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Reddit mentions of Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
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Reddit mentions: 55
We found 55 Reddit mentions of Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. Here are the top ones.
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Words out of my mouth. With the isolation thing, I have found some like-minded individuals who I can chill with from time to time to fall into worthwhile conversation and debate. Tending to be INTJs, (not like that matters), the fresh insight and alternative perspectives that they provide make me value another's company and appreciate some relationships. Still, my amount of solitude is ridiculous. I love it, but can make me feel inadequate and ashamed when around others. A quote (from the movie Hot Rod... I know) I like to remind myself of: It's only embarrassing if you care what people think.
In terms of thinking spirals, the incessant flow of my thoughts was actually what led to my exploration of the world of intoxication. This could numb my head for a while, but believe it or not I quickly grew to miss my constant internal monologue. It's part of who you are as a person, and hey if anything it keeps things interesting.
The depressive and anxious states can be closely correlated with the constant analyzing (duh) due to the exhausting nature of such thinking, but the two are much higher correlated when negative thinking patterns have etched a strong synaptic path in your brain. Back in June I finally realized just how wholly and severely this subconscious negative spin had on my mental, emotional, perspective, and social states. Remember when you were a kid, and you'd swim in a circle in the hot tub to make a whirlpool, then suddenly try to swim in the opposite direction? That is literally (yes literally) how I visualized my thinking spiral in my mind, deciding to try to push against the current and shift my thought patterns into the opposite direction. I began reading up on not only how to shift my thinking into a clockwise direction, (get it, like counter-clockwise is negativity because you keep going back and cluttering your mind with thoughts of the past), but also why to make such a shift. Show me the statistically significant evidence and I'm in.
It's been almost four months to the day now; I've had multiple people comment on how positive, optimistic, and upbeat I am, which I find utterly hilarious. I haven't had any sharp dips in emotion, I am better able to focus my time and energy on the task at hand, and I feel almost as if I have a clearer lens on my perspective of life. It isn't even a conscious thing, which was exactly the goal. In fact, this is the first time I've thought about this in a number of months. My reflex response now moves in the clockwise (wise ha) direction of thinking. Looks like I've finally reversed the swirl of water in my whirlpool!
I'll link the sources that helped my mental shift if you want. This is really long I'm going to stop now. As much as I feel I can never properly express myself, this feels good to write it out. Thanks for that.
Edit: Hope I don't sound like I've got it all figured out. Just sharing a small victory that has had slight yet significant benefit on my life.
Edit: SOME THINGS I'VE FOUND HELPFUL: (I can't give full credit to any one thing... ultimately I just held it in the back of my mind as a goal, subconsciously acting on it)
^^ These have been most helpful to me.
From there, I think it was a mix of past knowledge and (some of) the sources I mentioned above, as well as random other readings and conversations. I want to continue linking things but I must go study. Here's a science of happiness research article dump (stolen from Happify): http://my.happify.com/research/ . Or just go to http://my.happify.com/science for scaled down summaries of some of these (have to make a free account first I believe... worth it).
Y'all looking at this list I made I'm frustrated because I can't pinpoint one specific source that pushed me from contemplation into action. Hopefully these resources in addition to your own experiences will be enough for at least one of you to make a significant and lasting change.
Another resource for CBT recommended to me was Mind Over Mood
I don't know. The guy does seem to be fairly academic.
There was a discussion of CBT on reddit about a year ago, where I found that book, and they also recommended this workbook:
Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think, by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky
Mind Over Mood has been a pretty popular text as an introduction to CBT. It's been a long time since I went through it, but I remember it laying the process out very clearly and giving examples to work through.
I don't know your situation at all but to me it sounds to me like a classic case of excessive anxiety. It also seems like you're already on your way by acknowledging some of your thoughts are the product of a high sensitivity to anxiety and are not based in reality. I've done CBT for years and its helped me to realize the key isn't to try and reason through your feelings. Mostly likely, many of the assumptions you make are false and a product of excessive worrying -- the issue often lies with false beliefs which are a product of high-anxiety sensitivity. There are great books out there to help you build some meta-thinking techniques to challenge false beliefs.
https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283
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Just from what you've said I bet you're overestimating the risk of being fired. It sounds like you've only done a good job so far, you've been given more responsibility because other people think you can handle it. Even if that faith is misplaced (which seems unlikely) its hard to imagine how a screw up in this context will make it hard for you to find another job.
FWIW antidepressants did nothing for me. I was on Zoloft for about a year to treat depression and anxiety. I experienced no noticeable change in my symptoms and the withdrawal while weening off it was terrible. Personally, I wouldn't recommend SSRIs to anyone.
What did end up helping me was meditation, exercise, improving my diet, and self-administered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The evidence for CBT is pretty solid.
>CBT was somewhat superior to antidepressants in the treatment of adult depression.
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>Eleven studies compared response rates between CBT and other treatments or control conditions. CBT showed higher response rates than the comparison conditions in seven of these reviews and only one review reported that CBT had lower response rates than comparison treatments. In general, the evidence-base of CBT is very strong.
I have found success with using CBT methods myself using the book Mind Over Mood so I did not feel the need to work with a professional. However, it is clear to me that CBT would be easier and more effective if administered by a therapist.
Another potential route that a professional could assist with is getting a prescription to naltrexone or acamprosate, which have been shown to reduce cravings for alcohol.
>Both acamprosate and naltrexone are effective as adjuvant therapies for alcohol dependence in adults. Acamprosate appears to be especially useful in a therapeutic approach targeted at achieving abstinence.
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>Naltrexone increases control over alcohol urges and improves cognitive resistance to thoughts about drinking.
Antidepressants might work for some people, but there are a lot of other options out there as well that a professional could assist with. There is a great wiki page on /r/anxiety about how to go about finding a therapist/psychiatrist.
gettinghelp
There is no shame is asking for help. I had to work up a lot of courage to ask about zoloft and even though it didn't really help me, I'm glad that I tried it because it marked a commitment to getting better and it set me on a good path.
edit: added a little bit more.
