Reddit mentions: The best post-traumatic stress disorder books

Don't give up on therapy. It can show you how to manage yourself so your kids don't have to. But most of all you deserve healing. If the person you saw wasn't helpful, pick another one. You can fire your next therapist after one session if they don't seem to be getting you or offering information that is practical and immediately helpful. But keep going. Pick another one. It's ok to shop around. It's ok to go through three or five or however many it takes.
Even if you don't like the sound of their voice you can say "thanks" and move on. Call and say it's just for one or two sessions to get some advice. But if you connect with them, schedule another and keep a weekly or monthly appointment for three to six months.

Unfortunately the truth is there can be a total lame duck therapist and an amazing healer working in the same building in offices right next to each other. That's the reality. So don't assume whether someone is good or not until you've spoken to them personally. But you are paying them for help. Every session they should be able to offer you a technique to practice for the next couple weeks until your next session, or an article or book to read, or you talked through something that happened and were able to work something out you had been stuck on by yourself. If those kinds of things aren't happening every session, it's time to move on.

You probably already know most of this but for an overall view of the therapy process you can preview books like Thriving with Social Anxiety. Your library might have a copy you can borrow for free. It does a good job of illustrating the different approaches a therapist could take. And there are books about healing both mind and body like The Body Keeps the Score. And specifically about anger from a woman's perspective like The Dance of Anger

If you're not already, keeping a journal helps. You can use any notebook and dedicate it to writing the date and what you're thinking about. What's problematic or persistent in your thoughts? When you get angry you can write it down too. Anything that comes up. You don't have to write every day. It's there when you need it. This really helps with sleep too. When you have too many thoughts to sleep, write them down. It lets you remember them because they're still right there. But they are on paper and out of your head. You deserve to sleep. You can deal with the next day better prepared with decent sleep and rest.

You can also take time later, when you've cooled down to reflect on what you've written. It's a way to see if you can find ways to intervene with yourself before you get super angry. Where in the process of what happened yesterday or this morning could I do something differently? When I'm talking with my kids, what could I do differently next time? What is it about the small things that causes me to blow up? This is a typical worksheet you can use to walk through this process for each "incident" that you really want to dig into and find a solution for. Just cross out ptsd at the top and write Anger or whatever applies. This technique works for any strong negative emotional events you've had. Print out and keep a stack of these ready to go. Even when you remember something that happened and want to dig into it just grab a pen and set to work.

You can take your questions to your self help books or Google and specifically look up answers and suggestions for them. Just treating them as a project. Its' a way to keep things practical and specific which is a million times more helpful than theoretical and trying to keep up on the latest research. Lately there have been articles on Inuit mothers and their kids to help with their anger and tantrums I found helpful even with adults.

You could take the journal with you as a memory aide and way to stay focused in your sessions too. Keep a specific to-do list on what you are working on and trying to achieve. And run down the list spending five minutes on each of the priority items and then the middle bulk of the time on what your most pressing concern is.

You experienced childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and you may have ptsd. I'm not a therapist, I just talk to people and deal with my own anger management issues from stress and difficult childhood. But I've learned that when we can't protect ourselves as kids we lash out as adults. I hope you see someone again. You can heal no matter how long you've waited. Find someone who can hand you the tools to feel you are in control of your situation. Take your power back. Hang in there!

Edit: I saw your comment about living in a small town and the difficulty finding a therapist. Better Help is an online option that is becoming popular these days. But I hear a lot of people saying they got paired with real duds. Do be extremely strict with who you choose. Check their credentials, types of patients they see and how long they've been in practice. Best to go with a professional therapist who uses sites like Better Help to reach a broader audience. If they talk about their dog the first half hour and treat you like an after thought let Better Help know you're not paying for that session. There are probably some bonafide therapists that offer sessions via Skype or other video chat platforms too. Just have to do some researching to see who takes insurance, etc.

And I almost forgot active listening. See the video half way down the page. This is listening to understand. Listening fully to what the other person is saying without interrupting them. Letting them finish and then asking a question or restating what they said to confirm you completely understood it. The important part is not just listening to the first few words and then interjecting with a snarky comeback. It helps reduce anger and misunderstanding by letting the speaker feel understood and the listener develops empathy by encouraging true conversation and less one-sidedness. Sorry for writing a book! Hope some of this helps.

In a sense, yes. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement, but could be helpful if that is really what is going on. It could also be a hindrance. Unfortunately, the situation in the mental health field nowadays is really complicated, particularly with the fact that so many practitioners have significant problems with pathological narcissism themselves. It is absolutely critical, if you are having a problem with pathological narcissism, that you do take the reigns in addressing the problem. In that regard, narcissistic psychopathology parallels addiction very significantly. Many practitioners even recommend 12 step programs. As you may already know, narcissistic psychopathology is very common among M.D.'s in the U.S. and elsewhere - particularly among surgeons (current estimates of NPD as high as 40%, and my guess is that is low).

Another route is to also consider how your childhood and familial experiences effected you. A good book to read is "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists". Another good one is "Why is It Always About You?" (ignore the preachy Christian parts). Trying to think deeply about the stories and lessons of these books and how they relate to you, your life, and your family and friends is critical. Almost everyone is surrounded by pathological narcissism in some way in the U.S., so there will be useful lessons, to some degree, on practically every page. In particular, if you start realizing that you are suffering/effected by narcissism in your life, heed the lessons pointed out in the Wizard of Oz book - they are extremely useful, but MUST be put into practice, not simply "understood". If you seek out treatment from mental health clinicians, pay very close attention to the sections of the book where she describes how to spot pathological narcissism in clinicians and put it into use. This is critically important regardless of what your condition turns out to be. A clinician with traits or full NPD can not only be unhelpful to your treatment, but even dangerous, and they are all too common. Avoid any religiously preachy clinicians like the plague, as a rule.

Have you considered doing some workbooks? That may be helpful because it removes the personal aspect of the intervention. A good one is:

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131

You might benefit from neurofeedback. Some is better than others, so don't be put off if it doesn't work well the first place you try.

It sounds like you'll want to really pay attention to the covert/introverted narcissism components. If you read about these topics and things start resonating (which can lead to intensely strong feelings, "good" or "bad"), then you are probably on the right track. The absolute key is to be extremely honest with yourself. Really, really extremely honest and non-morally-judgemental. You may also find a lot of value in a concept called "radical acceptance". You seem to be struggling significantly with not being able to be the "Great Savior" to your patients that you wanted to be. You'll probably nee to do a lot of reflection on that and think about how it figures into your life story. Developing a journaling habit, if you don't already, would probably be an excellent idea. Getting your life story out and thinking about why things happened is key. Reflect, integrate realizations into your life story. Rinse and repeat.

I went through a multi-decade ordeal in assisting a family member (also a doctor) who was in a nearly identical situation as you. There was NPD, but also comingled with addiction (substance), mood disorder, and bipolar. It was pretty difficult to sort out, but that person is doing much, much better now. Of course, this is all routed in childhood trauma, so it may be helpful to do some basic reading on that:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Tiger-Healing-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X

Learn what your triggers are, and mind them.

Finally, a really important concept is discussed by Ronningstam, which is often overlooked by even very good practitioners who understand narcissism quite well. It is the critical component of redirecting ego-drive into healthy behaviors; Understanding the difference between healthy narcissism vs. pathological narcissism. This is, IMO, the #1 reason why NPD, pathological traits thereof, and addiction treatment fail so often. She discusses this very well in other parts of her book.

Of course I could be completely wrong, but that's my opinion, for what it's worth. As I mentioned, if you start digging, stay honest, and it starts resonating (good or bad), you're probably on the right path.

Good luck.

Therapy is absolutely worth it imo. BUT and the big but is that you need to find the right kind of therapist. There are many, many different types of therapy out there. Personally? I felt like I wasted thousands on talking therapy in the beginning and I just kept rehashing and reliving the trauma with pretty much no progress.

The therapies that I got the most out of because of my trauma was 1. Havening - had the quickest most immediate response to this so therefore it ended up being the cheapest 2. Hypnotherapy - I got a lot out of this because while I logically knew a lot of truths but so much of it wasn't being accepted by my subconscious for some reason. Hypnotherapy sorted that 3. EMDR - also great.

Now I do talking therapy for current stuff going on in my life to get a sounding board and unbiased opinion. That was just me - but talking to 'fix' was the biggest waste of time and money for me - however, talking to maintain has been great. Ultimately you need to find your own therapeutic path. It's pretty frustrating because there isn't a one size fits all. Then on top of it, especially with talking therapists you need to have a connection. So you are constantly having to give the whole story over and over. I found the other therapies had a much better effect on me and allowed me to connect with a therapist much easier once I felt I was more in maintenance mode vs crisis mode.

Im not sure where you are but I feel like there are probably websites out there that review therapists.

Also: some really great books that helped me (and are much cheaper) are:

• Reinventing your life: The breakthrough program to end negative behaviour and feel great again This was the first book a therapist had me read and told me that she thought exploring other therapies (the ones above) would be of better benefit to me at the time being. She was right - this book really helped me understand the 'lifetraps' I was caught in.
  
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma great for explaining all the different types of therapies out there that can better help you - especially in terms of CPTSD.
  
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
  
• F**k It Therapy really was a good read to say fuck it and that I am in control of my own happiness - nobody else. No matter what they do.
  
  Good luck!

\> I know they say you have to be okay on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship- but it seems like a tall order if you have no support. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.

I used to believe that you have to be okay on your own, but now I disagree with statement. Based off of my personal experience and information knowledge of trauma and attachment, I've revised my belief: Even if we don't need one (1) human to be our other half, we need the right social circle and the access to the right resources to have a solid foundation in order to have the skills, motivation, and support make progress toward their goals, feel secure, and be happy.


While I'm not a professional psychologist, what's working for me is trying to be vulnerable but being careful about who I do it with. There needs to be some thought about who I share it with, like what am I trying to do by sharing it with *this* specific person. Am I feeling some inner pain that I believe this person can ease? Am I sharing an experience that I think they will understand? If they don't understand, am I sharing this because I still trust them and I want to bond with them?

I believe healthy relationships is a balance of *relying* (as opposed to needing) on the *appropriate* people depending on the situation (as opposed to relying on the same person for every situation). Sometimes we will take risks and be let down. Over time by doing so, you refine your radar to know who is the best person for a feeling, situation, or experience.

Wishing the best in your healing.

It depends on what you're drawn to. Are you more interested in interpretation of story for your own personal growth? Or interpretation of films? Or are you looking to create stories?

The best books I know on this subject at least on interpretive myth include:

• Women who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes (sure it's about women's stories which can dissuade some younger men learning about this subject but it's seriously one of the best books on how to interpret a myth out there)
  
• The Hero Within by Carol S. Pearson. This is more if you're trying to find your own personal mythology for instance.
  
• The Water of Life by Michael Meade is tremendous. He does amazing events around the United States and gives good performances as well as talks and storytelling online via his non-profit Mosaic Voices.
  
• To learn more about interpretation and ways to interact with your unconscious, I'd recommend many of Robert A. Johnson's books specifically Inner Work however Transformations of Masculine Consciousness, He, She, We and Living with the Heavenly Goddess are good too depending on what topic you're interested in.
  
• For storytelling, I'd recommend the book Healing Hearts Communities which consists of a collection of stories which are appropriate to use for a variety of modern requirements. So you have stories talking about addiction or violence etc.
  
  In my experience, after Campbell people usually begin to drift toward what their personal myths are. So you have some people who get really into film and get caught on Vogler or Bonnet's work, others who want to go help returning veterans and end up getting really into Odysseus in America. Or people begin focusing on different cultures and religions and move from there.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this pain. I have had dreams trigger flashbacks like this before. Everyone finds different things that help, but if you haven't already, I highly recommend checking out the information on flashbacks on r/CPTSD. Basically, flashbacks aren't always visual as in a dream or a hallucination, or auditory/taste, etc. They can also bring up the emotions we felt during the event or shortly after leading to feelings of fight/flight/freeze even when we are presently safe. I am not a therapist, but your dream reminds me of my own visual flashbacks and the feelings you've been dealing with since seem reminiscent of the emotional flashbacks. There's a reason it's so hard to shake those feelings-- your brain and body truly believe you are in danger again and are trying to protect you.

