(Part 2) Reddit mentions: The best pregnancy books

First congrats on the girls and I love their names!
Second, make sure you give yourself time away from the NICU. I know thats hard, but it will be for the best. When you spend every waking moment there you will be so caught up in everything and not have a moment to take a breath for yourself. Check with your NICU if they have this book. It is an amazing book that will help you navigate the NICU roller coaster. It was written by neonatologists and preemie parents.

Start kangaroo time as soon as they are stable enough to kangaroo. It really does help! Talk with the social worker in the NICU. She might be able to help give you gas cards or get you some free meals or hotel stays to help with the drive/distance. I knew another twin family that lived 2 hours away and would stay for 3 days and two nights at a time. If you like a particular nurse ask if she can be your primary nurse. This means every time he or she works, she will be taking care of your little ones. We had primaries for day and night and loved it. They got to know our boys and would recognize if our boys were acting out of the ordinary for them and would alert the doctors or the NPs. We formed a really special bond with them and still talk to them to this day! Also if you really dont like a particular nurse, you have the right to request her not take care of your kids. Its not bitchy its about your girls and your comfort in someone else caring for them. Also make sure to have a notebook handy to write down any questions you have and then write down the answers!

FWIW, I had twin boys at 28 weeks as well. It was scary, emotional, and crazy to say the least. A year later we are still on oxygen and dealing with some things that preemies have to deal with, but we survived. If you have any questions or would just like someone to talk to that has been where you have been, please don't hesitate to pm me. You have a very long journey ahead of you and it helps if you have a friend. :)

Wow I feel like I wrote a novel and I feel like I could write more! Also check out r/NICUparents. Lots of support there as well. Good luck and take a ton of pictures! You will not believe how fast they will grow!

Ok, I realize this going to against everything everyone is ever going to tell you, and my experience is a little different because our kids were planned, but I wish someone -anyone- had told me this 15 years ago. Yes, it is a lot of work. Yes, they're expensive. Yes, it changes your relationship with your SO. And the relationships with your friends. And your family. Hell, even your work relationships change. Here's the thing though. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE. I would have had kids years ago I had known what it's really like.

The relationship with your SO? Talk about the big things now, before Little One is born, and make sure that you're both compromising, that both of your feelings and beliefs are going to be reflected in how you intend on raising them. How are you going to go about religion? How do you both feel about punishment, both what should be punished and how? Childcare? How often do you intend on going out with friends after baby's arrival? Are you comfortable with all your friends being around your kid (seriously, a lot of our friends turned out to be people who though we enjoyed their company, were absolutely not people we wanted around our daughters)? How about family members? How about food? How often is too often for burgers and fries, do they get soda before they're 10? Have these conversations now, before they're actually an issue, and revisit them often, because things change once you get into the swing of things. Know that there will be days where one of you is 'done', and be willing to be tagged into extra duties for those days. It's OK to get burnout, it doesn't make you -or her- a bad parent, and it's so much easier to deal with if there's two of you having each other's back.

They are work. Sleep sucks for those first couple months, and that old saying that everything takes longer with kids, hahahaha....you have no idea. But you're going to find out. And it'll be ok. They sleep a ton those first few months, the first week is terrifying, but after that the adjustment is gradual, and by the time they're awake for any amount of time, you'll have already forgotten about how things were before they came along. Even the worst colicky screaming babe grows out of it eventually, and becomes a normal lovely child, it's just a matter of waiting it out. Unless you're exclusively into extreme sports, you'll figure out how to include kiddo in your hobbies and past times. Sure they might change a bit, daylong hikes become family friendly hour long jaunts, grand strategy computer games become Monster Loves You, but the feeling you get when they enjoy something that you've made them a part of is just, indescribable. You're gonna be surprised how fulfilling a good game of peekaboo is.

And those expenses? There are going to be costs you can't avoid (helloooo childcare! Also, spring for a brand new crib and carseat), but for the most part, you don't have to sell the family cow to get by if you don't want to. Babies don't care if their clothes and toys came from Goodwill. Food banks have baby food, but really all you need is a blender, there's not really a reason they can't eat what you eat. Things might get tight sometimes, but you'll always have resources available to you, your kid isn't going to go hungry. And if you two can keep your chins up, and smiles on your faces, and not stress out, your kid will never know. You're both in school, by the time your kid is in social situations where they can compare their socioeconomic status to those around them you'll all be in a much better place. So don't sweat the small stuff.

You have more resources available to you than any parents ever before. Books, doctors on call, parent groups. Read the books together. A chapter or two every night laying in bed. /u/cedarhouse1377's advice was spot on. What To Expect When You're Expecting is a great read and easily digestible. What to Expect the First Year is also very good. Your Baby's First Year is dry, but very informative. Babycenter.com has answers to a lot of the questions you have for the next few years. When you feel yourself start to panic, don't discount the value of Dr.Google. The internet is always awake, and we're always here for you.

That's your kid. They're going to be ok. You and So are going to be ok. You're smart. You're capable. You got this.

Most of all, congratulations. It's worth it.


*Edited to give proper credit to /u/cedarhouse1377. Sorry I misspelled your username!

One of my wife's friends wrote this one...not a bad book, I suppose. Lots of good information about pregnancy, things that are good to know from the dad's perspective.

The one your wife is going to read, and you should also read, is the classic What to Expect book. That's sort of the "pregnancy bible", lots of really good information in there, most women read it.

Another one that I really got a lot out of is If Your Kid Eats This Book, Everything Will Be OK. That's written by an ER doctor who talks about how to tell the normal illnesses and maladies that aren't worrisome from the ones that you actually do need to be concerned about. It's saved my wife and I from a handful of ER/Doctor's Office visits.

The final one is the one I recommend over anything else. If you buy no other books/dvds, buy this one. It might save your life, sanity, and/or marriage:

The Happiest Baby On The Block

I'd recommend both the book and the DVD, but if you only get one, get the DVD. Hell, many libraries carry it.

Any and every parent I know who has watched it basically thanks Harvey Karp for making the first 3 months entirely bearable. It teaches you how to soothe a screaming infant, quickly and calmly...it makes for a happier child, and happier parents. Buy it, or rent it, or whatever...just make damned sure you see it before d-day.

Outside of that, a quality swing that plugs in (not one that runs on batteries...you will spend the difference in cost between the two on batteries) can be great. Our little girl, along with a few of our friends kids, all loved the Ocean Wonders one by Fisher Price...although for whatever reason, it seems to be ridiculously expensive on Amazon. I believe we paid 150 or 200 for it brand new. Worth every penny...cheap swings are just that: cheap. They aren't comfortable, they aren't well made, and they don't work for particularly picky infants (e.g. my daughter). I have a few friends who had more laid-back kids who have said that the cheaper swings work, so if money is tight that's something you might wait on until you meet the child:)

For most baby stuff, you get what you pay for. The stuff that works is going to be expensive because it works. I tell most of my friends that my experience is that you buy the best rated thing you can afford (just because it's expensive doesn't necessarily mean it's good, always find product reviews!).

Anyhow, through the pregnancy, the best thing you can do is just be interested and involved. Try to remember that your wife/partner might seem to lose her mind a few times, and it's mostly hormones...so let the crazy slide a little bit more than usual.

