I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am the same way. I worked for myself for a long time and had a rotating list of public places (coffee shops, library etc). It is fine once in a while, but there are a lot of limitations if you need to do a full day of work everyday.

(Apologies in advance for the long-windedness. I wanted to explain the background, so you can brainstorm ideas that will work for you.

The 2 resources I have spurred my thinking on this are:

• Lifehacker.com: Mise en Place Your Routine
  
• Book: 4 Weeks To An Organized Life With AD/HD
  
  The book talks a lot about using visualization and right brained thinking to help create routines. The article really got me thinking about my Mise en Place (set up routine for tasks) and Mise en Space (how do the visuals support my goals).
  
  The first thing I realized is that I have no set-up routine for anything and it really derails me from forming habits. So as I was trying to think about creating set-up routines for everything in my life (get out of bed routine, sit down and do some copywriting for my website routine, etc). The book really made me think about how my stress is all very left brain. It completely blocks me from getting to my right brain, which is where I do amazing work.
  
  So, here are some questions that incorporate those ideas to help you think of some ways to create a great space:
  
  

1. What kinds of things spur your creativity (right brained thinking)? For me, color is really important. I am looking for ways to incorporate color. Think about all 5 senses. What sounds will put you in a good work mood? How does the room smell? Can you add elements that will make the space appealing on all of those levels.
   
   
2. Are you surrounded by things you love? If not, what can you add to the room that will make you instantly happy everytime you see it? Maybe something sentimental or inspirational.
   
   
3. Does everything in the room have a job? If you move your clutter into 'organizy things', don't do it just for the sake of looking organized. Plan your routine for how you will use it. If you put your mail in a box, think through the full Mise en Place of the routine to go through it. When will you open the box? In the morning or night? What do you need access to when you are going through it? Visualize every step of the routine, then set a standard time you will do it. Always do the steps in that order. If something in your office doesn't have a job (ie you don't really need it on a normal basis) plan for how to store it in a way that you can easily get to it when you need it.
   
   
4. Is everything in the room visually pleasing to you? If you are going to add organizy things, personal items, color etc, First, visualize the whole room. Then plan it out as a whole system. I find that a lot of small storage buckets lined up on a bookshelf work really well for me. These are the ones I got. I find putting them on a regular shelf works better for me than the little cubby systems they sell. It is less constrained and gives me more flexibility on how many/how to arrange so they work for me.
   
   When I started to really think about the tasks I was struggling to accomplish, I came up with some ideas for things that really helped. One example, I applied the Mise en Place to my computer. I set up 4 different user accounts. (work, productivity (to-do list/budget management), research, play) For each, downloaded desktop wallpapers that would inspire me for that task and I got the software Fences to layout the exact things I need to accomplish those tasks.
   
   So, now, every morning for the last week, I have been working on creating the habit of logging into my productivity desktop first. Just that act is really helpful. As soon as I log in, my budget app, to-do list are right there. I have a really exact routine. I look at my bank balance, update my budget software, go to my to-do list. find the 3 things I am going to do that day. I write them down and think along with a timeframe for each. Then, I log out and log in to my 'work'.
   
   The jury is still out for me on whether the 4 accounts is too much hassle (file sharing, setting up apps for each user etc), but the concept so far is working great. Fences can actually set up the different desktops and you can just swipe to move to the next one. I am not sure I am disciplined enough to stick to my rules. The act of logging out forces me to make an active choice about what i am doing. Also, I will probably block some sites from users (ie - the 'work' user can go to reddit, facebook etc)
   
   I know that is long winded, but I hope it spurs some ideas for you to really personalize your space in a way that will support your work.
   
   
   
   
   tl;dr: visualize your daily routine, how you will get your mind into a great space and how your environment will feel. Tie them all together to brainstorm ideas.
   

Very similar situation, minus being a student and plus having a new job that is closed over the holidays. Beyond the new-to-me holiday break, my new job gives me a lot more free time (and latitude to come up with cool stuff at work) than my last role so my brain is spinning with all the stuff I could do.

I frequently recommend The Now Habit which I've found to be very useful for its concrete recommendations with how to winnow down what you are trying to accomplish and get out of the emotional quagmire of wanting to do stuff and into the objective state of having done stuff, but I also recently finished Self Discipline in 10 Days, which is similar in its practical recommendations and also available for free online.

What all are you trying to do? It is a good idea to sit down, make a broad list of what you are hoping to accomplish and review that. Ideally you are able to take that list then and break down each item as far as needed to have tasks that are imminently doable - that is, you could realistically do the task and cross it off your list at one time - BUT don't get too bogged down in making this perfect and having your list reflect everything perfectly (e.g., "Brush teeth" is probably sufficient without "Get toothbrush out of cabinet", "Put toothpaste on toothbrush" but "Clean kitchen" may be too broad - don't hesitate to add "Get out cleaning supplies", "Wipe backsplash", "Do dishes", etc.) You are allowed to have as many tasks as you need to stay on track - if you get stuck, breaking them down further can be an amazingly useful way to move forward so don't worry if they're not perfect when you first jot down your list. Letting it be a dynamic tool you interact with throughout the process can be shockingly functional.

It's also helpful to set some defaults - if I don't really know how long a task is going to take, I usually default my time estimate to 30 minutes. You can set a timer and check in after that time to see where you are and if you over-estimated or under-estimated. This sort of takes from the Pomodoro technique which I really love for making longer projects that require multiple work sessions seem doable. If it seems like a half hour is too much but the task is still imminently doable, you can also set a stopwatch and see how long it actually takes - I was amused when I set a stop watch for cleaning my cat's litterbox, which I had felt like was a fairly significant "to do" and carried enough emotional weight for me want to procrastinate on and avoid doing it, and discovered it only takes 2 minutes. Similarly for exercise - I have found that I can get a workout done in about 20-30 minutes but I can also take 60-90 minutes to get the same amount of actual exercise done if I dick around picking out what I'm going to do and browsing websites on exercise science or whatever.

