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Reddit mentions of The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant

Sentiment score: 14
Reddit mentions: 20

We found 20 Reddit mentions of The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant. Here are the top ones.

The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant
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Found 20 comments on The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant:

u/Hoek · 6 pointsr/sex

It seems you have severe misconceptions what BDSM is all about.

Please, do us and yourself a favor and read a little bit over at /r/BDSMfaq or lurk around in any of the subreddits of /r/BDSMcommunity

You can go on reading while waiting for the book The Loving Dominant to ship.

BDSM is a wonderful way of play, and you'll be astonished how common it is.

u/Damon_Wolfe · 5 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

The Loving Dominant is another good place to start:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1890159727/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_kR3PBbJH0MWYA

u/clever_name · 4 pointsr/sex

In the name of science have her go book shopping with him.

Some decent books:

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns

The Loving Dominant

S&M101 though, I think the first two are much better for feeling out dominance play....S&M101 I feel is a little more dated and reads a tad more like a "technical guide"

They can learn a lot about each other by reading up and discussing. She might find somethings that pique her interest. He should be able to find examples of things he'd find hot. Everyone wins.

u/moth_cellardoor · 4 pointsr/bdsm

It's really good that you had an open conversation with him and know a bit about what he likes and what his current limits are. Your basically starting out a journey of mutual self-discovery so be ready to see those preferences and limits probably change as you experiment with each other. Although femdom porn videos can be useful for inspiration you definitely don't need any of those fancy items to start up, specially now that you are still discovering if it's something you like to do. Everyday household items are just as good. Your hand, a hair brush, a wooden spoon or a desk ruler are perfect for spanking. As for cock rings, use a ribbon or a soft rope, something that isn't too thin to not dig into his skin and most importantly, don't leave it for too long (not more than 10m/20min) and if it's too uncomfortable remove it or cut it out carefully with a round scissor.

Just remember to be patient and start slow. Be aware of each others limits and preferences, don't rush things and pay attention to each other's body language to understand if you are enjoying it or not. Above all communicate, use a safe word and have fun by not taking any of it too seriously.

In my opinion, "The Loving Dominant" (https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727/188-7715791-1251046?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0) is a great book for reference on the subject. It helped me a lot.

Hope any of this helps, wish you both the best and hope you enjoy it! :) Good luck!

u/I_Am_Anjelen · 3 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon
    1. I have quite a few heroes, for various reasons. /u/leave_a_lilypad for one, is one of them. She puts up with me after all. She knows all the other reasons :)
    1. In the USA. With a greencard.
    1. Lonelyness.

    1. Stupidity in the face of common sense. Abusive people. racism. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
    1. Graduating a highschool where none of the teachers actually taught. That kind of put me off any further schooling, though.
    1. I have a high pun-tolerance, but a good pun can leave me in stitches.
    1. Nothing. The sound of my singing curdles milk in a five-block radius.
    1. My (grand)mother's saurkraut casserole.
    1. At the moment, that would be a toss-up between Jim Butcher and Neal Stephenson
    1. I have had a great many nicknames. Currently, i'm enjoying 'Angel' more than any of them - my real name is a little hard to pronounce for american people.
    1. /u/leave_a_lilypad and little lilypad. :)
    1. I've answered this question in some detail, here
    1. Reading, writing (bad) stories, playing open-world games, applied psychology and neurolinguistics and it's use in BDSM
    1. The internet!
    1. txttlk n ppl who type liek dis - and video 'articles' without an actual written article.
    1. I'd be an eromancer. Make of that what you will :P
    1. Wolves.
    1. Freud, Vātsyāyana, John Warren and /u/eave_a_lilypad - heads will be blown. Paradigms changed. :D
    1. One. If that.
    1. Four days. Computer camp! :D
    1. Probably the NYC World Trade Center.
    1. Sinterklaas :)
    1. I had sex with a preacher's daughter. Under the choir stand. During Christmas Mass.
    1. A young leonardo dicaprio for my childhood years. And Vin Diesel for my twenties onward.
    1. I'm ... Indifferent.
    1. Either The Fifth Element or Hudson Hawk.
    1. See 24
    1. History
    1. King Cobra. I wouldn't recommend it.
    1. I collect random trivia. Did you know that some species of grashopper have their ears on their knees?
    1. Considering I have zero fashion sense... No. Not really.
    1. Not that I'm aware of.
    1. Mandatory free education up to and including college, must include at least three different religions, evolution and sex education starting at the age of 12.
    1. According to /u/leave_a_lilypad, "May cause exploding panties."
    1. Sunni Gummi. Not even kidding you. I was probably about four years old.
    1. Probably the near tram stop.
    1. Some days I wonder...
    1. Having a house built from scratch
    1. /u/leave_a_lilypad
u/QuietlyLearning · 3 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