Other than that, just square yourself with the idea that your old life is done, and you now have a new one. Everything changes with kids, and the more OK you are with that, the better you will be as a dad. It's the best change you could ask for, and most dads will say that they wouldn't go back to the life of video games and nightly partying for anything in the world now that they are dads. It's worth giving all of that up a million times over. But don't fight it. Don't tell your wife that she can handle being home with her one-month old alone because you're stressed and need some time with your boys. Don't say that you can't get up in the middle of the night because you have an early tee time. Don't tell her that you shouldn't have to help clean up the kitchen because you worked all day.

That kind of stuff comes naturally to most guys, and I certainly hope it does for you. You find that when you just let the change envelop you, instead of trying to shoehorn your old lifestyle into your new life, things are easier and much more fun. The change is good, and it is inevitable. Fighting it just makes you, your wife, and your child miserable.

First. Congratulations! This is amazing news and an exciting chapter in your life. Second. You’ve got this. I moved my wife to another country while she was pregnant with our first. He’s almost 5 months old now. And we were able to make it all work.

There’s a lot that’s going to change over the next year, but it’s still early. Enjoy your one on one time, you’ll still get it, but in smaller doses and often with less energy.

She is going to go through a lot of changes and will struggle with it all emotionally. Be understanding and active in helping her. Don’t ask her what she needs for help, or what you can do. Find out the things that will help without asking. You’ll catch on quick. The fact you’re reaching out to such an audience is a great sign you take this seriously.

Quickly looking through this, there are a lot of great tips for the pregnancy and start of fatherhood, but I didn’t see a lot about the birth itself. Which is the most overwhelming and incredible part of the whole thing. Your birthing experience, and more importantly your wife’s birthing experience, is a lot of personal choices that are right for you.

I was gifted this book: The Dad's Playbook to Labor and Birth: A Practical and Strategic Guide to Preparing for the Big Day https://www.amazon.com/dp/1558326723/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_x59VCbPGK4R5T

It was super helpful for me. It lays out the different stages, the possible outcomes and or choices, and how you can be a huge positive influence in it all. It uses humor and simple language, tying together this overwhelming process to sports analogies. It’s pretty short and well organized. It has a slight bias to the more “natural” birthing experience, but does not omit or overly put down the other more traditional options. I think they take that approach since you’ll be heavily exposed to those options by the hospital. Those options were also the right choice for my wife and family. Focus is truly on asking yourself and your partner what is right for you. You won’t have time to figure it out when it’s happening.

Take your time with it all, and be patient with yourself and your wife. You both have a lot of learning, a lot of information coming your way, a lot of doubt, and a lot of improvising ahead of you. It has been the greatest thing to happen to me and greatly strengthened our relationship. Good luck on your journey. I believe you’re already taking the right steps.

Hi, congrats, and welcome! The anxiety is totally normal. You're in good company here. I have boy/girl twins and a 4-year-old girl.

There are some great resources out there like the Twins Triplets and Quads book (but the TL;DR of that is "eat more. so much more. no really go eat now.") and the What to Do When You're Expecting Two... but I find that seeing, talking to, and hearing from other parents that have been there makes me more confident.

The doctors will already be keeping close tabs on your wife's health, and your babies' health, especially towards the end. There will be so. many. visits. But that's good, because nothing will be likely to get by them. They'll likely be getting a level 2 ultrasound, NSTs, blood work, ultrasounds up the wazoo, the works.

I'm about five feet tall and I grew 'em to 13 lbs together. It wasn't fun from about weeks 28 onwards when they passed average singleton newborn size, but it wasn't unhealthy per se. I got all the medical attention I ever needed - including iron infusions, mega vitamins, protein shakes, antacids - and I took all the opportunities I could to rest - and I may have ended up a bit healthier than when I started.

Your wife is in great hands. Your babies are in excellent care. Give your amazing wife and son all the support you can muster! You're going to be a wonderful family.

Oh sweetie, I think this is something everyone thinks about, and I don't know if you ever really feel "ready" to have kids. I know that I didn't--but 2 healthy kiddos later, we figured it out. We wanted to wait until we both had jobs, had our living situation figured out, and had been married for at least a couple of years. We felt "ready" and we started to try. I was still terrified when I found out I was expecting. Only you and your partner can decide when you feel "ready", but realize that it will never be the perfect time to have kids. Also, as a woman, you do want to keep in mind that the older you get, the harder it might be to get pregnant. (Not for everyone, but statistically.) It's something to keep in mind as you plan.

If you feel like you might be almost ready, talk to your partner about it. Talk about your hesitations. Are they big giant roadblock? of just little speed bumps? Does he have any ideas on how to work through them with you? Are you scared about being pregnant? having the baby? caring for the baby? What are your (and his) concerns?

Once you feel like you have worked through your major concerns, maybe set a date to stop trying to prevent (you have been using something to not get pregnant, right? that's important too) or a date to start trying. We waited until after a big trip we had been planning. Then, keep talking. Share your fears with him. Talk through them together. Maybe do some research or learning. It helped me to read about what to expect. Some books that I enjoyed or found helpful were:

​

Pregnancy Related:

• Expecting Better by Emily Oster
  
• What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff
  
• Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy
  
  Babies:
  
  
• Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp
  
• Wonder Weeks by Frans Plooij
  
• What to Expect the First Yearby Heidi Murkoff
  
• Cribsheet by Emily Oster (wasn't around for me, but I loved her first book, so you might give it a shot)
  
  ​
  
  If you like to read, maybe give one or two a shot. You can also check out /r/Parenting and/or /r/BabyBumps to see what real parents are saying. Try to find some local moms to talk to about their experience--they can be a good support group later too.
  
  If you are a planner, do some checking on things that you might need to know about (daycare, pediatricians, etc) if that makes you feel better. Look at costs, locations, ratings, whatever you need to do to feel secure.
  
  Realize that even if you decide you are "ready" you may still freak out a little bit once it happens. Having a baby is scary and life changing, but that's okay! You can do this! You are awesome!
  
  Also, here's a little secret that no one talks about --no one knows what they are doing with raising kiddos, we all just fake it til we make it and muddle our way through the best we can. I still feel like I'm just pretending to be an grown up with kids.

Books

These are the only ones I bought and read:

• The Baby's Owner Manual
  
  
• Pregnancy Instruction Manual
  
  
• The Pregnancy Countdown book
  
  I love this Subreddit and just how easy breezy and fun the conversations were while still being helpful. I found these books had a similar feel to them.
  
  ----
  
  Baby Bump
  
  I'm pretty petite and really didn't start showing until 24-ish weeks? Then is was like BOOM. There's a baby in there. So, I bet it's coming sooner than you think. I honestly was able to sleep on my stomach late into the 2nd Tri - which made me very happy.
  
  ----
  
  Food
  
  I just ate what felt right at that moment. I had a lot of food aversions and it was just hard for a while. Eventually, I found things that worked and then the aversions tapered. I've been eating cashews a lot lately... Milk hits the spot... I'd say keep trying until you find something!
  
  ----
  
  TIMING
  
  I didn't really have a "timeline," and my OB would remind us and help us figure out when to do some things like, call the insurance company, schedule classes, etc. I preferred to take the classes later so the information stayed fresh.
  
  As for a car, we started that early because we knew we had two cars to sell/trade and wanted to make sure we found something we both really liked.
  
  Make a list of what you want done before baby comes and place it according to "MUST HAVES" / "NICE TO HAVES" -- that helped us prioritize and made it feel more managable.
  
  Hope some of this helped!!

>What can I do to make my home or situation appeal more to the courts?

