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Reddit mentions of The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World
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We found 55 Reddit mentions of The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World. Here are the top ones.
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- Workman Publishing Company
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| Release date | February 2002 |
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That's how it is to be an introvert.
According to The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, introverts have a longer neural pathway for processing stimuli. This makes us think more about what is happening instead of reacting or talking about to it.
In a 2005 study they found that when gambling brought positive results, the extroverts exhibited a stronger response in two regions of the brain: the amygdala and the nucleus accumbens, showing that they processed surprise and reward differently than introverts.
Being an introverts is not the same as being a loner or a shy person. Introverts need a lot more stimuli to change their mood. (happy or sadness)
Introvert, Extrovert. Read about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator -- There are numerous online instruments to determine your own MBTI.
An important statistic for Introverts is that Extroverts outnumber Introverts 3 to 1. The world, therefore, caters to Extroverts almost to the exclusion of Introverts. Bars and Clubs are for Extroverts. Introverts typically feel uncomfortable there.
Many Introverts feel that there is something wrong with them for not being into the Bar Scene. There's nothing wrong. An Introvert just does not feel comfortable in a bar or club; end of discussion. Do something else. ... Like stay home on NYE. Gh0D knows I will.
As for dating: Find another Introvert. Accept no substitutes.
You may also be interested in: Laney, "The Introvert Advantage" -- http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
Hey man, I'm 23 years old, and I was a pretty big loner too back in high school. I'm still very much an introvert but I'm far from the social recluse I was back then. What I'm about to write probably won't change your life around, but at the very least I hope you might one day reflect back on it and hopefully help you a little bit.
For starters, high school doesn't really matter. It might seem like the biggest thing in your life currently (or not), but most of it won't affect you years later. Even now, some of the more popular kids I knew back in high school have retained like 2-3 friends from back then at most, while everyone else faded away and gone about their own ways. The people that will actually matter, as in your love life and work life, are the people you'll meet outside of high school.
Second, friends and connections don't come without effort. Life isn't some romance-comedy film, where you, the protagonist, meets some whimsical girl on a whim and suddenly click with her. You have to put yourself out there. Now I know, that's pretty much the opposite of what being an introvert is, but here's the thing, I'm not telling you to become an extrovert, far from it. I'm proud to be an introvert, and I'm happy to correct anyone who says/accuses me of having social anxiety, etc. That being said, I don't shy away from opportunities.
What exactly does that mean? Well, for starters, really analyze yourself as a person. What do you enjoy? What do you like? Video games? Anime? My Little Ponies? Death Metal? Soccer? LARPing? Fantasy novels? Game of Thrones? Are you Asian? Black? Indian? It doesn't matter, because I can fucking guarantee you right now that there's someone at your school who shares the same interests, but you have to make the effort to find them. How? Well, clubs and activities are a good place to start, if your interests line with one that's available at your school. Does your school have some online forum? Trying seeking people there. Point is, you're not the only person at your school with your tastes, but you're not going to find them without at least making some effort. But here's the thing. If you don't or can't find anyone by the time you graduate, it's okay. The world is a big place. In the last 5 years since I've graduated, I've met people with similar interests as me in places I never thought I would. I promise you that you will too.
Third, start caring about your physical appearance. I don't give a damn if you're the kind of kid who thinks worrying about how you look is superficial and shallow and you're above it all, because believe it or not, how you make yourself appear matters a whole lot more than you think, not just in social settings, but in your work life as well. No one's going to hire some punk ass teen who looks like he hasn't showered in days and smells like he hasn't brushed his teeth in weeks, and wears baggy ass clothes that don't fit. You might think you look cool now, but let me point you to /r/blunderyears and show you how much of a fool you might look. Start eating healthy and go buy nice, fitting clothes. Button ups, collar shirts, plain-color Tees, etc., I recommend /r/malefashionadvice, even if it has a tendency to circlejerk at times. Start hitting the gym regularly. Trust me, no one judges you, and no one cares you're there, if gym anxiety is what you're afraid of. I'm not making fun of you or criticizing you, we've all been there. It's better for you to realize it sooner and start working on it now than to be an unfortunate (yet hilarious) individual who ends up posting in that subreddit. Bless those souls who have the courage to post there, because I have my fair share of blunder pics that I'm too embarrassed to ever put on a public forum.
Fourth, don't be an asshole. This is purely anecdotal, you may not be like this at all, but when I was in high school I was an elitist prick. I thought I was cool for listening to indie and hating on mainstream radio songs and was a judgmental asshole. I also thought anyone who was religious was an idiot for believing in the supernatural. I studied philosophy, works like Thoreau, Kant, Marx, etc. I thought I was so much smarter than everyone. In retrospect, it's that kind of attitude that repelled people. Look, if you have some passion or interest that you have some insight or knowledge into, that's great! But don't shoehorn it into a conversation unless it's with someone who shares the same interests, and don't act like you're better for having some niche interest. Everyone you meet is your superior, because everyone you meet knows more than you on something, so treat everyone with respect.
Lastly, I highly recommend reading these two books: How to Win Friends & Influence People and Introvert Advantage (both non-affiliate links). I know, it's a silly sounding book, I sure as hell was embarrassed when I bought it. Hell, you might even think the contents of the book are obvious. But in the last 5 years since I've read that book, I ended up employing a lot of the techniques in that book without realizing, and it's paid off. Even if you think it's stupid, as long as you keep the key points of the book in mind, you will subconsciously execute them in social settings, and you will see it pay off, I promise. The second book, Introvert Advantage, will help give insight into your life in more ways than most people in your life will be capable of, because the book will understand you. Your parents, your guidance counselor, or hell your therapist if you have one might not, because not everyone understands what it's like to be an introvert, but this book will. Try giving both a read.
More than anything, I want you to know that high school isn't the end all be all that defines how you'll live for the rest of your life. I was borderline suicidal in high school. Thoughts of how to kill myself was my only solace at night. I honestly thought I would have ended up offing myself by the time I was in my mid-20s, but here I am, happier than I ever was back then. It takes time, a little bit of luck, but mostly a lot of effort on your part.