All of the behaviors you listed are normal trauma responses, but are also super, super hard to face alone. If you are able, please consider speaking with a trauma informed therapist. Many women's shelters even offer group therapy to the community for free. Or, Universities often have discounted rates if you are ok working with a PhD student who is nearing certification.

Another great resource is the book The Body Keeps the Score. It really dives into the effects of traumatic events on our bodies and how they manifest in different ways throughout life if not processed. It is written by an MD who pioneered research in PTSD for war veterans and then found that the effects on people who experienced other traumas (like rape) were very similar. I wouldn't start reading this now while you are currently triggered, but when you are ready to process things a bit more this could be very helpful. (It was a big turning point for me.) There are also some free audiobook versions on YouTube.

You are not disgusting or awful for your dream. We cannot control whether the pleasure centers of our brains are activated, especially while sleeping. I know it is very disconcerting when our brains still derive pleasure from experiences that are also rooted in such depraved violence and betrayal, but you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

As for things you could do tonight to feel better, I have had good results with the suggestions on this page https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/firstaidkit as well as https://www.joondalupcounselling.com.au/joondalup-counselling-blog/2016/2/11/28-popular-effective-grounding-techniques

Give yourself grace as you deal with this. I'm glad you got to go out for a bit and try to distract yourself. Be mindful of your stress levels and take steps back when needed. Sometimes staying busy is helpful, but sometimes we also need to take time to rest.

I hope you find peace and comfort soon. Please reach out whenever you need.

There's no late reply -- standard internet-strangers rules apply. No pressure to keep the conversation going.

My partner is seriously touch-averse, but overcomes it for me for things like a hug - I've written about this elsewhere, but it means all the more to me, because I know that the act of giving me a hug is a conscious choice backed by serious willpower to overcome her trauma-fueled withdrawal.

Human touch is very powerful thing, and definitely something you can use to battle depression, anxiety, and emotional withdrawal.

The reason I asked, though, is that if you are touch-averse, you and your partner might want to consider looking up Sensate Focus Touch. I've not read any of the following, but they are highly recommended in this area - (all links to amazon)

The Body Keeps the Score

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma

Sensate Focus in Sex Therapy

I also thought of this for you:

The Self-Esteem Workbook

> Sex is still this foreign thing I don't know if I belong in..

Here, here's a guest pass. You're welcome to stay as long as you like, and leave whenever you need to.

In all seriousness, sex is yours, to do with as you wish, from diving in and loving it to deciding it isn't for you and you'd rather not. You belong, and nobody gets to tell you otherwise.

> "your bf probably has a side chick if he's not getting it from you."

Falsehood.

Proof by counter-example #1: I spent 17 years with my stbx-wife with ever-decreasing frequency. I turned down more than one invitation from potential side chicks.

Proof by counter-example #2: You can find plenty of others here in DBs who are unwilling to consider "just cheat!" as a viable option.

Proof by counter-example #3: Despite my asexual partner telling me I could fuck whomever I wanted, and being on a two-year dry spell, I turned down a potential paramour recently. I wasn't certain that I wouldn't hurt my partner if I said yes. If we're going to come to an open relationship agreement, I want her to have terms and boundaries in place so that she feels safe and secure.

There are some reddit communities where you're more likely to strike supportive, loving gold than others, considering your history and feelings. I'd suggest subscribing to

/r/LowLibidoCommunity

/r/Asexuality

/r/CPTSD

as each will, I think, be solidly in your corner, for different reasons. You can decide, for each, whether or not you belong and/or want that community's help.

I think that's about all I can think of for resources ..

Other than my infinite supply of ((touch-aversion-resistant-virtual-hugs)) =D

Hi there. I'd say that the symptoms you describe are a normal reaction to what should be an abnormal event; at the same time, it's no way to live. You shouldn't have to struggle with these thoughts and feelings every day.

It sounds like you are managing incredibly well, especially given how much your daily life is affected by what you've been through. Seriously, well done.

Personally, after I was hurt I poured even more energy into my work (it was my first 'real' job out of uni). I moved to a new neighbourhood, had terrible nightmares/flashbacks and constantly had the event on my mind, but at the same time I actually excelled in the work sphere. I was promoted several times and given raises etc... however, as you say, I was tired. Eventually, at about the three-year mark, I became so drained that I couldn't keep it up, and the situation began to reverse - my work suffered more and more and my personal life all but disintegrated. It was a profound exhaustion like I'd never known. By the time five years came, I was at the end of my rope. I had to take a full year off of work to focus on processing the trauma and rebuilding my life.

The reason I'm sharing this is to let you know that you're not alone, but also to warn you that if it is still affecting your day-to-day life this much, it's unlikely to go away on its own without some kind of intervention. Please do keep living your life and be very proud of everything you are accomplishing, but also be cautious of burnout. Even the strongest, most intelligent person has a limit to what they can endure.

Therapy can be really helpful if you have access to it, but as you mentioned it's not within everyone's budget. This is more of a long-term plan, but when you are looking for jobs, look closely at their benefits packages - many do include mental health funding/support services, at least where I am. In the meantime, it might be worth reaching out to your school and your local rape crisis centre to see what they might offer in terms of free counselling.

Outside of that, I'd recommend getting a few books to guide you through. Some that could be helpful are:

• Calming The Emotional Storm ...I think this one was written with bipolar people in mind, but I don't have that (I've been dx'd with ptsd, anxiety and depression) and I still found it very helpful
  
  
• The Rape Recovery Handbook ...haven't tried this one myself but have seen it oft-recommended
  
  
• The Body Keeps The Score ...a very well-known book/author dealing with trauma recovery
  
  
• The PTSD Workbook ...not saying you have ptsd, but this might still be helpful to guide yourself through trauma recovery
  
  
• The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook ...I've found this one helpful as well
  
  At least a couple of these are also available as audiobooks, if that interests you (I use Audible).
  
  Good luck with everything; it sounds like you are on a great path. You will get to a place when what happened to you feels more past than present... just be sure to address it and treat yourself with kindness and compassion along the way.
  
  It's totally normal and ok that this is tough for you, but it doesn't have to be this way forever. You're so much more than what happened to you. 💙

Sounds familiar. I was about that age when I had a few episodes that had me convinced I was possessed. (Turns out Naught thinks it's funny to switch to Latin and screw with abusive then-boyfriend. Have been exorcised, 0/10, do not recommend.)

Obviously we can't diagnose you, so speaking with a therapist or psychologist is your best bet. If you have trouble finding one, maybe try going through the guidance counselors at your school and see if they have anyone that they can recommend. Your primary care doctor may also be able to refer you.

That said, going through therapy as a minor, you'll need to be aware that your guardians may have access to your records. You can address this specifically with your therapist - they may be willing to keep the actual physical notes very limited and not discuss things directly with your guardians. Your mom may also be able to seal your records from other people. Depends a lot on your therapist, but their goal is to build trust with you, so chances are if you tell them you're concerned, they'll look out for you.

One of the things generally recommended is journaling often and consistently. Encourage these other parts of yourself to do so as well, and periodically review to see if "anyone else" decided to write to you or if unexplained handwriting shows up. Even if you don't have a dissociative disorder journaling can be useful to record and process your emotions about this stuff. (PTSD is kinda the low end of dissociative disorders, DID being the high end of the spectrum.)

Another thing you can do is read. Read up on trauma. (Not specifically DID, but just general dissociation and stuff can be helpful as a base understanding.) I recommend "The Body Keeps the Score" which is a little dense, but explains how your body reacts to trauma in depth, "Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation, the Hidden Epidemic" which does a reasonably good job of explaining different types of dissociation and has little mini-tests that you can use to gauge your experiences for severity. You might also find other subs like /r/cPTSD helpful.

Anyway. Best of luck to you. Hope you're safe and well both now and in the future. :)

(ETA : sorry, was trying to get this written before therapy and had to come back to it!)

First of all, you're fantastic. Seriously. She's very lucky to have someone who understands there's a problem and the problem isn't her true self, it's this THING that's wrapped around her. CPTSD is basically a massive web of defense networks to protect the true self, unfortunately the web is so thick and sensitive it is often difficult to separate the true self from this THING that's wrapped around it. Even for the person in the web, it can be hard to know what's a true self reaction from a CPTSD reaction because it is so close and woven through you and at the same time hates you. It's like having an enemy living in your own skin who is bent on destroying you so much that they will viciously and mercilessly protect you from others in order to keep you to themselves.

CPTSD doesn't respond to the same therapy as PTSD, it's a lot more insidious and can even leave the brain damaged (it did for me, for example) and takes a lot longer to deal with. But as hopeless and difficult as it feels now, it IS totally manageable. With time and work she can get it under control and you can also learn how to both support her and manage your own reactions to her as well. Here's some resources to start with:

http://www.outofthestorm.website/ - one of the best information sites and online communities for CPTSD, I recommend your GF read the forums and if she can join them. Lots of experience and support there. Lots of good info for you as well and a forum section for supporting those who are with someone with CPTSD (your care is as important as hers!).

Knowledge of self contributes a HUGE amount toward healing CPTSD. I recommend she take the time to learn as much about this condition as she possibly can, it gives you a tremendous amount of power. Just being able to put what's going on inside into context can lead to major self improvement steps.

Books:

One of the best is by Pete Walker, his website has a ton of info and the book is easy to find. I strongly recommend it, it's not an easy read but it's very profound and illustrates a lot of what she's going through and puts things in a lot of context - http://www.pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html - again, a lot of good stuff for both of you on the website and in the book. For example, I had no idea till I read the book that very subtle facial expressions could trigger a flashback. I thought I was just an over-emotional angry emotional asshole. Once you know about a trigger, you can manage your reactions and be in control of them instead of at the mercy of them. You start to be able to filter your genuine self out of flashbacks and trauma reactions instead of just being this chaotic mess.

Another excellent book is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938 - not directly about CPTSD specifically, but about how intense trauma effects the brain and body, and how to start down the path of healing.

Videos:

My favourite coach is Richard Grannon, he's very informative (almost overwhelmingly so) and personally experienced with CPTSD & PTSD - https://www.youtube.com/user/SPARTANLIFECOACH/search?query=cptsd - he's also very blunt and clear in explaining things - the one flaw with him is that he will go on a million tangents, there's always fantastic information to be picked up from his tangents, but some people find his them frustrating.

Another great youtube speaker on CPTSD is Shrinking Violet - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzJxW0L4JQpLj0u-9buFXjA/featured - she's very informed and easy to listen to.

There's actually a lot of good coaches on YouTube, by all means try a few of them and find the ones which give you the most info that you can absorb.

Real Life Support

Therapy is very important. It can take a while to get to the point that you can take it because it can be confronting, but it's worth it. Make sure you find a therapist who understands what CPTSD is, just going to a PTSD therapist won't really help, the treatments are similar but not the same. If money is an issue, look up NAMI.org and see what services they have in your area, but also online therapy is a totally viable option, you can find a lot of therapists who offer text & skype sessions - I won't recommend any because therapy is SUCH a personal journey, and the person who works for me may not work for you. Just google CPTSD and therpist and you'll find lots of resources to go through. I would recommend starting with the youtube & book study first, it will make it a LOT easier to deal with with a therapist one to one.

If you or her have questions, feel free to shoot me a msg. I have CPTSD and a couple of psych degrees, I'm not a professional but I'm happy to share whatever info I have.

About Kratom, what pain did your GF have?

(Thanks for thinking of me u/dragonbubbles <3)

It really sucks that her past trauma is creeping up afterwards (I've been there and it's really rough) but I don't think you need to feel guilty about her emotional state. She is engaging in sex with you because she wants to.

Rather than saying sorry, ask her what you can do to make her feel safe right now. Hold her? Give her some space? Bring her some blankets to cuddle with or put on her favorite show and rub her back?

Acknowledge her struggling and be supportive - but don't be apologetic for giving her what she wanted. Just make sure to support her as she works through it. It might be worth suggesting that you two get a book to read through together (perhaps on PTSD or healing from trauma). This could help open up new ways of talking about your struggles and finding better coping strategies and support methods. I just ordered "The Body Keeps the Score" because it was highly recommended by a friend. i haven't read it yet but it gets excellent reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=80GX99JJZFXSE8WDS76V

Okay. So good news is Trauma is getting a ton of attention and is highly recognized if you read more about it, as well as possible see someone who specializes in treating it. A wonderful book that gives a stellar overview of trauma, as well as ways to start feeling better, is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

If you want more foundational theory and some history on the understanding of trauma and how to treat it, I recommend Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herman. I will warn you though, it’s hard to read because of the examples she provides.