I don't know for sure how this works so I may be giving you completely wrong advice, I just wanted to add what I assume they would be looking for. Make sure your home is baby ready. Everything you can manage to get together that a baby needs, get it. Further, consider a bit of babyproofing as well. Most people don't even start this until the baby begins to look like a crawler but I'm guessing that anything that makes you look committed and prepared will help.

Beyond that, start reading. There are probably classes you could take but reading seems to be much more thorough, imo. My husband loves The Expectant Fater. He read it for our first and is now for our second.

Newborns, again imo, are not as hard as they sound. So much of it is common sense, and everything else you can read about. You feed them every couple hours, keep them clean in dry diapers, and try your best to sooth and keep them happy. Its when they get older and start talking back that you really have to get to work!

Good luck.

If she's pretty healthy, it's ultimately up to momma. VBAC is generally a lot safer and better for mom and baby than repeat cesareans. If she wants to attempt trial of labor, she needs to find an OB or midwife that will support her decision. Sometimes the Dr might say they don't recommend a vbac, but the Dr has a high cesarean rate. Most times when Dr's recommend cesareans, it's out of convenience (for the Dr) and fear of litigation, not what's best for mom and baby. Look up hospitals' cesarean rates in your area. Meet with different doctors/midwives until you find the one the supports your decisions and won't "bait and switch." Do your research and ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. Houston, TX has the largest medical center in the world and there's only one hospital that will allow vbacs after 2+ cesareans, and even though vbac is proven to be safer, Houston still has a high cesarean rate (33%), but also the highest maternal mortality rate in the country🤦🏽‍. So depending on your area, it may be hard (or easy) to find a hospital that will allow mom to attempt a vbac. A cesarean should never be an elective option and should only be reserved for emergencies. It's a major abdominal surgery that takes 6wks to heal from. The "postpartum period" is generally 6wks as well (as far as maternity leave goes, but postpartum can be as long as 2yrs). Do your research and make your own informed decisions, and find a Dr/midwife that supports your decisions. You have a choice in EVERYTHING when it comes to the birth of your child. Here are some links for more info and a few good books on the U.S. maternity system and the industrialization of birth. Also, finding a doula would be beneficial as well. Look up evidence based birth, and maternity care.

Source: I'm a doula, and have doula'd for multiple successful vbacs

https://vbacfacts.com
https://m.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Vaginal-Birth-After-Cesarean-Delivery
https://www.amazon.com/Pushed-Painful-Childbirth-Modern-Maternity/dp/0738211664
https://www.amazon.com/Born-USA-Broken-Maternity-Children/dp/0520256336
https://www.amazon.com/Farmer-Obstetrician-Michel-Odent/dp/1853432040

Um, it's been a few years, but if you're attracted to attachment parenting, the Sears book is okay for an introduction. I don't love it, but it's way better than "What to Expect". For more detail, I liked Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn by Penny Simkin. It covers a lot of ground. I found it very useful later in pregnancy, but it may be a bit too much info if you're still trying to get acclimated to the idea of pregnancy. I've heard great things about this book, but I never got around to reading it myself. If you have any interest in natural childbirth, Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth is a must-read (but you'll have to achieve a comfort level with the whole commune hippy thing, since that's where she's coming from). I don't know what else to throw out there now--- there are lots, lots of choices and it kind of depends on what your style is.

• unscented dish soap
  
• offer to cook her bland food or bring her bland food (plain noodles, ramen, toast, scrambled eggs, crackers)
  
• don't scoff if she suddenly asks for taco bell. I would puke water for weeks on end, but taco bell always stayed down. Hormones are fucking her systems up.
  
• offer her ice water, and be flexible to new needs like ice or a straw
  
• tuck her in when she sleeps, offer to arrange her pillows so she can stay comfortable. Kiss her good night and tell her you love her. This may seem childlike, but again, her hormones are fucking her up.
  
• She already feels a connection to the baby, you may not yet. This may become a source of contention between the two of you. It's a hormonal difference, understand that.
  
• She needs naps, fluids, and possibly B-6 pills. Learn to cut those pills in half. It's tough, but you can do it :)
  
• Read a pregnancy book with her, and buy one for yourself. This one is very good and popular with Reddit preggies. This one is great for dads to be.
  
• She might not want sexy times for a while. Don't pressure her. Again, it's all the hormones.

The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy was by far my favorite. I thought it was going to be dry and medical, but it had everything I was looking for. I found "What to Expect" to be a little disorganized and kind of scary, but I know a lot of women like it.

We also really like Be Prepared, which is really a dad book but I enjoyed as well. It's lighthearted and easy to read in quick segments, but has a lot of good info.

Online, I really like the Babycenter.com community because it has so many people... almost any question I have has already been asked and answered, so I find lots of answers. If your town has a chapter of the Mommies Network you'll absolutely get great info there, and meet local parents/parents-to-be. Finally, if you're breastfeeding, Kellymom is a must.

Whew! Hope those help!

I think things have to change with malpractice insurance. It has to. We are losing MDs doing births at all because of this. Our cesarean rate is also rising - we are losing any resemblance to natural birth in the hospital. In fact, I hear the word "natural birth" to mean "vaginal birth".

Doctors are given lower malpractice premiums when they have higher cesarean rates. This is not acceptable!

We used to be shocked at Brazil's 95% cesarean rate. I think we're well on our way. In my community, 40% of first time moms have cesareans.

I hope that we can find inroads that are free from malpractice protocols that allow docs to collaborate with midwives for teaching, safety, and general empowerment of women. I see other countries doing it, but unfortunately, our healthcare and malpractice system does little to help this goal of mine. :(

Our maternal and infant mortality rates are dismal. And it's not because we're using less technology or interventions. It's because we're using more. I really recommend a book called Expecting Trouble: The Myth of Prenatal Care in America by Thomas Strong, MD. He's a third generation MD, second gen OB and he has some amazing insights. Mainly, leave high risk and surgical birth to OBs, turn all other care over to midwives for better outcomes...and look at technology more judiciously.

Other books I recommend are:

Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First by Marsden Wagner, MD

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block

Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy

Lying In: A History of Childbirth in America

Above all, I wish that more providers would see that the motherbaby is one unit. They are not antagonists towards each other. Less intervention is better and if we could move towards more evidence-based practices we might see better outcomes.

Again, it all boils down to allowing doctors to practice freely. We have to see malpractice reform.

Pregnancy:
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn Penny Simkin, April Bolding, Ann Keppler, Janelle Durham, Janet Whalley. This book is great from conception to about 6 weeks. The chapters are short and to the point. Includes all types of birth plans and doesn't talk down about intervention. My husband loved this book because it includes pictures and descriptions of how he could help during labor. It gave him a plan and made him feel like he was positively contributing during labor. The section on newborn care is short, to the point and very helpful to new, overtired parents.

Baby:
Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Child's Natural Abilities -- From the Very Start Magda Gerber, Allison Johnson. We tried attachment parenting for the first 6 months of our first baby's life and it did not fit with our personalities. I read about Respecting Infant Education(RIE) and Magda Gerber's approach and it seemed to fill all the holes that I felt attachment parenting was leaving in our lives. It helped us to connect with our baby on an emotional level while respecting his autonomy and individuality.

*Toddler:
1,2,3...The Toddler Years: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers Irene Van der Zande . Short and sweet. Gives great practical adivice on setting limits and allowing your child to emote and empathizing, but not allowing harmful/bad behavior to occur/continue.