Look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, either through a psychologist, app or book.
It's about noticing your thoughts and redirecting them though the help of different exercises.
I'm currently reading Mind Over Mood.
http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283
It's opened my eyes to the self sabotaging behaviors I engage in. Slowly working through the exercises. I think they are the best part because you see where you are truly at.
I've had a psychologist before and she really helped me. Now I don't have access to one because I live in a non English-speaking country. Using the book as a guide.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It's short-term (max 10 sessions) and very focused on a specific goal, uses practical tools. If you aren't able to spend that kind of money, here are some things I suggest:
http://www.louisehay.com/ this website is helpful. There is some airy fairy irritating stuff but also some really good things.
I would suggest this workbook to do CBT by yourself: http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283 (It's helpful and easy.)
Good luck!
I've got this book but never read it. Personally I don't like the CBT "homework" like assignments and tracking and monitoring.
I work with belief systems, metaphor, hypnosis, and relaxation.
This was recommended to me before I took my CBT course.
And there is a clinician's manual to accompany it.
Hey, no problem. Therapy can be intimidating, but it doesn't have to be a big deal, and despite common wisdom, you don't need a "problem" to benefit.
If you'd like to take steps on your own before you're able to find affordable therapy, the book Mind Over Mood is often recommended by CBT psychologists. I think the title makes it sound like wishy-washy sort of self-help, but in truth it's based on an established, evidence based therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
A new edition just came out, but there's nothing wrong with the previous one and you can pick it up a used copy for about $6-$8 on Amazon (shipping included). Check it out if you're so inclined. It won't provide that sense of understanding that a good therapist can, but it can equip you with a few tools to better manage your day-to-day.
Good luck!
You and her should go to a professional together, start with your Dr and go from there. Explain fully what is happening. It sounds like depression for sure, there's lots of options to help with it. Some include medication some don't, it's between you guys to figure out what she's comfortable with.
A book I found really helpful with changing how your mind and moods work is called Mind Over Mood.
http://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283
I hope she feels better soon!
Reaching out is a great step to getting better. I have been in your shoes to the T. I'm sure if your social anxiety is as debilitating as you say it is it must be very hard just to reach out for help, so good for you.
I imagine my anxiety as a tiger, when it was a little cub, it would meow and beg for food and I would feed it without any thought. As it got older, it grew in strength and intimidation. At some point it became so strong and terrifying and it would growl at me I had no choice to feed it, for fear would eat me. It is a long process but you have to starve your tiger, and re learn how to confront social situations. You have to get out there and connect with people. Try social anxiety group therapy, [you can find free and low cost sessions] (http://group-therapy.meetup.com/cities/us/co/denver/)
Depression is a whole other animal, I've seen a few therapists and psychiatrists, there are many schools of thought on treatment, one revolves around working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is a fantastic book that is a no-nonsense approach to CBT all on your own written by psychologists who treat manic depression. It has helped me that I'd suggest you go to a library and get: Mind Over Mood . Meditation can change your life and health in so many ways: imagine being particularly down in one moment and realizing that you could escape all of those feelings for just a brief moment of relief, meditation can accomplish this and help you in the long term. /r/Meditation. Everyone else gave great links, here are some more: [How to replace a lost Social Security card] (http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/251/~/replace-a-social-security-card-for-an-adult) ... also free resources for mental health care in Colorado [here] (http://www.mhacolorado.org/hostsites?submenuheader=0). Hope the best for you. Keep asking for help if you need to.
This may come off as disrespectful or minimizing, but I've been fighting with depression and lethargy for the past 9+ years. Two things that really got me out of my funk were 1. Reading this comic, (if it doesn't help, read every single other zenpencils, and then read it again, and again.) and 2. Starting to do some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy stuff on my own, out of the book Mind Over Mood. (Seeing a counsellor who specializes in CBT is no doubt better, but with less money getting the workbook or finding something online works.) The basic premise, and the thing that I've been doing, is every time something happens and you have a negative thought - say, spending the whole day in bed and thinking "my life is worthless" - you write down (has to be written) all your negative thoughts, then find neutral and positive thoughts - e.g., my life has equal value to any other, value of life is not quantifiable, there are people in my life who value me.
Apparently it actually trains your brain to make connections from events to neutral or positive thoughts instead of automatically negative.
Bon courage, I hope you find what you're looking for.
This is the book.
Thanks so much for the good wishes. :-)
I felt like it treated the symptoms but didn't really cure the disease. For me, social anxiety was more related to an inability to control my emotions and to always get stuck in negative mental loops. When I paired it with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I began to really fix the problem.
Self-help books might be a good option for you. You need to be self-motivated to get through some of them, which has proven to be a problem for me in the past... but I do know of people who have managed to beat depression just by continually reading self-help books until they find the one that works for them.
The only book that I can suggest off the top of my head is Mind over mood. It's a very popular cognitive therapy workbook for people with anxiety and depression.
Im 20, and about 2 weeks ago I was feeling the utter depths of depression. Not suicidal, but maybe having thoughts. I'd never do so, but its all the same to most people. Then, I decided to drive 800 miles to see my family. I needed it. My parents are wonderfully supportive, my teen sister is pretty great when she wants to be, and I have a baby sister that will need me at some point. My grandparents are loving too (even if my grandpa calls me "uglier-than-me" jokingly).
VISIT, but do so cautiously. She's probably already paranoid of any intervention. Make up some other excuse why you're visiting. Remind her that she matters, everything will be okay, and that you are always a call/drive/plane flight away. Also, while I visited, my dad gave me a book called Mind Over Mood. Its a cognitive behavior self-help workbook. I'm only 4 chapters in, but it is really making me realize that how I think is part of my depression.
