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Reddit mentions of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
Sentiment score: 115
Reddit mentions: 174
We found 174 Reddit mentions of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Here are the top ones.
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- Random House Trade
Features:
Specs:
| Color | Gold |
| Height | 7.98 inches |
| Length | 5.24 inches |
| Number of items | 1 |
| Release date | January 2014 |
| Weight | 0.65 Pounds |
| Width | 0.97 inches |
I'm a doctoral candidate in clinical psych and a therapist, so here's my two cents on this phenomena. Please remember that this information is a generalization based off of existing research and observation of humans--there are always exceptions to any rule.
One thing I often tell my patients is that we notice negative events more often because the positive stuff is happening all the time. Think of it like bad reviews on Yelp. Most of the time, if you had a decent experience somewhere, unless the experience was exceptional you're probably unlikely to post about said experience. Whereas if something bad happened, you definitely want to tell the world, right?
Secondly, negative emotions are associated with the release of a lot of different neurotransmitters and hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine (adrenaline). Both of those stimulate our nervous systems to enter fight/flight mode--this is a heightened state of arousal. Generally speaking, positive emotions don't put us into fight or flight mode unless we perceive something as a threat.
This is the same reason that we are more inclined to remember nightmares rather than dreams. Nightmares release the same chemicals and wake us (very quickly) from sleep.
All of that said, as to why we "seek" risky behaviors, that's all human nature. If you tell a kid "no" to something, what are they going to try and do? They'll find a way to do it. It's quite possible that this is because we like adrenaline rushes (and that's why adrenaline junkies exist).
Lastly, violence, drugs and vices are not usually seen as negative experiences by the people who partake in them. Mostly because they are getting some positive reinforcement from their brains--usually a flooding of dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter).
TL;DR: Good stuff happens more so we don't always see it and being bad makes us feel good sometimes (like sneaking cookies from the cookie jar).
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Edit: If you are struggling with negative thinking, please consider seeing a therapist! Additionally, here are some resources for changing the way you think!
Books:
Grounding Apps:
Cognitive Distortions (Twisted Thinking):
Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."
Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."
There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.
Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.
Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.
It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.
You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit." O
OR
Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."
I know which best friend I like better.
Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.
Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.
Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine): http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/
Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one: http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/vz458/selfdiscipline_in_10_days_how_to_go_from_thinking/
Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_7j6t9IyU
I also suggest "The Power of Habit": http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1414954061&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit
I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.
Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.
Example:
Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit.
However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--
Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.
All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.
As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.
Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather:
A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.
OR
B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?
It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it.
You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.
Yes, I remember that to, I think I read that in some book. It is both funny and a little bit scary how easily they can out put us into categories.
Edit: The book i read it in is called Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
In my opinion: Nutrition is for losing (or gaining) weight and making sure you recover properly.
Cardiovascular training (literally heart and blood-vessel training) is for heart, vascular and lung health so you can run after a bus or take a flight of stairs without feeling like you are going to die. It helps you think more clearly, resist depression, and reduces risks of some of the most deadly diseases (heart attack, stroke, etc.)
Resistance training is for gaining or maintaining lean body mass and strength. This helps you look better naked, keeps your bone mass up, and as you get older, helps you recover more easily from slips and falls. It also is good for your metabolism: it helps with insulin sensitivity and each pound of lean mass burns 2-3x as much energy as a pound of fat, and it takes up less space.
Finally, stretching/mobility training will help you keep your youthful ranges of motion, reduce stiffness and pain, and reduce injury potential.
You need a balance of these four elements to be truly fit.
To answer your specific questions:
Sorry, I started in on this post and it got away from me. Hopefully you find some useful nuggets in here.
TL;DR: You need to have a balance of nutrition, cardio, resistance, and mobility training. You have to have a calorie deficit to lose weight, so focus on foods that fill you up without a ton of calories. There are tons of cardio options that aren't running that will be easier on your joints. Lifestyle change is about changing your habits. Doing food prep really helps make losing weight easier.
I also had to quit GW2 due to it being too addicting. Personal two nickels: quitting video games cold turkey doesn't work, especially if you haven't changed your living environment, like the computer with all the potential games is right there in your house/apartment waiting to be played. It is an instant trigger reminding you to play again. My happy medium was strictly sticking to single-player games when I'm solo, and ONLY playing multiplayer/online games with people I have met and know in real life - as a way of socializing. Luckily the few friends that I have are busy and can only play on weekends so it's working out for now.
A few books that helped a TON in understanding why I had such a hard time quitting:
The Power of Habit
[Mini Habits] (https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Habits-Smaller-Bigger-Results-ebook/dp/B00HGKNBDK)
I hope it works out for you! IMO you are doing the correct thing getting back to old hobbies, but it definitely does take time.
I've found that purposefully building a habit is what keeps practice going. Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit has all the information you need to learn how to do that, but I'll try to summarise it there:
I am definitely forgetting some steps, forgive me. . . But the book I referred to definitely has the answer you're looking for.
Most, not all, of these other responses are more in line with "why" quit gaming or how to balance it, but your question is HOW did I quit.
So here's the framework, then following that are my personal steps.
Framework 1: If you remove 5 hours of gaming, you don't have to replace it with 5 hours of super productive life habits. I removed 5-6 hours of gaming a day but it enabled me to add 1-2 hours of health/fitness, and some time to eat better, then I slept an hour earlier, etc., but I still dicked around and did useless shit for 2-3 hours of that 5 hours of previous gaming time. It doesn't have to be 1:1 bad habit removal to amazing habit add in. I still sit on Twitch and zone out for an hour or two here and there while I browse the internet, but it's easy to put it down and go to the gym or not wait until I'm starving to eat, which makes it easier to eat better.
Framework 2: Identify your level of addiction. Mine is a proper addiction. I think I can reinstall and play within reason today...for a week...a month...6 months...but at SOME point I fall off the wagon and to the bottom of the well. So I have to legit just straight up accept that I don't have the discipline to play in moderation like other people.
Framework 3: With any habit you have to analyze what it is rooted in. In my gaming habit it was a few things:
So here's what I did...
On my spreadsheet I have had days where I ate like shit or drank or missed days in a row of the gym. Far from perfect. My reading habit hasn't taken hold like I wanted it to. But I'm fucking HAPPIER. And you know what column is PERFECT in my spreadsheet? The gaming one. That's my keystone habit. That's my FIRST domino. Find yours and make incremental, deliberate changes.
Message me if you wanna chat, I got your back.
PS: Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
Dude, you gotta get this book - https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
It's life changing. Yeah that may be a strong word but you're on the right track to fully appreciate it. It will fill in the gaps about what you know about habits and discipline.
Habits I'm building
Habits I'm destroying:
I had other habits in April and May that were successfully integrated/defeated, and I moved on from them (one was waking up at 6:30am).
I have to give a lot of credit to /r/theXeffect for giving me a consistent manner in which to track progress and hold myself accountable. It's really gratifying to see the X marks day after day after day and TO KNOW that my brain is being rewired to want these things by the new cue/routine/reward cycle I'm enforcing.
If you want more knowledge about the actual science of habit formation (it helps me understand the why and the how, not just the what), pick up a copy of The Power of Habit - it's actually a very entertaining read as well.
Every man should read
This is the book he draws from. It's a life changing book.
There is a great book about this. The Power of Habit. I recommend it for someone that is trying to understand why you can’t stop doing dumb shit you know is bad for you.
Well at least you know what's wrong. First step to self improvement is admitting something is wrong. So you're ahead of the curve here.
The door to tawbah is never closed. Tawbah doesn't mean saying "I'm sorry!" and then going straight back into doing wrong. It means a genuine regret and attempt to put things right. God (swt) doesn't expect perfection out of us and we aren't perfect, but He does expect a genuine and strong effort to do our best. Thinking about whether hinduism is right or not is not going to send you to hell if your end conclusion was it's not right and God is one.
You need to learn the power of habit. In fact go buy the [book] (http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426535231&sr=8-1&keywords=power+of+habit).
If you look at all your problems together, it may seem insurmountable, I recommend writing down a list. What do you want to change: Start with small goals and work your way through it.
For example, the number 1 thing that is a problem for you right now is salah. If doing 5 salat everyday looks like too much, start with the commitment to do a salat every single day and maintain for a few weeks. Focus on the getting the salat right, do it slow, contemplate the words and get into it.
Then add another and another every week or so, until you feel comfortable performing all five salat.
Once you have that down. Move on to the next item. Your parents. Your relationship doesn't need to be perfect, but make a commitment to do something nice to them once a day. Just saying thank you, I love you, I appreciate the effort you do. Buy your mom a gift on mother's day, and tell your dad he's a role model and you love him. It'll be the highlight of his decade if you say this, even he doesn't say much back.
And so on. Also, in your free time, explore ways to strengthen your faith and make it more enjoyable. Watch some inspiring videos, get involved with activities at the masjid, volunteer, join the msa once you're in college etc.
To piggy back on habits: The book "The power of Habit" is a great read. In general the idea can be summed up in this picture with a larger explanation. I'll do my best to explain.
Habits are created with THREE items.
The cue can be anything. An alarm going off. Stomach growling. Seeing a picture of a flower.
The routine is what you want to do. Getting up on time. Making a meal. Walking to the park.
The reward is THE most important aspect of a habit. If you have no reward, the habit WILL NOT stick. The reward could be petting your dog. Eating a healthy meal with your loved one. smelling a flower.
I'll use myself as an example. Almost every day without fail I would lose my keys right before I left the house to go to work, thus making me late for work. I decided to use hooks by the door to store my keys. Even with the hooks there I wasn't leaving the keys on them. Worse yet, I've left my keys in the door knob more times then I care to admit, and I live in a city. When I read the book I decided to change my habit to keep my mornings less stressful.
My cue is self explanatory. I walk through the front door. The routine is that I NEED to hang my keys up on the hook. If I don't hang my keys on the hook i am absolutely not allowed to pet my cats (He always greets me when I come in). Some days I forget to hang my keys, bend down to pet the cat, then realize "Wait I forgot something!". Other days I'll hang the keys with out thinking, but in either case I always pet my animals after I put the key on the hook.
The larger the routine, the harder it is to make it a habit, so break down the routine in to smaller habits. Create small changes and small rewards. Then when you get used to the idea of creating a habit go big.
I've been a smoker for 10+ years. Multiple quit attempts. I don't know if I believe in God or free will, but I believe in myself. I believe I can get control back. I am just sick and tired of being a slave to a substance. I've been going to therapy for a year and breaking down my thought process. I read articles on whyquit.com that breaks it down as well. I check r/stopsmoking sometimes. I went to a support group called Smart Recovery that deals with addiction generally, with no emphasis on God like 12 Steps. I started reading books like the Power of Habit to understand the science behind my actions. I recently watched a Ted Talk called "Everything you know about addiction is wrong" and it just really resonated. I keep a journal of the reasons I quit and my frustrations/urges to smoke again.
I kept telling myself: this will be the last one, this will be the last one. But it never is. And I smoked more and more. I made up excuses for months, then years and time moved on without me.
To answer how did I do it - Trial and Error. I fell on my face many times, but I'll just keep getting back up. Every time I get the urge to light one I ask myself - Do you want to live? Or do you want to be controlled by Marlboro Corporation? How many more years of your life are you willing to give up? Do you really believe in yourself? Do you really believe that change is possible? And I remind myself, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Just get through the urge at the present moment.
Why Quit:
https://whyquit.com/joel/Joel_Index_03_Quitting_Smoking.html
Power of Habit:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
Everything You Know About Addiction is Wrong:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs
Smart Recovery:
https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/
So, there are a few books that I think all indie game developers should read that really have nothing to do with game development. However, they will help you understand habit and discipline. Really, everyone should read these books.
[Grit] (https://www.amazon.com/Grit-Passion-Perseverance-Angela-Duckworth/dp/1501111108/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487005711&sr=8-1&keywords=Grit), by Dr. Angela Duckworth, Phd.
Mindset, by Dr. Carol Dweck, Phd.
The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg
The ideas in these books and research behind them are very powerful.
Stop fapping, and even more so stop porn. It wires your brain to seek instant gratification, which is not what studying can give you. You might want to give up gaming and the Facebook newsfeed too, everything that consists of short action-reward-circuts.
Interesting reads: Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson ($5 Kindle), and The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg ($9 Kindle).