Janet Lansbury Is a great online resource for RIE.

It sounds like you need to some more learning about what parenting could look like for you and then decide with your new knowledge whether that is something you really want. I recommend a few things.

1. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth has a lot of great info. It's premature in a way but you seem to want to know what conception and pregnancy would actually be like and this book covers all of it, with comments and stories from real women along with more clinical information on IUI, ICI, IVF, donor sperm, being the non carrying partner, etc. Also lots of lists of additional resources in the book. https://www.amazon.com/Essential-Guide-Lesbian-Conception-Pregnancy/dp/1555839401
   
   
2. Book a few sessions with a therapist to talk through this. You do need a sounding board and you said you don't have one. Find a lesbian friendly therapist and explain that you just want to talk through your thoughts on whether or not youd like to be a parent. 3-5 sessions could do a lot to clarify your thought process.
   
   
3. Check with local LGBT centers for parenting resources. There may be groups or info sessions for people considering parenting, which is exactly what you are looking for. Lots of people have these questions.
   
   
4. Check online for lesbians planning parenting. Lots of lesbian moms out there through biological pregnancy and through adoption or parenting kids in foster care. Look around for blogs and boards, read some stories, ask some questions.
   
   It sounds like you just need to get a better sense of how this could all take shape. Once you have more info you will be better able to tell what path is for you.

My advice is to have her talk to her OBGYN about non-hormonal forms of contraception. If she is anything like me, the hormones are the cause of her terrible libido. Also keep in mind that it takes quite a bit of time for her body to go back to "normal" and that she could have irregular bleeding for some time, mood swings, and perhaps (but hopefully not) problem skin. However, it gets better, you just have to be patient. Consider a non-hormonal IUD, a diaphragm (I know they sound weird but honestly I did not feel it at all when I used one), or the lamb skin condoms I stated above. Also, it's really useful for women who aren't using BC to follow their ovulation cycles so that they know which days they are fertile. Not to say that you shouldn't always use protection, buuut, our bodies do a pretty good job at telling us what's up. This is an AWESOME book that can help her interpret her body's signals: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Achievement/dp/0060950536

I think you handled the situation quite well!

Condoms are a pretty reliable method. They're not as effective as hormonal contraception, but if you use spermicide and plan b as backup you should be fine!

A lot of people will push you to consider starting the pill. The pill is a good birth control choice, but it does have side effects. It is not a magical pill where nothing bad can happen -- of course you know this, but I wanted to talk about some of those side effects. The pill can cause you to have serious emotional mood swings, make you depressed, throw off your sex drive to the point you don't even desire sex (which may continue, even after you stopped the pill), give you an increased chance of stroke, flare up acne, cause weight gain, cause hair loss -- basically it really has the potential to mess with your health.

Not all women have bad side effects, but most women do have a few of these as a result.

You really need to consider if the side effects are worth that extra couple percentages of effectiveness.

Of course there is the copper IUD -- which uses no hormones, but is not the most fun thing to have inserted.

If you are worried about getting pregnant, but want to continue with condom usage, I would recommend ensuring you always have new condoms on hand. Keep them in a dry, neutral temperature at all times. Possibly have a plan b on hand, in case of emergencies.

I would also suggest that you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility so that you can better understand your cycle, and work to avoid having sex on your most fertile days.

Lastly, you should have a discussion with your boyfriend about what you would do if you did have an unexpected pregnancy. It's important to have that on the table before the issue arises. If you are both comfortable with termination, it's not the worst idea ever to have some money saved for that just in case. The procedure is often expensive ($500-800+) and you really don't want finances to be the ultimate deciding factor forcing you into a situation.

I hope this helps.

Good, WTE sucks anyway.

Our body, ourselves the pregnancy edition is really good.
http://www.amazon.com/Our-Bodies-Ourselves-Pregnancy-Birth/dp/B001IV5W80/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334665215&sr=8-1

The Birth book
http://www.amazon.com/The-Birth-Book-Everything-Satisfying/dp/0316779075/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334665234&sr=1-1

I haven't read Ina May's books, but they should be pretty interesting (especially if you're interested in a more natural approach).

This is not a birth book per se, but it has amazing information. It may be better to wait until after delivery, though:
http://www.amazon.com/Birth-The-Surprising-History-Born/dp/0802143245/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334665328&sr=1-1

I found What To Expect When You're Expecting's chapter on diet really interesting, especially as I don't have any nausea or food aversions yet!

A quick summary is:

1. Calories - no change for your first trimester, then an extra 300 calories in the second, and an extra 500 in the third.
   
2. Protein - 3 servings daily
   
3. Calcium - 4 servings
   
4. Vitamin C - 3 servings
   
5. Green leafy and yellow vegetables and yellow fruits - 3 to 4 servings
   
6. Other fruits and vegetables - 1 to 2 servings
   
7. Whole grains - 6 or more servings
   
8. Iron-rich foods - it just says "some"
   
9. Fats and high-fat foods - about 4 servings
   
10. Omega-3 fatty acids
    
11. Fluids
    
12. Prenatal vitamins
    
    They say to be "efficient" with your choices and pick food items that each count for a couple of different categories, but the chapter is not particularly helpful for comparing those foods. Especially as the food will probably have different serving sizes to meet the requirements of each category. (For example, a slice of whole grain bread is one serving of whole grain, but you need four slices to get to a half serving of protein!)
    
    To make meal planning easier (and as I’m a massive nerd), I put everything into a spreadsheet. It should make comparing "efficient" foods a bit easier. (Summary on the first tab, the big list is on the second.)
    
    Also, I’ve been colour-coding the items I’m using for each meal, then resorting the sheet, so I can see what categories I need to bump up (like this).
    
    There will be tons of other foods that you can use to meet your servings - this is just what the book had listed.
    
    Feel free to download the sheet yourself. And please let me know if I’ve made any mistakes :)
    
    And don’t beat yourself up about meeting these guidelines – I eat like a teenager who has been left alone for the weekend, so I’m just happy to have some guidance about eating like a grown-up!

My favorite was the Big Book of Birth by Erica Lyon. It's easy to read and full of practical information to prepare you for the stages of labor (and managing each of them) and the various paths labor can take. It also addresses the many scary things that can happen during childbirth but in a way that is more reassuring and informative rather than frightening. Also there are a ton of birth stories included throughout. Besides driving home the "be flexible" approach to childbirth, these stories also gave me a very wide perspective on can happen during labor. For example, I might have been a little freaked out by all the shaking my body was doing in between contractions if it had not been for the fact that I had read a birth story that mentioned it. So when it happened to me I understood that it wasn't a problem and that is just one of the things that may occur.

I also enjoyed reading Homebirth in the Hospital by Stacey Marie Kerr for more great birth stories and tips for attempting natural childbirth and Pregnancy Sucks by Joanne Kimes who gives us permission to not love every second of growing child and showed me how really good I had it during my own pregnancy. Finally my week by week guide and general information book of choice was Great Expectations by Sandy and Marcie Jones. Happy Reading!

Baby can't wear anything for a while, but your friend likely didn't buy preemie clothes. Get some at Carter's - and get it with snaps, not zippers to accommodate the wires. A good water bottle because she'll likely be pumping. Giftcard for food or coffee near the hospital. Dinner - even prepaid delivery is good. If she has dogs, find people to help walk him or her. This book is a great resource. Maybe a notebook to write about baby's progress or questions she has for the doctors. J spent 62 days and L spent 66 days in the nicu, so feel free to pm me. If you can meet her for coffee or something before she goes to the nicu some days that will give het something normal to look forward to.