Those two books are amazingly important for understanding trauma, how to treat it and give amazing overviews of the symptoms. They are wildly different from person to person. Things like chronic nausea, chronic localized or diffuse pain, intractable depression, panic, anxiety, nightmares, autoimmune disorders, mood symptoms that are triggered and self limiting, headaches, confusion, lack of understanding of the body, dissociation in its myriad forms, flashbacks, sensitivity to smells, touch, sounds, tastes, hyper vigilance, hyperarousal, anhedonia, avolition, random and disproportionate bouts with dissociated emotions (anger that comes out of nowhere, sadness that hits like a ton of bricks and then is gone minutes later, etc) muted emotions, a flat affect, avoiding certain places even if they don’t fully understand why, phobias, weird personal relationships with sex and food, gaps in their memory, hard time following instructions, and many more. But there is most definitely hope. I recommend both books highly, as well as having a serious, honest and open heart to heart with your girlfriend.

You might be surprised what you learn, and your love and compassion towards her will most definitely help.

Ha, I'm the same with researching stuff as is my sister. I think it's one of the ways we dissociate. But let me be clear, that is really my only qualification on this topic.

The lack of emotion you are talking about having is very familiar to me. I don't think there is any one way to detach from emotions. I am familiar with the idea of people who can't feel anything. I'm also familiar with the other thing you are talking about where you are able to be happy despite being in the midst of severely traumatic events.

What probably happened was that you were helpless to do anything about the situations you were in with your mother. So you adapted by being unaffected by them. You may have developed this reflex to things going down with your mother of "this isn't happening." Obviously, you knew it was happening but you also didn't really experience it and that's how you protected yourself from it.

That was how you took care of yourself. It's not as though there were other, more palatable options.

I think you are absolutely right that people who talk about bottling up their emotions are doing it on purpose and that's really far from what happens with us. I think they mean that they feel the emotions, they know the emotions are there but they refuse to talk about them or give them any outlet. They try to ignore them. I think that's what bottling up means.

I have emotions in me that I don't know how old they are or what they are even about. I'm not bottling it up. It's buried inside me and I'm digging to get to it.

You may never know what the actual traumatic memories are or why Walgreens lights trigger you or if it even is Walgreens lights. It may be some other thing that happens alongside the lights.
There may have been a good deal of neglect in your childhood and that may have had a lot to do with you being disconnected from certain emotions and reactions. This video may interest you.

>Is there a way to figure out what these implicit memories are?

Not really. This is a big problem with developmental trauma, a lot of it probably happened when you were an age where you weren't creating many long term memories. Then, we are also capable of repressing memories. On top of that, the research points pretty strongly to it being the case that you can't actively recover repressed memories. Spontaneously recovered memories seem to be as reliable as continuous memories. Memories what were recovered in a clinical setting appear to be wildly unreliable. And we know its spectacularly easy to create pseudomemories.

But you have an arrow in your chest. It's probably of no value to calculate its initial trajectory. I don't think you need to do that to remove the arrow and close the wound. So, getting to that topic:

>Is there anything that can be done to access these emotions that seem to be so far bottled down they are completely inaccessible, but simultaneously guiding me every single day?

Yes Ma'am or Sir! That's the business. There are a lot of things you can do. I think that a huge key is body work. You talk about how your body is doing all the work. So you start there.

There is another amazing book called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van derKolk. In it, he talks a lot about how yoga is a huge help. That's because it's whole deal is getting you to pay close attention to your body. As you said, your body is holding all this trauma for you. Here's a video of him talking about it.

There isn't truly a difference between mind and body. You don't have a body. You are a body. But that's being pedantic. You start with your body is all I'm saying.

There are therapies that are body focused. Somatic experiencing, there's this thing called trauma release exercises.

Anyway, there's another novel. Let me know if I missed a question or you want me to clarify something.

I'm sorry that your provider didn't prepare you for the reality of a medication abortion - the pain and seeing the sac are both things that can be traumatic even if you do expect them. It's okay to have complex feelings about your abortion. Especially with all the news and the rhetoric, it's hard to not have internalized stigma. Maybe you would have rather saved the sac and buried it - you can always do that if you do need another abortion, and the only way to find out these things is going through them, unfortunately. Next time you want your boyfriend's support, you know to ask for it. You did your best with the information and the circumstances. Be kind to yourself. You are a strong, brave, beautiful person, learning as you go just like the rest of us.

This workbook on emotional and spiritual healing after an abortion might help: https://www.pregnancyoptions.info/emotional&spiritual.htm. There is a section at the end for healing partners that you can give to your boyfriend and your therapist. Your therapist may also be able to work through the workbook with you if you would rather do it with them than alone.

Another book I'd recommend is Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown. There is a chapter on pleasure after sexual trauma that is incredible. The chapter is based on this piece that she wrote called "I Want You, But I'm Triggered". (She also talks about it a bit in these interviews, and more on sex after #metoo in this one.)

The body keeps the score (another good book!) and it makes sense that physical trauma would be resurfaced from such a physical experience as the abortion. Healing is possible and you deserve all the love and support in the world.

The emergence of repressed emotion is actually a sign that the meditation is working. If repressed emotion isn’t allowed to emerge and release itself in this way, it will physically tire you and decrease the level of positive emotion you can experience, among other negative effects. Although the raw experience may be negative right now, it’s very, very good that you’re able to bring up these emotions through meditation. From a Buddhist perspective, this is a critical part of meditation that cannot be skipped.

The 10 points practice and other practices on that page will help you to heal these emotions and relax the body and mind regardless of what you’re feeling. For more meditation techniques that work with emotion as it’s stored and expressed through the body, Your Breathing Body is a great resource. I recommend these techniques for all Buddhist practitioners whose meditation lacks a body awareness component, and they may be especially useful in your case.

To supplement your meditation practice, I strongly recommend that you try one of the therapeutic modalities that work with emotion stuck in the body, like EMDR, Hakomi, or Somatic Experiencing. I personally found EMDR effective. A therapist can guide you in ways that you wouldn't be able to figure out yourself. Your quality of life will improve as the therapy heals these emotions and helps you create positive mental habits.

Never harm others in response to emotional pain. If you feel overwhelming anger, it’s very wise to exit the situation as you have done. If you can’t escape the situation for whatever reason, you can focus on relaxing your body or focus on the breath. To release anger in general, you can scream into a pillow if it’s possible to do this without disturbing others--this may provide significant relief.

If the emotions you feel are overwhelming, you can take a break. Seek professional help if you’re thinking about harming yourself or others. Safety is paramount.

If you want to better understand the relationship between trauma and the body, The Body Keeps the Score is a classic guide.

The amount of repressed emotion stored in the body is finite. Once it’s exhausted, life will still have its challenges, but you will experience positive emotions and a sense of freedom most of the time. You will also be better disposed to serve others.

you need to listen to the below comments , if you have this problem go see your doctor, is really important. But if you want to stop taking it then that is great but be sure to be controlled by your doctor. After that start working on yourself, you can cure this shit without any medical help, i would strongly recommend to you this book ''https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 '' where you can find out why this is happening and how to stop it naturally. For me it was morning ritual, meditation, yoga, kickboxing, pushing yourself to the limit, have you meaning in what is happening . As well great book to anchor your day is Miracle Morning.

it depend on you if you want to take the easy way ( prozac) or the hard way ( working on yourself ) that will create character and life without depression

Personal counseling is best, but there are a lot of other resources you can turn to.

I highly recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk.
He does a great job of explaining why trauma continues to affect us even when we have rationally come to understand and explain what happened.

An abusive childhood creates a number of issues that make it impossible to have a healthy relationship until they are resolved. The cycle you mention is a cycle of abuse. Good for you for recognizing it. You learned it in your childhood and will keep repeating it until you get some resolution. The work you've done has helped, but there is more to do.

Traumatic bonding is an important subject too.

I could go on but you get the idea. Youtube is a favorite of mine because there are a lot of personal stories from those who've been there and are doing much better now.

You may or may not save your marriage, as you've said, but this is worth it just for yourself. Trust me. You have lived with so much pain for so long you don't even recognize it anymore. Once you start to resolve some of these things you'll feel the burdens lifting. It's really wonderful!

Source: childhood with narcissistic father lead me to keep seeking out narcissists and eventually marry one (who was abused in her childhood). Destroyed me in many ways. Doing much better now!

It would be a good idea to add a section about Trauma, since so many JWs not only experienced religious trauma but also family dysfunction at different levels of severity.

This book in particular Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving is a must read. It's available in English, German and as of this month in Spanish as well.

The Emotionally Absent Mother is another great one.

And finally, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

A section on helpful resources for rebuilding your life could include this book:

The Power of Habit , out of everything I read, this book, along with meditation, played a major role in helping me break the patterns of depression so that I could get my energy back and become productive again.

And finally, a section on finances might be another good idea. I haven't really dived into that yet myself, but I'm sure it would be extremely helpful for a lot of ExJWs. Maybe others have good recommendations.

As for fiction, this book had me crying for days. It's specific to the Dominican, Latin American experience but I think anyone, especially young women, with dreams and an unsupportive, religious fanatic of a mother can relate.

The Poet X

Unfortunately, I don't know that there is a way to have that kind of mobility as a therapist, specifically (somewhat more mobility as a research-only PhD!). And, while I definitely think some of the license mobility stuff is arbitrary and unhelpful, some of it is definitely not. If you are interested, Crazy Like Us by Ethan Watters has a great example of how well meaning and perfectly qualified therapists can enter another culture and cause psychological damage due to their lack of understanding of interventions that are justified within that particular cultural context -- https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098

I don't know where you are at in your life currently, but it may be worth just living your life for a bit and taking time to clarify what your career values actually are. (E.g. if living in another country is a top priority right now, you could join the Peace Corps or something along those lines!) A career counselor might be good to chat with, as well.

Your life isn't pointless. Right now you may be at a low point, even the lowest point you have been in. I believe that struggling in some way, or being sad/depressed/angry/hurt/etc means that you care about something. Something feels like it's not right to you and you want it to be better. Even if it's a vague feeling, or you are struggling because you actually feel nothing at all, this says something. I'm not sure what you are going through since you didn't post many details (which is totally fine), but I wanted to let you know that there have been many times that I have struggled greatly. Due to my past trauma I've had terrible physical problems, emotional problems, dissociation, anxiety, depression, difficulty making and maintaining friendship and connection with others....and on and on. There were times when I was in so much pain (either mentally, emotionally or physically) that I couldn't get out of bed or even barely move for long periods of time. That is a very desperate feeling. I have felt utterly and completely alone in this world, as if I had nothing and no one, and that I would be broken forever.

One thing that really helps me is reading. It was a long journey for me to learn to recognize my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. There are still some areas where I can struggle with this, but I have made so, so much progress it's almost unbelievable to me when I think back to the person I once was. I couldn't identify my own emotions or thoughts, but when I read about scenarios and other peoples emotions/thoughts in certain situations, I could tell when it felt right. Like, "Yes! That is how I felt when _____ happened to me." A few books that really helped me are The Body Keeps Score, and Running On Empty. Other resources that have helped me immensely are hypnosis (one in particular was Michael Mahoney's IBS Audio Program 100 (this cured the IBS I had had for ~25 years, since I was a child)), and Annie Hopper's Dynamic Neural Retraining System. The very first book that I read that gave me hope that I could change my life was The Brain that Changes Itself. I read that book 9 years ago and it set me on a path of real change. It gave me inspiration and hope and the belief that I could really change and improve my life. If you want any other book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot of books and I have even more favorites that have helped me.

