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Reddit mentions of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth "Updated With New Material"
Sentiment score: 33
Reddit mentions: 46
We found 46 Reddit mentions of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth "Updated With New Material". Here are the top ones.
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- Bantam
Features:
Specs:
| Color | Pink |
| Height | 9 Inches |
| Length | 6 Inches |
| Number of items | 1 |
| Release date | March 2003 |
| Weight | 1.10010668738 Pounds |
| Width | 0.75 Inches |
This makes me really sad. I know there are women out there who never want to give birth, and more power to them. The world would be a better place if people who didn't want to becomes parents stay child free.
But for those who do want to have children one day, our society has bombarded us with all the goriest horror stories because they make catchy headlines.
Part of the problem is that birth has become synonymous with laying on your back in a hospital, possibly the worst position you could be in. You're fighting gravity which can cause tearing and undue pain. Plus, being spread out in front of strangers does cause most people to feel some modesty, and for many women, just as most mammals, there is an intense desire to find a small quiet place to give birth. Call it a left over survival instinct.
If you or anyone reading this is scared of child birth but does wish to have a biological child, I'd encourage you to read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth or watch Pregnant in America or the Business of Being Born (both streaming on Netflix), to hear another side of birth.
I recommend two things:
I did it with my first, hoping to do it again with my second. Honestly it’s a huge mental game. The birthing class I took mainly emphasized laboring at home as long as possible and to prepare yourself to feel like you’re running up hills and walking them back down over and over again (but way worse). Also Ina May’s book was also super helpful:
https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
I do have to say, it’s awful that your pain management technique is being dictated by price. I wish this was a choice you were making because it is what you wanted, not because you feel financially pressured to :(
Good luck!
I don't know if you've come across this series, but I saw it recommended on here and really enjoyed it. The midwife in the video says basically there are two types of nerves, and if you're lucky enough to have one kind, you may not feel as much pain. Many women feel like they can't do it during transition, but they make it through! And some women that get epidurals don't experience relief from them.
Do you have someone attending your birth? If they know that during transition, you might feel this way, they can coach you through it and remind you that it's almost over. They can also use counter pressure on your back and hips to help drown out the nerve signals telling you there's pain.
Reading birthing stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery is what made me feel comfortable with a natural birth. I enjoyed the books much more than the movie, but there is a movie with some of these stories in it if you're not a big reader.
First of all, congratulations! And come over to r/babybumps! A lot of questions you might not think to ask are being discussed there already.
The best way to tell your other half is... just tell him! Do it in person, and at a time where the two of you have some time to talk and be together, and do it without setting any sort of expectations or mood. Likely he will be a bit shocked at first, but unless your relationship wasn't meant to be, he will warm up to the idea (maybe even faster than you do, who knows!).
I'm 35 weeks pregnant now... I can tell you that as your pregnancy progresses, things will get more "real" mentally so don't be afraid when you experience some serious mood swings and shifts in your thoughts about the pregnancy. It might not be until your first ultrasound... or it might not be until you look into your baby's eyes for you to feel that rush of motherly love. Even women who got pregnant on purpose (like me) find themselves doubting sometimes. It's all normal.
Prenatal vitamins is a good start. Honestly, visiting an OB this early won't do much good, and in fact they often don't see women until they are at least 12 weeks (because many pregnancies miscarry in those first few weeks). At a 12 week appointment, you might do an ultrasound to confirm your due date (but if you have been charting, you probably already know exactly when you conceived), and you can start asking your OB any questions you have. But until you do the research, you might find that being under the care of a midwife, or giving birth at a birthing center (or at home) is a better fit for you. It won't hurt to see an OB, of course, but OB's are primarily surgeons so they might not give you all the support you need. Regardless, don't rely on any kind of medical caregiver 100%; take charge of your own pregnancy and birth and do the research! Once you do the research, you will be able to decide what type of birthing class is right for you (I highly recommend taking one... I took a Hypnobabies course and was very satisfied with the large amount of information they gave me, and also the confidence I feel as I get closer to my birthing day).
