Best products from r/ChildrenofDeadParents

Ah. Sounds like comedian Martin Short's situation. He talked about losing both of his parents and having the house to himself at 18-19 in his book. Pretty interesting hearing about how he dealt with everything.


Hope we somehow help! Thanks for the follow.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm 27, my mom died very suddenly two months ago today. My dad called me home from work and we waited together for the medical examiner. She's not supposed to be gone. Nobody knows what happened, she didn't have an autopsy either but the ME said it was probably her heart. She also didn't want a funeral and we had a memorial dinner for her 2 days after it happened.

It's impossible to tell you anything comforting. Nothing will make it better. Two months out I can tell you, for me there's just a sense that... there's no other choice but to make it through. What else can you do? Nothing can change it, but I find some solace in that because, that means the only other thing to do is make it through. You'll make it through. I'm so sorry. It's not fair.

I don't know if this will help you at all, but a book that has helped me a lot is this one. Little blurbs you read each day, not too sappy, it's helped me through the roughest parts. Anyway, I'm sorry.

I am sorry to hear about your life situation. I don't think many people can give you advice on "what to do next" and I am certainly not qualified.


I get the impression that you have a good attitude, and that's quite noble. Do you read much? Again, I have no right to provide you any advice, but check out this book. I very much enjoyed it.


https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

I'm sorry :-(

My dad unexpectedly died from a heart attack at age 63. Here's some of the things I did in the following months to help cope:

• Listened to his favorite music
  
• Did things we used to do together like word games/puzzles
  
• Wrote him letters
  
• Looked at all our old photos and photo albums
  
• Read about grieving (I recommend The Inevitable )
  
• Saw a therapist
  
• Cleaned and tidied (I used Marie Kondo's method and it was therapeutic, read her book if you haven't yet)

I suddenly lost my mom in late 2012, and then my dad unexpectedly in 2014. I was 26, and am also an only child. the years that followed were the absolute worst of my life.

I managed for about two months after my dad's death before I sought grief counseling. every aspect of my life was rapidly deteriorating, including my relationship. grief of this kind is often considered 'complex,' and can require more resources to manage. this is especially relevant considering that you directly cared for your dad and witnessed his death. that experience was very likely traumatic for you.

I also had a complicated, strained relationship with my mother, and had just begun to bond with her when she died. therapy expanded to cover many of those issues as well. this book was prescribed to me at the time and proved resourceful. 

the isolation was one of the most difficult things for me to endure – the fact that no one immediately around you can truly understand. it was absolutely suffocating at times. it felt as though I was violently flung off-world into some other dimension through which I could only observe, not connect. I couldn't relate to anyone and no one could relate to me. the wall separating me from everything else felt impenetrable, and the emptiness was vast. I turned inward, and what little energy I had went toward resolving the estate, my relationship, and surviving day-to-day. I lost my social circle, and my extended family is still estranged. some people will expect you to be who you were before, to be 'okay' again on their timeline. I chose to let those associations go.

accommodating my grief and memorializing my parents have been important and cathartic for me. I have traditions surrounding death anniversaries and birthdays, and try to be kind to myself on holidays. it serves to soften the dread surrounding those dates over time, and helps me to feel closer to them. I have a small shrine in my home that contains their urns and sentimental objects. I've used many items from their house that fit my aesthetic to decorate my own. I also have a spare room and basement stacked floor-to-ceiling with boxes from their estate that I haven't managed to sort through yet, but. it all contributes to feeling as though they're still present in some way.

I also got a dog. I'm not sure that's something I would actually recommend, but it kind of impulsively happened and his companionship is precious to me. he caused me to smile on many days that I otherwise wouldn't have.

this time of year is particularly hard for me because it's jam-packed with death days, birthdays, mother's day and father's day. winter holidays can be difficult as well. I have some respite during other months. it's how life is for me now: grief-seasons and off-seasons. it becomes more manageable and my life no longer feels like a high-speed trainwreck, but grief is still an integral part of my existence. I try to accept it as best I can, despite how exhausting it can be. it's some(albeit very fucking heavy)thing that you gradually learn to carry with you.

When you are ready you may consider reading a book on how to navigate grief. Here is a book that looks highly recommended.


I would strongly encourage you to let yourself keep crying, keep seeing a therapist, and try not to fall back on drugs or alcohol to self medicate your pain. You have to experience the grief to get past it. It's like those finger traps. You can fight the trap but it only makes it worse, you could just drink to try to numb the annoyance of the trap, but the only way to get the trap off is to stop fighting it, stop trying so hard to solve it. That may be a very dumb analogy. I've lost both my parents and I've seen healthy coping and unhealthy coping in myself and my siblings. Try to avoid the unhealthy stuff best you can.