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Reddit mentions of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Sentiment score: 13
Reddit mentions: 18
We found 18 Reddit mentions of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Here are the top ones.
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| Release date | December 2014 |
I read a book about love languages. It was from a Christian perspective but I think anyone could get value from it. Basically the take away was that we all show and feel love in different ways. One of the best things you can do is figure out how your partner feels loved (their love language). It may be verbal, physical touch, actions etc. You then make a conscious effort to make sure that your partner knows you love them by using their love language and not just your own.
Edit: wow a lot of people apparently saw this. Here is the book on amazon if anyone was interested:
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=5+love+languages+by+gary+chapman&qid=1563811365
It's apparently less than $5 as an ebook. No I'm not the author. Good read even if you ignore the religious perspective it is great to work through with your significant other.
Some people give gifts as their love language. In this case, however, it seems more like your mom wants a visual assertion of her connection to you, some "proof" that she loves you and you her, etc.
 
It shows how little she understands your life that she sends you not only a lot of little stuff (probably assuming "it's so small, it won't hurt!" when it does take up space) but candles in an RV? Granted, I don't know dick about RV living but it seems like candles would be dangerous in one.
Take her out to dinner at a nice place with some outdoor seating. Talk about your day, keep her wine glass full. Afterward walk her to a quiet bar and talk about your dreams and your family and what makes you happy. Take her home and top the night off with some love making, or leave it til the lazy hours of the morning if you're both too tired. Do all this about once a week for a couple months.
Get her a little gift now and then to show your appreciation for her company. Find out what her love language is so when you intend to make a meaningful gesture that it's profoundly received.
When it's time to go home for a the holidays, invite her to dinner with your family. Introduce her with pride and a smile on your face, smooth over any awkward bumps that come with the first time she meets them. Offer to meet her family and bring a bottle of something or a dessert from your favorite bakery. Remember everyone's name, jot it down in a note in your phone if you need to. When they ask how you met, include every detail and how you felt about running into someone so special.
After a couple of years when you're graduating and thinking about where to live, ask her to move in with you. When she says yes, take the reigns and find someplace that suits both your needs. Give her her keys on a cute key ring that represents an inside joke or something special to her that only you know about. Make dinner your first night there, put on some music and dance with her when you're done.
Do your share of the cleaning and work, take care of her when she's sick, buy her some flowers now and then. When you are ready, measure her favorite ring and go get one in her size at the jeweler's. Propose to her in whatever way she's been hinting would be her favorite for the past 6 months.
Wedding plans, honeymoon, kids, college, you can't believe how quickly it all goes by when you're both waving to your son as he pulls out of the driveway. Shuffle your stiff body up the steps and give her a kiss on the forehead and say good night.
She’s pretty clearly motivated by the idea of having money, and I cannot stand her thus far, but this conversation reminded me of The Five Love Languages. (An absolutely amazing book and a breezy read that everyone should check out. I can’t believe how much it made me understand myself and others.)
Basically, for some people, gifts are their love language. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a materialistic way. Giving and receiving gifts, however small, makes them feel loved. I don’t like using the phrase “gold digger” because it has such misogynistic connotations and also implies that there’s something wrong with transactional relationships when they’re actually perfectly fine and quiet common.
But I’m curious about Larissa—I wish we could tap into a parallel universe and see how she reacted to him having a bouquet of flowers for her when she arrived. Would she have bitched about the quality of the flowers like Daya in season two? Or would it have given her a little reassuring emotional boost that protected her from feeling such deep disappointment when she saw the underwhelming dreariness of Las Vegas for the first time?
I want to like Colt and dislike her, but I suspect they both may turn out to be quite different from their portrayals in the first two episodes.
Sorry for the long rambling! My brain has not had enough caffeine injected into it yet.
Some potentially helpful reading/viewing:
Hopefully you can patch things up or at least remain friends. While a lot can happen/change in three and a half years, the issues that arise are not always insurmountable. You can counter this failure with learning and possibly give things another go - if not with her, then with another.