Here are some common book and movie recommendations:
Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (she is the leading authority on natural birth)
Your Best Birth (and their film you can find on Netflix, The Business of Being Born)
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth (good if you like a lot of scientific discussion on birth options)
The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. (I own this book and it makes me feel really good to have it on hand when my baby gets here... so much info!)
Take your vitamins, eat your protein, try to stay active even if it's just walking a few times a week. Don't be afraid to call your OB if something is bothering you or if you are worried. 99% of the time they'd rather you call over something minor than to not call at all and be anxious. Get some books and sign up for child birth and parenting classes. We did ours though our hospital and they were pretty affordable and really educational. As far as books go, I am reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and my husband is reading The Birth Partner. These were both recommended by our child birth educators. I'm 30 weeks right now, and I would say as you get closer to the end, don't feel bad about not being able to do as many things as you could before you were huge and uncomfortable. Ask for help, take breaks, nap, relax as much as you can.
Absolutely no issues with flying during pregnancy. Some airlines restrict pregnant women from flying past ~36 weeks, but I think that's because they don't want you going into labor in their airplane cabin at 32,000 feet. After getting thru security, buy a bottle of water for your wife. I was on a 2-hour flight over Christmas and was dying of thirst waiting for the drink cart to come down the aisle. Also, give her the aisle seat if possible so she can walk the aisles periodically to keep the blood moving and access the bathroom quickly if needed.
As for books, I've read a lot of good ones. I've liked the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, and Elisabeth Bing's Six Practical Lessons for an Easier Childbirth and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth for info on labor and delivery, and The Happiest Baby on the Block and the Wonder Weeks for infant care. Also The Birth Partner is a great book on delivery for both pregnant women and husbands. If you can find a secondhand bookstore near you, check it out--a lot of people sell off these types of books once they're done with them.
My favourite is definitely Expecting Better, as the author looks at the actual scientific evidence behind most common pregnancy do's and don'ts.
I've also bought:
And I've just ordered a pile of books from the library:
Congratulations! I'm jelly!
Look into getting some pregnancy books, they generally do a good job of demystifying the process. Here are some suggestions:
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent place to start. It's all about how natural birth is, and has a bunch of positive birth stories.
The Panic Free Pregnancy is definitely useful. You'll be bombarded with all the things that are unsafe for you during your pregnancy, and this book helps determine fact or fiction and provides an explanation.
Lots of people suggest What to Expect When You're Expecting, but others find it kind of fear-mongering. I skimmed through it once and the list of adverse side effects you can expect to experience is pretty intimidating.
The Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a more clinical approach. I haven't read it myself but I've heard good things about it. Less fluff than some pregnancy books, more fact.
I started Expexting Better but I'm not a numbers/data person so it came across as irritating to me. Tons of people like it and recommend it though so it's worth a shot!
My midwife recommended Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. A doula friend recommended anything by Dr. Sears.
Another vote for both of the Emily Oster books, and the best practical book I've read is Heading Home with Your Newborn. Also this one's not a pregnancy book but I would strongly recommend How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen if you're at all scared of the toddler through kinder stage. It's an entertaining read that aligns well with developmental psychology and has all these really funny real life examples of using the strategies from the book.
If I had to only pick a handful, I'd pick those.
I also liked the Ina May book which people will recommend a lot, but keep in mind it really is exclusively about childbirth and it's a bit crunchier than the average (though this pertains to the birth stories included more than Ina May's actual writing IMO). There's a good interview with her on the Longest Shortest Time podcast that addresses some of the things I felt the book could have benefited from stating outright to avoid sounding a little preachy at times.
If you're looking for like a detailed read that starts with absolute basics that would be especially good for anyone who hasn't researched much on pregnancy before, I would recommend Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide. It's as thick as a textbook but it doesn't read like one. They have a page in most sections directly speaking to partners as well, which is neat.
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth has lots of good information on different options and beautiful birth stories.
The Birth Partner has a lot of really good information and comfort measures you can use during labour.
Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding I wish this man could be cloned. There is a DVD too, but you can find all the same videos on his website. His website was a huge factor in me breastfeeding my first, because I was able to determine when I was getting bad information...and I got a lot of it.
I highly recommend reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth.
