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To find self acceptance (I don't know that 'love' is the right word in my case) I had to stop comparing myself to others. I had to stop believing things like "Oh it would be easy to care about myself if I was this weight/had that kind of ass/made this much money/had that kind of lover". The only thing worth comparing yourself to is your past self. It was also about not beating myself up for past mistakes anymore. Whatever I did or didn't do was already decided. Reconciliation was a big one as well. If I felt I did something very wrong to someone, I called or texted or emailed and I apologized to them. Their answer wasn't important, it was just a vehicle for moving on from the past.



I came from an abusive, poor household and I held that against my parents for years..and occasionally I have days where I still want to blame all my problems on their poor parenting. I had a come to Jesus moment with my mother and father about why they decided to raise me that way. They were very frank and finally just said they were lost and hurting and had no idea how to care for themselves let alone raise children. They failed at being good parents, but not once did they wake up and say "hey it's a good day to fuck up my kids" ..they at least tried in their own way. That helped a lot to know it wasn't purposeful.

It's a little cliche, but a few books helped me as well.

The Four Agreeements by Don Miguel Ruiz good overview here



Ask and It Is Given by Abraham Hicks warning: a little on the woo woo side


As far as "true love" in the way people usually define it... heart racing, sweaty palms, sudden inexplicable loyalty and devotion to someone you barely know.. I've learned that it's closer to infatuation or obsession. It's a chemical/physical/evolutionary response and it's not a healthy thing. Being willing to do anything and everything including going to prison or dying for someone's love just isn't reasonable or responsible. I found myself in that kind of relationship and I put up with numerous abuses, risked getting STDs, quit a college I loved and moved across country with no money or plans, and eventually ended up divorced and bankrupt because of that person. Just running with 'in love' feelings will turn out poorly. Give yourself time to get over that chemical rush before deciding to commit to anything long term like living together or getting married. I wish I knew that one sooner.



For me, true love is built over time. It's loyalty and reciprocated feelings and having important life directions/goals in common. For example...I never want children, so I would have to be 110% confident that my long term/life partner type person felt the same way and wasn't going to change their minds. If they constantly flip flopped about important issues like that I'd know it wasn't going to work out for the ultimate long haul. It's knowing without a doubt that if I got fired and gained 20 pounds and aged 10 years in the same day that they would still want my company, and that if that situation was reversed I would still want theirs. It's beyond sex and attraction entirely for me. I can find sexy people to play with pretty much whenever I want. I may even find a few of those people fun to date (ie: go to movies, go out to eat, watch some netflix, laugh and share stories, have sex..then they go home to their own separate world) But the lifetime relationship is combining two (or three or however many) separate lives/worlds into one shared experience. It's also enough respect for each other to admit when perhaps your goals and plans no longer line up and it's time to move on. It doesn't mean that the love is any less, it just means that their goals have changed and it's no longer beneficial to have the same kind of relationship. In my experience people change over years and decades. It's well worth having a relationship based on the important things for years/a decade/more than to force a failing relationship to last forever.

This is long. Sorry!

Disclaimer that there are different types of rosacea and everyone responds to medications a little differently. What works for me may not work for you and I am not a doctor. Check out /r/skincareaddiction as they have a lot of resources for most of the stuff listed below. Also, sometimes rosacea is actually caused by mites called demodex. (Gross I know!) Treatment for that is a prescription for ivermectin. I don't know how to verify if that's what causes yours, but asking your derm couldn't hurt.

I was diagnosed with mild rosacea about 10 years ago and had the metro gel prescription (same active as in your metro cream) and honestly it did not help me. My flare ups are the the result of temperature, exercise, and strong emotions, so diet changes didn't do much either. I recently went to try a new dermatologist and they said that the only thing they think would have any significant impact is laser treatment. That's out of my price range so I've just been working on keeping it from getting worse, and using skin care products that make it less noticeable. I've been happy with my routine which includes the following products.

Things that have helped to keep it from getting worse and in general make me less red:

• Azelaic acid. This is my holy grail, the absolute best skincare product I've ever used. If you only use one thing on this list, use this. It's helped both my cystic acne and the occasional rosacea specific breakouts. I responded so well to the OTC stuff my derm recommended against a prescription which has higher % of active ingredients than the OTC. I really like Malezepam because it's cheap and lasts forever. Be warned, it can sting and be itchy. The Ordinary has some too that works almost as well, but their tube is small and doesn't last as long. Use this at night because it makes your skin more sensitive to the sun. This is my last step after my moisturizer has sunk in.
  