The estimation has helped me a lot - even if you're inaccurate (and I've found myself to be surprisingly good at guessing even if I feel like I have no idea). Sometimes if I have a bunch of stuff to get done in a day, I will throw a list down on paper and add time estimates (I try to not have a segment shorter than 30 min so if I have like "Do the cat's litterbox" and "Empty the dishwasher", etc. I will batch several of those into one group to do at once.) Then I add everything up to see how long this would all actually take me. This can be really harrowing - I have ended up with to-do lists that seemed reasonable at first but after putting some estimated times on them, ended up looking like a day with 8 hours of pure work. Scale back as necessary to what you feel comfortable with (because you feeling comfortable and like the goals you set out for yourself are easy/accomplishable is key to actually doing them instead of succumbing to watching trash TV in sweatpants) or if it's less time than you thought, get the stuff done, note any guesstimates that were way off base for next time, and enjoy your free time.

Hope this helps!

Sounds like ADHD, but also some anxiety. I really really doubt autism, I mean ask this question, can she share her emotions and feelings with you, if yes than probably not autism.

Sounds like the anxiety is the major problem right now, and he way you describe her mania sounds a lot more like panicky anxious energy, very common with ADHD. Real mania as in bipolar is indicated by heightened euphoria, grandiosity, like believing she destinies to be the president or has super powers, and she would believe those things quite literally.

I think the best thing you could do for her right now, is to get her baseline emotional level, which right now sounds like it's about a 9-10 on the anxiety scale, by doing some relaxing things. Some good guidelines would be to stay away from the news, social media, tv, people she doesn't like, anything that might be triggering. Do some simple things like talk some long walks if possible, get out of the house as much as you can, go to dinner and movie, maybe go to the mall. This whole process might take days to weeks for her slowly enter a more relaxed state, where her logically al brain can take over and start making some better decisions to help deal with the ADHD.

This is a difficult combo to deal with, and I think you understand that, but I'm glad she has you to help her.

Here are two books I highly recommend
Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/111827928X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_1Z77ybAG4Y3T7

This is one of the newest books that ADHD, it will give you a good understanding of the disorder and also the best treatment strategies.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_w177ybX2H1TS4

The book is more of a workbook that focuses on behavioral techniques that would be beneficial to anyone suffering with any kind of mental disorder.

Oh for you and the original poster /u/turqandpurp he asked for sources for some of the other things he and other people responded to.

Since I understand alot of this stuff is medicine based and can be very technical let me provide some sources. I am actually limiting all the sources I can provide so I do not info dump you and overwhelm you. Instead giving you sources that are comprehensive of all the options but are also selfcontained. If you want more sources I can give you more.

Here is a Google Ebook Link to Massachusetts General Hospital Psychopharmacology and Neurotherapeutics. While the entire book is not free, the free preview I linked to should cover the entire chapter 10 which deals with the medicine treatments for ADHD focusing on the stimulants but also covering those 5 other classes of medicines we use for ADHD.

----

Some background feel free to skip to the next line.


That book I linked to is a treatment book for doctors that came out in 2015 on the latest on the best medicines and non medicine treatments for various psychiatric conditions such as ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, etc.

The Massachusetts General Hospital and their treatment books are a big deal, here is why

• If you are not aware Massachusetts General Hospital is a teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School. After you go to medical school and get your legal MD and can be called a doctor (since you went to medical school and then passed your medical training tests) many doctors then further specialize by doing an understudy at a teaching hospital or a specific doctor. Massachusetts General Hospital is a hospital and treatment facility but it is also one of the "teaching hospitals" where they specialize in further instructure with new doctors partnering with expert doctors and there the new doctors began a hands on apprenticeship called residency and then fellowship while the technically legal doctor becomes a further specialist in a field like Psychiatry, Surgeon, etc.
  
  
• Massachusets General Hospital is ranked the number #1 hospital system in the United States for several years now according to US News and World Report. Link
  
  
• Note this number 1 ranking in 2015-2016 is tied with another awesome hospital and organization you should pay attention to which is the Mayo Clinic Hospital System. The Mayo Clinic Hospital System started with a hospital in Minnesota and that is usually seen as the most prestigous of the Mayo Clinic Hospital System since it was the first. But since their founding a 150 years ago, they have since expanded and formed two other big locations equivalent to the Minnesota location, one in Florida, and one in Arizona, they also have smaller clinics and hospitals than those 3 main teaching hospitals with 70 other smaller satellite chains.
  
  ----
  
   
  
   
  
  Okay back to the subject after that explanation of who the source is for the people who did not follow medicine
  
  Ebook Link to Chapter 10
  
  You should be able to see the entire chapter about ADHD. If you are not a doctor I do not recommend buying that book for its meant for doctors, but if you want to read the rest of the chapters, I can show you in a private message on how to search that book get a preview chapter and read one of the other chapters about the other disorders such as depression, anxiety, etc.
  
  -----
  
   
  
   
  
  Another good comprehensive book about the treatment of ADHD with meds (and covers some of the non meds stuff as well) is Dr. Stephen Stahl's Illustrated ADHD. Amazon Link
  
  Dr. Stephen Stahl, a doctor in University of California San Diego, writes some of the most well respected books for doctors on explaining the various pros and cons of how psychiatric medication work (see Stahl's Prescribe Guide) and a book directed at doctors to explain the current understanding of how these medicines work (Stahl's essential psychopharmacology) these are so well respected and so helpful to doctors that many people consider of the various other books on this subject to be "the bible" and usually one of the first three books you recommend for explaining how medicines that affect the brain how they work (the science of this psychopharmacology, as in the brain and the pharamacology of drugs)
  
  Dr. Stephen Stahl also writes more basic books explaining various disorders and drugs called the Stahl Illustrated Series. Instead of being directed at doctors it is directed at a more basic explanation similar to a 1st level undergraduate college course. It is meant to help to explain to patients the various aspects of their disorder. There are 8 books in the illustrated series and one of them focuses in on ADHD.
  
  It is a little more than a 100 pages long, and while the book is not free I gave a review of the book here.
  
  

  Link to my review
  

  
  Inside that review I showed images of 10 of those pages of the book and the sample images help you get an idea of the book and help you decide before you buy. Each page has is almost all that image and the accompanying text and while it is still medical it is written at a level that if you read slowly and pay attention to the pictures it explains everything you need to know to get a basic understanding of how these medications work. You do not need to be a doctor, a med school, or even someone who took a college biology course, you just need to be patient and read the book, and it is freaking cool.
  
  Well each page is like each of those figures I gave above with each page having 1 such figure and description and then some other text to help it being a narrative type style. There are over a 100 such pages.
  
  ----
  
   
  
   
  
  Now I can link to other articles, most of them free, that go over the ADHD medicines but I find those two I linked above to be the most useful.