I found it very useful it giving a wide range of birth stories and going into depth in various topics that neither gloss over the risks, nor leave the reader needlessly fearful. (For what it's worth, the book also talks about things like shoulder dystocia which this lady talks about in the article about how much she hated her home birth--the book explains what it is, positions you can get into to alleviate the problem, and the associated risks.)
I think the best we can do is to get as much information as we can, make the decision based on our knowledge, and then trust our decision when we feel swayed by emotions like fear.
I also think it's important to be flexible and not go into it with too many expectations on what the experience is going to be. That way if you need to do a transfer, it's Plan B, not a "failure".
And now for my biased opinion: I think that hospitals and doctors are trained extremely well to take care of maladies. I don't view my birth as a malady, so until it becomes one, I don't want to be "treated" for it. Watching The Business of Being Born (on Netflix) really goes into depth on the culture and practices of birth in the United States, and how it compares to other countries, and although some might say it's biased toward home birth, I think it's worth watching to know some of the pitfalls of relying on hospitals as your only source of information, even if you do decide to go that route.
Good luck on your decision making and I hope you have a wonderful birth!!
The way that birth is portrayed in our society can be frightening. We're inundated by images and horror stories from a young age. However, birth can also be a beautiful and positive experience. I had no morning sickness and no pregnancy complications at all. My son was born after a brief labor in a warm, relaxing birthing tub. I used a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. We had no complications and I went home six hours after the birth and slept in my own bed.
A vaginal birth is safer for you and baby and a much faster recovery time. It is very rare for a woman to have issues because of her size unless there are other medical issues at play - such as gestational diabetes. Women at my local birth center routinely have 10lb+ babies vaginally with no issues or interventions. There are a few great resources out there that portray birth in a different light. [Ina May's Guide To Childbirth] (http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156) would be a good starting point.
I was petrified too, but hiring a doula and reading positive birth stories really changed my attitude. The birth of your son can really be one of the best experiences of your life! It was by far the most amazing experience for me. I suggest reading Ina May’s Book. The first part of the book has tons of natural birth stories. I didn’t have nor want an unmedicated birth, but I found this super encouraging. It’s ok to be anxious and nervous, but fear and adrenaline are not your friend during birth.
I wanted to echo what jrjunior said....I would first look for any midwife practices that have hospital privileges. I am planning on birthing at a birth center, but in case anything happens where I need to be transferred to the hospital, my midwife is still "in charge" of the birth at the hospital (unless I needed a c-section).
Also, great idea to get a doula...they are your advocate to make sure your wishes are met as much as possible given the circumstances.
One last thing- it sounds like you have already done some research, but I cannot recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth more...especially to someone already invested in exploring natural childbirth. It changed my life!
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
This book was hugely helpful to me (as a husband/expectant father). It helped me to understand pregnancy and childbirth as natural, positive processes, rather than as a terrifying unknown filled with emergency rooms and Machines That Go Bing!
It's also really easy to read. Informative, but not academic or preachy.
(Since then, she's added Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. I haven't read this one but if it's anywhere near the caliber of the other, it will be excellent.)
You're in for a wild and wonderful ride. Enjoy!
I'm 17 weeks with my first, so I don't have personal experience to draw from yet - but I'm going for it with as much preparation as possible. I'm an over-preparer. :D
We're going with CNMs (certified nurse-midwives) at a birth center. Because it's an out-of-hospital birth with hospital transfer for emergencies, there's very few interventions available for normal births. Throughout even the first trimester they've heavily stressed preparation. Here are some things they've emphasized:
I much prefer Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. But why not both :)
WONDERFUL IDEA! I'm going to follow suit and do this too. If you've read any of Ina May's stuff (here and here), you'd probably jive with her way of referring to "contractions." She calls them "rushes." Which helps to disassociate yourself from all of the painful baggage that has been attached to the word.
For actual pregnancy, I loved the American college of obstetrics and gynecology's book and I know a lot of people loved the mayo clinic book.
Planning for Pregnancy, Birth And Beyond: Second Revised Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525941401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_PLZHAbPZ6V85C
Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy: From Doctors Who Are Parents, Too! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1561487171/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_tMZHAbRTF0RMQ
I also read what to expect when your expecting but it was a lot of the same info in my apps, except the actual birth and labor part. There was some helpful stuff in there!
