Reddit mentions of The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Third Edition

Honey, he's broken. His Dad was a physically abusive junkie but his Mom kept him in that situaton because she was getting something out of it.

Old book call enablers co-abusers, and until he realizes that she CHOSE to abuse him, and isn't the 'good' parent, he's going to have problems. The bog standard, boring, suite of issues that every child of addicts deals with, but shitty boundaries is one of them, and that's what you are dealing with here.

He's also stuck in the appeasement cycle, it sounds like.

Here's a video I made about being stuck in an appeasement cycle with an abusive parent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDhOA_Unpw

Part of what she might have been getting out of the chaos of the relationship with her husband is that her son wouldn't have any CHOICE but to primarily bond with her- and that the possibility of loosing that bond would keep him in line.

If there are adult child of alcoholics meetings around you, it might be worth going, or reading Toxic Parents- it's one of my favorites, and really helpful for people who had an addict in the family.

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

1. Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
   
2. Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
   
3. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
   
   If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.

Some people experience a shift in thinking -I did and have witnessed it in others- when understanding the ramifications of the C-PTSD construct and what follows from integrating its supporting science into one's aware interactions, perceptions, cognitions.

CPTSD is NOT just another diagnostic construct. CPTSD is putting a name to what has been most frequently referred to throughout the last millennia as 'the human condition', specially so in the West.

C-PTSD is the name put to the mass dysfunction that's spread almost world-wide (I'm not sure how it began; there might be some History there..); you know how everyone seems to have an intuition that things are not quite right anywhere, that humanity as a whole is in an unnecessary state of self-inflicted pain and things like this; C-PTSD is finding the whys and hows of this so-called 'human condition', which I'd best describe as the [post-]'traumatic human conditioning'.

C-PTSD comes into the diagnostic world as just another diagnostic construct, but the science that supports this is by no means 'ordinary' -recently overemployed- profit-driven pseudo-science; not only that, the science behind this leap in understanding human physiology and human experience in general means a revolution in the Paradigm on Self, Other, and World, as one will probably understand upon reading (and 'testing') the Polyvagal Theory as well as anything coming from the 'somatic therapies' side. Not to mention all the previous revolutions that this supporting research has brought about such as the Structural Dissociation model, endless insights on human physiology and psychology, or said somatic therapies.

Final thoughts on this, the whole global mess of 'emotional oppression' has needed this long wreaking havoc in order to catch the researchers' attention, and over 50years of dedicated research to start being unveiled for what it is; but, let's make no mistake: people from 'radically' different cultures are able to easily see this dysfunction as it occurs, being transmitted interpersonally and intergenerationally without need for any 'science' whatsoever ('crazy white man' is a phrase I've sincerely and spontaneously muttered many many times, by which I mean I've been able to see it AND experience it directly, and I was only a kid; I'm 'white' btw); we've needed this science crutch because we gave away our own Observation and Deduction rights -and use- as we were acculturated; mostly every human being in this society has lived blind right from the start. But one doesn't need science to know this, nor to understand what things work towards helping with it and which do towards destabilizing a person further. The good thing is that now this wisdom is 'manualized' and even the skeptic modern mind will then be likelier to benefit from it; it's what happens in a society where 'official' institutions approve of what one's been told –and one relies on it to validate one's own experience.

There's all the needed science to understand it, and change it. And yet...

​

Look at the global picture, you'll see that the common element in every household regardless of culture, period, economic status, etc etc etc, is the emotional oppression upon newborns and developing 'children'. That is the core of this thing that 'modern' science comes to call 'C-PTSD'. That's how frequently the phenomenon you mention occurs.


The latest science is also coming to see the link between addiction and trauma. I spotted this when I was around 6y.o. and was sure beyond possible doubt by age 14; started smoking at 25 after a parent almost died twice. Good that science is catching up, though.

This is to say: TRUST YOURSELF EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY. Trust what your body-mind reveals or implies, trust it in why/how it conceals and distorts what it does. You'll find it was -all of it- in order to protect you, to care for you(rself), and guide you, all along. Therapists and peers can be lifesaving, though ultimately it's all up to you and your determination to creatively resolve whatever challenge this journey brings along. Your intuition (your body's ancient built-in system to make you aware of what the body truly needs) is a 'skill' to nurture; first by listening, a lot, without acting or interfering; eventually you'll just know whenever your organism is kindly requesting you to this or that.

​

Who knows how long it'll take you, but yes it can -and likely will- get better.
Please make searchs for specific questions since there's a lot of invaluable information and conversations in this sub. Best wishes on this journey.

Improvements are made when you reconnect with your feelings experience as a child. Emotions such as anger, loneliness and fear need to be experience in order for you to move on. I highly recommend you read any books from Alice Miller.


https://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence-ebook/dp/B007237VUA/ref=la_B000APM0AI_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491709611&sr=1-4

https://www.amazon.com/Drama-Gifted-Child-Search-Third-ebook/dp/B00D0UWFP0/ref=la_B000APM0AI_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491709646&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.com/Free-Lies-Discovering-Your-Needs-ebook/dp/B002Y5KU72/ref=la_B000APM0AI_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1491709646&sr=1-7

How about a helping hand:
[snip snip glue glue]

Here are the books that I think will give you the knowledge of what's going on, and tools to manage it.

• Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. This was THE BOOK that started to set me free. It's a must read book for people with narc/abusive parents and their partners, in my opinion.
  
• Toxic Parents is a classic about how to see the manipulative patterns from abusive parents and get free of them.
  
• Wolf in Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon. Man has a PhD in manipulation, and breaks down what the manipulators DO and how to shut it down. He's studied this for 20 years and it's AMAZING.
  
  If you read these three books, you'll be so far ahead of the game it's not even funny.