Good luck, and dont be afraid to get her some help if needed.
Hey there! I was in the same boat as you for several years and am still dealing with it. For the longest time I figured because it manifested physically, and I felt happy otherwise, that maybe it would blow over, or I could just take some remedy.
Three years of seeing doctors for what I though was just physical manifestation was a waste of time. Seek psychiatric help, get diagnosed if you haven't already. In two years of seeking help I've gone from being sick 3-4 times a week, to a few times a year. The chest pain is nonexistent. I found the mind over matter books just weren't enough on their own- talking to someone truly helps. I used this one book briefly. Also I know you said you're a student, but schools often provide counselling for students. Seek them out, call the office or registrar, they can likely give you more info.
What your post says, to me, is what depression is.
I would suggest seeing a therapist and beginning CBT. The key to getting out of depression is to change your inner voice. For me, I tried reading the self-help books, but I was having serious trouble applying anything I read about to my actual life. It's like I know what to do, but there's something telling me I can't.
I have been seeing a therapist for about 5 months, and I have learned a lot about the ways that I distort my thinking. I am trying to go through therapy without taking any anti-depressants (for personal reasons). It is very tough to constantly catch, check, and challenge the negative thoughts I have. I still have frequent negative thoughts (and I might always have them, who knows), but I am working on trying to frame them in a healthier way. And this is how I will get better.
Remember, when you are trying to essentially re-program years of negative thought patterns, of course it is going to be tough. I got to the point where I couldn't pull myself out of the rut alone, and didn't see an end in sight, so I got fed up, and reached out. I really do think that you should do the same. You have to actually want to change though, and you must be willing to seriously work at it.
If you don't want to (or can't afford to) do therapy, check out this book (it is the one that I am using with my therapist). I will say, however, that reading a book is no substitute for talking to a real person.
Best of luck to you, let me know if you want to talk at all.
I don't have any local recommendations for you, but I do have a few world-class recommendations that will cost you much less in time and money.
For CBT, check out Dr. David Burn's book - Feeling Good: You can pick it up online for like $5. It is a light and interesting read, lots of stories. Here is a study about "Feeling Good": "This study provided empirical evidence that a behavioral prescription for Feeling Good may be as effective as standard care, which commonly involves an antidepressant prescription."
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20803165
For mindfulness, the fountainhead is Eastern/Bhuddist thought here is a good source for that:
The Power of Mindfulness by Nyanaponika Thera (fo free online)
http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/powermindfulness.pdf
If you want both CBT and Mindfulness - then you should read or listen to Jeffery Schwartz. He has a few books, the most recent "You are not your brain" is approachable and an integration of Mindfulness and Cognitive Therapy.
Here is a 5 minute video, gives you a feel for the author: "4 steps to changing your brain for good"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuABDAAns7w
If you like that - here is a half-hour more (summary of the book above):
'You are not your brain' at Mind & Its Potential 2011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcrGlUHlu4M
Finally, if you are into workbooks - pick up "Mind over Mood"
http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283
Regardless of the book or therapist, you will have to do a lot mental work. So ultimately, most of the therapy, is self-therapy.
Best of luck to you. And remember: this too, shall pass.
I've also been dealing with depression. Mine was first diagnosed when I was 12, so it may be different than your situation, but I'm hoping that some of my experiences can help you.
I want to start by saying that I respect your choice to be medication-free during your pregnancy. Medication is not for everyone; it is an individual choice. However for me, medication is a big part of my treatment. Many women do not want to be on medication during pregnancy because there are worries about the safety of antidepressants for the unborn baby. I completely understand. If you think medication might be something you want to discuss with your doctor, however, a very valuable tool I found was Motherisk. They are based out of Sick Kids hospital in Toronto and gather information on the safety of various drugs during pregnancy. They also have information on OTC medications (cough & cold, NSAIDs, etc.) so I like it as a resource for things that are not directly tied to my depression.
I'm not sure what kind of therapy you are enrolled in, but Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be very effective for treating and managing depression. You can ask your therapist if s/he is trained in this type of therapy, or if they can set you up with a referral. There are also books available which can teach you CBT skills, that you can either work through on your own or with a therapist. One book I found helpful was Mind Over Mood. It's a workbook that teaches you CBT skills, and gives you exercises to practice them.
Finally, perhaps it would help if you had a heart-to-heart with your husband about how you have been feeling. Tell him how much you love him and that he is an amazing person, but you are having difficulty with your depression right now. Tell him how you are feeling, and what he can do to be supportive of you during this time.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.
Dear RhinestoneTaco and everyone who replied: Thank you. Good lord, thank you. I used to think it was just me, and no one ever talks about it.
My first year I thought I was going to lose it. I have struggled with generalized anxiety (sounds like what you're describing) on-and-off since grad school. My first year was so tough, and my generalized anxiety was augmented with panic attacks once a week (just before I would teach stats to 500 students who fucking hated my guts for a variety of fuck-ups that were due to my inexperience in teaching).
If you have coverage, go see a professional. After 9 months of struggling alone (actually, after 9 months of leaning on my SO too much for support but still keeping much of my anxiety to myself) I went to see a wonderful clinical psychologist who specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy. FYI, dear scholar, CBT has been empirically been shown to be very effect for anxiety and depression.
I actually started with Mind Over Mood and Feeling Good (for real, I went into a store and bought those two books... at the same time...), which really did help. But after engaging in CBT on my own, I decided that I wanted more guidance. CBT has really changed my approach to things that cause me anxiety, and has been astronomically effective.
I saw my clinical psychologist for about 6 months, and I had perhaps 10 sessions in that time. The last session was a year and a half ago, and I haven't felt that sick, counter-productive worry in almost 2 years. During my treatment, I developed a lot of cognitive skills that help me quiet the anxiety. I still feel anxiety sometimes, but if it gets counterproductive I do a CBT worksheet and it helps.
