Reddit mentions of What to Expect When You're Expecting

Ok, I realize this going to against everything everyone is ever going to tell you, and my experience is a little different because our kids were planned, but I wish someone -anyone- had told me this 15 years ago. Yes, it is a lot of work. Yes, they're expensive. Yes, it changes your relationship with your SO. And the relationships with your friends. And your family. Hell, even your work relationships change. Here's the thing though. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE. I would have had kids years ago I had known what it's really like.

The relationship with your SO? Talk about the big things now, before Little One is born, and make sure that you're both compromising, that both of your feelings and beliefs are going to be reflected in how you intend on raising them. How are you going to go about religion? How do you both feel about punishment, both what should be punished and how? Childcare? How often do you intend on going out with friends after baby's arrival? Are you comfortable with all your friends being around your kid (seriously, a lot of our friends turned out to be people who though we enjoyed their company, were absolutely not people we wanted around our daughters)? How about family members? How about food? How often is too often for burgers and fries, do they get soda before they're 10? Have these conversations now, before they're actually an issue, and revisit them often, because things change once you get into the swing of things. Know that there will be days where one of you is 'done', and be willing to be tagged into extra duties for those days. It's OK to get burnout, it doesn't make you -or her- a bad parent, and it's so much easier to deal with if there's two of you having each other's back.

They are work. Sleep sucks for those first couple months, and that old saying that everything takes longer with kids, hahahaha....you have no idea. But you're going to find out. And it'll be ok. They sleep a ton those first few months, the first week is terrifying, but after that the adjustment is gradual, and by the time they're awake for any amount of time, you'll have already forgotten about how things were before they came along. Even the worst colicky screaming babe grows out of it eventually, and becomes a normal lovely child, it's just a matter of waiting it out. Unless you're exclusively into extreme sports, you'll figure out how to include kiddo in your hobbies and past times. Sure they might change a bit, daylong hikes become family friendly hour long jaunts, grand strategy computer games become Monster Loves You, but the feeling you get when they enjoy something that you've made them a part of is just, indescribable. You're gonna be surprised how fulfilling a good game of peekaboo is.

And those expenses? There are going to be costs you can't avoid (helloooo childcare! Also, spring for a brand new crib and carseat), but for the most part, you don't have to sell the family cow to get by if you don't want to. Babies don't care if their clothes and toys came from Goodwill. Food banks have baby food, but really all you need is a blender, there's not really a reason they can't eat what you eat. Things might get tight sometimes, but you'll always have resources available to you, your kid isn't going to go hungry. And if you two can keep your chins up, and smiles on your faces, and not stress out, your kid will never know. You're both in school, by the time your kid is in social situations where they can compare their socioeconomic status to those around them you'll all be in a much better place. So don't sweat the small stuff.

You have more resources available to you than any parents ever before. Books, doctors on call, parent groups. Read the books together. A chapter or two every night laying in bed. /u/cedarhouse1377's advice was spot on. What To Expect When You're Expecting is a great read and easily digestible. What to Expect the First Year is also very good. Your Baby's First Year is dry, but very informative. Babycenter.com has answers to a lot of the questions you have for the next few years. When you feel yourself start to panic, don't discount the value of Dr.Google. The internet is always awake, and we're always here for you.

That's your kid. They're going to be ok. You and So are going to be ok. You're smart. You're capable. You got this.

Most of all, congratulations. It's worth it.


*Edited to give proper credit to /u/cedarhouse1377. Sorry I misspelled your username!

With 18.5 million copies in print, "What to Expect When You’re Expecting" is read by 93% of women who read a pregnancy book . . .

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761187480/ref=zg_bs_4676_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=T16C49BSRFPCH5EQAYV7

I'd grab a good book. This one talks about a lot of considerations that you might not think to mention. It might even make you feel more comfortable with that process, but hopefully not too comfortable or you might lose the squeamishness that has the potential to make your story ring more true.