Are you on quite a low dosage? It's always worth telling your psych if you really think it's not working, as you can up your dosage or try a different med.

This might sound daft too, but positive thinking is what is really helping me get through! I've just got The Now Habit book, and the basic principles are:

• Don't think 'I have to do this and it will be awful', but think 'I choose to do this study session, to make my life better.
  
• Instead of thinking 'I need to finish this work', think 'When can I start?'. This helps shift your energy to focus on 'starting' - the end result might be miles away.
  
• Don't concentrate on how big, scary and overwhelming studying a module is, think instead 'I can take one small step'. A thirty minute chunk of solid work is so much more powerful in chipping away than never starting at all.
  
• Demand your right for play time! You need to know that you can have breaks and have fun. Obviously studying isn't going to be fun all the time, but you need to know you aren't far from guilt-free play if you just get through this one step.
  
  Just last week I had several days of despair, not doing any work etc. but now that I'm thinking more positively about studying, it's actually getting done. Good luck in your course and know that you can do this!

I got back on adderall about 10 months ago, and think I've just about got the dosage right. When I decided to go back on medication I did some research on managing things better than the last couple times I've been on meds.
The most important thing I took away from the research was that medication won't do everything. You need to figure out some plan for managing your time/tasks, and the medication will make it easier to stick to it.

Paying attention for the whole lecture is a reasonable expectation, but working hours straight without a break is probably not. You should plan breaks, but limit the length of them. That way when you get distracted and find yourself on reddit or something, you can get yourself off after 10 minutes, and not beat yourself up about losing your focus.
I really got a lot out of The Now Habit, as far as techniques for getting things completed.

Wow, this is a lot longer than I expected.

There are plugins you can get for firefox and chrome that will limit the amount of time you can spend browsing: 10 minutes an hour, 30 minutes every 6 hours, whatever you want. Chrome Nanny is pretty versatile.

The best trick I've come up with to stay focused is to convince myself that I am genuinely interested in what I'm doing. Ask yourself questions about the paragraph you just read. Paraphrase what the professor just explained, look at a problem and think of what would happen if one part was different, and remind yourself regularly that you are doing something you like for your own good.
One of the aspects of ADD/ADHD is the reward centers in our brains work differently than other people, so we have to find our own ways to motivate ourselves.

I'm losing coherence, but I want to recommend you read Driven to Distraction, it will teach you a lot about how ADD/ADHD work. Also, if you think you'll have a hard time sitting a reading a bunch, you can find a lot of stuff on audiobook and listen to it while driving/walking/running/cleaning/whatever.

Hope this helps

Fidget toys!

I went through a few and found fidget rings the most useful:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0019648V6

and this from StimTastic:

http://www.stimtastic.co/stim-jewelry/bike-chain-fidget-bracelet-heavy-weight

Or a yo-yo, and juggling balls. Anything physical helps us focus.

I'm 33yo, and running my own business, so don't worry about your friend being too old for this :)

On the other hand, I'd be careful with the planner, and possibly the portfolio folder and the post-it notes - personally, for me, that would be overwhelming and stressful. As in: more things to figure out how to use.


As for the other ideas - perhaps a book? I liked "Time Warrior", and "Drummer and great mountain". If he's trying to get back in shape too, then definitely "How to think about exercise".


And don't forget a card of course! If it were me, the best words of support would be to take my time, take it easy, and that my friends will be there for me.

You're an amazing friend for doing this!

I literally read this passage this morning

>An important, and often overlooked part of both learning disabilities and ADD is the social consequence of having them. ADD can interfere with one's interpersonal life just as dramatically as it does with one's academic or job performance. To make friends, you have to be able to pay attention. To get along in a group, you have to be able to follow what is being said in the group. Social cues are often subtle: the narrowing of eyes, the raising of eyebrows, a slight change in tone of voice, a tilting of the head. Often the person with ADD doesn't pick up on these cues. This can lead to real social gaffes or a general sense of being out of it. Particularly in childhood, where social transactions happen so rapidly and the transgressor of norms is dealt with so pitilessly, a lapse in social awareness due to the distractibility or impulsivity of ADD can preclude acceptance by a group or deny understanding from a friend.^1

You're in high school right? high school is a difficult time to be introverted, because everyone demands you live your life a certain way and act a certain way, and anything else makes you an outcast. Get through it. It is difficult, but life isn't like high school. In the real world you won't be interacting only with people within 2 years of your age. you won't be interacting only with people who want to go do things or judge people all the time. There are lots of types of people out there and high school is not a good slice of them. Get through high school, and head to the rest of your life.

It took me a while to realize that being an introvert is fine. Mostly because my fiance is one too. We sat down one day and both said "It's annoying that everyone wants to do things with us, why can't we just be alone with ourselves?". we are both introverts, and we enjoy it this way. Other people may not understand it, but we have fun, we enjoy life, and we have friends. we just don't need to jump every time someone mentions a movie or thing. We just don't need people the way other people do. It is hard to accept, but we came to understand it and are happy with it. It is hard for other people to accept, but we don't really care about that anymore. WE are happy, and that's all that matters.


^1 Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell, MD and John J Ratey MD^2: i'm only a chapter in and its a great book. find it and read it.^3

^2 The authors are psychologists and also live with ADD (at least one does, I haven't gotten very far). But they are considered the defining accessible sources on living with ADD.

^3 If you can't focus on a book like this very well, get Answers to Distraction this one is made in a FAQ format in smaller pieces.

So: Yep, what you've described sounds pretty textbook and congratulations on figuring it out!

I had the revelation a few years ago (around 37ish) and remember the relief when that lightbulb went off. It's amazing how big of a difference it makes just to finally understand "Why?".

That said, medication isn't the answer by itself. You've likely developed a lot of coping mechanisms over the years and honing those (along with the meds) will make a huge, huge difference in your life/relationships/parenting.

Hopefully find a psychiatrist/nurse practitioner that can do more than prescribe meds or find a psychologist in addition to your prescriber. You might find talk therapy more helpful than you expected, I know I carried around a lot of self blame that was a huge weight to let go. They can also help explain some of your personal relationships and good ways to work through weaknesses you might have from the ADHD.

There's amazing resources out there to help you manage. I found the book Driven to Distraction eerily accurate on how well it described my life and can't recommend it enough.

