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Reddit mentions of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
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Reddit mentions: 173
We found 173 Reddit mentions of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. Here are the top ones.
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- HARPER ONE
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|Release date||September 2016|
Can I recommend a book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". It's an entertaining introduction to some of the concepts that helped me with these issues.
I think you know the answer, but don't allow yourself to act on it. You're afraid of committing to something you don't have control over. You're afraid of negative emotions, because you don't know how to deal with them. Your plan right now is to adjust your life to avoid negative events and emotions, instead of learning how to deal with them.
Thing is, whether it's in love or something else, like losing someone to sickness or death, or losing your job, you won't be able to escape having to deal with heartbreaks.
The only way to deal with heartbreak is by experiencing it. By knowing life will go on and achievable, even if the mountain in front of you seems insurmountable.
You could see a therapist like somebody else suggested. Some self-improvement books might help you. I suggest reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.
Some advice I can give myself is to start putting things in perspective. How does something affect you in the long run? How does it affect you in a week, a year or a decade? Look at the bigger picture and things become relative. Get yourself to think everything is a moment to learn from, to shape you to be a better person.
Also, if your happiness depends on needing someone else, something is wrong. You should be happy in life regardless of being with someone. I know that's hard to achieve, but it's definitely not impossible if you keep working on it.
Same. I just ran through this summary and I'm really not impressed. This in particular sounds like a tall stack of anecdotal horse shit:
> After many experiments on himself and others, he emphasises that the key factor in waking up with energy is that you tell yourself before you go to bed, that you would be getting enough sleep that night and would wake up in the morning feeling energised and ready to go. Regardless of whether its 4 hours or 9 hours, if you acknowledge and accept that you’ll be getting a good amount of sleep, then you’ll feel great in the morning.
I think I'll stick with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, thanks.
I understand the 'put my foot down' mentality you're going for, but from what you've written it comes off as coming from a place of insecurity. Yes you have to establish boundaries for what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, but more importantly you have to recognize when you're doing things reactionarily to others or if you're truly acting out of self respect. The author Ayn Rand discusses this concept in Fountainhead,
>"Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder." Fountainhead Chapter IX, Part 4, pp. 605
Are you doing things to show others you have self-respect and boundaries, boundaries which are defined by reactions of others, or do you have self-defined boundaries developed out of self-respect.
I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism rather than an attack on your person.
Ok let's be real for a second. You were fairly invested in her and she didn't reciprocate. She sent some signals of disinterest that you picked up on 'acting distant and not making an effort to message me', then she sent a soft rejection, 'I'm busy' (I'm guessing she didn't propose another time by saying something like 'I'm busy but I can do this Saturday').
Because you were still invested in her, you pushed through the indicators and tried to get her to return investment in you by [demonstrating value] initiating conversation, cracking jokes and being nice. She didn't respond for a few weeks and then you 'put your foot down' and unfriended her. That's not establishing boundaries, that's acting reactionarily out of a place of insecurity.
Let's talk about what you could've done differently, and the underlying mindset behind what you did in comparison.
Here are a few books which I think may be helpful for you to read.
Subtle art of not giving a fuck
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
Doesn't directly relate to FIRE, but The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life is pretty great.
Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
Practice, you’ll get better with time. I approach every task I’m given the same way: I do my best at it, and if I fail then I learn what I’m not good at. That tells me what to work on for the next time I do it. You can get a lot of self development done that way.
Fake it till you make it man. Soldiers look at you and see an NCO. If you try to project what you think they should be seeing, then eventually you’ll get used to acting that way and it will become normal. Nobody has access to the inside of your head but you, it’s okay to be nervous or freak out to yourself, but what you project outwardly is what counts.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a great read, for anyone interested.
This is a dumpster fire.
This isn't your job's fault, it's yours. Accept it because it means you get to choose where to go from here. It doesn't feel like it now but you do decide your reactions to what happens around you.
Learn to stop giving a fuck. In fact, I recommend the book. Given your work history, I'm going to bet you don't delegate, it seems to be a common issue among former sysadmins and engineers.
Make use of all resources you have available to you, both personal and professional. MAKE time to go to the gym. If some low priority shit doesn't get done at work, oh well. I'd also recommend another book to help augment your current habits, The Willpower Instinct.
You are in control, you get to decide what bothers you. Take control of your life and your happiness. Get in better shape, play with your kids. Pick up a new hobby. Whatever you have to do but don't give up control of your life to a fucking job.
There's two components to this.
One, realize if you land in a relationship you won't magically get happy. No one thing in life makes everything better. Life is complex and misery comes from a lot of sources. If you're miserable outside of a relationship there's a good chance you'll be even more miserable in one. Also, you now have less time and money. To really understand misery and getting over I'd recommend Feeling Good and The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.
The second part, let's say you really do want success with women. Or at least to try it out. You're probably unskilled. That's it. You aren't a loser. You aren't a failure. You're just unskilled. Think about it like this. We all have to work to eat and survive. There are dozens of strategies for job hunting, but I've never heard anyone exclaim, "ah, don't worry about it. Just be confident and you'll land your dream job one day". You think about the type of career you want, think about how to build a presentable resume, create a strategy to get the experience you need. Plenty of steps and strategy. Same with seduction. For this I'd recommend Models and asking around /r/seduction. There's a lot of different strategies out there (a lot of terrible along with good) and figuring out what works for you, but the important thing is just realizing it's a learned skill. It isn't fate woven by gods from the beginning.
Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.
I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.
I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.
There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.
Hope this helps!
Learn to give less fucks. A a few metric shittons less fucks.
Treat yourself to a good book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
You can only play the hand you were dealt. You cant change that. The good news is that you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on yourself. Change your mentality, read more (especially self help books...good ones as there is alot of trash out there), learn new things, pick up new hobbies, change yourself physically by hitting the gym, grooming yourself (if that's an issue), dress nicer (if you don't already), attain goals, set new goals....live for you and only you, man. Improve yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. You will always fall short if you do that and quite frankly, other people are irrelevant when it comes to your life. If it is girls you want, there are "plenty of fish in the sea", this I am sure you've heard thousands of times, but although these girls all have different tastes/interests, they are, in general, not so much attracted to looks per se, but rather behavior and attitude. Girls of course are not opposed to a good looking guy, but good looks will only get you initial interest from them, but if a guy doesn't have a good personality, attitude, self esteem or confidence, then Brad Pitt himself would not be able to attract and keep women. You would be amazed how successful "unattractive" men can be. I'm sure you have seen it. Forget about women for now, work on you. Get your self esteem and confidence up. That should be the goal. How you negatively feel/view about yourself projects to people. It turns them off before you can even open your mouth. Good luck man!
If you have a moment, check out the book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. It's a great book and it will hit probably hit home in alot of areas. It (and others) helped me when I needed some help. Its a good read. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713?ref_=ams_ad_dp_asin_2
Check this out. Might help you
"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"
Meni je osobno užasno pomoglo čitanje. Konkretno Mark Manson, a konkretnije njegova knjiga The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck inspirirana ovim blog postom. Ne postoji bolja self-help knjiga. Razumno, to the point, bez sranja i konkretno.
Nikad nisam bio u prilici kad nisam imao najbolje frendove i čak mi je frend nedavno rekao da smo ga ja i frend "spasili" jer zbog nas ima društvene krugove. Inače bi završio bez prijatelja i ljudskog kontakta. Tako da ja nemam to iskustvo, ali razumijem preko frenda koliko je ozbiljno.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
I haven't read it, but Amazon and Audible both keep recommending it to me and I've heard good things.
These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.
So Good They Can't Ignore You
And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.
Perfect answer to this
The idea that some fans are true and some are fairweather or bandwagon fans is just a way for some people to feel better about themselves. They want to feel like their sacrifice for their team was meaningful in some way, and they try to elevate their status by pushing everyone else down.
You don't have to sit through 2 decades of shit seasons to call yourself a Seahawks fan. Hell, you can even be a Bears fan and a Seahawks fan at the same time. Some people will get bent out of shape and try to make you feel like shit for it. I strongly recommend that you learn how to not give a fuck. There is no reason you need to justify why you like the hawks to people that would shit on you anyway.
Go ahead, call yourself a hawks fan. Let people hate you for it. Fuck them, they don't matter one bit.