Obviously, you're not alone in dealing with anxiety. It never occurred to me that it would be widespread, but 20% of the population is dealing with clinical anxiety at any given moment. I suspect academics have a proportionately higher rate of anxiety.
Yes, these are intrusive thoughts. It'll be hard work to stop thinking them, but it's hampering your life and it is possible to stop doing it.
I would recommend meditation to learn how to control your thoughts.
Or if you want a book to help you can get "Mind Over Mood" on Amazon used for $8.
My coworker's wife is a psychologist and she's been recommending Exercise for mood and anxiety : proven strategies for overcoming depression and enhancing well-being by Michael Otto and Jasper A. J. Smits, Mind over mood : change how you feel by changing the way you think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, and The happiness trap : how to stop struggling and start living by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes
Personally, my go-to comfort books are Harry Potter and any of the Tortall series' by Tamora Pierce (though if you haven't read them before, I recommend starting with Alanna)
No one will be able to answer this question other than yourself. I had years of psychotherapy that allowed my internal personal development. I am not going to assume I can assist with your internal emotions. PSTD is a very serious mental health issue. Please, trust me, talk therapy may not be the immediate answer; but can assist with exposing the underlying thought processes that are keeping you where you are.
Cognitive behavior therapy is Paramount. If you don't have these two books, turn your computer off, go to the book store and buy them!
Mind over mood
The feeling good handbook make sure you get the revised version.
I am so sorry for your loss, the death of a life mate can alter ones existence until death; if you allow it. I'll leave you with this...
What do you think they would want you to be doing? Would they want you to feel this way, Would they want you to stop your life since they passed? What would you have wanted for your partner if you were the one to pass on 911? These, and other expanding thoughts is where your time should be delegated IMO.
You are not alone, the moment you can trust in another... is the moment you may be able to start the healing process. Take care.
I'm glad the advice meant something to you! It's a pretty standard line in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, which you might find useful. There are workbooks available as well as general resources. If you're really curious, check out some of the clinical-end resources, the ones meant for practitioners. They might appeal to your intellectual curiosity. I know what you mean about taking a second. It's a very weird strategy at first, because you're de-valuing what seemed like the most important past of yourself, but it really helps in challenging those dangerous thought patterns that keep you from accessing the very resources that could help you recover.
Sorry your home life is kind of shitty. I'm sure you can see, even if it doesn't help, that your mother and father are deeply scared of anything being wrong. Could you covertly get some advice from your aunt, since she knows your home life? Social workers tend to be great people. Or perhaps you have a school counselor? Internet research might reveal a public clinic or school/hospital service with easy access. Worst case scenario, you might have to stay in a holding pattern until you're independent enough to seek help without stigma. Which is horrible, but again, not the end of your world.
Masks take a real toll on a person. My further vague advice, not knowing you, would be to practice real honesty in controlled settings whenever possible. Even if it's you talking in the mirror, or to yourself as you walk outside. You don't want to get into a pattern of repressing thoughts/memories, or dissociating when the mentality surfaces unexpectedly. Forcing thoughts away tends to make them recur at weird times. Try to observe them happening as if from a distance, take a breath, and let them fade. Writing can help keep those feelings organized. If you reach out to someone like a friend, again, I would orient it toward behavior rather than confession. You two won't be able to 'solve' the core problem by talking, but your friend might have good suggestions for positive changes, or at least validate your experience.
Are you adolescent? If so, these kinds of emotional disturbances are, scarily enough, pretty routine. Even if you're not, emotional regulation is a very underrated skill-set. Any work you do toward that end, even small habits, will pay for themselves tenfold.
You can do this.
What you're describing is a pretty common problem - so know that you're not alone here! Our society places a huge amount of pressure on sexual performance, particular with men and their abilities to be hot and ready any time, any place. This unrealistic expectation just sets men and their partners up for disappointment, as nobody could possibly be ready all the time.
That being said, there are a number of things you could do to help decrease your anxiety. If you want help fast, seeing a sex therapist would be fabulous, or even a psychologist who works with anxiety could be helpful. It sounds like you have some pretty powerful anxiety-driven thoughts that are more based on your fears than in facts. A good therapist can help you tease that out, and come to a place where your thoughts reflect a more realistic picture of what's going on in your life.
If you're looking for the self-help route, The New Male Sexuality (http://www.amazon.ca/The-New-Male-Sexuality-Pleasure/dp/0553380427) gives a really great overview about how male sexuality has been changing over the years, and how to optimize your experience (along with general sexual health info, techniques, exercises, etc). For general help with anxiety, Mind Over Mood is an excellent resource for educating yourself on the nature of your thoughts, and how they impact how you feel and act. (http://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283). It's not specific to sexuality, but the same principles apply.
In general, sexual arousal is greatly affected by what's going on in your brain. If you're worried about the number of times you've had sex this month, or whether you're going to perform this time, you have less cognitive energy for simply enjoying your sexy times! Desire discrepancy between partners can be tough to negotiate, so it's really important to maintain good communication with your partner. Everyone has different wants, needs, and tendencies, and one test of a good relationship is whether you can negotiate those differences well together and come to a place where you both feel heard and understood.
I know money is tight for you, but buy a used copy of this book: Mind Over Mood.
http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418417269&sr=8-1&keywords=Mind+over+mood
You're right, you definitely have anxiety. What this book will help you do is to dissect your anxious feelings, categorize them and develop alternative thoughts. This book was recommended by my therapist, and I've found that it definitely helps me when I'm at my worst. Best of luck to you, and know that you have a supportive community here!
I did a government-funded program called Bounce Back here in BC, Canada. I believe it's based on a UK program called Living Life to the Full. I also really liked the book Mind Over Mood. I used their old workbook, but it sounds like they've got a new edition, too. Depending on where you live and the resources available, there may be some CBT therapy or self-led resources available, too.
