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Reddit mentions of How To Win Friends and Influence People
Sentiment score: 56
Reddit mentions: 88
We found 88 Reddit mentions of How To Win Friends and Influence People. Here are the top ones.
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- Psychology, How To Win Friends and Influence People..Psychology..Dale Carnegie.Copyright 1936.Copyright renewed 1964 by Donna Dale.Revised edition copyright 1981 by Donna Carnegie and Dorothy Cornegie.. Manufactured in the United States of America 10... ISBN:9781439167342...Manufactured in the United States of America 10.How to win friends
- Dale Carnegie, Designed by level C
- Simon & Schuster hard cover edition November 2009
Features:
Specs:
| Height | 10.3 Inches |
| Length | 6.85 Inches |
| Number of items | 1 |
| Release date | November 2009 |
| Weight | 0.95 Pounds |
| Width | 0.53 Inches |
How to win friends and influence people seems to be the gold standard of self help books.
I don't know if I would recommend The Game for it's positives, merely because when you're constantly surrounded by a certain mindset, you do tend to pick up on those characteristics, especially when a lot of it can seem to be true, PUA works because it treats women as different, women have to be tricked into sex etc, and in highschool the opposite sex can seem like a different species, so on the surface PUA looks to be the truth, evo psych also looks nice (alpha, beta males etc) but when you delve into it, that's when you see the flaws.
The word filtering on the xkcd forum makes the conversations hilarious.
Ahh one of the problems young men face in today's society, the absence of a rite of passage. That sounds similar to what you're looking for; this article touches on it a bit.
> At the heart of the modern crisis of manhood is the extension of adolescence, a boyhood which is stretching on for a longer and longer period of time. Once thought to end in a man’s 20s at the latest, men are extending their adolescence into their 30′s and in some especially sad cases, their 40′s.
>But in some ways it’s not their fault. It’s the fault of a culture in which rites of passage have all but disappeared, leaving men adrift and lost, never sure when and if they’ve become men. Today’s men lack a community of males to initiate them into manhood and to recognize their new status.
>Across time and place, cultures have inherently understood that without clear markers on the journey to manhood, males have a difficult time making the transition and can drift along indefinitely. Thus, rites of passage were clearly delineated in nearly every culture as one of the community’s most important rituals.
I'm not sure of a suitable challenge or hardship for you, that's something that only you can decide. There's a few simple tasks that if done daily can improve your life.
I'll start with the easy stuff:
Fitness:
1.) Start Weightlifting
You're 18 years old and in relatively good shape i'm assuming ("biked through some mountainous canadian villages,"). There's literally no reason for you not to weightlift or run.
Weightlifting:
Here are few progress pics from /r/Fitness : [1] [2] [3]
Please tell me you'll start weightlifting or at least running; time will pass whether or not you lift, best to make gains along the way :)
Find a powerlifting gym in your area (they're generally cheaper than commercial gyms, allow you to grunt, use chalk, and actually lift heavy weight)
Meditate:
Start to meditate everyday.
>Benefits to meditation
>Like exercise, your benefits will depend on your efforts.
>Greater mental abilities as the mind concentrates with greater ease and there is less restless thought happening.
>Greater insights into your own behavior and that of others, so the ability to live with less regret happens.
>Greater physical abilities as the awareness of the body is increased, as well as the ability to visualize--if that is your objective.
>Greater emotional clarity as one learns to deal with and release difficult emotions.
>A greater feeling of contentment and oneness with life as the obstructions in the mind recede.
Philosophy:
Begin to read and study philosophy.
Good Introductory Books are:
One really good lecture series on ethics:
Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do? Episode 01 "THE MORAL SIDE OF MURDER"
Social Skills:
Go out and meet knew people, fool around with girls, talk to strangers, etc. Try to stay away from the computer as much as possible.
All have some damn good articles and posts on body language, self-confidence, etc... that'll make you a lot more confident in social situations if you go out and practice; talking to a human, whether it's a boss or a cute girl on the street, is a learn-able skill that can be improved.
Read How to Make Friends & Influence People. The title is not the best but it's a classic book and insanely useful.
Read:
Delete your Reddit account, stop watching television, and read.
Read Plato, Marcus Aurelius, Camus, Thoreau, and Orwell. Read Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Keats. Read old english, sci-fi, old fantasy novels, etc.
A few lists:
Reddit's Favorite Books
Benefits of reading:
Create something:
Whether you write stories, music, or draw try to create something. Try to write 300 words everyday on any topic you want, a random dream you had, tasty food, etc.
Travel:
Work on a farm for a week or two while staying in the home of complete strangers. Helpx
Miscellaneous things:
Misc:
/r/LucidDreaming
tl;dr
Make the most of your time and try to improve yourself as much as possible in the next 300 days; whether physically (weightlifting!), mentally, or spiritually.
Decrease reddit/internet use and go outside, hit on random beautiful women, make new friends, etc.
