Reddit mentions of Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World (How to Use the Power of Pleasure)

Honey, your husband might very well be a Narcissist in his own right.

Let's take it step by step in this, because he fucked up by the numbers:

First of all, it is NORMAL to celebrate wedding anniversaries. Even if someone has to work, loving couples will raincheck the celebration. Anniversaries are MILESTONES. They are also a chance to look back, recommit, reaffirm the love and the relationship. Remember how the vows say love and cherish? This is not loving, or cherishing. This is DISRESPECTFUL of you as a human being, and of the Marriage itself.

SO, he chose a work shift over you anniversary. EVEN if money is tight to the point of foodstamps, there are 365 days in a year, and he could have picked up extra shifts on any of them. He could drive Uber. He could sell blood... what I'm saying is, he chose not to make this a priority. And that hurt your feelings. Guess what? Those were a legitimate emotional response. YOU GET TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. I'm an objective stranger on the internet, and I'm gonna tell ya - he was HURTFUL. You were HURT.

You had every right to cry and have at him over this. But you didn't... you shut yourself up and shut yourself down and dealt with your emotional processing privately by some self care. Then, without HIM having to deal with even one molecule of actual negativity from you, over his asshole choice, you texted him back, accepting the shit he was pulling.

And he adds to the injury by STATING he doesn't care. Honey, have you heard of the manipulation tactic of instigate-and-feign-ignorance? Because he just pulled it. THIS was what really outed him as having ZERO EMPATHY.

And I get your side:
>I know. And I don't want to do it if you don't want to. It would only be fun to celebrate if we both really wanted it.

Yeah, because when he doesn't want to do something, he makes sure he sucks all the joy out of it, finds ways to shit on it and spoil it for you, doens't he? This ain't yru first rodeo, dealing with this bullshit. You're already becoming numb and frozen, that "learned hopelessness" response. You know "what he'll be like" if you try to get your needs met. Will he pull the suffering martyr routine? The begrudging bratty pout? The "you promised me a great time and this sucks" attitude? ( You do all the work of planning, get excited, and then he pops your bubble of joy as a punishment while the Thing is happening, so by the time you get home all the work you put into the Thing was so not worth it after all... lesson learned, you've been trained, you'll hesitate before trying that again.)

He then used the manipulation technique of PROJECTION to turn it around and call YOU "passive aggressive" - up, you were not passive aggressive, or any kind of aggressive, at all. You had feelings, You are human. You were disappointed because the situation is hurtful and disappointing and he chose that instead of honoring you like he promised to on the wedding day.

>I was really irritated and typed: "Actually I don't. I got upset but now I am calm again."

>And he got really angry and said he wasn't buying into my bullshit, I was guilt tripping him by making him feel like he wouldn't give a crap about me and the relationship.

However, his angry reaction, that you are genuinely confused by? This is yet a fresh, new form of covert manipulation that Narcissists use. Anger. Directed at you. For daring to show the slightest expression of PERSONHOOD. Like you are only allowed to exist in a way he is pleased by, that he decides yoru thoughts, feelings, and your right to express them... or he gets angry. How dare his toy not smile and tell him how great he is?

Honey, this is NOT about the ACTUAL ANNIVERSARY. It is aobut a power imbalance in your relationship. It is about your partner not fulfilling your very reasonable, very normal emotional needs - and telling you he has no desire to ever do that, that he doesn't care, and that if you express any dissatisfaction about this status quo, he will verbally and emotionally blackmail you. This is not a nurturing, healthy, relationship. You have a right in your marriage to get your own needs met, to expect reciprocity, to be able to speak your truth and have it understood and validated.

Two Books:

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare

and

Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts

comment content: You need to download and install the Breathe2Relax app on yoru phone and use it several times throughout the day so your overall anxiety starts to diminish, and you won't have these attacks.

DO ignore her.

DO polish up your resume and start looking for a new job. As I understand it, you are getting divorced and it is close to being finalized? Yes? You already have a RO against your ex, and now the Cease & Desist is going to Giada. Honey, this can be the start of a fabulous new phase in your life. Maybe you want to live in a part of the country where your bedroom window wakes up under palm trees. Maybe you have a year in Paris ahead of you. When you're so busy looking back over your shoulder you can't be looking forward with any joy and certainty at your future. You've already let these two nasty energy vampires suck too many years of your life away.

First, get yourself a copy of Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts. It will help you get your groove back and find your fun side again after all of this. Start getting in touch with what you like, what lights you up fromt he inside, what you want out of life... and then start moving forward and creating your new life without these two monsters in it.

2 years from now, you could be living in a beautiful place, making scads more money, and having a wonderful guy who appreciates you and spoils you rotten and lives for pleasing YOU.

I also want to suggest something to you, when it comes to N's.... they get their Nsupply (sweet, sweet candy to them) by very twisted things. It could be that now that you are out of the picture in your Ex's life, he has somebody new and just to torture that new girl, Giada is holding you up like the second coming of Christ. Even tho9ugh she never treated you that way when you were with her son, NOW you are a weaponized memory she can use to hurt the nest one "Oooh, I talked to Anonymousemousegirl and she's SUCH a sweetie! We're going to go out for a Girlfriends lunch after Easter Mass." --- Doesn't matter that it's COMPLETELY fabricated and insane, think about how hurtful that would be to someone new who has no idea what she's in for with this awful, horrible set of people next.

subreddit: JUSTNOMIL

submission title: Giada just texted me. Advice please.

redditor: 8365815

comment permalink: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/639nhn/giada_just_texted_me_advice_please/dftf308