Best products from r/AmItheAsshole

XD There we go, jealous babe but a smart babe. He knows when you'll be without your kid and is excited for it. Kudos to Pidgey for figuring it out but he's definitely too strong about his mommy time.

Seeing the picture puts more context into it too, I swear, Siamese cats are a different creature sometimes!

Is the main issue the fact that he wakes you up too early or the attention? There are different options for both.

One, which may help the situation as a whole, is promoting plenty of time with both Pidgey and the baby. Hold the baby and play with Pidgey, use special toys, or offer special treats.

The more he associates your new babe with positivity the better. He'll begin to enjoy time when you're with the baby more (because more fun comes of it) and will feel that attention meter filling up. That's the first approach I would suggest. It will take time but it's a good, lasting, fix.

As your child grows let them be the one to set down the food for the cats, should problems persist. Positive reinforcement is the best thing to use with a cat, unlike a dog 'no' isn't often going to help. Not because they don't understand it but ANY attention is good attention to a cat.

The second option is to get a motion activated spray canister https://smile.amazon.com/PetSafe-Deterrent-Activated-Repellent-Environmentally/dp/B0721735K9/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1550332210&sr=8-3&keywords=motion+air+cat+deterrent A touch expensive but they should learn fast. The key here is that the can does the work, he doesn't see YOU giving the punishment. That means that the door becomes the bad place not you. Another key for training cats. You could also use a can of keyboard cleaner and spray it yourself but this would be more consistent and far enough away from the bed that it shouldn't bother baby.

Both options can be used in tandem as well for faster results but I always suggest going for one method at a time. That way, if there are any behavioral issues stemming from a fix you know which fix caused it.

I’m really sorry for what he’s put you through. You didn’t deserve to be lied to or disrespected. He definately left out A LOT of context by excluding his history of bad finacial choices.

I know this isn’t /r/ relationships but I’m going to give you the same advice that I’ve given to people over there: Date someone for who they are right now, not for who you hope they’ll turn into one day. Most people don’t make major changes in lifestyle, personality, or behavior. People only make big changes if they genuinly want to make a change for themsleves. They certainly don’t change just because someone else wants them to, not even a significant other. In other words: Don’t date a project!

If being more financially responsible and being honest was a priority for him than he would have taken steps to do those things by now. He hasn’t because they’re not priorities for him. And if he comes to you with promises of change now that you’ve broken up with him I can’t tell you wether or not they’re ones he’ll follow through on. You know him best. But don’t be surprised if you take him back and after a few weeks/months he gets comfortable and goes back to his previous behaviors.

> But I'm a total giver. ... I will buy them whatever they need. I love them. I help bc I don't want people to ever feel like I felt when I was a kid. This is a personality flaw. My ex owes me $1k, etc. I'm a sucker.

It sounds like you need to learn how to set and maintain boundaries with other people when it comes to money. Generosity is a virtue, but if you are being so generous that you are enabling other poor financial choices to the point thah its hurting your finances or mental/emotional wellbeing then it crosses the line into a problem. And yes, you were eneabling your BF, just like his mom does, by loaning him money whenever he runs out.

You need to learn how to say no to people- being a kind, generous person does not mean being a doormat. I’d encourage you to look into a few theraphy sessions to go over this issue (though I totally understand that not everyone can afford that). If that’s not an option the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life and it’s companion workbook are good reads (it has some religious undertones but the lessons on setting boundaries can apply to anyone).

Tynap- you sound like a kind, honest, hardworking, responsible woman who has her life together. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for a life partner who doesn’t live up to the standards you hold yourself to.

Part 2 to my post

-Riced Cauliflower (can be bought in bulk at Costco, or for a few bucks a bag)

-Feel free to buy normal white rice if you’re being economical, brown rice is better for you though iirc

-My Walmart sells these General Tso’s/Orange Chicken meals with Mac n Cheese/Mashed potatoes. I eat half the chicken with one of the sides. (Bout $4.50 each)

-Quaker Oats instant oatmeal Apple or Maple Brown Sugar. Pretty cheap, I eat two at a time for breakfast.

-Kodiak Cakes Frozen Pancakes w/Mrs. Butterworth's Sugar-Free Syrup. The waffles are good too.

Protein bars (Costco brand, $18 a box)

Notes: Don’t eat like you have to lose all the weight at once. Listen to your body and don’t starve yourself, you only want to lose a few pounds a week. There are 52 weeks in a year. PLENTY of time.

