Reddit mentions: The best marriage books

We found 1,227 Reddit comments discussing the best marriage books. We ran sentiment analysis on each of these comments to determine how redditors feel about different products. We found 381 products and ranked them based on the amount of positive reactions they received. Here are the top 20.

1. Ina May's Guide to Childbirth "Updated With New Material"

    Features:
  • Bantam
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth "Updated With New Material"
Specs:
ColorPink
Height9 Inches
Length6 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateMarch 2003
Weight1.10010668738 Pounds
Width0.75 Inches
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2. The Compleat Meadmaker : Home Production of Honey Wine From Your First Batch to Award-winning Fruit and Herb Variations

    Features:
  • Brewers Publications
The Compleat Meadmaker : Home Production of Honey Wine From Your First Batch to Award-winning Fruit and Herb Variations
Specs:
Height10.09 Inches
Length7.1 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateJune 2003
Weight0.95019234922 Pounds
Width0.65 Inches
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3. The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011

The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
Specs:
Height8.5 Inches
Length5.51 Inches
Number of items1
Weight0.88 Pounds
Width0.72 Inches
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4. The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

    Features:
  • Scribner Book Company
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Specs:
Height8.375 Inches
Length5.5 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateOctober 2012
Weight0.45 Pounds
Width0.7 Inches
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5. The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

    Features:
  • Specialty Press FL
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
Specs:
Height8.5 Inches
Length5.5 Inches
Number of items1
Weight0.79 Pounds
Width0.6 Inches
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7. In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families

In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families
Specs:
Height9 Inches
Length6.25 Inches
Number of items1
Weight0.00220462262 Pounds
Width0.75 Inches
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9. Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

Tyndale House Publishers
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
Specs:
Height8.2 Inches
Length5.4 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateSeptember 2003
Weight0.6503636729 Pounds
Width0.8 Inches
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10. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

    Features:
  • Riverhead Books
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God
Specs:
ColorWhite
Height7.97 Inches
Length5.14 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateNovember 2013
Weight0.6 Pounds
Width0.88 Inches
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12. Boundaries in Marriage

    Features:
  • Used Book in Good Condition
Boundaries in Marriage
Specs:
Height8.5 Inches
Length5.5 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateAugust 2002
Weight0.5180863157 Pounds
Width0.63 Inches
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13. Husband-Coached Childbirth (Fifth Edition): The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth

Husband Coached Childbirth Fifth Edition The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth
Husband-Coached Childbirth (Fifth Edition): The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth
Specs:
ColorWhite
Height8.2 Inches
Length5.2 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateMay 2008
Weight0.65 Pounds
Width0.81 Inches
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14. A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy

    Features:
  • A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy
Specs:
Height8.97636 Inches
Length7.04723 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateNovember 2002
Weight1.19490546004 Pounds
Width0.86614 Inches
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15. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

    Features:
  • Used Book in Good Condition
His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Specs:
Height6 Inches
Length5 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateJune 2002
Weight0.43 Pounds
Width1 Inches
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16. Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

    Features:
  • Northfield Publishing
Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married
Specs:
Height8 Inches
Length5.25 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateSeptember 2010
Weight0.5 Pounds
Width0.47 Inches
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18. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

    Features:
  • Great book.
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
Specs:
Height9.25 Inches
Length6.25 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateOctober 2006
Weight0.7605948039 Pounds
Width0.75 Inches
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19. When We Became Three: A Memory Book for the Modern Family

    Features:
  • A highly effective form of magnesium
When We Became Three: A Memory Book for the Modern Family
Specs:
Height9.1 Inches
Length6.1 Inches
Number of items1
Weight0.85 Pounds
Width0.6 Inches
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20. Dear John, I Love Jane

    Features:
  • Used Book in Good Condition
Dear John, I Love Jane
Specs:
Height8.5 Inches
Length5.5 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateOctober 2010
Weight0.70106999316 Pounds
Width0.69 Inches
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🎓 Reddit experts on marriage books

The comments and opinions expressed on this page are written exclusively by redditors. To provide you with the most relevant data, we sourced opinions from the most knowledgeable Reddit users based the total number of upvotes and downvotes received across comments on subreddits where marriage books are discussed. For your reference and for the sake of transparency, here are the specialists whose opinions mattered the most in our ranking.
Total score: 93
Number of comments: 7
Relevant subreddits: 1
Total score: 55
Number of comments: 11
Relevant subreddits: 6
Total score: 53
Number of comments: 7
Relevant subreddits: 1
Total score: 49
Number of comments: 12
Relevant subreddits: 3
Total score: 44
Number of comments: 8
Relevant subreddits: 1
Total score: 43
Number of comments: 8
Relevant subreddits: 1
Total score: 26
Number of comments: 14
Relevant subreddits: 2
Total score: 19
Number of comments: 9
Relevant subreddits: 3
Total score: 13
Number of comments: 8
Relevant subreddits: 2
Total score: -14
Number of comments: 6
Relevant subreddits: 1

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Top Reddit comments about Marriage:

u/what_34 · 2 pointsr/Marriage

Hey.

I may be wrong but you sound pretty fed up and angry. I hope my post can help, but I almost have a feeling you're even fed up with this thread and our responses.



14 years? Was she always like this? I have a feeling the advice I've written below is something you've already tried. I also posted some great resources. I really recommend listening to Season 1 of the StayMarried Podcast. (together.)


She doesn't work... does she literally sit around all day? Is she caring for children? What is she doing?



It seems incredibly unfair that you are working all day and she isn't pitching in.



Have you had a talk with her regarding what it takes to run your household and where you need her assistance? A KIND talk? A loving talk?



"Babe, can we talk tonight when I get home? I think we should talk about some things, and get on the same page. Feel free to think about some things you think we should talk about too, I might bring up cleaning and responsibilities, but I want to wait until I get home and we can speak face-to-face.


Babe, I really love you and I care about our happiness and our marriage. For so long, I feel like I've been putting in a lot of effort regarding chores around the house and going to work every day. The pets need to be cared for, etc... and I feel when my energy is low I become angry and unkind. I hate how crabby I get when I'm home. It's not fair to you. Do you feel the chores around the house are divided okay or do you feel they are a little unbalanced?


I feel they are unbalanced. What are some of the chores you enjoy doing better than others? What if you focus on those? Like Laundry? You can fold clothes while you watch a tv show, so it's not so boring. Dusting is also something you can do while watching tv. What if we put a tv or something in the kitchen? (make cleaning fun for her?)


If you agree to doing these chores, I can agree to managing our bills/finances. I think this will really help me to be more calm when I get home after a day at work.


Babe, I also wanted to say this before we are done talking. To me, sharing responsibilities, is very important to me. Please consider this agreement we made, a promise, together. When you help me out at home, I feel LOVED. I feel cared for and respected. I feel like we have a true partnership. When you are by my side helping me, I feel so dang good.


How are some ways I can help you? What are some things you need from me? I really want us to be a partnership and I really want to reexamine if your needs are being met as well.


It's odd to me this has been going on for 14 years? You might need counseling? Also, if you have to have this talk with her every 2 weeks, keep trying.. it takes TIME to create HABITS. She won't change over night. <3 Good luck!


Some of my favorite Marriage Resources that I picked out for you:


Discover your love languages love language Quiz

His Needs Her Needs Book: How to Affair Proof Your Marriage


Idea of the "Love Bank"-Verbage for how you're feeling within your marriage (helps communication)



#staymarried Blog & Podcast


A Sermon YESTERDAY(ironically) I attended that discusses: LOVE being a CHOICE and Meeting EACHOTHER at least 51%. (Sermon starts at 1:19, feel free to skip to 9:50)





u/dontplaceliterature · 4 pointsr/exjw

There are many who are in your position or have been. My wife is still an active JW (not die-hard) and she takes our child. It doesn't look at this point (3 years since I left) that she's going anywhere. Some make it out with their entire family, but they are the exception. Prepare yourself for that. It is a strong possibility that your wife will never leave.

It is a whole lot easier to get your children out (depending on their age). The younger they are, the better. Spend more time asking questions rather than "exposing the organization." Then, when they finally become curious, you can explore the answers to those questions together.

Spend as much time with your family doing things that don't include Jehovah's Witnesses. If these things "coincidentally" interfere with meetings and service, great! Get your kids involved with extra-curricular activities at school, gymnastics, boy/girl scouts, soccer, etc. The closer they become to children who are normal, the more they will begin to view Jehovah's Witnesses as restrictive and down right weird.

Do you have any nonJW family near by? Get closer to them. Any nonJW friends/associates you could get to know better? Build a new circle of friends outside of the organization NOW. Lets face it, most of us were only ever in the organization because of the relationships anyway. So, if you can find meaningful ones outside of the organization, you will be able to fall into that safety net once the shunning begins.

If you're not sure how to go about making new friends and you want to include your wife, find a hobby that you both enjoy and then go do that together. Meetup is a great way to find people who enjoy the same hobbies (board games, hiking, biking, book clubs, etc.). Find the ones you gravitate toward more and invite them out for drinks afterward or over to your house for dinner or out to coffee. It is likely that if you are attracted to them you will also be attracted to the friends in their social circle. So, sometimes you really only have to find a couple of good friends in the beginning and then let them plug you into a whole new group.

If you are in a position to do so, it might also be smart to move a good distance away from the people you know. It's hard to start in a new congregation and so your wife will be more likely to give up the organization if she doesn't fit in with her hall and if old JW friends/family aren't near by pressuring her multiple days a week. You're already going to have to find new friends to socialize with, so don't let that stop you from making this choice!

You can't stay in the organization for the sake of your wife and kids. You will end up resenting them if they don't leave and it will ruin your relationship anyway. So, I would suggest just making a plan to get out (either fade, or quit cold turkey) at some point soon and between now and then see if you can nudge your family in the same direction.

If they don't escape now, you can at least be true to yourself. While not ideal, it is possible that you could be happy in a religiously divided household. If things get tough between you and the Mrs, look into going to see a counselor. Be honest with her about how you feel, but don't be overly critical of her. Remember, you are the one that changed. Leaving a cult is extremely difficult and she has been programmed to resist you.

There is much more to say on the issue, but those are some quick thoughts before I dart off to work.

I would suggest you order a copy of this book and read it when you get time. I've interviewed Dale and he's a great guy. It'll give you lots of great tips on making a mixed marriage work.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to PM me any time.


u/[deleted] · 1 pointr/sex

This book helped me a lot as a male who has been in similar situations.

The author puts forward some interesting ideas that have resonated with my fiance' and I. First, imagine that everyone you meet immediately opens up an imaginary "checking account" for you in their mind. When the two of you share mutually satisfactory encounters, you both make "deposits" in each others' accounts. The reverse is true, "withdrawals", for mutually unsatisfactory encounters. The author suggests that we fall in love with someone when we allow their balance in our account to get pretty high and that its just as easy to fall out of love if enough withdrawals are made. This is only the first chapter.

The rest of the book is devoted to our basic emotional needs. The author, a psychologist of some kind, polled a lot of couples to find out what they wanted from their relationships. He was able to come up with a list of 10 general, basic needs that we all share. Contrary to what "manly men" will tell you, both genders have emotions (lol). As you might guess, the genders generally rate their needs in polar opposite priority.

Generally speaking men rate the need for sexual fulfillment highest, where women rate affection highest. That isn't to say that some women wouldn't rate sex as their highest priority, that men generally rate affection the lowest, or that peoples priorities don't change over time... it's simply a statement of what the author found most common among the couples he polled.

The most common, second-highest priority for men is recreational partners and for women its (I think) domestic support. (I might be a little off here because I haven't read the book in awhile.) Each of the ten basic needs gets its own chapter and by the end of the book you feel ready to fulfill all of your partner's needs.

How does this relate to your situation? Well each time that his need isn't fulfilled a subconscious "withdrawal" is made. Its a natural reaction to a need not being met. I apologize if you find this offensive but I ask you to consider how there are times when you can't help but feel slightly let down.

Here is what I'm not saying: That you should give in to any advance he makes otherwise he might fall out of love with you. Where ever you can find conflict, you can find even more room for compromise. With my fiance and I, after delicate discussion, we decided on the following: Whenever I make overtures and she isn't up to the task for any reason whatsoever, she acknowledges my desires, explains her situation honestly, but offers an alternative. This is can as little as being close to me while I take care of things myself or as involved as what some might consider foreplay. The effect is always the same. I get to relieve tension and sleep easy, she's involved, and deposits are made all around.

The times have been few, but I've had the chance to reciprocate on occasion. We both work in the same career field (military) and its not unheard of for me to be too physically or mentally tired perform. In these instances she appreciates me in close proximity but my contributions are generally verbal, whereas I prefer her touch. As you might imagine, these alternatives have led to more on several occasions.

Others have stressed communication and that aspect of this issue is not to be ignored. There is a great technique I'd be happy to share with you if you're interested. However, its not the final solution to any problem in my humble opinion. I feel that recognizing, acknowledging, and fulfilling each other's needs is what is most important.

If you read His Needs, Her Needs and you enjoy it I would recommend The Five Languages of Love next. The two books compliment each other well and while they're about stuff you know innately, or might intuit, they do a good job of bringing it to the forefront of your mind. I hope I'm not killing two author's revenues in a row by giving you the synopsis:

There are basically 5 "languages" in which we express our affection for one another. When I compliment my fiance' (words of affirmation) she feels my love the most. However, I feel most loved when she runs her hands through my hair (physical touch) or finds time work on hobbies with me (Quality Time (and recreation partner emotional need I guess)). Generally, however we like to receive our affection is how we innately try to give affection. This doesn't always give us the results we want and our effort is best spent speaking our partner's "language".

I hope this all makes sense. Its my bed time and I've been trying to tip toe around a lot of touchy subjects in this post. If you can't tell, editorial gymnastics aren't my forte. To steal from a recent AMA: "I'm the worst best bad writr, neither can I spell or keyboard". If you need more details on the books, the emotional needs, the languages, or anything at all, please shoot me a message.

Edit: I reread through the rest of the comments and my own post. I feel like some perspective needs to be added on what living with an elevated libido is like. This isn't an attempt to defend your SO's actions, simply an addendum. I can't speak for all males but my arousal can fall into different categories. There is the type of arousal that everyone is familiar with, where my fiance is around and I want to share the time with her. Then there is the type of arousal that comes out of nowhere, for seemingly no reason, while I'm busy with other things (like trying to sleep).

In these situations I want to get it out of the way and get back to what I was doing. Its dealing with this type of arousal that can be the most frustrating; especially when my fiance and I are in bed ready for sleep. Spooning is a big trigger for this type of arousal. I'm sure my fiance doesn't appreciate getting poked in these situations but I simply have no control over it. Before we found our alternatives we were in the same boat as you. I'd advance and there would be times when she wasn't ready to participate for whatever reason. These would leave me in a crappy spot. I could awkwardly take care of myself with her in the bed but not participating (I never did, I couldn't imagine being able to) or just deal with it and try to sleep. I read somewhere that a test was run with women and testosterone patches (to raise their libido) and some said that they would never repeat the experience.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that while your SO's actions might seem petulant at first, you should give him a chance to redeem himself.

u/searchmyname · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

List of Michigan Brewers. Probably a little out dated.

I would recommend trying Oddside whenever you can get a chance, by far my favorite "new to bottling" Michigan brewer. The Livery has amazing sours/wilds if you ever catch them at a beer fest or go to their brewery.

Theres a ton of other information I could give but I say look into it yourself!

Also for you mead lovers, we have B. Nektar and Shramm's, owned by [the man that wrote the book on mead making] (http://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802/ref=la_B001KCJ71K_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404363819&sr=1-1), both housed in Ferndale Michigan.

Here is a list of the "Best Of 2014" beer list from Rate Beer. You can see Michigan listed quite a few times, especially in the mead category.

