Reddit mentions of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health

Plan to study about fertility because the road is uncertain and understanding your body is the best thing you can do for yourself!

Two Books: I loved the second but people here are fans of the first:

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=N70G5RAJRC1PGK7QSCDA

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https://www.amazon.com/Impatient-Womans-Guide-Getting-Pregnant/dp/1451620705

This was basically me 10 years ago. I come from an ultra religious cult where any sex apart for procreation inside marriage was basically bad. I was extensively abused when my mom discovered I masturbated. I was 19 and there followed several years of painful learning experiences. Cut to the semi happy ending, I'm very happily married and have a healthy and satisfying sex life with my husband.

In regards to your past and it's current affect on your life, I definitely suggest seeking out a qualified mental health professional who can help you learn healthy coping mechanism, process the painful past, and heal. I'll also add that yoga, mediation, and practicing mindfulness have had been super helpful for me.

You can totally choose to not have PIV sex. But it sounds like that might not be what you really want, and your fear of pregnancy is carryingniver to the handjob etc. So as far as your fear of pregnancy, you have every right to go get permanently sterilized if that's what you want. There are resources in this group that can help you find a Dr.

If you want a less permanent option choose some kind of contraception that suits you, and use condoms as well and you'll be very safe. Oral contraceptives work very well for millions of women and are inexpenisve. I personally used them exclusively for several years without condoms as it was a committed relationship. It took me months to truly trust it tho, and I would constantly freak out and do tests to be sure. Oral BC also completely changed my periods, ultimately for the better. But it made them irregular and confusing, hence even more scares.

After a few years I had enough and I told my gyno I wanted an IUD. I was adamant and had my reasons why, so she referred me to an office who did them. I was still on my parents insurance at the time and it was covered completely, minus the office visit. However even kit of pocket its about the cheapest long term solution. I have Skyla, which is similar to Mirena but a bit smaller and lasts 3 years. Overall I love it, because anytime I am worried about pregnancy I can feel my little strings at the tip of my cervix and know I am safe. After the first few months ai quit worrying about pregnancy completely and it amazing. There are other benefits, like no period, ever anymore. And now I can enjoy that because I don't fear pregnancy. It also has a few downsides, but nothing that bad. Mainly doggy style sometimes hurts.

In addition to reliable birth control, you can also become really familiar with your body and learn to know exactly when you are ovulating and when your fertile window is. Do not rely on this alone, ever. But paired with another reliable form, like a properly used condom, it provides a lot of peace of mind. Check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility They have apps that help you track now too. It's fairly simple, and all you need is a normal thermometer.

If you ever want to message me, you're welcome to. I 100% believe you can have a very healthy satisfying sex life!

Congratulations on recovery❤️

You are definitely not alone. Bodies are pretty resilient! I began my recovery in the fall of 2016 and the hardest part was the first year. After that my body has healed up better than I could’ve expected. I honestly thought I had broken it forever and carried a lot of guilt and shame. I feel grateful to have my period back and to be ovulating regularly.

I highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility! Maybe it’s my ED past but all of the tracking has become somewhat of a calming ritual. I cannot even begin to explain how excited I was the first time my temps confirmed that I ovulated. I hope that it will help you to find some peace and allow you to forgive yourself.

How often do you have sex? Are you concentrating your efforts only on the days Ovia predicts is your fertile window? Without additional information, most apps are making predictions using a “perfect 28 day cycle”. I would definitely look into tracking your cycles more...Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great resource for that as is this charting course from the app Fertility Friend.

This link can also guide you in how much tracking you may want to start off with...though I recommend you begin using ovulation strips (OPKs) and start temping with a basal body thermometer every morning to determine if you are ovulating. If you are not regularly ovulating, then there is no egg which means no chance of pregnancy that cycle.

It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. About 60% of couples will be pregnant in 6 months and about 84% by one year. Your chance of conceiving every cycle with perfectly timed sex is about 20-30%. source

The standard recommendation is to try for one year and then if you have not had success, seek additional testing with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). Your partner can also go for a semen analysis...those are non-invasive and fairly inexpensive.