Edit: Added links
These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.
Deep Work
So Good They Can't Ignore You
And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.
This question isn't really about sciences, per say, it's about energy and motivation.
Is there any way you can study during your commute? Books if you're taking public transportation, or podcasts/audiobooks if you're driving?
Also, I read this book (borrowed it from the library of course) and really enjoyed it: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It's helped me change a couple of my habits to be more productive.
Why not try breaking the loop and focus on something else?
Amazon.com links provided:
1 The Slight Edge
2 Mastery
3 The 4-Hour Workweek
4 The Art of Power
5 Thinking, Fast, and Slow
6 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
7 The Power of Now
8 The Power of Habit
9 Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?
10 The 48 Laws of Power
11 Your True Home
12 Ego Is the Enemy
13 The 4 Hour Body
14 The UltraMind Solution
15 The Dip
I do not want to sound like your granddad but you should target to wake up at least 2 hours before your day start. in your case 6 am. morning time is really very useful and getting one big task done before starting your regular stuff gives you a feeling of a small "win" which is proven to make you feel more confident and less vulnerable to small "failures" later in the day.
Now obviously to wake up early, you need to sleep early and that takes a lot of effort generally.
rather than pussy out, make a habit loop out of it:
set an alarm at 10 pm to fucking floss your teeth. and the next thing you do after flossing your teeth is get in the fucking bed. these triggers will eventually make it automatic.
also read this while you are in college.
Procitaj "The power of habit"
The solution to your problems is quite simple: make a list of things that you need/want to do, then just fucking do it. Yep, there, I said it. I know it sounds harsh. But after years of reading, researching, and experimenting, I've found that precisely this is what it all boils down to: just. fucking. do. it. We end up building all kinds of mental scaffolds around the concept, with tricks and rewards and what not, but it all boils down to the same in the end.
Having a system in place to help you "just fucking doing it" can help tremendously, especially in the beginning. If you're willing to put in some time to work through them, I recommend The Now Habit, and Getting Things Done. Each of these books presents a different approach to productivity. You don't have to implement either system verbatim. Learn from them, try out things that sound interesting, and over time, build your own system.
Building and sticking to your system is a habit you will have to build. If that kind of thing is hard and/or interesting for you, please read The Power of Habit.
Don't just read them once and put them away. Read them, then take notes, then go over them again, and refer back to them every time you find something is lacking in your system. Don't read them cover to cover. They're quite long, and drag their feet through some sections. Skim them, check the index, and read through what sounds interesting, then go back and fill in the gaps if necessary.
A friend recently told me about this book, which he's set to loan out to me next week (I haven't read it). It's helped him to change a number of habits, but when we talked about it, he made particular point to tell me about this crucial thing he'd learned from the book (assuming it is correct).
The author insists that A habit cannot be eliminated - but rather One habit can be replaced with another. It's as is there's a mental "Law of conservation of habit" that states that if one habit it eliminated, it must be replaced with a replacement activity or superceding habit.
How do you feel about this opinion and/or have you noticed "replacement" habits substitutions in your own efforts?
I may be talking out of my arse here, but I believe that research has been done into habit and it isn't just a psychological thing but your brain literally shapes itself around a habit. The more you do a thing the stronger the connections in your brain. (Obviously I've forgotten the technical language.)
By forming a new habit, you create new connections / paths in your brain. The good / bad news is, the more you do something the stronger those connections become. Good because it allows you to form new habits. Bad because it's harder to shake bad habits because they're literally part of your brain. (Again, I may be talking out of my arse.)
There's a good book about habits called The Power Of Habit if anybody is interested in a modern take on habit. It's not really a self-help book and more like one of those interesting pop-science books with a lot of interesting case studies. Such as how companies create habits to help sell their brand or how habits are used by winning sports teams.
I would read this summary of The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. If you want to go deeper and read the book I would recommend either purchasing the ebook, which is only $3, or getting a free trial of audible and getting it for free.
The thing that you have to understand is that we are creatures of habit, and most of them are bad. The best thing to do is to get a pen and a notepad and every time you notice a cue for a bad habit, write it down. Simply being aware of your bad habits is a great place to start. Then I would read the summary and make a plan for being more productive. Everyone is different so you may want to read the book for more insights.
More books that come highly recommended:
Deep Work by Cal Newport
Eat That Frog by Brian Tracey
Mastery by Brian Greene
Hope this helps
You also may want to check out the Discord server of r/getdisciplined. You can find it here
Look, this may not be what you are looking to hear, but you should check out SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I can relate to everything you are saying. Maybe you are a sex addict and maybe you aren't, but going to a meeting (you don't even have to talk) will show you there are others who can relate to everything you described.
I'm 45 and I've been struggling with this crap forever. I've tried everything; therapists, self help books and tapes, hypnosis, NLP, seminars and plain old white knuckle self control (ultimately the least effective- I've had some wild binge and purge cycles). Getting around people who know what you are going through from their personal experience AND WHO ARE IN RECOVERY is really the only thing that works.
I guarantee that at least half of the problems you listed are due to the fact that you know you are not living a satisfying, meaningful life. It really is true that you can run, but you can't hide - the bad feelings, procrastination, etc... is all about you knowing the truth about yourself and that truth is that you have something inside you that is valuable, unique and worthwhile, and you don't know how to get there from where you are right now. Being able to share yourself with others who get you without your having to explain (or defend) every little detail and who are also on the right path is like a fucking miracle.
I'm recommending SAA because everything you said is soooo familiar. Like I said, I'm 45 and I started with this shit sometime between preschool and kindergarten. It has affected EVERY aspect of my life and one of the things I think about these days are all the things that could have been.
I'm guessing you are probably still fairly young (teens or twenties?). You have a good life in front of you, start living it now.
I imagine that you have concerns as to whether this is really for you. Don't worry, you'll know. A life coach I went to described me as a "dry alcoholic" and gave me the AA bible. I read the stories and didn't relate to them at all. When someone handed me the Green Book of SAA and I read the stories, it was like they were talking about me with just the specific details changed. Get a copy of the Green Book and read through it, you'll know if it's for you or not.
If it turns out that I'm wrong, my advise is still the same. Find a group of people who understand where you're at because they've been there AND who are making or have made SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE PROGRESS in their own lives. They will be able to help you, and remember the second part is VERY IMPORTANT! Don't join a pity party circle jerk where you can feel better by wallowing in your misery with others.
Anyway, I hope I've given you something of value.
This my first post on Reddit, so I'm not sure what the links policy is, but I've included two links for you; one is for the SAA site, go there and just check it out, and the other is a pretty good book I've been reading on how we form and change habits. It draws from the latest psychological and neurological research and I think it's really good.
https://saa-recovery.org
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398850299&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit
Just remember that even though you may not feel it all the time, you always have the capacity to grow and change and our darkest, most difficult challenges give us our greatest gifts when we turn around and look back at them.
Imagine yourself in the future, look back, and see the gift.
What is it?
I'll pop back in in a few days to see how you're doing. Remember you're not alone. God bless.
Riding a bike is a complex process that requires co-ordinating many actions at the same time. In order to cope with activities like this, your brain creates automatic behaviors, and stores them in the basal ganglia where they can be recalled and used without conscious thought of each step.
These automatic behaviors are often called habits. They are really complex algorithms the brain encodes to relieve the processing load, so you can perform complex tasks without being so distracted that you are in danger from the world around you.
The brain knows to store a habit in the basal ganglia when you keep deliberately practicing the complex behavior with a great deal of attention. This is what happened when you learned to ride a bike. You practiced it over and over, paying intense attention to the various actions that go into keeping the bike moving and upright. At a certain point, usually when you get effective at the skill and start repeating the steps exactly, the brain encodes it into an automatic behavior and stores it in the basal ganglia.
This is the moment when you suddenly can do a skill without thinking about it.
The brain stores automatic behaviors indefinitely, but they retain freshness with frequent use. All that is required to refresh a habit is to practice the behavior. People speak of a skill "coming back to them." They are experienceing the brain accessing the habit in the basal ganglia because they are trying to do the habit steps using their conscious mind.
That is why you don't forget how to ride a bike.
It's also of interest to note that most of our waking life is governed by automatic behaviors stored in the basal ganglia. To optimize processor load efficiency, the brain will automate any repetitive activity. That's why you can go through your morning routine, and have no memory of it. You are literally on auto-pilot.
Source: this book and years of reading psych books.
Live radically below your income level no matter what it is and invest as high a percentage as possible.
Change every habit in your life to save and invest, and not spend.
Change every habit in your life to recognize 99% of what you do is based on habit and consumption, that people have existed for 10's of thousands of years and lived on very little. Water, a bit of food and shelter. Reduce your existence to that and invest the rest.
Read "Millionaire Next Door".
Read "Habit"
It will cost you about $20. Follow them like the bible, like your compass. And in 30 days when you haven't done any of this, re-read this answer.
That's all there is to it. Follow that and you will become wealthy. There is nothing more to this, 99.9999% of humans cannot do it. And the wealthy benefit from that every day.
You're welcome.
the Power of Habit
Improve yourself & learn things
Habits
Learn about habit formation. Watch tiny habits, check out the subreddit Xeffect or read Power of habit.
Hey Man--Glyco is great. Its life changing and can really help control your hyperhidrosis with a few other supplemental treatments. I highly recommend you try it, along with other supplemental practices, to get your hyperhidrosis under control/take control of your life.
I have pretty bad palmar/plantar hyperhidrosis, with a bit of axillary thrown in there. I lived with this for the longest time and used things to cover it up (folded pieces of paper when taking notes in class, avoid shaking hands, going to washroom to wash hands, etc.). After I graduated college, I decided to start seeking treatment for it, and went to a dermatologist.
My dermatologist prescribed me Glyco, and it gets it really under control. In addition to this, I started using prescription strength deodorant (use it properly, apply it before you go to bed at night, and then use normal deodorant for the day). With both these treatments, my hyperhidrosis is relatively under control.
Things to note about Glyco
• How bad is/was your Palmar Hyperhidrosis before any treatment? Did you drip?
My Palmar Hyperdrosis was pretty bad. My hands were always clamy and if I didn't wipe them on my clothes/towels, they would start dripping. I also had Plantar Hyperdrosis and my socks would often be soaked by the end of the day if I couldn't change them.
• How big of a dosage do you take to help your Palmar HH?
I think I take 2mg. You will build up a tolerance, so you may have to up the dosage or take breaks once in a while (break = 1 - 2 weeks).
• How effective he Glyco been for you personally with preventing you sweaty hands? Are they completely dry? Do they still drip? Are they just clamy?
Its been extremely effective. They are dry most of the time, although stressful situations sometimes cause sweating. This usually stops. Clamy-ness is definitely gone. Before, even if I'm not in a stressful situation, my hands are clamy at best. With Glyco, hands are never clamy.
Look luck buddy. Get this shit under control and your life will be so much better. Its worth putting in the effort to look up treatments and spend some time building habits to manage your own treatment (Look up Power of Habit if you need some inspiration!).
My journey started when I discovered the book "The Power of Habits" by Charles Duhigg. It made me realize that if I wanted to make long-lasting changes in my life, I needed to turn good habits into automatic actions. Nowadays, eating well, working out, taking care of skin and hair... it all feels like second nature!
In terms of weight loss, I eat mostly low-carb and do intermittent fasting (16:8). I don't count calories, but I write down everything I eat in a food journal to keep myself accountable. Eating low-carb has killed my sugar cravings and has helped me feel more energetic and satiated. (No more carb crashes in the afternoon!) Doing intermittent fasting has put a stop to my night-time snacking, and it has helped me maintain a good CICO deficit without having to count calories.
In terms of fitness, I workout four times per week: two days of weightlifting and two days of HiiT Cardio. I also do two days of light yoga for flexibility and relaxation. I have recently achieved my first set of fitness goals. I can now hold a plank for a minute, wall sit for a minute, and do 10 real push-ups. Oh and I can touch my toes standing! I am excited to set new goals for this summer!
u are trying too much at a time. choose one thing only and do it for 4-8 weeks until it becomes a habit. now you dont have to motivate yourself any longer because you developed a habit that doesn't need any motivation to be done. pick the next thing of your list and repeat. this will take his time but will work much better then you current approach.
if you want to read more
motivation is like a muscle that gets sore fast. habits don't need motivation, that's why they are habits.
from /u/i_Got_Rocks
>Your value system says, "If this girl likes me, I like me."