1 51 North Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Lake Orion
2 57 Brew Pub & Bistro - Greenville
3 Arbor Brewing Company Pub and Eatery - Ann Arbor
4 Arbor Brewing Company - Corner Brewery - Ypsilanti
5 Arcadia - Battle Creek
6 Atwater Block Brewing - Detroit
7 B.A.R.T.S. Bay City - Bay City
8 Bad Bear Brewery - Albion
9 Barking Cat Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Otsego
10 Barn Brew Pub - Grand Ledge
11 Bastone Brewery - Royal Oak
12 Batch Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Detroit
13 Beards Brewery - Petoskey
14 Beggars Brewery (coming soon!) - Traverse City
15 Bell's Brewery - Kalamazoo
16 Bifferhaus Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Jackson
17 Big Buck Brewery & Steakhouse - Gaylord
18 Big Lake Brewing - (coming soon!) Holland
19 Big 'O' Brewery (at Good Neighbor Organic) - Northport
20 Big Rapids Brewing Company (located inside Blue Cow Cafe) - Big Rapids
21 Big Rock Chop House - Birmingham
22 Bilbo's Pizza & Brewing Company - Kalamazoo
23 Black Lotus Brewing Company - Clawson
24 Blackrocks Brewery - Marquette
25 Blue Tractor BBQ & Brewery - Ann Arbor
26 Boatyard Brewing Co. - Kalamazoo
27 B.O.B.'s Brewery - Grand Rapids
28 Bravo Restaurant & Cafe - Kalamazoo
29 Bravo Zulu - Williamsburg
30 Brewery Becker (coming soon!) - Brighton
31 Brewery Ferment - Traverse City
32 Brewery Terra Firma - Traverse City
33 Brewery Vivant - Grand Rapids
34 BrickSide Brewery - Copper Harbor
35 Cheboygan Brewing Company - Cheboygan
36 Chelsea Alehouse - Chelsea
37 CJ's Brewing Company - Plymouth
38 Constantine Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Constantine
39 Copper Canyon Brewery - Southfield
40 Cotton Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Adrian
41 Cranker's Brewery - Big Rapids
42 Dark Horse Brewing Company - Marshall
43 Detroit Beer Company (The Beer Co.'s) - Detroit
44 Dewey Cannon Winery & Brewery - Three Oaks
45 Dore Riverview Complex - Bay City
46 Dragonmead Microbrewery - Warren
47 EagleMonk Pub and Brewery - Lansing
48 Elk Brewing (coming soon?) - Grand Rapids
49 Falling Down Beer Company - Warren
50 Fenton Winery and Brewery - Fenton
51 Fetch Brewing Company - (coming soon!) Whitehall
52 The Filling Station - Traverse City
53 Fletcher Street Brewing Company - Alpena
54 Fort Street Brewery - Lincoln Park
55 Founders Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
56 Frankenmuth Brewery - Frankenmuth
57 Frog Island Brewery - Ann Arbor
58 Gonzo's Bigg Dogg Brewery - Kalamazoo
59 Grand River Marketplace - Jackson
60 Grand Rapids Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
61 Granite City Food and Brewery - Troy
62 Gravel Bottom Brewery - Ada
63 Great Baraboo Brewing Company - Clinton Twp
64 Greenbush Brewing Company - Sawyer
65 Griffin Claw Brewing Company - Birmingham
66 Grizzly Peak Brewing Company - Ann Arbor
67 Harmony Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
68 Harper's Restaurant & Brewpub - Lansing
69 Hereford & Hops Brewpub - Escanaba
70 The Hideout Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
71 Hometown Cellars Winery & Brewpub - Ithaca
72 Hopcat - Grand Rapids
73 Jaden James Brewery at Cascade Winery - Kentwood
74 Jamesport Brewing Company - Ludington
75 Jasper Ridge Brewery - Ishpeming
76 Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales - Dexter
77 Jolly Pumpkin Cafe & Brewery - Ann Arbor
78 Jolly Pumpkin Restaurant, Brewery, Distillery - Traverse City
79 Keweenaw Brewing Company - Houghton
80 Kilkenny's Irish Public House - Traverse City
81 Kraftbräu (coming back soon?) - Kalamazoo
82 Kuhnhenn Brewing Company - Warren
83 Lake Superior Brewing Company - Grand Marais
84 Latitude 42 Brewing Company - Portage
85 Leelanau Brewing Company - Leland
86 Liberty Street Brewing Company - Plymouth
87 The Library Restaurant & Brewpub - Houghton
88 Lily's Seafood Grill & Brewery - Royal Oak
89 The Livery - Benton Harbor
90 Mackinaw Brewing Company - Traverse City
91 Michigan Beer Cellar - Sparta
92 Middle Villa Inn & Microbrewery - Middleville
93 Midland Brewing Company - Midland
94 Midtown Beer Company - Lansing
95 MillKing It Productions - Royal Oak
96 The Mitten Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
97 Motor City Brewing Works - Detroit
98 Mount Pleasant Brewing Co./Mountain Town Station Brew Pub and Steakhouse - Mount Pleasant
99 New Holland Brewing Company - Holland
100 North Peak Brewing Company - Traverse City
101 Odd Side Ales - Grand Haven
102 Olde Peninsula Brewpub - Kalamazoo
103 Old Boys Brewhouse - Spring Lake
104 Old Mill Brewpub & Grill - Plainwell
105 Ore Dock Brewing Company - Marquette
106 Original Gravity Brewing Company - Milan
107 Osgood Brewing - Grandville
108 Our Brewing Company - Holland
109 Patchwork Brewing - Decatur
110 Paw Paw Brewing Company - Paw Paw
111 Perrin Brewing Company- Alpine Township
112 Petoskey Brewing - Petoskey
113 Pike 51 Brewery - Hudsonville
114 Quay Street Brewing Company - Port Huron
115 Rare Bird Brewery and Taproom (coming soon!) - Traverse City
116 Red Jacket Brewing Company - Calumet
117 Redwood Brewing Company - Flint
118 Right Brain Brewery - Traverse City
119 Rochester Mills Beer Company (The Beer Co.'s) - Rochester
120 Rockford Brewing Company - Rockford
121 Round Barn Brewery - Baroda
122 Royal Oak Brewery (The Beer Co.'s) - Royal Oak
123 Rupert's Brew House - Kalamazoo
124 Saugatuck Brewing Company - Douglas
125 Schmohz Brewing Company - Grand Rapids
126 Sherwood Brewing Company - Shelby Township
127 Shooter's Firehouse Brewpub -- Munising
128 Short's Brewing Company - Bellaire
129 Soo Brewing Company - Sault St. Marie
130 Sports Brew Pub - Wyandotte
131 Stormcloud Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Traverse City
132 Sue's Coffee House - St. Clair
133 Sugarfoot Saloon - Cedar
134 Sullivan's Black Forest Brew Haus & Grill - Frankenmuth
135 Tahquamenon Falls Brewery & Pub - Paradise
136 Tapistry Brewing - Bridgman
137 Traffic Jam & Snug - Detroit
138 Travelers Club International Restaurant & Tuba Museum - Okemos
139 Tri-City Brewing Company - Bay City
140 Unruly Brewing Co. - Muskegon
141 Upper Peninsula Brewing Company (coming soon!) - Marquette
142 Vander Mill - Spring Lake
143 The Vierling Restaurant & Marquette Harbor Brewery - Marquette
144 Vinomondo Winery; Brew Pub - Fort Gratiot
145 Walldorff Brewpub & Bistro - Hastings
146 White Flame Brewing Company - Hudsonville
147 Wiltse's Brew Pub - Oscoda
148 Witch's Hat Brewing Company - South Lyon
149 Wolverine State Brewing Co. - Ann Arbor
150 Woodward Avenue Brewers - Ferndale
151 The Workshop Brewing Company - Traverse City

u/JustSomeBadAdvice · 39 pointsr/relationships

I'm sorry dude, but you are getting a lot of terrible advice here, and I would know.

The way you describe this, it sounds like all the aspects of you that make you a man have been sucked out or worn away. I'm not saying that in some sort of men vs women situation, but rather speaking purely from an attraction point of view. Women are attracted to men. Particularly manly men, but not in the stereotype you might be thinking. Masculinity. Your wife doesn't initiate? And doesn't come? Part of that is probably because of her job. It is probably stressful and a lot of work.

But if you feel like this:

> I feel trapped and soul-sapped. I feel powerless. I feel like pre-cancer-diagnosis Walter White. And, at the same time, I feel guilty for feeling like this

Don't you think she would pick up on that? I'm not saying she won't/doesn't love you, but how could she be attracted to you when you feel like that?

So now how to fix it. Firstly, this book is a lifesaver: http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Read the reviews. There's nothing hugely wrong with your life choices themselves, or the way you treat your wife. To the contrary of what the top upvoted posted said, a weekend to reconnect with your wife is going to do jack all. It might make you two feel better for 3-4 days. Like I said, jack all.

You need GOALS. You need to have ambitions, be working towards something. Passionate, ambitious men are attractive. Getting in shape can help tremendously if you aren't. Testosterone levels can help too, and there are lots of natural ways to raise testosterone levels(What did you think she was attracted to if not testosterone?). Does this mean you can't be a stay at home dad anymore? Maybe, maybe not. Not all goals are work/professional.

You need to be more assertive. Fill your life with things and activities. Pick fun stuff to do, then invite HER along. Don't make your life revolve around her. Your life should include your children, but it should not revolve around your children, at least not if you want to rebuild attraction. Filling your life with more things will build confidence. Giving yourself more options so that your life does not resolve around one limited set of things(Wife, children) will give you more confidence.

Confidence. Is. Attractive. Confidence is the most important piece here, but I listed it last because telling you to "be more confident" helps no one. Telling you ideas of how to BECOME more confident helps.

Get back into a metal band(Passion). Aim to become a world class chef(Goals). Start doing MMA or Krav Maga(Fitness & Testosterone). You can do this. And she won't know it/know why, but she will love it.

u/oetoh · 1 pointr/kratom

Assuming the statistical probably that you are heterosexual, then I have to admit that being a gay dude in a major city has its advantages.

That said I have had many ADHD/AS people of various genders and orientations in my life, some of whom have done exceptionally well dating/fucking. I don't know you or what your situation is so I don't know what to say in particular so here is some spitballing that may or may not be helpful.

I have heard The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband is good though I haven't read it, and of course it skips a couple of steps (assumes you have a wife). From what I understand though it might have some ideas about how to turn what might be a deficit into a benefit.. in general I think people with neuroatypicalities have an opportunity to really think about, learn about, and practice things in a way that wouldn't occur to someone who was naturally good at it.

Like about 200 times in my life someone has said "You can't had ADHD! you are so organized!". In fact it takes me loads of time and effort to maintain what would be an effortless level of function for other people. BUT I am particularly good at organizing things in shared spaces so that they can be used effectively by many other people. And sometimes everything falls apart and I can't even do that.

At my job I am in charge organizing supply rooms and various other systems, which is a bit weird for someone with ADHD. This is because unlike most normal people I have taken the time to read about 20 books and consume lots of other information on the subject of organization, information architecture, accessible design etc. I have also made many more errors personally so I am more easily able to consider problems that could happen. And since I know I don't think like other people, I don't assume other people think like me, and I can avoid the problems caused by such assumptions (which, in many many situations, is truely a gift).

If you are the kind of person who "gets into things" you can see about "getting into" this as a project; think about it systematically. It is unlikely you will be able to jump right into casual hookups if you are straight; even neurotyical hetero men find this difficult/impossible. Women have many reasons for not wanting to engage in this sort of thing, mostly due to 20,000 of patriarchy. So that's something you just need to deal with, try to be better, and maybe in the future straight ppl can enjoy more relaxed relationships.

  1. You should acceptable working order to date; if you are a total catastrophe it will likely be unpleasant for all involved (this is why I've been out of circulation for a year or two) but the bar for this really isn't that high. Your odds will be improved if you have a regular hair cut, look good and otherwise demonstrate that you are concerned with the feelings of those around you (this is not a problem that everyone has but many of us do including myself)
  2. You need to meet people who are interested in dating (online or, better, in real life via a shared interest, volunteering, etc), get to know them, and make appropriate advances with the understanding that "no" may be the answer and it is very important not to make the other person feel bad about that
  3. You need to meet those people, in real life (you can start thinking of what kind of "first date" you and a potential date would enjoy; have a list of 5-10 options ready to go). DuckDuckGo for options.

    You will probably end up doing steps 1-3 many times before getting any further. This is normal and happens to everybody. Easier said than done but try not to hang your self esteem on any interactions. it's all a part of learning. Keep notes if that helps you.

  4. (should be 4 but the formatting won't let me) The ones you like, you see again. you will have conflicts and problems. Do your best to learn and not make the same mistakes over and over. Seek feedback. Things that aren't important to you are important to other people and you will just need to figure out how to cope with that, and your partner will need to figure out how to cope with you, and it's part of the fun.

  5. Repeat!

    Best case scenario would be to have someone whose judgement you trust to confide in and help you with reflection. Someone who will not tear you apart but help you to reflect constructively.

    One thing I would caution though if you decide to make a project of this is to stay well away from "pickup artists" or anyone else associated with "men's rights" as they are a toxic, hateful group of people who are associated with all kinds of horrible shit. There are lots of resources online specifically for atypical people. Look for them. A good general place to start is Dan Savage. he has a podcast going back a decade and an advice column going back to the early 90s. He has good judgement. Search his archives.

    Oh and one last thing--- there is a lot of stigma about sex workers in this culture but they do provide valuable services (if you can afford them!). I have known lots of sex workers in my life and all of them have worked with people in these sorts of situations. Also I've known neuroatypical people who have been very happy customers. It could be the obvious, such as getting your rocks off so you aren't so edgy. But if you look, you will find someone who will be willing to function as an educator/coach (which could include fucking or dating by way of practice, or not). They are the true sex experts. If you have friends who are sex workers or clients, referral is the best way to go. If not you'll have to do some digging online, which is getting more difficult because of new sex-negative laws that are being passed. But sex workers and clients are a very motivated and resourceful group of people, so they will always find ways around.

    You can thank vyvanse for the above.. now I have to get to work.
    hth!
u/so_shiny · 2 pointsr/aspergers

NT with aspie bf here. As others have said, journal articles have the most recent stuff. We both liked reading Temple Grandin's books, but those are definitely subjective accounts. Same with this one - http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749 - but it made me die of laughter because it remined me of my bf trying to improve and be a better partner :)

As for positives, there are many! Different does not mean deficient. I think the strongest positive for professional life is atypical ideas. The aspies in my life often have radically different ideas of how something should work. This leads to unexpected improvements in design and utility. Another is an idealistic passion for improvement. If something is wrong, they fix it even if it isn't their mess necessarily.

In personal life, definitely some positive examples I have seen are loyalty, exceptional capacity for love, and desire to improve. My personal favorite is the weirdness... I am pretty weird for an nt, but my bf is another whole level of oddball and it is awesome. We laugh a lot :)

u/quixotickate · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

We did:

Four-week "comprehensive childbirth" class at our hospital, which I really liked and am glad I took. The instructors were all either nurses or former nurses at our hospital and were familiar with our hospital's policies and standard practices, so I now feel very comfortable with what might happen during our birth; also, it turns out our hospital is pretty awesome. It was also actually some nice bonding time with my husband, especially when we practiced having him coach me.

One night breastfeeding class, also at the hospital. Informative, but not necessarily anything I couldn't have learned on my own. It was good to hear about the breastfeeding support that my hospital offers, but I suspect I would have found out about all of that anyway during my stay.

Watched the DVD series Laugh and Learn about Childbirth. It was nice to have a second perspective, and there is so much to know about childbirth that there was material covered in the videos that wasn't covered in our class. The instructor has an interesting style which we found to be hit or miss, tonally, but overall it was a good use of time. We also have Laugh and Learn About Breastfeeding, but haven't watched it yet.

I also read (I've been to the library more in the past two months than in the previous two years...):

u/PuffsTissue · 2 pointsr/asktrp

I didn’t ask you this in my previous post, but I’m assuming she’s a Christian. I don’t mean to question or doubt your girlfriend’s relationship with God, but how often does she go to church? Does she read the Bible everyday? Does she hang out with other Christians or have a lot of Christian friends? First, you need to see how much her Christian values are a part of her.

This is very essential with what you will need to do.
Now be honest. What is your intention with your girlfriend? Do you actually plan on getting married someday? Do you actually think she’s marriage material? Do you actually see yourself with her in 5 years? 10 years? 20+ years?
If not, then break up, but remember that this will scar her. Christians are taught sex is a gift from God. He never gave it to people to abuse it. God gave it to people so a husband and wife can enjoy their marriage and strengthen their relationship at a deeper level; not with some temporary girl or guy. This is why Christians teach that you should wait until marriage.

But it goes deeper than that. Sex is very, very intimate. It’s so intimate that you’re exposing a very deep mental, physical, and spiritual self to your partner. It’s like she had this most beautiful pearl in the world that was priceless. In fear of tainting its beauty or getting it stolen or lowering its worth/value, she had it locked up. She would dare not show it to anyone, but she does walk around in hopes to show it to someone one day and share that beauty with them.

A lot of people these days, don’t really treat sex the same way. They just sleep around and don’t think sex is highly valued or precious. I know a lot of men and women who has had sex to the point that they are only doing it for the sake of doing it. Some even implied it’s like a chore or just an urge that they would like to release.
I’ve also met a lot of Christian women and a few men who lost their virginity in the heat of passion and had to live with that guilt. Some actually believed they could never find a man/woman who would cherish them the same way if they were virgins.

Your girlfriend probably fits in that group. She showed you that “pearl.” She gave you that “ultimate gift”. If you leave just like that (especially with her all confused), that will affect her like all those other ones I know. She can even possibly blame you because you “led” her on and weren’t responsible enough to stop it. Yea, girls are like that. They get emotional and will start to shift the blame on men. Will she get over it? I have no idea. It just depends on how she handles it.

But now, I want to know what your position in life is. Are you planning on plate spinning or LTR? Given the society we live in, I don’t recommend marriage to many men and women. TRP is right that this society is so bad that when divorce occurs, everyone is just a man for themselves. They get so selfish that they have to extract as much as possible from their partner. They forget about trust, love, and commitment, and make it into a “me, me, me, me” battleground. They also forget that marriage has love and with love comes sacrifice. If you aren’t willing to sacrifice for her, don’t bother. If you can’t trust her when it gets bad or you lose a significant amount of SMV such as losing your job, then don’t bother.

To me, it seems she might be a possible unicorn. Conservatism in women are rare, or any women of that nature.
One more important matter: if you do stay with her, can you actually accept the Christian part of her? You said your philosophy on life has changed recently. That Christian part of her can conflict with your philosophy. It can even make you guys fight and argue. If you had answered my questions earlier to something along the lines of “little” or “not often/many,” then she isn’t much of a Christian to begin with. Her philosophy on life may change especially being 20 years old so there is also the possibility her view on sex could change. But if not, her outlook on life has significant influence from Christianity. If you don’t like that, then don’t bother.

TL;DR It just comes down to support and accepting her completely. While she's sorting out her thoughts, you shouldn't touch her either.

Btw, I would recommend you and your girlfriend to read this:
http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408888905&sr=8-1&keywords=sheet+music
It should help you both understand sex biblically, which should help you understand/support her.

u/ofblankverse · 13 pointsr/Mommit

First of all, congratulations! And come over to r/babybumps! A lot of questions you might not think to ask are being discussed there already.

The best way to tell your other half is... just tell him! Do it in person, and at a time where the two of you have some time to talk and be together, and do it without setting any sort of expectations or mood. Likely he will be a bit shocked at first, but unless your relationship wasn't meant to be, he will warm up to the idea (maybe even faster than you do, who knows!).

I'm 35 weeks pregnant now... I can tell you that as your pregnancy progresses, things will get more "real" mentally so don't be afraid when you experience some serious mood swings and shifts in your thoughts about the pregnancy. It might not be until your first ultrasound... or it might not be until you look into your baby's eyes for you to feel that rush of motherly love. Even women who got pregnant on purpose (like me) find themselves doubting sometimes. It's all normal.

Prenatal vitamins is a good start. Honestly, visiting an OB this early won't do much good, and in fact they often don't see women until they are at least 12 weeks (because many pregnancies miscarry in those first few weeks). At a 12 week appointment, you might do an ultrasound to confirm your due date (but if you have been charting, you probably already know exactly when you conceived), and you can start asking your OB any questions you have. But until you do the research, you might find that being under the care of a midwife, or giving birth at a birthing center (or at home) is a better fit for you. It won't hurt to see an OB, of course, but OB's are primarily surgeons so they might not give you all the support you need. Regardless, don't rely on any kind of medical caregiver 100%; take charge of your own pregnancy and birth and do the research! Once you do the research, you will be able to decide what type of birthing class is right for you (I highly recommend taking one... I took a Hypnobabies course and was very satisfied with the large amount of information they gave me, and also the confidence I feel as I get closer to my birthing day).

Here are some common book and movie recommendations:

Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (she is the leading authority on natural birth)

Your Best Birth (and their film you can find on Netflix, The Business of Being Born)

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth (good if you like a lot of scientific discussion on birth options)

The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. (I own this book and it makes me feel really good to have it on hand when my baby gets here... so much info!)

u/RedPill-BlackLotus · 3 pointsr/Marriage

>My wife and I have been married for 16 years.This April my wife told me she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore and all intimacy has stopped. I didn't know how to take this as I am in good shape, better than when we met. I have my hair still, I haven't lost my sense of humor, I still work hard make good money and take care of our kids. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, blow money, or abuse of any kind. I have tried making life really special for her for the last six months with lots of dates, trips, gifts, compliments, surprises, back scratches(all normal activities for us but i increased the frequency)...etc you name it. None of this seems to be working to help restore her attraction.

