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Reddit mentions of Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery

Sentiment score: 2
Reddit mentions: 2

We found 2 Reddit mentions of Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery. Here are the top ones.

Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery
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Found 2 comments on Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery:

u/filmdude ยท 3 pointsr/NoFap

Welcome to the community! I hope you find inspiration here that will help you on your journey.

>My mind would constantly find reasons not to do it, and I would think that it made no sense since a lot of my friends watch porn and have steady erections and regular sex.

Right off the bat I want to point out that our reasoning is extremely cunning and addiction is sneaky as hell. It will think of any excuse to try to get you to engage in this habit that has ZERO positive benefits. You say that all of your friends watch porn and it doesn't affect them negatively. I would venture a guess that they are not even aware of all the ways that porn and masturbation are negatively affecting their lives. I think that anyone who engages in this activity is lying to themselves and it is harmful in some form. Even if the effects they are experiencing are only slightly negative, they are still holding them back in one way or another.

Here are some things that I like to tell those who are new to recovery. Everyone's journey through recovery will be different and different things work for different people. That being said, I think most of the things on this list have the potential to lead those new to this in the right direction.

  1. Not thinking in terms of "streaks." I don't even like to use that word anymore. This is a lifestyle change for me. It's up everyone to define their limits, but for me it was clear that porn and masturbation was an addiction in my life. One slip up is failure. I am human and can forgive myself for failing, but my absolute #1 goal is life is no more relapses. I am one hundred percent committed to recovery and will do anything to stay healthy.

  2. Therapy. I just accepted that there were things I wasn't "getting." It took a lot of time to find a therapist I was comfortable enough with to open up to. I spend an entire year just searching therapy sites before making a commitment. I'm happy I found someone who is helping me, but damn if I don't wish I hadn't waited so long. I've lost so much time I could have been progressing. Porn and masturbation addiction are HUGE problems and there are a lot of certified therapists that can help you through recovery. The two things to keep in mind when you choose a therapist are making sure they believe that porn and masturbation addiction is real. The second is that they are not committed to any single recovery method as being "the only way." There are a select few individuals who will connect with everything about a certain method, but most people draw from many different sources for strategies in their recovery. You want your therapist to help you explore different ideas and challenge you.. not to limit you.

  3. Definitive strategies. You need to start living healthy. You need to make positive changes in other areas of yourself. You need to love yourself and take care of yourself. Two things that I have done that have helped me and that I would not be to 34 days without them are... Firstly, making my bedroom a no-technology-zone. No laptops, cellphones, or tv. This is were I would relapse most and I just had to make this change to see any progress. Second thing I did was make a schedule for the next day every night before I go to bed. I am unemployed currently and so free time was a huge trigger for me. It was so easy for me to forget all of the things I had planned for the day and just numb out because I didn't think I had anything to do. Now I am amazed when I am making my schedule at how the past month almost every single day is FILLED with things to do in my life. Here are the basics that I would just neglect because I didn't schedule them into my life: gym and working out, doing dishes, cleaning apartment, reading a book at my favorite coffee shop, getting lunch with a friend, playing a video game with a friend, doing laundry, finishing that project I started last year, picking up some work supplies I need for when I go back to work... etc... There are currently about 50 things that I have completed this past month that I am almost certain would not be finished now or would only still be half done.

  4. Research. There are a lot of books out there that layout specific techniques to beating this addiction that you might have never heard of. Here are my top recommendations:

    http://www.sexualcontrol.com/The-Most-Personal-Addiction/

    There is a free PDF download on the website. I really like this book because it gives concrete strategies for overcoming porn and masturbation addiction. Read it all with a grain of salt. And approach everything in your initial recovery with skepticism. One of the most important things I have learned is that nearly every system says OUR WAY IS THE ONLY WAY. Seriously. 12 Steps says this. Zychik says it. Patrick Carnes, the leading sex addiction researcher says it. I really honestly think that there is NOT only one way. I am currently using ideas from a bunch of different people in my recovery and many of these things are directly warned against in other programs. If you finish reading and want to discuss any of the topics just message me... I would love to help.

    http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

    This book is great for exploring yourself and finding acceptance and love within.

    http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Shadow-Starting-Relationship-Recovery/dp/0982650523

    I'm not a huge fan of Patrick Carnes because he seems to miss a basic idea about recovery that I think is important. But this book really is great for exploring your addiction. I would recommend it in small doses. It is highly interactive and it is sometimes very challenging to work with. This book is best used with the help of a therapist.

    Hope I've helped in some small way. Remember that you are stronger that this. You have the power within to make the correct choice. You have just been misguided by a fucked up society that worships sex and porn in a truly disturbing way. You are on the path to enlightenment. You are better than all of that garbage porn. I believe you have the power to change. It's obvious from your post that you want to change.

    Best of luck on your journey and never give up on trying. One day something you read will click and you will get this devil off your back.
u/[deleted] ยท 1 pointr/NoFap

If you're having a really hard time about it, look into sexual addiction.

  • Read some Patrick Carnes books (http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Shadow-Starting-Relationship-Recovery/dp/0982650523 ).
  • Join a Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous or Prodigals International Group. Each group has its differences, so research and figure the one that works for you.
  • Put porn blockers (k9 web protection) or covenant eyes, for example, on your devices and send the reports to someone who will know you and your problems and keep you accountable. Dont bring them with you to bed or wherever you act out.
  • Just like another poster said: If you're looking at P its already over, you're toast. Set up boundaries 2 steps before that.
  • Read books and watch youtube about addictions: My favorite is Gabor Mate
  • Exercise away the energy you'll gain
  • Find ways to reward yourself for progress