>Your value system should say, "I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can't be helped, and you can't control other people. If other people don't like me, it's okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I'm interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn't want me, it's okay, I'll go on to the next one."
>There's something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don't feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you're doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough--ever.
>Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.
>Say to yourself, "I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent." Meaning, you don't rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad--that's reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl--and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can't control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.
>It's hard to change. It's hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It's hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too--and as you can see, it's not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.
You're not exactly broken, what's broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, "hey, if that chick rejects you, you're not shit."
>OR
>Would you say, "Dude, she's just one chick. And truth, you don't know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever--maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world's problems, you don't know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn't wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better."
>I know which best friend I like better.
Be your own best friend, always. That's the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.
>Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn't looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.
>Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine): http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/
>Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons--very important don't skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual--I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one: http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/vz458/selfdiscipline_in_10_days_how_to_go_from_thinking/
>Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started--You have to want it, really, really want it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_7j6t9IyU
>I also suggest "The Power of Habit": http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1414954061&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit
>I'll give you the important thing about it, in case you can't buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you're not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.
Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.
>Example:
>Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can't they like me... Reward: I feel like shit.
However, if you don't press the cue/trigger--you're way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I'm tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops--
>Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being "weird" in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.
All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.
As you can see, not all rewards are positive--that's why it's important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you'll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily--usually, if you're past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.
>Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, "Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward." Think about it like this, would you rather:
A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.
OR
B. Hurt because you're changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?
It'll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you'll be better if you stick with it.
You'll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That's the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I've only been doing this for a few months--but dealing with me has changed everything around me.
Studying 8-12 hours is NOT good. Start working out and I recommend these books:
https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042700&sr=8-1&keywords=so+good+they+can%27t+ignore+you
https://www.amazon.com/Peak-Secrets-New-Science-Expertise/dp/0544456238/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042708&sr=8-1&keywords=peak
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042776&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+habit
https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Penguin-Classics-Lucius-Annaeus/dp/0140442103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482042852&sr=8-1&keywords=seneca
So, the idea is learn HOW to learn. Leisure is important and healthy for everyone.
If your serious about improving yourself this is a step in the right direction.
EDIT: www.calm.com go there and be.
Read The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Do that before anything. Write out your goals in great details. Consider this book also, for getting things done. I would consider another shroom trip with the exact intention you have here. Sit in silence for a while, journal what you want to change, then trip. 18, however common, is a dangerous time to start depending on stims, and they won't give you wisdom. Especially if you don't have a plan. Sure, you'll probably feel great and may improve for a while, but its so damn easy for it to end up worse. There's countless stories of that. If you do go that route, I strongly believe in the advice that you plan out EXACTLY what you will do before you take stims. Also, hang out with people who are living the way you want to live.
Χαιρετώ! Καταρχήν σου εύχομαι να τα καταφέρεις στην προσπάθειά σου. Πέρα από γιατρό, διαιτολόγο,ψυχολόγο πήγαινε και σε κανένα group therapy. Κατά πάσα πιθανότητα θα βρεις και άλλους που αντιμετωπίζουν ίδιο πρόβλημα. Επειδή απ' ότι κατάλαβα η υπερφαγία εμφανίζεται σαν αντίδρασή του εγκεφάλου σου στο άγχος θα πρέπει να κοιτάξεις να διαχειριστείς το άγχος με άλλους τρόπους. Αν σου αρέσει το διάβασμα σου προτείνω αυτό το βιβλίο: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
I really liked The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It has some excellent case studies that look at businesses as well as individuals, and examine how habits work, how they get into your brain, and what techniques you can use to change them.
You might consider reading 'The Power of Habit'. I recently started reading this and it has some interesting information on how the brain forms and executes habits as well as giving some advice on how to change them.
Or if you don't want to read the book you might consider searching "habit loop" on the internet and getting your learn on that way.
Interesting, and not terribly off-topic given that some members of this subreddit take nootropics as motivation enhancers. I feel like the RDS theory could apply to almost anybody, since most of us have certain dopamine-hit habits that we'd like to break (technology addiction being foremost for me). What are the genetic differences that they speak of? Where is the threshold? and does it really matter given that almost all humans suffer the consequences from negative addictions?
I'm dubious about stacks like these, because they don't give you space to experiment with what works for you. I'm a fan of a number of these ingredients, and I would bet that the ones that I take (Phenylalanine, Spirulina, P5P, Rhodiola) effect my biology in such a way that supports non-compulsive behavior. But studies on isolated ingredients are more helpful.
My friend introduced me to the adaptogens Rhodiola, Ashwagandha, Bacopa, Shilajit and Reishi four years ago, and I still find them amongst the most effective supplements for improving impulse-control and maintaing a level head. This study showed that Rhodiola was effective at reducing binge eating via salidroside's ability to reduce stress-induced corticosterone levels. Granted, binge eating isn't the same as addiction, and high corticosterone levels isn't necessarily the factor that prompts people to engage in their addictive behavior.
Related: Longecity page on Uridine/DHA stack, potential modulator of D2 receptors.
Best-seller on the non-chemical means: http://amzn.com/081298160X
I think what makes breaking unhealthy habits so difficult is the feedback loop. For me, when I exercise, it makes me want to eat and get proper sleep so I don't undo the effects of the exercise, thus creating a positive feedback loop. On the other hand, if I have an unhealthy meal, what inevitably goes through my head is "well, so much for eating healthy, messed that one up. Since I messed that up, might as well eat unhealthy for the rest of the day (or week)", thus creating a negative feedback loop.
Not sure how much you're into that stuff, but if so, I'd definitely recommend checking out The Power of Habit. I find it so fascinating.
I second this. You need to develop healthy habits so that your new lifestyle becomes effortless. I recommend reading the Power of Habit for tips on how to develop habits.
Another thing is that you need to become a foodie. What I mean by that is that you need to learn to LOVE food. But real food. Not highly processed and flavourless crap. If you want to eat dessert- fabulous! But it better be good. No stale doughnuts or snack foods with salt/sugar and fat optimized so precisely that it's basically crack. When you stop eating it, you stop craving it. Develop your tastes. Eat good food. It's much easier to eat a normal serving size when the product isn't designed to trick your brain into consuming as much as possible.
Good luck!
The OP is 100% on the mark, folks. People underestimate how hard wired we are for habits. A wonderfully easy read really drives this home and provides a lot of great information on how to fundamentally change your life in better ways.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
As someone who has gone through a year of professional therapy for disordered eating, I'd encourage you to seek a professionally registered dietician. I was nervous about the cost, but called around, and found a phenomenal woman who uses a sliding scale based on income.
Secondly, I would use a handwritten journal to jot down your feelings during the craving, how hungry you actually are (using a hunger scale like this), and then decide on what to do with that feeling. For example, I would have a journal entry something like this:
I also use the H-A-L-T method...something that a lot of addicts of all sorts use. It stands for Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired, and is a self- care tool. When I reach for food out of emotional needs/boredom, I ask myself, "What do I need in this moment? Am I actually hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely/frustrated/bored? Am I tired?" Processing the emotions behind the eating, and identifying what you truly need in that moment are the keys here, not just replacing the snacking with something "keto-friendly." Emotional eating can be stemmed to a lack of social interaction, community, creative outlets, etc. I've also heard people using the BORED acronym when they're bored, and reach for food. BORED stands for Been Creative? Outside Play? Read a Book? Exercised 20 minutes? Do something helpful (for yourself, or others)?
In addition, I highly recommend Charles Duhhig's The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business - it's a phenomenal read about habits, how we build them, types of habits, and how to rewire habits.
I'm happy to answer any questions, or concerns you may have.
Some ideas from self-help books might resonate with certain people, so in that sense, they're not a scam. Personally, I've gotten more from books that aren't specifically "self-help," but focus more on a certain topic and help shine a light on why we think the way we do and some potential ways to change that way of thinking. A few examples:
The Power of Habit
Thinking Fast and Slow
The Like Switch
I also read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and got nothing out of it, but I see lots of glowing reviews for it, so some people must have enjoyed it.
It's very difficult to get around it.
You have to stay very focused on a goal. For me, since ROM7, it's been to finish every match I play. Has that happened? No, but I understand the situations it has not and I'm very pleased with how things have been going.
It also helps if you read autobiographies or books on sports psychology (or psychology in general) to get ideas & techniques on how to better your mentality.
Here are some that have helped me immensely.
PS. I'm not telling you where, but if you don't want to create a book collection PDFs of each of these may or may not be online.
Not a FI book, but I've really enjoyed The Power of Habit (Feel free to PM me for PDF). It really opened my eyes to how good AND bad habits are made, and how to improve myself in a way that works. It also gave me a new perspective to understand how people operate, which has been enlightening in more ways than one.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081298160X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Buy this book about habits. Read reviews and opinions. It'll be worth the $9.00.
Got this book https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
It has a lot of good information on the importance of habits and how they change.
The Power of Habit
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
You could try Charles Duhigg's "The Power of Habit".
Amazon link.
It contains a ton of information on the science of habit formation, as well as techniques and insight on how to apply it and achieve your goals.
I was suspicious at first, but it's more pop-sci than it is "self-help", and I've been finding it very useful for dealing with a situation that seems quite similar to yours.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg has some valuable insight into stuff like this.
In particular, he references what he calls "keystone habits." They're different for everyone, but for example, some people find that making their bed in the morning makes them more likely to be productive through the rest of the day. For others, it's exercise. Or flossing. Or packing a lunch.
After reading this book, I made it my New Year's resolution to both make my bed and floss every day. I was a good 95% successful with the resolution, and I still am several years later.
It hasn't changed my whole life, but I find that with a tidy bed, I'm more likely to pick up dirty laundry. And once my bedroom is neat, I want my kitchen neat too...
I'd recommend picking one thing that takes just a few minutes a day and committing to doing it for three weeks. See if just doing that doesn't help you break the cycle.
We still need to reward ourselves, otherwise what do we have to look forward to? But we need to find healthier and more productive rewards besides gaming and/or tv.
Instead of chilling out with games, try reading, walking, cooking, or <insert activity that you enjoy that relaxes you and isn't gaming>.
That's how new habits are built -- cue, habit, reward.
Highly recommended, The Power of Habit -- http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/
edit: grammar
> The Game - Neil Straus
Not sure if you know this but Neil Straus did another AMA a few months back in wake of his new book. And you can search the internet for more recent interviews with him. The guy has changed a lot and even said he was kinda embarrassed about that part of his life (but in a good way because it showed he was growing)
Anyway, my current recommendation is One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way. It’s about taking small, consistent actions towards life changes you want to make.
I’m currently reading Brain Rules which explains current research findings on the brain and how we can use these findings for our benefit. It is a very easy read.
(In case it wasn’t obvious, I’m currently on a brain & neuroscience binge)
One book I always seem to go back to is Be Excellent at Anything. OK, the title may sound click-baity but the essential argument is that instead of managing time we need to be managing our energy. The book introduces a model of 4 categories of energy (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) and pulls from scientific research to discuss ways to improve our energy in each category. Having more energy equates to better performance (i.e. “becoming excellent”).
Honourable mention: The Power of Habit. I only read the first one-third of the book because that’s the part that explains the science behind habit formation. The rest of the book is dedicated to showing how it happens in an organization and society. In fact, if all you want is that first third then go to the resources on the book’s official website and go through everything there (especially the flowchart PDFs).
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler, a self help guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques. Empowering and enlightening.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, distills info from major corporations to single individuals on how habits are formed and changed. An easy read, mindblowing, very useful.
Yes, please try to stop a sinful habit.
Yes, venial sin doesn’t keep us from receiving the Eucharist.
NB. Habits cannot be stopped they can only be replaced. This is a great book on the issue of habits that I read years ago
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_skDNDbDY7MBVP
I do.
It's a first hand account from New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg.
He tells the story in the prologue of his book "The Power of Habit"
It's a fantastic book, and would definitely recommend it to others.
EDIT: It's the first answer in the Q&A on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
and it looks like it was Iraq, not Egypt.. my mistake.
glad to hear someone say that. I just recently became aware of this. If my mouth feels fresh and minty, I'm far less likely to ruin it by eating something that'll disrupt that. I started reaching for a stick of minty gum as a replacement trigger for the hunger cue (see The Power of Habit for more on habit formation.)