On top of verbal safe words, have a set of ways to signal to end the scene through touch. Three light taps has worked for me as they are contrast to the usual clawing and grabbing that happens. This will come in handy with your deep throat training.

I'm glad to hear that all is well. It may seem cliché, but adding a power exchange dynamic to the bedroom may be what is needed to jump start the bedroom; this require that the reason be something beyond communication and trust that is causing a lack of enthusiasm.

Having these anecdotes also helps for showing that BDSM does not have to be the mainstream stereotype. As for your introduction, you may be interested in books such as The Loving Dominant and SM 101.

Along with the two books I recommended, having a power exchange doesn't have to involve pain. One example I use is rope bondage. This does not have to include pain; the removal of physical agency is quite powerful alone. Ropes may be out of your realm but other painless methods are available such as sensory deprivation.

Best of luck.

u/Mollysdailykiss · 3 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Recommended reading...

The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino (excellent all round guide with different chapters being written by different 'experts' in their field)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Guide-Kink-Tristan-Taormino/dp/157344779X

Also The Loving Dominant

http://www.amazon.co.uk/LOVING-DOMINANT-John-Warren-Libby/dp/1890159727/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381581398&sr=1-1&keywords=the+loving+dominant

Apart from that, try joining Fetlife.com It is crammed full of advice, information and also will help you find your local community

Mollyxxx

u/yawefappin · 3 pointsr/bdsm

> I've found a very willing sub who wants to sub for me full time.

How experienced is she?

> What I really need is some sort of newbie guide for doms.

You could try The New Topping Book for starters, or perhaps, The Loving Dominant. For a great discussion of power exchange at all levels, rife with subtle helpful tips, definitely get yourself a copy of The Control Book. Of course, we've got our /r/BDSMfaq which should help with most really basic questions and this community as well for complicated ones.

For new people, 24/7 is really not recommended. It's a lot more work and a lot more responsibility than you may realize. It is generally recommended that you start out slow - say an hour of service one day, followed by a few hours another day, slowly working up to a whole day, a weekend, and finally a whole week.

Only after testing the waters and knowing it's what you both really want is it really a good idea to go into 24/7 D/s, in my opinion. You can certainly rush it if you want, but you should be wary and aware that you are rushing it.

> I understand that I tell her what to eat, when to eat, and what to do at pretty much any time,

What gives you that impression? Is that what she wants?

> but I'm not sure how to reinforce and make sure it becomes lifestyle in a way that it hits that right spot in her brain for her.

Does she have a problem eating regularly and on time? If so you'll have to provide her a structure with rewards and punishments that encourage her to eat. Typically positive reinforcement is better than negative reinforcement. Punishments should not be enjoyable, reserved for serious infractions, and should always fit the infraction (soap in the mouth for improper speech makes sense, but not for not eating).

> She's all for it, and has given me lots of advice on how to dom her, but I'm worried that if I'm not training properly this could blow up in my face.

Training for what? You need to have a specific goal for training. Either you are training her for a general position (sexual service, domestic service, both), to learn specific skills (bottom or top skills you can teach her), or to become molded to your personal specific desires for a bottom. Which do you want, and which does she want? Do you agree?

> Sometimes we'll just kinda relax, hang out, play games, etc. Am I ruining the dynamic by letting her joke around with me? Where do I find that right "balance" ?

Is she having fun? Are you having fun? Stop overthinking it. There is no need to be any particular way. Just be the way you are with her, naturally, but with confidence that what you say generally goes. Don't be afraid to make mistakes either, because you're human and you will make them. Own up to them, and rectify them. Set an example.

> So far she's been very good about asking permission, saying sorry, thank you, etc. How important is that I keep enforcing that? How sternly?

