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Reddit mentions of The New Topping Book

Sentiment score: 12
Reddit mentions: 15

We found 15 Reddit mentions of The New Topping Book. Here are the top ones.

The New Topping Book
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  • The Loving Dominant
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Release dateDecember 2011

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Found 15 comments on The New Topping Book:

u/leostotch · 5 pointsr/sex

Read these books. I've always been a relatively vanilla guy, and had a minor freakout when the girl I was dating told me she was into BDSM. These books gave me a lot of insight into the community, and why people enjoy the play they enjoy.

Spoiler alert - I wifed the fuck out of that girl.

When Someone you Love is Kinky

The New Topping Book

The New Bottoming Book

It's important to read both the topping and bottoming books, regardless of which role you think you'll play. If your gf is not experienced in BDSM, read them together. Discuss.

u/baddestdog · 5 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

The New Topping Book - For good general Dom knowledge

The New Bottoming Book - For good general Sub knowledge

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction - Nice Intro Book

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - Another good book into BDSM

Two Knotty Books: Showing You the Ropes - Good knot book

Two Knotty Boys: Back on the Ropes - Another good knot book

Erotic Bondage Handbook - Another knot book

Shibari You can USe - Book on Shibari knots

Videos on knots - TwistedMonk

u/Furtowncentre · 4 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

https://www.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI

-Order this book! Aaaand read!
-Get on FL and build a community of like minded individuals, also has groups and advice stuff on there!
-have open and honest discussions about communication, expectations and boundaries!

u/Islehaven · 3 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

I suggest backing up a bit and ask, what’s your goal?

For example, is it to have fun? To make your partner happy? Is there a particular fetish you’d like to indulge in?

Then ask your partner, what’s her goal?

Does she want to do this to have fun? Or is she for example an emotional masochist, and wants to do something which isn’t fun for her? Or does she want to make you happy? Or to indulge in a particular fetish? Or to have a challenge?

Once you and your partner have a goal in mind, then you can ask how to get better at fulfilling what you want to do. Just asking “how do I get better” without saying what it is that you want to get better at is too vague; for one goal you might do thing and for a different goal you might do the opposite.

A second suggestion is to read The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, which will teach you both the “how to” and the “why to” for being a top.

u/ParkerColeman · 3 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

I'm hearing you when you're saying this stuff is embarassing to you and you're feeling shy about your desires. This is natural.

Over time, though, I hope you can get to a place where you can be really open and honest with your partner. Kinky sex requires open, honest communication.

When you say:

> So when he wants to get rough i am nervous. I'm nervous toget hurt forreal and i dont know how to feel about it.

It will help your nerves if you get a better idea of what you're going to do, and talk about it, rather than avoiding the conversation and diving right in.

>I want to surprise him one day so he could just come home and go wild but how?

This is a fun instinct! But, again, it's much better to leave "surprises" for later, and focus now on figuring out what you are open to, or even excited about, and communicating that to your partner!

A great place to start is to take these quizzes:

https://mojoupgrade.com/

https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode

BDSM is really an umbrella for many overlaping things, and these little quizzes can really be helpful to understand what kind of stuff you might be into, and what kinds of roles you're most drawn to.

After you take the Mojoupgrade quiz, you should have a list of exciting new ideas and things that might be fun to explore. If your partner also took the quiz (they totally should!), you might have one big list or two separate lists. Either's great.

Decide on a safeword. An easy option is the 'stoplight system':

Red for "let's stop right now" and

Yellow for "I'm at my limit, we don't have to stop but let's take it down a notch."

Green means "all good, let's keep going."

(It's a two-word call and response: "Light?" "Green!" Super easy.)

After playing, cuddle and spend low-key time together reconnecting. This is called aftercare, and it's critically important.

When you're ready to learn more, check out these websites and books.

https://www.xruniversity.com/ (free and great!)

https://www.kinkacademy.com/ (some free stuff, some paid content, all great!)

I like The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book to get you started.

SM 101 is also a good place to start.

And feel free to ask questions here!

You'll have the best results if you do a little more self-directed learning, so you can come back to the community with a more specific question. (Questions like the one you asked come up so frequently, they often dont generate many responses.)

u/genericAFusername · 3 pointsr/BDSMAdvice

You’ll definitely find it there. I thought I just liked being spanked, and it turns out I have a LOT of kinks that I wouldn’t have even known about otherwise.