Congratulations on joining our crazy crowd, and good on you for getting involved! I would recommend you and your wife read Taking Charge of Your Fertility; even if you don't want to jump into the deep end with temping or charting, it will give you a much better overview of how this all works than your sex-ed classes did.

Also, I would recommend you watch The Great Sperm Race, for a bit of insight on what your poor swimmers are going to be going up against. :)

No, you can only get pregnant from sex on ovulation day or the ~5 days before.

>So I guess my question is if I have sex about 5 days after I ovulate, we use a condom, and he doesn't come in me, what are the chances of pregnancy?

0%, whether you use a condom or withdraw or not. It's a biological impossibility because the egg only lives for 24 hours max once you ovulate (which is the moment your ovaries spit out your monthly egg), and then there is no egg until your next cycle.

The problem is that you can't know when you ovulate unless you are taking your temperature every morning and tracking your cervical fluid (which takes practice to interpret). Apps that just track your period do NOT know and are guessing based on averages, but when the average woman ovulates doesn't tell you when you ovulate any more than the average woman being 5'4" tells you your height.

I highly suggest reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's an awesome book that teaches you how your body and fertility works. It also teaches you a method for how to narrow down your fertile window. If you're just using condoms and are anxious, it's a great idea to combine it with method(s) in the book. Then you can either avoid vaginal sex or double up on methods (condom + sponge, condom + diaphragm, condom + withdrawal) during your fertile times. If you use a condom or other method in safe times then you're protected even if you miscalculate your fertile window, which is not unlikely in the first month or two. Regardless, whether or not you decide to use FAM along with condoms, I think understanding your fertility in this way will cut down on anxiety about sex and pregnancy a lot. I wish I had read it at your age.

THIS. When you know your fertility cycle, you know what days are code red- risk of pregnancy. And you can avoid hormonal birth control. This book is a must read: https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031.

I personally recommend the "bible" of the Fertility Awareness Method: Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH. (The new 20th anniversary edition comes out in July.)

>the argument that having a vasectomy is bad because of risks is bad.

I didn't say that's why the Church discourages it. I postulated that surgical sterilization being a permanent body alteration is a possible reason for it still being in the handbook, when the other related topic (having children) states that the decision is personal. Why treat that part of our body differently? And then I responded to someone who said that we can treat our reproductive organs differently than the rest of our properly functioning organs because they're just for having kids by pointing out that it's not just for having children, as evidenced by the negative reactions to our body in other ways when we alter the reproductive system.

Also, if a woman faithfully tracks her fertility, there are periods of time possible to have intercourse without a condom and not risk pregnancy. It takes actual work in tracking, but it's highly effective. And condoms aren't the only hormone free option.

I can totally understand your frustrations after being on hormonal birth control for so many years. I think that if you combine condoms with another "awareness" method, you shouldn't have to worry.

I would recommend that you get your hands on this book to educate yourself as much as possible. You might be able to find it for free online somewhere.

Now that you're getting off of the hormonal birth control, you can start to take notice of how your body subtly changes during the month, and better predict your ovulation window. Body temperature is a good indicator, as well as changes in discharge, breast tenderness, sex drive, etc.

Every woman is different, so you will have to figure out your indicators. For me, I always have sharp ovarian pain during my ovulation window, so it's unavoidable that I take notice.

Hiya! Saw your comment and had to mention a book to you. Actually, the poster above me mentioned the method taught: FAM. The book is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and it is amazing. It's not just about the fertility awareness method, it also will teach you so much about the hows and whys and what's going on with your body. Here is a link to the webpage the author of TCOYF runs. Just read some of the FAQs! It's an awesome resource.

Anyway. Women react to different types of birth control methods in different ways. What's awesome for one person can be terrible for another. If someone is forgetful or wouldn't consistently follow the FAM rules, it will not be an effective method. A copper IUD (Intra-uterine device) is another non-hormonal option and again, some people love it some hate it. There's Mirena, a hormonal IUD. There's Nuvaring, hormonal ring. There's Implanon, lots love it and lots hate it. Depo-Provera is an injection good for three months, I know women who swear by it and others who hate it so very very much. Then there are bc pills. These vary from if they will have a combination of hormones or just one, some try to imitate a cycle and you'll see four colors in a pack (the three that month, plus placebos). Then there's the how of taking it. Continuously? Skip placebo?