It seems to be working.
It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.
This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.
The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.
And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:
The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.
And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.
As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.
The Poet X
I'm currently in Monk Mode myself. I'm probably only going for at most a 3mo. term at this (Started Dec. 1st). It sounds like you have a good plan. I'm focusing on the following things:
For learning to cook I highly recommend this book.
For addressing approach anxiety I recommend The Rules of the Game.
This is an excellent book on habit change. (OP this is how you start to break down those "masturbatory" habits)
Also, Monk Mode is basically an exercise in stoicism. This book is awesome.
Since you'll have plenty of time to read here are some other Books I recommend:
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
"Models: Attracting Women Through Honesty"
"The Talent Code"
"Man's Search for Meaning"
"Flow"
Final thoughts OP. 6 months is definitely a worthy goal however studies show that 90 days is usually what it takes to create new habits and routines. You have to be consistent though. Just food for thought.
(Edit: I suck at formatting)
You sound like me. Here are some helpful resources I've found on reddit and elsewhere. Obviously, this is just my personal list so please ignore anything you don't think will help you.
Self-improvement subs: like most subs, there is a lot of junk but sorting by best all time/year/month leads to some good articles and posts.
Self improvement books
Fitness Subs
Fitness App (free)
Sites You Might Find Helpful
I'm reading a book at the moment called The Power of Habit that I'm finding really useful. What you're saying really matches up with the science anyway. Every habit we have, good and bad, breaks down into three parts:
Cue------routine---------Reward
In your example, for example:
During the routine phase, our brains are barely ticking over. Although this is controlled by the Basal Ganglia, which is affected by ADHD. It's responsible for blocking out unnecessary motor functions and the like while engaged in a habit. Which is a part of the reason for the lack of persistence ADHD causes. (pen tapping, anyone?) The other element is the Prefrontal cortex, which kicks in when we need to stop a habit (It's responsible for a lot of other things too). Guess what other area ADHD impairs?
But anyway, the key to any persistent habit is a craving. That can be something as simple as craving for endorphins from exercise, or the craving for approval for a job well done.
Final element is self-control, or 'will power'. It's a finite resource that you can train, like a muscle.
It can also run out, if you're having to exercise it too much. Big part of why things are more difficult towards the end of the day. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with dopamine, but I haven't looked into that yet.
But the element I find fascinating has to do with your first point:
> "People are dependent on me"
This is a double-edged sword. Will power is far easier to exercise when we feel in control. So feeling that your good habits are helping people, that you're having a positive impact by exercising self-control, is great for that. But the one thing I'd caution is not to over do it. I think /u/teenmomog put it really well:
> As soon as it was pointed out to me I would NOT do it.
If you feel that you have to do something because it's expected of you, you're having to exercise far more self-control than if you have a choice. Autonomy is important. It's a fine balance really. As long as you feel you have a choice, things will be a lot easier.
This is really just my opinion based on what I've read, but I feel this explains why the 'last-minute anxiety fuelled frenzy of work' those of us with ADHD often get is quite ineffective. By feeling you have no choice but to work, you're really taxing your self-control and putting yourself through unnecessary stress, for the same amount of work overall. It's far more effective to try and build good study habits than it is to rely on that in my opinion, but YMMV.
I wrote an article on my site on how to achieve rock solid self discipline, but I'll explain a bit here.
When people say "college is the best time of your life", it means that you have the time to create anything you want. If you want to plant the seeds of a business, you can do it. If you want to read other books outside of class, you can do it. If you want to go take a road trip with your buddies, you can do it.
Anything you set your mind to, you can do.
In this world, things are brought about through a three step process. You must think about it, then you must say it, then you must do it.
You "think" about being disciplined. You write down that you want to be disciplined, then you act like a disciplined person.
What does a disciplined person look like to you? Visualize him in your mind's eye. How does he interact with people? His world?
Then, write down an area where you could improve your discipline. Let's take sleep. Write down - "I will get up at ____ every day".
You think about this...you talk about it...then you do it.
Just the big red button. Pull the trigger. Press start to begin.
Put your phone/alarm as far away from your bed as possible. Then you'll have to walk up to turn it off. Once you turn if off, go and drink a lot of COLD water. That will wake you up.
Do this consistently for at least 30 days. Then you will start to form a habit within the brain.
You will follow a cue, then do a routine, and the end state is a habitual action.
Check out The Power of Habit for more info on this.
With the power of habit, amazing things are possible.
Great book to read while quitting - https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
Write it down when it happens: write down what your feelings were going into it, and the turn of events that lead up to your craving - this will help you decipher if it is emotional eating/hunger/etc. And also, what specific event is triggering the habit. Once you figure out your triggers, find a way to control it and something else to do to replace the unwanted habit with.
You may want to read the book "The Power of Habit"
There is also a possibility that if you switch up the WAY you come home you could make breaking the habit easier. You might have a trigger with walking through the front door, or sitting on the couch, whatever. If you walk through a different door, or don't sit on the couch, it might help you avoid the trigger.
Anyway I'm no psychologist, so read the book, it's super interesting and helpful for this type of stuff.
Here are a few tips how you can minimize cravings...
These may or may not help for you (depending on where you are in the process/how much restraint you have built already). It gets easier with time and practice.
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Everyone has some foods they just can't control themselves around. When you're just starting out, those can't be in the house. If they are, they need to be out of sight.
Often when I'm thirsty, I want to buy everything with lemon flavor, juice/soda, ice cream, or really any refreshing taste. I think I'm craving the food, but I'm really thirsty. Drink a lot of water. (Get the app Plant Nanny)
When I tried to cut carbs, all I ever wanted was carbs. When I tried to replace all my candy etc with carrot sticks, all I wanted was the candy and I would binge at some point. Keep eating everything in moderation (except your worst trigger foods).
A habit can work like this: You always drive the same route home, you see the fast food place, and your mouth immediately waters and you start craving the fast food. (Your cue just happened.) You give in to the cue, get the food, eat it. (This is your routine.) Your brain's reward center lights up like a christmas tree and you feel great for a while (Reward) and then the shame and regret. This can be unlearned and avoided, by for example driving a different route or replacing the routine with something else that gives the same reward. Great book about it here.
I did this by eating 1 small piece of the same type of chocolate every day for 6 months, not treating it as "bad" food or morally wrong food, just as calories like everything else. Also if I wanted to eat something, I'd have a little of it. In time this started to stick and I got better and better at having trigger foods in the house without eating them, or eating just 150 calories worth. It can be done. It takes time and practice.
If you have already resisted 1, 2, 3, 4 situations during the day where someone offers you a cookie, you say no, you pass fast food or candy in the store and you don't cave, etc... Understand that your willpower will weaken and you are more likely to eat something in the evening. Prepare for this by having lots of healthy snacks handy.
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>How do you deal with insane cravings when you have them?
I eat whatever it is I'm craving, but only 100-150 calories worth. It takes away the power of the food. I log it and I'm done with it.
Break the habit loop! I just skimmed the article but I think it sums up what's in the book on the same topic. I read the book (or listened to the audio version rather) and I think it's really good at breaking down what habits are, why we have them and how to change them. You have made a habit out of abusing your meds. Now if you want to end that habit, you might as well go methodically to work as this will give you a better result than just trying out of sheer will power. But as /u/megawavelord suggested you should first identify why you are doing this:
You will learn more about your habit this way, which makes it easier to change it. I will not go through the steps of habit change, but I really think it could help you if you really put real effort into a methodical approach. (not saying you're not putting in effort now). I have changed a bad habit this way and I know others have too.
You have to believe in yourself though or else you will probably fail or return to your old habit in certain situations. I believe in you and wish you the best. Let me know how you are doing.
EDIT: missing words!
There is a very similar (although not identical) response to this as well.
It is easier to shift your attention onto something than away from something (see ironic process theory). So, instead of trying not to pay attention to the outside, focus your attention more on the inside: work on becoming a better person.
How? Visualization techniques are popular with some modern communities (they feature prominently in Stoic Week exercises, for example), but I prefer what I believe is an older, more traditional approach: writing. In order to write about something, you need to pay attention to it, at least a little.
I find it helpful to break the writing exercise into two pieces. One is aimed at self-knowledge: what personality traits do I genuinely consider virtues and vices? That is, what personality traits do I feel proud of or ashamed of in myself, or admire or despise in others? I start with this technique, but modify it with an additional step. Begin with the recognition that positive emotions are caused by the belief that something good or valuable was, is, or will be; and negative emotions are caused by the belief that something bad was, is, or will be. So for each emotion, try to identify what the value judgements behind the emotion were. Sometimes, these are already about internals, and so provide information about what you consider virtues and vices directly. Other times, when the apparent values are about externals, think about the personality traits you associate with people who prefer or disprefer these particular externals. Over time, you can develop a better self-understanding with regard to what you consider virtues and vices. Looking at virtues and vices listed by others, like the ones traditionally listed in Stoic texts or similar ones found in many other cultures or modern fields of study (such as those proposed by Seligman and his colleagues), but none of these should be followed blindly. (Note that I am increasingly skeptical of the questionnaire based approaches formulated by Seligman et al., because they primarily mimic back at you what you already know about yourself, and seem less effective at deepening your own self-understanding than self observation.)
Then, once you know what you want to develop in yourself, conventional habit breaking and formulating approaches can be applied, for example self-monitoring similar to that described by Benjamin Franklin or techniques described in Duhigg's The Power of Habbit.
edit: Then, when you find something external is interfering with your judgement, consider "what virtues and vices apply here? How?" If it's convenient, write out an analysis with whatever is at hand (you email editor, scrap paper, whatever). If it isn't convenient, just talk to yourself.
https://open.spotify.com/user/cjhlambert/playlist/6rdsDoz8Hxi0EYbybhdZOq?si=Ej1TmeNg
And I'm not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt. But when I had my depression and got out of it I was really fascinated by the process and have spent a few years reflecting on it, reading books on neuroscience, forming theories, testing them, etc. Real stupid nerd hobby stuff that I find interesting because psychology is so interesting.
Depression tends to fall into two categories. Hereditary and circumstantial. Hereditary depression is genetic in nature and responds very well to medication. Circumstantial depression is the kind brought on by a relationship ending, being in a job you hate, not being satisfied with life, etc. Circumstantial depression is due to negative thought circuits so doesn't really respond to medication because medication treats chemical imbalances. Chemical imbalances aren't the same as negative thought patterns.
Negative thought patterns almost always have a trigger sensory trigger. As do most negative patterns. For example, say you get McDonalds every day on your way to work. You put on 100lbs. You decide you want to lose the weight. Every day you drive to work will be a struggle to not get McDonalds because you've formed a habit chain triggered by the drive to work. Fighting the trigger will deplete glucose (the willpower resource that fuels good decision making), leaving you susceptible to poor decision making later in the day.
So if you want to break the McDonalds habit and not have the morning struggle the solution would be to take a different road to work. This is because the new route means a new neural pattern has to form for "drive to work" since the new route has different sensory information. This means it cleans the slate when it comes to triggers. Meaning you won't have the same McDonalds cravings.
The best thing you can do then to recover from a depression is rearrange as much as you can. Change the layout of your bedroom and living room. Buy five new shirts. Travel to a city you've never been to before. Get some decorations. Spend time with friends at places the two of you have never gone before. Start watching new TV shows you've never seen.
By rearranging the furniture around you, you create a new neural pattern that dilutes the power of old triggers. Like, if you and an ex sat on the couch all the time, every time you sit on the couch you'll trigger the neural patterns for your ex. But if you move the couch to face a new wall then you suddenly don't have any memories/patterns of having been with your ex in this situation.
When I was depressed at college and couldn't drop out, I ended up spending a lot of time at the campus book store reading graphic novels. I'd go to the art museum. I'd go to movies. By immersing myself in these artistic realms it made the reality of Cleveland in the winter that much more bearable because for a few hours each day I was mentally and spiritually gone from Cleveland.
For some further reading, check out Willpower by Roy Baumeister. Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Then I really recommend reading the book The Definitive Guide to Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease (something like that. The body language book is just something really cool because it always gives you something to do. Like, I've been at parties where I didn't know anyone but because I know this dumb shit about body language I could read the room and know who liked who, who disliked who, who wasn't having a good time, who was, and then figure out who to talk to. It's helped me make friends, get laid, get friends laid, do well in work situations, etc. invaluable information that was also part of my getting out of depression.