In short, though, the process basically involves:
-Needle-like pricks all over my body. I don't wince in pain but it's uncomfortable.
-Chest pain as if I've been running for a very, very long time
-Sometimes I feel as if I have a lump in my throat. Slight swallowing pain today.
-I feel like my lungs don't expand enough so shortness of breath
I can't speak for the other things but that's how I feel anxiety. When I'm extremely anxious, stressed, and haven't slept I have pain down my neck, pains every time the back of my head comes into contact with anything, and back pain severe enough I have to lie down. The pains themselves are posture related but the severity only tends to increase during periods of high anxiety.
Here's the book my doctor suggested for dealing with anxiety. Also, it's a good idea to talk to your doctor about your symptoms, they could well be a more serious issue (unlikely!) but hopefully it will put your mind at ease a bit.
A big thing is knowing what triggers your anxiety!
CBT really helps me externalize and look at my physical sensations from a logical perspective. I used to do a lot of writing things down and what really helped for a time was setting aside 10-15 minutes in the day for me to worry. If I had a worry thought any time outside of my worry time, I told myself "I don't have time for this now; at 5pm you can come back to this" and usually by 5pm I couldn't remember what my anxious thought was. I'm a big fan of [Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger] (http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0898621283/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1415311745&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40) for a CBT workbook. The biggest thing is remembering and actually doing the 'homework'; it's really easy to just not do it because you think what difference is it going to make? Slowly but surely it really does help!
First, happy belated birthday! I'm sorry to hear it has been rough for you. I came on R/depression to post because I have been having a pretty bad day and just wanted to vent, but I think it is more important to respond to you.
(Note: these are all from my personal experience.. I am not a therapist and do not have training in this field, so take or leave what you need. We are all different so solutions for me may not fit for you.The bottom line is that these are options, and that there is help out there.)
I am 27 now, female, and its sounds like you are have a lot in common with me. 17 was a really rough year for me (a good friend passed away), and marked the time where my depression and anxiety issues became full fledged. I've struggled with romantic relationships all my life, used to be an extrovert before negative experiences changed that, and sometimes use writing and fantasy for escapism, since it was safe. I felt ashamed, even though what I was doing didn't hurt anyone. I just felt like I should feel bad.
Things got really bad again a few years ago, so I finally sought help. I don't know where you are located (I'm in Canada), but I know there are resources available out there. It sounds like your school and parents are not the best source for help. Way to go for reaching out to them, but I'm really sorry to hear their response was so negative.
There is still so, so much stigma about getting mental help. My parents are pretty open minded and understand the need for mental health care in general, yet when it came to my own issues, they tended to pretend it didn't exist. They would say 'oh, you're just overreacting' when really I was giving them a cry for help. (Fortunately I had a friend who had been through therapy encourage me to get help instead.)
I did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is an evidence-based approach to address issues of mood disorders, anxiety issues and possibly eating disorders. It's not for everyone, but I tend to be analytical so it was suited for me. I have also been on different medications in addition, but this is also up to the individual. Therapy is a good start, though.
Before therapy, I felt truly helpless because I was convinced that my negative thoughts were reality. I thought "I will be like this forever", "I'm broken", "I have screwed up my life by choosing the wrong career path." However, at the time I didn't realize that the depression was influencing my thinking patterns.
The best thing therapy did for me was help me identify 'cognitive distortions'.... From your post, I can count at least 4 distortions that you would be surprised probably aren't true. (e.g. fortune telling: predicting things will turn out badly, and catastrophizing your future when it could turn out any way.) Check out the examples, it's surprising how common they are in everyday life!
My best advice: if you need to skip the parents and skip the school counsellor, talk to your family doctor or a walk in clinic and let them
know the basics of your situation so you can get a referral. Talk to your doctor if cost is an issue, and they may be able to refer you to a no cost or low cost therapist, psychologist, etc.
If you want to do it on your own but can't get therapy and don't know where to start, I recommend the book "Mind over Mood", on amazon here.
It is only 14$, and has helped me wonders. It is a series of exercises to train your brain to challenge negative thinking. It is not about positive thinking, but rather balancing the evidence for what is true and false. You may be able to get it at a library, too.
From personal experience, therapy will help with dealing with the negative harmful thoughts, and possibly with managing some anxiety that comes with romantic relationships. Also, I hope it makes you feel better about
yourself, since it is clear that you are an articulate, thoughtful, and intelligent young woman.
I know you hear a lot of the 'it gets better" rhetoric. There is no promise that life will improve after high school on a perfect slope uphill. Life is a series of ups and downs, and for people struggling with depression, these ups and downs are not just influenced by external events, but internal. That doesn't mean they can't be influenced for the better.
An additional piece of advice: travel. Or have a goal to save up and travel. Once you live in another country, especially an impoverished one, all those high school problems will seem minuscule. Big houses, cars, cell phones -- suddenly less important. You will come back with this new perspective that colours all aspects of your life, that helps you appreciate your place in the universe. If money is an issue, there are tonnes of gap year programs that offer financial support, especially if you are a student.
If you don't get into med school, life isn't over. Very few people have their life planned at 17. Hell, I still don't know what I want to do, and wish I had taken extra time at 17 to sort it out. Grades are not everything. I spent years working myself to death for good grades, only to regret not taking more time to thin k whether it was what I wanted.
Depression often kills creativity. If writing helps you, DO IT! I do art, and the accomplishment of creating something from nothing is an experience that no one can take away from you. It doesn't matter what it is or what anyone says.
As for being alone, I have only kept one friend from high school. The rest are history, and that is ok. You will make so many more in your jobs, school, online, and in life. There will always be someone who cares. I care. Strangers here care. If you need to chat, send me a PM any time.
And if you are at rock bottom or approaching the bottom, there are ALWAYS mental health hotlines.