So even though this is getting long, going to throw in some personal experience. I started taking the pill at 19. Tried 5 different ones over the 9 last years, not counting each time it was auto-switched to generic. They were effective and did what they were supposed to. About 3 years ago I switched to Generess Fe, then took it continuously meaning no periods! That lasted about three months, then switch to generic, then got my period the day after starting the generic. Anyway, it went away, I stayed on it and for the next year took it with no placeboes (is there an e? or not? damn) so no periods. For funsies, the pharmacy switched to the other generic! Period. But, no period since then. It also dampened my emotions (to the point of just about nothing mattering), gave me racing thoughts unless my brain felt full of fog, stifled my sex drive and left me always feeling confused.

So... like 23 days ago, I finished the last pack and stopped it all because after looking at the side effects I realized I was never nauseous like I'd been for the last six months of 2018 and that before taking any bc I had only thrown up a few times when very sick as a kid. I hadn't gone more than two weeks without vomiting for 9 years. Now I haven't thrown up once since I stopped taking it. The reason for starting it was my neurologist would not even talk about my epilepsy meds @ the time unless I agreed to go on HBC and take folic acid (folate is what ya want, btw) because I was having sex w/ condoms. She somehow managed to spend a solid 45 minutes telling me every brutal birth defect while leaving out that the medication I was on (Trileptal) lowers the effectiveness of HBC while never looking to adjust or change my medications because the possibility of a baby was the most important thing. It worked out being on it while I was because for a bit there were lots of med changes and a pregnancy would not have been good.

All of this is to say - look into everything! Like, everything. Depo for instance, if you got a shot then stopped getting them, could mean waiting for 6-12 months for your period. I haven't gotten mine yet and I was taking the pill. Which just makes life a bit unpredictable. It does actually mess with your hormones and has side effects, not in an eternal way but your body has to figure out what was happening and adjust.

My completely unsolicited and late night advice is that first, get a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". You can learn a lot about your cycle and your body and knowledge is freedom and all. Look into the different types of birth control. If I were you I'd start with a pill or ring because it's much easier to stop and IME most women try at least a couple of types. With depo, they can try to add more hormones if you bleed for 6 weeks, or say wait for it to get better but they can't remove the hormones. Then visit your OBGYN and get a script if that's your choice. Then, even though they'll ask about your current meds and don't mention how something might affect birth control - read the really boring label, run anything - including OTC herbs and such - through a drug interaction search. For instance, St. John's Wort lowers the effectiveness of birth control. The second anti-epileptic I was on was made less effective by my birth control and the dose had to be adjusted throughout the month.

Look at all of it and keep learning more. Whatever you choose just make sure the positives outweigh the negatives for you. Don't think you HAVE to stick with a medication or method that you don't want to.

Sorry about this being so long and rambling. Best wishes and I'm glad you feel more comfortable exploring all options for your health.

oh, you can check out /birthcontrol for advice btw.

eta: So, because hormonal birth control can be used to control symptoms of PCOS or endo, just wanted to say this. It's not a cure. For a lot of people, it means they'll be able to live a life with much less pain while on HBC. HBC is just pretty much the solution that will be offered if you're in a lot of pain, have abnormal periods, etc. It's a band-aid and an excuse to not find a solution because obviously, as women, our health isn't important. That last sentence is more about pharama companies and the narrative of our bodies being a magical mystery science can't understand than doctors doing what they can to help. The end point is that when you go off of HBC at some point, if it's before menopause, those symptoms from before will return. If your periods were like clockwork and light on BC but before lasted two weeks in crippling pain, the most likely result is having to try to find a solution to a problem that should have been addressed before masking it.

Hi and welcome. i don't think anyone here has any brilliant tips to avoid being disappointed and discouraged - we all are. What helps me most is community - having people like the people here to talk about the process with. Point her our way! The other thing that helps me is trying ot have as much information as I can.