Had a really frustrating work trip a few weeks ago In the airport on the way back I saw this book:
The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck:
It is really good, I enjoyed it.
Reminds me of "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck"
I was diagnosed RRMS in Feb 2002. I was re-diagnosed in Feb 2017 with Secondary Progressive. When you said this:
> how am I supposed to accept this new reality? I suppose I just sort of have to? Not like I have a choice in the matter... I guess it takes time.
It just hit me, again, hard. I am into this thing for a LONG time now, and I am still adjusting. I am still accepting the new normal.
I wish I could give you a better answer. I recently finished the Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck
It's the usual blend of BS pop psych and what not, but one thing really really hit me: You cannot accept responsibility for what happens. You can only take responsibility for how you react to it.
I have good days. I have bad days.
I have a ton of spinal lesions, and most of my MS stuff is below the waist. When I was DXed with the secondary progressive, the doctor said he didn't really understand how I still walked without aid or a wheel chair.
Anyway, for years I had horrid shitting problems. Explosive, violent, painful and horrific shits. Like something HR Geiger would draw. Perhaps Jackson Pollack if instead of Oils he used poop.
This week, I had to have a colonoscopy. Everyone talks about how awful the prep is. How disgusting, how painful and how gross.
Well, let me tell you--- Compared to my MS Shits, this was nothing. I could do that every day--- fuck, twice a day, rather than have one of my MS Shit 'Splosions
It made me realize, again, that we deal with our MS, our issues and our symptoms as best we can. That what we have does become a new normal.
That something we deal with everyday is both a new normal--- and an old horrible.
But it makes us so strong.
I am an Atheist but I grew up Old-School Jewish.
Yet, I love this good old line, I think it may be from the Jesuits.
No one is given a cross to heavy for them to carry.
Good luck, I hope my ramblings weren't too, well, rambly--- and feel free to PM me as the journey of MS takes you down its weird and wild path.
I know that self-help books are hit or miss, at best, but I’ve been going through my own relationship struggles. While reading about attachment styles & boundary creation here on Reddit, the list below are some of the books (on Amazon) that kept popping up in Reddit discussions. Haven’t read them yet, but I did order them, & they’re supposedly arriving today - I can update w/ my thoughts & feedback, if anyone is interested.
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love
Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation
Another name that I’ve seen referenced a bunch here on Reddit is Mark Manson - he has a ”Guide to Strong Boundaries,” which I’ve also included a link to below
Mark Manson is famous for this book, amongst others
*The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life**
Dunno if this may help, but I do know that learning about one’s own attachment style, love language, etc can at least be a great start to a better relationship with yourself. As for the relationship with one’s partner? Boundaries! Boundaries are crucial.
...man, do I suck at boundaries!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson
I mean, he's not a licensed psychologist or anything and therefore lacks some credibility. Nevertheless, I really did enjoy reading it and he does have some good points. Other than that it is just quite fun to read.
Hell, some people would probably rage and be all like "He doesn't know what he's talking about!!!" but those people need to read the book.
I don't know if it's considered a personal development book, but I really enjoyed reading The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson, it's a great self-help book.
I tell people this a lot, and it really depends on the person, but I'll try to make a list! To focus on ourselves basically means to better our confidence and our general well-being. Focusing on ourselves is basically keeping busy while improving ourselves at the same time. Because at the end of the day, we can't rely on others to lift us up. It helps to have people there, but we will always have ourselves. Focusing on ourselves means just living our lives and not worrying about trying to find another person to help fill the empty void in our hearts, but at the same time, while doing our own thing and just living life, this is when we may meet other people or potential future partners along the way. So either way, it's a win-win situation.
I know there's so much more you can do, but I hope some of these can help for now! Basically just go out there and live your life and have as much fun as possible.
This book by Mark Manson helped me a great deal: The Subtle Art of How not to Give a Fu*k
The power of your last paragraph is real. For those who need help with that, may I recommend a book?
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
My buddy highly recommended that book to me, but I haven't given it a read yet. It's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life".
Give this book a try. If you want the epub/audiobook let me know. It did wonders for my ability to get up and do things that I want and need to do.
I would recommend giving this a read: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1RMBFCYGYWLFK&keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson&qid=1558913677&s=gateway&sprefix=the+subtle+%2Caps%2C128&sr=8-3
However, most of the positivity and optimism that I've gained over the last few months was due to recovering from heartbreak. Did a lot of soul searching and introspective work to figure things out for myself (as well as seeking out therapy). So, everything I've learned has been a mixed bag. What I can say to you is that you yourself, as a person, no matter how you view yourself, how you think people may see you, are enough. More than enough. Whatever little thing you do in your day to day has impact on the world around you. You may not know it, believe it, or even be aware of it but, it has worth. Remember, every footstep always makes an impression in the ground.
I suggest reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck & Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.
Mark Manson is really awesome. I've been a reader of his for a few years and just picked up his audiobook for "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***."
It discusses the counterintuitive ideologies that one must adopt to become more secure with oneself and others in their lives, by letting go of things they shouldn't give a fuck about. Highly recommended you start reading his material.
This book is good https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
That may give you a better understanding of this mindset. But going a little deeper, not giving a fuck is just a perspective. It's a different way of interpreting our life as we experience it.
Instead of including what other people think of our actions in our brain processes, we just notice that what we do affects other people, but instead of letting it deter us from what we want to do, we just do it anyways.
Not giving a fuck takes a lot of practice, I feel many years away from truly mastering this, as I feel I've been conditioned during my life so far to give a very large fuck about what others think of me whenever I do anything.
No doubt a game changer: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=bseries_primary_1_0062457713
If self-help books are your thing you might check out these two inexpensive ones:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
I’m about halfway through the first one and have the second on my shelf to read. No religious bullshit mixed in, and it’s an easy read so far.
Hey I am 54 and good news it gets better!
First thing I would do is take care of yourself. Hit the gym a bit, reflect on life, do something nice for yourself.
I am not sure if your kids are teenagers yet but if they are they are vile creatures between 12-18 but then they get better.
Be careful about how much porn you watch.... I had a huge porn problem in my 40's and it became my escape from reality. The problem is that your brain starts to crave that dopamine rush and it is harder to get that rush without spending hours jerking to porn. Looking for that one perfect video or photo that makes you cum. I started doing a 30 day reset, No porn, no jerking off, no sex It is one of the hardest things I have done but it clears the mind. Get our and be social, but don't fucking chase women!
At 54 I know that I don't have much time left on earth and I am not going to waist one minute. When I stopped trying to make everyone happy all of the time and focused on myself things got better. I stopped putting pussy on a pedestal. If I can give you two great books to read the links are below and they are on audio
No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
> You might be thinking: then what happened before I started doing my homework? I didn’t develop IPT2048 and played other incremental games instead. After I published IPT2048 v2.1, for the entire week I was playing The Perfect Tower, NGUIdle, Almost a Hero, Scrap Clicker 2, etc.
Yo. Punishing yourself mentally for having anxiety about your cool little project you care deeply about isn't going to help you progress with anything.
My guess is: you're overwhelmed with the expectations you've set for yourself, and it seems extremely difficult to conquer your targets to the level of perfection that you can't possibly not achieve. You're anxious that you're not going to get it done perfectly, so instead of lowering your standards, you keep yourself from doing it at all, because then, you can't fail at all.
Problem is, you can't succeed that way, either. You're young. It will do you well to learn so early on that the reason you're anxious is because you want everything to work out to the utmost of expectations, because you care deeply about it. I think you know that it's a good thing that you care, but in your head, the tape keeps playing over and over of how some things can go wrong, and since it's louder than your desire to make it work, you stop yourself from working.
I've read an article in Scientific American about how one researcher considers addiction a learning disability. She was clever and learned things at a faster rate than most (I think this is your situation, as well). But then, when things started to get overwhelming — like after she got to the university or something — she started to find solace in drugs, because they helped her relax and not worry about things too much. At some point, she said, she was so attached to doing light drugs — like marijuana — that she'd forgotten to do the actual work of studying. She put it aside because it bothered her too much, and enjoyed drugs because they gave her the opposite.