Protein bars can have a lot of sugar. Don’t pay attention to the “X GRAMS OF PROTEIN” stuff, pay attention to the sugar and calorie count. I like 1-2g of sugar and about 150 calories per bar.

I can get by eating pretty lean but that doesn’t mean it’ll work for you, or maybe what I do will be too much. If you’re hungry eat a protein bar or pasta. We all have different bodies. Really listen to the hunger and try to eat something small in between meals if you’re too hungry, or even before a meal by about an hour so you’re not ravenous come meal time.

If you’re ravenous in between meals, eat something more substantial than a pasta (like the chili or the chicken with riced cauliflower). Being ravenous means you’re probably way undershooting your calories.

DRINK WATER. DRINK WATER. DRINK WATER. I like this water bottle below. Sturdy, flip top, the company will send you free new lids if yours breaks but you have to be pretty rough with it to do that. Drink at least one full bottle between breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, and dinner and bed. 3-5 bottles a day, maybe more. It prevents you from being hungry as hell and is good for you. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TVO38F0/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

Supplements: Kirkland Signature Gummy Multi-vitamin, Kirkland Signature Calcium, Glucosamine (for joints), Now Foods Black Currant Oil (bought on Amazon for fat burning, proven to work pretty good in studies), NATROL Melatonin (for good sleep, again Costco has it).

Look, at the very least take a multi-vitamin. Again, Costco has them for a fair price. I eat the gummy ones! Adulting doesn’t have to suck! But it’s good to take at least the first three, and the other two as you feel if you need to or not.

So here’s the full rundown of my meals:

Breakfast: Two Oatmeals/4-6 Pancakes/4 Waffles

Lunch: Veggie Pasta/Chili/Chicken with Riced Cauliflower

Dinner: The same stuff as lunch or anything else I listed

Snack: Fit in between a meal if needed

Try to only do one snack/protein bar a day in between meals. You shouldn’t need one in between every meal but feel it out, the water should keep you pretty full though.

If you do a veggie pasta for lunch and dinner, you may need a third one after dinner. Again, listen to your body on this stuff but two pastas a day for your meals by themselves will be very little food and calories. Mix some of the broccoli or those chicken strips in there to pad it out a bit.

I don’t know how well-versed you or anyone reading this is in exercise so let me say, start out with what you can do. If you can walk or jog, get on a treadmill and try to either go for a distance or an amount of time. I started out running for five minutes intermittently and walking for twenty five. I would just keep upping the running as much as I could and the speed at which I was doing it if I could. Just try to do a little better each day!

Lastly, check the scale at most weekly. Daily checks don’t tell you shit. Weight fluctuates based on a ton of factors (like eating too much salt can cause you to retain water). If your weight isn’t moving week to week, you’re either eating too much or not exercising enough. If it’s moving in the right direction, keep at what you’re doing. If it isn’t moving then what you’re doing is not working.

Also, buy yourself an instant pot or a crock pot and look up some recipes! They’re made to help the lazy and busy people! Here are three sites to get you started:

https://tasty.co/article/hannahloewentheil/slow-cooker-dump-dinners

https://tasty.co/article/hannahloewentheil/fall-slow-cooker-recipes

https://tasty.co/article/hannahloewentheil/dump-dinner-recipes

Share this with anyone who needs it people!

Don't know where op lives, but here poop bags are mostly made out of bioplastic, which makes them even better, because better for the environment. So yes use poop bags for your not poop related needs, they are pretty fine.

P.S i found the pink heart design bags, they are pretty cute: https://www.amazon.com/Scented-Pet-Waste-Poop-Refills/dp/B07DHVDPY7/ (and yes biodegradable).

NTA!!! I'm the best baker in my family (can't cook to save my life, but my macarons are the shit), and I've had a copy of 'The Cake Mix Doctor' on my shelf for literal decades. Sometimes you don't have time for a 3-tiered wedding cake, or you don't have space, or it's a Tuesday, I dunno. But altering a box cake is just taking out the "boring" bits, like the salt, baking soda, etc, and leaving the fun stuff, like what you did. It's still baking, and it's still good, and Kudos on you for winning a prize for it!