None of that creates any sexual desire or attraction, it only provides comfort.

Look, you are doing EVERYTHING the world tells you to do and none of it is working. You are the picture perfect husband, the world says they are attractive and their wives want them but here we are. She dosent and it's getting worse. She wants you even less.

>Here is what I want to know. Has anyone else gone through this and come out with a better marriage, either with therapy or without? I especially want to hear from the wives

This is a problem. You don't ask fish how to catch a fish. You want the wives to answer? How about you ask a man who has turned something like this around.

>reading this so I can better understand. And the second part is, what can I do?

stop trying. You come across as needy and sexually thirsty. It's very unattractive.

>I am in love with this woman and have been since the first day I met her

And yet she cares so little for you a task that takes less than 30 min, is important to You, and feels good is out of the question.

>and although she tells me she loves me too, this cannot continue like this

That's because she dosent love you. Love is when a person's interest and desires match their partners. If she loved you and desired you she would be fucking your brains out. Her desire is to stay married because she wants to maintain her lifestyle

>Any advice or experience please! I can answer any questions as well.

Yes read this book. You might hate some of the stuff in it. It will explain why your wife lost her desire and attraction to you and how it's your fault. The good news is you fucked yourself that means you can unfuck yourself.

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Linked this like 5 times today. This is a very common problem. I have been on both sides of a deadbedroom.

u/ThidwickTBHM · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

Staying home to take care of the kids doesn't give her a pass. :)

I ask because there was a book my wife asked me to read completely unironically called His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.

It was a little hokey, admittedly, but it has a load of case studies that take how we value our partners and feel valued by them beyond the "five love languages". Here's a pdf questionnaire that helps you rank their value in your relationship.

Affection
Sexual fulfillment (because this is different than affection)
Intimate conversation
Recreational companionship (do you play together?)
Honesty and openness
Physical attractiveness of spouse
Financial support
Domestic support (helping around the house)
Family commitment
Admiration

Granted, this list is developed from the author's therapy practice, but it's still an interesting thought experiment. If she's not filling up your cup, you're far more likely to get that quota of whatever from someone who is not her.

It sounds like she may be using her identity as a mother to buffer herself from her identity as your wife. I'm curious if she even knows what she wants from you.

u/NottaGrammerNasi · 2 pointsr/funny

Some guys are going to disagree with andrewsmith1986 because they're looking for an excuse on why they've struck out but confidence is really where its at. However, don't confused confidence with douchebaggery. I've learned from my own personal experience that women respond and respect a man more if he has strong opinions, decisive and is his own person. These are commonly traits found in "alpha males" or a man's man. Now ladies before you get in a huff about what I'm saying, please keep in mind the guy I'm describing can still be a gentleman and respectful to you. Alpha-male =/= Douchebag. Some guys might look at their appearance and think "she's out of my league". For those guys though, you need to realize that women look for different traits in men than what men look for in women. What I'm about to say is an over simplification; what is true for some women may not be true for others. Women look for affection. Men this does not mean sex. Understand there is a difference. Women also need intimate conversation. She likes to know you're interested in her day and what's going on in her life. She needs to feel you are honest and open with her. Also, history shows they want financial support. This one is going to be a little debated because she can provide her own support these days but it still needs to be there for her to feel secure. And lastly family commitment. Many women want a family some day. Show you're going to be a good father, good provider and will be there for your family. With that said, you may not be a hot #8 or even a 6 or 5 or whatever but if you show a woman you have these qualities, your chances will go up significantly. To the guys out there: BE CONFIDENT and show her why you're worth her time! Side note: Other than personal experience, this book is where some of what I just said came from. Well worth a read if you're into that kind of stuff. Okay, I'm done now... #endrant.

u/s_belle · 4 pointsr/DecemberBumpers2017

I would just like to say that I recently revisited the baby book that my mom did for me and it was SO AMAZING, and that is the sole reason why I will be doing one for mine. I always knew about it and had looked at it several times throughout my life, but I thought it was weird. Until recently, now that I'm more mature and maternal and can fully appreciate it. She used a template book, so it wasn't particularly creative, but it was more important to me that I could read about what her pregnancy was like, the things she was excited/nervous about, and (after I arrived) she included things like daily entries from my first nanny, and cards from loved ones to congratulate her on the baby. Just a bunch of random things that really painted a picture of my mom as a young mother, and I absolutely loved experiencing that part of her. And how special that she put such time into someone she barely even knew yet (me)! I guess what I'm getting at is - it's never too early. Pregnancy memories will mean a ton to your grown-up child, maybe even more than the ones about his/her young self.

P.S. I found a templatized one that I liked, though I haven't started it yet. I love love love that it a) has really unique writing prompts that aren't all cutesy, b) gives a lot of focus to "mom and dad's" relationship, pre-baby. I wish I had known more about that part of my mom and dad's experience/romance/pre-baby life. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1462112684/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

u/Jennynot · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I know where you're coming from here. I'm HL, (my guys is maybe he's LL-ML perhaps actually) but we haven't been intimate in god I don't know.. months? maybe over a year at this point. And that's typical... months if not years between attempts. Some weird pattern of complacency. Like... it's not going to get better if you never try but what you going to do.

Something broke somewhere and we haven't been abel to fix it. It was my first 'proper' relationship and his second, so that has a real big part to play in it too I think. And I've certainly tried to fix it - I lost weight, found loads of stuff online, books from here etc Sadly he found the books 'crass' so that wasn't helpful - but - I've collected loads of tips and guides and things to try and figure out how to fix things. HAsn't helped though... there is a gear to this and we've definitely both fallen out of it. We'd periodically talk about it - I'd always initiate these and he'd say that he agreed completely, that "things would change" and then nothing ever does of course.

And I say similar to you because he spends all his free time with a headset playing games (he's literally sitting next to me right now doing this), chatting to other people... awake till 4am online and mouthing me a "goodnight" while shooting some guy on Rust while I go to bed alone. I am pretty certain he 'takes care of himself' after I've goner to bed too... and really that sort of does its own damage. Not gonna lie, I do the same thing myself now... and that's the weird pattern we've fallen into. We're affectionate and caring don't get me wrong, but there's a giant black hole where physical intimacy should be and that is so so damaging. It's like our relationship is quietly eroding from the core and no amount of hugs will fix that >_>

Our issues likely like in several places - but one of them is the mismatch between how you get in the mood and how he does. Like you I prefer some sort of build up - it would be nice if we spent time doing something together for example - and like your guy, my guy just sort of occasionally jumps on me all guns blazing and expects instant reciprocation. And by instant I mean if I don't want him inside me after 2 minutes of a back massage "I don't find him attractive" which isn't true but he's 28 now - and teaching him foreplay is a legitimate thing is proving surprisingly difficult. I guess that's both the cause of and the result of 5 years of nothing and porn ironically (like I said, we were both new to this whole Relationship thing when we started). Deadly spiral, don't do that.

Anyway... gosh intimate ranting, the worst kind of ranting... sorry!

So, told, my guy does tech - right. He plays all hours, he spends more time chatting with online people than me, more time with them than me by a long long margin. I get it... and I imagine it's a replacement pure and simple. A distraction. And, like you, I've had enough, too. So... we have a choice here. We have identified we are unhappy - that's step one, and it's important. And very very likely we're not alone - our partners are also not happy. So we have two, well actually three options.

  • fix it
  • don't fix it, continue as before
  • leave

    Having established you're in the "fix it" camp you really need to talk to him. Honestly and completely about what you just told us. Because sure you may have had these conversations before but that didn't change anything so you need to have another. And it needs to do something different, because last time didn't work.

    In my case I had the latest one of these about a week ago. I laid out everything (again) and he quietly agreed with everything (again). Key thing. Realism.

    In one way or other I said this: "look we need to fix this because we're both unhappy and I don't want my future to be like this. I can't imagine a future like this". He agreed (he felt the same too.) "nothing we tried before has worked" he also agreed. He said he was afraid of trying and failing - because failing would mean it couldn't be fixed and that scared him. Part of the inactivity and complacency was actually procrastination. The outcome: we need to go to a councillor. All the reddit archer advice and internet help and chats have done not one thing. I don't know where to go from here, I just don't - so we need to run this by somebody who does. He did actually agree to doing this in the new year. I'm not entirely convinced - like the promised dates and time spent together it's likely to be forgotten I should think. But it's worth trying.

    Time is a precious thing. It's a finite thing. You either spend time fixing it or you call it quits and find somebody who makes you happy. Ideally you fix things, of course, and marriage counsellors exist for a reason. But it's worth looking at it like that - and mentioning to him that things are this serious - because they really are. Something fixable now might not be fixable couple of years down the line. Take if from somebody 6 years down the line more time does not solve anything (only perpetuates it) - but only actions will change things.

    Two books I found helpful you may also find useful.

    Come as You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life - I am reading this atm, though this sub I think - and it's really really interesting. From what you've said I think you would find it really insightful too and highly recommend it.

    The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - this might be useful for you too - you can find summaries online that tell you the basics though. This is such an important thing - and might be a useful way into the deeper conversation you need to have.

    EDIT

    You mentioned feeling resentment about rejection and I totally see that. Rejection cuts both ways - and does its own sort of damage. Time only deepens those wounds, so be careful of that. What this boils down to though is that you both need to be putting 100% into fixing things. This isn't some "you need to do this so he will do that" stuff. That just causes resentment - you feel you've been hurt and are still expecting to put your heart on the line again - and I imagine that's how he feels too. This is your relationship which is the combination of you both. You can't fix it with imbalance - imbalance is what broke it. You need to get off the ride (communicate openly) and restart it (councillor for example) and both go back into it together. Spend time together (for your side of things) and intimate time (for his side of things). even if it doesn't end... completely... if you see what I mean - sometimes these things need ramping up and the intimacy you both need should be built gradually. I'm almost looking at it as trying to see it as a new relationship - because those are the sort of things you're rebuilding.



u/Lupicia · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I'm 17 weeks with my first, so I don't have personal experience to draw from yet - but I'm going for it with as much preparation as possible. I'm an over-preparer. :D

We're going with CNMs (certified nurse-midwives) at a birth center. Because it's an out-of-hospital birth with hospital transfer for emergencies, there's very few interventions available for normal births. Throughout even the first trimester they've heavily stressed preparation. Here are some things they've emphasized:

  1. Staying active. "Labor is like a marathon - it's important to have stamina, strength, and good aerobic capacity." They advised me to exercise most days for at least 30 minutes, especially walking or jogging and swimming. I suck at aerobic activity, but I've been doing my best to keep up with it. I'm also doing deep squats (weighted and unweighted) to keep my legs and pelvic floor in shape.

  2. Keeping tabs on the recommended weight gain. I don't actually put a ton of stock in BMI because it doesn't take into account your composition (I was lifting heavy beforehand and had built up some decent muscle), but it seems like a decent tool here - the USDA has a good set of charts for weight gain based on BMI.

  3. Taking classes. Our CNMs recommended Bradley (partner coached childbirth). I don't know exactly how helpful it will be, but at least we'll get to connect with other like-minded moms and dads to be.

  4. Reading up. I've really liked Ina May Gaskin's book. She provides so many personal experience stories, which really helps to put me in the frame of mind that not only is it possible, but the experience can be beautiful and transforming... and that approach seems comforting. Her approach is heavily biased against "needless" hospital practices, so you can take it with a grain of salt if you like. For more personal stories, there's also her older book Spiritual Midwifery.
u/BravoFoxtrotDelta · 1 pointr/Christianity

Ha, do your thing man. I'm only a few years older, so I've not got the wisdom of the ages, but I can share a bit from our experience. I'm sorry he's been behaving as a jerk. My wife's folks have ranged from mildly supportive of our marriage at times, to generally negative mostly, to downright subversive at others. It sucks, but after 6 years I think we're sloooowly winning them over.

Told my wife about yall, here's a few points of advice that we think would really benefit you both if you choose to move forward with marriage:

  • You're going to be starting a new family, and in the beginning it will have only two members. While you'll have strong connections to your former families, and you'll bring a great deal of the respective cultures of those families into your new one, you're not melding two larger families together into one (as others have suggested). The latter idea is a nice one, but is way beyond your capacity as a couple, and would be highly unlikely to succeed. How well your former families mesh is up to them, and the only thing you can really control is the boundaries you establish around your own new family - your ability to influence them is not assured.
  • seek premarital counseling, make sure that among topics like finances, sex, children, careers, etc., your dynamic with your extended families is also explored. It's one that will likely affect you for the next 20 years or so.
  • Read Boundaries in Marriage, by Henry Butt & John Townsend. Speaks directly to the kinds of issues you're having and will face. Additionally, the original Boundaries is likewise good, though more broadly applicable to life not just marriage.
  • Knock your debt out within the first year of marriage. With two full time incomes, this should be a cakewalk - the only downside is you live modestly for a year, and that's not a bad thing at all. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps plan - its a simple road map for getting out of debt, saving for goals (home-buying, newer cars, etc.), and building a stable future that takes all of the worry and guesswork out of money. My wife and I DID NOT follow this when we started out, and instead got pregnant quickly and have been digging ourselves out slowly ever since.
  • Seek a mentoring couple, older than you, whose marriage your really respect and admire. Look for folks who have the kind of dynamic, kids, achievements, etc. that you desire. As far as possible, emulate them.

    Exciting time in life to be at dude! Lots of adventure ahead!

    One further thought, this one a bit dark, apologies. How attached to her family is your girlfriend? Would she be able to make a clean break from them if that's what it took for the two of you to have a healthy marriage (not saying it is necessarily at all, but it is a possibility)? We've seen a few young marriages implode when fights got ugly and one spouse or the other ran home to mom&dad instead of working it out.
u/vermiciousknidlet · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I'm pregnant with my first so I don't have the same experience, but in addition to second/thirding the idea of therapy, I would suggest reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (linked below) if you are interested in having a VBAC as well as a healing birth experience this time. The book has tons of real-life birth stories, as well as really good information about how women's bodies naturally work (and how medical interventions often make things worse). Ina May's birth center in Tennessee has incredibly low rates of intervention, including c-section, and she's considered by many people to be the best and most experienced midwife around.

If it's feasible for you - I don't know your location, finances, etc obviously - it would be a good idea to find an experienced midwife or at least a doula who can sympathize with your medical anxiety, give you information and options regarding natural childbirth including VBAC, and help you find a place (whether that's a hospital, birth center, at home, wherever) that you feel safe giving birth.

I, too, have anxiety about medical procedures and I pretty much never go to the doctor - I feel that they treat symptoms and not the underlying problems, and they are too quick to push interventions (not least of all on pregnant/birthing women). That whole "oversized baby" problem is usually not true, and unless you have a deformed pelvis from rickets or something, there are very few true cases where a newborn is physically too large to fit through the mother's pelvis. I am not mentioning this to dig at anything from the past, but to encourage you to believe in your body's natural ability to give birth to the baby that it grows. I'm sorry that you went through a traumatic birth experience with your first and I hope that whatever you decide that the second one will help heal the pain from that.

https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1467611746&sr=1-1&keywords=ina+may%27s+guide+to+childbirth

u/chrislbraman · 1 pointr/survivinginfidelity

It sounds as if you become more compliant and pleasing, hoping love will fix everything. However, his character issues demand more than love in order to mature. Love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies. And when two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling...


I highly suggest the book boundaries in Marriage. It help me to realize when I was being manipulated, what was acceptable and ultimately gave me my power back.

Good luck to you and PM me anytime.

u/bippodotta · 11 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

MMSL is about men improving themselves in a way that leads to more and better sex in marriage. He expresses a few ideas better than I've seen elsewhere:

  • Comfort and attraction are related but different. Many men in \DeadBedrooms are good at comfort but not attraction and make the mistake of thinking that comfort generates attraction.

  • Attraction has a big physical and instinctual component. Attraction is triggered by strength, confidence, charm, aggressiveness, status, physical build, when they are displayed in the context of the rest of your relationship.


    MMSL has specific suggestions for a good man in a good relationship to deliver better attractiveness cues.

    No one else is giving advice to nice-guys about the actual practice of a good physical relationship. MMSL advises how to approach their GFs for sex, or how to handle sexual rejection. Consider http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/sexy-moves-ten-second-kiss.html for example.

    MMSL is often rejected for being unrepentantly pro-sex, focused on men, simplistic, and taking an evo-psych/game view. If that bothers you, skip it.

    There is a book, which is a convenient and better-organized version of the content of the blog plus maybe 20% more. http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331320784&sr=8-1
u/Disguisedasasmile · 6 pointsr/exjw

I’ve said this many times on this sub, but being with a PIMI spouse is a special kind of hell. It’s almost like you can never truly leave the JWs because you’ll always be attached through them. It can be maddening at times especially when they slip into their cult personality and behave passively aggressively towards you.

One thing that helped me early on that may be worth your time, is reading a book called In Faith and In Doubt. https://www.amazon.com/Faith-Doubt-Religious-Believers-Nonbelievers/dp/0814433723

I read this when I was thinking of a way to possibly remained married despite our differences. Surprisingly, the book does mention JW marriages. Sadly, most divided JW marriages don’t work because of the nature of the religion, which is mentioned in the book and what we all know too well. The book didn’t help me make the decision to stay or to leave. Only you can decide that. But it did give me some perspective and tips on what I could do in my marriage if I chose to stick with it.

I agree with the other poster who said being married to a PIMI is a long road. It’s been 3 years since I stopped all activity and I still go back and forth about if I should continue. One thing my therapist says is that it’s hard to remain in a relationship where you don’t share or respect each other’s core values. JWs do not and will not respect the decision to leave the faith no matter how much they say they do. And exJWs do not respect the values of the JW religion. It’s a huge foundational conflict. This kind of situation requires a considerable amount of compromise by both parties. The issue is is that many PIMI will not compromise and require the POMO spouse to jump through hoops and demand a certain level respect and allowances and not reciprocate. This, as you know, can be emotionally exhausting.

My advice to you is to decide what you can and can not tolerate. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Can you get there in this marriage? Can you truly be happy in the relationship or are you settling? Are you still sharing a life together or are you simply tolerating each others’? Do you want children? How would you feel about them being at least partially raised as JWs?

I do wish you good luck. I can completely relate to this struggle.

u/ino_y · 18 pointsr/sexover30

This is an amazing book and it has really helped me a ton. I love words of affirmation too, it's Admiration in the book. I told my guy to skip to that chapter but he's actually enjoying the whole thing.

Each chapter has a great example, and what you're writing matches the examples perfectly.

I think spouses do that a lot, "now that we're married, I don't have to do that chit-chat thing with you, I already know everything about you!" and woosh, pleasant conversation that women enjoy for bonding goes out the window.

"I don't have to pretend I like fishing with you!" etc etc.