Did you just start trying when you got married? Unfortunately, it can take a normal, healthy couple up to a year to conceive, even under ideal conditions. Things like coming off birth control can make the cycles afterwards irregular, if she was using hormonal birth control before marriage. Are you tracking her cycle to time intercourse with temping, OPKs, fertility apps, etc? If not, you might want to check out the sidebar and wiki at /r/tryingforababy or the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

If you know you're hitting the fertile window and nothing is happening, or something else looks wonky (no ovulation, super long or short cycles, etc) a year marks the point where you should talk to a doctor. They'll start with basic bloodwork and an examination with your wife and a semen analysis for you to see if anything looks amiss.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility is definitely the guide for CM! Pictures and all.

We did for four years! I was concerned I was infertile or would have difficulty getting pregnant, but I got pregnant the first month we totally through caution to the wind.

I love how much the fertility awareness method taught me about my body and highly reccomend every woman at least get the book and read up about it. Taking Charge of Your Fertility

A book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" has lots of info on this. Even if you don't want to learn to track your ovulation, the book is readable and interesting just to know more about what's going on with your body.

I was on hormonal BC mostly because it helped my skin, but after starting keto I took a chance and went off, and lo and behold my skin stayed clear. We used condoms for a while, then switched to tracking BBT and cervical mucus (using the Kindara app). Used that for almost a year to prevent pregnancy, then used it to get pregnant. I feel so much better not being on hormonal BC, and have no intention of going back on it.

If you're interested in using BBT, definitely read Taking Charge of your Fertility.

When people on TFAB ask if the cycle is being tracked, they mean is she tracking fertility signs (cervical position, cervical mucus, basal body temperature upon waking each day) and timing intercourse for the fertile window. I would recommend that you guys get the book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's invaluable for teaching you about your wife's reproductive cycle. Also here is a link to a chart that lists obstacles to conception-- only you two know the answers to these questions. obstacles to conception- kindara

I'd really recommend you look into basal body temperatures. Taking Charge of your Fertility is a very informative book.

Basically you set your alarm to the same time in the morning every day and take your temperature (by using a thermometer on your nightstand, before even getting out of bed) using a thermometer which reads two decimal points (98.78 instead of 98.8, for example). Make sure it is at the exact same time. For example, if you get up at 6:30 every day for work but want to sleep in on the weekends, still wake up at 6:30 to check your temperature and then fall back asleep after that.

What you will find is that you'll get a chart which will show a plateau before you ovulate, and then it will jump up and plateau at a higher temperature after you ovulate. If you do this for a few months in a row you'll get more confident in reading your chart. There are other tests and symptoms you can chart, but temperature is free and its usually spot on. Keep in mind that this only will show you that you've ovulated after you have, not before.

This helped show me that I actually ovulate later than I thought I did, for example, and that I've got a luteal phase defect. Its really helpful information.

You could be pregnant if you had unprotected sex and you've missed your birth control pill three days in a row, yes.

That said, if you've just finished your period, it's unlikely because ovulation usually happens about halfway through your cycle, or about 14 days after the first day of your period.

I would advise you to inform yourself about how your body works and learn about fertility if you want to continue to have a safe and healthy sex life. I suggest [Taking Charge of Your Fertility](Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_f08AzbRCAP7CJ) as a good place to start. Learning about your personal cycle can help you prevent pregnancy now, and perhaps help you conceive in the future if that is what you want.

For now, you can go to your local pharmacy and buy a "morning after" pill, which can help prevent implantation of a fertilized egg. This can make you feel ill, but it is a good "back up" choice when your first line of birth control fails.

Good luck to you!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a great resource for learning more about fertility awareness. I've been reading my copy all week, not to use FAM but just to learn more about how my body works and it's fascinating even just for that purpose!

We're only going to start trying next year (January-ish), but I'm already preparing.

My diet is extreme, so you can just completely ignore me on that one. I switched from keto to zerocarb/carnivore last year and I intend to stick with it as much as possible. I love it, but it's not for everyone. I might dabble with keto once I'm pregnant, I'll see how I feel.

