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Reddit mentions of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
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We found 136 Reddit mentions of The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Here are the top ones.
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I've been reading The Power of Now, which is helping me realize how the present moment is all we have and is the only thing that can give us inner peace. I am still reading it, but the book has certainly helped me better understand this. "All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry -- all forms of fear -- are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." (Eckhart, p. 61)
I've skimmed through your post history dude and judging by it, you've already checked yourself out long ago. You're drowning because she's the deep black abyss of an ocean and you're letting your self drown without so much of a struggle. You already know what you need to do with her, right? You knew it 5 months ago then here we are 5 months later without so much of a change. Start doing something. Even just a tiny bit.
First of all, don't give a fuck about what will happen to her. She knew the consequences of her actions and she needs to face it. Start living yourself for your child and you. Ignore her. The other problem is that crippling lack of self-respect of yours. Self-esteem is one of those things that you can slowly build up. Working out is one of those things. The rush of endorphins and just the chemical change in brain chemistry changes you. Anything psychological is also biological. Just work out.
Secondly, don't bother yourself of an "possible" future events. Don't construct this elaborate "What ifs" and "What will" if you ever leave your cheating wife because you're not a fortune teller. What you need to realize is your unhappy and you want to leave. Fuck her. Read the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. An excerpt on it "Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it’s no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing. Is fear preventing you from taking action? Acknowledge the fear, watch it, take your attention into it, be fully present with it. Doing so cuts the link between the fear and your thinking." It's a goddamn good book.
Finally, start moving on, like, right now. As if you're already divorced from her. Go meet friends, focus on your child, have fun FOR YOURSELF. You want to Kayak at the Grand Rapids? Do it! Start feeling single. The more you pretend you're moving on, the more you start moving on from her. It's always starting with little things that eventually become big. I know, it's quite daunting to change a lifestyle you've been used to for years but it's that same routine that tightens the noose around your neck. Stop wallowing in self-pity and saying you're stuck. You're not a character in a Dostoevsky novel where tragedy is in every corner and you're stuck in a Russian Gulag for the rest of your life.
So, start doggy paddling toward the nearest shore, dude. I hope next time you write here, you're in a good place away from her.
>How did anyone here crawl out of their emotional wreck and become functioning and content members of society after leaving?
First, the existential vacuum is real when leaving the Church and so is the excruciating loneliness. You're not alone and you can make it through. For me, a big part of the answer was just giving it time (cliche, I know, but still true) and just surviving the long, miserable days that followed my loss of faith.
Second, reading books helped. Lots of books from others that have previously dealt with these existential questions. Some recommendations are:
The struggle is real, but you can make it through!
You need to surrender to your pain by ceasing ANY resistance to life. I promise you there is unimaginably beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. But first you need to forgive yourself, which breaks the cycle of pain and suffering. You have this power.
Anger always, always leads to delusion about life. Please, you need to let this simple fact of life seep into the deepest part of your consciousness. You cannot shake your head and say "uh-huh" this time. You need to let it ring true in the part of you that observes, the part of you that is much vaster than and remains untouched by the seemingly never-ending swarm of negative thoughts. By breaking the cycle of anger, you will soon be lifted from the hellish pit of delusion. What is this delusion about? It destroys your ability to discriminate between truth and non-truth, between what's REAL and what's just a fearful mind projection. Please, let it sink in. Meditate on this inner part of you that is REAL. This is how you break the hellish cycle of anger. You have this power. You've always had this power.
I have been exactly where you are.. you need to realize that this numbness you feel inside is because deep down there is a part of you that knows there is something more out there. In this sense, you must immediately start viewing your suffering as the best thing that has happened to you. Only with this view will you stop resisting life, and only once you stop resisting life can the simple joy of Being again flow into everything you do. If you stop resisting what life has given you, you will immediately feel a presence, a stillness, a peace.
Don't hate your depression. It is a problem, but there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You create problems because you need their lessons. In this way, the down cycle is absolutely essential for spiritual realization. You must have failed deeply on some level or experienced some deep loss or pain to be drawn to the spiritual dimension. I assure you, the spiritual dimension exists. Don't think it is hard; it is just a different way of perceiving the world. This is where meditation comes in. All your pain is mental; learn to control your mental state, and you will become a master of your mind rather than its slave. I speak from personal experience. I have had my 'enlightenment' moment already, so let me help you. Meditation is the key to everything. Meditation is how you take back control of your inner state. Meditation is how you find your True Self. Less than 5 months ago I was on my bathroom floor crying in a pit of self-pity. Now I am in 100% control of my life. It is all due to me awakening to the realization that I have the power to control my thoughts, rather than to be at their whim.
I promise on whatever you deem holy that I no longer have compulsive negative thoughts. I have performed the miracle of freeing myself from the chaos of the unconscious mind. The endless mental chatter that you have taken to be an inherent part of life is gone in my mind. It took incredible patience and practice on my part, and it did not come easy. I had to cultivate my mind like a field that had grown barren. I had to pay constant attention to my mental state throughout the day. But if you but fully commit yourself to this path of identifying and neutralizing unconscious thoughts through meditation, you too will find your inner mental silence that is your natural state.
If you are serious about ending your suffering, you need to follow this advice. It is the only way towards the lasting peace that you are alluding to. Please, please, buy these books. Read them not as revealing anyhting new to you, but as reminding you of things that you have simply forgot you already knew. They will point the way forward. In addition to being deeply spiritual, they are both extremely practical. If you surrender all resistance to their teachings, you will cure your depression much faster than you could ever dream of.
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368467109&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+now
http://www.amazon.com/Bhagavad-Gita-Walkthrough-Westerners/dp/1608680142
please feel free to ask any questions, this community is there for you
I know this is slightly unrelated, but it's really not.
You have massive 'inner perception' problems. Everybody here is going to talk about inner-game, but I'm going to take it a step further.
A psychedelic experience.
What is the Psychedelic Experience?
A floatation tank, meditation, psilocybin, LSD, DMT or ayahuasca will ALL make you confront yourself, the egoic filter is literally BLASTED away, there's nothing left but you and raw emotion and you can work through a ton of stuff, such as getting validation from deep within yourself, and another- that in this moment, everything is actually okay, and you already have anything you could possibly need. (It's possible, I promise!)
People will throw game books at you, but since you have read models and no more mr nice guy, you should really check this one out.
The power of now
At least you have somewhere to work from now! Before you can fix it you had to know it was there, ya?
A book that really helped me break out of this is Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. Stick with it despite initial impressions and it has a very good chance of helping you as well.
And yes, I've been able to quit after heavy heavy use. You can PM me with ANY questions, vent sessions, whatever. Hit me up and I'll respond as soon as I can. (Should be pretty quick, but prob not immediately.)
also r/mindfulness
and https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-English-Bhante-Henepola-Gunarantana/dp/1536610208
aand of course, https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.
Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.
Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:
If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:
 
Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!
The one part of your post that jumped out at me was not what you went to (the taboo) but why you went to it: Stress.
"During my weekend all I did with the majority of my time was stress and masturbate.
I'll echo the others replies in regards to fantasy vs reality. What I'll add (though, to be fair, I haven't read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating) is this: Breathe.
Consider picking up a book or two in between masturbation sessions that will teach you about a) stress and how it acts upon your body and b) how to learn to live with your stressful thoughts by observing them and letting them go.
Some things to get you started and may I suggest you get a free Audible download for #1 to get you going:
Good luck.
Check out The Power of Now, it's wildly popular and exactly along the lines of what you're describing.
I can recommend "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. Though I don't like some parts in the book about religious spirituality and so on. In the book are very good techniques to control and silence your mind.
Amazon.com links provided:
1 The Slight Edge
2 Mastery
3 The 4-Hour Workweek
4 The Art of Power
5 Thinking, Fast, and Slow
6 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
7 The Power of Now
8 The Power of Habit
9 Whatcha Gonna Do with That Duck?
10 The 48 Laws of Power
11 Your True Home
12 Ego Is the Enemy
13 The 4 Hour Body
14 The UltraMind Solution
15 The Dip
First, you're not alone. I was in my early 30's when I lost my faith and it took me 2 years to get over the depression and existential vacuum that Joe's lies left behind.
I was able to eventually work my way through it without meds or any serious counseling, but it was a grueling couple of years. Everyone has to figure out their own path, but what helped me most was reading from others who had faced the same existential vacuum and found a way to navigate it. A few titles that I would highly recommend are:
The above, coupled with a lot of patience, exercise, sleep, and proper diet got me through my deep existential crisis. The existentialism still shows up now and then, but it's totally manageable. Good luck to you! You'll have good days and worse days, but stick with it!--I promise it gets better!
Also:
The Power of Now by Eckhard Tolle
The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
Reading the Bible Again for the First Time by Marcus Borg
Mere Christianity by CS Lewis
The Meaning of Jesus by NT Wright and Marcus Borg
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
A Lever and a Place to Stand by Richard Rohr
Listen, unless you have tremendously significant assets, don't bother getting proof of adultery. All you'll do is torture yourself. Most courts don't care anymore; they'll more or less automatically grant a petition for a grounds divorce only to the extent of granting a no-fault divorce.
Sometimes grounds can affect distribution of assets, but typically only when waste has been shown. And in your circumstances (as they seem) waste generally means a significant expenditure of funds on behalf of another person.
It's so odd--people seem to want to learn the worst. All we do is hurt ourselves. My advice: don't do it.
You've experienced a shock. Perhaps a confirmation of suspicions. Give yourself some time; talk to people you trust. Then simply let the relationship go.
I realize it may seem like there's no future, like you've wasted years, like you've been profoundly hurt. But you can, not only survive, but recover from this. And go on to live a gloriously happy life.
You're young; you have so much time.
What saved me were a number of books. The Power of Now. And It's Easier Than You Think. A couple of meditation apps.
The Power of Now talks about living in the moment, about ignoring/learning to stop thoughts that hurt you. The same way you'd never mistake an eye twitch for yourself, you can learn not to mistake a "brain twitch"--i.e., a thought that serves no purpose other than to hurt you--as yourself.
It's Easier Than You Think offers an introduction to Buddhism--in chief, to the idea that all suffering is caused by desire, and when you learn to stop wanting, you also learn to stop causing yourself pain.
Meditation is designed to focus on the now, on the idea that right at this minute you are okay, and that all your fears about the future and whatever regrets you may feel are imaginary, in that you simply are creating them with your own thoughts. It's all about focusing on your breathing, and every single time your thoughts stray (as they do for everyone) you simply learn to bring your thoughts back to your breathing. It is far harder than it seems. And in trying to do it you learn to control your thoughts and you distract yourself from fear and pain.
I am telling you: what you're talking about is no longer your relationship, but survival. And surviving divorce requires every ounce of concentration. It is like fighting a bear, and every single day you survive is a victory.
Also, I personally have decided that no matter what I am trying to be kind and good through this whole process. You don't have children, so really you're pretty lucky. You can set yourself free from someone who didn't want to be with you and find someone who does.