Btw, given the hereditary nature of the beast, try to keep an eye out for the kids in as much of a non-projecting way as possible. Don't let them spend 40 years like many of us did.

Man, that's the kicker, isn't it? I think that's one of the most difficult things to do, especially when you don't understand exactly what's going on yourself.

It helps if you can find a doctor who is an expert in ADHD, especially in adults (which presents differently than in children, and differently in women than men). They know what to look for that isn't as well known and are less likely than a general practitioner to pass it off as someone else. They should actually administer a series of questionnaires to help diagnose you. With kids they often have ones for teachers or parents as well. I'm not sure how they handle that with adults.

Remember ADHD is like a lot of spectrum disorders in that there are a lot of symptoms and not everyone gets all of them (in our case probably only most of them) and what you do get varies in severity (and that itself can change over time).

If you haven't, I suggest finding a list (or lists) from reputable medical sources of ADHD symptoms, print it out, mark the ones that qualify and take it with you to your appointment. Be ready to talk about each one and things like how frequently it's a problem, anything you notice that might trigger it and how it's affecting your life. Not all symptoms happen all at once, so maybe give it a couple weeks working on the list until you feel like maybe everything is covered. Take notes about all with you if you feel like it'll help. Maybe even keep a dated diary with notes about symptoms each day. It'll help legitimize your claims.

It's possible if you're asking for adderall or stimulants specifically, that's part of why you're getting brushed off as just drug hunting. It is a problem but some doctors are worse about not paying attention than others. Do some research into non-stimulants (which like I said if you've got anxiety might be a better choice anyway - I've done both - and guanfacine has been my lifesaver) and bring that up and it might make you seem more genuine.

And maybe I'm totally wrong here and nobody string me up, but perhaps don't mention the PTSD right away, especially since so many doctors are focusing on that. While it's important to disclose stuff like that to your doctor, and it's possible it's triggering anxiety that's making your ADHD worse, it's a separate thing entirely caused my trauma and not and not from biological factors, therefore I think for the sake of proper diagnosis, not incredibly relevant.

Once you are diagnosed, getting a good therapist really does help. I put that off for way too long. Mine is an expert in ADHD (and actually has it himself, though he didn't drop that bomb on me until I'd actually been seeing him for like 9 months). He's been great about helping me feel like diagnosis is valid, helping me understand what's going on (including things I never knew were symptoms or caused by symptoms) and suggesting coping mechanisms to help me deal with it in addition to medication. I'm in my 30s now and was diagnosed in college, and I just started seeing mine about a year and a half ago. In hindsight I should have done it sooooo much sooner.

And I've not actually read it, but I've heard good things about this: https://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy-ebook/dp/B003719FSW

Hope that helps.

I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.

I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?

I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.

Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.

Hope this helps!

Are you getting any treatment aside from medication? If not you might want to combine your medication with ADHD therapy/coaching and/or focus on developing coping skills.

There's this mindfulness for ADHD workbook and also this Cognitive Behavioral Therpay for ADHD workbook. I haven't used them but they look like they might be useful.

The book 4 Weeks to an Organized Life with AD/HD was very helpful to me when I read it several years ago. The second half of the book is a 4 Week program that gives one simple task a day to help build skills to cope with ADHD (you don't have to read the first half of the book, you can just do the program). If you choose to do this, you might want to ask someone to help remind you to do the daily exercises and be your accountability buddy.

As far as reading goes, I find that writing a paragraph summarizing what I read right after reading helps me to stay interested in what I'm reading. I would guess it might help with other hobbies too.

For those of you who want to read the book but can't because you have ADD, I present the intro to the first chapter of the updated book, Delivered From Distraction:

(Y'see, Hallowell (the author) has ADD himself and he knows most of us won't be able to get through the book.)

Chapter 1: The Skinny on ADD -- Read this if you can't read the whole book

Most people who have ADD don't read books all the way through. It's not because they don't want to; it's because reading entire books is very difficult -- sort of like singing an entire song in just one breath.

We want to make this book accessible to people who don't read books all the way through. For those people, our most dear and treasured brothers and sisters in ADD, we offer this first chapter, set off from the rest of the book. Reading this will give you a good idea of what ADD is all about. If you want to learn more, ask someone who loves you to read the whole book and tell you about it. Or you can listen to it on a tape or CD.

We offer this chapter in the ADD-friendly format of Q&A. You can get the skinny on ADD in these thirty questions and answers. For more detail and research-based answers, you can refer to the chapters of particular interest.

For those blessed readers who intend to read the entire book, some of what's in this Q&A will appear again, but some of it won't, so you too should read this section.

Q&A Section follows

The first chapter is highly recommended reading, then you can cherry-pick the rest of the book.

I was just reading this book which was recommended on this subreddit (thanks guys!) and I found it kinda mind-blowing. The basic thesis of the book is that for people with ADHD, it's okay and maybe even a very good idea to sacrifice some aesthetics for efficiency. This means:

• as much as possible, purge (donate/trash) mercilessly, instead of finding space for stuff that you will then have to take care of, sucking up valuable attention bandwidth
  
• prioritize "easy to put away" vs. "easy to access": this often means leaving things organized but visible, even if they might be a bit more aesthetically pleasing in a closed container; hooks for hoodies and coats instead of a closet, open-front non-stacked containers as a middle ground between piles and cupboards, etc.
  
• get rid of the need for certain chores entirely if you can (having only one set of sheets in the rotation so you never need to actually fold your sheets unless you have guests or the stomach flu, lol; go down to one type of daily wear sock so you almost never have to actually match and roll sock pairs)
  
  With your guest bathroom, there might be a middle-ground solution (if you can afford the $10 I'd look in the section of the book under craft projects rather than under bathrooms, which is more about getting your bathroom routine down to the minimum possible and is aimed at folks for whom make-up is more functional and less of a "project", for lack of a better term).
  
  I found this a lot more relatable than Konmari, with its emphasis on kind of a devotional approach to housekeeping. I tried that sock and underwear folding method and like -- I'm glad I learned it (esp. for packing!) but as far as daily routine goes, it's the kind of thing that's out the window the second I get preoccupied with something else. Also in general we tend to be kind of hard on ourselves because our "resumes of failure" with organization/mess are kind of long, so it was really great to hear someone say "hey there are other options between Real Simple/Dwell centerfold and total grungey chaos and it's OKAY to use them!"