Exercise is getting the most attention, though. I spoke to my nail technician about pregnancy and labour today while getting my nails done. She's had two kids. She said that having strong abdominal muscles will help me so much. If you've got strong abs, your baby will be held high up, in a tight bundle. Weak abs will allow the belly to sag and hang low and cause more stretch marks.

I found that so interesting. I started pilates today and will be going three times a week. Strengthening your core muscles, including the muscles supporting the spine, will make for a far more comfortable pregnancy and delivery, or so I'm told.

My friend recommended this book to me, as well: https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031

Good luck!

I wish I would have started my birth control experience by learning thoroughly about female hormones, fertility and why it is so important to monitor your fertility. I found Taking Charge of your fertility book ( link to Amazon) when I was 23 after struggling since 16 to find a pill and birth control method that worked.

Where I actually started:

• 16, Dianne 35: stopped after a month because I learned of side effects after starting to take it
  
• 16-20, Yasmin. Stopped taking it because my usually calm disposition turned into a mean, depressed and *anxiety ridden.
  -20-21, tricyclen low: terrible, bled for 2 weeks every month every cycle. Just ended up going off birth control, was mostly abstinent.
  -22 for 3 months, Dianne 35: gave it another go as my acne was insane. Decided I was dumb and stopped taking it.
  -22 for 4 months, mirena IUD: this was a trip. Went into false labor during insertion, had sharp pains on my right side from my mid thigh to my ribs whenever I exercised (I couldn't even walk fast... and I was used to doing 1 hour yoga + weight lifting 5 days a week), vaginal dryness to the point where I would bleed heavily and have the most painful sex. Painful cystic acne... life was terrible. Doctors did not believe me that this was happening, so relentlessly asked for an ultrasound to check placement. Once I got the results - placement was 100% correct, nothing wrong with the uterus shape, nothing that could explain why the eff this was so brutal.
  -22: got the IUD removed, got a diaphragm. Found it kept moving / wouldn't stay in place. Just decided to use condoms, pull out method, and a few times plan b because yo girl was paranoid and feeling like a huge failure.
  
  So after all that mess, I wanted to understand my body more. Downloaded Kindara to track my periods (which is SUPER interesting - I ended up putting 2 years of data into an excel spreadsheet. You can see how messed up my body was from birth control as there was so much variation in my cycle during the first year). Found out about FAM when I was going thru another abstinence period and tried that for a bit. A little more intensive than I was willing to do, but I bought the book I mentioned above because of it and it is like the female bible. I read parts every few months/whenever I have questions about what the junk is going on with my body. I just took this book out over the weekend when my girl friends were over and we spent 3 hours reading parts of it that related to our own current issues. I really cannot praise that book enough!
  
  For the last 2 years, just been using condoms and it's been my favourite - I'm level, I feel life myself, my emotions are easier to keep in control, and my partner 100% understands why I will not go on hormonal birth control again.
  
  
  

If you aren't having periods then you aren't ovulating. If you aren't ovulating then you cannot get pregnant. Hopefully your body is just taking awhile to adjust and you'll ovulate soon and have a period soon. However, I looked into Depo-Provera and their website says this:
>You will get your menstrual period back within 6-18 months after you stop taking the Depo-Provera® injections.

I'd absolutely second /u/Dr_Dudette with the suggestion to temp. If you start temping then at least you'll know when/if you ovulate and, based on that, when you should expect your period and/or test.

There is a book that is highly recommended on this forum and also pretty much every TTC forum called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It covers all the basics of your cycle, the primary and secondary fertility signs and lots of other good information.

This is great! You should also consider learning about the Fertility Awareness Method to know what is going on with your cycle. Kindara is great app that not only teaches you but will track all fertility signs: period, cervical fluid, temperature, and cervical position. It could help you understand what is going on with you body. Check out the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler , it's a great resource and learning tool!

One of the frustrating things about HS for me is that it seems related to other issues in my body. I see a dermatologist for HS but if it’s caused by hormones then my dermatologist is only a temporary solution. Finding the solution to hormone imbalance is something you probably will have to do separately.