"All that romance stuff" that made you fall in love with him goes out the window, and it's obvious that you're falling out of love with him

Here's his website and a TLDR but yeah, your hubby is insisting on only having his needs for sexual fulfilment met and that's some selfish bullshit that will end badly.

u/tunabuttons · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

Another vote for both of the Emily Oster books, and the best practical book I've read is Heading Home with Your Newborn. Also this one's not a pregnancy book but I would strongly recommend How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen if you're at all scared of the toddler through kinder stage. It's an entertaining read that aligns well with developmental psychology and has all these really funny real life examples of using the strategies from the book.

If I had to only pick a handful, I'd pick those.

I also liked the Ina May book which people will recommend a lot, but keep in mind it really is exclusively about childbirth and it's a bit crunchier than the average (though this pertains to the birth stories included more than Ina May's actual writing IMO). There's a good interview with her on the Longest Shortest Time podcast that addresses some of the things I felt the book could have benefited from stating outright to avoid sounding a little preachy at times.

If you're looking for like a detailed read that starts with absolute basics that would be especially good for anyone who hasn't researched much on pregnancy before, I would recommend Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide. It's as thick as a textbook but it doesn't read like one. They have a page in most sections directly speaking to partners as well, which is neat.

u/Bman409 · 1 pointr/adultery

I cannot recommend the book, "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley enough... Incredible.. as I started reading it I was like WOW.. this is so accurate! Amazing.. .Its a book about the fundamental needs of men and women.. and its written with specifics and a frankness I have not seen elsewhere.. give it a try.. seriously.

https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800744233

I am sort of in your situation.. I've been married almost 20 years.. two kids, 17 and 15.... many people would consider me to be the "perfect husband" in that I provide for the family, i'm more or less a "super dad".. i'm fit, funny, intelligent.. treat my wife well..

over the years, though our marriage went to crap. It basically sounded like your's.. My wife became my 'business partner', really only initiating conversation to give me commands or to complain about something.. She had no desire for sex and told me so, directly.. she gained a ton of weight.

I wasn't perfect either.. I started a friendship with a girl half my age who used to be in my youth group that I lead.. she came back to our area after going away to college and asked me for some advice, etc.. we started texting and one thing lead to another and we had a mini affair.. I'll call it "mini" because we never slept together but we did kiss a few times, but mostly it was just conversation all day, every day via texting.. we just loved chatting with each other.. the very thing that my wife and I didn't share..That's the only "affair" I've ever had

anyway, my wife eventually found out about it.. things blew up.. We started going to a marriage counselor and I found that book by Harley... i wish I had found it 10 years ago... its truly an amazing book and could have saved us a TON of problems... It may be too late now for us.. .we'll see... but I would definitely recommend that book...

u/SirLamplover · 1 pointr/mead

I couldn't find mead anywhere in the store either, anywhere I asked I just got weird looks. So I did some online research and it turns out that one of the local wineries makes award winning mead. I'm pretty blessed though as there are about 20 wineries less than 5km from my house, and about 100 if I'm willing to go 30 minutes.

I went and tasted 6 meads and bought a bottle (This one). They ranged from semi-sweet to very very sweet (30g/L to 100g/L residual sugar). The one I bought was their "dry mead". It didn't have as strong of a honey taste as I expected. It reminded me of white wine, but don't get me wrong it did have some great notes of honey in the flavor and aroma. Their sweeter ones definitely had more honey flavour and were very viscous (because generally more honey is used to make them) and they also generally had a higher ABV (due to higher specific gravity). Even though the mead i bought was their dry mead, it still contained 30g/L and I was definitely hanging the next day from it. However using the technical notes on their site I gather I can make a drier mead myself.

If you like white wine, you will like mead and I am having a lot of fun learning and planning my first batch. I'm reading this book and it is excellent. Use this to help calculate how much honey you will need, your potential ABV and SG. Also take a look at Gotmead.com and homebrewtalk.com.

u/In-Progress · 5 pointsr/Christianity

This can be a pretty big and deep topic. I do have some thoughts, but instead I’ll ask my usually question. Have you talked to your pastor or other leaders or mature Christians in your church about this? Those places are where helpful, specific discussions usually take place.

We are all instructed to submit to leaders, and it is a difficult thing to do. I don’t quite have a more direct and helpful answer right now in this comment, but I do have a book recommendation about marriage, in case you are interested.

I highly recommend Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage. I think he does a great job describing what marriage means and what it should look like. My wife and I read it together, and we both got a lot from it. Keller is a pretty well respected pastor, and I think he describes the passage you are asking about very well.

u/balathustrius · 9 pointsr/mead

Now you've said the words that let me to start copy/pasting from my FAQ.

I have all of this saved for whenever someone asks for help getting started.
__

Here are a couple of beginner threads you might find useful:

I've never made mead before, but I want to. Tell me everything!

Beginner wanting some advice.

__

Getting Started

  • You might want to start with the sidebar link, The Basics.

  • Get a copy of The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm. It's due for an update, but it's still the densest source of meadmaking information out there. The biggest changes are probably that Ken no longer heats most of his musts at all, and he uses staggered nutrient additions. (I believe a Second Edition is in his schedule in the next couple of years.)

  • I wrote a lot about yeast nutrition in mead here.

  • There might be some extended information in this post I made to /r/mead.

  • The BJCP Mead Exam Resource page has lots of good information, too.

  • You can look over my entire recipe log, here. Later recipes are better documented. At some point I should probably go back and remove or update old recipes for people wishing to recreate them.

  • Learn to use the mead calculator. Note that it does have a help page.

  • Learn to use a hydrometer.

  • Be wary of information more than 5-10 years old. Meadmaking has changed dramatically in the last decade!

  • Read up on yeast strains. You can find information on each at its manufacturer's website, or retail websites. For example, here are the Lalvin strains. If you want to use a tried-and-true wine yeast strain, pick up some 71B-1122.

    __

    Here are some thoughts and general knowledge to help you make good decisions about which articles are trustworthy.

  • Heating the must has fallen out of favor for many meadmakers. Some still do it, though, and recently there was a post here which strongly suggested that heated must meads have a fuller body, but less aroma. (I don't heat my honey.)

  • If you aren't heating anything, it takes a while to mix in the honey, but it will dissolve eventually. A drill with a stirrer attachment is really handy.

  • Don't ferment an X gallon mead in an X gallon carboy or bucket. Get a bucket that gives you about total mead + 1/5th volume of head space or more. (6, 7.9, and 2 gallon buckets are popular.) Rack it into the right sized container right after, or near the end of, fermentation.

  • If you've brewed before, you know just how big of a difference the right yeast can make. Stay away from bread yeast.

  • JAOM is a popular starter recipe, but it has some issues. If you do it, use a real wine yeast. D-47, Red Star Pasteur Champagn, 71B-1122 all work great. Use the orange zest and flesh. Get rid of as much pith/mesocarp as possible. Rack off of orange and spices after about a month.

  • Mead musts are totally nutrient deficient. There really isn't any short answer for how to supplement the required nitrogen and micronutrients. Here (edit: fixed link) is a long answer that I wrote out of pure frustration. This also covers staggered nutrient additions to some degree.

  • Mead benefits from aeration/degassing of the must for the first third to half of fermentation. Drill stirrers are useful for this, too.

  • Using dry yeast, starters aren't necessary. Just pitch two packets (which are about $1 each!) for 5 gallons of must. Rehydrate your yeast every time. If you use a rehydration nutrient like Go-Ferm or Go-Ferm P.E., it makes a huge difference (for the better) in lag time. (For one gallon, you can use the whole packet, or half the packet.)

    __

    What Honey do I use? Where do I get it?

    Let's talk honey.

    Where do you guys get your honey?

    So where do you get your honey?

    Further questions about honey.

    What type of honey do you use?

    Honey Prices and Suppliers

    Where do you get your honey?

    Honey Acquisition
u/kuroiniji · 1 pointr/FeMRADebates

> I'm unable to even try to get a diagnosis. Yes, try to get.

You won't actually be able to get a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome (AS), it doesn't exist anymore. AS was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) in May 2013, I covered some of this in a reply to the post on WHO removing some gender based disorders from the ICD.

In Australia the removal of AS has led to people who would be otherwise diagnosed with AS be diagnosed as having social communication disorder. As social communication disorder isn't recognised as an autism spectrum disorder, there isn't any funding or additional support available to those diagnosed as having it.

> Oh and, the HUGE absence of resources for aspies over 18. It's as if the system assumes it's a "kid thing" and that you either die as a kid (like a lot of orphan diseases) or that symptoms no longer exist as adults.

As someone who wasn't diagnosed with AS until I was 30, this is a big issue. While I am successsfully able to manage without needing professional support, there are aother people I know who can't.

That said, there are a lot of good books and other resources out there. Two that I have found invaluable are Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and Ashley Stanford's Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships. Being a partner and parent with AS has it's challenges but being a good partner and great father is well worth the effort.

For a more light hearted look at things, David Finch's The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband is a great autobiography which I also learned a great deal from.

If you have any questions or want someone to talk to, you just need to ask.

u/Mooshaq · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

I had a pretty RP two weeks. They are of course mundane events (as the OP suggests), but big for me nonetheless, as I'm only about two months into TRP and Game.

  • I got complimented out-of-the-blue by a female friend and (later) by a random girl on my standing posture. I've always been a sloucher, and since I started TRP and Game, I've been working on it.
  • I got my brother into TRP stuff; he was in disbelief, but I gave him a well-planned (on my part) list of readings (a lot of sidebar stuff), and now he is on board.
  • I finally made out with a female friend that I was always close to but never physical with. Sure making out isn't huge, but I was stuck for three years trying to make moves. I was (am) always physically attractive to her, but I was too beta to make a move. I'll see her again soon, and hopefully finish what I started.
  • I gave MMSLP to a recently married close guy friend. He just began it, and he loves it so far. His wife isn't super against it either; she's apparently willing to see how it goes after he's implemented the strategies in the book.
  • I broke all my weightlifting PRs. It's not red pill, but I'm proud.
  • I became good friends with two guys that I used to think (in my beta days) were "misogynistic, womanizing scumbags." Turns out, I was a beta bitch, and they're super cool guys.
u/somesillynerd · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

I'm used to and enjoy long term relationships.

I try to love myself, so I don't have to rely on someone else for love.

I'm trying to become more fit, though... the strength is increasing, but I still eat my body weight in ice cream.


There are two books I've read, for personal pleasure, not to 'snag' a guy, but I think they're helpful in all relationships, not just romantic ones.

The 5 Love Languages. This book I recommend to EVERYONE that ever has family, friends, or romantic relationships.

and

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

u/PrestigeWombat · 3 pointsr/TFABGrads

For actual pregnancy, I loved the American college of obstetrics and gynecology's book and I know a lot of people loved the mayo clinic book.


Planning for Pregnancy, Birth And Beyond: Second Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525941401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_PLZHAbPZ6V85C


Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy: From Doctors Who Are Parents, Too! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1561487171/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tMZHAbRTF0RMQ


I also read what to expect when your expecting but it was a lot of the same info in my apps, except the actual birth and labor part. There was some helpful stuff in there!


For laboring I read Ina May's guide to Childbirth and I LOVED it. I feel SO prepared after reading it!


Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_VNZHAbQ7T2S9D


I tried to read

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452276594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_HOZHAbRC89D39


But I couldn't take it seriously!


And for breastfeeding I read


The American Academy of Pediatrics New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding (Revised Edition): Completely Revised and Updated Third Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399181989/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_9PZHAbSMPXVX9


And for baby feeding and sleeping I read


On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_JQZHAbS5P7824

u/motodoto · 35 pointsr/AskMen

Start doing stuff.

  1. Brew some mead. it's easy. - https://www.amazon.com/Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning-Variations/dp/0937381802 - Great book to start with. - https://www.goferment.com/blogs/recipes/91223107-joes-ancient-orange-mead - Or just do this first to see if you like it. Very very easy, and kinda fun.

  2. Pick up a cheap instrument on craigslist - Guitar/keyboard/bass - and just start learning it. Use youtube video instructors as guides. Definitely don't skip learning scales and theory.

  3. Camping. Become that guy that camps every weekend. Absorb how to camp best in life. Learn to pack tight, efficiently, and backpack into camping spots, whatever...

  4. Fishing, very relaxing, and a huge skill cap. Since you liked competitive gaming, fishing is big.

  5. I mean... since you were a hardcore gamer, what about Chess/Go? Join a local club, and discover another strategy game.
u/loosepajamas · 6 pointsr/BabyBumps

Absolutely no issues with flying during pregnancy. Some airlines restrict pregnant women from flying past ~36 weeks, but I think that's because they don't want you going into labor in their airplane cabin at 32,000 feet. After getting thru security, buy a bottle of water for your wife. I was on a 2-hour flight over Christmas and was dying of thirst waiting for the drink cart to come down the aisle. Also, give her the aisle seat if possible so she can walk the aisles periodically to keep the blood moving and access the bathroom quickly if needed.

As for books, I've read a lot of good ones. I've liked the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, and Elisabeth Bing's Six Practical Lessons for an Easier Childbirth and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth for info on labor and delivery, and The Happiest Baby on the Block and the Wonder Weeks for infant care. Also The Birth Partner is a great book on delivery for both pregnant women and husbands. If you can find a secondhand bookstore near you, check it out--a lot of people sell off these types of books once they're done with them.

u/JamesAGreen · 2 pointsr/mead

I would always recommend people start with 'The Compleat Meadmaker, by Ken Schramm'. This has been the meadmaking bible for a very long time. You can find supplementary information about staggered nutrient additions, pH buffering compounds, new sanitizers, etc online in various articles and forum sites. Of course, understanding your ingredients can also be very good for any brewer, and water is a huge ingredient. So besides the other element series book 'Yeast' by Christ White and Jamil Zainasheff I highly recommend 'Water' by John Palmer and Colin Kaminski. For those of us making mead in Ferndale, our water is a very key ingredient which comes to us from an underground aquifer treated by the city of Ferndale, and is of very high quality (even compared with the high quality water from the City of Detroit). Understanding honey is a huge area of study. There are many classic textbooks on honey and honey-hunting by Eva Crane that are considered primary sources (but these can be prohibitively expensive for most mazers, and honestly, Ken's book does an awesome job of summarizing her contributions, as well as other historical information about meadmaking, honey, etc). I feel a basic understanding of beekeeping can be highly instructive for meadmakers, and so I recommend that you get your hands on some beginner beekeeping books, e.g. 'Beesentials' by L.J. Connor and Robert Muir and/or the 'Beekeeper's Handbook'. A solid background in wine or beer-making doesn't hurt, either, and there are multitudes of books I can recommend to you on the subject of beer specifically (this is my homebrewing background). My two absolute must-haves for beer brewing are 'Designing Great Beers' by Ray Daniels and 'Brewing Classic Styles' by John Palmer and Jamil Zainasheff. Learning to brew beer can help you if you decide you want to try your hand at braggots.

u/NastySpitGobbler · 5 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

He definitely sounds at least a little autistic. I'm not a doctor, but my husband is Asperger's. A good therapist can do wonders with him, and will diagnose him to see if this is really the issue.

If you want to learn more about Asperger's Syndrome, I suggest reading these books. They're my favorites, informational and very entertaining at the same time. The Journal of Best Practices and Look Me in the Eye. Also anything by Temple Grandin, she has full-blown autism, but she's so articulate and interesting you can learn a lot from her.

Good luck!

u/txgsync · 45 pointsr/financialindependence

> I'm concerned that I'm teaching him to be miserable instead of how to enjoy the long ride. How do you all handle this?

44, 4 kids, 2 grown. They're all turning out OK. My advice?

  • Keep food in the house, model healthy attitudes toward it, and do not begrudge the teenage food budget feeding their friends. Make your home a haven for your kids and the other kids they drag home: judgment-free, supportive, honest (embarrassingly so!), and with an apparently unlimited supply of food.
  • Don't drink heavily or use illegal drugs. The time for that was before you had kids and after they are no longer in your home.
  • Don't physically, emotionally, or mentally abuse them or your spouse.
  • Don't sexually abuse them.
  • Be involved in their online & real-life lives. Memorize the names & faces of their friends. Ask questions about the relationships among friends and show an interest in brainstorming ways that might help resolve problems. Your child will often be willing to talk about others' struggles long before their own, and will often understand how to solve other kids' problems before their own.
  • Don't have sex with people other than your spouse while you have kids in the home. It's destructive to their emotional well-being to be around someone modeling the inherent dishonesty and addictive behavior associated with extramarital affairs.
  • Be radically honest with them about yourself, your relationships, your finances, and emotions, PARTICULARLY the positive experiences. The chances are really good they are a lot like you, and if they understand your struggles they'll normalize and deal better with their own, and an experience of "look what I did right and how I did it!" is much more useful for a kid to model than "look at how I screwed up again, I'm not sure what I did wrong."

    If you simply avoid beating, drugging, lying to, ignoring, and hiding fuck-buddies from your kids you're doing better than most of the population. They'll be OK. If the worst thing you do is model excessive frugality and an outcome-oriented mindset toward finances, you're doing great.

    Good luck. It's a fun ride with its share of tears, anxiety, joy, and love, and it doesn't stop once the kids are out of the house. It just becomes less immediate.
u/nothing_clever · 3 pointsr/Homebrewing

It's approximately 2-3 pounds of honey to a gallon of water, or a 5 gallon batch is 10-15. For a 5 gallon batch, the rule of thumb I heard is every pound of honey adds approximately 1% ABV. Example: a one gallon batch with 2 lbs honey is equivalent to a 5 gallon batch with 10 lbs of honey, or a mead at 10%. But this doesn't account for if you want it to be sweet.

Also: 1 gallon of honey weighs approximately 12 pounds. So a 5 gallon batch of mead using 12 pounds of honey comes out to 1 gallon of honey and 4 gallons of water.

Every time your honey gets processed (Def'n processed: heated above 160'F), you lose the honey flavor. It's up to you to decide your final priorities, but to be perfectly frank, I'm cheap and use cheap, over processed honey. I make up for this by picking tasty recipes (JAO, or Orange vanilla cinnamon metheglin which is easily my favorite so far.) The honey I use is Sue Bee, 6 lbs for ~$11 at Save Mart ($1.83 /lb, the cheapest I've seen.)

The flavor of the honey to use depends a lot on the recipe. Some call for a specific honey.

There are a lot of people on here (/r/homebrewing) that insist that sanitizing your honey/water by boiling them is unnecessary. If/when I'm in a hurry (a bad idea), the most I do is sanitize whatever ingredients are going in. Quick trick that I've been meaning to try is to soak whatever it is in as little vodka as possible.

If you happen to live in the Bay Area, there's this excellent honey they sell at Save-Mart (might be sold elsewhere in the country, I've never been able to figure that out.) The honey is something like "Raw mountain" something. I don't have any handy. It comes in a 5 pound can, with a large yellow sticker across the front. Usually about $15, but I've seen it on sale for $12.

