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Ok serenespidey, as promised, here is a list of resources. Now I know it's a long list, but I wanted to give you a little bit of everything in the hopes that you will find at least one helpful item. Besides, I don't know you so I don't know which approach would work best for you as an individual.

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That said, if this situation keeps getting worse, do consider home schooling. There is nothing wrong with that. You could finish school in peace. Just be sure the program you choose really does count as a real high school diploma. School should not be torture. After all, there is no shame in walking away from a pointless and losing battle where no one wins. Only the satisfaction of surviving, thriving, healing, and growing. Let everyone else stay behind and suffer. You don't have to stay with them. The best revenge is happiness and success. You can read more on that philosophy in The Power of Acceptance.

The Power of Acceptance is the most practical guide to getting unstuck from negative thinking I have ever read. It helps you stop thinking in a negative way to see all the possibilities available to you. Also touches on the power of attracting good things to your life in a realistic way. No vision boards or meditation necessary. Just real life and real life examples. See the book list below.

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Besides, home schooling will give you the space to focus only on yourself and not others. Focus on yourself and learning to cope. Coping is a valuable life skill. If you're able to do it while attending school, fine. If not, again, no shame. None of this including negative thinking and not enjoying school is your fault. None of it!

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Acceptance can be a difficult concept to understand. Know this: It is not the same as giving up. It think it's important to learn and understand acceptance. See this book:

Stuff That Sucks: A Teen's Guide to Accepting What You Can't Change and Committing to What You Can (The Instant Help Solutions Series)

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Couldn't have said it better myself. As in, you can't change other people, only your response to them. All the best to you!

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Home Schooling Resources:

One or both of these accepts out of state students, do your research and make sure they count as real high school diplomas. Just in case your state or county doesn't offer home schooling, some don't.



learn.connectionsacademy.com/Florida/ApplyNow‎

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www.flvs.net/




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Some YouTube videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-CuyYVTPtc&t=21s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgaHspUZOiA&t=746s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Of-_fkfZvM&t=731s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAwdUMjX0aM&t=60s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-CuyYVTPtc&t=30s

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kARkOdRHaj8

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmRKlZEXVQM

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Some books:



The Power of Acceptance: Beyond the Law of Attraction

by Arden Rembert Brink and Doreen Banaszak

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Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

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Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself Paperback – June 23, 2015

by Dr. Kristin Neff (Author)

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For this one, don't let the title confuse you. Focus on the compassion part.

Self-Compassion - I Don’t Have To Feel Better Than Others To Feel Good About Myself: Learn How To See Self Esteem Through The Lens Of Self-Love and Mindfulness and Cultivate The Courage To Be You

by Simeon Lindstrom | Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC

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The Self-Esteem Workbook (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)

by Schiraldi PhD, Glenn R. | Nov 1, 2016

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The Self Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem

by Markway PhD, Barbara , Celia Ampel , et al. | Oct 23, 2018

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How to Be Nice to Yourself: The Everyday Guide to Self Compassion: Effective Strategies to Increase Self-Love and Acceptance

by Silberstein-Tirch PsyD, Laura | Jun 25, 201

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Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens: A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life

by Joseph V. Ciarrochi, Louise L. Hayes, et al.4.3 out of 5 stars 44

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Dr Phil: Because sometimes real life sucks, but at least he knows how to cope in realistic way.

Life Code: New Rules for the Real World

by Dr. Phil McGraw

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

by Phillip C. McGraw

How about reconnecting with nature? We spend so much time working and doing other things but a lot of them aren't outside.

You can start a garden of your favorite fruits/vegetables. Lots of different garden tools to use, rototillers are very fun to use IMO. They dig up the dirt and get it ready for planting. I personally like to use it to make the dirt softer, last month I used my rototiller so my friend could plant some grass. Just rototilled it then smoothed it all out with a rake and laid down some sod/grass. :)

You could get into Beekeeping. It's very interesting, you help the environment, get free honey and your hives generally kind of do their own thing (though, they do need check-ups). Check out /r/beekeeping.

You could own some chickens. They're pretty nice to have, they lay eggs, are pretty chill, but of course do need to look after them, feed them they'll probably need a coop. Free chicken manure for your garden. Check out /r/backyardchickens.

You could get more into bicycling. I think it's one of those great forgotten inventions where many people think bikes are one of those things for kids. In reality, bikes are one of my absolute favorite inventions. It's good exercise, it requires next to no maintenance, you don't need gas, car insurance, there's no payments to make. It's MUCH faster than walking but it's basically free.

I think that people just need to get back in touch with nature and animals. Especially when life feels so 'static' and plain. Work, TV, Video Games. I'm not saying that computers aren't fun and engaging but, how satisfying is it?

Doing things like gardening, yardwork, mowing, rototilling may not sound like fun but you definitely do get to reap what you sow. It's very engaging and it's physical work that personally feels good (both emotionally and physically).