> there's this need to be alone, listening to people for more than an hour or two is quite uncomfortable.
That's introversion and it's completely normal. Have you read this book yet?
We like The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
First Part:
> hopefully someone will write something that makes something click in me.
Like you did in me? Quite a few people wrote GOOD THINGS, but I still wanted to take a crack at it as much of what you wrote resonated with me. While I've figured out many things for myself, I thought I might share what I found useful.
Your TL;DR :: i'm not interested in anything and have tried to find things but seriously don't care about anything. i spend my day sleeping, wasting time on the internet, sometimes exercising, rarely reading, watching stupid shit on the internet, doing the bare minimum to pass my courses.. thats about it.
My TL;DR :: To Follow Your Bliss, you must find it first. While traveling the highway of introspection there was a flat on the off-ramp. Seeing life through a fish-eye lens makes it difficult to focus. Reaching for the light is hard under the shadow of the family tree. A lonely island castaway trying to send an message in a bottle if only you can find something to write with. Or a bottle.
Everything I write below is just a reply to what you wrote taken at face value trying not to read too much into anything except with what I can empathize with.
Innie or Outie? In a world that is geared for the extrovert, life is a challenge for the introvert. If for no other reason than they are misunderstood making it harder to relate. But recognize this which means now you just need to find the ways to maximize its potential. Read the 2003 article link at least as I think it will be very useful.
Labels and Adjectives. I saw a lot of self descriptions along with a lot of apologies. People are more than a just a collection of adjectives or an entry out of the DSM. Reading through your posts I see you say: introverted. rowdy. silly. intelligent. knowledgeable. smart. depressed. attractive. bitter. indifferent. overwhelmed. lonely. bored. lazy. smart. disappointed. scared. apathetic. angry. motivated. and optimistic. Like growing up with Schoolhouse Rock its only natural to identify and classify, but I cringe when people label either themselves or others because that box is so hard to break out of -- identified by afflictions and behavior rather than just as the humans they are. You said that you feel like you 'sound as a huge bitch.' Some who have posted in the past proclaim themselves a loser or a terrible person. The fact is most people who really ARE those things are not self-aware. The fact that you can be introspective, usually means you are NOT whatever awful things you think you are. (BTW, that goes for everyone else posting at SW! Sincerely.)
In the middle. There is nothing that can rob you of your youth that everyone deserves -- and its opportunity to socialize with your peers -- than having to become an adult too soon, either by being a victim of abuse, or stepping into that role when the other adults step away. I was born a small adult to a pair of rather old parents. I know what it is like to get up in the middle of the night to play mediator, referee, or even bouncer. All that is even more difficult if you have to do that between multiple family members. You want to not resent them because you love your family, but the more you resist, the more bitter you may one day become. That rage you were referring to before? Let it out in whatever healthy ways you can. Its one of the best reasons I can think of contributing to your 1000 yard stare which I can identify with.
All in the family. You choose your friends, but your family you are born with. Despite the love you can have for them, when you end up playing roles you weren't meant to, it takes its toll. In addition to mediator, you also lived under a shadow. If that role didn't rob you of the socialization you needed, the dynamics of the relationship with your sister probably did. Add on the parental over-protection and that makes it difficult to even breathe. When I was a kid I ended up riding a bike with a motorcycle helmet of all the silly things. I couldn't go on class field trips because the buses didn't have seatbelts. You name it, a worried mother who makes their child the center of their life with no additional friends of their own, as mine did, make spreading your wings like trying to break the grip of the gravity of Jupiter. When you say that leaving for school was one of the best things in your life, I have no doubt at all! Even though you don't know what you want yet, continuing to push the envelop to develop and maintain your independence is the best thing you can do. But it is hard to do it alone. The thing I heard the most in that passage was your need to EXPRESS YOURSELF. I'm thinking in addition to some of your humanities studies you would benefit greatly from some arts as well. I speak from experience.
No one is purely an introvert or an extrovert. Just like most other things, there is a spectrum. You want to be alone to recharge, then you want to be with people to fulfill a basic human need for belonging.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
This book is amazing. I read it a couple of times. The basic idea (in reference to what you're asking advice for) is to plan. If you know that there is a party or some get-together coming up, you need to be alone for a period of time beforehand. Once you've been alone for a long enough period of time to recharge, you'll be ready to get out there and socialize, thus reducing the "I really want to talk with someone but can't" reaction.
And then sometimes, like all introverts, you'll find that you can't plan this out and you just need to forgive yourself for not wanting to talk to other people.
When I was 19 and gaming all day I was literally a waste because I only consumed and produced nothing. I was just a burden to those who were supporting my financially and socially. If you want to be a professional artist then get better than everyone else. Disney only hires the best of the best, same with any other company. Start a YouTube channel and upload consistently. Find your own way. You're not 14 anymore. Life will hit you soon. Also know that introversion is not a bad thing. It's just a different way of thinking. I'm introverted myself and can solve problems most extroverts can't. I recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Introvert-Advantage-People-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695 It delves into understanding extroversion and introversion from each other's perspective. It's pretty good and you may learn a few things about yourself.
Yes and no, though for me it’s more social anxiety than shyness.
Yes, because we live in a society that values extroversion, and we’re made to feel guilty for not fitting that mold. There have been times I’ve wished (albeit briefly) that I was more extroverted because it seems like life would be so much easier.
However, I try to remind myself that my introversion is deeply connected to personal qualities of which I’m proud: thoughtfulness, deep-thinking, being a good listener, etc. Life might be easier as an extrovert, but being an introvert isn’t something to be ashamed of (though I’ll admit that it’s taken me time to realize that). I know it sounds cheesy, but there’s a book called “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney that helped me feel less guilty/ashamed and more proud of qualities that our pro-extrovert society doesn’t necessarily appreciate. I’d recommend checking it out. It may also help you articulate some of the things you’ve struggled to explain to your friends. It made a huge difference when my very extroverted mother read it - she told me she finally understood some of the things I did that had baffled her or that she had completely misinterpreted.
