traditions in a more *cough accesible way. Although he labels some things differently I recognise alot of his ideas from other works and classic texts I have read and studied over the past year and a half, he references some of the original sources too, might be worth a look. Patience and practice is the main thing I believe but there are specific techniques and roadmaps available you can use to make the journey quicker and easier.

Books I've read and/or am reading.

1. Bigger Leaner Stronger ^link Basically a book version of the /r/fitness wiki plus a good variation on 5-rep workouts, which I made solid gains. Took my bench from 245 to 315 in 7ish months on this program alone.
   
2. Destroy the Opposition ^link Slightly different take on powerlifting training. Jamie Lewis is a bit crude, but it's an interesting read. I did not try out his program at the end of the book, but I enjoyed the read. The tl;dr is "use lots of volume and find the form that fits your body".
   
3. NASM Essentials of Personal Fitness Training ^link Just started reading this now, looks promising. Basically a good resource on building a program if you plan on being self-coached. It's based on starting from scratch, so it might not be 100% relevant. Get the previous edition (linked) used to save some money. I found one in good condition online for like $10 on ebay, but they're like $12-15 on Amazon and other bookseller websites.
   
4. Strength Training Anatomy ^link It's useful as an extra guide for perfecting form and optimizing stretching.
   
5. Starting Strength ^link I'm a little hesitant to recommend this, because while it did get me going and making some good early gains, I've had to correct my squat and deadlift form a lot. However, my bench form is pretty decent coming out of this so it's a bit of a toss-up. If you can get it used/cheap, it might be worth reading.
   
   If you're going into a 5/3/1 program, Jim Wendler has books on that. Most programs have a good write-up somewhere so try and read the rhyme and reason behind what you're doing, as well as investigating the core concepts if they're not explained well (linear progression, progressive overload, and periodization are all concepts that most programs are based around. PM me if you have any other questions.

Hey bro/sis,

I will give the same advice to men and women here. Get a weight lifting program and some podcasts.

Why podcasts? It will help you get motivated to learn while you lift. Get some TWIT.TV podcasts, maybe a history podcast (The Thomas Jefferson Hour, Dan Carlin's Hardcore History), and something funny or political (The Joe Rogan Experience, No Agenda Show).

Why weight lifting? For guys, you will get big and feel good. For women you will get tone and your butt will look great. Why the difference? That magical chemical called Testosterone. Guys have it and get big, girls don't have it (at least not so much) so they don't get as big.

If you get a complete program, make it simple with big lifts, Squats, Deadlifts, Cleans, Overhead Press, and Bench. DO not get a complicated workout plan from a magazine, they are mostly just filler and worthless, except for those people that are genetically gifted with short recovery times and have hours to workout at the gym.

I went from a 135lb squat to a 235lb squat (3x5) in about two months. It took me another month to get to 260lbs. I feel super great, I enjoy physical activities a lot more, and feel way more confident.

How do you get started?

I used a program called Starting Strength, it's very effective. There are a lot of other exercise programs you can try (Google: Mad Cow, 5x5, or 5/3/1). But Starting Strength is extremely simple and effective. Most of the other big and simple programs are based from Starting Strength.

The biggest change for me was having a predetermined plan, "I am going to start lighter than I think I should, and add 5lbs every time I do this lift." I had a workout notebook and a spreadsheet, this is where I want to be today, this is where I was last week.

Starting Strength Caveats

1. Learn your lifts! The Starting Strength book does this from a bio-mechanical standpoint. (I mean 60 pages on the bench press, pretty valuable information)
   
2. START LIGHT, you will work into the weight, don't worry about it, leave your ego at the door.
   
3. If you are overweight, do not follow the diet plans. Hit a protein shake once after your work out.
   
4. If you hit a plateau it's probably your diet, add another protein shake on your off days. [If it happens again a second week] drop back a week.
   
   Resources
   
   Starting Strength Calculator
   
   Starting Strength Book
   
   
   I've since moved onto a "lighter" program, Jim Wendler's 5/3/1, it gives me more time to pursue jiujitsu and cardio. When you are ready to move on, look at sports specific exercises, bent over rows for a bow draw, and the stair master for hiking.
   
   EDIT
   
   Seriously check out Yoga for Regular Guys as well. It's a very simple non-bullshity yoga routine. It will help with mobility issues and it's a good low-space cardio routine.
   
   EDIT2
   
   Great advice below:
   
   Reasons to meditate from iamadogforreal