Reddit mentions of Ganama

Was I the person that ended the world? Maybe. Or maybe the world was already doomed, and all it needed was a genius entrepreneur to put the final nail in the coffin. I don't know what one is the truth, but either way I feel somewhat responsible for the dark events of march 11th, soon to be known as... Doomsday.

I used to work at a small ice-cream parlour in downtown Toronto, getting paid near nothing, and not really caring about my shitty job. Across the street from me was a huge cathedral, and every Sunday I would watch everyone leaving service go into the basement, and feed on the assortment of treats and drinks. This place always had a huge supply of the food, but never once did they ever buy my stand's ice-cream. That's when I had the brilliant idea to try and market a new flavour just for the catholic market.

I claimed the ice-cream was made with holy milk, and the cone to be the body of christ. The first Sunday I stood outside with my sign ready, preparing for the new customers, but no one came. I thought the idea was genius, but apparently not. I felt like giving up, and I wish I did. For the next few weeks I advertised the shit out of my new flavour, and after nearly harassing the church goers, I got my first person interested, and it was the brother of the minister. He told me that he loved the idea, and that he would spread the word.

Things were looking up, life was turning around. The next day I had an actual line of customers all wanting the holy cream, and the sacred cone, and it was a Monday. Things only escalated from there, and before I knew it I was on the news, and had over 50 different parlours around the country.

Then the competitors came, flavours claiming theirs was for other religions. Once that started to take off, the actual Vatican made their official ice cream, and then Israel, and then Mecca, and then so on. I was losing business in an industry I created! But I wasn't done yet, there was a market that hadn't been tapped, Atheists. But what would their flavour be like? It would be dairy free, something to set them apart.

This was actually very successful, until it started getting criticism, and once that happened, every one did. It's like the world finally realized how dumb this ice-cream thing was, but it was too late. The world was now nearly 60% ice cream controlled. We were at the brink of war, ice creamers versus the whole breeds. The tension was strong, and borders closed.

Then on the night of March 9th the news declared that the ice-cream pope had killed the catholic pope in his sleep. It was a declaration of war, only to be the start of the end. The peace between the flavor factions snapped and there was blood. Canada’s Bacon Faction gunned down by the Muslim Vanilla’s, and them by the Chinese Red Bean. This went on for one entire day of global war, until the 11th, when it all ended. Dairy bombs had been set off by the new US Ice-cream government, and soon enough everyone set theirs off, plunging the world into a tasty ice age.

Now there are few of us, and even we aren't safe. Instead of helping each other, the survivors are still fighting for the better flavor. I’m part of the cherry faction, alliance with the pistachio and mint. The chocolate faction, one of the largest, is attacking our hideout. I need to go. if anyone is out there listening to this broadcast, don’t lose hope, unless you’re a fucking chocolate bar flavour you traitor.

Time to ascend to Valhnilla.

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If you enjoyed reading this, you might like my other work at /r/alduit and my free horror book