This has given me some good ideas about a story/book that i'd like to write.

I think i'll call it Cosmologica, and make it a trilogy, the first in the series to be called "One Meter per Second" in reference to the revolution of the moon aruond the earth where i would employ the research contained in a book by the same people who wrote "Who Built the Moon" called "Civilization One: The World Is Not as You Thought It Was". The second would be called "What is Man?" and the final one "Kingdom of the Heavens".

It would be told from the POV of a few differnt beings at the various levels, that of a "Watcher" who went along with the rebellion begrudgingly, based on nothing but peer pressure, and who's been charged with the responsibility to cover-up ancient involvement by "higher beings" in the affairs of Earth if only because all their efforts to seed Civilization on Earth as a bid to attain a New Universal Order NUO fell apart at the cross of J.C.

a brainiac historical researcher and his college friends in collaboration with an eccentric but brilliant astophysicist end up on the trail of the Great Mystery,, and an Angel of Heaven who already knows the end game, but can't be quite sure precisely how it will play out, and lastly, the main character, an elusive figure who it turns out at the end of book one is none other than the reader, himself.

But i'll need to make a lot of money and have an internet business that i'm working on, to have the time to do this, and i'll need to take a creative writing course or two to figure out how to mix it all together in a way that makes for a great read.

The 'world' though would be very interesting as our own universe from different perspectives, particularly when it includes and highlights ancient Biblical history all the way up to the life of Jesus Christ, who in spite of being a central object of the whole thing, will never speak except historically, having already made his case perfectly clear.

What a great way to present Christian thought and ideals and authentic Biblical history while engaging the reader in the consideration of paradigms and ways of looking at the world that they would never have considered for the life of them, otherwise.

The Vatican would label it some sort of heresy as Biblical fanfare, although it wouldn't pretend to be anything more or less than that, and i'd have a best selling series but best of all, the chance to share God's truth with the up and coming generation of scifi fans or generations both new and old, because everyone loves a good story and the pursuit of mysteries, and even signs and wonders the tracks of which have all been laid.

A couple of passages to consider:

>And Jesus said to them, “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast. (Matthew 9:15 ESV)

> “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
(Matthew 6:16-18 ESV)

Going by the first verse, I think we learn that fasting is meant for a period of life that is sorrowful or more serious. For example if we must make a very difficult decision or we are seeking the Lord to turn away from some grievous sin we have committed before Him. Fasting then would not be appropriate during a time of great joy. During times like those, celebration is called for. Likewise I believe the Lord is saying that the disciple's weren't fasting because of the joyous period of their lives when He was near them. On the other hand, the appropriateness of fasting during times of mourning also seems to be taught in the second passage, when he says, "do not look gloomy." The Pharisees were hypocritically showing on the outside what should have been shown only before the Lord in their hearts.

I don't think fasting is a moral commandment, but is something the Lord wants us to do out of the abundance of our hearts, much like giving away our money/possessions to help the church and others. Both of these practices can easily become sources of pride and asceticism if our hearts are not humble and worshipful, but we can pray to the Lord to help us have the right heart and mind in these things.

Donald Whitney, who has written a lot about spiritual disciplines such as fasting, wrote an article that you might find helpful. You can read it here. He also has a book called Spiritual Disciplines, which you may find helpful.

There are a lot of questions that will start coming to you over the next few years. The important thing to remember is that it's just fine to have questions. God designed us as curious beings, and trying to find answers to the really big questions is part of going through life. People of all ages wonder and have moments of doubt and a hard time lining up all the answers sometimes.

A really important thing is to keep going to places where you can surround yourself with Christians who can help with these questions. Perhaps that might be your church. Perhaps there is a youth group or a kid's club that other churches might run that your parents will help get you to.

And remember, lots of people have gone through this struggle before you. A great habit to develop as a young man or woman is to learn how to read. By cultivating a habit of reading, you open up all the thoughts that people who have gone before you have written down. It's ok to chat about things online, but by finding good books, and trusted mentors or pastors, you're going to have a much easier time sorting a lot of things out.

Two books you might be interested in are these:
Answers Book for Teens 1
Answers Book for Teens 2

Perhaps you might find these at a library, or your parents or another relative might be willing to get these for you if you share with them that you have a bunch of questions and would love some help to read more about them.

It's a sensible thing to not want to go to hell, but it's really a bad reason for believing in God. When you study a little more, you'll see that lots of the evidence that 'prove' God doesn't exist require just as much faith to believe as it does to just believe in God. You'll see more and more complexity and will marvel at the complexity of creation and wonder just how anyone could ever think we are all here just from blind chance and luck.

And read your Bible, especially the Gospels and perhaps the Psalms. Some of it will make no sense, but the thing with reading is, you want to always be reading the hard stuff! That's how you grow. That's how your mind will expand and make all sorts of connections between all sorts of things. If we only watch TV and play Minecraft, as good as those things may be, it's a bit like not exercising and wondering why we can't run very far. Your mind is a muscle - make sure you're giving it a good workout!

Hey Willow (you-are-willow, right?),
/u/reformedscot asked me to pop over here and chime in. Just to give you an idea of who I am, I'm a pastor of a small church and a moderator over at /r/Reformed (that's how I know /u/reformedscot) This topic is an important one to me. I don't know the content of the original post exactly, but I can infer from your follow up comment some of the details.

You say:
> The Bible doesn't tell us to forgive only when the person deserves it.

Doesn't it? I do agree to some extent. We aren't to forgive based on whether or not they "deserve" it, but I also don't think forgiveness is automatic. Is it even possible to forgive someone who is not repentant? I don't think it is.