USA: http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines
Canada: http://www.partnersformh.ca/resources/find-help/crisis-centres-across-canada/
With technology today, the world has never been smaller. It may not seem like it, but it is absolutely impossible to be alone.
Wishing you all the best <3
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A book like Mind Over Mood can teach you exercises to help you get to the bottom of why you feel a certain way after an encounter. It's usually used for people dealing with depression or anxiety, but I would still recommend it. It can help put a situation in perspective and move on from it.
Thanks for the recommendation. I have had no luck getting my own therapy but my g/f has PTSD as well and is getting treatment for it.
Yea I really love to hear about male privilege when I am driving my g/f to her counseling that I can't get access to because of my gender. It's fantastic for her though and I am benefitting from it in a roundabout way. Her therapist sent along a book called Mind over Mood for me. She also passes along some of the worksheet material she gets.
Thanks again!
I know, and here I am trying to fix it. :-) Most likely to avoid my own anxiety...
Have you considered something like this book "Mind Over Mood"? I know others like the book "Feeling Good" as well, but feedback tends to be that the first one is more focused, which is what I need when anxiety is ripping me apart.
It is a strain. It just is. I hope you can feel that someone out here cares, though, because I do.
I think therapy would be SO helpful for you. It's so good to have a human listening and offering the voice of reason. Please consider it.
Until then, maybe try committing to a workbook. And read up on cognitive-behavioural therapy, because it is commonly used to help unpleasant automatic thoughts and mindsets, and I found it helpful. Another thing I found hugely beneficial was learning about assertiveness techniques. When you can act like you have healthy self-respect, you internalize it and you get better feedback from people around you.
Two workbooks I found good are Mind Over Mood and The Self-Esteem Workbook.
I suffer from anxiety that was fairly crippling at times and I went to therapy for a year. I started taking cipralex about 3 years ago. It DOES get better, even if it takes a little while to get there. My psychiatrist recommended that I pick up Mind Over Mood, a book that deals with changing the way you think. It changed my life; I'd recommend it if you're able to pick a copy up somewhere if you need something to hold you over until your appointment.
Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy?
It's very effective for lots of people. Here's a really good workbook to get you started: Mind Over Mood
*Edit: Obviously, just reading a book is a poor substitute for seeking advice from a mental health professional, but if you are not in a position to afford going to a doctor, self-education is better than nothing.
Hi there, was going to DM you, but since I'm including links that may be useful to others, I'm posting as a comment. Apologies if it's a bit rambly, I'm really short on time and actually bookmarked this from y'day, but I'd rather reply with a ramble than postpone, if you're suffering!
I had depression in my 20s and it was terrifying - I didn't want to wake up either (didn't want to die, but wanted to be in a coma for a while so as not to have to deal with the gaping emptiness). I can hand on heart say now it was the best thing that ever happened to me - I had to face a lot of demons and I always think of it as it being like I was a rickety house that I was good at patching up, but it wasn't stable and when it collapsed I had to rebuild it (i.e. myself) almost from scratch. My self esteem was basically very damaged, but not totally - so most people thought I was confident and outgoing; and I often felt like I was. (Nothing's ever black and white!) It's hard to fathom how different I feel now to then; believe me when I tell you you can't even begin to imagine how wonderful your life can be when you work through this. I worked my way to good mental health by studying lots of stuff including CBT, self development, philosophy, and life coaching books.
A year or two later I ended up on anti-depressents because my sleep was still horrendous and I was acutely stressed at work - but because I'd done the mental legwork (oxymoron?), I was able to get off the anti-depressents in 3 months. 10 mg 1 month, 5 next, 5 on alternate days the last month. It was scary to take them, I was so scared of telling friends - then when I told them, I discovered a few of them were on anti-depressents themselves. I believe it was important to take these to clean up the 'chemical spill' in my brain from years of bad mental health; I also believe they wouldn't have worked if I hadn't changed my psychology/outlook/philosophy/behaviours/environment.
One major thing to work on - I realise now rumination was a major, major part of my depression: thinking over things again and again without (being able to) take action - including beating myself up for failures. We all fail, often; it's the human experience, and we just need to be kinder to ourselves about it! Rumination is a major cause of depression - the good news is, it only takes a few minutes of distraction - once you realise you're doing it - to get your mind off that stressful path. Once you become aware of it and start choosing better ways to describe your situation (not full on positive ones when you feel terrible - the gap is too big - but slightly more positive, then slightly more positive again) you can turn things around, mentally speaking.
I ended up starting a life coaching course and becoming a coach in 2007. I don't treat depression but have worked with clients with depression, usually alongside them having therapy and/or medications. I'm currently packing to leave Finland and go back to NI for a few days; my schedule's a bit higgledy-piggledy but I would love to give you a free session or two via Skype over the next few days, if you're up for it. When I was in a very dark place in '07, strangers on the internet were a great help (a forum online, which I ended up going back on to help others; great karmic circle!) and would like to help you. Again - it wouldn't be therapy, it'd be coaching - support - for good mental and lifestyle habits and positive life changes that'll get you into a better place. You can see how it's helped others at http://soulambition.com/testimonials.
If you're not up for it, I'm currently formally studying again (there are a lot of woowoo coaches out there, but I really work hard at staying updated with scientifically-grounded research and exercises, and I've road tested it all). I've just finished my research project on positive psychology, mindfulness and music for mental wellbeing, and have a lot of stuff that could help you. Music that soothes or uplifts you is massively useful (particularly for avoiding rumination - and someone here's doing research on how using music FOR rumination - listening to songs that make you sad again and again - can impact depression. Don't do that! :) )
I really recommend the book Mind Over Mood (CBT workbook) - I recommend it to clients; you can get it on Amazon or in Waterstone's.