​

For the curious out there:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761117199?tag=amz-mkt-chr-us-20&ascsubtag=1ba00-01000-a0049-win10-other-nomod-us000-pcomp-feature-scomp-wm-5&ref=aa_scomp

YTA, multiple times unfortunately.

​

I tried counting, but honestly (Insert Master Luke Meme Here), just about everything you have said was wrong. Basically, if you force your guests to take off their shoes to enter your house, you are assuming responsibility for them. Ain't nobody taking off their shoes unless they are asked/required to. How would someone know the risks associated with leaving shoes where the host told them to?

​

​

" if you have something valuable, you have to put it out of reach of a dog." " I told her that everyone knows dogs are pretty destructive. "

​

-Dude, if that's what you honestly think, you have either never met a "House Friendly" dog before, or you have a pretty skewed idea of what "House Friendly" entails. Did you rescue a junkyard dog or something?

​

​

" but who goes walking around wearing $500+ shoes?! "

​

-Just about anyone who is a professional. You are drastically out of touch here. Even construction boots are easily $200:

https://www.amazon.com/Thorogood-American-Heritage-MAXwear-Safety/dp/B00623DYVQ

​

​

"Listen, I'm really sorry that [Dogsname] chewed up your shoes, but I don't really think it's fair for me to have to pay you money for shoes that you didn't even buy. Maybe we can go shopping together soon and I'll help you pick out a new pair and I'll look for whatever coupons or deals are out there."

​

-Wow. Just wow. Your friend is obviously an angel in human form for not physically injuring you. I don't condone violence, but just thinking about someone saying this to me makes me cringe so bad that my fight or flight sense wants to take over. Specifically, it's the coupons part - That's just some icing on a multi-layered cringe cake.

​

​

" I just can't really afford to pay for shoes that expensive "

​

-Ahhhhhhhhh, the truth sets you freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You should have led with this. Your friend is obviously willing to compromise to save your friendship, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say it looks like you are actively working to screw her over like she's an abusive ex that cheated on you.

​

​

" Aaaand after that, she apparently sent our thread to the other girls and everyone has decided I'm some big monster and they no longer want to do the TV parties at my place."

​

It's not that you are a monster, it's that you are so completely clueless that this kind of thing will absolutely happen again. Personally, I'm struggling to understand the logic of someone who has their guests take their shoes off (This as itself bothers me, but that's a whole different thread), but then has a feral fucking animal in the house.

​

NTA. Whoo boy. I have been exactly where you are...it sucked. It sucked SO HARD. We didn't have the internet back then either (I'm old). I hope reading the comments in this thread has helped you know that a) you're NOT at fault here and b) you're in great company. I don't have any useful suggestions for you under your current circumstances (the people saying "play along until you're 18" are probably right, but I don't know if I could have so I can't ask you to, y'know?). I will recommend a book, though, either for once you're out of the house or if you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can hide a copy where your mom won't find it. It's called "Leaving the Fold" and it's a pretty fabulous psychological text/workbook for people who grew up in strict religious households and have suffered trauma as a result (which is absolutely a thing) (I'm glad to see that a few comments called your mom's behavior emotional abuse, because it is). Here's the link if you're interested. Best of luck!!! Hang in there. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BD5ILAW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

​

Edited to say: If links aren't allowed in this sub (I'm new), please let me know and I'll remove it. Thanks!

You're welcome! This is the one I have. It's probably the cheapest on Amazon, but it works great. Most days I wake up before the alarm starts going off thanks to the light.https://www.amazon.com/hOmeLabs-Sunrise-Alarm-Clock-Simulation/dp/B074NB5TNW


Also, you sound like a really sweet kid, and it's wonderful you care so much about your parents. I hope your sister grows out of this and appreciates having you around.

YTA, but well intentioned.

In the comments you said you’ve been gentle and supportive in the past. It’s hard to watch someone you care about stay and return to an abusive relationship, and I get why you snapped.

Sometimes the best way we can be a friend is to be straight with them. How you spoke to her was harsh and could have been better worded. However I don’t think you were wrong in calling her out and pointing out she was repeating an abusive pattern.

I would strongly recommend you get this book for yourself and one for your friend. Lots of very smart people get sucked into abusive relationships. It can happen to anybody, because it doesn’t happen overnight. People who abuse can be loving, charming, kind at times. If a person only caused pain nobody would be with them. By learning how to recognize red flags early and by listening to our instincts we can better protect ourselves.