Other comments have talked about the medication topic (trying to adjust your dosage if it's not enough or switching medications), so I'm going to focus on being able to do habit-forming, as that's often a difficult task even once medication's figured out.

It sounds like you've already identified the things you need to be doing and the things you end up doing instead of that first group, which is a start. The next step is that you've got to start enforcing the rules you're trying to set for yourself and hold yourself accountable to them right then and there. Some things I see from your description of a day that could be useful:

• Establish set times that you're going to go to sleep and wake up, no matter what. If you decide you need to be awake at 10am and want 8 hours of sleep, make sure that every single night you're not gaming anymore by 12:30am or 1 so you've got time to physically go to bed and maybe read a book or do something else that is intentionally boring/relaxing instead of stimulating. This will help with the next item:
  
• Set only one alarm, but make it something loud and obnoxious (I used the drowning music from Sonic at first, hand to heart), then put your phone across the room so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Having multiple alarms just makes you more likely to sleep through them all, because it's easy to convince yourself "oh this isn't so bad, even though I slept through this one there's my 4th/5th/6th alarm left, it's fine." Set a goal in your mind that "alarm goes off" means "get the fuck up," and then you need to hold yourself to that.
  
• Even if you don't move your sleeping times around, don't beat yourself up for "half the day being gone" just because it's midday. You already mentioned that you don't sleep until 3-5am, but wake up around noon; your halfway mark isn't until 7:30pm. People who work night shifts deal with things like this all the time, and it's important to recognize that while half of the sunlight might be gone for the day, your "day" is different and adheres to different times.
  
• Write down a schedule of what you need to do in the first 30-60 minutes after waking up. If having exact times helps, add those too (e.g., wake up around 8am, and have breakfast scheduled from 8:10-8:30). Then (and this'll be a repeated theme) you need to hold yourself accountable to that schedule. If you realize you ought to be eating breakfast or showering right now and you're gaming instead, do whatever you need to do to go from what you're doing to what you need to be doing ASAP. Quit the game, alt-f4, or if it's a single player thing just pause and walk away.
  
• While I tend to find that scheduling the first and last parts of my day helped the most since the task list for a day can vary hugely, from your description you already know what the main parts of your day should encompass (job hunt, project brainstorming), so look at setting daily goal lists in addition to the schedules. I'd recommend sticking to 2-3 things as "main" goals for the day based on their importance, not on how long they'll take. If your three things for today are "Get a haircut, apply for 5 jobs and walk the dog for 20 minutes," you could have all of those wrapped up by lunch and have the rest of the day off to do whatever you want.
  
• Understand that even though you're trying these new things, you're still going to fail at them sometimes, especially at first. Establishing a new habit is hard even for people who don't have ADHD, and you're going to have stumbles along the way. I'm currently on week 3 of trying to make myself run every morning as part of my morning schedule, and I've had a couple of days where I woke up late, took too long eating breakfast or just stared at nonsense on my phone for half an hour and didn't have the time. It's fine to be upset when those things happen - you're trying to succeed at this, so not liking failure is totally normal - but you're not a worthless person for being bad at a new skill. Attention span, routine and habit are all skills that have to be actively trained and paid attention to, and sucking at something is the first step at being sorta good at something.
  
  Most importantly, you've got to let go of the anger and remember that you can do this. If you started doing all or some of this tomorrow, that's day 1 of working to be better, not day 500 of being terrible at it. If you only do half of them on day 1, that's still more progress towards your goal than you had on day 0. You'll get better at consistency, you'll get better at holding yourself accountable when you fail but being fair about it, and will start to be able to define the more specific things that work for you rather than this long-winded advice from a stranger on the internet.
  
  A lot of the above came from things I learned while working with a cognitive behavioral therapist (while I was finding medications) and this book. If you think it'd be helpful and can't afford it, PM me shipping info or a wishlist link and I'll buy you a copy. I've been where you are, and it does get better.
  
  (edited to correct a typo I didn't notice I'd made at first)

I've been in CBT with various practitioners (practicing various forms of CBT, some with homework and specific programs/techiques, some not) off and on since my first baby. I was "well practiced' by the time we got to the ADHD diagnosis: my original issues were postpartum depression, anxiety, and family of origin issues. ADHD is the last piece of the puzzle (I think. :))

So, I have very successfully adapted the techniques I've learned to the ADHD situation. After all these years, just recognizing what's going on in my head is enough of a tool to make the necessary adaptations.

For one example, before I identified the ADHD, I COULD NOT find a reason to get up in the morning. I wake up in the morning and can't even remember a reason to get up - even if I set the alarm, i would forget that I had somewhere to be. Now that I'm aware of the ADHD, I have successfully identified why it was so hard to get up, what attitudes to get rid of, what physical and ADHD related things to adjust, and now I successfully get up at the same reasonable hour every morning, including weekends.

Regarding therapy, Sari Solden's book http://amzn.com/B008RDNRXE said, we have a "giftedness at disorganization" that makes it possible for us to break down the systems we've built up that aren't working, and rebuild new systems. I have definitely found this to be true in my life. I highly recommend you find a sympathetic, qualified counselor and go for it as part of your treatment.

[edit] If you would like more specific information, please ask. I'm not sure what to tell you because my experience has been pretty across the board.

Haha dude, I can tell you're taking stimulants. :P

I think you would really enjoy these two books if you don't already reference them:

• Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications
  
  
• Stahl's Essential Psychopharmacology: Prescriber's Guide
  
  I love these. I have read Essential Psychopharmacology cover to cover and it's such a great introduction. I used to reference the prescriber's guide all the time, especially when I was taking an MAOI. I was feeling so bad when I saw you typed all that stuff because you could have left it at "neurotoxicity risks" and I would have gotten it, but you're clearly into it, and other people find it helpful.
  
  One thing though: 2-3 hours for Vyvanse to kick in? That's a joke, to me. I can't believe so many people accept that?

Here are some resources that have been incredibly helpful for me. :)

Books:

• Driven to Distraction by Dr. John Ratey -- I haven't read this one in a while, but I love Dr. Ratey. He is a great writer on issues of science, biology, and mental health.
  
  
• Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by Dr. John Ratey -- Sections on how beneficial exercise is in managing ADHD, depression, and anxiety.
  
  
• Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley -- Best book for adults with ADHD I've read. Backs everything up with science. Makes a very solid case for self-care and medication.
  