Please try not to hate your
shyness orintroversion. There are always going to be some people who will judge you for not being extroverted, but you know what? Screw them. If they aren’t willing to make an effort to see what lies beneath the surface, it’s their loss.​
Edit: I just looked back at my copy of "The Introvert Advantage" (I really do hate that title, but it IS a good book), and there are a few bits the author wrote on shyness that you might find interesting (bold emphasis is mine):
[Introverts] are people who need private space to refuel, who do not gain their primary energy from external activities, and who usually need time to reflect and think before they speak. In this chapter I will discuss what they are not. They are not scaredy cats, shrinking violets, or self-absorbed loners. Nor are they necessarily shy or antisocial. As a society we don’t see introverts accurately because we are looking at them through a lens of incorrect assumptions. Most introverts don’t understand their own temperament because they have grown up with their own misconceptions about introversion.
Also:
Shyness is social anxiety, an extreme self-consciousness when one is around people. It may have some genetic roots (in the form of a highly reactive fear center), but it is usually learned from experiences at school, with friends, and in families. For some, it comes and goes at various ages and in certain situations. Shy people may feel uncomfortable with one-on-one conversations or in group situations. It is not an issue of energy; it is a lack of confidence in social situations. ....Shyness is not who you are (like introversion), it is what you think other people think you are, and therefore it is responsive to behavior change.
​
So perhaps a big part of the problem is that we've come to accept the fact that terms like "shy" are foisted upon us, and that doesn't help the situation. The author mentions some books that may help you feel more confidence in certain social situations. Since I haven't personally read any of them, I hesitate to recommend specific books. I would first read "The Introvert Advantage." I think that just feeling more comfortable understanding and accepting why we are the way we are can make a big difference in feeling more confident in certain social situations.
First off, don't do anything just to satisfy other people. More often than not, they don't actually have your best interests in mind (even if they themselves think they do.) One of the greatest strengths we as introverts have is the fact that we don't need the external validation in the same way as extraverts do. In that sense, we're independent in a way our extraverted counterparts are not.
If you have your own reasons for wanting to get out and about with other people (and not just the opinions and urgings of the people you reference), then and only then should you pursue such a course of action.
Seeking out other introverts to interact with could be an easy way to get out there. Introverts tend to just "get each other" in ways that make socializing feel natural and make you forget to "try" to be a good conversationalist. If you're wondering where to find other introverts, I'd recommend events which are about a subject or activity rather than about the people there. That is, gravitate toward crafting groups, conventions, book clubs, and such rather than parties, bars, clubs, mixers, etc. Also, groups which involve fewer people (or at least groups where you only end up interacting with a few people) are better.
Finally, I'd recommend you make some effort to find out what is good about being introverted. I honestly can't recommend the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World enough.
Alrighty, my personal feeling is that you are an introvert, she is an extrovert. In order to be recharge your energy you need time completely alone.
Personally I would recommend that you go out, and either rent or buy the book, The Introvert Advantage, How to thrive in an extrovert world":
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
The book spends a fair amount of time covering how introverts and extroverts act in relationships together. It recommends ways that the two partners work together.
She clearly doesn't understand why you have the need to be alone, and she won't accept your explanations. I have this nasty feeling that she has the impression that everyone thinks like her, and hopefully this book will help convince her that you do need more time to yourself and that it is not a negative reflection on her.
Some couples have problems because one likes to go and get drunk and flirt with members of the opposite sex. In my opinion wanting some time to your own is so much less of a big deal.
No, it wasn't related to the Myers-Briggs personality types. It was more of a self-help book geared for introverts. God, this is going to bother me for a while.
Thanks for the help, though!
EDIT: Ah-hah - found it. The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney.
I read a book years ago called the Introvert Advantage which covers these same ideas - it's okay to be an introvert and being so does come with many advantages. Highly recommend reading it if you're an introvert but haven't given it much thought.
Almost everything here is great advice, so much so that I'm probably going to send my wife a copy of this thread so she can finally 'get it.' Just my two cents on the topic as well:
As you can probably guess, I'm introverted, my wife of eleven years is an extrovert. She's a talker. Loves to talk to people, anyone. At length. She wouldn't know concise if it landed on her head and crapped in her hair. (She's also very (ugh) touchy-feely. Still love her, though.)
She's had many of the same complaints that you're expressing in your post: Physical contact (like holding hands, little touches out in public, PDA's, etc) and communication (or the lack thereof, in her opinion). I tell her the same thing, everytime:
---
I'm just not geared the same way you are.
It's not that I don't like social situations, it's just that they are mentally and physically draining for me. Small talk sucks. Especially if I don't know anyone there, those are the worst. Having a few 'go-to' friends around helps. Making sure there is someplace I can retreat off to, even if it's just a chair in the corner, to recover a bit, helps. Understanding if I tell you I need a break for 5-10 minutes to recharge the batteries, and noticing if I do need to take a break (body language and if I'm getting cranky), helps. Please don't get mad at me when I do these things, it's just what I need.
Conversation-wise, I'm not a big talker, unless I'm with close friends or family. Even then, I tend to only say what I think is needed. I'm not big on small talk; I'm fine with silence, I don't need to fill every space in a conversation with, IMHO, unnecessary noise. That being said, please don't take my silence for being cold, or distant, or me ignoring you. I choose my words carefully, and unfortunately that takes a few moments in my head. If you're asking a question, please give me time to contemplate my answer. It's important, because I value your understanding.
I absolutely need me time, with no one else around a lot so I can enjoy some of the things I love doing and clear the clutter and the noise and all the flotsam and jetsam of sound and light that accumulates in my head; it brings me clarity and peace, and allows me to feel so much better. Please don't be offended if I ask for time alone, or if I shoo you away when I'm in the middle of one of my solitary tasks; instead, support me with understanding. I need time to myself just as much as you need time out being social. Support me and who I am, and you will discover yourself receiving more than you give in return.