Being overweight messes with your hormones. Losing weight messes with your hormones because estrogen is stored in fat, so when you lose fat the estrogen has to be processed. Once you are at a healthy weight and stop losing fat your hormones will settle. They may be balanced or not. You won’t know until you get there.

I recommend reading Taking Charge of your Fertility. It’s about female reproductive systems and the involved hormones. Many women use it to get pregnant but it’s also great for learning and understanding what hormones do to your body. Once you understand that you’ll know if your hormones are doing what they are supposed to do. If they are not you should bring it up with a gynecologist and push for a referral to an endocrinologist.

Birth control to treat irregular periods is a temporary solution. You are not fixing the problem you are putting a band aid on it.

It is unhealthy to go too long without a period. The uterine lining is meant to be shed. When that does not happen the cells that sit there too long may reproduce and cause cancer. Birth control forces a period. You can also get a prescription to force a period that is not birth control. My doctor told me 3 months was the longest I should go without forcing a period if it’s not happening naturally.

Right now weight loss seems to be reducing your HS symptoms. Losing weight might put you into remission. This could be your long term solution. If I were you I would continue that path. BC might help or it might make it worse. You don’t want to be on it anyway.

I'm TTC as well, so hopefully I'll have several months of forced sobriety soon. :)

My challenges for you:

1. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertillity
   
2. Take your partner out to dinner at a highly rated restaurant you've never been to and split a $40+ entree
   
3. Have your partner take photos of your naked pre-pregnancy body OR take professional boudoir photos

Right it’s crazy! I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility . It was so informational for me and she does a great job explaining how everything works. I had no idea about any of this before January when I started tracking. It’s a shame how the education system fails us in this subject!

It's definitely trickier to chart if you're irregular, but it can be done. The book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" goes into how to chart when you're irregular (if I recall correctly, you just have to be more diligent about monitoring your fertility signs). So it's definitely possible, you'd just have to be more careful.

If you have your period back already and want a cheaper option, this book is pretty comprehensive. It still relies on the 3 main fertility signs though (temperature, mucous and cervix position). I obviously can't comment on using the Marquette Method with the fertility monitor, but those are pretty pricey as far as I can tell- ~$200 for the monitor and then additional $30 every month or so for the test sticks.

Exactly - I was going off the + OPK on CD15.

If you haven't yet, pick up a copy of Taking Charge Of Your Fertility and The Impatient Women's Guide to Getting Pregnant. They're both super helpful in understanding your cycle, and temping. (and quick / easy reads, particularly the latter)

Btw, I'd also recommend charting your CM.. Charting is all about getting multiple data points to try to pinpoint what's going on - the more data, the better!

I'd recommend starting with the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's the bible of FAM. Get a BBT, doesn't need to be expensive but make sure it's good based on reviews, and an app or paper charts to track.

Yep! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to pick my brain. After 4+ years TTC and reading tons of books, textbooks, studies, and forums, I know a ton about fertility and how our hormones and cycles work. I had even figured out from tracking my cycles and hormone levels that I probably had PCOS, but a previous doctor did some tests and ruled it out a few years back. Should have pushed for a referral back then I guess.

My favorite resource that I highly recommend if you haven't read it is a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility

This book is highly recommended by followers of FAM.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062326031/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=eaclwo-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0062326031&linkId=fe064c5bb54a6efbfb699aa9454d8ffe

There’s also a Facebook group numbering nearly 20K that’s really helpful. Search for Fertility Awareness Method of Birth Control. It’s a female only group, so you won’t be allowed to join. FYI.

I've used NFP as a birth control method since becoming sexually active, and when my DH and I got serious about my fertility I bought the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It is really interesting for both of us! I've tracked my temp for years and he likes looking at the charts to see where I am in my cycle.

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/

You mention going to a doctor, so if anything I say goes against the doctor's suggestion please dismiss it.

