Reddit mentions of Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook

I cannot stress this enough: do not be coy with him. Don't be vague, don't drop hints, don't slip a coil of rope under his pillow. A partner who is straightforward and unambiguous in their sexual interests is male Nirvana, and I don't mean the band. Conversely, someone who is vague and hint dropping without ever clearly defining what is and is not okay is hellish. When it is something like this where the line between "happy fun times" and "sexual assault and/or battery" can be really thin, that's cheerfully waltzing into the land of eternal vanilla sex.

Men LIKE knowing what their partners are into. Having a partner with specific turnons like yours is awesome. Having a partner with a fetish is, usually, even more awesome. Be open, be gentle, explain that you will be content without these activities but that you fantasize about doing this with him and that you would really like to try. Stress the imperial "we" if you think he is going to be uncomfortable in the context of "doings things to you." Work with eachother to create safe practices, and set clear limits and boundaries. While it might kill the romance a little, having a "script" of things you want done to you will help, especially if you are just going to add in a rough element or two to normal sexual sessions to gradually introduce him to the idea. If he loves you enough to marry you, he loves you enough to work with you on this. We can be surprisingly trainable when it comes to finding things sexually arousing.

Some recommended reading!

• Sex is Fun!
  
• The Guide to Getting it On
  
• Erotic Bondage Handbook, which has a good safety focus
  
• This looks good, though I have not read it myself.
  
  Good luck!

If this boyfriend might be a long-time thing and he's into being controlled now and then, I recommend this book about bondage; for the simple reason that it will teach you what kind of rope to get, and how to tie a good knot.

It drives my guy absolutely crazy. The thing is, guys who (sometimes) want to be dominated really like it when it's the real thing; ie: not just a random scarf that you're loosely tying around their wrists, wink wink. My guy couldn't get out of these knots if a fire broke out in the place. And if you're into the control thing, as he is, that is fucking HOT. (Fire not withstanding.)

Summary: great book. At first I didn't know what to do with my guy once I had him completely subdued, but once I saw how much my being in total control turned him on... pretty easy to go from there. You blow him a kiss and he loses it.

The New Topping Book - For good general Dom knowledge

The New Bottoming Book - For good general Sub knowledge

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction - Nice Intro Book

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - Another good book into BDSM

Two Knotty Books: Showing You the Ropes - Good knot book

Two Knotty Boys: Back on the Ropes - Another good knot book

Erotic Bondage Handbook - Another knot book

Shibari You can USe - Book on Shibari knots

Videos on knots - TwistedMonk

Link dump!

Threads:
1,
2,
3,
4.

Instructionals: Two Knotty Boys,
Twisted Monk.

Books: Showing you the Ropes,
Back On the Ropes, Complete Shibari,
Erotic Bondage Handbook.

Must Know Knots: One Comlun Tie,
Two Column Tie.

Subreddits: /r/bondage, /r/kinbaku+shibari, /r/bdsmdiy

That should be a good start. Also, look for any related posts to this one, there are about a million (This question is asked every few days, and there are some great answers in the logs.)

You can have a lot of humour whilst you're in a scene - don't worry about that. Once she's tied up you can joke that you're off down the pub (don't actually do this - one should never be restrained unsupervised) or that you're going to invite the lads around for a viewing. "Well, what do you want me to do instead?" - making her tell you what she wants can be quite difficult for her. Maybe she finds that humiliating, but it's not like you're "giving her power" or that she's "topping from the bottom" when you ask her that, as don't have to do as she suggests, anyway - add variations or just do something completely different. When she's begging you to stop, you can play games like "but I thought you wanted me to hurt you". If, when kidding around with her, she finds the opportunity to make a joke at your expense, then you can "punish" her for that.

You don't become a dominant or "play a role", but you should be being yourself, letting the dominant side come out of you. When I tie my girl up, there's not going to be any of this talking "dominant" or "sternly" to her, because I couldn't take that seriously. Black leather and candles and stylising ropes is all a bit too "flowery" to me - instead I'm just gonna be myself. I'm just ordinary me as I tie her up, or there's going to be struggling (her consent is given in advance).

Read up on safety (Wiseman's rope book, SM101) and start just by tying her up when you screw. Confidence will come with that. A sci-fi author once ascribed "monkey inquisitiveness" to torturers, and I think there's an aspect of that to me - when the control is handed over to me, that way, by a pain slut, I become very mischievous. There's no set way you have to behave - you can just be yourself.

No one is going to know the two of you better than the two of you. While it can be fun to swap techniques with other players, most "mentorship" relationships are unnecessary and often smoke-screen for toxic dynamics.

My favorite book in my library to loan to the recently-interested is "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns." It's certainly "classic" and legend has it that it was orginially laid out on a copy machine, but it remains one of the best survey-level resources out there for loving people doing this stuff because its fun in a non-commercial setting. Revolutionary for the time when most media was centered around Commercial Domination(tm.) A classic then, still excellent now.

