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Reddit mentions of What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
Sentiment score: 70
Reddit mentions: 132
We found 132 Reddit mentions of What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. Here are the top ones.
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- Product Condition: No Defects
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- Comes with Proper Binding
Features:
Specs:
| Height | 9 Inches |
| Length | 6 Inches |
| Number of items | 1 |
| Release date | April 2008 |
| Weight | 0.75 Pounds |
| Width | 0.68 Inches |
SURPRISE:
Eyes wide to see better. Mouth open to breath better in case of emergency physical action.
Touching the mouth is what's referred to an "adapter" or "pacifying behavior", an action that serves to calm us down after a negative or traumatizing experience.
The mouth and neck are two of the most touched areas during these types of behavior.
Source? This awesome book written by an FBI interviewer who watches for these behaviors during questioning to see what line of questioning is making the subject uncomfortable.
How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie- About how to interact with people. Gave me a lot of insight into social dynamics and self-confidence in general.
What every body is saying - Joe Navarro, it's about body language. You would be surprised how much more information you can from people and optimize social dynamics integrating both of these books.
Atlas Shrugged - Ayn rand, gave me a whole new perspective on the value and meaning of work, liberty and freedom.
>Why do people keep separating logic and emotion?
They are two different things.
Emotions are simply you consciously noticing your body's physiological reaction to externally or internally generated stimulus, with the external being the world outside one's body, and internal consisting of thoughts or other intentional, and not necessarily conscious content. There is nothing else to it, emotions aren't a thing you have, they're a process you can consciously notice, and there's a huge difference with that consideration, in the logical/philosophical sense.
Neurophysiology ahead, skip to the TL;DR if you want =D.
Emotional response comes from sensory or internally generated information (other thoughts/feelings in this case) reaching the brain's emotional processing center, the Amygdala. From there, the Amygdala activates a number of other areas of the brain responsible for heart rate, adrenaline, digestion, dopamine, and others (vastly oversimplified for the purpose of this discussion). In the case of a fear response, you feel your heart rate rise, your feel your digestive system "seize" (pit of stomach), and your mouth go dry, as your sympathetic nervous system routes your body's resources to handle the threat. That, along with all the internally generated mental "what-ifs" (which might actually further raise the fear response), is being afraid.
If you've read this far, and can excuse the terse-talk, the main issue is that these emotional responses to stimuli come before we can consciously control them, because this stimuli is processed in emotional center before the thinking, "logical" parts of our brain, some parts of the "Association areas". We feel viscerally before we "know" what it is we're feeling, in the "meta" sense (the way we frame and explain our feelings to ourselves after the fact). This is actually a huge evolutionary advantage--this older "limbic" part of our brain is responsible for the fight-or-flight response, and in humans, or other higher animals (those with large cerebral cortices), is a "short-circuit" against the "higher areas" of the brain, to facilitate a faster reaction. When an animal sees something that resembles a predator, the worst thing it could do is think additionally about the dangerous stimulus. The safest bet is to get the hell out of there, or if it isn't possible, to fight.
The "logical" part, how we ought to interpret our reaction, necessarily comes after we notice our body's physiological (emotional) response to the situation, and from that, we can decide to inhibit it (in most non-pressing cases). For us humans, seeing a realistic fake tiger for instance, might raise our hackles for a second, but after the initial response (and no movement from the fake), we can logically inhibit the physiological response, in effect, "talking ourselves down". We can calm ourselves, after we've reasoned that the tiger isn't real, because we have the capacity to consider the emotion itself (unlike most animals), and whether or not it's appropriate.
TL;DR; Emotions are a short-circuited physical response to an internal/external stimulus you consciously "notice", and the "logic", (framing the emotion and acting on it) comes from mentally processing what you've noticed only afterwards. This is necessarily the case, by the brain's design.
Now, the part where this applies to SRS:
The problem is that in their philosophy, many of them believe that their emotional response is objectively valid to the situations discussed, that their emotions are objects in a sense (and not a process), that are as real to the world as anything else, and not just their brain's short-circuit, fastest approximation of the way they should possibly react to the discussion.
Ironically, the way some in SRS treat emotion as "objects", things they're sure they have, runs very contrary to their post-modern deconstructionist views of reality, where everything ought to be uncertain. They ignore the fallibility of their own emotional existence, often times with something like "I am definitely right, you are wrong because (appeal to emotion), and therefore a shitlord".
When one discusses a topic with SRS where there are shades of gray, many of them will cease trying, if at all, to look at the problem objectively. For many of them, at best, the topic hits close to home (abuse, rape, etc.), and at worst, for some of them, it's something that appeals negatively to them on a visceral level, because they're the antagonistic type, and SRS attracts these people specifically by design.
Once they've allowed the short-circuit, the fastest approximation, to dictate their responses and behavior (because these responses could be logically inhibited), there is nothing left to discuss.
[EDIT]
I should note, that this doesn't mean that emotion is just an superfluous mental appendage for the modern world, nor that the effects are subjectively unreal. They're real as hell to us from our own perspective, and savoring them, feeling what positive emotions do for us, and acting on them, is probably the pinnacle of the human experience.
Allowing them to negatively affect us, or shut us down from reality is where the problems start.
[EDIT2]
For anyone interested in the immediately useful to you, practical, observable effects of our brains being constructed this way, with the emotional response being a short-circuit which can be inhibited to some degree, read this book..
What Every BODY is Saying
It's written by an ex-FBI agent who dealt with suspect interviews, to teach people how to read body-language during situations where inhibition is difficult (stress/joy). It counts on the observed phenomenon that even when we have the ability to inhibit our short-circuit emotional response, there are still "tells" we can't hide, manifesting in observable body language. We can pretend to be outwardly happy on a sad day (inhibiting our emotions to a degree), but our body language (a product of the limbic system mentioned earlier) will reveal pretty much everything with sunken shoulders, shuffling feet, etc.
Also, Poker players intuitively rely on this fact every time they play, with subconscious tells like pupil dialation, bouncing "happy" feet and what not.
