(Part 2) Best products from r/ABCDesis

Preface: This is going to be a long post, but I like oversharing/giving details.

I've only started to GAF about how I look/what I wear this year, it's been a very "informative" process. Wish I would've done this 10 years ago, but c'est la vie

 

I'm short + overweight (working on that though! Have a personal trainer, down 20lbs so far, still a ways to go, but progress is being made!) so any type of style has always been a struggle. EVERYTHING needs to be altered, especailly pants. I work in IT, dress code is business casual (most days its pants/shirt, occasionally jeans/polo, etc), although I've always trended closer to the business side of business casual.

In the past, I always went through a Harbaugh-inspired routine of having a set standard template that didn't require much thought: of Black Pants (Eddie Bauer), Black Socks, Black Belt, Black Shoes, and then just "mix it up" with different shirts (CT Non-Irons). My main concern was to avoid any type of faux-pas, better to play it safe and consistent.

 

Frustrated at myself, kinda hitting a midlife crisis this past winter, I decided to revamp everything. Reading a ton on MFA, GQ, MensXP, AoM, etc, got a crapload of conflicting info, and decided just to dive into it - I've tried to develop some sort of sense of style, I do know that I prefer quality/classics over trendy, and I thought the "good" brands would help me stick out some. Clothes, Shoes, Watches --> tried to improve it all.

 

This is what my "Wardrobe" now consists of, 90% is less than year old. any gaps/comments would be appreciated - Plus, as I lose weight, it's giving me opportunities to get new clothes, so always looking for new things. I'd proably like to have fewer but BETTER clothes, if I could do it over again.

• 30ish Dress Shirts, mostly all from CT. Some of them are getting too baggy, so will probably thin the heard by 10 or so in the next week, and replace them with 5 smaller cut shirts.
  
  
• 12 Polos, 5ish are various athletic/sports related ones, the rest (newest ones) are Lacoste, Polo, and Brooks Brothers
  
  
• Shoes: Cole Haan Lenox Hill Cap Toe Oxford, Black , AE Oak Street Cap-Toe Oxford, Black , Cole Haan Jay Grand Cap Toe Oxford, British Tan , AE Neumok 2 Wingtip Oxford , AE Park Avenue Cap-Toe Oxford, Black --> Reserved for formal occasions only , Nike Killshot 2s , Adidas Originals Superstars , Timberland Brook Park Chukka Boot, Brown Smooth , Sperry Top-Sider Gold Two-Eye Boat Shoe, Congac , [GH Bass Proctor Oxfords, Tan] (https://www.ghbass.com/product/proctor+buc.do)
  
   
  
  Pants:
  Normal rotation of 3 Blacks, 3, Navys, 2 Dark Gray, 2 light gray - All with the legs shortened + tapered, I don't get too radical with the pants.
  
   
  
  Other stuff:
  
  
• A bunch of "fun" dress socks
  
  
• Now have a collection of Watches: Bulova Curv 98A158, Gray , Michael Kors Gareth Brown, Citizen Ecosphere, Black/Blue, Skagen Titanium Mesh, Seiko Solar SSC139, Gunmetal/Silver, Seiko Solar SSC446, Silver/Gold/Black
  
   
  
  Summary: I don't know what this all adds up to, what "Style" this is, but I have to be honest, I do feel a lot better regarding the TYPES of clothes that I wear, and I have gotten a number of compliments, each one that I cherished greatly ;)
  
   
  
  TL;DR : I read too much stuff online, got confused, bought a ton of random stuff, and don't have any more space for new clothes. I do feel a little better though

So just to get the ball rolling I'll share a key lesson that I've learned from my mentor, who's pretty high up there in the corporate world. As in this guy is featured in business magazines, works with billionaires and meets with CEOs of household name companies on a regular basis. That kind of level. That's not to brag (and he's not even the type that would himself anyway), that's to give weight to the advice he's given me that I'll share with you guys. Because it's coming from "the top of the mountain" so to speak.

The buzzwords at that level are CREATIVITY and INNOVATION. CEOs and leaders of all kinds of fields are desperate for creative thinkers who can come up with new ideas and solutions. No matter how competent and masterful you may be at doing what's already established in your field, if you don't have any drive to innovate then the furthest you will ever get is a "Worker Bee of the Year" award and a company mug when you retire.

Now this is obviously not "new" advice, since it's been out there since the 1930s. But in a shitty economy that is nothing like the one your parents faced, it is more crucial than ever. My mentor has told me that in this day and age, unless you are very highly specialized and rare, then getting someone capable of doing "typical" work processes is becoming much easier (and cheaper) every day. Somewhere in the world there is someone who can also do your job, is way more desperate for it, and will probably do it for cheaper than you.

What companies are willing to pay and pay well for is creativity and leadership in your field, because they will come to YOU for that.

This applies across all fields. STEM, or non-STEM. Whether you're on Wall Street, or in academia. Innovate, innovate, innovate. Don't just be "good" at what you do. Be a person who is pushing your field further in whatever ways you can. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking or revolutionary, though of course that would be great. It's not that you have to be the next Steve Jobs. But at least demonstrate to your superiors (or to whoever matters for your career advancement) that you aren't succumbing to inertia and that your focus is on the future of your field--not the past.

And if you don't care enough about your field to even want to innovate in it, you might want to reconsider what you're doing. Unless you're OK with mediocrity, which is really fine if that's all you really want. (Not being sarcastic here, I know not everyone has career as their #1 priority and believe me I can understand that.) But if professional/career success is your priority, this is what I'm being told is essential in these times.

