Reddit mentions of In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

Honey, he's broken. His Dad was a physically abusive junkie but his Mom kept him in that situaton because she was getting something out of it.

Old book call enablers co-abusers, and until he realizes that she CHOSE to abuse him, and isn't the 'good' parent, he's going to have problems. The bog standard, boring, suite of issues that every child of addicts deals with, but shitty boundaries is one of them, and that's what you are dealing with here.

He's also stuck in the appeasement cycle, it sounds like.

Here's a video I made about being stuck in an appeasement cycle with an abusive parent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDhOA_Unpw

Part of what she might have been getting out of the chaos of the relationship with her husband is that her son wouldn't have any CHOICE but to primarily bond with her- and that the possibility of loosing that bond would keep him in line.

If there are adult child of alcoholics meetings around you, it might be worth going, or reading Toxic Parents- it's one of my favorites, and really helpful for people who had an addict in the family.

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

1. Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
   
2. Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
   
3. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
   
   If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.

Thanks for posting that. The concept of the covert-aggressive personality is proving to be quite an eye-opener. We're both reading a book on the topic to gain further insight, and it feels like another big piece of the puzzle for me. The book (In Sheep's Clothing) is really making it clear that overly conscientious people, such as myself, put way too much effort into trying to understand the people who are screwing them over, and not nearly enough effort into defending themselves and asserting what they want.

How about a helping hand:
[snip snip glue glue]

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

• Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
  
• Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
  
• Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
  
  If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.