Dale Carnegie mentions this in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People
The specific anecdote there is that it was a competition between the night shift and the day shift and at the end of each shift they would write down the production of that shift so the next shift would naturally try to compete to do it better. That's about all the details that are given in the book though.
I wouldn't say he's gone that far. He just appeals to common interests (not to mention a grossly inflated sense of self-importance).
Hitler wants to unite Europe under aryan rule, but getting that through war risks a "savage state" that's opposite to what he wants. Gandhi's found his passive methods rather effective, so maybe they'd work for Hitler?
Maybe get them this book? :P. Or this one?
Really, if I were you I'd just get them something tongue-in-cheek about misanthropy.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a good place to start :)
Also How to Win Friends and Influence People is great for learning how to be an adult in a social setting and look good while doing it.
How To Win Friends and Influence People is a good place to start.
Intimate Connections and How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I would suggest reading this book:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331859408&sr=8-1
And follow what it says. It's helped me be a nicer, more affable person.
This is actually a great point. In Dale Carnegie's book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living he points out that if you're feeling stressed about making a particular mistake, think about what would have to be true for that one mistake to have resulted in all your problems. So in this case, one might feel bad about eating extra donuts and think that they are going to fail at their diet, from here you would say: What would have to be true for two donuts to cause me to fail at my diet? The answer would be that the diet is completely dependent upon that single choice, which it is not. I'm not sure if I'm doing a great job explaining, but Dale Carnegie is a fantastic author with great insights into self improvement. His most famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is an incredible read as well.
The book in question is How to Win Friends and Influence People.
And yes, seriously, read it. It's fantastic stuff and refreshingly old school... it's not obsessed with power at all, it just takes the basic stance that your life will be better if people generally like you and teaches you some simple tricks to make that happen.
Sample trick off the top of my head: everyone likes to hear their name. So make sure to use it in conversation every once in awhile, at least when you meet someone new. Not only will they walk away with a better impression of you, but because you repeated their name several times you'll be able to remember it in the future.
I would start by reading. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1439167346/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
Here are some of my favorites, classics and modern:
The Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson. We know we need to eat right, exercise, work hard, etc., but why don't we? The Slight Edge is a great look at the way we go about setting our habits, living in a hyper-paced world that expects/demands immediate results. It's quick, and powerful.
How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. A classic, but well-deserving, and has stood the test of time. Become accepting of people by improving your self and your interpersonal interactions. True story, bro.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. From dependence, to independence, to interdependence!
True North, by Bill George. More a leadership development book, but good to look at in terms of the timeline of developing yourself in life before you're 50 and are disappointed at yourself. Very good, not as great as my first three recommendations, but I got some good lessons out of it.
Godspeed, autodidact.
This guy
Forget technical skills. You can easily enough learn technical skills on the job. Learn some people skills
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344437047&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-10th-Anniversary-Matter/dp/055380491X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344437033&sr=1-1&keywords=emotional+intelligence
After reading through some of your comment history, I find myself thinking that one of your main obstacles is one I've encountered myself as well: While you may indeed have a high IQ, that does not necessarily equate to high intelligence across the intelligence spectrum. Please don't take this the wrong way, but while you seem to be very aware of your own skills and the areas in which you excel, you do not appear similarly apt at identifying the areas where you are not the top honcho. And more than anything, you need to try framing your arguments, your humor, and your writing within other people's frame of reference.
In general, people have an easier time identifying with and understanding any argument that is framed in a way they are familiar with, and ideally in a way they would also frame it. From your posts, I see that you are a fan of both grandiose words and active debate, but both of those things are something many people shy away from. Being able to identify with an audience is the reason why Eddie Murphy is considered hilarious rather than disgusting when he conveys how when someone says "aw man, someone farted and that does not smell good", people "always" take a deep breath through their nose even though they know it will (literally) smell like shit.
If you wish to write comedy and posts that more people identify with, there are two things I would personally reccommend:
But hey, what do I know -- I'm just some guy on the internet.
I'm almost done ranting now, but before that, I'd really like to press that being social, understandable and accommodating in your presentation is really fucking difficult, and more often than not, I find it the norm that people find this difficult. And when I say people, I mean everyone. Making an effort to systematically learn to encounter people, both socially and in seeking debate, does not make you stupid or slow, it only goes to show that you're aware that it's not easy, and some times a lot of effort needs to go in to making something you want work.
Edit: If what I said made any sense to you, you should seriously consider reading this book. It's been a lot of help to a lot of people, and besides that, it's just really good.
the biggest convo thing I got from the Game was conversational hooks- things in a conversation that you can hook on to to branch out on.
If someone tells you "I just got back from studying in Australia" you've got 2 main hooks: study and Australia and from there you can get what'd you study? Why Australia to study? What's Australia like? How'd you ever get the courage to pick up and leave? Did you learn to surf? How'd you like vegemite? Some of those were closed ended questions but from them you might be able to get more hooks.