Oh hon, I feel you. This gets me because I felt the same way. I still do. I have a 19 month old toddler.

Start here: Parenting from the Inside Out.

This book will really help you decipher your family, and really give you hope and tools for not reproducing their problems onto your little beauty of a tiny awesome person.

It's pretty straightforward and incredibly useful.

Then read this and this. Yes read them while you're pregnant because again they will give you hope and insight.

Buy this book and start reading it now too. We call it the Baby Bible in our house.

It's a survival manual for the first year of their life. It has everything. I don't know how many times we've pulled it down and flipped to the index at 2:00 am. It's better than Google. It's fantastic. (That said, it has an angle like all parenting books, even though it tries not to. They are attachment parenting writers. Nothing wrong with attachment parenting per se, just an awareness all parenting books have angles, even the impartial ones.)

Also, if you're anything like me, avoid all the happy, glowing, blowing-stardust-and-glitter-up-your-ass, pregnancy books out there. These did nothing but enrage me. I'm talking about What to Expect and similar. Unless you like stardust and bullshit, avoid avoid avoid.

Basically if you go to a thrift store and there's 8 copies of the damn pregnancy or parenting book on the shelf, don't buy it.

Instead check out books like this and this and this.

Now I haven't read those exact books, unlike all my other recommendations above, all of which I've personally read as a scared, overwhelmed pregnant lady or new mom. But as long as you stay in the 'brutally honest' lane and away from the 'syrupy sweet, guilt laden, shame' lane, then you'll be fine.

Even in 2019 there's a mountain of mommy advice bullshit books out there. Keep your instincts and your wits about you, don't forget who you are. Stay strong. And work on yourself with books like Parenting from the Inside Out and the How to Talk books.

Your MIL is talking nonsense. I'm in the same situation - 20w ultrasound shows my placenta is close to my cervix, so I'm having another ultrasound to check it at 29w. The ultrasound technician and my doctor both said it's highly likely the placenta will have moved by then, so there's nothing to worry about.

From What to Expect When You're Expecting:

> Think your baby is the only thing moving around in your uterus? Not so. Like a fetus, a placenta can move around during pregnancy, too. It doesn’t actually pick up and relocate, but it does appear to migrate upward as the lower segment of the uterus stretches and grows.

> Though an estimated 10 percent of placentas are in the lower segment in the second trimester (and an even larger percentage before 14 weeks), the vast majority move into the upper segment by the time delivery nears.

> If this doesn’t happen and the placenta remains low in the uterus, partially or completely covering the cervix (the mouth of the uterus), a diagnosis of “placenta previa” is made. This complication occurs in very few full-term pregnancies (about 1 in 200).

> In other words, your doctor is right. It’s too early to worry about the position of your baby’s placenta—and statistically speaking, the chances are slim that you’ll ever have to worry about it. Another reason not to worry: If you do end up being diagnosed with placenta previa, your baby will simply be delivered via a scheduled cesarean.

Find out what foods you need to avoid while pregnant (including how much caffeine is safe, what herbal teas are off limits, and which fish have high levels of mercury), and what drugs you should not be taking (e.g. ibuprofen is typically not baby friendly). There are different schools of thought around all of this and a lot more.

As far as books, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is a best seller and not a bad place to start. https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761187480/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525410573&sr=8-2&keywords=maternity+book

Once you get to the buying stuff stage the book "Baby Bargains" is pretty good. https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-Secrets-Saving-strollers/dp/188939257X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525410646&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains+book+2018

If you're totally lost, you can always reach out and connect with a Doula (even early in pregnancy) - though this can be pricey. Doulas have a wealth of knowledge. The hospital that you will deliver at also probably has resources and links set up on their website.

Congrats!

Two books we got

The baby manual

and What to expect when your expecting

11-12 weeks is fine.

Lots of apps out there that track pregnancy and what you need to be doing.