There are still areas of my life that I am working to improve, but I am nowhere near the person I was before I started reading and learning. Working through this stuff, and figuring out how to even do it, are very challenging and difficult tasks. But it is so, so worth it. I wish I could really show you and explain to you the profound changes we can make as people. Every epiphany I've had about myself and my life has been amazing and life changing. To me it almost feels like the essence of what it means to be human. I'm not sure if people who don't go through trauma get the chance to experience such profound epiphanies, realization, and change. Maybe I'm just rambling now, but I want you to know that there is hope. You may not have it, but I have it for both of us right now. Read. See a therapist. Learn. Practice. Journal. Seek support. Seek out ways to make a change. It doesn't have to be profound or monumental. Go at your own pace, just be sure that you are going.

Thank you for posting this... your explanation of how fibromyalgia works was very enlightening. You may find this book to be helpful: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

Do you do guided meditations or do you just sit quietly and breathe with no particular agenda? This is what pops into my head when I consider your situation: You are not your body; it's a physical manifestation which allows you to maneuver through this world/plane. I don't have fibromyalgia but I can relate because I'm a hypersensitive empath. Every sensation is magnified and can be incredibly overwhelming. Try to dispassionately separate yourself from the idea that you are the body... it is a barometer which draws your attention to areas that need to be healed. Get yourself a special little blank book in which to record your thoughts/feelings about this issue and meditate with the intention of having information revealed to you through your guides/higher self. In my experience, the epiphanies sent by my guides are rarely revealed in a direct fashion. They pop up later in unexpected ways and they catch my attention by repeated synchronicities (example: I kept seeing references to giraffes all over the place only to discover upon talking with a friend that she too had been seeing them. Turned out that she had the information I needed and the giraffe references brought us to common ground. Weird huh?).

You're viewing this as a problem which needs to be solved and you're searching for the perfect formulae... totally understandable. Try to take your mind to a state of neutrality in which the answers can be revealed to you. Leave a blank space inside yourself with the intention of allowing your guides to reach you. Pay attention to synchronicities and the people/situations which are nearby when they happen. They can act as a trail of breadcrumbs, leading you to unexpected places/answers.
Good vibes to you friend, I'll ask my guides to send help... know that you're never alone.

I'm a psychology major (on top of dealing with my own trauma issues) and I mostly became interested in body-oriented work through some practice-oriented classes I had on "focusing". It's a technique developed by Gendlin. Focusing is something you do with two people. One person is focusing, and the other guides the experience. While focusing, you pay attention to your body and zoom in on what's grabbing your attention the most. Then you focus on this experience and find a way of expressing this feeling (like in an image or something, not in "rationalized thoughts"). You can read a bit more about it here. You can also focus on a specific emotional topic. I recently finally made the decision to take a 2-day course which now allows me to focus on my own, with a partner who also took the course. You don't need to have a psychology degree to be able to do a focusing course and find a focusing partner, although when you're going to focus on something trauma-related I would suggest to try it out with a licensed therapist (at least the first few times), in case you would get triggered.

After having this experience with "focusing" during my own studies, and having some problems with CBT, I explicitly looked for a therapist stating that she did body-oriented work. I think the method that my therapist uses is developed by Albert Pesso. I hadn't heard of it before I met her, but a quick google scearch brings me to this website. I'm now also starting emdr with my therapist. They're not really sure how emdr really works, but I think that they assume that on a neurological level it also engages the body while thinking about the trauma.

The body keeps the score should also be a good book about the effects of trauma on the body, although I haven't read it myself.

I generally feel that a lot of different therapeutical views agree on the importance of the body on a theoretical level. However, apart from focusing, emdr and the method my therapist uses, I haven't found any therapies that use the body-oriented work in relation to themes you really struggle with. CBT has mindfulness for example, but -in my opinion- they don't really use it on specific themes. It's more like "be aware of your body and accept it", while with focusing and the method by Pesso, you're looking into how your body feels when thinking about something specific and what might "help" you in that situation. Although, I do believe that mindfulness has some merits. I use an app, Youper, who has mindfulness (and CBT exercises) in it. There's one exercise that I like where you try to create a sense of gratitude and pay attention to how that feels in your body. You van also track your daily emotions, and even trauma-related symptoms with Youper.

I'm finishing a PhD on how we process emotions, and the role of paying attention to the body... So from a theoretical point of view I could keep on discussing this :-) But I think these resources will probably be the most interesting if you're looking for something you can apply.

Edit: sorry for the long post. I just get excited when I can talk about this

Therapist here ... and as a therapist I list various specialties on my website ... but am very competent and capable in treating many conditions while using the appropriate treatment modalities. We can't "specialize" in everything. Your therapist might be great ... and just not list trauma as one of the many things he treats.

Specifically for trauma, EMDR, in my opinion, is the most effective trauma treatment, although there are may other good treatments. However, if you are just talking, you're not treating the trauma. This book may be helpful to you: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. I wish you well on your healing journey.

Huh. This is a pretty powerful episode. Even includes stories about PTSD.

Watching this as an adult was a bit strange. Wish I were a kid again. They all seem to have quite a bit of support and a safe community. I've gone through some trauma and there were a few parts of this episode that I related to quite a bit. [Spoiler](#s "When Arthur's dad tells the story about the trash can and paper. When Binky has a flashback... Trauma is pretty rough stuff.")

PBS is a pretty great resource. In honour of PBS being the topic... If anyone wants to learn more about trauma I'm reading a pretty great book at the suggestion of my therapist. It's called The Body Keeps the Score

I am very sorry to hear about that, your experience is the opposite of what should happen and it really sickens and saddens me.

We got aware of our system about a year ago, our abuse was mainly caused by our father aswell. We spent long time in denial, infact we still get in denial sometimes. How ever the more I've gotten to know myself, better our communication has gotten, and more accepting I have been towards ALL the parts, more whole and strong I have felt.

When we get depressed about the past, or worried about the future, we remind ourselfs how lucky we are; we get to experience childlike joy about things, and its definatly not only a bad thing to feel like a teenager every now and then
We will never be alone

It really must suck the therapist broke your trust like that, but dont let it prevent yourself from getting help, can you live a good life without therapy? Maybe, I cannot answer that for you, but we know we tried to deal with everything by ourselfs way too long before getting help, only to realize we do deserve and need it.

Now it might take a while to find a good therapist, meanwhile, knowledge is power, I highly suggest the two following books;

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks-ebook/dp/B006B7LORY?crid=1EDLIHIN9K5UB&keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&qid=1536309996&sprefix=dissoci&sr=8-4&ref=mp_s_a_1_4

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748?keywords=trauma+book&qid=1536311130&sr=8-1&ref=mp_s_a_1_1


Now they are not something you should read in a day. Or something you can read in a day. I spent months myself, sometimes only reading a page at the time, but they both provided me with alot of information that really helped me.

Also, try journaling, for us its been an amazing way to communicate, for start it was a bit scary, but inner communication is the key
All of your alters togeather with you make you
All of them are capable of learning and growing
Every one of them is there for a reason
Give them the love and understanding you would had deserved as a little, and not only the little ones, the angry ones too

EMDR is a great and effective therapy. I did exposure therapy. Studies found that EMDR sometimes needs to be repeated after the initial treatment. Often two or three times over years. It's almost as though it can wear off. At least that's how EMDR sounded to me. Also I personally couldn't reconcile how blinking at lot while talking could help anything (EMDR is MUCH more than that). I had a few people in the outpatient therapy program I was in do EMDR. It worked great for them and I only know of two of the four needing to repeat treatment after about a year.

Exposure therapy is kind of like desensitization. You speak in great detail about your trauma with your therapist over and over. You say everything that happened and when you're done you say it over and over and over. It's rough, it's triggery, it's kinda of horrible while you're doing it. It was even rough on my therapist. I'd do it all over again though because it really worked well. The bonus to exposure therapy other than the long term healing is that just about any good therapist can do it. In fact my therapist and I bought the same book/workbook series in an effort to learn more about doing exposure therapy correctly and effectively. The funny thing is neither of us knew the other was buying it. He showed up to my next session with the therapist book full of bookmarks and I showed up with the workbook. Finding a therapist you can trust and connect with is key. If after a few sessions it feels like they aren't hearing or understanding you. It's time to find a new one. This is the series my therapist and I used. Reclaiming Your Life from a Traumatic Experience: A Prolonged Exposure Treatment Program (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195308484/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_UBJEzbDANVX82 , Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD: Emotional Processing of Traumatic aExperiences (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195308506/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_tGJEzbD0GZ3EC .

>I know I sound super desperate for help, sorry about that.

All good. Doesn't read like that to me, more someone encountering a difficult unprecedented situation in their experience and not knowing how to help or proceed :)

>is there any way for me to obtain a therapist's knowledge so I can even remotely help her?

Well you can probably gain some insight by reading and learning about how trauma influences and manifests psychologically and behaviourally, bringing that to the dynamic with your girlfriend, but short of training in psychotherapy, which is years long, it's not a straight forward process of gaining knowledge in this case. Read what you can (or watch vids if that is a preference. Though books on this subject will probably contain more information and details), really listen and be present to your girlfriend. If possible, cultivate patience and tolerance for the the more exasperating aspects of your gfs behaviour. Compassion helps; keep in mind there is pain somewhere even if your gf isn't consciously aware of it. Maybe take notes, make observations, build an operative framework to embed understanding in, specific tactics or methods etc. I dont know; those are suggestions, not prescriptive.

>study material

A couple of books come to mind: The Body Keeps the Score:Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, and another, more symbolic and depth psychological oriented in its approach
Trauma and the Soul: A psycho-spiritual approach to human development and its interruption. These may be helpful. There's a lot of research and books out there in this territory though, so well worth looking around online and seeing what you can find.

>standard operating procedure

Safety is paramount for those who live with trauma, safety in the environment and with others they're relating to, but more importantly, safety in relation to ones own feelings and embodied states.

Trauma takes up occupancy in ones body in an unconscious (emphasis on unconscious) energetic, emotive sense. It can seem like ones own feelings, thoughts, dreams and sensations are the enemy and attacking ones sense of self out of and through the very ground of that sense of self, acting out by themselves with little conscious control. A weird reversal of normalised associations with ones own experience can be present, as can various psychological defenses, such as dissociation and repression. Profound shame may be existent somewhere, exerting influence, alongside self-loathing and self-doubt. These qualities, as belief, as operative paradigms of psychological orientation, bind and entrap. Trauma and its psychology is complex, entangled.

It's perhaps significant to keep in mind that trauma of the kind your gf has experienced is a rupture in terms of a developing self; somewhere, somehow a break and splitting has taken place. Those split off parts of self still exist somewhere, and all of the original pain associated with them. The aim is integrating these extant parts towards a different kind of wholeness and integrity.

The process I've experienced through a therapeutic alliance has involved re-experiencing these 'splinter psyches' and the attendant affect qualities in a safe and trust based context. I've had to relearn how to be present to my own body and emotions in ways I wasn't familiar with. It was a very painful and confrontational process, long and slow, encountering and metabolising bits and pieces in small chunks, using dream, memory (or lack of), daily relational contexts as leverage, through questioning, into contact with feeling, image, re-embodiment. Learning how to just exist and be with myself in my body, learning acceptance. So lots of grounding and attention to breathing, posture, tension being held, etc.

Not sure if that's really all that helpful, and I'm not a professional.

Imo, trauma doesn't heal by itself and it never goes away until its worked with consciously.

Good luck! It's strenuous and problematic, what you're in.

Having sex you don't enjoy for someone else's pleasure is bound to become a chore, as you're experiencing.

> But I want it, I just want her to listen to me and do what I need her to do

Why is she unwilling to do what you need to orgasm and enjoy sex too?

I'd be hesitant to advise staying with someone who is unwilling to make sex fun for you too. It's selfish and that rarely works out well.


> I was sexually abused from the age 6-9 and it really stunted me sexually so I have very specific things that need to happen in order for me to let loose and be completely comfortable.

Have you seen a therapist to work through this? Recovery and healing is possible and can help you be more free and explorative.

What are the specific things you need and why is your partner unwilling to do them?



There are some great self-help books for people to work through sexual trauma, if you're open to going that route:

Many therapists recommend these books. Some of them have accompanying workbooks, as well:



The Rape Recovery Handbook: Step-by-Step Help for Survivors of Sexual Assault by Aphrodite Matsakis

​

The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz

​

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines

​

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse Laura Davis & Ellen Bass

​

Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child Laura Davis

​

Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect by Ruth Cohn

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

> The graph example is great [...]