You can call people out without putting them down. I think you should apologize for calling her stupid, but stick to your guns about how you feel and how you’ve seen this happen far too often. Sometimes we gotta be the canary in the coal mine for the people we love.

Good luck

​

1. Are you the asshole for trying to limit her visits to non-work, non-school nights? Absolutely not.
   
2. Nobody in this thread but you knows the extent of her true disabilities, save for you and are making assumptions based on feelings, not facts.
   
3. Have you asked your sister in law what her local school district said in response to her wanting to sign the daughter up for school?
   
4. Did the local school district say they could not take her? (It's illegal, but they do it all the time anyways.)
   
5. Does your sister in law know that your niece is legally entitled to "an education" even if the school district says no? (Most people don't know that even severely mentally disabled children are entitled to "an education" provided by the school district.)
   
6. Why does your sister in law stay with her 24 / 7? It sounds like your sister in law would like some time off too? Is this because your sister in law thinks she has no options?
   
7. Do you know the organizations in your area that help dealing with DS children?
   
8. Are there any?
   
9. How much do they cost?
   
10. Can your sister afford them?
    
11. People treat you the way you train them to treat you.
    
12. It is hard work to train people, whether they are children or adults.
    
13. You are criticizing your sister in law for spoiling her daughter, but you have been spoiling her mother the same amount.
    
14. Both take education and work to know how to deal with properly. What you are doing sounds extremely hypocritical to me. What have you done to learn how to train people how to treat you?
    
15. Are you the asshole for calling CPS, which is known to be a corrupt, incompetent organization? Absolutely.
    
16. Children and people don't come with instruction manuals. You do what you know how to do. Your sister in law is doing what she knows how to do.
    
17. You aren't going to do your family any good by creating a unrepairable rift in it.
    
18. Educate yourselves. This is by no means a comprehensive list that will solve all your problems, but the information in them is worth the read watch.
    
19. Some resources are:
    
20. Super Nanny
    
21. https://www.supernanny.co.uk
    
22. My favorite episode is the kid who wouldn't stay on the naughty seat and was put back dozens of times. Finely got the idea and was better than all the other kids after that.
    
23. Parent Effectiveness Training
    
24. https://www.gordontraining.com/parent-programs/parent-effectiveness-training-p-e-t/
    
25. Gordon Training also has Leadership Effectiveness Training based on the same principles.
    
26. Before you complain and say you don't want to spend money on a training program, Gordon's books are in every public library I have ever been in.
    
27. Gordon was the first psychologist to train children without spanking. Most of the rest of the child rearing theories are based on his.
    
28. Happiest Baby on the Block
    
29. https://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Harvey-Karp/dp/0553381466
    
30. Now this one's title says it is for babies, but I have found that it works for people of all ages and I do mean all ages, adults included. When you are upset, what do you do?
    
    1. Turn on some non-aggravating noise or music (Shush)
       
    2. Wrap yourself up in a blanket (Swaddle),
       
    3. Turn on your side and put yourself in a fetal position (Side),
       
    4. Rock yourself (Swing), and
       
    5. Drink warm tea? (Suckle).
       
31. There are tons of self-help books and videos in your local public library and on YouTube. Get recommendations and dig into them. And ffs don't just read / watch, do them, the way they are supposed to be done. Patience and Consistency is key in dealing with people.
    
32. P.S. Try the Happiest Baby thing on your niece when she is upset. It works in about 30 seconds for babies.
    
33. Oh and there is supposed to be someone with a great potty training system out there, sorry don't have the name or the link for that. You will have to research that.

It sounds like you and your wife both use acts of service to say 'I love you', which can translate into unintentionally parenting behavior (especially when you have (three!) babies in the house. You both should read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts to better understand the way you each communicate with each other.

You may also find it helpful if you consider that she's not mothering you out of pity or the belief that you are incapable of adulting. Like someone already said, it's incredibly difficult to turn off 'parent mode', especially if taking care is her love language. When you get frustrated, remember that it's the two of you against the problem, not you against her.

In my experience, it really makes a difference to be clear about how you are feeling in situations like this instead of focusing on the other person's actions. You might want to take a breath and gently say, "I'm frustrated right now because I want to pull my share of the weight, and I feel like you are taking on too much. I love you and appreciate how much you do. Please let me do this so we can divvy up the work more evenly." This shifts the focus to how you feel about the situation instead of placing blame/attacking the other person (not your intent but she may have felt that way), reminds her that you are a team, and that you love her which is always nice to hear.

