Best products from r/AsianParentStories

We found 23 comments on r/AsianParentStories discussing the most recommended products. We ran sentiment analysis on each of these comments to determine how redditors feel about different products. We found 25 products and ranked them based on the amount of positive reactions they received. Here are the top 20.

Top comments mentioning products on r/AsianParentStories:

u/Exomianne · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

I know this doesn't directly address your questions, but I think that this information might be more useful, since you're thinking about your "parenting" skill.

First of all, I don't think you should be on a subreddit where people share stories about parents for actual parenting advice. Parenting styles, and their effects, is an active field of research and there are some evidence-based resources. In particular, I would recommend the Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self Control. If you don't want to read the whole thing, skip to the last chapter for steps to implement these practices. A great counterpoint to Amy Chua is Angela Duckworth, who is also Chinese-American, raised by strict immigrant parents. In particular, Duckworth is a psychologist who has studied resilience in children, so she is actually qualified to comment on parenting from the perspective of a researcher, as well as a parent (in contrast, Chua is a lawyer). Some of Duckworth's early research is in the Marshmallow Test, but she also wrote Grit: the Power of Passion and Perseverence. If you're just interested in a very simplified description of parenting styles, here's a nice webpage from Vanderbilt University, but there are multiple sources online. I would recommend sticking to websites affiliated with universities and medical organizations for advice.

In particular, the American Psychological Association has written about "tiger" parenting:

> Tiger parenting is a little different than authoritarian parenting in that tiger parenting includes high levels of negative parenting (e.g., strict rules) and high levels of positive parenting (e.g., warmth and support)...

> Using samples of Hmong, Chinese, and Korean American parents all aimed at testing the new theory of “tiger parenting.” ... Overall, these studies showed that parenting in each of these cultures is a mix of power-assertive type parenting and supportive parenting. The purely power-assertive type of parenting described in Chua's book was not common.

In other words, Chua's self-described definition of "tiger" parenting is considered "purely power-assertive" and actually quite rare among Chinese Americans and Asian-Americans in general.

> Although there is a popular perception that the secret behind the academic success of Asian American children is the prevalence of “tiger moms” like Amy Chua, we found that children with tiger parents actually had a lower GPA than children with supportive parents. In fact, children with supportive parents show the highest GPA, the best socio-emotional adjustment, the least amount of alienation from parents, and the strongest sense of family obligation among the four parenting profiles. Thus, our findings debunk the myths about the merits of tiger parenting.

u/rhymeswithugme · 7 pointsr/AsianParentStories

I highly recommend you read a book called Toxic Parents. One story that resonated with me was this story about a women, raised by born again Christians, that got an abortion. She spent years and years trying to get her parents to accept her but one day she had to accept something herself. Her parents might love her but they did not know how to love her. To love someone, you can't just have the "feeling" of love. Your actions, your spoken words, your intentions, have to all be aligned. They can't just respect you whenever they feel like respecting you, that is not love. They can't say its for your own good and make you believe that when you don't. That is not love. It was very heart breaking for this women to finally come to conclusion that her, very own parents, can be verbally and emotionally abusive. And I am sorry to say your parents are emotionally abusive too. Mine was too. But the sooner we break away from them the sooner we can live our own lives. At 24, I still feel like a kid, mainly because I feel like I need my parents approval. I am getting better at being my own man every single day and the sooner you break away from them emotionally the sooner you will be happy. They will never change and its ok because that does not matter. You are your own person and you should not take what they say personally, it does not apply to you.

u/Wingless-swallow · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

Giving you a big virtual hug. I am really happy that it was helpful to you.

Psych professor! Way to go girl! As a psychology student myself, I'll say that you have an exciting road ahead of you. You definitely have what it takes to be a good psychology professor (introspection (analyzing your problems), acknowledgement of environmental influences on behavior, perceptiveness (analyzing your parents' behavior and anticipating their actions (well, anticipating behavior is a very important part in psychology)).

Also, you know what, while studying, I realized that my experiences with mental problems do personally help me have a better understanding of what others go through and while I am still annoyed with them some times, I now consider them my assets, aces in the sleeves. Also, you know what? Going to therapy can give you a head start : you have a better understanding of what your clients go through and one of my teachers said that some supervisors recommend future therapists to go through therapy themselves for at least a session. You can read up on cognitive behavioral therapy and aaron beck.

If you want a head start, I recommend you those books : (read the chapters on cognitive abilities, sexuality and relationships) (read the chapter on mentl and physical health)

As you may have guessed, those are my class textbooks. You can find those books as free online pdf or in the library of most universities. I absolutely LOVED reading through Lifespan development, and Powell's book on learning psychology, I cackled and snorted my way through reading page after page after page that exposed the ignorance of "my parents", and the inefficiency/negative effects of their practices. Just by assimilating that knowledge, it made me feel optimistic that I have the potential to be a way better person than my abusers. As for the last two books, they demolished with merciless uppercuts and hooks the sexist stereotypes of "my culture", they showed data explaining why those stereotypes are baseless and harmful. It was very healing and satisfying to read the books on gender difference, and it was a joy trip for me to read them while listening to the soundtrack of Sense8 and sipping an ice cold beer. It made me feel freed and in complete awe in front of a bigger world that is not limited anymore by "my family's" close mindedness.

u/misunderstandingly · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

try reading some of the ideas over on /r/theredpill/ about finding inner strength and how that attracts people and earns their respect. By the very act of seeking approval you are demonstrating that you are weaker than the dad and hence you are really not worthy of his respect. Why should he be happy that his daughter has a BF that is weaker than he; subconsciously it's a step down.

You are taking my posts very constructively - not sure I would have been so receptive at your age - I (white guy) with Chinese FIL and Japanese MIL was where you are now. My inlaws only respected me when I finally stood up to them and stopped trying to placate them. Now they know that at our house it is our rules, they respect it and give deference.

"Respecting elders" exists in all cultures. Very strong in asian of course. I don't buy it. It's a cultural structure designed to even the playing field between the old and the young. When you yourself are old will you inherently have more "worth" than now? Respect is exclusively to be earned. Any person, institution, industry, government, etc... that expects respect based on an intellectual construct rather than actual actions is immediately very suspect.

Final thought - maybe challenge yourself by reading this book.

I sincerely hope you have a happy and wonderful life.

u/riceonwhite · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

I'm a big fan of tea for parents. If they are tea drinkers. It speaks to your culture, it stays forever, something they can use everyday.

Definitely want to get something nice though. Loose leaf, new crop. Not everyone is a fan of Pu er. I would go with a nice oolong or greentea. Taiwan high mountain tea is excellent 高山茶. It's really sweet and mild. Prices are around $30, a little more expensive for prize winning teas, etc. You can find a bunch of listings on amazon

Plus they come vacuum sealed in really lovely tins.

Good Luck!

u/HallyPotter · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

LoL - thanks for the recognition. I've been joking the last two years with my bosses and supervisors to buy me a gift for Administrative Professionals Day and even suggested this mug:

LOL I was just kidding of course, but found the concept absolutely hilarious- it's just my sense of humor.

That being said though, my Asian mom doesn't really think very highly of my job title because of how "little" money I make. I am proud of how much I can get done though and when I "got out into the real world," I realized that my childhood upbringing only made me feel stupid when years later - I now see that I've trained 6 people and I don't feel so stupid any more. I was very sheltered and was given a serious misconception throughout the time I lived at home.

Hopefully your parents are proud of your work at the very least. I think the best way to cope with not being too happy in your work field is by making sure to find a good work-life balance.

u/Freitag38193 · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

I came across this engaging TED talk from a researcher named Brene Brown that talks about the power of vulnerability. I think you might find it insightful.

She also wrote a bunch of good books that I think will really speak to your current situation. Take a look at them and once you get to Montreal/Toronto or if you have a Kindle app on your phone/tablet, take the first step to self-improvement by reading lots of books like these (including suggestions above). Ebooks from Amazon are quite affordable so there's no excuse not to start a reading list for changing your mindset and improving your quality of life. If you want to go free, there's r/freeEBOOKS too if you want to look around.

It looks pretty obvious right now, but a lot of people in this sub believe in you, myself included. Take one of those jobs and take that big step to a new life. Use your meds as a crutch for the time being and I'm sure things will improve. You'll have to give it time.

EDIT: Links

u/oddlysmurf · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

So far, I’ve found Dan Neuharth’s
“If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World” to be pretty useful. I got the Kindle version on Amazon:

u/ReasonReader · 1 pointr/AsianParentStories

Buy a copy of this book.

Get a job. If you like your job, try to move up in that line of work. If you don't like your job, look around for other opportunities.

That hundred grand is a sunk cost. What matters is what you do now, with the skills and knowledge that you have, and what you can do in the future with the skills you can gain.

u/throwaway-person · 1 pointr/AsianParentStories

This is a lot more common than you might think, including outside of Asian families. r/cptsd was a massive help to me in figuring out my issues, I hope it can help you too. (C (complex) PTSD differs from regular PTSD in that it is instilled over an extended period of time, especially (but not exclusively) a formative one like childhood. Abusive adult relationships can cause cptsd but it seems slightly less common than parents causing it during childhood.)

One of the therapeutic treatments for cptsd is DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), basically distress tolerance training. The DBT Workbook that was used by the therapists leading the DBT therapy group I attended is available on Amazon at 13.59usd, and I spotted a digital PDF version on ebay at the moment for 3.99usd.

Of course I must recommend getting into general therapy, and learning about your other options for specific types of therapy. DBT is just one piece of the healing puzzle, (another one to try is EMDR) but if you can't access general therapy or face a long wait for access, the book is a great start.

u/SuddenlyASubmarine · 8 pointsr/AsianParentStories

You hit the nail on the head. When I realized my mother threw tantrums like a child and my father responded very immature in kind I found an amazing book that really helped me identify their behavior

Trust me guys give it a read it will help a lot if you're still in the deep swamp of "why did they act this way"

u/yaboproductions · 4 pointsr/AsianParentStories

A huge help for me was Toxic Parents. The big takeaways for me were establishing that my parents toxicity towards me was really stemming out of baggage that they themselves had. It helped me develop compassion for them, and also draw a healthy boundary in dealing with their manipulative habits. The last section on already-dead parents and how to reconcile with the lingering pain is really good too.

Speaking of boundaries, there's a great book called Boundaries that's also a great resource. It's a Christian book, but even if you're not Christian you may still learn from it.

u/workerdaemon · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

You didn't do anything wrong. You were a child, and children do the best they can. None of this is your fault.

You're a product of your parents. When parents are inconsistent in their behavior towards you, it can actually provide a worse environment than if they were consistently neglectful or consistently attentive.

It's time to move forward. I recommend studying psychology to learn about yourself and how the world works. I found being confused about the world made me more erratic and tend to outbursts. Once I felt I understood why people do the things they do, I very quickly calmed down and felt peaceful for the first time ever.

A good first book could be Why Do I Do That?. I found it really helpful to understand different types of people. The blogs "The Last Psychiatrist" and "After Psychotherapy" were helpful to me, too (Neither of which blog much anymore, focusing on books, but their archives are gold).

u/where2cop123 · 1 pointr/AsianParentStories

Well that's intergenerational narcissism in the family tree then–it's not wrong per se, but yes, it can be hypocritical at your angle of insight. I don't doubt that children will likely resort to narcissism because their parents had such characteristics within their personality as well–the lack of self love and nurture during parenting/upbringing causes us to prop up this defensive barrier. I would say I am guilty of that too, but I am self-aware and adamantly working on untangling it. The narcissism has to come from somewhere and it's usually narcissistic parents–or some sort or developmental trauma-ta (e.g. childhood).

Case in point, an unrealized narcissistic calling their parents narcissistic is well... narcissism! What do you expect? :D

u/branchero · 0 pointsr/AsianParentStories

The actual book this is a summary of is very very good imo.

u/Novaxen · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

>Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

Thanks for the recommendation.

I also recommend this book: Mean Girls Grown Up Adult

u/Psychoicy · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

Oh man, where to start...

Here is the easy suggestion:

  1. Can you stay at the said friends, professor, and co-worker?

    Here is the hard suggestion: Develop better inner strength and personal boundary. Here is a short list. We are not all that different than domestic abuse victims, we tend to play down or rationalize the abuse and go back for more ("It will be different this time" or "I must give him another chance" or "I will do thing differently this time"). I am no saint myself. You need to confront the real reason why you are willingly participate your cycle of abuse, because all of the reason you gave for going back to live with them can be achieved by living with a friend, short term rental, or hotel. Despite how your privacy is important to you, you still decide to risk it (your mind is probably made up about living at home despite whatever I say) and hoping to band-it it with some quick fix.

    Protecting yourself and your life take a lot of effort and a lot of inner strength. It is really hard and sometimes it hurts. Your family has not yet earn the privilege of having you living at home. You are a precious person, your life your way, and if you don't see yourself as such, then you are only going to get hurt.
u/theawkwardintrovert · 2 pointsr/AsianParentStories

I know it's been 4 days but here's a link to a high-res image of the cover and a link to the Amazon page.