Sorry to hear that. I have a good friend with serious depression, so I know how hard that can be. I *don't* have serious depression, but every once in a while I do get "down". The thing that helps me the most is lion's mane mushroom extract. Not a cure-all, but takes the edge off and makes things that would normally bother you, not bother you. Legal and reasonably cheap ($30) [on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Real-Mushrooms/dp/B01DKZZFCE).

The other thing that helps me is running. When The Vandy Nurse broke up with me, I started running 10 miles a day a couple days a week. It's impossible to be depressed when you're exhausted and can't move without something hurting. My body was pumping out endorphins by the gallon, and it felt rather euphoric. Do some exercise, and I don't mean "take a hike", but something that's at the physical limit of what you can do. Run 10 miles, or try a few hours of P90X or Insanity. You'll feel a ton better.

The bleeding edge of depression research is ketamine, transcranial magnetic stimulation, and psilocybin (magic mushrooms). All three seem to have efficacy against treatment-resistant depression. Ironically, the easiest to acquire and possibly the most productive is also the most illegal. If you spend a few minutes searching on "shrooms", you'll figure out how to acquire all the things you need legally. I have zero experience taking psilocybin or any other tryptamine analogues, but I helped aforementioned friend grow some to treat their depression. When they work, they *work*. Like a total mental reset button.

https://www.popsci.com/magic-mushrooms-safe#page-5

https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-discovered-how-magic-mushrooms-alleviate-depression-antidepressants-psilocybin-amygdala

As Tennessee can't even let dying cancer patients use weed to treat their pain because "Jeebus", legal psilocybin is probably 20 years out. I've never heard of police raiding a house for growing personal-use amounts of shrooms, but you are taking some risk by doing so.

Ketamine works for some, not others. For some people it's absolutely magic. For my friend, it worked a week at a time, which was better than nothing. It can have serious side-effects with long-term use, including bladder toxicity, but if it works, it may be worth it. Scientists have already determine that it isn't ketamine itself which does it, but one of its metabolites (2R,6R)-HNK (hydroxynorketamine) which does it. The metabolite may be safer than ketamine itself, and once scientists understand its method of action, they can likely design a drug with the same effect but much safer.

TMS does work, but from what I've read takes multiple sessions, isn't cheap, and is only available at a small number of centers around the country. Vanderbilt apparently has one, which is good, but you'll likely need insurance to cover it.

Hope it helps. What you're going through sucks donkey balls, but it isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That mantra has helped me get through the past few months. Don't think, just do.

skip host defense.. its from mycellium.

Get this instead: https://www.amazon.com/Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Real-Mushrooms/dp/B01DKZZFCE/ref=sr_1_9_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1524592127&sr=1-9&keywords=lions%2Bmane&th=1

Lion's mane mushroom extract works well for focus, anxiety, mood. It keeps you calm and lasts all day long too. Just make sure you buy from a seller that utilizes the fruiting body rather than just the mycelium.

Edit: This is a good one.

First, the bags.

I'm currently getting mine from http://unicornbags.com/

1. Type 14A
   
   Lions mane LOVES wood. Wood is a must for lions mane. I use hardwood fuel pellets and sawdust from the a local mill. I supplement with 20% wheat bran (only bran I can get from local tractor supply). And gypsum of course.
   
   You must sterilize the bags, this is were a BIG pressure cooker comes in handy.
   
   Lions mane wants to fruit before it fully colonizes, so be sure to use a lot of spawn to the bags and shake it up.
   
   
   Oh, you are going to need a fruiting chamber if you don't have one already.
   
   PM me your address and I will send a few over to you.
   
   
   For Gourmet, everything is kept on cultures. If you are going to get into this to constantly grow, certainly need a pressure cooker and use the cup of agar tek, or peti dishes with agar.
   
   
   ~$25 for a 5 pound bag of spawn is not unreasonable though.
   
   
   The culture we have is not very "seafood" I have had them in the past when it tastes much more like crab or lobster. I find it to have a subtle taste. Goes great when you make it into something. I can't imagine just eating it like an apple.
   
   
   Finally, maybe you want to try it out before you go whole hog with your new hobby:
   
   https://www.amazon.com/Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Real-Mushrooms/dp/B01DKZZFCE/ref=pd_bxgy_121_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01DKZZFCE&pd_rd_r=56FW7RX86FANFHMP8JWM&pd_rd_w=o1I5w&pd_rd_wg=aDq4K&psc=1&refRID=56FW7RX86FANFHMP8JWM

I found these guys: Real Mushrooms.. Been using their Lions Mane for like a month and I feel more of an improvement than some other brands I've tried (Stamets brand and another). Seems like I can think more objectively and I'm more articulate when speaking (always been a challenge for me)..

I actually know the area where they are made too. Roberts Creek in British Columbia.. Full of super hippies. If anyone is going to produce a quality product with mushrooms, it would be there. Roberts Creek also is where Holy Crap Cereal comes from :D

Link:

https://www.amazon.ca/Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Real-Mushrooms/dp/B01DKZZFCE/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_rp_c__3/135-7128696-1452246?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01DKZZFCE&pd_rd_r=6d48f77a-9f10-40d2-8f64-840307850859&pd_rd_w=EEG2n&pd_rd_wg=CqOqw&pf_rd_p=d6cae6ae-f558-400c-b23c-f68dd3c2609a&pf_rd_r=P3XZ0S449TPMECMX5PHQ&psc=1&refRID=P3XZ0S449TPMECMX5PHQ

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01DKZZFCE/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

This is what I use. You can take it as a powder or in a capsule. I did the powder. If you do end up trying it let me know how it works for you please! Also, read the reviews. So many people found it to work for them for a lot of different reasons.

Wrong. Read the second image. Just have to know the right brands.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01DKZZFCE/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

$25CAD ($20US) for 2 months worth? I think the bag lasts me closer to 3 months as I dont ALWAYS add it...

https://www.amazon.ca/Lions-Mane-Mushroom-Extract-Powder/dp/B01IQ9U0WE/

I might go with this one for $40 next time

https://www.amazon.ca/Mushroom-Extract-Powder-Real-Mushrooms/dp/B01DKZZFCE/

Interesting. Do you have some reading materials for this?

edit: I assume something like this is what you'd consider to be better?

Literally every single supplement absorbs much better when in powder form. Fuck that foursigmatic shit man, go browse Amazon for mushroom powder from 'fruiting bodies.'

Real Mushrooms (from what I've read, these might be the best.)

Wild Shroom (this is what I use.)

Freshcap

I would read some reviews, and compare [dollar] / [ounce]