Maybe try exploring who you are via a site like 16personalities.com. It offers a simplified (quick) version of the MBTI, which is one of the first personality tests. It has problems, but as an introduction to who you are--and the kind of person you might want to be around--it has worked wonders for me and many others.
Ultimately you will forgive yourself; you'll realize it's not your fault that you loved someone. It's her fault for not recognizing and valuing what you were offering. Ultimately blame no longer will matter.
There is so much more I could say, but this is not the end. It's the beginning. You're just feeling so much pain and shock you don't realize it yet.
I am rooting for you. It is so hard to love, to survive a relationship, to survive a breakup. But it is survivable, and in so doing you will learn. Divorce can be an incredibly educational experience.
If you ever want to talk, this is an alt, but I do use it regularly. And I always will offer empathy.
Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.
I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.
Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:
Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:
All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!
Go to bed. You're gonna wake up tomorrow. You're gonna have a shower and realize you're troubles aren't really troubles and it's just life. You posted this online. You're looking for responses because you don't think anyone in your life cares. Which is blatantly false. If you feel the same way tomorrow, talk to someone. If for whatever reason you don't want to, PM someone.
Also, check out The Power of Now, by Eckhart Toll
This is a fair question. A condition to practicing toward awakening is a desire to awaken, which comes from good teachings. For pragmatic dharma resources, I recommend you check out the sidebar links, particularly Daniel Ingram's MCTB and Ron Crouch's website (and, specifically, his post "Why Meditate?". Those inspired me to practice.
There are lots of other interesting books on the subject too, including Shinzen Young's recent book The Science of Enlightenment, Sam Harris's Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion, and Adyashanti's The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment. Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now also is quite popular.
And, really, depending on your bent, you can't get any better than the original Buddhist teachings. On the subjects of Enlightenment, the Diamond Sutra and the Heart Sutra are two of my personal favorites. (These are as translated by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.)
So, I'd recommend reading and seeing if you feel inspired by the teachings. For me, there was something about the very idea of "Enlightenment" that stirred a desire deep within my heart. It was palpable, and it started at an early age, sometime in middle school or high school when I had to do a project on religions and happened to be assigned Buddhism. Encyclopedia-like resources don't necessarily point you in the direction of Enlightenment, but the explanation of "Nirvana" had some sort of primal appeal to me.
Once pragmatic dharma teachers like Daniel Ingram and Ron Crouch started claiming that some form of "awakening" was actually possible for Average Joe Layperson (like me), I was intrigued, and I decided to give the experiment a shot. Of course I did.
What changes? It depends on how you define "stream entry" and who you ask. There are lots of different models for Enlightenment (as discussed in Daniel's MCTB). Using the pragmatic dharma definition, stream entry is defined as the first time a practitioner completes a fully cycle of insight (typically measured against the Progress of Insight maps) and experiences a "cessation" event. What changes varies from practitioner to practitioner, but on the Fetters Model, which I think is as good as any, three important "fetters" are dropped: (a) belief in self, (b) doubt about the Path, and (c) attachment to rites and rituals.
Concretely, based on my experience, the fetters model (filtered, of course, through my still sometimes cloudy conceptual lens) made a lot of sense. Regarding "self view," the "cessation" experience has a way of kicking you out of the linear way of looking at your life, as an existent self living chronologically in time. While often this insight fades for a while, it is pretty clear at the point of initial awakening, and I speculate that a part of your mind never forgets that. This insight deepens with further practice. Your perspective on your experience shifts from being caught typically in the horizontal dimension of time to instead tuning into the vertical dimension of "just this," in which time, like all things, including the self, is seen as just a concept, a particular way of looking at this immediate, obvious, and manifest reality. Seeing "just this," and recognizing that there is no permanent self that is just this or that provides tremendous relief. Most of our lives are spent trying to protect the self, improve it, make it happy. Seeing through this delusion, even for a moment, has a way of radically transforming one's perspective on experience.
Second, after you complete a cycle of insight, you don't really doubt "just this." There's a lot of work necessary to integrate and deepen that insight. But it feels like you have directly touched reality, the Tao, Nirvana, God, or whatever. Interestingly, in my experience, that which seems to remains when all else fades is all that you ever wanted to begin with. So, the value of this Path becomes obvious. Faith is no longer necessary. A deep part of your mind understands that "this is it."
Finally, the attachment to rites and rituals goes away because you realize that it's "just this." You might have done a lot of work to realize that, but once you do, it's all pretty simple. That realization can't be taken away from you. It's done. It's always available. As a practical matter, that realization tends to fade, come and go, which teaches us an interesting thing about "awakening experiences," a lesson we will have to learn well as we continue to deepen our practice. But generally speaking, after "stream entry," one realizes that awakening is not somehow external to one's present situation, indeed the very idea of internal and external is just another concept which has no concrete, permanent status (is ultimately empty). Thus, the need for rites and rituals is seen through.
All that said, these realizations may not be perfectly obvious at the conceptual level after stream entry. As a practical matter, people generally feel lighter, relieved, happier, at least for a time. But those states are just states, which are not permanent. Enlightenment, Awakening, Liberation, Nirvana, or whatever you want to call it is something that goes beyond particular states or this or that. Once you begin to open up to that dimension of being, you experience a much more profound and lasting sense of peace with just this existence, as it is. It's a nice spot to be in. :)
Hope that helps.
My biggest tip is not to approach it as a chore. Instead, get a solid understanding of your mind and how it causes you to suffer.
To do that, I suggest reading Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" - it's a great book, and will help you see the insanity of your mind/thoughts. If you are looking for basic meditation instructions, this free guide is great and they also have an excellent 21 day course that works well and delves into how your mind works. And, "Mindfulness in Plain English" is another good book...you can buy it on Amazon or read it on the Internet here.
Don't worry I got a million answers.
First 3 months were spent with frustration for lack of results, and not doing it properly. The following 3 months were spent finding my groove, staying consistent, and staying consistent. I'm quoting myself from /r/ADHD months back, at the challenges I faced during my learning process but here is what I said basically:
Have you ever heard of Om Mani Padme Hum?
It can't be translated into a simple phrase or sentence because it varies in English. But the general phrase is:
>"Behold! The jewel in the lotus!"
When meditating, I repeat this mantra over and over again, but overtime I progressively slow down between each word till my brain completely goes quiet. It's a great technique to use if you have a lot of racing thoughts, distractions, especially in your case the eye movement. I'm just fascinated with the entire history of meditation and its origins which has led me to understanding and appreciating this mantra. I know it sounds like hippy bullshit and even I was skeptical of course, but you don't have to believe in the Buddhist philosophy behind the mantra to gain its benefits. In fact, it doesn't matter what the words in the mantra even are. You can recite the recipe for sushi if you want. It's the repetition:
rice fish wasabi rice fish wasabi.
All you're doing is repeating the same tone repeatedly and over time your brain gets tired to the point where you notice your thoughts begin to slow down. You follow up with this by pausing momentarily between the words, a few seconds and maybe up to a minute between the words. The ultimate goal of course is utter and complete silence in your brain, which may take years to accomplish And yes, this process is slow. I've been meditating for a little over a year and it's been a long and arduous process because naturally I'm not consistent with meditation and sticking with it, but I have definitely noticed insight and introspection within myself. I notice I'm patient with individuals and I'm significantly calmer. And dare I say, I'm even happy sometimes. All I'm doing is literally sitting fucking still for 10 minutes a day thinking about jack shit.
I can only speak from my experience, so take this anecdotally. But meditation is perhaps the best thing for my adhd brain. It calms my thoughts, gives me clarity, and most importantly it tackles of the other co-morbid issues that plague my life. But you have to remember, your brain is just like any other muscle, you don't go to the gym one week and expect to get muscular; it takes discipline, consistency, and time to accomplish. But don't take my word for it, studies are already showing how meditation:
I highly encourage for you to learn as much as you can before you get started. I was extremely dismissive and cynical at meditation in the beginning, but it wasn't until after I exhausted every option I had left from therapy and medication, before I decided that I'd give it a shot. Cuz hey, what else did I have to lose.
Here's a recent post about not loving our N parents that might help show you that you are not the only one who feels this way. I HATED my mother growing up. She was and still is a very unloving, brutal person. Why would I love her? The guilt is probably just societal programming, where not loving and honoring your parents is blasphemous. But if you look at it logically, it makes total sense why we feel this way. How would a dog react to being hit every time it came close to you? Would it love you and try to be affectionate with you? NO. It would probably cower in fear around you or any person, and would snap and attack. Why should we hold ourselves to a different standard than we would any other animal? You get what you give, and what have they given us?
If I were you, I would emancipate myself entirely and ASAP. This is close to what I did. Right at 18, I moved hours away and mostly paid almost all my own bills. My parents really didn't support me too much. I think my mother took out one small school loan and my dad sent me $100 a month, but I could have easily survived without that. I removed ALL ties with them as quickly as I could, because they used anything for manipulation. This really isn't too hard to do.
If you can't do that right now, it sounds like you're detaching emotionally which is good. Maybe you can just keep to yourself and try to survive until you get some physical distance from them. Don't engage them in any way. Only interact with them when you HAVE to. If they hassle you, maybe you can just agree (in principle or even just to placate them) and exit the situation ("yep you're probably right about that, OK gotta go!"). But DO try to get out ASAP. Don't jump into another shitty situation though. See if you can find a female roommate you can stand living with. I wouldn't move in with your boyfriend or another male just out of desperation because I find this usually ends BADLY. But obviously this is up to you. Try to find a place that's SAFE for you and don't just jump from one shitty situation to another.
Then as far as rebuilding your self-esteem, for me I had to get into therapy. If you can do this it could save your life. If that isn't possible, here are a list of cheap books that have helped me immensely (which I recommend reading and working through with or without therapy):
I believe there are a list of resources including a full list of books on the right sidebar too. If you don't like any of these resources, you can ALWAYS find something that will appeal to you if you keep working at it. There is SO much out there for us if we keep at it. Be sure to take breaks too. This work can be exhausting.
If you can get into Al-Anon that might help too. I personally don't care for 12-step programs, but many people seemed to have been helped by them and Al-Anon is specifically recommended by many books. They say it's for people who have dealt with alcoholics and drug addicts, but I tell you I went to six meetings like they recommend, and it's NO DIFFERENT for those of us who have dealt with narcissism. I've read that all alcoholics are narcissists, so maybe that's why it was so relevant to me. One slogan I picked up that helped a lot is "You Didn't Cause It. You Can't Control It. You Can't Cure It." We didn't cause our parents to be the way that they are, we can't control it (no amount of letter writing, talking, setting boundaries, etc.) and there is nothing we can do to change them. The literature is pretty dismal when it comes to curing narcissism anyway (NPD). Either way, they'd have to want to get help and help themselves, which rarely ever happens. So we have to focus on ourselves and forget about helping them - this is not selfish! We were often groomed to take care of them and our feelings, wants and needs were completely inconsequential. We were just extensions of them. This is probably why it feels so selfish at first to start taking care of ourselves.
>I'm currently depressed and see no good in life.