---
I think the biggest thing is understanding. He's probably got similar complaints about the strange 'crazy extroverted woman' that he's going out with, and trying to figure you out as well.
This last year, I read a couple of good books that helped me understand my own introversion better:
The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, and
Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength. I found them at my local library, just linked them to Amazon for pictures. They definitely gave me a deeper understanding of why I am how I am, and much better knowing that there were a lot of people just like me. If you can find one or the other, give it a skim, or even sit down and read it through with him. Might just help.
[Edit: Just found my copy of The Introvert Advantage here. I'm done with it, and would be happy to throw it in the mail to you. Just have to promise to pass it on to anyone else here in /r/introvert when you're done.]
I am not sure what the answer is but this may help. There is a recent trend of people being all into personality types (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) which in the right context is actually quite helpful.
http://www.16personalities.com/ is the best test I have found online, but to truly nail down your type you are supposed to be tested by a trained person. Regardless you can probably figure out where you land on the spectrum of personalities just from reading their descriptions.
The reason I bring this up isn't because I am a fan boy of personality tests but because it may be just be your personality, something that is hard coded to you, which you have to work with and gain insight to. The best way to use these test I have found isn't to find compatibility with other people but to find it with yourself. I have learned what areas I am stubborn in, where I am less than stellar, and where I exceed others. Changing your personality flaws (if even possible) is probably harder than changing any other single thing about yourself. If you however develop insight and mindfulness you can build self-awareness to how you react to situations/people and you can watch yourself more closely.
There are plenty of books on Amazon you can find just by searching MBTI related to personalities that will give you a wealth of information. Once you find your type you can find even more specific ones. It sounds you may lean towards being extroverted (getting energy from other people) but you said you like your solitude so perhaps you are a hybrid! I am an introvert and this book I started reading has been beneficial: http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
Wish you well.
Hiya Aaron,
From the interview:
>>Many good programmers I know, for instance, aren’t too social.
>
>I think that’s probably part of it; many people don’t have the social skills to notice how offensive they’re being.
You're making the classic extrovert mistake to think all people are like you, and all other lack social skills. This is utterly offensive ;) On average extroverts outgun introverts 8 to 2, but if you want to succeed among programmers, where it's 2 to 8, you better get some understanding. It's not about superior or inferior behaviour, it's about whether your brain is driven by adrenaline or dopamine, and the consequences. Read for instance:
http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
The Introvert Advantage is a very good book, not just for categorizing yourself, but to actually understand yourself (or just what extroversion vs. introversion is) better. It would seem that around 85% percent of us are self proclaimed introverts so this is highly relevant for understanding why you might sometimes feel like the ugly duckling. Being an an-cap is something that is right with you, not what is wrong.
Consider the link to unpaid sources a troll to the IP Crowd ;-), of course it is worth checking out Amazon too, if nothing more, for the reviews.
And because I am always willing to call bullshit on myself as much as I am others, here is a link to an interview with the author on the podcast Skeptically Speaking. I can tell you that there is a self assessment quiz on page 21 or so of the book which you can ignore, it is complete garbage and if it wasn't everyone would be considered an introvert. Additionally, the author makes the claim that introverts tend to be smarter, on average, than extroverts but I do not think this is true or supported.
tl;dr: Introversion is not shyness. It is not antisocial. It is not less desire to connect with other people. It is not a greater or lesser ability to be a leader. It is not necessarily better or worse. It is a different way of processing information. It is a different requirement for "recharging one's batteries." If you can better understand what makes yourself tick, you will be less inclined to blame your sour moods on your anti-state/pro-liberty views.
Well, I think that I've always known, even if I didn't know the name for it. The biggest change to my attitude about it came when I read the book The Introvert Advantage: How To Thrive In An Extrovert World which I recommend to all introverts. I think that I read it shortly after it came out, so I must have been in my low-30s at that point.
What it explained, and what I finally took to heart is:
If there's really interest in other things I've learned, I'd be happy to start a thread. I just can't right now.
This might be the case for Introversion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an Introvert. Just because you don't like socializing with large groups of people, doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. I'm an Introvert myself, and large, social situations overwhelm types of people like myself. We require smaller social environments to function 'normally' as some people might put it. For inevitable large gatherings, Intros can benefit from even five to ten minutes of solitude before returning to the chatty horde (bathroom breaks, getting food, having a solitary smoke, etc.). Honestly, I wish I could tell some of those people who encourage me to 'Socialize' more to suck a rail road spike. I know they're trying to help, but unless they understand Intros then they are just talking bull. If you feel comfortable with solitude (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH BEING A RECLUSIVE SOCIAL OUTCAST) or small groups of people then so be it. Don't let others influence you to be a part of something you feel too uncomfortable with. I recommend a book I read once called: The Introvert advantage. It explains how to understand and utilize introversion to your advantage should you need it. As Stephen Marley sings in his song: Can't keep I down, 'The deepest rivers never make a sound'. Don't be afraid to be silent. Sometimes we just like to listen more than talk.
Edit 1: So here's a link for the book if anyone's interested. I'm posting this to help, not for any kind of profit gain:http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0761123695
I recommend reading The Introvert Advantage which does a great job of breaking this down.
However, the TL;DR version is that introverts' neuropathways are differently laid out, making us more susceptible to over-stimulation, whereas extroverts get "hap-hits" (dopamine injection) from social situations. Our pleasure centers get off on quieter activities, or more intimate socializing, with the price of over-stimulation and exhaustion in more frenetic situations.
Therefore, after an over-stimulating exercise, we need time to recover, just like after studying for finals for a week, you need time to chill, party, play video games, whatever. Your brain just gets exhausted.
First, it just sounds like you had shitty friends.
I am an introvert. I only have a close association with my ciswife, kids, and two work colleagues. I don't mind other people, but I do not depend on them, nor do I expect anything from them. HRT has not made me any more outgoing, more extroverted, but it has helped me be more emotionally honest with myself and others.