Her thinking was: she got into drugs because she was clever. She learned all things quickly; she'd also learned quickly that drugs help overcome her fears — and it didn't matter at the time that she pushed the important work — the kind of work that made her a better person and a more capable specialist — aside.
I don't know whether it's true, but I certainly notice similar threads in my life. I learn well. I get things quickly that others struggle with. I excel. I also enjoy a lot of procrastinating and putting things off because they seem too difficult or are too scary to undertake.
As I got older, I came to realize how baseless those fears really are. It's not that the work is scary: it's that I think it would hurt me to do it, when there's no real reason for me to think that way. I give the negatives much more weight than I do the positives. The fear of failure, therefore, starts to rule my decision-making — and the only place I can possibly end up in when it's at the helm is in a rut, on the sidewalk of life, hoping that someone would come pick me up and help me get where I want to go.
Now, imagine this. There are two people in your life. You know both a little bit; you've spent some time chatting, so you kind of know where they're coming from when they say what they say. One day, one of them starts telling you about this cool new project they have the idea for. They describe it in great detail: all the cool features, all the awesome user interactions, all the potential — and then go on listing the reasons why they can't take it up. "It's too big!". "I can't make it all by myself!". "People would probably not like it".
The other person tells you about their current pet project too. It's not ambitious: just a little app that helps people in a small area. Maybe it's a shopping list app. Maybe it reminds users to take their medication. Maybe it sends autoreplies to certain SMS and emails. The person has some codebase ready, they've read the app store license agreements (for which they have some questions they mean to ask people who know something about it), they ask you if you'd like to test it once it's ready, to work out the kinks in design before official release.
Of those two people, whom would you rather help when they ask? The one that does nothing for themselves and always looks for the reason not to do what they think would be "really cool", or the one who gets things done and keeps things on the level where they understand it?
You might be tempted to start arguing the first person's case. Don't. You know what I mean, and you know I'm right.
You seem to be doing pretty good so far. People have spoken to the quality of your work — and to the nature of those who make "cool idea" posts. You actually accomplish things, and people respect that. So should you.
Take a step back. Leave the project to rest for a while. Take a deep breath, get what things you need to have done first so that nothing bothers you, and when you're ready, come back and see what you can do. There's no hurry, there's no rush, there's no expectations or a timeline. It's your project: you can, quite literally, do whatever you want with it. Continue it, scrap it, rework it, stop it — it's in your hands, as is the goals you set for yourself.
In the meantime, I'd recommend reading something on anxiety and productivity. I have no links for you, since everything I read is piecemeal: a little insight here, a little advice there, an overview from an unrelated book and a personal story from a videogame. That said, I would recommend Raptitude — a blog about mindful living and finding peace in a troubling world. David writes on a variety of issues, and you might just find something that speaks to you.
I would also have liked to recommend A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck by Mark Manson to you, but I think you're not on the level to get as much benefit from it as I did. I started soulsearching when I was about your age, and it took me until now to come to understand life and living enough to be able to apply Mark's advice. Feel free to read it if you're curious, but I wouldn't expect much of it if I were you. It might not make much sense right now.
Take your time. Breathe. Focus on things you can do. Set the bar low and overperform.
>Delete the lawyer, Hire facebook and hit a gym.
Relevant resource for OP.
Think you’d like the book below. Not about not caring it’s about not worrying about things you can’t control. I liked it!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_vDqoDbR8C0X5S
I'll just leave this here
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: It's more Zen than the title alludes to.
No More Mr. Nice Guy: Excellent book!
How to Win Friends and Influence People
Mystery: Body Language 1
Mystery: Body Language 1
Hot Seat Breakdown: Part 1 of 5. This might be the greatest breakdown of legit pickup. It's Owen from RSD, and I don't like him typically, but this is super good.
Hey! I feel ya!!!! The good news is that you can beat your depression!!!
My partner had depression for many many years!! He was on meds for a long time, he went to counseling (I even went with him to know better how to help him and to learn to not let his depression get to me - because it certainly does!)
So here is what worked:
Also, in order to be effective, the exercise needs to elevate your heart beat for 30 minutes or so (therapist recommendation). We enrolled in a cardio class, so we stay more motivated than walking in the boring treadmill.
Can’t find one in your community? There is tons online!
I hope this helps, OP! I can give you more suggestions, but I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed! I really really hope you will find a way to get better! ❤️
somewhat philosophical but it's a really good book
Finished it about five weeks ago.
Check out this book:
There's a really good anecdote early on in the book. It tells the story of this guitarist who got kicked out of his band just before they record their first album. He was completely devastated. On his way back to LA from New York, he decided that he would start his own band and be bigger and better than his old band. He practiced constantly, assembled a new band and recorded an album. The band became successful and actually reached global fame. His new band was Megadeath, a relatively popular and well known band. Most people would be very happy with this accomplishment. Unfortunately his previous band was Metallica, and they were much more popular and successful than Megadeath. The guitarist (Dave Mustaine) later admitted in an interview that he was still upset about being kicked out of Metallica and doesn't consider himself to be a success.
It then tells the story of Pete Best. He was the drummer who was kicked out of The Beatles and replaced by Ringo Starr just before they made it big. For years he was depressed, suicidal, and pissed off at the world. But later, he met his wife, started a family, and lived a happy and satisfying life. Eventually, he accepted the things in life that he couldn't control and took responsibility for those that he could.
The point is that you shouldn't worry about the things in your life that you can't control. Don't compare yourself to your friends or set arbitrary benchmarks like "I should be making $X per year". Don't measure your progress in life by how much money you have in the bank or how many fancy toys you have. Find what makes you happy and do it.
Read this if it helps you.
While I haven't read it myself, I feel like this book may be a good reflection of my philosophy and approach to life. The trick is to identify what's actually important and not worry about the other stuff.
OP was worried about telling his parents. Since he's even having to question how, that means it's not actually important because the relationship to communicate openly about something like that doesn't exist.
The question about reaching out to the other family is an inquiry about tradition. Tradition means fuck-all for gay marriage, plus that tradition is deeply rooted in misogyny, so fuck it!
And finally the ring question. De Beers has everyone brainwashed into thinking diamonds are more than shiny rocks with their monopoly and pervasive marketing. They're fucking rocks. They mean shit. You would presumably know your SO well enough to know what would actually mean something to him and go for that.
For myself, I'd want a nice tungsten carbide band, which will be re-used at the courthouse wedding because as far as I'm concerned, marriage is a civil function, not ceremonial. For OP, maybe he wants the big traditional wedding with vows and all the hoopla and staggering bills associated with it. More power to him! If it's important for him and his SO, then they should go for it.
That's really what it boils down to. Figure out what's important and don't worry about the rest. What's important to you doesn't have to be what's important to someone else, and vice versa. The last thing you really want to do is wasting your time, effort and money on the unimportant shit at the expense of the things that actually matter to you.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Take a look at Unstuck - https://www.unstuck.com/
While they are trying to sell you some things there is plenty of useful thought cookies for you to munch on.
This one came up recently - https://www.unstuck.com/advice/escape-drama-triangle/
Also highly recommend meditation and attending some days run by Buddhists. Some good tools to be learnt on letting go of things and generally giving less shits.
And this book - https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/
> she would be dead gave me insomnia and hyper vigilance at night.
Been there. done that. Used to jump at any little sound SO makes. Now that we are separated, I'm getting my good night sleep back.
As to other people's shitty problems, it comes with anyone you date. No running away. Life has issues, love isn't easy and we only have so much time left. At mid-life, there are those who are single (probably good reason to remain single) and those who are divorced/widowed/serial-relationships/mental-health-issues/unspecified-illness.
Perhaps you should read "Subtle Art of Not Giving A F&(K" to help with life's perspective.
for learning/cognitive related i recommend checking out:
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman,
Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericsson
and the various Cal Newport books (he also has a blog),
Thomas Frank from College Info Geek is also cool.
i personally prefer actionable coaching over talk therapy as it helps me get shit done rather than sit around and introspect which i already do enough of.
there is a /r/Stoicism
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo, check it out
Brene Brown for self compassion, talks on Youtube, you could check out.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson is another good one.
Might help a bit. I'm enjoying it.
I'm also quite depressed, though. So who am I to say.
Check out this book
You are only 25...you can turn your life around and be happy. Don't put all your self worth in a job, because that will never truly make you happy.