What Every BODY Is Saying
Read this book and other body language books.
When you walk, walk with your shoulders.
Take up as much space as possible while sitting or standing.
Hands on your hips (power pose).
I avoid things like crossing my arms, hands in my pockets, and never ever have your head hanging low, or looking at the ground. Always keep your chin up slightly, never break eye contact first, etc.
These things alone have had customers at work assume I was the boss there. It's like magic.
EDIT: Also when talking, speak slowly, with calmness, and use a deep voice. Don't be afraid to pause before speaking as taking a couple seconds to contemplate on what to say is natural.
Just wait until you read more and more on it and spend tons of time watching people. It gets pretty awesome what you can see. It also becomes a game you can play with girls. In addition, you can see things that even they don't realize is happening and this makes for great playful teasing.
I would also suggest adding "what everyBODY is saying". It is a great book written by a former CIA operative who needed to be amazing in order to survive.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1368287612&sr=8-1&pi=SL75
Edited to reflect correct title name and include amazon link.
There're probably tons, though I don't know of any better than What Every Body is Saying and Spy the Lie.
Hope that helps!
A few, in no particular order:
The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
http://amzn.com/1591792576
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Collins Business Essentials)
http://amzn.com/006124189X
Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way (A Quest Book)
http://amzn.com/0835605914
My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies
http://amzn.com/0671019872
Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
http://amzn.com/1573244988
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
http://amzn.com/0061438294
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature
http://amzn.com/0060556579
Outliers: The Story of Success
http://amzn.com/0316017930
Iron John: A Book About Men
http://amzn.com/0306813769
"What every body is saying" would be a great book to start with.
Maybe I'm thinking of a different pose, but I'm not too sure about this, Joe Navarro says in his book
> When people place their arms behind their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second, they are transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.” This behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, but unless seen in someone studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not. Putting the arms behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want to make contact with you”.
so you may be perceived differently than you think? I'm not too sure myself, because this always have to be seen in context and many more factors, but I'm reading this book at the moment and the quoted paragraph came to mind, so I thought I might share.
buy this. http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Since he was taken in for possible child porn charges, I think you are pretty well off assuming you are out of his interest range.
By what you described, I think he does not remember you and has no actual interest in you, but situational awareness is something that I think should be an effing basic school requirement.
I got that book just to further my education as a security agent, but after reading it, people make more sense.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Second this. The FBI's top expert on body language. Actual book title is What Every BODY is Saying
this helped me out a decent bit. you may also want to check out books on poker (specifically those covering bluffs and tells) as well as videos like this, [this](https://www.youtube.com /watch?v=l_k-u0bldf4) and that. good luck, and happy learning.
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro
Great resource on the things to look out for in body language. It made me more aware about my actions and noticing things in other people. My favorite thing to look at now is thumbs. They speak volumes.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294?pc_redir=1413517413&robot_redir=1
To be honest, eye contact has more to do with how people perceive you (confident, shy, lying, nervous) than with reading what they're feeling. And these perceptions are notoriously unreliable. Body language, the hands in particular, are a much better guide to what they are feeling. Here's a great book on body language.
As to general advice, the main thing is to pay attention. We're absolutely horrible at paying attention to other people even when we nominally are. We routinely tune out, or start thinking ahead to how we will respond instead of just paying attention to what they are doing and saying. Next time someone is complaining about something, pay attention to the stress in their voice, how they're sitting, what their hands are doing. Notice the details. Don't lapse into your own thoughts. Don't start formulating your answer until they're done talking.
tl;dr: Use your eyes to control how you are perceived. Watch their hands to see what they're feeling. And pay attention.
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Personally, I've never encountered that. Though that is probably due to a massive dose of impression management. I try to walk around as confident as possible even when that might not be the case. If you haven't read it--What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro is a fantastic book on how to read people--but you can also use it in the reverse to appear the way that you want.
If I'm not with people I know well in public, generally speaking I am quite cold with people. I guess I learned to hide my emotions pretty well. I think most people also don't understand me, as I keep info about me on a very need-to-know basis. So for better or for worse, people give me space.
I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I noticed a pretty immediate positive change controlling the way I appeared to other people. Not just in the way that people reacted to me, but in my confidence as well. It seems you actually can fake it until you make it.
Some people do this stuff instinctively. Some of us have to treat it as a skill.
So I got a lot of value out of books on this stuff. I read about the techniques, I practiced them, and I do ok.
Here are two really good ones:
Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards
and
What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro
You can improve these skills; they're just skills!
You forgot foot proximity and direction. The closer feet are between two people conversing show a great deal of comfort between the two. The direction that the feet are facing are also good indicators of if that person is interested in you or the conversation. For instance, if you are telling them about how awesome the duck billed platypus is and their feet are toward the door while their upper body is facing you that is a good indicator this person wants to leave. Leg crossing can be a sign of discomfort and is often associated with shielding. Shielding is when someone feels discomfort or nervous and essentially builds a barrier between them and the source of discomfort. Crossed arms, crossed legs, maybe putting a purse or drink between the source and themselves. If in mid conversation you mention your impressive video game collection and the girl in question, who has been leaning close to you all night, starts to lean back in her chair, crosses her legs and arms, and places her hand on her neck she might not be too impressed. Neck touching can also be a good indicator of nervousness and discomfort. Women often touch their suprasternal notch when nervous, it can be very casual maybe with the index and middle finger while their arms are crossed. Neck touching is a soothing gesture, it can lower heart rate and blood pressure.
The big thing about all of this is finding a baseline of body language actions people do. None of this is written in stone, some people might just touch their neck or cross their legs. If in a bar a girl might not feel comfortable with the crowd but are interested with you.
If you want a reference for all of this I got it from Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlin's "What Every Body is Saying". Joe Navarro worked for the FBI as an interrogator. Navarro was called "The Human Lie Detector. It wont directly teach you how to pick up girls, however it will teach you how to tell of someone doesn't feel comfy around you or with what you are saying. Another good thing to study is Paul Ekman's website on micro gestures in the face. It costs about $70 to subscribe, but you learn a lot.