When I was first beginning, someone here recommended this book by Michael Makai. It pretty much covers the basics.

And if you don’t know if you’re a top or a bottom then these two are good reads as well!

u/SirJulio · 3 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Ok, that's better.

First, don't put too much weight on yourself. The fact that she cannot have an orgasm with you right now doesn't necessarily mean that you suck (ha !) at sex. That's what i feel from your post, so don't. Maybe she's not too sure about her fantasies, feel guilty of having those, or anything. From what i know of woman, if you put some guilt, self doubt, image issue whatever in the mix, and you can block the whole thing. So be supportive, listen to her, reassure her but you need to relax on her inability to orgasm yet. Most of the time, trust and comfort will help her relax and be more in sync with you. Maybe some woman could give you more insight on that point.

For the mental part. Think of BDSM like a play with characters. Imagine the man who symbolize for you the ideal dominant (mine is robert downey jr by example) and take that as a role model. What would he do, what would he say, his posture, his look etc ... BDSM is a lot about how you project things and how other perceive that. So first rule, if you doubt of your dominance, other will feel it. When a dom order his sub, he doesn't let her have any other choice but to obey. What can helps you with that (at least it helped me) is think one move ahead, you'll seem assertive because your order will feel like one small part of something bigger. Imagine a boss telling you to finish the report for Monday and put it on his desk first hour. There is no negotiation, and doesn't have any interest in the fact you have tennis that day, the only thing he cares about is if you understood correctly what he wants. Some wisdom from the joker "Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying". Basically, if you seems to know what you do, people who trust you will follow. Be casual when you order your sub around, screaming sound like overcompensation when people don't listen to you. When I order my sub around, i talk slowly and calmly. I know that' she's listening, so i just explain to her what's going to happen.

Now for the expectation part. I was in the same place as you some years ago. My sub was very experienced (several years with a Master with decades of experience) and I was very inexperienced. First step, accept that you're inexperienced. You're not broken or whatever, you just don't know yet. It's ok. If you have a good communication, she already know that maybe you'll be awkward, clumsy, breaking character the first time, again it's ok. Don't worry about it. Things became awkward when you let them be awkward. One time i remember, i was pouring hot wax on her, all domy and stuff, I move her on the table to change position, and i put the candle on the table. The only thing that could have happened, happened. The candle fell on my foot, and you bet your ass I screamed and run like a little girl across the room... I was just surprised and honestly lots of anxiety didn't help. We stopped, had a good laugh, a good fuck and just went to sleep. Did that event hurt in any way our relationship ? Not at all, actually it's good and fun memories. So don't worry, screwing up isn't an option, what you can choose is how you decide to own your mistakes. Furthermore, you have to remember that we talk about sexual stuff here, sex is fun, if you don't have fun, you're doing something wrong.

i can guarantee you that a simple slap across the face (again discuss that before) or a simple over the knee spanking with the right attitude, look, voice and all will have ten times more effects than trying to act a very complex suspension scene you're not familiar with. So stay "in your league" and advance slowly, one step at the time. Going slow will also allow you to build a dominant character because it doesn't happen overnight. What makes all the BDSM plays possible can be reduced at how credible your character is. There are lots of dom archetypes, some are nice, some are mean, other have high protocol, other are more casual, some are more physical, other more mental and psychological. You need to find the one you want to be, and start to act (in play of course) like him. Your final dynamic is the mix of your wants and her needs and wants. There is no two person on earth who will enjoy an identical set of kinks. Just imagine, a checklist have hundred of entry each can be noted from 0 to 5 for how much you enjoy it and 0 to 5 for how difficult is that for you. That's an infinite amount of possible combinations. So every relationship need to negotiate all the time, to find a common ground. That's why we value communication so much and advice new comers to first establish an open, clear and non judgmental like of communication. Lots of people think they have an unbiased and perfect communication, but when you think that's the case, it's just the start really. Those level of communication need a very high level of trust in your partner.

To summarize :

  • Talk to her, never assume
  • Accept that you're learning
  • Relax on her inability to cum with you. You'll see how that goes when you introduce new concept in your relationship with her.
  • Spank that ass with your hand and your mind ! =)

    Now some homework !