Yeast: Depends on what you want, really. Champagne yeast will go up to 18%, some say 20 if you push it. If you want it sweet, you'll either need a weaker yeast or some way to kill the yeast. I've only ever used champagne yeast (EC-1118, will eat anything), but then, I don't have a very delicate touch.

This book is definitely recommended.

And really, come see us in /r/mead. It's a lonely subreddit. The last post was 4 days ago. And feel free to ask questions.

One thing I've learned about mead: there are a few dozen categories of mead. Almost every culture has invented their own. Just figure out what you like. And experiment. Experimentation is the best, especially when you end up with some mead.

u/carolina_snowglobe · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I plan on doing two!

First, I bought this: http://www.amazon.com/When-We-Became-Three-Memory/dp/1462112684

It's adorable, fun, and easy to fill out! Along with the standard question blanks, it also has mad-lib style prompts and lists where you check boxes. It goes through the third or fifth birthday of the child and also lets you put information about how mom and dad met. And hey! It's $15!

Then, I have been journaling in Evernote (one of my favorite apps btw) about random pregnancy occurrences (doctor visits, how I've felt emotionally, the first time we felt him kick, etc.) I plan on continuing that through his birth and putting it along with pregnancy/newborn iPhone pictures into a photo book from shutterfly or blurb.

As an aside, my mom faithfully kept detailed books of all 4 of us kids, along with funny quotes we would say as toddlers. One of our favorite things to do as a family is go through those quotes and journal entries! It's really neat; I'm so grateful she took time to do that.

This stuff is fun! :D Do whatever you think you'll enjoy doing and be able to keep up with!

u/catchatorie · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I felt really depressed towards the end of the first and beginning of the second trimester, but I managed to perk up and have been feeling pretty great ever since. The thing that actually helped me was I started knitting again. It was something that I could do to "prepare" for the baby, but it wasn't urgent (no pressure) and it wasn't physically demanding. Finishing the first little hat gave me a sense of accomplishment and helped me finally get excited about the baby.

Is there any little tasks you can do to start getting ready for the baby that aren't too physically or mentally demanding? Even just going online and buying a few outfits or starting to work on your registry could help you have something positive and productive to focus on. You could even start writing up a tentative birth plan or reading some positive birth stories (I really recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth or even watching her ted talk).

u/Tolingar · 25 pointsr/polyamory

More Than Two by Franklin Veaux. If The Ethical Slut is the non-monogamy bible, then More than Two is the Polyamory handbook. It is a must read.


Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Opening Up is a good supplementary book. Overall not as good as More than Two, but it has some unique takes on poly that is worth reading.


Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory by Minx M. Honestly I have not gotten around to reading this yet, but it is by Cunning Minx of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, so the author knows what she is talking about.


Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan. This books it last on my list because it tries to pawn itself off as science when in truth it is more of philosophy. It makes good arguments, and backs them up with some data, but the evidence is nowhere as strong as Dr. Ryan wants to claim.

EDITED TO ADD:

If you are going to do non-monogamy it is always a good idea to improve your communication skills. Here are some recommended books on improving communication skills.

The Usual Error. This is a more basic communication book. It is a really good read that will point out some basic mistakes you probably make in communicating.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. This is almost a whole new way of communicating. It is advanced level communications skills. Even incorporating some of the ideas in this book will help you tremendously in hard conversations.

u/Esteesmithrowaway · 2 pointsr/sexover30

I think women are different and it just depends on the person. I like him to commiserate with me. I like hugs sometimes (unless he's the one that made me cry in which case that hug better be an apology hug) and for my feelings to be acknowledged. Not a chocolate fan. I'm more of an oatmeal raisin cookie fan.

And just let me say your post really warms my heart. My son has Aspergers and I worry about him finding someone to love someday. You have no idea how incredibly sweet and endearing I find this post. This just made me happy.

And because I can't control myself when it comes to recommending books have you heard about The Journal of best Practices?

u/like_my_fire · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I tend to do pretty well with pain in general, and it really was like intense period cramps; but I had also done lots of mental prep for labor pain in particular. A great resource for me was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which helped me frame the pain of labor contractions in a productive, actually kind of beautiful way. I mentioned thinking of them as waves--well, I grew up on a farm, so I visualized them a lot in advance as waves of wind through wheat fields; and I love trees, so I connected the idea of labor to the breezes waving through the branches--especially during woodsy walks. In general, whenever I was walking and things got uncomfy or having Braxton-Hicks, I did those kinds of visualizations as well as deep breathing with my intentions directed toward labor practice. Additionally, I really connected with the pregnancy and birth stories from various religions, so my labor preparation and expectations were deeply spiritual for me too. I think that prep helped me not do any second guessing during the real deal. Funnily, my midwife applauded my physical control and bodily self-knowledge afterwards, but I've actually got a history of feeling disconnected from and out of control of my body, with some out of body experiences since childhood and some chronic pain issues--however, I did some major mental work with those issues during my pregnancy, so that probably helped too.

I did not have to visit the hospital, thankfully! My SO said my midwife was making some concerned faces towards the end, and she admitted she thought she might have to do an episiotomy--but she didn't, though I had three 1st degree tears that she stitched. I've had a UTI this past week, but that's as complicated as it has gotten, thankfully!

I hope the additional info helps!

u/NotTheRightAnswer · 5 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

> If you really love her you shouldn't need sex to be with her.

In the vast, vast majority of relationships, that's just not how it works. Everyone has needs that need to be met in order to be happy in a relationship. Generally, for men, sex/physical intimacy is the #1 need. They can love someone as much as a person can love something, but if their needs aren't getting met (sex in this case) they won't be happy in the relationship. It's really that simple. Sex is very much a need for most men in order to have a happy, healthy relationship. Sex can be a need in a relationship in order to keep that relationship alive much the same way food is a need to keep the body alive. His Needs Her Needs is a great book that discusses this.

u/lyricweaver · 3 pointsr/TrueChristian

Congrats on your engagement! What a fun time it is :)

Videos are great, yes, but premarital counseling and reading (reading, reading) books where you can discuss together and write your thoughts/ideas/feelings together is hugely beneficial. I'd recommended Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (https://www.amazon.com/Saving-Your-Marriage-Before-Starts/dp/0310259827), How We Love (https://www.amazon.com/How-We-Love-Discover-Marriage/dp/1400072999, and Intended For Pleasure (https://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379). There are so many more!

u/c00lioiglesias · 1 pointr/pregnant

So ummm I know it’s not ok to diagnose someone after hearing one thing about them over the internet but this sounds so much like the same issue I deal with in my marriage but in reverse—I have been the one not trustworthy and my husband couldn’t handle it. Our marriage took a real hit because he lost a lot of trust. Why? I have ADHD. One of the common things a person with ADHD does is totally forget things even when they have the very best intentions. If I’m right, he is doing his very best and is working his butt off to accomplish the things he does get done and feels like that alone is worth celebrating, which it is. I could be totally wrong but if I’m right it’s important for you both to know and work through accordingly. [This book](The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.com/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_XRx3AbBE19SJZ) really helped us gain insight and perspective. Good luck!

u/pregtastic · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I highly recommend reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.

I found it very useful it giving a wide range of birth stories and going into depth in various topics that neither gloss over the risks, nor leave the reader needlessly fearful. (For what it's worth, the book also talks about things like shoulder dystocia which this lady talks about in the article about how much she hated her home birth--the book explains what it is, positions you can get into to alleviate the problem, and the associated risks.)

I think the best we can do is to get as much information as we can, make the decision based on our knowledge, and then trust our decision when we feel swayed by emotions like fear.

I also think it's important to be flexible and not go into it with too many expectations on what the experience is going to be. That way if you need to do a transfer, it's Plan B, not a "failure".

And now for my biased opinion: I think that hospitals and doctors are trained extremely well to take care of maladies. I don't view my birth as a malady, so until it becomes one, I don't want to be "treated" for it. Watching The Business of Being Born (on Netflix) really goes into depth on the culture and practices of birth in the United States, and how it compares to other countries, and although some might say it's biased toward home birth, I think it's worth watching to know some of the pitfalls of relying on hospitals as your only source of information, even if you do decide to go that route.

Good luck on your decision making and I hope you have a wonderful birth!!

u/TheGreasyPole · 3 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I've got something that hardly anyone ever reads, but it way shorter than a book...

It's a bit dry... But if you want to know what science has discovered about male/female attraction (and know how to use google scholar to follow up areas of specific interest from the citations it uses) it's a great starting resource as it's the meta-analysis of the field.

Evolution of Human Mate Choice

OTOH, if you actually want a book. The best resource I ever found about female sexuality attraction (focussing on the long term) was

Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

u/helixwish · 4 pointsr/aspergers

There's a sweet book called The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch which I recommend. It's more of a memoir than an advice book. I'm a women with aspergers married to an NT man, and some of the things that Finch talks about are more relevant to a man with aspergers, but I still found Finch's insights helpful. He talks about some of the things already mentioned here such as taking notes to remember what to do and why. I do this with my husband, e.g. "always greet him at the door (even if you're doing something interesting!) when he gets home from work because it makes him feel appreciated and welcomed", or "do NOT talk for a whole hour about Chinese soldiers in American refugee camps in the Korean War because he doesn't care and finds it difficult to be polite after the 5-10 minutes mark (imagine if he talked for an hour about Matt at Work and his Funny Anecdotes)".

In the first few years of our marriage, before I was diagnosed, my husband and I used to fight constantly about my social failings. It took a long time for him to come to terms with the idea that there are some things I just can't help: I'm never going to enjoy smalltalking in my second language with his parents (let alone my first language), I'm never going to be "normal" on the subway (I stim a lot in public; this embarrasses him), I'm never going to be able to go to a restaurant with his friends... and then go to a bar... and then go to karaoke... and then to another bar. But marriage is compromise. Instead of ambushing me with a phone call, he reminds me to text his parents once in a while. We take cabs or meet at places after work instead of riding the subway together. I'll go to the restaurant, and maybe the first bar, but I'll go home alone when it gets too much.

It requires a lot of self-insight... but since I'm naturally quite self-absorbed, that actually isn't a tall order. I've managed to structure my entire day around routines and lists. I just add the should-be-obvious relationship things to the list. I have a "Marriage Project" in my Todoist app that reminds me to do things like: compliment my husband on something (this can be rocky; I sometimes choose weird compliments, but hey, he finds some of my choices hilarious), ask him about his day, write down the names of his coworkers so I know wtf he's talking about when he tells me about his day, pick a movie he likes, buy a birthday card, etc.

I get that to some NTs it might seem, hmm, robotic? to have to set reminders to kiss my husband when he gets home from work. But it doesn't mean I love him less because I can't do it automatically. The fact that I went through the effort of developing and following through on the list requires more devotion and love than just doing it out of habit, surely?

u/NiceBootyGuurrrrlll · 1 pointr/mead

Ha ha! I like the name! Awesome, glad you didn't have a big explosion! But definitely keep swirling it when you can to get the CO2 out of solution, it will help your ferment!

Also, check out the 'Everything you need to know' link on the sidebar! It has tons more information on help your mead process (Checking pH, adding nutrients, ect...). And if you haven't read the Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm, you should, it's a good beginner guide!

u/margerym · 6 pointsr/RedPillWomen

I married at 18 and have been married for 10 years.

Your husband sounds beaten down and depressed. Besides the obvious good diet, plenty of sleep, sunshine, etc be mindful that he is going through a lot. It's really hard living with a person like this and it's really hard being this person. Just keep trying to show that you love him and support him.

Femininity attracts masculinity. Submission attracts dominance. The best way to help him become this person is to make space for him to become this person and make him want to be this person.

> I know part of the problem is that he feels emasculated and unappreciated at his job.

Make sure he feels masculine and appreciated at home. Thank him a lot. Not just verbally. Show your gratitude for all that he does for you.

I suggest reading the MMSL Primer and The Surrendered Wife

u/SexistFlyingPig · 1 pointr/askMRP

You are changing the course of your ship. So I'd say "Steady as she goes, Cap'n."

I have a 6 year old daughter. She and I differ on opinion on many things. She thinks that potato chips make a great healthy meal. I do not. We don't "fight" over this topic. I make dinner and we both eat it. She can voice her preferences for a bowl of sugar with a cherry on top, but we are having chicken with rice instead. My daughter respects me and accepts what I decide.

Fighting with my daughter, even if I win, hurts my position of respect. If a fight is inevitable and unavoidable, then I face it full on and I make damn sure I win, but I don't go seeking out the fight.

From your description it sounds like you are honestly on the path to a life of happiness. You're not there yet, since sex isn't plentiful yet, but you're moving in the right direction.

Recommended readings include:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Married-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488

u/ErrantThought · 1 pointr/Christianity

I'm an atheist and my wife is a Christian. We have a happy, loving relationship. She doesn't try to convert me, and I don't try to deconvert her. But we do share the same values. I'm not sure how it would work if we didn't have that common ground.

One book I would recommend on this topic is In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families by Dale McGowan. In it, the author shares the stories of people in mixed marriages and discusses things that worked and didn't work for them.

u/Demonkey44 · 9 pointsr/autism

https://www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/406180/

You are not defective. That would imply that being neurotypical is better. I don’t believe that, except that society’s constructs make it easier to be neurotypical.

One of the coolest guys, who designed the guitars for the rock band Kiss was autistic with Asbergers. You have hidden talents and ways that your brain can organize information that are superior to a neurotypical. You just have to find the way that works for you and train yourself to do it. These books are Asbergers related, I’m not sure what kind of autism you have but they are a good read.

https://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185

https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

Good luck and feel better!

u/human_rebar · 1 pointr/religion

> So basically, people are devoting large portions of their lives to preserving purity and virginity until marriage and then they finally get married and they don’t even have good sex. Unless they are having great sex and not telling anyone about it…

If you're interested in a pretty mainstream take on things, I recommend the book Sheet Music, by Dr. Kevin Leman. Generally this sort of curriculum is covered in the counseling that churches require of engaged couples. Often there is something similar for newlyweds, too. Additionally, there are numerous programs, groups, and so on that already married couples participate in. Many of them specifically focus on the importance of sex in a Christian marriage.

My point is that "pure" couples [1] do discuss their sex lives. Just not with you or in blogs. I'll get to that later.

As far as sex being great? If a husband and wife have sex for the first time on their honeymoon, it will be about as good as two virgins having sex. It's generally accepted that sex will get better as the spouses explore their joint sexuality together.

Now, sex problems are common in Christian couples. A marriage of two virgins is not very common [2], so there's usually some spiritual baggage to work through there. On top of that, sexual history that was unhealthy, compulsive, adulterous, or abusive is more common than you might guess. Even spouses who brings no issues into their married sex lives, differences in expectations and appetites will need to be worked through. I'm sure there's more I'm leaving out.

Key to all of that is this: A healthy Christian in a healthy Christian community will have a safe place to go when they need to talk about sexual issues (and successes!). If the couple can't work through sexual problems on their own, they will have trusted friends to ask for advice, sympathy, tough love, and support through difficulties. Also, it's actually very common for groups of Christian wives to get together to encourage each other to make sex a fun priority -- with ideas, goals, encouragement, silliness, and so on. This is especially important after kids come into the picture.

Finally, I think many people on reddit haven't seriously considered the benefits of the couple who get married without any sexual history. I'll leave that part out for now because it's harder to explain, but I can take a crack at it if anyone's interested.

[1] No one is 100% pure. It's more of an aspiration than a measurement.

[2] In fact, it is generally accepted that young men are less pure going into marriage to do social stigma attached to male virginity, the lack of stigma attached to male promiscuity, easy-to-access pornography, and so on.

u/kerbythepurplecow · 3 pointsr/Homebrewing

I made this exact recipe back in October 2010. Eventually I took a bit out and bottled it with various spices. I now have only a few precious ounces left, but it is more delicious than I can possibly describe.

Mead is quite forgiving and not (often) prone to infection. It just needs lots of patience. Even a crappy mead made through a simple method (ala this recipe) can produce amazing results given time.

I can only imagine what properly prepared batches will taste like as mine are all aging far in the back of a cupboard and I'm trying to forget they're there.

If you're interested in learning about mead making in greater depth, there's always The Compleat Meadmaker and don't forget the fine folks over at r/mead.

u/Eliese · 4 pointsr/latebloomerlesbians

You are changing - an old you is dying, and a new one is emerging. Noticing that despite your efforts, this new identity persists is a positive step. Is your therapist LGBTQ-friendly?

I'd recommend reading: "Dear John, I Love Jane": https://www.amazon.com/Dear-John-Love-Jane-Leaving/dp/1580053394

"Sexual Fluidity": https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Fluidity-Understanding-Womens-Desire/dp/0674032268

"Whatever...Love Is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves": https://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Love-Questioning-Labels-Ourselves/dp/0062351842/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1MC963EA42M449F32YWW

​

Most of these authors have YouTube/Vimeo videos out there, too, if you're not into reading.

​

Good luck!

u/xkcdFan1011011101111 · 1 pointr/DeadBedrooms

I had a bit of success after reading through the Married Man Sex Life Primer

The book is quite over the top, so take everything in it with a grain of salt.

That said, the book uses an evolutionary biology perspective to explain what the typical woman responds to.

For example, a male complaining about a lack of sex is a huge turn-off to most women in addition to upping performance anxiety. The book specifically recommends to not do this. Instead, the book suggests creating opportunities to have sex and confidently asking for it. If she doesn't respond, brush it off like no big deal.

The book has a whole list of things you can do to slowly get your wife more excited about getting back under the sheets. The number one suggestion is to get in better shape. Not only does it make you look more attractive, but it will help you feel better and more confident, which are also turn-ons for typical women.

u/SeaRegion · 4 pointsr/Christianmarriage

Agreed!

OP - if you're not comfortable talking about this in too much detail, if I could encourage you to look into our resources page in the sex section, there's lots of good stuff out there. I've read / glanced through all of these books and they are solid and can help you understand "what can go wrong" so to speak through certain fetishes and sexual behaviors (if this is the issue).

u/UsedToLoveHer · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

I would recommend picking up the Married Man Sex Life Primer and reading it twice. After that, continue reading resources on the web.

After reading and continuing my education on this subject I recognize mistakes I have been making as a matter of course in my marriage. I'm now working on making myself a better person and regaining control of my relationship.

Time will tell if I am able to revive my marriage or not, but one thing is for sure: I now have a clear plan towards getting what I need in a relationship, even if that means leaving my wife. Even having a clear path forward is a huge relief, even if the end result seems like a foregone conclusion.

u/allofthebeards · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

If you can afford it, get a doula to help you stay focused on your goals and help you advocate for yourself with the medical stuff.