Sources:
What Every Body is Saying on Amazon
Paul Ekman's website
No, you can divorce it.
He's being an asshole. That's it. Full stop.
A mechanism by which he is being an asshole is his sitting preferences. He knows he's causing a problem for other people, that's why he's doing it.
Other people sit that way for totally different reasons completely unrelated to being an asshole. Men, generally, sit with their legs wide when they're very comfortable or relaxed, and sometimes when they're aggressive. I recommend you check out "What every BODY is saying" if you want more analysis on seated preferences of men and how they use their feet to express emotion.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
This one is very good. Also very detailed.
Restricting your hand movements is in general a "pacifying" behaviour. If pacifying behaviours increase in frequency, then she's likely nervous or uncomfortable. If she's positioning her arms so they cover up her abdomen, that's another strong pacifying behaviour.
Note that pacifying behaviours on their own means nothing. What matters is if they increase or decrease in frequency.
Source: What every body is saying? by Joe Navarro). I strongly recommend that book to get a no nonsense description of how to interpret various body language.
Books man. The list I have to develop this is huge. But these three are a good start.
Develop Social Intelligence
Social Intelligence.
Be aware of your emotions.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Read other peoples emotions/thoughts.
What Every BODY is Saying
Branch out from there.
Chronic bitch face isn't easy to get over but I've found that smiling with your eyes and making eye contact can do wonders. Also, this book has helped me a lot in appearing more confident and, as a result, more friendly and open.
These 2 books are recommended, I know of no movies so my apologies:
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341904950&sr=8-1&keywords=Body+language
http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1341904950&sr=8-3&keywords=Body+language
If you cannot afford them, feel free to PM me and I'll message you the PDF dl links. : )
I've used two primary sources:
I liked this one on body language and this one on persuasion.
Heard great recommendations for this book
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0061438294/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d3_i2?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-5&pf_rd_r=00Y69KAT3HNHGWWK204J&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=317823447&pf_rd_i=468294
What Everybody is saying and The Definitive Book of Body Language are the two big ones as far as I know.
I recommend some books on body language.
I'm currently reading The Definitive Book of Body Language
I have also read What Every BODY is Saying
I recommend both of them.
The first book is more about general body language, body language in business, and body language is courting. The second book is about lying and catching people lie.
There is also this book: Unmasking the Face: A Guide to Recognizing Emotions From Facial Expressions which I haven't read yet, but it looks good.
For those who are interested in reading a little bit more on the subject of body language, I read the book What Everybody is Saying a few years ago and found it fairly interesting.
According to Joe Navarro's book even professionals get it wrong about half the time. Might as well flip a coin.
I recommend this book: What Every Body is saying
> Joe Navarro, a former FBI counterintelligence officer and a recognized expert on nonverbal behavior, explains how to "speed-read" people: decode sentiments and behaviors, avoid hidden pitfalls, and look for deceptive behaviors. You'll also learn how your body language can influence what your boss, family, friends, and strangers think of you.
You could do with losing a little weight, I think the problem is you don't carry it with confidence. Sounds idiotic but most girls don't care about a guys weight if he is a charmer. To improve your confidence shift a few pounds, do it for you not for the bullies. http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diet-basics.html
You're pretty average looking, which is a good thing, its better to look average than look like a monster. You can improve with confidence and a little styling. Try getting some hair product and play around with your hair a little at the moment it looks a little flat.
A combination of /r/seduction, /r/dating_advice and /r/relationship_advice could help with your approach to women. I also recommend this book its not a dating books its effectively a profiling guide and it goes through the steps for reading body language really well.
One time in my life I was obsessed with poker. I read a book on body language to become better at poker, instead I think it helped me more in real life.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/
I've heard good things about What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Is this the book you are referring to?
Also, what comedy shows do you recommend, for multiple reasons I've been trying to look for them for some time. :)
There's also Games People Play
What Every Body is Saying
For learning about body language and social psychology
Check out What Every Body Is Saying and Louder Than Words, both by Joe Navarro. I've read them both and gone back multiple times to reference them. This has given me a real edge in my daily business and especially in interviews. I've always been good at reading people, but he puts into words and pictures what it was I was picking up from people. Great topic. Enjoy
The Art of Deception: Controlling the Human Element of Security
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People
Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behavior
How to Win Friends & Influence People
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis
The 48 Laws of Power
I love how you pointed out his crossed arms. This is a defensive signal, showing that the interlocutor feels threatened (the limbic system says "I feel threatened, protect your vital organs", and he subconsciously covers his belly), and thus it was a good time to bring the conversation to a close.
Helpful reading: https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/
GREAT book: http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1382718784&sr=8-3&keywords=how+to+read+people
Book: What Every Body is Saying - Joe Navarro
Podcast: You Are Not So Smart
YouTube Series: Practical Psychology
Social Psychology seems to be what you're looking for
Fuck it man, I feel like dropping a bunch of tips I have off the top of my head. Disorganized style.
I was a complete loner up until middle school. Found some guys that picked on me, but otherwise let me hang around them. I was the butt of their jokes, but that was enough for the attention. Then highschool came around, blah blah blah, really my point is, I know what lonely feels like. I haven't been long-term lonely for ages, but its a familiar feeling when it hits and I haven't talked to any friends for a week or I get left behind on weekend plans.
Here's my tips, in no particular order. This isn't a prescription, this isn't goddamn instructables. Also, I'm going to assume you're a man. Well, today you're a boy, but what you want to be is a man. (not like manly vs womanly, but like manly vs childish)
Where should you start? I want you to read
this. specifically (and if its the only part you read that's good enough) part in the very beginning titled "MEET STYLE". Yes, the book is The Game. It is a super controversial book on the seduction community, and take it with a huge fucking grain of salt. Ultimately though, the book offers a great way to approach a problem of social frustration, but the specific 'seduction' methods are a mix of misguided and out of date.(That's not the section I remember reading, I'll try to find what I was thinking of, its some manifesto to self improvement) It was the one book that kicked off changing my social environment entirely. I now feel successful, happy, and confident to talk to any strangers and develop new friends. Also, no exceptions, watch the 1999 film Fight Club.MAKE TODAY THE DAY YOU FOUND THE RABBIT HOLE; TAKE THE RED PILL.