I dunno. I think it's a mixture.
Guys like Roosh always seemed like weirdos to me, and he's so angry that sometimes I've thought, "He doesn't sound like someone who does well with women. He sounds more like an angry incel."
I don't think RSD doesn't care about helping men be successful with women. I just think they have multiple goals: make money, help men succeed with women, and avoid bad press coverage. It's actually quite hard to measure "help men succeed with women". Yeah, there might be some guys who have a little bit of success ("I made-out with a girl at a bar!") and think that it signals long-term success with women when it doesn't. Money and avoiding bad press are MUCH easier to measure, so they end up becoming more important.
I've seen some other pickup guys who seem to have decent success getting women into bed, but don't really have good success beyond that. Some of these guys seem to have mental-health (Mystery) or anger issues (Roosh), but those issues somehow manage to propel them to short-term success with women. I should also point out that some of these guys are just pretending to do well with women as marketing. I remember Roosh getting caught using the photos of models that he had never met or slept with, but he wanted guys to think he had picked-up these women. (He got called-out on a talk show and they had one of the models show up.) I can think of a few others who also got caught using paid actresses.
There are some guys who have been in the pickup-coach scene who seem to do alright. Did you know that Mark Manson (author of "The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck") was a pickup coach and had even put-out a dating product for men?
Would recommend the book this book as a starter to the not giving a fuck lifestyle.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oNgvCbKRPADN3
I thought this was a great book!
OK, I normally prescribe whiskey, but in your case, I'm prescribing a book.
It took a major labour dispute for me to get the point, but I no longer give a fuck about my job beyond getting it done, and I've never been more content in the workplace.
Just read this book "Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck". It is by far one of the best books I have come across that helps in such circumstances. I was there too, but now in a better place.
Check out The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck if you haven't already, I feel this would be relevant to you and /u/mayg0dhaveMercy
Edit: also I find socializing with everyone helps me forget that I'm bad, circus people in general have been very nice
Not specifically about depression so much as life philosophy, but I am currently enjoying The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck by Mark Manson
I’m reading that now!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck was also a good read— and definitely relates.
This is what the book "The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck" talks about. I would recommend reading it.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson may have some helpful insight for you. I recently finished this book and have been recommending to all of my friends. The first chapter is kind of obnoxious, the rest of the book is pure gold in regards to gaining perspective on managing the things that are truly important in your life.
Highly suggest audiobooks or if you have chrome on a computer and/or a voice assistant on a smartphone (Siri, Google, etc.) then use the Read Aloud/ Text-To-Speech features for books in the ePub format. Here's some links for these tools:
•Read-Aloud Features: Siri on iOS or Google on Android
•Online Text-To-Speech Program: Natural Reader (Free use for basic voice, sounds a little robotic but it's handy)
• Book Management Software: Calibre (can convert PDFs, Kindle format books to ePub. May not always work due to DRM and content formatting.)
• Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, MD
(Amazing book for anyone looking to turn their mental health and lifestyle around with the power of cognition)
• Mindsight by Dr. David Siegel, MD
(Another psych book dealing with various techniques for improving our mind-body-spirit connection from a neurobiological standpoint)
•.The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
(The book has sort of a cult vibe but the overall message is about understanding who you are in the present and not letting your mind stop you from living beyond your physical capabilities)
• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
(Very down to earth guidelines about how to adjust perspectives that focus less on others and more on your own needs)
I wish you good luck and remember that everything you need is already with you.
Have you heard of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713 ? I really recommend it!!!
You are a great person, you have ambitions and goals! Majority of people don't have that, believe me!
To me it seems like you are trying to meet someone else's expectations (you parents? your friends?). You don't have to be the best to be happy! That opinion, that happiness comes with uniqueness has been around for way too long. That's not true :)
You don't do stuff with a goal to become really good. You do stuff because you like doing it! And when you enjoy doing it and do spend a lot of time doing it, then you become really good! See, it's not a goal, it's a result!
It's all in that book, it's worth time and money, read it :)
You look like the kind of guy I would be happy to have date my teen daughter. You appear kind and respectful. 16 sucks for just about everyone, it will get better and you will live your dreams. Just don’t give up and you’ll see- this life has a lot to offer you.
With maturity comes an ever increasing ability to not give a fuck what other people think of you. In fact, do you like to read? Check out this book:
Good luck son, you’re gonna do great. ❤️
Edit: You are certainly not a Luzer and might I suggest you make a new username so as not to reinforce that idea in your mind. You want to try to focus on positive things about yourself, not drill home the negative things your brain invents.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck? I might have unintentionally paraphrased something from there.
The act of not caring isn't the easiest thing to do for most people. Caring about what other people think of you is one of the things we kinda need in our minds to be able to live in harmony with other people. So to reject the surface of not caring can sometimes be hard. One thing you'll notice is that it's a trait a lot of old people have haha, people who have "been there, done that" and learned lessons from each of their experiences. That's not a common trait to find among younger people. I'm just babbling, you want answers right?
I'm reading a book called The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck. I'm nowhere near done with it, but even the small amount that I have read so far has REALLY helped me get rid of so much anxiety. This book even helped me improve my grades as well, and it's making me realize so much more about myself. I suggest you read it. Rent it from your local library if you don't wanna buy it.
I know you were looking for answers that coincide with nihilism. Sure I can say "nothing matters you're all gonna die so why care?" right? But you already know that so that answer would just be redundant and a waste of time.
Mark Manson - "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". As the title and description suggests, it's pretty unconventional and controversial, and IMO the best self-help book I've ever read, and I'm usually not a fan of most "self-help" books. Check out his blog too.
Excuse me for being the voice of reason.
Perhaps more people should jump on the logic train
Everything that you've said is fixable though.
By one thing.
Doesn't matter if you don't feel that way, if you're able to project confidence (not arrogance, there's a difference) it can help a lot.
It's bloody hard to meet new people (and I have this problem, too) but honestly, as we get older, we think "we can't do this shit anymore" - that ain't true.
Can I suggest you read this book? It might give you a nudge towards at least being a little bit more sure of yourself. Long story short, you're giving too much of a shit about what other people think, and not enough of a shit about what you think. This might not happen overnight, but all you need is one little step at a time then maybe you can believe in yourself a little bit more.
Eliminating stress and resultant anxiety and resultant mood problems as much as possible from life. In my case that meant learning not to give a fuck and more importantly just bing myself. Perhaps counterintuitively my grades actually improved as a result so caring less == performing better
This post reminded me of this book, it's actually pretty worth reading. I don't usually read books like it, but it was the only book in English at the bookstore in Italy I went to
or for us non Canadians.
I can't even get to half that stuff I'm so occupied. You should not be 'bored' because if you're bored, you're doing lit wrong.
Yes 100%. I totally messed up the title and missed spelt the authors name. But here's the link.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_dSI8ybGEPCT0K
The book list just keeps growing in so many different directions that it's hard to identify which I want to tackle next (I also have a tendency to take meticulous notes while I read and that slows the process down even further!). Some of the topics I intend to read about once I'm done with the books mentioned:
Plus a bunch of books by Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, Carl Sagan, and others. There are way too many. And all the fiction books I want to read too! It's not that I didn't read books before, but my faith transition has sparked an intense desire to study and learn far greater than I ever experienced before.
Totally agree. The book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ is all about this.
> Unlike the vast majority of gay men, I have mental health issues and baggage.
99.9% of gay people have mental health issues, and everyone most certainly has their own baggage. If someone says they don't have baggage, they're just in denial and probably a giant fuckface, like your ex. If you're down, I suggest reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Marc Maron, it's a fairly profane approach to a zen-like mentality.
I’m getting ready to read this. Maybe you should try it, too.
This is my main hobby.
You are not doing anything wrong. I am about a year into recovery and went through many different avenues. I tried AA, Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery and an outpatient program with my health insurance. So, I have gotten a taste of most of them.
Just like in all walks of life, there will be some people that try to bring you down. This is no different at the meetings you will go to. Some people will belittle you for whatever reason. There is 100% nothing wrong with being new. Try to ignore the odd lingo that some of people use, such as, "rehab virgin, normies, etc."