I really recommend reading [Pushed: The painful truth about childbirth and modern maternity care by Jennifer Block] (http://www.amazon.com/Pushed-Painful-Childbirth-Modern-Maternity/dp/0738211664) before getting pregnant. It very important information that I think every American should know, but I can't even begin to imagine how horrifying it would be to read while pregnant.

I've also heard that its pretty hard to remember all of the information you need to if you start reading pregnancy books after you get pregnant because of pregnancy brain. So its a good idea to start reading books like [Our Bodies, Ourselves: pregnancy and birth] (http://www.amazon.com/Our-Bodies-Ourselves-Pregnancy-Birth/dp/0743274865/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382042400&sr=1-1&keywords=our+bodies+ourselves+pregnancy+and+birth) and [Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn] (http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Childbirth-Newborn-4th-Complete/dp/143917511X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382042460&sr=1-1&keywords=pregnancy+childbirth+and+the+newborn+the+complete+guide) so that you have a lot of foundational knowledge about what is going to happen. Then spend pregnancy reading positive birth stories so you can keep learning, but feel confident and happy.

Labor is an intense physical effort but you are totally right in considering the mental/emotional aspect. Two key things I did that helped me have the birth I wanted were reading and practicing some exercises in Mindful Birthing and hiring a doula (especially to help me with fears and anxiety).


As for the physical exercise, go easy on yourself. Walk when you can, even short distances can help or taking the stairs when you have the option. What about using an exercise ball instead of a normal chair? I found my ball more comfortable than a chair and it helps your core strength and makes hips/pelvis feel a lot better.

Your husband is a douchebag. Sorry. When he can carry and push a baby out of HIS hoo-ha, he can freakin' decide what birth he wants. His resistance/ambivalence to your plan/emotions/desires just really blows. If I were in your position, I'd be so effing pissed. It really doesn't matter what research your provide him. It is really easy to critique all research. If he's made up his mind and is deadset...well, what can you do?

Require that he read these two books:

• http://www.amazon.com/Childbirth-without-Fear-Principles-Practice/dp/0953096467/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1314615929&sr=8-3
  
  
• http://www.amazon.com/Husband-Coached-Childbirth-Fifth-Bradley-Natural/dp/055338516X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1314616093&sr=1-2
  
  I had 2 of 3 of my girls at a free-standing birth center with a certified nurse midwife. I wish I had just used a certified midwife and had a homebirth. Yeah, my births were great. They could have been better. Birthing at home, IMO, would have been much more comfie.
  
  I had to have an emergency induction for my third because my water was low. There is a time and place for medicalization of the birth--and that time is when it becomes dangerous. Birth, itself, is not a dangerous process. I hated my hospital birth. I felt like goddamn prisoner. They had this two page checklist of tasks that they were requiring I complete before they would allow me to check out. What? Seriously? After I gave birth at the birth center, I was able to go climb into my own bed at home in two hours. And I delivered in what was supposedly the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the COUNTRY: Loma Linda University Medical Center. Jesus, if that is the most baby-friendly maternity ward in the country, the whole country has a long way to go. Yeah, sure, they do rooming-in; tons of free breastfeeding paraphernalia; and beautiful, spacious, private post-partum rooms, but there is so much more to birthing and bonding than that!
  
  My eldest daughter summed it up nicely when she asked me why a birthing friend chose to have her birth at a hospital, "Why is she going to the hospital? She's not sick."
  
  Also, my husband was on board with the midwife because his mother had completely safe births using midwives, also.
  
  Edited for formatting.

We used frozen sperm from a bank and used the syringe they provided. It worked out fine. Since you have a relatively limited quantity of sperm to work with, timing becomes the big thing (I'd also suggest having your donor's sperm count checked if he's willing). I recommend charting your cycle for some time before you try it the first time. We actually bought a speculum so we could do cervical monitoring, which was incredibly helpful (look up the Beautiful Cervix Project for an idea of how things should look at different points in the cycle, and take photos if you can, since the differences from day to day are much easier to track when you have a visual reference). We found a used copy of The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception and found it extremely helpful throughout the process. Good luck!

We have this one that we LOVE. It’s great because it’s gender neutral and even works for same-sex parents (like my wife and I). I’ve found it pretty easy to keep up with because I love writing in it.

I honestly founding reading the posts in babybumps here really helpful. Anytime I worried about something, I could just go to the search reddit search field, check limit to /r/BabyBumps, type in a word, and normally someone would have already worried about something I was stressing about lol. I also was given a sort of straight forward book about what to expect week by week. Probably not the best book out there, but it was easy to read and to the point, which I find works for my ADD addled brain lol.

Anyway, I dunno how much this helped, but I hope you can find some comfort here like I did.

Woo hoo! Twice the work, but twice the fun. Our girls are 13 months now, and it's been great. We didn't find out genders until they were born, because there are so few fun surprises in life already, and we didn't want to ruin that one. I don't think anyone has mentioned it yet, so check out the book What to do When You're Having Two. Oh, and whenever anyone says "Two for the price of one!" to you, immediately correct them. It's two for the price of two.

I'm not in your boat but did want to take the time to offer some encouragement. It sounds like you have all your ducks in a row and will make a great parent!

I went through the same type of "oh no, what have I done" feeling when I first found out I was pregnant. I started reading [this book] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594745730/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_86QxybYC5FYAW) yesterday, and it has been really assuring.

Little peanut gave me an AWESOME night of sleep last night. I didn't wake up til 5 AM, and even when I woke up, all I had to do was pee. Wasn't nauseous or stomach cramping or anything!

Hopefully all of August (and September) goes this way :)

[EDIT] Oh yeah, DH took me to a Barnes & Nobles after puppy class yesterday and we picked up 3 books!

• The Expectant Father
  
• The Pregnancy Countdown Book
  
• Sear's Healthy Pregnancy Book
  
  We also have 3 other books that DH picked up a few days ago... plus we're on an adventure to find The Mayo Clinic Guide and [The Birth Partner]
  (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/155832819X/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER)
  
  All this reading makes me happy~

Find out what foods you need to avoid while pregnant (including how much caffeine is safe, what herbal teas are off limits, and which fish have high levels of mercury), and what drugs you should not be taking (e.g. ibuprofen is typically not baby friendly). There are different schools of thought around all of this and a lot more.

As far as books, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" is a best seller and not a bad place to start. https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761187480/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525410573&sr=8-2&keywords=maternity+book

Once you get to the buying stuff stage the book "Baby Bargains" is pretty good. https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-Secrets-Saving-strollers/dp/188939257X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1525410646&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+bargains+book+2018

If you're totally lost, you can always reach out and connect with a Doula (even early in pregnancy) - though this can be pricey. Doulas have a wealth of knowledge. The hospital that you will deliver at also probably has resources and links set up on their website.

My husband and I took the labor and childbirth class offers by the hospital and it was really helpful. He got to learn/practice swaddling and diapering hands on and learned all about what to expect throughout labor. We aren't going to have a doula and he'll be my support person, so it was very important to me that he knew what to do and expect. I'm not sure he would've enjoyed doing a dad boot camp solo, I think doing the generic class together was our best option, and that way we were both getting the same information.