Needing alone time is a classic part of being introverted. Socializing drains us, and we need time to recharge.
https://www.meghantelpner.com/blog/being-an-introvert-in-an-extrovert-world/
https://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
I really liked "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D. It spends a lot of time talking about the differences between extroverts and introverts (not shyness) and how deal with extroverted environments. I'm sure if you use Google you could even find .pdf's of it floating around out there.
Sadly, there are many self-centered people in all cultures who are quick to judge you based on the first five seconds of interaction. I'm having a similar issue at work, despite the fact that I work with librarians! The Introvert Advantage have a few chapters that deal specifically with workplace interactions. I also like Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.
Have you tried volunteering to organize extracurricular functions (e.g. parties, post-work happy hours, etc.)? Or joining an office pool/team?
Being an introvert doesn't mean it's a static thing - just because you're okay being around one person doesn't mean you still don't need time for yourself.
This book is pretty good in explaining a lot of what being an introvert is, and working through it in relationships with other people. Both of your should read it.
I'm a serious introvert myself, so this is a topic of some considerable interest to me. :)
Introversion is not necessarily associated with anxiety, in that the traits are not that highly correlated and lots of introverts are not anxious. However, many people who are both introverted and anxious find that the two are intertwined. When that is the case, then getting better at coping with the anxiety can help you be more flexible in being introverted. There are a million self-help anxiety books, and most of them are pretty good because they are based on cognitive-behavioral principles. Personally, however, I am more intrigued by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, as described in books like Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, The Happiness Trap, and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety.
While we're on the topic of reading, if you haven't found it already, I'd suggest The Introvert Advantage -- a great book focusing on accepting, accommodating, and even feeling pretty good about your introversion.
Introversion appears to be very genetically-based and resistant to change, so accepting being an introvert will be an important first step. Introversion is not, in and of itself, healthy or unhealthy, although when you are surrounded by extroverts and a culture that values extroversion, it sure can feel like being introverted is unhealthy. IMHO, traits are only a problem when people are inflexible about applying them... that is, when they can only behave one way regardless of the situation. When people are interested in changing who they are, I often suggest, instead, trying to change how flexible they are about how they display the trait they are interested in changing.
To do that, you could think about the situations in which you are less introverted, and trying to figure out what it is about those situations that allow you to be less introverted. For me, I do better in situations that are structured, familiar, and relevant to my interests -- in those types of situations, you literally cannot shut me up. So, I can be more extroverted when I'm with a small group of good friends, or when I'm meeting a new therapy client for the first time (which is structured because I know exactly what I'm going to say), or when I'm commenting on reddit, or even when I'm teaching a large class or giving a talk to a huge audience. In contrast, in a small group of people I do not know well, when meeting a new person socially for the first time, or when doing something spontaneous that would cause a lot of people to pay attention to me (e.g., something terrible like karaoke), I am not able to be extroverted. But, if I wanted to be more extroverted, I could work to make those types of situations more structured, more familiar, or more relevant to my interests. Does that make sense?
Oh, and one more thing -- please join the Neuropsychology Book Club I am trying to start... I'm hoping it will be really interesting, especially for us voracious readers!!
Your complaint is common with people who are more introverted and have a bit of anxiety. When one feels internal conflict, "should I say this or should I say that? What does this person want from me? What do I say?" this produces a feeling of anxiety and then the need to shut down. Introverts get drained of energy when confronted with interpersonal conflict. Extroverts often feel energized when interacting with others. This difference in energy, speed of response and emotional reactivity can lead to shut down. I recommend two books: The Introvert Advantage, http://www.amazon.com/dp/0761123695/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=2955432445&ref=pd_sl_46kzt5sadt_e, and The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Fourth/dp/1572244135. Both books will help you appreciate your different communication style, deal with the discomfort, and respond more effectively. Good luck.
I know I'm jumping into this conversation late in the game, but I really have to put this in here.
For most of my life I have felt exactly as you, and I used to consider myself being introverted as a negative thing. Obviously some people will feel that way, but they shouldn't. There are so many great things from being an introvert, but unfortunately society has created a negative stigma to it. I seriously suggest that you read "The Introvert Advantage". It's WAY worth the 10 bucks for the book. It helped me so much, and I think it will really help you and other introverts as well. It sheds new light on what it means to be an introvert as well as helping you to realize all of the advantages you've been given in life because you were born an introvert.
The post I'm replying to has several points that are stressed inside the book, including that introverts do not consider acquaintances friends, while extroverts do. I know that I had a very small group of friends for most of my life because of this, and to be honest, there's nothing wrong with it. You know that you can count on those people you call friends, and that's why they are just that; friends. And recharging your batteries alone? Yeah, definitely discussed. It's interesting to hear from other introverts like myself talk about these sorts of things, because they seem to hold true for all introverts, especially those who are deeply introverted.
One last thing that's helpful in the book and can help even extroverts is the test inside. There's a test to determine just how introverted or extroverted you are (because there are varying degrees of introversion). I suggest that if you have an introverted friend but consider yourself extroverted that you encourage your friend to pick up the book and read it yourself after they've finished. It will really shed some new light on why they act the way they do, and help you to appreciate the awesome person they really are even more. Good luck and I hope you find the book as helpful as I did!
This really needs to get upvoted more. As an extrovert, I found this book to be extremely helpful in understanding how introverts think/behave. I haven't finished the book yet but so far it has been very informative and insightful.
The book was primarily written to help address the concerns just as the OP stated. It adds the perspective introverts need to thrive in this extroverted world (well I can only speculate since I'm most certainly an outie!)
Here is a link for anyone interested.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695 might be of interest.
http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
Just read some literature on the subject of introversion. It's a common trait among us because we are using our memory differently than extrovert, we are using the "historic memory" so this take more time.
I've read this book which explained this pretty well (amoungs other things interesting things).
I recommend to every INTP to document itself on this topic (introversion), there is great chance that this will helps you to understand yourself a little bit better :3
Get this book. I bought this a few years ago and it completely changed how I perceived myself. It made me understand that I wasn't alone and the way I felt and acted didn't make me abnormal. It also has many tips and guides for issues that introverts deal with every day.