I've been working at this for a LONG time and still feel this way sometimes. I think it's partly due to growing up where "you lose" is the name of the game. Getting your needs met is completely hopeless with N parents, so perhaps that feeling of hopelessness extends to all of life. Plus, hopelessness is a classic symptom of depression. If you feel hopeless, just know that it doesn't mean it's true. Feelings are NOT facts.
Aside from my other recommendations, I would continue to come here and post and read all that you can read. Claw your way out of this bullshit if you have to. Journaling helps. Get a secure journal NO ONE ELSE will read and just free flow write your thoughts down. If you're feeling terrible, give your feelings a voice. It's like draining the poison from you. Plus if you're doing the work out of Feeling Good, you'll need a good journal to write in daily. My first therapist recommended this for YEARS and I never did it, but I tell it just free flow writing out shit does seem to help tremendously. If you have a Mac, you can use MacJournal, or for Windows there is "The Journal", both of which you can encrypt and password protect. If you want to just write on paper or if you already do just make sure you hide it well.
The other night I had a bout of terrible depression and you would not BELIEVE the shit that I wrote down about myself ("you're a piece of shit!!!" and stuff like that). I wrote until I just felt "deflated", like I had drained myself. It helped a LOT. I then realized that I hadn't been doing several things for myself that I know have helped in the past, and I have rededicated myself to doing these things daily. Many of these actions I have recommended to you here.
Hope this helps even in the slightest and good luck to you.
Ekhart Tolle the power of now helped me out. Being present and excepting things instead of over thinking them. Being in the moment or present seems to calm me down from over analyzing. Here's a link if you have not read it already. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1577314808/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1526162229&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+power+of+now+by+eckhart+tolle
Read me.
I believe that caring about the opinions of others is normal, especially those closest to us. That being said, achieving self-happiness should always be our goal.
As bad as I want to go out and date right now, I recognize that I'm carrying too much baggage to engage in that kind of contact with anyone. Additionally, I'm recognizing that I want to date for the wrong reasons. I'm not wanting to date to "have fun" or bring value to someone's life. I'm not even wanting to date for casual sex.
The only reason I want to date is because I'm unhappy with myself and I'm lonely. In my codependent mind, if I have another person to chug along with me, I will be happy. The kind of woman I want to date is someone who adds to my own life, passions, and interests. However that woman can't exist if I don't have my own life, passions, and interests that I'm actually following.
I suggest reading The Power of Now . I just started, and it's already given me really great insight into living in the present and finding happiness from within. It's a constant process for sure.
The first thing I would suggest is to see a counselor, someone who will listen and give you feedback.
Secondly, I would definitely recommend watching this podcast of author Sam Harris on the Joe Rogan show, in which he talks about minds and dysfunctional thoughts.
I also always recommend a book called "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. He has many videos on youtube as well. In his book he speaks about how people tend to identify with their minds, that is to believe that you are one and the same as your mind instead of knowing that your mind is simply a tool, a machine for you to use in daily life.
Hope this helps!
Give The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle a try. This changed my perspective in huge ways and helped me deal with my anxiety issues.
There are many books on the subject and how the Ego can be destructive not only to ourselves but to those around us. It is all about healthy balance of Mind, Body, Spirit and creating that space from the heart to share with others.
Here are some links for books on the subject
https://www.amazon.com/course-Miracles-Foundation-Inner-Peace/dp/1883360269
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The idea of service to self and service to others is explained in the Law of One texts.
http://www.lawofone.info/
Here is a precursor to the law of one
http://awakeningforums.com/thread/206/brown-notebook-1958
The power of now by Eckhart Tolle is a fantastic book for this. I am definitely not the spiritual type, but this book seems to capture more than just spirituality.
Zomg. I hate these people. This year I went on vacation with a couple of friends. One of em brought his girlfriend along. It was terrible, she went on and on about stuff the knew nothing about. And kept quoting this terrible, terrible book. So I got into a discussion with her, that all things labeled "spirituality" are retarded. I didn't nuance my opinions. So she asked me If I knew anything about what I was ranting about and I admitted I didn't. So then and there we made a pact. I would read here stupid book and she would read a book I brought. I made here read a book about psychology (it had a chapter on pseudo science that just destroyed her) and I read Eckhard Tolle's atrocity. I feel dumber now. Slower.
Let's think this through...on the one hand, you're judging yourself for not having fulfilled the potential you think you have ACCORDING TO OTHER PEOPLE and on the other hand you're bemoaning you're too nice a guy to have GOTTEN A WHOLE LOT OF ATTENTION.
Which do you want? Other peoples attention or none at all? The real trick to becoming all you can be is to NOT CARE how much attention other people give you...
Here's a thing to reflect upon. You were clued in enough to get into college (OK...you haven't completed it YET). You're smart enough to have got a job (OK....it ain't your dream job YET). You're proactive enough to have sought advice from your GP and your boss (OK...they haven't been the ones to sort your issues YET). All these things are impermanent and can form the foundation of your future dreams/goals if you want them to be.
And put this into perspective...to a lot of ladies, your lack of experience / nice guy / lack of conceit / appreciation for their company will become a bigger and better asset as you age. Women at 25 think they want all bells and whistles - in their 30's they start to twig the value of a GOOD man (at least, the ones worth falling for do).
Here's my advice - forget hookers. Forget looking outside for someone else to fix your problems. Look INSIDE. Take a deep breath, get very STILL and stop fixating on the past or the future. Fix on the NOW. You're healthy. Intelligent and articulate. Employed. Canadian. That's not half bad :)
If you're into taking your life into a stiller, more fulfilled place, I can't recommend Eckhart Tolle 'The Power of Now' enough. Read it twice and let it sink in. I guarantee it'll make a much more significant difference to your life than a 100$ hooker. Link to book on Amazon.ca
> I have little interest in following society's perception of success.
Excellent! You're on the right track!
Your mindset is still following the society's perception of success though, which means trying to find something out there that would fulfil you.
This is the society's greatest hoax.
You can not gain lasting fulfilment from external forces. There is no long-term goal that could ever fulfil you. Even if there were such a goal, a while after achieving it, you would feel just as unfulfilled and unsatisfied as you are now. You would simply start to search for another goal.
The blue-pill men are no exception to this rule. They may try to derive their sense of fulfilment from "being a good husband/provider, attaining a high status by gathering wealth and possessing a well-regarded, lucrative job" but do you actually know anyone who is really fulfilled from these things? How is it that nobody seems to actually make it?
Your next logical step is to drop this mindset. Then you can achieve true happiness :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm79Q76GKUE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uktG69d70NM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJkFfJnZpgE
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Get this book
It will change your life in much positive way.
Try reading The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle, I've had similar feelings of depression, boredom and all round emptiness, this book really helped me gain back some focus. If you don't have means to acquire the book for your self, hit me up.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is an amazing book about the mind. He discusses meditation among other subjects in a very simple way.
pain is the best catalyst for great change
you need to meditate, here's how
this is literally your ticket out
you need to learn how to get out of your head and be in the now, the present moment
here is a good book you should read too
i also recommend listening to eckhart tolle and alan watts on youtube also. they have really good lectures on how to be in the present. start with eckhart tho
would you consider something like
The Unteathered Soul by Michael Singer
https://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481224687&sr=8-1&keywords=the+untethered+soul+by+michael+singer
or The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle?
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481224735&sr=1-1&keywords=the+power+of+now
added to that however, would you consider yourself to be the "i'm smarter than everybody and therefore DESERVE a better life and already know everything" douchebag type? If so then I don't think that we could help :(
if you ARE sincerely and genuinely a good dude, you can take an admin job, or ANY job doing desktop support or even short term migration contracts. I'm sure there are a tonne of tech agencies like HAYS and TekSystems or VoltHR in your area.
WHILE at those jobs would you consider developing small apps for them on your spare time and showing management and supervisors what you can do?
do you also by any chance get extremely impatient with people whom you consider are "dumber" or "less deserving" than you? Or would you say you're more of the "look out for the other guy" compassionate type?
also how's your Powershell?
as for programming, you can start off with this primer
https://www.tutorialspoint.com/csharp/
and use visual studio community edition. it's Free
https://www.visualstudio.com/vs/visual-studio-express/
if you wanna go Deeeeeeeply back end. you can study C++ instead
https://www.tutorialspoint.com/cplusplus/
INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.
The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.
You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.
Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.
Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/event.php
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
​
The above links helped me a lot! You don't like yourself because people don't like you, but people would like you a lot more if you liked yourself. Ur caught in a catch 22 my friend. The information in the programs I linked you I think will help you break the cycle. I know it helped me.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
https://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1539842520&sr=1-1&keywords=a+new+earth
I'm not here preaching spirituality, but sometimes as a man what is true for the woman is also what is true for the nature of life. This is a powerful method of holding frame and stoicism which can work anywhere. Actually what got me interested in it was when Eckhart tolle described the pain body as responsible for a lot of the irrational behaviour of women and the failure of most relationships.
He also excellently described the way egos work.
What I believe is that there is at least peace in controlling the mind. For instance, if you let the mind roam, it will dwell on the past thinking about sad events or trauma or regrets or guilt etc. And if it goes into the future it will become anxious and nervous in imaginaing all sorts of possible scenarios.
But all this can be controlled by focusing on the present moment. There is a book out there I recommend anyone can get called 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
It is sort of the modern version of the old hippy classic: Be Here Now.
Also, in the present moment, say driving a car, there is much to get worked up about and pissed off about - lots of idiot drivers. But the mind can be controlled here also so that you are never ruffled.
This is my 'practice.' Inside this 'peace bubble' good things happen. But that is another discussion.
See, no angels, no gods, no prayer, no service, no leaders, no followers.
Yes!
Thank you all for sharing, Chris Bale definitely has an interesting perspective on many topics, definitely worth listening to.
One book that helps me to disconnect from my abusive self within is, The Power of now by Eckhart Tolle. https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
I Am That - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
This, that resistance never goes away, but your attitude towards it completely shifts with enough right action.
I also reccomend the power of Now by Eckhart Tolle https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/
The mindset that pain and comes from resisting what is, from thinking about the future or the past rather than being present is very powerful when practiced enough
I wish you well. Know that you're not alone. I understand the feeling. Also recommend therapy, ideally someone of the same gender. There are certain gender-specific issues that are best understood/empathized with by a therapist of the same gender.
read, understand, believe and put into practice the ideas in this book
Highly suggest audiobooks or if you have chrome on a computer and/or a voice assistant on a smartphone (Siri, Google, etc.) then use the Read Aloud/ Text-To-Speech features for books in the ePub format. Here's some links for these tools:
•Read-Aloud Features: Siri on iOS or Google on Android
•Online Text-To-Speech Program: Natural Reader (Free use for basic voice, sounds a little robotic but it's handy)
• Book Management Software: Calibre (can convert PDFs, Kindle format books to ePub. May not always work due to DRM and content formatting.)