I suggest you also broaden your search and see if you can find any of these resources in your area:
I found more success moving between all these resources based on what I was struggling with at the time. I also suggest you pick up a couple books. I found a lot of solace looking towards philosophy. Some books that helped me were:
With recovery, just stay away from any of the social drama. Listen to the knowledgable people. And, always remember that we are all in a vulnerable place.
Hope this helps!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson. Didn't help me starting out, but helped recently. Have to keep work in prospective with everything else.
I present to you: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
I think you're ready...
Give this a read
There are only so many fucks a person can give in one day.
>Do you do this after you read the book, or during?
I'm actively doing this while I'm reading the book. It helps that I'm usually reading a book with my laptop in front of me, but if I don't have my laptop I'll usually just jot down some notes in the margins/highlight/write on scrap papers and then put it in my mindmap later. I see this as being a tool for me to go back and absorb information quickly months down the line so I don't have to reread a book a bunch to pick up ideas again.
> Is the software just for desktop/laptop use or smart phone too? (And how do you use it?)
It's opensource so I don't think they have an app. However there are a bunch of mindmap softwares out there so I'm sure there is one that links to mobile. I just happen to like this one because it's free! As to how to use it, there is a fairly good help page in the software once you download it and you pick up how to use it after reading it for ~30 minutes or so.
> I'd love to see your completed one if you want to post it!
I'll make a post about it or link to it here once I have a good one. Currently filling one out for this subreddit's current reading so I'll post it in a week or two.
I've heard good things about this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+art+of+not+giving+a+fuck&amp;qid=1549664651&amp;sr=8-1
You are very welcome!
If you like reading/Audiobooks - This book was a really good starting place, plenty of science in it, so it's not wishy washy 😂.
The Compassionate Mind (Compassion Focused Therapy) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002S0KBYU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_TlGCCb7KFWEWP
It's 99p on Kindle format atm.
And this was fun to listen to on Audible -
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_noGCCbA3QEVJR
Regardless, you'll get there if that's your intention, just keep doing what your doing 👍
It's perfectly normal. In fact, if I were you I'd worry more if you didn't have those feelings.
It sounds to me like you're sort of stuck in a rut, man. That sucks. Is there anything else you could be doing, job-wise?
> The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me.
You are under no obligation whatsoever to get married and father children. Some people choose to do it, some choose not to. I for one, choose not to. It's up to you and what makes you happy and feels right.
> This isn't what I expected life to be like. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring.
It's only just begun, and that's a good thing. But I get what you're saying, though. For example, I've played guitar since I was around 12. For a couple of years I just didn't feel like it.. Didn't play a single riff for months at a time. This year I met a woman who just started a year ago, and we had a blast playing together. Jammed on old classics and taught her a couple of tricks. Bam! My enthusiasm for my beloved instrument was back. Point is, your passion for the things you used to enjoy can strike back just like that, given that you're in a good mental state.
> I'm just going through the motions, nothing matters. Does life get better after your 20's?
Speaking of a good mental state. Yes, it gets better when your 20's are over. At least for me, that decade was a fucking ordeal. I came to terms with who I was and what life is like, be it fucked or not. Giving less fucks about shit that didn't actually matter helped a great deal for my overall well-being. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck pretty much sums it up.
Best of luck. Your best years are ahead of you, not behind you.
Grindr is literally the worst possible place for anyone with any kind of insecurities, so cut that shit out.
I think only stupid people don't feel like they're unlikable. So congratulations, you're sane.
Heres a book you should read, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
Once you stop caring how others think, you'll stop getting flustered, and your confidence will go up. Once that happens you automatically go up a few levels... So like so many other things, fake it til you make it.
Have you been reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck? Because it sounds like you have been.
You need to learn how to not give a shit, easier said than done of course, but here is a good book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/
So many people are in your situation, its a real epidemic - many of your coworkers suffer the same I'm sure, people just hide it. Taking a new job or a holiday probably wont make much difference, you have to change your thinking - maybe have a look into mindfulness.
This is a book that has helped me with depression https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713, try reading it and see if it helps you.
Tldr: stop comparing, create your own path and be your actualized self.
you need stop comparing. True humanity is being humane. Nothing more. All those things you just listed are things people do to get some satisfaction and in the process we have made them ideals and therefore unreachable standards. Just think about how much ads we see a day, how we are trying to impress the others to look above average. The classical ideals of fame and fortune are utopian.
The thing to realize is that 90% of all humans are average in every aspect, 5 % exceeds expectations and meets the actual standards, the other 5 % is below average and don't have that great odds to get a more humane live. I am talking about genetics here, not about external factors like culture and location. This is evolution.
Where others don't have adhd, the chances are pretty high that they lack in other areas, think handicaps or other health issues or anything that one can hinder in being his true self.
I believe we need be proud to be average this makes us humble and thankfull for that wich we do have. Even the smallest things like seeing or thinking.
It can be hard to strive to those standards we are always trying to reach, for if not those ideals what else has meaning in life?
A tree. A tree is a tree, and nothing more. A bird is a bird nothing more. A amoeba is a amoeba. That's how nature works. Humankind is the only species among with a few other primates that strives to change its self into something else, something more. Why? Why should we do that? No one ever got happy from it and only suffered and made others suffer. That's what's most sports and war is all about.
So I say let us practice the 'modern' stoic way. Don't say I am in it to win it. But internalize your goals. Make it. I am Going to try to do my best. And what is your best? That's being the truest form of your self. See the difference? When you are in it to win it your serenity depends on something you don't control. It's better to put it somewhere you do have control over, like your expectations. Your own personal standards.
Humanity is being human. And you are you. So stand in it. Practice your actual self. With your abilities and disabilities. As is. Accept that. Do not compare it against society. Think of it like you are the only one on earth. How would you feel about your actual self if this was the case?
This is not something I figured out my self but the ancient Greeks and Roman's already lived this way thousands of years under the movement of stoicism.
I mainly got these techniques and thoughts out of this book wich I really recommend, it's a bit though but if are interested in the history is a good read else you can skip to part 2 or 3 of the book the guide to the good life - the ancient art of stoic joy by William Irvine
An other more modern take on certain aspects of stoicism is the subtle art of not Giving a fuck - an counterintuitive approach of living a good life
Note: self help books only help if you are open to them and want to read them, not if you are urged by an external peer to read them
especially for people with adhd these really help and give some solid techniques on how to handle life. It made me so much more confident in my self. From being a shy r/niceguys pushover to an independent man who knows how to love himself and not get upset by daily life. All the while being actually happy, content and innerly calm and serene.
Buy this and read it:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Seriously, this book will do wonders:
Check this book out. It's a fun read with good advice.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
> And found that even in my best shape I was still utterly unattractive to all women and repulsive to most.
If you were jacked, had muscles, were not overweight, and women STILL avoided you, that means it's your personality, not your physical appearance.
> I've been to male therapists as well - if anything, they were even worse.
Why were they worse?
Just because you had bad experiences with certain therapists, doesn't mean they're all like that. It can take a while to find one that you click with. Like I said, I had to see probably 20 different therapists before I found one that I clicked with and that actually helped me.
> Because those suggestions have already been tried. And you dismiss that fact when presented with it, because yeah, you're not here to help - you're here to dispense advice, regardless of how helpful it is.
Every person is not the same. Just because something didn't help you, doesn't mean it won't help others. You also can't say therapy didn't work for you when you haven't tried all the different kinds of therapy or seen specialist therapists. I can promise you that every single 'incel' on your sub has not tried every single suggestion out there so to say that things like DBT therapy won't help others is just complete BS. I also suggested TMS and I bet you haven't tried it and most incels haven't tried it so you can't discount things you haven't even tried. To act like there's no hope or treatment for incels is just wrong and sends the wrong message to other 'incels' out there.
> This is the loop of advice you're presenting to incels. It's neither helpful nor supportive.
Telling people they should try different things to try to get better IS helpful and supportive. Telling people that they're ugly and they'll be alone forever is NOT helpful or supportive and that's what many incels say.
> You get pissed either way.
I'm not pissed but many people do get pissed when they try to offer support and help and get told they don't know anything because they're 'normies' or get attacked.
> Incels are hostile to your kind exactly because they have extensive experience with your advice - they know your advice doesn't work and they know you turn hostile the moment your advice is rejected.
