Reddit mentions of The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

Hi there Internet stranger. I was very much an unpopular to the point of mental health issues child. I felt like my social skills didn't fully develop until I got into my mid twenties due to the stunted start I had.

This book helped me immensely. http://amzn.com/1593859864 The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols.

This book teaches you, through explanation and example, how to communicate effectively with others so that they feel their needs are met and you feel your needs are met.

We're talking basics here, solid basics. How to comport your body to reflect appropriate body language. How to direct your gaze, body mirroring. How to listen to someone without just waiting for your turn to speak. How to reflect back someone's statement so they feel supported and understood instead of comparing, minimizing, or dismissing.

There's a ton of content in this book and if you read it and absorb it and start applying it as rules in your head your relationships will improve with others.

I've been told that the way I embrace this is similar to those 'on the scale' with Autism, in that many Autistic people feel that they have a list of ridiculous rules they need to follow to interact with 'normals' and the rules work - but damn if they understand why they should need them.

I'm grateful that my brain hiccups allow me to comprehend why people react well to these rules and why my changes in my behavior lead to improvement in my relationships.

I still have a ton of 'fussy' rules to follow but at least now I know what the $%*@ they are.

So... I was a shitty dad for a couple years. I was raised in a way where it was expected that the woman was supposed to take care of the kids, and exacerbated by the fact that my wife was a SAHM...

There is hope. You have a lot of emotional content that you need to communicate to your husband in order to move things in a better direction. It sounds to me like he is probably a really shitty listener, and is therefore unable to empathize better with what you are going through.

You should read the book "The Lost Art of Listening" and then ask your husband to read it. It may help you bridge the emotional gap that you are experiencing. It still takes a lot more than "understanding" to fix a relationship -- but without understanding, it's damn near impossible.

I hope that it is not presumptuous of me to suggest reading a book. But I found The Lost Art of Listening helpful in my relationships.

I learned that listening to someone is a skill. You're not born with it, but you can learn it and practice improves it.

I used to be a pastor and I worked briefly as a hospital chaplain, so I sat with suffering people a lot. It helped me learn to shut up and listen and say things that are helpful. If I were in your shoes, I'd make an appointment with a pastor or a counselor and ask, "Teach me how to listen and speak appropriately with people who are in emotional turmoil." These are trained professionals in precisely that field.

The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593859864/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9jC3CbZMQ7K41

I've listened through twice, am reading through again, and have recommended it to many who are equally entralled with the practical information and advice.