Reddit mentions of A Mountain Walked

Interesting week, but a tough one mentally. Still on track. Feeling good.

BODY

Been training harder in preparation for my first BJJ tournament; that happened this week.

Lost in my first match, on points. Had a kimura sunk in at one point, and felt like I could've finished, but got stood back up and they didn't restore the position.

Guy got in my guard, passed once, I swept once; other than that he kind of just muscled my arms down and didn't do anything.

I was disappointed. I was trying to figure out why, other than just bruised ego - thinking it through, I would've rather have lost in a much more dramatic fashion to someone clearly better than me. As it was, I felt like I lost to someone I should've beaten, and that stung.

Ego bruises are good for you, and it hurt a bit. Took me about a day of internally moping before I got pissed off. I found another tournament in a few months, put it on the calendar, and then scheduled out a tougher training routine.

I'm coming for these motherfuckers. YOU HEAR ME, OLD GUY WHITE BELT DIVISION???!!! I'M COMING FOR YOUUUUUUuuuuuuu

Anyway, that's only half joking. Good for getting me into the gym and onto the mats. Getting deeper into BJJ has really helped my focus on physical stuff and I'm having a ton of fun.

MINDSET

Due for a quarterly goal reboot.

There are a few things I'd like to focus on this quarter:

• getting another competition under my belt, and winning at least one match.
  
  
• improving my sleep quality/sleep hygiene.
  
  
• implementing a meditation practice (a recurring goal that I have had trouble fitting into my schedule)
  
  
• launching a new side business with a friend at a profit.
  
  I find all of these exciting, and all of them hit my criteria of "If I am successful at this thing, there will be second-order effects that make my whole life easier." Harder training for BJJ improves how I look and gets me out of the house; better sleep improves recovery and makes me better able to focus at work; meditation improves focus and reduces emotional reactivity; side business brings in more cash and improves overall lifestyle.
  
  I have a rule I'm testing out: "No goals without systems." Each goal needs a system in place at the beginning to help achieve it. BJJ is simple enough - tell the professor which classes I'm going to to increase peer pressure, schedule a 1-1 I know I have to go to, etc.
  
  Sleep is tougher because I'm not sure where to start, but a friend recently did a whole bunch of research on sleep that I'm digging into.
  
  Meditation...really need to figure out a way to get this into my day, predictably and with a minimum of will power required. Still thinking it through.
  
  Side business - doing it with a partner specifically to increase the amount of work I feel I need to do. Peer pressure again.
  
  Excited! I love fresh new goals.
  
  RELATIONSHIPS
  
  Sex once this week, last night. It had been a while and I will not pretend that shit doesn't get to me after a while. I really do get triggered - mindset gets shittier, etc - when I go a week or more of initiating with no success.
  
  Good to be aware of. I find that when things start to go downhill, it makes initiating harder; I don't want to initiate because "she's just going to say no." Then when I do initiate, it's me on her with her doing her typical withdrawing thing (she kind of cuddles into me, hiding her face, and it's my job to coax her out and get her into it. This is unspoken, but it's how most sex with us goes). That lack of foreplay on her part starts to grate on me.
  
  This is a very clear pattern - she withholds, I get tired of initiating, mindset gets shitty, I initiate less, etc - so I need to work on ways of disrupting that. I can't control her, but I can control myself, so I need to find ways of counteracting that tendency.
  
  I'm already out of the house all but two nights a week, thanks to gym/BJJ/social life, so not sure going to do something else is feasible. I also think that mindset work is a good prophylactic for down moods, but doesn't do particularly well in helping me out of an ALREADY bad mindset.
  
  Obviously the preferred answer is just "more/better/more enthusiastic sex," and that's the goal, but I can't force that to happen short of a FMOFY conversation.
  
  hmmmm. Maybe drugs? Drugs are cool, right?
  
  OH - and totally missed a shit test yesterday like a dumbass. I had to go to work, but I was playing viddy games (I had the kids that morning and had put them down for a nap). Wife got home, made a joke about how I should stay home because "we can all be a family again" and "you don't do anything at work anyway."
  
  This was clearly a joke from her tone - she was busting my balls. Right now I can think of any one of a hundred witty responses. But I missed it! Instead I got sensitive about how I definitely do work hard.
  
  NO SHIT YOU FUCKING MORON. She was flirting. She literally had to come over and say "You know I'm joking, right?" and then made me laugh by giving my a goofy look.
  
  Sex was rougher than normal that night (mild by other people's standards, but rougher by ours), so I just took this as her testing to get a more confident response - in her phase where she wants a more masculine approach.
  
  Oh well, fucked it up but lesson learned. Emotional reactivity is stupid, stop being sensitive about shit you don't need to be sensitive about, be fun, etc.
  
  READING
  
  Not a book, but listened to the David Goggins podcast with Joe Rogan this week - that's an awesome listen. Real shit. - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tSTk1083VY
  
  Got a whole bunch of new non-fiction books, but found myself just not getting psyched on any of them. I've been reading a ton of NF and just needed a palate cleanser. So I decided to dive back into an ond standby - cosmic horror!
  
  Found a great collection of Lovecraft inspired short stories called "A Mountain Walked" - god, I love this shit. Sorry but not sorry. https://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Walked-Neil-Gaiman-ebook/dp/B018829F8E