Introverts in the Church
The Introvert Advantage
The Introverts Way - Living a quiet life...
Introvert Power - Why Your Inner Life is Hidden Strength
Networking for People who hate Networking
There you go. Just a few. Read all of these on Kindle.
I did a search on Amazon for books about Introverts. These two seem to be the popular ones (although neither one is as popular as Quiet):
https://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-People-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
https://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Power-Inner-Hidden-Strength/dp/1402280882
Both of these are written by people with degrees (presumably in psychology), and they both reference "energy" in their summaries. Introvert Advantage even predates Quiet by a decade. It was published in 2002, so it might have been on the forefront of shifting the popular definition from "asocial" to "loses energy". I suspect that while they probably reference "energy", it's probably still more nuanced than today's popular definition gives it credit for. I think these books are also worth putting on my reading list. (Or at least, Introvert Advantage is. It shows up in almost every "customers also bought" section for every other book about Introverts.)
I also found this on Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Energy_(psychological) (Although admittedly, it's Wikipedia, so it's a secondary source at best.) But it suggests that psychology has a separate concept of "energy" that's not physical energy. I can sort of see this. I'm in a much better mood when I get a lot of alone time, and I'm in a really bad mood when I have to be in a social situation for extended periods of time. But honestly, whether I'm in a bad mood because I don't enjoy socialization, or whether I don't enjoy socialization because it puts me in a bad mood isn't really an interesting distinction.
> You don't seem forceful at all, I'm genuinely interested in hopefully gaining further knowledge about both types :) Do you mind if I ask what mbti type and enneagram you are ? Also do you know of Miss Melody on youtube? She says she's a 1w2 and I relate a lot to her videos and general persona.
Thank you. And I don't really have much of much a presence within YouTube, so the chances that I know of anything from there is slim.
Wow, I just noticed that my "flair" isn't showing up next to my name any more despite having set it in my subreddit preferences. I guess I'll take this as an opportunity to ask you what your gut instinct is on it? I am always interested in hearing the unbiased feedback of others as a method of gauging how I am coming across to others. What type do I strike you as? My Jungian cognitive stack was determined by an MBTI/Majors PTI certified professional, but my Enneagram type is not, so I am still up in the air about it in some ways – but I do identify with an Enneagram type, and it usually shows up as a tag next to my name (though for some reason that isn't working).
One thing I always caution others about—because I have a lot of experience with how pervasive Edit:
typing ones self can bebias can be when typing ones self—is that sometimes, you need an external point of view. Typing ones self is like trying to draw a self portrait via a reflection in a pond; there are so many ripples within our minds and souls caused by many external factors. A lot of personality experts are trained to see through things like falsification, poor type-development, etc. Things that happen at a subconscious level which obstruct the views of ourselves and others from our true selves.> haha yepp i shouldn't of said the word 'people pleasing' to describe what I do whoopsie. I would like to think that I'm quite connected with my feelings, and talking about feelings comes quite naturally to me but only when it's something I've put thought into already.
It's no trouble, I just didn't want you to label yourself as something generally perceived as negative by accident.
> If I'm put into a position to open up about something that I personally haven't addressed on my own yet, I struggle to articulate myself and i struggle to get to the point. I'm not sure if that would help anything. :p
I think what you're describing is something that most introverts in general experience. I've gone on about this before elsewhere, but simply put, the blood pathways through the brains of introverts are longer than those of extraverts. The areas of the brain associated with long-term memory are what the brain of an introverts goes to as its primary source of information, whereas an extravert's brain is more wired towards short-term memory. Long term memory (conceptually) works based on references and associations—actually, since you are a public speaker, you might be familiar with using cue cards to give your long-term memory a point of reference? I'd highly recommend The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World
by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.D. She does an excellent job of elucidating the entire biological process of both the introverted and extraverted brain – it was an amazing book to read.
Sorry, I got a bit off track there. -.-
> Although I avoid being this way, I can be quite resentful towards people who do not share a genuine interest in bettering themselves or broadening their perspective. I've almost thrown away relationships because I didn't feel that we were on the same wavelength.
I've had issues myself with letting relationships drift apart due to not being on the same wave-length, and I am now starting to regret that somewhat. I wish I had taken the opportunity to get myself on their wavelength and see the world through their eyes so that I had an additional vantage point by which to assess my own thoughts, but I was too stubborn to release my hold on the truths of my own subjective point of view—to realise that perhaps I was wrong. It's a lesson I've learned now though, and additionally, if I have learned anything in my life, it is that everything tends to happen for a reason, but this is a realisation that everyone must reach on their own. If you tell someone who is suffering that they will see the point of it all eventually, you'll just wound them more deeply, and it is not helpful in getting through the moment.
— I'm digressing again... -.-
> In terms of emotions, even before I knew of enneagram, anger was the one emotion that I rarely felt and never wanted to feel, I was almost afraid of it. So in the few times that I have gotten angry it's felt absolutely horrible. I take longer to overcome anger in the moment in comparison to sadness.
I tend to use anger as a means to overpower other strong emotions – because in my heart, anger trumps all other feelings. My anger is almost always focused inward: something that I hate about myself, some stupid mistake I made, or when I am being unproductive and self-defeating by feeling sorry for myself. Anger helped me to silence the deluge of other feelings which made me feel less in control and helpless. Anger was something I could work with—it was something that I could channel in to other more productive things. But it also led to resentment, which was not a good thing. So I had to learn to cope with the other emotions without using anger as a crutch. That is something which I am just now feeling that I have gotten much more control over.
> As I matured and really found things I was truly passionate about, I was quite pushy towards my family and gave them the side eye when it took them a while to conform :'). I'm not so much like this at all outside of family because I honestly see it as ineffective. I'm always gauging whether someone has an open mind and heart and is humble enough to listen.
I can relate to this, but I think for me, the reason behind it was that I saw my family as an extension of myself, and my inner world always conforms to what I desired, but this "inner world" did not. Others on the outer world were safe from this because I accepted the outer world (more often than not) of being non-conforming. That's another thing that I had to work on, but thankfully, I feel as though I am on the tail-end of that journey.
