Reddit mentions of When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families)

I can actually help a bit as I am going through something very similar right now.

First of all - I am sorry about your loss, it doesn't take the pain away but realize you aren't alone.

Have you built up a good support system? People are going to be asking you 'what can we do', let them help in any way they can. One of the moms from my daughters school setup a meal delivery thing on some website, I have food in the cooler every night and haven't had to grocery shop in a while.

Here are some books to help you talk with her about it:
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide To Understanding Death

The Fall of Freddie The Leaf

Edit - Remembered the third book
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

There was another one that the school counselor gave me but I can't recall the name. The dinosaur one was the one my daughter most connected with.

As far as telling her. I just sat my daughter down, and reiterated how mommy had been sick for a while, and that last night she died. We cried for a bit and then that was it, she went back to status quo. She cried a couple more times after that and aside from the occasional 'I really miss Mommy' there hasn't been any outward signs of grief. From talking with the school counselor and the bereavement center this is all normal for her age range (my daughter is around the same age as yours).

I feel for you friend, feel free to reach out to me anytime.

My uncle died when his kids were 7 and 4. It was sudden and he was still pretty young.

The older daughter had a really hard time sleeping at night because her father always put her to bed and had done so the night he had a stroke.

The 4 year old didn't understand but she wanted a picture of her and her father almost right away and would fall asleep with it.

My suggestion is that you be as open as you can be. If things should take a turn for the worse sit down with them and talk to them about what is going on. There is a great book that my cousins got from their teacher after their dad died called When Dinosaurs Die http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316119555

As far as what you can do I suggest taking a lot of photos together doing various things. Try to do special things with each child separately and of course together but really try to find something special to do with each of them. Maybe make beaded bracelets with the older girl or something. Something she will have to remind her of you.

You could also have pillows made with your favorite photo of you and that child so that way they have something to squeeze when they want to hug you.

If you always read bedtime stories or sing specific songs you should record them. I would personally love to hear my uncle's voice again.

But I think memories are the best. You could buy gifts for them to be given on their 16 or 18th birthdays if you so choose. Something a bit fancy with a hand written letter.

Watching my cousins grow up (they are now 14 and 17) these are the things I see they miss the most. There are photos all over the house of their father. The 17 year old misses him dearly. The 14 year old doesn't really remember him at all.

I didn't want to hear anything. Books I read with my mom (When Dinosaurs Die and Saying Goodbye to Daddy are both excellent) helped me a lot more than any religious counseling ever did. To hear that a God you have grown up loving and knowing that he is good, to hear that that God has killed your father and that you shouldn't be sad because he is in a better place, that is really awful.

My father and brother recently died and I've read a ton of the kids books about death to my 3 year old daughter. . The Fall of Freddie the leaf was too wordy for my 3 year old. She ended up really liking When Dinosaurs Die and I Miss You.

When Dinosaurs Die is actually pretty detailed for a 4yo. I would suggest I Miss You or Always and Forever; also Lifetimes is a lovely non-religious explanation of death in terms of the cycle of life. For books that approach the subject in terms of non-human deaths, Goodbye Mousie and Tess's Tree are both good ones, particularly for the 4yo. There are also some activity books such as When Someone Very Special Dies and Help Me Say Goodbye which would be appropriate for both children. Death is Stupid is a brand new one that you'd want to preview first, as it's pretty blunt, but I think might especially resonate for the 9yo.

edited to add - you might also find some of these helpful:

>http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html

> http://www.pdhealth.mil/wot/downloads/helping%20a%20child%20cope%20with%20loss%20and%20grief.pdf

> http://www.childbereavementuk.org/files/5614/0117/9770/Explaining_to_young_children_that_someone_has_died.pdf

http://www.amazon.com/Miss-You-First-Look-Death/dp/0764117645/ref=pd_sim_b_2

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555/ref=pd_sim_b_3

My uncle died leaving behind a 4 year old and a 7 year old. The school sent this book home with the 7 year old the day she returned to school. It helped.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

Self Improvement:

1. Tell me about it. In my 20's, I ate everything under the sun and could barely maintain. Around 35, that shit ended. I did keto to lose it, but now eat a low-carb diet to keep it off. How are your cooking skills? What eating habits do you think are hindering your goals? Mine was beer and late-night carb snacking.
   
   
2. What stopped? I'm guessing a combination of stress, depression and too much fucking life! Something else, maybe?
   
   
3. Ooooh! What did you create before? Sounds interesting!
   
   
   Stuff for your daughter:
   
   
4. A walk before or after dinner. Every day. Teach her to observe. The birds and bugs. The spray paint markings on the street. See a plane in the sky? Ask her where she thinks it is going. Ask her why she thinks the leaves on the tree are changing color and falling off. It is a great chance to bond with her and help her learn (and for you to learn from here). It also helps with your first self-improvement item. During our walks, we end up playing tag, sumo wrestling (she wins a lot), a stripped-down fartlek (you might call them Indian runs), or her invention--running while holding hands. She loves these games and it gets my ass out of a chair. Again, the bonding time is unmatched.
   
   
5. Temper your expectations here. I say do it with gusto, but know that you will need tough skin if the PTA is mostly moms. They will see you as an intruder (as they do with most men in early education). I'm not one bit saying not to do it. Just know that you'll have to be extra tough and persistent. I would suggest also joining a dad's group. It's a good way for you to meet other motivated dads and learn additional dadcraft skills. PM me if you're having a hard time finding one in your area.
   
   
6. 4-5 books a night. This is the best damn thing you can do for your daughter. Your local library is awesome. Don't forget that they can order other books from other neighboring libraries. We have dealth with death (The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, When Dinosaurs Die), potty training (Potty), divorce (Two Homes), science (Baby Loves Thermodynamics or Scientist Scientist), anatomy (Contemplating Your Belly Button), personal conduct (any of the Toddler Tools books from Free Spirit Publishing). I also throw one Dad book in each night like Kisses for Daddy, Grizzly Dad, Daddy Cuddles, Because I'm Your Dad and others. The DC Superheroes Character Education series is pretty nice. It also helps your bond with your daughter along with improving her reading skills.

When Dinosaurs Die?

https://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

Hard to tell without knowing their age. If young, then there are several books that can help, eg:

http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555

Marc Brown (who wrote the Arthur series) has a really good book called When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death that's really good for younger kids to learn about death, the grieving process, etc. Best of luck. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

Edit: I just saw that /u/Brym suggested it as well.

[When Dinosaurs Die.] (http://www.amazon.com/When-Dinosaurs-Die-Understanding-Families/dp/0316119555)

I'm a funeral director and I absolutely recommend this book above all others.