NTA from what I've read here.

A few comments.
> I feel really bad but I really don't have any other solution for this

you can truly turn temporary defeat or negative circumstances into opportunities of an equivalent benefit with enough inventiveness.

> given how she surprised me with this trip out of nowhere, I don't even know what to do....

you can find books on subjects like this. not to offend but Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents might be worth a read, and in all earnest I might need it more.

anyhow, you're NTA but it's probably also important to recognize that this loomed enormous in her life given she was in a rehab facility, she was probably scheming of ways to connect.

"It's harder to be kind than to be clever" is something Jeff Bezos, the richest man alive cited as a defining piece of advice given to him in his life. I think it's true, and it's especially true of children with troubled parents.

NTA you are not an asshole.

Lots, maybe most, parents feel this way. Don't feel bad about it. However...it might be wise to read some psychology books about the teenage mind...to understand why so many people here are saying that teenagers need privacy and solitude.

.

She might be wanting to keep paper journals, but can't be true to herself in her writings, if she knows there is a risk that her parents or siblings might find it and read it. Journaling can be a very healthy tool for a teenager. Sometimes paper helps one think in ways that a password protected word document does not.

.

Truth is you could make her appreciate how lucky she is to even have her own room, let alone one with a door on it. There were times in my teens, when my door was not a door, but rather a doorway. My father had removed the door after I broke it one day (it was a cheap plywood makeshift door to begin with). So I went months before he got around to fixing me new one. I actually nailed a blanket up over the doorway at one point....What I am saying is that you could make her appreciate having had a door, by removing the door entirely, and just giving her one of those changing curtains that people used to use in the early 1900s, and still use in Japan. ie: https://www.amazon.com/Legacy-Decor-4-Panel-Blossom-Divider/dp/B0062CEMPY/ref=sr_1_8?camp=1789&creative=9325&keywords=privacy+screen&linkCode=ur2&qid=1564416150&s=home-garden&sr=1-8

This would likely cause a big rift between the two of you though, as she would want to rebel more, do drugs more to escape, and may even grow to hate you. This is reality. You can't have your cake and eat it too. When you impose restrictions on another sentient mentally competent human being, they will feel as though their freedom is being tread on. Rebellion will become inevitable. You can try to restrict her and micromanage her or you can try to empower her and support her, and let her live her life. The control is no longer in your hands, and it shouldn't be. One person should not control another.

.

Some of us only feel as though we can let our guard down, and relax all tenseness of our minds, when we know that no one's eyes are upon us. Knowing that no one will barge in (here is where the lock comes into play)...is a confidence that affords us comfort to do things like experimenting with our clothing, dancing unjudged, exploring our sexuality, journaling, building shrines of the guy we have a crush on at school (just kidding).

,

During high school, as you might vaguely remember (I'm not calling you old, I'm not young anymore either)...well highschool is just a pressure pressure everywhere sort of thing, of constantly feeling like you are being judged from the left and from the right. So much so that teens...they get this mentality of....a sort of continuous fear of being judged...so their desire for a lock on their door can indeed be a sincere rational hope for a little fortress of solitude in their havoc highschool world. A place where they can feel that no one, not even their parents or siblings, will see and thus judge. A parent may not intend to judge, but that does not free the teen from the reality, that they will feel judged.

.

Yes, it is possible, that she wants a lock, so that she can stash drugs. However, if a teen wants to do drugs, they will find a way. Whether behind a locked door in the safety of her home....or at a boyfriend's house...where she can be taken advantage of when her mind is off-key because of a drug.

.

>https://www.amazon.com/CHICTRY-Metallic-Wrestling-Bodysuit-Swimsuit/dp/B07DN5ZCDT

Yeah, The one time I had a bf buy me clothing, it was super comfy leggings and shirts that were my style and he asked his friend of a similar height who had similar tastes to go with him to test sizes. I can honestly say tha it was the absolute best birthday gift I ever got from a boy. It showed how much he knw about my style and comfort level.

NTA


Find a nice barber shop with a nice barber. Explain your point and, most likely, he/she will emphasise with you and give you a 15-min buzz-cut for the same price as a man's hair cut.