Recommended books:
• Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, MD
(Amazing book for anyone looking to turn their mental health and lifestyle around with the power of cognition)
• Mindsight by Dr. David Siegel, MD
(Another psych book dealing with various techniques for improving our mind-body-spirit connection from a neurobiological standpoint)
•.The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
(The book has sort of a cult vibe but the overall message is about understanding who you are in the present and not letting your mind stop you from living beyond your physical capabilities)
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
(Very down to earth guidelines about how to adjust perspectives that focus less on others and more on your own needs)
I wish you good luck and remember that everything you need is already with you.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/product-reviews/1577314808/ref=dpx_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1
I see a lot of satisfied readers, who are you to judge them?
okay, now, it's a ton of information so you will have to make sense of it yourself :)
Youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqSoxMOrVeE&t=0s&index=232&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAVPDYhW_nw&t=0s&index=233&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0GN4urbA_c&t=0s&index=234&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFan0KqqJjs&t=402s&index=238&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls_VFIU1Dv4&t=2s&index=239&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWI4_Oe-Qbs&t=0s&index=240&list=PLC63830ABE800BA55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lz0VOltZKA
Some of videos have scientific articles attached to them, so if you want to analyze in detail don't forget to view them below the videos.
Books:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
http://shynesssocialanxiety.com/system/social-anxiety-1a/ - you can get his book, even though it's about shyness, and social anxiety, he talks very simply about the power of controlling your thoughts.
This happens to me. But i have found out recently that it's due to me being anxious every time; my mind is constantly 'working' or 'noisy'. silencing your thoughts helps immensely, but it's a lot easier said than done. As a start, i recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
I'm currently reading The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle, and I'm finding it useful so I thought I'd share with you some of what's helped me. Note, I'm not promoting him or the book, I just personally think his advice has application.
>I would really "work" during meditation, and successfully clear my mind . . . but it was exhausting and stressful
No need to work. Don't evaluate or analyze the thoughts that crop. Just observing the thoughts, without evaluating them, is already being present.
"Don't judge or analyze what you observe. Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction." (p. 55)
>I haven't noticed any difference. I don't feel like I'm more centered
Practice with a Karma Yoga mentality. Practice, practice, practice without focusing on "getting there." Like a wave which is part of the ocean, every one of us already is part of Being, so really it's about realizing you're already there.
"Do not be concerned with the fruit of your action - just give attention to the action itself . . . [this] is called Karma Yoga." (p. 68)
>I will think about something for several minutes before remembering to go back to my breath
"To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation . . . acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be." (p. 48)
>I have a lot of trouble experiencing sadness, and thought that was perhaps part of the problem . . . I've tried some "brooding" as an alternative
I wouldn't suggest focusing on brooding because this can lead to focusing on the past and conjuring negative emotions that are out of your present control. However, if a thought crops that tries evoking a certain reaction, feel it and watch yourself feeling it. Don't analyze the feeling, but allow yourself to experience it.
"Allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You no longer are the emotion; you are the watcher, the observing presence." (p. 26)
Finally, don't be hard on yourself about your progress. Self-compassion, not self-beration, is the way to success. When you feel you're not doing it right, just keep at it without being hard on yourself. You are your biggest cheerleader.
Haha I think I’m way too novice to tell you how to meditate. Basically, it’s sitting in a quiet room and focusing on your breath for three to 20 minutes or longer, but it can be different than that — you can focus on ideas or visualizations, you can meditate while walking or commuting, and there are other techniques that will help you as you progress training the mind. At first, sitting in a quiet room and focusing on breathing is kinda hard because your mind will think a million different thoughts that will distract you from focusing on breathing and quieting the mind. A good meditation guide will teach you how to get better at it.
I picked the HeadSpace app because it’s the first meditation app that popped up in the iTunes Store at the time. I wanted to try meditation because I was seeking an inner peace, and I was getting a Matrixy/Westworld/Buddhist Dharma feeling that the world wasn’t quite as real as I previously thought. I stayed with the app because I like the guide’s voice; it’s really soothing. He’s also the cofounder of the app and a former Buddhist monk.
You could also try reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now . It’s a classic new age self help book, and in it Eckhart touches on meditation. The book started coming up in conversations for me after I started meditating, and I listened to it on audiobook and really liked it.
We all have our short-comings and limitation. Also we have our uniqueness. We must look at things that we do right. Where we have a flow. We must seek knowledge and wisdom. Philosophy. These things makes us better. Rather they reveal the best parts of us.
Here are some books that have helped me:
Here are some things I have saved that I read on and off
"What you need now to do is, to check how much you are on the feeling level and how much on the thought level. Most are, and naturally, on the thought level because that is our comfort zone. We have to act on that level. It is the functional level. We need it to study, operate, plan, achieve and so many other things like research, analysis, But we need the feeling level to relate to others. Sadly this is much neglected and we use our thought level to deal with others. we are not in touch with our feelings. To be a sensitive person we need our feelings. We will even rationalize away our feelings. So this is the beginning. "
"Feed your head." -Grace Slick
Where you are headed is more important than how fast you're going, yet people are consumed with speed rather than direction.
Concentrate every minute on doing what's in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can, if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that's all even the gods can ask of you.
-- Marcus Aurelius
Check /r/Stoicism or r/meditation
The bad things, don't do them.
The good things, try to do them.
Try to purify, subdue your mind.
That is teaching of all buddhas.
"If you are becoming a more patient, kinder, and less violent person, you are truly learning life's lessons."
Be a Wanderer and find the inner master that lies dormant within you.
Meditation has helped me alot
I am you 5 years down the line. Your relationship sounds like mine, and I can tell you that it didn't get better. She didn't like open relationships, either. Eventually she withdrew more and more, and then took me up on my offer to break up a month ago.
We were together for 11 years, but got together a little later than you. We were each others' firsts. I am devastated but I see that the relationship was broken because my needs were being completely neglected.
First, consider the amount of work you're putting into the relationship. Her exhaustion is not your responsibility — she is putting herself in that position! She knows the effect her work has on your sex life, and she knows how much it hurts you. You told her, and if you're anything like me you keep telling her over and over and over. Let me guess: she is sad and promises to change? Then when your frustration builds, you have the talk again. Maybe an argument. Maybe she has sex with you afterward, yes? Or she offers more promises?
What if she came to you and told you that something you did hurt her deeply and eroded her self-worth? Would you keep doing it? Would that make you feel like an asshole? Don't tolerate it from others.
The bottom line is that she's still making the choice to de-prioritize your very real and very normal needs despite being told repeatedly that it's very painful for you. This is a major red flag.
Secondly, something I've had to come to terms with is that one cannot negotiate desire. It's not normal to negotiate sex in a healthy relationship. If she neglects you or if she neglects herself and you by proxy, this is another red flag.
Does she neglect herself in other ways? Depriving herself of sleep despite complaints of how tired she always is? Disordered eating? Addiction to depressing news & stressful social media shit? Addiction to work? Addiction to stress? Anxiety problems? Depression? More red flags.
>She thinks that if I ever fuck anyone else, she would be too hurt and never want to talk to me again.
Sex is essential to a healthy relationship barring some kind of injury, severe disability, or fundamental incompatibility such as sexual orientation. It's absolutely normal to need sex. Teenagers have sex, cavemen had sex, Einstein had boring nerd sex, people in the 40s had sex, senior citizens in retirement homes might be having more sex than any of us.
She doesn't want you to fuck anyone else, but she also doesn't let you fuck her. She is denying you the thing that will aid in your happiness and also denying you from getting it somewhere else. That kind of attitude is incredibly possessive, selfish, and downright cruel.
Yes, facing rejection from your long-term partner is crippling to your self-esteem. Yes, it makes you feel like shit. I know it all too well. She knows it too. Why is she doing this to you?
Tearing yourself apart from your best friend and life companion will hurt like a motherfucker. You shared so much. Your memories and life experience are still there. You grew together but you also probably intertwined too much. This will be healthy for you in the long run if you follow my recommendations at the end of the post.
You had good times. Now things are not so good. That doesn't mean everything is gone or that the time was wasted. It's about the pleasure of the journey, and you wandered into the brambles after a good run. Does that mean you have to abandon everything? No! Get back on the path and keep walking.
Look at it this way: a new relationship is another chance to share and perhaps even rediscover the things you love. It won't be the same, but who wants sameness? There's a good chance it will feel as good or even better!
>I feel like she loves her ideal imagined version of me, not the real me
Yes, probably. Maybe you see her like that too. This is common.
>in fact, I would love if she fucked someone else if it made her happy
At its core, this is a very healthy attitude.
(why doesn't she have the same healthy attitude about your sexual needs?)
Keep in mind that while you feel good about this now, but it might make you depressed when it becomes a reality and she does start fucking someone else. Don't dwell on it, OK? Don't torture yourself and try to find out what she's doing or not doing.
You'll find someone who is excited to fuck you and it'll be amazing. Don't dwell on that either, OK?
>I am wasting my 20s when I could be out meeting new people and exploring more variety of sexual vistas.
You are not 'wasting' your 20s. Get rid of that mindset immediately because it will only lead to misery, no matter your age. My 20s were fucking terrible. They ended half a year ago. I no longer regret spending them the way I did because I was climbing out of a very deep hole, metaphorically speaking. I didn't hook up with anyone. I didn't date. I didn't even go to college. I didn't have late-night benders. I didn't do any of the shit typical 20-somethings do. However, I learned a lot of things that made me a better, healthier, and more interesting person. I'm not dead and I can still party. My 30s will be better!
Allow this be a learning experience for you. You now have an excellent list of dealbreakers for next time.
It hurts now, but remember that you will not experience this pain again.
Your "emotional immune system" has developed knowledge of a new relationship pathogen: the sex-denying girlfriend. If someone like that comes along, you'll be able to spot them. Trust your gut. Trust the collective experience of others.
Lastly: go lift. fix your diet. read good books. take some sage advice. take 10 minutes every day to meditate.
It will be an emotional rollercoaster. Don't resist. Ride it out.
Make some goals and stick to a routine. Do everything possible to maintain your routine. Drop whatever obligations you need to in order to maintain your routine. It's OK to mostly just eat and sleep for now. Emotional trauma is real, and you need time to heal. Keep going to the gym!
 
You are capable of deep commitment and love. You proved that in this relationship. This is truly commendable and a demonstration of strength. You deserve happiness and a partner who will value your commitment and reciprocate it. You will find that person and it will be so fulfilling.
However, now it's time to direct that tremendous commitment energy at yourself because you're worth it.
 
 
^^^ps: ^^^if ^^^you're ^^^anything ^^^like ^^^me ^^^it ^^^might ^^^feel ^^^tempting ^^^to ^^^kill ^^^yourself, ^^^but ^^^please ^^^don't ^^^do ^^^that. ^^^go ^^^lift.
I think you should read The Power of Now!. I found it around the time that I was feeling existential in a similar manner. And it has helped immensely.
Yea, I just got home. I'm bored, mini rants incoming.
When I first heard of The Four Agreements, I was in detox back in 09 or something. And this tweaker chick kept going manic. She'd be happy/sad/angry/empty... just over and over. She was throwing chairs, and freaking out, but she kept telling me to read that book. So I had to, because she had excellent chair throwing skills. It was a great read, ... very very interesting take on spirituality but it is pretty applicable. It's a feel good philosophy warrior book thing.