I also got him this book from the library. He said its been an ok and easy read, but I think the class already covered most of it. The pregnancy/labor stuff can be learned through a book, but the more hands on, after-the-baby-arrives stuff might be more helpful to look up YouTube videos.

Don't read the other replies. Most women, on Reddit or elsewhere, have only heard of the rhythm method, which is ineffective. Fertility Awareness Method, on the other hand, is very reliable. It does take a lot of learning at first, but once you get the hang of it, it's very easy and doesn't require much time at al, and contrary to the popular belief is highly effective. And it's so much more than just a way of avoiding pregnancy; not only does it make you more in tune with your body, it can tell you so much about your reproductive health in general, and some practical benefits - for example, you will know exactly when your period is going to come, even if it's irregular (and, no, you don't need a regular cycle to make use of FAM, that's another myth, due to confusion with the rhythm method). No more pregnancy scares. It can even serve as a pregnancy test, or indicate a miscarriage, as well as some common fertility issues.

If you want to try it, read Toni Weschler's "Taking Charge Of Your Fertility", it will explain everything you'll ever need to know about FAM (and about your menstrual cycle and fertility too.) It's extremely comprehensive. After you read it, you'll become more educated on your reproductive health than ~99% of women. It gets a bit dense at times, delves quite deeply into the biology of it all, but it's still easy enough to follow.

Giving birth is a natural process, not a disease. Giving birth outside the hospital with a midwife is pretty common in Europe and is the recommended way to go unless you have complications. It in no way contradicts "traditional medicine." Excessive medicalization of maternity care is motivated by the same factors that cause the overuse of other medical care in the US.

(reference: Pushed by Jennifer Block)

Along with the basics, I recommend getting the book Baby 411. As a new mom, this book helped immensely. It explains every common physical ailment and quirk infants have and is designed to be searchable. The index is by symptom and very easy to use. Every time I wondered whether I should take my son to the doctor, it covered the symptoms and whether or when I should seek medical attention. For run of the mill issues, it said what to do. It's my go to baby shower gift, along with 3-6 mo clothes.
Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year https://www.amazon.com/dp/1889392596/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VjysDbET35BSF

My husband did not read any books when i was pregnant with our first. He did enjoy me telling him what sized fruit the baby was, though, and interested in tidbits about development. However, when we were deciding about circumcision, I sent him a bunch of articles and told him to research it and he did, so we could have a discussion. The nastier aspects of pregnancy, I was happy to let remain a mystery, as was he. We did do a birth class, though, and that was more helpful for HIM than it was for me, because I don't think he knew much of anything about childbirth.

A few people gave him pregnancy books for dads, but he did not really read those much. But this time around, I found a great book on support during labor and delivery which we both read: http://www.amazon.com/The-Dads-Playbook-Labor-Birth/dp/1558326723/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371492764&sr=8-1&keywords=dad%27s+playbook+labor+and+delivery. I have been recommending it to everyone under the sun.

You are not very far along, and maybe he does feel disconnected. Although stating that pregnancy is "your thing" sounds kinda harsh to me, give him the benefit of the doubt, anyway. It is early days yet, and as your body starts to change, the pregnancy will be more real for him.

I enjoyed Dad's Pregnant too.

Dad's Pregnant Too

It has a bunch of funny quips and storys about being a father. Looking
back it really helped me relax and understand that you don't have to prefect to be a good dad.

>You don't order up what procedures you want done like they're on a restaurant menu.

You'd be surprised. There's an excellent book- Jennifer Block's Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care that I really love, that goes into depth about how many non-medically indicated Cesarean sections we perform here in the U.S..

Ah shit. I had that one in my hand today but went with this one instead.

They're definitely di-di, but I guess that doesn't necessarily mean they're fraternal? Apparently if the embryo split early enough, they can still develop in their own sacks.

And thanks for the rec, I'll definitely check that sub out. Someone over there should know how the heck to feed two babies simultaneously.

I realize that everyone is different. And I was speaking from my own personal experience... surely that was apparent.

Also, there are plenty of methods that can help make the child bearing process easier. Half of the women that comprise my friends and family went into the birthing process with the preconception that the act of birthing a child was going to hurt. They had no choice in the matter. And this, simply isn't always the case. The other half of women that I connected with during my pregnancy were a few women who told me to a) read this book, and b) who told me that they went into the operating room with the mindset that they would have a relatively pain free birth. Most of these women had a much better way (in my opinion) of what child birth is actually like.

For books, I've been enjoying:

1. She's having a baby, I'm having a breakdown
   
   
2. Dad's Pregnant Too
   
   
3. The Dumb White Husband's Guide to Babies
   
   I have not enjoyed The Expectant Father, because I feel it goes into too many details about what can go wrong, and frankly, I don't want to read that unless I need to.
   
   The first three listed books are light hearted and easy to read, and provide lots of useful information.
   
   The best tip I can offer, which I got out of one of the books is to write your wife a note every week. I write a couple paragraphs talking about how the last week went for us, and then talk about the little things she does for me that will make her a great mom (such as making me coffee in the the morning even though she doesn't drink it). Yes, I realize she won't make coffee for the baby, but she will do things for him/her even if she doesn't like it, to make them happy.

I was given a few but they were all crap.

I'd recommend "Baby 411"

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-411-Clear-Answers-Advice/dp/1889392596

it was super useful advice.

I’m only 12 days in with my twins’ NICU stay but I’d say and hands-free pumping bra, a notebook/pad to write down everything (weight, feeds, oxygen, Brady-count, & etc), and I found this book called “Preemies ” that was incredibly informative. Good luck!

A great guide a relative got us was Baby 411. This will answer just about any questions you have. I also recommend The Wonder Weeks app. I received the advice about it on this, or similar, subreddit. Everyone said it was very accurate as to when babies have leaps in development and therefore more fussy than usual. I can attest so far that it has been really accurate and will give you a lot of great information about what's happening to your baby in real time. It costs a whopping $3 on the app store. It tracks your baby based on the due date, not birthday, since development of a baby in and out of the womb is the same.

​

My understanding is you don't need to have the volume very low. Babies can't hear for shit yet at that age. We also have a 5 week old so we are in the exact same position as you. If you want to test it turn a "Shhhh" or white noise sound on really high and see how they react (relaxation). Slowly turn it down until they stop reacting. You will see just how much your baby can really hear. We had a photographer come over a couple weeks ago and the white noise she had going would've woken up neighbors. The baby stayed in a very deep sleep the whole time. Beyond that how do you think people with multiple kids do it if there needs to be a quiet house all the time because that is not the case. Turn the volume to normal and you will be fine.

I found The Expectant Father to be a pretty good read. My wife has read "What to expect" but from my shoulder-surfing, it's more geared to women (including have somewhat insulting "For the Father" sidebars about what women should tell their husbands)

Instead of the normal fruit for sizes, it uses sports balls. It also does a lot of encouraging for the dad to be involved, and covers the "everyone is asking how she's feeling" and also covers stuff about sympathetic pregnancy.

This is the book that helped us get through our four months in the NICU.

Your babies are small, about as small as my son was. I wish you the best. You will have terrible days ahead of you, but hopefully good ones too.

This sounds like normal pregnancy to me. First tri in particular has a lot of symptoms.

Set up your doctor's appointment with an OB. They will do an ultrasound to confirm that a) there is a baby in there, and b) that it's not an ectopic pregnancy. They will also provide you with information and help you set up your next appointment.