I used to have terrible intrusive thoughts. After some work, I eventually realized a lot of them were actually in my mother's voice. I had to externalize them and recognize they were not my own, but ones planted by her. Some of them I can just tell to go away; others I had to forcefully change the dialogue of ("You're being unreasonable!" to "You're upset. Take a breathe and get back on track"); the one that tells me to kill myself is now a ridiculous cartoony voice and I sometimes laugh when I 'hear' it. These two books have been the most helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Imaginary-Crimes-Punish-Ourselves-Stop/dp/0595321917/ and http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Obsessive-Thoughts-Gain-Control/dp/1572243813/ .

Also, are you female? I ask because these kinds of things can ebb and flow with the fertility cycle and it can help pinpoint when it is worse. Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) helped me a lot with gaining control. http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/

Strongly recommend The book Taking charge of your fertility Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 20th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062326031/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_MlUvybX8CFH09

Read it. Follow it :-)

I'll probably be crucified for even suggesting this, but--have you checked out the Fertility Awareness Method? (Trust me, it's not the Rhythm Method--it actually works, backed by science, and no religious ties attached to it.) You should check out the Fertility Awareness group on Facebook, and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

The STM method is the symptothermal method. For Catholics, it's usually taught through the couple to couple league, but it's also the most popular secular method because it's the one taught in Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you're interested in learning more about fertility at all, this is the go-to book. This method is based on observing at least 2 primary fertility signs (cervical fluid and basal body temperature) and marking the beginning and ending of the fertile period based on the information gathered. A barrier method, withdrawal, outercourse, or abstinence is used during "Phase 2" of the cycle, which is the period between identifying the beginning of fertility and the end of fertility. The advantages of this method are that you can confirm ovulation, for sure--other than an ultrasound, there isn't really a good way to confirm that ovulation is happening. You can assume that it is based on other fertility signs and LH testing (ovulation predictor kits), but that information doesn't prove that ovulation actually occurred.

The Marquette method is primarily an NFP method, so in order to follow the protocol exactly, they require abstinence during the fertile period. That being said, if you're using it secularly, you can use barrier methods if you understand the risk that you are taking.

Marquette uses the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor to track changing estrogen and LH levels in urine. Based on this information, there's a protocol for determining when your fertile period begins and ends. This is the official Marquette website. Unfortunately there's a paywall to access the forums, which is where they post updated and improved protocol (which is mainly for special circumstances--breastfeeding, postpartum, PCOS, etc).

There are also methods that track only cervical fluid (Billings, Creighton, Justisse), which tends to be very low on the cost and labor intensity scale. I successfully used Billings for awhile, but wanted more concrete information to prepare for trying to conceive in the future (1-2 years down the road).

As far as google searching goes, try to stick to medical journals or reputable studies. Otherwise, you're gonna get so much conflicting information it'll make your head spin. There are a number of books available, as well - two of the favorites around here are the following (linking on Amazon in case you're interested):

• Taking Charge of your Fertility - This one's great for explaining OPK's and BBTemping
  
  
• The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant - I haven't read this one, but I'm told it does really well debunking a lot of the TTC myths or showing concrete evidence for proven TTC methods.

tl;dr: had it for 8 years, out in Dec, pregos in Feb, start taking a prenatal now, don't stress out too bad

Hi OP! It really causes some anxiety, right?? I can totally relate. I had my mirena for 8 years (I know, I know) so when I had it removed in December when we were ready to TTC, I was super stressed. (Like worrying for months before removal that I was screwed, but not in the good, let's make a baby screwed kind of way.) My first period after removal arrived right on time, but it was really short and light. So I started taking a daily baby aspirin along with a prenatal, tracking my cycle, trying to get an idea for when I should ovulate, and read a couple of good books to help me understand the whole conception process. (OMG. The things I know now. Creating life is a goddamn miracle.) I estimated the best window, and got busy every couple days during it. 👍🏼 No dice for January. Period came right on time and that shit was heavy and lasted a goddamn week. (Like full on, this is why I went on the mirena, hurry up and get pregnant so no more periods, I need a menstruating hut so I can deal with this in a safe space, PERIOD.) Afterwards, I went back to tracking my ovulation and made sure my husband and I had some fun around the right time. "Haha," we joked, "wouldn't it be hilarious if we conceived on Valentines Day and were totally that couple, lol lol lol." 🙄