I also really recommend mindfulness meditation - there has been a lot of research done on its power to combat depression (I listed some apps/books here: http://dreamdolove.com/a-simple-guide-to-mindfulness/); I was back running a mindfulness course in NI this year and one of the participants said at the end of six workshops/two weeks that she realised she'd been depressed and her friends were saying she 'seemed like herself again'. Get one of those free apps and find YouTube videos, and make it a daily habit. It actually rewires the brain, with prolonged practice - no time to add sources here but I've added them in my online articles.
Also, if you're having bother falling asleep, find a crappy audiobook on YouTube! Cheesy chick-lit shite works for me; I'm not fighting to stay awake to hear what happens next - tho' sometimes I feel like I'm lowering my IQ while I sleep. ;)
A positive psychology exercise shown again and again to help with depression is the 'three things that went well and their causes' - or daily gratitude exercise. I'm currently posting mine online every day for December, to show how it works - read about it here: http://dreamdolove.com/a-month-of-gratitude-on-social-media-decgratitude/
Get Flux on your computer if you haven't already - http://justgetflux.com, and avoid going on your phone late at night. Blue light in screens interferes with your circadian rhythms, and sleep is crucial for you right now. (Poor sleep was another major cause of my depression - exacerbated by rumination, which makes you dream more heavily and wake up exhausted). If you wake in the middle of the night, take comfort in the fact that humans used to sleep in two phases, with an hour or two of wakefulness in the middle - this 8 hours uninterrupted sleep idea is relatively new and due to modern working habits. Try meditating, light reading, audiobooks - mostly distraction from worrying thoughts.
Finally, pay strong attention to your body language! The first person I worked with who had depression, we were making 2 steps forward, 1 step back kind of progress. When I asked her to start paying attention to her body language, and how it kept her experiencing feeling of depression (slumped posture, slow walking, moving like a debilitated person, glum face), and consciously changing it to confident/happy body language and expression - even if she felt stupid or pissed off doing it, she had a breakthrough. We've known for many years that your mood is shown by your body language, but it's a relatively recent idea that your body language actually changes your mood.
TL;DR Use mindfulness meditation, consider buying "Mind Over Mood" CBT workbook (or borrow from the library); list 3 things every day you're grateful for, and their causes - proved to help with depression; TRUST that you will get through this; change your language to 'slightly more positive' - not blanket positive that feels fake and makes you feel worse - and keep doing so; change your body language/facial expression to more positive; get good sleep hygiene in place; distract yourself when you find yourself ruminating; use music that makes you feel good!
...You can see why I'd rather just get talking to you for an hour than type any more! :) But here are some more links if you're wanting to read stuff rather than talk:
http://dreamdolove.com/lighten-up-20-things-to-let-go-of-for-a-happier-life/
http://dreamdolove.com/mind-language/
http://dreamdolove.com/the-gratitude-attitude/
If I can turn my life around, you can too - and 1 very easy daily gratitude thought you can have is being thankful that we live in an age where we can connect with strangers who want to help so easily! It was a HUGE part of my recovery and I will always be grateful! Let me know if you want to set up a Skype video chat. Big hugs. :)
Edited to clarify anti-depressents bit.
Edit/PS: I'm 2 hours ahead of you so going to sleep shortly, but will check in first thing!
Seconded. Go to the doctors' and explain, they can refer you or find your own CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) specialist. Be specific on this. They may recommend medication, though I'd read up on it first here, and here
Good Luck
Another excellent book: Mind Over Mood
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0898621283/ref=nosim/?tag=psy0a-20
EDIT: Already found it and a few other things. My initial handout for meditation, a follow up 10pg hand out for meditation, and worksheets for Chapters 3 and 4 in the book. Chapter 3 is "Identifying and Rating Moods," and chapter 4 is, "Identifying Situations, Emotions, and thoughts."
I put a list of acronyms and their descriptions at the bottom, since I threw in some shorthand.
I meant to add this in the post last night, but I was drifting in and out of sedation. There is a workbook called Mind Over Mood that, as to my understanding, is very common to given when doing CBT. I have the first edition of this book with, I think, zero marks in it. There is a second edition that came out in 2015 (20 years since the first edition), but I can't speak on what's changed. I assume it was updated to fall more in line with the DSM-5 and new APA standards, since it seems to work with the DSM. This book works great with a therapist, but there are plenty of things you can educate yourself from it by just reading. For me the book didn't help, BUT I never tell people to ignore it since all our experiences are unique to us.
The primary reason I bring the book up is it deals with intrusive thoughts specifically. I do not endorse it as a replacement for professional help. If you would like to see scans of some of the sections of this book to get a feel of it, or think it would be useful to own in general, I will make a whole hearted attempt to find it. If you think owning the book would be helpful to you in a positive way, I will mail it to you free if you're in the US, if you are comfortable with that. I believe P.O. Boxes circumvent the need of any personal details, but I'm not 100% on that. If you aren't in the US, I can't speak to how helpful it would be with therapeutic treatments there, but I will still ship it if the cost is reasonable. That said, if you aren't in the US, Amazon may have it dirt cheap used, especially since it appears out of print.
As side note: if anyone knows a good scanner app that's a reasonable price for iOS, that would be helpful. For a lot of things really, but particularly this.
List of acronyms used
CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Generally a short, goal oriented therapy to change your mental health and outlook. I say generally, because I was in it for almost two years before I was told I had exhausted all options.
APA - American Psychiatric Association: The main professional organization of psychiatrists.
DSM - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The DSM-5 is the edition in use. Published by the APA, the US has moved on to this, but under a bit of controversy. I'll leave personal opinion out of it, but if you don't live in the US it won't affect you.
Again, a PM or a reply here, and I'll do my best to offer what I can. To reiterate what u/Ensellure said, love yourself, believe in yourself, and understand it does take time.
Take care of yourself.