Not enough info.
You'd be better off reading, "what every body is saying", by Dan Navarro. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061438294
This. One of my worst book purchases. I'd recommend What Every BODY is Saying.
It's the (mostly) objective kind of thing you'd probably like, and it'll help you adapt conversations based on body language. It's not like HtWF&IP, where the goal is "hhhehehe, got ya now, sucker." Lying and manipulation is for assholes.
It's more, "hold up, this person isn't responding well, even though they're acting happy, try something different. Ahhh, I've explained myself better, maybe added a bit of compromise, now we're on the same page"
What OP describes in his post isn't cold reading. Cold reading is...
> Cold reading is a set of techniques used by mentalists, psychics, fortune-tellers, mediums and illusionists to determine or express details about another person, often to imply that the reader knows much more about the person than the reader actually does.
(Source: Google)
It's what Derren Brown does to tell people what colour their curtains and carpet are. It's a trick and whilst fun to do to people in pick-up, has limited value in the real world.
If however you're talking about reading peoples body language to get a feeling for how positive and negative stress emotions display themselves, I highly recommend Joe Navaro's What everbody is saying.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415069476&sr=8-1&keywords=what+every+body+is+saying
That book is a great starting point and actually an invaluable resource to get to grip with the basics of body language, which DOES have value in the real world.
I have the second book. It's ok. Not bad, not great. Mostly common sense stuff.
I've got the following in my Amazon cart:
Game over: Strategies for Redirecting Inmate Deception https://www.amazon.com/dp/1569911606/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_OUTzzbNSPJ44J
Officer Survival for Correctional Officers https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542616654/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_XVTzzbZPAWNW5
And
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061438294/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_OWTzzbVRZZNBG
I also want to read Verbal Judo. I've got a copy of "Conflict Communication" that I need to finish reading. It's just really dry. I can't get in to it.
Some time ago I read this book. "What Everybody is Saying" a book on bodylanguage by an ex FBI agent. Here's the link on amazon http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 It was a very fun read.
So now, for fun and practice when I'm surronded by people or talking to someone I pay atention to every detail on their body language, and try to change mine accordingly sometimes to mess with them or ease the interaction.
Try it.
Edit: a word
I'll go first:
What Every Body is Saying - Joe Navarro
It's not really psychology focused, but I found it to be a very fun and interesting read. It's also highly relative to my everyday life (at 18 years old) and it's pretty fun manipulating these forms of body language to influence others, as well as interpreting other peoples' tells. It also explores into why people typically display that body language based on what their emotions are and the limbic system.
It's called "What Every BODY is Saying". For some reason, I feel like if you get a title like that wrong, you aren't understanding what's in the book.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
To OP, I'd suggest making her laugh and asking her questions about abstract stuff.
What Every Body Is Saying is the book that I would recommend to start with.
Wow that is actually hard. I've read 10+ books on it over the past few months and it is actually hard to remember which was which. A few that stick out where a couple by Joe Navarro: What Every BODY is Saying and Louder Than Words.
I also really liked The Power of Eye Contact.
Edit: Oh, also: Crime Signals.
48 Laws of Power would be a great starting point.
You may also find some value in the likes of The Game for learning charisma and attractiveness. There's also a [pretty incredible TV series](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series) about the same topic. This scene is/was full of douchebags of course, but there are lessons here to be learned.
What Every Body is Saying for mastery of body language. This WILL change the way you interact with others, as you start to read what they are doing as they do it and respond accordingly.
The granddaddy of persuasion is Influence. I am reading this for the third time right now and it is just packed with powerful tools you can use in business and in life.
Oh it should go without saying that How To Win Friends and Influence People is essential reading for any entrepreneur. I use lessons I learned from this book every time I deal with an unhappy client or contractor.
what every body is saying is a good read for starters
you can find it here
I would suggest a few great books that have helped me along in this fun little journey of mine. I dont believe these where mentioned in the links, if they were my apologies.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061438294/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i01
Along the same lines as the first but a more fun read if you enjoy poker.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061198595/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00
Also this one is Fantastic!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0151012792/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00
I liked this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061438294/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00
How to win friends and influence people is an excellent book to be more sociable. I also suggest What Every Body is Saying. It teaches you on the subconscious signals of body language can make look more open and sociable. It also helps to read the social cues from the people you are interacting with too!
Body language is a good thing to know.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294?vs=1
That suave confidence I think comes from your body language. I've read a healthy dose of body language books lately. I don't like books that are total self-help books but books that show bigger picture information and explain the 'why' of what's going on. Some books:
This book has helped me be more aware of my own body language and become more in tune with what another person's body language might be saying. It focuses on when a person may be uncomfortable... but at the same time you can apply that to yourself to not appear uncomfortable:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061438294/
I like the ideas the book brings up because there are some very great takeaways but I don't like how the author presents it (so, I enjoyed 2/3 of the book):
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0307453987/
I also just started reading this one that's not about body language but gives a different slant of how to use the right words to better emotionally connect with others:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0787234796/
if you know someone who is alpha/suave male, you can also learn how to mimic some of their body language behaviors, other people will think you're suave then you'll feel suave too (fake it til ya make it...).
What about other things? Like leg positioning (such as aiming at a door when you want to leave, or locking with the chair when you're uncomfortable) or shrugs, or chest direction, etc. Things found in the likes of Joe Navarro's What Every Body is Saying.
Do you have any thoughts on the legitimacy of such "leaks"?
If you're into this kind of stuff, check out the book What Every BODY is Saying on nonverbal communication written by a former FBI interrogator. It's almost not even fair the advantages you have in social situations knowing this kind of stuff.