The Power of Now. I had what AA would call a "spiritual awakening" and it really wasn't much like a burning bush, but A LOT like this guy talks about in this book. When I was about to kill myself with a teener of dope, I had this very very strange experience where I couldn't identify with myself anymore. .. "Who is this person that wants to die so badly?... Who am I?" It really changed things. The power of now was the most powerful thing I've read.
The New Earth is pretty interesting. I have to disagree with some points, because traditionally, you can't really get rid of the ego. The ego is necessary to survive. But it's interesting. It's worth a read, especially someone stuck in a facility with only their remorse and addiction to keep them company.
I personally LOVE Gabor Mate. This guy deals with the most tragic cases of addiction in Vancouver, and he's a neurologist and he has some pretty good insights on addiction. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. It's partly where I came up with my flair.
Rational Recovery was another I would suggest. It's a lot like those Allen Carr Easy Way to Quit Smoking. But the basic idea is disassociation from the "Addictive Voice". That it's not ME that wants to get high, but my addiction. That shit rocked my world when I learned it, and I immediately integrated it into my first step in Narcotics Anonymous.
EDIT, Rational Recovery, and Jack Trimpey are VERY AGAINST 12 step ideology. He HATES IT, and he hates the God idea. I get that, but I cannot and will not deny the therapeautic value of one addict helping another. Nothing compares. Even Bill W. in AA wrote about it in his memoirs and grapevines and the Big Book. "When all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic saved the day."
Tao de Ching really helped me. Although it may be missattributed, the whole "Living in the Past is living in depression, living in the future is living in anger and fear, living in the now is living in peace."
So, as you can see, I really like the "now" concept, but it's helped me stay clean and be happy about it. Non-fiction would probably be great too. But these are very spiritual new agey ideas.
This reminds me, I need to read The Spirituality of Imperfection.
THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS THOUGH:
I highly recommend the NA Basic Text, and I love the Step Working Guide.
This book saved my life. Though it looks and kind of is all spiritual and enlightenment-y, new age-y...take that how you want but his take on the nature of the mind is very interesting...the book is so so very relevant to OCD. I had OCD starting at 14 to 16 ish and I wonder what would have happened if I had this book when I was that age.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
http://www.amazon.ca/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
http://www.amazon.ca/Practicing-Mind-Developing-Discipline-Challenge/dp/1608680908/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1412469721&sr=1-1&keywords=the+practicing+mind
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Really insight full and thank you for sharing such private aspects of your life.
I guess I have the perfect book to carry out your selfconfidence you experience while riding to the rest of your life:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
What you are experiencing is the moment when the mind is silent,
as described in this book that is the ultimate state a human being can achieve. The books shows you how to transfer that state to all aspects of your life.
As far dealing with attracting women , i would recommend you to watch this.I am high in neuroticism as well. I read a book called Power of Now. It greatly helped me to observe my own thoughts and helped me to calm down in a stressful situations.
I also thought I was crazy at one point lol. The good news is if you think you are crazy, you're not. I promise you that you are just fine bro, it's your mind that is sick...that's all, no big deal. You really have to understand that you are not your mind. Thoughts are just thoughts.
You said you like spirituality? Then order this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
It changed my life and can change yours. PEACE.
No problem dude, here it is
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467257333&sr=8-1&keywords=the+power+of+now
This book freed me from the unpleasant voices in my head. May it do the same to you :)
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=la_B001H6GZ5K_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370449064&sr=1-1
Ok. They were from New Zealand and were spending 6 months a year in Nepal building schools. The guy Jarle is an Architect. He hired the locals and teaches them how to use more modern tools. For example, no one used a level with their brick laying (which explains the skew walls of my room). He also helped with plumbing and whatever else around the village. Truly a man of ALL trades. Felicity (his wife) taught English to the kids. They built a library and introduced the first English books to the village. This was funded by corporate sponsors and individual donations from New Zealand.
_
A lot of their philosophy rubbed off on me. Im brought up in conservative muslim family and was having massive conflicts with my religion. I spoke to him everyday, and although it was chance, it truly feels like fate that I met this man. They introduced me to Hindu and Buddhist philosophy as well as Sufism. They also shared their copy of Echard Tolles "Power of now", which has helped me open up tremendously. One thing that I can remember strongly was our discussions on re-incarnation. Not something I really though about before. But, what he explained was that some people are more gifted in this world because they have been through it before. Another interesting bit was about the Quran & Bible, and WHY a lot of it is based around fear. He explained that Muhammed and Jesus where incredibly enlightened people. During the time that the books were being written there was a lot of violence going on caused by people in power (e.g.: Quraysh tribe). So in order to circumvent their abuse of power Muhammed instilled fear in them. The fear of hell. And used the idea of heaven to gain followers. Whether hell exists, I don't know, but personally, I think that idea is incredibly clever and logical.
_
I don't know anything about how they practiced but they followed the philosophy of [Hazrat Inayat Khan] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inayat_Khan). At some point Jarle did mention that he was willing to become a Muslim Sufi, but his teacher said it's not needed. He can just be a Christian Sufi.
Writing this brought back of a wave of emotion. Thanks you. Hope this answers your questions.
HMMM sounds like an interesting challenge! Was just about to start reading this https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
It's interesting you bring this up, as I have been exploring the mindfulness practices of Eastern origin that focus around, essentially, destroying the ego. The ego here is what most people think of as who they are - their thoughts and feelings. It is our source of suffering, so destroying it is pretty useful!
Destroying your ego is done by not identifying with thoughts or feelings - those are just things "nearby" the real you that the real you is experiencing. The ego is the "I" in "I am depressed". Instead, I am not depressed, I am experiencing depression like I experience the weather.
Ignoring the ego is hard and painful, because it fights for its own survival. It even gets angry when you simply don't take its wishes seriously! But it sounds like you are ready for that pain. Teachers of this theory talk about how many people only get a glimpse of their true reality, their true selves, after intense suffering shatters illusions.
All it takes is sustained nonjudgemental focusing on the present, surrender to reality no matter what it is, and no longer identifying self with temporary thoughts and feelings. It's difficult and will only occur for fleeting moments, at least at first....
for more info here's a good book
I can tell you first hand that those techniques can give immediate relief. I am working on it, while being super depressed myself, so it's pretty tough but i'm getting better at it.
Yes, I also have a minor case of Asperger's (now redefined as Autism on a severity scale). Sometimes I feel that there's nothing that can help Asperger's, but that's just if I'm letting myself be negative.
After 20 days or so, I definitely see a noticeable improvement in my openness with people, and my ability to express my true intentions when talking to people, even including complete strangers, to a degree. So keep at it.
However, one other major factor in my life right now is my practicing of mindfulness. Some people get into "meditation," and I quote it like that because I mean it as a formal meditation practice, where you physically sit down and do it, as compared to the meditation you can do in day to day life. I have done formal mediation sittings, and possibly I should make a point of getting back into those, but as long as you take time from your day and truly stop and do nothing, that can be considered the same thing.
Mindfulness, to me, is the process of taking a look at things from your heart instead of your mind. Letting things be and loving things exactly as they are (even if they are "bad"), so that you can then act out your life from your place of true intent, instead of from your reactive mind, which already confuses itself. I feel that being mindful of our actions and all things around us is one of the most useful ways of improving your happiness as an Aspie.
For example, if you are not where you "want to be" in your life, such as the conditions of no girlfriend, bad job situation, poor social life, etc., then the first step is to truly accept these conditions simply as they are! Whatever situation you are in, that is the exact place that you should start from since that is the only place that is reality. Just like if you wanted to travel to the other side of the world, at first it would seem like an daunting task, but if you lined up a car, plane ticket, hotel reservations, travel money, and a passport, then you could just take the steps one by one and go on your trip. The same is true with your life. You must start where you are, and with your life, "starting" from exactly where you are means accepting exactly where you are, deeply. From there you can take the next step openly and freely. If you don't accept where you are, your Autistic mind can easily get swept away in the "what-ifs" and the negativity. At least I know mine does if I'm not careful.
I know this isn't exactly what you asked, but it's what I can offer as advice as a fellow NoFapper/Aspie. I feel that mindfulness is extremely helpful with our condition. If you can do it right. There's no "right" way to be mindful, but I guess you can say there are wrong ways. At some point, if you can sift through the thoughts and sort out the ones that make you suffer from the ones that don't, then that is your answer. There are no right answers, there are only your answers.
Two books that have helped me on my journey are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which has been mentioned on NoFap before, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie (also mentioned before). The first is almost like one of the quintessential books on the topic, but can be a little more vague if you're not good at understanding "deep" stuff, although he does walk through some stuff in a pretty matter of fact way. The second is more practical look at things that utilizes a process known as "The Work" that helps you dissect negative thoughts and find out what is really true for you. And trust me, once you start acting out from a place of who you really are, and how you really feel, it's awesome!
It's not automatic. It's a work in progress. But it's great having another tool that goes with you. Whenever you have a "problem," you are in your mind, in your thoughts. Trust this. When something happens in the day, if you feel something's not right, you can apply some of the concepts, such as just coming back down to reality and feeling the energy in your body (Eckhart), or you can go through The Work and ask yourself, "Is that really true? Where would I be without that thought?" It's almost like you can be your own little Reddit, and answer questions for yourself! Lol.
tl;dr Mindfulness combined with NoFap can definitely help you see the improvements if you have Asperger's. It seems like mindfulness can help with NoFap, and vise versa. If you resist the urge, you are training yourself to be mindful, and if you can be mindful, you can resist the urge.
Here are links to those two books, if you are interested. If you'd like and can't afford, I'll buy them for you:
The Power of Now
Loving What Is
Both of these books can be considered self development AND philosophy:
https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Up-Spirituality-Without-Religion/dp/1451636024
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
What you are describing sounds similar to what a close friend of mine went through years ago. He read a book, The Power of Now, that gave him the coping tools he needed. He ended up giving me his copy of the book, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though the principles and tools conveyed by the author are things I had previously learned through years of meditation.
Basically, the coping tool is learning to focus on the "here and now" where none of the problems plaguing you exist. There are several tools in meditation that accomplish the same thing, such as focusing on your breath or on a mantra to take your mind away from these wandering thoughts that cause pain.
I have a very different panic disorder from yours, but for what it's worth, my coping ritual is to alternate between pacing around my house while focusing my attention on my breath, and sitting on the couch focusing on my breath. It still takes 45 minutes to 1.5 hours for the attack to pass, but the ritual lessens the intensity a bit, with the help of medication.
You should make sure your daily caloric deficit isn't too high percentage wise, because your activity + intake alone could cause a lot of these problems.
I can relate to the "driven to self improvement frenzy" and your post brings a few books to mind that might help your situation/outlook.