God I love cooler weather. I cannot wait to bust out the argyle sweaters, the cardigans, the sweatshirts (when appropriate) and light jackets.

I do rock the blazer every now and then (no elbow patch though) but usually wear a light leather or denim jacket. Gap has a really nice one I like. As for cardigans, Old Navy has a decent collection for cheap. LL Bean has good quality V-Neck sweaters that are comfortable and stylish (I think they're stylish. Shut up).

As for shoes, I tend to go with brown Oxfords for the fall. I've got a pair now that's made from denim that I've gotten lots of compliments on. Red Wings has some really good boots as well - I'm in the process of shopping for a new pair myself so I don't have any recommendations as of yet.

I dress really preppy, if y'all couldn't tell.

Its super old school, but I love to cook and Madhur Jaffrey’s Flavors of India is one of my favourites. Some of the recipes are elaborate, all-day affairs but everything I’ve tried has been delicious. She gets into the history of each region and its food and my copy (my mom’s from 1995) includes lots of pictures so its also just a fun book to read.

For something much more casual, Indian-ish has been getting great reviews, but I haven’t tried it myself.

As others have mentioned, it’s not you, it’s the cooking of Indian food.
We flip houses so we are very proactive about Preventing Indian food smell from being absorbed in the house.
We have this issue too but have found the following things really help with preventing the smell from entering any bedroom:

1. Make sure your bedroom and closet doors are closed when your mom is cooking.
   
   
2. Buy a small room filter that you can keep in your room to help filter out the smell. The link below is one for $35 and it works really well. My son has allergies and it keeps his air filtered from pollen and dust.
   GermGuardian GG1000
   https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000G2BESO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_kBJZCb5AV8GM8
   
   
3. Politely ask your mom to make sure the exhaust is on when she cooks. This reason may be hard to explain without telling her that you are being made fun of because of the cooking smell sticking to your clothes. My husband and I also have a window exhaust we put up to make sure our house doesn’t absorb any smell. They can be found on amazon but are a bit pricier.
   
   
4. Make sure and shower after the cooking is done.
   
   
5. Keep an open box of baking soda (they are less then a dollar at any Walmart/ target) in your closet. It helps absorb smells that end up attaching to your clothes.
   
   
   I am sorry you are going through this. I am also sorry for some of the negative comments on here- although most of them were helpful! I hope this helps.

I bought this book for my daughter- she's only 2 but she enjoys the pictures so far. I remember growing up, my very favorite book was Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters after seeing a segment on Reading Rainbow. That's a wonderful story.

Lateish to the party but Teach Yourself Hindi is probably the best Hindi textbook ever made. I'm serious, it's recommended every single time someone asks on /r/languagelearning

If you're like me and had aunties that tried to explain Hindi grammar but utterly failed, this book is super satisfying. It breaks down the language in a way that makes sense and is much easier to learn.

Yes, I can so relate to this. Good post. I was raised to be that way too-- speak only when spoken to, don't argue or talk back, be flexible and accommodating, keep private matters private. I would go so far as to say that my lack of assertiveness, guilt in wanting simple things (like respect) for myself, and questioning my instincts made my marriage/divorce drag on much longer than it should have; years beyond when I knew that it wasn't going to work out. Part of it was being very young but I would say I could have moved on and moved forward much faster if I had stood up for myself and had more confidence in my decisions (and if my family had supported me-- but that's another topic). Hopefully others won't have that extreme an experience.

In the workplace, practicing and faking it till you make it works for me, maybe it could work for you. You might feel like an impostor, but trust me, everyone feels like that to some extent. Try to figure out what it is that will make you more confident in those situations and work on that. For me, it's usually knowing about something inside and out so that I can speak confidently about it. True Desi nerd style! I still struggle with asking for things I want sometimes. It still feels really selfish, which I don't think will ever go away completely.

Some books that helped me: Quiet and of course Lean In. As others mentioned, therapy can work too in finding practical solutions to specific problems you might have. It's not just you :)

Since you guys are posting slow cooker recipes, I really recommend this book: The Indian Slow Cooker

One of my favorite things to make is chicken vindaloo in the slow cooker (recipe below. Warning! This feeds a LOT of people, so scale back as needed):

• 8 large yellow onions
  
  
• 6 tablespoons white wine vinegar
  
  
• 8 inches ginger root
  
  
• 20 garlic cloves
  
  
• 6 to 10 serrano chilies (depending on your heat tolerance)
  
  
• 1 tablespoon turmeric powder (it's not Desi without some haldi)
  
  
• 1 tablespoon ground coriander
  
  
• 1 tablespoon garam masala
  
  
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon powder
  
  
• 1 large tablespoon of coarse salt
  
  
• 1 tablespoon black mustard seed
  
  
• 1 tablespoon black peppercorns
  
  
• 4 pounds chicken
  
  
• 1/2 cup water
  
  Peel and slice the onions. Warm 2 tablespoon of oil in a frying pan and fry the onions until almost caramelized, then add the vinegar. Stir until the liquid evaporates, then puree and set aside.
  
  Puree the ginger, garlic, chilies, turmeric, coriander, garam masala and cinnamon and set aside for now.
  
  Grind the salt, mustard seeds and peppercorn and put into the slow cooker.
  
  Cut the chicken into bite sized chunks, and put it, along with all the things you set aside into the slow cooker. Add the water and let it sit on low for 6 hours.
  
  Serve with rice or naan.

I don't think so. She is releasing a book in 2019 tho.

https://www.amazon.com/Indian-ish-Recipes-Antics-Modern-American/dp/1328482472