This is a huge topic that can't really be addressed well in this context. There is just too much involved and no one piece of advice that will help. Improvement in how you communicate requires a long term commitment to learning the science of communication.
What I recommend that you do is to try and study the topic academically. There are quite a number of books on the subject, just to get you started here's a link to one book I found that may help.
Also, it would be a good idea to make a study of body language. When talking with someone it's important to understand what they're telling you with their bodies. Otherwise, how can you tell if the conversation is going well?
I started studying the science behind body language not too long ago and discovered that there is actual universal logic behind it. In fact, if you study and practice it's possible to become more aware of body language than many NT's. It's kind of like learning sign language.
Here's a book that can get you started.
Furthermore, if you want to get a better idea of how to read facial expressions I would recommend that you look into the work of Dr. Paul Eckman and Dr. David Matsumoto. These men pioneered research into facial expressions and offer training programs that can teach you to recognize emotion from a person's face.
It's a long hard road, trust me I know, but if you're patient and work hard it's possible to make significant improvements.
>but i cant seem to read people
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
>if a girl likes me i dont know and it happens a lot
Google "indicators of interest" or "IOI" for short and you'll find plenty of (mostly PUA) indicators to look for. It's a good start.
>BTW any book recommendation?
http://www.reddit.com/r/redpillbooks/
If you really want to learn more about nonverbal communication and how it can be used in lie detection, read What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro. He's also an FBI agent but instead of saying "THIS WILL ALWAYS CATCH LIARS!!!!" he says these are some of the signs of lying (and countless other emotions), but don't consider yourself a human lie detector until you spent years studying this or someone will get hurt.
Oh yeah? Well I'll do you one better! I found the one I was talking about too! What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People. On a serious note, I had to reply out of a necessity of competition. But yeah agreed (5th time), it's interesting how much an effect body language has even though most of it isn't even intentional, but still has a lot of implications.
> I also bought a book on body language
Is it this one? Many people have recommended me to read it, do you think it's worth it?
Yes, absolutely. I found it very helpful
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335629084&sr=8-1
THIS is kind of a classic on the topic, for a good reason :) It won't exactly turn you into Sherl 2.0, but... It will teach you to read many signals people give away without even realizing it.
Body language is about clusterings of behaviours - not any single one. You also have to find a person's baseline to determine where they deviate from it.
From your crossing leg example, it could easily be they just sit in that position most of the time.
I read my copy of this book every year to help remind myself what to look for. However, at the end of the day we're not wired to act on body language instinctually, so leaps-of-faith are required.
Broadcasting is something you have more control over, but you have to remember that the other person might also suck at reading body language, subconsciously or otherwise!
This book talks a lot about body language and its relation to the limbic system, and classifies certain behaviors depending on their use to the performer (pacifying, defensive, aggressive, etc). It's written by an ex-FBI agent with the help of a psychologist, I believe.
I like that "palms facing backwards with arms in front of body ventral blocking whilst bouncing side to side" move that these kinds of idiots like to do.
Ventral blocking: What Every BODY Is Saying
Great book.
Idk where they got it from, but I read in this book that the most honest part of a person's body is their feet because they pay the least attention to how it appears to others.
https://www.amazon.ca/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
if you are interested.
Some basic recommendations:
https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ll1&linkId=bd2c9af18031113249e398f82105631e&tag=mysoccom-20
Understanding body language is extremely important. Being able to read other people will give you a tremendous advantage in communication. It can also help you to police your own body language so you're not doing stuff that puts people off, and also so that you communicate in ways that makes them feel comfortable.
As for direct communication... Honestly, I learned most of that from a very good teacher of speech (as in, giving speeches) and from a friend who is quite ugly but does extremely well with women. Self-perception is a lot more important than people think. How you perceive yourself translates into you how present yourself. That takes more work, of course, but knowing this is a good place to start with that.
I also got a great deal from a book on emotional intelligence, but I can't remember what it was called and it was a library loan, so I don't even have it on my bookself to look it up. But I'd say look for books on that topic, as well. I did a quick look and found this one is highly recommended:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0974320625/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?psc=1
As for websites, there's a lot out there. I'd just Google and see what strikes your fancy.
Good luck with it. In my personal estimation, the body language was the single most helpful thing I've studied. I use it constantly now, and it's just second nature to "read" people.
Look into books about body language and non verbal cues - it helped me a shocking amount. For me, I approach social interactions as a way to understand, to explore ideas and concepts, broaden my own views and understanding, act on my curiosity about the other person by asking questions and trying to engage them in interesting conversations. I never realized how much non verbal cues affected an exchange for other people than it did for me or the fact that I was sending out the wrong cues to others despite trying my best to engage them.
One of the books I've read is What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People - Amazon Link and The Definitive Book of Body Language I have read a couple of others as well but can't remember their names off the top of my head.
I found a pdf of the books here and here after a bit of googling.
When I put some of these non verbal behaviors into practice, I was utterly shocked to find how much of a difference it made (I didn't really believe it would make such a difference). I felt a bit fake and awkward about it in the beginning but as I practiced, it is starting to feel more genuine. I guess I am exercising my Fe and improving my application of it. People generally became a bit/a lot more receptive to me (depends on the person of course) and my exchanges didn't feel as one sided anymore. It's not perfect but it's better than before. Good luck!
Yes, all the time. The way I was raised has left me full of anxiety about my social interactions. "What Every Body is Saying " by Joe Navarro has really helped me start to figure out how people feel about me.
An ex-FBI guy called Joe Navarro pretty much spent his entire life doing that. He wrote a book called What Every Body is Saying, that I think you'd be really interested in. (If you care at all about developing Fe)
Also, what I'm about to say might hit you a bit harshly, but you don't seem to get the implication, so let me just say that what I meant by this comment was that your experience with people's smiling might be because a lot of people are projecting a smile towards you, rather than smiling genuinely.
What Every Body is Saying to be able to tell when people are lying to you (based on your interest in Lie To Me and it's a useful skill to have) and The Cannabis Grow Bible so you can grow your own plants (or just learn a shitload about that plant).