The Power of Now
Mindset
The Power of Habit
You aren't present, once you truly accept that you can move on, and ACT. read this: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1426959103&sr=8-1&keywords=power+of+now
YOu ARE NOT A VICTIM, only your ego thinks you are, and you've spent the first 20-30 yeas of your life thinking you have to protect it.
Read the book below, but don't give me this i tried to read it. Meditate, and study on it for the rest of your life. :D
Below is a couple of tricks that I've found to be useful.
First, a prologue: Negative thoughts have very little value. Most of the time they are anxiety about the future or regrets/shame about the past. The thing to remember is that these thoughts are not reality. The only reality is the present moment. When you focus on the past or future, you're neglecting the Now.
How to fix this?
Over time you'll become much more aware of when your thoughts are starting to spin out of control, and you'll develop the mental fortitude to bring them back on track.
In addition to the above, you can also to do the Stoic thing of imagining the worst possible outcome. Oftentimes our negative thoughts manifest as an ill-formed sense of dread. Thinking them through more rigorously can help you get some sense of perspective.
Think of it this way: the worst possible outcome is death. Other outcomes might be very bad, but in most cases you'll still be alive and retain the mental faculties to get yourself out of whatever trouble you've gotten into (or learn to live with it).
A great, fictionalized introduction to Stoicism is Tom Wolfe's A Man in Full. One of the main characters has a very bad day and winds up in prison. While there he starts reading about Stoicism and uses those principles to confront a vicious gangbanger. He eventually gets out of prison and goes on to become a kind of evangelist for Stoicism. Very inspiring to read.
Also, The Power of Now is a great book on the dangers of overthinking.
If you guys want to learn why this man is so elated at life all the time, check out Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Oh yeah... competing against you in dog affection... why does that sound familiar?
Anyway, I'm glad you have a dog (and don't worry, he DOESN NOT love your mom more) and I'm glad you're doing jiu-jitsu. I didn't realize you're still living with your parents. That's really tough. Are you old enough to move out? If not, I hope you can survive until the day you do. It will be so much easier once you don't have to have daily contact (or any contact) with her.
Also, I remembered one more thing that really helped me. It's this book. Some people don't like it, some don't get it, but if you do get it it's really really helpful.
I started off with Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy since I have a history of depression... the principles are solid, and it's something I continue to work on every day. It would be silly to expect decades of negative reinforcement to be rewired instantly.
Other books:
The Power of Now
The Power of Habit
And this is one I haven't got yet but it's next on my list: Paddle Your Own Canoe because Nick Offerman is a BAMF.
You're probably not looking for a book, but The Power of Now was pretty life-changing. It opens up a whole new world, for a while after meditating and whatnot, it seemed like everything was glowing, alive, totally peaceful. The story is, most of your problems come from thinking too much. You have conversations in your head all day, playing both sides, criticizing and defending yourself. You imagine future events that make you feel better. stahp.
I know that feeling. Well. I first wanna say, you're not alone, and second there is a way out. Its in your mind. its how you see and perceive things. try to start in the morning getting up and as soon as you realize your awake - Focus on your breathing, in and out. calm, slow breathing. and start thinking of the things that are good in your life and what you have to be grateful for. Think about the cool things you get to do, or that you want to do. Have those thoughts in your mind when you get up. Try it.
start looking into self help books. Like:
[(https://www.amazon.ca/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808)]
[http://www.daniellelaporte.com/store/shop/books/the-fire-starter-sessions-paperback.html]
There's a book called "The Power of Now" that is a great place to start. And don't worry, It's not any kind of religious book, it's all about how you think and frame everything internally.
This is his most popular book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376583677&sr=8-1&keywords=Power+of+now
One of his most popular videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg
Book/philosophy that helped me get past some shitty stuff.
Book
Have been in the exact same boat and I feel like it took me a lot longer to work through it than most. Also went from being very focused to not being able to focus on anything at all, worried about my job performance, unable to get out of bed on weekends, etc. Prior to my learning that Mormonism was false, I had never experienced a day of depression in my life, but after my world came crashing down it became a long, dark tunnel. Anyway, it's called an existential crisis if you haven't read up on it already. Give it time and keep working on things and I promise it will eventually improve. For what it's worth, these four books were game changers for me (check them out if you're interested:
You may not agree with everything in the books above (I didn't) but they provided me with a lot of invaluable perspective in working through my own loss of faith and the existential vacuum that followed. Stick with it and know that you're not suffering alone! And I promise things will get better.
Your goal should be to feel good about yourself now. Start with reading, meditation and exercising. Do not make any of those activities too complicated, better to keep as simple as possible, firstly dedicate only 15min of your time per day. Then you start feeling better and your mind will become more functional towards your true desires.
I would see your current situation as a perfect opportunity, a time for yourself, for self growth and development. I really recommend starting your daily journal that you could observe yourself from different perspective and understand reasons for your problems, identify opportunities for improvements and get motivated by seeing what is working and what is not.
Start dreaming and believing, I know it could be hard, but you have to do it. You can open new roads that you never even imagined!
Books to look into
http://www.amazon.com/Man-Thinketh-Life-Changing-Classics-Pamphlet/dp/0937539562
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
http://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Giant-Within-Immediate-Emotional/dp/0671791540
I found this book helpful. Also, this one
You are a Badass By Jen Sincerio
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolie
I recommend the first one, its easy to read, funny, practical and less spiritual.
So pretty much focus on your breath thus bringing to you to this exact present moment like when you're reading this? What in this exact moment is missing? Look around you, take in all the objects without labeling them, notice the silent presence they have.
Smile, you're here and now, that's all there is, the past was once in the now, the future like tomorrow? That'll be in the now. So yes, just focus on the present moment and live well my friends :)
(Off topic I recommend these 2 books which you can easily find online)
I've been reading this book called The Power of Now which I think has helped me a lot to combat those thoughts. It was a good reminder that I am not my thoughts. It's just white noise my brain is producing. I recommend it if you guys are interested
I think /u/JayPetey nailed it below. You're using this as external validation of your self worth. What you need to work on, regardless of the circle of friends that you are around, is self-assure in yourself. How do you do this? You need to build confidence in an area and let that spill over. Set a plan, create small achievable goals, and start taking action. Convince yourself to not be outcome dependent. There are thing you can not influence, so do not make the goal something you cannot fully control. Rather, just reward yourself for taking action in the first place. You'll start to find that it's great to have mentors around you. They save you time and energy by giving you the information without you having to go learn it from scratch on our own.
Don't over think things. The last piece of advice I'll say, be present to the moment. You can literally STOP those thoughts in your head. How do you do this? Fully embrace the now. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Or read Meditation by Marcus Aurelius. Look into meditation. There are ways to ground yourself, embrace who you are, and stop that chattering voice in your head that honestly doesn't do much for you.
The better question to ask is why do you need this in the first place? If you were playing good and running good your mental game would be fine. The only thing that affecting poker player results are playing bad or running bad. Playing bad can be fixed by analyzing hands, reading good poker books and training. The effects of running bad can be lessened by understanding probability and randomness better. Running bad shouldn't really be an issue if you are bank rolled properly because if it is, then you are playing bad.
Most poker players that I know that are always frustrated or constantly tilting are almost always playing at stakes their bankroll doesn't support.
If you are using the 100 times big blind and 25 buyins recommendation, you shouldn't really have a mental game issue because you should be able to absorb the variance.
Mental Game Books
More understanding about probability, randomness and focusing on the present can be helpful. If you understand those more it should help your mental game. I would recommend these books and at least understand their central points:
have a look at "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
I'm an artist and I struggled with food for many years of my life. I used the food as a distraction from my problems and the fat that I put on as a protective shield of sorts. I also had anxiety about leaving the house for a few years. I've had a fear of failure in regards to my art almost my entire life. Just this year I got over that(and sold my first painting shortly after!).
There was so much that I did to get out of my funk. The first step was realizing that I was in an unhealthy relationship with food. Then I realized that I had an unhealthy relationship with my body. I began to read books and articles about nutrition, healthy body image, relationships, states of mind, psychology, sociology. I youtubed and googled a lot. TED talks are good too. You can get books shipped to your house.
After a while I decided to cut out all people in my life that hurt me or were continuing to hurt me(whether they knew it or not). I realized that I deserved better than what they were giving me and how they were treating me. I decided I was through with toxic relationships. It was hard at first and I felt guilty but I realized that me and my happiness should be my number one priority, not the happiness of others. What really opened my eyes was, once I cut those people out of my life without even telling them I was going to, I never heard from them again. It just showed me how much I let people use me.
As for my family, most were cut off(I was tired of the screaming, the manipulating, the drama) and I limited my interactions with the ones I kept in contact with. I decided I needed to be with myself for a while and worry about me.
I went through my belongings and got rid of anything tied to anyone that had caused trauma in my life. I donated clothing. I burned pictures, letters, papers, cards, etc. Then, I just went through my things and donated stuff I didn't use anymore. I felt a HUGE weight lifted after I did this.
Shortly after, I began journaling in a text editor on my computer. I still dealt with crap at work, so I had lots of stuff to say. Plus, taking care of myself was a new thing and I had lots of thoughts about that. I just wrote out whatever my feelings were and then deleted them immediately after writing. I didn't want to keep it around.
A few years down the road I was jobless. I also began to fear leaving the house. I had lots of time on my hands and began a spiritual journey and soon realized that my body and interactions were outwardly mirroring issues I had inside myself. My husband suggested trying Deepak & Oprah's 21 day meditation challenges. They are free while the challenge is current and a new one pops up every few months. Just sign up for free. You don't have to buy a single thing. You just need to give a real email address so you can keep up with your journals if you choose to do them.
During the first year that we did those meditations I found a book called Conversations with God. It was very interesting and soon after I found an Eckhart Tolle book. Which lead me to another book. He has some amazing things to say about life, thoughts, all kinds of things. Some other books I came across were by Deepak. He's a medical doctor but also speaks about meditation, food, spirituality, etc. His most famous book is this one. You might find this one on addiction helpful. I saw Iyanla Vanzant speak once and found that she had some books that would be of use to me. They might help you too.
To get myself out of the house, I started with one day at a time. I would do one errand every two weeks outside of the house. I would have to force myself to get up, get dressed and get out but I would do it. I would bring someone along with me most of the time. Then, after a few months, I changed it to going out once a week and alternated whether or not someone would go with me. Next was a few times a week. Which is where I'm at currently and I'm completely happy with this and can leave the house whenever I want if I have a car without any worries.
As far as exercise goes. You can do seated exercises and desk workouts.
It might help to give yourself a time line or a calendar for getting things done. I find monthly calendars with my days broken down into activity times work for me. I use different colored pens or markers for different things. Going out of the house is black, taking care of my animals is blue, doing projects is green, working on something with someone else is pink, reading books is silver, meditation is light blue, doctors appointments are purple.
Remember that the change is probably going to be gradual but you CAN do it. Be gentle with yourself, especially when things don't go the way you want or are harder than expected. The work you put in will be worth it when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel my friend. Imagine what it will be like when you are out in the light! Good luck.
The aspects of Buddhism that worked the most for me were about mindfulness and meditation. I am not a Buddhist, but do enjoy the philosophical aspects.