We are called to forgive, not unconditionally but as Christ forgave. So, how did Christ forgive? Based on the exercise of repentance and faith. Christ does not forgive all sins; God is just and judges unrepentant sin. The mercy of God is shown in providing access to forgiveness not merely in providing forgiveness to all, which would violate his justice.

Therefore, I would argue that you do not need to forgive. On the other hand, you do need to have a spirit of forgiveness. If he repented, could you forgive? Could you offer restoration (not removal of consequences)? If you could, I think you are in a position where you are offering but not granting forgiveness. When you deal with an individual who is unrepentant that's where you should be.

I strongly recommend you check out Chris Braun's book Unpacking Forgiveness. If you PM me your email address I'd be happy to loan you my Kindle version. It's a great book that, well, unpacks forgiveness. He deals particularly well with forgiveness as it relates to those who have not repented.

I hope this helps.

EDIT: I second /u/reformedscot's recommendation to get help from someone closer to you. You probably don't even realize the depth to which this affects you. Talk to a pastor or a qualified Christian counselor who can develop an ongoing counseling relationship with you.

• J.C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men ($8)
  
• J.C. Ryle, Holiness ($8)
  
• John Bunyan, Christian Behavior ($6)
  
• Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit ($2, used)
  
• Martyn Lloyd-Jones, The Christian Solider, $11 used
  
• William Gurnall, The Christian in Complete Armour, selections, $12
  
• Voices from the Past, $20 used -- this book is FANTASTIC for both being thought-provoking and helpful in its own right, but also as a jump-off point to whet the appetite for reading the Puritans. I've discovered (and read) so many worthy books for free on Kindle that I've originally discovered through this little book. Bit over your price point, unfortunately, but this is a great book I wish someone had given me when I was a teenager!
  
  These are all good and helpful to young people.
  
  EDIT: Also, The Swans are Not Silent series by John Piper is amazing; I especially recommend The Hidden Smile of God and The Roots of Endurance. However, these are all free for download (legally) here, and it pains me to recommend buying what can be gotten for free! You might recommend them to him though! Most of the above are also free to download (not the Lloyd-Jones, or compilations) but the price is lower and the volumes larger, so I think it's worth having a paper copy for a gift. :)

Well, I guess it would really depend on what tradition you come from, but coming from the SBC tradition and Missionary Baptist churches, I like a lot of the songs in the Heavenly Highway Hymns, The Heavenly Highway Hymnal (Second Edition), and The Church Hymnal for your general low church Hymnal. I don't like the whole "Mother" section in their topical indexes, but I do like the rest of the songs. For High Church or your "First Baptist", "First Presbyterian", etc. or even for use in Low Churches I like The Hymnal for Worship and Celebration or The Baptist Hymnal. These hymnals feature responsive readings, with the Hymnal for Worship and Celebration containing an extensive topical index and the Apostles Creed, Nicene Creed, and a Contemporary or Modern Creed for use in service. One of my personal favorites, while it's extremely old, and you're lucky if you can find one, is the Northfield Hymnal. There's a lot of good old songs there, and it features a nice little topical index.

Edit: While I'm not very familiar with it, another which comes to mind is The Celebration Hymnal. It seems to be another favorite in High Church, or your "First 'insert denomination' Church" churches.

Congratulations on your return!! God celebrates the one who comes back to Him!! (Prodigal son story)

Know this - God loves YOU and always will, no matter what. You cannot earn salvation - it’s a gift (Eph. 2:8-9). And through His love and kindness, that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4)
To find your identity in Christ and truly walk in it, the best thing you can do is surrender to Christ and seek Him with your whole heart. And in that Journey, as you grow close to Him, He will heal you and reveal to you who He created you to be.
When lies attack your thoughts, get into His word - the truth. Meditate and memorize scripture - that’s how Jesus defended himself against the devil tempting Him in the desert.
Focusing on Jesus through His word is the most effective way to find yourself. But I do also recommend this book as a guide - Freedom in Christ Participant's Guide: A 10-Week Life-Changing Discipleship Course https://www.amazon.com/dp/0764219537/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oqrnDb4X70GR1
Praying for you as you seek Him!

Prayed for you. Also, feel free to check out the links below. Maybe you will find something that helps.

• Focus on the Family - Marriage
  
  
• 10 Great Dates
  
  
• Fireproof my Marriage
  
• Boundaries in Marriage
  
  If your local church has a married couples group to fellowship with that would be great to be involved in. Or your husband could join a men's group and you a women's group at your church if it is offered as well.
  
  Edit:
  
  There's also B.T.G.: Building Foundations For A Godly Marriage: A Pre-Marriage, Marriage Counseling Study

"A Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t." —Charles Spurgeon

I highlight my Bible and write lots of notes in the margins. To highlight, I use the Zebrite Bible highlighter. It doesn't bleed through the pages, dries quickly, and doesn't make the pages stick to one another. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GIVLUAO/ref=sspa_dk_detail_3?psc=1&smid=A292PCWTU9U0US

For note taking I use the Pigma Micron 05 Medium Point Bible Note Pen. It's archival ink, so it doesn't fade and doesn't bleed through. No smears either. https://www.amazon.com/Pigma-Micron-Medium-Point-Bible/dp/B007MHE93I/ref=sr_1_9?crid=1QNRX6ESJAE61&keywords=pigma+micron+05&qid=1555611227&s=gateway&sprefix=pigma+mi%2Caps%2C212&sr=8-9

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