Also check out How To Win Friends and Influence People Lots of good tips for maintaining conversations. At the very least it made me less of an abrasive dick. Also you'll find getting hooks easier if you can find a common interest and then just ask them questions you want to know on the subject or use your knowledge on the subject to ask questions.
I hope I am not too late.
You can post this to /r/suicidewatch.
Here is my half-baked attempt at providing you with some answers.
First of all let's see, what is the problem? Money and women. This sounds rather stereotypical but it became a stereotype because a lot of people had this kind of problems. So if you are bad at money and at women, join the club, everybody sucks at this.
Now, there are a few strategies of coping with this. I can tell you what worked for me and perhaps that will help you too.
I guess if there is only one thing that I would change in your attitude that would improve anything is learning the fact that "there is more where that came from". This is really important in girl problems and in money problems.
When you are speaking with a girl, I noticed that early on, men tend to start being very submissive and immature in a way. They start to offer her all the decision power because they are afraid not to lose her. This is a somehow normal response but it affects the relationship negatively. She sees you as lacking power and confidence and she shall grow cold. So here lies the strange balance between good and bad: you have to be powerful but also warm and magnanimous. You can only do this by experimenting without fearing the results of your actions. Even if the worst comes to happen, and she breaks up with you .... you'll always get a better option. There are 3.5 billion ladies on the planet. The statistics are skewed in your favor.
Now for the money issue. Again, there is more where that came from. The money, are a relatively recent invention. Our society is built upon them but we survived for 3 million years without them. The thing you need to learn is that your survival isn't directly related to money. You can always get food, shelter and a lot of other stuff for free. You won't live the good life, but you won't die. So why the anxiety then?
Question: It seems to me you are talking out of your ass. How do I put into practice this in order to get a girlfriend?
Answer: Talk to people. Male and female. Make the following your goals:
Talk to 1 girl each day for one month.
Meet a few friends each 3 days.
Make a new friend each two weeks.
Post your romantic encounters in /r/seduction.
This activities will add up after some time and you will have enough social skill to attract a female. You will understand what your female friend is thinking. Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.
Question: The above doesn't give a lot of practical advice on getting money. I want more of that. How do I get it?
Answer: To give you money people need to care about you. People only care about you when you care about them. This is why you need to do the following:
Start solving hard problems.
Start helping people.
Problems aren't only school problems. They refer to anything: start learning a new difficult subject (for example start learning physics or start playing an instrument or start writing a novel). Take up a really difficult project that is just above the verge of what you think you are able to do. Helping people is something more difficult and personal. You can work for charity, help your family members around the house and other similar.
Question: I don't understand. I have problems and you are asking me to work for charity, donate money? How can giving money solve anything?
Answer: If you don't give, how can you receive? Helping others is instilling a sense of purpose in a very strange way. You become superior to others by helping them in a dispassionate way.
Question: I feel like I am going to cry, you are making fun of me!
Answer: Not entirely untrue. But this is not the problem. The problem is that you are taking yourself too serious. We all are, and I have similar problems. The true mark of a person of genius is to laugh at himself. Cultivate your sense of humor in any manner you can.
Question: What does it matter then if I choose to kill myself?
Answer: There is this really good anecdote about Thales of Miletus (search wiki). He was preaching that there is no difference between life and death. His friends asked him: If there is no difference, why don't you kill yourself. At this, he instantly answered: I don't kill myself because there is no difference.
Question: Even if I would like to change and do the things you want me to do, human nature is faulty. It is certain that I would have relapses. How do I snap out of it?
Answer: There are five habits that you should instill that will keep bad emotions away. Either of this habits has its own benefits and drawbacks:
Question: Your post seems somewhat interesting but more in an intriguing kind of way. I would like to know more.
Answer: There are a few good books on these subjects. I don't expect you to read all of them, but consider them at least.
For general mental change over I recommend this:
http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795853&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Generous-Man-Helping-Others-Sexiest/dp/1560257288
For girl issues I recommend the following book. This will open up a whole bag of worms and you will have an entire literature to pick from. This is not going to be easy. Remember though, difficult is good for you.
http://www.amazon.com/GAME-UNDERCOVER-SOCIETY-PICK-UP-ARTISTS/dp/1841957518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795664&sr=8-1 (lately it is popular to dish this book for a number of reasons. Read it and decide for yourself. There is a lot of truth in it)
Regarding money problem, the first thing is to learn to solve problems. The following is the best in my opinion
http://www.amazon.com/How-Solve-Mathematical-Princeton-Science/dp/069111966X
The second thing about money is to understand why our culture seems wrong and you don't seem to have enough. This will make you a bit more comfortable when you don't have money.
http://www.amazon.com/Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795746&sr=8-3 (this one has a prequel called Ishmael. which people usually like better. This one is more to my liking.)
For mental contemplation there are two recommendations:
http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html . This one is for meditation purposes.
http://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0060630175 . This one is if you want to learn how to pray. I am an orthodox Christian and this is what worked for me. I cannot recommend things I didn't try.