If you haven't read these books, read them, and realize you can still have the birth you want, even in a hospital. They mostly take place in birth centers but I don't think that limits you. Do your midwive's have privileges at your hospital? If I risk out of my birth center my midwive's would still be at the hospital with me helping me avoid intervention when possible.

Spontaneous Joyful Natural Birth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984774696/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_unsmxbPZHJGV9

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UnsmxbK2RDTYK

If you want SO's help getting you ready to have the birth you want even in the hospital, have them read this-

The Birth Partner - Revised 4th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/155832819X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Kosmxb3AA7EZB

u/penwraith · 2 pointsr/shittyaskreddit

I <3 the book "his needs, her needs" amazon link

it's an 80s book. not politically correct.

I love it because the advice is very pragmatic.

> I will work my ass off

the book discusses 10 needs. if you know your partner's top needs, then you can spend more time on what they value the most. I know someone whose girlfriend really loves "domestic support".... typically that's a male need, but she has a demanding career so it's very important to her. the time he spends fulfilling that NEED is appreciated.

the book is good because we may not even know ourselves what our top needs are because many people don't have a vocabulary for relationship skills.

> be a good man to my wife and kids to ensure that they never feel that type of pain from me.

that's admirable.

u/IndustryCorporate · 1 pointr/AskMen

I don't see this mentioned in other comments -- you might want to try a "Yes, No, Maybe" list. It might seem awkward or corny, but if you are comfortable with these kinds of conversations, the list itself can be a good time.

Googling will get you everywhere for pre-made lists. You can also make your own. Here's a random collection of lists I found but haven't read.

Hope that's helpful!

EDIT: It's been pointed out to me that you are specifically talking about fantasy. If you don't actually want this stuff in real life, I think it's completely up to you whether or not you disclose your private fantasies.

If you do disclose them, you have the option of making yes/no/maybe lists for things like watching porn together, and what kinds, if you're into that. But that is still different from acting things out in real life.

ALTERNATIVE EDIT: If you actually do want to move towards acting these things out, it's also been pointed out to me that there's a book about this. Good stuff in Chapter 6 about negotiating kinks, including how to do self-made Yes/No/Maybe lists. The book is called When Someone You Love Is Kinky.

u/Buckaroo2 · 7 pointsr/ADHD

The ADHD Effect on Marriage is usually highly recommended.

I also recommend Married to Distraction.

Good luck on your marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and he wasn't diagnosed until 7-8 months ago. This is definitely not one of those things where your marriage will make it because you love each other so much. You have to work, and I mean seriously work your ass off for it. At least, that's been my experience. Don't be afraid to go to counseling, either. And when it comes to your fiance getting organized and trying to get things together, it has to be his own system. You can't create a system of organization for him. It has to come from his own head. I tried several different ways to help my husband get organized, and not a single one of them worked.

And one important aspect is that he needs to realize how important it is to you for him to try to get organized and stay on track. This is probably an unpopular opinion here, but ADHD is no excuse for not putting effort into working on things and/or not getting things done. You can't always be the one who picks up the slack and does too much. It will drive you crazy, and I can attest to that. Be very careful of the parent/child dynamic, because that is incredibly destructive to a relationship. If you notice this happening, it's best to get some counseling and nip it in the bud.

Sorry if this sounds so depressing, but it's something I wish I had known before getting married. ADHD can be a serious impediment to a marriage, and it's definitely not something to take lightly. You're already doing great by wanting to do your research and prepare yourself for what's to come!

u/Cloud_Riverdale · 2 pointsr/sex

Have you ever read the book "Married Man's Sex Life" by Athol Kay? It's very unconvential and has great advice in it. I recommend his youtube series as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOM7soH3_cDJ5XWd4S1ni4g

A friend of mine used his coaching services, which it sounds like you could use. http://atholkay.com/2-coaching/

Best of luck. PM me questions if you want.

u/hyloda · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Your husband is a douchebag. Sorry. When he can carry and push a baby out of HIS hoo-ha, he can freakin' decide what birth he wants. His resistance/ambivalence to your plan/emotions/desires just really blows. If I were in your position, I'd be so effing pissed. It really doesn't matter what research your provide him. It is really easy to critique all research. If he's made up his mind and is deadset...well, what can you do?

Require that he read these two books:

  • http://www.amazon.com/Childbirth-without-Fear-Principles-Practice/dp/0953096467/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1314615929&sr=8-3

  • http://www.amazon.com/Husband-Coached-Childbirth-Fifth-Bradley-Natural/dp/055338516X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314616093&sr=1-2

    I had 2 of 3 of my girls at a free-standing birth center with a certified nurse midwife. I wish I had just used a certified midwife and had a homebirth. Yeah, my births were great. They could have been better. Birthing at home, IMO, would have been much more comfie.

    I had to have an emergency induction for my third because my water was low. There is a time and place for medicalization of the birth--and that time is when it becomes dangerous. Birth, itself, is not a dangerous process. I hated my hospital birth. I felt like goddamn prisoner. They had this two page checklist of tasks that they were requiring I complete before they would allow me to check out. What? Seriously? After I gave birth at the birth center, I was able to go climb into my own bed at home in two hours. And I delivered in what was supposedly the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the COUNTRY: Loma Linda University Medical Center. Jesus, if that is the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the country, the whole country has a long way to go. Yeah, sure, they do rooming-in; tons of free breastfeeding paraphernalia; and beautiful, spacious, private post-partum rooms, but there is so much more to birthing and bonding than that!

    My eldest daughter summed it up nicely when she asked me why a birthing friend chose to have her birth at a hospital, "Why is she going to the hospital? She's not sick."

    Also, my husband was on board with the midwife because his mother had completely safe births using midwives, also.

    Edited for formatting.
u/throwawayno123456789 · 3 pointsr/aspergers

I HIGHLY reccommend this book about a man with Asperger's figuring out how to do relationships successfully. Not just for marriage, but good ideas for romantic relationships.

The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004T4KRJM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_apBADb51DSX8G

u/Timey_Wimey · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way have been two fantastic resources for me. I highly recommend them if you're more into the natural side of childbirth, and I even found them to be a great prep for what's to come even though I haven't really made my mind up about natural vs. ... whatever else happens that day lol. But I felt that they gave a more accurate (and positive) description of what birth is like than any other source I've read so far.

EDIT: for links

u/HollyElsie · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005HZ6FH0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

This book will help you understand more and deals with difficult issues like this .

Bio :: About one out of ten Americans is 'kinky': they may enjoy bondage, dressing in special clothes that turn them on, spanking, erotic role-playing, body modification, or any one of a number of other activities that are outside the sexual mainstream.

And each one of them is surrounded by a constellation of friends, lovers, parents, children and co-workers who may feel frightened, concerned, hurt or bewildered by lifestyles they don't understand.

Now, for anyone who's ever overhead a conversation, glimpsed a toy, or been startled by a tattoo, there's When Someone You Love Is Kinky, a sympathetic and comprehensive handbook for helping you understand the behaviors and lifestyles of the people you care about. Therapist Dossie Easton and writer/sex educator Catherine A. Liszt team up once again to help allay your fears and uncertainties and build bridges of communication that will last a lifetime.

u/indigofireflies · 3 pointsr/ADHD

I can't speak for your side, medication issues, etc. but my husband has ADHD that was undiagnosed until about 8 months ago. So, I'll try to explain how your wife feels and what's worked for us.

When you're with someone with ADHD it can be extremely frustrating, which you seem to get. It's frustrating to have to pick up the little things that get left behind or act as a reminder system for someone who, without ADHD, wouldn't need the help. There's a fundamental difference in a non-ADHD brain and an ADHD brain and sometimes, the compassion for an ADHD brain gets lost. It's like constantly fighting to be heard over the other stimuli coming in and the distractions. Often, at least for me, it leads to me not feeling like I have emotional support or a partner in my marriage.

So, here's what worked for us:

-Marriage counseling with someone who understands ADHD: our counselor helps him realize what are his ADHD symptoms and gives him the tools to lessen the effect it has on our marriage. The counselor helps me realize that he is not ADHD, he has ADHD. She helps me take a step back and focus on myself while still being supportive of him making his own progress. She helps us communicate with one other and bridge the gap that exists between his brain and mine.

-Books: Personally, I recommend ADHD Effect on Marriage to help understand how it impacts your marriage and More Attention, Less Deficit as a guidebook for different methods to try to cope with the symptoms.

-Breaks: take a weekend apart, not a relationship break but go on separate vacations, go visit family, take a day-cation apart. After a while, dealing with the ADHD symptoms can get overwhelming. Taking a break helps both of us decompress and come back focused and ready to take on whatever else life can throw at us. We appreciate each other more, good and bad.

I know it's tough for both spouses in an ADHD marriage. It's frustrating and tense and stressful. But, it can work. Work as a team and be open with each other.

u/Peloquins_Girl · 5 pointsr/AspiePartners

I'm late to this, but I've got to tell you; he's not ever going to change in the ways that you need him to, to be the partner that you want. And I say that as the aspie in a marriage of twenty-one years.

My first husband was an abusive prick; and being young and naive, I thought we could make it work, because I just loved him so much. But it doesn't work that way. Love does not conquer all. Eventually I got to the end of that proverbial rope, and I'd advice anyone in an unhappy relationship not to try desperately to make it work, for years, like I did. All it does is make you more miserable, fighting to mold something good out of garbage. Trust me, it's not worth it.

Having autism, (for a lot of people, anyway; not for all), means that physical contact, and eye contact, are both genuinely uncomfortable. I've been with my partner for two decades. About the only time I look him in the eye is when I'm telling him that I love him.

I would compare looking at someone's eyes to the feeling you get when someone sees you going to the bathroom. It doesn't feel good. Full stop. And that won't ever go away. - I would agree that looking at his phone is rude, but if he's looking at your shirt, or the couch, or the wall; that doesn't mean he isn't listening to you. That's as good as it gets for some of us.

And physical closeness is downright unpleasant. It just is. Personally, in our relationship, we have a set schedule for intimate time. Something that works for both of us. I do it to make my partner happy. He knows it's obligatory for me, and he's fine with that. - And that's something that's never, ever, going to change, either.

No amount of therapy will ever get rid of his autism. "Love" as you define it, will never come naturally to him. If he really wants to keep you, he'll do things to make you happy anyway. We don't feel things the same way you do, but he should be able to understand the concept of necessary maintainance to keep something that he wants. Pets need food, a house requires the taxes or rent be paid, cars need gas, and relationship needs time spent paying attention to the other person.

If he's not willing to set aside a couple hours a day just to talk and/or have sexy time with you, (which is what we do, every night, as part of my daily routine), then I would say you're not important enough to him to justify keeping him as your partner.

That's not autism. That's just him being an ass.

I haven't read it personally, but I hear good things about this book. I gather it was written by a guy with ASD about how he saved his marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage-Asperger/dp/1439189749

u/TheSliceman · 8 pointsr/videos

Obviously not a 1 to 1 correlation, but those human traits would incentivise many partners at a time for the female and 1 at a time for the male, which encourages the genes of the best suited-to-survive male gets passed on, as well as ensuring propagation of the species. Also, 'rape' might not be the best word because we really have no way of knowing if the females were consenting or not. 'Gang-bangs' may fit better.

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Humans-Are-Not-Made-Monogamous-83227.shtml

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/ryan.promiscuity.normal/index.html

http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2009/02/12/2489757.htm

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Modern-Relationships-ebook/dp/B007679QTG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374204833&sr=8-1&keywords=sex+at+dawn

http://bigthink.com/world-in-mind/rethinking-monogamy

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

After you read those, do some research on your own. Evolution is fascinating.

u/shelovesbier · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

Clearly based on all the posts thus far: You are so not alone in this.

How you deal with it is up to you.

I am very confrontational when it comes to fears. I learn everything there is to know about a certain subject and if there is even one tiny part that scares me the most, I become obsessed with learning about it.

In this way, I'm able to understand what is realistic and what just isn't based on statistics. I've also come to terms with knowing that, in the heat of the moment, there will be little I can do.

One of the most powerful books I read on late pregnancy and the birth experience overall is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The first third of the book is filled with birth stories and the rest just talks about the experience. Very well written, easy to read, and filled with citations.

My father died almost 14 years ago when I was 18. We were incredibly close and it breaks my heart just thinking about the relationship he could and would have had with my baby girl. He would have made an INCREDIBLE grandfather. My only solace is knowing that he gave me so much in life that I know I, as his living legacy, will proudly pass to her. I day dream of the day(s) when she begins to ask about her grandfather and I day dream of my responses and the stories I'll tell.

While it's not even a close second to having him still in my life, it's enough to calm me and focus on the positive (usually).

And know that sometimes, you are just going to need to cry it out. And that is 100% ok. Privately, publicly, whatever. Fuck it. Sometimes we all just need one good big ol' fuckin' sob. I almost ALWAYS feel better after letting myself feel this way.

Oh! And one other thing that's really related to both coping with your fears of late pregnancy and birth AND cope with loss: Surrender.

Learning how to surrender your mind and body to your emotions and physical needs is incredibly empowering. The book talks a LOT about this.

You can do this. You will do this. And... you're going to do incredibly well.

Good luck with everything. <3

u/nowonthemarket · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I was going to say the same thing, but also wanted to be respectful of the OP freaking out.
Start by focusing on keeping your wife healthy (vitamins, real food) and then start reading about natural childbirth. (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth changed my life as a woman considering having a baby.)
It will save you money, but most importantly, it will be good for your wife and your new baby.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

u/zofoandrew · 1 pointr/mead

You won't know if you made major fuck ups immediately unless fermentation stops way short or never starts. If you were making a 14% beer, you would want to age it for a year before it really hits its stride. Please do not give up if your mead tastes horrible after fermentation. It will get better and your subsequent batches will improve as you improve your process and take better care of your yeast.

Here is my guide to making your first mead. While you are managing fermentation, read this book and you will learn the basics and beyond.

Pushing the yeast past their alcohol tolerance: Yeast can tolerate alcohol only to a not-so-certain point. For instance, 71B-1122 (the most commonly used yeast for mead, i suggest you use it your first time) will go to 14% alcohol, sometimes a little more, and it will stop fermenting. If you have enough honey to ferment to 15% or 16% alcohol, there will be residual sweetness left in the mead.

For your first mead, I suggest you use enough honey to ferment to 14%. If you want more sweetness when it is done, dissolve 1/2 a pound at a time (if youre doing 5 gallons) in water and add it to the fermenter. Taste it in 24 hours and see if you want to add more. You can not take things out so be careful when adding sweetness and spices to your mead.

Become familiar with the mead calculator in the side bar and don't hesitate to ask questions here if you cant find the answer with a few searches

u/detsher77 · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

In our heart of hearts, we don't want to believe that doctors/nurses "get bored" (which I think is a bit of a simplification) and do things that may endanger us or cause unnecessary interventions. After all, we are instilling a great amount of trust in their care. However, they are running a business, they are dealing with insurance companies, and their intentions are not purely to give the desired experience of the patient. Of course they don't want to put anyone into harms way, but most doctors don't view c-sections as dangerously as midwives and other obgyn professionals.

So it really comes back to the instilling trust factor. The best thing your sister can do is become educated. Understand the reasoning behind different procedures and the physiological functions of labor so that she isn't held helpless with difficult decisions during one of the most physically stressful moments of her life. This book for instance, is highly recommended by the natural child birthing community. I also like this book.

Outside of that, here is my personal advice.

  1. Stay at home as long as possible. First births tend to be the longest and if she goes in at 8 or 10 cm dilated, she's much less likely to have interventions pushed on her since she will be close to delivery.

  2. Refuse induction. Unless there is a critical emergency, inductions are almost always more harm than good and end up being the reason that most women are forced into c-sections. See this comment

  3. Don't fear the magic number 40. When a woman goes over 40 weeks their doctor's get twitchy and start to demand induction even though predicting the exact conception date is not an exact science. First babies are often late as well.

  4. Get a doula - they can be an excellent source of calm and a major advocate.

    There's lots of other good advice in this thread, but that's my 2 cents.
u/bright_idea · 1 pointr/mormon

I highly recommend reading In Faith and In Doubt both my husband (Mormon) and I (agnostic) read it and it’s done wonders to help us respect each other’s viewpoints and feel optimistic about our differences.

Side note: For whatever reason the book is kinda pricey to buy on Amazon, so we listened to it on Audible, which is free if you are just signing up or one credit if you already have an account.

u/wrapunzel · 2 pointsr/DecemberBumpers2017

I'm looking for a good pregnancy book too, with a focus on natural birth. The two I'm considering are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method. I had an early 2000s edition of the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy during my first pregnancy and found it informative and helpful.

When my baby was about 5 months old I read Magda Gerber's Dear Parent: Caring for Infants With Respect and it changed our little family forever. I recommend it to every new parent. Completely amazing! although I don't agree with everything in it for the newborn time period -- I'm big on babywearing and cosleeping.

u/ebrau36 · 0 pointsr/sex

Dude here who gave up pornography (for science reasons, not moral ones).

First of all, just wanted to say:

You are a great lady for even coming to other people to try to get help for this difficulty in your relationship (not to mention sticking it out for three years). You are not a bad person for wanting sex more than twice a week, you just have a healthy sexual appetite. Further, you should not feel responsibility for increasing his sex drive (beyond the normal efforts of just making sure you are healthy, happy and passionate). Maintaining ones sexual health is each individual's responsibility.

Honestly, the thing I would investigate is the following:

>He loves to look at naked pictures of me, but doesn't seem to care too much for porn

[emphasis mine]

There are two big possibilities here:

  1. He has some kind of medical/mechanical issue which is preventing him from achieving/maintaining erections. This has in turn led to a cuckold fetish (he is eroticising the insecurity generated by his lack of ability to perform/'please you' with penetrative sex).

  2. More likely, I think he has/still does consume a lot of pornography.

    The symptoms you are describing (lack of interest in sex, difficulty in getting/maintaining an erection, lack of chemistry in bed, intense cuckolding fetish) seem to match up quite well with a lot of the symptoms of overconsumption of pornography (check out the /pornfree subreddit and sidebar, also google 'your brain on porn'). The cuckolding fetish specifically seems indicative of porn consumption as this is a pretty specific genre of pornography and not something you are likely to encounter outside of a personal experience (getting cheated on and subsequently turned on by it) or seeking it out in some kind of sex club environment. There are some dudes in the /r/pornfree sub who develop really intense/uncharacteristic fetishes (straight dudes getting into gay porn, intense rapey porn, bestiality, etc.)