It's important only if it's important to her or important to you. Is it? Did you ask her? Have you asked yourself? You've really gotta ask yourself and her these things, think about them, talk about them, then think some more.

> Does sexual training help reinforce the domestic training? Should there be a schedule for sessions?

Domestic service and sexual service are two different things. Sometimes they can be mixed (nude domestic service in an apron and shackled heels, mmmm). Should there be a schedule is up to you; however, repetition of lessons always helps humans and most other animals with training.

> She asked me to reprogram her, to be her sir, and to dominate her life. I want to put the effort into making sure I do that right, because it's something we've both always wanted.

She seems like an idealistic newbie, and so do you. You both need to put a lot of work into writing essays and communicating with each other finding out exactly what it is she wants and what you want. All this vagueness isn't helping either of you. That's my assignment for you both!

tl;dr Make a list of what you are looking for out of a 24/7 relationship, find out what she is looking for, and make some goals for you to achieve through her submission to you. Write these goals out and create a list of rules to support meeting these goals.

u/HornsOfApathy · 3 pointsr/marriedredpill

OYS #41


Been at this over a year.

37 yo, 6’0, 165lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 3 & 13

Another interesting week over here. Started OK, went to shit, then got great again. There were many ups and downs but by the end of week I had regained frame.

​

As I wrote about last week, I injured my shoulder bad from lifting. Lots of numbness in my left arm, fingers and shoulder. Stinging sensations all fucking day and night. I didn’t get more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep for over a week until last night. I went to the chiropractor and doctor and got help. Daughter also brought home a 3-day bug from preschool, so that sapped me further. I knew all of this was a test – and it hit me hard. I did manage to keep my shit together but it was a weaker version of my frame and it had an impact on lots of other things, including my relationship.

My 24/7 dominant and submissive contract ended on Sunday. This was the first time we took it 24/7, and kept it at short duration to reconvene in a week. Truth is, with my sickness and inability to even do a pushup much less lift, I started to get down on myself and it affected my relationship negatively. I often failed at my part. The good part about all of this was that having been through this before (lift inability and sickness) I KNEW what would happen and managed to maintain frame somewhat instead of lapsing into a depressive death spiral. I looked back through previous OYS of mine – last time was end of April 2019 this happened – and I was a fucking depressive mess. This time I just felt unmotivated and recognized some things to do to prevent me from going into a spiral when I can’t lift, and did something about it.

Being in the kind of arrangement that I’m in makes it even more difficult when getting sick strikes. Some PMs with /u/InChargeMan (part of me doing something instead of wallowing – reaching out to other men) helped me understand what the end goal would be in D/s terms: she would gladly be doting over me while sick as an eager submissive aiming to please. I just haven’t trained her enough yet on service to make that realistic and still maintain frame, so I just kind of went with it on my own. This created dissonance in my relationship as if I was being dishonest, so I once again….. threaded the needle….. “Babe, you know I’m sick and my shoulder is busted. Yeah, I don’t feel good. Yeah, I might complain some about the pain. But I’m going to be OK. I’ve got things to do and they aren’t going to wait, and it sucks, but I’ll take care of things.”

Any sense of weakness to my frame now results in nearly immediate feedback from my wife by way of her shutting down her submissive vulnerable state and having anxiety over her Captain being able to lead. Especially while injured. Especially while sick. Especially while feeling unmotivated. This results in her leaving a feminine caring frame and entering a masculine one of duty and ownership. I am still learning how to thread the needle of keeping her in that feminine frame permanently and give her the gift of complete surrender and vulnerability, always.

There was a comment by another vet here on my OYS a few weeks back that said I wasn’t capable of a D/s relationship, and the only way that I wouldn’t blow this the fuck up is if I was an Alpha fuck my whole life. Otherwise, he projected that no previous-beta-turned-alpha would be able to hold frame in this dynamic. I’m here to tell all of you – right now – that is complete bullshit. The most bullshit I’ve ever seen. Truth? That comment made me question everything, for a long time. And then I realized… wait a fucking minute here… this fucker doesn’t even understand what the fuck is going on here and certainly, CERTAINLY doesn’t even have the beta game required to keep this dynamic a fulfilling one. Ultimately, I came to this: Why the fuck am I even listening to this faggot?