Good on you for not wanting to waste time. Wish I had that kind of initiative when I was younger. As someone else said, sounds like you've already got plenty lined up.
>Are there any other books I can read?
Of course. Read everything, not just TRP books. Read Dale Carnegie, read Joe Navarro's excellent book on body language, read Day Bang/Rational Male/Models/etc. of course if you haven't, read fiction, lurk some of the other self improvement subs on reddit.
It would also be a great time for you to experiment, discover or improve on some art form that you enjoy. Music, film, art, programming, writing, etc.
I have some more books that I personally like:
Influence: https://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Robert-Cialdini/dp/006124189X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467738215&sr=8-1&keywords=influence
What everybody is saying: https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467738244&sr=8-1&keywords=body+language
Body Language: https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1467738244&sr=8-4&keywords=body+language
Emotional intelligence:
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-2-0-Travis-Bradberry/dp/0974320625/ref=sr_1_sc_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1467738330&sr=8-2-spell&keywords=emtionall+intelligence
shyness
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 - book description
http://www.mediafire.com/?uziimmknyy2 -download link
I haven't read it yet, but it's been on my wishlist for a while. I've heard good things about it: What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
Minsky's theory makes a lot of sense. Having learned about the limbic system from Navarro's BODY book I spent a good amount of time becoming familiar with the limbic urges I was newly aware of.
I've heard of masters who have attained such self control as to be able to manipulate their own heartbeat. I can't imagine what this would be like the same way I can't describe how it feels to use my bicep, but if conscious control of such an unconscious subsystem is possible...
This.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371847090&sr=8-1&keywords=body+language
Pretty much everything by Joe Navarro is worth reading if you're interested in body language; he's a retired FBI special agent that specialized in reading body language with the Bureau.
"What EveryBODY is Saying" is his best known book, and I highly recommend it as a gateway into his work.
I've found body language does wonders even if they aren't expressly picking up on it, it starts to feel uncomfortable. A guy I work with can literally talk non-stop for an hour and often repeats stories he's already told in the process. Sometimes I go to him just to burn time off the clock when I don't have much work to do but when I do want to get away I do stuff like point my body/feet away from him. I start doing work related things. I walk away while trying to keep eye contact which gives mix signals so he doesn't feel like I'm actively ignoring him, as he did snap at me once for just walking away calling me rude.
There's always this point where it creeps towards uncomfortable and then I take that uncomfortable silence (which I'm usually not only comfortable with, I feel at home there) and walk away or just go towards doing whatever I need to, then he feels weird and walks away. Extroverts tend to hate uncomfortable silence.
I will say if you aren't comfortable in uncomfortable silence, learn how to love it, it's a great ally. Also learn about body language as it's a great passive way to get your way without actively being a dick to do so.
I think I specifically read this book years ago and it helped a lot with body language.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
RELAX then just do what you are doing and acknowledge when your body language is off and stop. Read some books on body language to learn to project more confidence. I recommend What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
To act yourself, you have to stop caring of what others think of you. A good quote on this is from Eleanor Roosevelt: "You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
A good thing I'd recommend for you to look at are two books, "What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People" and "The Anxiety and Worry Workbook: The Cognitive Behavioral Solution"". Both of these are listed in the /r/SocialSkills full list of resources. I hope they help you. Personally I've started reading the first book mentioned, and I've found it's pretty good at helping me identify different body language. That book is especially important for me - I have Aspergers, and have always had a hard time reading body language as I never naturally learned how to.
Another good one is "What Every BODY Is Saying" by Joe Navarro
First: Quit WoW. It is a waste of life (IMO).
Next: read read read
Read books about the social skills you want to acquire. Start with How to Win Friends and Influence People and What Every BODY Is Saying. These will help you with everyday social interactions and will help you a little with interviews. Follow r/socialskills
Read articles on how to get your résumé/cover letter together. Visit job boards like they are your Facebook/Twitter/{insert popular social media site name here} stream. In addition to reading your local city's job sub, visit r/jobs and r/resumes
Read books and articles on relationships. Start with Dating 101 There are a lot of good articles there.
Read articles and books on getting financially fit. Follow r/personalfinance
Read books and articles on anything else you want to learn or improve on.
These have helped me tremendously. Hope they help you too. Good luck.
EDIT: Keep this in mind if you struggle/suffer through change...
Watch the Body language Tutorial Below. If they like you their body language will be open (no arm crossing), their feet will be point towards you, watch this on a date they could want to leave (toward door) or toward someone else. They will genuinely smile (the line by the eyes will wrinkle a involuntarily muscle contraction). They might physically touch you. Its never off one sign (aka eyes) its has to be off of many micro body language signs. I read two books on Amazon about this as well. The second Youtube video shows, dilation of the pupil if you are sexually aroused by someone, closed means aggression. If Eyebrows arc upward they are being submissive to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUXtGQkJcQ0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-_3XUcDZns
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
http://www.amazon.com/Attract-Hotter-Secrets-Science-Language-ebook/dp/B005EYS96Y/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1426667884&sr=1-4&keywords=gay+body+language
This book, i quess. You can find pdf for free, actually
Walk slower powerful people walk slowly. Source
There's not really a good correlation between intelligence and lack of social skills. If you're smart you have the potential to be much more socially aware than those around you, you just have to work at it. Trying to make theories about your intelligence in relation to your lack of social skills is just rationalizing excuses based on empty rhetoric.
You understand your own problems, you just have to work on them. Read the books recommended in the comments, they help a lot. Then set out to practice what they tell you. My favorite one is one called "the charisma myth," but dale carnegie is just as good. Maybe also read stuff like this. This stuff wont come naturally to you if you're already bad at it, but if you work at it for months/years and really internalize it you'll find that you're almost superhuman at reading people. Also try meditation, being "present" helps more than anything.
I used to suck at dating and interpersonal relationships in general, I'm still not the best at it but whatever. What helped me out a bunch was reading some books.