  
• Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World -- Hyperfocus == Deep Work. Use this philosophy to make the case to a boss or team about reducing interruption at work.
  
  
• Emotional Intelligence 2.0
  
  
• StrengthsFinder -- ADHD makes us painfully aware of our weaknesses. Learn what your strengths and positive personality traits are and how to build off them.
  
  Videos:
  
  
• 30 Essential Ideas You Should Know About ADHD by Dr. Russell Barkley -- Awesome series about the nature of ADHD. MUST WATCH
  
  Podcasts:
  
  
• The Value Of 'Deep Work' In An Age Of Distraction by Hidden Brain -- A podcast version of the Deep Work book if you're like me and have trouble getting through 200 pages.
  
  
• Embrace the Chaos: Why Disorder May Be Good For Us -- We may beat ourselves up over our struggles with structure, but here's a solid case on how less structure makes us more adaptable.

*applauding with a big smile and wiping away a tear*

Well done.

As others say, don't feel driven off re: medication. You might not need it, or want it, but if you do - I think it's a disservice to yourself to not pursue it. If you don't, fair play and big thumbs up, but I know in my situation it'd have been a poor move on my part. Be encouraged, in any event. :)

Also, for a practical book that may be of interest, I've found this to be really decent: https://www.amazon.co.uk/ADD-Friendly-Ways-Organize-Your-Life/dp/1138190748/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=VVSYCVVERHK8WQZ45ZMY

Best of luck!

I definitely think CBT with a therapist is something you should pursue. Before I had even made the connection that I might have adult ADHD, I started seeing someone who specialised in meditative therapies, his background being in Buddhism. I was a bit hesitant at first because, well, it sounded a bit hokey to me but it was actually very helpful. Something he said that is the perfect description for our condition (at least for me) is that "your mind is like a stallion running wild. We want to tame it--not break it--so you can take control of it". For whatever reason, that outlook helped a lot. Unfortunately, I had to stop seeing him because my insurance ran out but I would go back in a second.

Fast forward about a month and I have been formally diagnosed and am getting on medicine (its a clinical trial, 3rd phase--so we will see what happens) and until I get back on insurance I plan to use a couple books I found via a video that was actually posted by u/roland00 on another thread. (BTW that video was a lecture by Russell Barkley and was immensely helpful, so thank you very, very much u/roland00) Anyway there are a bunch out there but I went with this one and this one. Check the "customers also bought" section for others. Good luck on your journey!

In-shower notepad. Saved my life. All my best ideas happen in the long hot showers I take. https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

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Also, Try to develop a 1 page "vision board" with all your current thoughts/ affirmations that have benefited you. Everyday, if you have a brilliant thought, you can tell yourself does it fit on my 1-page "vision board", if no, then it's easier to forget about it. It's all about minimizing, filtering. Not about making more lists. Make those lists potent. Keep your mind on a one page Vision board, and it will help center your thoughts.

I am not the OP but here are two books that I got for my SO to help her in understanding and dealing with someone who has ADHD. They were an immense help and I personally found them oddly refreshing to read... it's nice to see and know that there are others out there who share the exact same issues, and even more importantly that there are others who understand.

http://www.amazon.com/Smart-But-Stuck-Emotions-Adults/dp/111827928X

http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Coaster-Someone-Attention-Disorder/dp/0981548709

This could be part of it. If you're comfortable with it, try delaying it like I do. I'm really curious if it will work for someone else. I feel like the initial effects often make me focus too narrowly on the wrong things if I'm not already being productive.

If you don't have the willpower to get out of bed and shower then something is up whether you know it or not. Remember you don't want to be dependent on your meds to do things. You aren't being prescribed stimulants (assuming since you implied they wake you up) to treat your sleepiness, even though I'm sure we're all guilty from time to time. A helping hand, not a crutch is a good and safe way to view them.

Delivered From Distraction is my absolute favorite book on ADHD. It's incredibly revealing, heartbreaking, and inspiring all at the same time and I feel like I learned more about ADHD in that book than the entirety of my previous knowledge through school, wikipedia, random info searching sprees, etc. Keep in mind, it is one thing to read a book and another to apply it's knowledge. Applying the knowledge is the hard part with ADHD.

Sometimes I invite people over just so my place will get clean... jk but also it's kinda true.

I throw this book out here on this sub constantly (still waiting for my kickbacks...) but Susan Pinsky's book for organizing with ADHD literally changed my life. I'm still a hot mess, but everything is easier to clean and keep organized. I started going crazy when I transitioned to working from home full time. I need a clean environment to work but everything in my nature works against that. Her book really seriously truly helped me get things to a better baseline.

I can't link for some reason in-text, but here's the amazon link https://www.amazon.com/Organizing-Solutions-People-Revised-Updated-ebook/dp/B007ETD7GO

I highly recommend this book for helping you build organization strategies that work for you. It’s coauthored by a professional organizer and ADD specialist, so the strategies are a much better fit than the typical “use a planner and color-code stuff” neurotypical advice.

Re: relationships... it’s hard. Likely, you will both need to learn some new stuff to get both of your needs met. Here’s a video aimed at loved ones of ADHDers that might be a helpful starting point.

I recommended this book somewhere here yesterday. It may not help with the amount of time that you are spending initially reading, but it will help you avoid "rereading" (thinking you are doing it to study/refamiliarize yourself with the information - this is not helpful) and will teach you science-based techniques for long-term learning and recalling the information. It's probably the best resource out there for learning these days. It's also written brilliantly in that it actually utilizes the learning techniques in the layout of the book, so you can learn how to learn properly.

I really like imaginitive ways to beat procrastination. I think boredom is a big factor for adhd'ers and making a silly game of things is just more interesting than trying to constantly will yourself through it.

A couple of my favorite resources along those lines:

1. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/Y8KL82jrxzatz2aky/travel-through-time-to-increase-your-effectiveness
   
2. https://www.amazon.com/Focused-Forward-Navigating-Storms-Adult/dp/0996983902/ref=sr_1_1?crid=MYSX3EXWTO0E&keywords=focused+forward&qid=1558490865&s=gateway&sprefix=focused+forward%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-1
   
   ​
   
   The focused forward book was really good (and I've read many adhd books). One of my favorite tactics from that was to imagine an 'advisory board' in your head. This would consist of some of your favorite people (real life or fiction) having discussions about what you should do about 'X'. I've found that to be a very powerful tool when you are just stuck in a problem loop (can't see a solution or direction) or just aren't motivated. And even if it doesn't work it's fun to imagine absurd scenarios like your high school shop teacher, Einstein, and Ghenghis Khan arguing about you can't just sit down and finish your taxes.