Agree (with all you said). It was nice to have someone actually validate my haunting feeling of "fine, not depressed" calm (stage 4).

> Have you tried healing by yourself?

I try everything, lol. My therapist actually specializes in somatic therapy but all of her expertise has been completely lost on me. We tried for a good 3-4 months then moved on to other things. From what I understand, it really helps to have, uh, help. But self-guided interventions are better than none at all.

I just picked these books up from library so can't recommend yet, but might interest you:

https://www.amazon.com/Relational-Body-Centered-Practices-Healing-Trauma/dp/1138905968

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Based-Yoga-Meditation-Trauma-Recovery/dp/0393709906

I'm neutral to the Gary V. inspired 'hustle' 'grind it out' attitude.


Reality is that your baseline socio economic status gives you your set point, both with physcological wiring and also resources, skills, networks, mentors and life lines (read: poor people = none)


My mom is dead. And my dad is a dead beat living with a crack head who has 3 children in subsidized public housing. My 'step mom''s 3 kids, to no fault of their own, are all fucked. I watched them go from 10 years old - 20 years old, and get into drugs, jail, deliquency. When people at your housing project are regularly in jail, it's normalized. When your mother and father are drunk all the time it's normalized.


You know the strangest observation I've had? Poor people don't have desks, they have couches (because why would they need to sit at a desk? That's for learning, or creating, or reading, or getting organized)


Now I have rich friends. Centi-millionaire rich. Also I live in nice areas of Vancouver and have friends who are young yuppies / lawyers. Guess what - half their parents are also lawyers.


What wonderful advantages you can provide your kids. Even if it's not financial, it can be psychological resilience.


I don't know how I got so lucky, because my siblings all had similar struggles and didn't make it out okay. I guess I had the right set of factors to still be positive enough, but also be really fucking pissed off.


I do yoga every day, otherwise i'm too angry. Vipassana did a lot for me too. I've done three 10 day silent retreats, and certainly overdue to do another. For anyone traumatized as a child, or with rough upbringings you gotta sort it out because the market - the world doesn't care (I care- I want to help you, but it's a difficult problem to solve)


This book changed my life in finding a more peaceful way of living (all emperical up to date scientific literature on a tough subject:)


https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748


Reading a lot helps too.


But also, I'm YMCA + Public Library + Canned Tuna proof. I have been so bitterly down and out, I have no fear of failure. Some people can't make cold calls becuase they are nervous. Or they are afraid of confrontational high tension conversations HA. FUCKING HA. What a joke, I'll fucking steam roll you if you can't pick up a phone and make someone like you then give you money (but I learned how to do it)


Look at this guy. In a library late at night, learning something - doing something. Not getting 100 emails a day. Using free public services. Big consolidated blocks of time to explore. WOW. If you shower at the YMCA and eat canned tuna, you can do this (more complicated with kids though). But failure, the worst case, is in a way liberating because you're free again to explore:

https://imgur.com/a/wWC3swP


Also one note - if you TRULY go hard, every year you should be getting poached. I've turned down multiple offers to be CMO or director of marketing over the years. The offer rates go up. Headhunters make loose offers for 400k comp packages to parachute in as CEO to a different company (FUCK that, it's so easy to discount domain expertise, I would be a terrible CEO in any industry but this one, for the time being) But it's just itneresting.




So, what makes me think I can sell Dildos better than anyone else? Because I'm a fucking monster.


​

I've slept on concrete floors outside gas stations, dumpster dived to eat, hitchhiked. I put myself through university playing internet poker. I ate canned tuna and wonderbread for as long as I can remember. I've worked every New Years eve and Christmas for the last 15 years. Because I've been bootsrapping since I was 15, and I have no backup. No parents basement. And now I have a daughter and a family, so I have to double down and I cannot let them down.


But also not so much having a chip on my shoulder, I have overwhelming gratitute most of the time. Especially for everyone on our team. I love our team and respect everyone equally. I'm more lenient and generous with our bottom staff and a lot harder on people the more they get paid, but we have no willful turnover, and most people say this is the best most exciting job they've ever had and they are just grateful to be part of the ride.



AND, at least in sex toys - there's not a lot of competent executives in this industry. Not many people have put in the requisite 10,000 hours in the industry AND done so from a systems perspective but also been in the trenches picking up customer service phone calls and talking to 1000's of customers


​

Yes--I can identify although I am sure there are differences. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have tried to find meaning and connection in relating to others. I run daily. I also try to eat healthily. I wish you the very best. I find alanon meetings helpful and addiction was a part of my family life history. Some friends swear by individual and group therapy as well as EMDR and/or EFT. Individual therapy helps me as do alanon/ACA or ACOA (Adult children of dysfunctional or alcoholic families) meetings

I had experienced a recent traumatic event that was associated with many difficult emotional flashbacks. I wish you the very best and please know you are not alone.

I have read Judith Herman's book, Trauma and Recovery, plus she discusses stages of recovery.

I find Peter Walker helpful.

Also The Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk has been insightful.

Meditation, yoga and breathing exercises are on my to do list--sonner rather than later.

Benzo's are some of the worst things to ween yourself off, even deadly in some cases, avoid them altogether as that it like putting out a fire with petrol, coming off one addiction to another.

I would suggest looking at and addressing the pain/trauma underneath your addiction. The Body Keeps The Score is an excellent intro into this https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

A break of some kind in rehab may be necessary just to clean your system out. Good diet removal of sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods. Juice fasting can be helpful too.

Support groups are valuable to air your challenges and past griefs.

Meditation/Mindfulness can be a helpful aid to rewire the brain and bring a underlying peace to your life.

Exercise is a powerful anti depressant, especially when quitting any substance.

Many people have benefited from using the African medicine Iboga https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabernanthe_iboga
It has a powerful ability to reset drug addictions within the brain an cure even the hardest addiction, but if the underlying trauma, peer groups and social circles etc are not addressed most people will fall back into their old patterns of addiction. There are people who run treatments in Australia if you look hard enough, there are some legal clinics in NZ I believe now, as they have big meth problems there. Stay away from the refined form of Iboga which is Ibogaine (unless under medical care) as a number of deaths have attributed to this. Look for some Iboga videos to see how powerful this can be.

Good luck :)

Seconding therapy, especially one who deals in childhood trauma. The book The Body Keeps the Score is a good introduction to how trauma stays with you (trigger warnings for that book, btw, but it's a fantastic book). Also, you may want to consider EMDR as an approach for resolving childhood trauma. A lot of people here have seen a benefit from using it.

Best of luck to you, OP.

One idea I have for you is to explore internal family systems therapy. You may already know about this kind of therapy, also sometimes called “parts therapy“ – it basically views your self as made up of a bunch of constituent parts.
One major one of those parts would be your inner child. In this type of therapy, which you can basically do on your own, you open a dialogue with each of your different parts, get to know them.


There is a series of three videos on YouTube on IFS that starts with this one that I highly recommend:


https://youtu.be/NXimi-OP0M8

In the videos, one concept that Derek Scott brings up is the idea of a part that can “blank you out“ - basically it’s a protective part that jumps in and shuts things down when you are getting too close to the pain of an exiled part (the protective part is worried that the pain of the child part will overwhelm you). I wonder if this might be what’s going on when your connection with your inner child gets spotty.

If the videos resonate with you, I highly recommend also checking out this book on internal family systems therapy (it’s written for therapists but I found it really helpful):

https://www.amazon.com/Internal-Family-Systems-Skills-Training/dp/1683730879/ref=asc_df_1683730879/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312736349443&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1465443861342540366&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032361&hvtargid=pla-416959139490&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=63700707018&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=312736349443&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1465443861342540366&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032361&hvtargid=pla-416959139490

The idea with internal family systems is that it can help you to open a dialogue with your inner child.

Other than internal family systems therapy, another thing that has really helped me get in touch with my inner child is doing visualizations. I started out using a CD of guided imagery for self healing by Dr. Martin Rossman. From there I begin just doing visualizations on my own – I kind of just invite whatever images are inside me to come up during a sort of meditation and I often get images from my inner child that help me understand what she went through.

These are a couple of the things that have really helped me. Not sure if they will be right for you, but based on your post it sounds like you are totally on the right track with connecting with your inner child. I bet that no matter which techniques you work with you will end up connecting with that inner child because you want to make it happen. As rumi said, “what you seek is seeking you.“ Wishing you beautiful healing 💜

There are several modern psychotherapists in the Jungian school that take this seriously. You probably won't find a whole lot outside of this discipline, apart from probably some Eastern or alternative medicine practices. The opinion of most modern psychotherapists don't matter much to me though compared to the Jungians, but that is just my opinion and experience. A few of the local Jungian Analysts in my Jungian Society that I've had the opportunity to attend seminars with use bodily therapy for some of their patients with apparently a high level of success, if the patient is open to that sort of treatment. A lot aren't. Personally, I had a swallowing condition earlier this year and this passage that you quoted really made me think when I was first read it, which just so happened to be around the time that the symptoms were occurring. Even if you want to be skeptical about the mind-body connection, which I honestly don't think the connection is much of a stretch, it is helpful to ask yourself such questions regarding your condition. "What is it that I cannot stand or cannot swallow or stomach, etc.?" It can only increase consciousness. If you think about it, if you can't walk, there are probably a whole lot of things that "you can't stand" and bringing those contents into consciousness can be very therapeutic. My swallowing condition was caused by adverse side effects of medication prescribed for an eye condition, so I then asked "what is it that I am not seeing?" Regardless if the causes if the conditions were psychological in origin or not, those are powerful questions to ask and there are always answers there what ever the question is.

I haven't read either of these two books, but they are on my list. They might be worth checking out if the subject interests you:

https://www.amazon.com/Skin-Disease-Perspective-Psychosomatic-Dermatology/dp/1853437484

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

I can't think of any articles that stand out right now, but I'll comment here if I find any that are especially useful! I just got this workbook with guided exercises on understanding your own attachment style, identifying specific issues that relate to it, and "re-parenting" yourself to have a healthier one. I haven't used it much yet but really like it so far, and it's gotten really positive reviews!

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Theory-Workbook-Understanding-Relationships/dp/1641523557/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?keywords=attachment+theory+workbook&qid=1572050459

This is strange, I've just watched a webinar on treating trauma that mentioned this exact question. The webinar is a series of modules that are designed to help practitioners better treat their clients when it comes to trauma. I'm not a practitioner but I find the information in the modules very enlightening and in addition to regularly seeing my therapist it's helped me understand trauma more, just in general.

One of the questions that was posed in today's module (which I believe is being broadcast again thursday, that link will take you to a page where you can do some maneuvering to find the times) was how to tell whether clients have ptsd or bpd. Many of the symptoms are the same, but one practitioner said that there's a tell. It has to do with sleep. Someone with BPD in a manic state has a lot of energy and won't need to sleep as much. They won't feel tired despite their lack of sleep (or just needing 2 hours of sleep). But someone suffering from trauma, who gets very little sleep or has disruptive sleep, doesn't feel rested. They feel more lethargic.

Like I said, I'm not a practitioner. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone with anything. I'm simply parroting back what I saw in that webinar. If you think you might have ptsd, I'd like to recommend a book that my therapist recommended to me when I first started seeing her; The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Like the webinar, it's helped me understand the nature of trauma and it gives wonderful ideas to jump start the healing process.

I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. I wish you the best of luck in recovering from your troubles. Know that you have support from an internet stranger <3

Here is an article that gives a general overview of trauma-informed care. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog by Bruce Perry are essential reading. They are relatively cheap and well-known.

I know very little about EMDR, so I can't really speak for its efficacy. As far as trauma-certifications go, I would urge caution. There are a lot of certification programs out there that promise access to a lot of knowledge and skills, and they offer a shiny little certificate with your name on it upon completion. However, in my experience the knowledge and skills they impart are nothing that you couldn't learn yourself with a combination of dedicated self-study and careful oversight by a competent supervisor. Also, these certifications sound impressive, but they aren't always recognized as anything special by the field at large. So they won't help you get a job, get a promotion, get a raise, or anything else but an impressive-looking piece of paper.

My recommendation is to be more assertive in your interest with your supervisor about learning trauma-informed theory and practice. If they cannot offer you the supervision you feel you need, ask them if there is someone in your organization that can. Identify resources that you can study that will help you find concrete ways to implement trauma-informed strategies into your work, and discuss this during supervision.