​

Shit. If I lived near you I'd cut your hair for fucking free. From what you describe, you prolly use a #1 in the sides and something longer on top, with a nice fade in-between at your hear crown (like this https://proxy.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi2.wp.com%2Ftherighthairstyles.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F06%2F10-shaved-cut-for-girls.jpg%3Fresize%3D500%252C500%26ssl%3D1&f=1 but without the fade to zero). That take literally 15 minutes to do.


Alternatively, get a nice trimmer from Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Performance-Clippers-stainless-Professionals-79602/dp/B00UKVNSLC/ref=sxin_4_osp62-2e005ed8_cov) and learn to trim your hair yourself (what I do). There are some good tutorials (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abgC8dC5a18) out there and with practice you can save tons of $$$/month.

NAH - pregnancy is hard for everyone involved. I spent many nights sleeping in on the edge of our full sized bed during our first pregnancy, but it didn't adversely effect my sleep so it's not fair to judge. If you can't sleep like that then it's perfectly fine to sleep on the couch, but you should still cuddle and spend time with your partner.
The vomiting is another issue. She's past her first trimester, so it should be getting better, but there are some things you can do to help prevent it. B-6 and doxylamine work for my wife. Also, they make bags that are easier to throw up in and can be kept in convenient locations. 50 Pack Emesis Bag, Disposable Vomit Bags, Aircraft & Car Sickness Bag, Nausea Bags for Travel Motion Sickness https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_jm-MDbBE02SF5

I don't think you're an asshole at all—you modified plans quite a bit to accommodate their needs even when it seriously inconvenienced you. But you desperately need to set up more defined boundaries, because you're letting yourself get walked all over. To me, these people have shown that they are not good friends to you: they are selfish and unthinking, and they're unwilling to compromise or admit that they were wrong. Tim in particular really grates on me, because he didn't apologize in the slightest for your inconvenience. You deserve friends who are excited to spend time with you, and who are willing to compromise. In an ideal world, friendships are reciprocal: both parties are equally invested and equally supportive to one another.

In this situation in particular, though, you are not going to get an apology. Tim doesn't think he did anything wrong, and seems to have had the intention of changing the plans when he first agreed to them (maliciously disingenuous). I suggest that you to cut all ties with Tim and his fiancée if you can, because this inclination to deceive (and use) you is likely to get worse. You may be able to keep a casual acquaintanceship with them if you really want to, but I don't see that they're acting like your friends at all.

Back to the boundaries for this particular situation: when you begin making plans that you don't feel comfortable with (or when you're conceding out of obligation instead of joy), that needs to be your limit. Whether that was when he wasn't willing to discuss a shorter trip (what my limit would've been), or if it was when he said they'd leave to pick you up around 10pm (what it sounds like your breaking point was), that was the time to make a choice: either you drive separately, and you can stay one night (they do their own thing, and y'all just meet up for dinner/ the concert); you cancel the trip; or offer to go together in the morning and stay afterward. When you conceded to their plan, you gave of your time and your mental health, but you gave under compulsion and not joy. That breaking of boundary is your responsibility—it's only healthy to give what you can, even if someone asks for more (because there will always be selfish people). Your boundaries are yours to take care of, and when you make compromises like this situation, it's harmful to everyone involved and to your relationship.

If you want to be more intentional with your boundaries, I strongly recommend this book.

Kick her ass out. It's your house, and you have every right to say who can and cannot stay in your home. Additionally, I feel like you need to set clear boundaries with your sister, for some reason she feels like she has the power to tell you what to do in your house. I recommend this book, it deals with boundaries around family relationships: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454, best of luck friend.

NAH - You're clearly not the asshole. However, rather than calling your husband the asshole, I think this may just be mismatched expectations and ways of expressing yourselves. Specifically, check out the concept of the 5 Love Languages (https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X). You don't need to buy the book, as there are articles out there that explain it well enough. The 5 are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Considering the amount of effort you put into gifts/party for him, it might be because gifts/acts of service are important ways you show him love, so when they're not returned in that way, you're hurt. He might be showing you love in other ways that are more important to him.

If they're these poop bags, they are adorable and perfectly appropriate for a girl's birthday party gift bag. They are just sheer plastic bags.

Pink Hearts Pet Poop Bags

It seems that the mom has some self-esteem problems that are exacerbated by perceived competition with, or a desire to measure up to the other moms. She needs to refocus her attention on what matters: her relationship with her spouse and daughter, and what their own family values are.