• Vitamin C serum. It both seems to calm down my redness in the morning, and also boost the effectiveness of sunscreen, which is helpful because with rosacea you're extra susceptible to burns. I have used a couple, but am currently using Avalon Organics and like it ok, the fragrance isn't my favorite. Do research on this if you get Vit-C serum as it breaks down quickly and not all formulations are useful. Simple Skincare Science is a gold mine of good research on skincare products, and I like this write up on Vit-C. Use this in the morning before you put on sunscreen/makeup.
  
• Cicapair. This is supposed to help calm skin down during flare ups, but I've not really experienced that. It's just a green tinted moisturizer with SPF that nicely tones down redness for me. The link above is a dupe of Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment that they sell at Sephora for far too much. :) I use this in the morning as sort of a BB cream.
  
• [A313 Retinol] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GLZY90A/) non-prescription strength retinol. Feels like petroleum jelly, but helps reduce redness. Use at night after your moisturizer has sunk in. I only use this once or twice a week to replace the azelaic acid.
  
• Snail mucin. I like the stuff from Cors RX but there are a bunch out there. This helps your skin stay hydrated, (after flare ups my face gets really dry) and helps lessen healing time after breakouts. It supposedly has anti-aging properties too, though I haven't noticed any specifically. A lot of snail mucins are paired with bee essence. Those made me flush, so be careful with those. I use this right before nightly moisturizer.
  
  Good luck. Rosacea can be so demoralizing so I hope at least something here will work for you. <3

He is only very minorly hearing impaired, but it's likely to get worse, as his mother is almost completely deaf. For him, the main drawback is that he has to listen to music loudly. He works by himself (driving) so he can do that all day, every day. Thank god, because it's too loud for me.

As for how he conducts life as a person with intellectual interests:

• All of his friendships are conducted via email. I am not joking. We've been together 5 years, and he's gone out for coffee with friends exactly three times. With acquaintances/coworkers he partly lipreads, partly just reads the situation well to decide what's appropriate. He does not, as you seem to, crave human interaction, so he doesn't feel like he's missing out on some greater connection if he just makes the appropriate polite noises and moves on.
  
  
• He has what might be termed 'intellectual pen pals'. This is how our relationship started. He writes to his friends about what he is reading, and they (we) discuss it. Text is an amazing medium for this because you can fully expand your arguments and you never get sidetracked or interrupted. I actually miss that since we took our relationship IRL. Conversations lack rigour! lol He also writes to authors whose books he enjoys. He just had a good conversation last week with Anthony Kronman. I think he's angling for an early review copy of his next book ;)
  
  
• He devotes himself to a few, close relationships. By a few, I mean three, not including me. He tolerates my desire to go out and interact with people but rarely participates. His three people are spread across the country, so a strong text-based relationship is a strength, not a weakness.
  
  I asked him what advice he would offer you and he suggested that you were most likely fishing in the wrong pond-- that the concentration of people you'd enjoy spending time with is likely to be particularly low on Tinder (he's never used online dating, though, so don't take that as gospel)
  
  Instead, he thought you should simply "do his thing" and "follow the Tao" -- meaning, seek to fulfill yourself intellectually, live your best life, and if a relationship happens, it happens. When I pointed out that "doing your thing" consisted of reading a book at home, alone, he said that at the very least you could probably find a philosophy club at a university or take Adult Ed classes at the local college.
  
  We both agree that if human interaction is important to you, then you'd be better off concentrating on going where people with active "lives of the mind" gather, rather than pursuing a relationship per se. When I lived in rural Canada, that place was the internet-- there was nothing for me, locally. In fact, before meeting my husband, I simply assumed that intellectual pursuits were simply going to have to be a personal quirk or hobby; I had no expectation of ever finding a dateable person who also wanted to read deeply and discuss things and push out the edges of his understanding. So I quite empathize with where you're coming from, and I hope something in here helps.

Keep a selection of different pads and tampons so she can figure out what she likes. When I started I used pads because my mom only used pads but at summer camp I wanted to swim so bad so I borrowed a tampon from my friend and figured it out. The instructions in the box are helpful because they have a graphics but a video explaining how to use a tampon would be better probably.

If shes really into sports especially swimming she will want to use tampons.
I usually had a light flow so tampons for heavier flow would hurt especially trying to take them out.

When a tampon is used it will easily come out.
If the tampon is to light it will leak so she will probably have to figure out which tampons to use on what day of her period. A panty liner and a tampon are great till she can figure out her needs.
A multi-pack box is the best for this. But look for boxes that have light, regular, and super not regular, super, and extra super. I have a hard time lately finding light ones so I order on Amazon. That might be a good option to start with so you can look at what's offered at home and not in store.