Switch your vitamins to a prenatal that contains folic acid. It will ensure that you are getting the right amounts of everything your body needs now. If you don't usually eat much fish, then you may want to consider one with DHA. Mine are a two pill combo; one with DHA and one is the regular prenatal vitamin.

Get a pregnancy/baby book from the store or the library. It will answer a lot of the questions you've been asking and reassure you about what's normal. I recommend the Mayo Clinic book because it gives a lot of great information without fearmongering.

As for diet, don't skip meals and make sure you are drinking a LOT of water throughout the day.

Here is a list of foods you should avoid during pregnancy. It's from the American Pregnancy Association.

As for what your SO said about waiting to tell, it's pretty common to wait because of the risk of miscarriage early in pregnancy, but it's really up to you. We told our parents right after our first appointment when the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was viable. Your decision.

Oh hon, I feel you. This gets me because I felt the same way. I still do. I have a 19 month old toddler.

Start here: Parenting from the Inside Out.

This book will really help you decipher your family, and really give you hope and tools for not reproducing their problems onto your little beauty of a tiny awesome person.

It's pretty straightforward and incredibly useful.

Then read this and this. Yes read them while you're pregnant because again they will give you hope and insight.

Buy this book and start reading it now too. We call it the Baby Bible in our house.

It's a survival manual for the first year of their life. It has everything. I don't know how many times we've pulled it down and flipped to the index at 2:00 am. It's better than Google. It's fantastic. (That said, it has an angle like all parenting books, even though it tries not to. They are attachment parenting writers. Nothing wrong with attachment parenting per se, just an awareness all parenting books have angles, even the impartial ones.)

Also, if you're anything like me, avoid all the happy, glowing, blowing-stardust-and-glitter-up-your-ass, pregnancy books out there. These did nothing but enrage me. I'm talking about What to Expect and similar. Unless you like stardust and bullshit, avoid avoid avoid.

Basically if you go to a thrift store and there's 8 copies of the damn pregnancy or parenting book on the shelf, don't buy it.

Instead check out books like this and this and this.

Now I haven't read those exact books, unlike all my other recommendations above, all of which I've personally read as a scared, overwhelmed pregnant lady or new mom. But as long as you stay in the 'brutally honest' lane and away from the 'syrupy sweet, guilt laden, shame' lane, then you'll be fine.

Even in 2019 there's a mountain of mommy advice bullshit books out there. Keep your instincts and your wits about you, don't forget who you are. Stay strong. And work on yourself with books like Parenting from the Inside Out and the How to Talk books.

Great Expectations: All in One, it doesn't scare the crap out of you like What to Expect, it isn't as repetitive, and tracks the stages of development during pregnancy. It's the only one I went back to and recommend to friends.

I was indecisive so got As You Grow - which looked like more keepsake book, The Baby Book - think this one is a bit more fun possibly (I really enjoyed the Belly Book), and Q&A a Day for Moms. The first and third book you can get at Target online and use the 15% off registry completion discount on them.

This is referred to as FAM, the fertility awareness method. Daily temperature readings at the same time, when graphed, indicate a spike in temperature during ovulation, which is followed by consistent high temps. Pregnancy does not occur unless an egg is made available through ovulation, which is generally a 1-3 day window. The rest of the month is home free, though one should be careful leading up to predicted ovulation times. There's a great book on this called Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it's basically the Bible of FAM.

My OB recommended this prenatal - which I like -

Vitafusion Prenatal Gummy Vitamins, 90 Count (Packaging May Vary) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003IP8BC8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_jol2DbKQEYCDP

I also liked this book the first time I was pregnant -

https://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Healthy-Pregnancy/dp/1893005607

Call an OB to schedule your first appointment - which may be 8 weeks out or so. Ask them if there is anything they recommend before your first appointment.

Congratulations! My wife is due in July, and we both have enjoyed reading: http://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads-Be/dp/0789210797/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_c

This one is (somewhat) queer & trans inclusive and had a lot of really good information, covering conception + pregnancy and physical + emotional + partners as well. A bit dated, but found it surprisingly comprehensive.

New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, & Birth https://www.amazon.com/dp/1555839401/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DVQRCbAN0Q46S

I don't know if this book has anything about inductions, but I read the first few chapters before I had to return it to the library and it gives a pretty comprehensive history of birth practices, so I imagine it would.

https://www.amazon.ca/Birth-Surprising-History-How-Born/dp/0802143245

If you're looking for a gift that pertains to her pregnancy, get her some Preggie Pops for morning sickness & The Business of Being Born. If you're interested in getting her some books, I suggest Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and/or Pregnancy Childbirth & The Newborn. And maybe consider getting your brother(?) a copy of The Birth Partner. I think every dad-to-be should read that book.

With 18.5 million copies in print, "What to Expect When You’re Expecting" is read by 93% of women who read a pregnancy book . . .

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761187480/ref=zg_bs_4676_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=T16C49BSRFPCH5EQAYV7

I'd grab a good book. This one talks about a lot of considerations that you might not think to mention. It might even make you feel more comfortable with that process, but hopefully not too comfortable or you might lose the squeamishness that has the potential to make your story ring more true.

I've been reading a lot of books and these are a few of my favorites that I would highly recommend:

• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
  
  
• Mindful Motherhood
  
  
• Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn

yes, i replied before i clicked

i suppose the name is inspired from
http://www.amazon.com/Childbirth-without-Fear-Principles-Practice/dp/0953096467

Congrats!

Two books we got

The baby manual

and What to expect when your expecting

11-12 weeks is fine.

Lots of apps out there that track pregnancy and what you need to be doing.

this is somewhat true, though in the days of twilight sleep they used very "high forceps" to pull babies out.

and with twilight sleep, you didn't really sleep. it was a combo of a heavy anesthetic with an amnesiac. essentially, women were strapped down because they would writhe and kick and sometimes hallucinate. if you received twilight sleep, you just never remembered.

here are a couple good looks at the history of childbirth:

http://www.amazon.com/Pushed-Painful-Childbirth-Modern-Maternity/dp/0738211664

http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Surprising-History-How-Born/dp/0802143245/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348108086&sr=1-3&keywords=tina+cassidy

Pregnancy takes 9 months whether you have 1 kid in there or 5. Your post and comments make it sound like you think having twins makes the pregnancy take twice as long.

Maternity leave isn't to recover from being pregnant. It's to take care of the child and recover from giving birth. Her lady parts will be very sore, she will probably have a tear from her vagina to her butthole & will have stitches. It will be hard for her to poop. Child birth is the part that she needs to recover from, not from being pregnant.

Weather 2-3 months unpaid is long enough time is a whole other debate. But that's how plenty of other women do it. These should all be things you consider before getting pregnant.

It sounds like you have no idea how pregnancy or child birth works. I highly recommend you buy the book What to Expect When You're Expecting and start reading up ASAP.

In addition to hypnobirthing, perhaps also read into mindful birthing - I am reading this right now and I think I like it better than hypno...

http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Birthing-Training-Childbirth-Beyond/dp/006196395X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452619540&sr=8-1&keywords=mindful+birthing

edit - did not take a hypno class, just read the book*

If you are talking about a baby book like a keepsake book, we have this one and really like it. book

First of all, congrats!