You could try working through things yourself. I'm not sure what would be most appropriate for you though. I'm aware that the most effective method of counselling in regards to adjusting problems in mood, thought-patterns, and behaviours is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which seeks to examine your habitual thought patterns and behaviors in order to help you learn where they originate from and help you learn healthier ways of thinking and acting.
I'm not sure if this would be appropriate for your particular issue, but it might be, and it can't hurt - if its not quite the right strategy for you, you may still get something valuable out of it.
The best book to read which helps you to go through CBT and carry out the practical steps to assist you is Mind over Mood.
However, if you don't feel this is right for you, then perhaps there's some other resources available, either books or websites. You should be able to ask your family doctor for a recommendation.
https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-First-Changing/dp/0898621283
Hi. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much, I know the struggle so well. I've been sabotaging my relationship for years because of very similar issues.
A clarifying question - are you old enough to see a psychologist/psychiatrist on your own? Or even just a doctor, for the time being for medication to help you?
The great news is this - you know there's a problem. Many people can't even see that enough to begin to get help, so you're a step ahead of the curve!
A reality check about your boyfriend - here's the deal. You love him, I'm assuming and he loves you. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself as it's his responsibility to take care of himself. What that means is if you tell him, and he doesn't feel up for the job and he leaves - that's not rejection. What it is, is him doing the best thing for both of you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but talking to him about it is going to do one of two things - 1. You'll have the support and patience from him and you two can work on getting better together. or 2. You'll know that you two are not a compatible match.
Either way, as it stands - your words seem to say that you feel unlovable the way you are (because you're afraid of him rejecting you), do you think you stand the chance at getting better if you always feel like you're hiding your real self from him? You're missing out on a very powerful opportunity - to learn that you're lovable with your perceived imperfections, whether that's from him or from someone else.
((hugs))
If you're not familiar with this website, it's very helpful: https://www.bpdcentral.com/
Don't worry about whether you "have" a personality disorder or not, focus on the behaviors and thoughts and how to improve them.
Some resources that may help you:
NonViolent Communication - Helping you learn how to know your needs, communicate them and to hear others, as well as communicating compassionately with yourself.
Here's a video about it.
Mind over Mood is an awesome workbook to help change the way we think.
A good book to support cognitive behaviour therapy is Mind Over Mood.
This approach helps you think your way out of your situation. If there is a chemical imbalance or it is more than you can handle at this time, you may need to also consider medication. A psychiatrist (doctor and therapist) can help.
i bought the book Mind over Mood for my CBT. It's like a work book. I liked it a lot. I did some worksheets with my therapist but now I do them on my own when i'm feeling worried or panic attacks. I also read up on "mindfulness" to control my worry/anxiety. (severe anxiety disorders here) here is a link to the book on amazon :) Also, i found out i have a heart condition which causes my heart to race up to 200 bpm for no reason- so that contributes to feelings of anxiousness that aren't there! grrr!
Here are a few things that worked for me
I found bananas to be a great mood enhancer. It is alleged that tryptophan helps your body make serotonin which can positively impact your mood.
Obviously a good diet in general can have a positive impact on your mood which can have a positive impact on your mental health.
116 123 (UK)
116 123 (ROI)
I sincerely hope this information is helpful. And I sincerely hope you find the answers that you are looking for
I used to get the urge to pray all the time, but I had to tell myself that it wasn't going to help. You can get through it, but other people can certainly help. I am a big advocate of therapy.
Also, meditation. There are may ways to meditate. One book that I love and that helped me through some stuff is Buddha's Brain. If Buddhism isn't your thing, don't worry. It's written by a neuroscientist and neuropsychiatrist, not by Buddhist monks. It explains in simple terms how meditation affects your thoughts and the physical aspects of your brain, and has meditations for you to do if you wish.
Another book that I would recommend is especially helpful if therapy isn't available to you is Mind Over Mood. It's basically a guide for you to do cogntive-behavioral therapy by yourself. Again, very simply explained, examples given, and it has worksheets for you.
So, my advice is meditation instead of prayer and/or CBT. Either way, you will actually be affecting your life rather than hoping something else affects your life in the right way.
Edit: typo
I send a big hug out to you. *hug* You are not alone in this.
Little changes in your thoughts and actions will build positive momentum. Remember that thoughts are powerful.
Here's a book I found helpful; https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-First-Changing/dp/0898621283
Mind Over Mood.
https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283
So then try some different things. Your mindset needs to change and that is something you can actively work on. Find some good books on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I like this one as it has exercises you can work on: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283/
If that doesn't work then try something else. Life can get better. Many many people have turned their lives around and have learned to tackle deep depression and move forward.
It's not impossible and there is not something uniquely broken about you which prevents you from making positive change. Everything negative you perceive at the moment is all in your mind, and that is something you can absolutely control.
Oh... Well, if it's about Rule #3, I don't think it means "don't give any advice". The way I understand it, it just means you can't tell people what they ostensibly "must" do, but I guess you could suggest them what they could do.
And in this case... I'm afraid at this point I can't follow your exact path. At the moment I don't think I can bring myself to a therapist, and search for the one that I would have trust and understanding with... Group therapy, on the other hand, actually sounds like an option. It might be feasible. Thank you, I'll think about it. Also, this morning I have ordered a cognitive therapy book "Mind Over Matter" – I guess I'll start with that.
But aside from that, I'd like to get back to the question about relationships so that I can make it as clear as possible for myself. I've been thinking it over thouroughly and this is my current conclusion:
> I should not expect to rely on somebody else to make me "complete". However, this is not because I don't deserve help (which I do), but because I should work on myself to learn to be self-sufficient enough (which I can!).
Am I getting it right? I feel that ever since I've got your answer, I have gradually grown more comfortable with this point of view, and now I feel as though I have almost embraced it. Once again, thank you. I'm still figuring some stuff out, but I feel as though the pieces of the puzzle have now started to fall into place.
It's a skill that can be learned, actually.
The important point about the picture is that depressed people do not look like that.