I can offer my opinion from the other side of things. My wife cheated on me and I found out through her phone and emails. It hurt. A fucking lot. It felt like I was stabbed in the heart. But we survived and I can honestly say our marriage is better than before. It took a lot of fucking work to get here but we did it.
If you want to save your marriage, you will have to be an open book and be honest. Her trust in you is shot. And part of the way to rebuild that is to get everything in the open. No secrets.
My brain went nuts after the affair and I was like your wife. I wanted to know where, why, how, etc. and she eventually told me everything. It did put me at ease a bit because she was honest about the whole thing and truly did show repentance. That was big for me, it showed she did care and knows she made a helluva mistake. For me, if I didn't see that we wouldn't be together today.
That goes against what others have said in this thread and I see their points, but IMO airing things allows both of you to move on. It will take her longer but you will have to be patient.
Therapy. I can't stress this enough. If you haven't made the appointment, why? The therapy will allow both of you to talk things through. And the nice thing is there will be someone there who will keep things civil.
One other thing I might offer is to check out the book, The 5 Love Languages. It was recommended to us. It's very short and helped my wife and I re-address our relationship and be feel valued through different actions, etc.
Good luck.
I'm going to highly recommend reading the 5 love languages. I normally can't stand self-helpy or relationshippy books, but I feel this one actually provides a good model for communication in relationships. The point is that everyone expresses and expects love in different ways. And as such, in relationships, you kind of end up talking past each other if you have different expectations.
For me, my boyfriend doing my dishes is an act of love. I don't particularly care about him telling him he loves me because words are easy. For him, dishes aren't romantic, they're dishes. He doesn't feel loved unless I tell him and give him complements and say nice things. Until we realized this, we would each get annoyed because we both felt we were expressing a lot of love and getting very little in return.
It sounds like your girlfriend is expecting love in one form, and you're probably expressing it in another. And yes, to you setting an alarm on your phone to get her flowers every week doesn't sound romantic. But to her it might show that you're thinking about her even when she's not around. That you're making an effort to adjust your life for her.
(I'm not saying get her flowers every week. But try to step back what she views as acts of love)
PS: (I'll note that there is a religious component to it, but its pretty easy to ignore if its not your thing).
I know where you're coming from here. I'm HL, (my guys is maybe he's LL-ML perhaps actually) but we haven't been intimate in god I don't know.. months? maybe over a year at this point. And that's typical... months if not years between attempts. Some weird pattern of complacency. Like... it's not going to get better if you never try but what you going to do.
Something broke somewhere and we haven't been abel to fix it. It was my first 'proper' relationship and his second, so that has a real big part to play in it too I think. And I've certainly tried to fix it - I lost weight, found loads of stuff online, books from here etc Sadly he found the books 'crass' so that wasn't helpful - but - I've collected loads of tips and guides and things to try and figure out how to fix things. HAsn't helped though... there is a gear to this and we've definitely both fallen out of it. We'd periodically talk about it - I'd always initiate these and he'd say that he agreed completely, that "things would change" and then nothing ever does of course.
And I say similar to you because he spends all his free time with a headset playing games (he's literally sitting next to me right now doing this), chatting to other people... awake till 4am online and mouthing me a "goodnight" while shooting some guy on Rust while I go to bed alone. I am pretty certain he 'takes care of himself' after I've goner to bed too... and really that sort of does its own damage. Not gonna lie, I do the same thing myself now... and that's the weird pattern we've fallen into. We're affectionate and caring don't get me wrong, but there's a giant black hole where physical intimacy should be and that is so so damaging. It's like our relationship is quietly eroding from the core and no amount of hugs will fix that >_>
Our issues likely like in several places - but one of them is the mismatch between how you get in the mood and how he does. Like you I prefer some sort of build up - it would be nice if we spent time doing something together for example - and like your guy, my guy just sort of occasionally jumps on me all guns blazing and expects instant reciprocation. And by instant I mean if I don't want him inside me after 2 minutes of a back massage "I don't find him attractive" which isn't true but he's 28 now - and teaching him foreplay is a legitimate thing is proving surprisingly difficult. I guess that's both the cause of and the result of 5 years of nothing and porn ironically (like I said, we were both new to this whole Relationship thing when we started). Deadly spiral, don't do that.