As for me, I always feel as though I am the one who must be humble. I realised a while back how dangerous my own ego—my hubris—was to my life. It blinded me to simple truths, it was part of rejecting reality in favour of my own inner ideology. I don't simply integrate whatever I am told, as I said to you, you are the arbiter of information which you accept as personal truth, and that is how it should be for everyone. There is perfection in that process, and an order to the universe because of it. That old adage: "Order within chaos".
> My poor family get to see the full array of judgement I have, but for the most part being critical is something I keep to myself. I don't want people to think I'm harsh when my intention is to only grow and help others grow.
I'm ashamed to admit the same, my family has been the unfortunate bearer of my journey through life, and I am thankful that they stayed with me all the way through though—even if we don't see eye-to-eye sometimes.
 
Minor edits for grammar and clarification
Female introvert here!
All right. I know you say you've already read up on the basics, but I can't help throwing in this cartoon - it's too good/simple/accurate not to. :)
Secondly: get THIS BOOK - The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D - from the library or bookstore (it's worth buying, honestly). It's largely written towards introverts, but this perspective will, if I'm not wrong, really help you step into her shoes and see it her way. PLUS there's an entire section specifically on relationship dynamics between different introvert/extrovert pairings.
A few more notes:
This girl sounds really good for you, honestly. If you've never felt this intense about love before, just know that the intensity might not last, but the depth of feelings can stick around. You sound pretty twitterpated, buddy - and that's a good thing! - but don't expect it to stay exactly like this. I like that you're actively working to make the relationship even better than it currently is, that's a great skill. :)
Your worries that you were more into her than vice-versa? Totally normal, yet often incorrect, fears in this kind of dynamic. As you may know, we introverts do a lot more thinking and less talking... we might work and play around with a sentence for hours so we can say it just right. As for her direct comments, that's an awesome sign - she is absolutely picking up on your signals and I'll bet she's putting premeditated thought into those things she says with the intent of easing your mind and being two-directional with the communication.
Written communication, like that note? Bingo. Most introverts LOVE written communication especially for serious or more confrontational issues. It's often more difficult for us to talk about these things in person where on-the-spot responses are needed - we don't get enough time to mull things over and figure out how best to say what we really want to say. So if you want her thoughts on a serious topic or she seems less-than completely comfortable and natural about discussing something you've brought up, write her a note (email is great) telling her you'd love to have a written conversation about it and to take as long as she needs replying. Reply back, etc. Once you've "broken the ice" discussing a topic in this way, she may feel more comfortable discussing it in person and the convo can transition smoothly and comfortably to real-time discussion.
Best of luck, you seem like a great guy. :)
You know, I'm beginning to suspect that all this is really just an aspect of being introverted, and having a relatively active 'mental life.' Which is very, very normal. Don't worry. Read up on the book The Introvert Advantage, and if you still feel like you're "in your head" too much, there are exercises to help you reach out and be more mindful and present, some of which are in the book, a lot of which you can simply google and study yourself. :3
College is especially tough for Introverts, almost as bad as High School! If not worse. You can't generalize about the behavior of an entire species like that, although I still wrestle with that thought myself from time to time. Go to libraries and cafes and maybe you'll meet an introverted boyfriend! It's essential for an introvert to have at least one person they are close to, but don't feel bad if you don't have that, he/she will come!
Check out either or both of these books, they spoke to me and helped me a lot:
http://www.amazon.com/Party-One-The-Loners-Manifesto/dp/1569245134
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695/ref=pd_sim_b_2
I was lucky enough to be raised with a fairly introverted father, my other siblings (both extroverts, one massively so) usually stole the attention and allowed me to hide in the background where I was comfortable.
When I do have to communicate with my siblings, and my more extroverted mother, I usually write to them. It's always more effective for us. I get a clean, precise version of exactly what I'm trying to say without having to address their reactions on spot, and (unless they don't read it) they get everything I want to say all in one sitting.
If I were you, I would write a letter to my mom. I would include with it as much literature on introversion as I could. (I'm making my mom read a book called The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World right now so she can understand me better). Present yourself very case in point, explain what you're feeling. List the things that make you anxious or nervous. List the things you enjoy or what gives you energy. List things you've tried to make it easier for yourself.
I went to counseling when I was in high school because I couldn't deal with myself. I learned a lot about myself in doing so. I write A LOT. I make journals with lyrics, stories, pages upon pages of curse words in different fonts, whatever I feel goes right to paper. It helped me get out what I couldn't vent out any other way. You need to find what balances the rest of the world for you. It's different for everyone, but we're all in it together.
Introverts are a small part of the population. We need you to stick around. So hold out, do what you need to do to gain internal balance. Years pass by very quickly, you'll be on your own before you know it, and then you can live however you like. Trust me, it's worth the few uncomfortable years.
Sounds like he's an extrovert that needs lots of together time and you need your decompression time as an introvert (just a guess).
You might want to check out:
"The Introvert Advantage"
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347860653&sr=8-1&keywords=the+introvert+advantage
It's got lots of great advice on how to balance things like this in mixed-types relationships.
If you have time/interest, I would suggest reading up on what it means to be an introvert... you just might be one! I read a book about it a couple months ago and I feel like I understand myself a lot more now.
The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World is the book I read and I really liked it.
The Introvert Advantage
I didn't know why I was tired all the time. I wasn't depressed, but my exceptionally extroverted now ex-wife pushed me to be on antidepressants. It wasn't until I read this book that made me realize what was going on.
Read the book this list says it was inspired from, The Introvert Advantage.
It's a very easy to read, eye-opening book.
You are probably an introvert.Read this. Worst thing that you as an introvert could do is trying not to be an introvert.