Friend, first of all, you are so young. I'm 36, still pretty young and you are only half my age! :)

You are SO young. Life will get better. The teenage years are ROUGH. I remember how difficult mine were. Your brain doesn't even fully form until age 25.

First off, your health. You can start losing weight slowly by simply eating less food. Spread your eating out over the day rather than eating all at once. Try to walk every day for a few minutes. Then build your way up to 30 minutes a day. This will help you feel better. Eventually, you could play a sport or swim. You can do this for life.

Second, get this classic book. I don't know if you can get Amazon.com in your country, but you could try your local library.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=feeling+good+by+dr.+david+burns&qid=1555549845&s=gateway&sr=8-1

I wish I read this book when I was a teenager. It will help change your outlook. It's a bestselling legend in America.

Now, onto friends. Try to pick a hobby that you like and find people that like doing it. When you talk to people, ask them about their interests. Try to get to know them rather than only talking about yourself.

I highly recommend you join a Church in your town. Make friends with the pastor or Priest. Most Churches have youth groups you can join. I joined a young men's group at my Church and made 3 new friends in a year.

Further, try to meditate each day. You can listen to ocean sounds on YouTube. This will help change your brain and calm you down.

Just take life day by day, live in the present moment and focus on that.

In summary, try to do these 5 things every day:

1.) Write some goals and work a little bit to achieve them day by day

2.) Exercise

3.) Eat less

4.) Live in the present moment

5.) Pray and join a Church

Try these suggestions and I guarantee you will be doing better by the autumn season. Let me know how it goes.

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist. I merely have an interest and am currently studying for a degree in a related field.


I found a "fake it till you make it" approach somewhat helpful. If you take it in baby steps, just putting it on a bit, consciously thinking about body language or how you speak, or what to say. If you feel yourself burning out, just take your foot off the gas a bit, both in the present moment and in the long term, because if you push too hard too fast then you'll end up having a bad night or an identity crisis. It will take time, it will feel like work and it may not even help you honestly, but it may be worth it in the long run if this is something that is bothering you.


In psychology there are 5 fundamental factors of personality, one of which is extroversion. While informally used to mean socially outgoing, extroversion is more accurately understood as how strongly someone feels positive emotion. While this does mean that extroverts are generally more social and outgoing (because the rewards are more worth it for the effort put in/ risk taken) how someone places on the introvert/extrovert spectrum, or any other 5 factor spectrum can be expressed in many different ways.


From what you say it sounds like you are quite introverted and possibly somewhat neurotic (another of the 5 factors) as well. introverted people tend to struggle to connect with others at first, but will form more long lasting relationships in the long run. I find that understanding where you lie on these spectra can be helpful in making you more comfortable with yourself and how you behave and view the world. Everybody loves extroverts because they're more fun at parties, but the world would be a very different and much worse place without people on the other side of the spectrum.


If you want to know more about this, I highly recommend Personality by Daniel Nettle (Amazon link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Personality-makes-Oxford-Landmark-Science/dp/0199211434 ) He explains in a clear and easily understandable way where the 5 personality factors come from and goes through how where you lie on the scale may affect you. Most importantly though, as he says himself, the aim of the book is to help people understand that they can't change where they lie on these scales (and that in all but the most extreme cases, they shouldn't want to) but that you can change how you express your fundamental personality type in order to be happy and content with yourself.

I know this might sound like a sarcastic response but: "No more mr. nice guy" Some of this advice was good and some was hopelessly out dated.

The important thing is that you must learn to pursue your own interests and be your own person, Respect women and try to understand their world experience and how it differs from yours, and do not make 'covert contracts' with women in your head. Example: 'If I'm nice to women, Women will want to hang around and eventually sleep with me.' One of the biggest hallmarks of the 'nice guy' is he's nice when he expects something in return for that niceness, and then becomes an asshole when that doesn't work out. Because that's not how people work. Attention from women isn't payment for being nice, and if you set yourself up with expectations like that You're going to be disappointed and frustrated, and that leads to asshole-ish behavior. Never take a woman's lack of interest in you personally. It's just how it is, and eventually you find women who will be into you if you just keep on being you.

After that, it's all just basic etiquette and learning social conventions. All relationships between people are proportional. Don't ever rush them because you like someone, basically don't be too nice. Don't insist on being allowed to be nice. Don't pay for girls stuff, don't insist on carrying their bags, Don't insist on fixing the squeaky door on your neighbors apartment down the hall. Insistently being nice comes off as creepy because women are keyed up to think you expect something in return, and if you're honest with yourself you probably are expecting something in return.

A whole generation of misguided moms trained a lot of young men that if they're 'nice' to girls they'll find a girlfriend. And that was terrible advice.