Also don't accidentally buy pads for incontinence instead of periods. I accidentally did that once but it may embarrass a young person. Always is a popular pad brand and they make both.

If you buy overnight pads they are like a foot long. But they are good for night especially for a heavy flow.

This is what I buy for pads. These are like the latest if pad technology. I really like them, I just buy the regular ones.

Always Infinity Feminine Pads for Women, Size 1, Regular Absorbency, with Wings, Unscented, 36 Count - Pack of 3 (108 Count Total) (Packaging May Vary) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IULATV0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LN-CDbDTXMNE6

This is tampon multi pack I would suggest. These are like Costco size so maybe not these but something similar.

Tampax Pearl Plastic Tampons, Mutlipack, Light/Regular/Super Absorbency, Unscented, 50 Count (Packaging May Vary) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J4YWX94/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_gQ-CDbS88TM9M

For tampons I would start with a plastic applicator. They are easier to use than cardboard. When she's used some for awhile she can figure out what she likes. They also have tampons that have to applicator which a lot go women like but I would not have been comfortable to use them when I was young.

Different surfaces for different things.

One decent nonstick pan is great to have for things like eggs, but isn't great at high heat applications like searing meat. You'll never build a good fond in nonstick, and having pots lined with nonstick coating is just unnecessary. A couple of pans -- a larger one for cooking fish or day-to-day "I'm just browning some ground beef" kind of stuff, and a smaller one for fried eggs or whatever -- will be plenty. You don't want to spend too much on a nonstick pan, though, because by their nature their lifespan is limited.

One cast iron pan is great to have because it's great at really high-heat applications, but can also be used for any number of other things -- you can sear a roast in it, you can bake a deep-dish pizza in it, or brown off some chicken and then braise it in the same pan. It can become pretty nonstick over time, with the right care, but that's a long-term process. Cast iron is heavy, though, and requires different care than other pans (it's not difficult to take care of, just... different. You can't chuck it in the dishwasher and walk away.)

For an all-purpose workhorse, look for stainless steel. It's good in a wide range of applications, and can do almost anything reasonably well. It's a little more prone to sticking (which is a good thing in many cases), but it's also durable enough that you can scour the fuck out of it on those occasions when you need to.

More important than the surface of a pan, IMHO, is the base. Avoid anything with a thin base; over time, it'll warp, and that creates hotspots and wobbles that make cooking a pain in the ass. You want pans that have a pretty thick base. If you can get something that has a layer of aluminum sandwiched in, that's great. Aluminum conducts heat better than steel, so pans will get hot faster with some aluminum included. You don't really want to cook directly on aluminum, though, so something with steel and aluminum layers in the base is ideal.

You're probably not going to find one single set that covers absolutely everything; I'd advise one base set of stainless steel, and then a few add-ons as time/money allows. I know Cuisinart does a pretty nice set of tri-ply stainless steel pots and pans that runs under $200, and goes on sale for even less regularly. Add a T-fal nonstick pan or two, and one good Lodge cast iron skillet, and you'd be well-equipped for most things.

It can certainly be a challenge to help create change, but I've found that talking about issues related to sex have to happen outside the bedroom and then give specific instructions during foreplay. Something like taking his hand and moving it where you want and then verbally saying, "yes, just like that." Playing up your enjoyment whenever he does something even close to what you want is also helpful. Afterward telling him exactly what you liked that he did and how much you love when he touches you like that.

There is a wonderful book called She Comes First. http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260

He might feel upset if you suggest or give him a copy but hopefully he'll read it and start seeing that pleasure is a two-way street.

I want to mention that while this was a great self observation on u/Cejarrood's part (and kudos to you for asking how you can make your partner feel loved, although it does seem to be potentially solely within the context of getting sex), what is true for her is not necessarily true for your girlfriend. You girlfriend may be less interested in sex than you because she's not feeling loved, or she could have hormonal sex drive dip because of menopause, or be stressed about work, or have a chronic headache, or have had a dream where you killed her brother the night before, or any number of countless reasons. I think it's great to get other women's perspectives but you really need to talk to your girlfriend about her experience, it will save you a lot of time. And if she does say something like she loves sex when she feels loved, relaxed and happy, then ask *her* what are things you can do that make her feel that way. Again, it could be a solo bubble bath and time away from the kids for one person, and for another it's a family outing, and for another it's an intimate cuddle on the couch with you.