How to win friends and influence people
What every body is saying
Attached
"Social skills" is conceived too broadly here. Empathy for example plays a decisive role in almost every social interaction which is not scripted and it has a biological basis, otherwise you wouldn't have some forms of autism or psychopathology, which can be inherited (the former) or caused by brain damage (the latter); but obviously empathy has to be learned and can be practiced too, as people can be trained to "read people", for example.
It's probably just like any other skill: Your biology determines how far you can develop it, your training determines how much it is actually developed.
The advice for the PMP cert is a really good one. You have to remember that the company is trying to figure out how they can use you to make the $$$. A PMP would help you in a leadership role, and learning about people.
I'd also recommend reading up on a few books like Influence and What Every Body is Saying, to help you understand more about yourself and what people are thinking about you via body language.
http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Robert-Cialdini/dp/006124189X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451599070&sr=8-1&keywords=influence
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451599093&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=What+Every+Body+is+syaing
These should get you strated:
What Every BODY is Saying Amazon link.
The Definitive Book of Body Language Amazon link
Whit focus on social engineering:
Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking Amazon link
If money is an issue you can find all of these books on pirate bay.
These books are not read-once-and-become-expert, like with any skill it takes time and practice.
This book is the best I ever read about that subject. Really. Buy it, it's worth it.
Not directly business related but...
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navaro
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Read this a few years back and highly recommend it. Helped me see the little signs that people give off.
I'm a teacher and I've observed how my students are feeling and know how far I can push them. It's been great for meeting people and when I've had to negotiate.
I just finished a great book about body language by an ex FBI agent, if you have time i really recommend it!
Book is here
Contrary to most people's belief, people that are telling lies try to MAINTAIN eye contact because of the misconception that liars look away. Think about the last time you lied, i bet you thought "I'll keep eye contact because if i dont they will know im lying".
Good tells are fidgety hands or fingers, closed body positions and specifically for women touching the dent in the front of the neck where the collar bone meets (the name of this part eludes me, sorry). Mostly you need to know how they behave naturally and look for changes in the norm.
BUT all of these (and the many more) tells are only ever signs of discomfort or stress- so even if they are being truthful but talking about a distressing or upsetting thing, the same tells will be present.
It can be found within this book from an ex-FBI agent. The book was amazing.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/
and because you have a big brain.... http://www.amazon.com/Brain-That-Changes-Itself-Frontiers/dp/0143113100/
What Every Body is Saying is an excellent book on reading body language. Not exactly profiling like you are asking, but certainly along the same lines.
Esse é bom pra iniciantes mas só tem em inglês.
https://www.amazon.com.br/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Tem um da Barbara Pease que ouvi dizer que é bom também mas nunca li. Fora isso tem o famoso "como fazer amigos e influenciar pessoas".
The Definitive Guide To Body Language
I've been reading here and there for years but this is the only book I have. I think it's far from definitive, but it has a lot of good stuff in it. You will probably find that you already know more than you think you do and you will become more perceptive just by becoming aware.
I've also heard good things about What Every BODY Is Saying. I haven't read it yet but it's on my list.
Also, because this is an MBTI subreddit I will include this. Facial Expressions Of The 8 Functions. I noticed a while ago that each type looked a certain way but was never able to fully break it down until I found this website. I find Ne users to be the most obvious.
From what you're describing, I would recommend The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over over any other book.
​
This is the best and most up-to-date book on body language. If given the decision, you should choose to read this before you read What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People.
I read this book called What Every Body is saying and I found it useful. I hope it can help you too.
https://www.amazon.ca/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro is really good if you're interested in body language.
The author worked in the FBI for years. He would sit in on interviews to observe and direct the interviewers on what questions to ask and what areas of their story they should delve into in more depth.
It is filled with pictures and case studies which is also handy.
It will teach you how to interpret other's body language and how to conduct yourself. I now notice many techniques public speakers use which is cool.
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417810834&sr=1-1&keywords=what+every+body+is+saying
Sooo many lol, here are some of my favorites.
ADHD
Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/111827928X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_1.Y9ybCSGW7GF
General Brain Stuff
You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, an d 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/1592407366/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_abZ9ybEHGSMEK
You are Now Less Dumb: How to Conquer Mob Mentality, How to Buy Happiness, and All the Other Ways to Outsmart Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/1592408796/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_vbZ9ybKY1636G
School/Study Help
A Mind for Numbers: How to Excel at Math and Science (Even If You Flunked Algebra) https://www.amazon.com/dp/039916524X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_gcZ9ybCDM8Q6K
Social/Relationship skills
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061438294/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_1cZ9ybQJXS3BK
The Chemistry Between Us: Love, Sex, and the Science of Attraction https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591846617/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_OdZ9ybBFRG9R4
Cosmology
Parallel Worlds: A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions, and the Future of the Cosmos https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400033721/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_GeZ9ybHP9J2J5
Each one of these books has had a big impact on me, as a side note I'm have become a big fan of audible since I normally have a hard time sitting still to read, so I'd recommend giving it a try if you never have. You'll be surprised how much of a book you can comprehend while listening to it as do you other random chores and stuff throughout the day.
Spy The Lie
The Art of Profiling
What Every Body Is Saying
and, Criminal Profiling: An Introductory Guide
I read those when I began my journey down the CID rabbit hole. I also read 100 Deadly Skills, which was not directly related, but fun to keep in the back of the head.
Read “What Every Body Is Saying” by Joe Navarro. It is the most comprehensive, accurate, scientifically-valid explanation of body language I have ever read.
He was a Cuban refugee or immigrant, so when he came to the US, he couldn’t speak any English. He had to learn how to read body language to interact with people because he couldn’t verbally communicate with them yet. That’s where his perceptive body language skills began to develop.
Then he became an FBI interrogator and had to learn how to read people’s body language in an interview setting where getting someone to fess up could mean the difference between catching a serial killer of not.