For laboring I read Ina May's guide to Childbirth and I LOVED it. I feel SO prepared after reading it!
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_VNZHAbQ7T2S9D
I tried to read
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452276594/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_HOZHAbRC89D39
But I couldn't take it seriously!
And for breastfeeding I read
The American Academy of Pediatrics New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding (Revised Edition): Completely Revised and Updated Third Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399181989/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_9PZHAbSMPXVX9
And for baby feeding and sleeping I read
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_JQZHAbS5P7824
I've been reading a lot of books and these are a few of my favorites that I would highly recommend:
Not a video or podcast, but I love Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Some of the things she suggests to help with labor pain seem a bit weird or silly but they really work!
Clearly based on all the posts thus far: You are so not alone in this.
How you deal with it is up to you.
I am very confrontational when it comes to fears. I learn everything there is to know about a certain subject and if there is even one tiny part that scares me the most, I become obsessed with learning about it.
In this way, I'm able to understand what is realistic and what just isn't based on statistics. I've also come to terms with knowing that, in the heat of the moment, there will be little I can do.
One of the most powerful books I read on late pregnancy and the birth experience overall is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The first third of the book is filled with birth stories and the rest just talks about the experience. Very well written, easy to read, and filled with citations.
My father died almost 14 years ago when I was 18. We were incredibly close and it breaks my heart just thinking about the relationship he could and would have had with my baby girl. He would have made an INCREDIBLE grandfather. My only solace is knowing that he gave me so much in life that I know I, as his living legacy, will proudly pass to her. I day dream of the day(s) when she begins to ask about her grandfather and I day dream of my responses and the stories I'll tell.
While it's not even a close second to having him still in my life, it's enough to calm me and focus on the positive (usually).
And know that sometimes, you are just going to need to cry it out. And that is 100% ok. Privately, publicly, whatever. Fuck it. Sometimes we all just need one good big ol' fuckin' sob. I almost ALWAYS feel better after letting myself feel this way.
Oh! And one other thing that's really related to both coping with your fears of late pregnancy and birth AND cope with loss: Surrender.
Learning how to surrender your mind and body to your emotions and physical needs is incredibly empowering. The book talks a LOT about this.
You can do this. You will do this. And... you're going to do incredibly well.
Good luck with everything. <3
If you're looking for a gift that pertains to her pregnancy, get her some Preggie Pops for morning sickness & The Business of Being Born. If you're interested in getting her some books, I suggest Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and/or Pregnancy Childbirth & The Newborn. And maybe consider getting your brother(?) a copy of The Birth Partner. I think every dad-to-be should read that book.
I'm looking for a good pregnancy book too, with a focus on natural birth. The two I'm considering are Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method. I had an early 2000s edition of the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy during my first pregnancy and found it informative and helpful.
When my baby was about 5 months old I read Magda Gerber's Dear Parent: Caring for Infants With Respect and it changed our little family forever. I recommend it to every new parent. Completely amazing! although I don't agree with everything in it for the newborn time period -- I'm big on babywearing and cosleeping.
We did:
Four-week "comprehensive childbirth" class at our hospital, which I really liked and am glad I took. The instructors were all either nurses or former nurses at our hospital and were familiar with our hospital's policies and standard practices, so I now feel very comfortable with what might happen during our birth; also, it turns out our hospital is pretty awesome. It was also actually some nice bonding time with my husband, especially when we practiced having him coach me.
One night breastfeeding class, also at the hospital. Informative, but not necessarily anything I couldn't have learned on my own. It was good to hear about the breastfeeding support that my hospital offers, but I suspect I would have found out about all of that anyway during my stay.
Watched the DVD series Laugh and Learn about Childbirth. It was nice to have a second perspective, and there is so much to know about childbirth that there was material covered in the videos that wasn't covered in our class. The instructor has an interesting style which we found to be hit or miss, tonally, but overall it was a good use of time. We also have Laugh and Learn About Breastfeeding, but haven't watched it yet.
