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Reddit mentions of Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child

Sentiment score: 3
Reddit mentions: 4

We found 4 Reddit mentions of Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child. Here are the top ones.

Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child
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    Features:
  • HarperOne
Specs:
ColorWhite
Height9.25 Inches
Length6.12 Inches
Number of items1
Release dateJuly 1990
Weight0.57761112644 Pounds
Width0.52 Inches

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Found 4 comments on Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child:

u/teatoile · 5 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

So your inner child is your wounded inner self. It became wounded in childhood. The part of you that feels insecure, shameful, like there is something wrong with you and everyone will find out, unlovable, etc. The basic idea behind inner child work is that you learn to have compassion and understanding for your inner child (self) and what he/she has been through, and you learn to act as your own "loving parent". The goal is to replace the old programming or "critical parent" inner voice with a "loving parent" inner voice and to talk to and treat your inner child (your self) with love and care and compassion, both by your inner self-talk and the actions you take on their (your) behalf - boundaries, self-care etc.

In addiction to Whitfield's book

(http://www.amazon.com/Healing-The-Child-Within-Dysfunctional/dp/0932194400/ref=pd_sim_14_3?ie=UTF8&dpID=51M-jqFC1vL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR103%2C160_&refRID=1R0YEATS89PW6Q6681BP)

that I mentioned in my first post, there is also this excellent book:

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Aloneness-Finding-Wholeness/dp/0062501496

u/flytohappiness · 4 pointsr/spirituality

I felt much lonely until I connected with my inner child. Read this. It changed my life:
www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Aloneness-Finding-Wholeness/dp/0062501496

u/hyperrreal · 3 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

>I agree with you here. So does this mean you disagree with TRP's stance on this topic?

I've never been one for towing the party line.

> Interesting. I still don't really get it honestly. women are emotionally trained to place responsibility for their feelings onto their partners? What does this mean, and what leads you to believe that?

There are 2 parts to this. One is well explained by Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley, and is also it's a common criticism feminism makes of popular culture. Society conditions women that marriage or a relationship with a man will make them happy. That they need to find the right guy who will complete them (the implication that without a man they are incomplete). This is bullshit of course, no one can make anyone else happy. You have to learn to be happy yourself.

The second part is that while society conditions men to be stoic (avoid and suppress their feelings) girls are taught to over identify with them. Women who aren't emotionally whole often surrender to their feelings, rather than simply accept them, while understanding the distinction between their being and what they feeling in any given moment.

TRP accurately observes that women end marriages (and probably relationships) more than men, but concludes falsely that this is because women cannot love the way men can. In reality, it's the combination of what I described above. Women enter into relationships thinking that will magically make them happy and they will feel whole and complete and loved. When this doesn't happen because it was never realistic to begin with, they begin to feel sad, anxious, and often angry. While a man would probably bury these emotions until he explodes (or becomes depressed) women both act on them and blame their partners due to how they have been emotionally conditioned.

>There is an huge amount of psychological evidence to support this assertion, and anyone who has spent any time working on emotional healing and therapy will quickly see that I am correct.

Here are some links, but these are books not easily digestible articles. The important thing to understand is that core emotional problems are the same amongst all people. It's the external expression of that pain that is often gendered. Reading about the difference between NPD and BPD will shed some let on this.

Women's Infidelity

Facing Co-Dependence

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

Healing the Shame that Binds You

Healing Your Aloneness

Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

>I don't really see what this has to do with gender. Both partners need to feel that expression of love. Dread Game actually seems to be based around purposely withdrawing love and affection, which seems irreconcilable with the idea of unconditional love.

What tends to be gendered is the preferred expression of love (love language). Different people need and express love differently, and sometimes couples don't have compatible styles of showing affection. In cases where one partner will not work on the issue, that partner is withdrawing their love. I agree that dread game is not compatible with unconditional love, and I don' think I ever said it was compatible.

u/thinmintea · 1 pointr/lawofattraction

Oh my goodness thank you for taking the time to share all of that!

I am very interested in this. Often when we are working with affirmations or new beliefs it is like forcing the new positive belief over the old negative one. And people can have a very hard time with that, not believing the new chosen belief/affirmation because the old one "competes" in a way.

What you are describing sounds a lot like some of the therapy techniques of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, and Inner Child Work.

CBT: states we have a hierarchy of types of thoughts and beliefs, ranging from shallower/more on the surface, "automatic thoughts" which are based on more deeply held "core beliefs" - "I'm not good enough" or similar, and they are all interconnected, and the automatic thoughts we have fleetingly throughout the day, or our inner monologue, represents these more deeply held (and often flawed/dysfunctional) beliefs about ourselves (ex "I'm unlovable"), others (ex. "Others will hurt me, so respect the worst"), the world (ex. "things always go badly for me"). CBT just works on fixing the thoughts, not with figuring out where they came from. I personally find this approach lacking. I needed to understand why I had negative thoughts and beliefs, not just try to change them.

Psychodynamic therapy involves going backward to identify where in childhood our beliefs and coping mechanisms and ways of relating to ourselves, the world and others came from, to gain understanding of the source and then modify as needed.

Inner Child Work is very similar to what you are talking about and its about relating to that hurt "child" part of us that didn't get what they needed in childhood and now feels hurt and scared (etc) and how to step in as our own "loving parent" and to reframe these experience and provide to ourselves through compassionate inner dialogue and self care what we needed then and now.

Pete Walker has a good website on this and what he refers to as "emotional flashbacks"
http://pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

Also coming to mind is a book called "The Presence Process" by Brown who gives a detailed program for "integrating" old stuff by going backwards and identifying where our negative beliefs come from.
https://www.amazon.com/Presence-Process-Journey-Present-Awareness/dp/1897238460/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520080673&sr=8-1&keywords=the+presence+process

In my experience you don't have to be overly particular about how far you can go back and how precise you can be. Even if you can identify a general theme or feeling, and track back to when you recall that feeling in your childhood to identify where the belief might have come from: ex,: "My mother always checked my homework, and that made me think I must be stupid or untrustworthy" - then that's enough to realize where something came from and start to undo it, saying to yourself, "No, I was fine and smart. I got all As and some Bs. My mother was just overly concerned with how our family appeared to others due to her own insecurities. That had nothing to do with me. I am smart and I am trustworthy."

Again, thanks for sharing all you took the time to write, and I think if you are interested in this sort of thing there are others resources that cost less than $5000 you can look into do do similar work.

"Healing your aloneness" by Chopich and "Inner Bonding" by the same authors are also good books with a similar theme.
https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Your-Aloneness-Finding-Wholeness/dp/0062501496/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1520080700&sr=1-1&keywords=healing+your+aloneness

https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0062507109&pd_rd_r=AACBA3RGXQS6G568WF8W&pd_rd_w=WEflm&pd_rd_wg=99z8l&psc=1&refRID=AACBA3RGXQS6G568WF8W

My therapist taught me a 4 step process to do this when something happens that triggers me feeling those old negative beliefs:

  1. How do I feel?

  2. What does this remind me of?

  3. What decision did I make then?

  4. What decision can I make now?


    That process was immensely helpful to me to journal on events to rewire my negative beliefs that were based in old experiences.

    Namaste!

    (edited to add links)