Mindfulness is simply about living in the moment and appreciating every moment. Do not worry or think too much on the past or the future. For example, if you're eating an apple. Concentrate on the apple. Its taste, texture, the crunch. Do not eat the apple and worry over the details at work or a relationship you're in. Simply, concentrate on the apple.
This is a simple approach to life with huge rewards. Life becomes more satisfying, the more you let go of worrying about the future or the past. All aspects of life become more enjoyable, assuming they are moments meant to be enjoyed. You become more present in whatever you're doing. At work, you pay better attention and have increased focus. At play, you will have more fun. It is easier to become content with life and stop worrying about what you do not have or have not achieved.
If interested, there are books you can read which will help develop mindfulness.
Buddha in Blue Jeans: An extremenly short simple Zen guide to sitting quietly and being Buddha by Tai Sheridan
This is the Kindle version and free of charge. Tai Sheridan advocates for people spending 5-10 minutes just pondering and relaxing / reflecting. The book is full of little sayings for us to reflect on to create more awareness of our own lives and appreciation of life.
Tai Sheridan is a Zen priest and poet. He has a series of books titled Budda In Blue Jeans which are about an appreciation of life. You do not need to be Buddhist to read or appreciate these books. I have looked at some and find them to be books that encourage introspection and self-reflection.
Another book that addresses mindfulness is:
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
The Power of Now can be somewhat inaccessible to people. I find the book very rewarding to read. However, the book becomes more understandable if you have experience with meditation or intend to begin meditating. Eckhart talks about quieting our minds and learning how to control the mental chatter which is constantly running through our minds. The more we learn how to control our minds (meditation helps here), the more mindful we can become, and live in the moment.
If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me.
Sorry! Forgot to reply, was on the go when I read this.
I haven't read much, in truth. I'm a musician, so sound is my thing. I've listened to probably over 500 lectures/audio recordings by Alan Watts and Adyashanti over the past year. Those two changed my life and opened my mind, allowing me to begin the process of becoming the real me. I'll leave you a few that really, really helped me. In terms of books, though:
https://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Insecurity-Message-Age-Anxiety/dp/0307741206/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HD4HJV4XGZMFYQQ8YHYY
https://www.amazon.com/Become-What-You-Alan-Watts/dp/1570629404/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HD4HJV4XGZMFYQQ8YHYY
https://www.amazon.com/True-Meditation-Discover-Freedom-Awareness/dp/1591794676/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493318617&sr=1-1&keywords=adyashanti+true+meditation
https://www.amazon.com/End-Your-World-Uncensored-Enlightenment/dp/1591797799/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1591797799&pd_rd_r=NTAKM081ZBWQN84XRDF5&pd_rd_w=GbrQB&pd_rd_wg=4ikC1&psc=1&refRID=NTAKM081ZBWQN84XRDF5
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493318650&sr=1-1&keywords=eckhart+tolle+the+power+of+now
http://www.lawofone.info/
Now, below I will list a few audio recordings that I absolutely love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ4_75nT6_M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om1hJX4JN8U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESVoQzOhZNQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbbCkdrAdeI
Actually. There is one book that might change the way you look at the world, reality and life. If you're game, read The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
A few quotes from the book
Link : http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
You sound pretty fucking strong to me. And for all your bad luck you have a lot of good things in your life. I have anxiety, and I have found that self-help books can really help. If you feel you want to be more positive and in control you might want to try those out.
If you want a couple recommendations:
The Power of Now, and No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Also, take the others advice. Maybe you can go into medical bankruptcy and get your finances back on track. No shame; fuck the haters.
The Power of Now, by Tolle.
Here you go. https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Ekhart Tolle would like a word with you...
I know how you feel. Believe me.
You might want to try reading a book called The Power of Now. It's got a lot of hokum in it, but its chief points are profound: we are not our thoughts (in the same way that we are not an eye twitch, we are not our thoughts); we can control our thoughts; the past and the future exist only in our minds; only now is real. You also might want to read It's Easier than You Think, which is a terrific introduction to Buddhism.
Listen: until you can let go of this you, not your father, you will continue to allow him to victimize you by the own disquiet in your mind.
What you really may be struggling with has nothing to do with your father at all; he's only the instigator of this journey. You're really struggling with self-control. Seems like you may be on the verge of waking up to self-awareness.
Check out 16personalities.com and take the 5 minute test. You may find it's the red pill you've been looking for.
You can outgrow this. You don't have to be scarred by anyone else's pain, not even your father's. But you have to take the step. It's hard; I'm not saying the path ever will be easy. But since when is anything genuinely worth achieving ever easy?
You might get a lot out of this book at the stage you are at: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Amazon Link: https://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/
In light of your words about reading up on being "in the moment," i'd like to recommend to OP (and anyone else for that matter) one book in particular that REALLY helped me with developing a "present" mindset.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Not only does the writing have amazing prose and is easy to understand. But also the author puts considerable effort in helping the reader develop mental techniques and thinking exercises along the way that help to sort of "reset" you in a way, like when you are in a moment where you just can't stop thinking and don't know what to do (causing anxiety).
Like I said the book really helped me so I thought i'd recommend to all who have never read it before.
So I literally just came back from a blind, first date with a girl. Knowing nothing about each other, we were able to talk for about three hours. A common bit of advice is to ask open-ended questions to them. People usually like to talk about themselves, and if you show interest in learning more about them, they'll typically respond positively to that.
Sometimes you run out of questions in the normal flow of conversation (Are you in school? What are you studying? Why do you like that subject?--maybe you're out of questions at this point). It's ok to let things pause for a moment. A moment of silence is ok. Sometimes I'll let my eyes wander to see if anything catches my eye as something to talk about. If not, it's ok to just start a new topic altogether after a few moments have passed. "What are your favorite TV shows?" Something like that's an easy question to start from.
Something else I've learned to do is speak up myself. Although it's nice (and helpful for us who are shy) to let somebody else talk, it can be tiring for one person to do all the talking. It's ok and usually welcome to interject with your own stories. It keeps things moving and lets them get to know you better too. "My favorite shows are New Girl and Parks & Rec." -- "No kidding? I haven't seen Parks & Rec, but I hear it's a lot like the Office, which is one of my favorites. I was just watching it over the weekend, and I realized that my coworker is just like Dwight". You're building off of what they're saying by sharing some stories of your own. This keeps the conversation flowing naturally, let's them get to know you too, and increases the chances of them being able to piggyback off what you say. Obviously, you don't want to be rude in interrupting them, but occasionally it's ok to interject. If you mention something that they don't respond to "Oh, I thought the Office was terrible. [silence]", then just go back to the previous subject. "Ha, yeah, the dry humor isn't for everyone. What do you like about Parks & Rec?"
Being a good conversationalist takes practice, and I'm sure others have lots of good advice to help with it. For me, the biggest thing is staying mentally present. Keeping aware of my surroundings, not zoning out, relaxing my mind, avoiding getting caught up thinking about other things...that's the key for me to stay focused and engaged.
There's a book called "The Power of Now" that has helped me, even in my mid-twenties, really improve. There's a bunch of New Age stuff in there that I don't care for, but if you look past that to the underlying ideas of staying mentally in-the-present, it's got some really helpful advice. If you find yourself getting nervous during conversations, it'd be worth picking up from the library.
Good luck, and don't panic!
You've already done all the hard work during the past 3 months. Keep your remaining study sessions light, and designed to simply reinforce and keep fresh what you already learned.
In terms of physical "nerves", there are a few things you can work on that can help relax your body:
In terms of your negative internal dialogue, try this exercise: try to realize that the voice in your head is not you - we can simply call that voice, "the thinker." for many people "the thinker" engages in an internal dialogue constantly, often causing intense suffering and draining energy. the way to start taking away "the thinker's" power over you, is to be begin Watching the Thinker. Pay attention to the dialogue, and realize that that dialogue isn't all there is to you - its simply a small part of your mind. Once you separate your concept of self from this thinker, and realize they are different things, you can begin to reduce its effect on your mental space. (This is from a book called "The Power of Now", which was a #1 bestseller: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808)
I just finished my own GMAT journey recently, and I hope these tips that worked for me, help you too my friend. You are not alone, and your self-doubt is normal. Using the strategy above, you'll realize your self-doubt is nothing more than just a small voice, one small part of what makes up your entire conciousness. Keep up the good work! We never regret outcomes out of our control - what we regret is not trying, and you are trying!
You do have control. You just have been fooled into thinking you do not. We are programed from a young age. The deprograming part can ve tricky, but, not impossible.
Once in those modes of sad, it can be gripping. Sometimes the sadness teaches us something. We have to be willing to listen. And then remember that voice that is beating the shit out of you... is not actually you. There is a line that is always crossed by that inner voice. If you can stop it and say, I can not change the past, I can not change anothers actions... the only thing I have is a choice to make right now. To beat the shit out of myself. Or not.
If nothing else find other shit to fill your head with.
My suggestion:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Do not be too off put, in the begining of this book, he gives great detail of his own dealings with depression and suicide. We tell each other and ourselves that no one knows what it is like to be us or feel what we are feeling. That is not true. We are all capable of feeling every emotion on the spectrum. We again either choose not to or ignore. We are capable of love, hate, truth, lies, murder, rape, compassion, empathy, joy, laughter, anger, greed, etc... we are all capable. We choose. This book opens the door of choice and then leads you through it. You just have to choose. If you believe you can't, you are right. If you believe there is another way, you are right, if you believe reading the book will assist, you are right. That is the cool thing about choice. It's all in your head. ;) no seriously. It is.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Read the book The Power Of Now: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=nodl_
Really helps to show you how to live in the moment and enjoy whatever you’re doing, even if that’s nothing. Great read.
P.S. The audiobook is excellent that’s how I “read” it.
you should read this
In that case, I suggest you watch this and pay attention to the dichotomy of striving for more vs being happy in the now, read this and see if you can relate to the feelings within you of pain attacks and the forces that seem to cause them within you, this and how meaning in what we do is more impactful than any other reason, and this where the drives of being content and wanting excitement are given the particular cases of domesticity and eroticism.
 
I also invite you to explore the creation of your own psyche through the influences of the time. Early in Mating in Captivity, Esther talks about a book detailing how sex used to be just a biological fact of reproduction, and over time has been turned into what it is today, a status of your own meaning. The things we hold important in the now are completely a construct of how we were raised, insomuch as the entirety of who and what you are, what you eat, how you vote, what you consider normal in society, relationships, all of that, is simply one of many ways your psyche can be built. And there are infinite ways it can be built.