I also read (I've been to the library more in the past two months than in the previous two years...):
My husband is reading The Birth Partner, Third Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions, and likes it so far.
I still have HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method: A natural approach to a safe, easier, more comfortable birthing; The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth (Sears Parenting Library); and Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds on my reading list. About three weeks to go; we'll see how far I get.
Best book if you want to go natural. Informative, and full of birth stories. It was a recommended read by the hospital I plan to give birth in. We originally wanted to go for a home birth because it's cheaper than hospital births (<how I justified it to my husband, anyways) until his company was bought out and our insurance improved. We would only have to pay $15 co pay for the entire pregnancy, birth, hospital stay, and one post partum appointment. BUT it would have to be in the hospital because our state doesn't insure home births.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
I'm having a good time with Happiest Baby on the Block (though I think it's really slow and repetitive, and their "conclusions" (it isn't this, this, or this, so it MUST be this) are a bit, uh, presumptuous; I think the book is spot on for how to treat the baby, especially in the "4th trimester") and The Nursing Mother's Companion. And these aren't baby books, but my husband and I are also reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Birth Partner to prep for labor.
I have a few more books on my shelf to reference just in case, like Sears' The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (but I am wary of anti-vacc notions of the book), Brain Rules for Baby, and for fun, Experimenting with Babies.
I felt really depressed towards the end of the first and beginning of the second trimester, but I managed to perk up and have been feeling pretty great ever since. The thing that actually helped me was I started knitting again. It was something that I could do to "prepare" for the baby, but it wasn't urgent (no pressure) and it wasn't physically demanding. Finishing the first little hat gave me a sense of accomplishment and helped me finally get excited about the baby.
Is there any little tasks you can do to start getting ready for the baby that aren't too physically or mentally demanding? Even just going online and buying a few outfits or starting to work on your registry could help you have something positive and productive to focus on. You could even start writing up a tentative birth plan or reading some positive birth stories (I really recommend Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth or even watching her ted talk).
I enjoyed reading the birth stories in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It was really interesting to learn about the different coping mechanisms women used, and just being aware of how different each birth can be! http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
The pain stopped instantly; I was amazed. Had read this to be true, but the actual realization stunned me. I found that accepting and managing the pain as it ramped up gave my body time to release more endorphins to compensate. I'll find the name of a book I read and post it later as an edit; it was the single-most useful book I read during either pregnancy.
Edit: The book is by Ina May Gaskin, The Guide to Childbirth (https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0553381156/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1484432450&amp;sr=1-1&amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&amp;keywords=ina+may+gaskin&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=51XDRTR8LfL&amp;ref=plSrch). I mostly skipped the first section of the book which was women recounting their birth scenarios - had read a lot of those previously - and went to the second section that discusses the mechanisms of childbirth, the stages of labour, and what our bodies do to accommodate, manage, and progress birth.
I was going to say the same thing, but also wanted to be respectful of the OP freaking out.
Start by focusing on keeping your wife healthy (vitamins, real food) and then start reading about natural childbirth. (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth changed my life as a woman considering having a baby.)
It will save you money, but most importantly, it will be good for your wife and your new baby.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
You're going to be a great dad! I recommend Ina May's guide to childbirth it helped me have such a blissful birth. And the womanly art of breastfeeding seriously, buy then now, or borrow from library!!! Best of luck!
I heard such great things about The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy, that when I found out about this pregnancy I ran to the bookstore to pick it up. I don't know if I just didn't understand her humor, but I hated it. I thought it was really condescending and though she claims she is no professional she generalized a lot. I personally did enjoy What to Expect when You're Expecting book, but I was told to completely skip the chapter on food, and that seems to be where a lot of the hatred from the book stems from. I'm currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and so far I like it a lot :)
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way have been two fantastic resources for me. I highly recommend them if you're more into the natural side of childbirth, and I even found them to be a great prep for what's to come even though I haven't really made my mind up about natural vs. ... whatever else happens that day lol. But I felt that they gave a more accurate (and positive) description of what birth is like than any other source I've read so far.
EDIT: for links
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
My book recommendation is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth!
