Reddit mentions of Trusting God

I'm very sorry to hear that, /u/Explorer1007. I'd recommend:

• John J. Murray's Behind a Frowning Providence. It's a very short book. Actually, more like a booklet. So it's a very easy and fast read. Sometimes when you're going through tough times, it's easier to read something short and digestible. I think this booklet fits the bill.
  
  
• Jerry Bridges' Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts for something that's still relatively short but longer than the previous booklet. Bridges' book is written simply and plainly, but speaks powerfully. It's practical and edifying.
  
  
• D.A. Carson's How Long, O Lord?: Reflections on Suffering and Evil is meatier than the previous two books. It deals with the biblical (exegetical) as well as theological issues. Carson is a scholar (PhD, Cambridge), but he has the heart of a pastor, and it shows in this book (and other books of his).
  
  
• Finally, for now, consider the story of Mabel. It's sad, but inspiring.
  
  Please let me know if you'd like more recommendations or anything else really. Please feel free to DM if you prefer. For example, if you're looking at it more from a philosophical point of view, then I can recommend some good Reformed philosophical books responding the problem of evil.

I'm late to respond, but feel compelled to.

I am a Christian, and have been so since my early childhood. Prayer, Bible reading, faith and community are the pillars of my life.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that God is not a divine Santa Claus, who will give me all that I want, if I behave well, and ask nicely.

More than a decade ago, I asked God to save my marriage: He didn't. I asked him to heal my dad of cancer: He didn't. While I could somehow rationalize the end of my marriage - it was the logical consequence of some extremely poor choices, I just could not make sense of my father's death. These events led me to test and examine my faith in a way that I had not before.

It took me a few years to work through these questions. In some ways, I'm still working through them. In this time, I have raged, I have cried, I have been bitter, angry and jealous of everyone else's seemingly perfect life. Going to church every week and seeing all the people my age living my dream life, while I stand on the outside, looking on, were and are one of the hardest things I've had to face. Most of the women in my age group now have teenagers. Some of them have had surprise 3rd, 4th, 5th pregnancies! Young women who were born when I was in high school are now having children. And here I stand, remarried at 35, now turning 41, still waiting for my first child.

In my head, I know that this is a lopsided view. I know every single person has struggles, some that are public and visible, many that are not. But that doesn't lessen my loss, and that is also true.

What has also happened in this time is a maturing of my faith. Today, it is stronger, storm battered, weathered. I have a more clear eyed view of God's love. I've relearned that God's love for me is not earned by my actions. It is not proved by whether He gives me what I pray for. God loves me unconditionally, and He proved this by what He accomplished on the cross. Period. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise that life will be fair and equitable to all. In fact, it is filled with countless examples to the contrary. What the Bible does reveal is a God who walks with his people, strengthening, comforting, and yes, sometimes delivering them.

As I face infertility, I find strength by leaning on God and His word. I still weep and rage. But I find immense comfort and strength in knowing that God sees me, He cares, and He will answer my prayers - though I can't predict what the answer will be.

OP, others have mentioned this before me, I will echo their advice. Lean in to your pain. Struggle with your questions. Cry, scream and rage at God if that's what you honestly feel. He is big enough to handle it.

I hope you can find a group of people, or even one person, who is willing to walk with you on this road. If and when you are up for it, read books or blogs written by people who have walked through difficult paths.

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. Sending you much strength and peace.