If you have any questions, please ask!
Read this book. It will give you insight into why you do what you and how to change them.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/081298160X?pc_redir=1405564689&amp;robot_redir=1
Here is the mobile version of your link
I have been thinking about posting this same thing for some time, so if I may I will pile on your post. Duhigg's book is really eye-opening as to the power that habit holds in our lives. Combine that with Carr and you really have some powerful tools.
Here's a link to the title on Amazon: (sorry if there is shorter way to post it)
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1425664756&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=duhigg
I found that my worst cravings happen in habitual circumstances - location, social situation, HALT triggers. All habit. Third part of book relates to corporate habits, but first two sections really give you insight into how your brain influences your behavior without you being aware of it.
Tony Robbins also has some great insight on habit, for those looking further.
No problem.
Honestly, my biggest complaint about a Keto diet, that might only apply to me, is that it doesn't help me develop willpower. It's not a strain on my willpower to only stuff my face with tasty meats.
If you're a reader, I'd suggest reading The Power of Habit. It's excellent at providing some insight into how habits are shape and how we can better change them.
For anyone interested in a good read on the topic of habits I highly recommend Charles Duhigg's Power of Habit: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
His section on keystone habits - habits that have a spillover effect on other habits / area of life seem especially relevant.
Absolutely, that is exactly what this is. I think this idea is what makes habits such powerful tools. Making something a habit basically removes a decision from your day. While these decisions might seem trivial - what to wear, what to have for breakfast - they all consume a bit of your limited supply of mental energy and attention - your "psychic RAM" as David Allen calls it.
I thought an excellent book on the subject was The Power of Habit.
Take a look at The Power of Habit. Good book on linking Habits with Conditioning and how to influence them.
To answer your question, it is possible but difficult. If you have spend years conditioning your mind and body to react to the 'in your room chair' stimulus, then snapping out of it will require you to go into some simple conditioning exercises (sitting down there, giving yourself a cue (counting to 5) and meditating for fifteen minutes for example). Otherwise just set up shop on a different section of the house, or room, like you seem to already be doing.
Well, a big part of it is going to be changing your relationship with food. Just saying that you're going to stop eating is rarely helpful because there's a reason that you eat. You need to figure out what triggers your eating, and find ways to replace eating with different activities that give you the same reward. For example, I have the problem that I always my hands to be occupied. If there is food within reach, I'll keep snacking on it largely because its something to do. I've found that (a) keeping food only in the kitchen (removing the trigger), and (b) always having something else to do with my hands (i.e. fidgets when I'm working, guitar or knitting when I'm sitting around doing nothing) goes a long way towards reducing my snacking. I would recommend taking a look at The Habit Loop -- in particular, the first third of the book and the epilogue.
I have no advice :( but I just wanted to say, I suffer from the same thing. Cheek, Lip, scratching and picking scabs, and have for a looooong time (almost 20 years?). I guess the most helpful thing I can say is that it hasn't killed me yet (and other than some scars, I've never gotten an infection or anything bad).
I will share what I've found so far, hopefully it helps. It would be great to see others post about this too.
I'm not sure if this is Dermatophagia, or just closely related to it. Have a look at the wikipedia article. Wikipedia states that this is a type of impulse control disorder, which I find very interesting, as I also suffer from another impulse control disorder - compulsive spending/debting (not an official diagnosis, because I don't see much benefit in getting one). I would also suggest reading the wikipedia impulse control disorder page.
I also found The power of habit fascinating, because it talks a lot about people's compulsions, and hints at actual causes and possible treatments in the future. Also, 'talk to a therapist' is always a good idea, although I haven't done that yet.
What you mention is something that affects almost everyone, including myself. It's in our nature to go for the short term gain (immediate and emotional benefits) versus the long term reward(which requires more logical thinking).
For books, here's one called The power of habit. It breaks down how to form habits and how to chunk long term goals into smaller near term pieces as well as some of psychology behind it. Highly recommend a read :).
I have to ask though, what are your long term goals? can you be more specific? the more specific you can be the easier it would be to formulate specific actionable items to achieve them.
"The Power of Habit" is an excellent psychology/productivity book on how you can optimize your thinking and behavior. A lot of its lessons can translate to better tulpamancy practices.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
I recently discovered that auto-hiding the taskbar helps a lot by removing all the distracting icons from my field of view.
I've also read some books on habits and something as simple as seeing a chrome or firefox icon can subconsciously trigger a desire or even a craving to visit a website that you find rewarding.
Also I actually completely disagree about the benefits of the pomodoro system(I've tried it several times also) because it creates a distracting environment because you're now constantly checking it, wondering how much time you have left. Also the pomodoro system cements the rewarding behavior of checking internet, ect whatever you do when you procrastinate by offering you these consistent 5 minute breaks.
Your true goal should be to find your work rewarding itself, to the point where you don't want a break.
So auto-hiding the taskbar also solves that problem of constantly checking the time by getting rid of your clock. Don't think about time, just try to get lost in whatever you need to do. Forget about the outside world. that is the goal. Anything that reminds you about the outside world is a distraction.
In regards to stopping bad habits and creating good habits, the one book I cannot recommend enough is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. It can change your life.
I highly recommend checking out this book. It really helps you to think about habits in a completely different way, which can be very helpful for new routines or new schedules.
I'm glad you feel helped. Some more quick thoughts -- focus on the improvement but don't forget to continue to continue to improve and refine your practices. The ability to focus your thoughts and change your patterns is a skill, like any other. Don't expect to be great at focusing your thoughts on your progress right away, but with sustained & deliberate effort you can change yourself for the better. Just as you HAD a habit of PMOing you have a habit of negative thinking. You can change it. I found The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Amazon) (YouTube) to be extremely helpful here.
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Also, the idea is not that you write a million contingency plans for PMO but that you make sure you have alternatives that are easy to remember, easy to do, easy to see the inherent value of, and easy to enjoy. Then you've really primed yourself every day for success.
I never bit my nails, but for other habits I found this book very useful.
Motivation doesn't last. It takes to much mental energy. You should read The Powe of Habit http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X. Has some great insight into how habits are formed and what makes them so effective.
Oh yes, I did this about 7 months ago. I took control of my own habits. My weight plateaued (sometimes increased) for about 8 weeks while I was doing this. But then I noticed it became easier to say, "No I don't want to eat that," because I was able to control my choices better. Very slowly and gradually I noticed I started to change my choices. Veryyyyy slowly. But it happened.
Took 7 months to fully make that change and start seeing results. Today I am only 15lbs away from my goal, so I am very close to where I want to be! I'm happy with where I am. Doc says I'm very healthy and on track.
My approach came from a different angle. It wasn't "weight loss" persay, it was instead all focused on "my habits". This book talks about the science of how your brain creates and uses habits. Educating myself on this helped me a lot.
I definitely am not an expert but I love MMM and he did an article on it where he laid out five steps: Mr Money Mustache: A Lifetime of Riches – Is it as Simple as a Few Habits?
https://gj837.app.goo.gl/bmDzVGYnZTUiyo9e2
He also recommended this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_-iDDAbJ3S0HD2
I can't say I've read the book as I still have established a consistent reading habit like I would like to do. ;) But, it's well reviewed on Amazon.
Check out The Power of Habit. There's a chapter that explains how familiar sounding songs become radio hits.
“People listen to Top 40 because they want to hear their favorite songs or songs that sound like their favorite songs. When something different comes on, they’re offended. They don’t want anything unfamiliar.”
“There were songs that listeners said they actively disliked, but were sticky nonetheless… Male listeners said they hated Celine Dion and couldn’t stand her songs. But whenever a Dion tune came on the radio, they stayed tuned in. Within the Los Angeles market, stations that regularly played Dion at the end of each hour – when the number of listeners was measured – could reliably boost their audience by as much as 3 percent, a huge figure in the radio world. Male listeners may have thought they disliked Dion, but when her songs played, they stayed glued.”
In no particular order:
Good Luck!
I'm glad you are taking charge with your medications. I really hope the shot helps. Are you in any kind of therapy or counseling co-coinciding? I think that could help you too. I really believe in being able to change your though patters and break old habits and make new ones. I know this is a simplified explanation of what is going on with you but maybe this book could benefit you in some way in terms of how you might be thinking about things and viewing them. Ignore the business part of the book, just focus on the life part.
Read "The Power of Habit" sometime. You can listen to some motivational video and feel empowered to do things until you wake up in the morning. You need to build good habits where you're always striving toward a goal. Eventually it will just feel natural to work on progress.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
I just passed my 3 year anniversary of journaling; I haven't missed a single day in that time. I struggled, however, for many years prior trying to establish this habit. I'll answer your questions and then provide some behavior tips for anyone interested in doing the same.
Why I journal:
What I chronicle
This has evolved over time. I write almost an outline of the highlights of my day. I try to avoid self-indulgent writing; this isn't my masterpiece. Once I have the main points of the day down (which usually only takes about 30 seconds), I'll go back and casually fill in the details along with any reflections. My shortest entries can be a sentence or two while my longest can be around 2k words; my average entry is about 500 words. It's important to set a very realistic minimum goal; something that wont overwhelm you on the latest of nights with the heaviest of eyes. Knowing that I can finish an entry in 30 seconds has tricked me into many 10+ minute journal sessions.
Is daily important?
I really believe it is. I know people frequently say not to beat yourself up over it and just journal when you remember, but the reality is that if you don't get in the habit of journaling on "boring" days, you most likely wont take the time to write on important days either. Also, behaviors are mindless activities. It's just easier if you turn journaling into a behavior.
How to create a daily journaling habit
The Power of Habit is an amazing book. I don't typically like self-help books—this is not one of those! I think all people (but especially writers) should read it or at least become familiar with the core concept that all behaviors have 3 parts: triggers, routines and rewards. I've applied this in many areas of my life, but here's my specific strategy for journaling:
In summary, I know that after I brush my teeth, I should journal and that I can't go to sleep no matter how tired I am until I perform my minimum goal of outlining my day. This might sound like a pain on the longest of days, but after a few months it becomes automatic. I've had long drunk nights where I don't even remember journaling, yet the morning reveals...a great story :)
I hope that helps someone out there.
I used to be the same way. One thing that I did was I would go to the store to look at what i wanted to buy. I would pick up that item, try it out, whatever, and then put it back and walk out. In a way it was like throwing a wrench in the feedback loop of buy, feel good, repeat. I did this for a month or so and it really did help with the impulsivity.
Another thing that I do is I will set aside money every month that I can blow on whatever, guilt-free. Or, I could make the decision to save it and accumulate for another month.
Really, I think its about replacing habits with other habits that are healthier. Having ADHD makes us kind of myopic in a sense that we tend to focus on our habits without thinking about the repercussions or why we do them.
I recommend "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg: http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X
Or, im sure you could find a summary of it somewhere online.
Best of luck!
Piggy Backing off this book post to show a book that anyone should really read if they are facing the problem that the OP was:
The Power Of Habit
In the book "The Power of Habit," the author talks about habits as having three components:
He says that if you can identify the trigger but change the behavior and reward, you can change a habit.
This is hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but your troubles may very well be due to HOW you study.
It's especially hard to find time to evaluate your own study methods when you are under pressure to complete the work you already have. It is also hard to change your study method because a lot of it is a force of habit.
I would strongly suggest doing a "hard reset" of your study methods. If possible take 2 days off (or more) from studying of any kind. Go an do something completely different, something out of your routine. Go on a hike, or rent a canoe and take it out on a lake, or just walk around a different part of the city you live in. Anything to break your routine.
The day after, pretend you are starting school from scratch and you need to learn how to study effectively. Treat the subject of studying as complex endeavour that requires research. Think of it as metacognition 101. Take a critical look at what your weaknesses are, then go about finding out what neuroscience and psychology has on the topic of learning.
Here are some starting points: The Forgetting Curve, here is a good primer on how to think about studying, and last here is a book on breaking old habit and establishing new ones. Also, experiment and keep track of your study methods. Feel free to pm me if you want details of my own personal findings as to what works for me.
I did! I've read many books on habit actually, but you're right on the nose in describing the one I'm referencing here. It's called the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and its a fantastic read.