For exercising I found bodyweight exercising to be one of the best for me. I will recommend only from this area. Of course, you can take up weights or whatever.
http://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/0938045768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795875&sr=8-1 (this is what I use and I am rather happy with it. A lot of people recommend this one instead: http://www.rosstraining.com/nevergymless.html )
Regarding friends, the following is the best bang for your bucks:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324796461&sr=8-1 (again, lots of criticism, but lots of praise too)
The rest of the points are addressed in the above books. I haven't given any book on financial advices. Once you know how to solve problems and use google and try to help people money will start coming, don't worry.
I hope this post helps you, even though it is a bit long and cynical.
Merry Christmas!
I believe you're starting off on the wrong foot. He could read a self help book. He could read a million, won't do him any good till he takes action. If he truly is depressed, unmotivated, etc, then he needs to start changing his life starting with himself. Start eating healthy. Start working out, at the very least running, get blood flowing through the whole body, get the mind working. Have him kick start a hobby of his that he loves. Clean your home, your life, the clutter.
Everyone in this life is always looking for the key, for that "something" that will make that click and have everything become the way they want it to be. Most don't realize that that "key" is as simple and yet as difficult as an entire shift in a mentality, which in my opinion can be started with what I stated above. And most importantly, you can't do it for him. All you can do is support, but only he can do it for himself.
Oh, and if you really want some book, a lot of us here recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373087727&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+make+friends+and+influence+people. Seems appropriate for what you're asking for. Good luck.
> TL;DR: I'm 22 and have only had one relationship. How do I meet new girls to date? Specifically, how do I approach them in a bar/club and during the day?
A couple of thoughts to help you out:
First, remind yourself of this "Guys are just really ugly girls." (It's a metaphor OK, don't go too far with it) and ask yourself if you're comfortable talking to strange (to you) males? If the answer is "no," then you need to work on the basics of conversing with others. So, start with the basics:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
How to Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowndes
How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor
If you've got basic "conversation / small-talk with strangers" nailed, then there is a fair amount of good material out there on how to start conversations with girls; and how to interact with them in a positive way. See:
The big honking list of openers put out by TSB and the books The Game, The Mystery Method, and/or The Pickup Artist.
Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction is a valuable read as well.
FWIW, I think you'll get more useful answers to a question like this on /r/seduction. /r/relationship_advice seems geared more towards managing an existing relationship, whereas /r/seduction is heavily focused on the "initiation phase." There is a TON of material out there on how to overcome anxiety about approaching women, TONS of stuff on how to be a better conversationalist, stuff on how to amp her attraction for you, etc., etc.
Two links that might be of use to you:
New to Seddit?
Fast Seduction.com "You Are New"
Good luck!
Make friends first, then find a girl.
Read this! There are free PDFs available if you know where to look as well (I had no qualms against downloading; Dale Carnegie died in 1955). The title kind of makes it sound like a sleezy self help book, but it is actually excellent and extremely useful. His number one step for "Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking" is the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Numbers eight and nine? Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. and Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
Best book on how to do this is "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Follow this book and you will amass a huge network.
I'm sorry you have a hard time making friends with metalheads. Maybe a little reading would help you out.
This Book has a cheesy title that I think would push a lot of engineers away from reading it but it's popular because it's full of common sense ideas/techniques for dealing with people in all sorts of situations.
That being said mackadoo hit the nail on the head, but that type of thinking comes within the aforementioned book.
Based on your story it sounds like they're used to things not being on plans and you walking around with the plans isn't making them feel confident nor experienced.
one of the best books I've ever read about being a better person.
Not a biography but How to Win Friends and Influence People is a good read. It's more about self-improvement than inspiration, though.
How to Win Friends and Influence People. It took me a long time to consider that telling people they are wrong rarely helps others to see my point of view.
Buy this.
A People's History of the United States,
Lies my Teacher Told Me,
Fair Game,
Anything by Noam Chomsky,
Garbage Warrior,
The Corporation,
The Men Who Stare at Goats,
Generation Kill,
Jesus Camp,
Super Size Me,
Control Room,
Century of the Self,
Connections,
How to Argue and Win Every Time,
How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Shock Doctrine, Network, Trade, Traffic, Lord of War, Blood Diamond, The Dark Side of Chocolate,Spin, Bullworth, Collapse, Guns, Germs and Steel, Bill Hicks: Revelations, Why We Fight, Hotel Rwanda, The End of Poverty?, Food Inc., Occupation 101, The Hunting Party, The Power of Nightmares
How To Win Friends and Influence People. I know it's an old book but it really is pretty helpful, and not just in the sales world.
That situation really sucks.
My advice would be: actively work on improving your social skills. Social skills are a skill like anything else and can certainly be learned.