Culture shock is a real thing. And it comes up when you understand and see that others take things you never thought to question, and do them differently because their psyches were constructed in that way. Ultimately, you will be happy when you truly allow all facets of your life to align with what you want to be, rather than what you think they should be.
well this is really good news because it does give you something to maybe look at, don't focus on it, let's say you recognize it. You will recover from it you have a strong mind i can read that from here. I want you to read this book, yea it looks hokey about enlightenment and all that shit, but here listne it's about learnign how to be here in the moment right wno, you stop thinking, you are just "here the now" he teaches you methods and you understand what he means when he says that we live in our minds too much, running through things that happen or have not happened and you learn to "stop" and when you do it's incredible, you kind of see the world differently, your stress will vanish, you have to read the book over and over and over, becuase we forget and we go back to our old ways. If you can trust any stranger to give you advice trust me when i tell you this book will change your life forever.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
The Power of Now is an excellent introduction to Zen Buddhism specifically aimed at Westerners
I am reading this book now:
The Power of Now
​
It provides insight in how I can live in the NOW and not in the past or worrying about the future. It has been helpful for me so far. I still have about 1/2 the book left. I was/am the same as you in I would drink to shut-off. My mind would always be thinking and when I drink I would just comatose myself. lol This book is giving me ways to get out of my head and back to living life.
These two books will help you do that.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
And this one tells the same thing but from the 60s... So it's more cryptic, however it has dope art.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0517543052/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475120425&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=be+here+now+ram+dass
> First off, Trump doesn't brag about how rich he is. He doesn't bring it up. You know who does? The media, his opponents, and liberals.
LOL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjTmUhcRX3I
don't hear him say how little he spent, but that he is super rich!
> Second, You're damn right I'm angry.
So I am correct. You are fooled by populists , because you' re moed by your emotions that popluist take advantage of.
If you don't want to hear anything that disagrees with your way of thinking, maybe statistics and facts will get to you.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/21/gun-control-debate-mass-shootings-gun-violence
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/21/gun-control-debate-mass-shootings-gun-violence
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2015/12/17/guns-are-now-killing-as-many-people-as-cars-in-the-u-s/
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-34996604
http://www.wired.com/2015/10/infographic-guns-kill-more-americans-than-terrorists-do/
> "Accept and tolerate the illegal immigrants despite the fact that they are waving the flags of the shithole country they fled from, inside MY country, as they assault and attack the LEGAL citizens of the United States right out in the streets, and nothing gets done about it."
Again, not every immigrant is illegal in your country. That's racist.
> "I've watched my country degenerate from a Superpower to a nation of sniveling bitches under the auspices of the political correctness generation."
The US is still a superpower...
> We have to accept and tolerate everybody no matter how wacked out they are.
You overexaggerate. No , you must not accept everybody. You must not accept criminals. But not every immigrant is one of them.
Your gun laws indirectly kill more people than immigrants, I bet.
Dude, I think you need more love in your life.
You sound like you want to see the world burn.
You overexaggerate and by your anger you can't think rational.
The more angry a person is, the more nonsense an argument becomes.
Here is a book.
https://www.amazon.de/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Nice. Hope it is fun and useful :D
I'm actually not a huge reader... more of a listener.... but a book that comes up again and again is The power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. As you may have gathered, I kinda like the mindfulness concept (which is a component of DBT), and I believe Eckhart Tolle's book is to mindfulness what Allen Carr's book is to quitting smoking.
I'm sorry you feel bad. Try to stay sober. And check out this book, it helped me out when I felt in a similar situation: The Power Of Now. I'm sure you can buy it for $0.01 and $3.99 shipping used on amazon. It really helped me put things in perspective and on the right track. There's no magic bullet for depression, but it gave me a place and peace of mind I could always go back to when things got tough. Turns out, that helped me immensely. (That and working out:) https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
Congrats to you for deciding to create a better life for yourself!
I would focus on one thing at a time [don't expect to be able to get to everything right away].
It looks like you're on the right path based on your goals, but I would add reading to it also. Anything that can help you change your perspective on your life and increase your confidence. Books like The Obstacle is the Way, The Power of Now, and How to Win Friends & Influence People.
Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. It will take time, but if you keep at it you will see some real beneficial changes.
For those with further interest in idea #1 read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Nothing has fundamentally changed my life like that book, and I can safely say I've never felt better
The Power Of Now lays a little bit more on the pseudoside of things. However it does a great job of describing states of being/attention and what to pay attention to when it comes to intrusive negative memories or thoughts.
ACT therapy modalities can be helpful for understanding what these traumatic visions are doing for you. Do they protect you from current perceived threats? Do they help avoid taking responsibility for actions or thoughts associated with these memories? Etc...
Lastly, for help today, please consider guided meditations. I was under the impression for a long time that these things were for hippy-dippy losers who had to much time on their hands. I thrived on stress and anxiety and couldn't break free from thought patterns that were running me into the ground. After engaging with these for six weeks, I experienced a noticeable difference in my day to day stress. I also used them to calm my mind and focus on happy thoughts before bed, leading to a reduction of nightmares, sleepwalking and teeth grinding at night. After two years, I can't identify with my former (stressed) self.
I wish you the best.
Be well!
The Three Pillars of Zen helped start me out, but I found parts of it difficult and had to re-read. Once finished, I had to start again because I didn't feel like I "got it". Strangely, I didn't mind. The descriptions and explorations of different schools of thought were very interesting to me.
A book that helped me personally was The Power of Now. I had/have a big problem focusing. The book explains how to control your thoughts in a very (practical isn't exactly the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind) practical way. There's some real crunchy-groove philosophy in there, but if you can get past it, there's a lot of good info in there too.
It's really a very difficult process to begin, don't feel bad for having a hard time with it at first. I started getting interested in it in 2007 and began reading books at about that time; I loved the concepts but the meditation part felt impossible. It really wasn't until almost a year and a half later that I had a breakthrough and meditation finally became somewhat more natural. I still struggle from time to time, but the struggle is worth what I get from it personally.
A few books for you:
Turning the Mind Into an Ally; Sakyong Mipham
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying; Songyal Rinpoche (this is a long read)
The Power of Now; Eckhart Tolle (This isn't Buddhism, but the tenants of much of the book are based on non-attachment, presence, and awareness... which are the basis of all forms of Buddhism, and Tolle presents them in a very accessible way.)
Very cool.
But what's funny is that the first place I encountered this philosophy that only the present moment exists and the laws of the universe are evolving was in The Power of Now, a spiritual, self help book (as a physicist, I didn't hate it, but the guy certainly said some strange things). Makes me wonder where Smolin got the idea, since there's this "self help guru" who's been preaching this same idea for the past decade or so.
Sorry, I'm not a cult survivor but I have some thoughts for you.
I grew up in a very very Catholic household and I was known as the weird religious and nice guy around campus. When I made the switch to Christianity after 18 years of Catholicism, I only did that for 2 years. What I've come to understand is that there are many faiths out there, each being similar but somewhat different from one another. For example, there are some churches that worship God, some worship Jesus, some worship both, some worship none, some put God higher than Jesus and some put Jesus higher than God. And that's around the same guy-entitly-lord-god the world just came to know. There are other people worshipping different Gods, thousands of them. And there are those that think they are their own God.
Overall, what I'm trying to say is that the answer to life is ambiguous. I wouldn't recommend going back to Christianity because (at least for me because I've had multiple pastors and priests jam different knowledge in my head) it's just one of many variables to a common religion. In fact, if I were you I would figure out life's mysterious by myself and see what truly makes sense to me from an objective point of view. Having personal, subjective point of view is good from time to time, but it's great to learn about the universe from a point where "Oh, no one can disprove this..." And just add knowledge one by one. And if it's been disproved later on in life regardless then of course just trash it. If there is knowledge were no answer is found that's okay. You don't need to know now.
Here are the people I recommend:
https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC48MclMZIY_EaOQwatzCpvw/featured
If you want a book, I personally recommend https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808 . One section basically talks about 2 influential people like Jesus and the Buddha but it talks about them in an objective point of view. Overall, the book is about discovering something greater for you.
Again, the main point I want to stress is that you should learn life FOR YOU. You could even trash what I recommend completely. YOU have the power to do so. You should not feel forced to join a certain religion or way of thinking. Do it for yourself.
You only need that perspective momentarily, to aid in overcoming problems. Spend an afternoon completely sober and away from all distractions and really get into the grit of your life. Let yourself tear your ego apart, you don't need it.
I suggest you read The power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle. It has changed and still changes my life for the better to this day.
Yeah, absolutely I agree. Reinforcing compulsive desire or being drawn to instant gratification at the expense of long term fulfillment characterizes a lot of the problems in the developed world imo. Check out The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle if you haven't yet.
Cool then I think you'll get these! If you don't know them already.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is the most famous one. I read it over and over. He also has tons of videos on YouTube.
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer is the same principles but in much plainer English.
The Work by Byron Katie is an actual exercise you can do to challenge your thoughts. You ask four questions, and it helps deconstruct your thoughts and show you how untrue they are. And once you know they're not true, they lose their power. She also has lots of videos on YouTube.
Check out the reviews or vids and see if any speak to you. Books saved my life, it's amazing how something that costs $2 (I get them used) can change so much.
I feel your pain. Mine was 22 years. I try to focus on now and the future, I can't change the past. However, I can change myself, my attitude and the reasons I thought it was OK to stay in that relationship with someone who did not appreciate me nor respect me. Here are some books that have helped me with the feelings of waste and the same exact question:
[When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times] (https://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Anniversary/dp/1611803438/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484668584&sr=1-1&keywords=pema+chodron)
The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
[The Power of Now] (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1484668804&sr=8-1&keywords=The+power+of+now)
 
This process is not easy, there is a whole gamut of emotions, it is a wild, rollercoaster ride. I have gone though the blaming myself, the shock, denial, pain, guilt, anger, bargaining and depression. I still feel them from time to time. However, on the long run it is a choice. I am choosing to change what I can and to be happy. It is not always easy and Im tired of the anger. I will no longer allow my STBX to live rent free in my head or usurp my feelings.
Take care of yourself, go for walks; eat, eat well; be conscious, don't do anything stupid. Work with a therapist, reconnect with your friends or make new ones. Use this sub-reddit, there are many here with good advice, I know it saved me from doing stupid stuff more than once. You will make it through, how is your choice.
Seems like the perfect case for reading this
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808
This sounds like something from The Power of Now. I've been re-reading parts of the book lately.
I can't say 'If you liked that quote you'll love this book.' But, the book is full of...observations like this. You can get the book for FREE at your library ;).
It is a very deep concept that has seen a lot of spiritual authors try to describe, so I don't want to do them injustice by trying to explain it in too much in a reddit comment. The most famous example:
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510524252&sr=8-1&keywords=power+of+now&dpID=41WIbflfG2L&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
Here's the best video i can find of him describing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaqHdr--234
Another book:
https://www.amazon.com/Practice-Presence-God-Brother-Lawrence/dp/0883681056 - "It is the art of "practicing the presence of God in one single act that does not end."
Here's where I turned when going through my faith transition. These brought me a lot of comfort and understanding.
Navigating Mormon Faith Crisis: A Simple Developmental Map https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996852603/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_pIouDbB9PXWEQ
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment https://www.amazon.com/dp/1577314808/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dLouDbN4PQVRM
You gotta let it go man...this has no effect on your life...you made the choice and there is no going back either way. just move on already. Buy this book if you're having a hard time: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808