The author actually modified a fairly long-standing definition of a habit loop to include some additional detail, and it was the author's definition I am describing here.
Yes, a wonderful book to
For anyone interested in this, I strongly recommend reading the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Fascinating stories and analysis of the role habit plays in our lives, and advice on how to use them to your advantage.
Amazon Link
I like those cheesy self-help books. Tony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within is a good one. Zig Ziglar is another speaker/author to take a look at. There are a lot of authors in that category.
The Four Agreements was good, though it gets a little new-agey at times, and may not be your thing if that turns you off.
I thought The Secret (movie and book) carried a positive message. I liked 'em. I've read the follow up book too. There's a whole lot of bunk science in there, though, so be careful of that. The message is basically, "If you intend good things to happen to you, they will, because quantum physics." They do not understand quantum physics. But as long as you're not foregoing taking action to solve your problems, I think the message is positive. Thinking positively has other benefits. What's it matter what your reason is for doing it, ya know?
Eckhart Tolle has some good books. The Power of Now comes to mind.
A lot of people like The Power of Habit.
I enjoy listening to Alan Watts lectures, that's mostly pop-style Buddhist and Hindu philosophy. Word of caution though, Alan Watts himself is not a Buddhist and in fact at times argues that alcohol & drugs are a good thing. I don't agree with everything the man says but his lectures are thought provoking
The values.com website has a whole slew of cheesy motivational content. Example: Spread Your Wings. I like stuff like that. :)
So I guess for me the first step was just sort of coming to an understanding that drinking really isn't adding anything, but that it is taking so much away... and just listing all of those things, like verbally or in pen or something, because what happens is you realize how often you are making the same stupid mistakes... Like once you have said it allowed or written it down, every time it happens you have to acknowledge that it also happened yesterday, and the day before, and it was really bad the time before that... It was just getting exhausting.
So I just was getting so tired of it, like it sounds like you are, so I set a date. Didn't make any changes in the mean time, was still drinking, still saying yes every time somebody asked me if I wanted to go out, still kept doing the "just one more" dance, carried on with the daily hangovers etc... but I had my date set and for a full month it got to the point where I just couldn't wait to reach the date, I was so ready for it.
In the interim, I read a couple of books about neuroplasticity and habit formation that I found really helpful. If you only read one book, my suggestion would be The Power of Habit, but I also read Rewire Your Brain which was also super helpful, and I just ordered "The easy way to stop drinking" which is linked in the sidebar at /r/stopdrinking, so we'll see what that has to say.
So I guess what I have been doing is really just focusing on the positives, because I was just getting so so tired of the bullshit and I had this image in my head of what I want my life to be like when I get to a point where the urge to drink isn't constantly in my head. So, with a several page long list in hand of all the little triggers, and a really really really long list of reasons why I wanted to do this in case I forget, the day finally came and so I told my family what I was doing, and decided to start working on all the things I was excited about, like books and hobbies and stuff. Apart from the hangover that day I was pretty excited...
Unfortunately, it didn't go well to start because I didn't sleep a wink for days, so I was in really, reeeeally bad shape, but truthfully I had prepped my head for enough time that the desire to go back just so I could get some sleep wasn't unmanageable, especially because I know that if I drank I'd just have to go through the bullshit all over again... So now it's been almost a week, I'm kinda starting to function again normally, and I'm feeling so much better than I have in a very long time already, even though I still haven't slept well still... I also went to buy coffee yesterday and I thought "I better check my checking account balance, I don't want my card to get declined here AGAIN..." and I was pretty shocked to see I had $80 in there, that never happens by this time of month... So I'm just focusing on these awesome little changes as much as I can, every positive little change or occurrence I make a point of paying attention to so that I don't lose momentum...
Also, posting at /r/stopdrinking every day has been super helpful because my brain is running like 1000 miles per hour faster than usual, so it is super helpful just unload there, and somebody responds every time within minutes.
I learnt this from reading the book "The Power of Habit". It covers the whole affair in detail, well worth a read.
Keystone habits are covered in this book as well as extensively covered by Tiago Forte who has an excellent blog by the way.
These are all based on pyschology and the mechanics of how the brain actually tends to work, when it comes to sustainable and permanent behavioral changes.
An example of a keystone habit is aerobic exercise. If you exercise for example, you have the tendency to do X and Y other habits, which may tend to result in Z or A.
As such by focusing on one key habit, one can therefore gain leverage and have a tendency to more easy and naturally (out of habit) do other beneficial activities.
Prebiotics definitely are fitting into this pattern at least every couple of days. I find my health going on a downward trajectory if they are not consumed every 3 days or so, so they are a necessary auxiliary support for my other keystone habits.
I'm not even close to my goals. I'm training for a tough mudder in September and that keeps me motivated.
Check out the book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/081298160X?pc_redir=1395214062&amp;robot_redir=1
That's what got me started in the first place.
Become habitual about other things in your life the same way you did with gaming and it will come. I recommend this book right here:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1525330653&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+power+of+habit
just read this
She urgently needs to understand that for the relationship to work she has to know how to be someone alone. And in order to be able to assume our individuality in a relationship we need to find our strengths, to value ourselves and to accept whatever is less good.
You seem to be doing what you can do in a situation like this. Now it's her turn to stop denying the ability to go on and do something.
Is she self-taught enough? If so, she could explore in books or on the net things she could apply to lessen her lack of confidence. I would advise Neuroscience books to the general public in which they speak of real cases of people who through self-motivation have been able to completely change their way of being. It is important for her to realize that we are not made in an unchangeable way, that we are able to change much of what we are. (This, for example: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X)
If she does not have the self-taught side, then maybe she should do some therapy sessions ...
You should make sure your daily caloric deficit isn't too high percentage wise, because your activity + intake alone could cause a lot of these problems.
I can relate to the "driven to self improvement frenzy" and your post brings a few books to mind that might help your situation/outlook.
The Power of Now
Mindset
The Power of Habit
I would put in my votes for The Art of Learning and the Inner Game of Tennis as well.
Also, The Power of Habit is a fantastic book...specifically the section talking about Tony Dungy's coaching style and how it was all about developing habits so the players could execute them without thinking. But you need them to believe in what you are doing too. That's a big thing.
I started off with Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy since I have a history of depression... the principles are solid, and it's something I continue to work on every day. It would be silly to expect decades of negative reinforcement to be rewired instantly.
Other books:
The Power of Now
The Power of Habit
And this is one I haven't got yet but it's next on my list: Paddle Your Own Canoe because Nick Offerman is a BAMF.
read it, it will let you understand better that it is just natural to feel stucked, burnout, unfocused and how to tackle this feeling how to avoid them.
How to handle way better procrastination. How frustration is just part of the learning process.
also the Power of Habit is pretty good too: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
There are some great books out on this stuff.
The Power of Habit: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Uk-WCbESHTEER
Atomic Habits: Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735211299/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Xl-
https://youtu.be/szgoDIkimNU
https://youtu.be/U_nzqnXWvSo
I have had my own struggles with a large variety of addictive behaviors.
I have also spent a very long time learning about how to help people w addictive behaviors.
My guess is, as I see this a lot with a broad variety of people, that you have never given meditation/mindfulness a real shot. The fact that you conflate them with asmr and warm milk isn't helping your case.
for meditation to work, it requires deliberate, consistent practice over extended periods of time. daily practice.
The addicted brain makes us believe that we need our vices/other drugs and that nothing else will do. This, I believe, is mostly a trick our reward-obsessed neural circuitry is playing on us.
This book by Jud Brewer completely blew my mind about all of this. This book about habits is also awesome and super relevant.
I'm not pretending like meditation and deliberate habit change are easy or magic, but with time they are enormously helpful for virtually everyone, in my experience/opinion, and that of many people with a lot more experience than I have.
And you were asking for something that provides a nice, euphoric calm without ataxia. I can't think of a better answer than meditation. The coolest thing about meditation is that it works better the more you do it.. which is quite the opposite of most psychotropic chemicals.
You can keep meandering down the poison path, friend, but I doubt you'll find what you're looking for there. Might want to trust those of us who've walked further down that path already and found it quite lacking.
good luck out there
I'll tell you a little secret: even when I didn't have a SO, I've never had a problem with finding a phone, because I always left it at the same places, and I never lost it or left it in unusual places. You might call me boring or having an OCD, but really, I've never experienced an issue like that, because I just know where my shit is at any point in time.
This story is real and is highlighted in a book I just read. https://smile.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X?sa-no-redirect=1
I highly recommend reading (or listening with audible) to a couple books that I listened to when I was questioning my job and career choices earlier this year. They aren’t silver bullets, but they’ll definitely offer sound advice on how to actively work to improve your situation.
If you don’t have much free time to read, like me, try listening to the audiobook on your commute or at lunch. Just find a time and place that makes sense for you.
I hope those books help you as much as they did me.
*Think and Grow Rich
The Innovator's DNA: Mastering the Five Skills of Disruptive Innovators https://www.amazon.com/dp/1422134814/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_2kWKzbZH8JEGA
The Ten Faces of Innovation: IDEO's Strategies for Beating the Devil's Advocate and Driving Creativity Throughout Your Organization https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385512074/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_imWKzb0R9Z6GV
Conceptual Blockbusting: A Guide to Better Ideas https://www.amazon.com/dp/0738205370/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_MjWKzbS473XHB
These are three of my favorites that aren't focused on advertising. Each one has incredible insights. If possible, I would start with Blockbusting, then the 10 faces of innovation and I would finish by reading the innovators DNA alongside the power of habit. The power of habit is not a book on creativity but it will help you see how you can create habits that will drastically improve your creative outputs. The innovators DNA has a lot of cool exercises and specific habits that all creative leaders have and the power of habit will give you the know how to integrate those habits into your daily life.
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business https://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_XsWKzbZXS0TP6
First, let's take a deep breath in and smile :)
Have you considered getting therapy for porn addiction? I am about to start mine and feel excited about it.
> The lack of time.. to do anything. The lack of energy & waning motivation makes me an unreliable idiot to everyone around me. The need to develop the necessary skills for my career is simply postponed... deemed unnecessary by my addiction. The addiction has a brain of its own, has its own ulterior goals that heavily contradict where I want to be. That's the pathetic situation it gets me in.
>
You have really nice hobbies. I urge you to continue to do them.
Even I recently started reading (actually just listening to audio-books while traveling on the bus), and that has helped changed my outlook towards life. It has made me smarter, more enthusiastic, more introspective.
If you can find just 10 min/day, I highly recommend you to read the book Getting stuff done. Once you do that, I promise that you will have lot more time in life, and would be able to read more books like the power of habit, GTD etc..
And I must mention this podcast episode on motivation that changed my life.
Sorry for bombarding you with all these resources. If you find just one useful thing among all of this, then all this would have served its purpose.
It all starts with just a small step, so good luck!
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
At one point, I was coasting through college smoking weed all day and then dropped out, the problem was I've never been motivated by what I'm supposed to do, I'm wasn't competitive in a sports kind of way and don't care what most people think.
I think what happened was I started deciding my own goals, ones that were challenging and exciting. I finished college because it lead to things that I wanted, started working out because it gave me more energy to work on the things I wanted to do.
At the moment I keep work out, eat right, I'm doing something every evening, moving closer to my goals. Basicly I have an idea of the person I want to be (physically fix, dapper, speak 6 languages, rock the dance floor, rock climb ect) and the life I want and that makes my want to get organised. I actually have a binder, like a business plan for this whole year. I'm working on buying a house that I'm going to completely rebuild the inside of, I'm learning a language, getting to my fitness goals.
Have you ever had one of those days where you kick you're todo lists ass, I'm kind of addicted to that feeling, when I think of my goals I literally salivate. I think some people make their goals too realistic and they don't inspire them.
I also treat every change as an experiment, I get I realised I needed to get my shit together at about 22, I'm now 33. So it's taken about 10,11 years of chipping away. Change something, if it doesn't work, if you can't stick to it. Don't say to yourself "I'm shit", just say that experiment didn't work. For instance I stopped going to the gym after work, I felt tired, lazy I just wanted to go home. I started eating some nuts at 5PM and I feel great after work. Don't expect to have infinite willpower. You need to think of yourself as your own dog trainer sometimes.