Thanks for pointing this out. Meditation, specifically vipassana, is not designed to clear you of thoughts. It is designed so one can see the three marks of existence: anicca, anatta, and dhuka. And that requires three facets: being present, self-awareness, and surrender. With Western McMindfulness, surrender is often lost, because it has been repackaged as a tool for stress reduction, clearing thoughts - really, as one pierces into the true nature of their mind, is antithetical to what the Buddha taught.

As we become more mindful of the body, we will feel emotions in different areas of the body. As Bessel van der Kolk discusses in The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, when we are in a traumatic situation, often as a child, our usual fight or flight responses are hijacked. We suppress the emotions. We are traumatised. This is called C-PTSD.

The body remembers. And being mindful of the stored pain in the area, of the muscle retention, will make us reconnect with the memory in a visceral sense. Things like the estoerically termed 'Kundalini' may come into play here, a mind-body link, and some Jungian manifestations may come to conscious in the psyche. Hence, it is paramount that this be done with mindfulness and compassion - and likely with a trained therapist.

I've just come out of what I would call my 'Dark Night of the Soul' on February 12, having experienced hands free orgasms and a surge of buried energy. This has required years of vipassana, Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance, Sam Harris Waking Up, an appreciation of Jungian concepts, yet still maintaining a materialist idea of the brain and mind. After doing a lot of mindfulness and feeling buried energy in the body, I would inevitably release it via a hands free orgasm. I finally got it out via deep, buried crying on February 12. And with my own mindfulness, spaciousness, Buddha nature of love, like consciousness itself caring for the inner child, I had to cry as my 12 year old self. I never grieved the death of my mother.

Oh my Goodness what you went through is straight up torture I am SO sorry wow. I have a couple ideas, I get free treatment through the county I live in, so mabye theres a county program you can go through? i had to jump through some hoops but it was worth it and i was placed in a TREM group, which is a trauma recovery group. if thats not an option you might want to look into groups that meet and talk about their abuse mabye on meetup.com? I just looked it up and there are a lot of trauma and abuse groups. Hopefully theres one near you. And third if both these options wont work it might help to do a workbook on trauma such as https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Workbook-Mind-Body-Regaining-ebook/dp/B01NCIA00Q/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1NUEGB2JZIKZE&keywords=trauma+workbook&qid=1555598892&s=gateway&sprefix=trauma+work%2Caps%2C139&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1

or https://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Trauma-Second-Workbook/dp/1606236083/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1NUEGB2JZIKZE&keywords=trauma+workbook&qid=1555598931&s=gateway&sprefix=trauma+work%2Caps%2C139&sr=8-5.

A combination of all three methods would probably be ideal!

I am so sorry for all you've been through truly is horrific. I applaud you for moving forward and focusing on the solution ecspecially at such a young age. It really says a lot about you. Once you get health insurance look into EMDDR I've had lots of friends and my sister have great results with it. HUGS.

https://crazywisefilm.com/ - This isnt about PTSD specifically but more broadly about mental health. Very powerful and informative watch, only a dollar rent until January.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P_Gj6Z9_LM- Gabor Mate is a great person to look into. He has several talks and books that on trauma that have really helped things click for me.

madinamerica.com is a website that has a lot of great resources. It can seem "out there" but it offers unique lens to understand trauma and mental health.

Good books to look at is the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk (I would start there), Tribe by Sebastian Junger and the Body Never Lies by Alice Miller

maps is running trails for veterans for PTSD so maybe take a look over there if youre a veteran?

Not sure if this is the slant you’re looking for but it touches on many different aspects.....Ive found The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk very helpful.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. He uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity. Based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists....
The Body Keeps Score

Thank you for the sources. Globalization of law...that would be such an interesting topic to research. Plus, travelling/living outside of the US is something everyone should do more of.


You would love Crazy Like Us, which deals with the fascinating topic of the globalization (read: americanization) of psychological diagnosis.

While clinical anxiety is treatable with medication, it's up to a trained psychiatrist to say whether or not you need it. It's never a clear cut case. There are several ways to treat the physiological component of anxiety without medication.

If you're interested in the subject, the best book on the subject is Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk's book: The Body Keeps Score. In it, he covers way in which to treat PTSD without medication. Mindfulness, Yoga, EMDR, Neurofeedback, Acting (yes, acting), are some of the techniques he describes in the book to help people who suffer from PTSD. These are all techniques that can be used to help anxiety as well. He even says in the book, that professionals have a tendency to just treat the symptoms with medication, without trying other methods first.

Could you be having sleep paralysis? If you're not sleeping well, maybe when you think you're awake you're actually drifting in and out and it's causing the hallucinations and paralysis.

I struggle with sleeping and feeling anxious at night, too. I got a dog and it really helped, and having white noise like a fan, table top water fountain, or something soothing like classical music on low works for me. If you're a person of faith, prayer can be really useful. If you were a kid, I'd suggest making Monster Spray.

Also, idk if you're in treatment but have you tried EMDR? It's great for traumas. Other things to try are TRE and Somatic Experiencing. Check out some of these vids- they might have some helpful insights/suggestions.

What should you expect from therapy

What makes a good therapist

5 signs you are seeing a bad therapist

Which type of therapy is right for me

Choosing your mental health professional

How to start and what to say

How do I stop being afraid to fall asleep?

How can I fight my bad thoughts at night?

How can I stop having nightmares?

How to get sleep

4 tips for better sleep

Sleep paralysis

Psychosis

BPD

anxiety playlist

depression playlist

trauma playlist

PTSD playlist

There's also a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk that extensively talks about trauma's effect on the body and how it can manifest (scientific, but very readable and relatable).

In any case, I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it. Hope you find an answer, take care!

Read up on it--there are lots of resources online, forums like this, or MyPTSD forums, and one good book that's good at explaining things from a standpoint of decades of combined psych and medical research is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. Good luck to you, remember that you are not alone.

Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Fear and Anxiety - 2015: Fairly advanced textbook (College-level psychology is a basic requirement) with good logical progression, takes you step-by-step through the modern view on emotion, fear, and anxiety research.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Basic Science and Clinical Practice - 2009: High-level research book, made up of several reviews written by different authors. Delves into the nitty-gritty of PTSD research.

Handbook of PTSD, Second Edition: Science and Practice - 2015: Comprehensive research book on PTSD from a clinical point of view. Delves into modern view on PTSD research, and treatments. Made up of several reviews written by different authors.

I am unsure what your level is, but if you are an undergrad or a well read-out layperson, I would recommend book #1, if you are a researcher or grad student, I would recommend book #2 or 3, if you are a Clinician I would recommend book #3 (but also #2 for a more in-depth look at the science behind PTSD). Although I would say book #1 is also a good (but much less thorough) read for researchers and clinicians.

I would recommend going to abcbooks.com and typing in the type of psychology you are interested in and start reading textbooks. Coursea also has free classes you can take that can broaden your perspective. One of my go to books is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5oZ1BbMDFHZYR

Best of luck!

I am nearly 1/3 through Kris Kershaw's The One-eyed God: Odin and the (Indo-) Germanic Mannerbunde, which I'm finding fascinating. I read reviews that said it was poorly written, but I don't agree with that so far. It seems a bit unfinished, but I shouldn't throw stones (more on that tomorrow). As long as you come to it expecting something scholarly and not really intended for popular audiences, you shouldn't be disappointed. I'm actually finding that it's dovetailing nicely with another book I'm reading right now that is intended for popular audiences (and is also less appropriate for this sub): Sebastian Junger's Tribe. I'm sure there's some bad history in there, but as of right now I'm really digging it.

I'm so so sorry, this is a tough thing to go through. As others have said, the biggest thing is finding some professional help. Be patient with yourself, there is no magic thing that will make this less challenging to walk yourself through. But you absolutely will, and you are not alone.

Reading your post was like something I could have written myself a few years ago. I'm still working on it. Learning to have respect and patience for where I was at in the process was a thing I really struggled with, because I just wanted to be done with it and put it behind me. When I couldn't afford therapy, I read a lot of self help books and these two really resonated with me: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Please feel free to PM me any time if you want someone to talk to.

Hey bud, I know you said you're struggling without a support network right now, can you find some low/no cost meetups with people who enjoy doing what you do? There might even be one for emotionally traumatized people (https://www.meetup.com/San-Diego-Emotional-Trauma-and-PTSD/).

Like you said, arguing is a coping skill for you, to cover/deal with whatever particular blend of emotions you might be dealing with in the moment. I also tend to trigger my wife when I'm triggered, and it's been a huge learning curve for both of us to deal with each other and be able to be present enough to not instantly react to each other with our respective dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

I saw you mentioned Body Keeps the Score in the other thread that one's good. There's also CPTSD from Pete Walker. My personal favorite though is Healing Developmental Trauma by Laurence Heller. It seems to be the most systematic, step-by-step explanation I've been able to find of what's necessary for us to heal.

I posted a semi-review/explanation of Laurence Heller's theory of developmental trauma here.

Other poster mentioned
>This place has treasures but you've gotta find them

Totally agree with that. Be patient, read, and engage in discussion like what you're doing, what don't expect any miracles from the sub.

>Unfortunately in the unfair real world no one really cares for damaged obnoxious underdeveloped underprivileged peopleThat is society. I don't know how you haven't learnt this yet, perhaps you are privileged race and gender and otherwise, but this is soemthing that you just need to accept.

A very harsh truth. Perhaps you haven't been able to accept this because you haven't be able to accept and grieve your own losses yet. If you do have DTD, you've had many things taken from you, including childhood innocence. It's a rough place to be, but healing is possible; just very, very slowly. It's a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back situation.

You may have C-PTSD and as a sufferer of this, I would highly recommendThe Body Keeps the Score and Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker's website is also a good, free reference. I have been fortunate to have access to a great counselor as a grad student and have recently gotten into the C-PTSD work, and meditation (mindfulness of breath and body scans) is an essential tool for my recovery.

What you are experiencing sounds really awful and yet it's entirely normal. The basic principle of the brain is "what fires together wires together". When you had that very intense experience combining orgasms and suicidal thoughts because of medication, it simply made a literal connection in your brain. You can break it, and any good therapist can help you (doesn't have to be a sex therapist).

This can be treated like an OCD symptom where you are having intrusive thoughts triggered by a stimulus. There are great books on how to do this and I highly recommend them:

https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346

https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786

Mind you, I'm not saying you have OCD, or any disorder. But your brain is "locked" in linking these two parts of your life in a very unpleasant way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and this could happen to anyone who was set off with nasty side effects of medication.

You may also approach this like an experience of Post Traumatic Stress, which can also show up with intrusive thoughts. Good resources for that exist too:

https://www.amazon.com/PTSD-Workbook-Effective-Techniques-Overcoming/dp/1626253706

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

You didn't do anything wrong and you can definitely get past this. The harder you try to fix a mental association the more you can strengthen it, so you need some techniques. Tools for OCD and PTSD are designed just for you in that regard.

I'd buy all 4 books and then find any good therapist to work through them with.

Good luck. I know with the right tools and practice you can separate these two aspects of your experience and get back to enjoying sex, which you deserve.

This book was a good read, I think you'll find quite relatable and helpful: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Good luck with your journey!

I tried going to a 12 step program but the higher power idea didn't feel comfortable to me. Also the way that a lot of different people would talk from different places in the room. I'm Autistic and group conversation can be stressful to me.

The Autism diagnosis was immensely helpful for me in getting sober. I found an Autism-positive psychologist and did a modified form of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).

I think DBT is pretty fantastic for anyone who feels a lot of pain or does things that end up hurting themselves. I really like the book Seeking Safety by Dr. Najavits. Here is a link to the book. They also have meetings in a lot of cities so if you google "seeking safety + your location" you may find a group also.

I don’t wish to justify your sister’s avoidance but I was devastated to discover allegations of my late beloved grandfather’s possible sexual abuse involvement. The person who told me prefaced it with “Ooh there are dodgy things about him people have no idea of!”

I replied with a hopeful- “and I’m glad I don’t know them,” hoping she’d go no further.