I’m here to tell all of you whether you are beta, alpha, omega, faggot…. It doesn’t matter. Anyone can have this kind of relationship with a strong developed masculine frame. I am not any kind of special case. But, who do I think is the best at it?

Former Betas, with some natural Alpha, who then found their masculinity and chose to make it their primary frame make the best Doms in my opinion. We all know there is a balance required for AF/BB.. with the real goal of being an Alpha Bucks. But in a D/s like mine, beta game is what really, really gets you great at being a Dom because of your ability to not only manipulate the physical but also the mental. As a former beta, you know what can be done to manipulate the mind but you choose to use that power in a responsible, sane, giving way that would only make your subs life more enjoyable and better.

Well, I identify as a “Loving Dominant” or whatever label you put on it. Much like others here at MRP who have gone the D/s route. It’s debatable, but this type of Dom in the community is highly sought after by submissives everywhere, is considered to be *only* true type of Dominant for a 24/7 relationship (reading: The Loving Dominant) that is sane and consensual, and is the type of Dom that one would gladly submit to (you can obviously throw in Daddy/babygirl and other types of D/s dynamics into this category). It speaks to their femininity to it’s core.

I can now, with a single look into my wife’s eyes of 10 seconds… make her smile, or laugh, or love, or get horny, or cry. The frame that I have built is powerful, but not complete, and I think I can get there faster with this FO on my ship.

I have come some distance in the last 6 weeks. After my wife has researched a lot, read 3 books, and sought advice from her therapist with my encouragement - our dynamic is changing. She asked to be in a 24/7 D/s for the rest of the year. No breaks. It took me a long time to decide if that’s best for us. I eventually agreed from my own frame.

This week we have resumed training. In a very loving intimate moment, she asked to be collared. Our relationship is not quite ready for that step, but gave her a training collar to begin.

I am proud and satisfied with progress of where I am. Seeing my wife – who until a few months ago would never admit she liked being dominated, fucked, used, or being loved because of her massive ego – kneeled before me with the utmost vulnerability and submission at the side of our bed. I issued the command “Ready to please”, and watched her drop her hands to the floor in front of her and brace herself. She lifted her chin to look at me in the eyes while tears rolled down her face that created long mascara runs down her cheek. I catch a glimpse at the plain black leather collar around her neck and watch her mouth began to slowly open widely and remain open, ready to please me. It took my breath away. This woman… all mine…. Submitting to me in a position similar to this, hoping and wishing I would let her please me. I looked at her, with her eyes peering into mine and ask “What is that little mouth of yours for, sweetheart?”, and she replies as my good girl would:

“It is for sucking your cock, HornsofApathy.”

It’s going to be a wild ride.

Strength motherfuckers.

u/use_more_lube · 3 pointsr/sexpertslounge

Some time (not in bed, just casual around time) bring it up, and ask what she'd like to hear. That's your best bet.

If she's shy about discussing it, have her write some things down for you to try.

After play, talk about the experience. Did she like it? Would she like it rougher or more gentle?

Props to you for being flexible and accommodating!

Also, if things progress further, I suggest you check out this book it's a fantastic resource, even if you're just into a little rough and a little dirty.

u/mswod · 2 pointsr/bdsm

Take a look at this book from Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727/ - and be sure to check out the books in the "Frequently Bought Together?" portion. It's less than $50.00 total and I am sure they will all help both of you down this beautiful path. SM 101 and Screw the Roses are pretty much required reading. =)

u/throwawayLouisa · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Labels are odious - even though I've used such in my flare. Labels put people in pigeonholes. There's no such thing as a kinkster, there's no such thing as polyamorist, or a monogamist. There's only people and they're all different, and they change over time.

It comes down to you two; whether lack of kink is going to be a deal-breaker for the rest of your potentially-married life. Whether you having a Dom to play with outside the marriage would be a deal-breaker for him. So you need to communicate. Don't start that communication until you've really decided on your own deal-breakers, because you'll be wasting your time if you don't know what you really want. But if you wouldn't be happy for the rest of your life without kink (and in what might then be a sexless marriage), then certainly don't go ahead in the current circumstances without resolving this one way or another.

Talk to each other. Tell him what you've told us. It's human nature to be short-term, to not resolve long-term issues, to bottle things up to try to avoid arguments. But this will fester otherwise.

