(Part 2) Best products from r/Anger

The post got removed but I just wanted to reply to this last comment you made in case you come back to see it. What I would advise is just try not to be perfect. Just be yourself. What makes you feel good. It can be anything. Especially related to fashion, the places you hang out, the people you choose to be with.

Please note you didn't really get donwvoted here. You can go off on people in r/rant, r/angry (not anger) or r/offmychest all day. But this sub we really try to dig in and help people with anger management.

We can work ourselves up into an existential crisis over almost anything. Please realize you are not in a worst case scenario and other people don't wake up in the morning intent on ruining your day. So go easy on yourself and on everyone else. Spewing hatred at people will not foster peace. The transgender community is in the spotlight right now and it's basically being treated as the red-headed step-child of the world. So you need to seek out calm people for advice, people who have already been through it and aren't in the throws of figuring out who they are right now. Seek wisdom not opinions.

I used to hang out in punk clubs, gay bars, goth clubs and basically what most people would consider the worst dive bars in town because i was really low but found I could talk to other people who felt like outcasts out there. I didn't have any commonality with most people. But I started seeing people who dressed as weird as humanly possible because it made them feel like they were expressing themselves. It was a circus but it's a beautiful circus to those who appreciate it.

Even physically ugly people find love. We know this for a fact just people-watching on Saturday nights.
But thank God, right? If not, half of us would never find mates. We don't get to choose what we look like. We can alter it but only so much. Do what you would want to do anyway in life and the right people will come along. Gratitude, compassion, forgiveness will attract what you want.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are kind to people and give them a chance they might have an easier job seeing the beauty in you. So omit those bad words and harsh feelings toward any specific group of people. They didn't help you. If something's not doing you any good, stop doing it. But don't lash out at them like it's their fault. When we know we have a hard problem on our hands, we have to work extra hard and find what heals us by ourselves. The power to choose your life is in your own hands. Take the wheel.

I suggest you find a counselor/therapist who deals with what you're dealing with. There are a lot out there that are well versed specifically in things like gender identity, body dysmorphia and conditions we don't even have names for yet. Shop around a bit to find the one that you connect with and offers suggestions that help you. Keep a journal and write your thoughts in it so you can go back and evaluate it and see if it's really true or if you're being negative. Having a journal gives you something to immediately go to and stay on track when you have a therapist as well. Also, you should just read. Read and read and read. Until you're kind of done. And then write. Write about what your experience has been. Being positive takes work, it doesn't just fall in our lap.

Movies are good too. Movies, movies, movies. Find movies that make you feel better and then ask yourself why they make you feel better.

It was twenty years ago and I'm not hip or that daring anymore. But I found my circus. Find your circus.

Hope you can feel better soon.

Awesome self-awareness and an important first step toward greater overall peace and contentment. But you probably don't have to look anywhere for happiness, though growth and change are likely to be part of the process. I enjoyed A New Earth and it was a very popular framing of the sort of inner work that goes into overcoming many of our misconceptions about who we are and what's really important. All the best with your process!

I have only recently come to the same realization about myself, so my perspective may be of limited use, but I think you may benefit from a book I’ve started reading - Why Do I Do That?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009PA63YI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

I have really struggled to gain anything of value from most popular self-help books because of their almost sole reliance on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which takes a very shallow approach to anger and other emotional problems. It doesn’t look at the root cause and fails to address the role of the subconscious.

What we are both engaging in is a very powerful defense mechanism. Defense mechanisms are unfortunately Freud’s bread and butter, not CBT’s. I need to figure out why I started doing this in order to stop, why it feels unsafe or unacceptable to be angry at other people while I am fair game for my wrath. No amount of meditation, gratitude journaling, or positive affirmations is going to to fix a defense mechanism that was so entrenched that it was invisible to me for most of my life. I suspect that this may also be true for you.

It’s cheap and Amazon provides a sample, so give it a spin. So far, the book has steered clear of Freud’s more outlandish and flashy theories to focus on the ones that survived the test of time - defense mechanisms.

There is a lot going on here. But hang in there, I have a feeling that it will all turn out ok!


First of all, without being able to diagnose your mom, she seems like having huge anxiety issues. You seem ready to go NC with her (no communications). That might help. If there are a lot more going on with your mom, you might want to check r/raisedbynarcissists. They have tips to handle parents that are controlling and toxic.


Next, your anger. I just posted a reply to someone else, that you might want to check out:


https://www.reddit.com/r/Anger/comments/am05at/satisfaction/efid6ei?utm_source=reddit-android


There is also a sticky on anger in this sub:


https://www.reddit.com/r/Anger/comments/8fjgtz/some_practical_advice_for_dealing_with_an_anger/?utm_source=reddit-android


Lastly, you mention anxiety. Do you know what kind of anxiety you have? Have you been diagnosed formally?


Moving places, living in your car, and of course your mom's behavior can take a huge toll on your mental health. If you like to read, you can learn a lot about this condition and how to get better. Meditation, exercise, healthy living, etc. Some of these books are really amazing and can help a lot.



The Worry Trick: How Your Brain Tricks You into Expecting the Worst and What You Can Do About It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0197SJP0G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_V.bvCbV7ZY5H9


Short and results-based based



Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0158S7E1G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_EacvCb8797JJ2


Centered around a method to stop panic attacks and reduce anxiety



The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook 


https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1626252157/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_1626252157


Very complete. Covers all the aspects, explains what happened in the body, and detailed ways to get better (meditation, medications, etc.)


I like the last one a lot. It's really a all-in-one approach. 18 bucks is like a a fifth of the price of a therapist appointment... Well worth the money overall lifetime. 


There are also subs on those that can help.


Good luck!