So, now I'm 14 weeks and a few days. Everything is going well so far 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼although, did have some minor spotting and cramping around 6 weeks. I'm still taking the prenatal, but quit the baby aspirin after The Period. (Which was good, because apparently it's not a good thing to take once you're actually pregnant. 🤷🏻‍♀️)

About the baby aspirin: I read some studies that showed it can increase blood flow and help thicken the uterine lining. I reasoned that my body was probably like "lol, what's a uterine lining" after 8 years on the mirena and never getting a period during those 8 years. But, I am NOT a doctor or a nurse and I did NOT consult a doctor or a nurse before hand. So please don't take that as advice.

Here is the advice I would give you: have fun. Have so much fun. Have all the fun. Enjoy the process. Have sex because it is fun and helps you and your partner connect and become closer. Honestly, I'm a little disappointed that things happened so fast for us, cause a couple more months might have been good for us. Also start taking a prenatal now!

But. If you're like me and need to understand how TF this all works, read some books. My sister gave me these books: https://www.amazon.com/Impatient-Womans-Guide-Getting-Pregnant/dp/1451620705 and https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062326031/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_2/130-9845686-7028617?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=AM8QGX8PCVXKVWT3V6J8, both of which clarified all the things for me. I also bought this OTK (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00E5LAXZW/ref=mp_s_a_1_6_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1494602119&sr=8-6&keywords=Easy%40Home) because I am not a patient woman.

I'm rooting for you and I hope you come back in the right amount of time for you with good news! 😘😘😘

Hi there I really liked the combo of reading the Period Repair Manual (to understand medicine/ diet/ factors p.s. this is my favorite one) and Woman Code (for diet and lifestyle) and taking and Taking Charge of Your Fertility (to understand how your hormones work and what you can notice about hormone and body relationships) . I feel like all three give you a really good complete health picture. Im not "fixed" yet but I feel like it has been a great work in progress.

I was vegetarian for 4 years and decided to eat meat again. I have seen my health improve from my changes. I do not recommend a diet that makes you miserable. I think eating butter (butter is more of a fat than dairy product) helps keep me sane after being more stict with sugar. I do not eat processed sugar and dairy except maybe 1-3 times a month ( i quit four years ago for my acne) I also quit meat since I thought it caused acne but after reintroducing it I have found that to not be true.

cutting processed sugar out was really hard, but not impossible ( and i still enjoy in moderation :)

Are you able to see a nutritionist or dietician maybe to help you?

Such a frustratingly sweet problem to have! I was in a similar place of wanting to try but holding off for better life situations (we are currently TTC).

I just wanted to suggest that you try temping to track your cycles. If nothing else, you can see if you are actually ovulating, or where in your cycle the variation occurs (normal for the follicular phase to vary, abnormal for the luteal phase to vary by more than a day) to see if you might need medical intervention when you do start trying to conceive. A BBT thermometer is a lot cheaper than month after month of pregnancy tests! And I found that the regular thermometer we had worked well enough to see a pattern for me.

I also recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It has great information on temping and other fertility signs, and helped me learn so much about what my body is doing.

So this is only sort of tangentially related, but I noticed you said you are "battling with different forms of hormonal birth control," and I wondered how much you've read about natural family planning/fertility awareness? (This book is also a good resource.) It's not for everyone, and I know people take birth control for lots of reasons other than just preventing pregnancy, so it may not even be applicable to you, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to mention in case it helps.

Anyway, hang in there with the weight loss--you've come so far! Be patient with your body :)

Hi there.

Sorry that this is happening to you. I can understand both of your concerns.

I think this book will help you a lot, combined with condoms. You can determine the timespan that you're fertile and avoid sex during that time.

You do have to get to know your body's fertility cues and understand how fertility works, which I think is kind of fun anyway. If you combine this with a condom it would help your chances a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458340043&sr=8-1&keywords=taking+control+of+your+fertility

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!