That's all assuming that the person who called you a 'nice guy' was serious and not just using it as a generic insult.

The feelings / behavior you're describing is classic introvert stuff.

There's a really common misconception that introverted means shy or socially awkward or anti-social, but it's really not that way at all. Introverts can be, and often are, more social than extroverts.. it's just that we're wired differently and will have more aptitude for socialising in different formats than todays popular customs.

There's loads of books which I'm sure you'd find invaluable, but /r/introvert is probably a better place to start.. the discussion there might be a little intense for the moment but I think you will find the sidebar full of useful interesting stuff.

Reading the book I linked above was a particularly enjoyable experience for me. It basically made me a lot more comfortable in my own skin.. I don't mean less anxious or whatever.. I just mean that I realised I'd kindof been taught that certain desires (like a desire for solitude) was somehow wrong, but after learning more about what it means to be an introvert I learned to embrace that part of myself. It was very rewarding.

How much debt? Anyway, I'm with you - any amount is bad.

If she gets upset at you for giving good advice, I hate to say it but take it as a real cue about how long term your relationship is going to be - you're trying to help her and it doesn't sound like she respects your opinion, and it's not about a small insignificant thing. How she hands her money might affect you in the future because if you get married it will become your debt as well.

It also sounds like she feels like her options are limited and that piling on schooling will automatically result in success, regardless of the mound of debt that's accumulating. Maybe start by trying to talk to her about the motivation behind what she's doing, and where she things it is going to go. Sounds like she wants the easy path and doesn't admit to her failures.

On money, if it is the issue (I don't think it is) you might consider these books for her, which she could also take as a total slap in the face, but worth maybe a try:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310337429/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i2

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1937077594/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1937077977/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

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Also, consider attending Financial Peace University (https://www.financialpeace.com) together. Tell her it's something you're interested in, and you'd love it if she attended with you as a couple. I'm sure you'll hear plenty of other people talking about student loans and how they were saddled with debt. Maybe it would help her to hear from other people's stories.

Save all of the contacts he uses to try to reach you, but stop responding in any way whatsoever. Not even, "Don't contact me." You might want to change the outgoing message on your voicemail to be a computer voice, so calling you doesn't even let him hear your real voice. No response AT ALL. If you don't respond 20 times and then tell him to knock it off on the 21st, all you're telling him is that it takes 21 tries to reach you. Gavin deBecker's The Gift of Fear has a lot of good information for stalking victims.

I'd also suggest that you get an additional mobile phone if at all possible, and give the number only to your close friends and people you want to stay in contact with. Also set up new accounts on your services, but don't cancel your current accounts or your current phone number. That way, he will still think he has your best contact information and won't be motivated to try to ferret out your new info. Tell your friends, especially ones whose contact information is linked to yours on the social media apps he's targeted, that you have someone stalking you and ask them not to reveal any information about you to anyone who asks for any reason.

Also do report it to the police in your area, especially if he tries to contact you in person. Good luck. I hope he's a long way away from where you are!

Edit: Another thought on keeping your mobile phone. If you're not due for an upgrade yet, maybe you can get a cheap flip phone from your carrier and have them move the current number to that phone, and get you a new number for your current phone.

First of all, love the you that you are. This is how you are currently wired, accept that and accept yourself. This doesnt mean you dont make an effort to improve, it just means dont think you are 'broken' right now. Based on your description, it sounds like you could benefit from learning and practicing Stoicism. Look at this book and read the excerpts on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1551078323&sr=8-1&keywords=stoicism

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I want you to really focus on self love/self respect (the core of what it means to be confident and secure with yourself). We must understand that as humans we can NEVER be perfect, so therefore perfection should never be the benchmark for our worthiness. Learning from mistakes is the only way that we can evolve our souls. Feeling a lack of worthiness will only result in self sabotage. While feeling worthy and deserving will attract good circumstances and happiness.

You can do this because your life is sooooo with it :)

Hi!

No problem! I'm gonna hit you up with a few subs that might be helpful:

/r/personalfinance

/r/drupal

/r/web_design

/r/DesignJobs

/r/webdev

https://www.reddit.com/r/Wordpress/comments/3ht54z/how_do_you_guys_get_jobsmake_money/

https://www.reddit.com/r/drupal/comments/37logm/best_drupal_job_boards/ (Oh! LinkedIn might be a good place to look and promote yourself! Don't skip that one!)

If you're serious about web dev, you may want to look into these too:

https://alistapart.com/

https://abookapart.com/

https://stuffandnonsense.co.uk/books

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0321616952/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 (Start with this book, swear to $DEITY! Read that one religiously!)