She violated this boundary but there’s something cowardly in my attempt to avoid finding out the horrid things she accused him of. I hate her for telling me as it’s too late to verify its truth or- if needed - help the alleged victim. I wasn’t ready to let go of this image of the only man who truly loved me in a wholesome way.

Your sister might return to this once the possibility has sunk in and curiosity overtakes her.

In any case your recovery cannot depend on her or anyone else. Please seek help. Read books like The Body Keeps Score (by Bessel van der Kolk, on the effects of trauma) , Tapping In Resources ( by Laurel Parnell, on how to empower yourself with the strength and care you would receive from others) , and CBT For Dummies (by Rhena Branch et al, on how to apply Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to your thought patterns to think and feel more healthily and balanced)

I know this isn't an easy road, but I want to congratulate you for bravely stepping onto it. Feeling alone, outcast, and alien is a near universal symptom of trauma...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

r/ptsd

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1537026534&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score

​

​

Sure, you can research David Emerson who's involved at Kripalu, or there's Bessel van der Kolk who is a badass, you can listen to a great interview with him from the show On Being. There's also Stephen Levine.

Here's a Kripalu article that quotes van der Kolk.

And there's psychologists that talk a lot about somatic holding, or at least subconscious holding patterns. An easier read would be stuff from Daniel Siegel(I know it kinda looks like pop psych but it's actually pretty good), one of my favorite authors on trauma is Donald Kalsched, which is a bit more dense and more about work through talk psychotherapy. But often I find myself applying his concepts in yoga classes as a way to understand what's going on inside mentally/emotionally that's connected to my physical experience. Also sheds some light on how I relate to other students and the teacher.

Then there's the bodywork stuff, cranial sacral therapy or somatic body work but there's too much misinformation for me to guide you. All I can say is that I have a yoga teacher that also gives me bodywork sessions that supplement my yoga practice, and the inner growth I've experienced has been profound.

Out of all of this, if you're going to research anything I would highly suggest the van der Kolk interview, which you can download and listen to.

First of all I would tell you you're not a bitch.

Then I would send you here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00HJBMDXK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

And here: https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=pd_aw_sbs_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0143127748&pd_rd_r=7e90c6c3-cd8d-11e8-a739-33eb8bfc8d81&pd_rd_w=fvtUY&pd_rd_wg=5Jpj5&pf_rd_i=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&pf_rd_p=3fa2d334-7ab1-47df-a46b-3a607fd250e3&pf_rd_r=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ&pf_rd_s=mobile-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=W87BC8E2G23BJCBYYWYJ

They're awesome. Really amazingly helpful.

I hear you, and I believe you. You have lived through an incredible amount of trauma, It sounds like you deal with a lot of pain. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience a moment of any of this. It’s not fair, and I’m no way it is your fault. It really sucks to hear you don’t have a supportive system around you. It’s hard not the feel crazy when you are surrounded by crazy. Please know that it does get better. There are a lot of good human beings in the world that will listen to you and hear your pain. You are not alone, though I know the feeling of your brain screaming at you that you are alone. I wish I had known this at 14, but the brain has a way of lying to you a lot of times. I dealt with manipulative parents growing up, and for years I never ever felt good enough. If I wasn’t perfect (which I’m incapable of being), I wasn’t enough. I’ve been reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score , and it’s really starting to explain why I’ve felt the way that I have, and how it has impacted my body physically. See if you can check it out from your local library or something.

Please take good care of yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

Mostly, I worked with a somatic therapist (sensorimotor psychotherapy).

It would take a book to tell you all of it (Literally. This book) but I can tell you what the core of it: learning how to experience your feelings and body sensations and then learning to consciously manage them. It rewires the brain and body to be less prone to dissociation. So any work you do, so long as it's also teaching you that will bring you back into your body. SP is just one model for it.

I'm sorry I can't really give you a play by play, there was just a lot. I'd lived severely dissociated for almost 20 years by the time I started. I had to be taught literally everything, but I was also told I was an unusual case. My therapist has never had to take someone so far back to the basics. But that also mean, if you'd like to tell me what info you are hoping for, I can probably point you in the right direction. I think we literally tried everything before it finally clicked for me.

​

This is the book used in a support group I'm part of, which is dual-diagnosis for trauma/substance.

Recovery from Trauma, Addiction or Both (if you want to help yourself, the frogcabaret part)

Seeking Safety (therapists book, if you want to learn to help all your parts by also coaching them through these tough topics)

Both cover dissociation in detail, but neither go into dissociative disorders. For that, this book is best in class (IMO):

Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation

Gl,

Dee

Hi Pink, yes, most of us with C-PTSD have been burdened with plenty of mis-diagnoses before arriving here.
A couple of great books I highly recommend are:
From Surviving to Thriving
and [The Body Keeps the Score] (https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483926427&sr=1-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score)

Jonathan Shay has written two really excellent books on the topic, focusing specifically on how the depictions of the characters of the Iliad and Odyssey portray a then-unrealised form of PTSD: Achilles and Vietnam, and particularly Odysseus in America. I'd recommend them highly - both are very well written, and accessible even if you aren't a student of psychology/Classics.

I love her. Have you heard her TED talk or read her books? She is a remarkable human being.

EDIT: Her book - https://www.amazon.com/Deepest-Well-Long-Term-Childhood-Adversity-ebook/dp/B01N7HZ73B

Her foundation website - https://centerforyouthwellness.org/

About CPTSD in general? This book by Pete Walker is a pretty seminal work.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492871842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_ZHsPCbTPKG205_nodl

This other one also helped me a lot, because the physiological crap that comes along with CPTSD is every bit as terrible as the emotional component:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=URYXV0O6HWS6&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1554327719&s=gateway&sprefix=the+bidy&sr=8-1

Ultimately though, therapy and journaling are going to be your best starting points for your personal recovery. If you can find a therapist that has experience with trauma, that’s your best bet. I would also recommend seeing a general practitioner and a psychiatrist because of the aforementioned physical issues.

Texts and Reference Books

Days in the Lives of Social Workers

DSM-5

Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide

Racial and Ethnic Groups

Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond

[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)

Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model

[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)

Helping Abused and Traumatized Children

Essential Research Methods for Social Work

Navigating Human Service Organizations

Privilege: A Reader

Play Therapy with Children in Crisis

The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives

The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner

Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood

Deviant Behavior

Social Work with Older Adults

The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services

[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy

Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change

Ethnicity and Family Therapy

Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach

Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents

DBT Skills Manual

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets

Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need

Novels

[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)


The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Tuesdays with Morrie

The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university

The Quiet Room

Girl, Interrupted

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Flowers for Algernon

Of Mice and Men

A Child Called It

Go Ask Alice

Under the Udala Trees

Prozac Nation

It's Kind of a Funny Story

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Yellow Wallpaper

The Bell Jar

The Outsiders

To Kill a Mockingbird

I'm readying a fantastic book about this right now: https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098
Crazy Like Us: The Globalization of the American Psyche by Ethan Waters.


Here's an excellent article summary: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/magazine/10psyche-t.html

This is the basis of my own issues as well. A lack of safety, security and emotional attachment during childhood means I'm now solidly avoidant. I'm in my 40s now, estranged from my parents (which i don't mind at all) single and have no friends outside of work. All of it comes from my trauma in childhood including multiple deaths. I would recommend the usual books that you'll see posted here a lot:

The Body Keeps the Score

Attached The chapter describing avoidance is surprisingly accurate.

Complex PTSD

I am so sorry for you, i send you hugs from afar. I too have narc parents. May i suggest a book that may help -

"The body keeps the score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Here is a link from amazon, so you can read the reviews -

​

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1562762741&s=gateway&sr=8-1

“THE BODY KEEPS SCORE” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. (brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma)

this book is FASCINSTING. I’m only a few chapters in and it’s a pretty heavy read (in the best way possible) as it is very informative (but not in the boring textbook way) and really opens your eyes and perspective on the brain, trauma, depression, those who struggle with it, etc.

A great read for those struggling AND for those that are loved ones of the ones struggling.The Body Keeps Score- Amazon link

Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving and The Body Keeps the Score are great places to start.

I really enjoyed Odysseus in America. It's mostly about Vietnam Vets but a lot of it is pretty general.

Have you read "The Body Keeps The Score"? It's about PTSD. I haven't even finished the book, but it's been extremely helpful to me. I feel like the author gives enough facts that you can share with nonbelievers that someone else might "get" it. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Y6oPzbS1S77H4

The show definitely explores themes of trauma, how it can linger and influence us even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m a therapist and was doing a trauma informed training last year when it was on plus working with a lot of clients who had experienced complex trauma. Since I couldn’t talk about them with my bf, I tried to get him interested in discussing the characters but he wasn’t interested (he works with computers). It is interesting to hear someone else’s take!

Off topic but this is a great book for anyone living with PTSD the body keeps the score

Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!

On my reading list:

The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.

The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society


Books I'd recommend:

Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.

Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.

The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)

You might be interested in learning about TRE if you don't already know about it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tension_%26_Trauma_Releasing_Exercises

There's also a really amazing book called "The Body Keeps the Score" that talks about how our bodies remember and store the trauma energy. https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

This might be of interest to you:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

There are also some good presentations from Bessel Van der Kolk on Youtube on the same subject.

this looks interesting

I am searching for the title of a book I read in school. In it she explains how all emotions are are a mix of hormones and cells have hormone receptors so why wouldn’t our bodies “hold our emotions” in a way. I will look through my books from school - I know I wrote the title down. I believe the author was a woman that passed away since authoring the book - if that narrows it down at all lol. I’ll post if I find it!

I'm sorry that happened to you. You deserved better in your life. I wanted to mention this. I hope it helps.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539353941&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score

There are some AMAZING resources here, so I'll just throw in a few others:

The Body Remembers

The Body Keeps the Score)

Enrique's Journey

Crossing Over

The Devil's Highway

Random Family

Lost Children of Wilder

I turned my life around in my 30s - abuse by family of origin, mental illness, depression.

It sucks, but it will get better. Find a job, then find a therapist who can help heal from the PTSD. Maybe find a support group for other men with trauma.

The Body Keeps the Score is a helpful book on how to heal from PTSD... at least it helped me a lot.

It's not too late. Keep healing.

One of the best resources I've come across about trauma is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

OP, grief is how we accommodate loss in a world where one constant is change. From this POV it's a really powerful sentiment. I'm wishing you peace.

I'm reading a fantastic book right now, The Body Keeps the Score, about healing PTSD and childhood traumas. It goes into depth about how the reptilian brain both aides and abets our growth. Check it out, really well written by a renowned researcher in the subject.

Book recommendation: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938

If she wants to try medical cannabis, I would only recommend it if you're in a state where she can access high CBD, low THC medicine. THC can increase anxiety, and can be dependence forming. CBD doesn't create a high, but is effective for anxiety.

ETA: Be careful with Benadryl as others are suggesting. It can be habit forming when taken for anxiety/sleep, and is also linked to an increased dementia risk: http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/common-anticholinergic-drugs-like-benadryl-linked-increased-dementia-risk-201501287667

This is not a direct answer to your question, but I can't help it. In terms of PTSD, have you heard of or read the book, "The Body Keeps the Score"? It's a book which is mentioned frequently on this sub for survivors of trauma and the people around them. I am finally just now reading it, and the book is mind-blowing <--- and I have had years of therapy, aggregate, largely related trauma. Please look into it. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it. I feel like one of those people who, when you say you suffer from migraines, start telling you ways to cure/avoid migraines, all of which you already know/have tried. I find this book to be exceptional. Just thought I'd mention it. Good luck!

Exactly - PTSD and CPTSD are as much physical as mental or chemical.

The Body Keeps the Score

You're the one experiencing your life, not all of us commenting here. You are the authority on your experience - there are many roads to healing, and not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position where they have the resources, support, money, stability, time, and safety to do that work.

Although I'm sure there are some shamans that could potentially help you, seeking a shaman might not be the best modality for healing.

>I have gotten a strange feeling of dark hopelessness from the meeting, I cannot quite explain

It sounds like your encounter triggered memories of your assault which certainly makes sense. Right now you don't need someone encouraging you to open up sexually; you need someone supportive who makes you feel safe and who will make you feel empowered.

I'd suggest learning more about trauma so you can better understand yourself, your feelings and what healing would look like. I'm currently listening to the book 'The Body Keeps The Score' and I would highly recommend it. Here are a few links for the book: Amazon, free audiobook with annoying music, lecture by author.