Anyway... gosh intimate ranting, the worst kind of ranting... sorry!
So, told, my guy does tech - right. He plays all hours, he spends more time chatting with online people than me, more time with them than me by a long long margin. I get it... and I imagine it's a replacement pure and simple. A distraction. And, like you, I've had enough, too. So... we have a choice here. We have identified we are unhappy - that's step one, and it's important. And very very likely we're not alone - our partners are also not happy. So we have two, well actually three options.
Having established you're in the "fix it" camp you really need to talk to him. Honestly and completely about what you just told us. Because sure you may have had these conversations before but that didn't change anything so you need to have another. And it needs to do something different, because last time didn't work.
In my case I had the latest one of these about a week ago. I laid out everything (again) and he quietly agreed with everything (again). Key thing. Realism.
In one way or other I said this: "look we need to fix this because we're both unhappy and I don't want my future to be like this. I can't imagine a future like this". He agreed (he felt the same too.) "nothing we tried before has worked" he also agreed. He said he was afraid of trying and failing - because failing would mean it couldn't be fixed and that scared him. Part of the inactivity and complacency was actually procrastination. The outcome: we need to go to a councillor. All the reddit archer advice and internet help and chats have done not one thing. I don't know where to go from here, I just don't - so we need to run this by somebody who does. He did actually agree to doing this in the new year. I'm not entirely convinced - like the promised dates and time spent together it's likely to be forgotten I should think. But it's worth trying.
Time is a precious thing. It's a finite thing. You either spend time fixing it or you call it quits and find somebody who makes you happy. Ideally you fix things, of course, and marriage counsellors exist for a reason. But it's worth looking at it like that - and mentioning to him that things are this serious - because they really are. Something fixable now might not be fixable couple of years down the line. Take if from somebody 6 years down the line more time does not solve anything (only perpetuates it) - but only actions will change things.
Two books I found helpful you may also find useful.
Come as You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life - I am reading this atm, though this sub I think - and it's really really interesting. From what you've said I think you would find it really insightful too and highly recommend it.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - this might be useful for you too - you can find summaries online that tell you the basics though. This is such an important thing - and might be a useful way into the deeper conversation you need to have.
EDIT
You mentioned feeling resentment about rejection and I totally see that. Rejection cuts both ways - and does its own sort of damage. Time only deepens those wounds, so be careful of that. What this boils down to though is that you both need to be putting 100% into fixing things. This isn't some "you need to do this so he will do that" stuff. That just causes resentment - you feel you've been hurt and are still expecting to put your heart on the line again - and I imagine that's how he feels too. This is your relationship which is the combination of you both. You can't fix it with imbalance - imbalance is what broke it. You need to get off the ride (communicate openly) and restart it (councillor for example) and both go back into it together. Spend time together (for your side of things) and intimate time (for his side of things). even if it doesn't end... completely... if you see what I mean - sometimes these things need ramping up and the intimacy you both need should be built gradually. I'm almost looking at it as trying to see it as a new relationship - because those are the sort of things you're rebuilding.
[This is for you] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_ba90Ab25AP3XJ) because I read in your comments that you have a new guy that you're excited about. I have found that keeping a mate happy is MUCH easier if you know their love language. 😍
[This is for me] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DDXWFY0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_Ud90Ab86J7VHE) because I have been doing Keto diet to lose weight and EGGS ARE LIFE on this diet. 🤓
[This is for /u/Miss-omnibus to read when she has insomnia] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1596433973/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_cp90AbX8407XZ) because she was sweet enough to summon me to introduce herself in another thread and we had a good conversation. 😘
AND I think there is still money left over for you to get a little something extra for yourself or save it for another contest! 🤩
The 5 Love Languages. That book is the book that got me into personalities, which led me to learning about MBTI. Somehow.