First, stop trying to separate yourself from others. Don't say "your kind," we're all people. By acting like you're different, you separate yourself even more and just get more depressed which is a vicious cycle.
Have you ever heard the saying "fake it 'til you make it"? It would apply to incels as well. Pretend like you're a normal dude that is open for love and eventually you will be.
I suggested DBT therapy and TMS, neither of which have been tried by the majority of 'incels' on here so you can't say things don't work when you haven't tried them. You also can't say things don't work when you have no idea how another person will respond to the treatment. The vast majority of people have never even heard of TMS because it's a relatively new treatment that hasn't even been around for 10 years and is just starting to be available across the US and the world. ECT may be helpful if nothing else works. Stop dismissing treatments that you've never tried.
> Basically, they know you're terrible people who pretend to want to help but instead are just here to abuse and troll. If you act like an abusive person, you're going to be treated like one.
Yeah, OK, we're terrible people for trying to help you. /s Do you realize how hypocritical you sound by judging everyone like that when you don't want to be judged yourself? I can promise you, I'm not a terrible person. I have a problem caring too much most times and that's the only reason I even came here in the first place. Making a stupid statement like saying everyone that's not an incel is a terrible person is not only wrong but it just continues to keep you separated. I also haven't been abusive to anyone on here so that's another false statement. Have you ever thought that maybe other people aren't the problem?
> Find instances of DBT benefiting incels in some way directly related to their incelhood.
How exactly would I find that when most people have no idea what an incel is? 'Incel' is not a well-known term so how would there be scientific data to show that therapy helps incels? There is plenty of data showing therapy helps people with a variety of issues, especially with depression, which is what most incels have. Maybe CBT (talk therapy) didn't work for you but it could help others and other types of therapy like DBT could even be more beneficial than CBT. I also mentioned trying TMS which helps to "rewire" the brain and you haven't tried that either so you can't discount it. ECT could be tried if nothing else has worked.
> This is a big problem with people like you.
Again, you're alienating yourself. You're also being a hypocrite. You say you want to be treated like everyone else but when you act like that and tell us we're different and we're "terrible people", you just make it worse for yourself and alienate yourself further.
> When someone tries to engage you in conversation and maybe ACTUALLY work out some solutions that might help incels
What solutions do you have? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I actually want to know.
All I see on your sub is 'incels' being hopeless and thinking they'll be single for the rest of their lives and they start to hate women and the entire world. Many blast women as 'sluts' and act like women are less than men. Many say they want to kill or hurt 'normies.' The anger towards women and society just makes your situation worse and makes it less likely to ever find love.
> instead of doing your part in the conversation you treat it like a shouting contest - instead of arguing your points, you simply restate in more words, which really is the internet equivalent of trying to shout as loud as you can.
I'm not shouting about anything. I was trying to offer suggestions to possibly help.
> You're not going to convince or help anyone that way, so if either is your goal, you need to reconsider your approach.
I guess I was just stupid to think you wanted help. You can't help people that won't help themselves. If you wanted help and wanted to change, you would be willing to try different things and not just give up on life/love and say nothing works.
If I had thought like you did, I would have committed suicide a long time ago. I have suffered from severe depression and other mental health issues and it took me a while but I finally started to get better. I had to try different things for years and see countless doctors and finally started to get help and get better.
This is the bad attitude that I was talking about before. People don't want to be around negative people so as long as you have that negative attitude and act like you're separate from everyone else, you'll only attract other negative people. No one wants a friend that's so depressed all the time and thinks they can't change. Get some help so you can change your attitude and you'll start attracting positive people.
EDIT: I found this page from a book called 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life' by Mark Manson and I think it may help you and other 'incels' and just about anyone who is depressed or anxious. You (and every other incel) should read the book. You can download it and read for free online or in .PDF, .epub, or .mobi format here or you can find it on Amazon here. You should also check out the author, Mark Manson's website.
What I mentioned a metaphorical friend, somebody that can keep your secrets and won't judge you. I'm sorry that I brought you to that state of mind. How about a sibling or a family member? As soon as you start trying to help people with problems similar to yours, you realize how unfairly judgemental you are towards yourself.
I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do or how you feel, but I have a feeling that you are in a mental rut. Depression often carries with it physical symptoms such as lethargic posture and low energy voice. People can sense that and are put off by it, just as you would avoid a person with a dripping nose and a cough.
It's a cliche but how do you expect people to like/love you if can't have those feeling towards yourself?
I recommend you focus on yourself first before anything else, get some professional help if need be.
The way you replied to my simple question on which dance move it was, it displays to me that you not only have a passion for dancing but that you also put other people ahead of yourself.
If you have the time, I urge you to read This and This
And if you feel like you want to talk, send me a PM. Good vibes <3
There’s a good book I would recommend you read to help with that. It’s called The Subtle Art of Learning To Not Give A Fuck, or something similar to that. I’m not kidding either, that is a real book. Check it out. It will help you much more than NMMNG will. Also, read The Rational Male. That also goes much more in-depth than NMMNG.
Edit: Here it is
I suggest you read this book:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
If you self harm because people make fun of you, you should probably get help. I can recommend this book.
Cheers will look into that!
<edit> I definitely need this one!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It is so good and very helpful. It is extremely truthful. Here is the paperback on Amazon.
Thanks for sharing. I went through same thing but I decided not to give any fucks & do what I want. I advice you to read books about this subject like this one.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Ow3UzbRMTPEFP
Meditation helps a lot too. Download app called insight timer which is free or try out calm or headspace.
Here's what you need to do....find some time in your schedule 2 maybe 3 days and go away. Tell your family and friends you need time off and to not come looking for you until a week has passed. Leave your cell phone, leave your computer, leave your iPad, all of it behind. Get in your car and drive far away. Pack a backpack,maybe some fishing gear and drive. Drive you think you've gone far enough.
Once you're there go into the woods or the park or the lake sit and enjoy the view. Talk, actually talk and make conversations with strangers and passerbys. Take in the scenery, go fishing. Just unwind and let your mind wander. Talk to yourself and address your problems. I highly suggest you read this book
It's been a while, but the book breaks down the mechanics of being a 'nice guy', in particular the 'transactional' nature of how they view relationships (especially with women), and then helps guys build behaviours that help them end that kind of thinking. If you find yourself thinking "I do all this for my crush/girlfriend/fiance/wife but they don't show interest/affection back", then it's perfect for you.
It's a really good book, but I would say it's only a beginning. I'd follow it up with Models by Mark Manson, and I have The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck on my bookshelf, but haven't opened it yet.
> Thanks for the advice! Any specifics about the cover you don't care for and wouldn't mind to share?
Look, design is a skill the same way writing is a skill. Most people think they can write perfectly OK cover letters or blog articles or whatever, but the results will generally not be as polished and effective as they will after they've been through an experienced, professional editor or put directly into the capable hands of a pro writer.
Same for design. Your cover is readily identifiable as homebrew, which given my original point about credibility, is a mistake. The three colour combo looks like crappy powerpoint, the clipart icons are low-rent and grody, and the font selection is a complete absence of typography. It is better than a lot of DIY but it is transparently DIY. (Contrast with this, which is also very simple but vastly better and more professional. And sold like hotcakes, as well.)
Flood Sick has a better cover on the strength of the type selection alone -- at least it looks like someone made a conscious choice about it, and it is nicely matched to the genre -- and it is probably an absolutely fine cover for the niche.
With this book, though, I do think the cover needs to look like you spent money on the cover for positioning and credibility purposes.
Pa' que vayas visualizando la opcion
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_-gAxybFAKZK90
Just remembered your post on Friday but didn’t have time to respond. Check out thisbook or better, audiobook .
Also have a read/audiobook of this and find out what works for you.
Audible usually have a trial period, should be easy to set up.
It’s not a good place where you are and may take time to get out but worth the effort.
Mind needs a reset. Good luck.
I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad evening and that you felt the way you did. Certainly those are difficult emotions to deal with, and can cause a lot of problems.
I applaud your choice of giving the situation some distance and looking for some help. It's great that you recognized and were mindful of your situation. Not everyone can identify and express what they are feeling and why, so good job you for knowing yourself.
So lets go thru what you said, and I'll try to give you a different perspective.