Some links for you:

https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting-ebook/dp/B01DCHZE3A/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500708061&sr=1-1&keywords=what+to+expect+when+you%27re+expecting

https://www.amazon.com/Be-Prepared-Practical-Handbook-Dads-ebook/dp/B000SEKFZI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500708024&sr=8-1&keywords=be+prepared

https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-First-Heidi-Murkoff-ebook/dp/B00KVRDACW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1500708115&sr=1-1&keywords=what+to+expect+the+first+year

I'm reading a book called ["Mindful Birthing"] (http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Birthing-Training-Childbirth-Beyond/dp/006196395X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418133918&sr=8-1&keywords=mindful+birthing). It is helping me a lot. If you are open to mindfulness techniques, I think it could really help you.

I’m working my way through this one while at the nicu. It’s a little outdated but it’s got a ton of valuable info. Shoutout u/phgreene88 for the suggestion 👍🏻

Preemies - Second Edition: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies https://www.amazon.com/dp/1416572325/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9U8OBbNFTJ72G

Baby 411 is a great book with LOTS of info.

Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which describes in detail how changes in your cycle impact your body, allowing you to figure out your most fertile days.

Expecting Better, a book by a kick-ass economist. She goes through all the pregnancy recommendations and digs up the initial studies to say what the evidence actually says.

Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn - just what it says on the tin

"All Joy and No Fun" and "Why Have Kids?" are interesting reads if you want to examine parenthood in American culture, but are less relevant for the TTC process.

I totally feel you about the frat boy books. I bought my husband "Dad's Pregnant too!" [Amazon] (http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Pregnant-Too-Expectant-expectant/dp/1402211333) and he really enjoyed it.

I've read the Mayo Clinic Guide and I really liked it. Tons of information, week-by-week info, and you can trust the source.

I'm currently starting Expecting Better by Emily Oster, and I honestly can't say I'm impressed right now. I just finished the alcohol section, and while I get what she's saying that you shouldn't be freaked if you have a drink or so, I find her conclusions somewhat dangerous in general. After college, I worked in a drug and alcohol program performing research (this wasn't a rehab program--most people were in their 20s-30s and drank socially), and most people do not realize how much they drink when they drink (either by day or by week). They were often shocked to realize how much they actually drink. It's very easy for most people to overdo it. I don't care that she finds the abstinence recommendation offensive and thinks that "pregnant women can think for themselves." That's great. We can. But most people have a hard time judging exactly when a drink is a drink, and it's better in general to just say "hey, keep out of it." End rant.

I also have Ina May's Guide to Childbirth in my closet. It was gifted to me after my cousin gave birth to her second and final (along with two full bags of maternity clothes) 😱 I believe that batch also came with What to Expect, a baby name book, and I think maybe one other. I'll get to these eventually!

I bought this one from Amazon and really like it!

As You Grow: A Modern Memory Book for Baby https://www.amazon.com/dp/194451547X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HeAqDbV1FEHQE

I haven't seen Jennifer Block's book mentioned yet- it's a great jumping off point for studies, statistics, opinions of obs who are pro-natural birth.

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-411-Clear-Answers-Advice/dp/1889392596/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?hasWorkingJavascript=1&keywords=baby+411&qid=1567196311&s=gateway&sr=8-1

We have this! Seems to have every answer 😁

I really liked The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant when we were trying to conceive and then the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy once I was pregnant

I read this book years ago and am now rereading it.

It's both very informative, very terrifying, and very awesome.
It explains in one of the early chapters basically what zeneparker said :)

https://www.amazon.com/Birth-Surprising-History-How-Born/dp/0802143245

For the birth process, I found Penny Simkin's The Birth Partner incredibly helpful.
During the first year, I also got a lot out of Baby 411.

I had mine at 29 weeks. One thing you are going to want to get educated about quickly is breastfeeding. Breast milk is very beneficial for preemies, but if they come out at 28 weeks, they will not be breastfeeding for weeks and your wife will need to pump every 2-3 hours around the clock. It's a pretty brutal schedule, so you'll need to think through the logistics - where is she going to do this (do you live close enough to the Level III NICU for her to live at home?), does insurance cover all the gear?, what gear do you need to buy? etc. The hospital will probably send a lactation consultant to see you after the birth, but you need to realize that this is one of the more important professionals you will speak to and get as much information out of her as possible. It is crucial that pumping start as soon as possible after the birth no matter how crappy your wife feels. I didn't realize this and waited for more than 24 hours, which was a HUGE mistake.

For general information about preemies, I found this book the most useful: http://www.amazon.com/Preemies-Second-Essential-Parents-Premature/dp/1416572325/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394070306&sr=1-1&keywords=preemies+essential+guide


I wouldn't worry about the hospital bag unless you live far, far from the hospital. You will have weeks, if not months to prepare fo bringing the babies home. I went in with nothing but the purse I brought to work with me and I didn't end up feeling like I was missing anything. To be blunt, there was a lot of blood and I was happy to ruin the hospital's clothes instead of my own.

http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Pregnant-Too-Expectant-expectant/dp/1402211333

I highly recommend it.

A lot of these questions are answered in the book called, The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy.

You might appreciate the book Pushed by Jennifer Block.

I felt it did a good job illustrating the benefits and shortcomings of our US maternal/neonatal care system, and prepared me better for the birth of my first. One of the doctors I had to deal with had a very archaic viewpoint on childbirth and was extremely pushy (a nurse actually yelled at him in the hallway after one interaction he had with us). Reading this let me see the truth behind his scare words and pressure tactics and ask the relevant questions, such as "Do you think my health or the health of my child would be at risk if we don't agree to this intervention?"

He waffled a lot in answering my questions, and if I hadn't understood well the reasons why he might be pushing for unnecessary intervention so well, I think he would have managed to scare me into agreeing to things that wouldn't have been beneficial to either my son or myself.

I recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Pregnant-Too-Expectant-expectant/dp/1402211333

Woooooord. bodies are humbling annoying thing. I have been reading this book on mindful birthing to cope. She says pregnancy and labor really immerse one in "horticultural time" - when things unfold as they do, in contrast to our non-agrarian cultural emphasis of linear "clock time" (or something like that). It helps a little bit when i am in my grumbliest. https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Birthing-Training-Childbirth-Beyond/dp/006196395X

About the books: my midwife recommended Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn. It's exquisitely boring - reads just about like a high school health textbook - but very non-panicky and informative.

[Edit] Fixed the link

I just ordered this book for my husband. It seemed practical and non-patronizing. A lot of the other dad books seem to be written by dumbass frat boys. I wanted something that would help him understand what's going to be happening without a lot of boob and fart jokes.

I am thinking about reading Mindful Birthing for the reasons you mentioned. It's one of the only things I've found that is meditation meant for birth that is not hypnobirthing-related.

Also, a 75% c-section rate is unlike anything I've ever heard! Holy cow.

This book is so helpful for NICU parents; Preemies - Second Edition: The... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1416572325?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

TPreemies

This is a phenomenal resource for parents.

When we got married, my wife was directed to this book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

It takes some effort, but the payoff is that you don't have to use a condom every time.

I don't mean to be an asshole, but that book fucking sucked.

This book is much better :

http://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads-Be/dp/0789210797/

I'm late here but just wanted to add that when my 29-weekers were in the NICU, the NICU pulmonologist was the most knowledgable about the interactions of respiratory infections and immunology. I would have asked to have him paged if the nurse wasn't clear about the answer.

This book might also have something on it: https://www.amazon.com/Preemies-Second-Essential-Parents-Premature/dp/1416572325/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485137817&sr=8-1&keywords=preemies+the+essential+guide+for+parents+of+premature+babies