Reddit mentions of She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

I know what you mean. 4 years after coming out, and I've done nothing about it, really...

Some ideas:

• Find some friends (typically female) who you feel really comfortable around. Come out to them, and just explain everything, and then after they're comfortable with it, see if they're okay with letting you come over and dress according to your preferences. A lot of girls I know are really cool about me being trans, and would have a good time doing a makeover night. Worth a shot, I think.
  
  
• Ask your mom to leave the room while you're at the doctor. I don't know if that's a big issue for you (for my girlfriend, it definitely is. Her mom wouldn't leave the room until a couple months ago, and she's turning 19 in a month). With them gone, you can talk to the doctor a little more personally.
  
  
• Even if the doctor doesn't say yes, you still have a couple options: Wait it out, and finding a way to DIY. Waiting sucks, believe me. This upcoming school year, I should be able to finally transition, but that wasn't without several years of hating myself and feeling empty inside. But the thing is, you can make it through that. You just have to tackle each day one at a time. As for DIY, I wish I could give some real advice. The only thing I've got is: if you decide to do it, be safe. Don't rush into anything, start with small doses, and gradually build up. If you can get blood work done, do it. It's much better to catch stuff early than late.
  
  
• Regarding hair, occasionally you really could have the wrong hair type. I can't say whether that's the case with you, not knowing anything about what you look like, what hairstyle you want, or anything about hair in the first place. If you really want to try for a different hair style, just go for it. I'm assuming you're still in high school, which means that everyone's hair looks awful, so it could fit in. I've been growing my hair out for a little over half a year now, and it's gone pretty well. No one really comments on it, and it's kept me feeling better about myself. One thing you could think about is, if you want your mom to have more of a part in everything, and to get her to feel more comfortable with you expressing your gender, you can try to see if she'll help style your hair. Things like straightening it, making it softer, or trimming stuff up. She might really be waiting for an opportunity like that, and it would open the air a bit to discussion.
  
  
• Girly clothes: Make a trip to your local thrift shop or Goodwill, and pick some stuff up. You can go with friends, after school for instance, buy some clothes, throw them in your backpack, and hide them in your room. Then you can wear them when sleeping (that's what I did for a long time) or just any time of the day you want. To wash them, you can just toss a couple things in the washer with the rest of your clothes, and insist on doing everything yourself. Also, one other thing that helps me a lot is to solely wear girly underwear. A good portion of my dysphoria went away when I didn't have to wear guy's underwear.
  
  
• She might genuinely not understand being genderfluid. Heck, it's still a little difficult for me to understand, though I try. Try to find her some books on the subject, read through them, and then recommend she read them and ask you any questions along the way. They don't necessarily have to be books solely about being genderfluid, they could be about trans people in general. One book I can recommend is Jenny Boylan's She's Not There, which is a book my mom and I read a while back, that kind of cleared things up.
  
  That's all I can really think of right now. I hope everything goes well, and that you can feel comfortable in your own skin :) Just remember that life will go on, and things will get better. Some people don't transition until their 30's, and they still turn out really well, so you have quite a headstart on them, even if it takes a couple years to get there. *hugs*