I've been reading Ina May Gaskin and also talking to recent moms who had natural births and it's helping a lot. I'm still nervous and scared, but trying to practice relaxing and changing my mindset about the "pain" of childbirth. One of the women I talked with described it more as just being really uncomfortable - like a bizarre combination of the worst period cramps, intense need to vomit and poop, and lots of weird sensations she'd never felt before. She said the stitches from tearing and later on having a blocked duct when breastfeeding were more painful than labor or birth. I know everyone's experience is different, but it makes me feel a little better to think about it as a lot of strange sensations that might not be best described as painful. If I can survive having a broken bone reset with no anesthesia, then I've got this. :)
I'm pregnant with my first so I don't have the same experience, but in addition to second/thirding the idea of therapy, I would suggest reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (linked below) if you are interested in having a VBAC as well as a healing birth experience this time. The book has tons of real-life birth stories, as well as really good information about how women's bodies naturally work (and how medical interventions often make things worse). Ina May's birth center in Tennessee has incredibly low rates of intervention, including c-section, and she's considered by many people to be the best and most experienced midwife around.
If it's feasible for you - I don't know your location, finances, etc obviously - it would be a good idea to find an experienced midwife or at least a doula who can sympathize with your medical anxiety, give you information and options regarding natural childbirth including VBAC, and help you find a place (whether that's a hospital, birth center, at home, wherever) that you feel safe giving birth.
I, too, have anxiety about medical procedures and I pretty much never go to the doctor - I feel that they treat symptoms and not the underlying problems, and they are too quick to push interventions (not least of all on pregnant/birthing women). That whole "oversized baby" problem is usually not true, and unless you have a deformed pelvis from rickets or something, there are very few true cases where a newborn is physically too large to fit through the mother's pelvis. I am not mentioning this to dig at anything from the past, but to encourage you to believe in your body's natural ability to give birth to the baby that it grows. I'm sorry that you went through a traumatic birth experience with your first and I hope that whatever you decide that the second one will help heal the pain from that.
https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1467611746&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=ina+may%27s+guide+to+childbirth
If you can afford it, get a doula to help you stay focused on your goals and help you advocate for yourself with the medical stuff.
If you haven't read these books, read them, and realize you can still have the birth you want, even in a hospital. They mostly take place in birth centers but I don't think that limits you. Do your midwive's have privileges at your hospital? If I risk out of my birth center my midwive's would still be at the hospital with me helping me avoid intervention when possible.
Spontaneous Joyful Natural Birth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984774696/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_unsmxbPZHJGV9
Ina May's Guide to Childbirth https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553381156/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UnsmxbK2RDTYK
If you want SO's help getting you ready to have the birth you want even in the hospital, have them read this-
The Birth Partner - Revised 4th Edition: A Complete Guide to Childbirth for Dads, Doulas, and All Other Labor Companions https://www.amazon.com/dp/155832819X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Kosmxb3AA7EZB
My wife is tiny, too. Not short, but super thin, naturally. Everyone always told her that she wouldn't be able to have kids without having c-section, but she was determined. With our first, we read a lot to prepare and learned about what the various ideas on birth are. A favorite read for us was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It's kinda on the hippy/crunchy end of the spectrum but it gave her a lot of confidence in the idea that she was made for the job. A lot of other books focus on the problems you might encounter, but not on the central fact of the matter which is that women are made for it.
That said, we had a great birth plan for our first that reflected exactly what she hoped to get out of the experience. She wanted to try to go through with the birth as naturally as possible, with no interventions. No induction of labor, no epidural, no cesarean. We wrote it up, and she signed some papers giving me the power to make decisions during her stay. I'm not going to lie to you, there came a point in the evening of his birth when she told me to "eff it, give me drugs.. a c-section...whatever it takes. Just get him out!". I didn't let her have it, and it was HARD not to, after nearly 3 hours of pushing (not including the 10 hours or so of laboring...). In the end, it was worth it. She did it how she wanted, and we came home right after with a beautiful son.
Her recovery went smoothly and our stay was over the next afternoon.