I highly recommend these two books.
http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2/182-0445914-9670343?ie=UTF8&amp;refRID=02FAB5J7JGC01BG1M677
Y'all might want to look into this:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
The Power of Habit
id say just try to be mindful, and catch yourself. it seems obvious but if you're trying to have better posture, or drink more water, or improve your diet, most of the work of changing your habits isn't, you know, the overarching month by month or year by year "decision --> results".
when you notice yourself slouching, sit up. that simple. just because youre slouching or you haven't been catching yourself slouching doesnt mean "you've failed."
this same pattern copies over to when you fall off the wagon and eat some empty caloric junk food, or want to change some other habit.
i dont remember everything from this, but there is a pretty good audio book i listened to called The Power of Habit where a journalist looks into the science of habits and behavior modification (and related stuff like addiction etc).
Did you know Amazon will donate a portion of every purchase if you shop by going to smile.amazon.com instead? Over $50,000,000 has been raised for charity - all you need to do is change the URL!
Here are your smile-ified links:
The Way to Will-Power
The Power of Habit
---
^^i'm ^^a ^^friendly&nbsp;bot
If it's a habit, check out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. The premise is that most of what we do is based on habits, which are part of a feedback loop that involves 3 main steps: 1) cue; 2) routine; and 3) reward.
In your case, with drugs, there may be cue(s)—perhaps social atmosphere, girls, etc.—that fire off neurons telling you to partake in your routine (drugs), which results in a reward of some sort, perhaps dopamine.
With knowledge of your habit loops, you can figure out the cues, change your routine (maybe do exercise), and get the same reward. Repeated over time, it can form new, healthier habits.
If you're having difficulty, or you're addicted, consult a professional.
Brett,
Congrats. You've made an amazing first step in the right direction. Change is a road, and the only thing that matters is that you keep making progress toward your goal destination, no matter how small.
People in this thread have given you great advice on what changes to make, and I'm sure this has gotten you thinking about the idea of making choices. All of this will be helpful as you start identifying the ways you want to improve your lifestyle.
I'm a behavior designer: I design programs and services that help people change behavior, and what I'd like to offer is something slightly different. I think one of your biggest priorities should be how you think about change. Or rather, if choices and changes are the "what", what I want to talk to you about is the "how". Change is hard, and you're going to need an army of "how" on your side.
Willpower (aka, the ability to choose the "what" in the moment) is a fickle thing, it tends to dwindle as we move through our day, making it extremely easy to fall back into old habits. The good news is that there are ways we hack our tendency to self-sabotage. Here are some things you can do to tackle the "how", to make sure the changes you're trying to make ultimately stick and succeed.
If you get into this idea, there's a ton of great resources out there to help you learn more about the "how. Try BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits, read "Willpower" and "The Power of Habit". Take a look at The Gospel of /u/Ryans01 - a reddit post on change that's better than what I read from most behavioral scientists out there.
Finally, remember to stay positive, and know there's an army out here who's proud of you and ready to help in whatever way we can!
Don't beat yourself up too much! I think what has happened is that you've fallen into a set of not-so-great habits.
Borrowing liberally from Power of Habit:
Habits are composed of three parts: Trigger >> Action >> Reward
For example:
When the trigger happens, it kicks off an automatic sequence of actions that can have you feeling like "Do I even have control over myself?"
The best way to change habits is to remove the triggers (don't keep snacks on your desk) or, if you can't do that, link the trigger to a new action that is just as rewarding as the old one (have a piece of fruit or some Halo Top instead of chocolate after dinner). Changing habits isn't about beating yourself up and restricting yourself. It's about finding new, more healthy ways of satisfying your needs. (It's okay to have needs!)
So I'd suggest:
I'd suggest reading a bit about how habits are formed and maintained. This is a good book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
People will give all sorts of things they like or don't like about their habits, but on a fundamental level, continuing a habit isn't about motivation. It'd take more conscious effort for me to stop running than to continue.
The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference - Malcolm Gladwell
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business - Charles Duhigg
Thinking, Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
------------ On my list -----------------
Think Like a Freak - Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner
Febreze was originally intended to be odorless then changed because people with smelly houses get used to the smells. They talk about it in the book The Power Of Habit in a lot of detail in one of the chapters.
I read this book called The Power of Habbit by Charles Duhigg. It talks about triggers that lead to habits and then rewards. So if you follow the same routine every time, your cue might be lacing up your shoes, that leads you to the habit of exercising and then I don't know the reward you have is.
It was an incredibly fascinating book and extremely well written; I highly recommend it.
This is from his website and summarizes some of the stuff in his book: http://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/
Good self awareness and reflection. My thought was lack of follow through would be due to an avoidance of possible future negative emotion in case of failure or rejection. I think of low C as being a minute by minute, hour by hour problem. Like a space cadet, always daydreaming, unaware of deadlines, disorderly and not seeing the big sequence of events throughout the day leading to tomorrow to next week and next month. But I digress.
Try working with deadlines more if they work for you, but my suspicion is that you will burn yourself out. I'd still recommend mitigating low C with easy routines or treats (if I work hard 9-5 I get the evening to do X (smoke a bowl, watch a movie, Reddit, etc). And finding "relatively" low stress roles. Tackling assignments (aka snakes) ahead of time as you mentioned is always the best course of action. Good luck.
Edit: I recommend The Power of Habit
Enkleste ja, men velger man alltid den enkleste veien blir man som regel ulykkelig. Du har ingenting å tape på å forbedre deg. Vil anbefale deg å lese litt bøker.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10865206-the-willpower-instinct
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153
This book could be really helpful
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
Oh I typed all this for you my dude but these dastardly bullies caused you to delete it.
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Hope it benefits you or another ENTP stoner:
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What caught my eye was the Myers-Briggs test: I also (usually) test ENTP. Just wanted to say I think the Reddit subs seem to do it a serious disservice:
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A) It is a management tool. It is not meant to enable some rando's life as a lovable eccentric. You should be shoring up the weaknesses it shows, not jerking off to how creative you think you are (not that you can stop yourself amirite? Ha!), and
B) It is not a tarot card reading of your soul. I get profiled regularly, by professionals, using whatever method is in vogue at that moment and while I absolutely see the value in the tests, it is limited, it is contextual and it will vary over time.
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It is not so much "revealing" your personality as a prediction of how your behavior will manifest in a given context. MB being particularly general. For example, all my ENTP result tells me is that RIGHT NOW, I likely have too many projects going on and/or am managing my time poorly.
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So based on your results, I would recommend you get out of your comfort zone and focus on active productivity exercises. Far from being something unsuited to you: they are likely just what you need. Anytime I dial this in tight, my life has a night and day improvement.
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7 Habits is the granddaddy of course.
Unchained Man has a great time management system. Actually he refers back to Covey's 7 habits and explains why and how he updated the principle for a digital era. The rest isn't "bad" but its pretty standard 4HWW/TRP/Digital nomad type stuff. You could literally read Chapters 8-11 and get a great deal of benefit.
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4HWW fuck I hate this book. And it's probably dangerous for lazy fucks. But Ferriss has nuggets of good advice on productivity and time management.
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More conceptual reading:
Do the Work;
The War of Art;
The Power of Habit;
Rework;
On Form - some tips, although heavily weighted to glorify salaryman life;
One Minute Manager;
Extreme Ownership has helped a lot of dudes here. Personally I despise wading through the military waffle for two or three pages of content but the message of owning every aspect of your life and not accepting low standards from yourself or others is good (Hint: that means after you quit weed, (after a reasonable interval) you can and should expect your lazy wife to too).
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Corporations have invested a great deal of time and money in training me but honestly most of the valuable things I implement are on that list.
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Atomic Habits is on my current reading list. Check out this post (and comments) with some concepts from it.
I agree, water is everything. It's what we call a keystone habit. The trick is to identify what's going to help you move the needle the most, and then build that habit for the entirety of the sprint.
It's also helpful if it's stupid easy. If it's easier to do than not deal with the guilt of not doing it, then you have a harder time making excuses. One thing, that takes you five or ten minutes, that if you do every day, will help you create momentum.
Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
The Millionaire Next Door - Thomas J. Stanley
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
How to Get Rich - Felix Dennis
The Lean Startup - Eric Ries
Never Split the Difference - Chris Voss
The Richest Man in Babylon - George S. Clason
The Intelligent Investor - Benjamin Graham
*****
You can look at these books if you like. The Millionaire Next Door would probably be the one I would gift him first.
Congratulate yourself,
I am serious. I know that sounds goofy, but you've done it! You've already quit. You thought it through and you've had the willpower to come here and talk to us. I am sure we could think of a million ways in which you could already have a new gaming computer.
The cycle is bad, harsh, and it can be extremely depressing to think about the past. I can deeply sympathize with that feeling, sometimes I still feel it. But, you are starting a new book now. Focus on the present. I am going to paraphrase (badly) the stoics here:
>There are only two things you can control: your thoughts, and your actions.
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You've already started acting in a way that will make you feel better and be better in the long term. Two recommended readings are:
Scheduling your days is step 4 in this intro. It is critical to start. You need to fill up your days with new things. A daily schedule can keep you on the right path.
The others are right, start a budget now and earmark all money to be spent or saved for other more important things. r/personalfinance has a wiki in the sidebar, great place to start.
Gamequitters has a hobby tool, to help you find new hobbies. https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
If you need a computer to be part of society, ensure the next computer you get is not gaming capable, if you can.
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i was over 400 lbs. i lost over 100 lbs. still loosing weight but its going great and i know i will reach my goal.
eat less do more.......when i first started exercising my hamstrings were cramping bad..... so i rode the bike for 5 minutes and just stuck with it till i got my time up to 30 minutes.
first diet step i cut out all the super unhealthy foods , no caloric restriction. i lost a lot of weight pretty quick.
okay go get a sleep study done and get a c-pap when you weigh a lot your sleep quality is shit, and your body responds by slowing down the metabolism. This step will help you loose weight all by itself.
the faq on lose it covers most of what people need to know about loosing weight people get confused because the fitness industry wants you to spend money.
mild caloric restriction 500 calories less than you need to sustain your weight a day. Exercise will help loose weight by burning calories and putting on muscle, muscle burns calories so the amount of calories you burn a day goes up even if your doing nothing, this is an advantage. My lean body mass is over 200 lbs. i burn a lot of calories doing nothing , despite being too fat my current bodyfat is 25% too high.
i always knew what to do i was athlete before letting myself explode, but eventually i joined a support group for eating disorders because i was a food binger. after loosing over 100 lbs. i got stuck yo-yo'd up and down 30 lbs. for a couple of years etc.
http://www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html
as for diet i could recomend a diet full of tree bark and awful tasting healthy shit, but if you hate what you eat how likely are you to stick with it ? you need to eat stuff you like and be honest with yourself about this. What you eat does matter for your health , how happy you are , and things like that so its a grey area people just have to learn to negotiate. ( i hate most fruits and vegetables, but since i don't like being fat, un motivated, depressed, and sick all the time , i eat them anyway i just chop them up in small pieces and eat them with a mouth full of meat.....the good tasting food )
myfitness pal and other apps will count your callories for you its not that hard yes you will likely need to measure your food, or develop habits of measurement like ......2 piles of meat the size of my hand per meal, 1 pile of meat the size of my hand of starchy carbs, 1 pile of vegetables the size of my hand per meal of vegetables.
either way its the same measure so you know what you are eating. last thing this is hard don't kid yourself , i would rather get punched in my balls then diet but i am not willing to be heavy. So support from loved ones is a big part of this, since we are talking about changing habits and that is a very hard things to do.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
this book could help , best of luck and learn to love yourself i stand naked in front of the mirror every damn day and tell myself out loud how great i look because my self esteem has everything to do with how i treat myself. i feel silly but guess what been doing this awhile i didn't turn into an arrogant asshole and i treat myself a lot better.
So, transformation doesn't happen over night. It takes some time to learn the skills, and more time to use them consistently and more time to learn to come back to them when you stop using them. Support is always helpful, but it shouldn't feel like baby sitting.
You might want to look into getting an ADHD life coach as a primary means of support as you learn to work with the diagnosis and getting your life on track like you want it to be.