Here is a good resource on love languages: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X

A friend told me she and her partner read this book and it helped them out a lot...."The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts". They would read a couple of chapters then discuss it, plus I think it includes "discussion topics". Basically, everyone has different ways on how they express love. Some people express love thru actions while others express with physical contact etc. It also teaches you how to recognize and appreciate your partners love. There is a middle ground, but dont expect your partner to totally change how they express love.

I wish I'd known about this book before my last relationship ended 2 yrs ago. We got into a huge rut and I put the majority of the responsibility to "fix us" on him. When he tried and couldn't, my resentment poisoned what little love I had left for him and I drove him away. One of the few regrets I have as an adult.

Read some relationship books, go to couples therapy. Do whatever it takes. I'm sure as you know, the problem isnt about "he doesnt put effort into planning dates"; youre feeling unloved and you've cherry-picked an example. Trust me, even if he did magically start planning better dates, you'd find another reason to be mad at him. You're feeling unloved. Sounds like he does really love you, you're just wanting it on your terms.

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X

I don't have thick/coarse facial and body hair so experiences may vary, but after reading the NYT article on women shaving their faces, I got curious and tried it myself, and I love the results. Twice a month I use a BIC single blade and run it over my face and body wet with water (no soap, just water; I don't want a too close of a shave). Hair grows back thin and soft and I could probably get away with doing it once a month, but the exfoliation is amazing and it makes my skin look very good. Plus I enjoy the ritual, I put on 80s music and sing along in front of the mirror while I do my face, ha ha.

Little razors made specifically for facial shaving are available. Tinkle is a famous brand.

Have you considered going to couples therapy?

I think that the next time she tells you something like she feels like she's putting in 100% of the work you could just tell her that you want to be a better partner for her, maybe you could do therapy together to be sure that you properly address her concerns.

You can go with "Obviously I'm just not understanding, but I would like to and I think this would help us communicate about what you want from our relationship."

(You have your own problems but suggesting going to therapy isn't a good time to bring up your problems lol.)

You could also consider reading the 5 Love Langauges, maybe somehow you're just not expressing to her in a way she resonates with: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2OGN6I57BGLOY&keywords=5+love+languages+by+gary+chapman&qid=1557866049&s=books&sprefix=5+love+%2Cstripbooks%2C161&sr=1-1

There's also a free quiz you can both take: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ (IMO you can learn just as much to imrpove your relationship from both taking the quiz, both reading about the different styles of love languages conceptually, and both committing to knowing each other's primary languages AND your own.)

I haven't read this book, but a mentor of mine says it saved her marriage: https://www.amazon.com/Fighting-Your-Marriage-Best-seller-Preventing/dp/0470485914

My wife almost never wears a bra. She loves "Nippies Skin Original". They have adhesive and non-adhesive versions. I've taken them off her many times; no complaints, flinching or any sign they are uncomfortable to take off. Seems to just peel off with not a lot of resistance. The adhesive is not very sticky and it's reusable. You can rejuvenate the adhesive by gently washing with warm water and letting them air dry (pick any hairs out =)

She recently tried the non-adhesive kind and they stay on very well too!

​

Highly recommend them... they aren't cheap but a set can last you a year, easy, if you take care of them. By 'take care of them' I mean just don't wantonly cover them in dirt / sand and when you aren't wearing them put them back on the little plastic cups. The adhesive should last at least 6 months before needing to be washed and rejuvenated. Trust me... if these things were high maintenance she wouldn't bother!

​

Here's a link to the specific thing I'm talking about.

https://www.amazon.com/Nippies-ORIGINAL-Hypoallergenic-Pasties-ADHESIVE/dp/B00CX547FE/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1540583439&sr=8-3&keywords=nippies+skin

​

edit: changed link to a Prime version

I used the program (non-drug) in Say Goodnight To Insomnia several years ago and it helped. The first few chapters sound hokey, but hold your nose and push on through. If you follow all of the steps you will get some improvement.

While you are waiting for the book to arrive Google on "sleep hygiene". Its a collection of small habits to do or avoid to foster better sleep.

I've also used lavendar oil capsules and CBD oil capsules either before going to sleep or when waking up in the night to help me get back to sleep. Neither are habit forming or have side effects. Start with the smallest dose and experiment.

I've tried other herbs and supplements. When trying something new out, always do it on a Friday evening, so if the results are not so great you have the weekend to collect yourself.

Good Luck.

The reason behind these effects of menopause is actually due to the changes in the levels of estrogen and progesterone. It is often that HRT is recommended. However, before deciding to go in for HRT, it is important to take note of the possible risks and dangers that it can have.