Personally I found this book helped me a few years back http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1439167346
For argument's sake lets say you are right, that you are all of those self perceived negative qualities (though I doubt it) and you want to keep them quarantined. The thing is none of these Normal People are looking for those qualities from you. You are worried about others seeing your self perceived negative qualities. These Normal People are the opposite, they are very worried you will not see their self perceived positive qualities.
You are not helping them by protective them from your dullness. You are hurting them by depriving them of a chance to shine. You really want to protect them than take an interest in them, learn to really listen (my favourite from the sidebar). If it's been almost 30 years you may have to start by faking it, but don't worry that's really the first step to most skills.
My list:
Uncaring_Investor has some great points, and I would also suggest How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and The Richest Man in Babylon. Both of these are fantastic books and can give you the basic people (and money) sense that can start you into investing.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
The title sounds cheesy, but its IMO one of the most helpful books for life.
You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.
c.f. How To Win Friends and Influence People
Learn how your brain and body effect your behavior subconsciously.
The first step in learning any practical skill is to familiarize yourself with your tools, if you want to be a woodworker, you need to understand how a saw, hammer and nails work, if you want to be a programmer, you need to understand how to type and how to use your IDE and compiler.
It's surprising to me that so few people take the time to examine how their automatic responses dictate their behavior, when it really is such a fundamental building block for any sort of mental/emotional development.
Here's a few books to get you started (you'll probably be able to find all of these at your local library as well):
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Predictably Irrational
Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion
Also, an oddly insightful series of fiction books, The War against the Chtorr series by David Gerrold expands upon the idea of treating your brain like a machine that you're been programming without knowing it since birth and how to become consiously aware of your 'programming' so that you can better direct your actions. The thought exercises he invents in the stories presents some intriguing ideas.
The point of all these books would be to help you build a base of understanding of the tools that we are ALL working with, and from there you can much more easily, and consciously work toward becoming the kind of person you want to be, whatever specific form that takes is up to you.
I think it's important to approach personal development like this, in the same way that it is important to understand how addition and subtraction work before you try to understand how calculus works :)
It's almost a cliche at this point, but this book has some excellent, time-tested tips on social stuff.
We introverts need all the help we can get. :)
A good book about how to maintain social interactions is How to Win Friends and Influence People (link to Amazon).
Not sure how old you are, but I've found Primer Magazine to be a cool website with all sorts of information, ranging from style advice, to how to find a job, investing, dating, etc.). It's targeted at post-collegiate men, but if you're younger than that, hey, you can be the cool dude among your friends.
There's always the classic How To Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie has a book called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. I admit I haven't read it yet, but I got huge value out of his other book How to Win Friends and Influence People, so I expect this one is also good. Maybe some other redditors know more?
This must be terribly frustrating.
Perhaps the first step is to remove the compulsion, which may be more of a medical problem. Have yourself screened for depression and anxiety disorders. These are easily treatable these days.
Next step is to learn how to be with other people. Here's the "user's manual" for this important aspect of life: http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318642527&sr=8-1
Cheesy title, but golden guidance. Read a chapter a week and practice, then the next chapter, and so on. Stick with it and you'll be amazed at the results. But first get the compulsion under control.
Here's wishing you the best ...
Resources:
Find someone in-person:
-Go to psychologytoday.com -> Find a Therapist -> Enter your location -> Scroll down on the side until you see "Types of Therapy" and expand to see all the options -> Select "Motivational Interviewing" or "Coaching"
Online Courses:
Professional: Harvard has an (expensive but fantastic) extension training program that you don't have to apply to. You just sign-up and pay to take courses and you can receive a certification from Harvard for Business Communication: https://www.extension.harvard.edu/academics/professional-graduate-certificates/business-communication-certificate
YouTube: Dan O'Connor; this specific video is fantastic for communicating with difficult co-workers/negative people. (skip to 3:38.) He doesn't do private sessions but he does sell online courses. If you don't want to spend money you can just watch his free content on YouTube.
You can also take business communication, sociology, or psychology at a local community college.
Books:
How to Win Friends and Influence People (Classic and helpful/condensed versions are great too)
Communicating Effectively For Dummies (the "For Dummies" series is straight forward and inexpensive)
Communicating Effectively 11th Edition Textbook (educational textbook that's highly informative but pricey)
Myers-Briggs Personality Test:
This can help you gain a sense of self and why you communicate a certain way vs. other personalities.
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test (free version)
https://www.mbtionline.com/TaketheMBTI (official version/costs $50)
​
At the end of the day, there are always going to be difficult people and sometimes you can't change that. You can only be your best self and you clearly care if you want to take courses to learn to better yourself. If others are rude or unprofessional, that's a fault within themselves, not you.
How to Win Friends and Influence people simple tips on how to be a better human being
The Richest Man in Babylon Simple tips to keep and grow the money you have
Factory Girls true stories of the modern Chinese migration of young women from rural farm areas to cites to work in factories
Hyperspace "Wil Wheaton recommended" blow your mind with science!