Also, there are many many many many resources and ideas, and tricks and tips that can help out with your ADHD out there. Some that I personally have found helpful: The 5 Second Rule, The Pomodoro Technique, Getting Things Done, Mindfulness Meditation, The Bullet Journal, Exercise, The Power of Habit, Xcards, Noise Cancelling Ear Phones, a solid morning routine, and more I can't think of off the top of my head. You can pick and choose what seems most helpful at the moment, and there are many other ideas always floating around /r/adhd as well.
Yes, I see. Fair enough.
Try these:
/r/mentat (disclaimer: I'm a mod. And the only person who posts. :))
and
The Power of Habit
and
The Talent Code
Check this out:
https://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Lust-Strategies-Pornography-ebook/dp/B06VW1GQHS
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1539967806&sr=8-3&keywords=habits
You need to find something more addicting, that's healthy, and "forget".
>I think that, the more you do, the more you want to do... Which is one reason why unemployment is so terrible, and why successful people seem to have about 30 hours in a day...
Read the Power of Habit - it elaborates on how the human mind works and how we can reprogram our brain to form any habits we want to, with the right amount of willpower and persistence of course.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Getting yourself to do these kinds of things that are boring at short term but rewarding at long term is difficult because of the way the brain is set up to work. There is quite a bit of literature about it. Books like Power of Habit might help you. We can't change the basic structure of our brains, but we can make better use of it.
Baby steps over time. An optimal plan isn't worth anything if a person can't adhere to it. Slowly change things up and make it fun by challenging each other with mini attainable goals. Getting fit isn't really an attainable goal because it's not specific enough. Doing pilates and yoga for 3 hrs a week is. Consider making goals a habit or educating her on fitness & nutrition from the wiki. The more she knows and understands the more accepting and optimized she will be with her progress
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X
This book helped me immensely, Habits come in a sequence. Your habit may be C, what you do before it is A and B. A and B will lead to C. so find out what A and B is and don't do that thing!! its much easier than cutting out C! Read, workout, buy a step-moniter and try to get 20,000 steps a day. (you will be busy)
No, it is not permanent
I feel like when people encounter this sissy hypno content for the first time, it comes off as a bit absurd (frankly it is pretty absurd, but a boner's a boner). Nonetheless the viewer will likely be sexually aroused to some degree due to the sheer intensity of the content. The fact that this genre you've never encountered before sexually arouses you makes you wonder: "perhaps this sissy content is for me, and I just never realized it until now." And once such a notion has crossed your mind, it brings your previously held personal identity and sexual identity into question.
The point of sissy porn is to convince you (via reinforcement, subtle suggestion, manipulation, etc) that your true identity is that of a sissy and that your previously held notions of self were merely an attempt at concealing your 'true' (sissy) identity from yourself. The more you jerk off to sissy porn, the more you reinforce this narrative to yourself.
To illustrate this, consider your question "Is it permanent?" What exactly is 'it'? Is 'it' simply your continued masturbation to sissy porn? Or is 'it' an unwanted/confusing sense of identity brought about from your repeated viewing? In either case, the answer to your question is no.
The key to preventing sissy hypno porn from controlling your life is to set aside some time for critically evaluating your personal identity for yourself (with cogent justifications), and to be honest with yourself about your true sexual identity. Doing this will help you bat away thoughts reinforced by sissy hypno porn
(i.e. when you come across a video on the internet with flashing pictures of dicks and some lady saying "your purpose in life is to be a sissy slut, and you know it's true because you're aroused" or whatever, you can rest assured knowing that (1) you define your own purpose in life, (2) her reasoning is faulty [your arousal is a necessary but not sufficient justification for your sexual identity], and (3) whoever published the video is actively trying to fuck with your sense of self in order to get more views.)
Here are some good resources:
Mindfulness, by Ellen Langer
The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg
Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual
Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports
> Analyze your morning and evening routines and get setup for success. Are you staying up to late messing around on your phone? Do you play video games or watch TV or just veg out on the computer?
My suggestion is also to look into https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X because habits can be very powerful tool to work with it.
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> Put phone away at about 7pm, prepare for the next day and get your mind ready for sleep
Two on this. I think this is a solid, ready to go first thing to do. Write down what tomorrow need to be done ASAP. When you wake up and start to work, got and check this list and always do at least one point of the list. Then open phone, email, internet and so on. Your focus is really, really important, control it
"Well, I can't. I tried many times to start a game and just mute all and play, but when someone makes a huge mistake like the jungler ganks at lvl 3 and dies in my lane or someone dies over and over or varus adc is splitting at min 40 and dies it's like I have to unmute and insult them for what they did, it's like I can't just accept that they made a mistake and I have to insult them but this usually stops if they apologize or dont say anything, and if it's not important I don't care."
False. You CAN. You're choosing not to. It's frustrating and even your habit you've built but habits can be broken and reformed. To me it sounds like you can be the jerk that everyone was to you, or you can choose to be better. Your choice though.
I recommend https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
This was immensely helpful to me.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1517763925&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=power+of+habit
The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in life and business.
In The Power of Habit, award-winning business reporter Charles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Distilling vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives that take us from the boardrooms of Procter & Gamble to the sidelines of the NFL to the front lines of the civil rights movement, Duhigg presents a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential. At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.
What worked for me is to make lose "rules" of what you can eat. For me, it was unlimited Veg(anyway I wanted; included butter,cheese and creamed) unlimited white meat, limited red meat, cheese, bread (nothing fried). You do not do this to drop the pounds but to fix your eating habits. Every day you struggle to make it work and then one day you just don't need to anymore. You just go out to eat and find you order a salad/vegetable instead of fries. You order a steamed dish for a Chinese restaurant instead of deep fried gooey chicken. There is a good book you can read call the power of habit that might help you a lot with your issues https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X . You will learn it has less to do with you being hungry and more to do with rituals.
The Power of Habit
No love for self-help books? Can't think of better genre that might "change your life". Have been reading The Power of Habit and have successfully applied it in creating some good habits and breaking some bad ones.
Other good books in my opinion are Rich Dad Poor Dad and Sun Tzu's Art of War. Both really get me thinking, and I keep the latter around for browsing through every now and then since it's a fun read both philosophically and historically.
Also, I'm offensive and I find your P.S. Swedish. :(
Are there other things in your life you feel this same way about? Do you lack motivation for other daily activities you would normally enjoy?
> I also suffer from depression since last year. I dont have motivation for anything anymore.
This was a huge red flag for me.
I hope you take no offense - but sometimes seeking therapy or medication to help create a platform for you to boost yourself up and get back onto your own feet can be a great help.
I don't mean to pry, or to offend - but I've been there. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to you or just an ear
Edit: After looking at some of your other posts I see that BJJ was a relief from your depression, but it seems it has once more crept up on you. If you have the time and patience, try picking up The Power of Habit. It is an easy read and I found it to be an immense help.
A couple actually, right now, the top one that I recall is "The Power of Habit":
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X
It has some interesting stories, I read most of the stories, but sometimes I want info without the padding. The stories help you remember the lesson of each chapter, it helps anchor it, but it can be rambling.
I'm really surprised that this story didn't make it into The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
I also read EWtSS and it was easy for me to see similarities in my nicotine and marijuana use. Carr's book helped break my brainwashing with smoking and I'd recommend it to anybody looking to quit smoking cigs.
The Power of Habit is another book that helped shift me away from a stoner mindset. I'd suggest diving headfirst into it and analyze your habits with the habit loop exercises. After reading this book, I've adopted a 'we are creatures of habit' sort of attitude.
I don't think an app is an answer to your problems. It sounds like you need to develop better habits. There is a lot of literature out there on developing "good" habits and giving up "bad" ones. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is a popular one at the moment. To answer you question more directly, virtually all calendar apps (mobile and desktop) have notification settings. I use them at work to help keep me on task and remind me when I have important meetings or other events coming up.
The power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is a book that I read and got my mom to read to get her weight in check. It's got a lot of useful and interesting psychology, and helped me do better in college.
I wouldn't start out by trying to get your brother to work out. Find a sport, game, or anything remotely physically active that he enjoys, and do that with him every day at prime snack time (maybe after dinner). Then over several weeks progress to more strenuous activities, and eventually the gym.
Half the battle of exercise is routine, so your first step is to just classically condition him to enjoy doing something active at a certain time every day, even if it's as simple as a walk, bowling, or throwing a football for 30 minutes.
While y'all are tossing the football, you can talk a little about health and his weight. As you educate him about everything, you can make one small change with him first, and then build slowly from there.
I'd recommend focusing on sugar first and foremost. There's a great documentary on sugar and childhood obesity called fed up. It's definitely not perfect, though.
Anyways, converting your brother to a healthier lifestyle, especially with the your mother, is all about taking it slow, building strong habits, and then giving him the tools to do it on his own once the summers over. Something my dad always says that seems pertinent:
"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
This is also a fantastic book that I believe every human should read to help understand themselves better...
I'm navigating the same territory as you. All I can say is stay strong. Don't give up. you'll only regret it.
I wish I could be of more help than just kind words.
Consider reading up on habit and addiction:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/081298160X
something like this or similar could help you understand your brain.
Two good books you may want to read are The Power of Habit and The War of Art. I personally like The Power of Habit more, but The War of Art was on Jonathan Toews' Summer reading list this year. Also, The Achievement Habit... as they say, "The choices you are making now won't even seem like choices until it's too late." That was from the movie Race about Jesse Owens... highly recommend it as well!
[The power of Habit by Charles Duhigg] (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1524254597&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+power+of+habit)
[How to be Miserable by Randy Paterson] (https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Miserable-Strategies-Already/dp/1626254060/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1524254447&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=how+to+be+miserable+40+strategies+you+already+use)
[Triggers by Mark Reiter] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/0804141231/?coliid=I1IO9M9EK6B817&amp;colid=2ODOB46M901X0&amp;psc=0)
I have read Meditations, it was good. But i dn´t know if it was really transcendan great. I like Stoicism in general, but i kinda fear that a lot of it just pseudo science.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1518707606&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=The+Power+of+Habit%3A+Why+We+Do+What+We+Do+in+Life+and+Business
https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Equals-Freedom-Field-Manual/dp/1250156947/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=1250156947&amp;pd_rd_r=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW&amp;pd_rd_w=gO35n&amp;pd_rd_wg=gFxuC&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW
Im also considering these two books.
First of all, congratulations on quitting and making an effort to change. Big up.
Second, hardly anyone can change everything at once. Stick with ONE concrete small thing and make it stick. If you try to change everything at once, we will most often fail and feel disappointed and go back to old habits. "Be more productive" is also much to vague for most humans. Check out the book The power of habit by Chalres Duhigg. Anchored in science, it really has helped me change things I wanted to change for over 15 years. Lots of thing left to change, but I can't do it all at once. ANd often, changing only one small thing will bring lots of secondary benefits that makes other tings fall into place.
If you want to understand habits a bit better, and maybe get some ideas on how to break them, I would recommend the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It's a really entertaining read, and I thought that his explanations of habit loops made a lot of sense. Understanding why you just keep doing the same things everyday, despite knowing they're bad, can be really helpful!
ti lascio un po' di materiale che spero ti ispiri:
tranispotting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCxgqHqakXc
steve jobs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZDsm-cvnn8 "non vivere la vita d' altri", riguardo al fatto che tu fai peso soprattuto sul fatto che siano i TUOI genitori, I TUOI amici, la TUA ragazza a romperti il cazzo sul mutuo PLURIENNALE e sul matrimonio. e poi ti chiedi se dovresti vivere come un HIPPIE, guarda caso, steve jobs...
troveresti il coraggio di ammazzarti, ma non hai il coraggio di "rischiare tutto per realizzare uno sogno che nessuno vede tranne te?"
credo che questo libro possa fare al caso tuo: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X non l' ho ancora letto però..
per te si tratta di uscire dalla "trappola del topo", e lascia perdere quello che ti dicono gli altri, vivi la tua vita, come piace a te, non prendere un mutuo pluriennale "perchè lo fanno tutti", quello è il miglior modo per rimanere infelici e delusi.
fossi in te mi troverei una bella mistress (al max ci lascerai 150euro...) o conivolgerei la tipa in roba bdsm visto che sembra che ti piaccia:
a volte andare oltre è l' unico modo per dare un senso alla tua vita -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58n7yS_0niw
Try to build habits rather than focusing on how to motivate or discipline yourself, easier to pick up and roll with imo. Cue Power of Habit and Transform Your Habits reading recommendations!
For the lazy:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X