I recently read a book called "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma." (My library had it, so I borrowed it for free.)

It talks a lot about the connection between the body and trauma, anxiety, and depression, and discusses a lot of body-based treatments. There's a whole section on yoga! They mention other specific types of treatments, including EMDR, which my therapist is trained in and offers. It has been tremendously helpful to me, whereas cognitive-behavioral therapy only offered temporary relief.

My therapist said to me that the longest distance in the world is the one between the head and the heart. So while I can change my thoughts through CBT, which can be helpful, it's much harder to change the body or the emotions. Treatments like EMDR, neurofeedback, Internal Family Systems, and others can help. Doing things to give yourself a sense of connection with your body will help. Yoga, dance, theater, and massage are all discussed in the book as helpful, scientifically-proven options. The guy who wrote it is an M.D. who runs a trauma clinic.

Link to the book, if you'd like to learn more: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938

Harvard article about yoga for anxiety and depression: http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

Mindfulness meditation is another proven way to reduce anxiety. More information about how to practice it is available here: http://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-do-mindfulness-meditation/

Here's an article summarizing the results of a meta-analysis of the effectiveness on mindfulness meditation on treating anxiety and depression: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/01/07/260470831/mindfulness-meditation-can-help-relieve-anxiety-and-depression

This book was rec'd here a while ago, and it goes into a great deal of detail on the how's and why's:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

You should check out this book it’s great.

Indeed. This is a great starting point: http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1416587098.

Batman and Psychology: A Dark and Stormy Knight https://www.amazon.com/dp/1620455552/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DbKkDbRT5JXFG

I own it, it’s a great read and dissection of Bruce Wayne / Batman

I just heard back about the exciting job I interviewed for a few months ago. I didn't get it, but found out it was a close race and a splinter skill was the difference between multiple people getting it.

I've been reading more recently: Just Mercy, which I highly reccomend; Twelve-by-Twelve; Tribe; A Renegade History of the US; and At Risk Youth.

I know I still need to compile and post about the Social Skills course I took last month, and I will, I've just been busy with school, work, and life.

I don't know how to get a flair but I have an B.S. in philosophy and am currently in a Ph.D program in clinical psychology.

Good thinking! The DSM (psychiatrists and clinicians diagnostic "Bible" for mental disorders) tries it's best to categorized "mental disorders". The DSM has come under a lot of flack for the way in categorizes mental disorders because the very nature of them is hard to categorize. Not all of Western Psychology agrees with it's own conceptions of mental disorders, there is a lot of internal debate amongst psychologist and psychiatrists on the nature of mental disorders and a lot are very aware of the constructed nature of them. From what I've noticed there's kind of a split between psychiatry which tends to view things medically/neurologically and psychotherapists/clinicians that put less emphasis on biology and more emphasis on environment (The DSM seems to be based on a medical model of mental disorders). Like the nature nurture debate it probably lies somewhere in the middle.

I was thinking of Foucault's History of Madness of well and Prishmael seemed to cover that. Mental disorders are probably very much bound to societies conceptions of what is good/bad and right/wrong. Depression wasn't even a thing in Japan until western culture sort of introduced it to them. There are books and books on the history of psychiatry and how it came to be (being very critical of psychiatry).

I would look up Thomas Szasz - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Szasz
Peter Breggin - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Breggin
Rober Whitaker - http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Epidemic-Bullets-Psychiatric-Astonishing/dp/1491513217

I havne't read this one but this book talks about how with American culture spreading around the world, so too has our conceptions of mental illness. I've heard it's very interesting. http://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American/dp/1416587098

He will likely experience PTSD in one form or another - the seemingly strangest things can trigger it (a smell, a song that was on in the background, hell, locking a door could be a trigger since it sounds like it was one of the last things he did before finding his friend). This may be a helpful read for you, so you can be aware of what he might be going through, understand what to possibly expect, that sort of thing.

So sorry for your husband's loss, and good luck to you as you navigate helping him heal.

☺️ here is a book worth a look: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

That's the book!
Awesome, kind stranger. I appreciate it more than I can say.

Amazon shows another by Shay :
Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming
So I looks as though my ever expanding pile of book to read will grow again.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/074321157X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_-0WDxbWZ3JXSH

I heard this one was good as well but haven't had the chance to read it yet. Might be worth looking into: http://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Body-Sensorimotor-Psychotherapy-Interpersonal/dp/0393704572

Back in Control: A Surgeon’s Roadmap Out of Chronic Pain (He has a personal history of childhood trauma and chronic pain)
https://www.amazon.com/Back-Control-Surgeons-Roadmap-Chronic/dp/0988272997/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517499746&sr=8-1&keywords=back+in+control
Website here: http://www.backincontrol.com/
And here: https://www.drbredesen.com/

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (He also has a history of childhood trauma; he is involved in the struggle for official recognition of C-PTSD)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

The Body Never Lies - The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting (Alice Miller, so not new, but good)
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Never-Lies-Lingering-Parenting/dp/0393328635

Good Lord re pray harder book :)

https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Homefront-Struggles/dp/1611323665 — read parts of this book during my undergrad years, it might help direct you if you can find a copy in the library or online!

If you want something analytical, without being totally academic then:

Surviving Survival: The Art and Science of Resilience by Laurence Gonzales

If you want something rather more "coffee table" then Jon Krakauer has written a few, and keeps on re-writing another ... :-)

These are both a good read if you hadn't already seen them.

https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Epidemic-Bullets-Psychiatric-Astonishing-ebook/dp/B0036S4EGE

https://www.amazon.com/Crazy-Like-Us-Globalization-American-ebook/dp/B00321OR8K/ref=pd_sim_351_34?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00321OR8K&pd_rd_r=93b443d9-9c42-4356-9a1d-6538bb25df2c&pd_rd_w=7rj6K&pd_rd_wg=vxSSr&pf_rd_p=5c130f77-a5ef-4ffd-9db1-c29a354f52f9&pf_rd_r=JNEAQJVNT0TGPFPZ836B&psc=1&refRID=JNEAQJVNT0TGPFPZ836B

this book will help you understand your trauma
the body keeps the score

http://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418011159&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score

and transcendental meditation
the less effort you put into it the better the effect

This book may be helpful.

Just wanted to validate... I have CPTSD and it's hard... I've been w my husband for 8 years and I feel so bad because he has to deal with my baggage. Trust, I wish I wasn't like this and I always feel bad after conflicts. ☹️
Moving is a big deal. So try and be understanding of that- she was uprooted from wherever you were so that can stir up stuff...
The thing I have learned is we PERCEIVE things as threatening that aren't... So then the tendency to react in situations is overly intense...
"The body keeps the score" is a really good book as well.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VcVzCbAQY2FSN

Trauma informed therapy is SO important and EMDR is super helpful.

TL/DR Google grounding skills

You might be interested in reading this book
http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938

If you have a really experienced master, then yes.

Seek a therapist. If you can't afford it, then check these books,

• https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/

I picked up The Body Keeps the Score when I was done with Surviving to Thriving. It's more technical, so it may be what you're looking for. I found it extremely useful when he explains how different parts of the brain interact, and how imbalances of activity in stress response areas affect other functional areas.

It also doesn't get too clinical, due to frequent use of his personal anecdotes as illustrative case studies. It makes the technical parts very accessible.

Don't worry, I get that too. Intrusive thoughts cause physiological reactions because it triggers your nervous system which has a kind of memory. This book gives a really good explanation of all this and might help you normalize your feelings:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HjdsDbCFDF0G6

Sounds like this book might be helpful to you.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_W4jzzb809CWN0

Also check the website of Simon Baron Cohen.

Read The Body Keeps The Score. It will help you immensely...it helped me! You will discover why you feel the way you do, what your body/brain are REALLY doing to make you feel the way you do and what you can do about it (both personally and professionally). I promise, it will change ur life.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2JKIDbS4E3975

> Are you saying that PTSD symptoms manifest themselves differently based on your country of origin? Does culture really affect us that much? Seems weird.

Culture is, as a set of environmental factors, essentially one of the biggest determinants of how distress is expressed behaviorally and socially. The brain, its chemical language, and its physical structure does not work according to the artificial categories we've created like "anxiety," "depression," or "PTSD." There's distress, and there's the expression of that distress, and cultures have as weird and wild a bunch of ways to express distress as they have weird and wild everything else. Expression of certain symptoms or syndromal patterns of symptoms differs not only between cultures, but within cultures over periods of time.

Additionally, there are some nice accounts of how American-style expressions of distress--mapping onto our particular psychodiagnostic categories--have spread around the world piggybacked on the rest of American culture, sometimes replacing traditional patterns of psychiatric symptomatology.

Source: I teach general and abnormal psychology to undergraduates

Curious to know if the psychologist community has a high/low opinion of this book, as it is about the phenomena OP describes:

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score

It talks distinctly about how sometimes talk therapy can open wounds rather than heal them. Sometimes the body is so caught up in the wounds that the mind isn't ready for traditional therapy. It makes a whole bunch of suggestions on how to deal with trauma in other ways. Perhaps this may give you some of the relief that you desire.

You have every right to be angry. I hope that no-one judges you. And if they do, then they obviously haven't the foggiest notion what you have been through.

Have you read Tribe by Sebastian Junger? The transition to civilian life is hard regardless if the veteran experienced combat or not.

He probably misses the camaraderie and the simplicity of being told what to do. If you are struggling with mental health issues, it can be a welcome relief to have someone tell you when to get up, when to eat, what to wear, what to do, etc.

Dissociation is a self defense mechanism of your brain that occurs when a stressful situation becomes too overwhelming for you to handle. It is often caused by trauma, chronic stress, drugs, or head injury. It is a part of the fight or flight response and specifically happens when you can neither face the danger in front of you or run away from it which results in you dissociating from there here and now(the present). It often results in emotional and physical blunting and cognitive problems.

This book will offer you a great deal in understanding trauma, dissociation, and treatment options: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

​

If you want the short version of treatment options from the book and can't be bothered to read:

​

Meditation, mindfulness, EMDR, neurofeedback, yoga/martial arts (types of mindfulness), microdosing MDMA. Also, human connection helps but if that triggers you then connections to animals may help too. I may have missed some, read the book, it has a story of someone with DID becoming cured.

​

r/CPTSD reddit might be more helpful to you as dissociation is often a symptom of PTSD.

For any Trauma Listen to the book Body Keeps Score on YouTube and/or purchase book. Your Brain stores trauma and he provides simple was to rewire through Yoga, Drumming, drama, play therapy, etc...Here’s link: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
🙏✌️♥️

Absolutely. It is a topic that was covered extensively in our adoption education training as adoptive parents. Regardless of age when adopted, it is a traumatic event and can lead to a lot of feelings of loss/grief throughout life. I haven't read this book personally, but I've heard a lot of people recommend The Body Keeps the Score on the topic.

I just read the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van Der Kerk and found it immensely helpful. You mention an abusive childhood, the effects of which are covered extensively in the book and include anxiety and depression (particularly of a kind that simply trying to reframe your thoughts cannot help). Traumatic events leave their mark on our bodies as well as our minds and hearts. I highly recommend checking it out. It's even on sale on Amazon right now: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143127748/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_3HRqDbJ8YCPFA


(33F here. I have similar feelings)

I would start with learning the basics of trauma and some of the biology behind what it does to our brains/body.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.amazon.com/dp/0670785938/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5a0LDbXXEM1FC

Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, an... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476748365/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_t1_4c0LDb5CB0806

Good luck!

A composição química do seu cérebro não é uma coisa aleatória, ele não acorda um dia e resolve para de produzir serotonina e dopamina só de zoeira.

No momento, não tenho como entrar em mais detalhes. Além disso, você ainda não parecer estar disposto a aceitar a realidade da sua situação, então tudo o que eu escrever aqui acabaria sendo ignorado.

Mas recomendo o seguinte livro, para você e quem mais quiser entender as origens da sua depressão/ansiedade e as suas consequências físicas: The Body Keeps The Score.

because it lives in the body and is stuck in the brain, literally. i know it's abstract but it's been scientifically studied for decades now (thankfully). it's like an injury to our nervous system. i highly recommend reading the body keeps the score:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748