Here's the Amazon link for it.
It bothers me that I know people genuinely believe what they say to me, but I don't so I need to pull out an appropriate reaction out of my ass.
Yes, you need to identify what caused the damage at the first place -- usually it's due to poor communication and/or some kind of emotional disconnect, then you work on fixing the core issue. I suggest you look up this guy on YouTube: Craig Kenneth. He gives a lot of good advice on how to deal with relationship and break-ups.
PS. whatever you do, don't listen to that douchebag Corey Wayne.
PPS. also read the Five Love Language, and something about adult attachment theory.
Acts of service, then.
[The Five Love Languages] (https://www.amazon.com.au/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI) is a bestseller for a reason.
I spent 19 years in a mismatched sex drive relationship and your conversations sound very similar to mine. What I’ve learned post-divorce is that just complaining about it or bringing it up isn’t enough. Sex, with the physical intimacy it brings, is how you feel loved and validated. Your partner probably doesn’t understand that and has a misconception about it. My ex just thought I was like a horny teenager, she never knew how painful it was for me to not receive love from her through physical intimacy and sex.
My advice is pretty specific - Love and relationships require work. Get a couples counselor and do the work. Propose it as something to maintain your relationship, not as a fix. Your partner likely doesn’t comprehend your need for physical intimacy.
I highly recommend these books - They have revolutionized my life post-divorce. They help me communicate my needs and help my partners understand how we can both benefit from relationship maintenance.
The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01JBQGD0E/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_QrhQDbQCEX9WP
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_FthQDbT299CF8
Disclaimer: There is a component of religion in these books, but even as an atheist, I still encourage you to read them.
It is a standoff. She resents you for emotionally neglecting her, you resent her for sexually depriving you. You don't want to do anything because it doesn't feel natural or authentic. How does it get authentic when it comes from a place of score-keeping and resentment? It may feel awkward and forced in the beginning, but as you get more comfortable and used to expressing yourself and being affectionate with her, maybe it will get easier.
[Since you said you don't like talking...] (https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_3/136-4451667-9163925?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=CZ0Y20QEK00JA1FRSQ23)
[Oldie but goodie] (https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts-ebook/dp/B00OICLVBI/ref=pd_aw_sim_sbs_351_of_7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=EWWR2K9HFR8XJGSX0DGR)
[This is a lot of work, but you have to do it together and it might bring you closer] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553447718/ref=sspa_mw_detail_0?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
[I haven't read this one, but I've read something else with a similar idea (the writers were an English couple but goddamnit I can't think of the title), and maybe you can try the suggestions] (https://www.amazon.com/1001-Ways-Be-Romantic-More-ebook/dp/B004MME71K?keywords=english+romance+couple+ideas&qid=1537541693&sr=8-3&ref=mp_s_a_1_3)
Have you read the book The 5 Love Languages? I ask because one of the ways that they talk about expressing love in the book is by giving gifts. And if that's not your love language, you might not recognize it was being an act of love. Instead it's annoying.
Of course that's giving your MIL the benefit of the doubt that what she's doing is out of love. If it isn't, then it seems like she's more marking her territory, like a dog peeing on a fence.
My son is 5 months. The best reading will depend on who you are, your life experiences, and what you are looking for. This is merely a list of books I've read between shortly before his birth and now and have given me a lot to think about as a man, a father, and a husband.
Also regularly reviewing information from CDC on Developmental Milestones. Great advice on what to watch out for and when, including what to childproof how and when.
I wasn't going to write a summary, but now that I look at the list, It deserves some context. So, one
sentencequick blurb per book in order, my take away thought from the book.Anyway, not trying to claim these are the best books for everyone, but I am very grateful for the insights I gained from reading them. Happy to share more if you have any questions about them. Hope you find a selection that inspires you and that you never stop seeking more great books to read. Best luck and congratulations on your journey. :)
Buku tentang lima macam bahasa asmara
Pengen segera berkesempatan nyoba haha