    The protocol I would suggest, regardless, would be to do the following:

  • Have him see a GP and urologist if necessary and describe his erectile symptoms. As an aside, if he can masturbate to a full erection, he does not have a medical issue.
  • Stop all porn use and intentionally avoid seeking out sexually arousing content immediately and indefinitely (30 days would be a minimum time frame)
  • Engage in 20 minutes of non sexual bonding behavior every day for at LEAST two weeks (no sex allowed here, just slow kissing, caressing, hugging, cuddling, tickling, massaging, etc.)
  • STOP all orgasm or masturbation (sexual stimulation) for two weeks. After this time you can re-introduce sex gradually (while continuing the bonding behaviors separately), but limit your and (especially) his orgasms. Emphasis here on the sex being incredibly slow, soothing and about connection. Even if he still has trouble maintaining an erection, try having him just be inside of you while you kiss deeply and caress one another.

    Note: the last two points are derived from a practice called 'Karezza'. Google that too.

    Finally, I would get and read (or at least google) the following books:

    Sex at Dawn

  • Describes the sexual practices of traditional hunter-gatherer tribes. Suprise, they include pair bonding but sexual polyamory and partner sharing/orgies. Explains (or at least theorizes) the roots of the popularity of gang-bang porn and why many guys (often secretly) find stuff like cuckolding so arousing.

    Your Brain on Porn

  • Describes (hypothesizes) the neuroscience behind pornography addiction, and why/how internet pornography can produce such potent changes in male physiology including a large number of cases of erectile dysfunction

    Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain

  • More of the above

    Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

  • Describes the practice of karezza, slow sex and how to rescue relationships from the ''Coolidge Effect" (i.e. the 2-3 year mark where the natural 'chemistry' begins to wear off and partners start to lose sexual passion)

    Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality

  • More of the above.



u/hydrogenbound · 1 pointr/NewParents

You're going to be a great dad! I recommend Ina May's guide to childbirth it helped me have such a blissful birth. And the womanly art of breastfeeding seriously, buy then now, or borrow from library!!! Best of luck!

u/Catabre · 6 pointsr/Reformed

Neither my wife or I are big on small talk. Because we both gravitate towards heavier topics, we had multiple serious conversations before our first date. To be fair, you could probably classify those serious conversations as dates.

We decided to start officially dating once we realized we were "on the same page" with respect to marriage, Christianity, children, discipline, etc. We went through John Piper's marriage questions. We sought counsel from our elders and their wives. We read Tim Keller's Meaning of Marriage.

Our timeline was fast. We dated for three months, were engaged for three months, then were married. A contributing factor was our age; when we started talking we were both mid to late twenties. Neither of us wanted to get temporally and emotionally invested unless there was potential for marriage. If we were compatible, then we wanted to get married soon. As per the Westminster Larger Catechism Q&A 139, "undue delay of marriage" is a violation of the seventh commandment.

I hope outlining the path my wife and I took is beneficial for you. If I had to distill it down into points they'd be:

  • Talk to your pastor(s), elders, and their wives. They'll give you more complete and Biblical counsel.
  • Understand what the purpose of marriage is (read Tim Keller's Meaning of Marriage).
  • Have fun as friends and glorify God.
u/TarnishedTeal · 2 pointsr/Marriage

I don't know about any books. All the books I've read on marriage are all ADHD specific, unfortunately. The ADHD Effect of Marriage is a personal favorite for that.

What i do know is that learning to live together is a process. My husband and I knew each other for 6 years before getting married, and lived for each other for about 6 months before tying the knot officially. It was still very hard. It seemed impossible for the first 6 months or so (our first 6 months living away from family). But in order for the situation to improve we both had to work hard, we both had to want to be all in on this.

Part of me is happy that she is sharing her doubts with you. But I'm also worried about having those doubts so early on. Have you sat down while you're calm and asked her how she's feeling about the transition? Were there specific things that happened at home before that aren't happening in her new place? A break in routine, or even putting the milk in the wrong place can be frustrating to somebody trying to adjust. Also sharing the load with chores can be jarring as well if one or both people lived with parents previously.

I agree with Lordica that it has to be you vs the issue. You guys vs the Dishes, rather than You vs Her And The Dishes. I use that example because it's something I still struggle with. My husband is responsible for them and sometimes I still get overly stressed that they aren't done (our dishwasher is broken!) Even if it's something as mundane and You Guys vs What To Eat For Dinner, small joint victories can really help the relationship and the partnership. Which, if I'm reading into your situation correctly, is the real issue.

I really hope somebody can come in here with some "normie" book advice for you. Like I said, our books are adhd centered, because it's an issue in our marriage, but it's generally a good book anyway. There are some great tips in there even if you don't have ADHD.

u/PurpleStix · 5 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Congratulations! I'm jelly!

Look into getting some pregnancy books, they generally do a good job of demystifying the process. Here are some suggestions:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent place to start. It's all about how natural birth is, and has a bunch of positive birth stories.

The Panic Free Pregnancy is definitely useful. You'll be bombarded with all the things that are unsafe for you during your pregnancy, and this book helps determine fact or fiction and provides an explanation.

Lots of people suggest What to Expect When You're Expecting, but others find it kind of fear-mongering. I skimmed through it once and the list of adverse side effects you can expect to experience is pretty intimidating.

The Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a more clinical approach. I haven't read it myself but I've heard good things about it. Less fluff than some pregnancy books, more fact.

u/NalgeneAdventure · 12 pointsr/weddingplanning

It has a super cheesy title, but my fiance and I are reading a book called Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. It has a workbook for men and women (sold separately) that we're also working through together. It's actually been super fun! My fiance even said it's not eye gougingly painful like he thought it was going to be.

u/brokenbetas · 21 pointsr/Christianity

One of my friends was given a book called "Sheet Music" http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0842360247?pc_redir=1412227508&robot_redir=1, and although I am not married, I gave it to another friend before her wedding, too. Both couples felt like it was a great book to go through together. You definitely should discuss this subject before marriage :)

(apology for formatting; on my phone)

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 2 pointsr/Advice

You feel that your coworkers don't like you because you have convinced yourself that it is true. You can't read their minds, so it isn't true. You are torturing yourself by focusing on a perceived inability to make small talk, along with a demonstrated pattern of poor impulse control (causing you to overshare or "blurt out" inappropriate things).
Here's the thing: for most jobs, it doesn't really matter whether or not your coworkers like you. All that matters is that you are good at the job. I sense that the real issue here, then, is your sense of social rejection. But please please ask yourself, if this is the case, whether or not it's reasonable or even necessary to be well-liked in the way you want to be.
It sounds to me like you would be better off at working on the issues you know about...when you get excited about something that you are sure interests you and only you, you can excuse yourself with "sorry, I'm probably boring you." For your impulse control issues, the this: every time you want to say or share something, suppress the urge. Give yourself a point each time you are successful. Try to treat it as a game and go for the highest score you can achieve. To get better at small talk, practice asking people questions and listening closely to their answers, so that you can ask follow up questions.
You may suffer from Asperger's and ADHD, but they do not define you. I'd recommend this book, written by a husband who discovered he had Asperger's. His solution to acting inappropriately in social situations was to study people who were good at talking and imitate them (he created a persona called "interview guy" who was based on Howard Stern, who, despite his popular image as a "shock jock" is actually an amazingly talented interviewer. If you don't like that kind of humor, you can do the same with someone else who you can tolerate better.)

u/DrKittens · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I wanted to echo what jrjunior said....I would first look for any midwife practices that have hospital privileges. I am planning on birthing at a birth center, but in case anything happens where I need to be transferred to the hospital, my midwife is still "in charge" of the birth at the hospital (unless I needed a c-section).

Also, great idea to get a doula...they are your advocate to make sure your wishes are met as much as possible given the circumstances.

One last thing- it sounds like you have already done some research, but I cannot recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth more...especially to someone already invested in exploring natural childbirth. It changed my life!

u/mlokm · 2 pointsr/Christians

Prayed for you. Also, feel free to check out the links below. Maybe you will find something that helps.

u/cpt_anonymous · 5 pointsr/aspergers

Check Amazon. They have quite a few titles. I'd definitely start witht this one:

The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

Here are some others that I've read at least partway through. All have been useful to me in some measure.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger's Syndrome (Very academic look at ASD. I think it's actually a textbook based on the price. Includes lots of citations to published papers and some insight into what you should expect if you seek professional therapy)

I Think I Might Be Autistic (good starting point for the diagnosis process)

Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate (Just an autobiographical account of the author's experience with ASD, but still helpful to read IMO)

The Journal of Best Practices (for ASD/NT relationships)

Here are a couple more that I haven't read, but are on my "to-read" list, and seem to fit within the bounds of what you're looking for:

Look Me In the Eye

Be Different

u/StraxAttack · 3 pointsr/relationships

I have a book recommendation for you: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts . It's fairly low key, easy to read in a casual way, and it covers lots of good bases. As a happily married person, I can confirm that if you're able to adopt some of the habits and ideas that this book covers, you will have a happier more successful marriage. Read it together and talk about it, see what comes up.

u/ismellmyfarts · 6 pointsr/Homebrewing

If you find making mead enjoyable and want to read some more up on it i can recommend The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm

A great source of information both for beginners and more advanced meadmakers. He's also a beekeeper, so he has a whole chapter dedicated to various types of honey too :)

u/lizerpetty · 1 pointr/Marriage

I am a stay at home mom and I have two young kids, and it's hard, but dang dude, I really feel for you man. Maybe you should check out Married Red Pill. Do you think maybe she is repeating patterns that her mother may have precedented? I was starting to act like my mother early on in my marriage and I knew I did not ever want a marriage like my parents. I wanted to be happy. On my own accord, I read a book called "why can't you read my mind?"
https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Thought-Patterns-Loving-Relationship/dp/1569244758

It helped me learn that I was trashing my husband in my mind to myself and we were ganging up on him and I was lashing out at him because I had made myself think he was this jerk. (Does that make sense?) I would tell you to suggest it to her, but she would probably try to rip your balls off. I also recommend "Boundaries in marriage"

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Marriage-Henry-Cloud/dp/0310243149

Maybe if you bought the books for yourself, and she saw you reading them, maybe she would be more open to reading them. It wouldn't hurt for you to read some stuff too. She kind of sounds like she has NPD, but that might be jumping the gun somewhat. Good luck dude! If you don't do something you are gonna be miserable.

u/onejollyant · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

If you are in the US, you can choose between

  1. OB,
  2. Certified Nurse Midwife (CNW), or
  3. Licensed / Certified / Professional (Traditional) Midwife

    Generally, OBs see birth as a medical event (in which a woman's body is often faulty and require a doctor to bail out). That's why all the restrictions are placed on the woman giving birth. I think OBs have come a long way since literally strapping moms down, but then again all the birth stories here seem to always mention pit and epidural, so I am not so sure...

    Traditional midwives see birth as a natural event (in which a woman's body is designed to give birth, and it should be only in extreme exceptional cases when a doc is needed). Hence midwives encourage you to do what you feel instinctively to want to do during birth, whether changing positions or eating and drinking.

    CNW span somewhere in between. The difference between CNW and a traditional midwife is that CNWs are nurses who receive medical training. Whereas a traditional midwife usually comes from experienced based training.

    I highly recommend reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" to get a full understanding of how traditional midwife believes contrast to that of OB.

    http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

    Hope this helps.
u/RedPillWisdom · 0 pointsr/PunchingMorpheus

I'll bite. So, the last book of many relationship books I read was this one:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Secrets-Happily-Married-Men/dp/0787994146

Standard advice like the majority give: be helpful, attentive, do more dishes, be ok with her taking your labors and not giving a shit about you. Accept that the moon and mercury have to be in alignment for sex to happen. 20 years of doing it the way society says. Nothing.

I got this book in November:

http://www.amazon.com/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408725149&sr=1-3&keywords=Athol+Kay

December was an excellent month.

Delved further into RedPill concepts.

January was even better.

u/ttcatexan · 4 pointsr/BabyBumps

I started Expexting Better but I'm not a numbers/data person so it came across as irritating to me. Tons of people like it and recommend it though so it's worth a shot!

My midwife recommended Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. A doula friend recommended anything by Dr. Sears.

u/lezhavesex · 2 pointsr/actuallesbians

Okay...so I tried to reply to this during Reddit's awful down time yesterday. Here goes another try:

There is a great book about this very subject, called Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women. I highly recommend it. Trish Bendix, editor at Afterellen, has a piece in the book, as well as a friend of mine.

http://www.amazon.com/Dear-John-Love-Jane-Leaving/dp/1580053394/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323358890&sr=8-1

u/TheMobHasSpoken · 15 pointsr/autism

There's a book written by a married man with Aspergers, about the challenges he's faced and the ways he's dealt with them, called [The Journal of Best Practices] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-Marriage/dp/1439189749/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=8-2&keywords=best+practices). It sounds like it has a lot of good, practical advice. Good luck!

u/CapOnFoam · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Here's what I've learned about making both mead and cider: Healthy yeast means a healthy fermentation.

If you use liquid yeast, make a starter.

If you use dry yeast, rehydrate with GoFerm, following the instructions on how to do it.

If you don't do staggered nutrient additions, start doing it! You'll need fermaid-K and DAP (though DAP is starting to be questioned).

Use a lees stirrer to degass your mead, removing CO2 from solution that inhibits fermentation.

Read this document by Steve Piatz (Grand Master BJCP judge and incredible meadmaker).

Get this book, The Compleat Meadmaker by Ken Schramm.

Speaking of IPA - I recently made 2 IPAs following the "hop bursting" method, like what Stone does for their Enjoy By series... by FAR the best IPAs I've ever made. (recipe & article were in the Nov Zymurgy)

u/shmushers · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

We read Husband Coached Childbirth and took the class and it focused heavily on its relaxation methods and had a few exercises that are not difficult but have made a difference in my comfort. Mostly kegels and pelvic rocks. But the relaxation practice is key for getting through contractions. I've also heard good things about hypnobirthing but haven't looked much into it.

u/reformedscot · 2 pointsr/Christians

I haven't read it. And Chan's not really my style with everything being radical and super and hyped - but that's a personal thing.

What I have heard from others is that the book is good, but not really good for marriage preparation. It deals with the concept of eternity that the marriage image can evoke, but doesn't really deal with marriage itself.

In the long run, I think any book challenging couples to consider all aspects of their lives together in light of eternity to be worth the read. It will have value. But I would suggest reading it along with other, more 'traditional' stuff. Maybe Keller's The Meaning of Marriage. Any pastor worth his salt is going to want to take you through pre-marriage classes anyway, so perhaps your pastor might have a specific book he works through or recommends.

u/TheBlueAdept707 · 11 pointsr/aspergers

I'm 41 and only recently realized I may have it (still undiagnosed, but seeking.) I found The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood very helpful. Also anything by John Elder Robison. Relationship-wise, Journal of Best Practices by David Finch was good.

u/Tangurena · 20 pointsr/actuallesbians

Do you have an LGBT center near you? The nearest might be in a nearby city. If they do, see if there are any lesbian group sessions. It can be eye-opening to meet, hear and see other women who have gone through similar situations and survived: what went right, what went not-right and what they'd do differently if they had it to do all over again.

Here are a few books that I tend to recommend about your situation. They're written by women in your situation:
Dear John, I love Jane.
Living Two Lives.
Married Women Who Love Women.

They come in Kindle editions, so you could read them on your phone without worrying about leaving them laying around the house.

u/lazeedayzee · 1 pointr/ADHD

My husband’s new therapist assigned us this book as homework. We’re just getting started, but it might be helpful to you both. It shows both sides. Best of luck.

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps https://www.amazon.com/dp/1886941971/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QhmiDb1C2T4NC

u/drawsmcgraw · 2 pointsr/mead

I agree that there's nothing to worry about here. Also, EC-1118 is aggressive and has an alcohol tolerance of about 18% and could go even higher if coaxed.

My rough-estimate for percent alcohol is as follows: 40 points of gravity per pound of honey per gallon of water. That is, 1 lb of honey in 1 gal of water would give a SG of 1.040. For a 5-gal batch, 16 lbs of honey in 4 gals of water:

(16lbs * 40)/4 gals = 1.160

So my calculation says your starting gravity was more of 1.160 (more or less). I see that conflicts with Kurai_'s answer, though, so I'm interested in how they arrived at it (unless they meant to type 1.150).

Alcohol. Generally speakinig, I do 8 points of gravity per percentage of alcohol. That is, if your yeast fermented 80 points of gravity (say, from 1.100 down to 1.020), then your mead would be 10% abv. This is just my rouge estimate. If you want precision, you'll need lab gear and knowledge.

You say the calculator told you your must should have been closer to 1.150 when you started. That jives with my estimation of 1.160. Let's say your starting gravity was 1.150 and your finishing gravity is now 1.010 (which is what I took away from your post). The calculation goes like this:

1.150 - 1.010 = 140 gravity points fermented
140 / 8 = 17.5% ABV

This makes more sense because EC-1118 has an alcohol tolerance of up to 18%. If your goal was a sweet, high gravity sack mead, then congratulations - you nailed it. Now put that jet fuel away for a year or so because it's going to need the aging.

If you're the reading type, The Compleat Meadmaker is very approachable and has tons of techniques and helpful science.

Nothing to worry about here except fending off people trying to steal your goods. Also be sure to always measure your starting gravity.

u/_Exordium · 6 pointsr/mead

[Ken Schramm's Compleat Meadmaker] ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0937381802?pc_redir=1397498837&robot_redir=1) is a great place to start, its an absolute wealth of knowledge on just about everything mead. It's definitely worth a good read!

u/BabyK2019 · 16 pointsr/BabyBumps

I did it with my first, hoping to do it again with my second. Honestly it’s a huge mental game. The birthing class I took mainly emphasized laboring at home as long as possible and to prepare yourself to feel like you’re running up hills and walking them back down over and over again (but way worse). Also Ina May’s book was also super helpful:

https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156

I do have to say, it’s awful that your pain management technique is being dictated by price. I wish this was a choice you were making because it is what you wanted, not because you feel financially pressured to :(

Good luck!

u/bailtail · 4 pointsr/mead

>How do you get your ingredients and what’s the most important part about them?

I look to source ingredients locally, when possible. Farmer's market, local co-op, etc. Specialty ingredients such as certain honey varietals that are regionally specific (tupelo, meadowfoam, mesquite, orange blossom, etc.) are typically ordered online after reading a fair number of reviews to get a sense of what I'm buying. Penzey's (online) is my go-to for spices. Quality is far-and-away the top priority when sourcing ingredients. It shows in the final product. Compromise in this area will cap the quality of your final product.

>What was the most helpful source of information at the beginning?

Honestly, the r/mead wiki is pretty damn helpful. I also recommend The Compleat Meadmaker and The Complete Guide to Making Mead. These are the two that got me started, and they are both quality publications.

>What equipment do you have/ how long have you used it?

Oh god. I just moved and realized how much equipment I actually have. It's...probably excessive.