> I've always loved arguing (because I usually win :P) and would be very aggressive in trying to get people into one so I could crush their stupid beliefs and make them see reason.
The point of argument is not to win, it is to find truth.
> but I still want to help others realize that their religion is wrong
Stop viewing the people around you as if there is something wrong with them. Treat people nicely.
this is also a great book to go by. I've read it because I want to feel good around people and a lot of that comes from building a rapport. Yes, in many ways this book can be viewed as a tool for manipulation, but it does give you a perspective on how we deal with certain stimulii (ie laughing, body language etc.)
Be an attractive force :)
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Most of the 'tricks' being mentioned here are described in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. I highly recommend it. When I first read it I was worried it was going to be a cynical guide to manipulating people, but that's not really the case. It's more about putting yourself in other peoples' shoes and understanding how building up their egos a bit makes them enjoy helping you.
I can see you are a huge fan of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Not so much a success story, but obviously a huge fan.
I can relate to this since I pretty much stayed home for most of my summer at the moment but now i got a job and am starting to be more social. What will really help you out is if you start going to random places wheres their people and just start making small conversations with people. I know its going to be uncomfortable and you'll most likely have some awkward silence and run out of things to say, but the more you do it, the more you get use to it and soon enough your social skills should get better. You can even start small by simply saying hi to people as they pass by or try giving high fives to people. I also reccomend the book how to win friends and influence people by andrew carnegie I am sure you can find it somewhere online for free or just buy from Amazon. Anyways the only way you'll get better is if you go outside and step out your comfort zone. Learn to talk about anything, and be yourself meaning talk to people about the stuff you like and hobbies you do. This will help you find out if other people have the same interest as you or not, but chances are you'll definitely find people that have similar interests to you (If you don't what kind of person how will you share yourself with others. So start to learn about yourself and decide what kinda person you to be/become). Lastly I recommend howtonogiveafudge reddit as this will help you learn not to care about what people think about your action and stuff you do and it lets you be more selfish (in a good way so that you could do what you want without worrying about people judging you) and I reccomend this video by simplepickup basically telling you about what true confidence is. Hope this helps :)
I suggest you also read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie.. this book has helped me a lot and I am sure it will have a positive influence on yours..
As somebody who also found a job not that long ago, congrats! Also, this book is one that I've heard good things about, at least in terms of networking and the like:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=3BV6ORTEG1H7I&coliid=IGGM7P8FMM2CZ
Not sure if this will help, but a bit about my life:
I was a late bloomer, when I was in 8th grade I looked like I was in 5th and this trend continued until I was around age 21 when a job doing physical labor helped to spark some testosterone in me and build a few muscles (not many, but my bicep was no longer as thin as my wrist).
All through the last half of jr. High and high school I thought to myself, "I'm sort of a geek, I want the girls, cool guys get girls, what would a cool guy be doing?". Cool guys played guitar, so I started playing. Cool guys ride motorcycles, so I started riding. Cool guys throw knives, so I learned to throw knives. Cool guys can fight, I took up a variety of martial arts. By the time I was around 22-23 I had a bunch of skills that your generic action hero or movie protagonist might. I also took great pains to build skills in the social arts. Charm, like any other skill, can be learned (a great starter book on this is How to Win Friend's and Influence People). I feel like I achieved my cool guy status when I went to a party only knowing one person, and I left knowing every single person's name and at least a bit about them. The art of genuine conversation is probably the most important skill you can get. The trick is the 'genuine' part, people can spot fake interest a mile away.
Somewhere between my mid teens and my early 20's I became the cool guy I always wanted to be. The funny thing is I don't feel a whole lot different. Sure I have confidence, but confidence builds naturally through success, and the foundation of success is failure. If you can summon up the courage to put yourself out there I guarantee you will fail, but you will also succeed. Soon the failures will barely be a blip on the radar towards your successes. One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Emerson Fosdick who said,
"Happiness is not mostly pleasure; it is mostly victory."
I find that to be more true each day I live.
Now I'm in my mid 20's and being 'cool' or a 'man' means something else to me. To me a man is someone who sticks to his morals and ethics even when it is uncomfortable or even deadly. A man tries to improve himself as well as the souls around him, not only through example, but also through kindness and compassion. I can't say I'm the best at this, but I do make a conscience effort every day. Some books I would recommend on your journey (I used to be a self help nut!).
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824794&sr=1-1
The Hagakure - Yamamota Tsunetomo
http://www.amazon.com/Hagakure-Book-Samurai-Yamamoto-Tsunetomo/dp/4770029160/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824735&sr=8-2
The Emperor's Handbook / Meditations - Marcus Aurelius
http://www.amazon.com/Emperors-Handbook-New-Translation-Meditations/dp/0743233832/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824862&sr=1-1
Zen Mind, Beginners Mind - Shunryu Suzuki (this one doesn't really pertain to being a man, but I find meditation to be particularly helpful in being mindful and focused during daily life).