Herbal supplements made from Ashwagandha, Vitex, Magnesium, Zinc and black cohosh remain the safest remedies possible. Lets us take Staying Cool by Eu Natural, it is made from these ingredients with zero artificial binders of ingredients and no known side effects! definitely a top of my list recommendation. It is easy to find on amazon (https://www.amazon.com/STAYING-COOL-Hot-Flashes-Menopause/dp/B00S74SB9S )

Apart from those, it is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle, paying strong attention to the food eaten, getting enough rest, exercising, drinking lots of water.

Wow, that’s not been my experience at all, been with hubs 16 years still extremely sexual. The only time sex wasn’t big on my list was before I found out what an orgasm felt like. However I believe it has more to do with sexual desire types than being married or having kids. Most (75%) of women have responsive sexual desire and some (15%) of us have spontaneous desire (the last 10% have no desire). For men it’s 80% spontaneous and 20% responsive.

You should read come as you are it’s the best book on female sexuality out there, and helps give tips on making the differences work. Unfortunately from what I read on Reddit (in dead bedrooms) sexual desire mis-matches can really undermine a marriage and lead to divorce. Not saying that’s your issue but if your friends are going through this it could help them.

I'm 46 now and married, but I was single for a while in my late 30's. I'd say the only real difference in dating nowadays is the more or less ability to be constantly connected. I'm mostly talking about texting. I had teenage kids, so was very well acquainted with it when I started dating again, but I can see that that might not be the case for you.

In my experience, sex is pretty much still the same, though with possibly less hair. However, it does sound like you're a bit sexually inexperienced/sheltered. I suggest you might want to read She Comes First. If you feel that isn't enough, you can also go with The Guide To Getting It On.

I put this above but since I can be technically challenged at the best of times, here is the book I recommend to any of my friends who are struggling.

I had given up on cups until I found the disposable ones. I tried a few types like moon cups and similar ad could never get them in comfortably. I found soft disc and like those. They are lighter/thinner and I find easier to get in place. You use one for one period then chuck it. So one box is almost a years worth. I still don't use it for the beginning heavier days but that is just me being wimpy about trying it. I discovered them through a thread where women were singing their praises and using them to have sex while on their period. Once in place it catches the blood but you have normal lubrication so cleaner period sex is a possibility.

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https://www.amazon.com/Softcup-14-Disposable-Menstrual-Discs/dp/B000X29GY6/ref=sr_1_3?crid=C4GEXX6KOUPQ&keywords=disposable+menstrual+cups&qid=1563303962&s=gateway&sprefix=disposable+me%2Caps%2C175&sr=8-3

My go to gift for baby showers is something I bought for myself when I had babies, and couldn't do without after I'd had it.

https://www.amazon.com/Diaper-Caddy-Organizer-Abaund-Durable/dp/B07LCJ3SCG/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=diaper+caddy&qid=1570201550&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzMVdOVjhIT0k0Q1gwJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMzk5MTA1M0NKMjJXSlBGSTVWUSZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNjY2NDA5MkwzN1owOVFWVUlJMiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

It's a diaper caddy. There are tons of types now. It holds some diapers, some wipes, diaper cream, and most of them come with a changing pad. "GET ME THE DIAPER THING" was a phrase commonly used in my house after I bought one. I've been told by the folks I've given them to that they are heavily used.

I'm going to get one for my neighbor who's having her 3rd. I'm going to fill it with bunch of fun bath stuff for the mom to use as well.

1. Clean your dishwasher filter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ck3RtAhtuZk
   
2. Squirt/sprinkle baking soda all around the inside then scrub it with a scrubby: https://www.amazon.com/Mrs-Meyers-Clean-Day-Cleanser/dp/B01FXMPGHG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=baking+soda+meyers&qid=1570907980&s=hi&sr=1-1-catcorr
   
3. Run one of these through TWICE: https://www.amazon.com/Affresh-W10282479-Dishwasher-Cleaner-Tablets/dp/B002R0DXQE
   
4. Now your washer is clean

It only has to stay on for 5 minutes. I love it. And you can just use a tiny bit at a time without needing to mix all the product at once. You just squeeze out toner and dye in equal proportions and mix up what you need. I only use about 1/3 of a teaspoon of goop. I've had the same box of this for over a year.

Tinkle razors! They're the best- they remove hair & exfoliate.

https://www.amazon.com/Tinkle-NA-Eyebrow-Razor/dp/B002C89J96

Not just for this one night but more for your long term I recommend reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wZV3Db75DSJY8