2 x 5-gal primary buckets
2 x 2-gal primary buckets
1 x bottling bucket
8 x 1-gal glass jugs/carboys
5 x 3-gal glass carboys
2 x 5-gal better bottles
1 x 6.5-gal better bottle
1 x 6.5-gal glass carboy
Requisite number of air locks, bungs, stoppers, etc.
Hydrometer
Refractometer
Auto-siphon
Silicone tubing (replaced all vinyl tubing)
Handheld bottle capper (for crown caps)
Portuguese floor corker
Bottle tree
*Buon Vino mini-jet filtration system

I'm sure there more that I'm forgetting, but this gives the general sense.

u/localgyro · 10 pointsr/AskWomen

OP, you might be interested in reading the book The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband. It was written by a man with Asperger's who got married and realized that he needed to develop "best practices" for dealing with and understanding his spouse and family.

u/davidjricardo · 3 pointsr/Christianity

I'm not sure that a video is going to be the best medium to address her concerns. A book or audio recording would probably be better.

For a book, I've heard good things about Sheet Music

For audio, I'd recommend the Free Sex Podcast. They have an episode specifically devoted to honeymoon sex.

Both deal with sex within marriage from a Christian perspective.

u/bratling · 3 pointsr/Parenting

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

This book was hugely helpful to me (as a husband/expectant father). It helped me to understand pregnancy and childbirth as natural, positive processes, rather than as a terrifying unknown filled with emergency rooms and Machines That Go Bing!

It's also really easy to read. Informative, but not academic or preachy.

(Since then, she's added Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. I haven't read this one but if it's anywhere near the caliber of the other, it will be excellent.)

You're in for a wild and wonderful ride. Enjoy!

u/Raging_Dragon · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

Interesting situation to be in, as long as you keep doing the things that demonstrate your value to her, you should be fine. Again, here's the link for the book:

https://www.amazon.ca/Married-Man-Life-Primer-2011/dp/1460981731

Very good reading and advice. He has a blog too and a coaching service if you're interesting in deeper self improvement.

u/SavvyMomsTips · 2 pointsr/Christianmarriage

https://www.amazon.ca/Intended-Pleasure-Itpe-Dr-Wheat/dp/0800719573/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0800719573&pd_rd_r=1ce36c43-c6a5-11e8-9c40-258f68d376cf&pd_rd_w=m0FCf&pd_rd_wg=vkxvY&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_p=cda2b2aa-f379-4b98-b5ff-b78659186dbe&pf_rd_r=HVXKPJPS5GB0F009DYFZ&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=HVXKPJPS5GB0F009DYFZ

https://www.amazon.ca/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0842360247&pd_rd_r=8b577cac-c6a5-11e8-b5ee-af66c644a3b1&pd_rd_w=MgNxx&pd_rd_wg=aQkeV&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_p=cda2b2aa-f379-4b98-b5ff-b78659186dbe&pf_rd_r=AJC7WVYYSS0SGAT0Z227&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=AJC7WVYYSS0SGAT0Z227

If you want to try more things, but don't want anything too extreme these Christian authors provide a great guide for talking through these issues and godly ways to seek each other's pleasure.

It does sound like there could be other factors at play that lower your libido. You mention feeling rushed and the bed being unavailable, so I'm guessing you have young kids. Can someone else watch the kids so you could have some time to yourselves? It may seem like a small thing, but it can make a big difference.

Also if there are a lot of stressful things going on that can also lower libido.

u/sweetlime13 · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

My midwife recommended The Birth Partner to my husband - she said it's amazing and she recommends it to every birth partner that walks into her office.


There's also The Bradley Method - which is husband-coached childbirth. I've heard good things, but my husband wasn't too into this method since he thinks he might crack.

I'm reading HypnoBirthing now and relaying everything I learn to him. I'm going to pick up The Birth Partner for him from my midwife's lending library for him to read and we're also going to start watching HypnoBirthing classes on YouTube - I'm really hoping that'll be good for us.

u/nabil1030 · 1 pointr/AskDocs

Here's a dissertation on the topic of unassisted childbirths: http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1387&context=etd

The estimate is 5,000 in North America per year. There are many valid reasons to consider it. My wife did not feel respected at all in her first labor. So we are planning for an unassisted (home) childbirth for our child on the way. She feels safer birthing at home than at the hospital. We much better prepared this time around, read books (Labor Progress Handbook, Husband-Coached Childbirth, Spiritual Midwifery, and Guide to Childbirth), and taking a Bradley Method course.

If someone is courageous/desperate/traumatized enough to consider unassisted home birth and share such with you, your conversation with her will likely be more productive by starting with finding out her reasons. This will likely help you meet her where she is. Feel free to post back about how the conversation evolves.

u/zadhd · 1 pointr/ADHD

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov has a lot of good material for both people in ADHD - non-ADHD relationships.

The book is a bit light on specific practical advice, but I think the book is really good for helping you see things from your partner's point of view, which is helpful in and of itself.

u/BlueberryQuick · 9 pointsr/ADHD_partners

Most books and resources I've read about new diagnosis will encourage you to mourn the life you thought you'd have, the life you might have had, and the person you thought your partner was. This is an important part to moving onto the next phase of your lives together: Working through it and maintaining your new life together.

It is key though, that she realize how much work ahead there is (for both of you). My husband is diagnosed and medicated but hasn't started behavioral therapy yet so the meds have been upped and a lot of his actions haven't changed (because he doesn't yet have the tools to change them). That part has been frustrating for me, I do feel like I keep the household afloat and running smoothly because if I left him to do it, everything would be a forgotten shambles.

I encourage you to read this book and explore its website. They are helping so much to re-frame my thinking and behavior, and is giving me words to talk to my husband about his ADHD. My husband is slowly realizing how different our lives are and could be with his ADHD management, we're in the early stages of finding him the right therapy and he's on his third type of medication. The meds are helping but without therapy, they will just keep upping his meds when he gets used to them and nothing will change. This is key, the partner has to be willing to admit that medication has to be in conjunction with behavioral therapy for it to all work.

Edit: Also this website.

u/invisbilesamson · 3 pointsr/sex

I don't know what your religious preferences are, but I'd suggest this book. I propose that one because it's really conservative. Otherwise, this one is a bit more all encompassing.

Either way, both books approach sex in a healthy way and can answer a lot of questions. They can introduce her to new ideas and give her a chance to explore the topics on her own.

Porn isn't for even one, and if she really doesn't like the idea, then continued encouragement might start to seem like pressure. I'd suggest stepping back and exploring some sex education books like the ones above. That way you can evaluate your sexual expression as a whole rather than just look for new positions or techniques to try.

u/swiss_nut22 · 2 pointsr/pics

I would highly advise learning to make some mead if you haven't! Very rewarding and easy craft i got into this year with a extensive history! Good book of reference i got with everything you need to know. Just need 15lbs of honey you can spare... :)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

Just bottled our first batch of orange blossom honey mead. Fucking amazing stuff.

u/morganhtx · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

I was petrified too, but hiring a doula and reading positive birth stories really changed my attitude. The birth of your son can really be one of the best experiences of your life! It was by far the most amazing experience for me. I suggest reading Ina May’s Book. The first part of the book has tons of natural birth stories. I didn’t have nor want an unmedicated birth, but I found this super encouraging. It’s ok to be anxious and nervous, but fear and adrenaline are not your friend during birth.

u/leostotch · 5 pointsr/sex

Read these books. I've always been a relatively vanilla guy, and had a minor freakout when the girl I was dating told me she was into BDSM. These books gave me a lot of insight into the community, and why people enjoy the play they enjoy.

Spoiler alert - I wifed the fuck out of that girl.

When Someone you Love is Kinky

The New Topping Book

The New Bottoming Book

It's important to read both the topping and bottoming books, regardless of which role you think you'll play. If your gf is not experienced in BDSM, read them together. Discuss.

u/Beaturbuns · 2 pointsr/mead

Also, I suggest picking up Ken Schramm's book: The compleat meadmaker. It reads super easy - just like he's talking to you, and is great for anything from creating your first mead to honing in on a recipe you've been doing for years. Some parts are a bit outdated, but it's still an extremely useful book.

u/spap-oop · 2 pointsr/aspergers

I recommend you read The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch. It helped me feel better because it gave me permission to be myself, and helped my spouse to understand what’s in my head better than I could ever express.

u/Minsc_and_Boo_ · 2 pointsr/relationships

ADHD guy here. Some of those things are characteristic of our condition, like forgetting to pay things and being terrible with finances and bureaucracy.

Unfortunately in our minds, a haze comes when we start trying to organize ourselves to get such things done.... you head fills with static out and becomes uncomfortable and we end up just saying "later".

You will hear this a lot from someone with ADHD: later.

Asking questions and not listening to the answer is also a staple of ADHD, but hearing them and flat out ignoring your desire has nothing to do with it. That's just being disrespectful.

As for medication, there are two sides to this: one, getting started on contacting a doctor, scheduling an appointment and following through is the equivalent of a marathon for us, so try not to take it personally. Second, ADHD medication is NOT mild and has some mean side effects.

You should really try to understand the condition better so you can separate what is ADHD and what is just him acting spoiled or disrespectful. As it stands now, it seems like you don't fully understand the condition. There are books out there to help you, and you'd do good in reading them.

The first thing you should do is get a couple and read them.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/ADHD-Effect-Marriage-Relationship-Assertiveness/dp/1886941971/ref=pd_sim_b_6

u/zmnatz · 1 pointr/aspergers

You basically just described my last serious relationship to a tee. Being understanding of one another is very important. Especially being understanding that you are both trying to make it work. If you stop being able to take each others' word and aren't trusting each other, that's when things go down hill.

Bad news, that relationship did not work out. In the end, I grew a lot and figured out a lot of ways of dealing with my disorder but it was not enough to overcome a lot of the pain we'd caused each other. Good news, it can work. I'm in a much healthier relationship these days (4 years later) Just keep working on yourself and growing as a person.

Book recommendation:
This book helped me a lot in understanding what we could have done better.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439189749/
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

u/kdawgud · 9 pointsr/atheistparents

The key is that your values have to be compatible.

Check out this book: In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families by Dale McGowan

u/DynamicDork · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Try this, pretty easy to follow with some pictures.

I've also liked this book.

Also, I've brewed in small batches only so I could experiment with different flavors.

Cheers!

u/sundowntg · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

I would recommend trying to find a counciler that you both can trust to help her talk about it. The Religion isn't the problem, its her thoughts that are off. There are a lot of goofy misconceptions about Christianity and sex, so I would try and help her unravel those. Perhaps some reading would help. I am reading [A Celebration of Sex])http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Sex-Enjoying-Sexual-Intimacy/dp/0785264671) with my fiance, and I found it to be very helpful. There are some parts of it that are a bit corny, but overall I think it could help her and you out.

u/cearum · 2 pointsr/Homebrewing

Once you get more into mead making, give The Compleat MeadMaker and Making Great Mead a read. Both are great to provide a more detailed view on meadmaking, and different ways to go about it. :)

u/chad_ · 1 pointr/daddit

My wife is tiny, too. Not short, but super thin, naturally. Everyone always told her that she wouldn't be able to have kids without having c-section, but she was determined. With our first, we read a lot to prepare and learned about what the various ideas on birth are. A favorite read for us was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It's kinda on the hippy/crunchy end of the spectrum but it gave her a lot of confidence in the idea that she was made for the job. A lot of other books focus on the problems you might encounter, but not on the central fact of the matter which is that women are made for it.

That said, we had a great birth plan for our first that reflected exactly what she hoped to get out of the experience. She wanted to try to go through with the birth as naturally as possible, with no interventions. No induction of labor, no epidural, no cesarean. We wrote it up, and she signed some papers giving me the power to make decisions during her stay. I'm not going to lie to you, there came a point in the evening of his birth when she told me to "eff it, give me drugs.. a c-section...whatever it takes. Just get him out!". I didn't let her have it, and it was HARD not to, after nearly 3 hours of pushing (not including the 10 hours or so of laboring...). In the end, it was worth it. She did it how she wanted, and we came home right after with a beautiful son.

Her recovery went smoothly and our stay was over the next afternoon.

For that one, we made the birth plan maybe a month and a half or two months in advance. We planned to do the same for the second but she was born 3 months early, so we were confronted in more emergency situations with the decisions. She ended up hospitalized for weeks with an IV drip of magnesium sulfate, and occasional shots of steroids to help our baby's lungs develop. She labored for 9 days in a hospital bed, and in the end had to have an epidural for the birth. Our daughter was born vaginally and weighed only 3lbs, and is now a perfectly healthy (nearly) 1 year old.

tll;dr: things might go as planned, or might not. Make a plan and try to stick with it, but don't sweat it if you're thrown a curve ball. Be there in whatever capacity your wife needs, and you'll make it through.


mag sulfate used to be used to slow labor, but has been found apparently to not necessarily do that. There have been studies that show, however, that in premature births, babies born while it's being administered have a lower incidence of brain damage. Scary stuff.

u/Dizzy_Oven · 13 pointsr/BabyBumps

I don't know if you've come across this series, but I saw it recommended on here and really enjoyed it. The midwife in the video says basically there are two types of nerves, and if you're lucky enough to have one kind, you may not feel as much pain. Many women feel like they can't do it during transition, but they make it through! And some women that get epidurals don't experience relief from them.

Do you have someone attending your birth? If they know that during transition, you might feel this way, they can coach you through it and remind you that it's almost over. They can also use counter pressure on your back and hips to help drown out the nerve signals telling you there's pain.

Reading birthing stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery is what made me feel comfortable with a natural birth. I enjoyed the books much more than the movie, but there is a movie with some of these stories in it if you're not a big reader.

u/nowordsleft · 2 pointsr/socialskills

By any chance have you ever read The Journal of Best Practices? It's a memoir by a man with Asperger's who tries to be a better husband. It's a good read regardless and you might find some insights.

u/smittieaj · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I went through something very similar. The information found at this link resolved the problem for me in my mind, and in my relationship. The solution itself required a lot of hard work to implement, but it was worth it. Good luck.

EDIT: *Don't cut your dick off. Seriously... what a waste. You'll thank me.

u/Nerdy_mama · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I'm having a good time with Happiest Baby on the Block (though I think it's really slow and repetitive, and their "conclusions" (it isn't this, this, or this, so it MUST be this) are a bit, uh, presumptuous; I think the book is spot on for how to treat the baby, especially in the "4th trimester") and The Nursing Mother's Companion. And these aren't baby books, but my husband and I are also reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Birth Partner to prep for labor.

I have a few more books on my shelf to reference just in case, like Sears' The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (but I am wary of anti-vacc notions of the book), Brain Rules for Baby, and for fun, Experimenting with Babies.

u/Zaggner · 1 pointr/Marriage

Sit down together and develop a shared vision based on your shared values of what you want for your marriage, your family and your life. If you are both feeling the same way neither one of you are really hearing the other person or being heard by the other.

I'd also recommend you both read the book His Needs/Her Needs Willard Harley as a part of this process by .

u/dbconfession · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

So while she isn't being attentive to your needs (putting out, as it were) you're going two or three extra miles to be the perfect partner in an attempt to "earn" some sex from her. What incentive is there for her to change? The relationship's inertia is in her favor; to have to wrapped around her little finger he just has to do nothing.

I'm currently reading 'The Married Man Sex Life Primer' and it's speaking to me. I can work on myself and get more/better sex by being worthy of more/better sex. If I'm in shape and a better rounded person and she still doesn't take my needs into consideration then I guess I'll have a hard choice to make.

u/tallwheel · 9 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I agree, but the thing is, men and women these days have been falsely lead to believe that the lust lasts forever. When the lust dies down, the wife mistakenly believes she has fallen out of love with her husband, and that it is time to move on. Then, when she starts seeing a new guy and she finds the lust she's been lacking once again, she thinks this new guy is better for her, and the cycle repeats.

On the other hand, many theorize that human beings are not naturally suited for lifetime monogamy. I tend to agree.

u/JacobjamJacob · 1 pointr/Christianity

I would recommend this book. It is fantastic! http://www.amazon.com/The-Meaning-Marriage-Complexities-Commitment/dp/1594631875. All the best.

u/deadasthatsquirrel · 6 pointsr/BabyBumps

My favourite is definitely Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts.

I've also bought:

u/tomkatt · 2 pointsr/aspergers
u/snugy_wumpkins · 1 pointr/leanfire

/r/mead is a wonderful resource, as is The Compleat Meadmaker. http://www.amazon.com/The-Compleat-Meadmaker-Production-Award-winning/dp/0937381802

From there, it's logging your recipes and patience. The sidebar in /r/mead has tons of fantastic information and the community is generally very nice.

u/AshLegend · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

The way that birth is portrayed in our society can be frightening. We're inundated by images and horror stories from a young age. However, birth can also be a beautiful and positive experience. I had no morning sickness and no pregnancy complications at all. My son was born after a brief labor in a warm, relaxing birthing tub. I used a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. We had no complications and I went home six hours after the birth and slept in my own bed.

A vaginal birth is safer for you and baby and a much faster recovery time. It is very rare for a woman to have issues because of her size unless there are other medical issues at play - such as gestational diabetes. Women at my local birth center routinely have 10lb+ babies vaginally with no issues or interventions. There are a few great resources out there that portray birth in a different light. [Ina May's Guide To Childbirth] (http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156) would be a good starting point.

u/kiwispouse · 1 pointr/AskWomen

for no-nonsense, practical advice i highly recommend Fall in Love, Stay in Love and His Needs, Her Needs.

if you aren't yet involved in a LTR and are wondering whether to commit, Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders is an education.

if your relationship is struggling or in crisis, Love Busters is a good workbook.

harley is a clinical psychologist who specializes in marriage, and his behaviour modification techniques have a proven track record. i generally don't believe in the whole "self help" genre; however, by implementing harley's advice (which focuses around having an integrated life), we've built a strong marriage. it's not for everyone (nothing is), but his books are something i really can wholeheartedly recommend.

edit: sorry, i was talking with someone and forgot to click over to the tab with the actual list. i see HNHN is on there!

u/kriegerfever · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

We get a lot of these questions on the r/actuallesbians so if you haven't already, you could try posting there! And you can also search the sub for terms like "married man" or "boyfriend" because a lot of good advice has been given over the years.

There's also a book called Dear John, I Love Jane, a compilation of writings from women who have been in your position.

u/XL-ent · 1 pointr/ADHD

Ditto this advice!

My wife and I have been reading this together, through fits of laughs and tears, and find that this book makes soooo much sense and it has brought us great relief.

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps - Mellisa Orlov

u/haresenpai · 1 pointr/islam
u/iMiahD · 1 pointr/atheism

"Parts of her" 😒

In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0814433723/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?keywords=in%20faith%20and%20in%20doubt&qid=1402320041&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

u/ellenad · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

I am assuming faith had something to do with your decision. Buy Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0842360247/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1395901096&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40

If I made the wrong assumption, forgive me.

Either way - good luck. At year 14 of marriage all I can say is it's better than it ever was.