    Read that. Maybe not especially for you but i give the link to all new dom, so ...

    BDSM checklist for her. Something that could help with shy people is make them write a fantasy. Writing can help express thing you cannot say out loud (for your con non-con suspicion)

    There are several books linked in the resource section of /r/bdsmfaq . Screw the roses, send me the thorns is one of my favorite.

    For the mental aspect, you can read the Control Book by Masters. Also the New topping (and bottoming) book. In terms of books about psychological aspect of BDSM you have a very wide range of available book because you can learn from dog traning book to old "Good wife guide" kind of book (for 50's household), field manual for prisoners interrogation (i'm into interrogation play). Magic tricks book (for mindfuck). It really depends on what play you're interested in.

    Take care, and have fun.
u/wtf81 · 3 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

A lot of communities have rope classes.
The new topping book and it's corresponding book "the new bottoming book" Are great and I would highly recommend having you read your books at the same time and compare notes as you read.

There's tons of books on rigging (rope) but please be careful with rope. You can cause nerve damage pretty easily and it's good to take classes about this.

When you get more advanced, there's a book called the forked tongue which is basically a guide to hurting people.

I used to interview one of my subs about the 'new bottoming book' while she was tied to the bed and spank/flog her butt.

u/Kgencks · 2 pointsr/AskRedditAfterDark

I reccomend The New Topping Book by
Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. It's not just a how-to guide, it also explains why to do things. I would start by asking your partner what he most enjoys, what he's apprehensive about, and if there's anything that is a serious, absolute No from him.


Check this thread out too.

u/Cybox · 2 pointsr/sex

These two books should be on the top of you and your SO's reading lists.


The New Topping Book(Kindle)


The New Bottoming Book

u/caketiger · 1 pointr/sex

Try the following books both by dossie easton - helped me out a lot many years ago when I was trying to work out what really made me tick. The bottoming book and the topping book. They aren't full on bdsm books and might help you kickstart a few good conversations. (being in charge is called domination or also Domming or topping, being on the other end is subservience or bottoming).

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-New-Bottoming-Book-ebook/dp/B005HZ6GGU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369496725&sr=8-1&keywords=the+bottoming+book

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-New-Topping-Book-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1369496857&sr=1-1&keywords=the+topping+book

edited: punctuation

u/salaciousremoval · 1 pointr/BDSMcommunity

Sounds hot :)

(I'm sorry if you've already found this information. Just trying to give you some tips I received when I started experimenting more with BDSM.) If you're researching, you might want to check out some of Dossie Eaton and Janet W. Hardy's (old pseudonym is Catherine Listz) books. The Ethical Slut focuses on Poly, but it has a lot of good info about communication that's pretty applicable to all forms of kink and any other relationships. Both the New Bottoming Book and the New Topping Book are awesome. SM101 by Jay Wiseman is a great read too. These helped me a lot with navigating communication, wants, and needs.

u/sunnywiltshire · 1 pointr/BDSMAdvice

You are not supposed to really choke her, it's about applying pressure to the sides of the neck not the front. Read as much as you can about it and also find out what you like. Can highly recommend this book:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=the+new+topping+book&qid=1558448500&s=gateway&sprefix=the+new+topping&sr=8-1

And please don't listen to people who tell you to use your thumbs and make her pass out, that's insane. Also, please understand that a top has the right to use a safeword also!

u/AiAmDreamer · 1 pointr/asktrp

I don't have many readings on the subject yet, only some light experience. The books I am going to read on the subject include Playing Well With Others, The New Topping Book, and My Secret Garden. An online quiz I took also helped me get a bit of a better idea of my preferences with BDSM. It's fairly extensive, so expect to see questions regarding the extreme side of things. Some people just dig it like that, and those are their preferences.

I would also recommend checking out the comic Sunstone by Shiniez on DeviantArt. It's lesbian BDSM, but you can get an idea of equipment you might use or ideas you could try out. The Secretary with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal is a good movie to check out too, and there are other movies I plan to watch that supposedly have BDSM.

Final note: Don't take anything Fifty Shades or similar with any seriousness. It's up to you to read/watch it, but the writing is really bad and it has a piss poor representation of the BDSM community anyway. While I'll admit that the story pricked my interest of BDSM, I can honestly say there's so much more material out there which paints a better picture of it all.