Reddit mentions of Bondage for Sex Volume 1

Ooooooookay....timeout please. I know you didn't want to ask /r/BDSMCommunity, but you'd probably get more or less the same answer there as I'll give. You probably have your images of humiliation, degradation, gagging on cock, painful breast bondage and very rough sex from BDSM porn. BDSM porn is, as a rule, a lot rougher than what goes on in most kinky people's bedrooms. I am not saying that people who do the extreme sports version of BDSM don't exist, but they are a lot more rare than the impression you get from porn. Personally I think Kink.com is way over the top, I wouldn't do 70% of what they do there and I am very adventurous.

Stuff you could do that isn't very very degrading or painful:

• Take control over how or whether she's allowed to cum, perhaps get her very turned on but don't allow her to get what she wants (for a while)
  
• Have sex in a way where it's only about you and she is just a sex toy to you - if she finds this hot, it will be a bonus for both of you even though "her pleasure is the most important thing to you"
  
• The opposite of the "not allowed to cum" route is to give her more than she's bargained for: Leave her completely tied up and put a dildo or remote vibrator in her while you stimulate her in other ways, taking away her control of when the pleasure stops
  
• Any other thing you can come up with which combines well with sex. Blindfolds? Earplugs/earmuffs? A gag?
  
• You can get adjustable nipple clamps which can be adjusted to be juuuuust on the pain threshold. This is a nice way of emphasizing her lack of control without being overtly sadistic.
  
  The most important thing is to communicate. Safewords ("stop" is a perfectly reasonable safeword) and continuous verbal and non-verbal communication is a must. She probably has her own ideas about what is hot, if you can convince her to tell you. Ditto with what you think is hot. Bondage is about control and loss of control, so anything you'll do which emphasizes that aspect is a plus. Things don't have to be painful and there are lots of bondage positions which can be held for a long time. Just a simple spread-eagle tie to the bed, with the legs free, will put her completely at your mercy and combines very well with sex. This book is a good source of additional ideas.
  

I couldn't disagree more. I hate to be an asshole and flame here but nothing in the post above is true.

There is nothing wrong with rope bondage and sex. Like all things, you start small, communicate, and build from there. You'll want to learn things like single and double column ties. These will allow tying wrists and ankles without them getting tighter from pulling on them.

I'd recommend a book like this (I have it myself). It will teach you the above and a lot more. https://www.amazon.com/Bondage-Sex-Chanta-Rose/dp/0977723801

First and foremost, hello and welcome.

Secondly, this is our media subreddit, which is for published media relating to BDSM. Our discussion subreddit is located at /r/BDSMcommunity, and you should post future discussions there for a wider audience. It should not be necessary to resubmit this post, though. I also highly recommend you spend all the time you have available devouring our FAQ over at /r/BDSMfaq.

> My girlfriend recently read 50 shades of grey and decided she would like to try a dom/sub sexual relationship.

You should both be aware that the relationship depicted in 50 Shades of Grey is not a healthy BDSM relationship. It is thought that Anna lacks agency and consent, and doesn't engage in kink for herself, but just to be with him. For his part, Christian is regarded as heavily manipulative of her (and everyone else around him), a stalker, and a bit of a sociopath -- but he's rich and good looking so that works for him, I guess. You can learn more about 50 Shades from a BDSM perspective by checking out The Curious Kinky Person's Guide to 50 Shades of Grey.

> The first time we tried this, I bound her hands with a tie, blindfolded her, and just generally had my way with her.

I should caution you, as someone who is extremely interested in bondage, that ties are not the best bondage implements. In fact, they're pretty poor. For one, they have very short lengths typically, which doesn't give you a lot of options for ties. For two, they have very small diameters typically, which makes them require more wraps around a column to distribute pressure safely (and you've already got less length to do the wrapping). Finally, they are usually made from material that is very slippery and prone to hold knots so tight that you cannot untie them. These are terrible properties of bondage rope!

You should get some 6mm - 8mm (which is equivalent to 1/4" and 3/8" respectively) diameter rope in either cotton, nylon, or hemp (jute is similar but more expensive). Cotton is the cheapest and easiest to get a hold of. You will want 15 feet to 30 feet lengths. Most people find shorter lengths are too short to do much with, and longer lengths are far too long to work with effectively. Besides, you can always join ropes together to extend them should you fall short.

> I honestly really enjoyed being the dom.

That's great to hear! You should probably, being recently vanilla, take a read through BDSM for Nice Guys. They also have a nice selection of BDSM scenarios which should give you lots of ideas.

> We're looking to continue this type of sexual relationship but are unsure of our limits, what all we might be into, what we could even try. Any suggestions in exploring this?

This feels like my specialty, having fielded such questions in great volume in the last few days.

You should spend some time going through mojo upgrade, a BDSM checklist, and/or exploring the human sex map together with google/urban dictionary for things you don't know about.

Basically, you need to figure out which kinds of activities interest and excite your partner, which kinds of activities your partner is disinterested in, and which kinds of activities your partner absolutely does not want any part in. You should also figure out these same things for yourself!

Finally, go slowly, communicate, communicate, research, still more communication, and when you're done with that, communicate some more. You can always add in more later, but it is very difficult to "take back" things once they have gone too far.

Speaking of that, if you haven't already, you should definitely establish a safeword. One thing 50 Shades does have going for it is that they correctly represented the traffic light system of safewords which most everyone is familiar with. A very popular non-traffic light word is pineapples. Finally, unless you intend to actually engage in consensual non-consent (aka rape-play), there is no reason you should ignore words like "stop", "no", or "don't". If you do plan to devalue such words, using a safeword is imperative!

Here's my basic bondage spiel, should you be more interested in that.

Please check out our bondage basics article in /r/BDSMfaq. It is very informative and will say much of what I say here.

Depending on what you are looking to get into, I would highly recommend the following books, in no particular order:

• Two Knotty Boys: Showing You the Ropes
  
• Two Knotty Boys: Back on the Ropes
  
• Bondage for Sex
  
• Shibari you can use
  
• Complete Shibari Volumes I and II
  
  For websites, you should most definitely check out Twisted Monk's video tutorials and the Two Knotty Boy's downloads. Rope specific subreddits include /r/shibari and /r/kinbaku.
  
  For general knot-tying information, I like animated knots by grog, and of course your favorite search engine. Learning the basic terms can help you a lot, and if you really get interested in knots and rigging in general there's always /r/knots and sailing related stuff.

Chanta Rose's Bondage for Sex is one of my favorite resources; solid instructions and pictures, good assortment of ties specifically for sex.