Reddit mentions of Reluctant Disciplinarian: Advice on Classroom Management from a Softy Who Became (Eventually) a Successful Teacher

I had the same problem, but after five years I'm an ol' battleaxe! You MUST get this under control or you won't enjoy your career, and the good students will suffer in your class. But do not worry, there is hope!

Here are a couple of the books that helped me develop me "teacher persona."

http://www.amazon.com/Reluctant-Disciplinarian-Management-Eventually-Successful/dp/1936162156

http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Limits-Classroom-3rd-Edition/dp/0307591727

Beyond this: Learn their names. Call them by name when they have their phones out or they are talking while you are talking. Kick them out into the hall if you need to, then have a non-antagonistic chat with them. They are different when they are with you one-on-one. Develop relationships. Ask them about what movie they saw that weekend. Tell them stories about your home life. Put the hammer down if you have to -- call home, referrals, etc. -- but those are a last resort.

I'm in a different situation from you, but I also am not very mean. When I was starting out I read this book and it helped me out.

When I was student teaching I was in a district with half urban, half suburban kids because of weird districting. My cooperating teacher explained to me that while I grew up in an area where kids understood indirect directions, like, "Now, if everyone would get out their notebooks..." my students were from a community that was used to more direct directions, like, "In 30 seconds I want to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. No exceptions." It made a huge difference for me in that situation.

I teach in an affluent district. So anything I offer here might not work:

I'm a good story teller and I've learned to use that to my advantage (it was initially a disadvantage because I like telling stories and was getting off topic too often). I also found, over time, that I just wasn't planning enough to do and was stretching things out to long. Now I've got my pacing down much better and the difference is huge.

Anyway, I'm not sure anything I say could be of much use because I have no experience in your circumstances.

I'd be more than happy to have a PM conversation about particulars if you want, but the one book I credit with really turning me around is Reluctant Disciplinarian by Gary Rubinstein.

The first couple of pages of the book describe how, when he was young, Rubenstein's parents used to harshly reprimand the dog when it shit on the carpet, and how he used to then sneak into the puppy's room when his parents had left to reassure the puppy and make it feel better. The puppy proceeded to continue shitting the carpet for months. I read that and I was like "Oh my God. This is the book."

He's also a Teach For America alumnus who is now a vocal TFA critic, which I love, because I'm both of those as well.