Reddit mentions of In The Box: The Screenwriter's Simple Guide To Telling A Great Story And Finishing That F*****g Script

Hey, there, PointMan!

I'm gonna take a crack at this but, remember, in the end this is just advice/use your own judgement.

Alright, well, to me, a Logline is basically a HOOK! to grab your audiences's attention. You're simplifying your intricate/beautiful story into 50 words or less. Which is a skill in its own.

Depending on who you are/that particular story, you can choose whether to: write the Logline before the script, write the Logline after the script, or, not write a Logline at all! Whatever you choose, I personally don't think there is a right/wrong answer.

But, there are a few things you want to include in your Logline to better convey what your story is about.

Protagonist(s) - You have to give a sense of who the main character(s) is/are.

In your Logline, you didn't use names or any other specific, yet useless, identifiers. So, yay! "Small-town citizens" is perfect, because it gives us a sense of who they are: inexperienced, naive, maybe even genuine folk. Or, at least to me that's what it reads like! So, you're on the right track, but maybe flesh-out a bit more of WHAT they are. (Quilton's comment)

Protagonist's Goal - Putting what your characters want/what they are trying to achieve in the Logline is ideal.

Now, this is kind of tricky in your particular Logline, since there are several main characters in your script. But, it's not impossible by any means.

From what I can gather from your post, these people seem to be facing a lot of real-world problems. So, rewording the Logline to say "the ordinary lives of five, down-on-their-luck small-town citizens" might just be a step in the right direction; even if it just implies that they're all looking to catch a break.

Antagonist - Try and give the main conflict in your story a face; even if it's just life itself. By "conflict" here I mean what's the thing standing in their way of catching their break/what they want.

You could mention the extraterrestrials/an Antagonist character or simply mention that they're lives are made difficult thanks to the choices they themselves make!

I'm sorry, I don't have enough info about your story to give you an example here, so work on figuring out what they'll be going up against and mention it.

Genre - Here is where you mention the Sci-Fi bit.

There is nothing wrong with mentioning aliens, dragons, or Big Foot in your Logline, because this will help you do some quick worldbuilding. You mentioned "In 1950s Indian," which is an excellent way to give us a setting and a sense of what the day-to-day life of your characters would be like. Along with some of the social challenges they might face. cough racism cough

Mentioning elements specific to your genre will help answer a few questions before your listener asks them.

Act I Plot Point - This is the Act I Climax, which, I think, you hinted at with "...all awaken in a wheat field in the middle of the night."

While this pokes at the 'cool factor' of your script, it's too vague in describing the event that kicks the story/Act II into high gear.

What happens when they wake up in the field? Do they have powers? Are they deformed? Do they get body-snatched? Etc...

Just adding something like "..in the middle of the night to realize that they've become a hive mind" would be enough to give us an idea of which direction your story is taking; as well as give a sense of genre/worldbuilding.

Well, that's all I've got for ya, PointMan! Hope that was helpful! Everyone that answered your post gave some amazing advice, and I'm glad to see that you've checked your ego enough to listen.

Keep writing, cause I think you got something good on your hands.


P.S. Please consider supporting me/my book on Amazon. I wrote it for writers like us!

In the Box by Aslan!

P.S.S. I recommend making ONLY ONE of your characters the MAIN CHARACTER/FOCUS in your script. I've tried to put together an "ensemble" script like that before, but found that a single 110 page script didn't do the majority of them justice, character-arc wise. Having just one character leading the way will help you focus your story, your theme, and also allow for your supporting cast their respective moments to shine. So, yeah, either write a 110 page script with a single main character, or write a mini-series that'll let you explore all of 'em!