"When i tried to sing, she sang over me with her improv and everyone just played & laughed a long with her."
I think a lot of people would feel invalidated if someone else monopolized the room. Especially if they were trying to contribute and share. Did you ever try to actually speak with her directly, or to the room in general, and say, 'Hey, I'm trying to sing here too, could you not sing over me? I'd like a chance as well." (check out DEARMAN in order to communicate what you want/need) Now I understand that social anxiety can block you from addressing this (which would be something you'd have to practice and work on.) It's possible 'robot girl singer' didn't realize that she was doing. People tend to be focused on themselves, their own experiencences and are not always paying attention to others. It's very probable that everyone there had no idea that you felt that way, or if you left abruptly, why you left. You need to communicate your feelings, which I know can be hard. Practice is the only thing that makes this easier.
'I feel like, why don't he just leave me & spend his life jamming with this person who is confident & talent since he's obviously not bothered by my absence any way??"
Again, your fiancee may have no idea why you left if you said nothing to him about how you were feeling and why you were feeling that way. You need to start challenging those automatic negative thoughts about yourself.
Again, I'd like to congratulate you some great things you did.
All of these are positive things that YOU did. You obviously have some negative feelings about yourself, and you need to start challenging those. You must have some great qualities. Try to think about what those great qualities are and own them. Sure, other people may be better at some things but that doesn't mean that what you bring to the table is worthless. Practice some self compassion and self love.
A friend of mine who struggles with social anxiety, found this book to be helpful, you may too! (your mileage may vary!)
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life The author, Mark Manson, also has a website with some articles as well.
You may also find these links about overcoming jealousy helpful.
And remember, for any change to work, you need to work it. It will take time and practice for you to change those thoughts and beliefs.
-hugs- take good care!
*edit - grammar - spelling (it's monday)
This book is pretty good. It's not exactly as the title says it is but it has some entertaining and insightful conversation that may apply to you if you are too hard on yourself.
No I am not defending them for it. The damn publisher and distributor absolutely should get flak for it. The problem is venting in the wrong forum makes the other forum which has a completely different purpose useless.
You're allowed to be excited for things just fine. Just don't complain that something is incredibly busy, don't complain that you had to line up for Tacos because they didn't have 1 staff member per person, don't complain about the Cinema because they dared only have 40 seats and you were number 41 in line.
And expect to be outright mocked for prioritising Tacos and a movie release over actual important things in life. Remember the first comment I replied to "Some people take off work for a release" and I stand by my comment that those people who make poor life prioritisation choices in an industry known for launch issues deserve what they get for their impatience. By all means you do you. But if you proceed to review bomb a game, or start complaining that you put off something important for it. I 100% stand by my comment.
My life is not generally exciting, though admittedly in this particular case I'm on vacation. However if I weren't I probably would have downloaded and bought the game on release day. What I would have experienced is problems, and after a quick forum look noticed that it's a general problem and then gone about doing something else while they get resolved.
If you think the choices are between getting mad to the point of review bombing, and giving up on life and never ever doing anything new, then may I suggest something you can do to learn a happy and far more sane middle ground: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
I read this book, which helped.
Huh? Part of adopting the mgtow philosophy is not giving a fuck what people or society thinks about you or what you do. That’s the whole point not conforming to society’s expectations of what it mean to be a man(a slave in the matrix). Did you even read it instead of jumping to conclusions? This article is just a snipped of his book.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=nodl_
Seems like you have extremely high standards for yourself when given a task by someone else that you're supposed to be able to do, so that you don't let them down. Maybe too high.
A mentor at an internship I did gave me this advice:
"The most important thing you have as a software engineer is confidence in your code." - not even good code lol.
Two books that explore the concept of less is more, and how materialist goals and the struggle for happiness end up only ever leaving you wanting more. The first being a modern, satirical look at how everything in life ultimately comes with pain and struggle, and we have to bare the pain that's worth baring. The second being a more spiritual and at times psychological look at what happiness means and how to truly achieve it.
A lot of self-help books focus on self-confidence boosting "you can do anything" mantras which ultimately are meaningless, so I'd avoid those at all cost. Both of these books are much more objective and honest than that, the former taking on a fairly Nihilistic approach.
One book I am currently reading that I am enjoying is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck It is about what things you should care about in life, and has a funny approach to it.
Christ, it must be really hard being a snowflake.
I recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Essentially, learn what to care about and to devote your time to, and don't give a fuck about the rest.
I recommend you read this book:
(You can get the PDF from b-ok)
Especially Chapter 5.
Good luck mate.
I know they sound like joke recommendations, but I'm serious:
Get Out of I.T. While You Can
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
A friend once recommended this book to me and while I haven't bought it yet, I feel like this past year on keto (holy crap one year tomorrow!) has me feeling like I could write a version for myself.
KCKO and http://i.imgur.com/m1i6MUr.jpg
Here's a good book too! Or two. Or four! No More Mister nice guy + The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck + You Are a Badass + Declutter your Mind
They all will apply to Men or Women and are full of great advice and insights! E books available for cheap too. Suppose you can pirate them if you don't have the funds :)
Much love, hit me up if you need some friendly advice! I have been through a lot and am only now seeking what I feel I deserve in life :D
Great summary of this book that everybody should read:
Thank you, I think less is more. I think some girls are more into the time between texts game while other girls are willing to reply honestly and more freely.
Wouldn't it be nice if these women told you what they didn't like instead of just ghosting you? I did let it get to me pretty majorly at first -- this experience has taught me that I really need to improve on not giving a f*ck (just ordered this book)
after the last 2 episodes I started " The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"
Maybe they read this book
This book helped me A LOT with handling those kind of people. Highly recommend it.
Who cares what ignorant people think? I don't get it. Being pissed off because someone doesn't understand what you're doing is a choice you make. Instead you could choose to let it go and move on with your life!
There is no shame in what we do here. Take pride in your diet. Don't get upset when someone else doesn't get it. You're doing this for you, not other people. No need to justify it to anyone else. No need to seek anyone else's approval. You know it works and you have made a choice.
Here's another thing you may not realize: other people are going to try to piss you off along your journey too! Some people you thought had your best interests at heart will say things like 'you're losing too much weight' or 'that diet isn't sustainable'. These people are jealous of your success and want some company for their misery. Are you going to let that piss you off too? You let a fast food server get to you; what's it going to be like when someone you care about says something ignorant?
Train yourself now to own your diet and own your emotions and stay in control of both and choose to not let insignificant bullshit bother you. If you can't confidently look a fast food worker in the eye and say, "Yes, I'm on a low carb diet" you need some help with your mentality. Maybe start with this book https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
I suggest you reading this book.
Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/
Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Then stop giving a fuck. Stop faking anything. Everything you wrote sounds like you are constantly adapting your words and actions based on what you think other people will react best to, but that only makes you seem fake. I admit, it's a vicious cycle, a negative feedback loop.
Be genuine. Learn to love yourself. But that's not just a switch you can flip, you have to become a loveable person, and you will naturally fall in love with yourself. Be genuinely interested in people: just listen to them. Stop thinking about what you will get out of the conversation, be selfless.
Another note: There's an opposite positive feedback loop that you want to start rolling. Think about it this way: Exercise makes you look better. Exercise makes you feel better. Exercise improves your mood. When your mood is improved, you are more interesting to other people. When you look better, you have more self-confidence. When you have more self-confidence, it comes off attractively to others. You don't crave their attention anymore. When you have more self-confidence, you feel better. When you feel better, you are more motivated to exercise and go to social events. When you go to more social events, it improves your mood. And on and on and on: they all build on each other. You have to jump start the process, force yourself to do one of these things and the others will follow.
A therapist is going to be able to help you with this way more than anyone here (especially since apparently half the people here are suicidal). They're specifically trained for this kind of thing and can give you techniques, behaviors, medications etc. that are tailored just for your situation.
That said it sounds like your problem is concentrating on negative things. There are a lot of options to help with that. Mindfulness helps a lot and can be worked on with meditation. Keeping your life in general good order is another important step (exercise, sleep, nutrition, being social, keeping an active mind). After that I think the important thing is to identify what you really care about (your values) and stay busy working towards them. It's hard to be so negative when you're in the moment and things are going well in your life.