For that one, we made the birth plan maybe a month and a half or two months in advance. We planned to do the same for the second but she was born 3 months early, so we were confronted in more emergency situations with the decisions. She ended up hospitalized for weeks with an IV drip of magnesium sulfate, and occasional shots of steroids to help our baby's lungs develop. She labored for 9 days in a hospital bed, and in the end had to have an epidural for the birth. Our daughter was born vaginally and weighed only 3lbs, and is now a perfectly healthy (nearly) 1 year old.
tll;dr: things might go as planned, or might not. Make a plan and try to stick with it, but don't sweat it if you're thrown a curve ball. Be there in whatever capacity your wife needs, and you'll make it through.
mag sulfate used to be used to slow labor, but has been found apparently to not necessarily do that. There have been studies that show, however, that in premature births, babies born while it's being administered have a lower incidence of brain damage. Scary stuff.
I was having a pregnancy hormone induced night last night when i wrote this. I really wasnt expecting anyone to even read this. Thank you to all who responded. I am currently reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which was an eye opener for me about how your body performs under stress. I have been using the breathing techniques and my anxiety has started to lessen. I am always looking for positive books on parenting and so I will definitely pick that one up as well. I called and am waiting for a call back tomorrow on a list of therapists for myself and my husband and i. Thank you guys again for your encouraging words. It really means a lot.
Here's a dissertation on the topic of unassisted childbirths: http://ir.uiowa.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1387&amp;context=etd
The estimate is 5,000 in North America per year. There are many valid reasons to consider it. My wife did not feel respected at all in her first labor. So we are planning for an unassisted (home) childbirth for our child on the way. She feels safer birthing at home than at the hospital. We much better prepared this time around, read books (Labor Progress Handbook, Husband-Coached Childbirth, Spiritual Midwifery, and Guide to Childbirth), and taking a Bradley Method course.
If someone is courageous/desperate/traumatized enough to consider unassisted home birth and share such with you, your conversation with her will likely be more productive by starting with finding out her reasons. This will likely help you meet her where she is. Feel free to post back about how the conversation evolves.
If you are in the US, you can choose between
Generally, OBs see birth as a medical event (in which a woman's body is often faulty and require a doctor to bail out). That's why all the restrictions are placed on the woman giving birth. I think OBs have come a long way since literally strapping moms down, but then again all the birth stories here seem to always mention pit and epidural, so I am not so sure...
Traditional midwives see birth as a natural event (in which a woman's body is designed to give birth, and it should be only in extreme exceptional cases when a doc is needed). Hence midwives encourage you to do what you feel instinctively to want to do during birth, whether changing positions or eating and drinking.
CNW span somewhere in between. The difference between CNW and a traditional midwife is that CNWs are nurses who receive medical training. Whereas a traditional midwife usually comes from experienced based training.
I highly recommend reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" to get a full understanding of how traditional midwife believes contrast to that of OB.
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156
Hope this helps.
I tend to do pretty well with pain in general, and it really was like intense period cramps; but I had also done lots of mental prep for labor pain in particular. A great resource for me was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which helped me frame the pain of labor contractions in a productive, actually kind of beautiful way. I mentioned thinking of them as waves--well, I grew up on a farm, so I visualized them a lot in advance as waves of wind through wheat fields; and I love trees, so I connected the idea of labor to the breezes waving through the branches--especially during woodsy walks. In general, whenever I was walking and things got uncomfy or having Braxton-Hicks, I did those kinds of visualizations as well as deep breathing with my intentions directed toward labor practice. Additionally, I really connected with the pregnancy and birth stories from various religions, so my labor preparation and expectations were deeply spiritual for me too. I think that prep helped me not do any second guessing during the real deal. Funnily, my midwife applauded my physical control and bodily self-knowledge afterwards, but I've actually got a history of feeling disconnected from and out of control of my body, with some out of body experiences since childhood and some chronic pain issues--however, I did some major mental work with those issues during my pregnancy, so that probably helped too.
I did not have to visit the hospital, thankfully! My SO said my midwife was making some concerned faces towards the end, and she admitted she thought she might have to do an episiotomy--but she didn't, though I had three 1st degree tears that she stitched. I've had a UTI this past week, but that's as complicated as it has gotten, thankfully!
I hope the additional info helps!