I wish I could tell you with 100% certainty that it must be ADHD, but I can't.

I can tell you that I could have written your post. When I went to ask for help the focus was on depression and anxiety but the ADHD causing those was missed completely. It happens a lot, especially for people who are inattentive (and especially when your grades are good enough as is/you space out instead of causing trouble).

If you think it could be ADHD it's always worth to push to get tested. Even if you haven't (and they give you reasons that sound acceptable/make sense to you) knowing that it isn't ADHD will get you closer to figuring out what it could be instead. If you come across crappy health professionals who think adults can't have it, or it isn't a thing, keep pushing.

I get the feeling terrified of making it all up, I felt the same way. But your whole post oozes you only wanting to know what's wrong so you can do better and people who're looking for excuses to do less usually lack the whole 'feeling like shit about themselves' part.

I got diagnosed 2 years ago at 34 and I'm terribly lucky with how I respond to medication but even if it was half as effective as it is, it would still be enough to finally not fear the depression coming back.

You're not weird for wanting to get diagnosed and I sincerely hope it can make you the happiest turtle.

*edit to add: if you're a girl (you kinda read like one, but that could be me projecting) This book has been the best I found to explain both the ADHD and how to deal with a later diagnoses, without overly focusing on the 'marriage/kids' part.

One thing I learned reading The Now Habit, that may apply to your situation, is that our internal dialogue is crucial. When you tell yourself you have to prep for the next D&D session because you'll otherwise disappoint the players, you create resistance. It's like an external force trying to push you, and your own emotional self pushes back. You drag your heels. You procrastinate.

If instead you turn the situation around and tell yourself that you want to prep because that will lead to a few hours of doing something that you really like, then the force comes from inside. It doesn't meet resistance. You can even become so absorbed that the act of prepping itself becomes pleasurable.

Now, one of the traits of ADHD is that it makes it harder to envision that desirable future. Harder, but not impossible. You can exercise this deliberately, like an underdeveloped muscle. I am working with a behavioral coach to help me with this, but you can find resources to do it on your own if you prefer. Either way, I definitely recomend that book I mentioned, even if it isn't specific to ADHD.

I've talked to a few friends about it, and my counselor has recommended speaking to my prescriber. Framing it in a sense of, hey, I'm having -these symptoms-. I think that's the frustrating part is like. Hey, all these markers for ADHD are coming up, and you're not treating me for it! Prescribers aren't perfect, and nobody knows your body or head like you do!

this book : (https://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention-ebook/dp/B005GFII62/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1541702361&sr=8-7&keywords=adult+adhd) focuses specifically on adults with untreated ADHD. So many of the stories ring so true. The authors have ADHDas well as treating it, and one of them even admitted that he was so focused on the depression with one of his clients, he missed ADHD as an option alltogether. (I borrowed this from the library, but I'm debating getting a physical copy so I can sticky note some of the things and/or show my psych :I)

I've read articles too, though I would wager that this site could prompt some improper self-diagnosis. Fine.

adult adhd symptoms

rejection-sensitivity dysphoria checklist

emotional hyperarousal checklist

Like, I just want to know where you're coming from saying that someone who does exhibit these symptoms in a debilitating way shouldn't use that criteria to guide their doctors. And if your doctors consistently aren't listening to you, find new doctors.

Here's an article on the usefulness of computerized ADHD testing on patients who have other mental disorders (tldr, fuckin' bad). https://pro.psychcentral.com/computerized-testing-for-adhd-is-it-useful/

we call this “flooding” in our house (overwhelming feelings from whatever) our first line response “move your body, change your feelings.” then: “what occupies your mind better than an obsessive emotional loop?”

DBT teaches a bunch of self soothing techniques that are great for us intense ADHD peeps. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & ... Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PKQ-BbAR7J86E

If I'm listening to music I'll dance (I'm literally dancing as I type this) I do it for fun at times like this. But I'll also dance while I do work because it helps keep me awake and focused.

In work I use this thing as it's a little more subtle.

Yes, the DBT workbook was extremely helpful for me. They have slightly different formulations of the book depending on your comorbidity - I'm comorbid with anxiety so I bought the anxiety version. A word of warning, it's not necessarily a "this is the best treatment for ADHD" type of thing, but it can be definitely helpful for someone who has trouble regulating/processing emotions and being assertive like I do.

I haven't read either of these in their entirety, but I've found helpful stuff in both:

Survival Tips for Women with AD/HD: Beyond Piles, Palms, & Post-its

Women With Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

Sari Solden is kind of the premiere expert on adult ADHD in women, so her book - much like her website - is full of great stuff even though it looks dated.

Driven to Distraction was the best one I've read thus far. Hope it goes well for you!

Yup! Stuff like spinner rings, stress balls, silly putty, interlocking ring toys, really anything small and quiet that keeps your hands busy. A lot of the google results are geared toward kids, but there are some good office-appropriate ones out there too. :)

I experience basically the same inattentive symptoms and anxiety too. I’m not hyperactive but quite fatigue throughout the day so my motivation is quite low.

Anyways, I’m not sure of any apps but I do know a great workbook that has been quite helpful for me, which was suggested by my therapist. It would be even better to use it with someone so you have someone to be accountable to and check in with.

[Mastering Your Adult ADHD](Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program Client Workbook (Treatments That Work) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0195188195/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_PeSMBbE3XETX3)

Focused Forward: Navigating the Storms of Adult ADHD https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996983902/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wCqBDbE9V4HMB

Cant recommend this book enough. I’ve read (well, listened, I get audiobooks) a bunch of adhd books in my life and hands down this was the most life changing in terms of helping me accept and embrace it.

"4 Weeks To An Organized Life With AD/HD"
http://www.amazon.com/Weeks-To-Organized-Life-With/dp/1589793269

Ostensibly a self-help book, but the first half or so talks about case examples from the authors' lives and really delve into some of the issues associated with not only having ADHD but not getting properly diagnosed and learning to be confident with your abilities.