Sometimes the people who present the most controlled version of their lives are actually the most unhappy. The moms with the perfect birthday parties may be on the verge of divorce, or suffering from depression, or dreadfully unhappy. Every family has some sort of challenges. We don't all live in a magical, perfect world.

NTA. Still, you should invite him over, apologize for not wearing the dress, and say you want to go out for a night on the town. And to show how much you love your gift, give him this to wear himself:

https://www.amazon.com/CHICTRY-Metallic-Wrestling-Bodysuit-Swimsuit/dp/B07DN5ZCDT

I wanna add! Buy emesis bags! Like in the hospital! They’re awesome!!!

50 Pack Emesis Bag, Disposable Vomit Bags, Aircraft & Car Sickness Bag, Nausea Bags for Travel Motion Sickness https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_0EyBDbH06B0TA


Added: have youse tried Zofran?

What is it about weddings that makes people into such entitled assholes?

You're NTA, OP, in the strongest possible terms.

My mom did the exact same thing, down to the literal tantrum, before my wedding, and I wish I'd put my foot down and stuck with my original "no". It's tough, because it is just a day, and having my cousin there didn't ruin my wedding or my memories of it, but my mom's behavior certainly tainted the day and our relationship from that point on.

Your mom's not going to change, and you have to decide if this is the hill you want to die on, but you are most assuredly NTA if you go through with it.

(This book helped me a lot. You may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists as well for coping strategies.)

NTA Booksafe. ship it to a safe place for pickup and leave things for mom to "find" in the room still or she'll get suspicious.

​

my mom gives no privacy.

I once forgot the lock code and had to take my safe to a welder to cut open. got a. replacement. best money I ever spent

​

https://www.amazon.ca/Diversion-Storage-Dictionary-Security-Combination/dp/B07KZBMFLD/ref=asc_df_B07KZBMFLD/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=337402345892&hvpos=1o3&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3386011002811733141&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9000807&hvtargid=pla-759743169320&psc=1

Definitely not the asshole.

Please read this book: The Gift of Fear

Yes, like some of these...
50 Pack Emesis Bag, Disposable Vomit Bags, Aircraft & Car Sickness Bag, Nausea Bags for Travel Motion Sickness https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ArwBDbKGQTKDH

Unfortunately, it's not gonna stick. I read a good book recently, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and one of the take-aways for me is that my parents are not going to change, and expecting them to will invariably lead to disappointment (best case) or me experiencing more toxic behaviour (worst case).

I have maintained a marginal relationship with my parents, haven't cut them off completely, but whenever I talk to them now, I never expect them to be better than they are.

You can easily buy reuseable Nespresso pods on amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Nespresso-Capsules-Refillable-OriginalLine/dp/B00WOWZ74Qhttps://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Nespresso-Capsules-Refillable-OriginalLine/dp/B00WOWZ74Q ).

> such a thing as gut instinct

I think the book The Gift Of Fear goes over this.

EAH. She’s pregnant and you’re getting butt hurt that she doesn’t give you enough room in the bed. She found a pillow that makes her comfortable enough to sleep- that’s awesome, a lot of pregnant women are unable to. I’m sure you two can find a temporary solution where you both can sleep during pregnancy. You sleeping on the couch doesn’t have to be reactive to a fight- it can just be that you both are honoring that sleep is important for both of you. As far as her puking goes, she should of figured out a way to not vomit everywhere by now. I know it’s tricky with pregnancy bc it’s uncertain when the continuous nausea will actually lead to vomiting, it can escalate so fast. I recommend getting emesis bags- you put them right up to your mouth, so she can’t miss, and you can leave them all over the house, so she really can’t miss.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_MM9MDbGZNAQQJ

We use these in our hospital. I've used these and they work. It's also small enough to fit in a pocket/purse. NAH. Not everyone can handle bodily fluids. 50 Pack Emesis Bag, Disposable Vomit Bags, Aircraft & Car Sickness Bag, Nausea Bags for Travel Motion Sickness https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_r5JBDbEM3DK6W

I used these for car rides during the first half if my pregnancies...

50 Pack Emesis Bag, Disposable Vomit Bags, Aircraft & Car Sickness Bag, Nausea Bags for Travel Motion Sickness https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075M3RKK6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_HPABDb7GC4SPP