Get a domain name, cheap hosting and build your own tiny website. Could be a blog, could be a small portfolio. Anything goes. For the sake of anonymity, I won't post mine. But here are some examples:

https://ma.tt/ (Dude who leads WordPress)

http://www.zeldman.com/ (Yup, the one from the book)

https://studio.zeldman.com/ (Prime example of a cool, one page website to promote yourself. Beware though, this is a complex example. You can get away with far more simpler designs)

https://sindresorhus.com/ (Like this one. This dude is a JavaScript god. You wanna follow him on Github. Don't have a github.com account yet? Shame. On. You. Get one!)

http://www.webchick.net/ (This is a Drupal leader. You wouldn't tell from her site, but she's an important person in the Drupal community.)

https://github.com/iRaul/awesome-portfolios Yeah, okay why bother. Someone did an Awesome list. :-)

About that cheap hosting: Github Pages. Check it out. It's totally free. Get a domain name on HostGator or something. Shouldn't cost more then 15$ a year.

Just, get yourself an on line presence.

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best of luck!

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Everyone else can help you figure out how to move jobs/locations etc, but maybe you need some advice on how to deal with the situation now?

Find purpose. Just like people have basic physical needs, like to sleep and eat and drink, we also have basic psychological needs and the need for meaning and purpose is the deepest driver of wellbeing there is. If you find meaning in what you do, you'll be happier. I highly recommend reading the book 'Man's Search for Meaning' - it will completely change your mindset and help you get through every day right now - you don't need to wait or change your job for happiness. It changed my life.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

It's short and easy to ready so give it go - read the reviews here too - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0807014273/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

No problem! You are right, the book is more geared toward men, but it is still a good book for women to read. I believe you will still get some value out of it. Another book I have heard of, but haven't read yet, is "The disease to please". It is written by a psychologist who was noticing the people pleasing syndrome in both men and women. It may be a good resource for you as well.

Regardless, what I have learned is it is a process and not just a quick and easy fix. You have taken the first step by identifying what your feelings are and how you would like to correct them. I wish you luck on your journey!

Patients who have been troubled by insomnia for many years sincerely tell you that it is best not to use a mobile phone before going to bed, and then listen to some soothing music.

A white noise sound that my friend bought for me, there are a lot of soothing sounds to help people relax their nerves.

I recommend it to you,

https://www.amazon.com/Non-Looping-Soothing-Settings-Switchable-Function/dp/B07MF1XS8T

I hope I can help you. Usually you can do some meditation during the day, and meditation will also help the nerves to relax.

Your surgeon should be able to answer your question on what to expect. What level of activity you'll be able to do. They may even be able to connect you with a home health care aid that can come check on you.

You can prep ahead of time. If you know you will be mostly confined to one room, set it up with everything you'll need.
Microwave and mini-fridge and you've got yourself a make-shift kitchen. Surround yourself with snacks.

Get a bed pan/urinal if you think you won't be able to make it the bathroom often.
Use a handheld bidet to clean yourself (https://www.amazon.ca/Brondell-GS-70-GoSpa-Travel-Bidet/dp/B008CSDKSQ?th=1&psc=1&source=googleshopping&locale=en-CA&tag=googcana-20&ref=pd_sl_5ufcnqqecz_e) or a facecloth and bowl of warm water and soap. This will save you from needing to shower and still leave you feeling fresh.

Maybe you are underestimating your friends. Don't be afraid to ask them for help. Hopefully they'll feel that if they are ever in that situation they can call on you for help, and the friendship will be that much stronger for it.

Congratulations on the great progress you've made so far. My husband has struggled with similar problems and I know it isn't easy.

My husband got a lot of benefit from a book called The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome.

You might think at first glance that it's not the book for you, you might not even consider yourself to be a "people-pleaser", but a lot of people who have been bullied do become people-pleasers as a way of 'keeping the peace' or trying to prevent any unpleasantness from occurring/escalating. But you need to learn how to cope with unpleasant situations, and to learn that they don't have to ruin your whole day. The book has some really good tips for this.

And, it sounds so cliche, but it will get much better with time and practice.

The other thing to do is to become more observant of how others behave. Try to do your own mini-analysis, e.g. What did that guy do when he completely stuffed up and let the other side win? He laughed, said sorry to his team mates, and congratulated the other side. I probably would have been mortified and want to leave straight away, but he was able to laugh it off. I should try that next time.

/r/socialskills + this book should help. To the extent that Social interaction is uncomfortable, /r/socialskills should help. But everybody has their limits in social settings, and there is nothing wrong with coming across as someone who lacks confidence. Instead of working with your girlfriend to change who she is, it would probably be helpful to accept and appreciate that most people--even those who are loud and proud--are not really good at communicating, and that the world has far too many good listeners.

This is a book you may find helpful. It has some religious overtones but that doesn’t make it less effective. Also, r/RaisedByNarcissists my be a sub you want to take a look at. They have a very supportive community and can offer great tips on how to deal with emotionally manipulative parents.