Reddit mentions of The Out-of-Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder (The Out-of-Sync Child Series)

This sounds like my son at that age, who was also middle of the spectrum. the developmental pediatrician recommended Floortime for us, which is an approach that was developed by Stanley Greenspan (child psychiatrist) together with Serena Wieder (I think psychologist). Sadly, Dr. Greenspan has passed away. However, I found those books and materials helpful, and we also received some help from trained Floortime therapists in our area.

Here is a youtube video of Dr. Greenspan helping a family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vApghedypFc. That same channel has a whole bunch of videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/greenspanfloortime/videos

Here are some things you can check out in that direction, if you are interested:

1. one of his books ("engaging autism") on amazon, it has a bit of a preview you can look at: https://www.amazon.com/Engaging-Autism-Floortime-Approach-Communicate/dp/0738210943. same book on google books has a preview, not sure if it's the same preview! https://books.google.com/books?id=6MkBAwAAQBAJ&pg=PP1&lpg=PP1&dq=%22engaging+autism%22%5D%5D&source=bl&ots=Kifx6vM8fg&sig=odVVaeTq0bBI68Ak3IKNThnE3SM&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjh76X-mKjWAhWBOSYKHYOsBDkQ6AEIMjAC#v=onepage&q=%22engaging%20autism%22%5D%5D&f=false
   
   
2. some materials from the florida department of health about implementing the approach: http://www.floridahealth.gov/alternatesites/cms-kids/providers/early_steps/training/documents/floor_time.pdf
   
   
3. a short 2-pager from one of the organizations that implements the approach: https://www.stanleygreenspan.com/swf/The%20DIR%20Floortime%20Model.pdf
   
   In addition, this book here changed my life in terms of altering my outlook and helping me think more positively -- the authors are parents and doctors, and the mom-doctor is a neurologist, in fact -- there are some concrete helps in here -- a lot of the material is better for when your kid is older, maybe, because a lot of it is about helping them at school, but it helped me to shift my focus in a more positive direction, and just gave me a good framework for understanding things: https://www.amazon.com/Mislabeled-Child-Solutions-Childrens-Challenges/dp/1401308996/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505513398&sr=1-1&keywords=the+mislabled+child
   
   Finally, I recommend this book, which can help you understand the sensory issues: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505513523&sr=1-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child.
   
   And then get this one: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Has-Revised/dp/0399532714/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7NP2KCQY50ZRWTC9JQA0, which will help you design activities around the sensory issues.
   
   I stopped here because I didn't want to overwhelm you, but let me know if you want more recommendations, more info, or more shared experience. happy to help, just let me know. feel free to pm me also. my kid is now 10.

It seems like your son needs some sensory therapy at the very least. A good starting point for you could be The Out-of-Sync Child. You can probably get it from your local library--the chances are you're going to be looking at a lot of books like this, so don't go buying every book you see.

The spinning is a form of stim. My daughter loves it when I pick her up in the laundry basket and spin. She hardly ever seems to get dizzy, while I end up falling all over the place. The way I imagine it is that she has a perpetual dizzy-like funk; when she's spinning, it helps to clear her head.

We've been at this for a while, so we're used to trying to leverage this kind of thing to push her to use more language, etc. For example, I'll "play dumb" until she verbally tells me what she wants me to do. You can do something similar, but on a much smaller scale.

For example, put him in the swing and prompt him to join in saying "Ready, Set, Go" or "1, 2, 3-blast-off" or "let's swing" or something like that. Give it three tries, then carry on as if he'd succeeded. Don't drag it out so much that he gets upset--this is supposed to be part of the fun. Let him swing for a little while, then stop it abruptly and do the same kind of thing with "more." Do the same a few times until he's had his fill of swinging.

It took many months for my daughter to get this kind of thing, even with very strong reinforcers, so don't get disheartened.

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Carol-Kranowitz/dp/0399531653

http://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-Child-Has-Revised/dp/0399532714/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1395696989&sr=1-2

Read these, get him into Physical and Occupational Therapy, be an active part of it and work on creating the environment that best suits your family without setting him off.

Every child is different, and there's no easy answer for SPD, but these books will get you started.

My daughter has SPD. She's considered "sensory seeking." This means she doesn't stop moving. Ever. So much so that she wasn't taking the time to learn to talk. When she was 24 mo she tested like a 15-18 mo in her communication skills and a 30 mo in gross/fine motor.

If you haven't yet read "Out of Sync Child", I highly recommend it. In the book she goes into detail about the different types of SPD. There are kids that are extremely sensitive to sounds and touch, which may be your son.

The problem with SPD is that it's very difficult to test for. A lot of times if there isn't a specific issue with communication or motor skills, EI will not approve therapy. It won't hurt to call them and get him evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. You may end up having to pay for private therapy. Some insurance will cover this, some not so much. Even just having him evaluated the OT will help you. It will give you a chance to pepper the OT with questions and they should be open to giving you a few tips till you're able to get him other therapy.

Feel free to ask as many question as you want. I'll answer what I can.

edit: a word

You may want to look into SPD: http://spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

Right now, autism is the "diagnosis du jour" but I think as SPD awareness increases many more children will be labeled as having SPD instead of autism or ADHD. Some kids just have different sensory needs.

That said, a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder would be helpful in getting him services/support... since SPD isn't very recognized by the medical community right now. SPD can be treated with a lot of the same supports - OT, PT, behavioral therapy, etc. But you're more likely to have insurance cover treatments for autism.

EDIT: Also, this book might be helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-Child-Carol-Kranowitz/dp/0399531653/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415557626&sr=1-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child

Did the OT offer any sensory based assessments? There is a Sensory Profile, which can be helpful in explaining some of the sensory quirks. I ask my clients to fill it out because it really breaks down what areas (such as defensive to touch, craving movement, defensive to sounds, emotionally reactive etc) are out of the typical range and help me see what areas need the immediate attention.

I have been reading Raising a Sensory Smart Child and i find it to be an easy read, especially for parents.

I know The Out of Sync Child is also a commonly suggested book, I just haven't read it yet.

Also..you ask what's wrong with wanting clean hands. Nothing really, unless that dislike for messy play interefers with his play and interactions. Sensory issues are fine until they get in the way of life. A kid with tactile defensiveness may have it so bad he can't handle hair cuts, nail trimming, etc. A kid who craves movement and can't sit down to play with one game, or sit through one book or circle time in school. .. that's the problem.