One out of every four people feels overwhelmed at the thought of a business meeting, dreads walking into a party, hates having to make small talk with strangers, feels alone in a crowd - and always prefers to sit on the sidelines and observe. They're introverts, and now comes the book to buttress their resolve and help them find understanding and success living in an extrovert world. After dispelling common myths about introverts - they're not antisocial, they're not necessarily shy or aloof - BEING AN INTROVERT IN AN EXTROVERT WORLD explains the real issues. Introverts are hardwired from birth to focus inward, so outside stimulation can easily become "too much" - chitchat, phone calls, parties, office meetings can all be overwhelming, sending introverts fleeing for a quiet corner.
http://www.amazon.de/The-Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695
The longer you live, the more people you'll meet who feel the same way. It's always chance encounters, too- neither of you want to open up for fear of looking stupid but once you do you both feel tremendously relieved that you share the same concerns. A lot of this will be abundantly clear after high school when you look back and take a broader view of things.
Don't worry too much about relationships. Everyone develops at a different pace and not always consistently in all areas. Just remember- douchey, unlikable people don't have the gift of self-reflection. If you feel self conscious, you're doing things right. :) Others will like you too. And girls your age (with their own myriad internal problems) will likely relate to your anxiety more than you know.
If you have time over the summer take a look at the book The Introvert Advantage. It eased my mind before I understood myself.
It's been well over a decade since I was in your place so I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of what it was like, but take heart- you're doing well.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with introversion.
I can go on all night about how introversion can be an extremely useful trait and whatnot. I'd recommend you read The Introvert Advantage to find out more about your temperament.
It might seem like a curse at first, but you should grow into it.
I suggest reading The introvert advantage. The author does a great job explaining how the differences between introverts and extroverts has to do with different dopamine pathways inside our brains suggesting that we are all born with these set of traits.
You can read a book on it here: https://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-People-Thrive-Extrovert/dp/0761123695.
For one thing, Introvert's "think to talk" which helps with preparing things to say and use them, which can be very helpful, such as with DHV stories. Extroverts tend to "talk to think" which can be tricky unless they can learn to manage their energy, body language, and filters to say the right things calibrated to the right pace/people/situation. I find that high extroverts tend to have a more difficult time learning pickup at the beginning (because they have to learn and manage so many things at once) but can make up for it later....assuming they put the work in.
Read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695
Sort of. It's always better to look at things in a positive light. Of course, some of us--me, and maybe you, too--naturally look at things in a negative light. And when we do so, we probably reason that we're being realistic and not trying to fool ourselves by ignoring the downsides of a given situation. Some people, like my wife, are naturally optimistic. Others, like me, are pessimists and have to make a concerted effort to be more positive. Anyway, most people just naturally gravitate toward happy and optimistic people. And, I bet you're introverted and not extroverted--me, too. That just makes things even more challenging. (Check out The Introvert Advantage - http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695 ) Supposedly this is all backed up by science: years of thinking a particular way results in patterns in the brain which simply get further ingrained over time. Have you seen this guy? He's certainly learned to turn his attitude and thinking around. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE
Not sure if this list is precisely taken out of the book Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, but if not it's pretty close to what's in there.
I can see your point and I think what is needed is a clear separation of introvert and social anxiety. Mostly I speak from my own personal experience, but I can also recommend this book Introverted Advantage as a source of some of my information as well.
From my understanding on introvert and extrovert it's a matter of energy management. On the wikilink you sent we could technically move some of the agree/disagree around and still get the same percentage. For example Thomas could instead be skilled in social situations but not make friends easy.
With social anxiety we deal with just fear. For example with myself, during times of extreme social anxiety I will have difficulties in leaving the home, answering the phone and generally communicating with others (even posting comments on reddit). In these cases there is a lot of internal strife and negativity about myself, others, etc. This is absolutely draining as it's a literal internal battle.
On the other hand when I do not experience social anxiety I find myself leaving the house more often and communicating with several friends briefly. However I only maintain about 3 close friends who themselves are introverted and ambiverted. While I can go out to clubs, outings, dinner with a large group of friends or familys I become quickly drained. For me engagement with one or two people having meaningful discussions is a bigger stress relief than surrounding myself with people like extroverts tend to do.
A good example of an introvert is my girlfriend. She does a lot of volunteer work with her sorority and takes on some management roles within the group. She loves the work she does, but after a day with her sisters she needs a day of peace and quiet to recharge.
Of course the research on introverts is new and we can only work with the information we have. I can see it being easy to mix introverted, social anxiety and even shyness as one thing when they do have different traits and ways of managing them. I would suggest what you described on yourself as not being introverted but a problem with handling social situations. Of course I don't know you in real life nor am I a psychologist so I can only talk from my experience. Btw Thank you for engaging in a thought provoking conversation with me. These are the conversations I thrive on.
I haven't read the whole book, but I have read a couple of chapters of The Introvert Advantage (amazon link). It doesn't deal with SA per se, but some of the things in there might still help. For me its mostly about just not giving up, so doing anything at all to work on things makes me feel better. This book made me think, though hasn't exactly helped me in overcoming anything. YMMV of course. Good luck!
Probably yes...
On a high level, I'd look on what actually drains energy from you vs how you recharge :-) but both would be very individual.
Especially that, everyone has some energy "store" and even a very introverted person, is able to handle most high stimulating situations in a way, nobody would notice it is sucking their energy. They will afterward need to take a rest for a while (knowing this preference one can plan their schedule accordingly).
Humans are more complex then only intro/extroverts... everyone would be somewhere in between of those two extremes - depending on how their brain and their nervous system reacts to external stimulus.
I think the most important is to understand yourself and build your life on what you have, and not to have a label. Knowing yourself, you can use a framework (like introversion/extroversion, or more detailed like MBTI) to add some structure to your self-awareness to make planning your life easier (I know I have like 90% characteristics of the INTP type and do plan accordingly).
Still, you shall be prepared that there won't be a 100% match with any type and, that you'll find in yourself, traits of several types.
To better understand what is introversion you may want to look into a book, explaining in more details how an introverted mind works and what suits introverts best... I'd suggest starting with Quiet by Susan Cain or The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney
Take care.
That's classic introverted behavior! You might enjoy reading this book.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychiatric professional or anything remotely close to it.