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Mind-Beginners-Shambhala-Library/dp/1590302672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278824911&sr=1-1
I think the most important thing to remember is that becoming the person you want to be is a gradual process that takes time. Something almost as important to realize is that all those people you think have it all together (be they some popular jock or long dead philosophers), struggle with the same sort of things you do. We all want to live up to our potential, we all want to make as few mistakes as possible, we all worry about what others think of us to some degree. Keep living life and don't give up, you can be as awesome as you want to be, just takes a little thought and some active choices.
Cheers!
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_3?crid=35TBKT8UCV3GH&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people+by+dale+carnegie&qid=1554573664&s=gateway&sprefix=how+to+win%2Caps%2C228&sr=8-3
There are certainly two sides too this coin.
On one hand there are people like you speak of who just want to get laid. They use horrible terminology that's degrading to women. None of this is "good" for women. These are the douche bags who consider them selves part of the community.
On the other hand you have people similar to myself who are rather clueless as to how attraction works, and why the jerks always get the girl. Reading this book explains all of this and I believe it is a self improvement book. I have been reading a few assorted self help books...
how to win friends and influence people
seven habits of highly successful people
think and grow rich
I found this book to be the most beneficial to me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
Amazon book link
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343543194&sr=8-1&keywords=How+to+Win+Friends+and+Influence+People
I'm saying that -- for you -- making friends will be hard given your current social skill level, so you need to improve your socializing skills. Given that you're asking:
> How do you transition from talking about movies to becoming someone they view as a friend?
I stand by my assessment.
Unfortunately, the assistance that you need to develop social skills is more than I can provide. I can't really explain how you transition from small talk to being friends. I can recognize various variables as being good/not good, but I can't provide you the secret formula for making it work.
I recommend getting a life coach. If you can't afford that, try reading this book -- it was common sense to me, but you may find it enlightening.
ETA: You may find this thread useful. You can also try volunteering at a local food bank or animal shelter.
Good to Great is a fantastic book that interviews CEO's from different companies and looks at what the great ones did differently from the good ones.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is an old book (early 1900's) that interviews people like Henry Ford and others to see how they "get their way" in business.
I'm drawing a blank, but I'll come back when I remember the others.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
You need to read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
If you're being sincere about all this, then for your own sake and everyone around you, read the book.
OK kid I've had my fun. Some serious advise here, learn to get along with people better and you might make some friends (trolling every now and then is alright, but you seem to be pretty awful at it), also work on your anger issues so you don't get high blood pressure and have a stroke or something. Oh and heads up, puberty is gonna be rough for you.
Also, this.
Take a genuine interest in the people you are talking to. Remember, it is (in most cases) easier to get people to talk about themselves. So if you help guide by asking questions about them and taking a real interest in them it will start to come naturally.
While you talk to them, make sure you listen. When they are talking, you should not be thinking about the next thing you are going to say as that will surely lead to a dead conversation. If you are busy thinking about what to say next, you are not going to hear what they say and it will be obvious. So make sure you listen and comment back on the topic. It helps the conversation continue and shows that you are interested in what is being talked about. If you are constantly changing subjects people tend to think you are not that interested.
There is a good book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are many good tips and pointers in there.
Another good tip, work on remembering names. People like to hear their own name and using it is a powerful tool. This works great in sales and for guys, ladies simply love it. Especially when you meet them once briefly and the next time you see them you remember and use their name. It shows you are thoughtful and ladies like thoughtful men.
The number 2 story on the main reddit frontpage right now is criticizing Napolitano and the TSA. Seriously, for calling yourself realitycheck, you have a pretty weak grasp on reality.
I have never denied thinking that the Democrats have more/better answers than the Republicans, but I've also never claimed they had all the answers. I'm more than willing to listen to and make valid criticisms against the Democrats. But you need to come up with something better than death panels and demonstrably false claims about people ignoring the shortcomings of Democrats.
Here's some free advice in case you ever get tired of people laughing at you and calling you a douche-nozzle when they think you're out of ear shot. Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I taught myself how to live, and be myself, something extremely valuable and underrated; something extremely misunderstood.
In the end, all your knowledge and existence is moot unless you share it with others.
One of the things this community (reddit) hates is the study of relationships (the game / the rules). Dating and sex has been a huge passion of mine, both as a study and a hobby.
That feeling you get, the moment you put yourself out there for the acceptance of another, is a culmination of your life experiences and your self valuation. It's a thrill.
I took that journey with 2 of my friends and we all came out extremely content, and our life was immensely richer (in both financial and social aspects). Think of each element in your life as a spoke on a wheel, you can't take one further without the rest growing as well.
There are many bumps along the road and many set backs. You will think your life had much less pain and hardship before you took this journey, and you would be right, but you would also realize just how precious all those memories you have attained are.
If you are already very fulfilled as a person, by all means, ignore this post. But if you thirst for a type of knowledge that stretches to every other type of knowledge; you should start on this as soon as possible.