If you tell him, prove to him, that you love him, then maybe, just maybe, he might accept you finding a Dom to play with. But not many non-scene partners would be so understanding. It might be you have to split up. But you need to have that conversation.

There is also a third option, which you didn't mention, that is the win-win option - so I recommend it the most strongly. It might be that if you went to classes, or found a mentor for him, that he could come to realise that Domination is entirely possible for 'nice guys'. In fact there's a book written with almost that exact title (will someone here who can remember the exact book please add a link below?).

If he learnt how much this turns you on, and found it in himself, he might well come to enjoy Domination after seeing how much happier you become (and how much better his sex life becomes.) Try to get him to find a mentor. Get him books like 50 Ways to Play: BDSM for Nice People. Get him books from this list: http://soj.org/bdsm-educational-book-list including The Loving Dominant.
Read articles like this one.

u/Darr_Syn · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Oh no offense taken!

As I said, and I'd like to be clear about this, Wiseman does have a lot of great information to pass on to the 'scene. And I have, in fact, not only met the man but talked to him on more than one occasion and read just about everything that he's ever written.

So I don't tell people NOT to read him, I just don't like how he portrays much of the BDSM world. If you see the world differently than him you are just flat out wrong and shouldn't be involved in the BDSM scene. shrugs I'm not the first to make this accusation against him merely attempting to clarify the point.

So, as I stated Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns is typically the first book I suggest. It covers many different topics but none too in depth. This gives an honest and open view on the many different shades of what the BDSM world can contain.


There's also The Loving Dominant as a good read. It focuses on communication and the emotional bonds that are inherent to the scene as well as gives some practical advice in regards to scene structure and daily life of a TPE.

Both the Bottoming and the Topping book are worth reading if for no other reason than to see another perspective.

There's The Control Book which goes a bit deeper into the mentality of each side of the dynamic with a focus on the dom (obviously).

Those are pretty much my go to resources for someone that's new. Beyond that there are all kinds of different books and articles out there but I've always found that with these as a base of information the next step should always be discussion with others. This thing we do is so personalized that I do not think that any one person or author will have THE ANSWER. It might well be the answer for THEM, but rarely will it be the answer for all. So talking to others about the theory of BDSM or the culture of the lifestyle will typically help expand what one knows about it as a whole so they can make up their own minds.

u/Reptilesblade · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

I am going to cut in here. I want you to know you are not alone, I am the same way. While it is true I am between relationships right now I identify as what is known as a Nurturing Master. I am strictly monogamous because I want to ensure that if my partner needs me I am always available and not distracted by the needs of another.

I have recently gotten a new book that is about this I am going to start reading today. It is called The Loving Dominant by John Warren. It was recommended to me by someone on this very sureddit. You may be interested in it to.

http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727

u/AspiringPervertPoet · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

So, a few things: If you're interested in going to events and becoming involved with the larger kinkier community, I recommend making a fetlife profile and finding events. They are the best way to not only make friends and learn more, but to find Dommes too.

If you're just curious and want to try the physical sensations, and if you have the money, you could consider seeing a Pro-Domme. I'm sure there is no shortage of them in NYC, and you'll be in safe hands as long as you do your research.

There's a decent amount of literature (My favorite is The Loving Dominant which I like because of how it addresses the emotional side of D/s. It's worth noting that this book, like most others, kind of assumes that it's talking about a male Dominant and female submissive, but it's still a good resource.

Really though, my best advice is to go to munches and other events, meet real people, and go from there. Good luck!

u/someborderlinegirl · 1 pointr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

I'll recommend a book for you. It helped my Dom a lot when he first started. Let me find it.... Here.

u/sebwiers · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

Given such a broad question, the answers are also broad.


Read. Lots of good (and bad) books out there that help people figure things out. "The Loving Dominant" is a popular, highly regarded one that probably is relevant for you. You may also want to read books about submission (to see her perspective / answer her questions) and topping / bottoming (if various sorts of kinky play interest you).


Listen to her. If you are the D, she is the s. Her input and needs are your working material.

u/FarashaSilver · 1 pointr/bdsm

I highly recommend The Loving Dominant - John Warren. I got it for my husband to introduce him to the more psychological aspect behind BDSM.