There are tons of books that can help too. Here's a fairly simple one that I enjoyed. Otherwise I'd recommend books on ACT therapy (e.g. "The Happiness Trap"), Stoicism (this one is good), Meditation ("Mindfulness in Plain English" is good and free), and CBT therapy (I like this one, though it's kinda long). "The Happiness Hypothesis" is another good overview type book.
Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
I thought the same thing a few years ago. It's all in your mentality. Being able to NGAF of what others think of your and live your life instead of being/feeling miserable because you're stuck in fear of what others may think/judge you for. Here’s a good book you may want to read. It's helped me out!
Honestly, it comes with wisdom. If you're having a hard time just "not getting it", check out The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson. It helped me.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a $#%& https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div
The Power Of Now
Oh yea, those are also great recommendations.
By the way Mark just released a new book that's pretty fucking awesome. I haven't finished it yet but so far it is basically a compilation of all of his ideas.
I think the guy in the blue shirt holding the orange book is reading "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck". And if that's correct then I think this post is even funnier.
Not 100% sure but I'm currently reading it and the orange cover with black text makes me think it is. https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
> Do you have any recommendations on motivation and feelings of accomplishment? Nowdays I have zero motivation to do anything and I don't get any feeling of accomplishment or joy from accomplishing what I had thought were my goals.
> I got the same feeling from getting a promotion as I did when I just slept and stayed in bed all day.
This may be a case of every problem looking like a nail when you've got a hammer, but it sounds like philosophy could be beneficial. Motivation is something that I've always struggled with, and there's no effective way that I've found to really manipulate it. What did work is really thinking about what I want out of life, what my goals really are, and what I value. After I figured that out (on going process), motivation was a lot easier becasue I had a clear target and knew what I wanted to do.
I didn't get any joy from practising the guitar because it wasn't what I really cared about. But when I know what I'm doing is getting me closer to what I really want in life, then the sense of accomplishment comes easily. If you're not getting a sense of accomplishment from getting a promotion, then that's likely becasue you don't think that that gets you closer to living the life you want.
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us could be a good starting point, and then I'd follow it up with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck for an easy introduction to stoic philosophy.
EDIT: Stoic philosophy is what helped me, but that doesn't mean it'll do the same for you. I did a fair bit of reading on other subjects before finding something that worked. That's why it's important to just put the time in; it's the only way you'll find what works for you.
also, check this book out. makes some pretty smart statements about motivation: https://smile.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1511966670&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=not+giving+a+fck+mark+manson
I highly recommend this book:
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F---: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life.
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fuck.
Check out this book see if it has value for you.
something something The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Check out this book my dude. Mark Manson speaks pretty well to most people, I think.
Can I recommend this?
Boy do I have a book for you:
So, we have an enlarged amygdala because of our thinking. Our ancestors learned to fear everything, this caused the over evolution of it. So yes evolution is environment and biological mixed, you can’t have one without the other. The first single called organisms that sensed light (from the environment), did better than those that didn’t. However if there wasn’t any light they wouldn’t have. If we as a people all started working on neocortex growth this would eventually trickle down. The biggest issues in our society are caused by our failure to evolve as quickly as our society has. We no longer have to fear lions, triggers, and bears, but our amygdala is operating on this old fear system.
However we very much can learn to chill the fuck out, and it starts with addressing our thoughts. The best way to do this is through mindfulness. I personally have in depth understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mix it with mindfulness. It work so well I wanted to learn where mindfulness originated from. This lead me to Zen. So I would recommend anything mindfulness related to start you on your path. Crazy enough you’ve already been exposed to it through some of the red pill (they are good about using wisdom from others and dressing it up like there own). Two really good books are the subtle art of not giving a fuck and everything is fucked both are by Mark Manson. He is very good at mixing eastern philosophy and psychology in a way that makes it very understandable.
You seem to view her as an extension of yourself and your own status. This is faulty logic. She (like you) are complete and whole on your own. See in life when it comes to sexual relationships we have three choices. Don’t have any experience, have an in depth experience, or have a breath of experiences. None is better or worse than another, they are just different. Choose going alone and you avoid having to ever compromise anything but you’ll always feel like an outsider on some level. Choose an in-depth experience and you lose out on variety and can get boring, but you have a real chance at true intimacy (I say chance because a lot of relationships don’t make it, because it can take 15-30 years to get there). Lastly choosing a breath lets you have a lot of experience and never gets boring, but you have no chance at true intimacy.
So for most of human history women were only allowed to choose between no experience or in-depth. This lead to a lot of suicide, early death etc. Now women are as free as men, but unfortunately not all men have evolved past women being property or just an extension of self. They can’t see that everyone is playing their own game.
I use the analogy of broad games. Everyone is playing their own board game and thinks everyone else is playing the same one. However they aren’t we are all playing different ones, and can never see others persons game. So say your playing monopoly and I am playing chess. I look over at you and get mad that your not moving your pieces like chess, your not playing by my rules. Yet how could you? Your playing a totally different game. This is the truth of everyone no matter how much you love them or how long you’ve been together. I am my husband are playing different games and that just fine as long as I respect his, and he mine.
Having multiple partners isn’t god or bad. It’s just having more partners. What I mean is do you like your girlfriend now? Because if you do you must thank all her past experiences, sexual or not. This is because we’re all just our accumulation of our past experiences. You take away any experience you change the person.
I would humbly suggest you start viewing your girlfriend as a complete person worthy of love and respect like we all our regardless of past. Also stop putting your worth in external things like status, ideas, beliefs. I am no less worthy of my husbands love because of my past. He still loves me and see me as equals because he respects my humanness. He doesn’t believe my past has any bearing on our future (because it doesn’t). He especially does not see me as an extension of himself.
Try the books they can really help.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2Zn4AbWN3Q2C1
might I suggest: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
I also want to talk about your definition of "made it in life." To me, that sounds like you probably mean "rich and/or famous", which I don't think is a sound yardstick by which to measure yourself. I'm pretty successful by the traditional yardstick - I've got a good job and a good house. But I don't really care about that stuff, it just enables me to do what I want to do - to be successful at what I care about. Which is my relationship, my dog (3 months old, woo! A dream 8 years in the making), and woodworking.
You're invested in Psychology, which is an amazing field with so many interesting twists and turns! I've loved books like 'Thinking: Fast and Slow', and it seems like a fantastic field! But you're probably not going into Psychology with an aim to make money - you're probably doing it because it interests you, and you love the idea of being a Psychologist. That's your success measure, not anything extrinsic.
On that note - before I went to University I wanted nothing more than a Ph.D in Physics, and to become an academic. For me, that didn't work out - I started again after finishing my second year in Physics, and started again in Computer Science. I then went on to start a career as a Software Engineer type person. At the time, I thought myself a massive failure for not managing to achieve my dream - but I'm happy now, and I've got no regrets. It didn't take long to get that way either. Remember your yardstick can change, as long as it stays yours.
I'd thoroughly recommend reading "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck"
It taught me how to care passionately about specific things, and see those goals as successes. And to tune out the rest of it.
I also absolutely loved "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelious which talks about our place in the world, and our duty to it.
Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=nodl_
It helped me! I have it on Audible and re-listen time to time.
My friend, this is a conversation I was having yesterday with an acquaintance on the other side of the country, and a book came up that may be relevant to your needs: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713. He is in a position similar to yours, and says that it helped him. I’m sure there are PDFs of it floating around the web if you don’t want to shell out money for it.
I'm gonna list one book that has helped me tremendously in my life as far as confidence and being a man, its No More Mr. Nice Guy and it is a fantastic book that I highly recommend. The second book is by a guy who've I've read a lot of content of and he's basically a life coach. He just wrote a new book which I think is exactly what you're looking for, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Try reading this book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_tRq1CbWW649SZ
There are copies around online and the author also has a blog.
You're giving away way too many fucks.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
TBH it's introductory stoicism.
There a chapter on your values, how to discover them, and what happens when you don't live in accordance to them. (Even if they're shitty)
Start there. Read more books (audible)
Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
Spend some time watching Jordan Peterson on YouTube. Also, try reading his book 12 Rules for Life.
Change your life, change your way of thinking.
I think you should apply some priorities to the things you give fucks for. PROTIP: this ain't one of them.
Read this, it will change your life: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713