Those two things will start you out. If neither of them hooks you, dump it right away. Either you already have what it offers, or you're already after bigger and better things.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/
and because you have a big brain.... http://www.amazon.com/Brain-That-Changes-Itself-Frontiers/dp/0143113100/
Here's the thing:
You have to be doing things all the time, it doesn't matter too much what, but preferably things that are in the direction you want to head, and you just loose yourself in it, and being so positive and involved in something attracts positive situations and chances to you. You then meet people, and opportunities present themselves, then you grab them by the horns and there you go.
This isn't to say, "well things will just happen!" Luck is only part of it, a very small part, the other part is meeting everyone, and making sure to leave a good impression, get coffee with people, get them talking about themselves.
if you fail, don't think about it, you get up and you keep going and going and going until you succeed.
Also, no "what ifs," you have to not think, but do. The mind can be man's best friend, or his worst enemy, and by being active and not in your own head all the time, you'll master the mind.
READ THIS BOOK
I think it helps to have a solid understanding of human psychology. The better you understand humans, what makes them tick and in which way they can be changed, the better you can help them.
I think it's doable to study this yourself. Obviously the most common disorder you'll encounter is depression, so make sure you focus on that one, but the longer you'll go down this path, the more different ones you'll encounter (I had someone asking about multiple personality disorders today here on /r/advice for example).
I almost went into all the different aspects, of psychology, but it's really too much for a single post here, so I'll just give you some pointers.
MIT has a free study course on psychology. Once you know more about all the mental disorders, wikipedia can help with learning more about their history and symptoms.
Then there's behavioral psychology, which you can study here.
Then in addition to that, you can study how to influence and convince people. That's not really a study course (as far as I know), but there are plenty of books out there on the subject and dozens of websites. I'll warn you that it's a bit more wishy washy (not nearly as scientific), but if you search on amazon for books and google for websites, you'll get the general idea if you study it for a few hours (here's one book that comes to mind but there are many more).
The pointers I've given you should be enough to study the subject for at least 100 hours, I would guess. Once you've spent that much time on it, you should be good enough to start helping people. Becoming a master will take many more hours of studying and practical advice giving.
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This is fantastic advice. While it's frustrating to not be able to frame a debate around what you care about/what you find important, if you think about it, you really always have to frame your argument around what the person you are trying to persuade cares about and what they find important. In this specific instance, they're different for The Executive and The Engineer. But in all cases, it never really matters what you care about - you need to appeal to the concerns of the person you're persuading.
​
If any of this interests anyone else, I strongly recommend reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence People. Now I know you're thinking, but jryan727, how can a book written in 1936 possibly apply to a debate over tech stacks?! And you'd be right to be skeptical - but it turns out, people haven't changed much over the past 83 years, we just talk about different things. If you want to learn how to control the world around you with words, then you should read this. It truly is the missing instruction manual to human beings.
I read the same advice in How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a great book if you're looking to work on your conversational skills, even more so if you'll be applying it to business.
I'm learning this too. I've found Dale Carnegie to be an extremely helpful guide to communication.
Right now I'm reading The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking. And I'd recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People too, for the general communication and people skills he teaches.
(rest assured, the content is much higher quality than the titles =D)
I have my own bible.
A great book on this subject.
Step 1:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346
Step 2: http://www.amazon.com/Good-Calories-Bad-Controversial-Science/dp/1400033462
There is some really good stuff in this. A father figure of mine asked me to read it a while back and it has helped me in many ways.
Learn game. Sure, it's meant for picking up women but you'll still become a more self-confident man, and your charisma will be positively picked up by others.
Or maybe read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320527009&sr=8-1
I think perhaps you are in need of something more along these lines. :)
You are not a sociopath, you're just an ignorant fool.
How To Win Friends And Influence People first published in 1937. Yeah, pickup artist from 1937. Be a bit more open-minded rather than making assumptions about topics you know nothing about. You're making yourself look like a fool.
I'm curious, only as I found this book to be initially more helpful in business affairs. Perhaps it's a blunter tool, but I suspect I'm not sufficiently skilled to use a more subtle technique. What do you think?
Check out /r/socialskills /r/femalefashionadvice and /r/dating_advice and check out all their sidebar information and FAQs.
Read everything by Dale Carnegie.
Jen, go ahead and buy yourself a copy. You've earned it.
Basic manners don't go out of style.
Oh and add this too. Dale Carnegie was NOT a poor man and he was NOT a business failure. Guess what his book is about? NOT treating people like shit! Imagine that, honey. Imagine that.
Now that classes are out, I'm working on Competitive Strategy by Michael Porter, and I'm going through How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. If you're preparing to go on a mission, read the latter now. Also, if you're a human being, read the latter now.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
you should torrent this book and read it. It will make your life much less lonely and make you much more effective
I've never understood why people have such a problem with this. Do you find things like this, or this, or even this similarly disgusting?