I have so many "technique" books it's hard to narrow them down, but the first I would pick up is "Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook." Rope is useful, rope is cheap, rope is versatile, and with a few simple guidelines rope is remarkably safe. The biggest guideline being "don't do weight-bearing rope unless that's a specific fetish you're into and have spent a few years getting good at it." This book isn't about Japanese-style rope with an eye towards moving on to suspension, although I have books like that and I love them. This is about using Western style rope to keep things out of the way while having safe, sane, and consensual sexytimes. Simple techniques, creative applications, and a thrumming focus on safety make it a great start.

Comboing the two should give you a pretty good start on some neat ideas, save you some dosh by making it easier to put together a toybag that's not going to require a lot of cash outlay, and hopefully keep you away from handcuffs. I own a pair, I use them for capture play, but the can be prone to causing injuries both superficial and serious so you really don't want to be moving around while wearing them. Rope may not be 100% safe but it's certainly safe-er.

If you're interested in branching out a bit more, or you learn better from videos, or you would like to get your education and your porn fix at the same time, kink.com's Kink University has both a commercial site and a free sample feed of guest teachers that cover a wide, wide variety of activities with a focus on learning enough skills to have fun while getting an overview of what the kink/activity "is."

If you don't mind being marketed to a bit, Extreme Restraint's XR University and their Pornhub mirror, which is not verified so I won't link it here, are also excellent. Generally the two hosts bring in a guest star and speak to them about a certain kink for the first half of the vid, then do a hands on demonstration for the second half, interspersed with two-three commercials. The good news is that they go very in depth on the products used, make recommendations for ones they particularly like, and make it clear where they can be purchased. The maybe-bad news is that's because they sell them through their online store and are doing this to make money. Personally, I respect the hustle, love the videos, and think selling toys by teaching people to play with them is a great idea where everyone wins, but I don't judge the people who are bothered by the idea it's primarily an infomercial. Your mileage may vary.

In short, don't spend money on dominatrix time unless you just want to spend money on having that kind of experience. Do talk with each other and if you feel like it grab a few books and some pleasant-enough-feeling cheap rope and experiment. You can, and almost certainly will, buy more expensive and specialized stuff later, or just learn some techniques for safely manhandling each other that make rope unneeded if you get into that. Or all of the above. Mostly, just have fun and take care of each other and everything else will work out. Good luck and have fun.

(Disclaimer: links to commercial products and websites included for convenience only. I have no business relationship with anyone in this post other than happy customer and receive no compensation other than the warm fuzzy feeling of passing on recommendations that were given to me when I was starting. 1/4 inch nylon is fine and if you tie it in a pillowcase you can just chuck it straight into the washing machine and dryer. Fnord.)

Knotty boys have a lot of instructionals on their site, and even more on YouTube.
Twisted Monk Has some great introductory stuff.

There are a million and a half book, including Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook. Head to a sex shop, browse their books. Have fun! :)

The Loving Dominant is an excellent introduction to the majority of common kinks. It covers everything from safety concerns on a physical and mental level to glossing over some 'inspiration'. I highly recommend reading.

Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook is a book by the famous Jay Wiseman, it is a wonderful primer on the philosophy behind bondage and covers everything from the kinds of rope/cloth you should use to several useful knots.

Twisted Monk is both a supplier of ropes and (I believe) silks but also has several quality introduction videos to get you going.

Honestly, the best way to learn is by (safe) self-experimentation. Try it on yourself, bind your feed together, try out your new idea for stacking the rope so the knot doesn't bite too much. Always have a pair of safety(EMT) shears.

If you have any further questions I'll do my best to answer.

TLDR:

http://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/search?q=ideas&sort=relevance&restrict_sr=on

Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook

Here it is, the Erotic Bondage Handbook It's nice because it describes a variety of positions and the benefits of each for different types of sex.

http://www.amazon.com/Jay-Wisemans-Erotic-Bondage-Handbook/dp/1890159131

One of my favorites.

And another real good one.

And one of the classics.

You want a basic chest harness. Twisted Monk gives a good start. You could also get Midoris Book or Jay Wisemans Book. As you progress, you can also put her into predicament bondage that allows her to vary the pressure and angle she feels. I have a nose hook I'm looking forward to using in conjunction with my anal hook.

I started out with something like this. I used Z-line instead of braided cord, but it's really personal preference. Nylon is nice because it's soft and comfy, though it may slip easier than other ropes because it's got less tooth (so some kinds of knots work better than others). The advantage of having a long length to begin with is that you can choose what lengths you'd like to cut from it. 6' and 12' lengths work well for most limb ties, depending upon what you're doing, but you'll probably need 20, 30, even 50 foot lengths if doing more intricate body harnesses. If you're not sure what you're interested in just yet, do a few shorter lengths and then one or two longer ones. Once you cut the lengths to your liking, you can slip some heat shrink tubing over the ends and run a lighter over them a few times to seal the ends and keep the rope from fraying.

I also recommend Jay Wiseman's "Erotic Bondage Handbook" as it not only gives a great overview of a lot of different ties, but also focuses the first 1/3 of the book on things you'll need to keep in mind for safety and comfort. There are things that can go wrong, but it's not much to worry about as long as you learn from the experience and mistakes of people who've been in the scene a while.

I used to have this one and really liked it.