So relatable. Check out Sari Solden's book too, on women with ADHD! It has a somewhat cheesy title about embracing your differences, but the content inside is super relevant and well-told. https://www.amazon.com/Women-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Differences-ebook/dp/B008RDNRXE

My doctor just recommended this book: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

He said is typically designed for personality disorder but the techniques in there can be applied to managing emotional struggles with ADHD.

He also said to remember that I'm not bipolar, even though there will be things in the book that will make me feel funny inside. I ordered it, I freaking can't wait till it arrives!

Good luck.

The first edition of this book was fantastic for me! (I didn't know there's a new edition.. Something to check out!)

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition-Revised and ... http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007ETD7GO/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_Ty92tb18D9BS9

don't know if this one is any good or anything, but how cool is this? https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

This is very much my experience. My current partner has very similar ADHD presentation to me and every time one of us forgets something or derails a conversation or
takes 3 tries to leave the house there's no shame or disappointment, it's either commiseration and affirmation, or even a kind of celebration of how much we are on the same wavelength. Kind of the opposite of you I guess, most of my friends do not have ADHD and I can see them get annoyed with the roundabout way I tell stories and how I constantly interrupt (getting that under control slowly I think).

Have you brought up this concern with your girlfriend? I mean obviously I wouldn't frame it as "my friends get me better than you," but more of a "sometimes I feel misunderstood when it comes to my ADHD" might motivate her to try to see things more from your perspective. This book is also a really good resource.

I really recommend this book https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy-Adult-ADHD-Dysfunction/dp/1462509630 . A lot of the techniques seem simple such as keeping a daily planner, but they've made a huge difference in my life the past month.

You're not alone!

My diagnosis changed everything for me. I finally had answers to things. It took a long time to realize that I'm not lazy, stupid, or crazy. (That's also the title of a very useful book, by the way. I can recommend it.)

But after getting help, I made it through college--twice! And I tried writing a freaking book, just to show myself I could take on a big project and see it to the end. And I did it! I don't think I ever would have been able to do those things without getting help.

The diagnosis happened and suddenly everything made sense. Or it started to. Hopefully, your visit will open some doors for you. Change things for you like it changed things for me. I'm also upset at having been cheated out of so many years, but there are even more years ahead to be not-cheated-out-of! For us both!

Thanks just checked this out on amazon, and I'm going to order it.

I'll post the link here for it. If linking not allowed, Mods please remove it.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

Introduce him to the work of Dr. Thomas E. Brown, a psychologist at Yale University - Smart But Stuck is all about high IQ people with ADHD. And of course, it's likely to be helpful for you too!

I saw a rec for this book. Might be useful?

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1886941343/additudemagaz-20

I understand completely and I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I miss some things even though I do my best to be aware of everyone around me. But like today, I felt really dumb at work. I'm not even sure if it's in my head, or I did something to make things awkward with a certain person. I broke down and bought this after having it in my cart for a while:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886941343/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Not sure if that would help out you or anyone else here, but I thought I would give it a shot.

I suck at social skills. I haven't had training, but I did find this book, (which I've read like 10 pages of): https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343

That feeling of hopelessness after a series of failures, it's called Emotional Distress Syndrome. it leaves you feeling like you can never succeed again, and is compared to PTSD. My wife, who also has ADHD, suffers from it, and it has kept her from doing a lot of things she's wanted to do. We only identified it literally last week, but it's a clear fit.

The book we learned about it from is Focused Forward: Navigating the Storms of Adult ADHD

Yes, very much so. It is probably the worst part of ADHD.

Reason: Most communication is complex and most meaning is conveyed non-verbally. That means tone, body language, context, etc is important. All those details, and I'm too busy thinking about the trying to remember the words alone. Effectively, a person with ADHD isn't great with people early on and that builds on itself. Others will be pushed away, less social experience to practice right and wrong ways to interact, and still having the disorder that makes good listening just out of reach.

Great source, though a relatively old book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494214727&sr=8-1&keywords=what+does+everyone+else+know+that+i+don%27t

I worked with an ADHD specialist at my university after being diagnosed and he shred lots of things from this book

Basically challenging your thoughts and behaviours in specific ways.

Delivered From Distraction

I've read an excerpt from this book online. You can probably find it if you search the author's website. There's a lot more but this is one of the more scientific approaches.

​

https://www.amazon.com/dp/111827928X/?coliid=I27RPRBO6214GU&colid=31G970YYMRAQD&psc=0&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it

I've never tried them but they sell these shower notepads. Could work to write down thoughts, then have a reminder on your phone to check the shower pad once a week.

https://www.amazon.com/Aqua-Notes-Water-Proof-Note/dp/B01AS5I0ZS

> My compensating mechanisms of staying up late, studying my ass off, and waiting till last minute to really get the stress of procrastination push me to complete something, are just not cutting it anymore. I constantly feel that I am not living to my potential.

This was me all the way from childhood. Even though I did great in school I was always cramming, always running late, and daydreaming a lot. I felt there was something wrong with me: I must be lazy, or depressed, or just a hopeless procrastinator.

At one point I used to tell myself that my problems were big enough to ruin my life, but evidently not big enough to get help from anyone... I was 30 and had flunked out of graduate school when a psychologist finally suggested this could be ADHD.

If you do have ADHD, you are also likely really smart since you've gotten as far as you have. Thomas Brown has written on smart people with ADHD in his book Smart but Stuck. You could watch these videos with him and see if it hits home.

There's also this webinar with Ellen Littman: https://add.org/event/webinar-adhd-high-iq-different/ You can find it in the webinar archives and watch it if you join ADDA (1-month membership is only $5).

I got diagnosed at 32 years old.

I run a company, have a masters degree and to the outside world seemed quite accomplished for my age. I didn't feel like it though, everything was completely chaotic.

I got this book as an audiobook, it was quite eye opening, it tells the stories of 'smart' people who have ADHD and the lifes they led prior to diagnosis, so many parallels with my own life in those stories.

http://www.amazon.com/Smart-But-Stuck-Emotions-Adults/dp/111827928X

Smart but Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD

Me too. It saddens me that at 40 years old, I have finally confronted the truth about my ADHD. My whole adult life, I knew I was smart, but I also thought I was stupid, lazy, inherently flawed. I thought I would never be understood, or normal. I envy 'normal' people and I have prayed, and wished I could be like them. I am beginning to accept who I am, and that I can get better. I suggest reading "You Mean I'm Not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy?". Every page has something that has happened in my life.