In addition to his own personal skill set he developed, he also backs up everything he says with evolutionary biology. For example, people crossing their arms over their body could be indicating that they feel threatened by you/someone, and as such their body acts unconsciously and instinctively to protect their vital organs, whether they are at an immediate physical risk or not.
In saying that, no single piece of body language is definitive. Crossing your arms over your body could mean you’re just resting them - it doesn’t ALWAYS mean you feel threatened. It’s really a game of reading the situation around you, being aware of the emotional tenor of the room and drawing conclusions from there.
It is one of the most useful books I have ever read in my life. I have integrated it into my life and use it all the time to read people. It has really helped me gauge lots of social situations and is just honestly such a fascinating book.
Here’s a link below to it on Amazon. Hope you enjoy :)
What Every Body Is Saying
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
this is what youre looking for.
this will help you but its not 100% foolproof.
2 things to consider. nature vs nurture.
One early sign of attraction is the dialation of the pupils. it can also be a sign of fear or nervousness. same for the blushing of a face.all of this can instantly be broken by opening your mouth. or waving your hand or going for a hug, or glancing away.
There are a few subtle nuances that are fairly universal but thats the purpose of kino. kino gauges attraction/ comfort by testing the boundries. im sure theres some cultural subtlties that you'll notice if you have a "type" but they still cant be reliably gauged within the the initial reaction. youd need at least 5 minutes.
Oh My, I had forgotten this thread. Let me reply anyway!
Improve your Social Skills
This book is written by a man with Aspergers. It has a lot of useful advice. Needless to say, as I'm forgetful and absent minded, I used a highlighter a lot!
What Every Body is Saying
It contains a lot of info on body language, and I have found it helpful. There are some tips to come across more confident. You can also check videos on the web.
How to Talk to Kids So Kids will Listen
Don't misjudge the book! It may seem as not suitable for adults. But it contains a lot of tips that can help improve adult on adult relationships. There are some parts that talk about how we deny people their right to experience a certain feeling. For example :
Person a: My dog died. I'm so sad.
Person b: Oh, but cheer up! you'll have other dogs in the future! don't dwell on it, it's no use! vs.
Person b: I see. It must be tough. You really cared about your dog.
It really makes you ponder.
And of course the most well known books, "how to win friends and influence people", etc. I have been also looking for books on how to hold a conversation, but haven't had much luck yet.
sorry for the late reply
Best of luck!
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Yep, I have an entire shelf of books by Joe Navarro. Top 3:
general body language
body language applied to seeing if someone is lying.
and body language as applied to poker
I agree that gimmicky PUA shit isn't the way to go. I've read Mark Manson's book and it was helpful, but it's definitely helpful to get info from additional sources. These books are pretty essential IMO:
https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365/
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
This is a really great book on the subject.
The definitive book of body language - has been mentioned on seddit in the past several times. Some people mention "What everybody is saying"
A great book on understanding body language is "What Every BODY is Saying". It's written by an ex-FBI agent and was a really interesting read
There are several good books (go with the one that has highest reviews on amazon). Don’t go for articles or short videos, they tend to be very general and, sometimes some clues can backfire.
After some practice, you’ll discover that it’s not that hard to read body language. In general, in its simplest form, it usually relies on understanding comfort/discomfort and interest/disinterest in a given situation.
Sometimes you’ll need to interpret multiple body signals to understand correctly.
They way people moves /combines their foots, legs, hands and arms, how they show (or protect) their chest or neck, and so on.
I did study this stuff at university years ago, but recently I got a refresher by reading this:
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
Ah, I gotcha. I was thinking of it more in terms of measuring whether someone in general is enervating or energizing. I suppose you could tally state changes over time to find a generalization of a persons affect.
You're right though, this is highly qualitative, relative, and subjective. If a girl's favorite rock star is standing on the stage four feet away from her, playing her favorite song, there'd be little you could do to energize her in your favor...in that moment.
If you're a fan of reading/sizing up people check out these easily read books:
What Every Body is Saying focuses on body language and what it says.
Louder Than Words is about nonverbal behavior in a work setting.
Not sure if either of these is quite what you're looking for, but they look interesting.
Robot book or FBI book are both books I really want to read!
> What every body is saying
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
You asked for it and it is a very good book.
What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People: Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins
http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=17BAF81S1GAMHPRC0ABP
You're not wrong, it can also be called Speed reading, but you need to emphasize "speed reading PEOPLE". Here's a book I found for you : http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-SpeedReading-People-Language/dp/0316845183/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1351278697&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+speed+reading
EDIT : Here's another : http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=pd_cp_b_0
What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People
https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294
It looks candid (a.k.a) not very good. The photo doesn't follow a compositional rule, there isn't any posturing, the angle is terrible, the lighting is natural, the f/stop on that lens had to have been at least 2.8 - 3.5. The bokeh isn't impressive. The white balance is off, it's blue/tungsten/purple and oversaturated. The contrast is too soft, it wasn't sharpened properly (suggesting an in-camera jpeg instead of RAw) and it isn't in focus.
This guy is either stingy, didn't pay a better photographer $80 to show up with a 50mm 1.8 and a $300 camera or he deliberately conspired with a news outlet, chose his worst suit, vomited in the restroom first and made himself look disheveled and unattractive. Humans unconsciously form an opinion of a person (trustworthyness, etc.) within 5 to 15 seconds from a photo (the more handsome candidate usually wins by 63%). A photographer has no incentive to botch a photo of a politician.
Conclusion: Real photo taken in jpeg by a rural periodical.
This guy looks like he's about to chug bourbon and take a whiskey shit. It's terrible.
It's also a two-month-old article.
Learn how to read body language. Started learning body language for poker (it doesn't work anymore to many levels). But you could use those same skills in the club/bar game. If you can read people's body and speech you can tell with most people if they like you or not. It takes a lot of practice, but not very difficult to do. Also the random girl you have a one sentence dialogue with, she doesn't just not like you but 10 seconds later you don't exist to her.
Some ideas in 4 categories:
Body Language:
Speed Reading:
Evolutionary Psych / Behavior:
PUA / Attraction: