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What a great question! I am really fascinated by the field of infant/early childhood mental health and social-emotional learning in general. It's a fascinating topic that is also somewhat in the early stages. There is much that we need to learn, but also much that we do know, as well.

Priority number one in promoting positive mental health, particularly with children with speech delay and other developmental challenges, is enabling the child to feel safe and calm. There is something called neuroception, which is a person's physiological ability to detect a threat to their system. This term was coined by Dr. Stephen Porges and he has a wealth of information on the subject that you can find at his website if you are interested. Whatever you can do to teach the child how to regulate themselves to a place of feeling calm, at ease, and relaxed is paramount to anything else. For it is in this state that a child is most ready to learn (both academically and also ready to receive instruction or discipline from caregivers). Children and adults are much more receptive to all that we have to offer them when in a state of calm and safety. This allows the pre-frontal cortex (the most advanced part of our brain that regulates higher level thinking, verbal processing, and many other functions) to be fully engaged and receptive. If there is any sense of threat or danger to a child, this portion of the brain goes completely off-line and is rendered useless as the amygdala and limbic system (fight, flight, or freeze response) takes over. There is an incredibly useful explanation of this that you can actually use to teach the child greater awareness of their own brain and how it works. You can find it here.
It is an incredible tool in teaching positive mental health and teaches children how to notice their own physiological responses to events in their daily lives, which leads to greater self-awareness and regulation of their own mental state.

Once you have taught this hand-model of the brain to the child, you can then use it as a way of warning them when their "lid is about to flip" and then provide them with strategies for calming themselves down. You could offer a visual wheel of choice that gives the child options of what to do when they are feeling stressed, angry, etc. This is something you can develop alongside the child and elicit ideas from them when they are calm and relaxed with you. Making it visual will be particularly important and useful to a child with speech delay as they are limited in their ability to verbally express their feelings which can lead to more behavior.

If you are not able to prevent the behavioral issues, then allow the behavior to happen while being present with them and ready to comfort them when they are finished. Be ready to help them calm themselves down by modeling calmness yourself, deep breathing, etc. So much of promoting positive mental health in our children is about cultivating our own positive mental health for ourselves and then modeling that to our child. If we have the reserves to maintain a sense of calm in the midst of stress, then the child will feel the space and freedom to do the same.

I hope that addresses at least some of what you are after. I would appreciate it if you could follow up with some clarifying questions, if not, so that I can better assist you. But before I finish, I wanted to direct you to some really great resources on the topic. There are two great books by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne-Bryson Ph.D. The first is The Whole-Brain Child which does a great job of explaining, more in-depth, the concepts that I have discussed here. I know you will find it valuable and useful. The second is No-Drama Discipline. This takes the theory of The Whole Brain Child and applies it to discipline, offering practical and useful strategies for use with kids. The third is a book by Dr. Mona Delahooke and is called Social and Emotional Development in Early Intervention. This is a fantastic book, but is also geared toward professionals in early intervention programs. I still believe that you will find a lot of useful ideas and concepts in there, though. Also, be sure to check out Dr. Mona Delahooke's blog for excellent articles addressing these issues. There is a wealth of resource there.

I wish you well as you explore further on the topic. Please let me know if I can clarify anything or provided further resources. All the best to you!

Warmly,
Jeff

Oh wait, I'm not done.

Things you should consider having for immediately after having the baby:

• Comfortable underwear. The mesh hospital panties are okay, but I personally preferred my own underwear. I bought a handful of black panties that were super comfortable in a larger size and rotated those for the first 2-3 weeks. I stopped bleeding by week 3 (yay!!) so don't assume you'll spend months bleeding. You might, but you might not. And just when you think you're done, you'll have a random day of spotting or something, so black underwear is awesome for this.
  
  
• Dermaplast and the peri-bottle thing. LIFESAVERS.
  
  
• Shutterfly app. They do free 4x4 and 4x6 prints (you pay shipping). If you're anything like me, you'll rack up pictures on your phone faster than you think. Every time I get a super cute photo, I immediately add it to my cart on Shutterfly. Then every 3 weeks, I place an order of 50-100 photos (I take a LOT of pictures) and have them sent to my house for like $6-7. It keeps me organized with the baby book because I'm adding photos and details as I go instead of trying to remember things later, and I love having physical copies of photos.
  
  
• GET A COPY OF THESE TWO BOOKS! https://www.amazon.com/Belly-Book-Nine-Month-Journal-Growing/dp/0307336182/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1495333267&sr=8-3& & https://www.amazon.com/My-Baby-Book-Keepsake-Journal/dp/030746542X/ref=pd_sim_14_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=030746542X&pd_rd_r=R5TERBJ10HQ2GM4FDZDE&pd_rd_w=EZAlP&pd_rd_wg=7J1oR&psc=1&refRID=R5TERBJ10HQ2GM4FDZDE -- Both of these are great and fun to fill out. I knew I wanted to record things but I didn't want some boring book, and these are actually really well written and thoughtful. I loved filling out the pregnancy one and I've gone back and flipped through it a few times to laugh about crap that happened. I recorded cravings, weird feelings I had, the first time I felt him kick, stuff like that. I just loved the layout and highly recommend these to anyone having a kid. So far I've done a couple pages in the Baby Book and it's great, too, and I'm looking forward to adding more as times passes.
  
  
• The Windi. Just do it, it's gross but just do it.
  
  Oh, and pro-tip, if you register at Target you can get a free gift bag. If you're like me and shop at Target lots and give them loads of your money, you can go into Target and get a SECOND (or third...oops) bag of samples. I go to lots of different Targets so yeah, I got more than one free bag. But I did register through them, I got almost everything I registered for, I used to work for the company, and the samples they gave were awesome. I feel justified. I got free bottles (turns out my kid loves them), free pacifiers (again, my kid loves them), and tons of samples that were perfect for the diaper bag. On top of that, their gift bag has a "buy one Starbucks get one free" coupon so I ended up with 3 of those and sometimes I go to Target just to use one and treat myself. Maybe I'm a jerk for taking more than one bag, but they never asked for proof or anything and didn't mark down that I had already received mine. Ohhhh well.

Not an app but hopefully this can help you!

My sister is a teacher and she's helped me work with my son for the last year (since 3.5) on beginning to learn to read. Its been working great so hopefully some of this will help you.

Does she know both upper case and lower case letters? I'd start with this. I had great success utilizing this puzzle. We'd put it together once a day and I'd identify the letter as he put it in, and then we'd sing the ABC song at the end.

Check out the Leapfrog Letter Factory DVD series from your local library. They start off with the phonics sound and then move on to combining letters to make words. Great primer. (I think its letter factory, then word factory, then word caper)

Youtube has a great array of tools. After the above has been accomplished, move to a phonics song per day to make sure there are no gaps in her phonics knowledge. At the same time, introduce 1-2 sight words (start with the first 25 of Fry's sight words. They make up 1/3 of all we read!) Go very slow on this, only add more once the previous words have been memorized. Once you get the first 25 down, then you can start taking some from Dolch sight word lists too if desired.

Once you are pretty sure there are no gaps in her letter-sound awareness, then you can start to move onto CVC words. Show her that A+T = "ahhh T" = AT, then add a B onto that for B + AT= BAT, then C+AT = CAT, etc. Again, go very slow and keep up with 1-2 sight words a day at the same time.

Some tips:

-Utilize a variety of educational goals at the same time. Don't just go solid for sight words, for example, but instead do 1-2 sight words and then 3-5 minutes of phonological education. The current research is that its a combination of sight words and phonological awareness that gives most people their beginnings on how to read. This also helps with motivation. If she is struggling with sight words but is getting phonological awareness easily, she can see her progress there and won't be as frustrated.

-Utilize a variety of techniques. Puzzles, songs, games, flashcards, coloring, etc. Let your child lead on this if possible, as their tastes may be different than what you expect. I was surprised to see my son loving a youtube rap video about rhyming, for example (the concept of rhyming took a lot longer than I thought it would for him to get).

-Keep the amount of time short but do it daily as part of the routine. That will keep the attention quality high and the minutes add up! For example, I have him do an activity for a dessert (his call if he wants to do it at all), and we do 2-4 low pressure sight word flash cards at night while he brushes his teeth. I'd tell him what the word was several days before starting to ask him if he remembered what it was.

-Keep everything low pressure and fun, but consistent every day so it doesn't turn frustrating or into a battle. Have a bit of review as part of your daily routine too so she doesn't lose what she gained, and so she can see her progress (my son loves watching the "pile he knows" pile of index cards grow bigger with each word we add). Learning written English is so much more difficult that I realized, as it borrows words from other languages. So there are so many words that make no sense to pronounce/don't follow the 'usual' rules. For example, pronounce these words - AT, HAT, WHAT. Even with reading simple words, like "A", is usually pronounced in regular reading as "uh", even though phonologically A is for Ahh Ahh Apple. So give tons of slack for this process as its kind of convoluted haha. But I'm a firm believer that putting a bit of effort in every day will pay off immensely down the road. I'm hopeful that if my son is doing well in reading that he can put his focus more on social/emotional development at school, for example, as that's an area I feel least capable of helping him in. So good luck to you in this endeavor! Its a lot of work for the parent to get an ever changing educational game plan in place but what a great gift to give your kid!

My kids are bit older now but I do miss buying for little ones - it's so rewarding 😊.

Sounds like you need something as a keepsake and that will appeal now. Children often love money boxes/ piggybanks and this kind may do as a memento too: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Beatrix-Potter-Flopsy-Mopsy-Cotton/dp/B00IN4V9UA/ref=sr_1_60?keywords=child+keepsake+gift&qid=1555937728&s=gateway&sr=8-60.

It can be a nice way to start teaching them about saving too.


Another idea may appeal is a baby tooth keeper and organiser. Brilliant for when they start working with the tooth fairy and a nice keepsake for later on https://www.amazon.co.uk/pengxiaomei-Organizer-Wooden-Keepsake-Storage/dp/B07N8NPBP4/ref=sr_1_61?keywords=child+keepsake+gift&qid=1555937728&s=gateway&sr=8-61


Books are a great idea. Key is that they are bright, fun, and as a gift / memento go hardback. For little ones some good options are the Butterworth books eg https://www.amazon.co.uk/Springy-Percy-Park-Keeper-Story/dp/0008279861/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=butterworth+book&qid=1555938626&refinements=p_n_binding_browse-bin%3A492563011&rnid=492562011&s=books&sr=1-1. Or Michael Rosen's Little Rabbit Foo Foo https://www.amazon.co.uk/Little-Rabbit-Foo-Michael-Rosen/dp/0744598001/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Rabbit+foo+foo+book&qid=1555938841&s=books&sr=1-1-catcorr. Or anything DR ZEUSS: still a HUGE fun favourite and helps with early literacy.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, getting her into counseling and working with the school. What type of therapy is she receiving? Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard for anxiety treatment, including separation anxiety - the therapist should be doing more than just talking with her about the issue, but working with you and her to gradually expose her to the feared situations.

In the meantime this website is a great resource for dealing with separation anxiety, and What to Do When You Worry Too Much is a fantastic little CBT-based workbook for kids with any form of anxiety (aimed at kids slightly older than your daughter, but I think she could benefit from reading parts of it with you).

If she's a fan of Daniel Tiger, definitely watch the episode about how "grown-ups come back", and Sesame Street has some great separation anxiety resources too - http://www.sesamestreet.org/toolkits/challenges. Maybe try watching the video clips with her and talking about how the characters feel just like her, and the ways they learn to cope with that (and maybe try implementing some of those ideas, whether it's a special goodbye secret handshake, or taking a photo of you with her, etc). Also some good stories on this theme are The Kissing Hand and Llama Llama Misses Mama - again, it may help her to see that other kids have the same feelings, but it always works out okay.

Lastly, make sure both parents and her teacher are on the same page with whatever you are trying - consistency is super important for a kid struggling with anxiety issues.

Best of luck!

I think breathing room is important for all relationships including our children.

If you’d like my meager overall advice about parenting it goes like this;

You are always going to second-guess whatever you do as a parent. It sounds depressing and it is a little bit. But that means that you care. And as long as you put their needs first they are probably going to be fine.

It sounds like you’re thinking that lack of discipline causes misbehaving children and maybe you were learning now that disciplining children is a lot different than you thought it was. Don’t worry parenting will humble you every second. It’s normal. That’s the kind of thing a group of parenting friends will help you with. Not feeling alone isn’t bitching. And they might have good ideas to help you out.

I would suggest that you think of your daughter as a person who is doing their best all the time. If she’s acting out something is pushing her to do that. And that thing may be her normally developing brain. You seem upset and feel like she lost skills she had before. It can seem that way but that’s very normal throughout development and she will get those skills back and more. And it may be something in her environment.

Think of your job as to make the conditions for good behavior happen as much as possible while understanding that this isn’t going to happen all the time. I would suggest the book
https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen-ebook/dp/B005GG0MXI/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=talking+so+kids+will+listen&qid=1558035620&s=gateway&sprefix=talking+so+&sr=8-1
As a good place to start.


As for your wife. I’m assuming you’re not expecting her to come home and discipline your daughter for something she did earlier that day? Kids her age don’t have the cognition to handle that.

Ask for what you and your daughter need from your wife. I know my husband always has my back when my kids aren’t listening to me. That helps. We do also try to call each other on stuff when we need a different perspective.

Good luck. Did I mention parenting is hard? I hope things get better for you.

It sounds like you're on the right track. Kids need boundaries and logical consequences for misbehavior. Some of my favorite parenting books are:

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

These books can be pretty dry, but the information is very useful. If you google enough you can probably find the cliff's notes versions. Good luck!

I've been doing a lot of "time ins" rather than "time outs", where I sit with him and we discuss what went on for four or five minutes. I try to focus a lot on how his words made me feel, and ask him as well what he was feeling when he said those words.

What does he watch on TV? I've seen behavior affected significantly by what kids are watching, there's even a good study on how watching "Arthur" make kids have MORE conflict rather than less. I try to stick mainly to PBS shows and I screen potential shows using the Common Sense Media site to help me decide if things are age-appropriate.

I try not to cave on my policies, so he knows what to expect every time he challenges me. I noticed, for example, that when I had no strict policy for TV watching I was getting temper tantrums daily. I realized it was because he didn't know what to expect. Sometimes he'd ask for TV and I would say yes, sometimes I'd say no. I knew my reasons, sort of, but actually writing them out helped me clarify them and helped my son understand, his tantrums on this subject dropped immediately after I wrote out my policy and explained it. (Loosely, my policy is that he has to have at least an hour of active or creative play and at least thirty minutes of quiet time, as well as picking up all his toys before he's allowed ANY TV. He can then watch up to two shows.)

Snacks are another thing I have figured out policies for. After lunch he can choose cheese, nuts, or fruits/veggies for snacks, but after 4pm he can only choose fruits/veggies. I've also read of people keeping a snack drawer in the fridge and the child is allowed to pick two or three or unlimited things a day of their choosing out of the drawer. If they've eaten all their yogurts, however, it isn't getting refilled until next Saturday (or whenever).

Honestly, being predictable in as many ways as possible is very, very helpful for kids. If you can find them in the library, I'd also recommend looking through the books How to Listen So Kids Will Talk and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Simplicity Parenting. They have both really helped shape my parenting.

As for Child Locks on cabinets:

i recomend these: https://www.amazon.com/Safety-1st-Magnetic-Locking-System/dp/B004GCJMLG

they are a bit more expensive, but rather easy to install (i did all 20 of mine in less than an hour and a half, and got a lot faster once I got the hang of it) and unless they have the key (which you can place up high on your fridge, out of reach) there is no way they are opening those locks.

best part is if you know you have to be in and out of a cabinet a lot (say, cooking and thats where your supplies are) you can turn the lock 'off' for a bit, with just a push of a button.

Very great locks.

I have the exact same problem and have been wondering the same thing. I need a bedside table to hold my glasses, at least. For now, I've decided to try just having the bassinet a bit further down too. I figured that I could change it, if it isn't working out. Another solution would to get something that hangs on the wall that can hold most of this stuff, and just move your side table out of the way temporarily. Some options might look like this:

https://www.amazon.com/Organizer-Hanging-Storage-Pockets-Bathroom/dp/B077G1SQN2/ref=sr_1_18?crid=23483R1I9U7B5&keywords=hanging%2Borganizer%2Bwith%2Bpockets&qid=1555174344&s=gateway&sprefix=hanging%2Borgan%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-18&th=1

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This could hold a phone, a water bottle, and tissues. You could even clip a light to it. This is my back up plan until I can think of something that works better.

Congrats and good luck!

The Alphablock series of books was far and away our daughter’s favourites from about 6 months to 2 years. They are delightfully clever, full of easter eggs, and well layered so as to have something of value for a wide age range.

We got started with Cityblock, which I would recommend, just because there are so many other alphabet, numbers, dinosaur, and construction books out there. It also has the most stuff to look at.

I found the book The Late Talker to be helpful (in addition to speech therapy) when my DD2 was little.

https://www.amazon.com/Late-Talker-What-Child-Talking/dp/0312309244/

Also try getting her to make sounds (not words). We'd play with a Fisher Price Little People Farm and I'd make the animal sounds and get her to try to make them, too.

Have her drink out of straws to help her mouth muscles.

Blow bubbles and pop them together making big "Pop!" (get her to make the noise, too)

I know it's frustrating, but if you can get her to communicate with you (sign language - even a few signs can help, picture books, pointing, etc.) that will help both of you feel a little less stressed.

If you're worried about her comprehension, see if she can follow instructions for things that are beneficial for her. If she understands "Put this in the waste basket and then you get a cookie" then you know she can comprehend things, she just might not want to follow certain instructions/rules just like any other toddler. What toddler likes being old NO? None of them.

How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk - wonderful book that I think you will find useful in dealing with 3-8 year olds ( and older children of course).

Screamfree parenting taught me to...well, not scream so much. It shows that you have to let go of trying to controlling the kid and try to actually focus on yourself, your behaviours and your responses. It was groundbreaking for me.

I agree that most books are broad strokes, but this one really helped out from a new parent perspective. It's also really funny, so that helps:

https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978

I use this as a baby monitor. Works great. https://www.amazon.com/Wyze-Indoor-Wireless-Detection-Assistant/dp/B076H3SRXG/ref=sxin_2_ac_d_rm?ac_md=0-0-d3l6ZSBjYW0%3D-ac_d_rm&crid=28CKMGSMY5XM9&keywords=wyze+cam&pd_rd_i=B076H3SRXG&pd_rd_r=12f6e4f8-8fe5-4a0e-bfb2-97effeede628&pd_rd_w=k7f8L&pd_rd_wg=ZzCww&pf_rd_p=2938a786-9bec-4d37-8c06-456e3edce5d1&pf_rd_r=DB822ZBTEGY9EZJGSKD7&psc=1&qid=1572287177&sprefix=wyz%2Caps%2C143

Kids can be very fussy about which sippy cup they'll use. My wife got all the fancy cool-looking full-featured ones, and my son wouldn't touch them. The only one he would use was this bare-bones thing which I think she got at Dollar Tree, and definitely looked like it. I think it was this thing: https://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Spill-Proof-Sippy-Ounce/dp/B000096M59

I'm a genetic counselor so I won't tell you what to do about the genetic testing (though one point you might consider is that blood testing options are something some people do just so that they have some warning ahead of time about what they might be facing, even if they would never terminate the pregnancy. But some of the blood tests have high false positive rates and might lead to stressful situations. Make sure you've discussed all options with the ob).

My husband hated all of the "expecting" books until I bought him this one: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Owners-Manual-Instructions-Trouble-Shooting/dp/1594745978 It's pretty funny and he likes fixing things and working on cars and stuff so he liked the owners manual approach

My son adored these two things he got for his 1st birthday and he still uses them regularly (at 3.5):

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https://www.amazon.com/Magna-Tiles-32-Piece-Clear-Colors-Award-Winning/dp/B000CBSNKQ/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1550080622&sr=8-4&keywords=magnatiles

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https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Little-People-Lower-Truck/dp/B014SFPDIG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1550080645&sr=8-3&keywords=little+people+fire+truck